Motel Hell (1980) Script

[DISTANT SHOUTING]

[TV] 'He'd go to hell, right?

'They walked across the sands, and they knew they were sinners.

'They knew that they didn't know the word of the book

'that told them how they should behave...'


[TIRES SCREECHING]

[GUN SHOT, GIRL SCREAMS]


[♪ KREGG NANCE: "YOU'RE EATING OUT MY HEART AND SOUL"]

♪ Oh when you say you won't desert me

♪ That it might just lead to my demise

♪ You're eatin' out my heart and soul, babe

♪ You're feasting on my better side

♪ Who ever thought you'd be this way, girl ♪ Who's this?

Open Granny's room. Granny's room? What...

What did you go and do, Vincent?

Get the key, damn it!


Ida, come in here. I'm hungry, Vincent. What do you want?

The good Lord has chosen to pluck this flower away from the Grim Reaper.

And I want to make good and sure he keeps his hands off her.

I need your help. Why?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, I see. All right.

Well, let's have a look at it.

Uh...

Uh-huh.

Uh... huh.

Oh, well, she'll live.

All right, well, I'll fix your little flower for you, but first you got to go out and pick me some goldenseal, comfrey, valerian, and plantain.

All right.


[WHIRRING]

I must confess I was skeptical, but everything I heard is true.

Your smoked meats are superior to any I've tasted.

Girls, go play outside!

We'd like to continue to enjoy your meat, Mr Smith.

Where could we purchase some?

Well, look no further, folks.

If you'll just step right over here.

Here, try one of these. Ooh...

Hmm... Now...

This is our souvenir sampler box.

No chemicals or preservatives, just 100% honest-to-goodness hickory smoked meat.

And you get all this for just $2.95.

What's in there? I dare you to look.

Darers go first. OK, chicken.


[DOOR OPENS]

[SCREAMING]

A little souvenir for your station wagon.

Oh, how nice! Thank you, sir.

[CHILDREN SCREAMING]

Good gracious! I've never seen them act like that before.

What is it, children?

How peculiar. [VINCENT] I'll calm them down for you.

[ROARS]

[CHILDREN STOP SCREAMING]

You folks come back and see us again real soon.

It was a pleasure.

[WOMAN CHUCKLES]


[SIREN WAILS]


Hello?

[RINGS BELL]

Anybody home?


[IDA SCREAMS]

Guess who?

Ida, let me go. Ida!

Ida! Let Bruce go.

[IDA LAUGHS]

Ida, get a bathrobe for Terry, please.

Well, I hope you're feeling better.

I want to see Bo.

Where is he?

Ah, he passed away this morning.

You mean he's dead?

I don't believe it. I want to see him.

Well, it's too late. I buried him at sunrise.

[GASPS]

Please tell me it isn't true!

Calm down, ma'am. Everything's gonna be OK.

Here.

Come on. Come on.

That's right.

What the heck's going on here, Vince?

Er... Terry, this is my kid brother, Sheriff Smith of Grainville.

See, I was out hunting very early this morning, and then I...

I heard this crash, and then I found her by the side of the road.

Oh, oh, here.

I guess the motorcycle went out of control, and he gave up the ghost just before dawn.

Boris Tulinski.

I'm very sorry, ma'am.

Were you married?

Who gave you permission to bury him?

Uh, ma'am, in this county, under extenuating circumstances, it's OK.

Where did you bury him? In the cemetery.


[BRUCE] Why the hell didn't you call me about this?

I figured you had enough to take care of already.

Besides, there wasn't much you could do about it at that point.

I mean, the body wasn't... wasn't intact.

I did the coroner one hell of a favor.

She wouldn't want to remember him like that.

Believe me, it's for the best.

What's she gonna do now? Oh...

Rest a while, I expect.

If she's any trouble for you, I could put her up with one of the county agencies.

Trouble?

Well, were not exactly hurting for accommodations around here.

Besides, we could use a little help.

A smart girl like that would come in right handy, too.

[VINCENT] Sooey, sooey, sooey!

Sooey. Soo-soo!

Sooey!

Hello, Bob. What a surprise.

I wasn't expecting you for another month.

Well, this is what we call a little spot check, Vincent.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Oh, hell, it's no inconvenience at all.

It's always my pleasure to see you, Bob.

Make yourself at home.

Excuse me.


