Love Is Thicker Than Water (2016) Script

[Vida] I'm not picking that up. Not until you say sorry.

[Arthur] Well, then it'll stay there till a new owner moves in, or you get a new boyfriend, 'cause I don't need to say sorry.

Can you imagine us growing old together?

Well, I think we have great role models.

If you look at our parents, they're still together.

Can you just say that again? But just, like, while you're eating a bit of toast.

[Arthur] Can you imagine us growing old together?

[Vida] I think its very difficult.

You look at our parents...

That's not what you said.

Time moves on. Opinions change.

["Come Outside" playing]

♪Oh

♪Why don't you come outside

♪You know as well as I do

♪You know as well as me

♪You know, you know

♪I'can leave you sleeping

♪I can leave you be

♪But oh but oh♪

♪Oh would you come outside

♪We can think this over

♪We can think this through

[Vida] Trust.

[Arthur] Loyalty.

[Vida] Honesty.

[breathing heavily]

[Arthur] Friendship.

[Vida] Love.

[Arthur] Lust.

-[Vida] More love. -[Arthur] More sex.

[both chuckling]

[Vida] Green.

[Arthur] Red. Definitely red.

Mountain or beach?

[Vida] Mountain.

-[Arthur] Night or day? -[Vida] Night.

[Arthur] I like night.

Your hair. Definitely your hair.

[Vida] Your fingers. Strong and soft.

[both chuckle]

[Arthur] Your eyes, I think, um, black diamonds.

[Vida] Black diamonds?

[Arthur] You sound sexy when you disagree.

[Vida] I always disagree.

[Arthur] And you'll always be sexy.

[Vida] Mm. [chuckles softly]

I love you, Arthur Davis.

[Arthur] We only just met.

[Vida] And it's long enough to know I love you.

[Arthur] You're amazing.

Vida...

[Vida] Berliner.

[Arthur] Berliner.

Vida Berliner.

♪Obviously come dream

♪Obviously come dream

♪Obviously come dream

♪Obviously come dream

♪Obviously come dream

♪Obviously come

[Arthur] Like this. See that.

Don't move. Don't move, don't move.

[Vida chuckles]

More champagne, my lady?


Okay, come on. I bet I can hit it in. Give me one.

What're you gonna bet?

Um, I bet, that, if, if...

if I get it in, if I miss, -if I get it in, -[Vida chuckles]

I promise to make you cum again.

I will make you cum like a tornado.

Like a fucking tornado.

-If you get it in, -[Arthur] Yeah...

I may let you hold my hand.

What-- Wait, what if I miss?

Then you have to sacrifice yourself.

Yeah, fair enough. All right.

Can you go check?

I can't check. It's a Sabbath.

At 6:30 in the morning?

Uh-huh. You check. Go ahead, boy.

I can't. I'm lazy.

[Vida laughs]

-Whoa! -Oh, fuck!

Oh, that's erupted.

Oh, we'll never make the winds of love howl again.

-That depends. -On what?

The tornado.

[violin music playing]


["Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars" playing]

[Arthur chuckles]

Wow. They'd be crazy not to take you on.

And I should be crazy if they did.

Why, you're so good?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

Your turn.

Gimme a sec. Uh...

Um, it's not much, really, but, um... hold on.

Right, here you go.


Thought you flushed yourself down the toilet.

You are so talented.

No, it's just a bit of fun.

It's so cool.

What do you even call it?

It's a hobby. I never show it to anyone.

You just showed it to me so you could fuck me.

Isn't that another one of your talents?

[chuckles]

Fuck! Fuck!

Right turn.

[Vida] Oh, fuck.

Shit. Sorry.

It's £30,000.

["Fever To the Form" playing]

♪So whether music or madness

♪Live by one of the two

♪By one of the two

♪So go on, fill your heart up With gladness♪

[Vida squeals]

♪Not a moment too soon

[Vida squeals]

[both laughing]

♪Of this I've never been sure

[speaking Hebrew]

[woman] Happy Hanukkah!

[Levi] All right, come on. Ah, come on!

Hanukkah gelt!

-[man] Hanukkah gelt! -No, no, no, no! Our guest! Our guest!

Oh!

Oh, gelt is the Yiddish word for money, and we give it to each other.

To remember to be generous.

Just a reminder, of course. Not actual generosity.

So, what do you think about everything going on in Palestine, Arthur?

Oh, well, um, I guess Hamas aren't exactly saints--

Well, you see, you have to be pro-Israel 'cause you're fucking my sister.

-Oh, please, Helen, stop it. -What?

Now, come on, no negative subjects.

Hanukkah. It's forbidden.

[Ethel] So nobody has anything positive to say?

Arthur's moving in with me.

[chuckles] Mm. It's a really nice donut.

Okay.

You, you've been using...

Johnnys. Rubbers.

Pigskins. Raincoats.

Vida, it's not funny.

I can hear you laughing inside.

Dad, I need you to give me the spare key as well.


-There you go. -Thank you.

Should never have bought you that flat.

I could just move back here.

Yeah.

I'll bring you hot chocolate in bed.

-Yeah? -Uh huh.

I'll read bed time stories.

Arthur loves to read me bed time stories.

When he's not, um,

You just use...

Condoms.

That's the medical term.

What a nice donut.

What a nice donut.

Is it donut?

Donuts.

-Donut. -Donuts.

Where did you grow up, Arthur?

I grew up in Port Talbot.

Uh, yeah, when I was a kid, I thought it was the best place in the world.

Everyone loves where they grew up.

Oh, I didn't particularly care for Washington.

Oh, you grew up in America, did you?

Uh, a few years, yes. My father was in the Foreign Office.

Go on, tell him the White House story.

[Helen] Yeah, tell him about Jackie Kennedy.

I played hide and seek with the Kennedy kids in the Oval Office.

[Helen] Jackie tried to convert her to Catholicism.

Thank God that didn't work.

What does your father do?

Oh, he worked in the steel works his whole life.

He's retired now, but started a business, fixing appliances.

Oh, that's fantastically, yeah, interesting.

[clears throat] And you?

Uh...

I'm a bike courier, at the moment, uh... raising money to study economics here in London.

[Helen] Oh, so you wanna become an accountant?

No, no, if I study economics, then I've got a shot at management back in the works.

A management position, huh?

Your parents must be, uh, very proud.

Oh, let me help you with that.

No, no, no. If we want to, Are you really moving in with my daughter?

Do you mind?

Not if she's happy with an accountant.

-Love you. -Love you.

Mm.

-Love you more. -Me too, Mushki, me too.

[Vida] They really liked you.

Yeah? What would they have done if they didn't?

Killed you. With kindness.

[Arthur] Oh, that's brilliant.

