More American Graffiti (1979) Script

There it went again. It's a little pig with wings.


Next up on this last day of the year, our undefeated track champion for all of 1964, John Milner.

Hey, hey, hey. You're looking real good there, Roger.

I'm gonna beat you today, Milner. I'd like to see you win once.

Especially since this is gonna be your last chance.

What do you mean?

I mean I'm gonna be riding with the factory from now on.

The big time, you know?

But don't let that upset you. It might throw your timing off.

You got the Wolf man Jack Show, baby.

Gonna get it on together. Can you dig it?

Martha and the Vandellas on the last day of the year 1964.

Do you have my wallet?

I thought you got it off the cupboard.

No, I don't. It must be in there. Laurie, I got it.

No. No, no, no. It's all right. I got it.

No sweat. Forget it. We're gonna be late.

You're driving without your license? I thought I had it.


Beckwith beats Milner. He held the holeshot all the way through.

Come on, let's go. We're late.

We have Hawaiian Punch. This'll just take a second.

Give it to me.

No sweat.

Whoa! Hey, Johnny!

Damn, I kicked your ass, didn't I? First time, too. I got you good, buddy.

Beat it. What?

Hey, what happened anyway?

I came out of the hole a little fast. I had some wheel shake. That's all.

Oh, yeah? You know what I think?

I think the damn factory guys are coming after the wrong man.

Hey, Beckwith! Hey!

Thompson, did you see me wipe him out?

Hey, John. John.

Hey! The gang's all here. All right. Hi.

Hi. How's it going?

Well, I lost a race.

You lost? Man, you never lost!

No big deal. Was just a preliminary run anyway.

Ah, good.

Laurie, you're looking prettier than ever.

Nah, I look fat. Just a little chunky.

Doctor says it might be twins.

Really'? That's right.

Got my orders.

Yeah? Leaving tonight.

Where to? Vietnam.

That's right. Uncle Sam says, "I need the Toad."

"Only way we're gonna win this one, get the Toad in there."

Gonna go kick some ass, huh?

Kick ass, take names and eat Cong for breakfast.


Baby, I'm coming home.


Terrific.

Terrific!

Jammed. Jammed!

Typical. Typical!

The gun don't work. Nothing works.

Sniper!

Sniper! Beautiful. It's me, you idiot!

Cease firing! Oh, boy. Oh, terrific.

Keep down, sir. We can't afford to lose a United States congressman.

Red Two, give me that arms call.

Calling. Fire!

Hold your fire! Hold your...

Jesus Christ!

What's going on? Keep down, sir.

Red Two, give me that arms call. Keep down, sir.

It's me out here! What are you doing?

Knock it off.

Cease fire!

All right, Red!

Red One, fire on Concentration Blue.

Keep back, sir. Keep back.

Roger, Six. Commencing dive now.


You know, New Year's is really depressing for me.

It's really weird but I have lost two friends on New Year's Eve.

Last year it was this old boyfriend of mine, Terry.

He was really sweet. He wanted to get married to me.

Guess what? What?

Ralph and Nance got married.

Yeah?

Mmm-hmm. In Golden Gate Park on the 24th. It was really groovy.

Acid in the punch? I don't know.

You know what? I've been thinking, Lance. What?

I've been thinking we could have something like that.

Acid. No!

Have a ceremony like that.

Like what? Marriage.

I was thinking we could have it on the top of Mount Tam at sunset, which would be really groovy for a Gemini and a Libra.

We could write our own ceremony.

Dave Freeland just got his papers from the Universal Life Church, so he could say the words.

I could wear that white, antique velvet dress that I have.

What do you think?

Wow. Here.

Oh, Jesus, a cop! Ow!

I have to swallow it.

Uh...

Yes, sir.

Pull over there. Can't find the brake.

Here. Swallow this. Swallow this.

Uh...

We're trying to.

What do you want me to do, stop right here in the middle of the road?

Don't you have any respect for the law? Keep going.

What kind of law officer are you if you don't have respect for the law?

Nothing?

Gun it.

Go ahead. Why don't you shoot me, huh?

I said stop! Kill maybe three, four innocent people.

Go ahead. It's all right. It's cool.

Roll the window down.

Sorry to disappoint you, Officer, but we're on the natch.

Oh, yeah? What have we got here?

Looks like a narcotic substance to me.

It's one lousy joint. You're under arrest, friend.

Come on, man. You got nothing better to do than hassle longhairs?

My life, friend. I love my work.

Will you take down his number?

Make it easy for you, lady. It's 54362.

Name is Falfa. Officer Falfa. F-A-L-F-A.

I'm telling you, Lance, we gotta get out of this city.

We gotta get married and get out of this city.

For sure. You do? You do wanna get married?

Bail me out, huh, and we'll talk about it.

WOLFMAN JACK". Boy, this is a great tune for the last day of 1967.

Percy Sledge, When a Man Loves a woman.

Ow!

Feel better now? You wanna act like an idiot? Terrific.

You like wasting money? I got something you're really gonna like to break.

What's that?

Take this. This is real expensive. Break that.

God damn it. What are you, crazy? That's your mother's wedding present.

She's gonna come over here and want to have tea...

Then you'll explain it to her, won't you?

Are you guys having a fight?

Hey, kiddo. No, Mom and I aren't fighting.

We're having an adult conversation. I heard something break.

Yes, well, Mommy just tripped and broke a glass, that's all, sweetheart.

Say, isn't it time for Mister Rogers?

Why don't you and your brother go watch Mister Rogers? Take Duckers and go on.

Go on, Mark.

Selling insurance is tough work, Laurie.

I mean, I work my butt off.

I'm not gonna stand around and have you all of a sudden decide that...

I don't wanna watch Mister Rogers. I wanna watch cartoons.

Well then watch cartoons, sweetheart, but let Mommy and Daddy talk, okay?

Why are you crying?

I'm not crying, honey, I've just been peeling onions. Now, go on.

I hate onions. I know, sweetheart. Go on.

What about them, huh?

I'm not gonna stand for it.

I'm not gonna have my kid brought up by babysitters.

It's just three hours a day at a nursery school.

Steven, it'd be so good for them.

The best thing for any kid is their mother.

You don't understand. I want to be more than a mother.

You are more than a mother. You're a wife.

I can't believe you! Are you gonna hit me with that?

I wanna go to work! We need the money!

You're pissing me off!

It's just three hours a day in Dr. Martin's office. That's all it is.

It's not three hours anywhere. It's here. Taking care of your kids.

Mary-Jo worked... That's the bottom line.

End of the conversation.

Not another word.

What are you doing? I'm leaving.

Oh, yeah? Where are you going? My brother's.

Curt? Great. Curt's in Canada.

Well, Andy's at school.

But what about our New Year's party?

Can I go to work? Absolutely not.

Then screw the New Year's party!

You got the Wolf man Jack Show on the last day of the year 1964.

Have you ever seen anything like that?

Milner, here's your car.

I hope it fits my ass.

You're gonna look great sitting behind the wheel, John.

Yeah, I'm gonna look great standing beside it at the winner's circle, too.

You can't even beat me. I don't know what the hell they want with you.

Hey, Mr. Hunt. Here's your new driver.

