Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007) Script

(RAIN PATTERING)

(THUNDER CRACKING)


VICAR: Three one. Thirty-one.

- Over here! Ah, Mrs Lucas.

Congratulations, Mrs Lucas.

And now, to the first prize in today's raffle in aid of the "roof appeal."

Thank you, Lily.

Indeed. The magnificent holiday to the South of France, kindly sponsored by Dalesborough Travel Limited.

So thank you, guys.

(LA MER PLAYING)

The winner of this prize will travel by Eurostar train to Paris, then catch the fast train south before spending the week on the beaches of the French Riviera.

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

This fabulous prize also includes 200 euros spending money and, Barbara, this wonderful video camera, kindly donated by A&K Electrics of Arbor Road. So thank you.

Right. The winner of this amazing prize is...

(MUSIC STOPS)

Nine one nine.

Nine one nine.

Anybody have ticket 919?

If there is no claimant, I'll have to pick another ticket from the bucket.

Anyone?

MR BEAN: Yes.

Yes!

Yes!

It's me. It's me. I'm the...

MR BEAN'S HOLIDAY


MR BEAN: Cannes. Cannes.

(WOMAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Coffee?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Sugar?

You speak very good French.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)


Hello.

Oui, choo-choo, Gare de Lyon.

(MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

To the arch at La Défense, please.

(MAN CALLS OUT IN FRENCH)


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)


(CLICKING)

(HORNS HONKING)

(MAN SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Look. Should we do anything?

Relax.

I think he's English.

REPORTER: Monsieur Clay, how long will you stay in Paris?

Of course I'll be in Cannes Sunday for my premiere.

Until then, I'm working on an exciting new project with this wonderful actress, Sylvie.

Sabine. Right.

REPORTER: One last question, please. Mr Clay.

BODYGUARD: Out of the way! Out of the way!

(EXCLAIMS)


MR BEAN: 12:05.


(WHISTLE BLOWING)


Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

(GRUNTING)

MR BEAN: 1:00.

(MAN SPEAKING FRENCH)

Are you here for lunch?

Follow me.

(EXCLAIMS)

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

May I recommend the seafood platter?

Yes?

Yes.


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

What is this?

What's this?


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Don't forget the langoustines.

(CRUNCHING)


(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(RINGING STOPS)

(SIGHING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(MEN CHATTERING IN FRENCH)

(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

MR BEAN: Cannes.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Could you video me?

Yeah.

(MR BEAN SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

No, back. Back a bit.

Back, back, back, back, stop.

Okay.


No, no, no, no.

Back, back, I'II...

We'll do it again, eh?

(EXCLAIMS)

(SIGHS)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Stop. Help!

Open... Open the door.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

There's nothing here.

Stop!

Hey!

Help! Help! Open...

STEPAN: Papa!

(STEPAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Papa!

Papa, what should I do? Get off at the next stop.

Papa!


(CLEARS THROAT)


(WHISTLE BLOWING)

No!

My bag.

(GRUNTING)


Look at that...

(MUMBLING)

Yes.


(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Stay calm.

(SIGHING)

(WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH ON PA)

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

Papa!

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

The train's not stopping.

Papa, what should I do?

Mobile telephone.

Papa! Papa!

His fingers are over the last two numbers.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

MR BEAN: Right. 06, 08...

I'll write down all the possibles.

01, 02, 03, 04...

....59, 60...

....97, 98, 99.


(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(STEPAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Mr Dupont is unavailable.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Hurry up and get on!


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Tickets, please.

You get in there. Go, go.


(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Excuse me.

Can I have some money, please, so I can telephone my Dad?

Please?

Please?

Thank you.

(BABBLING)

What's all that?

Yes!

Come on.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

I gave him my number. He will ring.

Don't worry, he will ring.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Stop them!

Vandals!

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

I'm hungry.


Come on.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)


Hey. Hey.

Do you have some proper music?

Something that I'd like to listen to.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(MR BEAN GROANS)

Okay, never mind. Bye.


