Mr. Destiny (1990) Script

Don't-Don't... Damn.

Destiny's a pretty big concept when you think about it... where you are in life, how you got there... what would have happened if one thing or another had been different.

To be honest, I never gave it much thought myself... until today, June 14... my 35th birthday... and, without a doubt, the strangest day of my life.

You remember the old story that starts...

"This guy goes into a bar"?

Well, I'm the guy... and here's the story.

But wait a minute. I'm gettin' way ahead of myself.

To tell this story right...

I should start where it really begins... 20 years ago.

Twenty years ago today, as a matter of fact.

June 14, 1970... my 15th birthday... and also a very strange day.

It was the all-state high school championship game... bottom of the ninth, two outs.

Our school hadn't made it to the finals in 25 years... so out of a town of 30,000 people...

38,000 showed up for the game.

Fillmore High had us by a run, and it was a three-two count.

Fenwick was standing on third like the bag was getting ready... to explode under his feet.

The championship had come down to one batter.

Yeah, you guessed it- yours truly, Larry Burrows.

Haskins was throwing fastballs because that was the only pitch he ever threw.

So I was ready for the next one.

Paste it, Lar! You can do it. Have an eye! Have an eye!

Swing, babe! It's all yours!

Then something weird happened.

Don't ask me what it was, 'cause it only happened for a split second...

but that was enough to change my life forever.

Strike three!

Why is it when you do something terrific... nine times out of ten, you're all alone... but when you screw up really big... the whole world is watching?

I wanted to crawl under home plate and never come out.

As usual, my best friend, Clip metzler, tried to cheer me up.

Clip's very big on novelty gags.

Hey, aren't they cool? I scared the crap out of my baby sister.

Wanna try 'em on? Thanks, Clipper... but I'd kinda like to be alone for a while.

Sure, Lar. Whatever you say.

Look, I'll call you later, okay? We'll go see a movie or something.

We could see Bonnie and Clyde again.

What do you say? Sure, Clip.

Great! Great! I'll see you later then, okay?

It was the worst moment of my life.

God, I felt bad.

Looks like you could use one of these.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I must've gotten some dust in my eyes.

Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of dust out there.

Thanks. Oh, it's okay. You can keep it. my aunt sends me two dozen every Christmas.

What's "EJR" stand for?

Ellen Jane Ripley. What's your name?

Larry. Larry Joseph Burrows.

Nice to meet you, Larry.

I thought that was really sweet, her giving me the handkerchief... and not saying anything about me crying like a big baby.

Really sweet. Larry?

So I married her. I've been calling you for the last five minutes.

Not right then, of course. Several years later, when we were grownups.

Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?

No. No. Not at all. I was working on my, uh, '55 Porsche Spyder.

I was, really. Look. Ain't it a beaut?

You know James Dean used to drive one of these?

I mean, his was much bigger.

Ellen and I have a pretty regular life.

We have a little two-bedroom house in the suburbs that isn't quite finished... and a contractor named Guzelman who doesn't wanna quite finish it.

Hey, mr Guzelman. How are ya?

Geez, I haven't seen you in the past six weeks.

I thought you were captured by some aliens or something.

I got your message. Uh, problem with something?

Uh, yeah, it's the, uh, driveway.

What's wrong with it? Well, you think maybe we could pave it?

Oh, you can't, uh, pave until the mud is all gone.

Well, then we just have to get rid of the mud then, right?

I don't do mud.

You need a mud guy for that. A mud guy?

Yes. - They have that? Yes. A mud guy, yes.

Anything else? Well, now that you mention it... it would be nice to have a front lawn. I must need a cheque for that.

How much this time? A thousand.

Don't you guys know any another number? Two thousand.

We have a dog named Sammy.

I found him rooting through some garbage in an alley, so I brought him home.

Sammy peed on the rug again. Way to go, Sammy.

He has a nervous bladder but a good heart.

Honey, uh, we're out of Wheaties. Do we have another box?

No. I forgot to buy any. Sorry.

Oh, sweetheart, I-I've only had Wheaties for breakfast... every morning of my life since I was six years old.

Is it too much to ask that we keep an extra box on hand... in the event of a crisis like this?

You gave Guzelman another cheque.

Come on. I did not give Guzelman another cheque!

And you're pissed off, so you're taking it out on me.

Okay, okay. So I gave Guzelman another cheque.

Don't you hate it when somebody knows you that well?

You can't get away with anything.

But I guess that's just part of marriage.

So's the occasional argument.

Oh, look. They're tearing down "The Golf of mexico."

That's where we went on our first date, remember? No. That was our second date.

No. It was our first date. I remember because... you tripped over the grinning "bandito" and split your pants.

No. Our first date was at mr Pizza.

I remember because you ate anchovies and belched all night.

That was our third date, and I just burped a few times, thank you very much.

But we never argue about anything important... and we always make up.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. All right. See you after work.

Oh, I forgot. What?

I'm gonna be late tonight. There's a union meeting.

Another one? What for?

They're electing a strike committee. They want me to be chairman.

Somebody has to stop these management creeps from laying everybody off.

But it's my birthday.

What'd you say? Never mind. Forget it.

She forgot.

I need some coffee.

So far, nothing had happened to make me think that this was going to be... anything more than just another routine day at the office.

As usual, by the time I arrived, there was no coffee left...

and no water.

Great.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

Gotta have my coffee.

Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried, your boss walks in on you?

Hey, how they hangin', Lar? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

No, no, mr Bumpers. I'm just having my morning coffee.

Hey, lay off the "Mr Bumpers" crap, Lar.

Huh? How many times do I gotta tell you?

We're both on the same team here.

Jackie's a real sweet guy, but kinda dumb for a company president.

When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head"... but you can call me Jackie.

Yes, sir, Jackie. I was just goin' over the quarterly reports, Lar.

Damn fine work. It's a real touchdown.

Thank you, sir. I'm just trying to do my job. And don't think I don't appreciate it.

A quarterback's only as good as his linemen. Am I right?

Yep. Hell, I'm just some old big, dumb jock... who got lucky and married the boss's daughter.

It's guys like you make me look like a hotshot.

I appreciate it, sir. Thank you.

Well, Lar... just, uh, keep up the good work, huh?

I just came by to see how you were doin'.

Now, that's funny.

Toilet paper in the nose. Now, why didn't I think of that?

Aw, Clip, thanks a lot. I'm trying to get a promotion! All you do is goof around?

Will you relax? Your suck points are safe.

Believe me, old Cement Head didn't notice a thing.

Oh, Clip, you kill me.

Happy 35th, buddy.

Well, thanks, Clip. You know, I honestly didn't think anybody remembered.

Oh, this is great.

Artificial puke. That's the stuff we used to throw... into the girls' locker room to scare 'em into runnin' out in their underwear.

