Major League II (1994) Script

Hello, everybody! Harry Doyle here welcoming all you Wahoo maniacs to theyear's first session of Tribe Talk.

As you know, the Indians had a Cinderella season last year.

Despite the fact that toxic owner Rachel Phelps wanted the team to lose so she could move it to Florida, the Indians won the American League East for the first time since divisional play began.

Rachel's gone now, thank God, having sold the team to retired Indian third baseman Roger Dorn, after a long, hard-fought series of negotiations.

I might be willing to go as high as 100.

120.

120? You just started at 110.

130.

Rachel, this isn't fair.

140.

130. 150.

We'll take it.

Oh, you're good, Dorn.

Even with Dorn in the owner's box, the Indians are solid favorites to repeat in the East and go all the way to the World Series.

And why not?

Look at the lineup we have coming back.

First of all, the Cuban Crusher, the voodoo man with the bad attitude, Pedro Cerrano.

Even though his training methods were a little unusual, Pedro finished in the top five in homers, RBIs, slugging percentage, and total baldness.

Also back is center fielder Willie Mays Hayes, who came out of nowhere to lead the league in great catches and stolen bases.

We're told he starred in an action movie during the off-season, where he not only did his own stunts, but even his own acting, and don't forget catcher and team leader Jake Taylor.

Despite chronic knee problems, he had a fine season, and beat out the bunt that drove in the run that won the division title.

And finally, one of the brightest young stars in the game today- Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn.

Vaughn began the season in the uniform of the California Penal League and had some control problems early on.

But with the help of a pair of black horn-rims, he went on to set a major league record for strikeouts in one season by an ex-car thief.

All in all, things couldn't be looking better for the Tribe.

Guys! Guys! We signed Jack Parkman!

Parkman? - We signed Parkman! - Alright!

Hey, you can add 42 homers to our lineup. At least.

Guys, this is theyear we go all the way.

All the way!

All the way! All the way!

All the way! All the way! All the way!

Listen. Sounds like a Harley.

It's got to be him.

Wild thing You make my heart sing False alarm.

Whoa. Look at that.

Hi, gang. How's it going?

Appreciate you all coming out. Good to see you.

Yeah. Nice outfits.

Those haircuts are cute.

Benny, I thought you were still in jail.

I escaped.

That-a-boy. What do you say, big guy?

See you in the show some day.

Cute? Say it ain't so, Rick.

Yeah, right.

Ahh.

Jake, how you doing?

Fine. Good to see you again, Lou.

How's the leg?

Good. Good.

Feel like a kid again, Skip.

Good. There's a rookie in camp I'm gonna need your help with for a couple of weeks. Baker!

Jake, this here is Rube Baker.

I want you to help him with a little problem he has.

Alright.

Mr. Taylor, uh, ooh!

I- I knew you know from which you speak.

I'm sure you can help me with my problem, which I'm bound to beat, because there ain't no odds against being yourself no matterwhat the percentages are.

Let me ask you something, uh, Rube?

I bet you're wondering how I get the nickname Rube.

No, I got a pretty good idea how that happened.

What exactly is your problem?

Well, uh...

Hell, that's the biggest damn car I ever saw.

Everything I do Got to be funky Everything I do People, now Got to be funky Honey, take a picture.

Say,Jake!

Hey, Willie!

If you ain't careful You just might get some funk on you Who are they?

They are our center fielder.

Oh.

What's up?

Hey, hey, Willie!

What's up? Hey, welcome back.

Nice little do there.

What, you running for office?

No, I'm just trying to clean up my act.

Can't play the street punk when you're making 7 figures, you know?

Who's that?

It's got to be Parkman, our new free agent. Nice jacket.

Come on. Let's check it out.

Say, Parkman, I just wanted to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player.

Cut the crap, Taylor.

I don't like you. You don't like me.

I just hope you don't blame your bum knees when I take your job.

You want me to bean him?

I'll just beat him out for the job.

"Avoid spraying toward open flame.

Contents under pressure.

Shake can before use. "

" Press-" What?

Jeez... I-I'm sorry, Mister... Cerrano.

I, uh, just...

You are forgiven.

I love you all! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Jake.

Lou.

My great and good friends.

How you doing?

You OK, Pedro?

OK?

I free and clear.

Did he say free and queer?

Clear.

Free of anger and hostility that run Cerrano's life.

Meditation is key.

Five months under Master Hawa Masasuri.

No more voodoo, just much peace and wideness of love.

At one with all.


Whoo! Get up there, baby.

It's beautiful, man.

Ohh...

Awoo!

Fore!

370.

Whoopee.

Hey, Hayes, what are you doing?

Going deep.

I buffed up this winter.

You needed to to wear all that jewelry.

Just remember, you're our lead-off man.

You're paid to get on base, not try to hit home runs.

Keep the ball on the ground.

That's enough for the first day.

After five pitches?

Say, what was that last pitch you threw me?

I call it the Eliminator.

It's a combination screwball/split finger.

You name your pitches now?

Yeah. Sort of a marketing thing, You know, like Nolan Ryan's Express.

I'm also working on a forkball/slider combination.

Well, whatever happened to the boring, old 96-mile-an-hour fastball?

The Terminator?

Whatever.

It'll be there when I need it.

Jake, I don't want to become one of these one-year phenoms who burns himself out throwing nothing but gas.

I got to start thinking in terms of a career, not just a season.

You workwith Rube on his little problem yet?

Now step and throw!

Put it down again.

He looks pretty sharp to me.

What exactly is his problem?

Doggone it!

Jeez, Louise!

Uh, Duke...

Rube...

what's going through your head just before you throw the ball back to the pitcher?

I'm thinking, "I don't want to screw this up. "

What are you thinking when you throw a strike to nail a runner down at second base?

I'm not thinking nothing. I just throw it.

You see what I'm getting at?

You want the pitcher to pitch from second base?

Aw...

Ifwe walk somebody, this guy's going to turn it into an inside-the-park home run.

Yeah. Whoa.

What's this, your first spring babe, Vaughn?

Who, her? No.

There she is.

Ooh-whee! Suggie-dug it now.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Hi, baby.

Hey, Flan, how are you?

Good to see you. You, too.

Good news. The General Cereals people are interested...

The money's gone to his head.

Yeah.

Let's go take a ride in my limo.

There it is, man. Watch this.

Hey.

Unh!

Aah!

Willie Mays Hayes is...

Ha ha ha!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura is...

Together, they're taking on the mob.

Mine fell the hardest.

Mine are the deadest.

These guys play for keeps.

Coming to a theater near you.

