Misbehaviour (2020) Script

[door opens]

[cheering and applause]

[announcer] Here we go, guys, the man you've all been waiting for...

Mr Bob Hope!

[cheering and applause]

Welcome, everybody, to Long Binh, in what I like to call the United States of Vietnam.


I hear you guys have been petitioning the president to let me retire.

If you think you can shake me off that easily, you need to talk to Raquel Welch.

[cheering and laughter]

Come on, now. [man] Give it to her, Bob!

[Bob] Uh-huh.

[door opens]

S. Alexander? Yes.

[Bob] Right now, I want you all to sit back and relax.

It's time to introduce the most beautiful girl in the world.

Of course, that's not my opinion. That's her actual title.

From Vienna, Austria, please welcome 1969 Miss World...

Eva Rueber-Staier.

[cheering and applause]

34-24-36. Wow. Yes!

There you go, boys.

[wolf whistles]

This show just got a lot hotter.


Eva, honey, would you like to say hello to these fellas?


[rapturous applause]

The mature stu.

Sally Alexander? Yes.

So, history.

Why have we never had a revolution in Britain?


[Bob] Eva Rueber-Staier.

Oh, boy!

Ooh! I'm telling you, if the commies had someone like that to go home to, we'd be out of here by now.

Oh, yeah!

The Civil War was won by the rebels, but, even then, the new order only lasted a generation.

So surely the real question is, why have all our revolutions failed?

It says here you left school at 15.

My school didn't really foster academic ambition.

It was more about preparing us for marriage and so forth, so...

Which is why I would like to get back into education.

I have just completed my diploma in history.

At Ruskin College? Yes.

Don't they require a trade union background?

I... I have a trade union background.

I was an Equity member.

So, you're an actress?

[chuckles] No, er...

After school, I had to do something.

And my mother thought that drama school sounded better than secretarial college, so...

I was never any good.

I don't like people looking at me.

And after drama school?

I got married and had a baby.

What does your husband think about you applying for university as a mature student?

We're divorced, so it doesn't really matter what he thinks.

You have a child, Miss Alexander.

Studying here is a big commitment.

Yes. Erm...

I managed my diploma whilst looking after my daughter.

I got a distinction.

And the man I live with shares the child care.

I would never be late for lectures or miss deadlines.

I would be mature.

I would be a mature... mature student.


[woma] Hurry.

Go, go, go! Come on!

Go, go, go!



I had to do that.

Hello. Sally.

We're gonna need more chairs. Oh, okay.

Here's Mummy. Hello!

Mummy! [growls] Hello!


It arrived this morning after you left.



University College London.

They're offering me a place. I got in!

[squeals with laughter]

Course they bloody did! Ohh!


Oh, give me a cuddle! Give me a real cuddle!

"It's my great pleasure to offer you a place to study history..."

I can't believ. I can't believ, I can't believ.

This is a women's conference. Why are there men everywhere?

They don't look that happy about it, do they? Look at that face.

Oh, God!

Cheer up, mate. [laughs]

We're not perm. We're only here for the weeken.

You can have a party hat. [women laugh]

Don't you worry, mate. We're not gonna leave you out.

Erm, excuse me.

Sorry. Do you?

Somebody's gonna have to clean that up when you're gone.

What, cos...

Cos God forbid we shoud offend the authorities?

Typical Oxford student. No stomach for a fight.

Actually, I'm not an Oxford student.

This is a place for people trying to get into university.

Oh, right. So you don't want to bring down the male establishment.

You just want t at the table.

If I'm in it, it won't be the male establishment any more, will it?

Ooh, there she is.

Let's sit down. Jo.

[speaker] What does it mean to be a woman?

That our work will be underpaid and our minds undervalued.

Last year, when we proposed a women's conference, men laughed, and yet here we are, on the road to liberation.


It won't be easy.

We have to recognise the ways in which we've all been conditioned, trained to be pleasing rather than powerful, told that our purpose is to enable men, serve them, service them.

[ripple of laughter]

We have to find a language to describe injustices we haven't even been able to name until now.

If the word "racism" describes one tyranny, doesn't "sexism" describe another?

[applause drowns out dialogue]

The belief that women are inferior to men.

We have to learn to look at the world with new eyes.

We have to ask ourselves, if there was no patriarchy, how would I dress... or work... or think?

How would I have sex?

And who would I have sex with?

No on.

But if we need to change, so does the world.

Which is why today we are launching the Women's Liberation Movement.

[whooping and cheering]

We demand an end to discrimination!

[women] Yes!

We demand equal pay for equal work, and the childcare to enable that.

We want control over our own bodies, contraception and abortion on demand.

Yes. [whoops]

Up until now, working as individuals, we've just been a ripple on the surface.

But together...

Together, I promise you, we will be a revolution.

[whooping and cheering]

["Respect" by Aretha Franklin playing]

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Baby, I've got it ♪

♪ What you need ♪

♪ You know I've got it ♪

♪ All I'm askin' ♪

♪ Is for a little respect When you come home ♪

♪ Just a little bit Hey, baby ♪

♪ Just a little bit When you get home ♪

♪ Just a little bit Mister ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ I ain't gonna Do you wrong ♪

♪ While you're gone ♪

♪ Ain't gonna do you wrong Cos I don't wanna ♪

♪ All I'm askin' Is for a little respect ♪

[announcer] Miss Bristol.

Miss Bristol is 34-22-36.

Lovely face, obviously. Good legs.

No defects... knock-knees, wonky teeth, that sort of thing.

They also have to be unmarried, by which I also mean untouched.

And if they're not pretty much 36-24-36, it goes without saying the curves won't be in the right places.

But we really do believe that beauty isn't just skin deep.

The girls also get marks on charm and grace, deportment.


And who's your money on?

Well, Miss Totnes is definitely a corker.

Nice eyes.

And whatever she may be lacking in the boob front, she more than makes up for in the derriere department.

And I wouldn't rule out Miss Nantwich either.

Lovely blonde hair and a very nice set of curves.

Very nice, Miss Nantwich.

And for the Miss World competition, what about this year's special guest?

Who ht lined?


Who indeed, boys, eh? Who indeed?

