Little Nicholas (2009) Script

Children, get into place.

You in the back...

In the back, stand up straight!

Get ready for the photo.

Children, please calm down!

Children!

The row in the back, stop moving.

Stand still!

You two over there...

Our teacher gave us a funny assignment the other day:

"Tell me what you want to be

"when you grow up."

Nicholas, it can't be that hard.

Yes it can, if you don't know what you want to be.

The other kids, they all know.

Alceste, for example, he wants to be a minister.

Alceste is my best friend, a fat boy who's always eating.

That's ham hock.

That's pork loin.

Those are pork chops.

That's pig's snout. It doesn't look good, but it is.

The reason he wants to be a minister is because they have lots of banquets.

At our house for Christmas, we're having Granny, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Eugene.

At our place, we're having sausage, turkey and chestnuts.

Later on, Geoffroy will work with his father.

Hello?

One moment, please.

Yes, hello?

Geoffroy lives in a big house with a big garden.

He even has a kidney-shaped pool.

Geoffroy's dad is very rich and buys him anything he wants.

What Geoffroy likes best of all is dressing up.

Since Geoffroy's dad works a lot, it's Albert, the butler, who watches him.

That's Clotaire.

He has a terrific bike.

It's a race bike.

Then why's it got a rack?

I told you, it's a race rack.

Clotaire's dream is to be a champion cyclist.

Louis XVl was taken to the scaffold.

Clotaire!

What did I just say?

Clotaire is bottom of the class.

A scaffold?

What's a scaffold for?

For making buildings?

Go to the corner.

He's always getting punished or deprived of something.

When he gets his report card, he's deprived of TV and dessert.

When the principal scolds him, he says:

Your parents deprive themselves to give you an education!

Of course, getting report cards is no fun for anyone.

Nicholas...

"Undisciplined. Easily distracted.

"Could do better."

Eudes is the only one who isn't afraid.

Eudes! "Quarrelsome and aggressive, "in class and at playtime.

"Fair grades

"in singing."

My father never says a thing.

You know why?

I look him straight in the eye.

Then he signs it and that's that.

What kind of grades are these?

T o bed with no dessert!

I guess he must not have looked straight enough.

Eudes says he wants to be a bandit.

I want to be a bandit.

Bandit! That's not a profession.

Yes, it is! If there weren't any bandits, your father wouldn't have a job and you'd live in a shack.

Say that again?

You heard me: a rotten shack.

Rufus wants to be a policeman, like his father.

But talk about goofing up, he's the champ.

Hey guys, I'll imitate a monster. Guess who it is?

Frankenstein! -The Mummy!

Belphegor! -Dracula!

The bogeyman!

My Aunt Germaine!

No! It's Old Spuds!

Old Spuds is our supervisor.

He's always saying:

Look me in the eye.

And potatoes have eyes too.

I didn't get it at first either. The older boys explained it to me.

O ld Spuds likes to make us write sentences.

100 times: "l will not mock my supervisors by making

"grotesque imitations which are totally unrealistic."

Agnan is the only one that'll never happen to.

Agnan is top of the class and teacher's pet, but above all he's a dirty rat.

Teacher! Teacher!

They're talking.

We don't like him much, but we can't hit him, he's got glasses.

You can't hit me, I've got glasses.

No one knows what Agnan wants to be when he grows up.

Teacher! He's copying.

When Dad was my age, there were plenty of things he wanted to be.

He says that if he hadn't married Mom, he would've been a soccer champion...

a swimming champion...

Gentleman, on your marks, get set...

And even...

A cycling champion.

World champion of mythomania is more like it.

That's Mr. Bledurt.

Who asked you, Mister Busybody?

Go eavesdrop elsewhere.

The whole neighborhood can hear you, loudmouth.

Watch it... -What?

You don't scare me.

He and Dad tease each other.

Don't touch me, Ok?

What kind of sport is mythomania?

Go home!

And then there's Mom...

Mom! Mom!

One thing's for sure, Mom always wanted to be a mom.

And I wouldn't want her to be anything else.

You scared me.

I know why I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

It's because my life is swell and I don't ever want it to change.


Nicholas

Based on the books _by Goscinny & Sempe


Who knows the story of Little Tom Thumb?

Eudes?

He's little?

Yes. What else?

Rufus?

He's little, so he steals things and runs away.

