Monster Pies (2013) Script




Stuart? Natalie?

Go! But if I could just...

But nothing. I'm not interested. Go and get a green slip. Go on.

Morning Ms Hive. Mike.

Ms Bee.

I was after a late slip.

That's the third this week, Mike.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Right. Well, moving on...

Now, class. In the 17th century, Shakespeare wrote a lot of famous plays.

Now here are some handouts. I'd like you to read them. Pass them on.

Hand them out, and pass them on.

Now, 'Romeo and Juliet' is considered to be one...

...of the most famous love stories of all time.

Look at all that carrot and alfalfa just going to waste!

If you're not gonna eat it, can I have it? Sure thing.

Look at this.

This is Mum's way of making me eat this crap.

And it only makes me wanna eat more junk!

At least she's not like Jenny Vrabovski's mum.

She gets a can of mixed beans every day for lunch.

I'd be pretty devo if she was!

Hey, look. It's the new kid.

Why don't we ask him to come and sit with us?

No. Not right now.

Let's just make it us.


Fuckin' faggott!

Hey man, how ya goin'?

Have you got 'The Peanut Butter Solution'?

No, I don't have 'The Peanut Butter Solution'. Okay?

That's the same 'no' I gave you last week and the week before then. I don't have it, mate.

Now just skedaddle, will ya?

Yeah, right-o.

Hi Jeff. Have you got time to help me look for some videos?

I'm sorry Ursula, I'm really busy right now.

I'll get Mike to help you out though...


Yes, Jeff?

Can you just help this lady out, please?

Do you see anything you like? I sure do!

You know, if you told me what you were into, it might help.

Well, I like romance mixed with a bit of action.

What do you like?

You keep looking. I'll be back.

I'll be waiting.

Okay class. Can everybody get their books out, please?

Act I, Scene I...

Hi Mike. Nice to have you with us!

William, you're gonna have to share with someone ...

...until you get your own copy.

In fact, Mike, can you share with William?

Great. Thank you.

Hey, I'm Mike. Yeah, I got that.

Oh, yeah.

When you're ready, Mike.

Hayley, could you please read from where we left off yesterday.

Out loud?

Yeah. In fact William, can you read please?

Same spot.

Top of page 46.

Alas, that love whose view is muffled still Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!

Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?

Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.

Here's much to do with hate, but more with love.

William, we're going to have to leave it there. Thank you.

I prefer Will, Miss.

Will, it is! Okay, class...

...I want you to get into groups of two and three.

Your assignment is 'Romeo and 'Juliet'.

But your own modern interpretation.

It's due at the end of semester, and it'll go towards your final mark.

Well, what are you waiting for? Get into your groups!

Hey, everyone else has a partner, so... do you wanna work together? Yeah, guess so.


This is great.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure. Ask me anything.

What do you wanna ask me?

Do you like this school? Do I like this school?

Yeah, sure I like this school.

It's actually, you know, it's actually a pretty good school.

Yeah, I dunno. It's not really doin' it for me.

I'm not sure I like it at all, to be honest.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It is a little shonky in a way.

But it's not that bad!

You know, I think that's the most anyone's spoken to me all week!

Yeah, gets a bit like that around here.

But you'll get used to it.

You guys have a media room here?

No, not really. Why?

Ah, at my old school I did media, short films and stuff.

Cool. Do you have a camera?

Yeah, it's a cheapo, but it still does the job.

You know, we should make our project into a film.


Yeah! That's something I've always wanted to do. Make a film.

Would you be cool with that? Yeah, I guess so.

Cool. I'm excited! Yeah.

But what kind though?

The only kind that can be so bad, but still be good.

A horror movie? That's so grouse!

Yeah, it's with the new kid.

Ah, I'm so jealous. He's like the hottest guy at school right now.

Nothing special, so... don't get too excited.

Hi. Hey.

So, how's your week been? Yeah, not too bad.

Still tryin' to get my head round a few things, but...

Waiting for a lift?

Yeah, from Dad, but he's always late.

Me too. Mum. It's late.

So, we should probably get started on this film.

