Maps to the Stars (2014) Script

I'm Agatha Weiss. I asked for a limousine.

A stretch?


Yeah, there weren't any available.

Can you find this place?



Look, cash call. I'm gonna have to collect up front.

It's 45 an hour. 2 hour minimum.

Here's 200, okay?

Can we get a star home map?

Kind of a waste.

Unless you want to see where Ryan Seacrest used to live?

Where did you come in from?



What's happening in LA?

Visiting family.

Do you drive a lot of celebrities?

I had Al Gore once.

That was probably the heaviest.... for me.

I drove Tatum O'Neil when she had a reality show.


Chuck Lorre...

... who created 2 1/2 Men.

Get a lot of producers... directors.

Eh... Juliette Lewis.

She's a scientologist.

I was thinking about converting.

Just as a carrier move.

You're an actor?

Actor, writer.

I know Carrie Fisher.

Oh, really?

How's that?

I met her on Twitter.

Yeah, we became like really good friends.

I'm helping her with a new novel she's writing.

But it might be something she winds up doing as an HBO show.

What's this place?

I thought it might be on a star map.

There used to be a really big house here.

Childhood home of Benjie Weiss.

So, how do you know that?

I used to babysit for him.

I was the original bad babysitter.

It's weird.

My agent is trying to get me an audition for babysitter 2.

I mean it's a long shot, but uh...

Jacob Lightner...

... got it to me... he's a personal manager.

He's a real heavy-weight.

We went to Beverly together.

I hold my fingers crossed.

Hi, there.

I'd didn't think you'd come.

Why is that?

You're so busy.

Not for you.


I, um...

I... I liked 'Bad Babysitter'. You were so funny.

Yeah... uh....

We did 780 million world wide.

People don't realize that.

Don't you have an iPad?


Um... can we get her an iPad?


Load it up?

Watch shit in 3D?

We got great sack in crew jackets.

'I was a Bad Babysitter' written in gold on the back.

Get your swag on.


How did you get AIDS, Cammy?


I don't have AIDS, its...

Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm gonna make a movie of your life.


Ryan Gosling will play me.

And I'll play you.

You're my date at the Oscars.


Sorry about that.

What the fuck is Non-Hodgekin's? I think it's a blood thing.

I mean, 'Non'. It either is or isn't.

Were you serious in there?


... we can definitely get this to Ryan.

It's just the kind of stuff he likes to do. We could get it to Ryan?


You can barely get toilet paper to your ass.

Make for an uplifting drama, wouldn't it?

I mean, I even got a title.

'It's A Horrible Life'.

If you're not serious Benjie, it's better not to promise.


Arnold Kugler Ross has spoken!

Great Rabi, death and dieing.

Man of wisdom.


I got a new nickname for you.

Uzeem Atolerance.

Drop it Benjie.

Drop it?

I have a better idea.

Why don't you show me your cunt?!


I know you have one.

Jew faggot!

What are they offering?

5 million.

10 points from Cashbury.

What's Genie asking?


20 from dollar one.

What do you think?

I think we have their balls...


So um... when's the audition?

It's not an audition Benjie. I told you that.

Right. Sorry.

When's the urine test?

The meeting is on Friday at 10.

The studio just want to see that you're bright eyed and bushy tailed.

But the deals contingent belong to me?

They just want to protect the franchise.

I am the franchise.


Stafford, are you gonna to eat?

I was listening to a very interesting tape of the Dalai Lama on the way home.

Say what you like about politics....

... the man is a pro.

Free Tibet!

Tibet is not free. Tibet is very expensive.

I have the receipt from amazon to prove it.


Buddhists say a prayer...

Is Genie gonna be there?

She thinks it's better not.

I want her there.

Pray... that those that eat...

... the things that are eaten and the actual eating...

... be universally devote herself. Don't you love it?

I'm going to my room.


Don't mama...

Don't mama...

Don't hurt me like that. Don't hurt me like that.

Don't come into my room. Don't...

Don't come into my room.

When I'm sleeping.

Don't come into my room when I'm sleeping.

- I won't let you anymore. I won't let you anymore.

You mother fucker.

You mother...FUCKER!

You... you hurt me.


How did I hurt you?

I was your little girl...

I was your... I was your little girl.

And... and you hurt me.

Why did you do it, mama?

Because your parents hurt you?

That's not good enough!


Come on, Havana, stop forgetting!

I don't... I don't care what they did to you.

I wish they'd... killed you.

I... I'd kill you myself, mama.

How... how could you do that to a child?

How could you do... what you did to me?

I want to be free Clarice.

I want to be free.

Clarice, mama...

Mama, mama.

Set me free!

I will be free.

We will take back the years you stole.


Please... please...

I'm gonna press on a personal history point.

Everything is stored in thighs.


Take back the years, Havana.

Take back the years she stole from that little girl.


Rebeca, we need to stop.

You're a patient here.

I want to help you, not make you things...

You don't think I set those fires, do you?

I think that you didn't mean to.

You need help. That's all.

Don't you wanna help me?

Not like this.

I think that we need to think about what we're doing.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of all my friends.

On every hand held out.

I write your name.

Ms. Havana? It's Ms. Genie.

How you doing, baby? Eh, I'm okay.

I really had a session with Stafford.

That is so brave, what you do.

Doesn't feel brave.

I need a new chore whore.

What do ... what happened to Adaggio?

Ahh... I had to fire her.

You're kidding! What happened?

She was stealing.


Oh God, I don't believe it.

Yeah, yeah. She took some money and a ring I got last year in Paris and some Vicodin.

Oh my God!

What did you caught her? Um.-hmm.

So what did you call the police?

Yeah, I told her I would if she didn't go to rehab.

I see that she's there now, huh?

Yeah, with the all the other dope fiend personal assistants.

They have there own wing.

Okay, well, I call Carry again.

Um, love her, love Carrie but don't bother her with this shit!

She'll think it's hilarious.

I'm meeting her later at the J.J. thing.

She'll give me some names.

So, umm...

What's going on with 'Stolen Waters'?

Well, I called Vita but you know, they're all at Sundance.

Yeah, everyone but me!

I gave the best reading of my life, Genie!

I went in there and I blow everyone away!

I know, I know.

I mean, you know, the only thing I can think of was that they maybe they have some concerns about the perception of stunt casting.

