Literally, Right Before Aaron (2017) Script

- Hello? - Adam?

- Allison? - Hey!

What are you doing, dummy?

I'm, uh, I'm getting married.

- You're getting what? - Uh, married.

Adam?

- Did I lose you? Uh...

I mean is this too weird?

It's not too weird, it's not weird, it's fine. It's good, it's good. I mean, it's a little weird, but, you know, - I'm okay. Uh, wow. Whoa. And I want you to be there if you want to come.

I'd like you to come to the rehearsal dinner...

I don't know about coming to the rehearsal dinner, that might be a little weird.

That might be a little weird, but, you know I'm, I'm gonna be at your wedding so you have to come to mine.

Right. Yeah. Look, I don't want you to hate me.

I don't, I don't hate you.

Well then, come to my wedding. Like I said I'm going

- to come to yours. Okay.

When it happens.

I'm, yeah, I'd like to be there.

Really?

Mhm.

That's great.

Oh my god, you haven't even met him.

I did meet him actually.

Wait you met him? Yeah I met him last year at that Christmas thing at your sister's house. Right yeah I forgot that you, yeah you, he's a nice guy.

What was that? He, he's really, a really nice guy, you, you're gonna like him.

He seems great.

Yeah okay. No no no, I'm serious, I mean that. He, he seems good.

I mean, he, he's good, he's a good guy.

I, I just don't want you to feel...

- Feel what? - I don't know. I don't know. Never mind. I'm glad you're coming.

Me too.

Are you sure you're okay?

Whoa.

That's so funny! - Really great.

Who's the editor?

Who's the editor?

Oh, hi, oh, what?

Oh, what, what is it?

Edmonton?

Adam. Adam, great stuff!

I've got my eye on you. I love the choice of music.

Oh that, actually that wasn't my choice.

Oh yeah that was, that was mine.

Oh, so you're the genius.

Great job, Alan. Thanks man.

Great job Alan. Thank you.

Great job. How's our mannequin bird segment coming along?

It's, I'm still cutting it, looking good but it's not quite done yet, a little bit...

Don't dick me around, guy.

We're on a strict deadline.

Nature talks with Orson Schwartzman waits for no man.

Yes Mr. Schwartzman.

When nature talks, you listen.

Okay. Are you listening?

Um, yes.

Good.

Hey! Hey.

Wanna get fucked up tonight?

Ah, I can't, I got, I got stuff to do.

Oh, what kind of stuff?

It's like, errands and, and dinner, and...

You okay?

What? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah!

Okay!

That was believable. Good!

See you later.

The male red capped mannequin bird.

Mannequin of course derives from the Dutch word meaning 'little man'.

The females of the species are very picky so the males employ a peculiar sort of dance to impress them.

Because mammals stand a better chance paired, or in groups, than alone.

Their very survival depends upon their ability to find a partner and mate.

How long she known this guy?

A year! Or something.

A year? A year? Yeah. I know. I know.

It's so sudden. Who is this guy?

Aaron.

Aaron? Aaron.

Aaron.

Aaron.

Why do you keep whispering it? Mark, you're up!

Listen, let me fix this for you. This, this is real easy.

Come on, ready, don't go. Just don't go.

Don't go, buddy. Ah, I told...

What are you guys talking about?

Girl stuff?

Come on - gah!

Suck my dick, pins!

This place sucks!

Alright, it's you.

I think I broke Adam.

He's fine.

Dude.

We're at a bowling alley, bowl.

Hey. Bowl. I can't.

Hey, if you're not playing, you just look like a child molester wearing those shoes. What?

Doesn't matter. You get a ball!

You pick it up and and give it a roll!

I'm going home. Listen to me.

I'm going home, I don't wanna...

Hey! Hey! Shh, hey!

You get up there and you bowl a strike right now, you prove to yourself that you're gonna beat this, that you're gonna be okay without her!

Because you're Adam!

You bowl strikes!

Dude, just bowl.

You're being a douche.

Okay.


It's just, it's just bowling.

Don't worry about it.

Adam!

Adam.

Hi! Hey!

Hi, ah, you look great. It's good to see you.

Yeah. I'm starving! Good!

This place is amazing! It's always booked, how did you get these reservations?

I had to kill a guy. Yeah. It was pretty easy.

No, no I called weeks ago because I knew you wanted to try it. That's why I'm the best boyfriend in the world. So sweet! You are.

I've just been so tired at work lately, I have to stop staying up so late.

Which is partly your fault, mister.

Babe are you okay?

Yeah! Yeah.

You just seem preoccupied to me.

I do? No, that's weird, uh... hm.

I don't know, maybe work stuff, I don't know.

Everything okay?

You ever think about marriage?

In, in general? Or...

I mean like...

Marrying me. You ever...?

I'm, I have thought about that, you know, my friends and I, we talk about that stuff, why?

No but I mean, specifically, to me.

Right.

You ever...? Am I, am I?

Are you what? Are, what are you saying?

Nothing, I'm sorry. I don't know what's happening.

No no no, I know, I'm just thinking, thinking out loud.

Okay.

Hey, listen, happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary. We did it, I'm proud of us.

Yeah. We're doing a good job. I think so.

I think we are. Yeah.

I think we should get married.

What? What?

Yeah or no? What? Did you say we sh - what are you saying?

Yeah! I think we should get married!

Are you cra - what are you talking about?

Is that crazy? Yes that's crazy!