How do they look, Bob? [BOB SCREAMS]

You better check those hooves. Some of them look like they're infected.

I'll take care of them right away, Bob. Thank you.

See you next month! You bet.

[TV] 'Do you need help? Do you need help?

'Let us know right away.

'You there, send in your letters. We'll pray for you.

'You got a problem? We're gonna help you do that.

'Take care of everything, because the word here tells us

'that we must help you.

'But you got to help us help you...'

How are you feeling, child?

I'm so confused.

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I don't know whether I should go back home or try and find...

You need to get better before you rush off anywhere.

I don't know...

Bo was the only person that I...

[SOBS]

What is it, child?

Do you feel all alone in this world?

None of us are ever really alone.

You do have someone.

What do you mean?

Well, you have yourself.

Think about it.

You've been blessed, child.

Oh, the ways of the Lord are mysterious.

The very fact that you're sitting here with us proves that it was preordained.

Yeah... I guess you're right.

Vincent, Ida...

I feel good here.

I don't know how I'm ever going to thank you both enough for being so kind to me and saving my life.

Oh, don't mention it, child.

That's right. That's all that matters to us, child.

That you get better. Now, you go to bed.

[CHUCKLES]

Good night, Vincent.

Sweet dreams.

Ida.


[SCREAMS]


[GURGLING]

[GURGLING]


[SCREAMS]


Another spot check, Bob?

[♪ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]


♪ I've had enough, I've had enough I've had it up to here, girl

♪ I've had enough, I've had enough I'm up to here with you

♪ I've had enough, I've had enough I've had it up to here, girl

♪ I've had enough...

♪ I've suffered enough for you

♪ And then you turned your back on me and found another mother

♪ I'm up to here with

♪ You...

♪ Girl, I've had enough, I've had enough

♪ I've had enough...

♪ Like a saint, I rose and... ♪ Oh, man, this red's too heavy. We better find a place to crash.

Mike, watch it!

Mike, what's wrong?

Hey, hey! Come on, man!

Hey, hey! What's that?

What's that smell? What's going on?


Traps work out OK?

Yeah.

You know, I'm just beginning to realise how important they are to me.

The bear traps? How's that, Vincent?

No, no, no, I mean the traps.

Shooting out the tires, chains stretched across the highway, and the way we had you lying by the side of the road, next to that old Chevy we set on fire.

You know what I mean, the traps. Oh, sure.

But how come they're so important to you?

Well, because they give me a chance to be creative.

Oh. Sort of artistic?

Yeah. And that way, the work we're doing here will always be as special as it is important.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have a surprise for you.

Oh, goody. I love surprises.


[WHISTLES]


[CROAKING]

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, ah, ah...

[IDA CHUCKLES] Well... that healed right nicely.

What?

What's that you say?

Come on, speak up!

You see, when your vocal cords have been slit, you've got to answer real clearly, if you expect anyone to understand you.

Oh, no, you just haven't got the hang of it yet.

Now, don't worry.

You will. You'll catch on. I know you will.

Well, start bringing them in.

Hey, what about my surprise.

You're right. Come over here.

OK.

Guess who? [CHUCKLES] Well, I give up.

Ta-ta-ta-dah...

Bob!

Good to see you.

When did you drop in?


Plant 'em.


[HUMMING]

[CHUCKLES] And you wonder how I keep my shape, huh?

Ah, let's see what we got here.

Funny-looking critters, ain't they, Vincent?

Yeah, maybe so.

But you know as well as I do, it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters!


[MOANS]

[SCREAMS]

[CHOKES]

[SCREAMS]

This one.

[SCREAMS]

It's like I've never really tasted ham before.

It's true.

It just ain't possible to go back to regular smoked meats after you tried Vincent's.

You can't beat the flavor.

No wonder you're famous.

How come I never heard of you before?

Well, Farmer Vincent's meats are only distributed within a hundred mile radius.

That way, I can keep the quality high and the cost reasonable.

So, how did you get started?

Well, in the old days, we couldn't afford an icebox.

So, Granny used to smoke everything.

Chickens, rabbits, squirrels, eels, even frogs.

If it didn't move fast enough, Granny smoked it.

Well, we had this old dog, see, and it used to bother Granny, barking through her naps and all that, so one day she asked me to shush it for her.

[CHUCKLES] I shushed it, all right.

[IDA] Yeah. He sure did.

He smoked that old dog just like a hog.

