Made in America (1993) Script

[GLORIA ESTEFAN'S "GO AWAY"]


Hey. Morning, Sarah.

Watch it, lady!

Hi, Sarah. How you doing?

Hi, Sarah. How you doing?

Slow down!


Morning.

You're getting crumbs on my counter.

What will be, will be.

Can I get a little space here?

Oh, excuse us!

Just get out of the way.

Oh, for me? Thank you!

No, not for you. Thank you.

Do we have to listen to this...

...horrible jungle music?

Do you have to work here? Yes, I do.

Is somebody twisting your arm?

Yes, you are. It would be bad luck...

..if at least one day a week you didn't have... a real African queen... working on the premises.

Stop humping at me. Don't do it again.

I still say I should wear the crown.

I'm gonna slap the sh--

Welcome to the African queen Come right in, Ladies. Right this way.

Thank you.

Ooh, I love this.

Thank you.

O.k., listen up.

Open your books to page 600--

About 602 you're gonna find an illustration...

...on blood and the vascular--

Reuben, enough with the graffiti.

Into the biology, huh?

Give me your finger.

Whoa! quit grabbing me, girl.

Just give me your finger.

Aah!

Aah! you cut me!

Keep it down, gang.

Something funny?

Cap and gown fitting is on the 4th.

Your mothers.

Mr. Jackson wants everyone to know how pleased he is...

...with the turnout for the condom demonstration...

...and dispersal.

Go figure.

I'm type O.

Stop, silly.

When you're finished with your blood type...

...turn to page 158.

You are, da dow...

...AB.

Let's do it again.

Why?

Something's wrong.

What?

I'm AB.

Zora?

Zora, what's the matter?

Zora!

Is that good?

OK.

I'm going to--

Mom!

What, home from school?

Mom, you lied to me.

What are you talking about?

Before dad died, you had an affair.

You slept with someone else.

Thank God this happened on one of my work days.

Shut up!

Your blood type is A, Charlie's was O...

...and I just came out AB.

Ma, that is not genetically possible.

Look, why don't we go somewhere...

...and talk about this quietly?

Come on, OK?

Ohh!

Oh. Excuse me.

Take care of this.

Wait. you don't have to go anywhere.

Ma, it was a sperm bank.

That is undignified.

Well, maybe to some people...

...but, hey, I'd just lost the biggest love of my life.

I thought maybe I could make myself another.

Sit down.

And I did, and I got you.

I never wanted you to find out like this.

I really wanted to tell you before this.

I just... I was chicken.

And I'm sorry, 'cause this was not the right way for you...

...to find out.

It's OK.

You sure?

It's OK.

OK.

You have no idea who the guy was?

No.

I mean, liste, the door opened, the tray came in... he was this tall, OK?

Ma!

What? it was in a little vial.

I didn't know what to say.

It didn't speak.

How could I know who it was?

I didn't care!

I asked for the best they had--

You know, black, smart, not too tall...

...all the things you are.

And look what they made.

They made magic. They made you.

So you bought sperm.

Yes! yes! I bought the sperm.

How much did it cost? Why?

I just want to know.

Are you gonna buy some?

No.

It doesn't matter. Come on.

Would it make you feel better...

...if I said it was free?

Somebody handed it to me on the street...

... and I used it at home?

It doesn't matter!

But Ma, I could have a father.

Let me tell you something.

You had a father, and his name was Charlie.... and...he was the best.

He was great.

Life is great.

OK?

OK.

Are you sure you even want a father?

They can be real assholes sometimes.

Look, you don't have to do this. I'm prepared to go alone.

No, that ain't it.

Besides, I might gonna get a chance to meet my future father-in-law.

Tea Cake, please!

What? You're the one that said you wanted to marry me.

Yeah, but I was 7!

But you was a mature 7.

Just be my friend, Tea. Boyfriends come and go.

Baby, I'll come and go. Where do we start?

You nasty.

You better take advantage of this.

I might not live down the street...

...for the rest of your life.

Take the first exit off the bridge.

Left. make a left at the light.

Look, girl, at some point you have to tell me...

...where we're going.

I ain't following you around...

...like some honeydew sucker.

Why not? You've been doing it for years.

Are the rules suddenly changing?

Just tell me...

...what the sign on the building is gonna say.

California Cryobank.

What kind of bank is that?

It's a sperm bank.

I'm making a U-turn.

No! Wait. It's right there, Tea.

For 17 years, I thought he was dead.

But it's not true, I have a father.

I see. So, you think, you're just gonna walk up and say "Excuse me, 17 years ago...

..."a man came in to make a deposit."

"He looked a little like me, maybe?"

Be quiet.

"Could you give me his name and number...

...'cause he's my daddy."

Honeydew, shut up.

Can I help you?

Yes. I have a friend here...

...who's interested in donating.

No, you don't!

He's a little shy.

Surely. For today, he needs to fill out the forms and leave blood and sperm samples.

Only 15 percent of applicants end up becoming donors.

If he qualifies he'll be paid $40 per donation, with no more than three deposits allowed per week.

Thank you.

Hey, come on, Z, I can't just go in there and wrestle with the bald-headed champ.

What's the big deal?

It's not like you've never done it before.

That's my business.

Are you ready?

We have magazines as well as videotapes.

Which would you prefer?

Um, the-- the videotapes, please.

This way, please.

He'll have to do the rest alone.

I just need to use the bathroom.

Second door on the right.

Thanks.

Mommy.

Come on, man!

Oh yeah, now we're talking!

Sorry.

No creams or lotions. They get into the sample.

Please, don't grab the sink during collection.

One man ripped it off the wall.

We pay by volume.

You must reach the top line even to be considered.

Damn!

Any questions?

Well, yeah. I --

How am I supposed to fill this up?

I can't fill it.

Good motility.

Yeah, it's very good.

Count's up from last time.

I ain't doing it.

Is somebody in there?!

Oh, it feels so good.

Oh, god!


Oh, this key!

What are you doing here?

I thought this was the bathroom.

I'm calling security.

I didn't do anything!

Nurse, I need another cup.

Zora!

Where you going?

I found my father.

Heaven.

Up I go. Down I go.

Up I go. Down I go.

Up I go. Down...

Oh, god.

They're getting whiter!

They're getting whiter!

You should bleach your teeth!

I swear it's so cool!

Oh, yeah. Good idea, sweetheart.


Rise and shine, Mr. Bunny-butt.

Oh. Wait a minute, honey. There you go.

♪ The whitest teeth in the world ♪

♪ I have the biggest closet in the world ♪♪ Hello. I'm dressed. I'm leaving.

Kiss goodbye.

O.k. that's enough. Step class in 20 minutes.

Bye.

Ooh. Very young.

Very cute.

Hello, there. Can I help you?

Hi. I'm looking for a Hal Jackson.

Well, look no further.

Is he inside?

You're talking to him.

To Halbert Jackson?

The one and only.

You're white.

Well, that's true, darlin'

But when we're alone in the dark...

