Moonstruck (1987) Script

He looks great.

That Al Conti is a genius.

I am a genius!

So, how come you can't keep track of your receipts?

How am I supposed to do your income tax with this mess you've got here?

Numbers, taxes, receipts...

I make 'em look better than they did in real life.

I'm an artistic genius.

Then, how come you've got butter on your tie?

Give it here!

You know what? I give you this. You make good coffee.

You're a slob, but you make good coffee.

Ah, red roses.

Very romantic, huh?

Ah, the guy that sends these really knows what he's doing.

The guy who sends those spends a lot of money on something that ends up as garbage.

I'm glad everybody ain't like you, Loretta.

I'd be out of business.

What are you talking? I love flowers.

Thanks, Carmine.

Are you ready?

Hello, Bobo. How are you tonight?

Very good, Mr. Johnny.

We will both have the Ticino salad.

And I'll have special fish.

No, it's oily fish tonight. Not before the plane ride.

Maybe you're right.

Okay, we'll have the manicotti, Bobo.

That'll give you a base for your stomach.

You eat oily fish, you go up in the air, halfway to Sicily, you'll be green and sweating.

You look after me.

You'll ruin the evening... Patricia, please, don't leave.

Do you think I'm a talking doll?!

I was just making a point about the way you stated your aspirations...

You can kiss my aspirations, Professor!

Kiss my aspirations? Very clever.

The height of cleverness!



Would you do away with any evidence of her and bring me a big glass of vodka?

But absolutely.

A man who can't control his woman... is funny.

She was too young for him.

What's up, Uncle Bobo?

Tonight Mr. Johnny's gonna propose marriage.

How do you know? He arranged it with me.

When he asks, he's gonna wave, and then I serve the champagne.

A good bachelor customer for 20 years.

Mille grazie.

How's things, hey? Fine, Bobo. We'll have the check.

No, no. I...

I wanna see the dessert cart.

Very good.

You never have dessert. Never is a long time.

What's the matter with you?

My scalp is not getting enough blood sometimes.

Have some dessert. No, I shouldn't.

Will you marry me? What?

Will you marry me?

Bobo, take the cart away.

Very good, Miss Loretta.

Are you proposing marriage to me? Yes.

All right. You know I was married and that my husband died.

What you don't know is I think he and I had bad luck.

What do you mean? We got married at the City Hall.

It gave bad luck the whole marriage. I don't understand.

Right from the start, we didn't do it right. Could you kneel down?

On the floor? Yeah, on the floor.

This is a good suit! I know!

I helped you pick it out. It had two pairs of pants!

It's for luck. A man proposes marriage to a woman, he should kneel down.

She's got him on his knees! He's ruining his suit.

Is that man praying?

So... Where's the ring?

The ring! A ring, that's right.

I would have sprung for the ring if it was me, capisce?

You could use your pinky ring. I like this ring!

You propose marriage to a woman, you should offer her a ring of engagement.


Loretta Castorini Clark, on my knees, in front of all of these people, will you marry me?

Yes, Johnny.

Yes, John Anthony Cammareri, I will marry you. I will be your wife.

Salute, paesano!


The check! Right away, Mr. Johnny.

What about the wedding?

My mother is dying.

When she's dead, I'll come back and we'll get married.

How near death is she?

A week.

Two weeks... No more.

How about we set a date? A month?

Must it be so definite? Can't we just say we'll be married when I get back?

Where? The City Hall? No.

My mother is dying.

I want a whole wedding, or we'll have bad luck.

For a whole wedding to be planned, you gotta set a date.

All right, all right. A month.

A month from today. In a month.

A month from today. Yes, from today.

Okay, okay. From today, right.

I'll take care of the whole thing. All you gotta do is show up.

Departure for Paris, please proceed to gate No.29.

Come on, andiamo.

Call me when you get in. I'll call from Mamma's.

Okay. You made me very happy.

There's one thing about this wedding I want you to do.

I want you to call...

Call this number. It's a business number. You ask for Ronny.

Invite him to the wedding. Who is it?

It's my younger brother. You've got a brother?

We haven't spoken in five years.

There was some bad blood.

I want you to invite him to the wedding.

Will you do it? Sure.

Flight 604 for Rome with connections to Palermo is now boarding at gate 43.

I gotta go.

Have you got your ticket?

Okay. Here, I got you these. Gum and cough drops.

Gum opens your ears when you chew.

I gotta go.

This is the last call for flight No.604 for Rome...

You have someone on that plane?

Yeah. My fiancé.

I put a curse on that plane. My sister is on that plane.

I put a curse on that plane that it's going to explode, burn and fall into the sea.

50 years ago, she stole a man from me.

Si ha preso il mio uomo!