New driver? Milner. How are you, sir?

Oh, John Milner, right. Come with me, will you?

What did you think of those radio spots?

Guy at the station thought up that "Madman" business. John "the Madman" Milner.

Hope you don't mind.

Anyway, the reason I wrote you the letter was I need you to sign a release for the ad.

Sit down.

You know, giving us permission to use your name.

There's a $20 honorarium. Just give me your signature.

What's wrong? It's just a simple release.

But your letter said you wanted to welcome me on to the Hunt Brothers' racing team.

Everybody knows you're looking for a new driver.

No, that's a figure of speech.

I mean, you were in the ad, so you're on the team. Okay?

But that's bullshit.

Come on. You didn't think we were gonna hire you to race for us, did you?

Why not? I'm the best out here.

Come on. These are just hobby racers. This is a whole different league.

Look. I can beat anybody off the line, and that includes this clown you've got driving.

And I just turned 190.77 in a car I built myself.

Give me your signature, champ.

I'll tell you what.

I'm not gonna sign it, but why don't you light it on fire and stick it up your ass'?

Hey, what's the matter with him? John, what's up?

Relax, kid. Win a few races, then come back.

Yeah, John, just win a few races.

Hey, look, buddy. We'll see about that. I'm gonna beat you today.

Come on, man. You're gonna cream those guys, no problem.

John, we're gonna have to get him back to the base.

Sure you don't wanna come along?

I'd like to, Steve, but I got some races to win.

I gotta beat the factory.

Hey, look.

I want you to keep this. Take that with you.

That's from when my flywheel blew up, remember?

Hey, that's great. Man, that's really great.

Hell, you know what I'm gonna do for you?

I'm gonna capture you a VC flag.

Nah, don't do that, man.

Just come back alive.

Mess with the bull, you get the horn. Nobody could survive an hour of that.

Hold on. I think there's another one out there, sir.

Hey, man, that's Fields. What are you doing out there?

Fields!

Fields? Who's Fields? He's one of ours, sir.

American soldiers have a knack for survival, sir.

Well, let's go meet the boy.

What the hell were you doing out there?

Well, sir...

Well, I don't know, sir.

I was just kind of cleaning my rifle and it sort of went off.

And I guess these guys must have thought I was VC.

You mean Charlie wasn't out there? No, sir.

And you... Major!

You say you saw about a dozen of the enemy?

Uh...

Yes, sir.

How about the body count?

Tell the congressman here about the body count.

Oh! Ah...

The best. Absolutely the best, sir.

There were guts and pieces all over the place.

Well, how many would you say?

Oh, heck, I don't know. You'd have to count up all the arms and legs and stuff.

I'd say, two dozen maybe.

Two dozen? That's very good, Fields.

Yes, excellent. Good work, son. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Well, I'd better be getting over to the dispensary now, sir.

The dispensary? Yes, sir.

The little people put up a hell of a fight. I sustained a wound.

Where? Oh, nothing serious, sir.

I'll be fine after a few days of bed rest back in the rear.

Let me see it.

Excuse me?

That doesn't look too bad to me, son.

Yes, sir, but there's always the danger of infection and it's better to be safe than sorry.

You go have a medic look at it, Fields. Then report to your unit.

Yes, sir.

Son of a bitch.

What did you say, Major?

I said, it's sort of a beach. We leveled it!

Hell of a job, men! One hell of a job.

Let's have a drink.

Everybody! Emergency! Emergency!

Lance just got busted again. I'm $25 short to meet the bail bond.

Does anybody have any money? Out of luck.

If I get a couple of bucks from each of you, we can bail him out.

Ed, you know he'd help you.

He still owes me 50 bucks for that key I fronted him.

We just can't let him sit in there. It's New Year's Eve.

Let him rot.

I just want you to know that I think this behavior is really crappy and when it comes time to do any favors, I'm gonna remember this.

Come on, Debbie. I don't blame him. Lance is a flake.

Rainbow, I don't appreciate that kind of talk.

And besides, Lance and I are thinking about getting married.

Married? What?

Lance has some bread stashed in here somewhere.

Damn it! Where is the light switch'? Try the switches on the panel.

You can't marry him, Debbie.

You're gonna end up supporting him for the rest of your life.

I don't mind helping Lance out and I don't see why it should bother you so much.

I happen to think working as a topless dancer is creepy.

Maybe that's your hang-up if you think the human body's creepy.

Besides, the money's great.

If the money is so great, why don't you have the 25 bucks?

Hey, good idea. I'll get an advance from my boss.

So Steve doesn't want you to get a job. Big deal.

Go home and work it out. I can't, Andy. I can't.

Please let me stay here. Please, Andrew.

No. No, go to Mom and Dad's or go to one of your dopey girlfriends'.

No. No, please, I can't do that. I won't get in your way, I promise, Andy.

And maybe I could straighten up this place for you.

No, thanks. I like this place just the way it is.

You like living in squalor? He loves it.

Yeah, I love it. Every little piece of trash and rancid dirt.

Now go home. I was just getting ready to leave.

You know what I think?

I think that Mother and Daddy made a big mistake letting you come to this school.

Yeah? Well you made a bigger mistake getting married when you did.

I didn't have to get married. I didn't have to get married.

No, she didn't have to get married, the twins just arrived a little early.

Oh, that's funny. That's real funny, Andy. Thanks a lot.

Here. Finished.

What do you think?

That's lovely. That's lovely.

You're missing the point.

We have to communicate in a vernacular that the police will understand.

"Pigs eat shit"?

"Pigs eat shit" does not make an understanding police officer.

You're gonna be in big trouble.

What happened to that sweet little boy you used to be, huh?

Remember how I used to tease you and tie those pretty little ribbons in your hair?

Stop it. What's happened to your hair? Look at that.

Andy, come on.

Buck up, kid. It'll be all right.

Yeah. Thanks.

I'll just clean up the place a little bit, it'll make me feel a lot better.

Don't you dare.

I better find every piece of crap exactly where I left it.

Holy smokes! The Marvelettes.

Oh, baby, I love it.

Hi, John. What you doing? Is that nitro?

God, at least you can say hi.

You don't have to take it out on the whole world for what happened with the factory.

Get hosed, will you?

You can't believe the date I had last night.

You know, Earl La Farle, the guy with the yellow jet?

Talk about crude! This guy is such an animal...

Hey, hey! Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Hey, Carlos, check out my new formula.

80% nitro, 20% Cheetos.

Will you do us a favor, Teensa, and get out of here!

Okay, if that's the way you feel, maybe I will.

Come on, Eva, let's bug this pop stand.

Hey, hold it! Hold it.

I'm John Milner, the owner/driver of this car here.

And this is our team T-shirt. I'd be deeply honored if you wore it.

Well, I don't do this every day. The thing cost $3.75. Here.

Nice, huh?

She's a foreigner, John.

She doesn't understand a single word you're saying.

It's just like as if she was deaf and dumb.

Huh?

See what I'm talking about? I don't know what she's yapping about either.

What are you doing with her?

My dad. It's like this foreign exchange program with his Rotary club or something.

At least she's only gonna be here a week.

My last shirt, too.