This is it, the actual stuff? I thought mr Green confiscated this.

He did, but I broke into his office the next day. I confiscated it back.

Oh, man, we had fun in those days, didn't we?

We sure did.

Well, where's my "thank you" kiss?

Oh, no, Clip. No kiss. - Come on. Just one. - Oh, no. No kisses.

We're in the office. Now stop it! Stop it! Larry, come on. - Get away from me, you jerk!

Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head... a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?

Hi, Cindy Jo. Hi. How are you? How have you been?

Uh-Oh, you know, what a coincidence. You know, Jackie Earle was just here.

We-We were talkin'. Jackie Earle, you know, your husband.

Boy, he looks good. How you been, anyway? We've been fine.

Uh, Clip and I are pretty good. You know, busy and all.

Work, work, work. That's what we do, you know.

How you been? I've been fine, Larry.

Thank you for asking... three times.

Oh. Well, I just wanted to, you know, make absolutely sure.

Cindy Jo's father owns the company, and she's married to Jackie.

That's how a guy named Cement Head gets to be president.

Did Jackie go back to his office? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure he did. He had lots of work to do.

Uh, you know, touchdowns and all that stuff.

Well, it was nice seeing you again, Larry. Bye, Clip.

Always nice seeing you too, Cindy. maybe it was because it was my birthday. maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know.

But all morning, I'd been thinking about what it would have been like... if my life had turned out differently.

You ever have any regrets, Clip... you know, about how your life has turned out... or about choices you made?

No. Oh.

No. Oh.

But I figure I didn't make all that many choices.

You know what my policy is? You do nothing. You see what happens.

And you know what? Things always seem to turn out fine. Yeah, for you, Clip.

Well, you know what your problem is? Nothin's ever good enough for you.

The way I see it, you've got the perfect life.

You've got a wonderful home, a terrific wife, a good job... and the best friend money can buy.

What else could a guy want?

A little excitement would be nice.

I am so mad, I could scream. maddie and Heather were both laid off due to slow sales or some bullshit like that.

Do you believe it? It's not fair.

They are laying people off and making the rest of us work double shifts... to keep production levels up. She's got a point, you know.

I just did an inventory check, and there's a surplus.

So, technically, we should be cutting back on production levels, not keeping them up.

Can you check into it, please, Larry?

The next person to be laid off could be me.

Looking back, I should have said no... but I didn't...

Yeah, well, uh, I'll look into it. because I'm an idiot. Honey, come on.

What? She always kisses me. I'm eating.

And sure enough, when the head of my department, Niles Pender... announced he was raising production levels...

I couldn't keep my big idiot mouth shut.

A comment, Burrows, or merely phlegm rising in your throat?

Um, well... well, just a thought here, Niles.

Why do we need more product when we already have a surplus inventory?

And on what are you basing this so-called surplus?

Well, on the fact that...

that I recently counted every box in the warehouse.

Well, then I would say we have a problem with our mutual perception of reality.

Sorry to barge in, Niles. Do Jackie and I need to be here for anything?

Not at all, mr Hansen. Just boring production details.

Leo Hansen owns the company. He's a very sweet man... but I don't think he has a clue about what's going on.

Then it's off to the golf course. my son-in-law's gonna show me how to get rid of my slice.

I think I speak for all of us, sir, when I say that is wonderful news.

Oh, by the way. What time is that meeting with mr Nakamura?

8:00, sir. Won't be a long one, will it?

We have a dinner reservation at 9:00.

Well, we do have some pretty important business to finalize, sir.

Oh, well... maybe I'd better cancel the reservation. I think that's an excellent idea.

That's what I'll do then. Goodbye, all.

Touchdowns, everyone.

Incredible.

All right, Burrows. Since we seem to have a disagreement over the inventory...

I suggest you check it again.

Well, that would take about three or four days.

Well, I don't see a problem with that.

Do you see a problem with that, Burrows?

Well, do you, Burrows?

No. No, sir.

I-I should have told Niles about the inventory surplus myself... but, I mean, the guy scares the shit out of me, you know?

Ah, don't worry about it. He's just an asshole.

Well, listen, I'll-I'll make it up to you somehow.

Oh, I know. Hey, guess what's playing at the Rialto on a double bill with In the Heat of the Night.

- Yeah? What's that? Bonnie and Clyde.

Come on. We haven't seen it in about 20 years.

What do you say? You wanna go? Of course I want to go.

Great. Okay, I'll see you later then.

All right, Clip.

Oh, and, Larry? You shouldn't be talking to me anyway.

I mean, after all, you've got a lot of boxes to count.

Thanks for reminding me, Clip.

Get outta here. Go to work. What a jerk.

Excuse me. Would you mind stepping back?

You wouldn't want me to fork ya to death, would you?

No. No.

I mean, we couldn't have that. I mean-

After all, you know, we hardly know each other.

Since when does that matter?

All right, you, get back to work.

I know what you're thinking.

Sometimes, I get the distinct feeling I'm missin' out on something.

Well, what she's got, she's got plenty you don't need.

You sure?

Not absolutely... but if I ever tried to find out, your mother would kill me.

You're the dad every kid dreams of. You know that?

Ah, don't be such a wise guy.

Listen, Petey Fleckman just got canned.

That's three guys since yesterday.

Something stinks around here, kiddo... and I don't mean the meat loaf special in the cafeteria.

Ah, yeah, I know.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey, look at this.

That's the same bunch he had down here last week.

Who are they? Who knows?

Niles "Asshole" Pender's trying to pass them off... as some championship baseball team from Osaka.

When I talked to one of'em, he thinks mickey mantle's something over a mouse's fireplace.

You're in management. Check around a little bit, will ya?

Yeah. Okay, Pop, I'll see what I can find out.

Ah, you're aces, kid.

Looking back, I should have said no to Dad too, but I didn't.

I was beginning to think that maybe something was going on.

I decided to look around Niles's office to see if I could find anything.

I'd been an idiot all morning anyway... so I figured, why stop now?


Shit.

"Leveraged buyout via metasport."

What the hell's metasport?

Shit.

Why is it every time you break into your boss's office... he always walks in on you?

Lose something, Burrows?

Something tells me I have.

Well, that brings me back to where I began- in the middle of nowhere with a car that won't start.

All things considered, it had turned into a pretty rotten birthday.

But nothing in my wildest imagination... could have prepared me for what came next.

Evening. Hi.

You got a pay phone? Right there.

Thanks.

Yeah, hi. It's me again.

Yeah, I'm gonna need another tow.

Yeah. I'm on the corner of Cross and Third... right next to a bar.

Yeah, the station wagon- the big blue piece of shit.

I'll get a new car.

All right.