Not exactly.

Alceste?

He refuses to eat well, so he's all skinny.

Not quite.

Nicholas?

O k, go ahead, Agnan.

Little Tom Thumb was called Tom Thumb because he was as little as a thumb.

He was the youngest child of a poor family who had no food for their children, so the parents decided to abandon them in the forest.

Luckily, Little...

Congratulations, Joachim.

Pass the word: Joachim has a little brother.

Silence!

Clotaire, what are you doing?

Come on, tell us!

I was fast asleep. Dad came in and woke me up.

He was dressed and unshaved, and he started to laugh.

He said I'd had a little brother.

And then?

He took me to see my mother.

She was at the hospital, but she looked as happy as Dad.

And next to her, was my little brother.

You sure don't look happy.

Why would I be?

He's always screaming, but if I raise my voice they tell me to hush and Dad says I'm giving him a headache.

If I get anywhere near the cradle, they tell me to scram.

How big is a baby?

About this high.

Then put your toys that high.

They'll make you share your room with him.

No way, it's my room! It's mine!

Put him in the garden.

We don't have a garden.

Then build one.

How about the garage? Our dog sleeps there.

I wanted a bicycle, not a brother.

He'll steal your candy and you won't be able to complain.

'Cause if you complain, they say you're jealous and punish you.

Maybe you'll end up in the garage.

You're in trouble.

You didn't have any idea?

No. But it's true, Dad was acting strange lately.

Like what?

Well, like he was real nice to my mother.

For example, he'd carry the groceries home.

He'd say, "Darling, I don't want you getting tired."

One day, he even took the trash out without moaning. That's unusual.

Mom? -Yes, sweetheart?

How do you make babies?

Oh look, your father's home!

Surprise!

"For Nicholas, whose father works so hard. Roger Moucheboume."

Mr. Moucheboume is Dad's boss.

Did you get the note I left with your secretary?

What note? -About my raise and promotion...

We'd talked about it.

We'll see about that later. I have a little favor to ask you...

Mom and Dad argue a lot about him.

He's taking advantage of you.

Fine, then I'll just walk out.

Nicholas, pack up, we're moving to a trailer.

Swell, I'll get my suitcase.

I have to admit, Mom and Dad argue a lot.

Why didn't you have it delivered?

It cost more. Look, where does it go?

But I thought you got a raise.

I haven't got a raise yet. O n the little table?

I thought... -Look, it's not sure.

O n the table or the dresser?

Then we shouldn't have bought a TV.

We're still making car payments.

Should I return it or set it down?

Don't hurry me!

I hate being hurried.

But things always work out.

Ok, put it there.

Well, usually.

Nicholas?

Yes?

Never get married. -Ok.

Nicholas, I think you should write Mr. Moucheboume a thank you note.

"Dear Sir..." No, "Dear Mr. Moucheboume..."

No, that's too familiar.

"My dear Mr. Moucheboume..."

Hang on... Honey!

"Dear Sir", "Dear Mr. Moucheboume" or "My dear Mr. Moucheboume"?

Don't shout! I'm in the kitchen.

"Dear Sir" or "Dear Mr. Moucheboume"...

"Dear Mr. Moucheboume". -lsn't that too familiar?

Isn't "Dear Sir" better? -Then why ask?

Ok, write: "Dear Sir", comma, new line, "lt was with surprise that I had the great surpr..." No.

"lt was with joy..." No. "lt was with pleasure...

"that I had the great surprise..." No. "The immense surprise..."

Why not "colossal surprise" while you're at it?

"The great surprise...

"of receiving your lovely gift..." No. "Your..."

"Terrific gift"? -No, "your marvelous gift".

He's right, "terrific" is more natural.

Can we write this letter in peace?

"Your lovely gift", period. New paragraph.

"My respects..." No.

"Respectfully yours..."

Hang on...

"Respectfully yours" or "My sincere respects"?

Put: "My sincere respects".

Then you sign it.

Nicholas, please.

Nicholas...

Stop it with that god-awful toy!


I'll never get that promotion.

What if we invited the Moucheboumes for dinner?

Maybe your boss would see you differently.

"One day, he even took the trash out without moaning.

"That's unusual..."


Honey, I'll get it. -Thank you, darling.

That's sweet of you.

Which cups should I take? -Don't worry, I'll get them.