I can't wait.

[Vida chuckles]

[Arthur] She's got a really weird sense of humor.

[Vida] It's her defense.

-[Arthur] She's weird. -She's had a tough time.

Her mother survived a concentration camp.

She's a violinist.

And was forced to play at the entrance of the gas chambers while people were herded in.

And she knew what happened in there, so she tried to play as best she could, hoping people would die better if they just had a little Mozart or Bach.

Try raising a normal family after that.

Jesus, Vida, I'm sorry. I--

No, no, no. My grandmother never ever talked about it.

After the liberation, she came here, met my grandfather.

And she became a celebrated violinist, and my grandfather became ambassador to Portugal, and then to America.

And my mother sensed her mother's grief.

And so she made everybody laugh with her weird black humor.

Wow. I mean, yeah.

Wow. The only thing my family's ever done is work in the steel works.

Nothing wrong with that.

Only thing they care about is rugby, beer and three minutes of sex before midnight.

[Vida laughs]

Yeah. Those are the men. What about the women?

Uh, five minutes?

[Vida laughs] Very good.

Oh, my God. Look at that Hoover. So cheap.

I mean, it costs some more to repair, but...

Are you sure?

Yeah, use it.

And whenever you're ready.

[pop music playing]

♪Took the easy way this far

♪And it makes me sad

♪And it makes me cold

♪And I wonder When you leave this place♪

♪I wonder

♪Where... something

[upbeat music playing]


[Arthur moaning]

[Vida] Do you think your family will like me?

[Arthur] Yeah, you're gonna get along with them perfectly.

Have another biscuit.

Oh, no, thank you. I've had three already.

Oh, Welsh boys like a bit of flesh on their girls, don't they, Arthur?

Yeah, Vida goes easy on the sugar, Mum.

Really? A good cup of tea needs at least two or three spoonfuls, or it's bitter as sin.

-Tea? -Oh, um...

Do you have anything herbal?

Herbal tea?

Yeah, I can't drink caffeine. It makes me a little fuzzy-buzzy.

Oh, well, wonderful.

[Brenda] Dad! Fish and chips!

Extra salt, Llion?

Those chips are herbal, honey.

Vic?

[Davies] When Halloween wobbly-bobbly forgot ya.

Oh, here you go, dear. Hang on.

Oh. It's a bit early for, I don't eat...

[Brenda] Just an afternoon snack.

[Sara] [chuckles] And there's no sugar...

in fish and chips! [chuckles]

[Arthur] Vida studied at the Royal College of Music, Dad.

[Davies] Oh, yeah?

[Arthur] Yeah, she's a cellist.

Dad plays tuba for the work's brass band.

Really?

[Sara] Perhaps you could play together, sometime.

[Arthur] Uh, yeah, I...

Um, Vida's dad's a doctor.

[Brenda] Eat your chips, Arthur.

Thank you.

I wanted to give these to Arthur.

I don't think he really wears pajamas.

Oh, he'll want these. I washed them especially for him when I knew you were coming.

Thank you.

Do you love him?

Make sure you give him his pajamas, right?

I don't want him to catch pneumonia.

-Room service. -[moans]

When did you start wearing these undies?

Vida...

Johnnys.

They're my brother's.

I don't really know my real brother.

[shushing] You're breaking all the house rules.

[kissing]

-[Arthur] Oh, God, stop it. -[Vida laughing]

[Arthur] Please, stop it. Please.

Oh, my God.

I don't want them to hear us.

-Oh, my gosh. -I can be really quiet.

-I can't. -Oh.

-Shh. They'll have a heart attack. -[Vida laughing]

[Arthur] Stop it. Stop it. Shh!

Someone's up.

[bed creaking]

[Vida laughing]

[Arthur shushing]

[both laughing]

[Vida] Who's having a heart attack now?

[pop music playing]

♪I'll keep My demons underground♪

♪If it keeps you smiling

♪You'll never see through...

♪So just keep on sighing

♪Sighing

♪Sighing

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know-- I couldn't lock the door.

Oh, no, its-- Its been broken for years.

-Ah. -[Brenda chuckles]

Let me just-- Here you go.

Perfect.

Sorry, I'm gonna leave--

No, stay, stay. You've got a sister, haven't you?

-What? -Yeah, it's fine. [chuckles]

And, do you, do you make money playing the cello?

Uh, no, not yet.

Oh, could you, um, can you pass me the loo roll, please?

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

Mm-hmm.

Do you have, like a, did you have an accident on your arm?

Oh, no, it's a, it's a present of my brother.

-What? Arthur? -[Brenda groans]

No, he gave me this one. I'll show you.

-[grunts] -Whoa.

Yeah.

I know.

And, he, um, sorry, he like, -he stabbed me with scissors when I was really young. -Oh, I'm...

No, I'm only joking. I fell off my bike when I was five.

[laughing]

Pigeons are monogamous.

They mate for life.

No lie. No cheat.

They always come back.

If more men were like you, my mum would be out of a job.

Is she a prostitute?

No, she's a divorce lawyer.

Doesn't speak Welsh anymore.

Not since he fucks his rich London jew girl.

Oh, what's her name?

Calls her fuzzy-buzzy.

Vida.

-[unclear] -[barman laughing]

[unclear]

[singing in foreign language]


[country music playing]


[Vida laughing]

[Arthur] Are you cold?

[Vida] No. This fresh air is doing its magic.

You know, you're the first person I've ever met who calls this stink fresh air.

[chuckling] Doesn't your first playground always smell like spring?

35 years. Incredible.

Yeah. My dad worked here all his life.

Dad, he went on permanent sick leave just after Ron died.

How did Ron die?

Um...

His, um...

His heart, just, um, went, outta nowhere.

In the middle of night shift at the works.

He'd only been there for three months. Was 18 years old.

We all called him Guppie.

Ron, he didn't talk very much.

It'll be his birthday soon.

And those pajamas.

[both laughing]

Um, yeah. Well, I'll just put them under the, um, under the pillow.

If mum comes to...

You should animate Ron. Bring him back to life.

Are you serious?

You should do it for your family.

That's a really shite idea, Vida.

-No, it's not. It's a brilliant idea. -Yes, it is.

-It's a terrible one. No. -No.

Why?

-No. -Why not?

-Ron isn't your business. -He is my business.

Excuse me?

Because you're my business.

No. Some things are personal for a reason.

Sara? You coming back to bed?

How do you feel?

Oh, you wanna have sex in the car?

[laughing] That's not what I said.

There's no parents around, you know.

-[Arthur] No, no. [moans] -[Vida laughing]

[phone ringing]

It's mommy!

Oh, no, don't do that. No, no.

Hello. -Hi, Mum.

