Life Stinks (1991) Script

...down 24 points in light trading, 62 million shares, declines outnumber advances, three to two.

New claims for unemployment benefits rose 45,000 in the fourth week of April to 455,000.

The number of persons collecting benefits rose 39,000.

They still are running at about three-and-a-half million.

The weekly jobless claims figures are the earliest indication we get of how the economy is doing and will give any early signal when the economy begins to come out of recession.

Gold, up $1.20.

The afternoon fixing in London at 356.85.

Jeez!

Oh, shit!

International communications is the most active issue.

It's down a dollar at 47.

US Amalgamated is down a half at 29.

The biggest move of the day, Bolt Enterprises.

The stock is up $6.82, sparked by reports that Goddard Bolt intends to purchase a prime section of Downtown Los Angeles real estate.

'Morning, Mr. Bolt.

'Morning.

'Morning. 'Morning.

'Morning.

'Morning. 'Morning.

'Morning.

'Morning.


'Morning.

'Morning.


Gentlemen, let's go to work!

Pritchard.

How are we doing with our development in Brazil?

Mr. Bolt, we just learned that in order to build Club Bolt the way you envision, we'd be forced to cut down 6,000 acres of natural Brazilian rain forest.

So?

Sir, the last 400 remaining Ipi Indians left in the world are still living there.

So?

Sir, if we cut down their forest, we'd have to displace them, and they could cause trouble.

Well, they're not gonna want to live there anymore anyway.

Why not?

No shade.

How are we doing with our new development in Florida?

Well, sir, we are having a slight problem in Fort Lauderdale.

In order to make room for the magnificent, largest-in-the-world Bolt shopping mall, we're going to have to tear down a nursing home for the aged.

So?

Well, at present, there are 180 very old people living there.

And we understand that most of them are invalids, who are bedridden and dying.

So?

It wouldn't look good in the papers.

I get your point.

Do it late at night.

Excellent!

Gentlemen, I have a little surprise.

Follow me.

What is this? It looks like a slum area.

You are looking at two-and-a-half square miles of the most derelict, dilapidated section of Los Angeles.

Right now, I own half of this property.

The city owns the other half.

But by noon tomorrow, it will all be mine.

What is that?

One of those little bums that live down there.

I suppose you're wondering why Goddard Bolt is prepared to pay up to $4 billion to own this worthless pile of refuse.

Am I right?

Well, we would never presume to question your genius for financial wizardry, sir.

But why?

Wait.

Gentlemen, the ultimate achievement of my life!

Bolt Center!

It's absolutely visionary!

Fantastic!

Incredible!

Gentlemen, you'll never know how much this project excites me!

Mr. Bolt, you have a surprise visitor.

Who is it? Vance Crasswell, sir.

Crasswell! Damn it!

Thank you. Let's go.

Excuse me. Am I interrupting?

I'm interrupting.

I'm interrupting. I should leave.

Should I leave? I'm gonna leave.

Can I come in?

Hello, Vance.

You know my attorneys, Pritchard, Knowles, Stevens.

The three wise men. Hiya, fellas.

What's goin' on?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Someone else's idea of what to do with the Downtown slum district.

Would you...

Why didn't they tell me Goddard Bolt owned the other half?

I never would've bought it.

No one beats Goddard Bolt when it comes to financial wheeling and dealing.

Now, look. I'm in way over my head here.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time, gentlemen.

Mr. Bolt.

Can I ask you a question?

Let me buy your half of the property.

Give you $2 billion, 4% of the profit for the next 20 years.

No.

5%. No.

6%. Stop.

Stopped.

Vance, why don't you let me buy you out?

Look at us.

An office is no place to do business.

I have a much better idea.

Now, isn't this better?

At least we can see what we're dealing with.

Okay. Final offer.

I want this property.

I want it.

Just so happens I grew up five blocks from where we're standing.

I'm all right.

Right in the middle of this godforsaken slum.

It's been my life-long dream to come back here and rebuild it.

It's okay. You can laugh.

I don't expect you to understand my feelings.

After all, you're a rich man's son.

You were born into money.

What, are you kidding? My father left me $5 million.

That's nothing.

No, no, no. Nothing is nothing!

These people down here have nothing! Zero!

Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings.

You? You couldn't survive 10 minutes down here.

Don't be ridiculous.

I would survive anywhere.

Right.

Without your money and your credit cards?

Yes.

Without identifying yourself to anyone as Goddard Bolt?

Yes.

For a modest period of time.

I don't know, let's say 30 days?

Absolutely!

It's a bet.

Bet?

What are you talking about?

Well, what you just said.

That you could survive down here without using any of your resources for 30 days.

And if you do it, you get my half of the property.