Today she tells me that she never loved him, that she took him to be strong on me.

Now she's going back to Sicily.

Si torna in Sicilia.

I cursed her that the green Atlantic water should swallow her up!

I don't believe in curses.

Neither do I.

Mr. Johnny's, right? Yeah.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

The key's in it.

What do you mean?! I've seen the way you look at her and it isn't right! How do I look at her?

Can I help you? A split of Mumm.

So, how do I look at her? Like a wolf!

Like a wolf, huh? Like a wolf.

You've never seen a wolf in your life.

That's $11.99.

I've seen the wolf in everybody I ever met and I see a wolf in you.

That makes $20. Have a nice night. You, too.

You know what I see in you? What?

The girl I married.

Oh, come on!

Goodnight. Goodnight.


Hi, guys! Oh, sweethearts!

How are you, how are you? Guess what happened to me today.

Ciao, bello.

Ciao, cara, ciao. Buonanotte.

Hey! Venite qua!

Hey! How long must I wait?

Come here!

Che cani sono questi?

Tutti a casa.

Hi, Pop. Oh, hi.

Where's Ma? In bed.

You're not sleeping? I can't sleep any more.

It's too much like death.

Pop, I've got news.

All right.

Let's go into the kitchen.

Ti amo.

Ti amo.

You look tired, Pop.

So what's your news?

I'm getting married.

Again? Yeah.

You did it before and it didn't work out.

The guy died. What killed him?

He got hit by a bus. No. Bad luck.

You mother and I were married 52 years. Nobody died.

You were married two years, somebody's dead. Don't get married again.

Who's the man? Johnny Cammareri.


Johnny Cammareri. He's a big baby.

Why isn't he here telling me this? He's flying to Sicily. His mother's dying.

More bad luck. I don't like his face, Loretta.

When he smiles, I can't see his teeth. What does he hide?

When are you gonna do it? In a month.

I won't come. You've gotta give me away.

I didn't give you away the first time. And I had bad luck!

Maybe, if you gave me away and I got married in a church in a wedding dress, instead of at the City Hall with strangers at the door, maybe I wouldn't have had the bad luck I had.


Pop, I had no reception, no wedding cake, no nothing.

Johnny got down on his knees and proposed to me at the Grand Ticino.

He did? Yes.

That don't sound like Johnny. Well...

Where's the ring? Here.

It looks stupid. It's a pinky ring.

It's a man's ring! It's temporary!

Everything is temporary! That excuses nothing.

You're coming?

Let's go tell your mother.


Who's dead?


Loretta's getting married. Again?


Johnny Cammareri. I don't like him.

You're not gonna marry him, Cosmo.

Do you love him, Loretta? No.

Good. When you love 'em, they drive you crazy cos they know they can.

But you like him? Oh, yeah.

He's a sweet man, Ma.

This time I'm gonna get married in a church and have a big reception.

And who's gonna pay for that? Pop.

What? The father of the bride pays.

I have no money.

You're rich as Roosevelt. You're just cheap.

I won't pay!

It's a father's duty to pay for the wedding.

I won't pay for nothing.

He didn't used to be cheap.

He thinks if he holds onto his money, he will never die.

Now he's gonna play that damn Vicki Carr record and when he comes to bed, he won't touch me.

Dai! Piano, piano!

Ecco, piano.

Hey! Keep your dogs off my lawn!

Come on.

Don't do that!

She's asleep. Look at all the flowers.

My brother sent her a blue flower.

I can only see things in my house. And things in my house are very bad.

I don't know what to advise my son.

I think he should pay for the wedding.

But it's important that he don't look ridiculous.

Why don't you talk to him? I will.

I must find the right moment.

- Did you see la bella luna last night? Ah, si.

Ah, si, la luna. La bella luna.

The moon uh... brings the woman to the man, capisci?

La luna attira I'uomo... la donna verso I'uomo.

Avete capito?

Non avete capito niente.


Vieni, vieni.

Non tirare. Non tirare. Non tirare!

Andiamo! Andiamo a casa.



Andiamo, andiamo, eh?

Come va?

Bene, bene. Upstairs.

Everybody upstairs!

Lo so. Va bene, va bene!

Come on! Andiamo! Insieme.

Tutti! Andiamo a casa.

Ciao, bello.

Ciao, cara. Ciao.

So, will you live here? No.

Why not?

Pop don't like Johnny.

We can sell the house. I got married before, you didn't sell.

Grandma was still alive. Ciro was still home, going to school.

Now he's married, gone to Florida.

If you and Johnny moved in and had a baby...

Ma, I'm 37 years old.

What's 37? I didn't have Ciro until after I was 37.

It ain't over till it's over.

Johnny's got a big apartment. We'll move in there.