WOLFMAN JACK". Now we're gonna do the weather for all the valleys.

It's about 200 degrees in Merced, 400 degrees out in Fresno.

All right, my name is Bob Sinclair. I like to think of myself as tough but fair.

Bob Sinclair, tough but fair. Hey, that rhymes.

Now, as I was saying, I'm tough but I'm fair.

We're gonna run a tight ship here.

But it's gonna be a ship we can all be proud of.

I like a proud crew. Proud of what they're doing, proud of each other.

Proud of the war they're fighting.

A proud crew is a professional crew. And a professional crew...

Who did that? A rat smells his own cheese first.

Sorry, sir, but during a time of war, a soldier gets gas on his stomach.

What's your name? My name? They call me Joe, the Pharaoh.

See, back home I was a low rider. What's your name'?

This is Terry the Toad. We're from the same home town.

Sir, if I could tell you some stories about the beavers...

I asked him his name.

Terry Fields. And, sir, I don't want to disappoint you, sir, but you got yourself in with a couple cowards here.

We like things safe and easy. Understand?

Well, I am a little disappointed, but maybe pride will change attitudes, huh?

Now, since this is my first day as your new aircraft commander, I wanted to make it a great day so I volunteered us for medevac duty.

You volunteered? That's right.

Now, listen up. Shit.

Every time we go out on a mission, I'm gonna put a little American flag sticker right here on this door.

Now, by the time I've finished my tour, I want this whole door and this bulkhead covered with flags.

Volunteered.

Happy goddamn New Year.

You want me to lend you $25 so you can bail out your goofy boyfriend who got beefed for weed?

Yeah, but Ralph, you can take it out of my next week's paycheck.

Debbie, you oughta stay away from weed. You know it's gonna lead you into cigarettes.

Yeah, so what about the $25?

I'm gonna tell you something. Come over here.

This is your lucky day. You know why?

For two reasons.

First of all, I believe in you.

When I believe in someone, I can't bear to let 'em down.

You know what I mean?

And secondly, I'm gonna make you the biggest thing in this street.

How's that grab you? Yeah. What with'? Forty pounds of silicone?

No. I got something in here that's gonna make you bigger than the topless grandmother of six. Think of that.

Jesus Christ! That's a snake! You bet it is.

I thought we'd call you Debbie the Topless Snake Charmer.

Are you out of your crummy mind?

I'm not offering you a poisonous snake to handle. Would I do such a thing?

They're just like dogs. They're very affectionate. Give him a little scratch.

When I think about that slimy thing on my... I could just urp.

Why, they're not slimy.

Touch it, scratch it.

Give him a touch. Come on. Ralph!

God, Ralph! That's it. I quit this gig. I quit.

I quit.

Come on. I've lost two girls tonight. I really need you.

All right, the snake goes. I'll never mention it again.

And I'll give you the loan, okay?

You'll make it a gift?

A gift? Are you crazy?

All right, I'll make it a gift. I'll make it a gift.

Boy, you artists, you're so touchy.

Fido?

Fido? Jesus, I've lost a rented snake.

Fido?

I can't lose a rented snake.

Yes. You like that?

Yeah, I like...

Get out of the way!

Jesus, where'd that come from?

That's my snake. I rented that snake. I'll have to put that on your tab.

Eat your food, Mark. Don't play with it.

I'm gonna puke.

And don't say "puke," okay? Say "throw up."

That's what I'm gonna do. Puke.

I hate this. Where's Mommy?

She went shopping. She'll be back.

Eat your food, will ya?

I made it for you myself and it's better for you than that crap.

Bull.

What did you just say? Bull.

Shit.

Come on in. The door's open.

Hello. Yeah, Mary-Jo.

A recipe'? I don't know...

Where do you want this thing?

Just a second. That's not supposed to get here until tonight.

Didn't my wife tell you that?

We were told now. Where do you want it?

Well, Jesus, it's gonna melt!

I told you I'm turning this off if you didn't eat.

Oh, come on, it... Look at that.

I can't talk right now. She's not here. I'll see you tonight.

You fart!

Come on. Where do we put this thing? This ain't feathers, you know.

I don't care where you put it. Find a place and you put it down.

This ain't gonna work.

Get your feet out of the fish tank, Michael. Get 'em out right now.

Laurie, get this straight. I am a man, you understand that?

And a man has a certain role in life.

And a man goes to work and he earns money for his family.

And a man is a man. A man is not a housewife.

A woman is a housewife.

And we're having a party tonight.

And my mother loved being a housewife. And my mother loved being a mother.

And I'm coming to pick you up right now. Do you understand that? Answer me.

Go to hell, you son of a bitch!

And another thing. All you really care about is your...

- Laurie, it's me, Andy. Oh, hi, Andy. Hi.

I need my wallet. Your wallet?

Why? Because it's an emergency, that's why.

Tell her you need your driver's license. I need my driver's license.

Why?

Because you're staying at my apartment without my permission, and you can damn well bring me my wallet.

All right. Okay. Boy, you have a mean streak running through you.

Where'd you put it?

It's in my sweatshirt hanging in the corner of the kitchen.

Okay. By the way, I cleaned the apartment just a...

Hello?

Go to hell, you son of a bitch.

He's all right.

Teensa!

Hey. Don't worry about her. She'll be back.

She's got an attention span of about 15 seconds.

Don't worry.

The thing that we always dread has happened.

A rod coming out of the...

Well, lookee here, it's the Milner crew.

God damn! Getting after it, aren't we?

Yeah, John, I really feel bad about the way everybody's laughing at ya.

I think it's a damn shame.

First I wipe you out and then after all the bragging you guys been doing, them Hunt Brothers, they shut you down.

Hell, a guy like you deserves more respect.

You're practically a legend.

Who is this beauty queen here?

Hey, now. Leave her alone. She's Swedish or something. She doesn't speak English.

Well, great. I parlez-vous a little German myself.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Really, I do.

Hello. Hello.

Her name's Eva, John, in case you didn't know.

Eva, listen...

What are you saying to her? I told her she had a beautiful body.

And I asked her if she'd like to make it with me...

Get outta here.

She said she would.

Something about a motel. I didn't quite pick up here. Let's see...

See, John. This chick's hot for me, I'm telling ya.

Get outta here. So, what do you say, baby?

How about giving me a little bit of that free love you got over there in Sweden?

Hey, Rog! Hey! That's enough.

What? Look, man, I'm sorry. I was kidding you.

I was just playing with you. It's not funny.

Take a hike, huh?

Sure, John. Sure.

Hey, listen, I'll see you later, baby.

I don't know...

WOLFMAN JACK". Rubbing your sou! With a little rock 'n' roll.

Look at Flag Ass. He's actually enjoying this crap.

That's 'cause he's too stupid to be scared.

Red Cap, Two-Six, come in. Over.

Red Cap Three, is the LZ still hot?

Bulldog, get down here, they're moving on us.

Get that goddamned machine in here.

Hey, get over the trees. Don't tell me how to fly my ship, soldier.

But we're a target in the clear area, man. Get over the trees.

We're hit! We're hit! Get over the trees!

Shit.

This is Red Cap Three. I've got your visual. I'm throwing smoke. Now.