You don't do it, I'm gonna get yours.

I'm sorry, wasn't that the bet?

You conniving son-of-a-bitch.

Yes!

It's a bet.

You've underestimated me, Vance.

I can do it!

You can't do it! You'll never make it!

This is insane. This is crazy!

You'll never survive!

Pritchard, be quiet.

Fergueson, go on. Thank you.

Now, if you leave the prescribed slum area or try to remove this ankle alarm, it will go off.

And if we receive a sustained alarm signal for more than 30 seconds, you'll forfeit the bet.

After 30 days, the alarm will automatically deactivate.

Are these conditions understood?

Understood.

And we have your word on that.

Yes, you have my word on it.

Pritchard, I'm giving you and your partners my power of attorney.

I'm trusting you to look after all my legal affairs for the next 30 days.

Take it. Take it all.

I won't need anything.

And you won't need this either.

What are you doing?

Have to make sure no one recognizes you.

That was stitched in.

Give me a comb.

Mr. Bolt, I don't think you realize what you're getting into!

You've never slept in the street before.

You've never eaten out of garbage cans.

You're used to a hearty breakfast.

This is ludicrous.

Look at you without your toupee.

You look like somebody who only makes $50,000 a year.

Mr. Bolt, please don't do this.

Let me suggest you wait 24 hours.

Yes, at least sleep on it.

I've given my word.

Do you want me to go back on my word?

Would you go back on your word?

Certainly. We're lawyers.

Give me that contract.

Okay, Goddard, here we are.

Come on.

Now, in 30 days, at the exact moment of sunset, all of this property is going to be yours or mine.

Either way, I think we should have a big party at my house.

Let's make it at my house.

Okay, your house.

For the look.

Thanks.

Let's get out of here.

It's going to be hot, H-O-T, with a capital "H," for at least the next few days.

Do whatever you can to keep cool.

And for the low tonight, we're not going to get much relief.

It's only going to get down to maybe the high 80s.

The pressure system coming in from the desert, it looks like we're not going to get that.

I've been telling you about that.

Unfortunately, that's not going to happen.

"Ooms."

Excuse me.

$2.50 a night.

Check-out 11:00 a.m. You pay in advance.

May I see the room first?

Yeah. Right behind me, through those curtains.

Take a look.

It's rather crowded, isn't it?

Yeah. We get good word-of-mouth.

Do you have a single room?

With or without a Jacuzzi?

Look, I got one bed left. You want it or not? Make up your mind.

I'll take it.

Here, sign the register.

What was that, a roach? No, a mouse. Just a baby.

Look, that's $2.50 in advance.

$2.50. $2.50.

Could we have a private conversation? Just entre nous?

All right.

Listen, I'm not really a derelict. I'm down here on a wager.

I happen to be one of the richest men in the country, if not the richest.

The richest?

Yes. And if you give me a bed tonight, at the end of this month, I will give you $10,000.

All right. I'll up the ante.

$20,000.

Now you're talkin'. $20,000.

Look, I'll give you a break.

I don't need the whole $20,000 tonight.

But if you give me $2.50 as a down payment, the bed is yours.

Otherwise, get the hell outta here!


Who is it?

Please let me in.

I need shelter.

I'm sorry. We're closed, my son.

But I haven't eaten all day.

I need food.

We'll be open in the morning, my son.

You don't understand.

I don't have a place to sleep!

I'm tired, very tired. Very.

Please, please let me in.

Please, let me in!

Now, listen, you're waking everybody up!

Now, you get outta here, or I'll call the police!

My son.


Thank God.


Hey!

Jeez, you scared me!

I didn't know anybody was under there!

I always go here.

I thought I saw someone, but then I thought it was a frigment of my imagination.

Why don't you look first?

Yeah. You're right. You're right.

Sorry.

You almost hit me. That's disgusting!

It is?

Yes, it is!

Why don't you use a handkerchief?

Handkerchief? I ain't got a handkerchief.

I don't think I ever had a handkerchief.

Here, take this.

Gee, thanks. Nobody down here ever gives you nothin'.

You're all right.

What are you doin'?

P-E-P-T-O. Pepto!

What? It's hard to read backwards, but that's what it says. Pepto.

You must have slept on a Pepto-Bismol box.

See?

Yeah.

Don't! Don't! Don't rub it off. It's nice.

That's a nice name, Pepto.

I'm Sailor.

Everybody calls me Sailor 'cause I was nearly in the Navy.

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, they wouldn't take me 'cause they said I had pleurilsy.

Very nice meeting you.

Yeah. Yeah, well, goodbye.

Bye-bye. Nice to see you. Bye-bye.

Bye.

I just gave you a handkerchief.

