Mega Time Squad (2018) Script

Oh! Oh my God.


John!

Why are you up so early?

Mum's up my arse again.

Dude, gross.

Oh, not like that. Shut up!

Oh, don't kick it. Run it!

Oh, how are ya?

Box of birds, Johnny. Got my money?

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you use your pockets?

Oh, nah, it's safer.

Not for me, it's not.

Don't touch it, Terry.

Put it there.

Terry's gonna have to clean that now, isn't he?

Anyway, Johnny, come and have a geez at this, mate.

Kelly!

You see that?

That's an explosive vest, mate, like the terrorists use.

Whoa, explosive? Mean!

If you keep interrupting me, I'm gonna blow the fuckin' house up.

Well, that's exciting, darls. Isn't it, Johnny?

Whoa, yeah. Fuck yeah!

Who's this?

This is Johnny. He's bloody dynamic.

Hi.

Keep your slut eyes off my boys, please.

I'm not.

Finish the fuckin' vest or you're out on your arse.

Whatever.

Now, mate, a serious talk.

Looks like the chinks wanna set up shop in Thames.

They wanna start using Wah Lee's as a spot for one of their gambling drops.

If we let them slide on in here and start doing whatever the fuck they want, they'll take over the whole town.

I am considerably irritated by this.

You see, I consider Thames to be my bloody town.

I'm gonna sort the bastards out.

It's about making a point, loud and fucking clear, that they're not fuckin' welcome.

So what's the story? There's gonna be a drop-off tonight and a pick-up in the morning.

Thing is, though, John... there's not gonna be a pick-up in the morning, is there, mate?

Why not?

Well, come on.

Cos you're gonna flog the fuckin' thing, that's why.

Me? Piece of piss, mate.

You can take your girlfriend, as well.

Whaddaya say, Gaz?

No, there's no, "Whaddaya say, Gaz?"

You're fuckin' doing it.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

I always find it difficult to talk to Shelton.

Oh, it's hard to talk with a dick in your mouth, bro.

Oh, fuck off!

Why do you always grease up to him so hard?

I'm not the one running all of his errands.

Well, nah. You're the one following around the one running all his errands.

How'd he get to where he is?

Oh, it's easy, bro. He just said, "Fuck it," and started looking after numero uno.

What would you do with a big pile of money like that?

I'd set myself up like Shelton, eh?

Except, you know, we'd all live together and eat pizza and learn karate and that.

Bro, like the Ninja Turtles, bro!

You could be Donatello.

Hey, bro, Donatello sucks, bro.

I'd be Leonardo.

He shits on Donatello.

True. Hard, bro.

Well, then there's us, sitting here like a couple of losers, drinking at the bowling club, knowing that that money's gonna be dropped off at Wah Lee's this arvo.

Bro, it's just gonna be sitting there.

You know, anyone could take it.

I'm not saying us, but...

Then what are you saying?

Well, um...

I'm just saying that it's gonna be sitting there.

Anyone could go and take it.

Shelton would slaughter us.

Yeah, not if he never knew about it.

Are we talking about this?

Well, we're just talking about it.

Yeah, we're just talking about it.

Hey. John, right?

What are you doing up here?

Oh, Kelly, meet my parents John and Coralie.

Hi.

Oh, do you want a beer?

Yeah, all right.

I think Dad's had about enough.

Cheers. Cheers.

Pretty nice up here, eh?

Yeah, I s'pose.

So what's it like working for my brother?

Yeah, good, eh?

Come on. He's an asshole.

Oh, well, I mean, I'm just working for him, you know, until I build up enough inertia and learn enough stuff so that I can start my own thing, you know?

My own, uh, organization.

What are you, then? Shelton's bitch?

Nah, I'm not his bitch.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but if you wanna do your own thing, you gotta grow some nuts.

Yeah, I know.

Your nuts are probably bigger than you think.

Oi.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Walters.

You've gotta move out of the garage.

Patrick's coming home from the university and he's bought himself a car so you've gotta go.

Eh? When's he coming back?

Around 6.

What, tonight?

Yes, tonight.

Oh, where am I gonna stay?

"Oh, where am I gonna stay?"

You're such a pussy!

Are those your nuts?

I said, "Are those your nuts?"

Are... those... your... nuts?