Bulldog, you're heading straight for us. Can you see the smoke? Red smoke.

That's a roger, Red Cap Three. Get your heads down. Bulldog's coming in.

That's a roger, Bulldog. Over.

Go! Go! Get the wounded to the LZ. Stay close to the trees.

Bulldog, we're moving our wounded into the open.

Get that machine in here fast. Charlie's moving in.

All right. Young, open up.


Get in, God damn it! Hurry up!

Get him inside. Here. Get him in here!

Come on, man. Get in here.

Well, go ahead! Lift off, man! Let's go!

Take it easy, man.

Oh, my God.

Don't worry, man. You don't get used to it.

Hey!

Hey. Thanks for bailing me out, honey.

All right!

So, how much was the bail? $212.

Wow! You're great. You know that?

You love me?

Come on. Does Raggedy Ann have cotton tits or what?

Have you been thinking about what we were talking about?

About getting married? Sort of.

Well, what do you think?

Don't worry, it's dead. Slick Eddy killed him.

What the hell you got him for?

You know how Rainbow's always stealing towels?

I thought I'd put it on the top shelf and then when she takes a towel it'll fall on top of her head.

So what do you think about getting married?

It'd make a good hood ornament, don't you think?

Don't you think it would strengthen our relationship?

Feel this lump. I think it ate a rat.

You're pregnant. I'm in love.

So am I, baby, but...

What does a piece of paper mean anyway? It's so middle class.

We gotta keep this thing free and open and groovy, you know?

Come on. Get in.

Contact. Contact!

Listen to him. Don't you think he's a genius?

Uh-huh.

Come on. He's really great.

How come he's not getting any gigs?

I told you, it's all in who you know in this town.

You think Mick Jagger was always rich?

So, who was on the phone, hon?

Bad news. Good news, sort of.

Brian got sick, and he asked if I could take his pizza-man route for him tonight.

Lance, it's New Year's Eve! You're not gonna do it, are ya?

I feel lousy about you paying my bail. I gotta make some money and pay you back.

Yeah. But we're gonna go to the Fillmore. There's six bands and everything.

You can go with Rainbow.

Electric Haze is gonna be there. It's your favorite group and everything.

What can I do? We need the bucks.

That's for sure.

A snake! It bit me!

It bit her.

So, how long has this demonstration been going on, anyway?

Since just before the vacation, but I think they're getting ready to kick us out.

Good. Good. You got my sweatshirt on.

It was cold out so I borrowed it. Do you mind?

No, but have you seen what's on the back?

What? Oh, that's great.

What is it?

Oh, I'm sorry. Vikki, this is my sister Laurie. Vikki Townsend.

Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you.

That's really a cute outfit you got there.

I used to be a cheerleader myself in high school. Varsity.

Well, I'm not a cheerleader anymore exactly.

I used to be, but now I'm a cheerleader for peace.

That's my baby. Why don't you do one of your cheers for her?

Right now? Oh, yeah, come on.

Murder, murder every day! Hey, you generals, what do you say?

Drop your napalm, drop your gas! And suck it all right up your ass!

Yay, Peace! Yay, peace!

She's got a million of 'em. Wait till you hear Kill a Commie for Your Mommy.

Did you bring my wallet?

That's the one I'm gonna do when Andy burns his draft card.

You're not gonna burn your draft card.

I would have never brought your wallet down here, Andy.

It's against the law.

Absolutely not. It's a matter of political commitment.

I don't care. You could go to jail.

Hey, guys, look who's here. It's Madman Milner.

Why don't you put that little Chevy back in your streetcar, pal?

Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? Go to the snack bar?

Yeah! Come on.

So you're from Sweden, huh?

So, you know Anita Ekberg?

Anita Ekberg? Hey, yeah. How about...

What's that car? Volvo?

Volvo'? Yeah, Volvo.

It's from Sweden so you must be from Sweden.

Eastland? I don't know where that is.

North Pole? You from the North Pole?

North Pole? They got Eskimos and a bunch of ice up there.

Whatever you say. I'm just...

Hey, it's the little twerp.

Don't "little twerp" me, John. I've grown.

A little bit. John, this is Perry.

Hi there, Perry. Hello, John.

How do you like the drags?

I don't know too much about cars. I'm from New York.

Why don't you introduce me to your friend? This is...

This is my friend. She's from another country.

She's foreign. She doesn't speak English.

She comes from the North Pole, actually. She was raised by Eskimos.

Oh, wow. You two must have some real stimulating conversations.

Well, there are a few conversations you're too young to even know about.

I'm older than you think, John. Carol, we're gonna be late.

Yeah, we gotta get going.

Perry's taking me to a coffee house.

Coffee house? Well, okay, listen, I want you to take care of yourself. And be good, okay?

Bye, John.

Now, what I wanna know is how do these Eskimos make love?

Heading for the staging lanes, the state-of-the-art in drag racing today, the undefeated Hunt Brothers' Headhunter, cubic money.


Lucky son of a bitch. He'll be home tomorrow, man.

Hey. Let me take care of that big guy.

Are you crazy? He'll break you in half.

He'd be on your ass like a June bug on shit.

No sweat, man. I can handle him.

Break.

Your wife is a cow. Your mother's a hog.

You're dumb and ugly... I'm gonna kill you.

Ow!

What's the matter? My knee!

Holy shit!

Some guys got all the luck.

Luck? He just broke his leg.

It's a ticket home, yo-yo.

Fields, you don't mean to tell me you wanna go out there and get hurt?

Pal, in case you haven't figured it out yet, they're trying to get us killed in this war. I'm gonna get outta here.

You ever tried shooting yourself?

I told you, sir, I was just cleaning my rifle.

That's not the scuttlebutt I get.

Honest, sir. It was just an accident.

Let's hope you don't have any more accidents, Fields.

In the meantime, how does latrine duty sound to you?

About a month of it?

You're kidding! Starting now!

Get moving!

Come on, let's go take a shit.

Terrific. Just terrific.

Fields!

Fields! Hold that salute till I return it, soldier.

Move out!

All right. You're playing like candy asses here. Let's hit somebody!

Fecal waste shall be moved a distance of not less than 50 meters from the mess hall or living area.

Diesel fuel shall then be added to the waste matter and the mixture shall then be ignited.

When the drum is cooled, it shall be replaced in the latrine.

You understand? No.

What part don't you understand? Start at the beginning.

Now look, Toad. Don't give me that crap. Don't give me this crap.

You get to it or I'll be talking to the major. This is his personal favorite shithouse.

Understand? Yeah.

This really doesn't help the problem any.

Out of sight and out of mind. It gets worse instead of better.

If the problem is venereal disease, you may be setting yourself up for permanent physical damage, like insanity.

There are several types of venereal disease and each requires special medication.

I'll walk. Get right out of here and keep walking till I get home.

I know I could do it. It's just getting past the MPs.

Shit!


How do you think I scored Robbie Jordan?

I heard he left the group.

Yeah, they're looking for a new guitar player.

Oh, yeah? Maybe Lance could get that gig.

Forget it, Debbie. There's no harm in asking.

You'll introduce me, won't you? Sure, I'll introduce you.

Hey, what's the matter?