Yeah, but it's got initials.

You can't blow snot in initials.

See you. Yeah. See you.

Excuse me. I wonder...

Could you tell me where I could get something to eat?

Don't ask me, pal.

I don't know where my next meal's comin' from.

Get the hell outta here!

I told all you goddamn bums, I don't want you hanging around here.

You gonna make it look like a low-class place.

Give to a poor blind man.

Give to a poor blind man.

Man, don't even think about it.

Yeah!

Good morning, sir.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Get away from my car! What are you doing?

I'm just cleaning your windshield, sir.

Cleaning my windshield? You made it worse!

There, that better? Wonderful.

Can I have a dollar, please?

Would you get away? Nothing's free!

My hand!

Wait! Wait! Wait, I'm caught!

I'm caught. Wait, wait! Stop!

Forget the dollar!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

A penny.

Hot-too, hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too! Ziggety beam bomb boom!

Hot-too! Hot-too!

Hot-too! Hot-too...

Hot-too...

Hot-too!

Excuse me!

What do you want?

I want to get past.

You want to get past? Yeah.

He wants to get past!

Get past!

Get past. Get past.

Come on, get past!

Get past. Get past.

Hey!

Help! Help!

Hey, get his shoes!

Hey! What the... Hey!

Okay, shoes!

Hey! Hey!

He's kicking me! Would you choke him?

Help! Help! Hold him!

Help! Help!

You no-good scumbags!

You stay away from here!

Those dirty bastards.

Thank you.

I didn't do that for you!

Those pigs invaded my territory!

I'm very territorial.

Yeah, I noticed that.

Gee, they would have killed me! Just for my shoes!

They're animals!

They tried that on me when I first came down here.

They jumped me.

Big mistake!

Nobody messes with Molly.

I grabbed that big guy, Mean Victor, by the apricots!

And I twisted, and I twisted, and I twisted!

Know what I mean? I do. I...

I know what you mean.

Good! This is my place.

I live alone.

You still here?

I don't have any shoes!

Who are you? What are you doin' down here anyway?

It's complicated.

Don't tell me! Don't tell me!

I don't wanna know.

What are you, about a nine-and-a-half D?

Yes, exactly.

Yes! I'm never wrong.

Come here. Come here.

Stop lookin' over my shoulder. Sit down!

Not... What are you, stupid? That's the bedroom. Sit in the den.

The den?

Excuse me. Just where would the den be?

You're in it. Sit.

Good.

Tens! Close enough.

Here we go!

Brown...

What?

Nothing, nothing.

They're fine. They're just fine.

Thank you. Thank you.

Look...

I got work to do. Disappear.

Excuse me.

Would there be a place around here that I could get something to eat?

Yeah. Going through the garbage or going to the mission.

Where would I find the mission?

Hey, what do I look like, a tour guide?

I'll find it myself.

You're never gonna find it!

You're goin' in the wrong direction!

He's helpless.

Wait! Let me cover my cans.

I'm goin' there myself. I'll show you.

I saved your life, I saved your feet.

This is your last help.

This means a lot to us. God bless you.

Could I have a little more?

Just one more. Hey!

Thank you.

Hey, Pepto!

Pepto! Pepto!

Pepto? Yeah, that's me.

Hey, come sit with us, huh?

Over here.

Hey, come on. There are two empty seats over there.

Hey, Pepto. I see you met Molly.

Hi, Molly, how you doin'?

You two know each other? Yeah, we're old pals.

I relieved myself on him this morning by mistake.

See? Still unused.

Pepto, I'd like you to say hello to my friend Fumes.

Howdy.

Yeah.

Man, oh, man, stewed stew.

You get it? Stew. I get it.

I'm gonna get some bread. Anybody want anything?

Yeah. Get me some whole wheat. All right, babe.

Excuse me, I hate to be compulsive, but you have a little bit of corn right on your cheek.

Thanks.

Is it gone?

No. You moved it up to your cheekbone.

Is it gone?

It's right in the bridge of your nose now.

Did I get it?

Yeah. You got it.

Here you go, Molly.

Hey, man.

You got a piece of corn on your face.

Anybody finished here?

I am. Thank you.

Thanks, Pops.

Pops ain't gonna be around long.

His elevens are up.

What?

His elevens. Look at the back of his neck.

See them two cords stickin' out?

They make like an eleven.

Once they're up, that's it. He's a goner.

Oh, boy!

Maybe he'll come back in the world something better.

Personally, when I die, I'd like to come back as a bird.

Why?

Because, man, I could fly free and easy.

And if I saw someone I really didn't care for, I'd drop a hot one on 'em.

When I die, I want to be excremated.

And I want my ashes sprinkled in the old briny.