"Get a new car." Gotta get a new life.

Car trouble, huh? Yeah.

Tow truck will be here in 20 minutes.

Get you something while you wait? I could sure use it.

Light beer, no glass. Right?

Yeah. How did you know?

Just a guess.

Say, don't I know you from somewhere?

You know, you seem familiar to me too. Name's mike.

Larry. Burrows. Larry Burrows, right?

You're the kid who lost the high school championship in 1970.

Jesus Henry Christ.

Sorry. If I'd known it was a sore point, I wouldn't have brought it up.

Forget it. I'm getting used to it.

Ah, this whole day's been a nightmare.

Care to talk about it? - Well, it's- You know, it's lots of things.

I didn't have my cereal this morning.

Didn't have my coffee at work.

I got fired.

It's my 35th birthday, and everyone forgot.

Well, almost everyone. I mean, I got vomit from Clip.

Well, happy birthday.

Thanks, mike. Yeah, 35 years old, and my life is shit.

It can't be all that bad. Ah, it's not that it's bad, you know?

It's just that it's ordinary.

You know, I do the same thing every day- go to work, come home... build some model cars or go bowling... fall asleep in front of the TV every night.

I don't know. If I'd just hit that goddam ball... my life would have turned out a whole helluva lot better.

Some people believe that things are the way they are for a reason.

Well, the reason eludes me, mike.

Can I have another one?

Listen...

I've got just the thing for a sober cynic like yourself.

It's a little something of my own design.

I call it...

"The Spilt milk."

It's the one drink there's no use crying over.

Oh. Very clever, mike.

It does the job. Try it.

So you really think your life would have been better... if you'd hit the ball, huh?

Yeah. A lot better.

I swung too late. That's all.

Yeah.

If I'd just started a half a second sooner.


I did it! I did it!

Yeah!

Half a second sooner, and I would've been king.

A lousy half a second.

Well, I think I'll go outside and wait for the tow truck.

Thanks for the sympathetic ear, mike.

Any time, Larry. That's what I'm here for.

Oh, great. They towed my car already.

You'd think they could've at least come in and told me.

Is he closed already?

Ah, damn. Hey, mike! mike, I need to call a cab!

It's paved.

Well, what do you know?

Old Guzelman came through after all. must've found a mud guy.

Hey, Ellen?

Let me in, will ya? I gotta use the can.

Come on, honey. my key won't work. Let me in.

What the hell are ya doin' banging on my door like that?

Hey, who are you? What's goin' on here?

What have you done with my wife? What are you talkin' about?

Hey, look, man, just take whatever you need and leave.

If you don't hurt anybody, I won't call the cops, okay?

Cops? man, I am a cop.

Now, just what's your problem, huh?

Well, I-I don't have a problem. I-I live here.

Oh, what are you doing in my house? Is something wrong?

Your house? You better show me some ID, pal, right now.

Yeah, yeah. O-Okay.

Boy, you're gonna feel like a fool though. I mean, I've lived here for over a year.

"Lawrence J Burrows.

11653 Bonny meadow Lane, Forest Hills."

Where did I get this licence? Probably from the DmV, where everybody gets their licence.

Look, man, I don't care what this thing says. This is my house, and I wanna see my wife.

Now, step outta my way. - You try and come in my house, and I'll kick your ass all the way down the block.

I don't care. I'm coming in.

No, you're not! - Yes, I am! No, you're not! - Yes, I am!

No, you're not! - Yes, I am! No, you're not! - Yes, I am!

No, you're not! Larry? mike. What are you doin' here? We need to talk.

Yeah, yeah. In a minute. I gotta get in my house.

Uh, that's one of the things we need to talk about.

You don't live there any more. What?

See? Even the cab driver knows you don't live here.

Now beat it!

It's all very simple really.

You know that, uh, little incident you didn't like about your life?

You mean the baseball game?

It's been changed. Changed?

What do you mean "changed"?

You hit the three-two pitch right out of the park.

And that's why I don't live in my house any more?

Exactly. When that moment changed... everything else in your life changed along with it.

I get it. I get it now.

Aw, this is great. This is just great.

Wh-What did they pay you for this, huh?

What does who pay me, Larry? Ellen and Clipster.

They set this up, right? I mean, this is some kind of birthday gag, right?

This is really great.

Hey, who was that big guy at the house?

Is that another actor? Boy, he was great.

Scared the shit outta me.

I-I don't think you understand.

No. No, no, no. Shh, shh. I don't wanna hear a thing.

I just wanna play along with it, okay?

Oh, this is great. So, mike, you do this a lot?

I mean, you know, change people's lives and stuff.

I've been known to make a few adjustments now and again.

This is it? I live in a hotel, huh?

It's a private home, and it's all yours.

Yeah, right, mike. Hey, listen... why don't you wait here till I get to the door.

You wouldn't wanna miss the expression on my face, would ya? Not for all the world.

Here. I assume you're taken care of, but there's another five for ya.

You were really great.

Wow. This must've cost them a fortune.

I'm here at the door to my new home.

Hi. I'm Larry Burrows, but you probably already know that, right?

Y-Yes, of course, sir.

Yeah. Is my wife here?

As if I didn't know. Yes, of course she is.

Wow. Nice set-up.

I didn't know you could rent places like this for parties.

Hey, what's your name? Why, it's Boswell, sir.

Hey, good name. You pick that yourself?

Here, here. Here's a fin.

Get yourself something nice. Go on.

A "fin"? Hey, Boswell... watch how surprised I'm gonna be.

Get ready with the Academy Award.

Honey, I'm here!

It's me!

Darling, you're home. I was so worried.

Daddy, Daddy! Did you bring us something? What did you bring us?

Where have you been? Ludwig went to pick you up... but they said you'd already left. Cindy Jo.

What are you doing here? Uh, are you in on this too? Where's Clip and Ellen?

Who are Clip and Ellen? What are you talking about, sweetheart? In on what? m-my surprise birthday party. - The party isn't for another two hours, dear... and you told me you didn't want it to be a surprise because you hate surprises.

Darling, what's wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

Will you excuse me a minute?

Mike! Mike.

Okay, Mike, what the hell is goin' on?

Why is Cindy Jo calling me "sweetheart", who are those kids and and what is this place?

This is your house. Those are your children.

Cindy Jo's your wife.

No!

Yes.

Are you all right? No, I'm not all right.

I mean, this kind of thing doesn't happen every day, you know?

Yes, it is quite remarkable, if I do say so myself.

Wait. I don't understand any of this.

How can my life change so much just because I hit one stinkin' baseball?

Well, you see, Larry, one's destiny is a very complicated thing.

Every incident in a person's life... affects everything else that follows it.

Instead of missing the baseball, however, you hit it.