So we'll sell the house.

You know... What?

I wanna live here, I love the house. Pop don't like Johnny.

No, we don't.

I'll get it.


- Hello? Una chiamata per signorina Loretta...

Yeah, yeah! This is Loretta Castorini.

Si può parlare, signore.

Johnny! Johnny?


- Op... Loretta? Yeah!

Yes. Sh sh sh! It's me.

I'm calling from the deathbed of my mother.

Yeah. How was your plane ride?

The waitresses were very nice.

My mother is slipping away. How long do I have to wait?

Quanto io devo aspettare?

Stai ferma, stai ferma, mammita!

I can't talk long.

Did you tell her we're getting married?

Oh, no, no. Not yet.

I'm waiting... I'm waiting till a moment when she's peaceful.

Well, don't wait till she's dead.

Have you called my brother? No. I'm sorry, no, not yet. I forgot.

- Will you do it today? Yes. Yes.

Make sure he comes to the wedding.

Five years is too long for bad blood between brothers.

Nothing can replace the family, Loretta.

I can see that now...

Loretta? Loretta, are you there?

- Loretta! Okay, I'm sorry. I'll do it today.

And listen, Johnny, you know, call me after you tell her, okay?

All right, all right.

And Don't stand directly under the sun. Use your hat.

I got my hat, all right, all right.


All right, bye-bye.

What did I do with that card?

How's the mother?

She's dying. But I could still hear her big mouth.

He didn't tell her!

You know, the woman makes him crazy.

Now who are you calling? Uffa!


Yeah, is Ronny Cammareri there, please?

Hold on.

Ronny! The phone!


Yeah, this is Ronny.

Yeah. I'm calling for your brother.

He's getting married and would like it if you would come.

Why didn't he call himself?

- He's in Palermo. What's wrong can never be made right.

Let me just come and talk... talk to you!

Animal! What an animal!

Thanks, Mrs. Fugacci.

There you go.

Bye, see you tomorrow. Bye.

Is Ronny Cammareri here? He's down at the ovens.

What do you want? I wanna talk to him.

This way.

Ronny! What?

Somebody here to see Ronny. Ronny!

Ronny! Somebody wants to see you!

Have you come from my brother Johnny?



Well, we're gonna get married.

You're gonna marry my brother Johnny. Yeah.

Shall we go someplace to talk? I have no life.

Excuse me?

I have no life.

My brother Johnny took my life from me.

I... I don't understand you.

And now he's getting married.

He has his!

He's getting his.

And he wants me to come.

What is life?

I didn't come here to upset you. They say bread is life.

And I bake bread... bread... bread!

And I sweat... and shovel this stinking dough in and out of this hot hole in the wall and I should be so happy!

Huh, sweetie?

You want me to come to the wedding of my brother?

Where's my wedding?

Chrissy! Over by the wall!

Bring me the big knife.

No, Ronny! Bring me the big knife!

I'm gonna cut my throat!

Maybe I should come back another time.

No, I want you to see this.

You can watch me kill myself so you can tell my brother Johnny on his wedding day. Okay?

Chrissy! Bring me the big knife!

I tell ya, I won't do it!

She won't do it. Do you know about me?

Oh, Mr. Cammareri... What?!

Do you know about me?


Nothing is anybody's fault.

But... things happen.


This wood is fake.

Five years ago, I was engaged to be married. And And Johnny came in here.

And he ordered bread from me. And I said, "Okay, some bread."

And I... I put my hand in the slicer and it got caught cos I wasn't paying attention.

The slicer chewed off my hand.

And it's funny, cos when my fiancée found out about it...

When she found out I had been maimed, she left me for another man.

That's the bad blood between you and Johnny?

Yes, that's it.

Yeah, but that's not Johnny's fault.

I don't care! I ain't no freakin' monument to justice!

I lost my hand!

I lost my bride!

Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride!

You want me to take my heartbreak, put it away and forget?!

Is it just a matter of time before a man opens his eyes and gives up his one

dream, his one dream of happiness?



This is the most tormented man I have known.

I'm in love with this man.

But he doesn't know that.

Cos I never told him cos he could never love anybody since he lost his hand and his girl.

Where do you live?


Can't we just talk?

What are we painting here? The Sistine Chapel?

We should have been plumbers like Castorini.

Well, Mr. Castorini, what do you think?


That seems like a lot.


There are three kinds of pipe.

There's the kind of pipe you have, which is garbage.

And you can see where that's gotten you.

Then there's bronze... which is very good.

Unless something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong.

And then there's copper which is the only pipe I use.

It costs money.

It costs money because it saves money.

I think we should follow Mr. Castorini's advice, heart.

And then there's copper which is the only pipe I use.

It costs money.