At least I'd be part of the sea forever and ever.

That's beautiful, man, beautiful.

Like, when I die, I want to go just like my daddy. Boom!

Peaceful, in his sleep.

Yeah, they told me my grandmother died peacefully in her sleep.

It's a good way to go.

Nobody dies peacefully in their sleep!

That's what they tell people to make 'em feel good.

Do you want to know how people really die in their sleep?

Okay. First, they go to bed.

Then about 2:00 in the morning, they go...

I'm about to die.

I ain't never goin' to sleep again.

I have to make some money.

How can I make some money down here?

Why don't you do what they all do?

What?

Beg.

Beg. I tried that, but I'm not really proficient in that yet.

Bye-bye, children. I love you. Have a safe trip.

And remember, this is a new start. No drinkin'.

And no drugs!

And, above all, no infidelity!

Shut up!

I didn't say that much!

Take it easy.

Can you believe that in the middle of all this filth, two lost souls could find some small shred of happiness?

Happiness?

What a crock!

See you after the honeymoon!

Lady! You got a job, you keep it!

Don't make my mistake.

You had a job?

Job?

I had a career.

I was a dancer.

And a good one.

Before I gave it up when I got married!

You were married?

You bet I was married.

I was married to Tom. Tom Terrific.

"Sure, Tom. Anything you want, Tom.

"You want it now, Tom?

"Sure, Tom!

"Go ahead, Tom.

"What?

"Finished already, Tom?

"No, I don't mind, Tom.

"Where you goin', Tom?

"You wash up, Tom!

"I'll finish by myself, Tom!

"Tom...

"Where'd you go, Tom?"

"You didn't leave a note, Tom.

"I'm all alone here, Tom.

"You left me all the bills, Tom.

"They're taking away the house.

"Tom, I don't have a job! Tom?

"I'm in a lot of trouble."

So, after Tom ran out, I realized I had to adjust my entire lifestyle.

I created this whole new mental attitude.

It's called a nervous breakdown.

I cried a lot, I screamed a lot.

I was hysterical morning, noon, and night.

I was like this...

"Help me! Somebody help me!

"Help me! Help me! Somebody help me!"

Get the picture?

I got it. Yes, I got it.

I think the whole block got it.

So, I've been in this nervous breakdown for about eight years.

And you know something? I like it.

I walk when I want, I sit down when I want, I cry when I want, I laugh when I want.

I pick my own hours.

Sounds a little...

Crazy?

There's nothing wrong with crazy.

Crazy's good. Crazy keeps 'em away.

So what's your story?

You ever been married?

Yes. I tried it once. Didn't work out.

She said I spent all my time making money.

That was time well spent.

Bring it down. Yeah. All over. All over.

It burns up nice.

Yeah. In here, in here.

Watch it! Yeah.

It's going to burn big!

Big stuff here, Victor!

Yeah, get in. That's it, that's it.

I wish I had some marshmallows!

Light it. What?

Light it! Light it. Yeah, right. Light it.

Victor, this is gonna be so good! Yes.

Yeah! Yeah!

Good. Victor, look at it.

Good. Yes, burn, burn! Yes, yes.

Yes! Look at it!

Look at it! I love fire!

Now she won't fool with us no more!

We should go now, Victor.

What was that all about?

Hey, that's my place!

My stuff!

Shall I call the fire department?

Nah! It's just a bunch of junk.

I'm going to get those bastards.

Come over here.

Now, I want you to get Mean Victor and Yo and get them to chase you down here to this Chinese restaurant.

Me?

Yes.

Then I want you to run through this door and lock it behind you.

Now, if you lock it, you're safe.

We'll do the rest.

Can you do this?

May I propose an alternative?

What?

Why don't we sue?

You may be the weak link in this.

You know what to do when you get in the kitchen.


"Weak link."

I'm addressing the two degenerates who call themselves Victor and Yo!

You rob and exploit the helpless for your own profit and gain and use the spoils of your activities to buy and sell illegal narcotics.

Therefore, I am making a citizen's arrest.

Citizen's arrest.

And you won't be needing this anymore!

Get him!

You have the right to remain silent!

Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!


God damn it!

Thank God!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Don't pour!

Wait till they're right under us.

All right. I admit it. I have a very weak case.

You'll be happy to know I'm dropping the charges.

Oh, shit!

I'm out of bounds.

Hey, what's that noise? I don't know.

It stopped.

What's he doin'? He's comin' back again?

He's the bravest man I've ever seen.

I'm not mad. I just want to put my foot up here.

Yeah, that's good. That's good.

Pepto, get out of the way!

Now!

It's hot.

They won't come around here anymore.

I hope so.

Jeez, they really did a job on you.