Okay, well I know that sounds crazy but just hear me out.

You're happy aren't you?

Yeah I'm happy, yeah. Okay, alright.

Well what else is there? Really?

I mean people overcomplicate these things but that's really, at its essence, that's what it is!

Right? We make each other happy!

We have the same... Favorite movie.

Yeah.

We don't sit there on our things and post how much fun we're having, we really have fun!

Yeah, no, you never post pictures of me.

No! I think that's great.

Right? Yeah.

Okay. I love you, you love me.

Yeah... Let's just do it!

What are we so afraid of? I mean I don't know if it's being afraid I think it's just being responsible. You're in your head!

You're thinking. And I've been thinking too much too.

Get out of our heads! I can't believe we're talking about this! I know, I can't either!

I just, okay. Shake it!

I think that we have a good thing going.

Agreed.

Don't you think maybe we should just, just what? Like, let it do its thing and see where it goes? No, no, no, I'm tired of doing that. I don't want to let it do its thing, I don't want to think about down the line, I want to think about the now. I don't wanna think! I just wanna do it!

I wanna do the now, I want to be in the now, and in the now, I want to marry you!

Are you serious?

Julie, don't I look serious?

You do look pretty serious.

I just, it just hit me. Why are we not doing this?

Oh my god. Everyone around us is doing it. And they don't have nearly what we have.

Yeah! Yeah.

What do you think?

Oh my god.

Oh my god I'm sorry I just don't I didn't - I don't, I don't know exactly what to say, because this, take your time! It feels like it's insane.

Yeah, it is.

Honey I didn't know you felt that way.

Don't, you know, take, as long as you need!

No I don't need time!

This sounds insane but I think, maybe, oh my god, I think maybe... We should break up.

What? I think we should break up.

And I know that seems psychotic, I'm so sorry.

Are you joking? No.

This is a joke. No, uh.

As soon as I said it out loud I started to panic and it didn't feel right, I'm so sorry.

What's wrong with you? I don't know, I don't know, I'm just, um, I'm spinning out a little bit and I'm not sure what I'm saying but I do know concretely that we should not get married, I just don't think this is working.

You don't...? God I'm so sorry. You don't think this is working?

You just asked me to marry you.

I know, it felt right in the moment, but as soon as it was out in the ether, I got really scared to live in that world.

But why would you...? I don't know, I don't know, I just can't see myself waking up to your face every morning, you know for the rest of my life!

I mean, that sounds, urgh! No offense, not your face, not your face! You have a great face, a much better face than I do, by the way, I should be so lucky! I know!

Your face is great, it's what's behind it that I don't think I can live with for a long time.

Oh my god. I mean, a couple months, we don't have to break up, I don't know what I'm talking about, forget it, forget it, what are you ordering, what are you getting? I just don't think I can...

You are an asshole.

An ass hole!

Wait wait wait, Julie! Hold up, wait wait wait!

Congratulations, you're gonna die alone!


Hi I...

I'm gonna look...

Hi. Hi.

How can I help you? Oh, I just need a room, please.

Okay is it just you or anyone else... no?

No it's just me. Wife? Girlfriend?

Just me. Husband, friend, anything?

It's just me.

Oh, hm, ah. Just one? Mhm.

Staying in the room? Yeah.

Okay.

And would you like a second key? For any visitors, or friends, you know?

No, no just one's fine. Thanks.

Room for one.

Thank you, rah..

Rohan. Sorry. Thanks.

Tsk.

Hello?


These long tailed mannequin males will actually compete with each other for the attention of the female and of course, the right to mate.

The dominant male will always attract the female over the weaker males, this is the law of the jungle, and the natural order of life! And love.


Adam?

Hey. Holy shit.

Greg! Yeah! I know.

Oh my god. Right! Long time.

Yeah long time no see. From, uh...

Since college! College!

Yeah, man! Old school, I like it!

This is great man, what are you doing up here?

Ah well just in town visiting friends.

Friends and family.

Mainly family.

Huh. You should have called me, man.

I know, I thought about it but then, um...

Hey, did you hear about Allison?

Uh...

Allison...?

Allison George, your girlfriend of eight years?

Oh, right. Sure, yeah, Allison. No, uh, what's up?

Allison George is getting married.

Wow really? Great for her.

It's crazy man, you guys were together forever!

Yeah. You guys were inseparable, do you remember that?

It was like, I thought you guys were never, ever, ever gonna break up and then you did.

Well, yeah. Do you remember that?

When you guys broke up? Yeah, no.

Seriously you guys had everything, do you remember that? Yeah well, it was a long time ago.

Not that long ago.

It was pretty long ago.

A year and a half.

Ish.

Closer to two.

A year and a half.

It was like two. About two years.

I'm sure it's closer to a year and a half. I don't know how you're so sure of that. Because I remember it, it was really devastating. I didn't even remember her name when you said it, so, you had to jog my memory, so...

So what are you reading?

Nothing, it's, I was just looking at, I don't even know how, I was just browsing.

I'll talk to you later man.

Yeah, okay.


Sorry.

Excuse me... what? Sorry.

Hm. What? What?

Oh I thought you said something.

I... What?

Um... that reminds me, do you wanna -?

Do you wanna get a coffee sometime?

Uh, um.

Or like a water, or a juice? Something like a, whatever you... No, um, I'm reading my book.

Oh, okay. So maybe another time.

Is that?

Oh, of mice and men, that's a good one.

