Little Savages (2016) Script

It's another sunny day in Indiana, folks!

It's 90 degrees and climbing.

So throw your kids in a lake, because it's going to be a hot one!

All right, now we're going to try to beat the heat with another cool off.


Is science your life?

If you just nodded your head, then you belong at our camp.

Join us this summer for some scierrific fun.

Hey, where's your brother?

You're going to look up from that tiny little screen and your entire summer is going to be gone.

Why don't you just throw me in a lake'?

What'?

Go find your brother.

You want to make your summer worthwhile?

Then sign up now!

Yay!

Come on, we got to go.

Let go of me. I can walk on my own.

I caught him watching that commercial for the crazy science camp.

It's not a commercial. It's an advertisement.

What's the difference? Did you at least find a bathroom?

No, I got sidetracked.

Albie, do you remember the last time you tried to hold it too long?

Mom, I'm fine.

Hey, maybe I can go here instead of science camp.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry that science camp didn't work out for this summer.

What am I going to do with that chemistry set that Dad gave me'?

Yeah, it's really too bad that he can't go to his dorky science camp.

You know I'm committing social suicide, right'?

Hashtag life stinks.

Hey, now, you guys are going to feel differently when we get to Aunt Jackie's.

Hashtag doubtful.


Oh, shakafaka!

That's one for the record books, I'll tell you.

And we'll come back with a lift/e more music after this quick commercial break.

Is science your life?

If you just nodded your...

You belong at our camp.

Oh, brother.


Hi! Hey! Hey! Hi!

Hey, I'm so glad to...

Look at this.

It's doing it on its own.

Please tell me we don't have to be seen in public with her.

Oh, Tiffany, please. Cut it out.

Oh, yeah.

Watch this. Watch me go.

Yeah! Yeah! Come on.

Watch this. Oh, yeah!

I can do the robot. Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Watch!

Come here, come here, come here.

Get over here. Give me some sugar!

Hey. No, seriously, kid. You got any candy?

You smell like Werthefis.

So you're saying I'm old'? Maybe.

You know, I used to look like her.

Anyway, you are going to be my new test subject for my comedy routine because I can tell you are hilarious.

Lookin' what-what'?

Harassing him already?

Of course!

Hi. Good. Good ride.

Thank you so much for letting them come stay with you.

Are you kidding? I'm so excited to have them.

Oh, my gosh. Are you excited?

These look heavy.

They're very heavy. Okay, be careful then.

Thanks.

Okay, well...

So Luke and I, we got this last-minute call to go do some seismology research in the...

Blah, blah, blah. You lost me at seismology.

My niece and nephew are here.

It's really exciting.

They're here! They're... kids!

Kids...

Well, you know, they shouldn't be much trouble.

I mean, Tiffany is 16.

Well, she can't be any worse than you were at that age.

What'? No. I was a great child. Shh, shh, shh, no.

Acceptance is good.

You were a brat.

Oh, come on.

Which one is my room'?

Tiffany, your manners.

Just take whichever room you like.

Oh, she's driving me absolutely crazy.

Oh, let me tell you about Albie.

Okay. Okay, he's very sensitive.

Okay'? He has a lot of allergies, so he should probably just stay inside most of the time.

Or you'll be dealing with a lot of problems like drainage and mucus. That's a little graphic.

Yeah. Where does it all come from'?

He also has some trouble making friends.

So he likes to be alone.

Yeah, he can be a little awkward.

He stays to himself a lot, and that's fine.

Don't worry if he doesn't really engage with you.

He's Brilliant. How do you do?

He loves science and really learning anything in a book.

He's great.

Okay, I think fresh air will do him some good.

No, he should really probably just stay inside.

No, he should go outside.

Yeah, you should go outside.

Yep, that's it. I'm kicking you out.

Go, go. But...

Tiffany? Albie'?

I'm leaving.

Goodbye.

Bye. Bye.

Be good.

I'll see you in a few weeks, okay'?

Have fun.

The bond between a mother and her son, it's just, I don't know.

Okay, you be good, too.

Okay.

Can't guarantee anything.

Bye. Bye.

Yeah, they're safe with me.

Have fun in the Grenadines.

Whoa, it's warm up here.

You've been carrying all those books around in that bag?

Honey, you're going to get a hunchback.

Master, tonight is time we bring the creation to life.

Wow, looks like you've got the tools to do it, too.

This is pretty cool.

There's that smile I've been looking for.

Hey, I got something you might like.

A book by Dr. Whittmore. Did you know him'?

Well, yeah, I know everyone in this town.

I think a fairy just got its wings.

It's just Tiffany texting.

Mmm.

Apparently my friend Abella's stepmom's uncle's new wife has a boat on the lake.

And she asked me to come with.

You have a friend named Abella'?

Oh, I love that name.

Yeah.

Oh, Abella is here.

Later. Oh, peace out.

So what are you going to do your first day of vacation'?

This book looks informative.

Did you know that that copy is signed by Dr. Whittmore himself?

He gave it to our family along, longtime ago.

But can't let you read it just yet.

Why not'?

We have to rehearse.

Huh?

Yeah.

We have an audition in 20 minutes.

♪ I once was lost ♪

♪ But now I'm found ♪

♪ Was blind but now I see ♪

Um, bril...

Deligh...

Exes...

Satis...

Amazing.

Did you write that'?

No. Oh.

"Many mumbling mice"

"are making merry music in the moonlight."

You're on in 10, Mr. Savage.

Thank you, Ted.

It's Cheryl.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Next up, Eday Savage.

Oh, French.

Eddie Savage.

Eddie Savage?

That's not French at all.

Hi.

Ladies and gentlemen of Culver, I will now magically right before your eyes bake a cake.

Well, that's disgusting.

Oh, that's... that had better be gluten-free.

Now...

Ladies and gentlemen... No.

Luive you...

No, no, don't.

Cake!

Why would you even?

Ta-da!

Next!

You might want to clean that up.

Okay, so first thing we got to do is sign in, and then were going to scope out the competition.

Hello there, ventriloquist boy.

Oh, yes. What is he, like six'?

Dude, we got this.

Wow, look at her.

In her little baton twirling, sequined dress.

That's our competition.

What the frick is going on, Garrison?

It's a summer competition.

It's the auditions. Oh, one time, I was at a Denny's with my family.

We just got up in the middle of the restaurant, started singing the national anthem.

It was Presidents' Day. I was feeling patriotic.

And when I was done, standing ovation.

Nice. Yeah.

You know, I'm thinking about going into the talent show.

Check this out. What would your talent be'?

Hey.

Hey, your ball'? Your ball went in there'?

Oh, let's see. Oh, right there.

Boo!

Right'? Right'?

Oh, I get it. Whoo!

I get it. I get it.

You'd be going as a ghost who stuffs kids in trash cans.

What'?

Okay. Sorry I ruined it.

What are you talking about'?

That was... That was hilarious.

It was, you know... We were okay.

Hey, I got to go to the grocery store.