Man, you throw a mean face.

Well, according to this, his ankle alarm went off at 3:35 for 28-and-one-half seconds.

Well, let's just say 30 seconds. Then we'd win.

But his lawyers get a copy of the same readout, sir.

Anybody know why he stepped out of bounds for 28-and-a-half seconds?

Well, our surveillance tell us that he was attacked by some vicious derelicts, sir, and, I might add, was severely beaten.

He almost...

He almost what?

Died.

My God.

Died?

I don't want to be responsible for his death.

You think there's any chance that could happen?

Well, it is possible.

He is living in the streets, and there's so much danger down there, you never know what could happen.

We'll keep you posted, Mr. Crasswell.

Yes, yes. Thank you.

Die.

I never thought he could actually die.

That would be so tragic.

There. This'll help.

What is that?

It's some stuff Fumes drinks.

It'll kill anything except Fumes.

He's germ-proof. Germs wouldn't live in him.

I'm being invaded by one!

Dead germs!

Wait, looks like it's gonna rain.

I don't like rain.

We gonna sleep in this box. You got a place to sleep?

As a matter of fact, we don't.

Hey, there's some boxes over there.

Come on, Fumes, let's get 'em one. Yeah.

Here's a good one.

Now.

This is my side. This is your side.

And this is a World War II Army-Navy surplus store bayonet.

This will remind us of our boundaries. Okay?

I assure you I have no intention of coming near you or touching you or in any way violating your person.

Please.

I've heard the same fancy words from other guys just before they jump you.

Good night.

Look, I don't mean to be harsh.

It's just that you're a man.

Men are no good.

I can do it.

Do what?

Nothing. Nothing.

Good night. Good night.


It's raining.

I love the rain.

Washes all the filth out of the city.

Speaking of filth, where would Goddard Bolt go on a night like this?

Well, if it were very bad, he'd go to the mission with the other derelicts.

It's a shame.

It's a rotten shame that these people have to live like this, always on the edge of uncertainty.

Any chance of getting that mission closed tonight?

Very good idea, sir.

Thank you.

It's coming down harder.


What the heck's going on?

We're getting flooded out. Come on, let's go.

Oh, man!

Look out, Sailor!

For there goes the neighborhood!

This is bad!

The rain always kicks up my cough.

We'd better get to the mission.

Yeah. Look out!


Open the door!

Open up in there. We gettin' wet!

It's locked. It's locked.

It's locked.

Why would they lock the mission on a night like this?


Hey, Fumes? Fumes? Yeah?

Fumes, I really feel lousy.

Tell me the truth. Take a look.

Are my elevens up?

No, man, no. God damn it. Let me go to sleep.

That's good. That's good.

I'm gonna go down to the clinic.

Maybe they can give me something.

See you. See you.


Hey, Sailor?

Sailor?

Sailor?

Sailor?

Hey, y'all. Hey, hey. Wake up. Wake up.

Have you seen Sailor? No.

Man, he looked like shit last night.

Maybe I ought to go look for him.

Yeah, okay. Look, we'll all go look for him.

You go up there. And go down there.

Go there? Yeah, yeah. Go on.

Sailor?

Sailor?

Sailor?

Sailor?

The guy is dead. He's blockin' my place.

You know him, get him outta here.

All right. Okay. The show is over. All right?

Come on. You're blocking the place here.

What's the matter? You never seen a stiff before?

Come on, beat it. All right?

Come on.

What do you got?

He's gone. He's been dead a long time. We better call the coroner.

No, there's too many DOA's already. Let's just take him to the morgue.


You call this an ocean?

Sooner or later it all goes to the ocean.

Why are we doing this?

We're doing this because Sailor wanted his ashes sprinkled in the ol' briny.

He's so light!

How much did he weigh?

130, maybe 140 pounds.

Must've been mostly moisture.

Is that the best you could do? A shoe box?

We're lucky to get it.

Let's face it, they put the rich in an urn, and they put the poor in a cardboard box like take-out.

Well, go ahead.

Man, here! You do it. You talk the best.

Sailor, wherever you are...

He's in there.

I know.

Sailor, you were a little man often covered with dirt and filth and the last thing that you ate.

But your heart was always good and clean.

And I hope you get your final wish and your ashes make it out to sea.

Good luck.

So long, Sailor.

Bye, Sailor.

All the best.

Bye, Sailor. Bye-bye, Sailor.

God bless you, Sailor.

Rest in peace, Sailor.

Good-bye, Sailor. Good-bye, Sailor.

Goodbye, Sailor.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?

I'm interrupting, aren't I?

Yeah. I should go. I should go because this is wrong.

It's stupid. It's wrong.

It's morally and ethically wrong for me to even be here. Isn't it?