It costs money because it saves money.

And what did they say?

Well, the man understood me.

The woman wanted to be cheap.

But the man saw I was right.

You have such a head for knowing.

You know everything.

I've brought you something.

It's a present.

Oh, Cosmo!

Oh, my God!

They're little birds and stars.

Birds fly to the stars, I guess. Huh?

What's that smell?

I'm making you a steak. I don't want it.

You'll eat it.

I like it well done.

You'll eat this one bloody to feed your blood.

This is good.


Where did Johnny find you? He knew my husband who died.

How did he die? A bus hit him.

Fast? Instantaneous.

When did you get engaged? Yesterday.

So, five years ago, you got your hand cut off and your woman left you.

No woman since then? No.


When did your husband get hit by a bus?

Seven years ago.

How many men since then? Just Johnny.

Stupid yourself.

No. Unlucky. I've not been lucky.

I don't care about luck. You understand me?

It ain't that.

What's the matter with you?

You think you're the only one who ever shed a tear?

Why are you talking to me?

You got any whiskey? How about you give me a glass of whiskey?

I'll call you later.


She was right to leave me.

You think so? Yeah.

You really are stupid, you know that?

You don't know nothing about it.

Look, you know, I was raised that a girl gets married young.

I held out for love.

I got married when I was 28.

I met a man, I loved him, I married him.

He wanted to have a baby right away. I said we should wait.

Then he gets hit by a bus.

So what do I got? I got no man, no baby, no nothing.

How did I know that that man was a gift I couldn't keep?

My one chance of happiness.

You tell me the story and act like you know what it means.

But I can see what the true story is and you can't.

That woman didn't leave you.

You can't see what you are and I see everything.

You're a wolf.

I'm a wolf? Yeah.

The... The big part of you has no words and it's a wolf.

That woman was a trap for you.

You couldn't get away, so you chewed off your own foot.

That was the price of your freedom.

Johnny had nothing to do with it. You did what you had to do between you and you.

And now you're afraid because you know the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage to bite off its hand to escape from the trap of the wrong love.

That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. Okay?

You're scared of what the wolf will do if you slip up again.

What are you doing? Telling you your life.

Stop it. No.

Why are you marrying Johnny? He's a fool.

Because I have no luck.

He made me look the wrong way and I cut off my hand.

If you look the wrong way, you could lose your head.

I'm looking where I have to to become a bride.

A bride without a head. A wolf without a foot!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

What are you doing?

Son of a bitch!

Where are you taking me?

To the bed.

Oh, God! Okay, I don't care, I don't care.

Take me, take me to the bed.

I don't care about anything.

I don't believe this is happening.

I was dead. Me, too.

What about Johnny? You're mad at him.

Take your revenge out on me.

Leave nothing left for him to marry, nothing but the skin over my bones.

All right, there will be nothing left.

Let's eat while it's hot. Where's Loretta, huh?

She must be eating out. She don't know what she's missing!

It's not like her not to call.

Well, she's got a lot on her mind.

We can talk about it, right? Everybody knows.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Johnny Cammareri. I think it's a great idea and about time.

What is she gonna do with the rest of her life if she don't get married?

I don't wanna talk about it.

My father needs another plate.

Cosmo, many years ago, when they told me you were marrying my sister, I was happy.

When I told Rose that I was marrying Rita, she was happy.

Well, marriage is happy news, right?

Rose, pass the wine.

I never seen anybody so in love like Cosmo was back then.

He'd stand outside the house all day looking in the windows.

I never told you this, cos it's not really a story.

But one time, I woke up in the middle of the night cos of this bright light in my face.

Like a flashlight. I couldn't think of what it was.

I looked out the window and it was the moon, as big as a house.

I never seen the moon so big before or since.

I was almost scared, like it was gonna crush the house.

Then I looked down, and standing there in the street was Cosmo looking up at the windows.

This is the funny part!

I got mad at you, Cosmo.

I thought you had brought that big moon over to my house, because you were so in love and woke me up with it.

I was half-asleep, I guess.

You were altogether asleep. You were dreaming.


You were there.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Well, what do you wanna talk about?

Why are you drinking so much?

Old man! You give those dogs another piece of my food, I'm gonna kick you till you're dead.



You drank too much.

Now you'll sleep too hard and later you'll be up when you should be down.

What's the matter?

Nothing. I'm looking at the moon.

It's perfect.

I never seen a moon like that before.

It makes you look like an angel.

It looks like a giant snowball.

Rita. What?

Rita, dear. What?

Wake up! What?



It's Cosmo's moon.

What are you talking about? Cosmo can't own the moon.

It's that moon I was talking about at dinner.

Is he down there?

Is who down there?


What would he be doing down there? I don't know.