Just checking you're... -Uh, yeah, sure, yeah. We're, um, almost back now.

Did you leave in the middle of the night?

The poor girl's ill. -Yeah, she...

[Arthur whispering] No, she's just asleep.

She's asleep now.

And Vince sends his regards.

Anwyn is now assistant manager in the supermarket. -Mum!

Such a great girl. You've always liked her.

Yeah, um, yeah, Vida's just, um, woken up, actually.

She wants to talk to you.

Hi, Mrs. Davies.

Do come down again, soon.

Yeah, I'd love to-- We'd love to come back really soon.

Um, sorry, no, we'll definitely try to come back really soon.

Are you still there?

Sorry, I'm so sorry, Blackwood Tunnel, and we're just losing--

-I'm-- I'm-- I'm losing you. Hello?

-[Vida laughing] -How could you?

How could I? I could, and I did!

-[Arthur chuckles] -Who's Anwyn?

Um...

I'm gonna animate you, the meanest woman in the world.

Lying to my mother.

["Hello Hello" playing]

♪It's a shame That you were broken♪

♪I knew your other face

♪Tuesday morning, you awoke And lost your patience♪

A place in art school and...

Getting more materials for Arthur Davies in this amazing broadcast.

Chapter one.

How does it feel to be the son of the family Port Talbot steel mill worker, Arthur Davies?

Vida, I don't wanna watch myself having a poo.

This is really golden stuff, okay?

This kind of found footage, it's um...

It's literally shit.

[orchestra music playing]

Okay.

I should get personal.

Self-portrait for, um, after dark art school application.

For Vida.

Fuck.

Are you pissed off with me?

Mm.

Hey.

What would you like me to do for you?

Think of this as a next level getting to know you.

Um...

[sighs]

I would, um...

I would, I'd quite like to watch you masturbate.

That is fucking fucked up.

-That is so-- Get out. -Okay.

Yeah, okay, okay. Okay. I'll do it if you do it.

Excuse me?

I said, you go first, and then I'll do it.

I can't do it if you're watching.

Then how can I see if I'm not watching?

Okay.

No, I can't do it. I can't.

-[groans] -I can't do it in the bed.

I can only do it in the shower. I only do it in the shower.

[shower running]

[grunting]

[upbeat music playing]

How was it for you, darling?

Will you marry me?

Now!

I'm not drunk enough for a shot at wedding.

Stay there! Stay right there!

♪I walked down the steps To the bar room♪

♪So I could get a drink With my team♪

♪And this friend Then I say♪

♪If he could call her babe

♪And if I can call her baby

♪But she told me You can call me Gin Your friend♪

♪And I can stop time If you want to♪

[Vida laughing]

Okay.

Whiskey. Vodka. Gin!

You have 15 minutes.

Um, we're not in Vegas, sweetheart.

It's an old vial. Anyone can officially marry us.

My mother told me, and she's a divorce lawyer, so she knows this.

That's always good.

Very nice.

Vida.

[priest] Sure, I'll sign it.

Thank you.

Kneel.

You are now married by the power vested in me.

The bridal suite.

But, Vida, Vida, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's gonna cost £500 more.

That's a bargain.

-No. -Oh, no.

-Thank you. -Oh!

It's our first marital argument!

Thank you!

I like your hat.

You awake?

Mm-hmm.

How do you feel?

As opposed to a few hours ago, when I was blissfully single?

Yeah.

Great.

[sighs]

I'm so worried about our future.

Worried about the dishes.

Worried about my dentist appointment on Tuesday.

Worried about getting into the Philharmonic.

[sighs]

Just married, and all we do is worry.

[Vida chuckles]

Hey.

Say something nice to me.

Something romantic.

I can't just do that on command.

It's my wedding night. You can do anything I ask.

Um, okay.

-Yeah? -You...

You are the most gorgeous greatest cello player in the world.

Fuck my cello. Burn it.

I've got matches.

Sometimes I wonder what's going through your mind, Arthur Davies.

Nothing. I've got the brains of a slug.

-All right. -No, there's a silence in you.

It frightens me.

[growling]

Well, you're not exactly a Christmas tree as I find you.

Well, what'd your parents say if you really got married?

It's not gonna happen.

What? Why?

Um...

Just wouldn't.

Why? I'm, I'm not good enough?

No. No, not, you're not, you are-- Just...

I don't know. Just wouldn't happen.

-I don't understand. What's wrong? -Nothing.

Fucking love you.

Yeah, but...

Maybe we just need a little more time to get to know each other.

[scoffs]

-[grunts] -[shrieks]

[both laughing]

["Last Words" playing]

♪Fever rising In the setting sun♪

♪Cocaine in your eyes And bullets in your gun♪

♪'N' blood in your nails Is scratching for the face♪ No, no, no. Don't do that one.

Don't do that.

[frustrated grunt]

You know what, I was thinking, we should have a birthday party for your brother Ron.

What?

We have a birthday party and we invite your parents to our loft in London.

Arthur?

[changing voice] Arthur!

-Ow! -Are you mad?

They'd never come.

You could say it's our engagement party, and then they'd have to come.

Then you could sing them Happy Birthday and have a--

What? No, no, no, my dad'll--

Okay, I get it. It was a stupid idea. Sorry.

What? No, you said it now. Why? What?

Well, I just-- You know, I think you have a-- I think you have issues. I know you have...

-I've got issues? Oh, what about your issues? -You know, I want to help you.

-I don't have any issues. -Oh, yeah.

I really don't. I'm an open book.

-Ask me anything. -Okay.

All right. Well, uh, are you gonna invite your family to this engagement party?

No.

[laughing] No!

-Oh, right, I see. -No, imagine that what, and my mother, my mother, my mother, talking to your father.

-Oh, right, so we're not good enough now, are we? -No!

-Okay, well, here's the deal, Vida. -It's not...

If you bring your parents, I'll bring my parents.

That's the deal.

It's gonna be a disaster.

Well, who gives a shit if they hate each other?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll still love you.

[sighs]

-Vida? -[crying]

What is it?

Nothing.

What?

You just haven't said it.

What?

The one thing I want you to say.

Isn't this enough?

[sighs] He doesn't speak Welsh anymore.

Not since he fucks his rich London Jew girl.

[barman] Oh, what's her name?

[audio playing on computer]


What did he say?

Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter.

"Rich London Jew girl" doesn't sound like nothing.

This is why I'm not gonna use it.

It's anti-semetic.

No, it's not-- It's Llion. It's just how he, he takes the piss out of everyone.

No, it's just-- No, no, it's how people, we, how we talk.

If your family's... then I've made a huge mistake.

What?

It's Llion. It's not my family.

You just said it's how people...

-"It's how we talk"? -No!