That night Vincent served it for dinner.

And Granny liked it so much, she nearly ate the whole pooch herself.

Oh, she was so grateful, she taught Vincent all her smoking secrets.

She knew she was eating a dog?

Well, Granny never put any distinctions on any of God's creatures.

She always used to say, "Meat's meat, and man's gotta eat."

She sure loved that old doggy.

Ew!

Oh, it wasn't so bad. You tried it?

Sure. It was kind of like goat meat, wasn't it, Vince?

Yeah, it's a little more stringy.

Want to know why Vincent's meat tastes so good?

Why? What are you whispering?

She's telling me why the meat tastes so good.

It's because he mixes the pork with...

Ohh!

Because I mix the pork with secret spices, and Ida knows how important that recipe is to me.

Yeah, let's take a walk.

OK.

I wouldn't have said anything, you old fool!

[TERRY] Why did he hit her?

[BRUCE] Oh, they like to tease each other.

They're both a little... different.

But they don't mean any harm.

So...

So... what?

So, you must be going a little stir crazy up at that motel with nothing to do.

Not at all.

It's been wonderful for me.

I never lived in the country before.

I love it.

Oh...

You sound disappointed.

Oh, not at all. I'm real glad.

I was just kind of hoping you might want to go see the new movie at the drive-in.

What is it?

It's "The Monster That Challenged the World".

Sounds like fun.


Listen to 'em eat. Ain't that a good sound, Ida?

Well, anything's better than that damn hissing and wheezing.

Well, that's not so much to complain about.

They're good animals. Not like taking care of chickens or hogs.

[IDA] Cut out their tongues.

That would take care of the hissing.

Hey, you could smoke their tongues.

Well, I tried that.

Texture's all wrong. Won't mix with the pork.

Hey, Vincent, I think this one is just about ready.

[HISSING]

[HISSING] Almost, but not quite.

Tomorrow he'll be ready to become famous.

Vincent, do you think in the years to come people will appreciate us for what we're doing here?

You do understand.

Well, of course I do, you dummy.

Do you think I'm doing all this just for the fun?

Somebody's got to take a little responsibility for the planet!

Ida, you sweetheart.

I'm sorry I underestimated you.

You'd better be.

[RADIO] 'Don't you just love listening to the radio, 'just enjoying all this good music?

'Oh, my gracious, it's good to be with you.

'We got one now by Leroy Willie Washington, 'and it's gonna really turn you on.

'He's there, he's right here by your side.'

[TERRY] Is this the drive-in? [BRUCE] Yep.

Not very funny, Bruce. I think we better just turn around and...

What the hell? No wonder. Wrong tree.

Hold on a sec.

'This is the Sheriff.

'You are violating the law

'and have exactly two minutes to clear out.

'Now, move out, please.

'Come on, move that Ford there. Let's move it.

'Let's go. Move it now. You, too!

'You! Halt!

'Now, get back in that vehicle before I make arrests.

'Now, move your asses. Move!

'Let's go.

'Keep it moving, now.

'Let's get that Vega moving on, too.

'I mean now. Let's go.'

What was all that about?

You'll see.

There you go.

Now, look right down there.

All right!

Yeah, Dixie? [DIXIE] 'Moonlight drive-in.'

This is Bruce. 'Hi, Bruce.'

Will you feed the sound onto channel 22?

'Sure thing!' Thanks.

Hey. This is great.

But how are you going to see?

1,500 bucks in two days.

That's what I call a great weekend.

I wish that ski season lasted all year.

Yeah, it was OK.

What's with you?

You know that instructor I made it with for the lessons?

The blonde? Yeah.

I think he had you-know-what...

[TIRES SCREECH]

Will you look at those stupid cows!

I don't believe this.

[CAR HORN]

Something's weird.

They look fake.

Is this some kind of a joke?

I don't dig the vibes here.

Why don't you just drive around them.

I can't. There's not enough room.

Come on. Move 'em, Debbie. Just knock 'em over.

Are you gonna pay for my bodywork?

Ah, shit, but you owe me a big one.

Well, take the gun.

Forget it. You do it.

You chicken shit!


Let's get out of here.

[SCREAMS]

No! No!

No!

No!

[FILM] 'Get help. Hear me?'

Bruce...

Please don't.

OK?

Bruce! What are you...?

[GIRL] 'Somebody help me! Somebody help me, please!'