So you want to hang here and you know, meet me by the boat in say, half an hour?

I don't know. What don't you know?

You got to get out there. You got to make friends.

You got to be a man about town.

Hey, if you see Tiffany you tell her to meet me by the boat by five o'clock, okay'? No later.

Five o'clock. Have fun.

Yeah, I know, right'?

Oh, man. Oh!

So you here for the whole summer? I don't know.

Yeah, my dad won't tell me why we came back out here.

I remember when you used to live here.

You were tiny.

That's 'cause I was six.

Huh, look what we have here.

A little... Dweeb.

No one says "dweeb" anymore.

What are you doing here, dweeb'?

Technically, I'm more of a bookworm.

"Dweeb" is vintage, all right'?

It's totally in.

Your mom is vintage. Okay, shut up.

No one plays your mom anymore.

Come on, I asked you a question.

What are you doing here?

I was auditioning.

He's auditioning.

I know what he was auditioning for.

He was auditioning for a-a-a dweeb!

What...

A science book?

This kid's got a science book in the middle of summer.

I mean, how much of a loser do you got to be'?

You know, this kid from the...

You know what I'm saying?

Right'? Right'? Whoa!

Oh, you didn't.

If you do not leave him be, I will cast a spell on you that will tum you purple and then green and I will put hair on your back and boils on your face.

An evil mutant plague shall be cast upon you and your entire family.

I'm not touching him.

Is this how you saw this going?

No. Can I admit something?

If you must.

I don't really know magic.

Good to know.

Whoa!

What's up, Aaron?

The lake is pretty clean.

I love summer.

I hate it.

I just want to leave.

Hey, there are two things you should know.

Number one, never let anyone see you cry in public.

And the second thing'?

Well, look at the bright side.

Now we get to have our revenge.

And how are we going to do that'?

Well, my cousins, the Savages.

Who?

They live on the outskirts of town beyond the junkyard.

Some say they were born of Vikings, raised by wolves and trained samurai...

Can I stop you right there'?

Samurai haven't been around since 1871.

Oh, did I say samurai?

I meant covert ninjas.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chow!

I'll pass. I just want to be left alone.

We shall be avenged!

He's not on Facebook.

Are you for reals'? I know.

I was like, "I can't believe"

"you don't have the Internet."

And he says, "I have the Internet."

"I just don't have Facebook."

I'm confused. It doesn't make sense.

How am I ever supposed to figure out his relationship status'?

That's what I'm saying. Excuse me.

Oh, my aunt is here.

Great. Later.

Bye. Bye.

Do you two not own a watch'?

Huh'? Seriously, you're like 20 minutes late.

Uh, no. Only old people wear watches.

Oops.

Oh. Oh, Well... lucky for me I don't own a watch.

Oops.

Aunt Jackie, Abella just wrote.

Can I have dinner with her'?

Yeah, yeah.

Please, go have dinner with her.

Thanks, bye. Bye.

I'll miss you.

So it looks like it's just me and you for dinner.

What you say, Albie'?

Sure. Sure, okay.

Hey, I see finally decided to go for a swim.

Proud of you.

It wasn't by choice.

Oh, well then I take it back.

Clutz.

Well-known philanthropist.

We all knew Mr. Whittmore was a bit of an eccentric.

He once said in an interview that he never really fit in.

Interesting news in regards to his will is surfacing now, a year after his passing.

Thank you, Daisy.

We'll have more as that story develops.

Why do you think it took so long to release Mr. Whittmore's final statement?

I don't know the logistics behind it all, but the news that Mr. Whittmore has hidden a treasure chest containing a sizable amount of his estate has officially been released.

Do you think it was a final ploy to increase tourism in this town he loved and called home?

Culver doesn't need any more tourists during the summer.

We do fine already.

But it is buried here in Culver. Yes.

And Mr. Whittmore hid clues to help one lucky individual find it'?

That's right.

Well, I think we can expect our little town to get a bit busier over the next few days.

I'm Daisy Larson, Channel 11 News.

Now, Mr. Whittmore was known for being an inventor, but he was actually a very accomplished businessman.

In fact, he gave loans to other businessmen hoping to better the community.

Have you ever been to Whittmore's root beer stand'?

No. No'?

Well, Mr. Whittmore gave a man named Fritz Bronson a sizable loan to start the root beer stand.

With your contributions I'd like to open a root beer stand where patrons can enjoy a nice cold beverage during the summer.

That sounds like the best idea I've ever heard.

He just loved the idea of seeing the community flourish.

He wanted that to be his legacy.

All right.

The root beer stand was very popular.

But Fritz was always looking for a way to make more money.

So he wanted to sell the root beer stand to turn a profit.

But Dr. Whittmore didn't want something that the community enjoyed to go away, so he bought it from Fritz.

I've never had root beer.

You've never had root beer.

Okay, I don't even know what to say to that.

I'm going to take you.

I think I'm allergic.

Maybe you will meet some new friends and they can take you.

I don't think people like me here.

Why would you say that'?

This boy kind of threw me in the lake.

That's the guy.

Oh, Billy Bronson.

It's pretty late. Sorry, I lost track of time.

I don't think you should be hanging out with kids like Billy.

Okay. Tiffany, if you don't learn to function without that thing, your brain is going to turn into mush.

Tiffany. Yeah.

Why would you want to hang outwith people who think it's cool to throw kids in the lake'? Jackie!

You whiny little tattletale.

Billy just said they were having fun.

That is your brother.

Just leave me alone, okay'?

I don't even want to be here.

You know, just because Mom and Dad are too busy for us doesn't mean they just dump us here.

Okay, that's unfair. Life is unfair.

They're not too busy.

Maybe we all just need some sleep.

Come on.


Get dressed.

Grandma needs an oil change.

My pontoon boat, I named her Grandma after my grandma.

She needs an oil change.

Get dressed.


Yeah. What was I telling you, man'?

They just ran off. It was so great.

And I was like, that's not his hand.

Walk away. Walk away.

I was like, whoa.

Oh, man.

I need you to tune this up.

Yeah, I need it in tip top shape for this weekend's Wave Runner competition.

Yeah, we've got a heavy workload this week, but I can take a look at it for you.

Well, you take a look at it then.

In the meantime, we'll be out there smashing it up in my new Master craft.

Oh, yeah, the green one, number 25.

It's the green one behind you.

It's so fast.

Yeah, it's nice.

How fast is it, Harley?

It's like a cheetah on a treadmill. Just...

Oh, I totally know.

Well, let me incline real quick.

You know?

It's like that, bro. It's like that, bro.

That makes no sense.

What was that'?

He said something.

Are you challenging me, bro'?

Because I see you in your competition coming in third, fourth.

I had a messed up ankle, but I could take you any day of the week.

Oh-ho! Did you hear that?

Any day of the week.

Okay, we can go out there right now.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Go ahead.

I can't. I'm working.

You can't because you know you'd lose.

That's a crow.

It's a chicken-crow, bro.