I could just, I could tell you how it ends.

Excuse me? Yeah I could tell you how it ends. How it...

Lenny, he dies, he dies. Lenny dies.

George shoots him in the back of the head.

What? Because he's the only one that really understands him.

It's really beautiful, but it's heartbreaking.

Are you serious?

Yeah, seriously. That's how it ends.

No, are you serious, are you serious right now?

With this?

Yeah I just said I was.

You ruined this for me. You just ruined this book for me. I was just, I just started reading this book and...

Oh, well I saved you like, what page are you on, I saved you, like, a hundred and eighty pages. What is wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

Who hasn't read of mice and men?

That's crazy.

I, I, it's a classic.

I know, that is why, that is why I'm reading it.

Well you should have read it by now.

It's not my fault you're a slow reader.

You know she hasn't read of mice and men?

I know. Look, I'm not a slow reader, okay?

I just haven't... In fact I'm saving you from the humiliation of having to tell your friends and family that you haven't read a timeless masterpiece.

A timeless masterpiece that you just ruined.

Do you have time for a coffee now?

You know I can't tell if you're charming or if you're just an asshole.

Charming.

Charming, I hope. I'm sorry, you're right.

That was rude.

Because it is a great book.

I'm sorry, I'm just, I just really want you to go out with me.

Okay so let me get this straight, in return for, um, ruining this perfectly good, brand new reading experience for me, I should reward you by going out with you?

Two things, it shouldn't be brand new, we've established that, it's been out for a long time, and I think it might be more fun than reading alone in a library.

And how would you know?

Well because a books not gonna have sex with you and I want to, very badly.

Oh my god.

I know this sounds crazy but I think I love you.

I just think I'm in love with you, and I know that sounds crazy, and I know, I know, okay, what, are you gonna, what?

What is... what?

I do. You don't even know me.

I know, and that's why I want to share a cup of coffee with you because I think it's weird, too, that I should love somebody that I don't even really know.

So I thought, we'll go get coffee, I'll ask you where you're from. Okay.

Get to know each other, and then, um, okay.

You see where I'm going with this?

Okay. Okay? Really?

That worked?

You must have a screw loose.

Kid, who are you? I'm Adam.

Hey man. I know, I know, ah! Jesus!

It scared me too, I almost forgot to give you my card.

Thank god you didn't forget. Uh, yeah. No, I didn't.

That's got my website on there, okay, my Facebook, Linkedin's on there, I just need one.

No you could use all of them, and then there's email, too that's right on there. Okay well I'll email you then.

Okay good if you ever need to talk. Yeah.

I'll email you and I look forward to emailing you.

Yeah but if you ever need to talk.

Yeah I'll, I got it.

Yeah, man.

If you need to.

Okay.

I'm still... crazy! Greg... Hamilton.

Hey!

Email me.

What?

Email me. I don't know what that means. Email me!

Oh! Okay, oh yeah.

- Adam? Hey! You knew it was me.

Yes it was in my phone.

Oh right duh.

- What are you, uh...? Uh, I am here.

I'm here. What? Oh my god why didn't you tell me?

Well, I am telling you, you dum-dum.

Well, listen, this is crazy but we're having this dinner party tonight.

Yeah. And, I don't know, maybe you want to come?


No but seriously, you two. You two, if there are two people in the whole world that should actually be getting married, they're right here, it's you two.

I actually remember when you guys met.

Aaron said, 'David, this is the first girl I can actually see myself marrying.' And I was, I actually tried to talk you out of it so I could ask Allison out. I did!

Because she's, look at her! Who wouldn't want to marry her instantly! You would be crazy not to marry her! - Down boy.

If it doesn't work out, I'm waiting in the wings.

Text me, call me.

Whatever you need to do.

No but seriously, you guys are actually fashioned for each other, you were made for one another. And I do not know a more intelligent, graceful couple than you guys.

And they say that marriage is hard work, right, that's the thing, marriage is hard work, but I'm not really worried about you guys, because you guys make sense. Thanks, Dave.

And that's a beautiful thing, so let's drink to them!

Cheers to you guys I love you, I love you, you, you, and you're fine too.

Let's get really drunk and be happy.

Mazel tov.

Can I kiss you? I've been wanting to kiss her all night.

Are you friends with Aaron?

Allison actually.

Oh, how do you guys know each other?

Adam and Allison used to go out.

Oh really?

Yeah.

When was that?

Literally, right before Aaron.

Oh.

You're Adam, huh? Yeah.

I'm Lee, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Cheers.

I'm sorry.

Did she ask you to come to this dinner?

She, she did. Mister really good friend?

Yeah... You're that guy.

I'm sorry man I'm just kidding with you, I'm kidding.

Cheers, man. Cheers.

To the strength of the human spirit. To endure.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey buck up buddy.

Who knows, you might even catch the bouquet!

Did you hear what I said to second place over here?

Hey, dummy.

Hey!

What are you doing up here?

Just hanging out.

Come sit with me! Come here.

You always find those little hideouts, you're such a weirdo.

You're a weirdo, you dum dum. How was your -?

How was the - oh sorry.

You go. You go. No, you go.

Um... Go ahead.

No, nah, nah I just had nothing really interesting to say. Neither did I.

Alright.

So.

How, um, I like, like, your hair. It's different.

Oh yeah thank you! Yeah.

Good different?

Great different.

You look, um...

The same. The same!