OK! All right.

I'm sorry.

I didn't say that. You didn't?

No. And the movie just ended.

Dixie, this is Bruce. Are you OK?

'Yeah. But somebody's in trouble.'

10-33. This is Sheriff Smith. What's your 20?

Oh, no! No!

[BRUCE] 'What's your 20?

'Do you copy?'

What are you saying? Talk in English!

'Where are you? What's wrong?'

Somebody's trying to kill me!

[BRUCE] 'Where are you?' Oh, no! I'm on Highway 52.

About 10 miles outside of Grainville.

[SIREN WAILS]


Terry, check on that woman. How do I do it?

Press the button on the mike and ask her where she is.

'This is the Sheriff's car. Where are you now?'

I guess she can't hear us.

Hey, look. I saw something. Where?

Up around that bend.

Nuts!

I'll get out and push.

OK, start slow.

Then when I yell, stand on it.

OK. Stand on it!

Bruce?

Bruce?

There. That ought to hold it.

Nice work.

Oh, thanks, Vince.

Poultice.

Who's that?

Brucey?

No. That ain't Bruce's car.

Did you turn on the "no vacancy" sign?

Whoops.

[RADIO] 'Well, I sure love you folks over there in Grainville, 'listening to old Wolfman Jack.

'Sure has been a pleasure having you folks listen.'

Here. Take a bite of that. What is it?

Beef jerky. The best.

Guess who owns this place?

Roy Rogers. No. Take a look at the label.

"Farmer Vincent." Who the hell is that?

He makes the best meats in the whole world.

I practically grew up on it. Ugh!

Really? Well, that's just great, Guy.

What about the room?

I don't know. There's nobody around.

Evening, folks.

Er... we decided to retire a little earlier tonight.

I can dig it. Early to bed, early to rise.

[LAUGHS] If you get my meaning.

What can I do for you?

Well, we'd like a room for the night.

Come on inside. I'll fix you up.

Come on.

[SIREN WAILS]

Hey, this place is cool, isn't it?

Well, we can turn up the heat if you like.

"Turn up the heat." That's too... that's... what?

Are you sure this is the right place?

Trust me. Howdy.

Ma'am.

Well, you look like a man who knows how to get down.

Are you all right, honey?

I'm fine. But we were trying to find some woman who was yelling that somebody was trying to kill her.

Hey, Vince, did you hear a 10-33 on your scanner about half an hour ago?

No, I didn't, but maybe it's because I wasn't listening.

Hi, everybody.

When did the party start? [VINCENT] There ain't no party.

Bruce was just asking me if we heard any 10-33s on the CB.

Did you hear anything? Well, as a matter of fact, I did.

Some kids making prank calls, screaming murder, and that kind of thing, so the truckers and smokies go on wild goose chases.

Damn. We'll have to report it to the Federal Communications Commission.

Well, I guess I'll be heading home now.

If you hear those kids again, you just give me a call.

Will do.

Good night, Bruce.

I had a real good time. Thanks a lot.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Hey, anytime you want a little excitement, you know where to find it.

Night, now.

Night.

Good night.

All right.

Look, now that smokey's gone, do you mind filling us in on the scene?

The what?

Come on. The action.

There must be some mis... Uh!

Vincent, look. Here we are.

Oh! Yeah.

Is there anything wrong?

We just didn't expect to make this issue.

Ain't this great, Vincent? It sure is.

Uh, cabin 1...

Ida will show you the way.

You want us to register?

No, that won't be necessary.

Dig it.

What do you say we meet in say, oh...

10 minutes. Yeah.

That'll be fine.

And why don't you invite your daughter?

She's not my daughter.

Whatever.

This way, folks.

Oh, Vincent, don't forget your stretching exercises.

"Stretching exercises" - I told you!

Easy, Guy, easy. [GUY CACKLES]

[TV] 'Nancy, I've just sent in $1,000.

'You know, we're all God's tools.

'There's somebody out there with $1,000...'


Edie, where's my jelly?

Aren't you even gonna shave?

I always do.

'Just go to your phone and dial that number

'that you see running underneath your television screen right now.'

Hey... Huh?

I wonder if they're into animals. I certainly hope so!

Oh! I can't take it when you wiggle that weapon.

If you can't take it, then I'll take you.

Oh, Edie... Huh?