Well, who the hell else's nuts are they?

Well, I'm the only one here.

Who the hell's nuts do you think they are?

You gonna make a move?

It's your move.

Or you gonna be Shelton's bitch forever?

Meet me at Wah Lee's at 3.

Now we're not just talking.


You could've changed, bro.

Oh.

So, you seen anything yet?

Nah.

Well, hang on.

What's he doing?

Well, the money's in the tire.

What?

Why do you think he's rolling a tire into an antique shop, bro?

You think it's some ancient tire he's trying to sell? I don't know.

You think it might be Napoleon's tire, bro?

A bit of tread left on it still. Okay, bro. Calm down!

Here. Put that on.

Oi! Where'd you get that?

It's Mum's.

Why'd you bring it?

Well, to scare him.

Who?

The old man.

Bro, he's, like, a hundred years old. So?

So does it work? Yeah, it fuckin' works.

Yeah, all right.

Just looks a bit-- What?

Oh, I don't know... Shit.

Oh.


Where is it?

What?

Oh, we were just wondering where the Chinese money was.

Oh. It's down there.

Oh shit. Have you got a knife?

What?

A knife, to cut this open! No!

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, do you have a knife we could borrow?

Oh!

Hurry up!

Hey! Hey!

Stop it.

What'd he do?

He was texting.

Do you know who you're stealing from?

Shut up!

Holy shit.

I never thought anybody would be stupid enough to steal from Triads.

Oh yeah?

Well, you never met us then, did you?

Hey, look, I'm real sorry about this, eh?

I hope you don't get in trouble or anything.

Oh, what's that?

Nothing. Not for sale.

Oi, nah, come on. Give us a geez.

Hey, mate, what do you reckon about this?

For Kelly.

Bro, now is not the time!

Oh, that's actually pretty nice.

Fuck!

Bro, multiple tangos.

What? Multiple tangos!

Initiate Plan B!

Plan B?

Where's the back door?

Thank you.

Listen.

You can borrow this locator.

Very dangerous.

If you use it, Taotie will come.

The demon will consume you.

Taotie.

Hey, bro, if she doesn't like this, can I bring it back?

Like, exchange it?

You will bring it back, no matter what.

Yeah, cos it's made in China, eh?

Oh shit! Yeah, sorry.

Uh, bye!

Go!

Gaz, go! Hit the gears!

Gaz, now!

Stop pressuring me!

Oh shit!

Fuck! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah! Later, bo!

When he saw the car, he's just like, "Fuck, just take it! Take it all, bro!"

Oi, how mean was that, bro?

I can't believe we actually did that, eh?

Oh, bro, we got it!

Hey, what are we doing here?

Oi!

Gidday, Johnny.

Ooh, bugger me days.

Oh. Oh, please, Shelton.

I didn't mean anything by it.

I just did the job like you asked!

Sorry, Johnny.

You went behind my back. I can't let you go.

Oh, well, don't kill me! Please!

Check his pockets.

What's this?

A friendship bracelet?

Who's your friend? Him?

Best friends forever, eh?

Do you play chess, John?

What?

Chess, the game.

Well, I don't know.

See, in chess, you'd be a pawn.

Now, the pawn looks across the battlefield at its enemies, and it realizes it's gotta kill them or it'll die.

Now, conversely, I'd be a king.

You know how the king dies in chess, John?

It gets cornered by its own pieces.

So it seems to me that I've gotta get rid of some of my pieces so I don't get cornered.

You understand?

Well-- Well, then, I'll move away!

I'll do anything! Please!

Away you go.

Oh...

I can't.

You wanker.

Who wants it? Yep, me.

Oh, nah, please!

Hey, what are you doing?

You fuckin' narced him out. You watch.

Bloody woofter.

Heads down, please.

Dopey bastards.

Oh fuck!

Fuckin' shot me!

Oh I-- I didn't mean to!

Is this your 22"? Who sighted it?

Mum did.

Well, you tell your mum from me she did a shit job, okay?

Now, give me another fuckin' bullet.

Oh, well, I don't have any. What?

My mum keeps them locked up, so...

Fuck me.

Terry, you all right?

I'm worried about my eye.

All right. Narcer, take him to the hospital.

Can we take your car?

Fuck no!

It's five minutes. You can walk.

Hey!