Everything is stunt casting.


... this is a movie and not a great one...

... that your mother made. 30 years ago!

No, no. But it could be... it could be...

Great! It's a , it's a re-imagining.

It's a fucking art film!

I mean, who do you think came up with the idea of my mother looking back on the making of 'Stolen Waters' if she had lived? I did. I did!

I mentioned it to Damien 4 years ago in Mystique.

I know, I know.

They should give me the part.

And, and a producers credit too. I mean this role was...

... made for best supporting. It's...

It's... it's a fucking second chance.

And it's, it's Damien Javitz.

He totally resurrects actors.

And I went in there and I killed it.

Sterl still doing it?


Yeah, he owes me.

I introduced him to Harvey and you know Harvey is producing and I mean, I already talked to Harvey and He's gonna to talk to Damien but you know...

Harvey is Harvey, but...

Sterl can talk to Damien?

You know we are doing everything we can but you know, at the end of the day, it's an art film.

I mean it will be great if you got the job.

But in case you're not aware your mother is a dead cult figure.

A Damien Javitz.

8 P.D. Andersson.

I mean they're so many movies out there!

Yeah, where?!

Big deal movies! Where?

Where? Where Genie?!

Do you know what Jacob said to me the other day? he said that because I know so many celebrities I should consider becoming a manager!

Do you know, do you know how it felt for me to hear that?!

Look, everything I am doing everything in my life and in my therapy is to get this part...

Ow! What's wrong? What's wrong?

Ow, cramps. Are you okay?

No, not okay!

Mother daughter incest is so 80's overkill.

And sexton I am not.

Oh my God. Oh my God!

The shock will wear off.

What's the matter, Havana?

Did you think it would be like the 'Sixth Sense' with the dead clambering to be heard?

Do you know what the dead clamber for?

You know what hell is?

A world without narcotics.

What's happening? What's happening?

Worst pornographically shaven at this childhood rape fantasy. Get a life!

Maybe you should get a dad.

Isn't it pathetic enough that you want to play me?

You HATE me.

That yet you are desperate to be me?

You want that role that you're not gonna get.

You don't even have the chops.

I did. And I was young and gorgeous.


With your shitty tits and that used up old hole!

It STINKS worse than me!

No! No...

Who is it?

It's Non-Hodgkin's.

What are you doing here?

On my school notebooks.

On my desk, in the trees.

On the sand, in the snow.

I write your name.

I'll... I'll make the movie.

If that's why you're here. I don't know what Marlon told you...

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends. On every hand held out.

I write your name.

In my school notebook.

On my desk and on the trees.

On the sand and in the snow, I write your name.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends.

On every hand held out, I write your name.


So, we're back to school with 'Bad Babysitters'.

Is this detention?

No way, you're top of the class.

We understand you had a rocky summer vacation.

Unproductive one.

Wasn't easy.

For any of us.

But he's learned a lot.


Yeah, listen, I went through that whole drug thing myself.

I mean... not at your age.

Like you but... shit happens.

Right, it just ahh...

... happens a lot earlier than it used to.

Benjie's done a lot of growing up.

Yes, he has.

Uh, on the last season of

'Prince Lords' I was making 300 000 a week.

I was 9 years old.

How psychotic is that?

Crazy money.

For anyone But worth every penny.

You've got a tremendous fanbase out there.

I just didn't have the skills.

That kind of income would fuck up Mother Teresa.

She's already fucked up.

She's dead. That's how fucked up she is.

We have a mandate.

Christina knows this and I, I know you do too.

We have to protect the franchise.


Only kept things quiet last year.

Arnold, your people were terrific.

Nothing from the tabloids.

Yeah still...

You know, an adult recovery can be a career boost but with a child it's something else.

I think we understand that, Chip.

Though, ah, it didn't hurt Drew.



We're on your side.

Please understand that.

I don't think we'd all be in this room if didn't feel a certain level of trust.

Do we have a budget yet?

Ah, 58, but that's strictly in house.

Yeah, we lost Elle but, eh, she's not someone we were counting on.

We're closing with Emma Watson for the young mom so uh...

That should be fun.

We need to know the circumstances of Benjie's rehab.

Uh Benjie...

Detox in a private home.

The ranch of my husbands partner.

Kick-ass mom you got there.


She knows how to hit without leaving marks on the body.


I will never be humiliated like...

... like that again.


It's over, baby.

We have them.

Did Damien told I was too old?


The casting people.

Sarah Horowitz?

Havana, come on.

The part's just written younger.

Sarah Horowitz cast me in my very first movie.


Probably saw that thing I did on TNT for money.

Yeah, well, don't do anything for money.

Yeah, well we all haven't been as smart as you.

You gonna support me on this, Sterl?

Are you gonna support me with Damien?

Look, you know I will.

I think he's taking a hard look Azita Wachtel.

Azita Wachtel?

Well, she's nominated for an Oscar and she's Canadian.

Canada is co-funding.

Do you know that Azita Wachtel story is? Do you know what she's known for?

She used to let producers stick their cocks in her ass and pee.

Good to know.

Look, you have a relationship with Damien.

Yeah, I've 3 calls in to him but he won't return.

You gave a great reading.

He tell you that?

He said you were very strong.

He did, he said that?


Oh my God!

Oh, Sterl! I have to get this part!

We'd be so great together!

Why, I thought we already were?


Oh my God! She's old!

Hey, did you know she's like 23?

I heard that she's 16.

How do you know she's 23?

Her labia is pierced.

You gotto be 23 to have your labia pierced?

Now she's got a tramp stamp... okay, she's menopausal!

Hey, nice girls, huh?

Oh my God. Rhett did you tell him?

Oh, bet you won't believe this.

No, nah, no, it's too fucking weird.

I'm not going to this. Now I'm getting interested.

Okay, so there's this crazy girl, right?

She's posted like 6000 messages on my Facebook fan page in like 2 months.

Sounds like marriage material.

You should just fuck her, right?

Or eat her on her period.

Come on, don't be vulgar.

Yeah, Bri won't even do that to me.

Well he can't.

Because your menopausal!

Oh! Shut up!

Come on, we...

Would you guys chill, come on.

Alright, so, production company looks into it and finds out a teenster's been selling this chick my shit for like 3000 dollars.