That spot didn't show the real dramatic parts, like where they kill my boa constrictor and I vow revenge.

Oh.

Hey, you're limping.

A little. What about you?

Yeah, well, I'm a broken-down, has-been catcher.

You're our lead-off man.

I sprained my knee doing a stunt for the flick.

Ohh.

Don't worry, though. I'm going to be fine by opening day.

Besides, I'm a power hitter now.

What do you call that garbage?

That's the Eliminator.

The Eliminator? I got a new one I'll showya.

If you get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.

I'd, uh, call it The Masturbator.

Excellent pitch, man.

Cerrano fool, but ball and blue sky- beautiful, like lonely snowflake.

Just pretend the pitcher's the second baseman.

Uh!

Aah!

Aah! Oh,Jeez!

Goldarn it to heck!

Shoot.

I couldn't hit sand if fell off a camel.

Criminelli, they're going to send me back to Omaha, and I don't even live there!

I'm gone. I'm buzzard bait.

They're gonna cut me.

I know they're gonna cut me.

Cripes!

Rube, you look at Playboy all the time, don't you?

No, I don't just look at it.

I- I read the articles.

Yeah, sure you do.

I do. I especially like where they tell you what the girls' interests are, you know, like Betsy loves surfing, gardening, and working on motorcycles.

You memorize them?

Yep, I guess I do.

Bingo.

Huh?

Just do what I told you, OK?

Could you throw that back to the pitcher, please?

Thank you.

Louise teaches aerobics and loves short shorts, unicorns, and reruns of Three's Company.

Her favorite sports are...

High!

Air hockey, checkers, and calf-roping. Whoo! Yeah!

Wow. Willie's really got some power.

Off a guywho'll be bagging groceries in a couple weeks.

Ah! Unh!

Ooh.

It must be tough to be old.

You're out!

Hey!

Cool play, man. I love it! Huh?

Damn.

One moreyear.

Yes.

Rube, what are you doing?

Ifthere's a red tag in there, that means I'm outta here, right?

Uh-huh. There's always nextyear.

Yeah. What the hell.

My momma always said it's better to eat shit than not eat at all.

In the minor leagues you'll play every day, and think of all the-

I made the team. I made the team! We did it!

Pedro, guess what, man-

I'm on the rooster.

This team has completely lost its focus.

You think April is too early for a Roger Dorn night?

Ahh...

Uh, Lou- Oh, hi, Roger.

I just want to say I think carrying three catchers is probably a good idea.

Hold it a second, Jake.

Jake, you're a very valuable part of this organization.

The way you helped that kid with his problem- that was, uh, impressive.

Well, he's got some talent.

I guess with a little patience, he might even become a ball player.

What Dorn's trying to say,Jake, is we're not carrying three catchers.

We'd like you to stay on as a coach.

We're gonna need you.

You'll make a great coach,Jake.

Dorn, I'm not a coach, I'm a ball player.

Why don't you just find some poor schmuck with his belly hanging over his belt and pastrami sticking out of his mouth?

I'm done with baseball.

Called everywhere. Nobody's looking for a 41-year-old catcherwith bad knees.

It's not like you don't have other options.

Alan Bellows wants you to join his brokerage firm.

And Jack Pursoff wants me to head up one of his Pepsi distributorships.

And you'd be close to home.

Yeah, and I'd make a hell of a lot more money than I would as a coach.

So what ifl never made it to a World Series.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious what you ought to do.

Uh...

I'll tell Dorn I begged you to come back.

Thanks, Skip.

Hey.

How you doing?

Hola, how you doing, man?

How you doing?

Alright. Alright. Alright.

Hi, Flan. How are you?

I hope you don't mind, but I've set up a photo op with an inner-city youth group.

You mean a gang?

No problem, I used to be in one.

Actually, I was in four or five.

No, darling. These are first-time offenders they're trying to keep out of gangs.

All you have to do is pose with one of the juvenile hall kids and the education director.

Do we really have to do this now?

Are you kidding?

It doesn't hurt to show you have a social conscience, that you're giving something back to the community.

You'll be fine.

Hi, Rick.

Nikki, how are you?

Fine.

This is Frankie. He's one of my students.

He won room inspection five days in a row to be in this picture.

You could eat prime rib off my floor.

Way to go, Frankie.

Just a minute, Rick. He has a problem with his flash.

Is that your new girlfriend?

Yeah. She's also my agent.

Major babe.

Does she like riding on your Harley?

Is this thing gonna happen orwhat?

Ready to go.

Don't tell me you sold the Harley.

Flannery has been great for me.

I'm not the bum I used to be.

I kind of liked the bum you used to be.

OK, that's it. Thanks a lot.

Great.

Take care, Frankie.

So long, kids.

Bye! See you!

See you, Nikki.

Hey, uh, Rick?

I thought you might want this back.

You left it at my apartment.

I don't have much use for it now, but thanks.

See you, Rick.

So long, Nikki.

Come on.

Alrighty, folks, I'd have to say my next guest is about the closest thing baseball has to a rock star.

Please welcome, from the Cleveland indians Rick "The Wild Thing" Vaughn.

Now, let's get right to it here.

This whole "Wild Thing" label that you've been saddled with this has led a lot of people to believe that, like, you're borderline scary like, you're a psycho-guy, but you seem pretty straight.

Yeah.

So where does this reputation come from?

From what I've read you were mixed-up as a kid with the cops- is that something you want to talk about?

No. Sure.

I saw this new Corvette. Took it for a drive.

Just kind of boys-being-boys kind of thing.

Through four states.

Four states? That's a lot.

It ended in a high-speed chase.

Up there around 140 orso.

When I got out of the car, the cop had a real attitude.

Theywere gonna throw the book at me but my cousin dates a judge in Colorado.

He's a transvestite.

The judge or your cousin?

The judge.

Oh! Um, let's take a little break.

More with, uh, Rick, right after this.

It's cool, it's overcast, and it's foggy... on opening day here in Cleveland.

Hello again, everyone. I'm Harry Doyle along with my good friend and partner Monte what's-his-name, giving a big Wahoo welcome to all the Cleveland faithful.

It's a brand-new season and a new team spirit as novice owner Roger Dorn has made two very savvy front-office moves- acquiring free-agent sluggerJack Parkman and announcing his own retirement, eliminating a huge hole at third base.

Hell, no. Not a great spring- 3 and 24.

Sowhat? They had a bad spring.

They did the same thing lastyear.

The important thing is that Parkman and Hayes are killing the ball.

Cerrano, he's lying in the weeds.

Vaughn, he's off to a slow start, but look out.

They're going to erupt.

They're gonna bust loose.