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, a warm round of applause for our seven lovely finalists.

Who in-bloody-deed?

[announcer] We have, in first place, Miss Nantwich!


Oh, I just have a little work to do.



And you must be Joan.

Wow. [chuckles] Bob.

Joan Billings.

And right this way. Thank you.

How old are you, honey? Eighteen.

Eighteen? Pretty as springtime.

[typewriter clacking] [woman] Good morning, Mr Hope.

Welcome to the Fort Knx of laughter.


Got a whole warehouse full of this stuff.

Fifty years of memorabilia just waiting for the Bob Hope Museum.

Just gotta get around to building that museum.

We got all my gags, 538,000 of them.

Every cabinet is fireproof and earthquake-proof.

Isn't it somet?

Wow, Mr Hope. Wow.

Academy Awards, Advertising, Agriculture, Airplanes.

We got every subject under the sun, A to Z.

Little group of writers down there toiling 24/7 like worker bees, just bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz.

Magicians, Malibu, Marriage. Massage.

Bob Hope's office. Go ahead, pick one out.

Sir, it's Mecca calling again.

The Miss World people.

Wanna handle t, Miss Billings? What do you th?

Show me what you can d.


This s Miss, Mr Hope's personal secre.

I'm sorry to keep badgering you, but if you could just let us know either way, we would be so terribly grateful.

Yes, I underst.

Pleasd for a.

She's asking someone.

Let's hope it's not Mrs Hope.

After what he got up to last time.

Do I wanna host the Miss World competition?

Well, that's a big decision for a boy to make all on his own.

What do you think, Miss Billings?

Do I wanna host the Miss World competition this year?

Sure, you do. I've always lod that show.

All right, let them know.

Mr Hope has just confirmed that he'll be delighted to join you again.

That is marvellous news.

Eric will be so pleased.

Thank you. Many thanks. Yes!

Onwards and upwards.

Well done, Mrs Morley.

Well, thank you, Mr Morley.

I think we should celebrate. What do you say?

Oh, sure, Mr H.

What'll it be? Scotch and sofa or gin and platonic?

[Joan giggles]

It's not about context. Some things are universal.

The point is that it isn't true.

Not when you consider historicism as a theory. But don't you think...

Historicism isn't a theory.

It's just Marxist pseudo-science. But that wasn't the point.

Of course you'd say that. You're a bloody imperialist!

Argumentum ad hominem. All right, gentlemen, thank you.

Interesting opinions all round.

I look forward to more of the same next week.

[spray can rattling] [woman] Fantastic.

You've really made some good choices.

[spray can hisses]

[low chatter]

[spraying continues]

Excuse me? Hello? Can't talk now.

No, I don't want to talk. I just want to tell you...

Look, police. Oh, shit! Run!

[officer] Oi, you two! Come back!

[whistle blows]

Come on!

Come in here.

[footsteps running past]

Oh, my God! What is the point...

What is the point in getting arrested just for sloganising?

I like slogans.

[chuckles] Blimey, that looks rac.

So, you enjoying your seat at the table?

Very much, thank you.

I'm sg a wom.

Every Wednesda. 29 Grosvenor A, Islington.

6:00. You should come.

I'm... I'm busy Wednesdays.

You got homework? Leafleting.


We're helping women cleaners unionise. You should come along.

Er... Thanks, no. I don't really do organised.

Well, that's all right. I don't really do illegal.

Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us.

Just ask for the commune.

Enjoy your leaflets!

And she told me that her daughter, who is also a divorcee, remarried in the sweetest little frock, from Marks and Spencer, would you believe?

Clothes from a clothes shop? Who'd have thought?

The frock isn't the point, as you know.

Come on, sweetheart. Let Granny do your tangles.

You look tired, darling.

Is it still all essays and reading?

Don't they ever have socials or dances you and Gareth could go to?

You know me, Evelyn. I'm not one for dancing.

[man on TV] Veteran comedian Bob Hope has been confirmed as the special guest at this year's Miss World Competition.

[Evelyn] Leave it there. Last year, 100 million people tuned in live to watch Miss Austria take the crown, more viewers than saw either the moon landings or the World Cup Final.

Oh, isn't she lovely?

Lovely long legs. I wish I'd had legs like that.

Her Miss World win has taken Eva Rueber-Staier all around the globe.

I'm a Miss World lady.

[Evelyn] You look beautiful, darling.

Mum, don't.

You and your sisters used to love playing Miss World.

We also liked o eat our own sn.

...thrill of being the most beautiful girl...

I don't want Abi watching that. It's degrading and sexist.

For goodness' sake. What does that even mean?

Right, I'm gonna put supper on.

Well, I think that's sexist.

Making poor Gareth cook dinner.

[sighs] I wish you'd be careful, darling.

Some of your attitudes, they're very... emasculating.

[Abi giggles]

[Evelyn chuckles] Look at you. Give us a twirl.


"21st Century Schizoid Man."

Not "Court of the Crimson Ki?

[man 1] "Schizoid" every time.

[women laughing in distance]

[woman] You're talking about sexism, not women's groups.

Who's looking at their vagina anyway?

[chatter and laughter]

[Evelyn] Have you bloody seen it? Topless model on Page three.

We should go and burn their bloody offices down.

That'd put women's liberation on the map.

I've got matches. Anyone got the bus fare to Fleet Street?

I'm serious. Isn't arson a bit male, anyway?

Oh, e.

Everyone, this is... What's your name?

Sally. She's a student.

Hello. Hi. Hi.

Well, come in. Sorry.

I'm just saying, you can talk all you like, but unless we start taking direct action, nothing's gonna change.

There's a motion to demonstrate outside the Miss World contest.

Who proposed that?

Hazel Twort and Jan Williams from the Peckham Rye women's group.

There's a meeting about it at the women's liberation workshop.

What is the point in wasting our time on a beauty pageant when there are serious injustices to worry about?

Sexual objectification is serious.

Yeah, that competition is one big, fat celebration of oppression.

What gets me is they sell it as family entertainment.

My daughter was watching a television report...

You've got a television?


Haven't you?

The media is a mouthpiece for the establishment, which this commune doesn't collude with on any level.