Yeah. Yeah, kinda. Yeah.

Good same?

Great same.

Ah, so this is, uh, pretty crazy, huh?

It really is, I mean it is really crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very overwhelming.

There are so many decisions to make. I bet, I bet.

I mean it's also so sudden.

Right, yeah, it's just, I don't know, it just happened.

Yeah, that's how these things go.

Do you remember when, um... Allison!

Oh, hey.

It's your party come play.

Yeah! I'm gonna, sorry, I'm gonna, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.

I'll see you later though, yeah?

Yes, okay. Okay.

You come on down, too! Ah, yeah!

Watch your head coming down.

Oh yeah, what is... yeah.

Interesting space up here.

It's where we have a lot of sex. Strictly.

You're, you're the worst. Just kidding, just kidding.

Hey buddy!

Hey, Aaron, how you doing?

I'm good, I'm good. Well, you know, nervous.

Yeah, psh, big day coming up.

You're telling me.

What, you uh, you want to stand up there for me?

Sure!

I mean, not really. No.

Hey, really good to see you though.

Mm-hmm. Allison was so glad you could make it, you know.

You mean a lot to her.

Aw. You really do.

She means a lot to me.

You know what on a personal note, I think it's so cool that you came, given your history and stuff? It's like, it's really big of you.

So thank you.

Well thanks Aaron. That's big of you to say.

No I mean it's big of you.

Well it's big of you too.

I guess we're both big.

I like that we're both big. Heyoo!

No no no, I have actually a very small penis.

Really? No no no.

Oh.

So you don't. No. No, I'm very secure in that area.

Good. Yeah.

So, I'm just glad everyone's, you know, where they're supposed to be.

Totally. Totally.

Well hey! Good to see you.

Well, thanks for inviting me, Aaron, that was really big of you, again.

You're amazing. Alright. You're amazing.

Thanks, big guy.

Hey you know, we should hang some time.

Yeah, cool!

Do you play tennis?

Do I play tennis?

What you like the game?

Ah, love the game.

Alright, well we'll go a few rounds, will be fun.

Cool, yeah.

Noice. Very noice.

Alright.

Cool.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Where you from?

Um, originally from Vermont.

Vermont?? Cool!

Great skiing there, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my god, David! Hi, how are you?

I miss you! Oh my god that speech was so good. Thank you.

It was really good. I lost my, sorry, they were so happy!

I lost my keys. Your keys? Ooh.

Can you find them for me? Well I'm waiting on an Uber, just come with me. Can I go home with you?

Where do you live? I... Thank you so... Gonna have some girls over.

I think we should hang out more.

You gotta, actually, David you're sitting on my...

I haven't liked anyone in like, forever!

Gwen, David, it was...

Do you feel this too, though? Yes, I love that.

Have you thought about walking down the aisle?

I'm gonna just... Oh how would we do that? I was thinking like, I'm actually gonna head out, David.

Or we could hold hands.

David, I'm gonna go ahead and head out, so...

Hand in hand! That's it, done! I love holding hands.

I miss you, why don't we hang out more?

Well come over tonight, girls' night, it'll be fun.

You okay man? I just popped outta there.

So we were, we were just talking about...

Sorry. You just snapped that chair. Jesus it's just a dinner party, god. Oh my god it's like a peace pipe. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

That's a good bit. That's for you, dude, that's for the road. Take that one.

You can have it. I really enjoyed your speech.


Whaaaat?

What are you doing here?

Hi, mom. Oh my god!

Hi, uh, what are you wearing?

I was jogging!

Uh, since when are you jogging?

What do you mean? I'm exercising.

I've never seen you exercise.

I'm getting in shape!

What's on your head?

Just a jogging thing. What?

It's a running, you know, sweatband.

You okay?

How long you gonna be home? I don't know, not long, just a quickie. I'm alright.

Are you gonna stay here?

Uh, I can't.

Well where you gonna stay?

Work put me up at this hotel nearby.

Really? Mister big shot!

Its not the four seasons! Sounds good!

So how's it going, anything interesting?

Yeah, nah, just the usual, you know. Birds Humpin' in the woods.

Wow. Yeah.

Sounds provocative.

So.

You gonna call Allison while you're here or am I not allowed to ask?

I don't know, I haven't really thought about it.

Maybe. I think you should. I still have that picture you took when you went down to Carmel.

Look, right there.

Mom are you insane?

It's been almost two years you can't do that.

This is crazy, this is nuts I like the pic...

That you still have this. That is very immature.

What are you doing?

It's a picture of us!

It's so weird that you have that.

What are you throwing that away for?

You are so dramatic.

You are so dramatic.

Just call her, if you're here, you have the time, no big deal.

Alright maybe.

Are you happy?

Good to see you.

Good to see you.


Whoa!

Aw shit!

Okay, that's alright. Hey, keep your elbow up and follow through, you know? Yeah I know!

Yeah.

There you go, yeah just like that!

You good?

Yeah, feel good!

Hey I'm glad we're doing this, man.

Me too. It's cool.

My serve. - Yeah.

I thought you said you played?

Yeah it's been a while! You know, I almost went pro.

Oh I didn't know that.

Blew my knee out in college.

Bummer. Yeah.

That would have been a different life.

Really. I mean, travel the world, fame, glory.

No but things work out the way they're supposed to, right?

Whose serve?

You take it!

Shit!

Good round, bud!

Thanks!

Man you set me up for that spike!