They're gonna do it. They're gonna bust loose.

They're a powder keg. Juggernaut.

Getting close now, as the Indians begin their drive for a world championship against the hated Chicago White Sox, who swept the Tribe right out of the playoffs lastyear.

And listen to the roar of the crowd as the Indians take the field.

Mow 'em down, Wild Thing!

Did you ever have that feeling you were just born for greatness?

RickVaughn gets the starting call today.

We're told he matured a lot over the winter.

Apparently, he's bathing now.

Congratulations, Rick.

As you know, Monte, Vaughn's been working on a couple of new pitches-

The Eliminator and The Humiliator- to complement his fastball, The Terminator.

I heard that.

Dynamite drop-in, Monte.

That broadcast school has really paid off.

We're ready for the opening pitch.

Vaughn winds and fires.

It's a strike. And we're underway.

Alright, Rickey! Good job. Great pitch, man.

Great pitch. Do it again!

Come on. Let's see it. Guywas toast.

Yeah?

Vaugh winds for the 0-2 pitch.

Called strike 3!

Called strike 6!

Called strike 9! Inning over!

Yeah! Alright!

Break out the champagne!

It's in the bag.

The fat lady has left the building!

So Vaughn sets down the White Sox in the top of the first.

Willie Mays Hayes steps in.

Hayes had a great spring, adding the long ball to his speed.

Now batting... double 0- Willie Mays Hayes.

Willie swinging his shillelagh at the plate.

And Hayes is calling his shot!

He's pointing toward the left field bleachers.

Alright, Willie! Right here, Willie!

What's he pointing at?

What? Does he know someone up there?

Hayes ready at the plate!

Alaino into his windup and the pitch.

Here's a swing and a drive to left and deep.

Way back... Belmonti racing toward the wall.

This one has a chance.

It's going... going... not quite gone.

Heh heh.

That had to be the wind.

It must've been the wind.

Top of the 3rd now.

Vaughn's been in trouble a couple of times, but has held the White Sox with his new assortment of breaking stuff.

Humiliator lined to left, a base hit.

Eliminator lined to right, another base hit.

There's some real puss lined to center.

Termini's coming around third.

The throw is cut off.

He'll score.

And it's 1-0, White Sox.

What?

What?

They're hammering this slow crap.

Think your arm could stand the strain of throwing this guy a fastball?

Look, I'll throw it. You just make sure you catch it.

I will if it ever gets to me.

God knows what Vaughn's going to throw next.

He's running out of names.

That'll bring up Hank Shaw, who led the Sox in home runs and RBIs lastyear.

I don't know how this guy keeps his mind on baseball, what, with all the paternity suits and all.

I think those are parking tickets.

Yeah.

Vaughn has his sign and comes set, checks the runner at second.

Here's the pitch to Shaw.

Swung on and belted into deep right field.

Back goes Cerrano.

He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch this one.

That baby is out of here.

Yeah! Yeah!

That looked like The Terminator, only slower.

Maybe it was his Out-Of-Stater, or it could've been The Hibernator.

That baby is definitely going away for the winter.

Whatever forVaughn, it might be see-you-later.

He's probably going to become a... spectator.

Didn't have much on that one.

4-0, Chicago. Hayes at the plate.

And he's calling it again!

Come on, Willie! This time for sure!

Aw, forget that! Put the ball on the ground!

Alaino looking in for the sign and goes into his windup.

Here's the swing and a drive to deep left.

It could go this time!

Yes! Yes!

Belmonti back to the wall again. Way back!

Come on! Come to papa!

And it is...

Come to papa!

Caught!

You were lucky, Belmonti!

Of course, he could be pointing at the left fielder.

Bottom of the 6th. Jack Parkman stepping in with runners at the corners.

Parkman with two hits already today.

Martinez leads away from first, Warren from third.

Parkman doing his little shimmy.

It drives the women here in Cleveland crazy.

Vargas, the little left-hander, set at the belt.

Here's the pitch.

Parkman swings and drives one to deep left center.

It looks like he got it all!

It is good-bye, Mr. Rawlings!

And the Indians pull to within 1 at 4-3.

Way to go,Jack! I bought him.

Welcome to NewJack City!

I told you this guy would make a difference.

Jacksonville! Jack the Ripper!

Jumpin'Jack Flash! Jack attack!

I used to hate Parkman when he was with the A's.

It's amazing how a new uniform can change your attitude about a guy.

He's still a Dick.

Last of the 9th.

2 outs and a tying run at first, and Pedro Cerrano steps into the box.

Cerrano hitless today and pretty much all spring.

Martinez takes his lead from first again.

Here's the pitch.

Cerrano swings, and it's a high fly ball to center field.

And it hits a bird!

The ball drops into right, the bird into short center.

Cerrano rounds first and heads for... center field?

Where are you going?

Cerrano kill a living thing.

Forget the damn bird! Run! Run!

He's alive. Ha ha!

Martinez around third, heading for home, and so is the bird.

Bye-bye, birdie.

I'm sorry, but you're out, Mr. Gandhi.

Too late! Run doesn't score! Ballgame's over!

What?

Cerrano, come on!

Well, the Indians drop a tough one.

4-3, as Pedro Cerrano doubles off a pigeon and then is tagged out, administering CPR before the tying run could score.

It's a funny game, eh, Monte?

Well, at least the bird survived.

Who cares? It's a rat with wings.

Two months.

Two months?

What do you mean two months?

You have enough money to run the team for two months.

You paid too much for the franchise.

There's another four months in the season.

What am I supposed to do?

Increase your profits any way you can.

Well, fans, Roger Dorn has done a little redecorating around the ballpark.

The outfield walls now look like the Yellow Pages.

And any of you folks having trouble finding a good proctologist might want to come down here and check out the area around the 375-foot sign.

As for the game, we got a real nail-biter here tonight.

It's a lot closer than that 11-2 score.

Mr. Vaughn! I thought you were starting tonight.

I did. Oh. sorry.

I didn't turn it on till the second inning.

I can't believe you're so upset about what the valet said.

I'm upset because Billy Ritter hit a 3-run homer off me.

He was due. I mean, it's amazing.

The man has been in the majors for seven years, and he's never hit a home run.

Never?

I thought you knew.

Oh.

May be you should throw fastballs more often till you're sure of your other pitches.

I did that tonight.

I threw Ritter an 87 mile-an-hour fastball, and he crushed it.

Lastyear, I averaged 96.

Now I reach back, and it's just not there.

I can't believe it. I've forgotten how to throw heat.

Look... you'll make a few adjustments.

In a week or two, you'll be laughing about this.

