Mr. Magoo (1997) Script

Oh-oh, Magoo, y-y-you've done it again.

Another day in the can.

Good night, Mrs. Wonderbottom.

Ugliest hairdo I've ever seen.

Hold the elevator! Aha!

Express elevator. Heh-heh!

Elevator with a view!

Now that's what I call an express.

Good Godfrey! Earthquake!

Heh-heh. Don't panic, everyone.

We've got enough canned food here to cover any emergency.

Heh-heh-heh. That's better.

Carry on, boys.

Parking lot. Mm-hmm.


By George, heh-heh, somebody fix the lights... before anyone trips.

The escalator to the parking lot.

Such sophistication!

Good night, Henry. Good night.

Right turn only.

Road hog!

Blasted potholes!

The checkered flag?

Magoo, you, you speed demon, you!

Y-You've still got it.

Ha, ha, oh, El Niño's back.

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.

And tonight, Quincy Magoo, the canned vegetable king, will dedicate the new museum wing he has donated to the city.

The Magoo Rotunda will house a traveling exhibit... of the treasures of Kuristan, including the rarest of all rubies, the Star of Kuristan.

Ha-ha. Treat her gently, young fella.

Check underneath. I think there's something rattling there.

Uh, yes, you dropped the keys, my boy.

It's the most precious ruby in the world.

Lovely. It's just gorgeous.

It's exquisite. Exquisite.

No. Actually it's corundum.

That's an aluminum oxide.

Okay, don't take my word for it.

Exquisite is an adjective, not an element.

All right. If you're so smart, how come Mr. Cloquet told me... to watch you like a hawk?

Cloquet said that?


Why is it that someone always seems to burn the rumaki?


Maybe you should see another eye doctor.

Waldo, Hiram has been my optometrist since I was a small boy in knee pants.

He's like 2,000 years old. All his other patients are dead.

You can't hold that against him.

But he's still making appointments with them.

Trust me, you need a second opinion.

Oh, my gosh!

Would you, would you look at that! What?

Wait, don't look. Don't look.

What? She's coming this way.

Mr. Magoo? Uh, uh...

I am Stacey Sampanahoditra of the Kuristani foreign office.

Oh. This is my nephew Waldo.

Waldo Magoo. It is an honor.

Hi. Oh.

Uh, you'll have to forgive him sometimes.

He gets like that, lost in thought. Quite a scholar, you know.

Graduated with a large class.

Isn't that right, Waldo? Waldo?



Yeah. I-I, I-I w-went there to college. Oh.

Uh, Waldo, why don't you invite, uh, Stacey to our opera tomorrow night?

I would be most honored, sir.

Stacey, will you join us for the opera tomorrow night?

It's a, uh, benefit performance.

Uh, we're doing excerpts from the Norsemen saga.

I look forward to it. Uh, good.

Please excuse me. I must greet diplomats.

That's a very attractive young lady. Hmm?

But I'm, I'm such a fool. I-I tried to offer her a snack.

Oh, Waldo, don't be so hard on yourself.

Cupid makes fools of us all.

And now, as curator of this museum, it is my pleasure to present our benefactor, a man of great vision, Quincy Magoo.

Step right this way, sir. Ah, well, thank you, thank you.

Aha, well, may, uh, may all of the exhibits in this hall... chime with the light of human knowledge.

My dear, thank you. Thank you.


Look out! Watch out!

Oh-ho, yes.

Great Scott!

What is this, indoor fireworks?

What a wonderful touch. Ha!

Oh! Excuse me. Oh!

Or a blackout. Uh, uh...

I should inform the power company here.

Get that fixed, and get these lights back on.

Hello down here. Public telephone.

Oh, what... Excuse me, sir. We have an emergency... I say.

Great Scott!

We have an injured man here. Bandaged from head to foot.

Help. Some assistance, please.

And whoever did it has stolen the telepho...

God! They gave me a bad mask.

Okay. Go.

I gotta watch her like a hawk.

Morgan! Shh!

You just, uh, you just hang on. I'll get you some medical attention.

You stay right here. No, you're in no condition...

Oh, well. How many times must I tell you?

Stay back in the booth, man.

Well... I'll take care of him.

I'll be back. I'll get some help or maybe find a telephone.

Freeze! Drop the gun.

Turn around.

Yes, sure. Must be a phone out here somewhere.

Well, if you can't bring Mohammed to the mountain...

Morning, Angus.

Avast, Angus. Are you ready to cast off?

Waldo? What are... What are you doing here?

