This is a simple story... but not an easy one to tell Like a fable, there is sorrow... and like a fable, it is full of wonder and happiness
Arezzo, Italy, 1939 I sing what I see, nothing gets by me. "Here I am," said I to chaos...
"I am your slave!" And he: "Good!"
"For what?" Said I Free in the end, I am! What good is a caress when bliss... this man came to possess?
Here I am ready The trains are gone, the brakes are gone And I can resist no more. Go, sweet Bacchus, take me...
The brakes are gone!
I heard you!
No, they're really gone! - Hit the brakes!
Weren't you reciting a poem?
It doesn't work!
We're going to die! The woods!
The king is coming!
There he is!
There's a heap of people down there. Straight!
We have no brakes!
We have no brakes! Move!
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
Go for a walk Otherwise, we'll get there tomorrow I found the screw Now what do you need?
Nothing. I need ten minutes alone All right, I'll leave you alone Do you want the screw from before?
No, I want to be alone
Do I toss out the screw if I find it?
I'm going to wash my hands
Pretty girl! How's it going?
What are you doing?
Did your Mom put this stuff here?
No, the landlady did Is it a market? It's beautiful How much is it? How old are you? Where's your mother?
What's your name? - Eleonora Nice to meet you, I'm Prince Guido Prince?
I'm a prince, I am!
All this is mine The principiant here... is of the prince's principate I'll call this place, Addis Ababa. I'll change it all!
Out go the cows, in come the camels!
Even a few hippopotamus!
I have to go. I have an appointment with the princess When? - Now!
Good morning, princess!
How frightening! I almost killed myself. Did I hurt you?
I've never been better Do you always leave the house like this?
I wanted to burn that wasps' nest but I got stung A wasp stung you? There? Allow me Hold still, princess A wasp's poison is very dangerous You have to get it out Lie down, it'll take a while. - It's fine now. Thank you
Did you get stung anywhere else? - No, thank you What a place here! It's beautiful!
Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky. I'm moving here!
It's all his! He wants to fill it with camels! He's a prince!
Prince Guido, at your service, princess I'm coming!
Goodbye, then How can I thank you?
There's no need If you really want to thank me...
I'll take some eggs to make a nice omelet for my squire Take whatever you want, it's all yours!
I'll take two... six. All right? I'll make a nice omelet Goodbye, Eleonora! My regards, princess Farewell Here I am, Nuvolari! It's eggs for us tonight!
All camels here!
Where is this house? - Turn left. We're almost there Is your uncle sleeping with us?
What? He's lived in the hotel for over 30 years. He's a head maitre d'...
He's lending us the house. He uses it for storage There, we're here That's Robin Hood, my uncle's horse That's my uncle's buggy and that's my uncle's house And inside is my uncle Hello, dear uncle, here we are! Hurry, it's late Here we are. The car broke down!
Barbarians! - Who were they?
Nobody, just barbarians. - Why didn't you cry for help?
Silence is the most powerful cry Is he your poet friend?
My name is Ferruccio. I'm also an upholsterer You'll have to make do here. It's an old storehouse full of odds and ends an old passion, an odd end in itself!
What's all this stuff for?
You can stay as long as you want. It's not easy to be a waiter That's the bed. Legend has it Garibaldi slept there Nothing is more necessary than the unnecessary Barbarians The town hall is on Via Sestani, to the right after the colonnade This is the bathroom, equipped with the appropriate invention of M. Bidet There are a few books here, among which, the Life of Petrarch The kitchen is in there. This is a velocipede, commonly called a bike I have to get back to the hotel There's only one key, don't lose it It's so good to see you!
I'm coming, Robin Hood!
What an uncle!
Look at this!
Didn't I tell you? We're in a city, you do whatever you want We're free, if you want to do something, you do it You want to let yourself go? You want to yell? Yell!
Stop it! What are you, crazy?
We're in a city. You can't act like you do in the country!
You've been yelling like a madman for three hours! You can't yell!
Mary! The key!
See? You can't yell Understand? If you stopped thinking so much about poetry... you'd make your father happier and you'd make more money than him That's right, Oreste, that's what I tell him too:
You have to settle down!
What a nice hat! How does it look?
Nice, huh? How does it look? - Nice, but it's mine When do I start working?
You're already late! Right away!
Get that armchair and take it to the laboratory That one? - That one. And be careful!
Good. I'm going to the town hall. Goodbye Goodbye, and behave yourselves Because these are hard times... hard, hard times!
They're hard times?
Why? What are your political views?
Benito! Adolph! Be good!
What did you say?
I said... how are things going?
Goodbye, then Careful, you'll break the legs!
He pulled it off. He took my hat. I'll find him, though Benito, you're going to get slapped!
I need to do the whole bureauratic procedure to open a bookstore Does it take a long time? - Years Then we'd better open a file now First you have to apply and the department head has to sign it In the meantime...
I almost scrambled my eggs! I've had these here since yesterday!
I forgot about them. Thank goodness they didn't break. Take note I, the undersigned, Guido Orefice... am applying to open - He can't sign it right now!
What's going on?