Warm me up. Let's get greasy. [EDIE GIGGLES]

'We do need this money to continue the telecast.'

Oh, that is...

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Fantastic. Wha...? What?

What? Oh! [CHUCKLES]

We didn't even get a chance to warm up, you know.

Oh, great. You're into bondage.

Come on in. We'll all get down. Thank you.

You look good enough to eat.

I hope so!

Oh! Uh... listen... do you want me to...

Tie me up, old man.

OK?

Oh, I'll tie you up. All right. Tie me up, girl.

You do that pretty good. What is this, dog style?

No, ma'am. Hog.

'I'm just about ready to throw in the towel.'

Would you put your hands behind your back, please?

Sure.

Hey, listen, you got any pigs around here?

Nitrous oxide. Sookie, sookie. Me first.

You take it easy, now. There's enough for everybody.

Right. OK, go for it.

Wow! Come on. Let's go!

Okey-dokey.

Listen, that doesn't smell like laughing gas.

Ah, this is special laughing gas. What is that shit?

What is it? Oh...

With this stuff, you smell it and we do the laughing.

'All we have to do is give to be happy.'

Well, you're up bright and early today.

I'm getting used to life on the farm, I guess.

And you?

Well, today's my day for planting alfalfa.

How would you like it if someday I taught you the ancient art of meat-smoking?

I'd be honored.

Well, don't be too sure about that.

Sometimes folks don't have a stomach for it.

Well, don't worry about me. Mine's cast-iron.

That's a good start.

It's beautiful.

Well... see you later, honey.

OK.


What are you doing in here, girl?

You know what Vincent would do if he caught you?

I shudder to think of it. I'm sorry! I was just curious.

The door was open, and Vincent said he was gonna teach me how to smoke meats.

Oh... he did?

Yeah. This morning.

Oh...

Oh, well, I see. That's... that's different then.

I just want to be helpful to you, Ida.

Of course, you'll be able to help out a lot.

That'll be nice.

What a day for tubin'.

Tubin'?

Yeah, tubin', my precious one.

Haven't you ever... tubed?

I'm not a very strong swimmer.

Oh, you don't have to be. That's the beauty of it.

I don't know how to swim at all.

Are you sure? All right...

One, two, three...

Woo!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!


[TUBE DEFLATES]

Ida, what's that noise?

My tube is leaking.

Hang on! Hang on! I'll come and help you.

I... I can't swim.

Here. Grab on to my tube.

Ida!


Help! Help!

What are you doing, Vincent?

Vincent!

I'm so sorry about what happened.

I was just so scared.

I hope you'll forgive me.

Yes, of course I do.

Oh...

Then I feel better.

Well, I gotta go tidy up a bit, and I'll just leave you two... alone.

Vincent...

You saved me.

I can't tell you what a horrible feeling it is to be pulled down under by somebody.

Oh, you poor thing.

Let's not talk about it anymore.

It's over.

You feeling better now?

Yeah.

Thanks to you.

Vincent?

Kiss me.

Not like that!

Vincent... take me.

That's indecent. Cover yourself. What's the matter?

We should be married first.

Are you proposing to me?

Vincent, I think I'd like to be alone for a little while.

I know.

I'll... I'll leave you be.

[PASTOR] Glory, glory, glory!

I'm talking in tongues, I'm just so happy for you.

God bless you, Vincent. Listen, we're going to take care of everything.

We'll have it all done by tomorrow, and it's going to be a happy day.

So you don't worry about anything now. Thank you, Reverend. Thank you.

I believe I'm gonna have a glory fit.

Glory, glory...

Congratulations, Sheriff! What for?

Surely you must know. Uh-uh.

Vincent's getting married.

What?

That's right, he told me to order a service for him tomorrow.

I don't believe it! Who's he getting married to?

Sheriff, is that a lewd magazine you have in your car there?

Oh, uh... that?

I confiscated it from one of the kids.

Sheriff, please give it to me so I can properly destroy it.

Oh, uh... sure.

Here you go.

Say, who's gonna be Vincent's bride anyway?

Oh, that poor thing that he rescued from the motorcycle accident.

That's impossible.

Well, the Lord's ways are sometimes mysterious.

I'll say. See you later. Yeah.

She wouldn't marry an old goat like that unless he put a gun to her head.

I bet that's it. I bet the old geezer finally flipped out.

Oh, my god.

Oh, glory!