(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOOMBASTIC PLAYING)

(O MIO BABBINO CARO PLAYING)


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

To Cannes?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)


(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Damn!

(CRASH PLAYING)


(HONKING)


What the...

What's this?

No...

Good.


(MR BEAN SCREAMING)

MR BEAN: Wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

Wait, wait!

BOY: Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

(MR BEAN GRUNTING)


(CAR HORN BLARING)


(ROOSTER CROWING)


(THUDDING)

(GUNS FIRING)

Cut! Cut! Cut!

CLAY: What the hell is he doing? Where did he come from?

Some of us here are trying to make a work of art!

(WOMAN REPEATING IN FRENCH)

Everyone, back in position!

(WOMAN REPEATING IN FRENCH)

Get him in something different and put him in the background.

You, sweetheart. You never stop, okay?

Remember, you're crazy for the taste of Fruzzi yogurt.

CLAY: Well, how long does it take to reset?

(WOMAN REPEATING IN FRENCH)

Then why is everyone moving in slow motion?


Yeah, there's a hook.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Cannes jury member Emil Dachevsky, the Russian film director, explained that his son Stepan was last seen on a train with a mysterious foreigner.

As soon as I saw him I thought, "He's evil."

CLAY: Action!

Cut!

The guy with the video camera is fired.

You're fired!

What?

Down again!

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Are you ready? Yep.

Action!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

My explosion!

Where's my explosion?

(REPEATING IN FRENCH)

All I want is an explosion. A little, tiny explosion.

Is that too much to ask?

Damn it.

Is it really so hard for you guys?

I mean, all you have to do is this.

(EXPLOSION)

(SIREN WAILING)


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Hello.

You saved my life earlier.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Going far?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Isn't she a beauty?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Dunlop.

I'm going to Cannes.

Cannes. Cannes.

Come on, get in.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Look at this.

So, you're Spanish?

No?

What is that accent?

Wait.

Let me guess.

You're not Italian?

No. No.

No.

And you're not Greek, no?

You are...

You're Russian, yes?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(HORN HONKING)

What kind of idiot are you? What kind of duck are you?

My name is Sabine.

I am Sabine... And you are?

Bean.

Bean?

Bean.

Bean. Sabine.

Bean. Sabine.

Bean, Sabine. Bean, Sabine. Bean, Sabine.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(GIBBERING)

Bean, Sabine.

Do you like my costumes?

I love dressing up.

My invitation to the Cannes Film Festival.

Remember the director of the yogurt commercial?

Cut. Cut.

I have a small part in his film.

I'm going to be a big star.

He says it's his masterpiece.

I need the loo.

Sorry.


(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

I never got on the bus.

I was with these cool guys.

Hello.

(PLAYING CHEERFUL MUSIC)


I can't wait to show this to Papa.

It's amazing meeting your son like that.

Is she your girlfriend?

You're full of surprises.

Are you going to marry her?

So does that mean you're married?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

STEPAN: Telephone! Papa!

(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Estelle, tell me you love me or it's over.


(RHYTHMIC MUSIC PLAYING ON CELL PHONE)

(BABY LAUGHING ON CELL PHONE)

(SNEEZING ON CELL PHONE)

(BRAHMS' LULLABY PLAYING ON CELL PHONE)

(CAR HORN BLARING)


(SNORES)


(SNORING)


(SPEAKING FRENCH)

We made it.

(STEPAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

The sea! I can see the sea!

Thank you.

Can you video me now?

(EXCLAIMS IN RUSSIAN)

You can see Cannes over there.

Oh, my goodness, the premiere starts in an hour.

ANNOUNCER: Bienvenue and welcome to the 59th Cannes International Film Festival.

And on the red carpet is Mr Carson Clay, the director of our premiere, Playback Time.

And jury member Mr Emil Dachevsky, attending today despite there being no news of his missing son.

(STEPAN EXCLAIMING IN RUSSIAN)

I'm going to get changed.

Fill her up.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Carson Clay.

This film is for all of us who hunger for truth.

For all of us who cry out in pain.

For those whose souls yearn to sing.