And don't worry about the endorsements.

It's not your E.R.A. they're going to be worried about.

It's your image that's important- wholesome... clean-cut...

All-American.

While on the croquet lawn, one must be careful not to offend one's opponent with an onset of unwanted odor.

Oh, bully!

That's why I use Right Guard Sport Stick, maximum protection against odicious, odorophously... olflacty manations.

Cut! Let's just cut that.

Um, it's odiously... odiferous... olfactory emanations.

Right.

Odoroforous... ofolactory... emaranations.

Odorforous... oflactonal... nominations.

Odoroforous... ofiloctagyl... emancipations.

Whoa, boom bapa boom Whoa, boom bapa boom Whoa, boom So Weaver doubles off the Zippo Bail Bond sign.

And that's another team record for RickVaughn, the fifth consecutive extra base hit in the inning.

And he's out by an eyelash at third.

Cerrano doing some interesting limbering-up exercises in right.

What a pansy.

Here's a fly ball hit to right.

Easy play for Cerrano, under it now, and makes the-

No! That ball is off his glove and outta here!

Well, credit Cerrano with an RBI.

And that play could be a finalist in the Trojan Ends "Boner of the Week" award.

Take 87.

And action!

Right Guard Sport Stick.

Anything less...

would be uncivilized.

Upside down.

Upside down.

Thank you. Cut!

Hey, Rick! Is it true you're moving to the bull pen?

Of course not.

Where do you guys get this stuff?

Hey, Wild Thing!

Don't worry. You're still the best.

You stunk at the beginning of lastyear, too.

Thanks, Frankie.

We don't believe what they say about you in the papers-

You know, that you're a fluke and all that stuff.

And that you lost your fastball.

And that you got no heart.

You guys want an autograph or something?

Yeah, that'd be great. Hey, Nikki!

You got something Vaughn can sign?

Hi, Rick.

Hi.

Listen, I was real sorry to hear they took you out of the rotation.

It's only temporary.

You're in a slump. You'll bounce back.

Yeah.

Well, we better get back.

Hey... Nikki!

I'm sorry I didn't call you after last season.

It's for the best.

We've both moved on to better things.

You seeing anybody?

Yeah, yeah.

This'll crack you up. He's from Chicago.

Big White Sox fan. Boy, does he hate you.

Good luck, Rick.

Thanks.

What a great woman.

She's a White Sox fan!

Such a nice personality.

I bet he loves the idea of me sitting out here in the bullpen.

Really sexy, too.

I've met the woman, Rube, I don't need a description, alright?

A White Sox fan.

Women... you can't live without them, and they can't pee standing up.

Well, fans, the Indians about to extend theirwinning streak to... two!

This is it!

Vaughn's coming out of it.

I know he's coming out of it.

This demotion to the bull pen has got to have been a wake-up call.

Ring Ring! Rise and shine, Ricky!

This is the day we turn it around.

Flip it over.

We're in the top of the 9th.

Leading 10-7. Bases loaded. 2 down.

RickVaughn has come on to try and nail it down against Felipe Aguilar, a dangerous right-handed batter.

Here's the pitch!

Oh, shit!

Alright! - Hot dog! - No, no!

If that's not Shaquille O'Neal in left, that baby's outta here.

Oh, no!

You rotten mugs!

You overpaid weenies!

Wild Thing, you make my butt sting!

I detest you!

You're all garbage!

All of you!

Back up the truck! Back it up!

Jack, being new to the club, how do you feel about the way things have gone for the Indians so far?

I'm the onlywinner on the team.

The rest of them are losers, either by choice or by birth.

You think you can help me with my fastball, doc?

We'll have to deal with some deeper issues first.

I don't have any deeper issues.

I like to keep things right on the surface.

Well, sometimes, there are little surprises.

Tell me, Rick, what goes through your mind when you throw your fastball?

I wonder if it's going to end up in some guy's den.

Did you used to think this way?

I didn't used to think at all. Takes a lot out of you.

Well, then, Rick. Let's get down to it.

The real problem here goes back to when you stole that car.

You wanted to be caught, didn't you? Punished.

Otherwise, you wouldn't have thrown the 0-2 fastball to fields when everybody knows he'll chase the two-strike curveball in the dirt.

I'd already thrown him two curveballs the second one he hit 436 feet foul.

Better than 520 feet fair.

Parkman.

I saw your little interview in this morning's paper.

You're benched for two games.

If you ever rip any of your teammates-

Save your breath.

What did you say?

You ought to listen to the radio more, Lou.

Your biggest gun just got traded to Chicago, as a matter of fact, your only gun.

Au revoir.

How could you sell my best playerwithout asking me?

I'm on my ass.

I'm tapped out.

I'm not going to be able to make next month's payroll.

Aw... jeez.

But I didn't sell Parkman outright.

I got you an outfielder.

He used to play with the Giants.

Franklin?

Not those Giants.

And, so, Hiroshi "Kamikaze" Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself cold for the second time this week.

Maybe in Japan, that's actually better than catching the ball.

Personally, I think he's trying to get out of the lineup.

Om.

Pedro Cerrano. How you doing?

Who your master?

My master?

It's the great Hama Masasuri.

Thank you.

A ball player must be a warrior... not a monk!

Hyah!

Alright, you guys. Let's listen up.

We won a gameyesterday.

If we win one today, that's two in a row.

If we win one tomorrow, that's called a winning streak.

It has happened before.

So let's see some hustle!

Let's jack it up a little.

I got a feeling things are about to turn around for us.

Oh, my God.

Hello, boys.

You don't mind if come in and visit with you for a moment, do you?

This clubhouse is off limits to everyone but Indian personnel.

That does include the owner, doesn't it?

What?

I just bought the team back this morning at a substantial prof it.

I retained Roger here as the general manager.

But the money really means little to me.

I have more than enough.

This... is more personal.

Lastyear, by some impossible fluke... you ruined a beautiful dream.

Now, you're going down in flames, and I want to be there when you go splat.

Keep up the good work, gents.

Miss Phelps...

Oh.

You...

Come on, you're not going to let her get you down, are you?

You guys won last year just to spite her.

Maybe she's just what we need.

Aw, Skip, theywere a different team last year.

Taylor!

It's not your job to make excuses.

That's all you guys do good!

It's either a leg thing... or a spiritual thing... or a psychological thing!

Or a heart attack!

Who used heart attack?

Me.

Hey!

Doctors say I got to take some time off, so I want you to manage the team for the rest of the year.

You got to be kidding, Lou.

I don't have any experience managing.

Ah, you're one of the smartest players I ever coached.

Guys all look up to you.