So, no, we don't have a television.

But, erm... if you won't talk to the media, then how are you gonna get your message out?

Well, come on, then. Sarah, come with me.

Where are we going? You'll see.

Do you like 'em? They're good, aren't they?

Is this what you do?

Well, not for money, if that's what you mean.

How do you live, then?

I do some clea. Jo paints scen.

We shy like e every.

We keep it in a drawer in the kitchen. Don't nick it, will you?

Jo went to art college. She's very creative.

I've seen some of her work.

I went to art college too, actually.

Come on, then. You write the message.

We'll make sure everyone sees it.

You're an elusive man, Mr Morley.

Peter Hain, Anti-Apartheid Movement.

Never get involved in anything political, son.

We're a family entertainment show.

Well, taking oy white candidats from a predominantly black country every yer is political, Mr Morle.

In fact, I'd say it's an unequivocal endorsement of a racist regime.

80% of South Africa's population are black or coloured, and they have no right, none.

Excuse me.

They tell me 27 million people watch your show in the UK alone.

Jesus, man. That's an endorsement that packs quite a punch.

You get the South African cricket team banned, and now it's my turn?

Boycott the South African candidate or we picket the show.

Trust me, your sponsors won't thank you for that kind of publicity.

What if I was to tell you we've decided to take a white and a coloured girl this year?

You're joking, aren't you?

I thought that'd take the wind out of your sails.

See him out, will you? You heard the man. This way.

Get the South African office. Tell them to find a decent-looking black girl.

Get her on the same flight as the white girl ASAP.

[secretary] South African office, please.

I think you'll find I'm a man not much given to joking, Mr Hain.

Eric, I need a word.

Some group calling themselves the Women's Liberation Movement.

Apparently they are going to overthrow the patriarchy.

Overthrow the what? The patriarchy.

Male establishment.

Men like you, Eric.

I'm getting calls from journalists. They want to know our response.

Bloody women's liberation.

I told you, by the time I found out, she had already committed me to the show, it was too late to pull out.


Did the naughty little intern twist your arm?

Dol, I'm giving a show.

That's it. In, out, end of story.

It wasn't how the story ended last time.

You wanna stay home? Is that what you're saying?

You'd like that, wouldn't you? No, I wouldn't.


Listen, I woult like that one.


We can go to L, have some fun.

Lord, you've got a sweet tongue when you know you're in the wrong.

I don't know what you want. An apology.

"Never again." That's what you said.

"Miss World, never again."

Ten years ago. It was still a promise.

Oh, my wife, because you are so good... Bob, don't.

...please forge for the sins that I have committed.

Stop it, I said. And by your good grace, I will not sin again.

[door slams]

Everything locked down, sir.

Lifts disabled. Second and third floor sealed like Fort Knox.

Right, so we've had all kinds of fun and games in the past with amorous Romeos, but this year, our problem's a bunch of anti-establishment mischief-makers.

So, chaperones, stick to your contestants like glue.

Anything untoward, Mrs Morley needs to know about it.

Any time, day or night.

First coach arriving.

[Eric] You boys on security, I'm not employing you to stand around looking like James Bond.

Eyes and ears open the whole time, please.

Is that understood? [weakly] Yes, sir.

Is that understood? [forcibly] Yes, sir!

[man] Philippines.






Hong Kong.



[photographer] Darling, that's it.





Jennifer Hosten.

[babble of conversation in various languages]

Roger, we cannot have a situation where we have more contestants than chaperones.

Could somebody have gone to the toilet? It's possible.

Could you check? Don't go in there, but check. I can do.

Oh, my! What a reception!

Which country are you from? Grenada.

Oh, my.

Oh, my!

[woman] English, Mandarin, Cantonese.

First time away from home?

First time away from home.

First time on a plane.

First time being so cold. [laughs]

I'm the first black South African to take part in Miss World.

I'm the first Miss Grenada t.

It must be... very different.


Very different.


I'm your chape. I'm going to be looking after.

No need to look so worried. We're going to take very good care of you.

Everyone has to have a chaperone.

A chaperone? Why do I need a chaperone?

It's a Mecca requirement, Miss Sweden, as stipulated by the contract you signed.

Mrs McKenzie is trained to the highest standards.

Come, Miss.

Up to measurements. I can walk, thank you.

I'll take your coat.

No sticking out. I'm not.

Thirty five...

Country? South Africa.



Country? Grenada.


Country? Sweden.




Just a statutory padding check, dear.

Next one, please.

Country? United Kingdom.

Thirty-two. Thirty-five.

Thirty-three. Twenty-six.

Twenty-six. Thirty-one.

You know, maybe things are different in Sweden, but you should try starting out in Nowhere, Illinois.

I'm telling you, if I hadn't have won a beauty pageant and kept on winning, my life would have amounted to jack shit.

The girl who wins this thing is gonna take home $6,000, maybe even earn 30 more.

Just accept that the female of the species...

Country? Grenada.

...and the smart girl just has to work out how to wiggle around them.

If being smart is all it takes, then how come no black girl has ever won this competition?

Maybe sometimes wiggling isn't enough.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't win.

Nice big smiles. Teeth.

Nice tight bottoms.

[Eric] So, ladies, a big Mecca welcome to you all.

We're delighted to have you with us.

Remember, you're the most beautiful girls in the world.

All right? Bring them in. Teeth.

[buzz of chatter]

Look over here, love. Hello, London!

Miss Sweden. Miss Sweden. Show us your legs.

Miss Sweden. Go on, show us those blue eyes.

Miss France! Miss Sweden, over here, love.

Give us a smile, girl. Miss Sweden.

Give us a wink, love. Over here.

Are you nervous or excited about being the bookies' favourite?

Nervous? Not particularly.

Miss UK. That's it, lovely.

[camera shutters clicking] Hello.

Blow us a kiss. Yes, thank you. Clear a path, gents.


How about an arm around each other, girls?

So which one are you, love?

Well, I'm Miss South Africa, and she's Miss...


I think you're Miss South Africa and I'm Miss Africa South, aren't I?

Anti-apartheid spokesmen are g South Africa should be banned from the competition.

Where do you both stand on that?

Back home, you wouldn't be allowed in the same bus...