I need a signature of yours to open a bookstore of mine Miss, what's going on? - Mr. Rodolfo, I told him Just one signature. - No, I can't My substitute will be here in an hour. Ask him All I need is a signature. - We close at 1:00 here!
It's ten to 1:00 File a complaint!
Boy, is he nasty!
Just sign a paper to open a file. All he had to do was this Now I have to wait for his substitute who's coming here in an hour I'm filing a complaint. Write: I, the undersigned, Guido Orefice...
What a wallop!
Are you hurt? I'll help you Come here. I didn't do it on purpose Don't touch me!
You can forget about your bookshop!
No, the eggs are...
Scoundrel, I'll kill you!
Out of the way!
Good morning, princess I wonder if we'll ever bump into each other standing up!
Excuse me, but I've got to run Farewell, princess!
Chicken. - That's easy It's served whole, bottom down on the plate Will you cut it for me? Naturally I hold it in place with the blade stuck under the wing... then I rip off the drumstick I cut the meat along the bottom of the breastbone Off go the wings, breast and skin Lobster Piece of cake, Uncle Eliseo I stick the wing under the leg... off goes the leg, I rip off the lobster... stick the...
Lobster is a crustacean Off goes the crust... of the crustacean Off go the crust and antennae. We don't eat the antennae, now do we?
Off go the antennae, off goes the lobster...
There's nothing left We're out of lobster, but we have some delicious chicken I can't remember how to do lobster It's served fresh from the kitchen There's no need to touch it!
That's too easy, that's why I didn't remember Continue! - Behavior!
Stand by. Still, like this
In position. Stand-by behavior. "Waiter!"
Why are they all calling me? There must be other waiters, right?
Bowing! Piece of cake You bow down farther Like this. At a 45 degree angle, just like a champagne bottle
45 degrees, even 50, 55...
90 degrees, a right angle. 180...
How far do I bow down, 180 degrees? Like this?
Think of sunflowers, they bow to the sun But if you see some that are too bowed down... it means they're dead! You're serving, you're not a servant Serving is a supreme art God is the first servant God serves men, but he's not a servant to men!
There was no button here - It doesn't go there, silly!
I have to take the car back to my dad, he's counting on it You'll take it back in a month or so No, I've got to get it back soon. You know why?
What? What time is it? - The time! Were you sleeping?
Of course I was!
You asked me a question, you turned your head and went to sleep How did you do that? - Schopenhauer Who?
Schopenhauer says that with willpower, you can do anything
"I am what I want to be"
Right now I want to be someone who's sleeping and I was saying to myself:
"I'm sleeping, sleeping, sleeping." And I fell asleep Amazing. And it's simple too I want to try too I'm sleeping, sleeping, sleeping...
Don't move your hands, you're not a juggler!
It's a matter of thought, it's serious, and plus it takes time We'll talk about it tomorrow Amazing, though
Wake up Wake up What is it now? What are you doing?
It totally works! - What works?
Schopenhauer! You know what I just said? "Wake up!"
Bam! You woke up This theory is incredible How does this all happen? - You were yelling in my ear!
That's why I woke up!
So I should say it quieter. - You don't say it at all!
Ah, I'm not supposed to say it
It's deep, you have to think it
Why are you running? Slow down!
Hurry up, it's late!
Mary, the key!
Every morning she throws the key Look!
There's that teacher! Boy, is she pretty!
I even dreamt about her Come with me, i'll introduce you Holy smokes! Stay still! - What's wrong?
The one in the car. He's that jerk the eggs fell on, the town clerk He'll kill me if he sees me! Be good What's he doing? - He's standing there talking What's he saying? - How do I know?
What's he doing? - He's saying goodbye. He's leaving He's got a car just like mine!
There he is!
Don't move, he'll kill me if he sees me!
Stay still, Ferruccio
Good morning, princess!
It's you again! How do you do this?
This is the princess who fell from the sky into my arms Is he the one who sucked the stinger out of your thigh?
Yes. We keep meeting like this. You just suddenly show up We could make plans to meet Tonight at 8:00? - No, it's nicer this way Let's go Dora, you'll be late I hope we meet again suddenly Farewell, princess!
Did you see her? She's pretty, huh?
She likes it when I suddenly appear
I don't believe it
You're a genius!
"The more there is, the less you see"
Solution: Darkness Marvelous Did you make that up?
No, but you solved it in five minutes, it took me eight days Darkness!
Salmon, salad and a glass of white wine Listen to this one, Guido If I may, it's my turn My dad told me this when I was a kid Show White and the seven dwarves sit down for a bite How fast can you guess what she serves her guests next?
It sounds refined I want to solve it right now Eat first or it'll get cold I don't want to, it's too late Salad, salmon, white wine, it's light Snow White... and the seven dwarves...
Is the kitchen closed? - Everybody's gone. Why?
A gentleman from Rome is here, from the Ministry. He wants to eat The kitchen is closed Oh well, he would have given you a good tip The kitchen is open Come right in
Doctor, you're not eating anything?
Snow White and the seven dwarves...
I know the kitchen is closed, maybe a cold dish...