Yeah. I can't do anything tonight.

Um, but tomorrow? Tomorrow, yeah, cool.

I'll give you my number.

I'll give you a call tomorrow, then. Cool.

There's Dad. See you tomorrow.

See you.

When you finishing with all this school?

You should be out there in the real world, mate, making money like me. Good money.

Should I be pissing it away like you as well?

Pissing it away! Don't you be a fucking smartarse.

Listen mate, I gotta drop some shit off at the bridge, and you're gonna give me a hand.

If that's alright.

And then later we'll go and see her...

...and it's gonna be in, and it's gonna be out.

I'll be back in a minute.

Cherry, how is she today?

Will, my friend, I'm very well. Did you bring me a sweet today?

Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I couldn't get you a bag of snakes... I got you a big snake instead!

You tricked me! You always do that!

Just for a second. But don't eat it all at once!

Okay? I'll see you tomorrrow.

Alright. Say goodbye to your mum. We're leaving.

Bye Mum.

Well, that was good. I enjoyed that.

Good to be able to catch up and see a movie with you now and again.

That was great, I thought it was great. I love Meryl Streep.

Did you like it, did you enjoy it?

I'm not really a fan of Meryl Streep. Aw!

Yeah, maybe next time I could choose the movie?

Yeah, yeah. Like I'm not good at..

I've never been good at, you know, making choices and...

...making decisions; that's more of your mum's domain, you know.

How is she? I mean, is she still, you know... let's... no, no, let's not go there.

I really shouldn't be asking you about your mum. I don't really want to know and get into all that.

You know, don't do that. You just start talking about Mum and then...

...just stop.


If you came in... I can't, Mike. I just...

There's too many memories in that house, and your mum and I just, we just, you know, we can't...

...besides, I've got a new life now, and my own life , and I just...

I'm sorry, it's... I guess it's complicated.

I'd better get you home, eh?

I'm headin' down the pub, mate. Get that grub up before I get back.

There's nothing to eat. There's nothing in the fridge.

You'll work it out.

Was the pasta okay? Sorry I didn't have time to cook.

Did you um, did you notice that lady I said hello to as we were coming out?

The blonde one? Yeah.

What about her?

She was like my nemesis at high school.

She used to try and steal all my boyfriends. How many boyfriends did you have?

I wasn't a tart or anything, but when I was your age, you know, I used to have a few people chasing me.

You know how it is. Not really, no.

I'm sure you... there are loads of girls interested in you.

Look at you! You're so handsome!

You'll see.

You okay in there?

Go to sleep. I'll be back soon.

This is my house. That's my mum's room.

That's me as a baby. Don't look at that!

Hey. Let me guess. Someone likes cats.

Hey, have you ever played that game, when you're a kid, with a mirror...

...and you're looking up at the ceiling, and you try and guide your way through the house?


And this is the kitchen.

You wanna drink of something? What've you got?

We have full Coke, diet Coke, Hawaiian punch. Hawaiian Punch sounds good.

What happened to your hand?

Oh, was just an accident.

What are you doing? Um, just testing the camera.

You filming me? No, it's not on.

What's that red light then?

Oh, that's the standby light. Get lost, you're filming me.

Just keep going, it's good.

I'm not doing anything interesting. You don't have to do anything interesting, just... okay, say something. I don't know what to say.

Hey, who's that?

It's nobody.


So, you're an only child?

Yep, just me.

Your mum didn't want any more kids? I dunno.

So what does your mum actually do?

She's just a mum. She doesn't really do anything.

She must have a hobby or something.

No. Hey, are your parents still together?

You know, I'm really sorry, but I've gotta go. I mean...

...there's some stuff I gotta do, and it can't really wait.

I'm just gonna head off, alright?

Okay. Um, well, if it really can't wait... maybe we can do tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, tomorrow sounds good.

Okay. Thanks for the drink.

Yep. Bye.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Mum, Happy birthday to you.

Love you, Mum.


Who was that?

Some douche-bag who likes to torment me.

I'm so sick of these guys treating me like this all the time for no reason.