Because we all know that your client only has two days to go to win the bet.

It looks like he's going to win it, and therefore, I have no business even being here. Do I?

I'm just going to put it simply, gentlemen.

Would you consider betraying the man for whom you've worked 10 years in exchange for...

How do you say this?

...just a shitload of money?

I made it.

I can't believe it. I made it.

My last day.

No more filthy clothes.

No more eating garbage.

No more sleeping in the cold.

Thank you. Thank you, God.

I'm sorry I didn't believe in you when I was rich.

I did it! I did it!

Where'd he do it? Not around here, I hope.

Molly, Molly, Molly!

Champagne! Champagne! I stole it!

What? It's okay.

I left an IOU for $1000.

Here, here.

Help me celebrate.

Celebrate what?

I won the bet.

What bet?

The bet, the bet.

When you find out about it, it's gonna make you the happiest person in the world!

Here! Here's to happy.

No, no. I don't like happy.

Happy's no good. Happy doesn't last.

I like depressed.

Depressed stays with you for a while.

Okay. Here's to depressed.

Okay. I'll drink to that.

This is good!

It's raining. Come on, let's get inside.

Go inside, go in that door.

Watch your step. I gotta dump my stuff.

Careful. Let me get the lights.

Good! It's empty.

Here. Hey!

What are you trying to do, get me drunk?

Yeah, how am I doin'?

Doing good.

I love that song. That's my favorite song!

Dance with me! Come on! No!

Come on! You said you were a dancer.

I don't dance. That was a long time ago.

This is the greatest night of my life.

Help me celebrate. I won the bet!

The bet! The bet!

Please.

Okay. All right. All right.

Let me lighten up.


Yes.

Yes! Please!

Please!

Hurry. Hurry. I am.

I want you! I want you!

Where are you?

Yes, yes.

Faster! Faster!

I'm goin' as fast as I can! Okay.

You're beautiful.

My God. Two buses to get here. Used up all my change.

This is crazy. We're gonna get busted!

Don't worry. Everything is all right.

That's my house.

Everything in it is mine.

You hear that music? You hear that laughter?

It's a celebration in my honor.

I won the bet! Again with this bet!

Listen, just come in with me, and everything will be wonderfully clear.

Come on.

All right. Look, I'm gonna go with you, but if anything happens, we're gonna grab what we can and run for our lives.

Run for our lives. Come on.

You are something.

Wait'll you see it. Wait'll you see it.

Don't worry. This is my house!

Here it is. Home.

Come on. No! Pepto, no.

Come on!

Well, I did it.

Goddard?

Oh, my God, it's such a relief to see you.

What happened to you? You look like a vagrant.

Of course I look like a vagrant! That was our bet.

Bet...

Bet, bet, bet.

What bet? What bet?

Anybody here know what he's talking about?

Does anybody know anything about this bet?

You.

Pritchard, Knowles, Stevens.

What the hell's going on?

Show him the contract. Show him the bet!

What?

What's going on here?

Why are you letting this happen?

You're all in on it. You're all in on it.

Ten years.

You've been with me 10 years.

How could you turn on me?

Where's your sense of loyalty, honesty, decency?

Mr. Bolt, we're lawyers.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is still my house!

I want everybody out. Do you hear me? Out!

Yeah! Yeah, you heard him. Get outta here!

Please, stay where you are.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. You got it all wrong.

This isn't your house anymore.

I'm afraid you've been declared non compos mentis.

You see, when you lost your mind, you lost everything.

When you gave us power of attorney, we did what was best.

For everyone.

I bought this house at a public auction. I just...

I couldn't stand the thought of strangers living here.

I've been living in garbage.

With rats!

For a month!

And now, I have nothing?

Nothing?

Not even my house?

Well, you're not getting these!

No, no. They're by Cellini.

I bought them. I bought them from the Vatican.

I got a good price.

My Van Gogh!

Come on, Dr. Gachet, we're leaving.

My wine!

Château Lafite!

Rodin!

My tapestry!

I'm not leaving without my Rape of the Sabine Women.

All right. Goddard, stop, please.

Stop. This is pathetic.

Get out of my way!

Fine, fine.

Yeah! And we'll be back for the rest later!

Let go of me!

Van Gogh! My Van Gogh! Let go of me!

This is pathetic, isn't it?

Very.

Pepto!

Pepto!

I'm not Pepto!

First thing I gotta do is make a list of everything I had.

Cash, stocks, bonds, investments, real estate, foreign holdings.

I can get it back. I can get it all back! I gotta make some calls.

I have to reestablish my line of credit.

That's all I have to do. They'll take my calls.

Why shouldn't they take my calls? I've got a...