It's all delicious, take your pick Something light Well, we've got meat, a nice heavy steak... lamb, kidneys, some greasy breaded liver Otherwise, there's fish We have... a nice fatty turbot... eel stuffed with fatty sausage and greased with Grand Marnier... or some lean salmon The salmon, thank you Side dish?
There's a side dish too?
Feel free to choose. We have very, very, very fried mushrooms... buttered potatoes in Nancy butter with a flaky sauce Is there a small, light salad? If not, nothing A light salad? What a pity, the very, very, very fried mushrooms... were out of this world. So, a light salad... a lean salmon and a glass of white wine Perfect. As soon as possible I'll do my best
"How fast can you guess what she served her guests next?"
Snow White and the seven dwarves! - Good night, Doctor!
Good night, genius!
What did he say? Snow white? What is he, drunk?
It's a riddle. "Seven seconds"
"Seven seconds" is the solution time "Snow White and the seven dwarves"
If there are seven dwarves dining... and she serves seconds, that means "seven seconds"
Doctor Lessing is a physician, a very serious person But he's obsessed with riddles, he loses sleep over them!
Excuse me, the Francesco Petrarca School...
The elementary school? A friend of mine teaches there. It's beautiful It's not far from here. Why?
Good, I can sleep an extra half-hour Do you have to go to that school tomorrow morning?
They're expecting me at 8:30
Please, children, silence! A moment of attention The Inspector from Rome will be here shortly I want to make a good impression on him Listen very quietly and carefully to what he says He'll tell us some very important things about our beautiful country The inspector is here, ma'am He's already here? He's early!
Sit down, Roberto!
Good morning, princess
Good morning, Mr. Inspector. I'm the principal These are some of our teachers
How many years have you taught in this school district?
Are you up-to-date with the ongoing... school program approved by the Ministry this year?
Did you read the bulletin regarding childhood hygiene?
What are you doing on Sunday?
No, I mean, Sunday... is St. Mary's Day, what are you doing?
I'm going to the theater
To see what? - Offenbach Right, Offenbach is playing Fine. Well...
Thank you very much and goodbye. I just came to...
We know As you know, the Inspector... came from Rome to talk to us about the race manifesto... signed by the most enlightened Italian scientists He will, and we're very honored... demonstrate to us that our race... is a superior race... the best of all Take your seats!
Go ahead, Inspector Our race... - Is superior Naturally!
Our race is superior I've just come from Rome, right this minute... to come and tell you in order that you'll know, children... that our race is a superior one I was... chosen, I was, by racist Italian scientists... in order to demonstrate... how superior our race is Why did they pick me, children?
Must I tell you?
Where can you find... someone more handsome than me?
Justly so, there is silence. I'm an original "superior race"... pure Aryan Children... let's start with something that one says, "What so big about that?"
The ear. Look at the perfection of this ear Left auricle... with a pendant little bell at the end Check it out! Movable cartilage!
Find two ears more beautiful than these and I'll leave!
But you have to show me them! They dream about these in France!
Races exist, children. You bet they do!
But let's continue, I want to show you something else Pay attention He said, "Inspector"?
The belly button!
Take a look at this belly button! What a tie!
But you can't untie it, not even with your teeth!
Those racist scientists tried it. Not a chance!
This is an Italian belly button. It's part of our race!
Check out this style!
Look at these muscles: Ceps... biceps, triceps!
Look at this beauty! Admire this hip!
Just look at the movement!
I must say goodbye now... because I have to go, I have an appointment I'll make my Aryan exit and bid you farewell Farewell! The belly button!
I'll see you in Venice, princess!
I can only hear out of this ear
Look at me, princess Go on, I'm down here Look at me, princess
Turn around, princess Turn around, around...
Can we get a chocolate ice cream? - Yes, but we'll have to be quick Why?
We have to be at the prefect's at 8. We were invited to dinner Where? - At the prefect's Have pity on me, Lord, let it not be true Another dinner at the prefect's?
Your mother is coming too Bingo!
Let's just go to dinner. We'll stop by the prefect's for coffee I'm not coming!
All right, I heard you! I'll tell him we're not going!
Lt'll just be me and you
Good evening, Rodolfo! - Good evening, Mr. Prefect I'll see you later on at my house. I'll expect you at eight We'll be there at eight sharp
Where is she? Did you see her?
She has to be here. - You're here?
On time tomorrow, got it?
Did you take that stuff out of the car?
It's silk, don't ruin it. Be very careful What an opera. - Beautiful!
Is that one of your curtains?
No, it must be one of my colleague's
He took my hat again!
Let's go. - Don't you see how it's raining?
You go get the car! - It's right around the corner All right, you wait here I'll pull up right here and toot Give me the key!
Not the house key, the car key!
The car key? Are you crazy?
Keep him busy, you know, the jerk the eggs fell on Keep him busy as long as you can, I'll see you tonight!
Inside the car there's... Go slow!
The least you could have done is come get me with the umbrella You're just plain rude. Look what a mess I am Plus, dinner at the prefect's gets me so nervous!
I knew it, I've got hiccups I always get them when I'm made to do something I don't want to Don't you know that it takes so little to make me happy?