You should stick up for yourself.

Don't be so afraid of them.

I try not to make waves. It's better that way.

Besides, I don't think I could face up to them anyway.

Hey listen, I'm sorry about the other day. You know, leaving early and all that...

It doesn't matter. I don't care.

Well, I still wanna keep working on the film with you, if you're still cool with it.

Yes, I do. I mean for sure.

That would be great.

Well, when's our project concept due?

Um, next Friday.

Well, I can't do anything on it tonight.

Well, what if I come over and stay at your house?

Stay at my house?

Gee, yeah, sure. Of course.

Cool! All good then.

Cool. Don't worry. We'll have fun.

I've got heaps of shrinkies we can make, and I've got like these old movies that I've taped off TV, oh, and I can make sandwiches the next day for school...

It's all good. You don't have to go to any trouble for me.

I'll catch you later, okay?

See you.



Hey Mum, this is my friend Will.

Will, this is my mum, Jacqueline.

Ah, the infamous William. Nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Mike's mentioned you a few times.

You can put your bag down.

I haven't had time to set up your bed.

That's alright.

What's this?

Oh, it's just an old movie mag I used to read as a kid.

I always used to like the wolfman, when I was little.

I was more a Frankenstein freak.

Hey, why don't we just use them in our film?

Yeah, that's a really good idea.

Like a poxy B-grade movie at the drive-in.

Yeah, I guess so. I haven't been to the drive-in in like 3 years!

I haven't been in 17 years!

What, you've never been to the drive-in?

No. Not even when you were a little kid?

No. Wow, man, you have to go.

It's awesome. Yeah, one day.

We have to be pretty quiet, coz Mum's gone to bed.


So what's the story about? Well, do we have to film this?

We'll call it 'making of...'.

Okay. Well, we need two protags that fall in love.

Well, they're not both monsters until the wolfman changes at the full moon, right?

So, maybe the wolfman wants to share his transformation with Frankenstein.

You know, like a way to get closer to him.

Yeah, that's good. I like that.

How's the bed? It's fine, thanks.

I had fun today. Me too.

Do you need an extra blanket? Stop fussing, Mike.

I just wanna go to sleep. Okay?


Good night. Night.

... and then I've got that white dress that belonged to my mum.

I dunno. What do you think? Do you think I'll look super cute?

Oh yeah, yeah. Super cute!

Do you reckon Mike can bring Will with him? I think he's super spunky!

Do you think you can ask Mike to ask him?

Yeah, sure. But it's kind of like a me-and-Mike type thing so I don't know if he's gonna bring anyone else.

Hi Mlke. Hey Ursula, sorry...

I'm really busy right now. I've been really busy too.

I've just dropped that movie off that you recommended, Eraserhead.

It was slightly hard to watch in a sort of postnatal depression type way.

I'm sure it was.

Have you seen anything new lately?

Um, no. I've been busy with schoolwork.

Busy with the girls. No, with schoolwork.

I've, um, I've actually got these boxes at home that are really heavy, and I need a really strong arm to help me get them to the top of my wardrobe.

Could you, could you come over and help me maybe, soon?

Um, ask Jeff. Jeff'll help you out with it.

Okay, alright. Well I hope I see you soon.


Hi Mum.

This is Mike. He's the friend from school that I was telling you about.

Nice to meet you. Have a seat.

This is Mum's favourite thing in the world. It was a gift from her mum.

Always makes her happy.

She's been here 3 years now. That's why we moved, you know, to get closer to her.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to her?

Suffered a brain injury.

Never really recovered.

There's other people in here with brain injuries, but... from drinking.

But Mum never drank her whole life.

Let's get out of here.

O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.

They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not, as my prayer's effect I take.

What now?

This is the bit where they are supposed to kiss.

Well, one on the cheek. That be okay?


Thus from my lips, by yours my sin is purged.

Then take the sin that my lips have took.

Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.

Can we stop? Can we cut?

There you go.

Sorry, I just forgot the line.

There you go. Yeah.

This looks pretty cool. This backyard's pretty scary.

Yeah, I used to think that there were monsters. Here?