I'm thinking about how I'll look all splattered down there.

Come on, Debbie. This may be the big break in Lance's career.

Moonflower, you're a genius.

Wow! Who do I talk to?

Fe Lix.

Do you know who that is?

Well, he's only the bass player for the Strawberry Prunes!

Talk about cute! Dibs!

Alone tonight, beautiful one?

I hold before you my magic satchel containing 2,000 mgs of pure, uncut Owsley Sunshine.

What do you say? Beat it, bozo.


Eric Benson and I ain't going.

Andy, you don't think we'd be in Vietnam unless the President knew a few things we don't know, huh'?

Not so loud. You're embarrassing me.

I don't see what's so embarrassing about saying that you support the President of the United States?

Because somebody might hear you, that's why.

Yeah, we elected him, we should stand by him.

If we give these communists an inch, they're gonna take a mile.

Today it's Vietnam, tomorrow it could be here, in our very own backyard. She's drunk.

Attention. This is Sergeant James Dutton speaking.

I don't understand you, Andy. I really don't understand you.

Let go of that. Go on, Andy.

You're an idiot, Andrew. You're an idiot.

My name is Andy Henderson and I'd like to dedicate this to the police outside.

There it is.

BUTTON". You are ordered to evacuate the building immediately.

Hi. I'm looking for Andy Henderson.

He lives next door. You know where he went?

You got a warrant? A warrant? No.

Then I'm not talking to you, man. Wait. Just one second.

Why would I need a warrant?

You got narc written all over you.

I'm not a narc. Actually I'm an insurance agent and I'm looking for my wife. He's with my wife.

Sure. An insurance agent and Andy's schtupping your old lady.

Good try, man. But it ain't gonna work. Hold it! Please!

You got it all wrong. I'm not a narc.

In my book, an insurance agent and a narc are the same thing. Pigs.

And if I were you, I'd truck my oinking, Wonderbread self right on out of here.

You're right.

About what? You're under arrest, asshole.

Up against the wall.

Now where are they? Don't be doing that.

Where are they'? On campus, man. A demonstration.

Is that all you know? Yeah, honestly. Please don't fuck me, man.

I'll tell you where I buy my weed. I'll tell... He's gone.

Jeez!

The fabulous Hunt Brothers' factory car meets the first challenger of the day. It's Alan Billy.

The Hunt Brothers are first by a mile.

Man, he's smooth! Go tell John.

Yeah.

Hey, you want a beer?

Here.

Yeah, right. That's one of the things I like about you.

You're real easy to talk to.

Yeah?

What do you say I move a little closer to you?

Just a little bit.

Yeah, that's right.

John, Hunt Brothers beat Alan Billy with a 7.82.

Have you ever heard of knocking, man?

Sorry, John, I didn't see you were busy.

I'm not busy, I'm trying to get busy, all right?

Now, where was I?

The North Pole. Yes. The North Pole and Eastland and Volvo.

That's right. Um...

You know, you really are beautiful.

Right. That's... That's right.

That's what I was thinking. You're turning me on.

Right?

Well, I... This conversation's getting us nowhere so I think that I'll just try the physical approach, okay?

You think? The physical approach. Like getting to first base.

You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

Oh, now, now, now.

Just relax.

Hey. Now wait a minute. You came into my camper.

What do you think I'm gonna do?

Hey. Come back here!

Hey, come on back.

Wait!


Hey, Toad, wake up, will you? What planet you on?

Just thinking what day it is today.

New Year's Eve tonight, so what?

Kind of an anniversary.

Good buddy of mine got killed a year ago today.

Did he cop one?

No, it was back in the world. John Milner. You knew him.

Had the hottest wheels in the valley. Good buddy of mine.

Good friend.

Hey, Toad, I been thinking.

I'm taking care of you, right? Yeah.

When we get back home, I'm gonna make you an honorary, full-fledged member of the Pharaohs.

No blood initiations, nothing like that.

Me, you and Nance, we gonna open up a used-car lot.

You sell 'em, we steal 'em.

The Flying Pharaohs.

Bulldog, you're two klicks north-east of our position.

You heard him, gunner, two klicks to the LZ. Get back in position.

Red Cap One, we're going in.

Right by you there, chief, it looks pretty hairy down here, I don't...

Watch it, watch it! Incoming from the left!

I See if! Oh, Shit!

Red Cap Two, we've got heavy ordnance.

We're hit! Get out of here.

We're going down! We're going down!

Put her down here.

What, me worry?


Okay, Red Cap Two, we're right above you. Left and above.

We're going in ahead of you. Okay. Clear. Left and above.

Got a steep approach. Just hang on. Pre-landing check complete.

All right, Young, open up.

Get outta here!

Move out.

Gunner, check the left rear.

Ow!

Jesus Christ!

Jesus! Toad! Toad! Hold on! You all right?

Hey, man, you're all right. What the hell's going on back there?

Joe. Come on, man, don't die on me!

We got hit! There's fire back there.

Come back to me, man! Get up here and give me a hand!

I can't hold it.

He's dead, man. I can't control it.

Hold on.

Get away from the trees! Jesus!


Looks like Rainbow found somebody.

Seems like she always goes for those '50s kind of guys.

Felix? No, I'm Newt. Can I help you?

Uh...

No, I'm looking for Felix.

That's him right there. Hey, Felix? Wants to talk to you, man.

Hey, how ya doing? Hi.

My name's Debbie, and I'm a friend of Moonflower...

Don't say no more. I know exactly who you're talking about.

You're talking about Moonflower. The one with the red hair, right?

No, she's got blue hair.

Maybe she dyed it. Anyway, she got a ring of roses tattooed around her arm, right? No.

This Moonflower has roses tattooed on her arm.

She thought it looked pretty. I thought it looked like a snake.

And let me tell you, snakes are not my style.

It's really funny that you should mention snakes...

When I was a kid, I saw a snake. I freaked out.

But my sister loves snakes.

Calls her old man a snake. His name is Bill. He's a barber.

She shot him two years ago right through the ass.

But it was cool. 'Cause he's a barber.

He works standing up so he didn't have to sit down on it.

I wanted to tell you about this friend of mine who plays really great guitar.

He's really a beautiful...

But long hair put Bill right out of business.

Got so upset, got drunk, ate his kid's hamster, said it tasted like a mackerel.

Who? Lance Harris.

Never heard of him. Probably a youngie. And I'm not a youngie.

But I'm not an oldie either. But it's tough enough.

Well, this guy is really good. He's like Jerry Garcia, Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa, he can play anything.

What's his name? Lance.

What about him? He'd be great for your group.

What's his name? Lance Harris.

Do you know I used to know a surfer named Lance? His name was No Pants Lance.

Listen to me. What? What is it?

Are you always like this? Like what?

Talking.

I think she thinks you talk a lot.

Hey, let me tell you something. What's wrong with talking?

I'm gonna tell you something. It's better I talk 'cause I can't spell.

And if I had to spell, I would be out of luck. Do you know what I mean'?

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute. Let me out. We're moving.

I know.

So, where we going? I don't know.

You tell me where we're going.

We have a gig over in Oakland. Don't worry. You'll have fun.

With five guys?

This is your final warning.