That's quite e. You know the r.

Let's leave pos to the politic.

It's a perfectly... Thank you.

For Pete's sake! Show us your legs, Julia.

Oi, oi, oi, oi! She's the organising director, you disrespectful little toad.

It's a perfectly valid... Get him out.

It's a valid question. Come on. Come on.

"Anti-apartheid campaigners have described the decision to include both a white and black South African contestat as a spineless attempt to whitewash a monstrous regime."

Oh, that rag! It's only fit for chip.

It's the same in all of them.

Which judges do we have so far?

Oh, Joan Collins, Glen Campbell, the executive from the BBC.

And... Oh, God, that folksy Danish singer.

What's her name? Nina.

You know, sometimes I think for Eric it will forever be the 1950s.


I'm afraid we must either adapt or die.


[woman] Anyone who thinks this isn't a good idea?

[woman 2] No. Anyone against?

What about trying to find some other women's groups from out of town?

[murmurs of agreement] Definitely. The more the merrier.

Hazel Twort from Peckham R.

We'd like to know which group released this communiqué to the press.

[woman] I don't think it came from our group.

Er... Jo Robinson, Grosvenor Avenue.


Well, we thought we'd get the message out in advance, put us on the map.

We agreed at the last meg to make the action at Miss World a surprise happening.

You people from Grosvenor Avenue, you can't go around making unilateral decisions.

We've a problem with compliance.

Well, now the BBC want a spokesman to represent our position on television.

Peckham Rye dot have a spokesm.

And we don't engage with the media, so...

Well, Sally Alexander, from the Association of Student Leafleters.

She'll do it.

Right, shall we get out of here?

What the hell are you playing at? What?

You wrote it. You printed it.

Well, no one else is gonna do it.

You're the one who thinks the media matters.

Doesn't mean that you can volunteer me to go on television.

Don't be so bloody spineless.

It was your id. Stand by it.


Well, I'm afraid after all these exciting pastimes, judging a beauty contet may seem rather tame.

Absolutely not. Mrs Morley?

Forgive my interruption.

Sir Eric Gairy, the Prime Minister of Grenada.

Delighted to meet you, Mr Prime Minister.



Since this is the first year my country has taken part in the competition, I thought it rude not to introduce myself.

And I must confess to some curiosity, seeing so charming a woman in the Commonwealth Club.

There's no great mystery, I can assure you.

I have the very pleasant task of briefing our three new judges.

The Ambassador of Indonesia, His Excellency, the High Commissioner of Malawi, and His Royal Highness, the Maharaja of Baroda.

You'll prove your critics wrong, Mrs Morley.

Miss World does move with the times.

It does indeed. And just think, if you were also to appoint me as a judge, you'd have representatives from Asia, Africa and the Caribbean.

What could be more progressive?


This way, plea.

Take a seat here, please. Thanks.

Lord Bly, Marjorie Jones. Sally Alexander.

[man] Do you think you might be able to wangle a couple of seats for Miss World this year?

Of course. I've taken a liking to Miss Sweden.

[chuckles] Hello, Lord Bly. Robin.


Looking rather lovely, if I may say.

We'll be going live in ten seconds.

[Lord Bly] Well, my dear, you're certainly kicking up a stink about something.

I simply don't understand the problem.

Our objection isn't to the women involved in Miss World.

[Robin Day] So what exactly is your objection?

Our objection is not to the women.

[Bly] You've already said that. Answer the question.

Our objection is to the system which accords value solely on the basis of a culturally imposed physical standard.

I don't even understand what that means.

Maybe I'm just too pretty. [chuckles]

Beautiful girls have been admired since time immemorial.

Women are not objects. We are not ornaments.

We are not here for the pleasure of others.

Sally's every t as pretty as h.

[Bly] ...saying they should be outlawed?

[Bly] What possible harm can there be in a pretty girl displaying her charms?

A woman like Marjorie is not forced to take part in these competitions.

She enters of her own free will.

Exactly. I thik you women's lis are just a bunch of killjoys who wanna deny the public a bit of innocent fun.

We are not attacking Marjorie or any other contestant.

We are protesting because this competition symbolises our exploitation.

Why should Marjorie have to earn her place in the world by looking a particular way?

Why should I? Why should any woman?

You don't. He doesn't.

Why s?

[Day] Has she got a point?

[Bly] I don't deny her sincerity, but to demand that Miss World be banned?

I mean, it's over-emotional, puritanical nonsense.

The only other forum in which participants are weighed, measured and publicly examined before being assigned their value is a cattle market.

[Day] A cattle market? Well, that's an unappealing analogy.

And we're off air. [Day] Very good. Thank you very much, everyone.

That went very well. [Bly] Thank you, Robin.

Lord Bly and Miss Jones, of course.

You did very well indeed.

It was extremely clear.

I really enjoyed my time in the pageant.

I don't know what she's talking about.

[Bly] I'm sure everyone did and enjoyed watching it.

Baffling. [sighs]

This rehearsal is your chance to get it righ.

Because if you fall flat on your face down this hole or that hole on the night, the world and his wife will be watching.

Isn't that right, Clive? That is correct.

What I need you all to do now is to make a line all along here, all along the hall, from A to Z.

Alphabetical order, please. Come on, hurry, hurry.

Not on the stage, darling, please. Get her off the stage, Clive.

A, B, C. Alphabetical order. Around the edge of the stage.

Come on, we've got a live show in three days' time.

Herd 'em! Herd 'em! Keep moving.

Herd them up. Herd them, Clive. Keep moving.

I'm Grenada. G.

Clive, have a look at Japan.

Right, Japan, find the right space. Lovely. Straight line.


Yugoslavia, what are you doing up here?

That's A. Where does Y go?

Right at the back. Let's get you down here.

Look at her go. There we go.

F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X...

Yugoslavia. Thank you very much.

And through the portal.

Through the portal, and smiling all the time.

Brazil! Brazil, eyes on me, please.

Stop. Or there will be accidents.

This is a treacherous stage.

Smile to camer.

Lovely smile.

The whole world is watching.

And walking.

And walking and walking, and mind the step.

Keep smiling, looking up, looking up.