Tell Dorn you'll take the job.

Look on the bright side- things couldn't get anyworse.

Hey, guys.

I got some good news for you.

This morning at 9: 10 a. m...

I activated myself.

What you doin'? Schoup.

Hey.

What is this?

Que es eso?

Buddha, samurai, OK.

Peaceful inside.

Outside, warrior.

I love you, man.

I love you too much.

You know, you have no... you have no... marbles!

Marbles?

Marbles! You have no marbles!

Hey, relax.

Marbles?

Marbles!

Hello, Tribe fans.

Welcome back to major league baseball... sort of.

Paid attendance today is...

1,412.

Some of them were driven away by that little 10-run 1st inning the Red Sox put up.

Take over, Monte.

I'm in the bag.

Me?

Fly ball... caught.

I can't believe we gotta play a doubleheader.

Let's get going. Come on, let's get something started.

It's okay, Pedro. The guy made a great play.

Tough luck, man.

Come on. Look alive.

Uh-uh-uh, Vaughn, shouldn't you get to the bull pen?

Right now?

Yeah.

There's still somebody in the bleachers.

Who cares? Go on. Get out there.

Fan: Hey, Vile Thing!

I think I loathe you!

You didn't think I'd abandon you, did you, Vaughn?

You human piece of cow flop!

You big steaming pile of mastodon dung!

Bring out the pooper-scooper!

You bush-league, no-talent, flash-in-the-pan choke artist!

Huh? Hey, where you going, Vaughn?

Huh? You looking for your Terminator?

Yeah, you go back in there, Vaughn.

Hey, didn't I say go to the bull pen?

We're down by 10 runs.

You can still get some work in.

I've had enough of that maniac out there.

Ow!

Time!

Ball hit him!

First base!

Hayes, go run for Rube.

My leg's hurtin'.

I'll run.

Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there.

Gutless wonder doesn't have to pitch.

Why should I have to run?

Who you calling a gutless wonder, tin man?

I got a genuine leg injury here, pal.

That limp's the best acting you've done all year.

At least I don't have some cover girl dragging me around by myjohnson.

What are you guys doing?

This isn't nice.

Don't touch me. Don't-

I'll show you a fight. Come on!

I'll take on the whole team!

You don't know how to fight!

You wusses!

Wake up, Harry.

Look.

My God...

Good news, fans.

The Indians are showing signs of life for the first time in weeks.

In fact, they appear to be beating the crap out of each other.

It looks like Willie Hayes is trying to hit RickVaughn.

And why not? Everybody else in the league does.

He swings and misses.

It looks like Vaughn's carrying his left a little low.

This could hurt him in the later rounds.

So, what do we do?

Toss 'em, I guess.

The whole team?

Yeah.

Alright, you're outta here!

All of ya!

Well, it's not broken, But you'll have to stay off it for a couple days.

Lucky son of a gun.

At least you ain't got to hang around to play the second game, right?

Hey, Willie.

Willie!

I can't believe you said that.

Shit!

I talked to a boy in the bleachers the other day, who hails from downtown.

He told me the most grass he has ever seen in his whole life is the patch we play on every day.

We're in the gall darn Major Leagues, boys.

I don't know about any of you, but I've been waiting my whole life to get here.

And I'll be damned if I'm going to act like my best pig died just 'cause we ain't doin' so good.

I love to play baseball, and I'll bet somewhere along the liney'all did, too.

I'm ready to play ball if you need me.

My dad figured I wouldn't amount to much except... well, I never came up with anything, but I can play ball a little, and playing ball is better than what most people do for a living.

Just put me in someplace.

Bottom of the 9th, Cleveland down 1-0.

Nowbatting... number 11, Rube Baker.

Baker at the plate.

He's 0 for...

I don't know. Who cares?

The pitch...

Baker swings and sends a real screamer toward short.

Rapp up with it, fires to first, and Baker beats it with a head-first slide.

So the Indians have a runner.

I think I'll wet my pants.

Way to hustle, Rube!

Let me run for him.

You sure?

And Taylor is going to send in Hayes to run.

Thanks. Thanks, dude.

Went to see his movie, but it was only out two hours.

I was told, however, that it was in focus.

Hayes getting his lead.

Canatella checks him...

and Hayes is going.

Here's the throw. He slides...

He's safe!

Yes!

Hayes steals second.

Glad to see he remembered where it was.

Hayes out to a good lead at second.

Canatella comes set.

Pick-off play- Hayes takes off!.

He's going for third!

He's in there!

Hayes is beginning to look like the player of old, and the Indians have something going here.

Canatella up on the rubber again as Hayes gets a walking lead.

Canatella winds...

Hayes is going to steal home!

He's safe!

So Hayes has stolen three in a row to tie the game.

Mr. Larceny is back.

Nnn...

Jake, Cerrano wants to bat.

OK.

Get in there.

Go, Pedro!

Hey, Willie.

Nowbatting... number 13, Pedro Cerrano.

Cerrano's going to pinch-hit here, and he's not taking any practice swings.

He's either ready to hit, or he's afraid he might kill some gnats.

Hey, Pedro, how you doing?

Shut up.

Canatella delivers.

Cerrano swings, and it's a long drive to deep left field, way back.

Packer to the wall...

This ball is...

Gone!

And the Indians finallywin one!

Oh, well.

It's only one win.

Even they can't lose them all.

Listen, Meg, I'm thinking of coming to L.A.

I don't know if Rick and I are good for each other right now.

The team's showing some life, but his E.R.A's over 6, and he can't get it back on track.

It's depressing.

Serious with Vaughn?

He's a lot offun, but I need someone with a little more class.

My shrinkwas sick.

Meg, I'll call you back.

Hey.

You know, Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing, but it don't have to keep you down for long.

Let me tell you something from my own personal experience.

I- I never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule.

Now, I thought I'd be hurting for the rest of my life.

But you know what happened the very next week?

What?

My mama died.

Hell, after that, I didn't care no more about my balls hurtin'.

You see what I'm getting at?

Alright. Who led the Confederate forces in the battle of Gettysburg?

Wild Thing!

Can I talk to you for a second?

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

I was wondering if you wanted to get a pizza.

I don't know. Um, this is my last class.

But... now?

I don't know, Nikki.

Nothing I try seems to work anymore.

Maybe you're working too hard on yourself.

You used to go out and just let it rip.

Here. Try and hit this.

You never used to worry about your arm or your career.

You didn't even know what a careerwas.

Now you're pitching like it's a job.

I'm not sure I can get back.

It seems like so long ago.

The worst was when you brought the kids out.

Aguilar lit me up like a Christmas tree.