You have one minute to vacate the building.

Okay, we're gonna have a vote.

All of you that wanna chicken out, please raise your hands.

We have one vote?

She's an outside agitator. Doesn't count.

Don't you believe in democracy, Andy? With qualifications.

Well, if you wanna give in, maybe you should just go.

Thank you.

Good luck. Good luck. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Andy?

We have to stand together. They can't take us away because...


The door's locked! Andy!


Tear gas! Tear gas!

Andy!

Wait up!

The Calhoun car is coming up to the line.

Jimmy Calhoun's engine starting to warm up, but where's Milner?

He knows better than this.

He's going to be disqualified if he doesn't get up to the line real quick.

John, wait. Come here, Eva. I wanna talk to you.

Come on. Let me explain. Would you stop? Wait!

Come here. I'm trying to talk to you. Hold it. Come here, come here, come here.

I know. Listen, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to apologize. You understand? How am I supposed to talk to you?

Why can't you speak English or something? I'm trying to apologize.

I didn't mean it. Pardonne-moi, you understand?

You came into my camper. What do you expect me to do?

John, come on, man. We got a race.

Gimme that thing.

ANNOUNCER". Okay. Milner's crew now muscling the car up to the starting line.

And listen to that hand for John Milner.

He's had a bit of bad luck today but apparently the fans are still behind him.

He's up against little Jimmy Calhoun from West Covina, California.

Jimmy's gonna need more than his usual cockiness to defeat Milner here today.


And the winner of the race, thanks to little Jimmy's exploding engine, is John Milner.

Not bad for an independent. Yeah, but he's no competition.

Bulldog, Bulldog, this is Escort One. Over.

I don't think this radio works.

Typical. Nothing works here.

This is Escort One. Over.

American know-how.

Bulldog, are you under fire? Over.

That's affirmative. From the other side of the river.

You gotta get us out of here quick!

Bulldog, we'll order artillery into that area.

We haven't got time for that.

You gotta get us out of here now before they get here.

Break, break. Dog, I'm gonna give your position to artillery.

And we'll drop some rocket fire into that tree line.

When the area is secured, we'll come pick you up.

You know what I think, Major, I don't think you have the guts to come down here, you asshole!

Can it, Fields. You're talking your way into a court-martial.

Now drop some smoke. Mark your position. You little shit!

What I'd give to open up on that guy.

I think you're right. He is afraid to come down here and get us.

Very good. You're catching on.

And he had just gotten here from Guam in his canoe, and he was trying to get her to buy...

Can I interrupt you for one moment? For this German submarine.

All right. Let me just say this much. Okay? Okay.

Bobbie, whatever you do, don't drive through that park.

Whatever I do, I won't drive through that park up there.

Hey. man!

That's a good weave. Are you guys crazy?

Do you play an instrument?

You know what I think? Everybody should play an instrument.

You know, I learned to play trombone when I was only six years...

Bobbie, whatever you do, don't hit those trash cans.

Hey, Bobbie, go for two.

The trumpet, the guitar, the ukulele...

Can I interrupt you for one moment?

He doesn't mean anything. He just talks a lot.

Whatever you do, don't hit that Christmas tree.

Don't hit that tree. No sweat.

Hey,

This is not normal. This is crazy.

It's just a little bit crazy. We're the...

I just wanted to tell you about this friend of mine who's a guitar player.

And I know you have an opening.

And if you just audition him, I know you'd never live to regret it.

Sure, we'd be glad to.

Really? Yeah.

That's okay with you? Mmm-hmm.

Okay, I'm gonna let my hand off your mouth. Okay.

Bobbie, whatever you do, don't hit those trash cans!

I think we hit something.

I think it was a fire hydrant.

Isn't it bad enough what's going on in Vietnam, Andy?

You want it to start here too?

Don't start that. I don't wanna hear it.

You remember Terry Fields? Do you remember Toad?

Yeah. Doesn't his death mean anything to you?

Well sure, he's one of the reasons I'm here, Laurie.

But if we give up this war, Andy, then he'll have died for nothing.

He already died for nothing.

I don't want anyone else to die for nothing. I mean, that's the point.

No, no.

Whoa!

Sorry.


Campus is closed.

Closed? Get moving.

No, I'm sorry, I've gotta go through... I said get moving.

Pacific Benefit Life. Claims inspection.

Home office wants a preliminary damage report and they want it fast.

These creeps have really torn the hell out of the place.

That's what they come to school for nowadays.

All right, buddy, go on through. You need any help, you just let me know.

Thank you.

Check my fuel line, make sure it's on.

Are you gonna pull the plugs? And get this other tire. Damn! Jesus.

Hey, Beckwith, take it easy, huh?

Two of the guys a lot of you came to see, Milner and Beckwith. This is gonna be a war.

Only one of them comes back to race the factory car, the Hunt Brothers, in the final.

They're strapped in, the engines are running.

Nitro fumes so thick, the starter's about to pass out.

They're pounding the ground. This is it.


The winner of the race is John Milner.

His chute ain't popping, man. Let's get on it.

Ladies and gentlemen, please, keep off the end of the racetrack.

We don't need your help. Please stay in the grandstand.

Our safety safari team here at the raceway is the best in drag racing.

All you could possibly do is get in the way.

As soon as we get an official report on the condition of Milner...


It's too close! You're supposed to be the other side of the river!

Jesus Christ. They almost killed us! Typical.

Just call the major, tell him it's clear. But it's not, they're all over...

Tell him it's clear. Come on, man. You'd land, wouldn't you?

Tell him!

Red One, Red Two. You better come on in. Charlie's on the run.

Come on in here and get us out quick!

Okay. Here he comes, let's go. Come on!

Sinclair! Sinclair!

Come on! What's the matter? My foot. I think I turned my foot.

Can you run? I don't know.

Come on. You gotta try! We gotta stay alive.

Get on your feet! Get over there!

Move it, God damn it! Get outta here! Go, go, go!


Come on, Fields. Move it!


All right. Come on now, let's go. We're going to be late for the gig.

Hey, let's get a hand.

Hey, girl, come on over here and help us.

Hurry up. You promise to give Lance a chance?

Ask him, he's the leader of the group. Let the brake off and give it some horses.

Him? Why didn't you tell me? You didn't ask me.

Come on, y'all, we're gonna be late.

Yeah.

We did it! Look! Police, man! The police.

Shit! You better stall them.

It was terrible. They had guns. It was a '64 Chevy, light blue.

And they went thataway. They shot at us.

Go get 'em! Yes, ma'am.

Genius. I love you! I love you!

Let's go. Come on.


I should've never brought you your wallet.

No, I should've never gotten up this morning.

I wonder if Steven fed the kids lunch.

Mark's such a finicky eater.

And Steven...

Steve! Steven! Steve's out there!

Steven! Steve! Steven!

Steve! Steven!

Steven! There you are!

Steve!

I love you. I love you, too.

How are the kids? Are the kids okay?

The kids are fine. Are you sure you're all right?

Yes. I am. Steven, I'm sorry.

I should have never left like that. It's all right.

I know we can work this out. I know we can, too, baby.

I'm gonna let you get a job.

Oh, Steve!