It's like a bloody circus.

What's goin' on?

Oh, fuckin' hell!

There's been reports of a gunshot.

I've only fired it, like, five seconds ago.

I've already told you, Shelton.

You're not supposed to discharge firearms in public.

Discharge?

What are you talkin' about discharge for?

Something wrong with your fanny, Les?

Nothing's discharged here, mate.

This gun got fuckin' fired.

Come on, Shelton.

Christ's sake.

Look, we're just trying to make a little bit of fuckin' revenue, just like you, okay?

Except the difference is I'm not fuckin' sneaky about it.

All right, mate.

There's no need to fly off the handle.

Sometimes I think we should swap jobs for a day.

See how you handle this fuckin' circus.

Now, piss off!

Okay, mate.

Ooh, Les. Yep?

What's the Chiefs-Crusaders score?

Hang on a minute.

You there, Cheryl?


Push the button.

Push the button.

Hey, push the button!

You'll know when!

Oh!

Push the button!

Best friends forever, eh?


Oh fuck!

Fuckin' shot me!

Terry, you all right?

I'm worried about my eye.

It's five minutes. You can walk.


Push the button.

Push the button.

Hey, push the button!

You'll know when!

It's a hair salon.

"Curl-Up and Dye."

Yeah, cos you can go there and get it curled, or you can go and get it dyed.

Yeah, the Sheila's are gonna fuckin' love it, mate.

Well, that's just what I do.

I come up with cool names for businesses.

You know? Awesome names!

Actually, that'd make a fuckin' good business, eh?

Naming businesses.

All right. I gotta go, okay?

Let me know when it's done.

Did you find him?

He disappeared.

Disappeared, did he?

And you two cunts couldn't find him?

No, he disappeared.

So we had him, and he was there, and then he disappeared, so...

Right. Fuckin' useless.

I'm gonna fuck off home, and you cunts better find him.

Oi, arsehole!

Those guys won't stop talking about you.

True? What are they saying?

Just that you're a sneaky cunt, and that they shouldn't have trusted you, and that they didn't trust you, and that you're full of yourself, and you're a pussy, and that they're gonna find you and they're gonna kill you.

Fuck.

I knew I shouldn't have done it, eh?

But you're a badass.

No, I'm not.

Well, you busted in and stole that Chinese money, right?

And Shelton fucked you.

You should get him back. How?

Well, he hid that Chinese money in the basement.

You should nick it again.

Hey, fuck that! I gotta gap it.

I don't want you to run away.

Why not?

You get my fuckin' money back.

Oh, I can't, eh? I'm real sorry.

Use this.

Get my fucking money back or I'll kill her and then I'll kill you.

Meet me here tonight.

Take it!

Oh, but this is in Paeroa, and I don't have a car.

I don't want you to run away.

Push the button!

Best friends forever, eh?

Oh fuck!

Fuckin' shot me!


Hey, push the button!

You'll know when!

Oh, fuck it.

Oh fuck!

Fuckin' shot me!


Hey, push the button!

You'll know when!

Oi, don't.

I just wanna see what happens.

What's supposed to happen?

I don't know.

Nothing's happening to you?

You don't feel funny or anything?

Nah.

Hey, so I was sitting where you were two minutes ago, and I pressed the button, so... we've changed something.

We better talk to Jay.

Identify yourself.

Uh, it's me, John.

When does the milkman come?

On time.

Who's this?

That's what I gotta talk to you about.

Chinese, eh?

Yep, you're probably fucked.

Oh, well, I gotta learn how to use it so we can get the Chinese money back.

So, you stopped him from going back in time so that must mean that he presses it later on and becomes you by doing everything you've done or...

Holy shit. What?

See that engraving?

It's a demon.

The Chinese call it Taotie.

Known for eating everything in sight and then itself, exactly like my ex-wife.

Yeah, the old fulla said.

Be careful with that thing. It's a warning.

That's the Wah Lee bracelet.

It was made in ancient China, where it was hidden in secret by this mountain monk type fella.

Bro, China was fucked.

War was everywhere.

So to protect his home, the monk gave the bracelet to a whip-arse warrior named Wah Lee.

Wah Lee thought this bracelet was wicked, and it would definitely help him save China.

But there was a catch.

See, there was this demon called the Taotie, and it came after time travelers.