...what difference is that gonna make?

No, see, I'm looking for the Halbert Jackson...

...whose social security number is 540-82-9789.

Are you a process server?

What's that?

Did my ex-wife send you?

Goddamn it! We settled all that alimony shit last year!

No more legal crap. She agreed.

No, wait! Wait!

I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about your ex-wife.

Oh! Hell, I'm late. Don't get me wrong.

I think we're good together we got a thing, a connection, but I got to go.

If you want to keep talking, hop on in here.

Make up your mind, honey. I gotta get to work.

Coming or going?

Well, that's a shame.

No!

Aw, there you go. All right.

Where do you work?

Jackson Motors.

"Because real cowboys are strong and tough.

So are American trucks."

"And don't forget Hal's your pal."

What'd you say your name was again?

Uh, Zora.

Zora Mathews.

Are you the young lady Daryl's been telling us about?

I don't think anyone's told you about me.

Hey, Diego! Front and center!

Oh, my.

Lady over there laughing at the ground.

Ah, women.

Gotta love 'em.

Morning, boss. You're late.

Well, of course I'm late, Teddy.

Hello there, folks. How y'all doing?

Jesus Christ. A bear?

You said llama.

I may have mentioned llama.

But we did a focus group: Bears are really big right now.

Boris is getting restless, Ted.

You'd better go put on your suit.

Now, this is bullshit, Teddy.

We're done with circus.

You promised me barnyard: chicken, gees, cows.

Who is this guy?

He is the trainer. Now, you liked the zebra.

Hell, I liked the zebra.

You loved the chimp, remember? Little Larry?

Larry? yeah, I liked Larry.

Couldn't drive worth shit, but I liked him.

The bear's gotta work now.

He hasn't eaten yet.

What happened to--?

Nothing!

The light's shit, total shit!

We had a 7:00 call!

We're waiting for hours. What's the problem?

Why are we using this asshole?

I told you, I never wanted to see him again.

We're shooting a truck commercial.

He thinks it's Gone With the goddamn Wind!!

What the hell is that supposed to mean...

..."the bear hasn't eaten yet"?

Hey, Jose!

Morning, chief.

It's technical.

Technical, my ass! Hello there, Bobby!

Don't give them away.

Oh! Red light!

Hey, how you doing? Oh, you look beautiful.

Green light. Selling cars is what you do and advertising is what I do.

Will you please put on the suit?

The bear's on the clock. You're killing me.

Hi. Listen, we're getting 40 new trucks in an hour.

Laura's going for take-out. What do you want?

Three packs of Marlboros and some cheese. yeah.

Some cheese.

You OK?

Much better.

Are you the girl Daryl was telling us about?

Nah, you couldn't be her.

Thank you.

He's done this before, right?

Stand back, now.

I look like my mother.

♪ "M" is for the million things you gave me ♪

♪ "O" is-- ♪ Oh, look at that.

Shit.

Get! come on.

Goddamn it!

Oh, god!

What the hell is this?

I need to talk to you.

Ok. You think you can help me with this?

I kinda got stuck.

Here, just hold on to this. Now, when I say go, you pull.

All right. Go.

You've got Detroit on line 4.

Oh, my god.

I'll call back later.

That must be the girl Daryl's been telling us about.

Oh, hell.

Uh, listen, Zorro...

...I think you're sweet and everything--

It's Zora.

Zora, Whatever. but, uh...

I'm not really into this whole black-white thing.

Right now I got myself a commercial to shoot.

But hey, let's stay in touch. Ciao.

But I need to talk to you.

It's really important! Will you please just listen to me?

I'll listen to you.

Does this make us ready?

Yes, we're ready.

What is he wearing?

It looks great.

What the hell is this?

Here. hold that.

Ready to run the rehearsal, everybody!

Boris should meet Hal.

Hal, you gotta meet the bear.

All right I'll meet the bear.

Hello, Bear. I'm Hal Jackson.

Whoa! Jesus lord!

Down, Boris.

Good boy, Boris.

Now pay attention.

You're gonna walk him past the row of trucks with this chain.

Now, remember: keep your eyes forward at all times.

Let me work the bear.

Eyes forward. Good boy, good boy.

Down, Boris.

Down, Boris.

Eyes forward.

Do not touch the bear on the back of the head.

And no whistling, whatsoever!

If you have to sneeze, raise your hand.

Make a signal, and I'll protect you.

No sudden moves.

Down, Boris.

Eyes forward at all times.

No sudden moves.

Eyes forward. No sneezing. No whistling.

Boris is the only working male bear in the country...

...with a full set of teeth and claws.

Teddy!

What? oh. It's gonna look great.

Let's shoot the rehearsal just in case.

Shooting the rehearsal, people!

Is that big enough? Can you read that?

Fine. he's ready!

Do it!

This is--

No, no! Cut, cut!

You see that wire?

It's hot.

It keeps Boris back.

Mm-mm.

This is Hal Jackson from Jackson Motors...

...asking you to bear in mind...

...there's a reason so many--

I have to talk to you!

Not now, Teddy.

I need a flag set.

Teddy, handle this.

Do you hear me?

I have to tell you this myself!

I need to have this conversation with you!

Do you hear me? I need to tell you something!

Well, tell me, then, whatever it is.

Just say it, damn it. You're driving me crazy!

You're my father.

What?

Jesus, give me some room!

This is great!

Shoot it! Shoot it!

Get it! Get it! Mother!

Me, me, me, me!

Wonderful! Keep rolling.

Please call 911!

Nice bear!

That bear has never done that before.

'Cept that once.

Somebody, help me! Please!

Piece of shit car.

Where's the guy with one arm?

Nice bear.

Teddy!

I'm here for you, babe.

It looks fabulous!

Cut! that's a wrap, people.

This is bullshit.

I mean, you're black. I'm white.

This is bullshit.

I know. I'm sorry. I can't believe it either.

This whole thing is horrible.

I've always been sort of light but, god, not this!

Well, there you go. It's a mistake.

Oh--ow! hell, look at that.

Shoot!

So you never donated any sperm?

I didn't say that, but for god's sake, it was my understanding the whole thing was anonymous.

Otherwise, I sure as hell wouldn't have done it.

It was anonymous.

I--I just found the records.

What the hell's that supposed to mean-- you found the records?

I took the records from the computer.

Well, god damn it!

Don't you have any respect for privacy?

Can I help you?

No.

Go on, shoo!

Don't you think a person has the right to know who their parents are?

No! no, I don't.

Besides, you've got no real proof.

Stolen medical files don't add up to a hill of beans in my book.

Will you excuse me for a second here, Alberta? Thank you, darlin'.

We could take blood tests and find out?

You're missin' the whole point.

Look, suppose I am your--

Suppose I'm the, uh...

Suppose we knew that I was the contributing party.

Why are you telling me this?

You need a spare kidney or some bone marrow?

I mean, for Christ's sake!

It was conception in a plastic cup.

Look, you seem well-adjusted, like a good kid.