He says it's a very good film.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

As pictures were released of the Englishman believed to have abducted the son of Cannes film festival jury member Emil Dachevsky, a positive ID of the boy was made at a service station yesterday.

The police now believe the man is travelling with a female accomplice.

A national manhunt has been launched and stop-and-search procedures have been instigated right across France.

(WHISTLES)

You are not Russian?

No.

You are not this boy's father?

No.

You are English?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Do you know the whole of France is looking for you?

Now they look for me, too.

Who are you? Where are you going?

To the beach.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING)


This boy's father is a judge at the premiere of my film. We take him there.

And the beach?

Forget the beach.

I have only one scene in this movie. I am not going to miss this premiere.

Not for you, not for the police. Okay?

Now, do as I say.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

My daughter.

My mother.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

She's Spanish, (SPEAKING SPANISH)

and very deaf.

Sir, we're in a great hurry.

I don't want to miss my premiere.

No problem. Leave it to us.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Come on, we'll find Papa.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Here you are, sir.

It's for one person only.

No, she's my daughter! Please!

Leave her with Grandma.

Damn!


CLAY: What is life but a teardrop in the eye of infinity?

Together we lived, we laughed, we loved.

But you left me.

And now, I walk this wilderness alone.

What use is a cop with a broken heart?

Without you, I'm nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing.

Stop!

Your pass, please, madam.

(GUARD CALLING OUT IN FRENCH)

The Romans lit fires in the skulls of their dead so they might forget their past.

Wherever I look, I'm reminded our relationship is dead.

- You stay. You okay?

Me, Papa.

On the outside, yeah.

But inside?

Nothing.

DeBrock is making the drop.

Boss...

It's going down, boss.

It's me.

Boss?

Do we go?

He's cornered, boss.

We know he's in there.

Let's do it.

Okay, boss.

Nothing.

Hey.

The little boy?

Oh, look, this is my scene.

It's winter now.

And the seeds of love lie deep within me.

Will spring ever come?

I thought by now I'd have met another, - but... Hi...

It was not to be.

They cut my scene.

But I can show the world that you were once mine.

I can relive our time together.

Those precious memories that I yearn to forget.

Time slips through my fingers like sand.

The fires of our love have burned out, and now there is nothing.

Nothing but a sky black with ashes.

I won't forget you, your kisses like soft fruit.

Your laughter bursting into daylight like silver.

Your smile like the curl of the sickle moon in the night sky.

Your luminous beauty, your goodness, your patience, how you hung on my every word.

You are now in the arms of another.

Who is he, this man?

Does he have poise?

Does he have grace?

Is he a lover or a fighter?

What powers does he have over you?

Do your eyes dance like fireflies in the night when he comes to you?

Does your body soften as your lips shape his name?

I can't believe you've been so selfish.

CLAY: Open the door.

Open up!

You are consumed by love.

It's Mr Carson Clay.

How does he cast a spell over you, enchant you, beguile you?

Why did you shut me out?

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

CLAY: Come on. Come on.

Where is he?

Where's the projectionist?

I struggled to survive.

When I look back on the darkest moments of our history, I knew that we would part.

Whose is this?

And that now, I must let you go.

We will know a deeper, surer love.

It begins fleetingly, but it deepens and endures.

It grows amidst all the strangeness of life.

It is a beauty we can always depend on.

It is the beauty of friendship.

(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Stop!

You stole my son!

No, he didn't!

Where is my son? Where is he?

That... Here...

Papa!

Mama!


CLAY: A very strange thing happens when you're making a work of art.

Sometimes you don't quite see the elements coming together, and then, when it all comes together, there's something magical, something organic, and such a thing happened today, and everyone said this wouldn't work.

They said it was a terrible risk, but I want to keep on making films just like this.

The video-film combination, it's something that's really been done before, but not quite like this. I'm glad the reception was so great.

And I'm just happy to be here. Vive la France.

Bless you.


(LA MER PLAYING)


(GROANS)

(EXCLAIMING JOYOUSLY)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)


(ALL SINGING LA MER)


(THE END)