In a couple of years you'll find something you like.

A couple of years? I'm gonna be reasonable about this.

We're gonna compromise. That's no compromise. A couple of years?

I wanna work now. Yesterday. Damn it, Laurie!

You bastard! Now, it's completely out of the question.

How dare you follow me like this and then tell me it's out of the question.

How can you do that? You're so inconsiderate.

You're stubborn. And you're bitchy. You're selfish.

You're egotistical. You're conniving.

You're just like your father. And you're exactly like your mother.

My dad always said, "You wanna see what your wife's gonna be like?

"Just look at her mother." Well, Jesus Christ.

I want a divorce. Here's your ring back.

Here's your ring back. Oh, great. Throw it away.

Right. Why not?

Oh, man. We gotta get 'em outta there.

Oh, pick up your ring. Where did it go?

Let's get outta here. Wait a minute. My ring.

Holy shit!


Pacific Benefit Life!

WOLFMAN JACK". Can you dig it, baby?

We got it. We got it. We got it.

Oh, they're dead. That's it!

That's a shame, too. You beat me bad.

I wish I hadn't now. You'd have had a shot at the factory.

I couldn't have beat those guys anyway.

You're the only one who ever had a chance. Really.

Thanks, but you're pretty good yourself.

You don't know shit about engines but your dragster looks good.

Well, thanks.

I know my front end wouldn't have bent like that.

What are you talking about?

Isn't this Schiefer linkage? So?

So, your wheels are the same as mine. So?

Hell, man, we'll take the whole damn front section off my car and put it on your car.

Huh?

Yeah. Bob, we're gonna need that welder. Okay?

Jim, can you get us some guys? We only got about 15 minutes.

Maybe I can get 'em to slow up at the line.

Check that out. That might give us enough time.

Hey, we're gonna beat them, John.

Me and you, together. Okay? Thanks, Roger.

Sure, man. I'll see you.

Come on, Carlos, get the tools. Let's pull this front end off.

Thanks a lot.

Here, you take something, go to work.

No, wait. Get your T-shirt on.

If we're gonna beat those guys you gotta have your T-shirt.

Go on. Get it!

All right... Look at the tools she gave me.


Fields?

You shouldn't be doing this. You saved my life.

Yeah. Some New Year's Eve, huh?

I wanted to thank you.

Hey, I was scared. I was really scared.

Congratulations. You're normal.

I'd like to propose a toast.

Look at that, man. Look at those jerks.

Joe's dead and they're having a party.

The Bulldog Helicopter Assault Company.

May our victory be a complete, full and lasting one.

Hear, hear.

And to you, sir, a barrel of shit.

I gotta get out of here, man. This isn't my war.

And now I'd like to propose another toast.

To a very, very brave man, who today led his men in a mission that accounted for more than 200 communists dead.

You're too kind, congressman.

An officer is only as good as the men he leads. Hear, hear.

Oh, man, that does it! I've had it.

And I'm gonna do something about it.

I gotta get a hand grenade. No, a satchel charge.

And I know just where to get it.

Terry, you can't. They're officers. It's not gonna solve anything.

Oh, yeah? Watch me.

Hello. Hello.

Wanna dance?

Um...

No, thank you. Why not?

Just don't feel like dancing, that's all.

That ain't a very good reason. She's with the band.

So what? She's gotta get on stage.

We can't do the gig without her.

Well, you know what? You need a haircut.

You look like shit.

You know, I woke up this morning, I looked in the mirror and I said, "Newt, boy, you look like shit.

"Get a haircut." But hell, you gotta have long hair nowadays or you can't work. Have a beer.

Come on. Check you later, amigo.

Are you sure we got the right place?

Pretty tough joint.

It's a good gig. We're making 20 bucks apiece tonight. Here, you can play this.

What do you want me to do with that? Play it.

Unless you want that creep hitting on you all night.

Yeah, he was a creep.

I can't blame him much. I'd be hitting on you myself if I didn't know you had an old man.

So, how do I play it?

It's a pretty complicated instrument. Basically, what you do is you hit it like this.

More advanced musicians will hit it like that, that, that.

You're gonna play with the group.

Yeah. But I don't know any of your stuff.

It's nothing. Just hit that thing once in a while, dance around.

You're beautiful and they're gonna love you.

Where'd you take my wife? Shut up.

I want you to know you're facing false arrest charges.

What's your badge number? Turn around!

I got it. I saw it. You're gonna hear from my attorney.

One more word out of your commie mouth, kid, I'll wring your neck...

Commie'? I... I voted Republican. Turn around.

Would you rather be called a fascist pig?

I got a right to know where my wife is.

Take it easy, Steve. She's all right.

Anyway, what can you do now? Relax.

I'll tell you one thing. Something like this happens, it just makes you realize how trivial your marriage problems are.

Not trivial.

Low priority.

Hey, quiet back there!

I wonder if this is gonna cost me my PTA membership.

You should be so lucky.

Hey!

Oh, yeah?

Okay, let's get that butt out. Go on, get it out.

All right.

Baby love, my baby love Who's singing? Who's singing?

I need ya, oh how I need ya But all you do is treat me bad Break my heart and leave me sad Tell me, what did I do wrong To make you stay away so long?

Baby love, my baby love Been missing ya, oh, miss kissing ya Instead of breaking up Don't throw our love away

- Let's do some kissing and making up Don't throw our love away Don't throw our love away In my arms you'll always stay Baby love, my baby love I need ya, oh, how I need ya

Come on now. Let's hurry up. Get those cars started.

Looks like some of the local drivers are intentionally slowing down the pace, trying to buy Milner some extra time.

From here I can see the competitors, who are usually feuding with each other, all helping out in Milner's cause. Incredible!

Here's the Hunt Brothers' car, prepared for the kill.

They fully expect to win. The factory demands they win.

Minutes to go, still no Milner.

Looks like the Hunt Brothers are about to demand a single-run victory by default.

Carlos, you got those plugs changed? Yeah.

I got you some fuel here, John.

I got my own mixture. 90%. You'll blow your engine, man.

Still no sign of John Milner.

He knows the rules. if you're not on the line in time, you're disqualified.

Okay, we got it. We'll never make it.

Come on, man! Let's go!

Frankly, it doesn't look good There's so little time left.

Probably a single run for the Hunt Brothers, Milner losing by default.

But hold it! Look, over on the fire-up road.

Against all odds Milner has got it moving!

Milner's made it to the line but that's just half of this incredible mechanical miracle.

After all their patchwork, will the car go straight down the track?

Will it go straight into the guard rail? It's a big gamble.

Do you think that front end's gonna hold up?

I know it's gonna hold up.

Nothing wrong with Milner's motor.

In fact, both engines making awesome power.

2,000 horsepower side by side.

The final race for top eliminator.


He's done it. Milner has done it, the impossible.

He's defeated the Hunt Brothers.

The crew has gone crazy, the whole place has gone crazy.

John Milner, top eliminator.

Terry, you can't... Shut up!

What if you get caught? Just shut up and do what I told you!

I greased that one myself. Right, Lieutenant?

You damn sure did, sir.

Magnificent. Magnificent.

Here we are.

Major, sir?