I got nothing to offer you, except maybe a deal on a new truck or extended warranty and financing.

Otherwise, I'm sorry.

Yeah, right.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey, there.

[Imitating Ricky Ricardo] Lucy, I'm home!

These earrings are a form of torture.

O.k., what's going on?

I'm just making dinner.

Just making dinner, huh?

I just wanted to make sure that you knew that even though we fight, I think you're a great mom.

This is major.

Oh! I hate when you do that.

I'm sorry.

OK.

I'm up.

All right, all right.

How many guesses do I get?

All right.

Did James fall asleep listening to that Judy Garland tape and burn down the bookstore?

All right.

You didn't get accepted to MIT?

Are you pregnant?

Listen, stop. Stop this.

Stop for one second.

Tell me what's going on.

Ma, I found my real father today.

He's a mean asshole.

What?

I found my father.

Wait a minute. Wait.

What does that mean, you found your father?

I went to the sperm bank, got your file from the computer, and he's my father.

Ma, it was terrible!

Are you crazy?

I'm sorry!

What did you do?

I'm sorry!

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, come here. Come here.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. Mommy's here.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's all right.

Um, Ma, You haven't heard the worst part.

What?

He's, um...

He's... a car salesman.

Car salesman?

Yeah.

And, Ma, you're not gonna believe this, but, um, he's a white car salesman.

Wait a minute. Wh-- What do you mean, white?

He's like... Like "white" white?

White, white, white.

You mean he's like a creamy eggshell kind of tan?

No. Like white.

Like totally white. Like a white guy.

No. You mean that he was so light you thought he was a white guy.

No, he's so light, Ma, he is a white guy.

What do you mean, he's white?!

I'm sorry. I didn't ask-- I didn't want no white--

What is he doing being white?

I didn't ask for a white man.

I distinctly asked for a black man.

Did you see the guy? Was the guy black?

Didn't I tell you the man came in a tube? He was in the tube.

I couldn't see anything.

You should've asked to see him!

So kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!

No, don't kill me.

I'll kill myself. How's that?

What do you mean, he's white?

I can't-- Wait. Forget it. It doesn't matter.

OK.

It's no big deal.

Hell, your hair's always been fine.

So what?

You're a little lighter than me. Big deal!

Right. I mean, look at Lacie and Rissa.

They're both really light, and both of their parents are really dark.

They're my complexion.

Look at those kids on the Cosby Show.

Oh, please.

You know they're mixed.

Well, of course they're mixed.

Okay. Well, then, we can never really tell.

Who's gonna tell? Who cares?

Are you gonna tell somebody? No!

I'm not gonna tell somebody. So let's eat.

OK.

OK!

OK.

Ma, it's even worse.

Oh, please! What?

It's Hal Jackson.

Who?

Hal Jackson.

"Because real cowboys are strong and tough, and so are American trucks."

You mean, the schmuck on the television with all the animals? "Hal's your pal"?

That's my dad.

This is Hal Jackson from Jackson Motors, and this is Larry.

Larry and I just saw Thelma and Louise together and we think if those two gals can see America, it's high time we did too.

The old-fashioned way.

Behind the wheel of a top-of-the-line American vehicle.

Sit down there, Larry, and grab the wheel.

Here, turn around and grab the wheel.

There you go. You're driving big son.

So come on down to Jackson Motors and see the specials we got going on cars and trucks.

Could change your life.

I know Larry's gonna change mine.

Larry's my pal.

Don't forget: Hal's your pal.

Well, give me five here, Larry!

All right. Grab your pistola here and let's go.

Adios, folks. Go on, you can pick your nose later.

Grab the wheel. Let's do some driving.

Idiot.

Oh, Lord.

Stupid bear.

You are beautiful because you are you, unique and individual.

But maybe you don't believe this because your beauty can't completely be seen.

Oh, Lord.

Maybe you have unwanted extra weight.

Maybe bad skin.

Maybe poor posture.

Maybe facial hair.

Close your eyes right now and visualize these negatives disappearing.

See the new, more beautiful you emerging.

Good morning.

I need to speak to somebody in your records department.

We're looking for books on weddings.

Her daughter Cindy's getting married.

Ooh, finally!

Well, that's nice, but I only carry books with traditional African ceremonies.

Well, that's a start, I guess.

Yes, um, look, 17 years ago, I purchased some...

Some, uh...

We can't find the wedding books.

Over by the voodoo dolls.

Oh! Oh!

Sperm. I bought sperm.

I asked for an African-American.

I don't think that's what I got.

I filled out all of these forms.

Nobody seems to be able to tell me--

Are the books in order of subject matter or by author?

Author.

Who's the author of the wedding book?

Babe, I'm on the phone here.

I don't know.

My life is hanging in the balance, and you wanna talk to me about authors.

Would you just do your thing.

What thing?

Look, I just don't think I got what I paid for.

Why? Why do all complaints have to come in writing?

It's obvious to me you people can't read.

Do the "Urban Bush Woman" t-shirts come in petite?

What exactly is an urban bush woman?

Me! Me! I'm an urban bush woman!

I'm an urban bush woman!

Oh!

This is not a mix-up.

A mix-up is when you order hamburger and get a cheeseburger, or when you bring your clothes to the dry cleaner and they give you someone else's clothes. That's a mix-up. 708 00:31:16,017 --> 00:31:18,376 What I'm talking about is a major mistake in my life!

I hate it when the dry cleaners make mistakes.

Oh, and they say the chemicals in dry cleaning are very bad for you.

I know..

Who are you people? Shut up!

Get away from my counter. I'm busy!

Go over there until I finish this conversation.

And then I will help you.

Well, all right.

Now, listen, all you have to do is--

Hello?

Hello?

Damn it.

Her attitude isn't very helpful. No, but her necklace is very interesting.


I guess that explains why you like that surfing music shit, huh?

That is not funny, Tea.

That's messed up: A white dude.

I should've never told you.

No, that's cool.

Didn't the dude say he could get you a deal on a truck?

Yeah, right. That's amazing, huh?

Yeah. I mean, there's a crazy difference between factory sticker and what they charge you.

Big deal, Tea.

It is a big deal.

Come on, you know my parents are getting me a car for graduation.

Look, I'm taking you down there just to show you the place, not to get you a deal on a car, so get over it, all right?

You're just mad 'cause you're white.

Ha-ha! Shut up! "Shut up!"

We're gonna crash.

How many trucks sold this morning?

Aw, come on, folks.

First rule of sales: enthusiasm.

Morning, darlin'.

Look at this.

Toyota lowered prices.

All right. How much?

Five percent across the board.

Well, hell, that makes me feel great!

Didn't make any of us feel great.

That's because you're missing the big picture, Jose.

They had to lower prices.

We got ourselves a better product.

All you need is conviction of belief. conviction of belief.

I'll bet you $100 I can nail the next person to walk through that door.

Oh! I'm in.

Hey, I can do that.

All right.

A little life in here.

Who's holding? Paula?

I am. There you go.

Contract signature from the next person to step inside.