There we are. And we stop here.

And we turn to camera two.

Where's camera two, Clive?

Where's camera two? I'm telling her to turn to camera two.

There's no camera. Clive? I mean, come on. It's not bloody rocket science.

Camera two. Where is it? Can someone please find camera two?

I'll stand in for... Chop, chop.

She can smile at me. Clive's gonna stand in.

Clive is camera two, everyone.

Clive's standing in. Don't do that, Clive. Don't do the hands thing.

Just stand there. Don't do anything a camera wouldn't do.

Maybe hold a two up so the girls know it's a two, okay?

There we are. So that's camera two.

Clive is camera two. [giggling]

Give Clive a smile. Keep smiling anywhere you like.

And back and back and back.

Mind the step. Good girl. Good girl.

This is camera three.

This is camera three's big derriere shot.

I'm going to get some fresh air.

Oh, I'm afraid you can't do that without me.

Miss Sweden?

My name is Maj Christel Johansson.

Miss Johansson, please.

Just give me two minuts while I get my bag.

[Eric] This way. Step, step, step.

[knock at door]

Maj, it's Jennifer.

You all right? Come on in.

You're so serene.

I mean, how do you put up with this bullshit?

You are a very lucky person if you think this is being treated badly.

After all, you're the favourite to win.

I don't want to be the favourite if this is what it gets me.

There's no point swimming against the tide.

One just has to rise with it.

What do you do when you're not being ordered around by a funny Englishman with strange hair?

I'm an air hostess.

But my ambition is to work in broadcasting.

For real?

Or just for them to say, "Miss Grenada's ambition is..."

For real.

You'd be a good broadcaster.

You speak so nicely.

I was properly raised.

My father's a lawyer and my mother's a teacher.

"Elocution and deportment matter, Jennifer."

[both chuckle]

I work as a model.

But I'd like to study.

I thought with the prize money, I could maybe come to England and...

But it's all just people pushing you around and flash bulbs in your face the whole time.

Not so many flashbulbs for me.

Like I said, it's all bullshit.

I mean, doesn't it make you angry?

You know...

I think maybe... it makes me more determined.

Congratulations. Bloody hell, Clive.

Don't take it so seriously. Just leave the crown.

Do you want me to adjust the little clamp?

I'll do the clamp. Just...

[Eric vocalising fanfare]

Big smile on the face.

Gold crown on the head.

Walking down the catwalk, minding the step, of course.

It's a bloody dream come true.

Who would have believed it, little me, Miss World?

And taking it all in.

Un, deux, troi.

Uno, due... Crying if you like. You will cry.

Yes, yes, yes, I am sh.

I am Miss World.

I am the one, the beautiful one.

I am free. I am she.

Miss Miss World.

I like that unm of yours.

They should cut them like that in the military.

We could dazzle the enemy into submission.

[she laughs] Absolutely.

You are funny, Mr Hope.

No, I'm serious. This man knows what I'm talking about.

Look at him. Him too.

[Dolores] You know, it's the funniest thing, Archie.

The last time Bob guested on this show, oh, it must ben years ago now, he brought the winning girl home with him. [laughs]

Got it into his head he was going to make a movie star out of he.

It turned out she didn't have the least aptitude for it.

She's still in California, as a matter of fact.

Though what she lives off, Lord alone knows.

I suppose she found herself a sugar daddy somewhere.

I'm sure she was grateful for the break.

I know I am.

How's my script coming, Archie?

We were thinking we could make something of the fact your folks were British, you know, as an opener.

"Of course, I was born here in London.

You can probably tell from the accent."

Idea is, I'm supposed to be funny.

Let's try and keep it that way, huh?

So, topics for your dissertations.

How are you getting on?

No. N.

The Industrial Revolution in Scotland.

Good choice.


I was thinking about looking at it from the point of view of women workers.

Mm, it's a bit niche.

You might want to rethink.

Or at least refocus.

Er... sorry? Re... Refocus how?

Er, perhaps broaden the scope a little.

You know, I saw you on TV.

Sally was on TV? Oh! Yeah.

Interesting stuff, but don't let it draw you into a cul-de-sac, academically speaking.

Your subject needs to have a genuine relevance.

Best to steer clear of more... minority interests.

Lawrence... you need to register your topic by next week.

[man] Right, that's loaded up. All needs to go inside.

Hiya. Sorry I'm late.

You haven't missed anything.

We've just been smoking and watching, like in a heist film.

You all right? Yes, I'm fine.

Well, there's obviously something wrong.

Why don't you just say?

Turns out my seat at the table is actually a high chair.

What, and you're surprised?

[Jo chuckles]

[car horn toots]

That's Eric Morley. Who?

Mr Miss World.

[Eric] Is this gonna come forward?

[Sally] The man who invented this competition. That's his wife.

[man] On the night, this area will be shut down, cordoned off, nice and secure.

We're making sure we keep on top of every situation.

[Jo] We'd infiltrate the theatre.

I don't get what she's talking about. An unrehearsed happening.

What does that mean? A planned invasion.

What do you mean, infiltrate? Do you mean go inside?

Why not? That's where the cameras will be.

It's probably against the law, for a start.

They're turning oppression into a spectacle.

Let's make a spectacle of our own.

We'd still demonstrate outside?

Of course. We'd just have an action inside as well.

Who'd be prepared to go inside?

Hold on. How do we actually get in without being caught?

We'd buy tickets. [laughter]

Unless that's too organised.

And you lot would... you'd have to blend in.

Communal clothes. [laughter]

Whoo! Ow, wow!

Oh, I love them. No. You look like a bag lady.

What? I look like you. It's what you're wearing.

This is your skirt.

[Jo] I think we're gonna win.

[laughter] I think we look great.

Look, just... could you...

She's getting serious. God, I can't breathe.


[Jo] Oh, hello.

[laughter] Ladylike.

I look exactly like my mother.

I look like my mother's sofa.

I look like the kind of woman I never, ever want to be.


[Johnny Thunders] ♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ And I see things Mighty clear today ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ And I'm breathing Clean, fresh air today ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪ What next? How about:

"I'm not beautiful, I'm not ugly, I'm angry"?



Arriba! Thank you.