I was the richest man in the world.

The richest! The richest!

Shut up! Shut up!

Who are you? I'm J. Paul Getty.

I was the richest man in the world!

You don't see me ranting and raving about it, do you?

No! I took my losses!

What losses?

During the crash, the clash, the smash!

Listen to me. You're not J. Paul Getty.

You're a pathetic, broken-minded little bum.

In your mind, you think you're J. Paul Getty, but you're not.

Whilst, I, on the other hand, am Goddard Bolt, a genuine financial giant.

So am I! You're not!

I am! You're not!

I am! Wait.

Come with me. Where we going?

Over here. Let's talk.

Now, look, let's be reasonable. Okay.

There's an enormous difference between us.

Even though in your twisted mind you think you're rich, you're really not.

On the other hand, because of my serious understanding of the world of finance, I have amassed $6.4 billion!

And I've amassed 6.5.

You didn't. I did.

You didn't. I did.

Wait!

Look.

Wait a minute. Let me show you something.

What? This.

Look, I don't want to hurt you.

You don't? No.

It's just that it's important to me that you understand.

I guess it doesn't make any difference who's richer, does it?

No.

Well, forget about it.

Oh, God, thanks.

'Cause I'm really richer.

What's the matter with you? You're gonna kill this man!

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

It was a temporary loss of sanity.

I'm fine now. Please forgive me.

I don't know why I did that. I'm so sorry.

Please, I meant no harm.

It was just... Let me apologize.

I apologize.

Sorry, sorry. Good day.

Are you all right? Yeah.

But whatever you do, don't ever argue money with that man.

Why did he attack you?

I don't know.

Maybe it's because I'm richer!

I don't want to hurt you!

I'll kill him! I'll get him! I'll kill him!

You okay?

I'm okay now that he's gone.

He's coming back!

I'm richer! I'm richer! I'm richer!

That man is crazy!

Why do you allow these people to walk the streets?

They ought to help these people!

I just made a bet.

We were just betting. Just a little bet.

Just cause you make a bet doesn't mean you have to lose all your money!

I can get it all back.

I was a financial genius.

One and one is two, two and two is four, four and four is three. I still got it!

Wait! Everybody's wearing white.

I must be at a wedding.

We're at a wedding.

We didn't bring anything! We have to bring something.

My car was white. I had a white Rolls Royce.

Pull over. Let's get something to eat.

Capacity!

What do you mean capacity? I've got to get this man into Emergency.

This ward is full. We have reached capacity!

Oh, my God, we've reached capacity.

Sell, sell me out. Get me out of the market.

Dump my pork bellies! Put him over here.

It's all going bad. It's no good.

I don't have my money!

I don't want to live without my money!

I don't want to live!

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Yeah, he's right.

Life stinks!

Life stinks.

What is going on here?

Life stinks!

Give this man 500 milligrams of thorazine immediately!

Five hundred? Yes. He needs it!

Yes, Doctor. Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Life stinks.

Hey! That's my wheelchair.

I need this for my patient.

Yo, buddy, help me get this guy out of this chair.

Doc. Yes?

This man is delirious. Give him 500 milligrams of thorazine.

Five hundred? Needs it.

No. No. No. No.

Dr. Kahahn, this man has the DT's.

He'll be fine, he'll be fine.

But just in case, give him 500 milligrams of thorazine.

Five hundred, Doctor? He needs it.

Yes, Doctor.

Well, here's a new one. What do we have here?

Have I given this patient any penicillin or antibiotics?

No, Doctor. Then give him 500 milligrams of thorazine.

Five hundred? Yes. I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing.

Dr. Kahahn! I'm coming!

Am I the only doctor in this hospital?

Dr. Kahahn, funeral chapel, line 314.

Dr. Kahahn! This patient is cyanotic. He's turning blue!

This man's been overmedicated!

Take him to ICU immediately.

Yes, Doctor. Give me a hand, please.

How does a thing like this happen?


Pepto.

I know you want to give up.

But you're wrong.

Even without money, life is good.

No?

What about when you didn't eat for two days, and then you had your first big meal at the mission?

Wasn't that good?

Remember the other night when we drank champagne and danced?

And rolled around in the rags?

I know they're only moments.

But that's all life is.

Just a bunch of moments.

Most of them are lousy.

But once in a while, you steal a good one.

Come on.

Come on back to me.

Don't be such a selfish bastard.

You're the only person I can stand.

Don't leave me.

I love you.

Please don't leave me.

Molly.

You're crying.

What happened?

Somebody die?

No.

Somebody lived.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the greatest day of my life.

This is the moment I dreamed of ever since I grew up on these poverty-ridden streets, as a poor, hungry child.

I'm all right.