But if not, forget the money, just lower prices.

All right.

How much you got there, Paula?

Piece of cake.

Hold that for me, will you?

Can I have my hat, Paula?

Hey, there! I'm Hal Jackson.

Welcome to the best selection, the finest-built cars and trucks this side of Detroit.

Don't touch me.

Well, of course not. No, ma'am.

Uh...

Hell, I understand what's happening here.

There's a recession going on.

I'll tell you what, no down payment.

Now, you're looking for something special today?

Yeah. Your head on a stick.

This is gonna be a tough sale.

Well, now, uh...

Is it just trucks you have a problem with, or is it me?

Just you.

Say, are you the young lady who is from the animal rights group?

No, I'm not. I'm Zora Mathews' mother.

Oh.

Wow.

All right.

You wanna step inside for a minute?

Yeah.

All right.

Damn! Check that out.

Maybe I'm making a mistake getting a truck.

I think we might be making a mistake by coming down here.

It's kind of flashy, but flashy can be good.

Hi, gorgeous. Hi.

You look better. A lot better.

Flashy can also mean you're a penis head.

This is Tea Cake.

You her little brother?

Kiss my ass.

Excuse me. Nice to meet you.

Let's get something straight right now, okay?

There's no way you're the father.

I knew there was some kind of screw-up.

Yeah, well, I ordered a black man.

Well, thank God.

So, what seems to be the problem?

I'll tell you what the problem is.

My daughter came to you to pour her heart out and you offered her a kidney.

Now, who the hell do you think you are?

Wait a second, lady.

She caught me off guard.

I donate an ounce of sperm 18 years ago, and today some kid wants to call me daddy.

Excuse me.

She does not want to call you daddy.

Fooled the hell out of me.

Oh, did it? Why does that surprise me?

Because you are a fool.

You know what else you are?

You are the scum that clogs up the cable stations, and even if you were black, I wouldn't like you.

So you stay the hell away from my kid, understand?

Now listen! Who's following who around?

She came to me first.

I tell you what, you keep her away from me!

Are you giving me face?

What the hell does that mean?

Ahem. Good morning. Could I interest you--

No.

0 for 2.

Can I interest you in a test drive of a new model car truck?

Well, yeah I'll look at whatever you wanna show me.

Well, good. Why don't you come this way?

...my daughter?

I had no intention of judging you or your--

Ma.

Oh, great.

What are you doing here?

Yeah. Good question.

The question really is, what are you doing here?

Look, wait a minute.

Anyone mind if I have a cigarette?

Yes, I do mind.

Ma, this is his office.

But these are my lungs.

Let him kill himself, and not me.

All right. How about a drink, then? You got a problem with that?

No, I don't. Why don't you make it two?

I don't believe this. Ma, you never drink hard liquor.

What a shame.

Make it a double.

All right. One drink coming up.

You know, I noticed that you're having a hard time keeping yourself in school these days.

I just wanted to talk to Hal.

You know, a good education is invaluable, young lady.

She knows that.

She's going to Berkeley next fall.

I wanted to go to Berkeley.

I got into MIT, and that's my first choice.

Well, she doesn't really wanna go all the way to Boston.

Yes, I do really wanna go all the way to Boston.

We can't afford it, can we?

My science teacher is helping me with scholarships.

Ahh!

She's always winning stuff like that.

Look at her.

She's so cute, she's so smart.

Ma.

Mom, don't start.

Sorry.

First you don't want me to go to Boston, now I'm winning all these awards.

What?

Well, I just think you could take all the awards you win and use them in Berkeley.

This is really good.

Ma, I don't want to go to Berkeley.

I wanted to go to Berkeley.

Who asked you?

The-- Never mind.

Can I have some more?

You've got to sit down in this baby.

Just wait. Ooh.

See?

I like this.

See? That's a good color for you.

Yeah. Yellow.

You're not feeling too nervous about buying a truck, are you?

No. No, not at all.

Good. Most men aren't, I find.

You working now?

Yeah, yeah.

Good.

May I ask where you work?

At a bank.

At a bank.

And what department would that be?

Uh, deposits.

Deposits.

And withdrawals?

No. Just deposits.

Cool.

Key.

Nuts.

Isn't it?

♪ You put Your right foot in ♪

♪ You put your right foot out ♪

♪ You put Your right foot in ♪

♪ And then you shake it all about ♪

♪ You do the hokey-pokey ♪ Ma, let's just go home.

Let's go talk about college.

I wanna sing.

That's a good idea. Why don't you all go home?

Who asked you?

Ma, This is his office. Now let's go.

I know this is his office.

I know that. Look at this place.

I mean, please.

Look at it.

Cheesy wood, bowling trophies.

Western motif makes me ill.

Of course! And the titty sisters!

This is absolutely his office.

And look, green shag carpeting.

My fave.

And what's this?

Aah! Hi. Look at you. Look at her. Oh, no.

Alberta, thank you, Alberta.

That'll be all, honey.

Yeah, okay.

Is that your mom?

His mom?

You got a problem with my office?

No. It's just that she hates shag carpeting.

Mom, let's go! Please!

Don't apologize for me.

I have a big problem with him.

Now wait a second, she can say whatever she wants to.

She's got rights.

Why don't you just butt out?

I'd love to butt out, but it's my office!

You'd don't have to keep repeating that.

I'm aware we're in your office.

Mom, let's go home.

I'm not ready to go yet!

I have a point to make here!

What? What is your point?

I'll tell you what my point is.

My point is this: We don't want you.

You don't want us.

Let's keep that clear.

You are not the father.

And even if you were, we still wouldn't want you.

Hell, she doesn't look anything like me.

Well, thank God for--

I'm gonna sit down.

Ma, are you okay?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

So, ahem. Where'd you park?

Uh, down the sidewalk.

Oh, I do that too.

She rode her bicycle.

Well, maybe we ought to...

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Here we go.

Thank you-- Thank you for having us.

We're cutting prices.

Yes!

It's all right.

I don't like white people.

Hey, I think I bought a truck. Whoo!

Stop it. Say, I tell you what, why don't we put the bicycle in the back of the truck?

I'll drive you where you're going.

I told you, I don't need any help. Goodbye.

Zora, right?

Yes.

You kind of caught me by surprise yesterday, Zora.

I want to apologize if I hurt your feelings.

It's okay.

I'm sorry that my mom showed up here.

No problem.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, shit!

Oh, Christ.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Goddamn it!

What is wrong with you, coming around that corner like that?

Are you crazy?

Stop the car! Aah!

Oh, look at that, a parking space.

Goddamn it, pull the car over!

Just let me out.

Are you gonna unlock the door, or what?

Come on and unlock this damn door before I slap you!

I can't stand your ass!

Son of a bitch!

What is wrong with you, are you crazy coming around that corner!

Where do you think you are, in L.A.?

Goddamn, crazy white people.

Hello there, folks!

Thank you very much for the ride!

Do you mind if I come in and drain the lizard?

If you drain the...