If you meet your other self while time traveling...

Well, that's when the demon comes.

But Wah Lee wasn't scared of a demon.

He was, like, "Oh, fuck that," and went off to sort out the war.

Wah Lee got real good at using the bracelet.

He cleaned up all these mongrel warlord fellas and saved the empire.

He was a total legend, bro, and everyone wanted to be his mate.

He got real rich, too.

Even though Wah Lee was getting mad respect from all angles, and even after the monk warned him about the demon, he still couldn't help himself.

He wanted to know what it was like to meet himself.

So one day, he snuck around the back and he did it!

What a idiot!

Soon enough, just like the monk had said, the demon came for him.

And he ended up carking it... real bad.

So what if he doesn't press the button?

You better make sure you all press the button, you all go back, and you all do your part.

You better pay close attention to what each other are doing.

Be careful with that thing.

All right.

Thanks, Jay.

So we can't bust into Shelton's cos they'll murder us.

So what do we do?

We get the money from somewhere else.


Hey. Uh, everyone be calm and everything will be sweet.

Ugh!


Where did you bloody come from, mate?

Oh my God.

Here we have the highlight of our tour, the fully-automated public toilets.

Uh--

Hey!


Hey. Uh, everyone just, uh...

Be-- be cool and everything will be sweet.

Hey. Um... can you please put some money in here?

What money do you want?

Um...

Oh, I don't know, all of it.

Okay. It's just that we're a bank.

We don't really have money.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, well, um, can you double check?

I can call my supervisor.

Yep.

Marcus, can you come out here, please?

Yes, it's urgent.

Oh my God.

Hey. Uh, we was wondering if we could have some money?

Why did you call me out here?

They said the chances were so low.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, we're just wondering if we could have some money, bro.

Oh my God.

We have this.

It has some money in it.

Hey, where'd you come from?

Bro, he got shot the first time.

What, and you went back and saved him?

Yep. I was like, "Yoink!

Got your shotgun, bitch!"

Oh, hey, bro! Oi, blow the lock off.

Oh, nah. It's just rubber bands, bro.

Bro, is this stuff poisonous?

I don't know.

It kinda tastes nice.

Urgh...

Nah, it's all checks and pension slips.

Oh, nah. Hang on.

How much is there?

35 bucks.

Oh, nah, 38.

Oh shit. We're fucked.

Oh, well, it's not that bad.

I mean, got enough for some beers.

Yeah, hard, bro.

Oh, but you should jump back, though.

Oh yeah. Well, can't I go after?

Oh, yeah, but... then we get less beers.

Oh.

Oh yeah, okay.

Hey, mate. Yeah.

What's going on?

He's here. Uh-huh.

Bro.

So, we know how this thing works, right?

So I reckon we just keep robbing Shelton over and over again until we get the Chinese money and we get to Paeroa.

What, you don't reckon we need a plan?

Nah. Nah, just trial and error.

As long as we do like Jay says and go back and do our part.

Yeah, I s'pose.

I gotta go take a dump.

You slippery bastard.

Oi! Hey!

Hey, hang on.

Wait...

Give me a sec!

Urgh...

Just a sec.

What the hell are you doing, you spaz?

Ah...

Time's up.

Jesus, Damage!

Oh...

Uh...


I'm gotta go take a dump.

Yeah, use that one, bro.

Hey, hang on. Uh...

Wait...

Give me a sec.

Sorry, Damage.

Oh!

Oi, let other me go.

We're like our own gang.

The John Gang.

Nah, the John Squad.

Or the-- the Time Squad.

Mega Time Squad.

Mega Time Squad.

Mean.

I better jump back.

Hey, Terry.

Look at this.

Surprise, motherfucker!

Bloody ripper, mate.

Are those live explosives?

Intimidation purposes only, Terry.

Sometimes it's important to let people think you've got a bit of a screw loose.

Oh yeah.

Fuck.

Hey, get us some noodles, will you, darls?

I could eat the crotch out of a ragdoll.

Yeah?

All right, all right. Calm your tits.

He's got his own gang, eh?

I knew he had ambition, but...

Coming over here?

All right, well, get everyone over here.

Everyone.

Yes, him too.

Well, get him outta hospital, then!

Thinks he can surprise me, eh?

Cheeky bastard.