Yeah. Me and my brother used to make these monster pies, full of like mud, and dirt and rocks, and we'd cook them in the sun, and then we'd leave them out overnight... the monsters would eat them instead of eating us.

Where is your brother, anyway, though?

Does he live with your dad or something?

If I tell you, do you promise to keep it to yourself?

Yeah, I promise.

One day we were driving home, and we were playing in the back seat and I remember Les was playing with the handle and one minute he was there, and the next he wasn't.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's cold out here. Let's... let's go inside.

Hey Janine. What are you doing here?

Aah, I am at the party which you invited me to.

I told you to come with me, not with him.

I was invited to this party, and I was bringing you along.

So I have to be here with you, or nobody else.

No, this is not how it works.


...I'm gonna go. It's been an awesome party.

Thanks Janine. Have a good one!

Great party!


Wait a second. Sorry.

She's not normally like that. She's just being such a bitch.

Just relax, okay? You need to cool down.

You're right. Come with me.

How did you even get the key to this place?

I used to work here...

...teaching little kids. Don't worry. No one comes here at night.

We getting in then?

Why did you do that?

You were gonna jump in. It's more fun this way.

It wasn't for me!

You okay?

I didn't mean to upset you.

No, it's fine.

Are those tears in your eyes?

No, it's just the chlorine irritating me or something.

Let me see.

Where are you going?

I wanna go home.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.


What are you doing here?


It's late, and I'm freezing.

And that's your reason for leaving?

Yes, Mike. It's late. I'm cold. I'm tired, and I don't feel so good right now.

It's not because I kissed you?

No, that's not it.

Then what is it then?

Because I liked it.

Oh my God! What time is it?

Am I late for work? No.

I'm up early for school.

Oh, God. That is good.

Well, have a nice day, eh?

You too, Mum.

Jenny? Here.

Jim Williams? Here.

Kate? Here.

Mike? Here, Miss.

Oh, first time for everything.


And then the two are reborn into butterflies, and live happily ever after.

Thank you, Kate. That was very deep, and poetic.

And now class, it's time to hear from Mike and Will.

Our film tells the story of two traditional movie monsters, who find love with each other while acting out 'Romeo and Juliet'.

Our main characters are Frankenstein, born as a monster, but not accepted for being different, and the wolfman, trying to overcome his new changes, as he enters into the world of the monsters.

They're not out to hurt anybody, though they're cruelly misjudged and hunted down by the villagers, who fear them.

Thank you.

Hey, Janine.

Gary, I don't have this stupid film, okay?

I check for you every week, week after week after week...

There's nothing on the computer, 'Peanut Butter Solution', no mate, no!

So, you don't have 'The Peanut Butter Solution'? That's what I said!

It's not here. It's not here. Can you just get out.

When you get it, will it be a weekly, or overnight?

Hi Mike, what are you up to? Do you wanna go grab a cappucino?

No, I'm not really into coffees.

Um, besides, I don't think people drank cappucinos since like 1992!

What's wrong? I don't like you like that.

Well, what's wrong with you?

Nothing's wrong with me.

What are you, a homo or something?

We need to have a talk out the back.

She made up this big story about how...

...I love her, and I wanna be with her.

And that I tried to kiss her.

It's crazy.

What a bitch!

I can't believe they sacked you over that.

You know, I don't blame her for wanting to kiss you.

Give it here!

Hey, Will...


Are we... together?

Sure looks that way.


No, like 'together' together.

Yeah. Why?

Just been thinking about it. But why me?

I'm just... bad luck.

I don't think I'd be the right person for you.

You're the only person I wanna be with.

Hide behind the door. William, William you in there?

Yeah, just gimme a sec. I just got outa the shower.


William, William! What is it?

Is there someone here with you?

No, I told you, I just had a shower. I didn't realize that I locked it.

Mate, you were supposed to have something ready for fucking dinner.

I've gotta go to a mate's house to pick up a book for school. It's important, so right?

It's for school.

Oh, fuck mate. You are fuckin' useless. You're just like your fuckin' mother!