No! I-- I mean, have you ever heard your mother talk?

-What? -Jesus.

Get out!

Get out of my flat.

Oh, yeah, 'cause it's your flat and I'm just-- I'm just a leech. Aren't I?

Take your disgusting bike and get out of my flat!

Okay, if I go now, I'm never coming back.

-Fine! -Fine, fine, fine.


[sighs] You shouldn't put peanut butter in the fridge.

I always put it in the fridge.

Well, it won't spread as smoothly.

[whistles]

Arthur? What?

What?

Bad catch.

Bad throw. I'm not picking that up.

Not until you say sorry.

Well, then it'll stay there till a new owner moves in or you get a new boyfriend

'cause its not my fault. I don't need to say sorry.

[sighs]

Where's my favorite teaspoon?

Oh, my God. You've got a favorite teaspoon.

That's disgusting.

That's even more disgusting.


You keep it.


It's yours.

What?

We're having an argument, and you give me a really expensive camera?

Yeah.

Life's a weird bitch.

Okay, okay.

Can you imagine us growing old together?

Well, I think we have great role models.

If you look at our parents, they're still together.

Can you just say that again? But just, like, while you're eating a bit of toast.

I'm actress now. It's--

Yeah, no, trust me. It'll look better.

-Okay. -Do it.

Okay.

Can you imagine us growing old together?

Well, I think it'll be difficult.

I mean, look at our families, our parents.

That's not what you said before.

Time moves on. Opinions change.

I'll always be honest to you.

I'll always be proud of you.

And I'll always put the peanut butter back in the fridge.

But I won't clean up the broken jar that's on the kitchen floor.

And, and, um, and if you wanna burn your cello, even though it costs £30,000, I'll give you the matches.

I will cherish you.

I will always admire you for who you are, and not who I want you to be.

Um, I will support you in your artistry.

When I leave the house at night, it's one step closer to coming home to you in the morning.

[crying] And I look forward to it all day, because I love you.

You're my knight in shining armor, my King Arthur.

[guests applauding and cheering]

[playing the tuba]

[breathing heavily]

[playing the tuba]

Um... [clears throat]

Well, I'm very proud that Arthur is, uh, is gonna be working in the same steel works as me, and my dad did, where...

where my eldest son

Ron died.

[speaking french]

Excuse me?

[speaking french]

It's French for...

Oh, yes, it's the French national anthem, it's the La Marseillaise,yeah.

[speaking french]

It means the enemy's coming to slit the throats of our sons.

And our women. It's...

It's a pretty bloody text, actually.

I only play the music.

[Levi chuckles]

Life's not perfect, but, our children are.

My, um, my husband had written "Help Me" on the sole of his shoe and I didn't know, of course.

So when we knelt down at the altar, -Yeah. -Everyone in the church stood up and had a good laugh.

It was great fun.

It is a pity men don't do nails 'cause I'd do yours for free, Arthur...

How old were you when you got married?

Um, 16?

Yep, couldn't wait to get out of the house, away from mum's favorite boy.

Were you and Arthur not that close?

No, the other one.

Like all Jewish shrinks, Adam, he's afraid of blood.

But, this one managed to fall in love with a Zionist, the bloodiest chicks there in London.

Well done, Adam.

I've been engaged for four years.

-Oh, wow. -I've been married for six years to an Irish guy.

I was working in the... team and he arranged...

Life is beautiful.

The sun shines even when it rains.

He wanted us both fired.

And he's sober ever since. He still drinks, but I love him.

And now we live back in Ireland, so...

You seeing anyone, Helen?

Oh, no, I hate men.

There's always women.

I'm guessing the dark side didn't turn gay yet.

I tell all my patients be who you are.

It's, it's much healthier than trying to be who someone else wants you to be.

[Llion] He's not gay, is he?

So, Vida, be who you are.

He had a girlfriend, but they broke up, oh, ages ago now.

He was thrown out of the Army.

A group of them were caught beating up a guy who'd just come out as gay.

But, it was a misunderstanding. 'Cause what looked like a normal fight then turned into this big drama. Like it was big gay bashing.

Everyone deserves a fair chance.

But if you're different, people don't give you a shot.

Pick your shot, Arthur.

[groaning]

Have you been to London before?

Never.

How long is the train journey actually?

Good health.

Cheers.

[Ethel] Do you enjoy good health, in fact?

Oh, yeah, me, yeah.

I've got an inverted nipple. George like them just the way they are.

No, Arthur wasn't my love child.

But once they're born, they're all the same.

No, no, no. Vida, Vida, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

-Okay. -Please, please, just hide it, hide it.

Hide it, please. Please.

[all laughing and cheering]

Got it.

[man] Vida, Vida!

I can't do Thursday then.

[stuttering] I'm, I can't do it. Wednesday?

Yeah? Okay.

Uh, 8:00?

Well, if I had half your talent, Vida, I... wouldn't be a divorce lawyer.

I'd be playing the concert halls of the world.

[knocking at door]

-Oh! -Oh.

-I'm sorry. -I'm sorry.

And, if you'd like to stay for the weekend, we can put you up in a hotel.

Our treat.

-George likes to sleep in his own bed. -Oh.

He likes to do it at home.

Sorry? What does George like to do?

It.

George loves it.

I don't mind. I let him do it as often as he wants.

She said no because George likes to do it at home.

And I said, what, do what?

Thinking, you know, what, put up shelves or something? And she said, "He likes to do it at home."

I don't care about tradition.

Why should I? So I can ask my parents and my grandparents their history, isn't it?

Oh!

That's a disgusting idea.

Oh, my God!

What's so funny?

"My husband likes to do it at home."

[shushing] Helen!

Are you making fun of Arthur's family?

If you marry this guy, we have to marry his family.

-Come on. -Oh!

Vida, that pink is really a winner.

[all laughing and cheering]


Call an ambulance.

Pacemaker.

Pacemaker? That's great.

Most people live for ages after having pacemakers, huh.

It's all right.

Thank God Vida's dad's a doctor, eh?

When, when's the operation?

They're doing it in Swansea.

Dad's going back in the ambulance tomorrow.

First class travel. And its free.

You should try it more often, Dad.

Emily...

[speaking Welsh]

You know you're welcome any time, Emily. With or without Jim.

So you always can look after the repair business.

You can help out, Arthur.

What, Llion doesn't need me. He'll be fine.

Well, your rich princess does.

What, do you have a problem with Vida?

God, they hated us.

As does she.

-I saw tears in her eyes. -[Arthur sighs]

[Davies] Arthur, come home.

Look, Llion'll do fine.

Do you see that?

You belong in the steel works.

Like me and Ron.

Are you refusing your dad's last wish?