Billy, anytime after hours.

Yeah, well, after you tune up my Wave Runner.

Yeah.

I was going to get the yellow.

You were going to get it yellow? Yeah, yellow.

I like green, Billy. Yeah.

You always make good decisions.

I'll be here about 30 minutes so why don't you go outside and play'?

Do you even know what "go play" means?

It means get out of here. Go be a kid.

Go.


Here it is.

Oh, okay.

It fell off.

Shazam.

Yes!

Oh.

No, I didn't like it.

Okay.

You know, but I mean, you put in some effort.

So. Well, there's that.

Extra point. That's something.

Trespasser! Let's get him!

Hey, hey, hey. It's okay.

I know him.

Let him prove himself.

So you do any tricks'?

I don't have a bike like you guys.

He doesn't have a bike.

Eddie, get him Old Man Kettle's bike.

Oh.

Not sure if he could handle.

Old Man Kettle's bike.

Wait, is this the kid that cried when he got tossed in the lake?

That's him.

Oh, where are my manners?

Albie, this is Winnie and Vinny. Hi.

They're my cousins.

Who was Old Man Kettle'?

He's Culver's only homeless person. Yeah.

He ditched his bike on the side of the road before he disappeared.

Guess who found the bike.

Him?

Mm-mm.

I did.

She did. He did.

We did.

Sometimes I see her thoughts.

Yeah, and sometimes it's creepy.

Old Man Kettle didn't have any teeth.

Legend has it he lost them riding his bike.

She's a tough ride.

Why don't you go get it for him'? Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I've always wondered why he keeps wearing that top hat and cape.

He goes through phases.

Yeah, last month, he thought he was a professional baseball player.

Now he thinks he's a magician.

And next month, he's probably going to think he's a sumo wrestler.

Well, if you're up for a race, I'm sure Old Man Kettle wouldn't mind you borrowing his bike.

And I was a professional baseball player.

Um, I don't think I'm going to ride that.

If you want to hang with the Savages, you kind of have to race us.

Are you here to bike or be a sissy?

No.

Hey, you allergic to bikes, too'?

There you go.

Come on, race Winnie.

She's a girl.

Hey. That's debatable.

Yeah. All right, I'll do it.

That a boy.

All right, so... down the hill, through the dirt track, and hang a left at the graveyard.

First person back wins.

I got this.

Did he say graveyard?

Dead people live there.

Woo... Ready... set... go!

Let's go.

I bet 20 bucks on Winnie.


He's like an expert on that.

Ah!

Oh!

My'

You okay?

Old Man Kettle's bike is a hog.

You were flying.

Did that hurt'?

It was amazing.

Albie is a champ.

I want a rematch.

You could have won.

I know.

Welcome to the Savages.

You okay'? I'm good.

All righty, so we changed the oil on the pontoon.

Okay. And we did a routine maintenance check.

And it turns out it had bad gas.

Oh, poor Grandma.

That happens when you get older.

Ba-dam-bam! Hmm?

Hey, how much do I owe you'?

I already fixed you. You're good to go.

No extra charge? No, consider it on the house.

Todd, you're the best. Thank you.

Of course. Hello.

Hey, Todd. Winnie fell off her bike.

Oh, Oh. I didn't fall. I flew.

All right, thank you.

Here, let me help you with that.

Here, let's see it.

Are you a nurse?

No, no.

I'm more of a comedian.

Oh. OW.

You know what'?

That looks bad. I don't think this is going to do the trick.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you all come back to my house, and I can clean up your knee and I can feed you all dinner.

Truth is, I make a mean lasagna.

Score!

I love people who feed me.

Thank you.

Hey. Good morning.

Could you tell Billy to come in for appetizers?

Where is he'?

Outback.

Aw, geez.

Billy!

What are you doing?

What is that, yoga'?

Dinner! Let's go!

Oh, here I come, Dad.

I'll be right there.

Dinner already?

I've only done five turnarounds, Dad.

What's the kid doing? He's out there like this.

He looks like... who rides a jet ski on their back'?

It's summer.

It's what they do.

Like a repulsive seal.

What are you doing?

It's cheese time, Mr. Fritz.

Oh, it is cheese time'?

It's cheese time. Can you make a quesadilla'?

Yes. Okay, go do it.

So I met with the mayor today.

Did you'? Mm-hmm, and I'm finally going to be able to prove once and for all that that root beer stand is mine.

Why'? Why can't we just go back to Chicago?

Billy, use your dome, okay'?

The Whittmore treasure hunt is about to begin any day now.

And I know that he hid a clue in that root beer stand.

He did love that thing.

Who likes root beer'? You drink root beer'? Yeah.

You do. Mm-hmm.

Who else drinks root beer'?

Every-everyone, really.

The community absolutely loves it there, Fritz.

They love it.

Here's what we're going to do, okay'?

Okay. You and your friends are going to start digging around there, okay'? Okay.

Once the first clue is released.

We'll just make it look like you found it.

Wait, so that means you know where the treasure is'?

Do I know where the treasure is'?

Yeah, do you know where it is'?

No. Where? It's buried.

Guess where it's buried. Where?

Deep in a seashell in the ocean.

And there's a big man with a gray beard named Neptune, and he's holding it.

Isn't that exciting?

Billy, grow up. You believe in unicorns'?

I don't know where it is!

What are you, five?

How much sun did you get today'?

Uh, I don't know.

You're wearing lime green shorts.

When you wear lime shorts, what do you look like?

What did I tell you'?

Sn-snowcone.

You look like a snow cone.

What are you doing? You want to be a human snow cone?

Now, why do you have to do that'?

I don't want to be a snow cone.

Kid looks like a snow cone.

Fritz. He wears lime green.

This is a nice house.

Kind of old.

I think it was built in the 1800s.

Yikes. What'?

You didn't tell me you had an older sister. Oh, sorry.

It's just... Look.

Hey, can I help?

Uh, I'm good.

See what I mean'?

Hormones.

Is that a kind of food?

'Cause I'll eat it.

Okay, here we go.

Now, where does spaghetti go to dance'?

At the meatball.

Oh, I know, I know.

It's just torturelini.

Oh, my ride is here. Bye.

I thought you were going to have dinner with us.

Uh, mmm, delicious.

Thanks for dinner.

Teenagers.

Okay, who's going to say the blessing?

I Will!

You're on.

Dear God, Please bless the lasagna, my brother Todd, sister Winnie, cousin Eddie, and Albie and all his allergies, the nice older lady that's feeding us, and Old Man Kettle.

He's probably dead in a ditch somewhere.

But if not, please let him know we have his bike and we're taking really good care of it for him.

Amen.

Amen.

Okay, thank you, Vinny, said the nice older lady.

I'm happy-

Yeah, well, I'm glad someone is.

Mayor Coleman, what did he say'?

Please, please.

Straight from the will of Mr. Whittmore.

It says that I, the mayor, Richard Coleman, am to read the first clue on the first year anniversary of Mr. Whittmore's passing.