A chocolate ice cream is enough! Even two!
A nice walk together and then whatever happens, happens Instead you...
Good morning, princess!
This is incredible! You owe me an explanation No, you're the one who owes me an explanation!
I stop under a roof and you fall from the sky into my arms I fall off my bicycle and end up in your arms I do an inspection at school and there you are again!
You even turn up in my dreams!
Will you leave me alone! You've really got a crush on me!
I don't blame you, but...
All right, at this point, I give in. You win Where shall we go, princess? To the sea! Do you like the sea?
Yes, but they're waiting for me at the theater. Take me back What's happening?
Princess, do you know how to turn on the windshield wipers?
Step on the brakes!
Have no fear, hang on to me!
When did you learn to drive?
Ten minutes ago! - I thought it was less than that The top doesn't close. - The door won't open Wait, we're stuck!
We'll get out of here, I'll take care of it The important thing is that you don't get wet Cover yourself with this Take it. We'll get out of here now I'll take care of everything Here we go Step right out, princess
There! Step right out!
There's a huge puddle, you'll get your feet wet. Wait!
Go ahead, princess. - Where are we?
We've already been here Me and you? When?
Don't you remember?
The night it was raining... and I made you an umbrella out of a pillow!
It was a beautiful night, I put the steering wheel on my shoulder... did a little waltz and when I stopped in front of you... you kissed me
Princess, your behind is exposed to the wind
It depends on the person. My pop was like that He had the ability to make me do anything He understood me, he knew how to deal with me I was like putty in his hand I always, always, always said yes So all these treasures you're hiding... there is a way to open this treasure chest and always get you to say yes!
It's easier than you think All you need is the right key And where exactly is it?
Heaven knows It's clearing up So you were saying... the key that always makes you say yes has to come from heaven Yes I'll give it a try If the Virgin Mary tosses it down to me... You never know Mary, the key!
Is this it?
Do you really have to go home? What about the chocolate ice cream?
Let's get it right now. - No, not now Then when? - I don't know Are we going to let heaven decide that too?
No, leave Mary alone. Don't bother her over an ice cream!
No, it's much too important. We can't decide when to have it I have to ask her Mary send someone to tell us how long before we can have the ice cream!
This is my house. - I've gone by here a thousand times I've always asked myself, "Who lives there?"
I wanted to open my store right out front The bookshop? - Yes, I'll see you every day Goodbye, then You've been so nice to me. All I want now is a hot bath I forgot to tell you...
Go ahead You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you They'd have to torture me to make me say it Say what?
That I want to make love to you Not just once, over and over again!
But I'll never tell you that I'd have to be crazy to tell you I'd even make love to you now... right here, for the rest of my life
You'd better run or you'll get wet. It's going to rain again Princess You're all wet My suit is no big deal It's the hat that bothers me I need a dry hat, but where can I find one?
How did it go? Right, it's easy!
Mary, send someone to give my friend a dry hat
Goodnight, princess. Farewell
Excuse me, where's the restroom?
Straight ahead to the left
If you don't get up immediately...
I swear on your father's death bed I'll never speak to you again For the rest of my life!
I'm going to count to three now If you don't get up, I'll force you to get up
Good girl Do you know who's getting married?
Didn't I tell you? That jerk the eggs fell on!
Who's he marrying? - I don't know But she hasn't even shown up yet!
Everybody's waiting I've looked everywhere for you!
Your uncle! - My uncle?
Something's happened. Come with me!
Outside! The horse!
What is that?
Is that your horse?
What a sight! What did they write on him?
"Achtung, Jewish horse"
The usual barbarians, vandals. It's sad. What nonsense
Don't get upset, they just did it to...
They didn't just happen to do it, they did it...
You'll have to get used to it, Guido... they'll start with you too With me? What could possibly happen to me?
The worst they can do is undress me, paint me yellow and write:
"Achtung, Jewish waiter."
I didn't even know this horse was Jewish Let's go, I'll clean him up in the morning Take him back to the stall
Look, there in front of you!
Wait, I'll surprise her
Come with me, I'd like to introduce you to Fido Giovanardi
Doctor Lessing! Where are you going?
Urgent telegram. I must go to Berlin immediately What are these flowers? - They're for your departure I'll take just one I'll take it to my wife. Guido's flower!
I truly enjoyed myself with you You're the most ingenious... waiter I've ever come across Thank you. You're the most-cultured customer I've ever served Thank you Goodbye, Doctor Lessing By the way... if you say my name...
I'm not there anymore. Who am I?
If you say my name, I'm not there anymore
What is it? What did he say?
Beautiful! If you say the word, it's not there anymore: Silence
I'm not talking about Berlin. In the outskirts, imagine that!
Third grade, listen to this problem I remember it because it shocked me A lunatic costs the State four marks a day A cripple, four and a half marks An epileptic, three marks and a half Considering that the average is four marks a day... and there are 300,000 patients, how much would the State save... if these individuals were eliminated?
I can't believe this!
That was my exact reaction!
I can't believe a seven-year-old child... has to solve this kind of equation It's a difficult calculation. Proportions, percentages...