Right.

Looks like a fuckin' hospital in here.

Right, Sammy, you're the best shot out of us.

You take that.

Go and wait in Narcer's car.

If you see Johnny, fuckin' shoot him.

Don't I at least get a gun?

Why?

I'm a good shot, too.

This is Parawai, Terry.

It's not America.

We're not made of guns.

Can you believe this?

Terry, you can borrow my mum's gun, if you want.


Fuck!

Ah, fuck.

Fuck.

Oi!

Fuck.

I got a gun!

Is that you, John?

Yeah.

Hey, John.

Yeah.

I can't do it, eh?

Oh, thanks, bro.

Never said you had a brother.

Nah, he's me. Eh?

We're both me.

Bro! That's buzzy, bro!

Far!

Hey, bro.

Why don't you just go home, eh?

I won't tell Shelton or anything.

I don't care. Shelton's a dick!

He's got us waiting here for you fellas while he's sitting up there doing fuck all!

Oh, well, it is his house, bro.

Laters, bro.

Later, Johns.

Fuckin' wait till I tell my mum about this.

All right, where are you, you cheeky bastard?

Ah! We have bush.

What's he doing?

He's being a smart arse.

You reckon he's seen me yet?

Ow. Ah!

Oi, what's with the pedo shoes?

What?

Your shoes say "pedo"!

Oh... nah.

They say "dope."

Whatever, pedo! Shame!

Shame!

Oi, dickheads.

Oi!

Who's there?

Oh!

Fuckin' thing's not synced up right.


Did you see that?

There's two of the bastards.

What the fuck is going on?


What's going on?

Fuck knows, mate.

Well, that's what I pay you for!

All right, all right. Jesus Christ.

Hey, can you get me some of those left-over noodles?

Get off the grass.

There's some chips in the drawer.

Get out of it, you mongrel!

Oh, I need to get that Chinese money, bro.

Not lettin' ya.

Oh, sorry, Gibbo.

Ow!


Hey, you're-- You're Shelton's sister, eh?

Yeah.

From the big smoke, eh?

Yeah, Hamilton.

Can I have a chip?

Have you got anybody to show you 'round Thames?

Yeah, thanks. I do.

Have they taken you to Piss Chuggers yet?

Nah.

I could-- I could take you there at some...

It's mint as.


You in there, John?

Last chance, mate. You wanna come out?

Oh! Ahh...

Christ.

Are you there, John?

Go on. In you go.

Uh...

How old are you?

Don't they need you downstairs?

No.

No, I... I like it up here.

Hey. Where-- Where you going?

Fuck off!

What? What's the problem?

Hey, what are you doing?

You're not gonna sneak up on me this time, you cheap cunt.

Oh, are you all right, Kelly?

Yeah, 'course. I'm fine.

Oh. You two, eh?

Oh, don't be like that, Damage.

Yeah, well, too bad, bitch.

Ha. You always were a pussy.

Hey, Damage, if you don't stop being such a dick, I'm gonna whip your arse.

Since when did you grow nuts?

Well, this afternoon.

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Bastard! Get off me!

Get off!

Youse are dead meat.

You really staunched him out.

Yeah...

Hey, uh, what did you wanna talk to me about?

Um...

Um... Oh, just, um...

Oh, just, well, cos I gotta hit Paeroa, and, um...

So...

Um...

What?

Oh, did-- did you wanna come with me?

Are you in there? Ohhh!

Can't see Bugger-all in there.

Fuck's sake.

Get outta the way. Get outta the way.

He's nicked the Chinese money!

Oi!

That's my mum's car!

Shit!

Did that hit you in the eye again, Terry?

Jesus Christ!

Oh, I didn't mean to!

Oh, Mum's gonna kill me!

Right.

Show's over. Get in the fuckin' car.

Not you, Gaz.

You're as useful as tits on a fuckin' bull, and you can fuck off home!


Oh, he's gone. Who?

Other me.

Well, why are there three of us?

Did you push the button?

Yeah. Did you?

Yeah.

Shit.

One of us has fucked-up the time-traveling.

More than one of us. Well, it wasn't me.

How do you know?

Well, because I'm very focused.

I don't make those kinds of mistakes.

But you're me. You're all of us.

So?

So we need to find other John and sort this out.

Okay. So where is he?