Does that mean you have to go to the bathroom?

Uh-huh.

Fine. Come on in!

You crazy...

You locked us in.

We were gonna call 911, but then we started reading books.

I'll take these. They're fascinating.

We'll take everything, and...

I am so sorry, dear.

I really had no idea we'd done so many awful things.

Hello.

Hello.

Ladies.

Hell of an idea.

Lock the customers in till they buy something.

Wonder if that works with trucks.

Oh, my God, look at this place.

Book city.

You read all this?

The bathroom's upstairs on the right.

Oh, we haven't been up there.

No!

There's nothing up there to buy.

Oh. Oh.

Well, we have a check all made out for you, including tax at 7 1/2 percent.

Oh, no, no, no. It's eight and a half.

Maybe you're right.

Who cares? You're done.

Oh. Thanks.

Thank you.

That's great.

Happy wedding.

Bye!

Let me help you. Bye-bye, ma'am.

Bye!

Bye-bye, ladies!

Bye.

Bye-bye, now.

Whoo! Black authors up the wazoo.

Yeah, I read black authors, you know.

A Wilt Chamberlain book changed my life.

Oh, wait a second here.

Maybe I don't have to go anymore.

Nope, there it is!

Little silvery feeling.

The call of the wild.


Is this the guy?

Is who what guy?

The guy.

The guy that was supposed to be Zora's father but isn't, because, you know...

Yeah. That's my husband, Charles.

Charlie.

Looks nice.

Was he nice?

Yeah, he was nice.

Never remarried?

Heh. No.

I mean, what's the point?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm divorced.

Twice.

Right now, I'm living with someone.

Hmm...

Never had any children.

That's Zora! Looks like a nice kid.

Oh, she's a great kid.

I don't know what I would've done without her.

Family really is the way to go.

I live to enjoy myself.

Funny thing, sperm.

Well, what do we got here?

"Jesus was a black man."

Well, at least you got yourself a point of view.

Boy, must be a real bummer having a half-white kid.

Fuck you.

Apparently, we already did that.

You know what? Get out.

You know, for being such a free spirit, you are surprisingly uptight.

And you, not surprisingly, are a pain in the ass.

It turns out I have a daughter that I never even heard about.

You don't have a daughter.

I have a daughter. You have a car dealership.

I thought we straightened all this out.

Fine by me.

But are you sure it's fine with her?

I mean, she's the one that hunted me out.

Maybe she wants to see me?

I don't think so.

Come on now. I was always good at math and science.

Maybe I had something to do with that part.

You had nothing to do with it. Nothing.

Do you understand me?

I understand you, Your Highness.

See? I can't talk to you anymore.

It's okay. I'm out of here.

Mm-hmm.

Have a nice life.

I will.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay. What's up?

You think he's my father?

Look, all he was was some sperm with one motivated swimmer.

That's all.

I just wish I could've asked him a few questions.

Why? The man is so dumb, what was he gonna tell you?

Forget it. It's over. Leave it alone.

I know, Ma, but you don't--

Please. I really don't want to talk about this anymore.

OK.

Ma, just one thing.

What?

When you were alone with him, did he say anything about me?

Is it really that important to you?

Yes.

Well, yeah, he did.

He said, uh...

That you seemed really smart and really confident.

He also said he thought you were really beautiful.

Really?

Yeah.

Really?

I cross my heart. Yeah.

That's cool.

Good night.

Good night, my daughter.

I love you.

I love you too.

It's not true.

But it's cool.

This is Hal Jackson of Jackson Motors, asking you to bear in mind there's a reason so many people come to us for deals on cars and trucks.

There's no offer I won't consider.

Now I'm gonna wrestle with you over the down payment

Daddy?

Sarah?

Daddy!

Oh, Daddy!

I found you.

They said you were dead, but--

You should try this.

Hal. You should try this.

Mmm-hmm.

Don't you know me, Daddy?

I'm Sarah! I'm Sarah!

The final price will be...shocking!

But I'm Sarah!

Yes.

Yes.

Sarah!

My baby.

Her Majesty, the queen.

My daddy.


Hello.

Hey, how are you doing?

All right.

Where's Zora?

Uh, she just left.

Oh. She go get lunch?

Um, you know, she never really tells me.

I-- I don't know.

You don't know?

What do you mean you don't know?

Where is she?

Don't ignore me.

You better tell me where she is or I'm gonna rip out your trachea.

Oh, Zora.

Yeah, Zora.

She went down to the car dealership.

What?!

She went. I didn't go.

Ow!

This is Hal Jackson of Jackson Motors, inviting you to come on down and see the circus of deals we got going on the latest model cars and trucks.

Tiny, down.

Don't forget, 10 percent back means 10 percent more peanuts in your pocket.

Isn't that right, Tiny?

Or did you forget again?

Great.

Cueing Tiny. High-ho, Tiny!

Cut, cut, cut.

Reset.

Reset, Tiny.

Resetting, Tiny.

What the hell you mean cut?

We're losing you when Tiny rears up.

Okay, We're ready to go again.

Oh, my God, she's back.

Concentration, Hal.

Teddy, Give me a cigarette quick.

You're talking to me--

Just shut up and give me the damn cigarette, will you?

Great.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Hey, lady! Hello!

This is Hal Jackson of Jackson Motors.

Come on, down.

Whoa! Hey!

Whoa!

Ten percent back means 10 percent more peanuts in your pocket.

Isn't that right, Tiny? Or did you forget again? Oh, no, no, Tiny.

Whoa. What's happening?

Here we go again.

Alert the media! What?

The press! Call the press!

Uh, Ma, look.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God!

Stop ringing the goddamn bell!

We're right behind you, babe!

Stop ringing the goddamn bell!

Oh, shit! Aah!

Oh, shit!

Stop ringing the goddamn-- Ow!

You better be shooting! You cut, you die!

You cut, you die!

This is all fabulous!

Move! Move!

Oh, Lord, help!

Hal, it's Kimberly.

You never called.

Oh, hi.

Stop! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, Jesus.

Coming through. Watch your feet.

Coming through.

Please, stop ringing the goddamn bell!

Oh, Jesus!

Ta-da!

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you. I'm alive.

Ma!

I'm lucky. I'm lucky.

Thank you, baby.

It wasn't my fault.

Wait! Wait till you see the footage. Shut up!

Two news crews showed up.

I'm alive. Thank you Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Ma, not you.

Are you all right?

Do I look all right to you?

Wait.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

The elephant was following the bell, your bell. This...

This...

This goddamn bell.

It was?

Oh, shit.

Yeah. He was.

He was following my bell?

I thought you were dead at that intersection.

That was close, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah.

My bell.

You mean you ended up in the water because of my bell?

I'm sorry.

Wait, wait!

You know something? You can go to hell.

If I could follow you I'll ring my bell so you know it's me.

He's really pissed.

You're gorgeous when you're wet.

Just take my word for it.

It was a disaster.

Goddamn disaster.

I hear elephants can be very, very violent.