They need at least some algebra to do those equations That's high school material for us No, all it takes is multiplication! You said there are 300,000 cripples?
300,000 times four If we killed them all, we'd save 1,200,000 marks a day It's easy!
But you're an adult, they make 7-year-old children do this in Germany!
They're truly another race!
Good morning, princess!
What did you say? - It's here, on the cake
Why are you just standing there? Let's go!
Let's go dance
Just a couple things, you already know it all by now... and you've known for several years Dora and I were born on the same street...
We went to school together, we had the same friends
Dora is the woman of my life... and I am the man of her life We've decided to get married within the year You're all officially invited on April the 9th... to the Basilica of Santa Maria del Pellegrino... and then we'll celebrate till dawn, all together right here... just as happy as we are now!
Kiss her! Kiss her!
What's wrong with you? - Nothing Are you all right? - Fine Who put this armchair here?
Are you all right?
I'm fine - I'm sorry I didn't get hurt - No, I was talking about Are you enjoying yourself? - It's going fine Go back to your table Go on, I can do this
Are you all right?
Fine! Why are you all asking me that? Is there something wrong?
No, nothing is wrong But go to the kitchen
The kitchen They moved everything around tonight!
Look where they put the kitchen!
Peekaboo, guess who?
It's me! What, have you gone soft?
We finally meet, Dora He never introduced us. You were scared to, weren't you?
Now you don't need to come with us to the brothel anymore!
I apologize if I've disturbed you. Happiness and best wishes to all You sly old dog!
What a jolly fellow!
Everything is just fine. I'll pick it all up I apologize
You're here too?
Take me away
And now, ladies and gentlemen... a magnificent surprise offered by the Grand Hotel:
The Ethiopian cake!
Thank you! Music, maestro!
Congratulations Thank you Right this way, princess But you're...
He's that jerk with the eggs!
He's got the keys to the house Darn it all!
Some wire! I can open it if I find some wire I'm a whiz with wire. My pop taught me I used to make toys out of wire when I was a kid
I opened it
Let's go, you're going to make Mommy late
I lost my tank Don't worry, we'll find it Where did you leave the tank?
It's on the stairs - I'll get it Hold the bicycle. I'll get it
Here Let's go Go, Pop! - Go slow! Are you guys crazy?
You're late for school! Go!
There's a horse! Two horses!
Stop ringing that bell, it's driving me crazy!
It's not me, it's Joshua. - It's not me, it's Pop!
Stop it, let me off!
Here we are See you tonight
Go fast, Pop!
Can we buy this for Mommy?
How much does it cost? - 15 lire It's a fake. It's probably a fake cake, like your tank Let's go, Joshua
"No Jews or dogs... allowed."
Why aren't Jews or dogs allowed to go in?
They just don't want Jews or dogs to go in Everybody does what they want to There's a hardware store there... they don't let Spanish people or horses into their store Farther ahead, there's a drugstore I was with a Chinese friend of mine yesterday who had a kangaroo I said "May we?" "No, we don't want any Chinese or kangaroos here."
They don't like them, what can I tell you?
We let everybody into our bookshop No. From now on, we'll write it too Is there anybody you don't like? - Spiders, what about you?
I don't like Visigoths. Starting tomorrow we'll write:
"No spiders and Visigoths allowed."
I'm sick and tired of these Visigoths!
Good morning Everything's half-price Guido Orefice?
That's me You have to come to the prefect's Again!
He already went - Let's go Why?
Is that man with you? - Yes, let's go All right I'm coming too You stay here. It won't take long, will it?
Not long at all Joshua, make sure you treat the customers good!
I'll be right back
I'll take this one It costs five lire No, it says ten lire Everything's half-price
Give this to your mom and tell her... it's from Grandma I've never seen my grandma before Would you like to meet her?
Yes You'll meet her tomorrow Tomorrow?
Because tomorrow is your birthday... and your grandma will come and bring you a nice present A new tank?
No, a surprise Give the letter to your mom Bye, Joshua You forgot your change, Grandma
Thank you When are you coming? - In an hour or so I'm going to stop by my uncle's to see if he'll bring some leftovers Then what did Grandma say? - She's coming tomorrow
It's about time!
JEWISH STORE Go take a bath. - I took one on Friday!
He's right You change your shirt I changed it on Thursday! - Don't forget the flowers!
They're outside, I already picked them I'll come with you, Pop! - You have to take a bath, stubborn!
I don't want to take one!
Hurry up, I have to go pick Grandma up!
Where do you want the flowers? - Set them down, I'll be right there
I took one on Friday!
Do you know where Joshua is?
He must be in there Could you put those things in order?
Why don't you show me the flowers? They look so beautiful They are, I'll bring them right over. You want to see the flowers?
I'll make them come right over Come, flowers!
Schopenhauer, willpower. I want the stand to come here Stand, come Stop, stand!
This stand seems very dirty to me Good morning, princess!
He can already read and write?
For over a year now. - You did a good job We're here I'll help you get out No, I can do it myself
Dora, what's wrong?
Are we there?
No, it's a crossing Will you tell me where we're going now?