Excuse me, your shit?

Yeah, you heard it right girl, my shit.

He's got some expensive doody.

It's got rice in it from uh...


Like out of a honey wagon?

No, when the guy comes in with the hose

.... know...

What is she doing with it?

Stock pilling... for that rainy day.

Okay, like, where did she get the money?

Slush fund.

Oh! Benjie you are so sick!

There are some days, I actually, I ran specials when I had diarrhea.

Summer clearance. Everything must go!

Oh my God!


Who is that?

Starla Gent, country singer.

She won the voice? Nah, she's runner up.

God, she is a wild woman.

Uh, hell of an actress, as well.

Didn't I tell you?

Javitz cast her in the part you wanted.

Shut up!

Ah, I wonder if Blake Sheldon pied in that butt.

Hey, you like Sam?


You could totally fuck her.

She wants to be in your movie. I hear she gets great Oxy too.

I've almost got 90 days.

To what?

Sobriety, you dick-wad!

Oh, my God! The human stench.

Fat, anchor whore from TNT was in the bathroom. We saw her ankles.

What was her name again?

It was like something Dead Farted.

Hey, isn't that Sterl Carruth?

Oh yeah, with Havana Segrand.

We have the same agent.

How old is she?

Totally menopausal.

Oh, beyond! She's near death!

She's like older than my grandmother.

Oh, she is. She MILF. Grandmother I like to fuck.

Are they fucking?

Ah, she'd be like a mercy fuck.

Like when orderlies rape old people in nursing homes.

Hey, didn't her mom die in a fire?


Like Jack Cassidy.

Who's that?

The prodigal swinger. David Cassidy's father.

Who's David Cassidy?

Sean Cassidy's brother.

You know her mom was really cool actress as well, um...

... Clarice Taggart?

Yeah, um...

Annie did a thing on her. She was really cool!

She was young.

Who is that?!



Hey, Damien, what's happening?

Yeah, yeah, I could totally wear 2 earrings.

I love that.

Um, Maestro, I'm just, eh...

I'm just here with the kids. Doing the whole bedtime story thing.

Can I... can I call you back?

Um, yeah, no, I'll, yeah, I'll call you right back first thing.


Mention me when... you talk!

You are so fucking crazed.

Suck my dick and I'll put in a word.

I loved you so much.

You were such a beautiful little girl but you lied.

How could you grow up to be a monster who lies?



What's happening?

I'm sorry, it's...

I just got uncomfortable.

I guess I'm a lousy dyke.

Why don't you take a Klonopin?

I know a man...

... who lives under the sword of Damocles...

... we call aids.

'When my time comes', he told me...

I'll be ready.

My bags are packed and at the door.

I like that.

I like that very much.

There is a time in our lives and in out therapies when out eyes stray to the bags at the door.

After we wept.

After we have suffered. After we have exhausted the fountain of memory.

Bloodied our hands.

In the walls of our parents house.

I thought that Gary Marshall was gonna be there.

And it was a meet. I didn't know I was gonna have to read.

And then they gave me the wrong drive-on and I had to walk like a mile.

And I stank by the time I got there.

And then the casting director, who I know doesn't even acknowledge me.

She just walks right by without saying a word and...

... and then she tells me...

She doesn't even know if Gary even knows I'm coming in.

You know this is Gary Marshall, not Berdalucci.

His movies don't make money any more and I know Gary.

And then she says they want to put me on tape and I'm like, excuse me but you need special make-up for that or you look green and she says well you can either tape or not!

Like it's all some pointless exercise and I just can't take it anymore, Jacob!

I'm so tired and it's so pathetic!

Is that Carrie?

Later Jacob. They're here.

Hi Carrie!

How are you?

Oh, when I get in touch with myself I'll let you know.

It's been insane.

Did you rap?

Well, we go back to Prague tomorrow to do re-shoots.

Are you doing the Javitz film?

Oh, I hope so. Did you hear something?

Well, Genie told me you were up for it.

That would be so amazing for you to play your own mother.

I mean...

Every daughter should have that opportunity, right?

Do you know Damien?

Well, we just... had dinner once in Tangeers.

Well, if you see him, tell him to hire me.

Oh, Genie told me about Adaggio.

Eh, how long did she work for you?

3 years.

Are you still looking for a new assistant?

Absolutely, you've become my employment agency.

Would you do me a big favor?

This is gonna sound bizarre but...

Would you interview this girl that I met on the Internet?

I'm so nervous.

Naw, it's okay.

Do you like some tea?

Oh, thank you, yes.

Your house is so beautiful.

Walls are so thick and those chimes.

Oh, their from a monastery in Dharamsala.

I met the Dalai Lama.

He's very cool man.

He laughs a lot and he's... actually just like someone you wanna hang with, you know?

But, you can't cause he's the Dalai Lama!

Thank you for the tea.

Marie is at the hospital.

My housekeeper.

One of her girls is sick. She's got like, you know, 40 kids.


I guess you know why you're here.

Mm, because of Carrie.

How did you guys start e-mailing?

Well, she wrote on Twitter that she was researching for a new novel she was writing.

About a burn girl so...

I wrote to her and then I met her at a Star Wars convention in Florida.

Was that weird for you, I mean...

She's so amazing. You know, she's such a funny, amazing person.

Plus we both have dual disorders, we finish each others sentences.

So you came out here to see her?

I just wanted to see Hollywood.

But she said she'd take me to breakfast at the 4 Seasons.

Zooey Deschanel was there.

And Sally Draper, the little girl from Mad Men.

It was pretty amazing.

Do you have family?

In Florida, that's where I'm from.

Agatha, um...

Can I ask about the burn?


I was working in a planetarium after school...

I was 12.

There was an electrical fire and I ran into a store room.

Like a jerk...

Mm.... um... well...

This isn't a very glamorous job.

I'm not used to glamor.

Mm, you'd be like mostly running errands, going shopping and getting things fixed and...

Ms. Segrand, I would be the most loyal, most competent, most grateful personal assistant you've ever had.

You don't have a car?

But you drive?

I have a valid Florida license.

Mm, we can rent you a car.

I think maybe...

Mustang, or something.

Carrie's so funny.

She knew I should meet you.

Do you know how my mother died?


In a fire.