Paeroa.


Hello?

I've already told you, you need a warrant.

Nah, we're not cops.

Welcome to the Come Inn. How can I be of service?

Bro, have you seen a Chinese fella?

Chinese what?

There's no Chinese guy around here?

Look, do youse want a room or nah?

How much for a room?

Sorry. All booked.

Except for the honeymoon suite.

Is it more expensive?

It's considerably more expensive.

Ta-da.

What?

Tip.

Yeah, I paid you already.

Pssh.

Cheap arse.

Oh-oh, mean!

Bloody late, aren't ya?

Patrick's 'round the back dealing with your junk.

Oi.

What are you doing?!

Just making room for my fucking car, you jippo.

Bro, giz' the keys.

As if!

Nah, giz' the keys... bitch.

You want the fuckin' bash, mate?

Oh, nah, not really.

Do you?

It's a bit of a long story, cos I'm actually from up Ruamahanga ways.

So, yeah, one day I'm, like, hitching down, and this beasty as Holden rolls up, eh.

It was, like, full original windy; like, HSV rims; like, 2.5" exhaust with the high-flow cat and the dumped dip, and I was like, "Far, this dude is legit."

And, like, the window goes down, and he's like, "Oi, bro, get in."

I'm like, "Yeah, mean, let's go for a hoon."

And he says, "Hey, bro, don't worry about the probation officer.

Just come work for me."

And, uh, that was Shelton.

Been mates ever since.

Yeah, great mates. Hmm.

What about you? How'd you end up here?

I sort of, um...

I, um... I sort of blew up my school.

What?

Well, I was bullied a lot, so I thought, "Fuck them," and I blew it up.

You made a bomb?!

I broke in to the chemistry lab.

I mixed some shit together, and it fuckin' blew up.

I had to go to court and everything.

Far.

You're the badass.

Hey, um, you've-- you've got something...

Nah, nah, nah. That...

I'll get it.

There's Gaz's mum's car.

Oh, where?

Behind the hotel.

I've wanted this since the minute I saw you.

I've wanted it since the second I saw you.

I've wanted this since the millisecond I saw you.

I've wanted it since the nanosecond I saw you.

I've wanted it since before I saw you.

I wanted it years ago before I even met you, when you were just a little kid.

Eh?

How old? What?

How old would I have been?

Oh, well, legal age, definitely.

I mean, I'm not a perv.

Whoa.

Who the fuck are they?

I did press the button.

Well, which one of youse didn't? Oh, not me.

I did everything I was supposed to.

You didn't. You have to go back.

Oh, fuck you.

Oh, I'm sick of going in circles.

You guys sort it out. What?

I'm not pressing this fucking button any more!

Hey, why are you arguing?

I thought this is what you wanted, your own little gang.

Yeah, Mega Time Squad!

Fuck your Mega Time Squad.

I want my own gang.

This is literally your own gang.

Well, no, it's not, because I'm supposed to be the leader, like Leonardo.

Oh, you're not Leonardo.

I'm Leonardo!

You're all Donatello's.

If you stop arguing, you could probably keep the money.

How?

All of you against one Chinese guy.

You could totally take him out, keep the money and split it.

This was my idea. I'm not splitting the money.

They need to go back and do their fuckin' parts.

You won't even share with yourself.

Egomaniac much?

Well, tell them that.

You know, you're such a bitch!

You've got no nuts!

All right. That's enough.

We're not going anywhere tonight.

We're not doing anything tonight.

It's late, I'm weirded out, and I can't be fucked listening to you argue any more.

I'm going to bed.

Oh, but you gotta watch the money.

Why?

Well, cos I don't trust these cunts.

Jesus.

Shelton, I've found the car.

It's in fuckin'--

Paeroa.

You are a darling, mate.

He's in fuckin' Paeroa!

What, so now we've gotta go to Paeroa?

Yes, we're going to Paeroa, Damage.

Put your safety belt on, please.

What are you doing?

Oh, I was gonna take a slash.

Oi, where's he gone?

He went to the toilet.

How long's he been gone?

I don't know. Like, a minute.

Better go check on him.

Bro, where's he gone?

He went to look for you.

Well, I was just in there.

So?

Well, so, if he was looking for me, he would've found me.

Oh, it's the honeymoon suite.