I fuckin' hate living with him.

You know, he's a sick drunk.

I'm just fucking sick of all of this bullshit!

It's okay, man.

Things could change. Things don't change.

Things only get worse. I'm here for you.

I don't know what to say.

Where are we gonna go?

I have an idea. Yeah.

Got us a room.

How? With what money?

I know the guy who works here.

Got a room all to ourselves.

Alright? No one's gonna disturb us.

Come on.

What are you thinking?

Sounds silly, but...

...when I'm in bed at home, I try to think of something nice before I fall asleep, and it used to be really hard for me.

But lately, I've been thinking of you.

What a beautiful person you are, and the good you've been to me.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking that I've never felt like this before and this is exactly where I should be.

How's everything today? Oh, hello Mike.

Nice to see you, in the afternoon.

It's lovely to see you too, Ms Bee.

Let me guess. You're here to buy tickets for the dance.

Yes... tickets... to the dance.


We need to know who the other ticket's for.

Oh, I was thinking, maybe, Janine Janine's already bought her tickets.

Is there anyone else you can go with?

Hey, what's goin' on?

Are you going to the dance? Aah, maybe.

I really wanna go. You should go, then.

Hayley mentioned something to me, but I know Stuart really likes her, so maybe Joanne?

I was thinking...

I wanna go with you. Me?

We can't go to the dance together. What does it matter?

Mike, we can't go to the dance as a couple.

Who cares?

It's not like it's a big deal or anything.

I know it's not a big deal, but it's the way things are.

We can't go changing anything. -Why not?

I'm just not ready to.

You're the one telling me that I should never be afraid.

I'm not afraid of anything.

That's it, isn't it? You're scared.

Maybe I am, Mike, maybe I don't want to get teased while I walk up the corridors.

Maybe I don't wanna get called a 'faggott' while I'm eating my lunch.

Yeah, 'coz that would be pathetic.

Mike, I didn't mean it like that. Mike!

Wait a second!

Mike, how're you going?

You're after Janine, are you?

What are you doing here?

I need to tell you something.

If it has anything to do with your new best friend, then I'm non interested in it.

What is that supposed to mean?

Is everything okay?

Can you stay with this boy while I go and get some help?

What happened? I was driving, and he just came out of nowhere.

I didn't see him. It was an accident. Go! Go! Go!

I don't understand why you want to hang out with him for anyway.

He's new. He just needs some friends.

He's a freak.

It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay, mate.

Just keep breathing...

...It's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.

I tried everything to help him.

And he just died anyway.

I wanted to help him, and I wanted to save him.

And he just died. Right there in front of me.

It's okay.

It's not your fault.

What's he doing here?

He's just...

I'm gonna go.

Hey Mum, just off to work.

Okay. Look, I'm working late tonight, so if I don't see you, have a great time at the dance, eh?

Thanks. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hey Mike, it's, um... it's Will.


Oh, hi Jeff.

Um, Mike's not here at the moment. He's at the school dance.

Okay, I'm not really sure what videos you're talking about, but why don't I get him to bring them in next time he comes in to work?


Okay, quiet everyone please, quiet Quiet... Tiffany.

We have the annual teachers' performance for the students...

...which has been six months in the making.

So, give a hand everyone, to your teachers.


Will, What are you doing here? Get out!

What's up?

You look really good. Thanks.

You do too.

I'm sorry about what happened.

No, don't be. You were right.

No, I am afraid. I'm afraid of what people say to me.

I'm afraid of losing everyone.

I don't wanna be alone.

I have no one as it is.

You have me.

I've missed you.

Did you know you have overdue video tapes?

What are you talking about?

It wouldn't normally be a problem, but you...

...don't work at the video shop anymore, do you?

I was meaning to tell you.

I couldn't find the one they were asking about, but there were plenty of others I found.

All this time, I had no idea what you were getting up to.

Where did I go wrong? Eh?

Was it him? Did he... did he brainwash you?

Yeah, it's all... it's his fault isn't it. It's a phase you're going through.

It's not a phase.