I think you're beautiful.

And do you know who looks just like you?


Havana Segrand.

We got a request.

What is it?

Hollywood tour. Cash call. Holly Prest Hotel.

On my school notebook.

On my desk and on the trees.

On the sand and in the snow, I write your name.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends, on every hand held out, I write your name.


So you were in a fire, right?

You know, I never really figured out what happened.

I think, one night I got drunk and slept really hard on my face.

So, now you hit Tinseltown, what are you gonna do?

Can't ah...

... keep riding around in limos if you want to keep your money.

Actually, I got a job.

Oh yeah, where?

Do you know Havana Segrand?

Sure. Know of.

I'm her new personal assistant.

That's the...

Carrie Fisher connection?

Actually it was.

Havana is getting me a car.

Hey, do you wanna have dinner on the weekend?


Yeah, this weekend is not good for me I have to ah...

... I have to work on my script.

I have a great idea for a movie.

Maybe we could write it together?

It's got an incest theme I guess those are kinda of overdone, huh?

Sex abusing your religion.

The truth is my parents are brother and sister.

I never tell anyone that.

But I think it would be corny. It's like, been there, done that.

I know that sounds jaded but I think it would make a cool indie.

You know, I want to act in it. And you could too.


Think it would be good if it wasn't pretentious you know if we got the whole mythological thing going on.

Uh, look Agatha...

Think you're a little crazy.

Well, so...

I mean...

What I'm saying is um...

I'm kind of, kind of involved with someone.

And uh...

I mean...

Hope everything works out for you.

Look I don't want to take your money.

Fuck you.

It was...

... like a dream but it seemed so fucking real.

Go on.

A girl... I ah...

Met her at the hospital.

We sent her an iPad but they said she died.


... she came into my room at the house.

Scared the shit out of me.

Maybe it was a dream.

Am I going crazy?


Well, I...

Think it's probably time for you to start talking about certain things.

My sister?


She always, ah...

... wanted to...

... marry me.

That's how we played.

We did the ceremony.

Isn't that strange?

Think I'm crazy like her?



... if we don't look at things they can make us crazy.

Mom and dad were...

... at some party...

I was 6 or 7 then.

That night...

... the night it happened...

... we uh...

... had the ceremony, the marriage thing.

And uh...

... she gave me pills...

... vitamins she said...

... and uh, I woke up in the hospital, they pumped my stomach and...

... the firemen...

... carried me out there...

... and I never saw her again.

Maybe you asked your parents if they had... I did.

They don't talk about her.

They won't.

The girl at the hospital...


... what do I do?

What do I do if she comes back?

You call me.

I'm afraid.

Whenever I see her, it's so...

... real.

I don't want to be hospitalized.

My career is so fucked as it is.

Textbook TSS Havana.

You saw heavy combat as a child.

Could I be a multiple?

I don't see that but if you are, we'll deal with it.

Damn her!

What does she want?

When you came out of hiding and externalized your shame...

... mother didn't like that.

But what we can name, we can tame.

She wants me to fail.

But I won't. I won't.

That's little Havana.

Celebrate her.

The Imago Deity, that's what Jung called it.

We call it...

... the magical child.

And that child, will not fail.

Lay down.

I hired a girl.

It's amazing.

Why is it amazing?

She's disfigured.

She was...

... burned in a fire.

On her face...

Where is she from?


It's amazing. She just...

... showed up on my doorstep.

I get this sense that I'm...

... working through something by hiring her.

People don't just enter our lives randomly, we call them.

Two women linked by fire.

I bet those visions go away.

Oh... God!

Do you think so?

You're welcoming mom into the house.

You're saying 'Hey, mom'.

'Come on in'.

'You don't scare me.'

'I'm empowered.'

'Soup's on'.

'This is my house, ma'.

'I build it with my pain and my hope'.

'And you can't hurt me anymore'.

'I'm a magical child, ma'.

'So, come on in'.

'Mi casa'

'Es su casa'.

Deep breath now, Havana.


What if she comes to the house?

She won't.

Then what is she doing here?

Maybe she is sightseeing.

Why are you so cavalier about this?

We've always handled things differently you and I.

You got to get her fired.

And then what?

She's working for Havana. We know where she is.

And that buys us time.

What if she tries to get to Benjie?!

I'm concerned about the tabloids.

I'm about to go on a book tour, for Christ sakes!

In my school books.

On my desk.

In the trees.

On the sand, in the snow.

I write your name. On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends. Son?

One second!

Come in.

Saw your light.

I couldn't sleep.

Me neither.

Were you reading?

Just building up on the script.

That's hard to do without a partner.

Mom usually reads for me but um...

... I like to know lines pretty well before we go over them.

That's what makes you pro.

Listen there's something I wanted to talk to you about.

I'm not taking anything.

Not even Seroquel.

I've got a really good sponsor. He's been clean and sober for 20 years.

He's worked with Robert Downey Jr.

Demi Levato. No.

It's about your sister.

We think she may be back.

Here in Los Angeles.

Did... did she call?

She hasn't yet.

Thought she was in prison somewhere.


Far away.

But... now she's...

Free, wild and 18. Courts couldn't hold her.

We're in the process of acquiring a restraining order against her.

And I like you to tell me if she... A restraining order?

Too bad you couldn't have gotten one when she was born.

You could've had a judge standing by in the delivery room.

Maybe you tried that.

We tried a lot of things, Benjie.

Mostly we tried our best.

That's in your book.

That's a big thing in your book.

Trying your best.

It's supposed to give people major points.

I don't know that girl anymore so...

Not that I ever did.

I don't know if she is dangerous.

I knew this day was coming.

I thought somehow she'd just stay put.

That was stupid... of me.

But I want you to tell me...

... if she tries to see you.

I'll tell you if she pops up.

You know, me and you, like to share.

Get some sleep son.

By the power of the word...

... I renew my life.

I was born to know you.

And to name you.


Havana, sweetheart, I've...

I don't know if you've read the trades, but um...

They unannounced that Damien went with Azita.

I mean I can't say it's a complete surprise but uh...

I'm very angry at the way it was handled.

I mean it just makes me look foolish.

But that's my problem not yours.

I'm so sorry, honey!

I have calls into Damien.

And I hate to be leaving this on your phone, I...