No, I insist.

You'll never find them, love, I'll do it.

I'm going to have a brother! -When?

I don't know. But it's just like Joachim said.

Where is Joachim anyhow?

Children!

Stand in line and follow me.

Today you're going to have a medical examination.

Miss! Joachim isn't here.

Yes, I know.

Come on now, follow me. No talking!

What happened to Joachim?

It must be his little brother.

Maybe his parents abandoned him in the woods like Tom Thumb.

Does it hurt?

You better believe it.

They had to strap us down.

I don't want to go! I want my mommy!

Agnan, what's wrong with you? Calm down.

I won't see the doctor!

If you see go the doctor like a good boy, I'll test you in math.

On fractions?

Yes. -O k.

Ok, children. Let's go.

I'll show you some images.

And you'll tell me what you see.

Are you ready?

What do you see?

My father's car.

My father's boat.

My father's airplane.

Cough.

Very good.

Cough.

All right.

Cough...

I'm listening.

I don't know. I didn't study.

Just tell me what runs through your head.

Should I say a date?

A date? You see a date?

I don't know.

"A date."

And here?

It's not me.

It's not you...

Ok.

And this?

What's wrong?

It's not fair. It's not me who made all those spots.

Next.

Take your glasses off.

Take them off, I said.

Is this related to your father too?

No. It's my mother's coat.

Which my father bought.

Next.

Without the sandwich, it'll tip the scales.

It's a little boy, who finds a seed and plants it.

And the seed grows into a little baby that starts to grow and grow and grow...

Until it's a big giant who catches the little boy and eats him alive.

I simply walked up to him and said, "Why don't you and your wife come for dinner one night?"

What did he say? -"Excellent idea."

"I'll tell my wife." -I'm so happy!

Tell me, what type of woman is Mrs. Moucheboume?

No idea. I never met her.

I mean, is she the sophisticated type or...

I said, I don't know.

Don't worry, there's no problem.

But I am getting worried.

Everything has to be perfect.

What about Nicholas? What'll we do with him?

Will he stay with us? -No, it's out of the question.

He can't sit still. -Oh my God...

I'm afraid already.

Here.

Nicholas...

You're not eating?

You need to keep your strength up.

How about a walk in the woods next weekend?

Be like Agnan, start kissing up.

Yeah, buy your mother a present.

Like some salami, or a nice baked ham.

That way, she won't have the heart to abandon you.

No! You should buy her a ring.

That's what my father does. It always works.

But I only have three francs.

Hello.

Can I help you? -I'd like some flowers for my mom.

How sweet, she's lucky.

It's so she won't abandon him.

How much are roses? -Three francs.

Great! I'll take them.

No. Three francs for one rose.

Can you lend me some money? I'll pay you back.

I just have enough for a snack.

And you? -I'm broke.

Sure. You just don't want to. -It's my money.

Stingy rat. -Stingy yourself.

You're lucky I'm holding the flowers.

Calm down. -I'll hold them for you.

Don't touch me or...

Murderer!


Your flower is very pretty, sweetheart.

Clotaire was right, the Agnan technique worked.

I did everything I could to make Mom happy.

I even agreed to wear my blue suit, the one I look like a nitwit in, and go to Mrs. Courteplaque's.

Look how cute he is.

He's the one who insisted on coming.

Let me give you a kiss.

Marie-Edwige, there you are.

That's Marie-Edwige.

She's very pretty but she's just a girl.

Take Nicholas to your room to play.

What shall we play?

We could play nurse.

We'll pretend it's wartime. You can be wounded and I'll heal you and save you despite the danger.

I'd rather play cards.

Ok. What can you play?

I can play "War".

I know a much better game.

Marie-Edwige's game had very complicated rules.

For example, she could look at my hand and exchange certain cards.

But not me.

And the cards didn't have the same value as usual.

She could take my king with her three.

But... -What?

There were penalties too.

Come on, giddy-up, horsey!

And I always lost.

It's sticky. -Don't move!

Later on, Marie-Edwige's girlfriends came over.

Hello!

Then the fun really started.

But at one point...

I thought I might have to change schools.

Goodbye, Nicholas.

Bye, Nicholas.

See you soon, Nicholas.

Goodbye, Nicholas.

Well, bye.

Goodbye, Marie-Edwige, I had a swell time with you, you're very pretty and I hope to see you again soon.