I know, that's uh, how so?

Well you know when you lobbed it up and I just, spiked it like that. Oh yeah. Oh spike, yeah yeah.

That was a nice hit. I feel bad man, we could have grabbed a beer or something.

Oh no, this is, this is great.

Oh good. Yeah, okay.

Yeah this is great. Good.

Al said you're into documentaries?

Al?

Allison. Oh yeah, um, yeah, no I'm mostly editing now, somebody else's stuff.

So like what kind of stuff? Political?

No like, uh, bird stuff mostly.

That's kinda cool. Yeah I kinda want to get my own thing going soon.

So what's that gonna be about?

Birds, you're into birds? You like birds?

No like, something like pollution, climate, I don't know, something like the environment.

That's great! That's great, can't wait to see that. That's really cool.

Okay my serve. Yeah.

Okay now remember elbow up and try to stay on the balls of your feet.

Elbows up, balls.

Yeah. Okay.

Just go side to side, let's get loose a little bit.

Your shoulders, bring it forward, bring your toes forward, bring it back.

There you go! Keep going!

Are you sure?

No man you look like a fucking idiot!

C'mon! I know!

Okay here we go bud you ready? - Yup!

There you go!

There you go, bud. Nice and easy, buddy.

There, nice!

Spike!

Wow, almost got me there!

Almost!

My serve.

You sure?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking fuck!

Slipped!

Sweaty.

Sorry!

Good game!

Mister Shalman!

Are you enjoying your stay with us? Oh yeah, I'm having the time of my life. Thanks.

Wonderful! The elevators are to your right.

Oh they haven't moved?

No they haven't moved, fucking asshole.


Oh my god...

Hey!

How are you buddy?

How's it going?

Come on give me the details did you see her?

Yeah.

And?

It was, it was nice.

Is the wedding off?

Wonder if I punch the computer screen, I wonder if you would feel it. Do they have that technology?

You could try. What do you want?

You need a date.

What? No, I don't, the last thing I want to do is go on another date.

No no, to the wedding, to the wedding.

You can't show up stag, it's suicide. You'll be annihilated.

Really? Mmm.

Well what do you want me to do? I can't just...

I got you!

I got you!

Who?

My cousin!

Tallulah!

Tallulah?

Tallulah!

What is she, like a little fairy?

She's a real girl named Tallulah!

She's your cousin?

Yeah, second cousin but yeah.

Does she look like you?

You mean is she Asian, are you asking? No, man, no!

She's white, are you happy, Mel Gibson?

She's white! Stop...

Stop it that's not what I meant!

All you do is love Asian girls, that's what this is about.

What? Yeah you do.

She's not me with boobs.

She's a date to the wedding so you have something standing between you and massive amounts of shame and self-degradation!

You just need a plus one.

Who knows, you might even like her.

Alright, well, maybe. Thank you.

Uh, listen I'm gonna go take a shower but, um...

Oh ho ho ho!

What?

What are, what are you wearing?

What do you mean, it's just tennis shorts?

You look like you stole a little boys underwear.

I was playing tennis!

You don't play tennis!

Yes I do, I do sometimes.

With who?

Aaron. Aaron? What?

Aaron, okay? Yeah. What are you doing?

Hey listen, listen!

You're fraternizing with the enemy!

The enemy? Give me a break.

Grow up, mark, come on!

He's cool!

He's actually a really cool guy.

I had fun today.

You would like him a lot, I think.

I would? I feel like the three of us should hang out.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why are you doing this?

Listen, listen! Life moves on, mark, and some of us are moving with it!

Some of us can see your balls!

Good bye. Like a wonton sized...

Bye bye!


T-Tallulah?

Tallulah?

Hi! Hi, hi, Adam.

Great.

Nice to meet you!

So how you doing?

Good.

Sorry? Good.

You sure?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Nervous.

Don't worry about it, I'm nervous too.

So you're uh, you're mark's cousin?

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

What happened?

No no no, I was kidding I was, mark's my friend.

It's a joke.

I don't know if it is a joke if it's not funny.

Um, so you hungry?

Not anymore.

Did you have a chance to look at the menu?

Yeah, um, I read it about five times by myself but I don't know where to look so I just pretended that I was reading and then I really was reading the menu over and over.

What do you, what do you do?

I make dolls.

You make dolls?

And uh, doll houses. Huh.

And little, little doll furniture to go into the doll houses. It's so tiny...

And that leads to doll upholstery and doll clothes and next thing I know I'm making the tiniest little doll bow tie and I think it might be affecting my vision, I've been having a lot of problems seeing.

Oh my god, that's terrible.

So you should maybe stop doing that, right?

Never. Wow.

That's persistent.

The dolls will leave me.

What do you do?

Uh, I'm, I'm a documentary film maker.

Can I see one of your films?

Well no not yet but hopefully soon.

That's cool.

Yeah?

Yeah it is, thanks, it's pretty cool.

Well I can't wait to see it.

Thanks, really? Yeah.

Yeah, alright. Well you'll be the first.

I'll watch anything. Oh.

Um. What are you gonna order?

Okay, okay.

What if I went up to that guy, see that guy eating, uh, it looks like tortilla soup?

Delicious. I actually like staring at him.

Yeah, hey, head in the game. And I, and I go up to him - yes, and he...

And I say 'exthcuse me thir, exthcuse me thir, that tortilla thoup is gonna make you tortilla poop!' and I just walked away.