I... I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else.

As you know I mean I strongly think there's no love lost on this project.

Those were always my feelings.

I know and I respect the reasons why it was so important to you, but I...

I think it's of equal importance we put this behind us.

So... onward.

I'm messengering 6 scripts to the house now! Lots of great stuff on the horizon.

Call me as soon as you get this!

I love you!

And it's gonna be a great year!

Made a hole in the wall.

So we'll be able to see everything.

Everything? Or your money back.

Oh boy! I want to see her va-bina!

And... CUT!

Mr. Va-bina's getting all the laughs.

He's only in 4 scenes.

Yeah and he's stealing every one of them.

Piece of shit.

Would you call Genie?

Call Genie and tell her I want the little piece of shit flushed.

And... what are you doing here?


I wanted to talk to you about something but, you know, it could wait.

Not the studio's drug paranoia again?

No, not the studio and their drug paranoia.

Ready for you Benjie!

Fuck off!

I need something to eat.

My blood sugar drops every time I do a scene with Mr. Piece of Shit Va-bina.

Oh... ma, can you put one of those breakfast burritos in the microwave.

2 minutes is perfect.


How you doing?

I'm cool.

Thought you'd be working on your script.

I wish I was.

Got to pay the bills.

How's your business?

It's alright.

Got a callback from 'Blue Matrix'.

You watch it?

Not into space soaps.


... it's got a kind of...

... 'Battlestar Galactica' thing going on.

Post 9/11.

Can't believe I just spent 18 000 dollars.

Let's go. Havana this is Jerome.


He's a chauffeur.


Jerome just got an audition for 'Battlestar Galactica'.

It's actually... ah... 'Blue Matrix'.

I'm a big fan.

Aww... thank you.

Well um... good luck.


Oh my God!




Mm... uh... Sydney just told me you were here.

Uh... I was in the dressing room. I was gonna call you.


Thank you, thank you. I'm so excited.

You are gonna be so great.

You think? And you're gonna love working with Damien.

Yeah, he's so great. Um...


That makes me feel so good.

Your mother was so special. It's gonna be a challenge for me.

Uh, I don't want to do impersonations.

Do you know who's gonna play my mother when she was young?


... Hathaway.

How's that gonna work?

Oh, oh, you'd love Anne.

Do you know her? She... she's amazing.

Aww... just... just make it your own.

You know, for a heartbeat...

I really wanted to do it. Isn't that insane?

Well, you should have!

But then I was like, work it out in therapy, bitch!


So adorable!

What's your name?

Uh, this is Micah.

Say hi to Havana.

Hi Micah. You are so sweet!

My shy guy.

Oh... what a heart breaker. Yeah.


Well, great to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Ciao. Ciao.

Um, back in 10.

Okay... go sweetie.

Thank you, Luma.

Can you let yourself out?

I like your new chore whore.

Awful phrase isn't it?

You two have a lot in common.

Like terrible men for one.

Hey ma...

I'm empowered.

Soups on.

I'm a magical child, ma, so come on in.

Mi casa es su casa.

What do you want?

This bravado of mine.

It's asinine and I'm sorry.

It's just...

... I'm nervous around you.

It's sounds comical but I'm not used to being around people.

I'm not gonna listen to this.

Those incidents you keep sharing on the talk shows...

... they're falls memories.


From day one, liar!

Your stepfather must have done those things to you.

Why couldn't I see it?

His first wife warned me that he was like that.

You must have been so angry at me for not protecting you.

Stay away from me. Stay... stay away.

You blame yourself for the night I burned, don't you?

This is my house, ma.

I built it.

My pain and my hell.

And you can't hurt me anymore.

I'm sorry.

I just got uncomfortable.

I guess I'm a lousy dyke.


Are you okay?

I have the flu.

I need cigarettes.

American Spirit and...

I need you to pick up some prescriptions.

Avian. Vicodin. Xanex. Zoloft.

And Astragalus and Goldenseal.

And um...



Do you know Stafford Weiss?

The therapist?


No... course you don't.

Why should you? I'm getting information from a fucking dead person.

Tampax.... I need Tampax and um...


Kozy Shack? You know what Kozy Shack is?

Comes in these big tubs, like...

Tapioca.... rice pudding...

And truffles from Masion du Chocolat.

You can... you can got those at, um....

... at Neimens.

And um... come out to the yard.

Um uh... I need... I need to move some plants.

They've been like this since the fucking earthquake.

And I just... I want to move them over there.

Don't worry about the tiles cause they are gonna be redone so you could just drag them.

They look so heavy.

Don't make me into a mommy dearest, okay?

You're strong, you can do it. You're already wearing gloves, just...

Just put you're weight into it.

No, swivel it. Like this look here.



The door was open!

What's happening?

This hasn't hit the news yet.


Azita Wachtel's little boy...

... died.

No! I just saw them!

Um... he was with his dad, in Ohi.

And he drowned. My God!

Micah! How?!

In the pool... And she wasn't there?

I don't know, I mean, nobody knows yet.


But here's what's going on.

And I know it's schoolish...

But I think we can get you to replace...

But how?

Well Azita is in the hospital. You know.

She totally lost it. They had to sedate her.

Um... won't they just shoot around her for a few weeks?

There's no way she's going back to work.

How much have they shoot? There's no way she's going back to work.

How much have they shoot?

Eh, just a few days.

Casting people called me.

3 times.

Sarah Horowitz? She call back?

Yeah... they want to make an offer.

Did Damien call?

No, but you know, he's probably consumed.

Well, but, Havana...

They are not gonna make an offer without Damien's complete approval.

No. Ah... Azita should just... do it.

She should... she should work.

She should go to the funeral and then go right back to work.

Yeah I know, it's beyond but do you still want to do it?

I need to talk to Damien.

You will!

But this just happened.

I haven't been able to reach anyone.

Don't go deafen my quote , cause if they're really in trouble, we're in the capital seat.

Unless they're out to somebody else.

I'll call you as soon as I hear.

Should I send flowers?!

You're not supposed to know!

And save the flowers to Damien, when we close!





Goodbye! Come on sing it!




Goodbye! This is for little Micah!

Little miracles! Who's Micah?

Fire and water!

We're fire and he's water!

So say goodbye! Bye!