Actually, I think it was more like...

I'm so proud of you.

Mom was very pleased.

But it still wasn't enough.

Tomorrow, we'll go for a walk in the woods.


Nicholas. What are you doing? Open the door.

Come on, open the door.

Open the door!

Very funny. Come on, open it.

Open this car door at once! I don't believe it.

Open it, for God's sake!

Stop shouting, you'll scare him.

Nicholas, it's me, your mother.

Open the door.

Come on, son, stop being silly.

How are we going to get home?


Mom and Dad spent the rest of the afternoon arguing.

I could tell that Mom didn't want to abandon me, but I knew Dad would persuade her in the end.

I know what we'll do.

We'll form a secret gang to help Nicholas.

What's a secret gang? -A group of heroes.

We can call our gang "The Unbeatables".

We'll meet at the vacant lot. -We need a password.

"lnvincible courage"! -Yeah!

And only those who know it can come in.

Children, get in line!

It's a note from my parents.

Pleeze excuze our sun hoo didn't doo his homework.

Who wrote this?

Daddy.

Teacher? -Yes?

Can we come closer to see? -Of course.

Sit down!

Stand up.

Sit down.

Children, I'm very pleased to announce that the Minister of Education himself shall honor us with a visit to our school.

I'm counting on you to make his visit unforgettable.

I turn to your teacher and ask her to organize a performance... which I'm sure will combine culture and pedagogy.

It will make a marvelous impression on our guest.

Our teacher didn't like the idea of a performance.

I have to admit, she'd already tried to put on a play...

Come on! The zebras!

Go on. The zebra first, then the crocodile.

There, that's it.

Geoffroy!

What on earth is that costume?

Geoffroy...

A parade...

One, two! One, two!

Half turn... to the right!

What's this?

Lines of two! What kind of troop is this?

Lines of two, I said!

You're the shame of France.

You heard me, the shame of France!

And even a choir...

But it never worked out.

Sorry, these kids are hopeless.

You see, it's just that...

It might make us run late with our program.

Well then, have them recite a poem.

They've studied poetry, haven't they?

Yes.

"The Crow and the Fox". -Wonderful.

Let's see...

You, my boy, please recite: "The Crow and the Fox".

I don't know it all but it's about a crow with Roquefort cheese in its beak.

It was Camembert!

It couldn't be, Camembert is runny and it stinks!

"Master Crow, perched on a tree..."

That's enough!

Calm down!

Back to your drawings.

No.

Password. -"lnvincible courage".

Password. -"lnvincible courage".

"lnvincible courage".

"lnvincible courage".

Password.

"Terrible courage"? -Password, or I can't let you in.

"Funny courage"?

"Terrific courage"?

First of all, we need a leader.

I suggest it be me. -Why you?

I've got the nicest clothes.

The leader's the strongest!

The leader's the oldest! That's me.

No, Clotaire is oldest, he flunked nursery school.

If it's only to argue, we could've stayed at school.

Hello? One moment, I'll see.

Sir?

Yes? -It's the ministry.

The Legion of Honor ceremony. -What a bore.

Here. Find a date for them next month.

Yes, sir.

"l have not yet received..." -Your shirts, sir.

Thank you, old boy.

I shined your shoes too.

Where were we, hon?

"l have not yet received an answer to last month's..."

Did you hear me?

I said I've changed my mind.

I don't want to have the Moucheboumes over.

What? Why not? -Because.

I don't have a dress or jewelry, and I don't know how to drive a car.

Darling, what's got into you?

I don't want to look like a dimwit in front of Mrs. Moucheboume.

A dimwit? What do you mean?

Does her husband drive her to the hairdresser?

No.

Does she take the bus? No.

So she drives and I don't. -Makes sense.

Is her only fancy dress her engagement dress?

No. Me, yes.

What about the green dress you bought for Aunt Pelagia's 60th?

I wear it all the time. -No, you don't.

Often enough, I'd say.

Is her only topic of conversation her family and home? No.

She's modern... -A woman of her time.

Brilliant and independent...

I'm just a middleclass housewife who does the cooking.

I refuse to be humiliated all evening.

I'd rather call it off.

Very well.

My wife will be humiliated in front of no one.

Tomorrow, we'll buy you a new dress.

And some jewelry? -And jewelry.