Don't worry about that.

That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.

Name one.

Yellowstone?

Sorry.

Yellowstone.

Hey...

I know a guy who's got a bike.

Whoo!

Aah!

Yeah!

I haven't been up here in a long time.

I hope not. This was our spot.


Buddha...

Jobu.

Jobu, Buddha.

I don't want no trouble out of you two.

He's out!

He's out!

Nice catch! Atta boy!

As general manager of this team, I demand to know when I'm getting a start.

There's an old-timers' game coming up soon.

Rackin' them up, baby!

He's out! Yeah!

Yeah!

Mine! Mine!

Run it out!

I got it!

Second base!

Safe!

Ohh... Ohh...

Ohh... Ohh...

Yay! Yay!

This can't be happening.

Not again.

Out!

He's out!

Pedro! Yes!

Ha ha!

Yippee.

Hi.

Hi.

I forgot to give you this.

I don't expect you to forgive me.

I was being silly, trying to get a laugh out of a friend.

I understand why you reacted the way you did.

I hope you don't think I'm trying to get you back.

Then what is this about?

General Cereals is throwing a big party tonight at the Marriott Society Center.

They want you to come.

Really.

Mm-hmm.

So?

Can you make it?

Probably not.

I didn't think so.

After what I did to you that day.

I messed up a great thing.

Bye, Rick.

Tribe fans, we're one out away from our second consecutive divisional title.

RickVaughn has gone 3 and 2 to Mel Koski.

Here's the pitch.

Ball 4, and he walked him.

That'll bring up the tying run for the Toronto BlueJays.

A little excitement at the end-

I know I wouldn't have it any otherway.

I'm sure you folks feel the same.

Ha ha ha...

Oh, yes.

Time for the old Tribe to come unglued.

Vile thing Mr. Choke Thing You make everything...

Embarrassing You want to finish, or should I bring in Dalton?

Hey, Vile Thing!

You were lucky last time!

Cerrano saved your sorry butt!

No.

My arm's tired.

So Vaughn leaves, and Taylorwill go to the bull pen.

I knew you'd wimp out, Mild Thing!

You got no heart... and forget genitalia!

You're a gelding, Vaughn!

They had you fixed!

Dalton's done with his warm-ups, and Pierce steps in.

Here's Dalton's first offering, and Pierce hits it a ton.

Oh, no!

Ha!

Damn!

Yeah!

Somebody caught it!

The Indians win the division!

So what?

They'll blow it in the playoffs.

Theywill. Theywill.

They'll blow it in the playoffs.

Yaa!

Hey, I put in a lot of time on this.

Hey, it's Vaughn!

Hey, what's up?

Good to see everybody.

How areya?

Whoa. Easy on the fives.

Got to protect the pitching hand.

Well, it looks like we're back in the playoffs.

I know what loyal fans you are, so I brought you a box of balls.

I've signed each one, but if you give them to Nikki, I'll see everybody signs them.

Well, I got to run.

Nikki and I have a function at the Marriott.

I'll see you at the ballpark. Enjoy those.

What a puke-head.

He didn't even have no cake.

Hey, Rick... why don't you go without me?

What? Come on.

These kids idolize you because they're where you used to be.

You're a hero to them.

It'd make their year if you hung out for a while.

Unfortunately, you think some party's more important.

I- I guess I can go back in for a couple of minutes.

Don't insult their intelligence.

They don't want to hang out with some jerk I had to drag back in there.

Just leave.

Nikki-

Go.

OK.

Fine.

Hey, Rick?

This party- did she invite you?

Yeah.

It's just a business thing.

Goodbye, Rick.


It's a shame you have to go in now.

It's a routine bypass.

I tried to put it off.

At least you can watch the games.

Wrong.

Doctor said he'd put the TV on Public Broadcasting and lose the channel changer.

He thinks baseball's bad for my health.

I came up with plan "B."

Got me a little transistor radio with an earplug.

Bottom of the 9th, game one, American League Championship Series.

Hayes leads away from third.

Bucekwith the sign and now into the windup.

Hayes is coming!

Bakerwith a suicide squeeze.

Bucek up with the ball.

Hayes doesn't touch the plate!

Hayes finally scores!

Yeah!

Oh, my God!

Yeah! Whoo!

You ready?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah. Feel good.

OK, go get 'em.

Do you have any queens?

Go fish.

You going to say anything to them?

No. They look nice and relaxed, right where they should be.

Yoo-hoo!

Hello, team.

I know.

You all hate me.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Given what's happened in the past, I can't say I blame you, but I wanted to say one thing before you take the field.

Believe it or not, I'm proud of every one of you.

Willie... the all-out effort you've given recently has been an inspiration to us all and proves that you've put that 1-for-18 performance in last year's A.L.C.S. far behind you.

And Pedro...

Ha ha.

Bashing the ball like the Cerrano of old.

No way you won't improve on the. 138 you're hitting against Chicago with runners in scoring position.

And Vaughn...

Oh, you've had a really tough year.

Even though your fast ball isn't what it used to be, there's no one the fans in Cleveland would rather have pitching the most important game in Indians history than you.

The champagne is ready.

It's all in your hands.

Win tonight, and the loser label is gone forever.

Go out there and win it for Cleveland, win it for your selves, and win it for me.

That ought to shrink their little sphincters.

Bottom of the 9th here in the Windy City.

The Tribe clinging to a 6-4 lead, one out away from winning the American League Championship Series.

Vaughn, trying to close it out, has taken Jack Parkman to a full count with two men on.

Bakerwith a sign.

Vaughn shakes him off.

He's afraid of his fastball.

He's screwed. We're screwed, Vaughn.

Vaughn's got the one he wants now.

Pitch it!

And here's the pitch.

Parkman swings and pulverizes one to deep center field.

This ball has bye-bye written all over it, and the White Sox win, 7-6.

Alright, Big Jack!

Strike!

Home!

Safe!

Strike 3!

Sayonara.

Don't let it get you down. It was just one throw.

I know, but it got me thinking.

Even Playboy's not working anymore.

Don't worry.

We'll come up with something.

Now, why don't you grab yourself a shower?

Ahh.


Hey, Skip.

You got a minute?

Sure. Come on in.

What's up?

You know, Rick, I may have to use you tomorrow in the late innings.

Pitching staff's pretty overworked.

Yeah. So?

I'll be ready.

Ready, huh?

Ready to run and hide if the game's on the line?

I don't get it,Jake.

What's your problem?

You're the problem.

You used to be this team's toughest guy.

Now you're trying to prop yourself up with the right woman or shrink.