Look, it's not his bloody last wish. He's not fucking dying.

Jesus.

Oh. You know, it's okay.

["Let's Go Swimming Wild" playing]

♪Out of mess sometimes Comes great success♪

♪When I met your blues I knew that we could Be friends♪

♪That we could be friends

I love you.

Christ.

How pretty you are.

I really feel something for you.

Fuck your feelings.

[sighs]

You're... You're really so beautiful.

I know how much you... when we make love.

All right, sweetie?

Save it for when we have sex.

Sure you have your reasons.

I mean, did something happen to you?

So, now I get the silent treatment.


[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, Vida, it's Adam.

Adam.

Yeah... [sighs]

What's-- Do you know what time it is, Adam?

Yeah, are you-- are you awake yet?

No, I'm sleep-talking to you.

Is Arthur awake?

What? [to Arthur] Are you awake?

He wants to know if you're awake.

Can I speak to him?

Adam, it's 5:45 in the morning.

Can you call back later, please?

Just quick.

My idiot brother wants to speak to you.

Hello?

Arthur, I'm...

I have to tell my sister something very painful, and...

I want to make sure that you're there for Vida.

Yeah, I'm here. What-- What's happened?

Her mother's died.

What is it?

It's Mushki.

What?

She's dead, Vida.

A few hours ago, and...

-Did she... We don't know what happened yet.

Vida, you need to come back to the house.

And bring Arthur.

[breathing heavily]

And there's something else.

What?

She didn't die at home.

She was, um, in a hotel, [crying] with someone else.

I'm so sorry.

If a wedding procession meets a funeral procession at a crossroads, then, the wedding procession has right of way.

Life takes precedence over death.

Dad! What?

Anyway, everyone, um, have something to eat and drink.

Life goes on.

Actually, it's traditional for us, after the funeral, we eat an egg.

Just to-- Fuck tradition, okay, Dad? Why didn't you just say something about Mushki?

-Helen, please, don't! -[frustrated sigh]

You're just rambling on about coffins, and eggs, and simple crossroads and stuff. I mean, what, what about your wife? We all know where she was, don't we?

You want me to go and invite that man to the funeral?

Why not? Maybe she loved him.

Maybe she loved all the others as well.

No, go, Adam.

That is just the truth, Dad.

We are dust, and to dust we will return.

[phone ringing]

We bury the dead as quickly as possible.

And then we mourn for seven days.

No more shaving no more bathing.

But we get to eat as much as possible.

Sweet.

[crying]

[knocking at door]

[door opens]

Llion, what are you doing here?

[sighs]

What is-- No, what is it, Llion?

[crying] I'm most sorry.

But he never did sorry, my dad, did he? Huh?

I'm in a rush. I, I-- I gotta get some milk!

The undertaker's on his way.

I'll get some herbal tea, for Vida, okay? I suppose she'll be on her way too.

[Sara breathing heavily]

Okay.

[breathing heavily]

Do you have to do that?

Oh, we don't want people gossiping, do we?

And it's not like he's gonna wake up.

Do you think I should take his hearing aid out because I hear they they explode during cremation.

Well, it's a good thing we're burying him, I guess.

Yeah, we might still get us a few quid, and mum could do with the money.

Oh, do you think I should do his nails?

You know, sometimes, I understand why Llion hates you.

What? It's good practice.


I wanna do something to make her proud.

Not gonna be, baking apple pies or... breeding children. I wanna do something real.

Something real real.

[Emily] We're about to close the coffin and bring our beloved dad to his last resting place.

He'll be buried next to his oldest son, Ron.

A son he loved dearly.

He was a good man, our dad.

Not a man of many words.

And he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve, but, he loved us all.

Including Llion, who he welcomed into this family as his own.

I cannot change that you're dead, Dad.

But I'm grateful for all the goodness you brought to me.

I would now like to ask my brothers and my sister to join me in the closing of the coffin.

-[groaning] Okay, okay. -Easy, easy.

-I'm sorry, you don't have to. -Oh, he's so heavy.

[all chattering]

Ready? And, one, two, three.

Okay. All the way.

-[Vida] Okay. -All the way.

You're pushing me into the door.

We have to take him to that room, and then...

Okay, well, I'll go there.

[Emily] No, it's too heavy for me, Mum.

It's too heavy, I'll drop it.

[Arthur] Go all the way into the other room.

Back it up, and then down, and then squish it down--

No, you're pushing me on the wall there. No, you're pushing me.

You're pushing me!

I'm gonna drop him. I'm gonna drop him.

-I am. I'm just gonna drop-- -All right, all right. Back, back, back.

-We need to go the other way and-- -Needs to go vertical.

Put him down! Put him down!

[Sara] Oh, careful! Careful!

No, just wait, oh, wait!

[Emily] Right now! I need to put him down...

-Ow! -[Vida laughs]

Put him down.

Oh, my God.

-Okay? -Yes.

[Vida] Yeah, yeah.

-Are you all right? -Oh, my gosh.

[Arthur] One. Two.

[Emily] Turn it. That's it.

-Keep going. Keep going. -[Llion] Okay. I got it on me. Okay.

-Are you all right? -[Vida] Yeah.

As you were.

It's not like he's gonna fall out.

Maybe if you, like, could grab the end here.

All right, yeah?

[Emily] Yeah, like push it.

[all chattering]

You're gonna drop it! I sprained my hand on the coffin!

Dad, it's okay. We'll get you out of there in a minute.

[all laughing]

[Arthur] Oh, my God!

-It's okay, see? Just hang tight. -[Arthur] Man!

We're gonna get you there in time, Dad.

Do you think he's slid down?

-[Arthur] Down to earth. -Dug the bottom there.

Jesus!

No, I can't think for the rest of my days, my dad's still slouched at the bottom of the coffin, all tangled up.

It's not exactly peaceful for eternal rest.

But it won't be fair, though. The worms will get to him well before.

Yeah, you wouldn't say that if he was your real dad, would you?

Could we like, try taking him out the window?

[all gasping]

[Vida] Llion, you--

[Emily] Llion-- -[Sara] What are you-- What are you doing there?

[window shattering]

[Vida] Oh, my God!

Look at that. Solving the problem by all working together.

George would be so proud.

["Night Terror" playing]

♪I woke up And he was screaming♪

♪I'd left him dreaming

[moaning and gasping]

♪I roll over And shake him tightly♪

♪And whisper

♪If they want you, oh, they're

♪Gonna have to fight me

[Vida] Your mum says that she hasn't shed a tear yet.

She says that your dad's death was a relief.

That he hasn't been the same since Ron died.

[Arthur] If she says so.

[Vida] What happened to her first husband? He died also?

Have no idea. Mum refuses to tell anyone.