Where else but in America could a poor, deprived boy from this very same neighborhood return one day to destroy it?

It's good to be alive!

There's so many things you can't do when you're dead.

Remember what you said?

What?

What you said in the hospital.

What?

That you love me.

It's words. Just words!

Love is just another word.

You meant it.

Let the demolition begin.

Nunzio! Yo!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, to celebrate and cut the dust, I salute you with the finest champagne money can buy.

What's that?

Hey!

Oh, man! You should see them over there!

The big shots are having a party in our neighborhood, and we ain't invited!

I feel slighted.

They've got all types of food and champagne.

It's so big, they're putting it on TV.

Come on, Pepto. Hurry up.

We gotta find a new place before the good ones are taken.

No! No more running!

They forced me to live in the crap!

And now they want to take the crap away!

No!

What do you mean "no"?

Here's what I mean.

Stop!

Wait! Stop! Don't go!

Don't give up! This is America!

Every person has a right to have a place to live!

Come, join me! Let's fight for our rights!

Let's take our homes back! Follow me!

Wait! There's a party back there! Free food for everyone!

And booze!

Stop, wait, listen to me!

Wait! Stop!

If we run now, we'll always be running.

It's gotta stop somewhere!

They've got TV news cameras down there.

Let's show the world what they're doing to us!

Yeah! Yeah!

Come on!


We have the nicest neighborhood here. Shall we dance?

Do you come here often?

Oh, my God!

I've never seen anything like this before...

Hey! Just a minute!

How dare you break in like this? How dare you break in like this?

Who do you people think you are? Who do you people think you are?

Get out of here! Get out of here!

I'm talking to you! I'm talking to you!

Turn around, you idiot! Turn around, you idiot!

Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

Are you crazy? Are you crazy?

Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?

Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?

You are in serious trouble, my indigent friend!

You are trespassing on private property!

I can throw you in jail, have you arrested, and you will lose your voting privileges!

Have you ever been in jail?

Chicken!

How dare you?

Oh, boy!

When my husband divorced me, I thought my life was over.

It's just beginning.

Hey, Willy, listen.

Got you.

The ceremony has erupted into pandemonium.

As of yet, I'm not exactly sure what's happening.

This is Fumes reporting from Downtown, and I'll tell you what's happening.

The rich and famous are having a party in our neighborhood.

And we fucked it up! Back to you, Walter.

Is this going out live? Are we live?

Jeez.

My legs! You've cut off my legs!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, look what I've done!

Get me a doctor! Get me an ambulance!

Look what you've done! You cut off my legs!

Stay right here, I'll be right back! Wait a minute!

This party has disintegrated into utter chaos!

There are bums eating pâté de foie gras!

My God! That's gotta be Bolt!

He's not the only one who can run one of those goddamn machines!

No comment.


No! No!


Look!

No! No! No!

No!

We had a bet! Remember?

No.

Maybe this'll jar your memory!

Dark! Dark!

Yes, my memory is dark!

Yes, I can remember. It's all coming back to me now.

You won the bet!

It's all coming back to me.

You won the bet, and I lost the bet, and...

This is all yours because I don't want this.

I don't want it. I'll be fine when I get down.

I'll be a gentleman. Just let me down.

That was two weeks ago.

Today, in an extraordinary decision, Judge Reynolds ruled from the bench in the Bolt v. Crasswell lawsuit.

And it was a day of total victory for Goddard Bolt.

Bolt has announced he intends to clean up the slum area he now owns and allow it to remain for the homeless who live there.

He plans to build a large park, no-cost housing, and a new free medical and counseling clinic for the destitute of the area.

And believe it or not, at this very moment, Goddard Bolt is actually marrying the bag lady he met while living on the streets.

We don't know where the wedding is taking place, but with Goddard Bolt's reputation for extravagance, it must be at a very chic, elegant, and exclusive location.

Too fast, you jackass!

Thanks for standing up for me! I'll miss you, buddy.

Hey, hey.

Good-bye, everybody! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

Wait! Stop!

Good luck, Goddard!

Bye, children. And may the Lord bless your union.

And have a wonderful honeymoon.

...honeymoon! Honeymoon?

Honeymoon, yeah!

Hey! Stop that!

What are you doing?

You may not know this, but these cans are worth a lot of money!

Get in that car!

Bye!

What do you think you're doing? That's my car!

I paid good money for that car!

I must've left the keys in there!

Hey, wait a minute! Stop!

What kind of a neighborhood is this?

There's no cop around! Somebody call 911!

Wait! Hold it! Hold it!

Somebody stop 'em!

Where's a cop?

Will you leave me alone? It's him!

I'll kill you! He's crazy!

I'll kill you! That guy's crazy!