That's not offensive it's just odd.

It's a little offensive.

Alright what you got?

Okay.

The couple next to us? Yes.

What if I took off my panties?

Oh I like it already.

And I slipped them into his coat pocket?

And when they get home tonight she finds the underpants and they get in this huge fight about whether or not he's cheating on her and the more he denies it the more she thinks he's a liar so they break up and all their friends side with her and he's left wondering 'how the fuck, how the fuck did these underpants get in my coat pocket?' and he still insists years later when he calls her, 'they weren't mine I don't know where they came from, ' and he slowly goes insane and he becomes an alcoholic?

And all of his friends and family just completely desert him and he dies alone.

Of aids.

That has gone way too far.

You have veered into a level of depravity that is upsetting to say the least.

I feel like I don't know you, I don't want to play this game anymore. These are one of the things that I'm very good at.

That was incredible you just broke the game.

You win? I guess. I win.

You my friend are the winner.

Whoo!

Wow! Congratulations, you're officially the worse person I know.

Aw, that's sweet, thank you.

Let's get you some ice cream, kiddo.

Don't mess with me.

Oh I won't, I won't, because then you'll come up with some perverted scheme to ruin my life and then I won't even know it for years to come.

You won't even see it coming.

It's... It's very good, I feel...

I feel terrified, and impressed. It's a mix of emotions.


Hi.

Oh sorry, uh.

What are you thinking?

Oh nothing sorry.

Are you on drugs?

No, no.

Do you wanna be?

No.

I happen to have a bunch of Adderall in my purse.

Did you say you have a whole bag of Adderall?

Yeah.

What, why?

I mean, I'm an artist, so...

That makes sense. Yeah, long nights.

Would you like to be my date to my ex girlfriends wedding?

Okay. Yeah? Great.

For the north American jumping spider, mating can be a dangerous game.

In this delicate moment, the male must woo the female spider or she will kill him and eat him.

If the male fails to woo the female, she will stab him with her poison fangs and suck out his insides.


Adam? Adam!

Allison?

What are... what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

That is so funny running into you.

Well I work here.

Oh yeah Ella moss, crazy.

Yeah for seven years.

That's right, right.

I forgot it was on this block.

Hm.

Good to see you! Good to see you.

Were you jogging?

Oh yeah, yeah, just got into jogging.

You're into jogging now? Yeah ever since I quit smoking I figured...

You did not quit smoking.

I did! I did.

Really? Yeah.

Wow thought you'd never quit.

A lot's changed since we went out.

Yeah? Yeah.

Like what else? Oh man, I gave up kind of everything.

I got really into raw, not raw foods totally, but more raw foods, okay.

I still cook a little bit. I'm still a cook.

Too moist to my liking.

Ugh I hate that word! I know, sorry.

Moist always brings everything to a standstill, yeah.

It does I've always said that.

Aw man.

Hey you know I'm the manager now.

Are you serious? That's great! I am! I know!

Wow, good for you! Yeah I get free trips to Paris once a year. What?

What's cooler than that? Not much, could be worse.

Come on, you're practically running the fashion industry.

Yeah I don't know about that but it's, it's pretty cool. It's cool.

What about you, y'know? What are you up to?

Uh, I'm actually prepping my first documentary.

What? What?? Yeah, yeah.

Well it's early, I mean it's, yeah, very early stages.

That's amazing, that's what you've always wanted.

It's pretty cool, I think it will be good.

Yeah, uh, we'll see. What is it about?

Well it's, I don't wanna it's love, really about love.

How so?

I know this sounds lame but I don't want to say too much, I don't really know how it's gonna end but I'll invite you to the premiere.

Oh that's very kind of you.

Can I ask you something?

You can ask me anything.

Are you happy?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

Well, maybe there's a reason.

Jesus!

You know what, I take that back, you can't ask me anything.

Oh my god.

Come on, it's just a question.

Okay happy, uh, I don't know, I guess so.

I mean what does that mean? Am I smiling all day, am I laughing? No, no.

I don't know. Are you happy?

Yeah I think I am.

That's great. That is great.

So you're really coming?

Would you...? Yeah I am, I'm really coming.

I'm here. Why?

You know I almost didn't invite you.

Why?

Well, I don't know.

You're...

You.

Then I thought it would be weirder if I didn't invite you like I was trying to cut you out of my life or something.

Are you crazy, I gotta be there. Your big day.

Don't wanna miss that. I want to be there.

I know, I know, I just figured I would invite you and it would be fine, or, it's gonna be fine.

I'd never see you again, y'know?

Never see me again?

Yeah, I mean probably, right?

You're a monster what are you talking about?

That's crazy. Well I mean that's how life is, isn't it? If you're not a part of these moments, it just... Alright hey, I'm coming, okay?

I'm coming to the wedding. Good.

Can't do that, can't leave an Adam sized hole here.

Never see you again, Jesus.

I, you know what I mean right?

Look I'm happy for you, really am. Yeah?

I am, I'm really happy for you!

I mean, I'm on a lot of antidepressants but, they're working, so.

You know I do miss you.

From time to time.

Me too.

Listen I should get going, I'm gonna hop on a car and head home, but I'll see you.

Yeah... uh, you know what I'm headed that way myself so I'll just join you.

Yeah? Which way is that? Yeah.

Which, which way are you going again?

What?


Guess I'd better get going.

So long.

I'll sell Lassie for a hundred dollars.