You know something?

In that light, with that expression on your face, you look about 25 years old.

Rita. What do you want?

Get out, get out!

Rita... No!


Ho detto di non tirare!


Piano, piano, piano.

Non tirare. Non tirare!

E guardate la luna.

Guardate la bella luna!


Ah, veramente una luna bella.

Ma guardate. Ma non giù! Su! Guardate su!

Why do you make me wait?

Come on, come on!

Howl, howl!

Hey, howl, come on!

Guarda la luna!

Oh, my God! What?

What?! Take it easy.

This time I wanted to do it right. Don't become excited.

I thought if I didn't go to the City Hall, I wouldn't have bad luck.

You make me feel guilty. I'm marrying your brother!

All right, I'm guilty. I confess.

The wedding's in two weeks. You're invited.

How come you didn't be with your mother in Palermo?

She don't like me.

You don't get along with anybody, do you?

What did you do? What did I do?!

You ruined my life. That's impossible.

It was ruined when I got here. You ruined my life.

No, I didn't. Oh, yes, you did.

Oh, yes, you did.

You've got them bad eyes, like a gypsy. Why didn't I see it yesterday?

Bad luck, that's it. Is that all I'm ever gonna have?

I should have taken a rock and killed myself years ago.

I'm gonna marry him. Do you hear me?

Last night never happened. I'm gonna marry him.

You and I are gonna take this to our coffins.

I can't do that? Why not?

I'm in love with you.

Snap out of it! I can't.

Then I must never see you again and the bad blood will have to stay between you and Johnny.

And you won't come to the wedding. I will.

I'm telling you, you can't! He wants me to come.

That's because he don't know, okay?

Now wait a minute, honey. Listen, all right.

I won't come to the wedding provided one thing.

What? Come with me tonight to the opera.

What are you talking about?! I love two things.

I love you and... and I love the opera.

If I can have the two things I love together for one night, I would be satisfied to give up...

Oh, Christ, to give up the rest of my life.

All right, all right. All right.

All right!

Meet me at the Met. All right, all right.

Where's the Met? Well, you gotta...

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's two months since my last confession.

What sins have you to confess?

Twice I took the Lord's name in vain, once I slept with my fiancé's brother, and I bounced a check at the liquor store, but by mistake.

Then it's not a sin.

But, what was that second thing you said, Loretta?

You mean the one about I slept with my fiancé's brother?

That's a pretty big sin.

I know. You should think about this.

I know.

All right.

For your penance, say two rosaries.

Be careful, Loretta.

Reflect on your life.

All right.

Ego te absolvo, in nomine Patris, Filii et Spiritus Sancti.



Where you been? I don't wanna talk about it.

Just like your father.

I lied to him.

He thinks you came home last night.


What's the matter with you?

Cosmo's cheating on me.

What? How do you know this?

A wife knows.

You don't even know. You're just imagining it. He's too old.

I won't be home for dinner.

I feel great!

I got no sleep, but I feel like Orlando Furioso.

You were a tiger last night.

And you were a lamb. As soft as... milk.

Ssh! They'll hear you in the back.

The pleasure of marriage is you sleep with the woman and worry about nothing.

Be quiet, Raymond! Hey! How about a date tonight?

What's the matter with you?! We'll eat some pasta...

What's got into you? I don't know. I really don't know.

That moon...

That crazy moon Cosmo sent over.

Hi, Rita. Hi, Uncle Raymond.

Hey, there!

What's the matter with him? You got me.

Did you see that moon last night? What... what moon?

Did you see it? No.

I gotta go. I'll take the deposit to the bank, but I gotta do the books tomorrow.

Oh, sure. You got a date.

What are you talking about, you fool?

Her fiancé's in Palermo. What date?!

Oh. Right.

I just got a lot of things to do.

All that wedding stuff, huh? Yeah.

Hey! That's romantic, too.

Hey, Frankie!

Make me a bowl of minestrone!

What's the matter with you? You look crazy.

I got a lot on my mind. What?

I got a lot on my mind... Don't say that.

What's the matter with you? I don't wanna talk about it!

I don't wanna talk about it.

Take out the grey.

I have wanted to do this for three years! Let me show you some magazines.

And then you need a manicure, yes.

You take her, Bettina. Take out the grey.

- Finalmente, che brutta! And someone has to do the eyebrows...

Wait a minute, wait...

Has anybody here been to the opera? Not me.

Bellissima without those ugly greys.

It's fantastic.

Have you ever been to the opera? No. Have you?


Bettina, you ever been to the opera?

I never been. You going to the Met?


She turned 40 and her husband left her.

Bye-bye. Okay, okay, okay.

Wow. Look at that.


Hi, I'm home!