♪ You'd better believe it ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ I'm no stone ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ And I'm no rock I'm alive ♪ We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

We're angry!

♪ But now I'm alive ♪

♪ I'm alive I'm alive, I'm alive ♪


[Latin beat playing]

I can go lower if you like.

[whooping and cheering]

This is so nic.

I know.

Sometimes I can't believe it's really happening.


I'm a machinist in a shoe fact.

And when the boss came to say that I was going to London, everyone on the shop floor was cheering.

Standing up and cheering.

Now I'm here.

Will it be hard, going back?

I can't talk about that.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.

The authorities warned me.

They said if I talk about home...

...they won't let me back.

I won't get to see my parents again.

What? Before I got on the plane, they showed me all these photographs of people I'm supposed te nothing to do.

What kind of people?

Certain journalists. A man called Peter Hain.

Political peop.


I want to see my parents aga.

Sorry. [sniffles]

Maybe home will be different if you're Miss World.

We're not going to be Miss Wor.

[woman] Girls, you wanna dance a salsa?

Pearl, Jennifer, we're gonna dance the salsa.

Come on. Come and danc.

All together.

And one step forward, one step back.

Uh... uh.

A little Cupid bow lip.


Now, what do you think?

Oh, my. [chuckles]


Let's get your hair back. [door opens]

Sorry. Sorry, I know, I'm really late.

What are you still doing up? Look at my face.

She didn't want to go to bed until she'd seen you.

Mum, you've put lipstick on her.

Granny says you're very naughty. I'm really sorry.

What if I hadn't been here? What if I'd had plans?

Mum, I really appreciate everything you do. I am so sorry.

All this whining and complaining about the patriarchy.

Other girls are perfectly happy as they are.

Well, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman.

For heaven's sake, Sally. Look at yourself.

[sighs] Divorced, living in chaos, and spending every spare hour you've got campaigning.

What normal woman would choose to live like you?

Abi, could you go and put your pyjamas on, please, and wash that off your face?

I'll be in in a minute. Thank you.

And while you're off with your fanatics, Gareth and I are looking after your daughter.

Seems to me liberation just means getting someone else to do your job for you.

So it's all right one half of the world has all the power, and the other half just has to lump it? Don't be so melodramatic.

Don't be so bl.

You couldn't even get a bank account without Dad's permission.

The doctor wouldn't give you birth control.

That was one bank manager and one doctor.

Just because you swallowed it doesn't mean I have to.

Do you know what really makes me laugh about all this?

You fighting for women's rights when you always took your father's side.

"When I grow up, I want to be like Daddy."

That's because he did things.

He smoked cigarettes and went in taxis and had adventures.

I wanted to have adventures. I'm sorry that you found me so dull.

I didn't find you dull. You were just trapped.

You were trapped in a restrictive, poky little domestic world, with no aspiration and no opportunity.

Of course I didn't want to be you.

Nobody should have to be you. That's the point.

And what would have happened to you and your sisters if I'd thought like you, if I'd done what you're doing?

Neglected my poky little domestic world, neglected my marriage, neglected my children?

You think you can have the same freedoms as a man, but you can't.

[sighs] You ca.

[door slams]

[phone ringing]


Yeah? [man] Mr Morley?

We've got a situation, sir.

Anarchists have attacked one of the vans outside the venue.

What's that? Anarchists.

Mr Morley? Sir?

Well, if the anarchists wanna have a pop, they can join the bloody queue.

But they'll have to get through me first.


She's sleeping. Sal. Sal.

What? Something's happened.

There's been a bomb outside the theatre.

So... theree more, more.

I'm s.

About what?

Well, that you're gonna have to call it off.

Well, no.

No. Erm... Well, we'll just be more careful.


It was a bomb.

Yes, I understand that.

If anything kicks off, the authorities aren't gonna muck about.

What if you get arrested?

The university will just chuck you out.

What about Abi? It's not your decision.

No, but you know bloody well I'm right.

[knock at door] Yeah, coming.

Oh. Blimey, you're early. Come in.

Do you want a brew? I just put the kettle on. Jo, I...

They're ramping up security at the theatre. Somebody planted a...

Bomb, yeah, we heard. It was The Angry Brigade.

Well, it's not gonna change anything for us, though, is it?

We're not gonna let their actions scupper ours.

Oh, I see.

What, has it got a bit too risky now, has it?

A bit too much like the real thing?

I... I came to warn yo.

But seeing as you already kn.

Don't worry. Go and bugger off home.

Leave it to us to make sure your daughter doesn't have to grow up in the same shitty world we did.

But just remember, right, you get the world you deserve, and if you don't fight, you deserve the world you fucking get.

It wasn't in the venue itself. No, Julia.

I don't need any hand-holding, damn it. I just...

Hell, I just wanna know you people aren't gonna screw this thing up again.

Where's Eric in all this? Where's your husband?

Actually, I thought... I read there were protests planned.

Were you gonna mention that, or did you figure they'd be more fun if they came as a surprise?

[shouting] We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

We're angry!

We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

We're angry!

We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

[Abi] There we go, Mandy. I'm gonna give you your medicine.

There we go, Mr Teddy. Do you feel better now?


Now I'm gonna bandage you up.

Does your arm hurt a little bit? It's a very long bandage.

I just want you to be safe.

I know. Sal...

I know.

[shouting and clamouring]

[woman] Eric Morley is king of the cattle market!

Beauty contests degrade women!

We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

Equality for women!

Down to apartheid!

[woman] Shame on you! Shame on you!

Jobs for women as people!

We're not beautiful! We're not ugly!

Shame on you! We want equality!

We want equality now! We want equality now!

Judge the judges, not the women!

You're being exploited!

You're being exploited!

End this shameful cattle market!

So this is the eye of the revolution, huh?

My God.

Up close, it sure is revolting.

We want libera!

[man] Over here, miss.

Open your bag, please. They're checking bags.

Good evening. Good evening.

Everything all right?

Everything running like clockwork, sir.

Hello there. Thank you.

Miss? Miss? I need to check your bag, please.

Here's my bag.

Before anyone sees. You need this one as well, okay?


Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.

Quick, give me my ticket.

