Mail Order Monster (2018) Script

Enjoy the sweet taste of my lazor beam!

No, not the lazor beam. Engage force field!

PJ.

Put your seat belt on, young lady.

No. It's uncomfortable.

Samantha Pepper I will not ask you again.

Sam, now.

Okay, fine.

Mom!


Open your textbook, please.

Hopefully, we can do better on the next test.

Electricity was considered nothing but a dangerous idea or fad when Edison was born in...

Anyone?

Ms. Pepper?

1847.

We can't hear you, Smalls.

1847.

But, by 1931, the time of Edison's death, cities were powered by electricity.

PJ... no gum, please.

However, still today, many do not understand not only the basics of electricity, but the potential of its power. Pathetic.

Electricity can be made from water, wind, the sun, and even animal poop.

Okay. The homework assignment is written at the end of the chapter in your textbook.

Trish, that sounds like so much fun.

We'll invite everyone.

Well, at least those who've hit puberty.

Great.


Hey.

Hey. Uh, where's Dad?

Oh, he's busy with the sink again.

How was school?

Fine.

You sure?

Yeah.


Hey, Dad.

Hey! Can you give me a hand?

Sure.

Hi, babe. Hey.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You got this? Already on it.

All right. Okay.

Hey, sweetie. What's goin' on?

I don't think you had a chance to notice, but she has gum in her hair... again.

I think she's being bullied at school.

I think you need to talk to her.

Okay, okay. I'm on it.

Okay. All right.

All right.

I gotta go back.

Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye. Bye.

See you.

Bye, Sam! Bye!

All right.

How we doin' here?

Hey, um...

How was, um... How was school today?

Fine.

Channellock.

Gotcha.

Channellock.

Just, um... Just fine?

Yep.

Okay.

Hey, what are you feelin' for dinner tonight?

Whoa! Whoa there!

I'm gonna have to give you the Heimlich.

What's the matter with you?

That was pretty great of Sydney to pick you up today.

Right? I mean... Yeah.

That, uh-that sink took me a lot longer than I expected.

Oh.

I helped. Right?

Mm-hmm.

You like her. Don't you?

Sydney?

Yes, Dad.

She's practically part of the family.

What are you doing?

Nothing. What do you mean what am I doing?

You always do this.

Do what?

Eat your veggies.

Well, you eat yours first.

On three.

One...

Two... Three.

Mmh!

So good. Back to spaghetti.

That was a bad piece.

That was for water.

I was thinking we could all go out to- to eat, tomorrow night.

You know, the three of us.

Okay.

To our spot.

Our spot?

But we haven't been there since Mom.

Well...

We haven't been to a lot of places since Mom, Sam, but...

...you can't avoid every little place in this town that reminds us of her. You know?

We-we have to allow ourselves to go out and...

...make new memories.

You're always trying to do that.

Excuse me?

You're always trying to make new memories.

Samantha.

I'm full.

Sam.

Sam, sit down.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey.

It's bed time.

You're my little girl.

Dad...

But you are.

I can't wait for dinner tomorrow.

It's gonna be great. It's gonna be...

...really good for you.

We're gonna have fun.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Well, you know, I...

...have to eat your face.

Okay.

Okay, good night.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

See ya.


It could be anything. It could be anything at...

Hey, Sam.

Hey.

Again?

It looks like you have too many different screw types going on.

Hmm, I dunno.

It looks to me like it might be how I mounted my sensor.

Everyone!

Can I have your attention, please?

Thank you.

Okay, so Trish's birthday is this weekend and we're having a girls only birthday party.

Sorry, boys.

We haves stacks of invitations here for those we're inviting.

Aw, Smalls, don't leave.

You might miss your name.


My mother gave this to me when I was your age.

She gave it to me as a reminder that no matter what, she will always be here to protect and guide me.

I'm always here.

Hey, Sammy, let's go! We're gonna be late!


Thank you.

Thanks.

Hey, now.

Ew.

Hey, now.

Hey, now. Hey, now.

So, what do you think?

I like it, you guys.

I really do.

And I thought you only like it because of the name.

Well... Still...

Yep. Still kind of a big part of it.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Yes.

Yeah.

I think I like hers the most.

Yeah, um...

Let me just... Hey!

[Aw...

So, I got you something.

Just a little something.

A random thing.

There you go.

If you don't like it, we can take it back.

No big deal.

It's just that Jim said it was one of the rarest ones.

No, no...

I really like this.

You do?

Yeah.

Nice.

Not now. Can't read it now.

After dinner. Come on.

Eat.

Food just got here. Eat.

Fine.

Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Slow your roll! You forgetting something?