It's big.

Oh, I better go check on him.

Hey, what were you doing? Looking for you.

Well, I was just in there.

What were you doing in there?

Um, toilet.

What were you doing out there?

Um, I said, looking for you.

Bullshit. Nah, you're bullshit.

Oi, watch yourself!

I knew this would fuckin' happen.

Oi. Who's there?

Oh, it's freezing.

Ah! Oh my God!

Bro.

Can you stand up?

Oi, come on. Oi, come on.

What?

Oi, come on!

John!

Come on!

Oi, let us in!

Come over here, darl.

Oh, hurry up!

Oh, go get her, will ya, mate?

Aw. Ooh.

Excuse me! Watch it.

Bloody bastards.

Oi.

Hey, come on.

Oi, drop the bag.

Oi!

Oi, is there another way outta here?

Ah!

Just give us the money, mate.

Ah!

Bloody hell.

Come on.

Oh shit.

Oh fuck! Christ!

Oh!

Excuse me, hey. Uh, excuse me.

Hey, uh, that-- that wasn't piss that was running down my legs before.

Just had-- had beer in my pocket, and it spilled, so... sweet as.

I don't care about the piss, mate.

Tidy your bloody room up.

And open a window. It smells like jizm.

Okay.

Sweet as!

Sweet as.

Fuck!

Jesus.

Must have topped himself.

Stop pulling me. Oh, come on! We gotta go!

Oh.

Stay back, ya mongrel.

Oh, you can't scare me any more, Terry.

I've changed.

Oh, good on ya, mate. You still look like a girl.

You do. No, you do.

Look at that purse.

Oh, hey, Terry.

Oi, check this out.

Whoa.

Ugh!

Oi, why'd you leave me upstairs?

Fuck off.

Oi! Where are you going?

Let go of my missus!

No, she's my missus!

Come on! Don't touch me.

You're my fuckin' girlfriend!

What the fuck's been going on down here, then?

S'pose we should fuck off, then.

Might grab myself some fish and chips.

Come on, Terry.

Grab the bag. Let's go.


Oh, Kelly...


Oh...


Oh nah. Fuck this thing.

Oi, nah! I need to talk to you!

I knew you'd be back.

Bro, this fucked everything up.

I lost my friends, my money and my girlfriend, and now there's a fuckin' demon after me.

I told you, demon consumes all.

Mmm.

Consumes all? What do you...?

What do you mean? How do I get rid of it?

Hm.

It cannot stop.

It will keep coming.

So you used the bracelet.

Blood on my hands.

Well, you're still here. How did you get rid of it?

There can only be one.

One what?

One left.

But all the others are dead. I am the last one.

You go.

So it's gone?

You use this.

Gave you many chances to make much money.

And get girlfriend.

But now you must get them... all by yourself.

Okay.

So what should I do?

I'm not your mother.

Fuck off!

Boy, you no steal my shit again.

Wanker.

Well, you fucked that up.

Yeah, I know.

Now that Chinese fella's gonna kill Kelly.

I know. What do I do?

You can't do shit without that bracelet.

Bro, I gotta try.

Yeah, you gotta grow some nuts.

Bro, she said my nuts were bigger than I thought.

When you had the bracelet, maybe.

Well, I could just go get the money and save Kelly.

Yeah, all right, then. Go use those huge nuts.

Yeah, whose nuts are these?

Yeah, yours!

Yeah! Yeah, my big nuts!

Yeah, go use those big nuts! Yeah!

Boy, shut the fuck up!

Can't sleep!

Fuckin' weirdo.


Ah!

What are these clowns doing?

Is that John?

No, it's not John.

He got plastered all over the inside of that hotel, remember?

Yeah.

Just go and have a look, will you?

All right.

We can see you on the cameras, you idiots.

Initiate Theta Protocol.

What?

Save yourself!

Oh shit!

Ahh! You all right, mate?

I got a fright. I didn't mean to--

Oh fuck!

I'm fuckin' blind!

Hey, you all right?

I got shot.

This is so wicked.

We need to get you to the hospital.

No...

You... You get the girl.

Do you want a hoon on my goon?

Maybe later.

What do you want?

I've come to save you.

Fuck off.

Well, I gave back that bracelet, eh?

Congratulations.

Well... I'm sorry I was such a dick before.