I can learn to drive?

That too. -Oh, sweetheart!

How much would a wall cost?

"Courage..."

"ln..."

"lnvi..." -"lnvisible"!

Ok, everyone will be the leader of his own gang, which includes members of the full gang. For example, Geoffroy will be the leader of his gang, which includes himself, Rufus, Alceste and me.

Rufus is the leader of his gang, with Eudes, Clotaire and me.

Eudes is the leader of his gang, with Geoffroy, Rufus, Alceste and me.

And my gang includes all of you.

Do we agree?

Do we agree?

Yes.

So, now what do we do?

I know! We'll clean your house.

We'll all come over and tidy up.

Your parents will be so happy they'll have to keep you.

Be good, I'm counting on you.

We'll be home in two hours. Less if Mom's gifted.

What's that mean? -What?

"Less if Mom's gifted." -I don't know.

Two hours, one hour, whatever.

You're insinuating something.

Don't start up, Ok? -You started.

You assume I'm going to fail. -No, I don't.

Yes, you do. I'm sorry, you do.

We have two hours.


Straighten up.

Straighten up, straighten up, I said!

You're flustering me with your "straighten ups".

Straighten up!

Admit it. You were heading straight off the road.

I was awfully impatient for Mom and Dad to see how my friends and l had cleaned the house.

Ok, I'll pay for driving lessons.


I realized I'd never be able to make them happy.

So I decided to run away from home.

I packed up everything I thought I might need, and I left.

I wanted to go a long way away, like to China or Arcachon.

Mom and Dad would be very sorry and they'd miss me.

But I'd only come back after years, when I was captain of a warship and I earned lots of money.

I'd take them to the movies and people would say:

"Look, Nicholas has lots of money.

"He takes his Mom and Dad to the movies, "even if they were mean to him."

You chickened out. -I thought it over. Not the same!

It's not up to me to leave.

I was there first. The one who should leave is the baby! So when it gets here... we'll get rid of it.

How? -We could sell it to the SPCA.

They only take animals, you idiot!

We'll abandon it in the jungle to wolves.

Albert read me a story like that.

No, the jungle is too far.

We'll hide it in a hut and raise it in secret.

We'll take turns feeding it.

I can only go out on Thursdays.

Me too.

Me too, except if I'm punished. Which is often.

We can leave food for it.

My aunt does that with her cat.

No way! Babies aren't like cats, they can't feed themselves.

I heard everything.

What did you hear, you dirty rat?

You want to take Nicholas' baby and hide it in the jungle and feed it cat food. I'll tell the teacher and the Principal, and you'll be in big trouble.

Unless...

Unless what?

You let me propose my idea for the performance.

What's your idea?


Listen, we can't get rid of the baby ourselves.

The police will find out and we'll be in trouble.

The only solution is to have it kidnapped by a gangster.

A gangster? Where will we find a gangster?


Sir!

Come here!

Come on, sir!

Come here. Yes, you!

Come here!

It flows into the sea, forming a delta called the Camargue.

Thank you, Agnan.

What river flows through Paris?

Clotaire.

Did you hear the question?

"What river flows through Paris?"-Yes.

What's its name?

Come now, Clotaire. -It's...

Clotaire. -Yes, miss.

Didn't your parents take you on a riverboat ride?

What river did the boat sail on? -The Seine.

Go on now.

"Based on alliteration, syllable counts, "or accents, Skaldic poetry, "developed by lcelander Snorri Sturf..."

I can't say that one.

Then don't say it. -No funny comments.

Snorri Sturluson...

"Developed by lcelander Snorri Sturluson

"is essentially a question of style where literal meaning

"is replaced by periphrases and metaphors."

Another one. On music.

I doubt Mrs. Moucheboume will want to discuss music after your talk on 13th century Scandinavian poetry.

I think she'll be delighted to discover a cultivated person who can hold a conversation while the men talk business.

Go on.

"Baroque style."

"From the Portuguese word barroco meaning misshapen pearls..."

Hey guys!

Look!

Blind Jack!

BLIND JACK ON THE RUN!

That's who we need.

Are you finished! Jailbirds!

Cossacks! Everyone get in line.

Move it.

Boys, your teacher will be away for a few days.

A substitute teacher, Miss Navarrin, will replace her.

Here she is.

Geography. The rivers of France.