Then you became a hero, married the prom queen... and so on and so forth... until you find yourself exactly where you are.

So you see, hitting that baseball... has spun your life off in an entirely new direction.

Are you an angel or something?

Not exactly, no.

Th-Then what are you?

Have you ever been faced with a decision... and you weren't sure what to do? Yeah. Sure, plenty of times.

And then something inside you made you choose one direction over another?

Yeah. So? So that's me.

I make the suggestions, and you make the choices.

That's how destiny works, Larry- very subtly.

Welcome to your new life, Larry.

I hope you like it.

mike. Hey, wait a second. mike. mike, hey! mike! mike!

What am I supposed to do now?

Hi. It's me again. Larry Burrows.

Why did you run out of the house, sweetheart?

I forgot to, uh, tip the cabbie.

You took a cab? Why didn't you wait for Ludwig?

Ludwig?

Oh, Ludwig. Oh, good old Ludwig.

I didn't wait for Ludwig because...

I can't remember his... face.

You must be very tired, sweetheart.

Yes.

Why don't you go into the library and have yourself a nice drink before dinner.

Okay.

Uh, by the way, where's the library?

It's over there.

Great. Yeah. Thanks.

So, I'll just be in the library... having a drink.

Thanks again.

Geez.

I must belong to the Book-of-the-month Club.


Oh, Boswell! How you doin'?

Am I glad to see you. How are you?

Your evening drink, sir. Oh, good.

What is it? Armagnac. 1953.

Whoa. I think I'm gonna pass on that, Bos.

But you know what I could use is a nice cold brewski.

I'm parched. A "brewski," sir?

Yeah, a light if you've got it. No glass.

And listen, Boswell, can you tell me where the can is in this place?

I had a couple of drinks after work. You know what I mean?

The "can," sir? Yeah, yeah. The bathroom.

Well, sir, there are 15 bathrooms.

Fifteen bathrooms?

Did you have any particular one in mind, sir?

No. No, I don't need nothin' special.

Just, you know, the nearest one will do.

Through that door, sir, down the hall.

Thank you.

Brewski.

A closet.

Another closet.

It's a closet. There's 15 bathrooms in this place. You'd think I could find one.

maybe this is it.

my God, I've died and gone to heaven.

Excuse me. Sir?

Would you like to go for a ride before dinner?

Oh, no, no. No. Thanks. Thanks, anyway.

Hey, tell me somethin'. Who do these cars belong to?

Well, they-they belong to you, sir.

Get the hell outta here! As you wish, sir.


Hey.

A big hunk of cheese.

It's just what I wanted.

It's, uh, it's Stilton, LJ. Well, thank you, mr Stilton.

I'm sure it goes great with, uh, tomato and mayonnaise and pumpernickel.

Thank you, everyone, so much for remembering my birthday.

The gifts are terrific, really. Thank you again, mr Stilton.

And you, too, mr Steuben, for the big hunk of glass there. my pleasure, LJ.

Hey, LJ.

LJ. LJ. Dad, you're here. many happy returns, kid. Swell shindig!

Say hello to Gina. Gina, my kid.

Very nice to make your acquaintance.

We made our acquaintance in morocco at the Club med... if you know what I mean.

Um, will, uh, you excuse us for a moment, please?

Ah. Why don't you go have some more caviar, sweetie? Okay.

Very nice to have met you, LJ.

She loves caviar. Thinks it's salty candy.

I haven't told her it's fish eggs.

Are you crazy, Dad, bringing that girl in here?

What if mom found out? She'd skin you alive!

Relax. We signed the papers a week ago.

I'm free and clear now. Now, what do you think of Gina? Hot stuff, huh?

Papers? What papers?

The divorce papers. Divo-

You and mom are divorced?

Of course we're divorced. Nothing lasts forever.

You told me so yourself.

I said that? Yeah. You were right too.

Listen, kid, can you spot me ten grand?

Gina's been killin' me to take her to St. Bart's, okay?

You're aces, kid.

Larry, darling. Your guests are wondering if you're all right.

What's the matter, dear? my parents are divorced.

Of course they are, sweetheart. Everybody's parents are divorced.

Now go and be a good host.

Excuse me a moment, will you, Cindy Jo?

You didn't tell me my parents were divorced.

This is quite good caviar. mike, my parents are divorced, for Christ's sake!

Yes, I know. Well, I didn't expect that.

Is there anything else that's gonna come as a shock?

It all will, to some degree.

To what degree? You'll see.

Things have changed, Larry. You have to take the bad with the good.

You didn't think everything was gonna be perfect, did you?

Well, I-

I-I suppose not.

This is your life, Larry.

Learn to enjoy what you've got.

A brewski, sir?

Good night.

Bye-bye. - Good night.

I've got some great friends, don't you think?

They give terrific gifts!

You still have one more present coming.

I'll see you upstairs.

Cindy Jo?

Are you in here?

Larry, I'm over here.


Happy birthday, darling.

God help me.

morning, Bos. Sleep well?

I didn't, if you know what I mean.

I know exactly what you mean, sir.

Oh, this house has a lot of big rooms.

Oh.

Isn't this a little drab for such a happy guy?

Oh, you always wear your blue pinstripe to board meetings, sir.

Board meetings?

Son of a bitch. That's right. I'm married to Cindy Jo.

That means I'm the president of Liberty Republic.

Indeed, sir. For some time now.

Oh, yeah. I mean, uh, I knew that.

I'm just so happy about it that I like to remind myself every so often, Bos.

Yeah. Oh.

Good morning, kids. - morning, Father. - morning, Father.

Ah, crescent rolls.

Very nice.

Very nice indeed.

Larry Burrows. How you doin'? Nice to meet you.

What's this, Cream of Wheat? It's cappuccino, Daddy.

Italian dark roast coffee and steamed whole milk.

Right, I knew that.

Whoa! That'll keep you up the rest of your life! Huh?

That's nice stuff. You sure you kids should be drinking this?

We always do, Daddy.

Well, I guess it's all right then. morning. Hi.

You were wonderful last night.

So were you.

I had no idea you could do that with Cool Whip.

I told you we could beat that train through the crossing, didn't I, Ludwig?

So you did, sir.

Give yourself a raise, Ludwig. Hundred bucks a week!

You're all right.

This is my office?

This will take some getting used to.

Nice desk.

I wonder how it works.

There's gotta be an "on" switch here somewhere.

How about that? The desk is wired to my ass.

Good morning, Mr Burrows.

- Oh. Hi. How are you? Can I get you something, sir?

No. No, I'm fine. Oh, coffee!

You know, I-I'd really like a cup of coffee.

Yes, sir. Right away. And Mr Pender and Mr Flick are on their way up to see you, sir.

You're kidding. Those jerks still work here?