[SIREN WAILS]

Hi, Brucey!

You're sick, you know that? Both of you!

Terry!

Terry, where are you?

She's taking a bath, Brucey. We'll see about that.

I don't have a warrant, but you try and stop me!

What the heck?

Terry!

Terry!

[SHRIEKS]

Bruce, what are you doing?

You're alright! Of course I'm alright.

Is it...?

Are you and Vincent...

Yeah! We're getting married tomorrow afternoon.

I don't believe it! You mean he's not forcing you?

Forcing me? I love Vincent.

Oh, you're sick. I'm not sick!

Well, what about us?

I'm madly in love with you!

You can't marry Vincent!

Bruce, will you listen to me!

I love Vincent, and he's gonna be my old man! Get it?

You can't marry him.

The law won't allow it!

He's insane! He is not.

Oh... [CHUCKLES]

Didn't he tell you?

He's got syphilis of the brain!

That's right! He's not normal at all!

And he's dumb, yeah... and his pecker don't work either!

Boy, are you going to be disappointed when he gets out of those overalls on his wedding night and there's this shriveled-up prune!

I think you'd better leave before Vincent comes back.

Let him come back!

You think I'm scared of him?

What's the matter?

Oh, hi, Vince.

Pretty good joke, huh?

Huh?

Come on, Vince. Better put that down.

You know, accidents do happen.

If there weren't a lady present, you might not be alive right now.

Well, don't be such a...

Well, I'm sorry to see that you're taking this so hard, Vincent.

Ah!

You're gonna regret that, Vincent.

Don't forget... I'm the law around here!

Oh, no, Vince! Oh! Don't!

[GUN SHOTS]

[VINCENT] I have a little surprise for you.

[TERRY] What is it? Just a little something.

Vincent!

It's so beautiful. Here, here.

Only the best for my little girl.

[SQUEAKING]

All right!

A party! Champagne! Great!

Woo!

Thank you.

Well...

Here's to Terry, my bride-to-be, and the sweetest little creature since sugar-cured ham.

And... me?

Well, what for?

Mmm.. for the hell of it.

All right!

Here's to my little sister Ida, for the hell of it!

Kind of tickles the tummy, doesn't it?

Can I have a kiss? Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh. Excuse me.

Thank you, Ida.

Are you nervous?

Yeah, I am a little bit.

Well, drink up, girl. That's what it's there for.

You're right!

[TERRY] Mmm... I love champagne. [VINCENT] It's good.

She's out. Let's go to work.


You think they deserve it?

Ida, what does the good book say?

I know: "Do unto others

"as ye would have others do unto ye," right?

Right.

And no animal should ever suffer any unnecessary pain.

[HISSING]

There, there now. None of that.

I have a treat for you.


I had a feeling you boys could get behind this.

Now... as you check out the swirling colors, notice how your heads become more and more mellow.

Each word I say will take you farther and farther into a radical hypno high!

Heavier, but smoother than any trip you've ever had.

You boys know about astral projection?

All right now, by the time I count to ten, we're going to project you beyond Mars!

We're going to send you to a place where people are so far out, they have wings!

All right, here we go.

Ten...

Nine...

Eight...

Co-pilot Ida, put the space belts on our passengers.

Aye-aye, Captain Vincent!


Space belts in place, Captain.

Seven...

Six...

Five...

Co-pilot Ida, secure the hatches and prepare for takeoff.

Aye-aye!

Four...

Three...

Ready for takeoff!

Two...

One...

Takeoff!

[NECKS SNAP]

Well done.

Oh, sometimes I wonder about the karmic implications of these acts.

I can no more take credit for the good we've done here tonight than if that great pilot in the sky had blessed each of them with a bolt of lightning through their hearts.

Of course.

Your spaceship awaits you, Captain.

Oh, yeah.


[HISSING]


Strip 'em down and clean 'em up. Okey-dokey.


[GROWLING]


Terry?

Oh, Bruce, what are you doing here?

Don't worry about me. You're the one who's in danger!

What are you talking about?

I think Vincent may be planning to kill you!

Oh, Bruce, I can't believe you're trying to pull that number on me again.

No, please! Look, I did some detective work.

You won't believe some of the things I found out!

You gotta listen to me!


What the hell's the matter with you?

I'm just hungry, that's all.

Hey, could I slice off a piece of...