Sit down.

Silence!

Very well.

I see that today's lesson was to be on rivers.

I'll start by testing your level of knowledge on the subject.

But first, we must hang the map up.

Who'd like to do that?

Sit down!

I'll decide who hangs the map.

You, back there.

What's your name?

Clotaire, miss.

You seem less unruly than the others.

Hang the map up.

But, miss...

Silence!

I see we have a little rebel.

Let me tell you, I show little rebels who's boss.

Is that clear?

You, recite your lesson on the Seine River.

The source of the Seine is in Burgundy, it's 776 km long and flows into the English Channel.

Very good. And you?

Its tributaries are the Aube, Marne, Oise and Yonne.

Very good.

Now you, the comedian.

Mister Rattle Mouth, what else can you tell me?

I see you have nothing intelligent to say.

To the corner. That'll teach you to show off.

What are you waiting for?

It's because he's not used to it.

I'll show him how.

Thank you, Hilaire.

"Gambert, Ganguin, Gangsain..."

There's nothing under "Gangster". -Try "Blind".

"Blind, Jack." I found it!

JACK'S GARAGE

Blind Jack? -Hang on.

Jack! It's for you!

See if he can take care of the new teacher too.

Hello? -Blind Jack?

Yes, that's me.

It's for a removal.

Can't we deal with it on the spot?

"On the spot?"

Yeah, fix it... right there, on the spot.

No! We want it taken away, that's all.

That's all!

I'll have to get my hands in it.

"ln it"? -Yeah, strip the body down.

If I have to come get it... it's 500 francs minimum.

We'll call you back.

What did he say? -Tell us!

What did he say?

He wants 500 francs to strip the body.

I knew it, gangsters are all crooks.

What about the new teacher?

O h my, these chocolates are old.

Don't touch this, honey, it's like poison.

TEACHERS' ROOM

Yes. -It's a present for you.

How sweet.

Thank you.

A maid? -Yes, a maid for the dinner.

I can't leave poor Mrs. Moucheboume by herself while I cook.

It's more elegant, don't you agree?

For the dinner menu, I was thinking of lobster with mayonnaise.

You know how much that costs?

Eighty francs a kilo.

Listen...

The mayonnaise is a good idea.

But for the rest, can't we do something simple?

-You know, casual. "Casual".

I can make ham sandwiches and we'll eat in front of the TV.

I spent the whole night thinking about how to find 500 francs for the kidnapping.

But the next day at school, Geoffroy showed up with something I'd never seen before.

How does it work? -You got any change?

Pick a number and put your coin on it.

I spin the wheel and throw the ball...

And you lost.

That's how we'll make money.

We'll get adults to play for big stakes.

What are you up to?

You're playing roulette! For money on top of it!

Haven't your parents told you gambling leads to ruin and prison?

Silly fools! Give that to me.

I'm confiscating this game.

I don't approve of parents buying such things.

Everyone line up for class.

Boys, I have more bad news for you.

Your substitute teacher, Miss Navarrin, has fallen ill.

She won't be at school today.

BOY KILLS SCHOOLTEACHER

The jury finds the defendant guilty!

On top of it, he's a dirty rat.

Agnan, what's wrong?

You can't hit me, I wear glasses.

Like I said, Miss Navarrin caught a cold and has to stay home.

You'll stay in your classroom like good boys.

One of your friends will look after you. Someone I can trust.

We were supposed to have math today.

O pen your books and we'll do some problems.

Are you crazy?

Be quiet! I'm in charge!

Who does the rat think he is?

Silence! Eudes, to the corner!

You'll eat your math book.

No, I wear glasses.

You'll eat them too!

-Geoffroy! What?

-We have to get the roulette. But how?


DOWN WITH TEAC...

"Down with teachers"?

"Down with teacups".

I'm the Queen of England.

Let's see the Principal.

Rarely in my career, have I encountered such blatant provocation.

I'm worried about you, my friend.

What do you suggest, Old Sp... Mr. Dubon?

I suggest writing 300 times:

"l will not write disgraceful inscriptions on my school walls, "for education is devoted to learning and spiritual elevation

"in accordance with the values of the Republic."

Up to "school walls" will do.

You won't leave before handing this in.

You hear me?

This way, ladies and gents. -One-franc bets!

Try your luck.

One franc, sir.