- I beg your pardon? - Uh, nothing. Uh, nothing-nothing at all.

Say, listen, can you do me a favour?

Could you find out if Clip metzler or Ellen Burr- Ripley-

Ellen Ripley work here?

I know Mr Metzler works in accounting, but I'll have to check on Ellen Ripley.

Thanks. Oh, and tell Pender and Flick that, uh-

Uh, I'm- I can't be disturbed. I'm too busy.

- You know, I got lots of buttons to push and stuff. Yes, sir.

Over and out.

Let's see.

There's a bar in here? Where's the bar?

Wow. I'm gonna love this place.

All right, Lar. The good stuff.

Hey. I know you. You're the forklift girl, right?

Oh, great. Thanks.

I've been trying to get a regular cup of coffee for days.

Then again, maybe I don't need any coffee after all.

Just where the hell were you last night?

I waited up until midnight, and then I went to bed- alone.

I-I'm sorry.

Jewel! It's Jewel! Have you forgotten my name already?

Jewel. Right, I knew that.

Look, I'm-I'm real, real sorry.

I-I guess I couldn't make it.

I-I had this party to go to- You guess you couldn't make it?

Where were you, out with this Ellen Ripley bitch?

Oh, Ellen. Did you find out if she works here?

No, she does not work here.

If she suddenly starts working here, you're gonna live to regret it.

Say, Jewel, what do you say we double your salary.

How's that? I know what you're capable of, LJ Burrows.

Just don't mess with me... or you're gonna find out what I'm capable of.

Am I making myself perfectly clear?

Uh... perfectly. Uh, LJ, we need to talk.

Oh, hi, guys. Come on in.

Boy, am I glad to see you. Uh, it's about the New Jersey plan.

I gotta call Bob and let him know one way or another.

I think it's a big mistake to set up New Jersey, LJ. Big mistake.

LJ, we really need to talk in private about the country club.

We have to go over a few points on the Nakamura deal before we sign the papers tomorrow night? Are we on?

For New Jersey? No, for golf.

Excuse me, LJ. Am I disturbing you? mr Hansen, come in.

Come in. mr Hansen.

Come on in, please.

What can I do for you, mr Hansen?

Well, I just wanted to apologize for not appearing at your birthday party last night. my ulcer was acting up, and I just thought- - Oh, don't mention it.

You didn't miss a thing. I-I got some cheese and a glass thing.

A what? You know, this, um-

Uh, excuse me. LJ?

Sir, we really should get going. We, uh, tee off in 15 minutes.

Oh, right. Yeah, well, uh-

Hey, mr Hansen, would you like to come golfing with us?

I play golf, you know. - Really? - Yeah.

You want to play golf with me? Sure, I wanna play golf with you. Come on.

You know, I can help you get rid of that slice or... - Uh-huh. - whatever you call it, uh-

Yeah.

It slipped.

Can I use yours?

Sure. Thanks.

It's not like a baseball bat, you know.

That was dirt.

That'll grow back, right? We'll fix it.

This is the real one.

It's not supposed to go over there, is it? Well, no, sir.

Um, actually, it's supposed to go in the hole... on the green.

Oh. All right. Hey, Leo, come on.

Let's take the golf cart and see if we can find the ball.

I don't get it.

What are you, deaf, dumb and blind?

The Jerry Lewis routine is to lull the old geezer into a false sense of security... before he sells the company out from under him.

It's brilliant. It's my idea.

Hey, how you doin'?

Good to see ya.

Hey, you're doing a great job, and I just want you to know that.

Keep up the good work, guys.

What's with him?

I'm the president of the company. I should do something about this line, don't you think?

Oh, my God.

Ellen.

Ellen. It's me, Larry.

Oh, my God. Am I glad to see you.

Oh. I've been wondering where you were.

I beg your pardon? You know, they told me you didn't work here.

I couldn't find you. There's no record of an Ellen Ripley, and I knew it wouldn't be under Burrows.

Why would it be under Burrows? my name is Robertson.

Robertson? What are you doin' with that name?

It is customary for a woman to take her husband's name, mr Burrows.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

You're married? When did that happen?

Six years ago. Don't worry. I wasn't married on company time.

Wait. Wait. You just married the first guy that came along?

Look, just because I work for you does not give you the right... to pry into my private life.

Well, of course it doesn't.

I'm just concerned... as I am about, you know, all my employees, miss, uh... mrs Robertson.

Concern for your employees has never been your strong suit, mr Burrows.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to eat my lunch... by myself.

Yeah, but, uh, couldn't we just-

You really must do something... about this meat loaf, Larry.

It is absolutely inedible.

Ellen's married. Yes, I know.

She's mad at me. I can tell.

She's the union shop steward... and the union's upset over all the layoffs... the increased workload, pay freezes.

So what's that got to do with me? You are the president of the company, their mortal enemy.

Yeah, but I wouldn't lay anybody off. But you did.

And so, Ellen hates your guts.

She hates my personal guts?

You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry.

What am I gonna do? I mean, I can't have her hating my guts all over the place.

I mean, she's my wife, for Christ's sake. She was your wife.

I have to go now. This meat loaf is making me sick.

What am I gonna do about Ellen?

Whatever you do will be fine.

You're a big help.

Hey, I think it's busted, pal.

Clip, it's you! Oh, my God. mr Burrows, sir. Don't call me "sir," Clip.

It's me, Lar. Aw, come here and give me a hug.

Come here. God, I miss you, you know that?

It was an accident. I swear I'll pay for any damages.

Oh, forget about it. Come on. I wanna kiss you on the top of your head.

Come here. Clip! Clip!

What's the matter with you?

Clipster, it's me, Larry.

Larry, we're going to be late.

What on earth are you doing?

I don't feel like going to the opera tonight, honey.

I never really cared for it that much, to tell you the truth- all that hollering in Italian.

What's that? This is a Gullwing mercedes.

Pretty, isn't it? Yes, dear.

You have one in the garage.

Yeah, but that one's too big. I kinda like 'em smaller.

Children, you go wait in the car, okay? Go on.

Darling?

Are you all right?

You've been acting very strange lately.

No. I'm fine. Really.

Why don't you guys go ahead without me. Have a good time.

I just wanna finish this up.


I can't believe Ellen married another guy.

Wow. Nice house.

It's better than the one we had.

I just wanted to borrow some cutlery, Ellen, okay? I have no cutlery. None!

All I'm asking for is a couple of lousy knives and forks.

Why don't you ask your girlfriend for a knife and fork... or does the little bitch eat with her fingers?

I made a mistake, and I'm very sorry for it.

Now, can we try and put all this behind us?

Attagirl!

Guess not.

This is good. This is very good.


Ow!

What's the matter, Hercules?

You wanna go out? Okay. Okay. Come on.