Don't everybody answer at the same time.


Hi. Hi.

You look beautiful.

Your hair. Yeah, I had it done.

You look beautiful, too. Thank you.


I said I'd go to the opera with you, but... that's all.

Come on, let's go in.

Oh, look at that. It's something, isn't it?

Wow! Thank you.

For what?

I don't know. For your hair.

For your beautiful dress.

I don't know. It's been a long time since I've been to the opera.

So where are we sitting?

Come on.

Here we go.

So. Who's coming? Just me. I want to eat.

Okay. I got a table for you right now.

This all right? Fine.

Enjoy your meal, Mrs. Castorini. Thanks.

Signora Castorini, you dining alone tonight?

Hello, Bobo, yeah. Let me have a martini, no ice, two olives.

Ah, very good.

When I tell you how I feel, you tell me how you feel.

That's not much of a response. It's the only response I've got.

You want something to eat? Not now. I'll wave.

Very good.

I really hate it when you use that tone with me.

Like isn't it so amusing.

But it is. Not to me!

This is my life, no matter how comical it may seem to you.

I don't need some man watching while I roll around in the mud.

I think you like to roll around in the mud and I don't. That's fair...

Sorry about that, folks.

She's a very pretty mental patient.

No, don't... No, no, no. Please, don't mind me.

Just do me a favor and clear her place.

Get rid of all evidence of her and bring me a big glass of vodka.


I'm sorry if we disturbed you.

I'm not disturbed by you.

My lady friend has a personality disorder.

She's just too young for you.

Ah, thanks, comrade. It's nothing.

Too young?

I just got that. You know how to hurt a guy.

How old are you? None of your business.

I'm sorry. That was rude.

Would you like to join me for dinner?

Are you sure?

I'd be delighted.

I hate to eat alone. It's amazing how often I end up doing just that.

Signora Castorini... your minestrone.

- Thanks, Bobo. Prego.

What do you do?

I'm a professor of communication at NYU.

That woman was a student of yours? Sheila? Yeah, she was.



There's an old saying my mother taught me.

Don't shit where you eat.

Okay, I'll remember that.

What do you do? I'm a housewife.

How come you're eating alone? I'm not eating alone.

May I ask you a question? Yeah, go ahead.

Why do men chase women?


I think it's because they fear death.

Well, maybe. Do you wanna know why I chase women?

I find women charming.

I teach these classes I've taught for a million years.

The spontaneity went out of it for me a long time ago.

At first, I was excited about something, I wanted to share it. Now it's rote.

A multiplication table.

Except sometimes...

Sometimes, I'll be droning along and I'll look up and I'll see a fresh, beautiful young face.

And it's all new to her.

I'm just this great guy who's brilliant and thinks out loud.

When that happens, when I look out there among those chairs, and see a young woman's face and see me in her eyes, me, the way I always wanted to be, maybe once was, I ask her out for a date.

It doesn't last long.

A few weeks, a couple of precious months.

Then she catches on that I'm just this burned-out old gasbag and she's as fresh and bright and full of promise as moonlight in a martini.

And at that moment she stands up and throws a glass of water in my face or some action to that effect.

What you don't know about women is a lot.

Well... that's not what I hear.

Two white wines, please. Yes, sir.

I'd like two glasses of champagne.

Canadian Club with ginger ale and Dubonnet on the rocks, please.

What's that? This was done by Marc Chagall.

As you can see, he was a great artist.

It's kinda gaudy. He was having some fun.

They get some turnout for this stuff, huh?

It's the best thing there is.

You know, I like parts of it, but I just don't... really get it.

You haven't once said you like my dress.

I like your dress.

It's very bright. Oh...

Will you hold this? Thanks.

May I walk with you a ways?

Sure. Thanks.

Do you live far from here? Just up there.

You knew that man? Yes.

That was so awful.

Awful? Beautiful! Sad.

She died. Yes.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't think she would die.

I knew she was sick, but... She had TB.

I know! She was coughing her brains out.

And still she had to keep singing.


Pop, what are you doing here?

Wait for me by the doors, Mona.

Mona? Excuse me!

What did you do to your hair? I... had it done.

What are you doing here? What are you doing here?

Who's that? You're engaged. You're married.

You're my daughter. Don't act like a puttana.

And you're my father... All right.

I didn't see you here.

I don't know if I saw you here or what.

Let's get outta here. I'll buy you a drink.

That woman was not my mother, okay?

That's my house.

You mean the whole house? Yes.

My God! It's a mansion.

It's a house.

I live in a one-bedroom apartment.

What exactly does your husband do?

He's a plumber.

Well, that explains it, then.

Temperature's dropping.

I guess you can't invite me in. No.

People home.

No. I think the house is empty.