Oh, just cleaning your windshield.

Aha, my boy, you are a prince, but I have a date with a flounder.

I can see clearly now The rain is gone Anchors aweigh. Anchors aweigh.

I can see all obstacles in my way Oh, the windshield did need cleaning, huh? Right, Angus?

Gone are the dark clouds I don't think I've seen it this clear since...

That pass me by 1956.

It's gonna be a bright, bright Bright, bright, sunshiny day

Well, now that you're here, we'd better inform the police.

Orders, U.S. State Department.

This incident is to remain completely under wraps.

Which includes the crazy 9-1-1 call about a bandaged man in the museum.

We substitute a replica of the jewel and...

And we open the exhibit as if nothing has happened.

Hold it. Who the hell are you? And who told the State Department?

I did. They said they would send two of their very best operatives.

Gustave Anders, CIA.

I'm in charge of this investigation.

Chuck Stupak, FBI, and I'm in charge of this investigation.

The CIA has no jurisdiction on American soil.

This could very well become an international incident.

Not if you don't get in my way, fancy pants.



I don't get it. There's nothing in the papers.

It's a trap.

They're trying to lull us into a false sense of security, and then bust us when we make a careless move.

We'll never make it to Cloquet's. They're onto us, Luanne.

I can feel it in my... Morgan, that's yesterday's paper.


Nothing like the old sea air to clean out the pipes.

Huh? Right, Angus?

The sun is a little hot. Time to apply the old Ban de Soleil.

Th-There we go.

Oh. A very refreshing, minty fragrance.

Ah, the French. They think of everything.

What's that? The old fog rolling in?

Thick as pea soup? Ha!

Not my pea soup, mind you, but maybe one of those other brands.

Bob, why steal the Star for your boss, Cloquet, and get peanuts for it... when he can turn around and auction it off for millions?

Why not auction it off ourselves?

That way we get millions and each other.

Me and you?

I could take you to places you've never been before.

I've never been to Toronto.

I know a little cozy bed-and-breakfast place in Toronto, but we could skip the breakfast part.

Come on, Angus. We won't let a little fog stop us, huh?

You rotten seagulls!

You con-sarned buzzards, you!

Uncivilized behavior. I'd never do anything like that to you.

I'm gonna have to get this dry-cleaned now.

Blast your...

Ho-ho-ho. I've got a strike.

Well, shiver my timbers! It's a lunker!

Just call me Ishmael.

I-It's Moby Dick!

Why, look at that... Look at...

Look at that, Angus. It's huge.

He was a big one, Angus.

Just look at the size of those, uh, uh, uh, uh, pants.

Well, I'd say we were in the Bermuda Triangle, but we're nowhere near Bermuda.

I'll just play it safe and head for shore. Ha-ha.

Well, Angus, here we are in safe harbor once again.

Well, an escalator to the top.

How swank.

Must be a yacht club.


Angus, where are you, boy?

Well, hello, Angus. Ha-ha. Come on there, fella.

We believe Magoo created a diversion while his accomplices stole the jewel.

But why? Mr. Magoo is a very wealthy man.

Are you sure about that? People do eat a lot more fresh food these days.

Okay, we don't collar Magoo. We put him under surveillance.

But this is absurdity. I'm to be his guest at the opera tonight.

Great! You can be our inside person.

That is, if it's all right with the FBI.

So, Magoo has the Star of Kuristan.

But it was Luanne's fault!

She double-crossed us.

I shouldn't have hired her.

But she's the only one capable of stealing the Star.

How could someone with such beauty... be so treacherous?

I worship all that is beautiful, Morgan.

The greatest sin is to destroy a thing of beauty.

I fear now we must destroy the beautiful Miss Le Seur.

Kill her.

But first, get the stone, all right?

Tomorrow buyers are arriving from all over the world to bid on the ruby.

Schmidt. Gosher. Havzinski.

I hear there's a rumor Ortega Peru might even show.

The Piranha? The king of the underworld?

Oh, Morgan, don't screw this up, hmm?

I'm coming. On my way! Ah!

Hello, sir. Um, oh, Stacey! Yes.

Why, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?

I thought that Waldo was going to pick you up, uh, on the way to the opera.

Well, in my country, the invitee always picks up the inviter.

I'm sure that Waldo would not have it any other way.

Unc, I need to borrow a tie.

Oh, hi, Stacey. Hello, Waldo.

Uh, why don't you, uh, show Stacey the garden before you leave?

It's quiet and, uh, and, uh, peaceful, and, uh, intimate.