You want to be a major league pitcher?

You have to find something in yourself that's yours and nobody else's.

You had that once, Rick.

If were you, I'd spend the rest of the night trying to find it.

Without it, you're no good to me or the team.

What an asshole.

What an amazing asshole.

I thought he was my friend.

Why is everybody so threatened by me improving myself?

What an asshole.

Hey, you're looking good, Lou.

Forget about me. I'm fine.

You gotta talk to the team,Jake.

Give 'em hell. Let 'em know they're too good to roll over and play dead.

Will do, Skip. And, hey, we'll win this one for you.

Hey, Taylor!

Promise me one thing.

Sure. What? When you talk to the team don't give 'em one of them corny

"Let's win one for Lou" speeches.

I couldn't stand that.

Yeah. Promise.

Give 'em hell tonight, Schoupie.

Look alive there, Pedro.

Rube, give this catalog a try.

I think you'll like the writing.

Thanks.

"Frederick's of Hollywood?"

Alright, everybody, listen up.

I didn't want to have to tell you this, but...

Lou's goin' under the knife tomorrow.

Yeah.

He's not doin' so good.

Doctor told me he might not make it at all.

As a matter of fact, there's a good chance that this game tonight might be his last experience on this earth.

He had a hard time talking.

But he did say this...

win this one for me.

I might as well have a little taste o fheaven now just in case I'm not headed there.

Hell! When a man's lights are about to go out the fat lady can't sing if it's not over!

Come on!

Let's go.

You okay, Pedro?

That was beautiful, man.

It made me realize that there are more important things than baseball.

I love you, man.

Oh, no.

How you doing, everybody?

Harry Doyle here welcoming all you fanatic featherheads to the American League Championship Series, where, tonight, the comeback kids of the Cuyahoga will begin their quest to earn a World Series berth for the first time since 1954.

Out to spoil the fun are those Pale Hosers from the Windy City, who squeaked by the Tribe a year ago in the playoffs and lucked out again in the World Series.

What else can you say about these White Sox except... at least they're not from Canada.

After tonight, we'll be going to the World Series.

Yeah, in Chicago.

Schoup ready for the opening pitch now.

Winds and fires to Termini.

He swung and missed, and we're underway.

Oh, no.

Baker threw the ball to third.

I guess he felt Wilcox didn't get enough infield practice.

Anyway...

Schoup ready again. Winds and comes to Termini.

High, and the count is even at 1 and 1.

Son, you throw that ball down there again, with nobody on, you're going to make me very unhappy.

"The tulip lace bra has ruffled underwired cups, creating a curvier you, for evening's bare neckline. "

Whoo!

Yeah!

So Baker finally gets one back to the pitcher.

"Matching crocheted panties are also available. "

Bottom of the 1st, 2 down, Dowling in scoring position at second.

Bucek comes set, fires to Cerrano.

Swung on and popped up, and that'll do it.

Bottom of the 3rd, still nothing-nothing.

Tanaka at the plate as Baker leads away from second.

Bucek into the stretch, delivers.

Tanaka swings and lines a base hit to left field.

Baker around third. They're waving him home.

Get down!

Baker dives!

Oh, shoot.

He scores!

And the Indians lead

1to nothing.

Oh, shut up!

It's only one run.

Top of the 4th.

Parkman leads away from first, Beck from second.

Schoup comes to the stretch.

Delivers to Shaw.

There's a swing and a drive to deep right field.

It's off the fence.

Cerrano up with it.

Beck scores.

Here comes Parkman around third.

The relay from Miller.

They've got Parkman nailed.

The ball comes loose, and the White Sox take the lead, 2-1.

Welcome to the big leagues, hayseed.

Don't stand on the tracks when the train's coming through.

Bottom of the 4th. Cerrano swings and strikes out again.

That's a good pitch.

Top of the 5th, Sox threatening again here.

Bases loaded, 2 outs, 3 and 2 on Dawson.

Schoup has to throw a strike.

The runners will be moving on the pitch.

Here it is.

And Dawson drives one to deep center. This is trouble.

Way back toward the wall.

Hayes racing.

Still going.

He's got it!

Not this time!

And the Indians dodge a 3-run bullet.

What a catch by Hayes.

2 down, bottom of the 5th, 2 and 1 on Hayes, trying to pick up Miller from third.

Hey, Black Hammer, read some of your reviews.

One guy said Willie Mays Hayes couldn't play dead.

Bucek, the big Chicago left-hander, winds, fires...

High. Ball 3 to Hayes.

He also said the stunts were a joke.

You do your own stunts, orwere you afraid of getting hurt?

If get the chance to score, we'll see who's afraid.

I don't intend to slide.

You don't?

You better, little man.

Just 'cause your movie bombed doesn't mean you have to commit suicide.

Hayes waits for the 3-0 delivery.

Low. Ball 4.

I'll be home soon, honey.

I'll be waiting, sweetheart.

So Bucekwalks Hayes, putting runners at the corners as Baker comes to the plate with the Indians still trailing 2-1.

Some little sheep back home probably misses ya, huh, Rube?

The runners take their leads.

Bucek checks, comes to the plate, Baker swings and lines a drive to the left field corner.

It's off the wall.

Belmonti up with it. Miller scores.

Hayes flying around third.

Here comes the throw.

Come on! Aah!

Sucker!

Hayes scores!

And the Indians lead 3-2.

I told you I wasn't gonna slide.

You got a long way to go, Peckerhead.

That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, pal. Ah!

Yeah, baby.

Aha! Now we're starting to roll, boys!

Are you alright?

Oh, yeah. I love this British stuff.

General Spenser-Ewell was a patient of your Uncle Richard's.

Arthur and I dined...

T op of the 7th, 3-2 I ndians.

The White Sox have runners at the corners.

Schoup is 2 and 1 to Parkman.

Parkman doing his little shimmy.

It makes the women here in Cleveland puke.

One more, Schoup!

Schoup delivers...

Parkman swings and hammers a long drive to deep left center field.

Back goes Hayes. It's gone.

Damn.

Yes! Yes! Parkman, you stud!

Parkman puts the Sox back on top, 5-3.

You scumbag bum! Sit down!

See? I told ya.

Bring out the tarp. Cover the field.

I can't watch this anymore.

It's over.

Turn the lights out. Bring in the bulldozers.

Turn this place into a parking lot.

That his elderlymother...

This is tragic stuff.

Bottom of the 8th, 2 down, Campbell at first.

The Indians trailing by 2, down to their last four outs.

Taylor's got to get something done here, or he'll have the bottom of the order in the 9th.

Dorn.

Yeah?