Llion doesn't even know.

You know what I want you to do? Just run into the ocean and catch a fish and cook it.

-Do it right here on the sand. -Please, Vida. Not now.

Yeah, now.

There aren't any fish there, not near the steel works.

Fish get lost, too.

Damn it, there could be a shock.

We could have food for a week.

Look, if you're hungry, I'll make you some food when we get home.

That's the first time you called my flat home.

If we stay together, we should find a new place, you know.

Somewhere that belongs to both of us What'd you mean "if"?

Oh, come on, Vida. It's just a manner of speaking.

Where were you at my mother's funeral?

[scoffs] I had to be here for my family.

So why the fuck am I here?

You can't blame me that your mum died the same night as my dad.

I wanna find a nice corner to drive into without turning.

Wrap my car around a lamppost.

Vida, people die. It's sad, but it's part of life. It-- Look.

Perhaps, you should just focus on how lucky we are, compared to most people.

What, like kids in Africa or in Gaza?

-[Arthur clears throat] -Prick!

Why don't we just stare at the stars and contemplate our cosmic insignificance?

You know, you're a fucking spoilt brat!

Say that again.

When you swear, it doesn't suit you. It sounds like a cow farting.

When have you heard a cow fart?

I haven't? Why, I've never heard you fart either, Arthur Davies.

Do you ever actually care?

[sigh] Do you ever show any passion?

Look, Vida, I am who I am.

No discounts, no guarantees. If you don't like it, you can just fuck off.

Will you do something?

Just pick me up and throw me in the sea.

Just, fuck me. Or drown me. Or...

-I wanna jump on your shoulder. -No.

-Pick me up onto your shoulder. -No, Vida, not now. Not--

-Pick me up! -No. Jesus.

-Pick me up! -Look, I'm not in the mood for playing games!

No, it's not a game, okay? I'm gonna fall backwards and you have to catch me.

Are you fucking insane? Jesus! Fucking hell!

[somber music playing]


I have to stay here.

-Vida. -Oh, I'm not deaf.

Well?

What the fuck do you want me to say?

I have to stay here, for my family, for my mum.

Will you wait?

No, I won't fucking wait.

It's not the war.

If you stay here, we're done.

But we, you know, we could-- We could get married, for real.

We could, you know, we could live here.

I'm 24.

What the fuck do you think I wanna marry someone in Port Talbot for?

You get your grand management job at the Works.

You go down the pub every Saturday night, get pissed with your mates.

I don't want that in my life!

Are you crazy? That's, that's worth £600.

-I don't care. -Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah.

Of course. Right. 'Cause daddy'll just buy you a new one.

-Bastard! -[groaning]

You rot in hell, Arthur Davies!

This is yours, Llion.

Emily.

What are they?

Cufflinks.

[scoffs] I don't need cuff links.

Tim doesn't wear shirts.

Your dad made them himself.

He wore them to our wedding.

I would like Adam to have my silver teething ring.

You know, why don't you keep on to the ring?

Um, we'll give it to the first grandchild, no matter who spawns it.

Not sure I'll be springing anytime soon.

This is for you, Brenda.

Oh, look, is the roof uneven?

It was your dad's dearest possession.

What am I supposed to do with it?

Hang it on the wall like a flower pot?

Look, I need money for my nail salon.

I would like Helen to get my jewelry.

What do I do with it?

[Sara] Arthur inherits the repair business.

[Brenda] But that's worth something! -I'll swap you the tuba.

You're so ungrateful!

You should be ashamed of yourselves!

I didn't know Mushki wrote music.

No, she was passionate about it.

She didn't think she was good enough, so she, she gave it up when she had you three.

I should never have allowed that to happen.

And who wants this?

Isn't it funny that Ron was the only one who had red hair?

She wanted me to make sure you got some of her money in equal shares as soon as possible.

After taxes and legal fees, it'll be about £500,000 each.

I could pay off Ingrid.

Did I miss something?

Uh...

I canceled the wedding.

And now she's demanding cash as if we're divorcing. She says it was a common-law marriage.

And her expenses to cover.

Hey, you can buy Arthur back, am I right, Vida?

He's happy in Wales.

Do you wanna have it?

No, Mum. It belongs to you. You keep it.

No, I'd...

I'd rather remember Ron just in my mind.

If no one wants it...


Fuck, your wee lad stinks!

Poor Germans. How can they stand the smell?

[all chattering]

-[Sara] Stop it! -[Brenda] Watch the flame!

[Sara] Stop it, both of you!

♪I'll need you

♪Tell me when I say for you to stop♪

[unclear]

♪First kiss... I'm... of them♪

♪Lay me down

♪Lay me down

[cell phone ringing]

The, um, server in the supermarket's playing up.

Could you come and take a look?

Yeah, you know I'm not a computer expert, Anwyn.

You're good enough for me. You're an accountant.

[woman] You should... Saturday.

Mm. He's a 27 year old bald accountant.

[woman laughing]

Hello, Mrs. Davies.

I was just in the neighborhood. I thought I'd, um, say hello.

Have you got patients in Port Talbot?

-May I come in? -Oh.

Thank you.

Ah.

What a lovely house. You been here long?

Ever since George and I got married. [chuckles]

Feels like a real home.

Oh, Council owns it, not us. No rent, though.

Ah, the famous tuba.

George and I had a good laugh about his, uh, his favorite march. [chuckles]

George laughing with a stranger? That'd be a first. [chuckles]

How is Vida?

Oh, I don't see her so much these days. Um, just on Fridays for dinner, yeah.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

Actually, her sister's just gone off to Israel, a few weeks ago.

She, um, she wants to be a jet pilot, she's decided.

And save the homeland.

She was always the one who hated Jewish tradition.

-Biscuit? -Oh, thank you.

-Can I ask you something? -Mm.

Your medical opinion.

After Ron died, George lived in his own ill world, really.

Wasn't much of a father, anymore. Chased Emily to Ireland.

And Arthur to London.

Is it possible for children to inherit...

Why, is Arthur depressed?

I meant Ron.

Well, I thought Ron had a heart condition.

Oh, there was never an autopsy.

I see.

We're having a memorial service for Ethel. Would you like to join us?

Make it a joint memorial for George at the same time.

They hardly knew each other.

Yeah, I know, but, um, well, the fate of our families seem somewhat connected.

Will be so different, though, uh. We're not even Jewish.

We don't differ in our grief.

Oh, it's very kind of you. But none of our lot wanna spend the money on a train ticket.

Why don't I organize a coach? For your group, and...

I'll cover the costs of the memorial, of course, huh?

Why are you offering this?

It's from the Royal Academy of Arts.

You, you opened my letter?