The first clue is as follows.

"The truly great are remembered by their compassion

"and generosity to others, "not by their accomplishments

"and awards they receive

"in their image." Thank you.

Mayor Coleman, what do you think that means?

That will be all for now.

Are there any other clues'?

That will be all for now. Thank you.


Chug, chug, chug!

Oh! Oh, my gosh.

You enjoy nothing.

What did you do'?

You're such an idiot.

Oh, really? Yeah, that's right.

All right, you got it'?

They released the first clue last night.

I think we should get to work.

When I was reading Mr. Whittmore's book last night, I saw this really weird symbol that seems like it has to do with the treasure.

How is that going to help us with our revenge on Billy'?

Yeah.

I don't get girls.

I really don't know either.

Tell me about it.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, "I don't get you."

Yeah. I'm going to go talk to her.

Whoa, only a fool rushes into relationships.

If you want more relationship advice, just come to me at any time except for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

I'm free on Saturdays.

How is he related to us'?

No idea. Anytime, my friend.

He's already going through another phase.

The green one. Yeah.

So fast. Such a cool boat.

Have a great day. Enjoy!

Ha, Tiffany, it looks like your brother needs his diaper changed.

Albie, why don't you go back over with your friends?

Okay?

Hey, congratulations, little guy. Go.

You became friends with the untouchables.

Dude, you shouldn't congratulate someone for becoming friends with them.

Here's my fries.

Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra.

I will destroy all of our friends.

Dude, it's sarcasm.

All right'? It's the latest rage.

Well, what is sarcasm?

Is that like a shop, because my mom buys all my clothes.

Go away.

Go.

I mean, what-what is wrong with that kid'?

She hates me, too.

Vinny, the book. Get the book.

Oh, right. Speaking of revenge, here's a funny way to make that feeling that you feel inside of you right now disappear, go away.

Vanish.

Through revenge on the Bronsons.

Here's the plan.

We kill them with the mustard and ketchup.

How... no, no.

Just spritz it all over them to make them humiliated.

How can you not see that'? I've written it out perfectly.

How would you even kill someone with mustard and ketchup?

I mean, you guys did put a single eyes.

Hey. Hi.

What are you doing?

I had an idea for a song lyric.

So you're a singer.

No.

Okay.

I-I am a singer.

And funny, too. I..

Cool, you should try out for the talent show competition.

I thought the additions were over.

Well, they're going until the end of the day, so maybe you should try out.

Maybe I will.

Hey, Billy. Todd.

Todd just went down there, yes.

By Tiffany.

Right down there.

And-and if you want to go to the festival with anybody...

Yeah, with me'?

That... that would be great.

Oh, no.

You see, Todd, Tiffany is...

Tiffany is like a... Like a... like a

"it" girl.

And you're just a it...

Boy? Go Billy!

Oh, yeah, so that head injury, like, I had...

I was playing football. I got a head injury.

You're completely out of it, Harley.

What'? You're completely out of it.

No, no. You just zone out.

No, I...

Huh'? What'?

Are you... What'?

We shouldn't even be here. What'? What'?

And besides, What?

I got two tickets to the Shades concert this Wednesday.

Front row seats. Sorry, doofus!

Hey, watch your language. This is a lady.

Oh, yeah'? What are you going to do about it, huh'?

Ha ha, you hear that, Harley?

What?

You know, I could make one phone call and you could be someone of the past, gone.

Poof. Who are you going to call'?

The...

History Channel?

Someone stole a town statue. Come on!

Billy!

I will get you, Billy.

Hey.

Hey, wait, this is...

This is the clue. This is...

Listen, I found the clue.

I found it!

Come on, let's go! Come on!

Let's go! Now!

All right. It's got to be somewhere around here.

Do you guys think the cops have any idea who stole this'?

Wait, you guys stole it'?

I thought you said you guys were borrowing it.

Whoa, whoa, it's not stealing if we plan to return it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Just try not to get your fingerprints all over it, guys.

Oh, what'?

I watch OS! And Oops.

We never getaway.

That has nothing to do with this.

Tiffany is just mad because she never has this much fun.

I mean, have you seen her brother?

He's all like...

Yeah, he's all...

That's a... That's a sheep.

Don't look freaked out, Tiffany.

Just think about all the money that we're going to split.

Hey, who said anything about splitting the money with the girls?

Shht! Hey, hey...

Shht, shht!

Hey, hey, hey.

I found something.

Look what I found. What is that'?

Hoo! What is that?

I don't know but this has made us more friends.

Are those numbers?

Hey!

Hey, Dad.

We were...

We're just... What are you rats doing?

We were... We were just...

Well, well, well.

Looks like my son does have some brains after all.

Hey, hey.

Partner. Yeah.

Who knew my kid had a brain? Well, I do.

What's the deal with the statue?

I don't know. It's a statue.

Actually, I did... I found this ring.

I think it's Mr. Whittmore's.

It has numbers on it.

You know what that looks like to me'? Huh'?

A whole lot of nothing.

But you know what'?

Between the five brain cells you have here I think you'll figure it out.

We will.

Yeah, or end up in jail.

Excuse me'?

Who's this'?

Who'? Her'? She's...

A friend.

Come here.

What have I told you about pretty girls?

Don't trust them.

And watch your credit cards.

Okay.

Noodle. Noodle.

Use sunscreen today'? Yeah.

Use sunscreen.

All right. Nice to meet you.

Listen. It says when the heavens open up, it reveals a truth even through the mark'?

I think it has something to do with the sun reflecting off the water.

Guys, look.

It's Mr. Whittmore's floating dock.

Hey, you think that's it, Albie'? Maybe.

Wait, guys. Catch it for me. Catch it for me.

I think I can get it. All right, there you go.

I think I've got it.

Careful. We've got it.

There you go, okay.

Vinny, Vinny. I'm getting on, too.

Okay, now Eddie. There you go.

All right, I got it. Go for if.

Ask Albie. Albie, what are we supposed to be looking for'?

This box, I think. I don't know.

Just something.

That's so pretty!

Winnie! Winnie! Where did she go'?

Winnie! Winnie! She jumped in.

Winnie! Winnie!

Winnie!

Winnie.

How long was that'? How long did I hold my breath for'?

Really?

Okay. Whoa.

Yes!

Cannonball! Oh!

Come on, Todd!

All right, the more the merrier! Here we go!

Come on, Albie. What's the hold up'?

Yeah.

I'm allergic to algae and certain breeds of trout.

Okay, hold on.

I think I just kicked a fish.

I just ate an hour ago.

And I read something about how you should let your food digest.

Yay!

I'm fine. I think I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Wait, there's something here.

Where did Albie go'?

Albie'? Albie'?

Guys, guys, look. I found something.

What is it'?

There we go. Okay.

All right, what is it'?

It's a box. I just found it under the dock.

Guys, this could be it.

Like a movie. Open it up.

Let's see what's inside the box, inside the boxie.

It's another box. What'?

Is that real gold? Looks to be.