Plus, they're pregnant for two years.

Two years. Can you imagine that?

And then the baby elephant comes out, has this really bristly hair.

Turn over. Unh!

Stacy, honey, my whole career's gone down the toilet, and you're talking about pregnant elephants?

Aw, monkey man, you're full of stress.

There's a point right here in your hand that if I squeeze-- close your eyes, this isn't going to hurt.

Does that feel better?

That's better, isn't it?

Ow.

Turn over again.

Oh!

You know something?

If you did lose your business, you could always take the time to explore your artistic side.

Like, I always thought you had the hands of somebody who could be a surgeon or play the violin.

But Stacy, honey--

I know what you're going to say.

Nobody listens to the violin anymore.

That's true, but you could make them do it by playing it in a whole new way, like, for example, more bluesy, perhaps, or... Rap!

Rap! Rap!

Rap even!

You could do it like a-- Oh.

Oh, sorry. I-- Oh.

Your head hurts, doesn't it?

Do you want me to, um, maybe sing you a song or something?

OK.

No. No, please don't.

It's a very nice song.

Music can be so healing.

This is the song.

♪ Dr. Long ♪

♪ Dr. Song ♪

♪ Nice song ♪

♪ Makes you feel better ♪

♪ Hum along ♪

♪ Warm chords surround you ♪

♪ Surround you ♪

♪ And make you strong ♪

♪ 'Cause you sit here singing ♪

♪ Nice ♪

♪ Long ♪

♪ Song ♪ Ohh.

What's going on?

No, no, no. Hold on a second.

Wait, stop the car. I can explain.

I'm so glad you're here.

What's going on?

Are they repossessing everything?

No! Nobody's repossessing anything. Everything's selling.

It was that whole Tiny thing that went big.

You're a smash. Ha, ha!

Bobby, get over here. What's happening?

Money, money. We're making money!

Sign this. It's beautiful.

They're just flying out of here.

Hey, boss! Hey!

It's like you always said, we got a better product.

If we can get them into the door, they'll buy it.

It's you and that elephant lady.

You're on every news broadcast in the city.

You're a hit, cowboy! You're a hit!

Where's the lady?

Where's Tiny?

Who? Oh, the elephant.

Drowned, I guess.

Sorry, little girl. I didn't mean anything by that.

I'm just kidding. Uh, carry on. Carry on.

Well, hello, ladies.

Look at you all.

Over here!

Over here! Please!

I'll be damned!

Yes!

Let me just show you this truck.

This truck was made for love.

Look at the size of this cab.

You can give birth in this cab, and while you're doing it you can listen to the radio, AM, FM, UHF...

So what time are you done?

Well, I teach until 10.

You have dinner plans, don't you?

Oh, yeah. We're all going out and celebrating.

Good night, boss.

Good night, Bobby. Unbelievable day.

We damn near sold every car on the lot.

Oh, that's nice.

All right. I'll see you later.

Okay. Goodbye, baby.

Hi.

Hi.

Mmm. Good.

You have very strong hands.

Thanks.

Get out of here. It's late.

I'm going.

Boy, I'll tell you, Perfect night for a celebration.

Ha, ha. Sure is.

Night.

Good night.

Jamaica, man, this close.

Night, chief.

Hey, Jose!

They wiped us out.

Whoo! I'm telling you.

Stripped us clean.

Yeah!

So what are you gonna do?

You gonna celebrate?

Oh, sort of.

Tonight's my poker night.

You got any plans?

Yeah. I'm covered.

I'll see you, man.

All right. Good night.

Good night.

And what a night! Whoo!

Hell of a night!


Hey, Mrs. Mathews, um, I'm a little concerned.

Hey, it's like, what do we actually know about this guy that Zora's going out with tonight?

Didn't you check him out or whatever parents are supposed to do?

Why are you still here?

Don't you have any dignity?

You need to go home.

Get the door.

Oh, my God!

Hey, this is worse than I thought.

What is?

Excuse me.

Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.

You better go put on a jacket.

Oh, no, you don't, miss thing.

You better go put on a jacket.

You better shut up.

Get him out of here before I kill him.

Somebody get the door.

Is this how it is? Is this how we're living?

Okay. No, that's fine. That's fine. Okay.

You can go and flaunt your fun bags any way you please.

I just got one thing to say to y'all.

Funbag flaunting only leads to trouble.

Get the door.

Just remember I said it, all right?

Yo, it's a white man at the door.

Am I interrupting something?

No. Um... How are you?

I'm okay.

I brought something for you and your mother.

Why?

Ma.

I'm not really sure.

There you go. Ahem.


I'm not good at, you know, receiving, and so I don't want you to think that I don't like it.

Which in your language means "thank you."

Yes.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

"The world is waiting for you, and here are a few maps in case you get lost along the way. Hal."

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, yeah.

Well, I guess I ought to be going.

I'll walk you out.

Hey, be cool, man.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

That was a really nice thing you did.

She's thrilled.

Thank you.

So are we getting along now?

Come on, what does that mean?

I'm not sure. I'm just checking.

Hey, Diego, what are you doing here?

Me, boss? What are you doing here?

Hi. I'm Zora's mother.

Hi. I'm Diego.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you.

Behave yourself. Don't count on it.

Hi.

Wow.

Oh, thank you.

Shall we?

Yes.

Bye.

You look great.

So do you.

She's wearing that?

That's exactly what I've been saying!

Thank you.

Hey, Diego, you have her back here by--

She got a curfew or something?

Tell her be home by midnight!

You have her back here by midnight!

Yeah. We will.

Have a good time, you two.

I hope you like to dance.

Oh, I love to dance.

Bye now.

Do you know him?

Yeah, yeah. He works for me.

So if anything happens...

I'll fire his ass.

Okay.

So, what's up, baby?

You wanna slide out for a minute?

Well, no, I really shouldn't.

Come on, baby.

We'll go see a movie or something.

Well, I'm just not really ready for a commitment.

I just wanna take you out.

I said no!

Bitch!

Your mother.

Well, heh.

You probably have plans for the evening.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna grab something.

What are you gonna grab?

Eat. I wanna eat. Oh.

If you don't have any plans, you can come along.

Do you want me to come?

Yeah. I think I do. Okay. Well, then, I don't have any plans.

Heh. You know something?

You could have said that right off the bat.

Yeah, but you could've just asked me to dinner.

I have to go change.

Hey, where's the, uh...

Where's the rice and the noodles?

And the fella that flips the shrimp into his hat?

I shouldn't have let you order.

Half this stuff still looks alive.

That's the whole idea.

You know what?

When she was 7, I gave her one of those Suzy Homemaker oven things.

They come with little mixes.

You're supposed to make stuff. Not her.

She was not interested in baking. All she wanted to do was melt stuff in the oven.

She gets that part from me, you know?

I only use my oven to dry my sneakers.

I believe that.

Hmm. Hmm. What the hell.

No! No!

Uh-oh.

Oh, shit.

No, you're not supposed to eat it like that.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

You know, Jackson...