No, Vida did. She's admitted some of your... your animated portraits?

I didn't ask her to do that.

But she did.

And they really liked them. They've offered you a place.

Well, it was her gift to you.

And now I'm giving it back as my present to her.

All right.

Vida.

The doctor says I'm probably gonna be blind for the rest of my life.

And then, and there's, look, so many broken bones, doctors lost count.

But the worst part is...

Beyond wounded. Beyond repair. Beyond love.

Only good for cat food, now.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Even the cat doesn't want my heart now.

[cell phone ringing]

How are you?

Yes, uh, fine, thanks. Keeping myself busy. Help my mother.

It was nice to see your father.

He looks as if he's healed well.

Yeah.

Thanks for fixing the camera.

You're not gonna say sorry first for beating me half to death?

You deserved it.

Such conviction.

That's the girl that stole my heart.

Are you gonna go see the Royal Academy?

I live in Port Talbot now.

What? And you're happy to die in Port Talbot?

Happiness has nothing to do with where you work or where you live.

Of course it does, Arthur.

It can.

You soak in the people that you choose to spend your life with.

[all singing]

Ow!

Uh, Mrs. Davies, Sara. and I would like to thank you all very much for attending this memorial.

And we hope that you'll cherish your own memories of Ethel and George.

[gasps] Thank you very much.

You never-- Oh, what are you doing? Uh?

I'm drinking again, you know. Me and Jim get on far better when we drink. Trust me.

Thank you, Dad, for getting us back together. Cheers.

[scoffs]

[somber instrumental music playing]

You look good, Vida.

You know, it's the first time you said that.

Then I'm an idiot. It's always the first thing I think.

Whenever I see you, bloody hell, she's lush.

Do you get the feeling we're being watched?

Yeah, I think they're taking bets.

First, kiss. First, slap. [laughs]

Should we give them something? A little taster?

What should we do? Kiss or slap?

Why you whispering?

Because it's an old, forgotten by-law that if you meet your ex at a memorial, then you have to whisper.

Oh.

Is it the same law book that describes our shotgun marriage?

-Exactly. -Got it.

Yeah. It also says that the accountant doesn't have to clean up the peanut butter.

It's good to see you laugh.

-I hear you're a hit on the Internet. -[scoffs]

Bloody howler. Just, don't know how that happened.

Didn't even put the videos up, did you?

-What, no. Me? -You should get a percentage.

You have to say it first.

She hadn't been very nice to me for a very long time.

[Sara] I suppose you still remember the Ethel from the early years.

Oh. yeah, we used to talk and talk about poetry and painting. She had a lot to say about architecture as well, and... and then we had our first child. It was such a joy, I mean.

Yeah, but I think three became bit of a burden, really.

Why did you...

Oh, have three? Um, well, both our families' been wiped out, most of them, so... maybe felt it was our duty.

But duty is the noose of joy.

Was that from a poet?

What was the last thing George said to you?

"Don't forget my socks."

Yeah, he had cold feet.

He's wearing them now.

Sounds like the two of you were blessed.

I never loved him deeply.

I was smitten by Llion's dad. I loved with a young and great passion.

I do miss George. He treated me well. With respect.

I was always his number one.

Mm-hmm.

Not just number one anymore.

Um, how was your audition for the, for the Philharmonic?

I blew it.

Did you?

Yeah. Yeah I think that...

some people are musicians because they can be, and some who are musicians because they really should be.

And, I can be, but, music was always my mum's thing.

I've decided to re-train, as a doctor.

-Really? -A GP, yeah.

-Warts and blisters and oozing pus. -Helping people.

Young and old. Rich and poor.

Um...

Look, I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

Everything I did that was wrong.

Like what?

It's, uh, it's... [inhales sharply] it's just, it's a blank apology check. You can just, you can fill in the blanks.

Blank apology's an empty apology.

I think we're walking out of each other's lives.

Um, I wanna kiss you.

A goodbye kiss?

No.

Like a kiss. A kiss kiss.

Start with a hug.


Did your father really start to sing out of the blue at the pub?

That's just the Welsh. That's what we do after a couple of pints.

[both chuckle]

And how is life down at the works?

-How was the everlasting engagement? -[chuckles]

Well, Mushki's death liberated me.

I came out. I'm gay.

Always have been, always will be.

Now, I can be.

[Brenda] Fuck. Fuck, fuck.

[groaning and breathing heavily]

Are you okay?

Oh yeah.

Yeah, I'm just, not quite used to the booze, yet, you know?

I'm not gonna be sick. I'm okay.

Sorry.

You must really, really love your Jim.

Oh, well, you know.

When we're in bed on a Sunday morning, and I look down at him, and he's so sweaty, and snoring his head off, and he stinks, you know. I can taste almost, you know, taste the booze on his breath, I hate it.

But I kinda know it, you know, makes me feel safe, you know.

Sounds a bit silly, I know.

Do you feel like that with Arthur?

We haven't known each other long enough to feel that kind of intimacy.

That's bollocks.

Huh?

-Oh, no. -Please. It's all about sex.

Uh, excuse me?

Well, do you shag a lot, and does he make you cum?

Okay.

I am not gonna talk about my sex life with your brother!

Better hurry up, brother. Bus is leaving in ten minutes.

Look at you in your uniform. Hey, I bet the girls love that!

-Hey. -Bet some of the boys do, too. [chuckles]

-[farts] -[Adam] Oh!

Oh, I adore Army humor.

Especially from such a good looking guy.

-You coming on to me? -Yeah, what if I did?

-You know, you've got a very nice ass. -[Arthur] All right, time to go.

He's got a wonderful ass.

Very, very sexy. You know that the price of cucumbers has just gone up.

-Fuck you. -See, don't worry yourself. I don't like black dick.

Disgusting! You gotta watch yourself!

Didn't he get thrown out of the Army for gay-bashing?

Allegations never proven!

Ooh, his nostrils are steaming.

-Shut up! -Jew boy. You've gotta say Jew boy!

Shut up, fucking faggot Jew boy!

Yeah! Now you each take a turn and fuck the guy as well, just to teach him a lesson.

All right, Llion, Llion. Drop it. Stop it.

Adam, fuck off.

-You know what, I know your type. -Oh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It starts with killing a pet hamster, maybe a pigeon or two, and then you got your hand in your mum's purse, you beat up your little brother and sister.

Did you experiment with them and lock them in a closet?

All because you're angry at your runaway father?

-What the-- -okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's highly unprofessional.

I should only say those things if I get paid for it. yeah, no one would pay for that bullshit.

Oh, says the poor artist, animator of other people's misery.

Too gutless to face your own demons.

Gold medal winner of run away faster than the speed of light.

What, Vida not good enough for you anymore, huh?