No. What?

Why should I? You already let us down once.

Well, I c...

I told the usher that you've got it.

So, tell him you lost t and then sod off.

We can't risk you ballsing this up.

You are the one ballsing this up. He's coming, and if he gets here, he's gonna search you, he's gonna search me.

We're so sorry.

Thank you. Have a good evening. Thank you very much.

Idiot. Individualist.

[fanfare on TV]

[male broadcaster] Almost 30 years after the coronation, the eyes of the world are once more focused on London and the dream of a crown.

Fifty of the most beautiful girls from across the globe are arriving here tonight, knowing that one of them will go home as Miss World 1970.

North, south, east, west, who's the girl we love the best?

Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain:

One of these beauties is going to become the luckiest girl in the world.



I think I'm supposed to be Britannia.

I wonder if Britannia's a goddess. Or maybe she's just a symbol, like the British bulldog.

At least they didn't dress me up as Churchill. [laughs]

Maybe if I just have it over the eye, like Veronica Lake.


Oh, why?

I think it looks cute.

[protesters chanting outside]

Hear that?

Someone always wants to rain on your parade.

What are you meant to be?

A nutmeg princess.

Oh. I thought you were a tree. [chuckles]

Bob Hope is coming! [squeals of excitement]

This way, Mr Hope. Can I just say what an honour it is...

Hello, ladies. How are you?


What is this, the waiting room?

Mr Hope. How are you, girls? How are you?

USA. Yes.


[floor manager] Okay, everyone.

Standing by to go live.

In ten... nine... eight, seven... six, five...


Good evening, or good morning, depending on which part of the planet you are tuning in from, and welcome to Miss World 1970.

[orchestral music plays]

That's it. Hurry, hurr. Come on.

Ssh, ssh, ssh.

[broadcaster] This parade of international female perfection is even more of a male pulse racer than ever before.

Astronauts can go to the moon and fetch back prime lumps of rock, but they won'td anything to eql these treasures of good old Ea.

And there's no need to look any further than here tonight for heavenly forms.

Who from this stunning line-up will be named Miss Magnificent?


It may not be rocket science, but it's certainly going to be a difficult decision for our judges.

And for all of you watching at home.

Holland. Japan! Japan, stop pushing. Japan!

Where's... Come on, Mexico! ¡Arriba! Ssh, ssh!

[applause intensifies]

I think we know the audience's favourite.

Listen to that applause.

Off, off, off. Tonight, Planet Earth has just one thing on its mind: girls, girls, girls, girls, girls.

Bloody Yugoslavia!

Come on. Yugoslavia, please. Catch up.

Please, darling. We haven't got time for this.

As we were enjoying the national costume parade, the judges...

First-round selection.

...selection for the final 15.

USA, Australia, Ceylon, Ecuador...

[buzz of chatter]


Ecuador? Where's Ecuado?

Try Malta.


We'll be seeing the girls in evening gowns, and then it's a quick change into swimwear.

So any ladies planning to lock their husbands in the cellar before the bathing suits make an appearance, hold off just a little longer.


I can't believe it. Just turn it around.

We made it! [Clive] Ssh, ssh!

[Michael Aspel] We started the evening with more than 50 girls hoping to become Miss World.

We now have 15.

And, ladies and gentlemen, if your favourite isn't among them, time to get a new favourite. [laughter]

First, number one, Miss Africa South, Pearl Jansen.

[orchestral flourish and applause]


[clears throat]

[studio director] This is your five-minute call, Mr Hope.

We're about to go to swimwear.

My favourite destination.

Sandra is a hazel-eyed blonde and works as a model.

Her measurements are 36-22-36.

Oh, good. An English spe.

You do speak English, don't you?

I certainly ho.

Well, I'm sure the audience will agree you do it very charmingly.

Next, number 21, Miss Grenada, Jennifer Hosten.

Go on, Jennifer!

Miss Grenada is 22 and works as an air hostess.

She has brown eyes and black hair, and her measurements are 34-25-36.

I'm sure it's a wonderful life being an air hostess, but do you have any other ambitions?

Actually, I've always wanted to work in broadcasting.

Sounds as if you're after m.

Perhaps you should be interviewing me.

I'd love to. On second thoughts, you look like the sort of person who might get my secrets out of me.

So before I give away too much, perhaps it's time for you to join the others.

Quite a girl, wouldn't you say? Our final 15 contestants.


¡Arriba! Come on, girls.


That's it. Line up here so they can see you.

That's it. I think we're all here.

And a lovely lp it is too.

As you all kno, there are two s to every quest, and this is your chance to see both of them.

Girls, if you d please turn.

[whispers] Wait till the girls are off stage.

Lovely though that view is, please turn back.

And now, ladies, if you don't mind, it's time to lead off.

[cheering and applause]

We've seen a lot of hope in this auditorium here tonight.

And we're about to see some mo, because while the judges select their final seven, here is the man you've all been waiting for.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bob Hope.

[cheering and applause]

[musical intro]

[cheering intensifies]

Thank you.

Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

It is so nice to be here.

I don't know about you, but I've had about enough of these women libbers claiming that this is nothing more than a cattle market.

Talk about milking a grievance. [ripple of laughter]

Oh, moo!

But, really, as far as I'm concerned, it goes in one ear and out the udder.

The real reason that I'm here is we take Miss World down to our Christmas show in Vietnam every single year.

It's a great morale booster. And at my age, I need it.


I do love the girls we have here tonight.

Beautiful girls here. All so lovely.

I love these ladies, in fact.

I don't want you to think I'm some kind of brute that doesn't consider the feelings of women, of course.

I consider feeling women all the time.


Fuck this.

No, but I would say that about two...

Shame on you, Bob Hope!

[protesters shouting]

Shame on you!

Ladies and...

[object thuds on floor]

Shame on you! Ssh.

[protests relayed over intercom]

Shame on you! Shame on you!

Shame on you!

This is out of control. Stay where you are.

[Eric] Please... Ladies, please.

[Jo yelling]



Hey, you! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Get out of it. [yells]

Stop that! Stop it! Stop!

Shame on you!

Where's Neville? Neville?

Where's Neville? Where's Neville?