I can't invite you in because I'm married.

Because I know who I am.

You're shivering. I'm a little cold.

You're a little boy. And you like to be bad.

We could go to my apartment. See how the other half lives.

I'm too old for you.

I'm too old for me. That's my predicament.


Goodnight. Can I kiss you on the cheek, too?


I'm freezing.



Anything else, folks?

Loretta? No.

I think that's it, Al. See you, Al!

What do you wanna do now? I wanna go home.

Goodnight, Al. Take it easy, Ronny.

God, it's cold.

It smells like snow.

You know, my mother guessed my father was seeing somebody.

That Mona, I mean, she's some piece of cheap goods.

Who am I to talk?

What's the matter? How can you ask me that?

You're making me feel guilty. You are guilty! I'm guilty.

Of what? Only God can point the finger, Loretta.

Yeah, well, I know what I know. And what do you know?

Okay, you tell me my life. I'll tell you yours.

I'm a wolf. You run to the wolf in me. That don't make you no lamb.

You're gonna marry my brother.

Why do you wanna sell your life short?

Playing it safe's the most dangerous thing a woman like you could do.

I mean, you waited for the right man the first time.

Why didn't you wait for him again? Because he didn't come.

I'm here. You're late.

This is your place. So this is where we were going.


You know, we had a deal.

You said if I came with you to the opera you'd leave me alone forever. And I came with you!

I'm gonna marry your brother and you're gonna leave me alone forever, right?

A person can see where they've messed up in their life.

They can change the way they do things. They can even change their luck.

So maybe my nature does draw me to you. But I don't have to go with it.

I can take hold of myself and I can say yes to some things and no to other things that will ruin everything.

Otherwise, you know, what...

What good is this stupid life that God gave us? I mean, for what?

Are you listening to me?!


Everything seems like nothing to me now. I want you in my bed.

I don't care if I burn in hell.

I don't care if you burn in hell.

The past and the future is a joke to me now.

I see that they're nothing, I see they ain't here.

The only thing that's here is you... and me.

I wanna go home. No.

I'm gonna go home. No!

I'm freezing to death. Come upstairs.

I don't care why you come.

No, that's not what I mean.

Loretta, I love you.

Not... not like they told you love is.

I didn't know this either. But love don't make things nice.

It ruins everything. It breaks your heart.

It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect.

The snowflakes are perfect... Oh!

The stars are perfect.

Not us. Not us!

We are here to ruin ourselves and... and to break our hearts and love the wrong people.

And die!

I mean that the storybooks are bullshit!

Now I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

19 Cranberry Street, Brooklyn.

Got it.

Hold it!

How much? 25.

25 dollars? Yeah.

Hold it.


Oh, hi. I'm sorry to call so late.

Moving in?

No, I came right from the airport.

Come on in.

Can you wake up Loretta? I need to talk to her.

She's not home yet. Take off your coat and come through. I'll make you a drink.

I wanna talk to you!

Thank you. Where is she?

Out. I don't know where.

So. What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be in Palermo.

This is what I came to tell Loretta. There's been a miracle.

A miracle? Well, that's news.

My mother's recovered.

You're kidding? Oh, no.

The breath had almost totally left her body. She was as white as snow.

And then, she completely pulled back from death, and stood up... and put on her clothes, and began to cook for everyone in the house.

The mourners, and me, and herself.

She ate a meal that could choke a pig.

That's incredible. Yes.

Hi, Pop.

Oh, my God.

Is he all right?

My father-in-law's got this wrong idea in his head.

Listen, Johnny.

There's a question I want to ask.

I want you to tell me the truth... if you can.

Why do men chase women?

Well uh...

There's the Bible story.


God took a rib from Adam... and made Eve.

Now, maybe men chase women to get the rib back.

When God took the rib, he left a big hole there.

A place where there used to be something.

And the women have that.

Now maybe, just maybe, a man isn't complete as a man, without a woman.

Why would a man need more than one woman?

I don't know.

Maybe because he fears death.

That's it. That's the reason.

I don't know! No!

That's it. No. Thank you.

Thank you for answering my question.


Hello, Mr. Castorini.

Oh. Hi.

Where you been?

I don't know where I've been and I don't know where I'm going.

All right?

You'll have your eyes opened for you, my friend.

I have my eyes open. Oh, yeah?

Well, stick around. Don't go on any long trips.

I don't know what you mean. That's the point. I'll say no more.

You haven't said anything.

And that's all I'm saying.

Cosmo. What?

I just want you to know, no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else.

Thank you, Rose.

You're welcome.

I'm going to bed now.

I'm going.


He doesn't like you. But thank you for answering my question.

You don't know where Loretta is? No. No idea.