- Deal. Lassie you're mine now!

And so it is with blessed hearts

that we have gathered here today.

To join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.

Okay, how do I look?

Like you're going to a funeral.

Wish me luck. Yeah good luck.

A moment like this only comes around once in a lifetime.

And indeed it is a rare and beautiful thing when two people find in each other such a perfect match, and decide to share a lifetime together.

Wanna hold hands?

No.

Too soon? Yeah.

Allison and Aaron have shown their love to be true.

If there is anyone amongst us that believes that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Yeah I have something to say.


If there is anyone amongst us that believes that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Sorry, sorry.

Do we have the ring? Yeah.

You okay? Yeah I'm fine.

You look nice. Thanks, thank you, you too.

Aaron, do you take just cut a little...

That's alright, it's okay. Allison as your wife oh look at that. In sickness and health thank you. For as long as you both shall live?

I do.

So beautiful.

Shhh. Yeah. And Allison, do you take Aaron to be your husband in sickness and in health in good times and bad for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife and you may now kiss the bride.


Here, let me pour this. You wanna do the honors here?

Nice, okay! Oh, sorry.

You haven't touched your food.

Huh?

Your food.

Oh yeah. Not hungry I guess.

Isn't young love a beautiful thing?

What's that? Young love.

Young love! Yes, uh, it's great. It's great.

Is this your girlfriend?

No, her? No she's not my girlfriend.

I just met her a few days ago.

She makes dolls for a living.

Oh that's nice. Yeah.

That is nice. It's nice.

Everything is nice at a wedding.

Have you noticed that?

Everything at a wedding's nice, the food's nice, the ceremony's nice, it's just nice.

Can't all be that nice, am I right?

Is it hot in here, are you guys... it's hot, right?

You know what I mean, is it hot?

I feel fine. I'm fine.

Of course you feel fine.

Everything's fine to you.

What?

Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm... sorry.

Thank you for coming.

Alright, alright, it's that time we invite our bride and groom down for their very first dance as Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Stoller!

Come on give it up for them!

Look at this beautiful couple!

And now, for the song that played the very first time they met.

Here it is.


I'll be right back.

Where are you going -?


'Sup man?

Oh hey, hey, what's up?

You look white as a ghost. Somebody kill your cat?

My girlfriend's getting married in there.

Your girlfriend's getting married??

Well, ex-girlfriend.

Oh shit.

That's messed up.

Why not. Thanks.

Gotcha.

Better? Little bit.

What's your name? Federico.

Fredico? Federico.

Federico. Yeah.

Adam. Adam, what's up.

What are you doing here if your girlfriend's getting married?

Oh, uh, she's not my girl anymore, and um, I'm happy for her.

No I am. Yeah okay.

I am. Uh huh.

I believe you. I'm good.

You know I used to have this goldfish.

His name was tom petty.

You named your goldfish tom petty?

Yeah.

Pretty cool name for a goldfish.

Yeah well he was a cool goldfish.

I bet.

Had tom petty for nine years.

Whoa. Yeah and one day I'm cleaning out my sock drawer, I turn, I look...

He's gone.

Gone like someone stole him?

Gone like he died.

Oh, yeah okay. Sorry.

So you know what I did then?

I ran down the block to the pet store, got me another fish.

Just like that? Just like that, man, just like that. I loved tom petty.

Who doesn't?

Heartbreakers.

The best!

Yeah.

'Lotta fish out there.

I see where you're going with this.

All due respect Frederico, I think people are a little harder than goldfish.

Yeah maybe.

Tell you what though, never gonna have another tom petty again.

I do have a Bob Dylan though.

I really appreciate what you're trying to do.

You're a good man.

You're a wise man. Want to get high?

Oh... Oh yeah.

No I probably shouldn't. You sure?

Yeah it might get a little weird in there. But thank you.

Alright, cool. That's alright. I should go back inside, actually.

Yeah. You can do this.

You think?

You don't have to live your life like a refugee.

Fuckin' tom petty.

Tom petty.

You mind if I get another little sip? Thanks. Bro, take two, take two.

Okay.

Okay? You good?

Thank you, really. Thanks.

Go for it.

Into the great wide open.

My man.

He's fucked.

I'll see if he's over there!

Smile! No thanks. Fuckin'... okay.

Thank you.

Oh shit.

Excuse me.

Adam.

Wendy.

What?

I wasn't sure you'd make it.

Oh well here I am.

Honestly thought you were a goner.

Totally thought you'd bail.

What?

No, no.

You got balls.

Thanks!

And you look really handsome!

Thanks. I was just thinking how pretty you looked.

Ah yes, always the charmer.

Apparently not charming enough.

I'm kidding.

This is, this is great, it's really nice.

Yeah it's very nice, everything is just so nice.

I was just saying that. Mm.

You know, how many people can say that they're close enough to go to each others' weddings no matter what?

That's rare! You guys have something special.

Yeah, yeah.

You guys are always gonna be friends.

Friends is, friends is good.

What's better than that?

You know, I was always in your corner.

Get outta here.

No really you were always so sweet.

Aaron, is, he's just so perfect, you know?

Right, who wants that?

Sounds awful! You know what I mean!

No Aaron's good he's great but you were just a little rough around the edges. It's endearing really.

Thanks, no I miss you guys. I do. She looks beautiful, by the way. Yes she does.

She takes after her mother.

She does.

Uh oh. Wendy is there anything your new son in law can't do?