Is there any way?

Wait.

Wait, there's something here.

It... I can't read it. I can't make it out.

Don't worry. We'll find out a way to open it.

Hello, Culver, Daisy Larson here reporting to you live from the Lake Fest Talent Show.

Five minutes to show time!

Hey, come on, guys. Have a seat.

Get in, get in.

Come on.

Okay, here we go.

It's exciting.

Albie.

What'?

Come here.

What'?

Do you know how to open the case yet'?

No, I'm not going to pull it out in front of all these people, but I'm working on it.

Pssssstttt, be gone!

Mr. Savage, I would think that a talented...

Scratch that, a classic performer like yourself would adhere to the time-honored tradition of keeping the show behind the curtain until it's ready to begin. Sorry, Mr. Riggs.

Mr. Hanson, are you Marilyn or Madonna, because that mole is inexplicable.

I told you.

Hi. Are you nervous?

Yeah, kind of.

Good.

I mean, you should be.

Because if you're bad today, you know we can't hang out anymore, right'?

Why'? You should know, Tiffany.

Image is everything.

But look on the bright side.

If you do suck, at least you have your little brother and all of his friends you can hang outwith.

I'll take that back.

And you should probably fix your hair.

It looks a little...

Well, good luck.

Greetings! Greetings, Culver.

Welcome to the talent show.

My name is Ryan Riggs.

Thank you. Lam the director of the show.

And before we begin, I would just like to start off by saying a little something that I prepared.

The magic doesn't begin until the audience has arrived.

That's you. You're the magic.

Okay, all right.

First up, we have...

Eddie Savage. If we could have a big round of applause for Eddie Savage.

Eddie!

Yeah!

Don't mess this up for me.

I won't, sir.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen of Culver, my first magic trick, I'm going to cook a chicken inside of my hat.

Oh, okay. That's a new one.

Just need to tenderize the meat a little bit.

Now, with the wave of my magic wand, I will turn this raw chicken into a cooked chicken.

Eww!

Come on!

Yeah.

Well, that was such a good attempt.

Yay! Whoo! Such great effort, yeah!

Let me try that again.

I probably didn't tenderize it enough.

Okay.

Happy, laugh.

He is so funny.

Wow. Oh, wow.

Let's have another round of applause for Eddie Savage and his chicken.

Yeah.

Oh. That's a little harsh.

All right, next up we have... Cheryl.

We have...

Tiffany Peterson.

A big hand for Tiffany Peterson.

Here we go.

♪ All my life I wondered ♪

♪ If anything was real ♪

♪ Happy ever after ♪

♪ Was something I should feel ♪

♪ I wasn't even looking ♪

♪ But then you found me here ♪

♪ Brought me back from broken ♪

♪ You made it all so clear ♪

♪ Now I feel alive

♪ I see sparks at night ♪

♪ One look in your eyes ♪

♪ Is all it took to realize ♪

♪ My heart can fly ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ My heart can fly ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ Your sister is awesome.

Thanks, she really is.

♪ Is all it took to realize ♪

♪ That my heart can fly ♪

♪ it was away locked away ♪

♪ But you found the key ♪

♪ To be together ♪

♪ Fly away, fly away, fly away with me ♪

♪ We're fine forever ♪

♪ Happfly ♪

♪ Fly toward tonight ♪

♪ One look in your eyes ♪

♪ Is all it took to realize ♪

♪ My heart can fly ♪

♪ My heart my heart ♪

♪ My heart can fly ♪ Tiffany!

It's opening.

What'? It's opening!

We found the key! Wha'?

I am not surprised.

Is that the Whittmore key'?

Tiffany, we've got to go.

Um, yeah, okay.

Seriously, like, everybody is waiting on you.

Oh, my gosh.

My brother is blowing up Twitter right now.

Okay, whatever. We have to go now.

Seriously. But...

Hey, what's your name, kid'?

Albie Peterson.

And what's that you've got there'?

The key to Mr. Whittmore's treasure.

How did you find it'?

I figured out the clues.

Well, was it difficult'?

No, not if you're smart like me.

Well, you heard it here first, folks.

Albie Peterson has found the key to the mysterious Whittmore treasure.

How are you going to find the treasure?

I'll figure it out.

Oh, things are about to get real.

Why are you writing that down, Cheryl?

That's just weird.

Don't write everything I say.

Mr. Mayor, read it and weep.

I've got court papers here that say that your little treasure hunt is going to have to come to a stop.

Oh, you sail'?

Yes, I do.

Oh, very nice.

Oh, do you have boat insurance?

Boat insurance, who doesn't have boat insurance?

Ringo Fink, here's my card.

Premiums are at an all-time high right now, but I'd be happy to hook you up.

We all live in a yellow submarine after all.

I don't understand.

You don't understand?

Well, understand this, sir.

Your little treasure hunt'?

Yeah, there's a land dispute that goes back about three years between my client, Fritz Bronson, and a Mr. Whittmore.

Why was it never settled?

I resent your tone, sir, if you're trying to imply that I have not done my due diligence as a lawyer.

Jurisprudence... Please, please.

Get the point, Mr. Fink.

I'll get to the point, Mr. Mayor.

If this little treasure of yours is found on land that is owned by my client or Mr. Whittmore, well then, sir, we have a problem because...

We're going to have to put a stop to the whole thing until we can all come together.

Do you like movies?

Do you like comedies?

Well, this one is not funny.

It's a scary movie.

Push pause. Push pause.

No treasure, pause.

Huh'? Huh'?

We can shoot some hoops some other time.

Can you stop us from looking for the clues'?

No, but we could get into a lot of trouble for stepping foot on any of Whittmore's land.

Bronson is just upset that Billy didn't find the key first.

What about the missing statue?

Aren't they going to find out who took it'?

It is a little bit strange, isn't it'?

Why would Mr. Bronson want to stop the treasure hunt'?

Well, after Mr. Bronson sold Mr. Whittmore the root beer stand, those two never really got along.

What happened?

Well, after loaning Mr. Bronson the money to build the root bee! Stand, Mr. Whittmore hired him as a financial advisor.

Months later, he found out that Mr. Bronson had started stealing from the company.

I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you, Fritz.

I almost can't look at you, Fritz.

Do you know why are you here?

Uh, no. Oh, I think you do.

I think you do.

Does that look familiar?

Not really. I...

These signatures, these initials?

No.

The accounting ledger that shows that you stole money from me'?

It says Frank. That's not Fritz.

That's the worst lie I think I've ever heard in my life.

Hey, I...

Get out of my sight.

You had so much potential.

Sorry.

Everybody makes mistakes.

We do. We do.

I'm going to help you make it right.

Instead of firing Fritz and taking him to court, Mr. Whittmore forgave him.

But there was one condition.

What was that'?

That Mr. Bronson donate his entire Christmas bonus to a charity in town. Thank you, Santa.

Mr. Whittmore was sad when he found out that Fritz had not carried through with his request.

Lam so majorly disappointed in you.