You're on officers' turf, Fields. Yes, I know, sir.

I just wanted to have a word with you if I could.

You can speak to me in the morning. Can't you see who I'm with here?

Yeah, I just wanted to know, sir, since it's New Year's Eve tonight, why don't you let me off latrine duty?

No way. You're gonna be in the shithouse the rest of your life, Fields.

Now get back over there.

All right, Major, if that's the way you feel about it.

I just hope you enjoy your cake.

It's a good one. Thank you.

Oh, uh...

Sir?

It's angel food.

Son, maybe you'd like to stay and have a piece of it with us?

No, sir, he has a very important job to finish.

To the latrines, you little turd.

Well, who'll cut the cake?

On!

I think this is an honor you should have, Major.

Thank you, sir.

When I get back to Washington, I'm going to tell the President about the fine fighting spirit your men have here, too.

Wait a minute, Major. Can we have a photograph of this, please?

Fields! Get in there and get to work!

Could you stand up, please?

One moment.

We'll do it together.

To the VC. Let 'em eat cake.

What was that?

Charlie must have booby-trapped the latrine.

There was a man in there. Fields!

Oh, my God, Fields!

Probably won't be enough left of him to send home.

It's a dirty war. It's a lot of shit.

They love you, Debbie. They love you.

Where'd you learn to dance like that? Ballet class.

Get on it, woman.


What's wrong?

Debbie, what's wrong?

What's wrong, girl? It's Lance out there.

He's dancing with another girl.

Maybe there's a reason. Maybe it's his sister or something.

That's not his sister.

Oh, hell. My bet is it's nothing at all.

Why don't you just go over and ask him what's going on?

Oh, come on.

Come on. Cut this stuff out.

Okay, look. Debbie?

The only way to handle these kind of things is to be adult about it.

Just go over and ask him what's happening. All right'?

Come on.

Lance?

Debbie.

I loved you! I paid your bail!

It looks bad. I know.

It's New Year's Eve. I tried to get you a job. Happy New Year.

Just a minute. Okay?


Stop!

Steven! Up here. Here I am. Hey, Andy.

Laurie, are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. Good. I have to tell you something.

I just want you to be happy, so if that means getting a job, or whatever...

Really? You mean it? I swear to God.

Good. I found my ring.

Hey, buddy. Step away from the bus, please.

This is my wife. I'm his wife.

I don't care if she's your pet monkey. Just step away from the bus, will you, pal?

Look, she's not a demonstrator.

No, Officer, we just got caught up in this. That's right.

We're both innocent. Nobody's innocent.

You're not innocent.

We don't even go to this school. No, we don't. We're not students.

Step away from the bus.

Leave him alone. Would you just leave him...

Don't do that to him!

You pig! You pig!

Steven! Steven! Come here!


What happened?

The bus! They're stealing the damn bus!


Out Of Sight!

You're a hero of the revolution! He's my hero!

He deserves a little kiss, too. The victory's partly his.

Hey.

John, people are gonna be hearing about this.

You'll be getting sponsors, sure as hell.

When I do, I'll just come back here and beat the shit out of you again.

Yeah, well. Here, you look better holding it.

Excuse me.

Eva, we gotta go. Come on. Where have you been?

Dickie Dollwith. What a mistake that was.

Talk about an animal. 100% crude animal.

Come on. We're late. Wait a minute. I gotta talk to her.

She can't talk to you. We're supposed to go to some dippy dinner with my parents.

Anyway, she doesn't understand anything you say.

Yeah, no. It's important. I gotta talk to her.

Does anybody here speak Swedish?

I speak a little Swedish. Get outta here.

Hey, John, I bet old Ole does. That's right.

Come here. Wait. Hey, I gotta get her home.

Hey, Ole, wait a second. Come on.

Listen, do you speak Swedish?

No.

I speak Norwegian. Well, try talking to her.

She isn't Swedish. She's from Iceland.

Iceland? Well, you can talk to her?

I think so. Well, tell her I love her.

Tell her I wanna marry her.

And tell her I wanna go out with her tonight.

How many times do I have to tell you?

We gotta have dinner with my parents tonight.

Well then ask her if she wants to watch the Rose Bowl game tomorrow.

Yes.

She said she would like to very much and she also thinks you are a very attractive man.

And one other thing.

A big victory kiss.

Come on, Eva. Now really, we gotta go now. Come on.

Be careful and I'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, Ole. Yeah.

Mary Wells, with My Guy.

It's a great New Year's Eve and don't be checking your clocks, 'cause the old Wolf man's got the correct time here.

I'm gonna be counting you down and counting you right up into the New Year.

You should've been there.

How'd they take it? How'd they take it? How did they take it'?

Right on the head, yeah. Tons of it. I love it.

Tons of it. It was beautiful. It was great.

And they think I'm dead? They really think I'm killed?

The congressman said it was a tragic loss and he's personally gonna write a letter of condolence to your family.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's not easy, but I guess nothing we can do about it.

Did you get the stuff? Oh, yeah.

There's food, survival kit. I even scraped together some dough.

Terrific, man. Boots? Two pair.

Oh, great. Thank you.

You really gonna walk out of here?

I got news for you, pal, I'm halfway home already.

You know, you may not be able to go home. You're a deserter now.

What the hell. I've always kind of wanted to see Europe.

Oh, come on. Look at me. I'm a free man.

The war is over and I win.

And I love your shirt.

Take care of yourself, pal. Hey, you, too.

I owe you dinner. It's a deal.

How you doing?

Terrible. Me, too.

I wish I could make you feel better.

Oh, well.

Hey, listen, why don't you come with us?

Where are y'all going? Mount Tam, watch the sun come up.

I don't think so. Come on. You got nothing better to do.

It's New Year's Eve. Cheer up.

Come on.

Hey, Debbie, come on. Cheer up.

Hey, listen, breaking up ain't easy to do. I know it because I've been there before.

I mean, I never will forget my old girlfriend.

Loretta Louise Willemay Jordan ll.

Did you know that her old man before me was a welder?

And Debbie, let me tell you, he had scars all up and down his arms.

You should've seen it, I mean solid scars.

Let me ask you a question. You got any scars? I got an appendix scar.

You know what? It just came to my mind.

But you know, I used to know a guy whose whole face was a scar?

And guess what they called him? You won't believe it.

What? Right? Scar. Mm-hmm.

But I didn't think that was very funny because Debbie, the poor guy burned himself up trying to pour gas in a carburetor.

Wait a minute... Speaking of gas, you know, I had beans...

Stop! Stop! What, what, what?

Can I tell you something? Yeah, okay. What?

Whatever you do, don't hit those garbage cans!

I wonder what the guys at the Junior Chamber are gonna say about this.

I mean, it was just...

Look at this.

Oh, I almost forgot what day it is.

Oh, it's been a great New Year's Eve.

And we're getting real close now to the midnight hour.

Oh, here it goes.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...

Five, four, three... Five, four, three... two, one! Two, one!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year.

'Happy New Year. 'Happy New Year.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot And days of auld Lang syne And days of auld Lang syne, my dear And days of auld Lang syne We'll drink a cup 0' kindness yet And days of auld Lang syne Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind Should auld acquaintance be forgot