Didn't this guy used to pitch you inside?

Yeah.

Get a bat and step into one.

What?

Let him hit you with the ball.

Are you crazy?

It's the only way you'll get to play.

Roger, take one for the team.

It's not my bat.

Get in there.

Let's go, Roger. Atta boy.

And Taylor is sending up... Roger Dorn?

Dorn is 0 for the century against this guy, but has several foul tips.

So Dorn inches in and gets ready to face Bucek.

Here's the pitch.

Oh, God!

Oh! And Dorn is hit right in the back.

And the Indians catch a break.

They'll have runners at first and second with Dorn representing the tying run.

Pinch runner.

No!

You alright?

God, that hurts.

Markley, get in there and run for Dorn.

Uh-uh.

Dorn!

So Dorn gets his first hit of the season, although it doesn't look like he's ready to leave.

Dorn!

Taylor may have to call the cops out.

Dorn!

Ohh.

Nice game.

Well, Dorn finally leaves after putting on a very impressive exhibition of stretching.

And that brings up the potential go-ahead run in the person of Pedro Cerrano.

Pedro's left a small village on the base paths tonight.

Parkman, my friend, how you doing?

Look at the scoreboard, buddha. I'm doing fine.

Pedro! Pedro!

Bucek's set at the belt.

Delivers... swung on and missed.

Ooh.

And Cerrano is down a strike.

This guy is not messing around.

He's going right after Pedro.

From the stretch. He's ready.

Fires...

Strike.

That had some quickness.

So, two straight heaters, and Cerrano is down to his last strike.

Ohh...

Oh, you guys.

Cerrano back in the box.

That last pitch, man... that was beautiful.

Bucek has his sign and comes set, here's the pitch to Cerrano.

He swings and drives one into deep left center.

Way back! Going... going... gone!

To the upper deck!

Yes!

Not as beautiful as that, though.

Heh heh heh.

Way to go, Pedro!

Big knock, baby. Big knock!

And the Indians lead 6-5!

Look at that scoreboard now... grasshopper.

Oh, my God.

What a shot!

Three more outs, we go to the series.

So what? They'll blow it in the 9th.

Hey! Ow!

We're in the 9th.

2 down, 2 and 1 to Termini.

Once again the Indians one out away from the American League Championship.

Here's the pitch.

Ball 3.

And Schoup is now only one pitch away from putting the go-ahead run on.

You gotta love this kind of excitement, don't you, Monte?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Here's the pitch...

Ball 4! And the Sox have two aboard with Beck coming up, who already has a 2-run double tonight.

Come on.

Time. Time!

You ain't got nobody left, Taylor!

You're old Mother Hubbard... and onlyVaughn's in the cupboard!

Good job.

Thanks.

Outstanding game, Schoupie.

You fought them all the way.

Can't believe I walked that Punch-and-Judy hitter.

We'll get them for you.

Give me Vaughn.

You mean Rick Vaughn?

Yeah.

He's pitching to Beck, not Parkman.

He wants the righty!

The Vile Thing!

The Grab-Your-Throat And-Choke Thing!

Stuffit, lard-mouth.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. It's him.

Crank it,Jerry.

Oh, no.

Not that damn song again!

The bad seed is back!

It's Wild Thing!

Aah!

Wild Thing

You make my heart sing

You make everything Groovy Come on, wild thing Hey, hey!

Yeah!

Nice look. Welcome back, Vaughn.

Good to be back.

OK. Now, Beck likes them on the outer half, so jam him.

I want Parkman.

Parkman's not up. Beck's the hitter.

I'll walk him.

And load the bases for Parkman?

I want Parkman.

Wild thing

You make my heart sing Alright. Go get him, Rick.

You make everything Groovy...

Hey, when the tough get going, the going get tough.

OK, Ricky, baby!

Time for some serious cheese!

The Roquefort Rocket!

The Brie Bullet!

The Parmesan Pellet!

So, in a surprise move, Vaughn is on to pitch here.

Ball 1!

They're going to walk Beck to get to Parkman.

Obviously, Taylor's thinking-

I don't know what the hell he's thinking.

New haircut... same dead arm.

And there's ball 4, and Beck trots to first.

So they're loaded forJack Parkman who's hitting just over .900 against Vaughn.

Parkman homered the last time he faced him.

Nowbatting, number 15, Jack Parkman.

You wanted him, you got him.

OK, Rick. Let's get nasty.

Vaughn looking for the sign... and he's got it.

Swung on and missed! Strike 1!

He had something on that baby!

Whoo.

Boy's pumped up.

Looks like I'll have to get serious.

Vaughn back on the slab.

Baker gives him the sign.

Vaughn ready, and here it comes.

Swung on and foul to the screen.

Parkman wasn't fooled on that one.

Oh, he just missed it.

I got your timing now.

But I'll bet you don't have enough hair on your ass to throw me another one.

Here it comes, Parkman.

Old number one, The Terminator.

You get a piece of it, you can rename it.

Blow this chump away.

Staywith the smoke. Just go after him.

Mr. Parkman, you're a great ball player, and I'd just like to say you're standing on the tracks, and the train's coming through, butthead.

Bring it here, Ricky!

So Vaughn is 0-2 to Parkman.


Swung on and missed!

Yeah!

And the Indians win it! It's all over!

The Indians win it!

Whoo!

I gotta get out of this business!

Oh!

That-a-boy, Rick!

I knew you could do it!

Mr. Brown, calm down!

I love this shit!

I may move to England!

I told you we'd win!

I told you in spring training we'd win!

Yay!

Indians!

Oh! Oh!

Yeah! Yeah!

We're going to the World Series now!

We're going to the World Series!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo! Whoo!

Yeah!

Unh!

There is no God.

Yeah!

We did it!

Hey, what's up? Hey, baby.

Yeah!

Alright!

Thank you.

You were so wonderful out there, Rick.

The General Cereals reps are here.

Great game, Rick. We'd like to offer you-

I'm sorry, fellas. You got the wrong guy.

I'm sure you make a great cereal, but I like my hair the way it is.

I don't eat breakfast anyway.

Rick, what are you saying?

You're a great gal, Flannery, much too good for me.

Take a hike.

Nikki, hold it.

Nikki, I know I was a jerk the other night, but I want to make it up to you.

Don't let him sweet-talk you, Miss R.

I got World Series tickets for the kids, dugout boxes.

Take him back. I forgive him.

Thank you.

These guys will really be happy with the tickets.

Congratulations.

Wait. Nikki.

I want you to come out with me and celebrate.

For an hour, a year.

Whatever. Just come out with me.

Alright.

What do you say we start with an hour?