And he fired him.

Well, you know what happens now.

You're fired.

Man, I... I don't want the job.

So why did he come back'?

Well, to get his greedy little hands on the Whittmore treasure.

I hate that man.

Hey, we don't hate people, okay, guys'?

We just get... excruciatingly disappointed in them.

We're going to find that treasure, and I'll tell you why.

Mr. Whittmore didn't want Mr. Bronson to have it.

Yeah, and then he wanted to go fishing.

Can you believe it'?

Nope.

Nice.

Yeah.

Well, you're awkwardly quiet tonight.

But I thought you said we were going to go to a concert tonight.

Yeah, I know. I just...

I thought we could have some alone time.

And I don't want to hear that suck music anymore.

Billy, take me home.

What'?

Take me home, Billy.

What'? C-come on! Tiffany?

Okay, I think you're cool.

You know, I know there's really not... an adjective that can describe me.

I can think of a few.

I know what you're thinking.

Kissable.

Hmm?

What the...

Sorry. Oh, you think that's funny'?

Okay, we'll see how funny it is when you walk home.

Okay. Gosh.

Perfect.

Just perfect.

Um.

Hi.

Hey.

Can I get a ride'?

A ride'?

Yeah.

In your car. Yeah, of course.

Thanks. To Jackie's. Jackie's'?

Uh-huh, yeah, so...

Thanks. Sorry.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, this way, okay.

Yep.


Your hair is good.

What'?

Your face is pretty.

Um...

It's a night nice.

Huh'? I'm sorry.

It's a... It's a nice night.

Oh.

I guess so.

Thanks for giving me a ride, Todd.

It was my pleasure.

Okay.

Um, uh...

Uh, Tiffany!

Yeah.

You are far more extraordinary than people give you credit for.

Just thought you should know.

Night.

Night.

Whew.

Can I come in'?

Sure.

So how does it feel to be a celebrity?

You should know.

Did you like my song'?

You were amazing.

Hey, did you find the next clue'?

No, but this chapter, it's on geography.

It talks about the geographic coordinates system.

Every location on Earth can be located using a set of numbers.

I think Whittmore hid the treasure using the coordinates system.

I just have to locate the numbers.

Billy Bronson stole the town statue.

What'?

I was there.

It's in his garage.

This is huge!

Shh, Aunt Jackie is sleeping.

Come on.

Maybe the coordinates are in the statute.

Well, on the statue's ring, actually.

The statue was wearing this ring that had a set of numbers on it.

It was wearing a ring'?

I know it sounds silly.

But Billy actually noticed it and thought the numbers might be significant.

So he...

He put the ring on his necklace.

Billy wears a necklace?

What's with men and jewelry?

And I get teased for being a dork'?

Albie, we have to get that necklace back.

We need to find the treasure, not Billy.

We'd better call the Savages.

Where are we'?

They... they told me to meet them here.

We've got to be discreet.

Come on.

Come on!

You're fine.

I just did my nails.

You're fine.

The things I do for you, Albie.

My goodness.

- Is this thing even safe? Yep.

Let the meeting begin.

Oh, stop with the smoochy-poo.

I would like to welcome you, our newest member, Tiffany... who's been giving us important information.

We are now back on track to uncovering the Whittmore treasure.

Tiffany, hand out the packets I prepared.

Thank you.

And one for you.

How professional.

Um, uh, excuse me.

What's this'?

I don't do well with puzzles.

Yeah. It goes like this.

So basically, you're telling me that we need to find a ring with numbers on it in order to find the treasure.

Yep. Now, where's the part about revenge?

Page 23.

Oh. Oh.

That's the response I was looking for.

I like this page.

Movie night on the boat.

I love seeing movies on the boat. I drew that.

Tomorrow night, Tiffany will call Billy and apologize for being a brat.

Billy'? Hey.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being such a brat the other night.

And didn't know if maybe you wanted to go see a movie on the boat tonight?

All right, right there.

She?! look if he's wearing the necklace or not wearing the necklace.

Sparkly Whale, come in, Sparkly Whale.

This is the Great Houdini.

Sparkly Whale'?

That's your code name, remember? No, no, no.

Sparkly Whale is definitely not going to work for me.

Ow.

You okay'? Oh. Yeah.

Sorry, my back. I'm just stretching.

Oh, yeah, that happens to me. It hurts.

In case the necklace is not on him, Winnie and Vinny will create a diversion to get Billy's house keys.

Oh, come on, wife.

I'm coming!

Come on!

What should I do'?

Excuse me. Could you guys move?

Oh, deary me.

What was that, young whippersnapper'?

I can't see the screen.

Oh, what... What did he say'?

I can't hear without my glasses. I need my glasses.

Your glasses are on your... Oh! I can't see.

While Vinny and Winnie are distracting Billy, Tiffany will grab the keys.

They're staying.

Tiffany, are you prepared to do what you need to do to distract Billy?

What are you implying?

Wow.

Eww. There's got to be another way.

Once Tiffany has the keys, she'll text us.

Eddie and I will hop on our Whaler to make our way to the boat.

Excuse me just one second. Oh, yeah, fine.

Hold on. This actually sounds kind of dangerous.

And your point being?

Albie is not allergic to danger.

He's allergic to metaphorical algae.

Eddie and I will go lo the Bronson estate on the other side of the lake and break in.

There's a security guard. Hide.

You know if this works you'll be a genius, right'?

I already am.

That's my brother.

Shh.

Magic.

This way.

It's the maid. Go!

You should stay here.

I'll check the bathroom.

What's this'?

Ugh.

Yes.

Finally.

What the heck?

You would need this.

Mr. Billy.

I got pizza, your favorite.

What do we do'?

I don't know.

I got the necklace.

Mr. Billy'?

Are you up here?

Shh, be quiet.

Maybe she'll leave.

What if she comes up here?

Mr. Billy, you never tum down pizza. Are you okay?

I'll be down in a minute.

What was that'?

Okay, Mr. Billy.

Now just get out of here. Come on.

Right.

Other way, other way.

I'll get you kids!

Stop, you kids!

Slow down!

Get back here, kids!

Shut if down!

Now.

Yeah, I don't think this plan was very well thought through.

Get off the grass!

Slow down, kids!

You kids get back here!

Oh, this is intense.

It sure is. It sure is, Grandpa.

Albie, I'll distract him.

You got the bow.

Oh, great. Toxicodendron.

I shouldn't have let him out of my sight.

You kids shouldn't have been over at the Bronson's in the first place.

It almost worked.

I gave the performance of my life.

When was the last time you saw Albie'?

He headed off into the woods after I lost the security guard.

I waited for him, but... he never came back.

I shouldn't have let him out of my sight.

Can I... Can you just drop me off at the marina'?

Look who it is. Johnny Bigshot.

What do you say you and I have a little chat, huh'?

Wait a minute. Give me that.

Hey, that's mine.

I could have you arrested for this.

That's stealing.

You don'! Look too good, buddy.