Come on! Come on.

Shoo! Get away.

Go on! Scram! Beat it!

Go rescue some skiers in the Alps or somethin'. Go! Scram!

Well, we'll see who falls asleep first.

Asshole.

Stupid dog.

Stupid tree.


Good morning, chief. What's going on here?

Who is that? - I don't know. Some, uh, lunatic named, uh-

Now, what's his name, huh? Uh, metzbaum, metsfield. I don't know.

He's in accounting. metzler?

Clip metzler? Yeah.

He's threatening to jump. Aw, Jesus, Clip!


Clip? What are you doing?

Hey, you stay back, mr Burrows. You get any closer, I'll jump.

Okay, Clip. I'm not- I'm not gonna come any closer.

I just wanna talk.

You know, if there's something wrong, maybe I can help.

Well, i-i-it's a little late for that, mr Burrows.

You know, my whole life's been a disaster.

Nothing I do ever works out.

After what happened yesterday, well, I know you're gonna fire me.

Now, look, Clip. I'm not gonna fire you.

All right?

In fact, you know what? I came up here to offer you a new job.

How 'bout vice president? Hundred twenty-five to start.

Really? Yeah. Really.

Oh, I get it.

Oh, I get it. You're just trying to trick me. As soon as I get down there... th- there's no job and I'm off to the funny farm.

Don't try to kid me, mr Burrows. I'm not kidding, Clip.

Nothing will happen. I mean it.

Why else would I come up here myself?

I don't know. Why did you come up here?

Because we're friends, Clip.

Hey, remember back in the eighth grade when we used to hang around together?

Remember, we used to throw rubber vomit in the girls' locker room... and they'd come runnin' out in their underwear?

You remember that? Yeah. Of course I do!

Remember when we went to see Bonnie and Clyde nine times... and we squirted ketchup on ourselves and- and ran all over the place dying in slow motion?

That was fun.

It scared the crap out of my baby sister.

Yeah. And I remember how... you used to always try to make me laugh when I felt rotten.

Well, I-I-I didn't think that you thought about that stuff any more.

Aw, Clip...

I think about that stuff all the time.

All right, Clipper. I want you to go home. I want you to relax... have a nice meal, shave, shower, get some sleep.

All right? Tomorrow, you start your new job, new salary.

Thanks, mr Burrows. All right. Take care of yourself.

Be careful.

Pender.

Well done, LJ. Want me to fire him?

No. I don't want you to fire him.

I want you to get him a new mercedes...

'cause a senior vice president of East Coast sales... can't be seen in anything less.

Mercedes? LJ, I didn't even get a Mercedes.

Oh, and while you're at it, I want you to get the board together... for a full meeting in ten minutes.

We're gonna put an end to this strike bullshit once and for all.

But L-L-LJ- - Hey, I don't have a problem with that, Pender. You got a problem with that?

Well, do you, Pender?

No, sir. No problem.

I didn't think so.

I just finished reading the latest contract demands... and... they seem very reasonable to me.

Reasonable? Um, but LJ- In fact-

In fact, I'm prepared to agree to all of them under one condition... that the head of the negotiating committee meet with me alone... to go over the final details.

Perhaps over dinner tonight? LJ, there are a few things you seem to be forgetting about.

Dinner? I don't know why that would be necessary.

It would be strictly business. You want to bring this dispute to an end, don't you?

Well, yes. Of course I do.

I'll pick you up at 8:00. How's that?

LJ, I don't think we should be so hasty.

Okay. Good. It's a date.

I'm gonna nail this bastard.

Oh, oh. Don't do that, mike.

Congratulations, Larry.

It's a brave man who takes command of his own destiny.

Well, thanks. I feel pretty good about it myself.

And you don't feel guilty running around with Ellen behind Cindy Jo's back?

Guilty? Why should I feel guilty? I just got here, remember?

It's- It's not like I have a history with Cindy Jo or anything.

Well, okay. Fine.

Wait a second.

What do you mean, "Well, okay. Fine"? Nothing, really. I-It's just that...

Cindy Jo has been a loyal and loving wife for the last ten years.

What are you getting at? Your destiny has been changed, Larry- by request, I might add- and you must take responsibility... for the circumstances of your new life.

They are, after all, of your own making.

Well, if I made 'em, I can unmake 'em.

Good evening, mr Burrows. Hi.

Any trouble finding the place? No. No trouble at all.

That's good. That's good.

These are for you.

They're lovely.

Thank you. Welcome.

I'm afraid, uh, Hercules got dog drool all over 'em- uh-

How'd you know his name was Hercules?

Because it's on his tag... that I've been staring at for the past five minutes.

Okay. Come here, boy. Come here. Hercules. Hercules.

Ow.

Nice doggie. Good doggie.

I don't think he likes me. Well, he's an exceptional judge of character.

We aren't starting off very well, are we?

There is only so far that I will go for my union brothers and sisters, mr Burrows.

Oh, please. Call me Lar. - We agreed to keep this evening strictly on a business level, correct?

Absolutely. God. I forgot how beautiful you are. mr Burrows, if this is your attempt to soften me up... so that you can win concessions from the union, I-

I don't want concessions. Honest.

The contracts are as good as signed.

You could have done that at the meeting.

What are you up to? Nothing.

Really. I just thought maybe we'd get to know each other again- uh, better.

Wait, wait. Just wait. Wait-Wait a minute. Wait a minute. - Oh, yes, sir.

No, no, no. I'll get it. Oh. Wait, wait. I'll get the door. my dear.

Hello? Let me talk to mrs Burrows.

This is mrs Burrows.

This way, monsieur.

Enjoy your meal, monsieur, madame.

Thank you. This place is all right, huh?

You sound like you've never been here before. Oh, I haven't. my secretary made the reservations. I'm strictly a pizza-and-burger man myself.

Pizza-and-burger man, huh?

The chef has prepared something very special for you this evening.

Great.

Bring two of'em. It's food, right? Good.

Ah, I ordered for the both of us. Hope you don't mind.

may I bring for you some wine? Yes. Wine. Would you like some wine?

I understand the French make it pretty good. - No, thank you. I think I'll just have-

Virgin mary. Tabasco sauce and lime, no ground pepper. Right?

I'm impressed. You must have had your spies working overtime.

Uh, I'll have a light beer, no glass.

Spies? I don't have any spies.

I just happen to know a lot about you.

Well, I know a few things about you.

Yeah? Like what?

Nothing I could repeat.

Well, that bad, huh? The only thing that doesn't fit... is what you did for Clip this afternoon.

Oh, that. Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Try me.

How well do you remember 1970?

Bastard.

You bastard!

That's why I did what I did for Clip, and that's how come...

I know so much about you.

Because we were married?

Exactly!

Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?