Good night. Good night.

Good night, good night, good night!

Mm!

I love you. Love you, too.

And?

Thanks, Sydney! Night!

Good night.

"Get your very own Mail-Order Monster.

Don't be the schmuck who's pushed around.

Don't be the wallflower in the crowd.

Frighten your enemies and amuse your friends.

Send this ad with $20 to Merlin's Emporium of Monsters and Magic."

Okay, so... Oh, Samantha!

Just in time. Come on in. Take your seat.

Mommy forget to drive you?

Oh, wait...

That's... No. All right. All right.

We are collecting homework today.

Tommy, would you please collect the homework assignments?

The rest of you, please turn to page 34 in your books.

We're on a new chapter today.

Samantha!

Samantha!

Hi, Mr. Thomas.

Hello, Samantha.

How are you?

Fine.

Good, good.

Um...

How do I put this?

A few of the teachers were...

...in the lunch room yesterday, and saw what happened with the whole...

...PJ thing.

Now, we know it should've never happened, and PJ knows that now.

So, I just want you to know that we spoke to Trish's parents, and...

Here you go.

You're welcome to go.

Okay, good.

Little shrimp got Mr. Thomas to feel bad for her.

Didn't she?

If I were you, and I'm really glad I'm not, I wouldn't come.

There's a height requirement.

Well, at least from down here, I can see how stuck up you and your... fake friends really are.

You think you're so much better and smarter than everyone else, don't you?

Well, news flash, you're not.

Just go back to your stupid little comic books and superheroes.

Wasn't that long ago you used to dress up like them.

In fact, I still have your Superman costume.

Wasn't that long ago you killed your mom.


Hey.

I'm gonna go get ready for bed.

Oh. You sure you don't wanna come play?

Sydney could use your help.

She said she's good at cards and she's horrible.

I'm horrible!

No. I'm okay.

Okay. Hey!

How's the comic?

It's... one of a kind.

Good. All right.

I'll, uh- I'll ask Jim to give me a call the next time he gets a new one in.

Baby steps.

I think I did good.

You ready? You're going down.

Not at cards.


Hey.

What are you doing?

Well, Sam, you know what I'm doing.

We've talked about this.

I mean, there's so many pictures.

It's... There's... We can't have all of these up.

You know?

It's not fair.

To who?

Sydney?

I'm sorry my mom makes her uncomfortable.

Sam! Sam, you know that's not true.


Hey.

Have you seen a package or something like that?

No. Why? You expecting something?

Could you just tell me if you do?

Yes, ma'am.

Thanks.

Hey, do you wanna, uh, go to the movies tonight with Sydney and me?

Um... I can't.

I have...

...Science Club.


I found this.

School's been fine.

Well... not that fine.

My grades are still good.

It's-it's just, well...

You know.

I don't know if Dad's told you yet, but...

...he met someone.

I guess it's... been a while now.

She's nice. I just...

I don't know...

...why he's trying to... move on.

We don't need anyone else.

We have you.

We'll always have you.

Hey, babe.

How was court?

Well, it's finally over.

That went significantly longer than I expected.

Well, are we still on for a movie tonight?

Yes, yes, I would love to.

Is Sam gonna make it?

Yeah, not tonight.

She's being held hostage by Science Club.

Oh...

I don't remember her being in Science Club.


Simple enough.


I can see why this never took off.

Just add water.

All right. That's it.

I'm callin' it a night.

Okay.

Dress shirts come out neat and professional.

Pants and slacks...

Good night.

Good night, sweetie. I love you.

I'm just gonna...

...be here a little longer.

That's fine. Okay.

I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

...wrinkles inside your dryer than Mister Steamy!

Forgot about that load for hours?

That's a wrinkled mess!

No problem! Simple toss in Mister Steamy, and, in minutes, your clothes are ready to wear!


Bye-bye, Bigfoot.


Ew!

Wah wah! ...everywhere!

Sammy!

Dad?

What are-what are you doing here?

I'm pickin' you up.

I rode my bike.

Well, no biggy. We'll throw it in the back.

C'mon. I got something really special planned for you and Sydney tonight, so we gotta go get ready.

What are you talking about?

Dad, I can't. I...

What do you mean? What do you mean you can't?

We'll throw your bike in the back.

Come on. I obviously have to shower. Let's go.

Dad, I-I can't go. I have...

...detention.

Since when do you have detention?

Since now.

So I can't go tonight. Sorry.

Well, hey. We will, uh...

We'll pick you up after detention.

Dad, I don't wanna go.

When was the last time that Sam got detention?

Something's going on with her.

I feel it. You know?

And I think you do too.