Holding onto that key has... not been very good for you, has it'?

Mr. Whittmore wanted me to have the treasure.

I can make your life very uncomfortable.

You hear me, short stuff'?

Fire! Excuse me'?

There's a fire!

"What" hey!

Hey, what did you do'?

Stop smoking. It isn't good for you.

It makes your teeth rot.

You come here, you little rat.

Hey! Ah!

Ah, I just burned my nuts. Dammit!

Don't worry. Albie is stronger than he looks.

Last year before his spelling bee, he got stung by a bee.

Ironic, right'?

O0. He still won, too.

If you ever want to feel stupid, watch a six-year-old spell "anesthetic" correctly.

Really? Mm-hmm. Yep.

Okay, you guys, I can't wait anymore.

Okay, I'm going to go look for him. Yeah, I'll go, too.

Okay, be careful.

Albie?

Albie! I got him. I got him.

Get him. There we go, okay.

Go, go, 9°-

How long is this going to take, lady'?

I got people to sue.

Mr. Fink, it is a very busy morning.

The treasure hunt was just recently released.

Released?

What is she talking about, released?

Exciting, isn't it'?

What is this?

I'll be on my way.

Hey, uh, we can shoot some hoops later if you like.

I'll see you in court.

The basketball court.

Hey.

Boy genius.

How you feeling?

Jackie? Shh, it's okay.

Just get some rest.

We're here for you and we're not going anywhere.

The key. Don't worry.

We're keeping it safe.

Hey, I see you met a lot of great friends out there.

I read about this one guy who died and came back to life.

He said that heaven was like a marshmallow.

It was all puffy and sweet.

Like me.

How is he'? He'll be fine.

Okay. Wait, what about the treasure?

The Bronsons still have the coordinates.

Here we go.

What are you doing here, Billy'?

What are you doing here, Billy'?

Shh!

We got a little bit of a situation.

You guys have the key.

We have the coordinates.

And without both, well... we're both screwed.

What are you getting at, Billy'?

Todd? Sweet Todd?

Where did that edge come from'?

What's your point'?

He has one.

Right'? Yeah.

There is a 50/50 chance.

Oh, those odds, I like those odds.

Of course I have a point, idiots!

Garrison?

What's this'? What, can't you read?

Yeah, didn't you... Didn't you go to...

"The read" reading... The reading school?

Didn't you 90...

Nice.

Let's go.

Catch you later. Hmm.

Albie should see this.

All right, come on, guys.

Harleyk!

Excuse me, Aunt Jackie. Yeah.

Albie, look.

What is it'?

Well, it's a challenge.

Read it.

"You are amicably invited to..."

I hate to interrupt, but I love challenges.

Let's do it!

You guys, look.

I hate to be the voice of reason, but these people are shady, okay'?

They're not to be trusted.

Keep reading.

"Bring your four best men."

Or women.

"We'll meet at sunrise."

"The loser will relinquish their half of the Whittmore puzzle."

The key.

"Sincerely, the Bronsons."

The Bronsons, sincere?

See, now that's a joke.

It sounds fair.

Yeah, if they played by the rules. Yeah.

What you think we should do, Albie'?

I think... we'd better get training.

Go, go! You call that fast'?

I know you can do better than that!

Come on, Eddie. Okay.

Go, go, go!

Move!

Now try hardier.

Go, go, go.

I want 10 more! Come on! Go!

Beat the tide!

Come on! I know you can go faster than that!

Beat the tide!

I'm not even going anywhere.

Bigger strokes! Come on!

You can beat it!

Distract!

Flirt! Work it.

Whoever reaches me first gets free ice cream.

Come on, Eddie. Come on!

Oh, Tiffany wins.

I never thought the day would come that I would be standing in front of you, all grown up, telling you you're ready.

Whoa!

Eddie. Eddie?

You okay'? Eddie.

Good morning, Culver.

I'm Daisy Larson reporting to you live from the marina.

And welcome back to my co-host, Jack Gallagher.

I'm back from my vacation in Australia.

And all I have to say is things got interesting.

We're excited to bring you live coverage of a competition challenge between local boy, Billy Bronson, and visitor to Culver, Albie Peterson.

Oh, it looks like the challenge is about to begin.

The challenges are both physical and intellectual.

The course is laid out for you.

If you see an orange flag like this, that is the start of a course.

There will be an official at each course.

There will be absolutely no cheating.

The losing team will relinquish all of its findings in regards to the Whittmore treasure to the opposing team.

Are you ready?

Bring it on!

Ready, set, go!

All right, all right. Row, Row, Row, Row.

Winnie, calm down!

You stay on the right. You stay on the left.

Hey, Todd! You must like ladies.

Because you got three of them.

Winnie! Winnie, sit down!

Okay, get this girl away from me.

Winnie, sit dawn. You're going to tip the boat.

Gather away from me!

We're getting her out of here.

You!

I will get you for that!

Both teams must start a fire using their supplies.

The quicker they start it, the higher the points received.

Okay, this is how we're going to do it.

Eddie! Try it, try it.

Hey, um...

All right, all right.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go, come on.

I got something.

It's a big one. Good job, Eddie.

Come on, Eddie. Come on.

Get it, get it!

Oh, come on.

Aw, seaweed? Really?

You get the fish, I'll get the chips.

You know what I'm saying?

You know?

Shh!

Billy's team is in the lead.

Do Albie and the Savages have what it takes to get ahead?

Aw, it's trivia.

Trivia? Aw, this is the worst.

This is the worst part of the competition for me.

What is it'?

Oh, trivia. Trivia, I got this.

A meemall that can flee?

A mammal.

Fly.

Oh, this is a really hard test.

Next up is an impromptu talent competition.

Mr. Riggs, you will be choosing the winner of this competition?

Thank you, Daisy.

It's an honor just to be here.

If anyone truly knows talent, especially talent that you have to perform at random, without months of preparation or rehearsal, well then, it's me.

By God's grace, it is me.

Thanks.

Talent competition. We got this in the bag.

Can I do it'?

Please? Actually, I think Tiffany should.

No, Eddie has got this.

All right.

Okay, so let's go.

No one knows this about me.

But I am simply dazzled by mimes.

Mimes. Yes, mi... mi...


All right, let's see.

Okay.

Oh. Magic.

Yeah. I love magic.

An empty hat.

That's an empty hat. Empty hat, perfectly empty.

Okay. Please work.

A cheeseburger?

How did he do that'?

Way to go!

A cheeseburger!

Wow, how did he do it'?

Magic.

Did somebody see my cheeseburger?

I always eat a cheeseburger when I do the news.

Let's go, let's go!

Go, go!

It's all going to come down to the scores.

The Bronsons are in the lead.

The question is can Albie and the Savages regain some points in the next competition?

The final leg of the competition is the Wave Runner race.

The first person to circle around the buoy and cross the finish line wins.

You got this, Todd.

I'm going to show you what a real winner looks like.


You got this. Come on!

Whoo! Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Oh, he's almost going to lose.