Yeah, you were a dick.

Well, do you think you could ever like me again?

That depends.

True.

You can't treat me like that.

You can't be a psycho.

Yep. Nah, I know.

It's like I wasn't myself.

It's like everyone was myself.

Except me.

You really gave that bracelet back?

Yep, honest.

Okay.

I forgive you.

Oh, hey, we better get outta here before that Chinese fella finds us.

Oh, at least he didn't blow your balls off, eh?

I don't know.

I can't feel anything from the waist down.

Fuckin' finally. On your knees.

Come on.

Oh, not this shit again.

You've got your money. Leave him alone.

Look, darl, I'm not gonna go crook at ya.

I know you've taken a shine to him, and I've got my money back.

But-- and you'd better call Sir Mix-a-Lot, cos it's a bloody big "but" -- the cunt fuckin' lied to me.

He went behind my back.

He beat my boys up.

Had me running around town, flat tack like a chook with its head cut off.

What sort of message does it send my boys, eh?

Soon they'll all be fuckin' doing it.

You wouldn't wanna be without your servants, would you?

Grab her, will ya, boys?

Come on!

Yeah, well, she got me in the goolies before.

Well, protect yourself, ya dipstick!

Get the fuck off, Damage.

Argh!

Oh, come on, John.

Don't pack a sad, mate. You knew it was coming.

No, leave him alone!

It's okay.

See?

Said it's okay.

He won't do it.

What?

Nah, he's just about to ask someone else to do it, cos you're scared.

I'm fuckin' what?

Nah, it's all right.

You just haven't found your nuts yet.

Yo, blow his fuckin' head off!

Don't tell me what to do, Damage!

See, you guys?

He just uses us to do everything for him cos he's too afraid to do it himself.

Where'd you come up with this shit?

From the coolest girl I've ever met.

She told me not to be like you.

Not to be a bitch.

Ooh! He just called you a bitch, man!

You are so dead!

Hey, shut the fuck up!

When are you guys gonna see?

We do everything for this asshole, and he just sits up there watching the telly.

And if one of us doesn't like it, he just turns us against each other.

Shut your bloody piehole.

Oi, Shelton.

I'm gonna get up now... and I'm gonna take that money... and my girlfriend... and my big-as nuts... and we're gonna go to Paeroa... and there's nothing you can do about it.

Don't you fuckin' move, you mongrel.

Shoot him!

Terry, shoot the cunt.

I've already shot him once.

I fuckin' own you. Now, do it!

Well, to tell you the truth, Shelton, you're a real nag.

I don't really like you.

I'm just doing this to pay for my night school so I can get a real job.

Fuckin' woofter.

Damage, come here.

I said, come here or you're all fucked!

See, Shelton?

Without us, you're nothing.

You're not a man. You're just a little boy.

Just a scared little boy... without any nuts.

Fine.

I'll do it myself.

No!

Hey, Kelly.

I think I love you.

Oh...

Bloody chink--

Hey, just take it!

Ah!

Oi! Leave him alone!

Ah! Stop! Stop it!

What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

You're a bunch of fucking idiots!

Ah!

Whoo.

Bro, you all right?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I know what my responsibilities are now.

Oh yeah? What are they?

My mates.

Do you forgive... the traitor?

Ah, yeah.

I've probably done some dumb shit, too.

Mates?

Yeah, mates.


Did you mean what you said before?

Did that make things weird? Nah.

Well, I feel like a bit of a dork.

Hey, there's something I didn't tell you.

Oh, is that the Chinese money?

Oh!

Oh, so what's in the pink bag?


Hey, hang on.

You're not a bloody demon.

That's that mask from Wang's.

Yeah, it's real uncomfortable.

Oh, so there's no demon?

Yeah, I stole that Chinese money, fair and square, and I wanted to keep it, but I didn't wanna share it with you cunts.

Oh, hey, you know Kelly?

Yeah, 'course.

Oh, I think I'm in love with her, eh?

So?

So how about I give you the money and you let me hoon off with Kelly?

There's a car outside. The money's in the boot.

Shall we go?

Yeah.

Hey, um, let's get a pie first, eh?

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, 'course.

All right.

What?

You gave that money back, eh?

Yeah.

To be with me.

Yeah.

John.

I think I love you, too.