I'll buy you another one. Here. Drink this.

Are you okay?

Oh, shit.

He just ate--

He ate a wasabi ball. And now his mouth is on fire.

I'm fine.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh, but you're so funny.

I know that, now.

You...

Maybe just a little more.

She just told you, "Silly move, white man."

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

You sure?

You know, you're all glisten-y.

I think it's from the wasabi.

You might wanna try the crab next time.

It's a little safer.

Yeah. No, next time, I'm ordering.

That's what's happening.

The only thing I can ride is a horse.

Not once have we shot a horse commercial.

That's probably because you'd look too good on a horse.

They've gotta make you look like a wild man.

That's part of the appeal.

Really?

Yeah.

I never thought of it that way.

You smell good.

What?

You smell good.

It's just this lotion I'm using.

May I?

May you what?

Smell you.

Thought you already did that.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I could get lost in that smell.

I could just close my eyes, and no one would ever find me.

Oh, no. Ha, ha.

Somebody would find you.

I don't know. Maybe you could send up a flare.

You smell like that everywhere?

I really don't know.

I'm not in the habit of smelling myself.

I can check for you.

You're really something, you know?

I'm just, you know, I'm not used to this kind of stuff.

Is this how you sell trucks?

It's not like we haven't been properly introduced.

I don't mean to be crass, but my sperm has been in your body.

Oh, and where it goes you figure you should follow?

Well, generally I like to go first, but in this case the little fellas got there before me.

We have had the child, Sarah.

We didn't have a child, Hal.

I had a child.

I'd like to make that up to you.

I just bet you would.


This could get complicated.

Don't worry. I've done it before.

I bet you have.

Oh, yeah, you're slick.

I'll change.

No.

Don't.

What should I do?

Smell me.


Hello.

Diego, stop.

What's wrong?

I better go home. It's getting late.

Let's go to my place. You could stay over.

Are you crazy? My mother would kill me.

Look, Diego, I like you, but I hardly know you.

So let's get to know each other better.

Please.

Please.

What was that?

It was just the bed, honey.

Just the bed.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, hell. Where's my hat?

I got your shoe.

Where? Right here.

Where's my damn hat?

My other shoe.

Oh, jeez. They're right behind me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's the hurry?

Every single time you squeeze Thigh Master--

Hey.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

-to shape your hips and thighs--

We're watching TV.

Look at that.

Oh, it's late. Time got away from us. What happened to the lamps?

Uh, I guess they fell over.

I'll be darned, yeah.

Yeah, well, what were you watching on TV?

Studs. Talk show.

Well--

Talking. They were talking.

Studs talking together.

OK.

Well...

Boss.

Hal junior.

Oh. All right.

Here we go. All right.

We're out of here, Diego.

Good night, Hal.

Good night, Sarah.

I'll walk you out.

All right. That would be good.

Quite a family, huh, man?

I mean, like mother like daughter, huh?

You know what I mean?

Diego, you lay a hand on that girl and I'll kill you personally.

Whoa. What's it to you?

I'll tell you what it is to me.

She's my daughter.

Daughter?

Oh, hell.

I bet you I'm late.

Good night, Diego.

Ooh, I'm tired.

So what did you do?

What?

You heard me, Ma.

What were you guys doing?

Doing?

Nothing.

Oh, really? So that's why the house looks like a cyclone hit it?

What are you talking about?

Ma, you told me to stay away from him, but you can do whatever you want with him?

Zora--

This is my father, Ma, and he needs me, not you.

My whole entire life, you brought me up with this fantasy, this ghost of Charlie, then I finally bring home something real, and you wanna take that away from me!

What are you--

What is going on?

Ma, I wanted this for me, not you.

When this thing doesn't work out between the two of you, where is that gonna leave me?

Sorry I got hung up, sweetheart.

Oh, hi, Hal.

You remember Bruce, don't you?

Bruce gave me a lift home.

Sure. Well, thank you, Bruce No biggie.

Hey, have a seat, man.

Where were you?

Oh, I was just out driving around.

I lost track of time, honey.

I gotta cruise.

Oh no, no. You gotta?

Yeah. I gotta.

I hear that. I'm beat.

Hey, the night's just starting to cook. just starting to cook.

I'm going to hear a new band, Stinky Nightgown.

Stinky Nightgown?

Oh, you like them?

Oh, sure.

We got all their stuff.

They're gonna record as soon as the drummer gets out of rehab.

Hey, you dudes wanna hang with us tonight?

No problem.

Hey, why don't you go, sweetheart?

I'll bet you'll enjoy that.

You don't mind?

Hell, no. I want you to go.

Thank you, sweetie.

Let's fly.

Oh. Have one of those sex dreams about me tonight, okay?

OK.

You're welcome.

He had this dream where he was a big, stupid dog and I was a little smart dog.

Oh, I love dogs.


Ten percent off sticker, Charlie.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, my favorite chief.

Good morning.

What a beautiful scarf.

You gave it to me. Christmas '83.

Did I? You know something, Alberta?

You work too hard. Take the day off.

Really?

Do it now. Run!

I'm feeling good.

Great.

Hi.

Hi.

I was thinking about last night.

Oh, Lord. Me too.

I'm, uh... I'm talking about Zora.

She was really very upset about...

This. Us. Uh...

Why?

Well, just because nobody's ever come between us before.

Well, sweetheart, I--

I didn't wanna come between you and Zora.

Well, I know that, but, uh, you have.

Well, how?

Wait, uh-- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What did she say?

It doesn't matter what she said.

This would be so much easier if you were a parent.

Then I could explain it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What is this?

Something feels really off here.

Well... Ahem.

Look, Zora's really upset, and you couldn't see her upset for any longer than you could take it.

And this is as long as I could take it for.

All right, all right, uh...

Let me talk to her, all right?

What are you gonna say?

You gonna explain--

What you gonna say?

Hey, what's the big deal?

Come on, Hal, what was this?

This was nothing but some kind of...

Some kind of what, Sarah?

Well, just some sort of, you know, attraction, some weird old attraction.

Let's just get out of it before somebody gets hurt.

All right.

Oh, okay. I see what this is.

What?

You can go on with your little speech if you want, but this is bullshit.

What do you mean, this is bullshit?

Don't give me your motherly crap about Zora.

What's going on is you got scared.

What do you mean I got--

Wait a minute. You know what? Just back off.

Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, right. Just back off, right?

Walk away, make your life easy.

You think you can control every goddamn thing, don't you?

Hell, you can even have a kid without even meeting a man.

All you gotta do is put a bunch of pictures on the wall and call it "Daddy."

I got news for you. It doesn't work that way, Sarah!

I got news for you too. You stay away from us!

That's what we both want.

You just stay away from us!

Hey, I got a say in this too, goddamn it! I'm her father!


Thought I told you to go.

I'm going.


Zora.

I'm sorry.

I can't think of anyplace else to look.

Have you seen my mother?

I'm looking for my mother.

Sarah Mathews?

Check at the desk.