Well, I didn't think you'd believe me.

Ah. I probably shouldn't have told you. Forget I said anything.

Ah! Dinner.

Boy, it looks pretty good.

Do we know what this is?

Calf brains. Bon appetit.

Wow, I feel good

- I knew that I would, now We'd like a, uh, large pizza...

- double cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms and anchovies. I feel good

- Uh, but only on half, because, anchovies give her heartburn. I knew that I would, now

- So good, so good Right? - Right.

- You got it? - I got you - Yes, sir. That'll be about 20 minutes.

- Twenty minutes. This way, my dear. I feel good And a couple of sodas. Got it.

Come on. Tell the truth. How do you really know so much about me?

You spy on your employees, don't you? No, I don't.

I already told you. Right, right. We were married.

Exactly! Thank you.

You're not gonna give it up, are you? No way.

If we weren't married, how could I know that you sleep... in an old, faded flannel shirt your dad gave you, hmm?

Spies.

How come I know that every night you brush your hair exactly 86 times 43 forward, 43 back?

Spies.

Yeah.

I know that your favourite part of the body is the earlobe.

I know that your favourite actor is William Bendix because he looks just like your Uncle Bud... whose wife, Aunt Esther, used to send you two dozen white handkerchiefs every Christmas... with "EJR" embroidered right in the corner.

Now, that's not the kind of stuff you get from spies, is it?

There's got to be some logical explanation for this.

You couldn't possibly know those things.

I know everything. Go ahead. Ask me.

Ask me something I couldn't possibly know.

But if I get it right, will you believe that we were married in another life?

maybe. All right.

Give me your best shot.

All right.

The day I got my driver's licence- October 23, 1970. Right? my dad let me take the car out on my own.

Oldsmobile, vinyl top, two-tone- Okay.

Two blocks from my house, I got pulled over for speeding.

I never told anyone.

I even paid for the ticket out of my own allowance.

You want to know the name of the cop? No.

I want to know the name of the song on the radio.

That's it? That's your best shot?

Huh. Let's see here.

It's not, Mack the Knife. No.

It's not "Happy Birthday."

It's not Mötley Crüe. They weren't born yet.

Is it this one?

Oh, God.

Hey Well, my temperature's rising Got my feet on the floor Crazy people knocking 'cause they want to go more Let me in, baby I don't know what you got But you'd better take it easy 'cause this place is hot And I'm so glad you made it So glad you made it You got to gimme some lovin'

- Gimme, gimme some lovin' Gimme some lovin'

Every day

Hey Well, I feel so good Everybody's getting high You'd better take it easy 'cause the place is on fire Been a hard day and I don't know what to do We made it, baby and it had to be you And I'm so glad you made it So glad you made it You got to gimme some lovin'

- Gimme, gimme some lovin' Gimme some lovin'

- Gimme, gimme some lovin' Whoo-hoo, hey, hey, hey Gimme, gimme some lovin' Gimme, gimme some lovin'

Gimme, gimme some lovin'

So, you going to invite me in for a nightcap... you know, to celebrate the end of our negotiations?

No. I don't think that's such a good idea. maybe after the contracts are signed.

Okay. I understand.

We're just gonna have to get those contracts signed really quickly then, huh?

You got a pen? I could do it now.

Good night, mr Burrows. Larry. Larry. Please.

I had a fun evening, Larry. Thanks.

I did too. Brought back a lot of good memories.

Well, good night.

Larry? Yes?

If we had such a great life together... why'd you want it changed?

I guess...

I just didn't know what I had.


Oh, honey, you didn't have to wait up for me.

Larry, who is she? Who's who?

The bimbo you had dinner with at La Scala.

Oh, her?

She's a, uh- detective from the police force-

Larry, stop lying.

All right. No more lies.

How well do you remember 1970?

Cindy? Cindy?

Cindy Jo? Come on, honey. I swear to God it's the truth. Honest.

Come on. Let me up, Cindy. I'm standing out here without any clo-

Thank you, dear. Thank you. Could I have my sh-shoe-

You're so kind, honey. I really appreciate it... but do you think I can come upstairs and change?

I can change in the garage, honey. Thank you.

Oops. I did it again. You'd think I'd get it right just once.

Oh, well. Hello?

Daddy?

Larry's fallen in love with someone else.

Oh, my!

Oh, yes, dear. I know I own the company, but-

All right. I will. Yes, dear.

Now, you take a Valium and go to bed.

Okay. Goodbye.

Fire LJ Burrows? How do I fire LJ Burrows?

LJ, you're fired.

LJ, you are fired!

LJ, you rotten son of a bitch... you can't do that to my baby girl and get away with it.

You're fired!

That's not bad. maybe I'll just write him a letter and leave it in his office.

Yeah. That'd be better.

Dear LJ... you rotten son of a bitch.

It's very simple, really. The police will think... he happened into the wrong place at the wrong time and became... the poor, innocent victim of murderous thieves.

The little prick!

With him out of the way...

the Nakamura deal can proceed as planned.

Yeah, but what if he doesn't show up?

Stop being such a geek. Of course he'll show.

After his wife throws him out... where else would he go?

Uh, where do you think you're goin', big fella?

Sorry, Niles. I- I can't go through with it.

Fine. Don't need your help.

Nobody... double-crosses Niles Pender... out of 120 million bucks!

Oh. Oh, that old thing.

I'm not afraid of him.

Well, let's see.

Hope there's nobody in here.

Shit!

Is God smiling on me or what?


Oh, God. mr Hansen? mr Hansen?

mr Hansen. Cover him. He's got a weapon.

All right. Let's go. Here we go.

I'm telling you, I didn't know Leo was gonna fire me.

I didn't see any letter. And even if I had, I wouldn't have killed him.

Look, Niles Pender is the one you should be arresting, not me. I'm innocent.

Niles Pender set this whole thing up. He's trying to take over the company.

I mean, he killed Leo. Leo's a friend of mine.

I was just golfing with him. I wouldn't hurt him. I'm too nice of a guy.

Pender was the one. Look-

I need a lawyer. I don't wanna get in the car.

Jewel! Think you can just write me off like a bad debt, huh?

Well, it's time to pay up, mister.

Ouch, ouch, oh, ouch, oh, oh!

What are we gonna do? Help! help!


Ellen!

Ellen.

Larry, what is it?

I gotta go, and you gotta come with me.

Whoa, Larry. Slow down.

Tell me what's going on. Nothing's goin' on.

Nothin'. I just wanna be with you like we were before.

I-I-I know you don't think it's gonna work, but it will.

You know why? Because we've already done it.

Are you talking about the "previous life" thing again, Larry?

Yes. Yes. We'll have Thanksgiving and-and Christmas and-and birthdays... and- and breakfast together, just like it was.