You know, that's one of the things I love about you the most.

What's that?

You're not afraid to call me out.

Sydney, you are the...

...most intelligent, intuitive, caring woman...

We don't really fit in here. We're... different.

I like that, and I wouldn't anyone to come into our life and change that.

You're exactly what she needs, and exactly what I need.

When Wendy died...

I never imagined that I would...

...share my life with anyone else.

Especially with Sam.

When I see you with Sam, it gives me hope.

And I thought all hope was lost.

Would you marry me?

Yes.

Wow, detention runs late these days.

Yeah, sorry! Be right there!

Hey.

You make dinner?

No, you-you missed it. Remember?

Sydney and I went to Salt & Pepper.

Wow.

There again?

You know, I'm really disappointed that you couldn't be there.

Well...

Okay...

I mean, we were just there the other night.

What was that for?

Samantha...

Okay, Dad, I'm sorry I was...

...rude to you earlier today, and I...

...promise it won't happen again.

Keep watching.

Okay...

Now I'm confused.

Sam, I need to talk to you.

Okay.

I, um...

I know it's been hard, you know, really hard, these past few years, just having me.

I-I like just having you.

Okay, yeah.

But as you get older, you know, you're gonna wanna have, um...

...another female, a woman, in-in your life.

You know, someone that you can talk to, and trust and rely on.

But, I have- I have you.

Sam...

Okay. What are you saying?

I proposed.

To...?

I asked Sydney to marry me.

Sam...

Sam...

Sammy.

No, no, no, no. This isn't real.

Hey, what are you doing?

Come on, now. Don't be like that.

How could you do this to me?

Because I'm your father, and, Sammy, I know you're a really smart girl, but believe it or not, I know what's best for you.

You know what'd be best for me?!

Having my mom back!

Well, she is gone!

No! Get out!

Get out!

Get out! I hate you!


I asked Sydney to marry me.


Hello?

Hello.

Wow.

Wow.

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

I'm Sam.

Sam...

What's your name?

MOM.

MOM.

MOM.

That's a hammer.

You use it to smash things.

Hammer.

A lot of things.

Ha!

Interesting.

Whoa! No, no, no, no, no!

You can't go out there.

At least, not yet.

It's not safe.


Crap.

Did you sleep in there last night?

I did.

Well, what are you...

You can't go in there.

What are you doing in there?

Science project.

I made a big mess in there, so...

...I'm gonna clean it up.

Okay. I'll help you.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's okay. Got it.

Okay, well, look, Sam...

We need to talk.

I don't think we do.

Okay.

Okay, well...

I will see you after school.

Okay, so, here's the thing.

I need to go to school, so you need to stay here.

School.

I need to go to school.

MOM go school.

No, no, MOM. You can't go to school.

Come on.

Come on. This way.

Okay.

Do not... leave this room.

Okay.

Now, if someone come in here, what are you going to do?

Yes. Good.

Okay.

So...

These usually keep me pretty occupied.

Feel free to look through them.

I'll be back later.

Thanks.

What have I done?


So, was it you?

What are you talking about?

The monster in PJ's locker.

I still can't believe Gigantor peed herself.

No, it wasn't me.


Sorry!


It's okay. It's just me.

Sam!

We gotta get out of here.

That was a close one.

You're creating a little whirlpool there.

Hmm. Yeah.

Sorry.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

It's, uh...

Everything's great.

What aren't you telling me?

Uh, well...

Sam didn't take to the proposal as well as I'd hoped.

She isn't ready.

It's too soon for her?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

She's fine. It's just, uh...

...she doesn't understand, yet.

You know, we've never really had any one-on-one time, just the two of us.

What if we just had, like, a girls' day?

Think she'd be open to that?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

I mean...

It's worth a try. Yeah.


Mmh!

MOM?

Who?

Where'd you find that?

Wendy.

Hey, MOM...

This is awesome.

All right. We're almost done.

We just have one more room left.

Come with me.

I have a feeling you're gonna have some fun in here.

These are my action figures.

They're similar to the ones you saw in the comic book.

Let's just...

And here is a...

...robot prototype I've been working on.

It's not finished yet.

It still has a few holes in it.

Hey, no! Hey!

Don't touch that.

Okay.

Oh, actually...

It was that out of place, huh?

Yes.

What... is...?

Just a stupid invitation from a couple of mean girls.

Bad?

Yes.

These girls...

...well, one in particular, PJ is bad.

Pee Jay bad?

Yeah.

Which I always think is weird.

We used to be friends.

Friends.

Yeah.

Like me and you.

We're friends.

You want to go outside again?

We can't. I'm sorry.

It's too risky.