Come on! You can win!

A game, ma'am?

Why not! If it'll make you children happy.

How much do I bet?

Ten francs.

Ten francs.

Here you go.

What number should I bet on?

Anything you want. "4"?

Ok, let's try "4".

There.

Ten on "4", let's roll.

I won!

I won!


That's all you've done in an hour?


Where is she? Where is she?

Honey, can you tie this?

I'm a wreck!

I haven't eaten all day, I was too busy preparing.

Where is she, darn it?

Calm down.

They'll be here any minute and there's no one to serve dinner.

There she is!

Come round the back.

And toss this in the trash on your way.

What's that?

That is lobster with mayonnaise.

But it's not for little boys.

You're getting good old ravioli and tomato sauce.

I don't want ravioli, I want lobster.

Nicholas, that's enough!

Where is the silly goose?

Good evening, Mr. Moucheboume.

Good evening, madam.

My wife isn't here?

I sent her on ahead while I parked the car.

Oh, Mrs. Moucheboume, what a horrible misunderstanding.

I'm so ashamed. Please, this way.

Right this way.

Nicholas, go in and say hello.

Good evening, Mr. Moucheboume.

Hello, Mrs. Moucheboume.

So this is the little Nicholas.

Did you like my top?

Yes, but Dad says it gives him a headache.

Next time, I'll get something else.

What would make you happy?

500 francs would be great.

Watch your manners!

He's only a child.

T ell me, what would you do with 500 francs?

I have to whisper it.

Ok, come here.

I'd hire a gangster to kidnap my brother so my parents will keep me.

Believe me, Nicholas, the only way to earn money, is hard work.

Very hard work.

You'll thank me later.

For 500 francs, I'd thank you now.

Back to the kitchen!

I'm so sorry. -He's only a child.

I said hello.

Very good.

There you go. Now it's time to eat.


Mrs. Moucheboume, do you enjoy Scandinavian literature?

I have a soft spot for 13th century Skaldic poetry.

The manner it has of using "polyphrases" and metaphors instead of literal meaning.

It's really very interesting.

Yes, very.

I just adore Snorsi Struffl...

Snorki Snuffn...

Storki Stleft...

Smurski Stroflt...

Speaking of which, did you know that the word "baroque" was Portuguese?

Yes, from the town of Barroco...

Very famous for its oysters. Lully loved them.

That's where the chocolate got its name, incidentally.

Lully...

The chocolate.

What if we ate?

Sure.

It's just a casual little meal. -Perfect.

I'm so weary of eating lobster with mayonnaise every time we're invited for dinner.

One second, please.

There you go.


We could sing in the street.

Or wash windshields at red lights.

Or keep the shopping change.

No. We need to make lots of money fast.

Hang on, my father told me how he got rich.

One day, he found an apple, picked it up, and sold it for a franc.

And then?

He bought two apples and sold them for two francs.

And then?

His uncle died and he inherited.

And then?

Hey guys, the teacher's back!

WELCOME MR. MINISTER Here they are.

I want you to be exemplary.

The first one who laughs will regret it for life. Ok?

Like that. That's good.

That's very good.

Sit down, children.

How's the school year coming along?

These children need to loosen up.

Why don't we play a guessing game?

Listen carefully...

What is yellow, very tiny, and goes snap, crackle, pop?

A baby chick eating Cracker Jacks!

-What are you studying? Rivers.

Rivers...

Then let's test someone.

Of course. Agnan, please stand up.

No, no. Not you.

You, over there.

What is your name?

Clotaire, sir.

Very well then. T ell me, which river runs through Paris?

I'm listening... The river that runs through Paris?

Didn't your parents take you on a riverboat ride?

Swimming Forbidden In The Seine

The Seine?

Bravo, Clotaire!

Was it that hard?

Oh, yes.

How's the deal going?

-I think we should be firm. But we mustn't...

-What's the timeframe? Ten days.

I think that...

Keep me informed of any developments.

-Hello? Hi, it's me.

Did he say anything to you?

I know how we'll make the money.


Hey guys, you want to be unbeatable?

What do you mean?

Come to the vacant lot and you'll see.

And?

We found the formula of the magic potion.

It'll make you as strong as an ox.

It costs five francs.

How do we know it works?

You there.

Come here.

Now, try to lift that.


-Next! Paid.

Paid.