I don't mean to rush you, but we gotta go. Wait a minute, Larry.

That all sounds wonderful. It really does. It's just that... after our dinner, I started thinking about things... about what has real importance to me.

You know, I been thinkin' about what's important to me too.

And you know what it is? It's us being together-

What's the matter, sweetheart? Hello.

Uh, Tom, this is my boss, Larry Burrows.

Larry, this is my husband, Tom.

Hi, Tom. Nice to meet you, mr Burrows.

Nice to meet you.

So what's going on, Ellen? Oh, nothing's going on, uh, Tom.

Uh, I'm going out of town, and so I thought I'd stop by and say "so long."

Well, so long.

Uh, I-I've got to tell him one thing.

Larry?

I was wrong about you.

I think you're a wonderful man.

I wish it could have been different between us.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Sorry.


Wait a minute. That's bullshit. It was meant to be!


Jesus!

Shit!

Oh.


Oh, no.

Oh, no. Not Sammy.

I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.


I give up.

Oh, my God! mike!

mike? mike, where are you? mike, I need you.


Oh. Disgusting.

Oh.

Okay. I'm coming.

Don't shoot. I'm not armed.

Somebody here call for a tow truck?

Tow truck?

You all right, Larry? I'm back.

Son of a bitch, I'm back!

Back from where, Larry? You've been here the whole time.

I'm really back, aren't I? You've always been here, Larry.

Sure I have, you old destiny-bender, you.

I love this guy. He's great, isn't he?

I just love this guy!

Thanks.

Thanks for everything- the good and the bad.

Boy, you sure do know how to make a point.

Oh, and listen, mike. Whatever you got planned for the rest of my life... it's perfect.

Happy birthday, Larry.

Thanks, mike.

Hey, I haven't seen you before, have I? You the new guy?

What's your name? "Duncan."

Well, Duncan, you're gonna become real familiar with me and this piece of sh-

Nakamura's gonna sign the deal at 8:00. It gives me ten minutes.

Come on. Let's go. Give me a ride! Yeah, but I gotta hook up the car.

Forget about the car. We'll come back for it later. Come on, Duncan, will ya?

And therefore, gentlemen, it is the recommendation of this board... that we accept mr Nakamura's very generous, very creative buyout offer... of $35 a share.

Now, if you'll just sign here, mr Hansen.

You really think this is a good idea, Niles?

Without question, sir.

Burrows, what do you think you're doing?

Sorry, Jackie. Sorry, mr Hansen.

I'm just tired of assholes getting ahead while decent people get the shaft.

What's this all about, Larry?

Niles and Lewis here have been buying up company stock... through a dummy corporation while encouraging the board... to sell out to mr Nakamura.

Right here. The one with all the mud in the driveway.

Hey, listen. Thanks for the lift. Oh, hey, it's no problem.

No. I appreciate it. - I'm gonna go back and get your car. What do you want me to do with it?

Uh, keep it. It's yours. I'm gonna buy a brand new one.

I'll figure out how to pay for it later.

Take care.

Oh, damn. I forgot. Ellen's at the strike meeting.

Surprise!

Ellen!

Happy 35th, Larry! Look at all you.

Oh. Oh, mom.

Aw, Clip! Dad! Oh, God. I've missed all you guys so much.

You have? Oh, Ellen.

I'd forgotten how beautiful you are.

Oh, wait-wait till I tell you guys what happened.

You're not gonna believe what happened. Oh, honey. Clip told us.

It's okay. We'll manage. I'll work overtime-

Oh, no. Not that. I can get a new job anywhere.

I just- I'm just so glad to see everyone.

Sammy! Where's Sammy? Sammy!

Sammy! Come here! Oh, Sammy!

I love you too, baby. Aww.

We'll go driving all weekend, okay?

All right, honey.

So were you really surprised? Oh, this whole day has been a surprise, honey.

Are you hungry? No, but, you know, I'd like a cup of coffee.

Oh, honey, I forgot to buy any. Sorry. I'll get some more tomorrow.

I promise.

Clip! Oh, God, did I miss you!

You look so- so- Hot?

Thank you.

Happy 35th, buddy. Clip.

This is your real present. I gave you the vomit to throw you off suspicion.

It worked, didn't it? Yeah. Like a charm.

It's a Gullwing mercedes. Do you like it?

Ah, Clip, I love it.

I've always wanted one of these.

Thanks. Hey, hey.

Check out my date.

Is she a killer or what?

Definitely a killer.

Yeah.

Hi.

I'll have a light beer, Clip.

Jackie, Cindy Jo! Hey, we don't wanna interrupt.

No. Come on in, please. Please. Okay. This'll just take a minute.

What's up? Look. After you left, Niles and Lewis confessed to everything.

That was a real touchdown, Larry. Well-

You know? Listen. We just dropped by to say thanks.

I mean, you ran out of there so fast-

Well, I had to get home. I-It's my birthday.

Well, then, I got a little present for you.

The board voted unanimously to offer you Niles Pender's job- executive vice president.

Well- Well, Jackie, I-I-I don't know.

So much has happened today. I- I'm gonna have to give it some thought.

125,000 to start and a mercedes. Thought's over.

Wonderful! Oh, that's just great. Thank you, Jackie.

Hey, you hungry? You thirsty? Hey. Time out.

Yeah. Hi, Larry.

Hi, Cindy Jo.

I wish I'd known it was your birthday. I would've gotten you something.

Well, Cindy Jo, you've-you've already given me more... than you could possibly know, really.

Well, happy birthday, Larry.

Thanks.

Well, that's it.

That was my 35th birthday.

I told you it was weird.

It's so weird, I probably shouldn't tell anybody about it.

I mean, who'd believe me?

I'm not even sure I believe it myself.

Way to go, Burrows!

Saw the game, kid.

Tough break. You said it, mister.

I blew it good. Don't worry too much about it.

Remember, you've got your whole life to look forward to.

Things will work out just fine.

Trust me.

Old fart. What the hell does he know?

Only you Can make a-this world seem right Only you Can make the darkness bright Only you and you alone Can thrill me like you do And fill my heart with love For only you Only you Can make a-this change in me For it's true You are my destiny When you hold my hand I understand The magic that you do You're my dream come true My one and only you Only you Can make a-this world seem right Only you Can make the darkness bright Only you and you alone Can thrill me like you do And fill my heart with love For only you Only you Can make a-this change in me For it's true You are my destiny When you hold my hand I understand The magic that you do You're my dream come true My one and only you

Only you Can make a-this change in me For it's true You are my destiny When you hold my hand I understand The magic that you do You're my dream come true My one and only you Only you Can make a-this change in me For it's true You are my destiny When you hold my hand I understand The magic that you do You're my dream come true My one and only

- You One and only you