What do you mean, where?
You asked me a thousand times! We're going... to the place... What's it called?
Where are we going?
What day is it today? Today is your birthday!
You've always said you wanted to go on a trip!
It took me months to plan this whole thing!
You know where we're going?
I can't tell you. I promised Mom I wouldn't tell You know how she is. She'll get mad It makes me laugh My pop planned something like this for me when I was little too It was so... Boy, was it funny!
I'm not going to tell you
I want you to see for yourself It's a surprise, you know, it really...
It really makes me laugh I'm tired Go to sleep
Where are we going? Where are they taking us?
What time is it? We're leaving right on time What organization!
You've never taken a train, huh? - No. Is it nice?
It's really nice!
It's all wooden inside, everybody stands up, there's not one seat There aren't any seats? - What? Seats on a train?
It's obvious you've never been on one!
No, everybody stands real close together Do you see this line? I got the last tickets just in time!
Hurry up, Uncle Eliseo, I don't want them to say, "Too late... it's full, go back home."
Wait up, we've got a reservation! Leave some room for us!
Look at the line!
Here we are! We made a reservation!
May I help you?
There's been a mistake What mistake?
My husband and son are on that train What's your husband's name?
Joshua Orefice... and Eliseo Orefice... are on the train too There's no mistake I want to get on that train too
We're all ready Send them off then Go! Leave!
Go back home, ma'am I want to get on that train
Let me get on that train!
They stopped the train to let Mom get on
Are you happy? Did you see this place? Are you tired?
I didn't like the train - Me neither We'll take the bus back We're taking the bus back! The one with the seats in it!
I told them - That's better You see? It's all organized!
Did you see that line! People are lined up to get inside!
Everybody wants to get in!
What game is this?
It's that game where...
It's the game...
We're all players It's all organized. The game is:
The men are over here, the women are over there Then there's the soldiers, they give us our schedule It's hard. You know, it's not easy If somebody makes a mistake, they get sent right home That means you have to be careful But if you win, you get first prize!
What's the prize?
It's a tank - I already have one This one's a real tank!
Yes! I didn't want to tell you
Where's Uncle Eliseo going?
He's on another team. It's all organized Bye, Uncle Eliseo!
A real tank
What did I tell you?
What a place!
Hurry up or they'll steal our places. We've got a reservation Two singles!
There's our place!
This is our bed. We'll sleep real close
It's ugly here, it smells. I want to be with Mommy We will be!
Plus they're really mean here. They yell!
They yell because everybody wants first prize. They have to be tough Can I see Mommy?
When the game's over When's it over?
You have to get 1000 points Whoever gets 1000 points wins a tank I don't believe you. Are we getting a snack?
Just ask. We're all friends here Look who's here! What's his name... - Bartolomeo Let me ask you something Did the guy who hands out the bread and jam already come by?
Darn it all! We missed him by a second!
He'll come back again though, won't he?
He's coming back
What did he say?
He asked if anyone speaks German He's going to explain the camp's rules
Do you speak German? - No
The game starts now. Whoever's here is here, whoever's not is not
The first one to get a thousand points wins. The prize is a tank!
Every day we'll announce who's in the lead from that loudspeaker The one with the least points has to wear a sign saying "jackass"... right here on his back
We play the part of the real mean guys who yell Whoever's scared loses points
In three cases you'll lose all your points One: If you start crying Two: If you want to see your mommy Three: If you're hungry and you want a snack Forget about it!
It's easy to lose points for being hungry Just yesterday I lost 40 points... because I absolutely had to have a jam sandwich
He wanted strawberry
Don't ask for any lollipops. You won't get any We eat them all!
I ate twenty of them yesterday!
What a stomach ache!
But they sure were good You bet!
Sorry if I'm going so fast, but I'm playing hide-and-seek I have to go now, or they'll find me
Don't ask me anything Ask Bartolomeo, he knows everything Don't forget to tell me what he said too A thousand points?
I told you we're going to have fun!
These guys are crazy!
This has to weigh a hundred kilos! It's got to be 3,000 degrees in here!
Vittorino, I can't cope anymore!
After only the first one? - Why, are there more to move?
We're here until tonight!
Bartolomeo, what happened? Where are they taking you?
To the hospital. I hurt my arm
We're going to die here!
I can't take it anymore! I'm putting this down I'll tell them I can't do it. What can they do to me?
They'll kill you!
Where does this thing go? - Down there Good Lord, I'll never make it!
It's got to be 10,000 degrees in here
Look here! See? It's nice, huh?
We're signed up When I got there to sign up... the referee was there and he said:
"No, you and your son aren't on the list... you didn't pay your dues."
I almost fell over He said, "You can go home." I said, "No, you go home!
Joshua and I signed up Give me my number!" In fact, they gave me one. Look!
I had them put it here too, just in case See what a nice place... your pop takes you to?
Did you play with the other kids?
Yes, but they don't know the rules They said it isn't true that first prize is a tank They don't know anything about the points Did you fall for that? They're as sly as foxes They want to beat you! Are you joking?
There's no tank? Don't you believe them!