We gotta get you out of here.

Dad's gonna be home any second.

Sam, you home?

Yeah, Dad. Be right there!

Step on there.

Come up here.

Gotcha. Come on.

Stay here.

Oh, and don't leave or make too much noise.

Hey. Dad!

You talking to someone?

Yes... Well...

Myself. I was talking to myself.

What are you doing?

Well, I was looking for you.

Why?

Why-why is that? What do you need?

Okay. Because...

Listen.

Sydney wants to take you out tomorrow.

Sydney.

I'm okay. No, listen. Sam, Sam...

Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam...

Please. Please, just listen. Okay?

It would mean so much to her.

And to me, too.

And, I mean, I dunno, maybe you'll surprise yourself and end up having a good time.

You know what's best, right?

Hey, Sam!

Come back over here, please.

Listen to me.

I'm really sorry about what I said last night.

I'm sorry, too.

Come here.

So, uh...

That means you'll go tomorrow?

Fine.

Okay, okay. That's my girl!

Thank you, thank you.

Okay. Thank you. I love you.


Sam...

Wendy...

Dad...


Sydney?

Who?

It's complicated.

Sydney bad?

Well, I mean...

She's not a bad person.

It's just that...

...she's really changed my dad.

He can't see it, obviously.

He keeps saying that...

...we should make new memories and that she's gonna be so good for me...

...but she's not.

I don't need new memories, or a new mom.

MOM?

No, not you.

My mother, Wendy.

This way.

Wendy.

Yes. This is Wendy.

Wendy is...

...well, was my mother.

All I have left of her now are those pictures and memories.

My dad just wants to throw them all away.

When I see those pictures of us I feel like...

...she's still here...

...with us...

...with me...

...and I didn't cause her to go away.

I just...

...I don't know what I'm going to do.

Always here.


Come on.

We should be heading back now.


This way.


PJ...

PJ bad.

MOM, stop!

What are you doing? Stop!

Come on! Come on!

No.

Now, MOM, you can't just go running around like that.

You might get caught.

PJ bad.

Protect Sam.

Thanks.

I got your back, too.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.


Roy, she's getting too smart for her own good.

That's my girl.

That's our girl.


Hey, Sam, Sydney's here!

Not today.

Hey.

Good morning.

Morning.

Doughnut or fritter?

But, we have an appointment in 15 minutes, so we gotta hurry.

Appointment?

Yeah.


Hey! Try these on.

Yep. You were in need of some new clothes.

Let's see.

Oh, my gosh. You look amazing.

Do you like it?

You look great.

Can I use the bathroom?

Yeah!


You know, I'll be right back.

Sam?

Sam?!


Hey.

I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay.

I'm so sorry. It's okay.

I don't know where she went.

We're gonna find her.

We'll find her.

She said she had to go to the bathroom.

I don't know what happened.

MOM, hurry up.

Sam!

Back to school?

No, not school. Come on. Follow me.

Come on.

I pushed her too hard with the clothes.

This isn't your fault.

Does she have any friends whose parents we can call?

I don't know.

Okay.

I think it's time to call the police.

Where Sam go?

Don't worry. We're almost there.

We're here.

Roy. Sheriff, come on in.

Go back home?

No, we can't.

That's a life I want no part in.

Sydney?

Kind of.

A stepmom...

...bullies...

...no friends...

...a new life.

I don't want any more part of that.

I don't need that now that I have you.

We got each other's back.

MOM protect Sam.

Thanks.

I'll protect you, too.

I bet my dad's freaking out right now.

Dad bad?

No.

Well, I mean, yeah, right now.

I dunno. It's complicated.

Good night, MOM.

Good... night.


Sam?

PJ?

Hey, whoa, MOM!

Stop, no, MOM!

No, stop, stop! Calm down!

PJ...

...meet MOM.

Shh. There's nothing to be afraid of.

MOM is friendly.

She won't hurt you.

Right?

Hello.

See? It's nice.

Everything okay, Roy?

No, Sheriff, everything is not okay.

I'm going crazy over here. Okay?

I can't just sit here anymore.

I need to be out there looking for my daughter.

I know it's hard.

Roy, listen to me.

You have to stay home.

If it were my kid, I'd be wanting to get out there, too.

But Sam's most likely to call or come home in the next 48 hours, so someone needs to be there.

I promise...

...we'll find her.

Okay.

I... thank you.

Sir, we got another report about a 10-31.

Roger. 10-31. We're on our way.

Another missing kid.


You're gonna look so good.

Ow!

Looks like someone made a new friend.

PJ friend.

Glad we could set aside our differences, MOM.

Did you name it that because of...