Mrs. Castorini, will you tell Loretta that I'll come by in the morning?

We... We need to talk. Okay, I'll tell her. Okay.

Thank you.

Watch it! The house!

What the hell happened to you?

I really don't know where to start.

Your hair's different. Ma, everything is different.

Are you drunk? No. Are you drunk?

No. But I have a hangover.

Where's Pop? Upstairs.

Johnny Cammareri showed up last night.

What?! He's in Sicily.

No more, he's not. He's there with his dying mother.

She recovered. She was dying!

It was a miracle.

This is modern times! There ain't supposed to be miracles.

I guess it ain't modern times in Sicily.

He came right from the airport. He wanted to talk to you.

You got a lovebite on your neck. He's coming back this morning.

Your life's going down the toilet.

Cover up that damn thing! Put some make-up on it!

All right! Ma, okay, fine! But you gotta help me.

Hurry up...

You get it.

Answer the door!


Hi. Is Loretta home?

Come on in.

It's not Johnny.


Is Johnny here?

No, but he's coming. Good.

We can get this out on the table.

Hi. I'm Ronny, Johnny's brother.

I'm Rose Castorini.

It's nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you.

You got a lovebite on your neck.

Your mother's recovered from death. Oh, good.

We're not close. I'm not... Ouch!

You gotta leave. I want to meet the family.

No. Really, you gotta get out of here.

Anyone want some oatmeal? No, Ma.

Yes, Mrs. Castorini. I would love some.

No, we don't want any oatmeal.


That was a... This is a... Oh!

Thanks, Ma. You're welcome.

Hi. Hi.

Cosmo, this is Ronny, Johnny's brother.

It's very good to meet you, Mr. Castorini.

I have a feeling this is going to be just delicious.

You're Johnny's brother? Yeah.

Don't look at me like that, okay?

Hi, Pop.

What's the matter, Pop? I'm old.

The old are not wanted.

And if they say it, they have no weight.

But, my son... I must speak.

You must pay for the wedding of your only daughter.

You break your house through pride.


I... I've said it. It's okay, Pop.

If she gets married... I'll pay for the whole thing.

Now you're talking.

Let's eat.

Have I been a good wife?


I want you to stop seeing her.


And go to confession.

A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing and that's a bad, crazy day.

Your life is not built on nothing.

It's Johnny, I'll get it. I'll get it.

I should tell him. I will.

What am I gonna tell him?

Tell him the truth, Loretta. They find out anyway.

You're right, Papa.

Hi, Loretta. Hi.

Hi, Loretta. Hi.

Why aren't you two at the store?

Do you have something you wanna tell us, honey?


We just come from the bank.


Oh, my God! I forgot to make the deposit!

Oh, she's got it.

I knew she had it! We didn't know what to think.

You were so weird yesterday.

And then we went to the bank this morning, and no bag.

We never suspected you.

Listen, would anyone like some coffee?

That's a good idea.

What's with this suspected? I'll tell you later.

I forgot to make the deposit.

Sit down. Have some coffee.

So what are we doing? Waiting. For Johnny Cammareri.

My name's Ronny.

Johnny's brother.

Oh. Nice to meet you. I'm Rita Cappomaggi.

Raymond Cappomaggi. Rose's brother. Hi.

Someone tell a joke.

I'll get it.

I thought Johnny was in Palermo.

It's Johnny Cammareri!



Have you come to make peace with me? Yes.

But... you may not want to.

Ronny, of course I want to.

Johnny, your mother was dying. How did she recover?

I told her we were to be married and she got well right away!

I'm sure she did! It was a miracle.

Johnny, I have something I have to tell you.

And I have something to tell you. But I must talk to you alone.

No, I need my family around me now.

Loretta, I can't marry you.


If I marry you, my mother will die! What do you mean? We're engaged!

Loretta, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about a promise? He proposed!

My mother was dying and now she's not!

You're 42 years old. She's still running your life.

And you don't love your mother!

You are a big liar. Because I have a ring right here.

Oh, I must ask for that back.

All right. The engagement is off! You will see this is the best thing.

And you'll drop dead and I'll mourn you in a red dress!

Loretta... What?

Will you marry me? What?!

Where's the ring?


Can I borrow that ring?


Loretta Castorini, will you marry me?

Yes, Ronny. In front of all these people, I'll marry you.

Do you love him, Loretta? Ma, I love him awful.

Oh, God. That's too bad.

She loves me.

What's the matter, Pop?

I'm confused.

To Loretta and Ronny!

There we are! Thank you, thank you.

Come on, Raymond!

Come, come. Your brother is here and... No, I don't want any.

You are a part of the family. Don't you realize? Come on, Bevi!

Everybody, come on! Glass in hand!

To... to family!

To family!