Na-naa-na-goodbye Micah! Na-na-na-naa!

-Fire and water, say it! Fire and water!

Hey-hey-hey, goodbye, woohaa!

Excuse me?

I'm looking for Jerome Fontana. He had a callback?

He's a Vorbalit?

Try make-up.


What are you doing here?

Havana is having lunch at the commissary. Thought I'd see if I can find you.

Is it supposed to be a burn?

No, I don't think so. I think uh...

... it's a birthmark or something.

We're half an hour away.

Go back to make-up and get some color on that thing.

They did have a cover... for the pool but...

The motor was in the shop for repair.

He didn't swim?

The father heard the phone...

And he thought it was Azita so he went inside for like That's always how it happens, I mean, uff, thats...

Always how you hear it happens.


Have you talked to Azita?

Uh, yeah, I went to see her. She's home now.

I told her you were playing her part.

She was relieved.

At least she seemed to be.

I felt weird.

Going in there to tell her...

... that. But we had become close.

Anyway, listen, I... I was...

I was going to call you.

To tell you about my decision to go...

... with Azita but things went crazy.

Yeah, it's cool Damien. I'm... I'm totally fine.

Yeah... I'm not.

I don't like the way...

... that that was handled.

I loved your read.

You know that.

I had some initial misgivings about...

... the connection to your mother.


... the film, that I'm making...

... is very different from the original.

In fact, in some ways it does not resemble it at all.

Which I would probably be taking it to task for it.

The script is amazing.

Thank you.

You know, I just want you to feel strong.

Coming in like this.

Things happen for a reason.

I'm a big believer in that.

So glad to have you on this show.


Hey, Victoria Lap in Star! Channel, are you ready for us now?

No. Uh, we had a 4 o'clock interview with you.

No. Didn't Genie tell you?

No. Uh, uh, well can we just have 15 minutes?


Okay, we've been waiting here for you.

Why don't you talk to my co-star Jim Carrey Jr.?

There he is.

Hey! Mr. Piece of Shit Va-bina! Wanna be on TV?


Get your jailbait ass over here.

Hi, I'm Roy.

Hey Benjie.

FUCK! You! Get out!

Hey, it's okay. I'm here to make amends.

How did you get on the lot?

I work for somebody who's doing a film here.

Havana Segrand.

You're gonna hurt me, Agatha?


I'm not gonna hurt you.

You're my little brother.

You try to hurt me and I'll fucking kill you!

Understood? Um-hm.

You hungry?

Want a breakfast burrito?

No, I can't stay long.

Havana Segrand, huh?

Was that bullshit or are you serious? Um-hm.

She's really good.

We have the same agent.

How that happen, you working for Havana Segrand?

Oh... it's... through friends.

Carrie Fisher.

You know for a... a disfigured schizophrenic you got the town pretty wired.

They now you are here, Agatha.


Dad! He's all fucking seeing and knowing if you don't remember.

Watch your step cause...

... the old man is getting a restraining order against you or some such shit.

I prefer if you didn't tell them I stopped by.

I'm not a big fan of closures so...

If you're looking for an epiphany that's gonna help you go on with your life than...

I wrote to you...

... for years.

To explain.

Benjie, it's Jeb Berg.

I'm taking a nap Jeb.

There he is, hey, that's alright, listen...

I've got my nieces here from Connecticut and they...

Universal Studios.

Put there asses on the tram Jeb Berg.

You're so mean.

I fuck them when I can. Do you want a Cobalt?

Nah, sugar makes me crazy.

Very funny.

So, uh, mom and dad...

... sent you to the snake pit?

The courts did.

Looking pretty good.

I was in Sherman Oaks. On the burn ward.

After my grapht they sent me to Florida.

The Land of Scarface.

Tony Montana, I love it.

Did you put that in?


That's Havana's mom.

Did you start the fire?

This is hard.

No shit. Did you?

But I didn't want anything to happen to you.

Do you know about them?

About who we are. Did they tell you?


Vitamins? Probably something for sleep.

So you gave me pills and then you set the house on fire?

Why am I having trouble with the 'I didn't want anything to happen with you' part?

I was seeing things! Like what?


What'd you do when you uh...

... when you saw them?

I would say...

... by this ring, you are consecrated to me.

I remember that's... that's... that was the game we played.

It always worked.

As soon as I said it, they always went away.

Okay, uh, I think you have to go now.


There's this script.

I can't explain but you are part of this beautiful mythological script.

Oh my God.

My long lost psychotron sister is pitching me a movie.

Agatha, leave.

And take the DVD with you.

You don't have to worry about me starting anymore fires.

They blew my pile lighter right out.

Work your program Milton.

Don't argue in the bedroom. Bedroom...

... is for sleeping, making love, not for fighting.

You need to talk, go to a coffee shop.

Thank you.

Thanks. See you Tuesday.

Okay. Thanks.


Was she there now?

Hello, Agatha.

My books!

You're reading any of them?


Secrets kill.

A classic.

How did you find me?

Please, no film noir questions.

Did Benjie... Did Benjie tell me you're here?

How would he now that? Did you go see Benjie?

No... Bad idea. Going to see Benjie.


A question remains.

Why are you in LA?

I'm in recovery.

I wanted to make amends.

No one escapes the long arm of 12-step.

Why didn't you ever come and see me?

That's a victim question.

That's, and I never promised you a Rose card question.

You know why.

I don't believe in rewarding. Homicidal behavior.

I've changed.

I wanted to tell you how... how sorry I am for what I did.

I wanted to tell you and mother. I sent letters.

Apology's accepted.

You need money?

No, I have a job.

I'm working for Havana Segrand.

She asked if I knew you.


Here's 10 000 dollars. I want you to get on a plane, that would be true amends.

Our lives are rich and full. We made them from the ashes of what you left.

Give Ms. Segrand a notice.



Don't ever think about seeing Benjie again or Christina, do you understand?

You can't have actually believed I would let you come back and fuck up my world again?

Take your skin cream...

... and your meds and your hefty bag luggage and send them out the door.

And work your program.


We're done Benjie. I'll see you Friday.

Alright, thanks Rusty.


What are you doing in there?

What the fuck are you doing in my pool?

Who are you?


It's a drowned boy.

I don't want to see you.

I didn't do anything to you.