He's almost going to lose.

Yes!

Go To do'!

Oh. Good job, Billy.

All right.

Hey, he's wet.

Billy, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I didn't... You know, I just...

I'm not... It was...

It was a close one.

The tallies are in.

The Mayor has the results.

Let's see who won.

And the winner is...

Please let it be us.

Billy Bronson.

We did if!

We did if!

I smell something fishy.

And it's not the lake.

Going to collect the winning ticket.

Dad'? Ha!

Looks like I'll be taking that key off your hands after all.

Not so fast, Mr. Bronson.

Upon further examination into who rightfully owned the land, I came across this in Mr. Whittmore's will.

Hold on, Mayor. This treasure hunt has gone on long enough.

Come on. End it.

Well, why would he announce the winner and just, like, take it back in two seconds?

In the will, it states

"if any dispute between parties exists,"

"the judgment of who found the treasure first"

"should be based on sportsmanship."

Okay, what does it... I'm sporty.

You guys are sporty, right'?

Sporty, yeah. Yeah!

Yeah!

They're sporty.

Absolutely no cheating.

I-I-I don't even know how that got in there.

I knew it. I knew it.

Dude, the official gave it to us, remember?

Like halfway through, we were all confused.

We were like, ah, this is difficult.

And he was like, “Here, man.“

"“Here's a lighter." Stop.

And we were like, "We don't know how."

And he was like, "I know how."

So he helped us with everything.

And then we did it.

And we're wi...

But Mayor, cheating is the American way.

You watch baseball?

The good guys win.

Are we the... Are we the bad...

Are we the bad guys'?

Albie and his team are the true winners. Mayor...

Mayor, what you talking about'?

The coordinates, please.

Give them the coordinates.

Did you wear sunscreen?

Dad, do something.

This kid never wears sunscreen.

Thank you.

Wait a minute, no.

So how do you decipher it, Albie'?

Yeah. Yeah.

I need a map of Culver.

There you are.

Good luck. Thank you.

Dad, fix this.

You're giving it to the snot noses.

Tell me, Mr. Bronson.

If we were to take a look in your garage, what would we find there besides your Mustang?

My wife's pantyhose.

A weed wanker, a washing machine.

I told you it was a stupid idea.

Basic stuff, power tools, you know.

We received an anonymous text.

Yeah, I don't... I can't see what that is.

Sir, you're under arrest for stealing the town statue.

They were borrowing it.

No, we didn't steal... No, it was my kid.

No, when he doesn't wear sunscreen he doesn't think so straight.

Come on. Come on.

He did it. I did it.

Well, it looks like your new boyfriend just got arrested.

I'm definitely changing my relationship status to "It's complicated."

Roll it out, roll it out. I want to see where it is.

According to the coordinates, the treasure is hidden at the town playground.

Of course. I love that twirly slide.

I love the swings.

I'm more of a monkey bar guy myself.

Let's go.

Spread out. Search the area.

Hey, whoa.

Don't go past the shovels.

Is it in the grass or in the mulch?

Well, he said it was on the playground, so I'm going to trust the genius. Probably true.

Boundaries, people.

Boundaries.

Where would you bury the treasure?

I don't know.

Eddie, quit playing.

We got to find the treasure.

Okay, I'm going to cast a spell on my hat.

Wherever it lands, that is where the treasure is going to be, okay'?

Go! if.

There, dig there.

I think it actually worked.

Wait, it worked?

It actually worked?

I think there's actually something here.

Get the shovels. Todd, Todd.

Todd, shovel.

Yes, ma'am.

Here you go, little man.

I think it's my destiny to do the news.

The news chooses us, little man.

The news chooses us.

May I'? Sure.

Thank you.

Good evening, Culver.

I'm Vinny Savage reporting live from the site where the Whittmore treasure is hidden.

Come on.

Look, there's something.

How do you feel? Awesome.

How do you feel? Proud.

Come on.

How do you feel? I feel dirty.

This is kind of a big deal.

I see something. There it is.

Here we go.

What's wrong, Albie'?

It doesn't feel right.

Well, what doesn't feel right, honey?

Opening it alone.

Aw. Aw.

Hey, guys. I'm needed.

Thank you.

All right. Ready?

Come on, Vinny.

It's a mirror.

It's just a mirror.

Wait, lookit.

"Take a look, for what you see"

"is truly your greatest treasure."

H's us.

We're the treasure.

Well, it's a nice box.

May I see this'?

Yeah. Thank you.

Hi.

My heart is truly warm with emotion.

Here I thought we would find gold or diamonds or toys or even candy, but... the treasure is ourselves.

How poignant.

It was an honor doing the news with you.

Thank you. Good job, kid.

Am I fired'?

Look.

Guys, guys, look.

It says, "Look underneath."

No, wait, that's this, guys.

Look. Keep digging?

What'? The lift'?

Yeah. Pull it.

That's a treasure.

Cash money. Cha-ching.

Wait, there's more.

It's the deed to Whittmore's estate.

We get a mansion?

Whoa.

What are you going to do now'? You're one rich little boy.

I was already rich.

Well, I don't know about you, Culver, but I think this kid is onto something.

I'm Daisy Larson, Channel 11 News.

Hey, you, listen up.

I will be back in an hour.

Okay'? I don't want to be late for the show.

I wouldn't miss it. Thanks for bringing me here.

Yeah. Anytime.

See you.

Well, hang on, no.

You need to move the boat to the middle because otherwise it's going to be touching his hand when he is riding. It's going to irritate his hand.

It's going to be scratching all up on his hand.

You can't take it off. It's a present.

Well, still, he's going to ride it... He's here.

Well, hi, hi.

We figured you could buy your own, but I think she belongs to you.

Ta-da!

Wow.

I've never had a bike before.

This is great.

Thanks.

Is that Old Man Kettle's bike? Mm-hmm.

You guys up for a rematch?

Let's do it.

But I'm not going easy on you this time.

Ley's frail.

All right, down the hill, through the dirt track and hang a left at the graveyard.

That's where dead people are.

First one back wins.

Graveyard?

Ready, set, go!


Recently, a disgruntled audience member tried to check a tomato at my face.

And I'm telling you, I am off carbs.

I'm only accepting a porterhouse or a nice Chéteaubriand.

So my niece and nephew are in from the big city.

And apparently, my doll collection is not cool.

Yeah, they've officially declared me one of the town elders.

You know how you give directions in a small town'?

Now, this is how we do it, right'?

We don't say, "Get on the 405 S."

"Take the 10 E." No, no.

Too many numbers. Too complicated.

We say, "You're going to go past the cornfield on your left."

"And when you get to the end of that cornfield,"

"there's going to be some cows agrazing on your right."

“And there's a fork in the road.

"Don't go to the left. Don't go to the left. Go to the right."

"You go in the lake, you've gone too far."

So, you guys, you know it's a small town when on Halloween, you just need one bag of candy.

And you have the luxury of eating half of it yourself.

Thank you, thank you.