How many points did we get today?
48, they took two points away from me because...
I tripped while I was... playing hopscotch
We laughed like crazy today! I died laughing!
Boy, did I have fun!
I can't wait to start all over again tomorrow!
Hopscotch, tug of war... and ring-around-the-rosy Every game. I don't even remember all of them
"You guys are obsessed. Stop, I'm tired!" I said Listen, did you eat something?
Yes, but I didn't ask for a snack Good boy! That means you got 12 points too!
48 for me, 12 for you. 60 points!
This is what you get when you get up to 60 A plain piece of bread, no jam Here, eat this
Is 60 points a lot? - Are you kidding?
It sure is!
Look who's here! Bartolomeo!
How'd it go?
Any worse than this... I got 20 of them
We got more than him Don't tell him that. We're in the lead!
I already told you, no children or old ladies!
Back inside! You don't work!
The rest, downstairs!
Let's go, girls, quickly. Come on. This way!
That one's new, she learned right away The lady at the door, she seemed nice when she first came She's the worst of all!
At least she didn't send the old ladies and children to work They don't send old people and kids to work because they kill them!
One of these days they'll call them to take a shower
"Children, shower time!"
The truth is, they make them shower there, in the gas chamber
How can I do this?
Where'd they find all these anvils?
Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here!
Why aren't you with the other kids?
They said... all us kids have to take a shower today and I don't want to Go take a shower!
I'm not going to Go take a shower!
What are you doing here?
We're making... the tank We're building the tank. We're still working on the tracks We're running slow You can't stay here. Go take your shower!
I don't want to!
You stubborn thing! I'll tell Mom! Ten points off for you!
Hide behind there. We'll go back together when I'm done Don't let anyone see you!
This sure is fun!
Take everything off! Hang it up there!
You'll get it back after the shower Forward!
Remember your number to get your clothes back!
Women and children will shower together Are you hurt?
Thanks, Bartolomeo From now on, you have to hide here the whole day If they see us now, it's over, we're disqualified!
What do I have to do?
You have to stay. Vittorino, help me out You have to hide here all day Don't let anyone see you, especially those mean guys who yell Remember... stay hidden!
This is the hardest part If we get this right, the tank is ours, it's worth 120 points a day I'll take you with me, I'll hide you. You're gone!
Who's ever seen you before? Who are you? Where is he?
Anybody here? Am I disturbing?
Quick as lightning!
Good morning, princess!
I dreamt about you all night!
We were going to the movies, you were wearing that pink suit... that I really like You're all I think about, princess I always think about you. And now...
Pop wheels me in the wheelbarrow but he doesn't know how to drive!
He kills me laughing!
We're in the lead! How many points do we have today?
Run! The mean guys who yell are behind us!
Where? - Over here. Over here!
Are they dry?
They're dry Catch Get dressed
What happened to Vittorino, Alfonso and the others?
They didn't make it
"If you say my name, I'm not there anymore."
Thank goodness, I was getting scared What happened to you?
The man who does the check-ups, the captain... he's a friend of mine. I met him when I was a waiter He said they're having a dinner with all the officials and their wives He asked me if I wanted to wait tables at the dinner Maybe he wants to help me. He might get us out of here
Have you seen Joshua?
What do you mean, "no"?
What are you doing? Come here!
No I told you to come No? Come on out!
Come out! Look here, you're all dirty Where have you been?
I had to finish playing rummy They make buttons and soap out of us
What are you saying?
They burn us all in the oven Who told you that?
A man was crying.
He said they make buttons and soap out of us
You fell for that?
I thought you were a sharp boy, cunning, intelligent Buttons and soap out of people? That'll be the day!
You believed that?
Just imagine, tomorrow morning I'll wash my hands with Bartolomeo A good scrub... then I'll button up with Francesco Darn it all!
Look! I just lost Giorgio!
Does this look like a person?
Come on! They were teasing you! And you fell for it!
What else did they tell you?
That we get cooked in the oven
They burn us up in the oven You fell for that too! You just eat everything up!
I've heard of a wood oven... but I've never seen a man oven before I'm out of wood! Take this lawyer!
This lawyer doesn't burn, he's not dry enough!
Look at that smoke!
Buttons, soap, we get burned in the oven...
Let's be serious now I have a bag race with the bad guys tomorrow...
That's enough. I want to go home
Right now It's raining now. You'll come down with a terrible fever!
I don't care. Let's go All right, if you want to go...
I'll get our stuff and we'll leave We can leave?
Naturally! What do you think they do, force people to stay here?
That'll be the day!
Wouldn't that be great! Let's go, we'll pack our bags... and get out of here What a shame, we were in the lead. We're quitting, off the list we go Some other kid will win that real tank There aren't any other kids, I'm the only one left There aren't any more kids? It's full of them here!
Where are they then?
They're all hiding. Nobody's supposed to see them This is a serious game! - I just don't get it How many points do we have?
I told you a thousand times Let's go, though We're winning. But if you want... - We're winning?