His father thinks you could have done something to save him.

That's what father's always think.

I'm not doing this.

Go play with somebody else.

I'm alive, asshole! I'm alive! And I'm not crazy!

I know a man...

... who lives under the sword of Damocles.

We call aids.

'When my time comes' he told me.

I'll be ready.

My bags are packed and at the door.

I like that. I like that very m...


Say... we have to stop.

We have to stop.

You're a patient here. I want to help you.

You're a patient here. I want to help you.

You don't think I set those fires do you?

Say, 'I think that you didn't mean to. You just need help, that's all'.

Think you didn't mean to. You just need help, that's all.

Don't you want to help me?

Will you leave my stockings?

I have burns.

My legs. My stomach. My back.


On my school notebook.

On my desk and on the trees.

In the sand and in the snow, I write your name.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of my friends.

On every hand held out, I write your name.

Your mother of course was Clarice Taggart.

The wonderful actress who died tragically in a fire in the mid 70's.

Christmas '76.

You've spoken of your mother's addictions.

And recently revealed and, very bravely, I might say, that you yourself were physically abused.

And sexually, yes.

Which is far more uncommon, usually it's a male, the father, stepdad, what have you.

And I wanna talk about that Havana, but first...

There is a question that I've been dieing to ask.

What is it like starring in a remake of a movie, 'Stolen Waters', as you are now and essentially playing your mother?


I mean, we all hear that we become our mothers but this is a bit extreme.

And she was even nominated?

For an academy award, yes, which I believe she should have won.

But she did get the Golden Globe.

I suppose I feel about as comfortable as I, as I could.

- We're very lucky to have Damien Javitz directing... Agatha!

- There is a man who's made some... Agatha, could you come up here?! strange films. Honored? Yes, but strange nonetheless.

Don't be shy.

I'm so backed up from the Vicodin.

I need you to go back to Whole Foods and get me a laxative.

I think it's called 'Quiet Moment'. I need you to go back to Whole Foods and get me a laxative.

I think it's called 'Quiet Moment'.


I should call it 'Un-Quiet Moment'.

Um, and I'm gonna need you tonight.

Maria can't work. One of her 1000 kids has got cholera or whatever.

Oh, uh... what do... what do I do?

Um, kitchen stuff. Mostly.

You know, easy. Refill drinks, maybe little serving.

And have fun. Lots of interesting people.

It'll be good for you.


I think I'm gonna need an enema.

Oh! Wait , wait.

I wanted to ask you something.

Do you see men?


Are you seeing someone now?

You are!

Just dating a little.

What does he do?

He's an actor.

Oh God! They're the worst! You have to fight them for the mirror in the mornings.

Well in my case, that doesn't apply.

He writes too.

No. You know, you're very attractive. Don't run yourself down.

Do you do it with him?


Eh, you can tell me!

How much do you do?

Almost everything.

Do you come?

There you go.

Is he a waiter?

No. He... you...uh, he drives a limousine. You met him outside of Valentino's.

Oh, yeah!

He's cute.

Man! Limo-drivers are Rolls!

Um, okay.

Um, I need yogurt and cigarettes and call the hot tub man because the water's cold.

My God. Oh my God! It stinks in here!

Hey sucker fish!

Hey! You're out late for a school night.

2 days off.

Have a Shirley Temple.

Shirley you jest.

Don't call me Shirley.

Oh, um Benjie Weiss. Gretchen Voss.

Hey, ah...

I feel like getting in some shit tonight. You got any?

Mother still working you?

Busting my expensive little hump, one day at a time.

Where's... ah... Kayla?

Naw, fuck her.

I did! After the teem-stress sold her my poop.

She got it for her song.

Well, you mean for a Shlong.

Oh, it's a long story.

Long and coiled.

What up with Sam?

Well, let's find out.

Shall we?

She dug you, man.

She dug you and you dissed her.

I didn't dis her.

Red, I know you're holding in.

I'm not gonna be the one to fuck up your sobriety, okay Benjie?

Are you doing the new babysitter sequel?


They made me an offer my mother couldn't refuse.

You made so much money.


Saw you in 'Thrill Kill'. Cool.

We tried to have fun with horror. The critics got it anyways.

I uh...

Got a little GHB, if you wanna get high?

I think I love you.

Alright, Sam's on a way, Jose.

Done deal.

The terminator.



So, I got this off of eBay. And supposedly, they used it at Columbine. Check it out.

Hey! Hey! It's loaded man! That's loaded.

Then I'll empty it.

Okay, don't fuck around.


That was so sick.

Oh God. America only knew.

Finish the joke, Rhett.

About the hillbilly.

Oh my God! You've only been telling it for an hour.

Okay, so, okay, the hillbilly says to the yuppie...

And what exactly is a yuppie?

Are you serious?

Oh, like, I know what it is.

I just don't know what it stands for. Okay.

The hillbilly says to the yuppie, right?

He says, 'I know a place where we can go'.


Well, they got dancing, they got farting they got drinking and they got FUCKING, WOO!

This is joking and safe sex?

Fuck safe sex! Let's bareback!

Alright, come on, give me that.

Eh, I said... this is a joke.

And it's safe sex.

Oh, well... I hope not.

I'm gonna have to kill you.

Come on. Benjie!

This is getting old, alright? Yuppie says...

... great! Who else is gonna be there?

And the hillbilly says...

Who else?

Just me...

... and you.

You mother fucker! You idiot!

Oh God!

Holy shit!

Oh fuck! FUCK!

Get out of here Benjie! Rhett, man, I'm sorry! You saw... I...

I had all the bullets out.

You're fucking crazy. You killed my dog, asshole!

You sick mother fucker! You killed my dog! GET OUT OF HERE!

May I come in?

I'm not sure that's a good idea. I won't stay long, mom.

I just wanted to make amends.

I've seen this house in the magazines.

In ah...

Architectural Digest and The Profiles of Father.

Makes me feel exposed but...

Stafford likes things personalized.

Show the world how and where we live.

Can I...

... get you anything?

Um, no thank you.

I suppose it'll quit.

Actually I thought you'd come here sooner, it...

It's been 7 years.

Takes me that long to put on my make-up.

Agatha, I... I didn't go to see you.

I wouldn't have come to see me if I were you either.

I was afraid.

Cause of what you did.