You're fucking dead!

[speaking Welsh]

[Adam breathing heavily]


If I didn't fake it, I'd never get any sleep.

-Honestly. -What about blowjobs then?

Oh, come on. Jim isn't that big anyway. He hardly touches my tonsils.

Sometimes, sometimes, I use my hand as like, a buffer

-like, in case he starts to push. -Uh huh.

No, right, listen, what you wanna do is close your mouth a little bit and let it scrape [grunts] against your teeth.

-Ouch. -Scares the shit out of any man. Backs off.

-Yeah. -You wouldn't bite my brother's cock off, would you?

What? No. What, is she serious?

[dramatic music playing]

-Adam? -Adam? Oh, my God, Adam, are you okay?

Yeah, I've got a cut, I'm fine. Fine.

[Vida] Adam what happened?

-We need Dad. We need Dad. -I slipped, I slipped. I sipped.

How could you slip? Who's done this to you?

Someone-- Someone's done this to him. Who's done this to him?

[Brenda] What are you suggesting?

Oh, I'm sorry, but obviously, it wasn't Santa Claus, was it?

You know who did this, it was your brother.

Arthur, say something, come on.

Well, look until we hear Llion's side of the story, you can't just accuse him.

Thank you very much for ruining my mother's memorial.

It's our father's memorial as well, princess.

All right, the bus is on its way. Come on.

Yes, the bus which our father paid for.

[Brenda] Oh, my gosh.

[Vida] Put some water on that.

[all chattering]

Did you do it?

What do you think?

Did kill some of Ron's pigeons.

You were the only black guy in the building. Who else were they gonna blame?

1,352,000 hits in one week.

[scoffs]

I knew it would be a hit, but this quick?

You uploaded it?

How'd you do it? Did you hack my account?

But you're driving the wrong way.

["I Don't Want To Go Home" playing]

♪I was happy in the day And I was minding my own♪

♪When she saw The better out of me♪

♪She told me I could be a maker♪

♪Though I'd probably make Only half of what I need♪ Yes?

Vid-- Vida, it's me. Please let me in.

No.

Vida, Vida, I still got your key. I wanna give it back.

Slide it through the letterbox.

♪And I don't want to go home

♪I don't want to go home

♪I don't want to go home

[door unlocking]

You're illegally entering my home.

Great. Call the police.

Your family are a bunch of fucking bigots.

Oh, yeah, and yours, yours is just perfect, aren't they?

At least they're not homophobes.

Just hypocrites.

[operator] 999, which emergency...

Great, well, that's out of the way.

What now?

This isn't something you can just joke away, Arthur Davies.

No, and you can't just push me off a wall and blame it all on passion, Vida Berliner.

Who gave you permission to enter my home any further?

Your notorious law book.


[sighs]


Have a great trip back to Wales.

I love you.

How long does the train take?

I love you.

[sighs] Give my love to your sister and your mum for me, okay?

I, I love you.

Can you please say something else?

I love you.

Can't split up like this, Vida.

I'm not gonna have break-up sex with you.

[pop music playing]

♪I've been let

♪To lick my wounds Far too long♪ Cold.

♪Get down to bow

♪Callused hands, itchy teeth

♪Metal in mouth With rubber gums♪

♪I come to earth now

Okey-dokey, doggy daddy.

No, what we have here is the only show in town where you show me everything and you tell me nothing.

All right, plant.

You are a cantaloupe.

I haven't killed a man since 1980.

[imitates gunshot]

That's not fair. You've seen more films than me.

It's not my fault that I remember the words too, you know.

Uh, no, you've just got a lot more time on your hands now that you're an ex-cellist.

[changing voice] I see dead people.

I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

Go ahead. Make my day.

This isn't Burger King, but fine, have it your way.

Wait, I've got one. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Um.

-I gotta have a handkerchief. Wait. -Handkerchief?

Yeah.

You're like 60 years old.

We can watch this when we're 60. It'll remind us how good we have it.

It's a Richard Burton film. I watched it with my parents.

He is a legend in Wales.

Okay.

[changing voice] "Here, take my handkerchief."

Oh, yeah. That's why Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor always fight all the time.

It doesn't have a happy ending.

They don't kiss at the end of that film.

In the remake, they will.

♪Flowers blooming late

[both breathing heavily]

Taste like a peach.


You made that for me, all by yourself?

On the Sabbath?

How did you manage?

I'm not lazy anymore.

Mm.

-Did you sleep much? -No.

I was tossing and turning and thinking.

-Thinking about what? -You.

Me. Us.

You?

Yeah, the same.

And our parents.

You know, even if they didn't have fairy tale marriages, they're still, they're still your parents.

Do you believe in happy endings, though?

Huh?

No, only in the movies. Not in real life.

Oh, that's fucking hopeful.

But I do believe in happy beginnings.

And when you're lucky, the beginning can last a very, very long time.

Are we lucky?

Won't know till the end.

[rain pattering]

I'll bring you tea in bed every Sunday morning.

I'll let you watch football and chug beer with your mates as long as you don't talk like them.

I won't say unkind things about you to anyone.

And what about "you"?

"And to you."

And I will never let anything come between us.

-How long will it last, you think? -I don't know.

No need to know. It lasts as long as it lasts.

["Cups" playing]

♪I've got my ticket For the long way 'round♪

♪Two bottle whiskey For the way♪

♪And I sure would like Some sweet company♪

♪Oh I'm leaving tomorrow, What do you say?♪

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪You're gonna miss me By my hair♪

♪You're gonna miss me Everywhere♪

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

[train horn blowing]

[people chattering]

And finally, darling, and this is the man?

Hi.

And thanks for all of this. To be weighed, seeing you're so big, to be honest.

No, it's good. I-- brilliant.

-It's brilliant. -Yeah, it's brilliant.

It's like, it's like, self-conscious.

It's like, un-self-conscious at the same time, which is good.

It's kind of like, hyper realism?

No it's like, so how did you come up with the concept?

♪I've got my ticket For the long way 'round♪

♪The one with The prettiest view♪

♪It's got mountains, It's got rivers♪

♪It's got woods That give you shivers♪

♪But it sure would be Prettier with you♪

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪You're gonna miss me by my walk♪

♪You'll miss me by my talk

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪I've got my ticket For the long way 'round♪

♪These feet weren't built to stay too long♪

♪And I'll go there on my own

♪But you'll miss me When you're home♪

♪It's for you, dear, That I sing this song♪

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪You're gonna miss me By my hair♪

♪You're gonna miss me Everywhere♪

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪When I'm gone

♪When I'm gone

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪

♪You're gonna miss me By my walk♪

♪You'll miss me by my talk

♪You're gonna miss me When I'm gone♪