We're in first. I told you But we'll quit if you want I saw the chart yesterday. We'll go anyway, though Bye, Bartolomeo. Joshua and I are leaving We're fed up here The tank is done, it's ready Clean the spark plugs off before you start it Open the throttle Otherwise the cannon will get stuck with the tracks And the gun, did you see how nice it is? It came out beautiful!
Lift the emergency brake off before you move!
Me and him are going Joshua wants to quit We could have gone back with a tank soon, but we'll take the bus today Me and Joshua are leaving. So long, everybody!
We're tired of this place Let's go or we'll miss the bus
Let's go, Joshua
It's raining, I'll come down with a terrible fever!
It's me, Pop!
I have to tell you something important Come here!
That little rascal's been running away from me all morning Is there really a kid? - There must be 2000!
They're like mice, they hide all over the place!
Those creeps want our tank! Stop!
I might have spotted him I think he's nearby Look. Go see if he's hiding in there. I'll wait here I'll keep a watch out
He's there, Pop!
What'd he look like? Brown hair?
That's him, then. His name is Schwanz He's been in there for three weeks He was the runner-up, we beat him though!
Sooner or later I'll find the others too How many are there? It's swarming, I told you They're all hiding
There's a hideout!
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha! You're out! Let's go
Holy smokes, she saw us!
Are we out?
She's coming over for you Now it's time for the be quiet game You're never to speak Swear it!
Swear it! - I swear
They all talk strange, you can't understand a word If we get through this, first prize is ours They're rounding up everyone in first place. It's the silence game Not a word, got it?
Why are you here with the children?
Quiet! You're never to speak I swear
I have to talk to you. Very important Where? When? - I'll signal you. Later
I told you not to talk to the children
Doctor, my wife is here too
Slowly Eat slowly, it's bad for you We're in the lead. We just might leave early The game finishes early Don't make a mistake now that we're in the lead Slowly
Fat, fat, ugly, ugly... all yellow in reality If you ask me what I am...
I answer, "cheep, cheep, cheep"
Walking along, I go poo-poo Who am I? Tell me true
A duckling, right?
Is it a duckling?
A veterinarian friend of mine sent it to me from Vienna I can't send him mine... until I solve this one I thought... duck-billed platypus... but it doesn't go "cheep, cheep, cheep"
A duck-billed platypus goes:
I translated it into Italian for you last night
Well, what do you say?
Everything points to a duckling
For heaven's sake... help me I can't even sleep
It's the duckling!
I'm tired - Come here
Where are we here?
I might have taken the wrong way Good boy, sleep. Dream sweet dreams Maybe it is only a dream!
We're dreaming, Joshua Tomorrow morning Mommy will come wake us up... and bring us two nice cups of milk, and cookies First we'll eat... then I'll make love to her two or three times If I can
Excuse me, Bartolomeo...
They've called those two officials 20 times. I bet they escaped Did you understand anything else?
You don't need to speak German!
The war is over. They've running all over the place Where are those trucks going?
The important thing is not to get on those trucks They leave full and come back empty You know where they're going?
What about the women? What's going on?
Let's get out of this dump and split up We don't even have to pack our bags!
I've been hearing machine guns and dogs barking for hours They want to get rid of everything I'm leaving I'll see you in Viareggio. We'll start an anvil factory!
So long, guys, I'm leaving
Come see Look how mad they are! Furious!
You see? They're looking for you Just for you. All this is for you!
You're the last one, the last one to find!
They're even looking under the rocks!
The game finishes tomorrow morning. They're handing out the award If they don't find you tonight, it's worth 60 points!
How many points do we have?
We've got 940 points. Plus 60?
A thousand! - First place! We win!
They're looking all over for you! Boy, are they mad!
No mistakes tonight. This is it!
Go hide in that box, quick! - Schwanz is in there Who?
The brown-haired boy They got him yesterday. He was eliminated It's the safest place to hide. Nobody will look there again Let's go, quick as lightning. Come on!
Take this blanket in case you get cold I'll be back soon I'll put them on the wrong track. I think I saw him over there!
Pop, you scared the death out of me!
Give me the blanket. Are you cold?
Give me your sweater then I'll throw it on a tree and put them off track They're looking all over for you!
Everybody's yelling, "Where's Joshua?"
They're even cursing. They're really, really mad!
No one will find you. Bye, now, I'll be back later Listen... if I'm really late coming back... don't you move Don't come out. You're not to come out... until it's completely quiet...
and nobody is in sight, just to be safe Say it!
I won't come out until nobody is around Good boy, stubborn
Go away, dog!
Good job, Ferruccio It works!
Is there anyone called Dora here?
Dora, are you here? It's Guido I know someone is hiding here. Is there a Dora here?
Is there a Dora here? She's Italian. She's my wife Yes, there's a Dora here It's me, Dora!
It's not her! Is there another Dora?
As soon as you get out of here, jump out of the truck!
Get off, jump out!
You all alone? What's your name?
You don't understand what I'm saying, do you?
We'll give you a lift, come on Come on, get up here
Come on. There you go. Ooop!
This is my story
This is the sacrifice my father made
This was his gift to me We won!
Yes, we won!
A thousand points to laugh like crazy about!
We came in first! We're taking the tank home!