I feel responsible, you know. I, I... I raised you I brought you up. Please stop.

I called his father, before...

... when I was upset.

Why would you do that?

I called him to tell him to keep Will away from you.

William, the time's come, son... Go away. I don't wanna talk to you.

We have to have a talk.

Go away!

William, please mate. I'm not gonna let this go, mate.

We need to have a talk.

Please Dad, just go away.

William, I'm not getting angry, I just wanna listen.

Just tell me what the fuck is going on.

I don't know.... what's going on.

I don't know what I... am. I don't know what this is.

Who the fuck is this Mike fucker?

Mate, don't you fuckin' dare stand up to me like that!

You live under my fuckin' house, you live with my rules.

What is it you freaks get up to? Does he... does he touch you on the arse?

Get your fuckin' hands off me!

Eh? Is that what you like?

Is that what you like, William?

Does he touch you down there, too?

Don't fuckin' touch me!

Will, wait!

Will, wait!

Just go home, Mike.

Go, I don't want you to see me like this.

I'm not going anywhere. Don't you get it?

He wants us to be as fucked up as him, so he feels normal.

He pushed her head against the wall, so fuckin' hard...

...he made her sick, and now he's working on me.

Just go. Just go. I don't want you to get hurt too.

I'm not leaving. I love you.

I don't want you to leave me.

Why didn't you tell me about this place?

It's where I come to be alone.

I'm tired. Yeah, me too.

But I don't want to face tomorrow.

It's okay.

Mike? Yeah?

Love you too.

Hey Mike, it's, um... it's Will.

Just wanted to say that... that I'm ... I'm sorry...

...for everything. Just... give me a call when you get this. Okay?


I'm off now.

If you, um... if you get hungry, there's some leftovers in the fridge.

Okay, I'll see you later then.

Ma? Yes?

I loved him.

If I knew he was gonna do that, I would have tried to stop him, but...

I miss him, Mum.

I miss him so much.


Good to see you.

Now my secretary said you needed to talk to me urgently, so...

Is everything okay?

Um, I just need to talk.

What have you been doing today?

I was at a funeral.

Oh! That's no good. Sorry to hear that.

Was it a friend, was it, or...? Yeah.

It was a guy from school.

Wow, gee.

Is it of a mate, a close... close friend?


Really close.

So... um...

...was there something...

What was the something you wanted to tell me about?

I just did.

Right! Okay.


So, you were ... you two... were more than just friends.

Wow!.... Wow!


...why you.... have you decided to tell me this now?

Coz I'm sick of being scared.


Don't be scared to tell me things.

You're my son, you know?

I love you.

And I don't care who you love.

That's fine with me. Okay?

You know, I'm proud of you.


Hey, you must be William's friend.

I'm Cherry. Nice to meet you.

Hi Cherry. I'm... I'm Mike.

Do you know where he is today?

Oh, he's... um...

I haven't seen him in a while.

I don't think he's gonna be around here anymore.

Has he gone away? Yeah.

He has. I knew he would.

I'm so happy for him. He was never happy around here.

He's probably where he wants to be.

Nice to meet you, Cherry.

You too.

Hey Mike. You got a minute?


How you been? Yeah, I'm okay.

Look mate, if I'd... if I knew you were...

...there's no way I would have said any of the stuff that I said.

It's okay.

So are we good?


That was great, Stuart and Hayley. Thank you.

Okay, let's take a 10 minute break.

Mike, can I see you for a moment?

Take a seat, Mike.

Look, I know it's been a tough few weeks for you, Mike.

Um, I'm really... I really don't know what to say to you; I'm... truly, truly sorry.

I know he was a good friend to you.

About your project. A tape arrived on my desk last week, and it belonged to Will. I know it's not what you intended to submit, but it fulfils the criteria, and you'll pass.

You don't have to show it to the class, but it's your choice.

If you want to... I just thought you might want to watch it...

...on your own.

Any ideas for the story?

Well, they're not both monsters until the wolfman...

...transforms at the full moon.

Maybe wolfman wants to share his transformation with Frankenstein, like in a way to get closer to him.