No, damn it! You know we're short, and I'm not going to smoke any more than these three tonight.

All right.

I can't help it!

Well, then go get something to eat, but make it snappy.

Okey-dokey. I'll be right back.


[BRUCE] Terry, come on! Hurry up!

They'll be back soon!

I found some of Vincent's shotgun shells right near where you had your accident.

[TERRY] So what?

He always goes duck hunting around there.

Hold out your hand.

I dug those out of the front tire of your motorcycle.

[TERRY] Are you trying to tell me that he shot us?

Yeah, I am trying.

And that's not all.

Wait till you hear what I found in the marsh.

What?

Only about 200 cars he ambushed and sunk in there.

Come on, let's go. I'll be there in a minute.

Terry, what the hell are you doing?

I'm not going to wait any longer.

What are you...? [SCREAMS]

It's time for your lesson, honey.

We're gonna teach you the finer points of meat-smoking.

Go!

[HISSING, GROWLING]


I guess we'd better explain everything to her, so she can give us a hand.

The sooner we pack all this up, the sooner we can all get to bed.

Right?

Let her go.

Look at me.

Look at me, I said.

Now...

What do you see?

Get the hell out of here, and get Bruce and bring him back here right now!

Okey-dokey.

[HISSING AND GROWLING]


[GROWLING]

What are you doing here, huh?

Do you need some water?

Come on, my beauties. That's right.


Oh, come on, girl.

Haven't you ever cleaned a fish?

There's nothing cruel in what I'm doing here.

I treat most of my stock better than farmers treat their animals.

I don't feed them chemicals or hormones.

And when you consider the way the world is today, there's no question I'm doing a lot of them a big favor.

What right do you have to play God?

I'm not trying to play God. I wouldn't even know how to begin.

I'm just helping out.

There's too many people in the world... and not enough food.

Now, this takes care of both problems at the same time.

But humans?

Human flesh?

How could you do it?

What are you talking about?

Hell, half the people in this county have been eating human flesh that I have smoked for over 30 years and loving it.

You, yourself, said that my ham was like nothing you'd ever tasted before.

I wish I could have introduced you into my private world in my own way.

But oh no.

Little brother had to interfere, didn't he?

He's a fool!

And he's the biggest cannibal in the whole county.

Did you know that? The biggest cannibal in the whole county.

Where the hell is she?

Probably stuffing her face again.

Well...

I better finish these, or I'll be up all night.


It's locked... from the outside.

Well, I guess Ida was right.

She told me you'd never fit in.

I'm very sorry, Terry.


[GROWLING]


Terry?

Terry?

Terry!

[CHAINSAW BUZZING]

Vincent?


Bruce!

Bruce! Help me, please!

Bruce, get me out of here!

[SCREAMS]

Bruce!

Bruce! Help me!

Please!


Vincent?

[SHRIEKS]

Bruce! Help!

Terry!

There you go.

Vincent.

[SHRIEKING]

Oh, Lord!

You can have the... the motel... and the garden.

What garden?

The secret garden... at the end of the... dirt road.

And my animals.

You take care of my animals.

What's he talking about?

I'll take care of them, Vince.

Oh, my...

My whole life... my whole life has... been a lie.

I'm the biggest hypocrite... of them all.

What do you mean?

My...

my meats...

I...

I used...

preservatives.


Did you see what he was doing?

I saw.

[WOMAN SHRIEKS]


[SHRIEKING]

I was brought up here, you know.

Now I'm kind of glad I ran away from home when I was 11.

I guess there's gonna have to be some kind of investigation.

Why don't you just burn the place?

Burn it? You mean arson?

I don't know.

That's what I'd do.

It's an evil motel.

[♪ KREGG NANCE: "YOU'RE EATING OUT MY HEART AND SOUL"]

♪ You're eating out my heart and soul, babe

♪ You're feasting on my better side

♪ Who ever thought you'd be this way, girl

♪ You never know what a pretty face can hide

♪ I'm no fool to love and lying

♪ I know the two are much the same

♪ So, even when you say you need me

♪ I fear for you it's just a game

♪ I thought that I would always trust you

♪ A love from you I'd always feel

♪ But now I know that I was used, girl

♪ That all you wanted wasn't me

♪ You're eating out my heart and soul, babe

♪ You're feasting on my better side

♪ Who ever thought you'd be this way, girl

♪ You never know what a pretty face can hide ♪