Um, Susan, this is Adam.

Get your camera! Get your camera, you gotta see this!

Needless to say I wanted to do something special for the big day, something personal.

But those of you who know me, and I think a lot of you do, you know that I'm into learning new things.

He's good at everything.

Can't help it.

So I flew to Paris and I studied at Jean Pierre's culinary school Le petit parodie for six weeks, five hours a day.

Hey, Allison loves all things Paris, am I right?

But I want to thank you Jean-Pierre, for teaching me that French baking is an art, and it's an art form and I know that now.

You are a natural. You're amazing.

You're amazing Aaron!

Come on Robbie!

Stop! What a dick.

I'm just kidding.

Nice, Aaron, nice. Good one!

Without further ado, Allison, baby, this is for you.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Hope you all like cake.

Everybody have fun.

Cheers!


Oh ha ha. You're doing me? Is that supposed to be me?

Yeah? Why don't you finger my dickhole, pal?

Whoa.

Oh boy.

Do you want to dance?

Ugh.

Are you okay? Not really, Tallulah.

I just thought maybe you'd want to dance.

Why would we do that? Because it could be fun.

You know what?

Fuck it.

Let's boogie.

Sorry.

Come on.


It'll all work out.

You think so?

Yeah.

Every setback in life's an opportunity to grow.

That's stupid.

What are you like nine?

Call me when you get some hair on your balls.


I'm gonna tell you something about love.

Love is shitty, shitty shit.

It's shitty.

I'm not supposed to say that word.

Yeah, well, you better start 'cause that's what love is.

Shit.

There you go.


Whoa whoa whoa that's too much, baby!

Come on, man!

Fuck yeah!

You're coming with me, baby.


This thing is so hard to walk in!

Oh, god.

Have you seen your grandmother?

Yeah, I know.

She's had a few to drink.

Just a little.

Okay girl, I'll see you out there.

Yeah, I just need a minute.

I'm sorry.

Thank you!


Jesus!

What are, what are you doing in here?

What are you doing in here?

You're wasted.

No I'm not.

I'm a little drunk.

Scale of one to ten how happy are you? Go!

Whoa... Don't even think about it!

Is it the best day of your life?

Pretty close. Whaaat?

That's so, that's good.

That's really good.

Can I, can I ask you something?

Maybe.

Maybe don't. Why didn't we do this?

Adam... No really why didn't, why didn't it work?

We could have done this.

You know what, I can't answer that.

We should have done this.

You know they were playing that John Mayer song and I was thinking about that day that I had my molar removed and I was all hopped up on Vicodin, and I was jumping on your bed singing 'my body is a wonderland.'

I remember, yeah. And I started singing songs about like, the fate of my tooth.

Remember that? The, like what was going to happen to him after he was out of my mouth.

Timmy. Timmy the tooth.

And you kept taking pictures of me on that Polaroid camera.

I remember you looking at one and you said 'i can't believe this is the man I'm gonna marry.'

'i can't believe this is the man I'm gonna marry.' you said it.

Yeah I remember that. I still have the picture.

You do?

Well, um...

Adam, I can't do this right now.

Please.

If not now, when? When, so...?

Okay, um...

It wasn't just one thing. How many things was it?

Okay you were there, it was a combination of different things and it...

What are you doing? What is this?

What is, wait... Are you okay?

You're just gonna ambush me in the bathroom?

Ambush? Yeah you're ambushing. Oh, get outta here this is not an ambush.

You know I knew you were gonna do this, I knew it.

Then why did you invite me if you knew I was gonna do this? Because Adam I thought that I could invite you and...

No I know, because, because, there's a part of you that wanted me to.

I think some part of you, some part of you wanted me to save you from making the biggest mistake of your life.

Because some part of you knows what I know.

And what is that?

That you're an alien from another planet.

Oh my god. You are.

And the only other alien from your planet on this earth...

Is me.

Adam, you romanticize the past.

I mean it wasn't, it wasn't all perfect.

I know, I know.

But it was, it was pretty damn good.

It was pretty good.

It was alright.

We used to laugh so much. We did used to laugh a lot.

You dummy.

You dumb.

Adam.

What?

I'm sorry.

Why'd you do that?

I thought, I was trying to, I'm getting you back.

No! You're not!

Why not?

I, is he, we were good, is he that much better than me?

Adam... No really, really!

He plays tennis, he's great at tennis! Is it because I don't play tennis?? Keep your voice down please!

You know I asked you here...

Maybe, maybe I shouldn't have.

I asked you here because I thought you could be my friend.

I really didn't want to hurt you, I, I don't know, I just, I just wanted you to be here.

And I wanted you to be part of this.

You just don't change, Adam, and...

I, I did.

And I'm sorry. So sorry.

I'm...

I just want you to know that...

Oh.

Hey. Hey, your dad wants to give a toast.

Yeah. Aaron's looking for you.

Wait, wait! Just one... No.

Hey hey look at you!

It couldn't get any better than this!

I don't think there's another man in the whole wide world as suited for my daughter as Aaron.

Aaron!

You've become like a son to me.

You're not so much of a fisherman!

But I think there's time.

Because I know today is just the first in many happy days to come, and so let us raise a glass!

Here's to the rest of your life!

Wow.

Way to go dipshit.

Whoa.

Whoa whoa whoa, easy does it.

Wait wait wait wait!

Shhhh.

Oh!

Aaron.

Actually really good.


I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

Bye.