No.

It was the name that was on the box.

It's a Mail-Order Monster.

Pretty lucky you found that comic book, huh?

Stop!

Hey. We should collect some supplies for a fire.

It's gonna be another cold night.

MOM, can you go collect some sticks?

Thanks.

Oh!

And don't get too close to the road where you might be seen.

Stay close.

Good idea for packing these.

Sorry if I ate too much.

It's okay.

I guess I came a little more prepared than you.

So, why are you here?

I could ask you the same thing.

Well, my dad is getting remarried, and I'm hiding a robot-like monster.

I just left.

Come on, PJ.

Look. My life hasn't been all happy-go-lucky either since...

...since we were...

Friends?

You're not gonna lose whatever popularity you have because you admit we were friends.

It's already gone.

They weren't really my friends, anyway.

Didn't take too long for them to abandon me, too.

I didn't abandon you.

Sam, you completely shut me out after the accident.

Well, my mother did die.

I'm sorry I didn't give enough attention to you.

Whatever. You always do this.

Do what?

Shut people out.

You completely shut me out and left me with no one.

You know how my family is. I had no one to turn to.

You were my only friend.

I had to make new friends.

Well, you didn't have to turn into someone else and become a huge jerk.

I was angry.

So was I.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of everyone.

It's okay.

We both know I deserved it.

Giant.

Dwarf.

Giraffe. Mouse.

Bigfoot. Hobbit.

Stretch. Smalls.

Roy?

Babe?

Hi.

I did this.

No, you did not.

No, you did not.

You are the best dad.

Your daughter does need you right now...

...and...

...I think she's made it pretty clear that she's not ready for a stepmom yet.

Yeah, but she will be.

I mean, she just needs some more time.

No...

You can't force her into something she's not ready for.

It's not fair.

She's been through so much. You know?

No, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Syd, don't.

She's not ready.

And I wanted nothing more than to be a part of this family.

I'm so sorry.


Roy, pick up.

I think I know where Sam went. She's at the lake.


We should get water.

Yeah. Something to drink.

Sam!

PJ?

Sydney?

Oh, my God. I can't believe I found you.

You need to- you need to go!

I need to go?

Protect Sam.

You don't need to worry about me.

You're not my mom.

Hey!

Sam!

Hey.

I know I'm not your mom.

I could never be Wendy.

And I know you weren't born to me, but I choose you.

I choose you and your father.

So, forgive me.

I'm always gonna worry about you.

And I need to make sure the both of you get home where you belong.

Understand?

Sam!

Protect!

Sam!

Stop! What are you doing?!

Sam!

Get off her!

What's happening? Has it done this before?

No. This isn't right.

We need to turn it off.

The off switch on the back of the arm.

MOM, stop!

It's not working!

PJ!

Sydney bad.

MOM, stop! You need to calm down!

She is not bad!

Sydney bad.

Sam?!

That's Sydney's car.

Wait, Roy.

There's supposed to be a storm coming.

I'll drive us down.

Okay, all right.

Sam!

Baby, baby, baby!

Hey, hey!

Hey, sweetie!

Put her down!


My God.

Put her down!

We need to stop this.

Come with me.

You sure about this?

No! Stay back!

MOM!

It's time.

Sam...

I'm always here.

Sam, no!

Sam!


Sam?

Hey, she's awake!

Hey, Sam!

Hey, baby!

How are you? Huh?

Dad? Yeah, baby!

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry...

...for what I said.

No, shh. Look at me. For what I did.

None of that matters.

I love you, Dad. I love you, too.

Sam, how you feelin', honey?

I'm okay.

You?

I'm okay.

I'm just really glad you're back.

Thank you...

...for finding me.

Where's your ring?

Oh...

...Actually, um...

Uh, actually, uh...

...I have it.

Sweetie...

...we've decided to...

It's okay.

Sydney...

Will you be my stepmom?

You don't have to do this.

I choose you, too.


When you turn your pages to chapter six, you will see we will now be covering life science.

Yes, we are finally going to do some dissections.

Dude, check it out!

Hey, guys.

What is it about?

Hey!

Do you need a ride?

I rode my bike.

I'll race you home.

Already there, slow-poke.

Ha ha ha.

Okay, I think we can call that one a tie.

Ooh! Don't be a sore loser, now.

What?

Well, you look out for me next time, little miss.

Next time, I'll give you a head start.

With my training wheels.

With your training wheels?

Wow!

Looking good.

Thanks.

Is it ready?

Well, let's give it a go.

You can do the honors.

Hey, hey, no big deal.

We'll just come out and...

...give it a try tomorrow.

Let's go in.