You don't have to explain.

I've dreamt so much of that old house.

It was the first place I visited when I got back here.

It's so strange that nobody has built on it.

Well we still own the property.

Since before I can remember, I've had the same dream.

Benjie and me, getting married there.

In a big white tent. I didn't make any sense.

And then I found out about you and dad.

You were in Europe, I...

... found a key to the lock box, all the pictures.

We didn't know we were brother and sister.

We've been separated since we were kids.

It was a freak thing, we...

... met on campus, in the desert...

Agatha, we didn't know.

We didn't know.

What are you doing here?

Stafford, it's alright.

I told you to stay away from us.

You didn't know.

It was a freak thing.

I found the diaries.

Love is stronger than death.

You crazy cunt! Stafford!

Daddy no!

Get off her!



Gotto go! Gotto go! Don't take her!

Gotto go! Don't take her!

Don't take her! Let me go!

My ring.

She took my wedding ring.

My ring.

Piss patrol!

Caught in the act.

You know...

You're chewing some major scenery out there.

What do you mean? You know what I mean.

Va-bina head!

Who's the star of the show?


Can you tell me that, Roy?

Uh... you are?

He's not your enemy.


Love is stronger than death.

You're... a bad babysitter, Benjamin!

You die!


You're a bad babysitter!




He maybe groggy from the medication.


Oh my baby! My baby! My baby! My baby...

I'm so sorry, mom.


Benjie, why did you do it?

He was just a little boy...

I saw her and...

Who, baby? Agatha?

Did Agatha come to see you?

Little girl. She tricked me.

What little girl?

From the hospital. The one that died.

I keep seeing.

Oh, my baby! My baby! My baby!

Oh my baby! Oh my baby! Oh my baby! Oh my baby.

We've got to get him home.

I'd like to place him outside of California.

We need Jonas to speak with the district attorney.

He's only 13.

We have to factor in the violence of the assault, Christina.

He didn't take a gun to a kid at school, Harriet! He hurt one boy. One boy!

The state's become very tough on minors.

They won't send him to jail?

They won't send him to jail.

Boy's gonna be alright.

Oh, thank God!

They've shut down production.

I don't know if they are gonna recast.

But it's such a small little part, what?

BENJIE! They are talking about recasting BENJIE!

My god. It's over!


Now the whole world...

... will know.

The world will know we have done crimes.

Hope you don't mind that I requested you.

No, I'm glad.


I feel shitty. I think I've got bronchitis.

Kind of makes your voice sound sexy.

Thank you.

So, how's the romance going?

It's alright. It's pretty good.

What's that all about for you?

What do you mean? Well, you know...

... the burn thing?

Was it creepy...

... to fuck her?

Uh, not really.

Did she take her gloves off?

Do your friends think it's weird?

Have your friends even met her?

I've kind of tried to...

... try to write a script about it.


Everything is research on some level.


Would you fuck me if I asked you to? For research?

I don't know.

How would we do it?

Can you see me?

Look at what I'm doing.

How would we fuck?

From behind.

We could if you want.

I want.

For a long time.


Am I better looking... than her?


And my skin...

... do I have better skin?


And my holes...

... are my holes better?

You wanna fuck my holes?


I got to go.

Do me a favor? Don't get out, just climb over.

What happened to you?

I took the bus.

What's wrong with the car?

It broke.

What happened to you yesterday?

I was sick.


I've been sick all week.

I still manage to get up at 5 in the morning and work for 14 hours.

What's wrong with you?

I think I have the flu.

You're acting really weird.

You're dirty.

I'm sorry.

Was it too much trouble to just like text?

I'm sorry.

Stop saying that.

Uh... you know.

Maybe this isn't working out. Maybe you need to just go back to Florida.

You know.

Go back to Kansas, Dorothy. It's fine.

But, I wish you wouldn't just sit there, like that because it's creeping me out.

You smell.

You smell! You hear me?

Go home and take a bath!

I'm sorry.

Oh my God!

You bled!

Don't you... don't you use fucking Tampax?!

Are you psychotic?

I'm sorry.

I don't... I don't believe this. My... my crazy assistant just...

... bled on my 12 000 dollar couch!

I don't want you in my life!

You sick fucking pig!

I'm sorry, I'll pay for...

Go to the kitchen and get Pari A and bleach.

And Google the best way to get rid of a stain.

I... I pick you up off the streets.

I give you money so you could be late for work.

And have you period on my furniture!

Do you... do you think that Carrie Fisher...

Do you... do you think Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry have scary little animals working for them?

Scary, deformed...

Hi, Agatha.


I went AWOL and...

I told an orderly that if he let me leave slip out then...

I give him... 10 000 dollars.

Douche bag star fucker.

How did you find me?

You said you worked for her.

And I've been up here before, so...

Where's Havana?

She went to the Canyon Ranch. Damien gave her a couple of days off.

I'm lost Agatha.

I couldn't go to Rhetts and I can't go home.

Benjie, you have to listen to me because there is nothing else.

It's all ending now. Do you understand?

This is Christina's.

You've got to get daddy's, can you do that?

Can you go to the house and get daddy's ring?

We're gonna keep it quiet as long as we can.

I don't want anything interfering with the book tour.

Worse case...

I go on Oprah again.

'Fess up.

Do the whole Lance Armstrong thing.

That'll build us a fresh money stream.

So, we kick it off Monday morning. With GMA, play as it plays.









I haven't taken these many before.

That was so brave of you.

To go back there.

I just slipped it off his finger.

Just like he wanted me to have it.

We should start.

I've had 13 summers.

Not so bad.

Not so bad.

By this ring.

By this ring.

You are consecrated to me.

I am consecrated to you.

As my husband.

As your husband.

By this ring. By this ring.

You are consecrated to me as my wife.

I am consecrated to you as your wife.

Make me as a seal upon your heart.

You may kiss the bride.

On absence without desire.

On absence without desire.

On naked solitude.

On naked solitude.

On the stairs of death, I write your name.

On the stairs of death, I write your name.

On health that has returned.

On health that has returned.

On danger that is left.

On danger that is left.

On hope without memory.

I write your name.

On hope without memory, I write your name.

And by the power of a word.

By the power of a word.

I renew my life.

I renew my life.

I was born to know you and to name you.