We won't have enough.

Rufus went to make some more.

Three and four... and five make... five hundred and thirty francs!

Hey, you!

Little rascals!

Look what you did to my boy!

I want to see your parents! You brats!

Come back here.

Come on run, we'll catch them.

You won't get away! I'll catch you!

Come here! Come back here.

We have the money.

Ok, where's the car?

We'll call you back.

Now he wants a car.

We'll never see the end of it.


What flavor, sir?

Excuse me?

Chocolate-strawberry.

Very well, sir.

Hurry up, the others are waiting.

What?

I don't know how to drive.

You have to turn the key.

He took it with him.

We'll fix the wires.

I saw it in a film. Keep watch.

You, help me.

What's going on?

Chocolate-strawberry.

Move aside!

Move aside!

City driving: Ok.

Downshifting and braking: Ok.

Let's see if you can parallel park.

Park over there.

Ok.

What the... Follow them!

-But... Follow them!

I said, follow them!

Out of my way!

Out of my way!

Faster! We'll catch them.

I'll have his license revoked!

Out of my way!

Out of my way!

Pass them!

I need men I can trust.

I won't live forever, you know.

I need to think about who'll take over one day.

Watch out!

Well, I do say...

Good thing you were there.

T ell me, what's your opinion on the Patemouille file?

I think we should accept.

I think that...

Ok, you handle the deal.

-But... Shut up.

I didn't mean you.


Parallel parking: Ok.

Thank you.


That'll never work.

What do we do now?

I don't know.

How did we get here?

Hello? I'd like to speak to Blind Jack, please.

Ok, I'll hold.

Hey look! It's Joachim.

Hi guys.

I thought you'd disappeared.

No, I just came down with a case of the chickenpox.

This is my brother.

Isn't he cute?

Don't touch! You'll give him germs.

Babies are fragile.

Did you hear? He said my name.

I thought you didn't like him.

That was before.

Before what?

Before I knew how great it was.

I'll be able to teach him lots of things...

Like soccer and riding a bike.

And my parents will say things like:

"When Joachim was your age, he could do that."

He'll be very impressed and I'll give him orders and he'll do everything I say.

Ok, bye guys.

Hello?

Hello?

I'll never drive again as long as I live.

I don't understand.

Never ever.

Mom! Dad!

Thank you, I'm so happy.

-About what? About my little brother!

What little brother?

My little brother... The baby Mom's going to have.

I'm not having a baby.

Who gave you that idea?

But...

I wanted a little brother.

Little brothers are terrific.

Why can't I have one?

You never do anything to make me happy.


That night, after dinner, Mom and Dad kept on laughing in their bedroom.

And one day, when I came home from school,

they had some good news for me.

The baby took a long time.

I don't know how long, but it was longer than waiting for Christmas.

The day after tomorrow? -Not yet.

Life went on.

Geoffroy got punished for the car incident.

Now he has to walk to school.

I saw Marie-Edwige and she invited me to her birthday.

It's on Thursday.

Thursday? I'll have to see, I have a very busy schedule.

Ok, it was more like...

We have another new neighbor.

What's the problem?

He and Dad tease each other too.

Just try it. -You don't scare me.

You don't scare me.

Go back home!

And I kept waiting.

Tomorrow? -No, but very soon.

I was in a hurry to start teaching my little brother new things.

Good!

Look!

And then one morning, we all went to the hospital... and my little brother finally arrived.

It's a girl.

What?

Come on, shoot!

Go on, shoot.

Look!

My goodness, isn't she cute?

She's an angel.

She certainly does have her father's jaw.

She's her mother's spitting image.

I'm sorry, not the jaw.

How do you like your sister?

Frankly, it's hard to say.

We'll see when she's done. For now she's toothless and bald.

She's cute anyhow.

Cute?

She's red and wrinkled, Like a pickled pepper.

She just stares into space and gurgles.

Everyone says she's smiling, but that's a joke.

All she does is gurgle.

I wanted a brother.

But at the hospital, Mom took this instead.

I don't know why.

She has rolls of fat everywhere, she looks like she has four cheeks.

I should've asked for a puppy.

It's funny,

but at that moment, I remembered the teacher's writing assignment:

Tell me what you want to be when you grow up.

Because now I know.

What I want to do when I grow up is make people laugh.

Look here!

Look here!