Liberation for women!

I'm on my bloody own here, Roger! Answer!



Get those away!

Neville! Running around like a bloody headless chicken!

Tell them to pull the plug! We can't broadcast this shambles!

Right away, Mr Morley. [protesters shouting]

[constable] Come on. Come.

I'm so sorry, Michael.

Get off! That hurts me! That hurts me!

Let her go!

[Eric] Get her out of here!

[glass shattering]

[protesters clamouring on TV]

Make an announcement. We're going off air.


We do apologise, ladies and gentlemen.

Proceedings here have been temporarily interrupted.

But we'll be back with you very shortly.

[big band music plays]



Fascist pig, doing Mecca's dirty work.

Have you got a thought of your own?

What are you doing? Why are you doing this?

Do you think your mum would be proud of you, the way you're treating women?

Get off! It's our bodies, our right to protest!

[Bob Hope] Oh, the mess.

[buzz of chatter]

[fanfare and applause]

[applause intensifies]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that everything is now under control...

[gasps] It's still on! It's still on.

...and normal service will resume.


Please give a warm hand to a very brave man.

[applause] That's you, Mr Hope.


[orchestral flourish]

Ladies and gentlemen, I just wanna say that any type of person that would try to destroy such a joyous occasion as this one, upset all of these young ladies back here, well, as far as I'm concerne, they just gotta be sick in the head.


And the finalists tonight are, in alphabetical order, ladies and gentlemen:

Miss Africa South, Pearl Jansen.


Also joining her on the stage, Miss Brazil, Sônia Yara Guerra.


Number three, Miss Grenada, Jennifer Hosten.

Miss Israel, Irith Lavi.

Miss South Africa will be with us tonight, Jillian Elizabeth Jessup.

Miss Sweden, Marjorie Christel Johansson.

And finally, you'll be very happy to know, from the United Kingdom here, Yvonne Anne Ormes will be with us.


Oh, s.

If your nerves are suffering...

I know mine ar- spare a thought for our seven lovely finalists, waiting now with the eyes of the world upon them.

As is customary, we shall reveal the results in reverse order.

[Bob] In third place, Miss Israel, Irith Lavi.


In second place...

Miss Africa South, Pearl Jansen.


Miss World 1970...

is Miss Grenada. [gasps of surprise]




[cheering and applause]

Jennifer! Whoo!

[flashbulbs popping]

And if anyone's got any bright ideas about what I should say to the BBC's director general when he calls, then feel free to share them!

If you girls think this is the way forward, then God help us all!

Excuse me!

I'm really sor. I really need e the ladies'.

[breathing dee]

Sorry, I...

Oh. Er...

You won.

I thought if I could get a moment alone, it might just sink in.



I don't think you mean that.

It's not you we're angry at.

It really isn't.

I saw.

You were on the television.

You know, there will be little girls watching tonight who'll see themselves differently because I won.

Who might just start to believe that you don't have to be white to have a place in the world.

I'm glad.

I... I really hope that the world opens up for them and for you.

But making us compete with each other over the way we look...

doesn't that make the world narrower for all of us in the end?

What's your na?


Well, Sally... all I can say, I look forward to havig your choices in life.

[knock at door] [officer] Come on. You've had long enough.

I'm really sorry if you were offended in any...

Time to go. Come on. Move, move!

Please, be careful!


Don't hurt her!

I only came down cos I heard it on the radio.

I left the baby with a neighbour.

[engine starts]

Christ, you saw what happened.

The whole world saw what happened. It..

If you're looking for someone to kiss it better, try calling Miss World 1961.

3:00 pm California time.

She should be up and about by now. Not now, Dol.


I don't... I don't know what I did wrong.

Is anyone dead? Hmm?

Did we lose a war?


Well, then.

Tonight may be the start of something, Bob, but it isn't the end of anything, certainly not you.

People love you.

Nothing's gonna change that.

Dol? Dol, where you going?

I'm gonna find myself a quiet little club somewhere and get a drink.

Maybe even sing a little. Who knows?


Don't worry, Bob. I'll be back.

I always come back.

Those crazy women, huh?

[key turns in lock]

They kept asking about the bomb. They think we're part of the Angry Brigade.

It's just scare tactics. They're talking about charges: affray, assault...

Sally, they're just trying to rattle us.

Listen, nothing's changed.

We were having a shit time because of the patriarchy, and we're still having a shit time because of the patriarchy.

It's just a bit more obvious in here.

They went easy on me cos I told them I was pregnant.

Are you?

As a matter of fact, yes.

Three months.

Are you all ri?

Are you?

When I was trying to get away, this copper, he just threw himself at me.

And I, er, hit the ground really hard.

Are you in pai?

I really don't know. Any bleeding?

I've got bruised knees.

In about six m, you'll be dreag of bruised kne.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Who's the father?


Sally, you're hilarious.

Even in a prison cell, you're the most bourgeois person I've ever met.

[church bell chimes]


Every front page in the world.

Clever girls.

Here she is. Come on.

Oh, she looks exhauste, poor girl.

[Sarah] Hello, Jo.

[Jo] You all right? Here she is.

You okay?


Is there goinge a court case?

Oh, well. We'll have to see about getting you a nice, smart suit.

[clicks tongue]

It's all right, you know. I...

I never listened to my mother either.

[man] ♪ Jennifer Hosten Was crowned Miss World ♪

♪ What a magnificent girl ♪ Oh, my Lord.

♪ With grace, mannerism ♪

♪ And poise and magnetism... ♪ Thank you.

♪ With that lovely smile ♪

♪ Oh, how we love Cousin Jennifer ♪

♪ I know we are all Very proud of her ♪

♪ The most beautiful ♪

♪ Yes, the most wonderful ♪

♪ The most beautiful girl In the world ♪

I love ballet. Do you?

I rea.

I don't really like ballet. Does everybody do ballet?


[cheering and whooping]

Justice for women!


Justice for women!

[cheering continues]

[whooping and cheering]

Women, join us!

Women, join us!

Women, join us!

Women, come and join us!

Hurry and come and join us!

Women's liberation is people's liberation.

[vocalising fanfare]

Very slowly walking. Always slowly walking.