Excuse me. We're looking for a Sarah Mathews.

Sir, Sarah Mathews, please.

Are you family?

This is her daughter.

Oh, she came into ER this morning.

We are sustaining her vital signs.

She has a concussion, and she's still unconscious.

We operated on her leg this afternoon.

Ma.

She's gonna be okay, right, doctor?

The next 48 hours are critical.

Hr. Jackson, Ms. Mathews, at this time we ask the family and friends to make a blood donation.

Honey, why don't you go first?

Come on. I'll take you.

It's just right down the hall.

Don't worry. It's gonna be okay.

Did you see that doll in here right before you?

Mm-mm-mm. Coffee with just the right touch of cream.

Whoo, was she hot.

My palms are still sweating.

Blue jeans and red top?

Her butt was a 10. You saw her?

She's my daughter.

And the interesting thing is she's AB negative.

It's not very common.

Well, she's an unusual girl.

She won a science award last year.

State contest. First prize.

You don't say.

Oh, shit.


I mean, it was really an awful fight, and then...

Well, I guess it's just like what you're afraid of.

That you'll-- You'll yell at someone and fight with them, and then they'll die or whatever.

I know.

Well, I had a fight with her too, though, so we'll never really know which fight got her run over.

One thing we do know though is, neither one of us can ever fight with her again, which is too bad because she's so damn good at it.

Heh-heh, yeah.

Hal, you can fight with me.

You just can't win.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, look. You brought the asshole.

My foot hurts.

I think she's okay.

Well, maybe I ought to leave you two ladies alone for a second, go home and grab some clothes.

I'll be back real soon.

OK.

Aren't you gonna smell me goodbye?

Better make it two.

Yeah.

I think there's hope here.

Yeah.

You should have called, man.

You should have called.

Hal. Hal, we need to talk.

Oh, I don't think we need to talk, sweetheart.

That was never really our thing, was it?

You can get down on your knees to me.

I'm still breaking up with you.

Well, I think you should break up with me.

Bruce is better for you than I could ever be.

No, I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say.

It's over between us, so don't try and stop me.

OK. I won't.

What happened to us, Hal?

Oh.

Where did we go wrong?

I mean, we were going to buy a dog together!

A terrier, or maybe a lab.

Boy, I sure am lucky I found out about you before we wrecked his little life, or we had to fight over splitting him up.

Let's not keep Bruce waiting, all right, honey?

Yeah.

OK.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Don't hate me, Hal.

Please don't hate me.

I want you to just remember the good times.

I want you to remember the way we were.

Okay. I will.

Bye-bye.

Thank you, honey.

Hal!

Hal, you'll find somebody else!

I know you will!

Maybe not right away, but in the long run I think this is for the best.

You know, someday I think you'll thank me.

It's going to take him a long time to get over this. We're talking years.

Bye.

Poor dude.

Bye. Bye, Hal.

Oh, God.

Good morning.

Morning. Just the man I need to see.

I need to talk to you for a second.

Sure. Hello, darling.

Hi, Mr. Jackson.

Hey. Come here. Come here. Quick, quick, quick, quick.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Ma.

What? What's going on?

I won a Westinghouse science award.

They only give out 10 each year.

That's 10 in the whole country.

Yes. And the principal's gonna give it to me next week at graduation.

Isn't that something?

I'm telling you, this is our baby.

Our baby's getting this incredible award.

Yes. They're gonna give me a trophy or something, and they'll pay for my whole college tuition.

Congratulations, sweetheart.

That's wonderful.

Thank God.

How about that, huh?

What's wrong?

Well, I just--

I've just come from the haematology lab.

Ooh. Why?

Well, that's where they keep all our blood.

You're type A, Sarah.

Sweetheart, they want you to give some more blood.

You're AB-negative, and that's kind of rare.

And they took some of mine too.

And I'm O.

You couldn't be.

They did it twice, honey, and I'm O.

Heh. Wait a minute.

What are you saying?

Well, it turns out that I'm not her father.

But I got the name from Mom's file.

They had your name at the sperm bank.

I know that, sweetheart.

I called.

I talked to the fella that runs the place.

He said that the files were done by hand up until about 10 years ago, when they sent them overseas to be put on computer disks.

When they came back, they were all messed up.

Well, I jus--

How can--? How can they do that to people?

I'm afraid that the most you're ever gonna know is that the donors came from the university.

Mostly science majors.

You're not my father.

No.

I made a mistake.

I made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Should I go talk to her?

Mm-hm. No.

She just-- She just has to be alone for a while.

Well...

Well...

I guess you probably wanna go back to work or something.

You probably need your rest, huh?

Yeah.

Okay, then.

I, uh...

I don't think I thanked you for being there for Zora and me.

I wanted to be there.

I gotta go to Las Vegas tomorrow.

Ahem. I have a dealer's convention.

Sounds fun.

It's work.

I'll call you when I get back.

OK.

Sarah, I'm sorry.

Me too.


Hey! Miss Westinghouse Award!

Go, Zora Put your thing down Congratulations You won a Westinghouse So what'd you get?

Free light bulbs and stoves and microwaves and shit?

Thanks.

Hey, what's wrong?

He's not my father, Tea.

And, you know, the worst part... is I wanted a dad.

And he was my dad.

Come here.

I'm sorry, baby.

Deanna Jordan.

Erica Franklin.

Alyssa Penney.

Sam Fuller.

Maryilyn Taylor.

Deke Pruitt.

Erica Johnson.

Tina Nichols.

Horatio Vasquez.

Thank you, sir.

Hi, Mom!

Um...

I, uh, guess the cool thing about giving this award is that I get to give it to my friend.

Well, my best friend, actually.

Zora's going to MIT this fall.

And I'm sure she's gonna make their heads spin just like she did ours.

There are certain people that just bring out the best in others, and, well, as you all know, I ain't one of them peoples.

But Zora Mathews is, and that's why I take great pleasure in presenting this Westinghouse Award to my best friend, Zora Mathews.


They said I should say something.

If I've done well in school, it's because I got the message at home that learning was important.

I'd like to accept this award in the name of my mother.

She has made it her life's work to educate people..

And I am so lucky to be one of them.

May we give her the plaque?

Could you come up, Mrs. Mathews?

Stop it! Stop!

Excuse me..

Oh!

Sorry. Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

Ow!

Oh! I'm sorry, miss.

Whoa, open-toed shoes. I'm sorry.

Excuse me. Coming through.

Coming through here.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

I'm not sure.

I mean...

I wanted to see...

You know.

Your daughter graduate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also thought maybe, uh... you might need a hand going up the stairs.

Oh. Absolutely.

Absolutely.

This is my mom.

And...

Your dad.

And my dad.

I now pronounce this class graduated!

And congratulations to you all!

Whoo!

Wait! Hold on, hold on.

Chill, chill!

Stay in your seats!

We have a little something that we planned that we'd like to give you.

[IMITATING ARSENIO HALL] And it goes a little something like this! Aha!


Zora! Come here!