I, I, I don't think she'd want to see the...

I'd love to see more of your charming home.

All right. It's, uh... It's right back here.

Oh, thank you.

The smell of rice is in the air.

Love in bloom, if ever I've seen it before.

Angus? Come on, now. How many times... have I told you to stay out of that closet?

Come on in here, boy. Help me with my scales.

It's my uncle's work.


Never have I seen such a plant sculpture.

Topiary's kind of a hobby of his.

And he specializes in the abstract.

Oh, no. That's a bunny rabbit.

Hey, well. What... What is... What is that?

Oh. So you want to play fetch again? Is that it?

Ah, well, it's a dog's life.

Here we go. There it goes.

Your uncle, do you think he needs glasses?

Oh, and how! Just don't try and tell him that.

He will not spend the money? I notice he drives a very old car.

Is his business not healthy?

Oh, no. No. He just loves that old car.

And if Unc loves something, he won't let it go.

Angus! Stop terrorizing the squirrels.

Stupak! Where are you?

Right behind you. Don't turn around.

Just spotted a conspicuous white male.

Dirty clothes, needs a haircut.

Sticks out like a sore thumb. Where is he? Can't see him. Over.

Right behind you. Turn around. Don't turn around.

Walk backwards. What?

Walk backwards.

More! More.

More. Stop.

Where? Look to your left.

I am Rolvaag King of Norway I am...

Uh. Aha. Uh, one minute, please.

Uh, uh, may I help you?

Oh, that voice.

The timbre! The tone!

It belongs to the world, but for the moment it's mine alone.

And I tremble.


Mr. Magoo, I presume? Uh, mm-mmm, yes.

And, uh, you are, um...

Prunella. Prunella Pagliachi, reporter for The Opera News.

Prunella. I knew a young lady once named Prunella.

Mr. Magoo, w-will you consent to an interview?

Well, why not? Uh, uh, back here, uh, tonight, after the show.

Oh. No, I, I wouldn't want to share you with all of your well-wishers.

Oh, well, uh, uh, uh, a private, uh, rendezvous.

Uh, a walk on the beach at, uh, Sandy Cove, uh, shall we say, noon tomorrow?

I'll be there early.

Be wonderful tonight.

Well, uh... Heh-heh-heh.

Great Scott! Uh, did you hear that, Angus?

She doesn't want to share me with anyone.

Is it possible after all these years, another duet at last? Huh?

"O Solo Mio" no more.

Stupak. Stupak! Where are you?

I am Rolvaag king of Norway I am Rolvaag king of Norway Break a leg, Mr. Magoo. Ah, Rumford, yes.

Thank you, uh, Sam.

I am Rolvaag King of Norway Well...

Where am I? Oh, backstage.

Let's go.

Stupak, where are you?

What's going on in there?

I am Rolvaag king of Norway Go out there a nobody, come back a star.

Open the throat, sing from the diaphragm.

And remember, always sit down whenever you can.

That man's got a very big head.

Ah, stage, uh... Stage, uh... Stage left.

I am Rolvaag king of...

Let's see.

Time to warm up for the old fight scene.

Get over there and shut off that fan!

Bravo! Bravo!

I am a crusty lusty Viking That was the note that brought a lump to the judges' throats.

After that, I knew the Van Cliburn award was mine.

Well, the years have not dimmed its beauty.

Oh, thank you. Any, uh, more questions?

Uh, not that I want this interview to end.

Oh, me, too. It's just, just been such a thrill... to hear the story of your life in song, Mr. Magoo, I mean real...

Oh, please, please, please, dear. Call me Quincy.

Quincy, I'm really happy I got this chance to know you.

I'd like to get to know you better.

Ah, Prunella, could this be a new beginning?

Yes, of the end. Of the end?

Uh, the end of loneliness.

The beginning of discovery.

How nice.

This is a very special day, Prunella. Oh, for me, too, Quincy.

Ah, then you know that this is the opening of the carp fishing season?

Of course! Oh! Great Scott!

And I'm so happy we're experiencing it together.

As am I. Eh, together, yes. I learned that the hard way.

When you have something precious, you must keep it in sight all the time.

Something precious, such as, say, a jewel?

Yes, indeed. The most precious jewel of all.

What does this jewel look like?

My jewel is luminous, sparkling. A flaming red...

Ruby? Ruby, yes!

Where do you keep this ruby? Close to my heart.

Oh, Quincy.

Oh, I'm sorry, Quincy, but I, I want you to kiss me.

Oh, well, it's a, uh...

No, b-but not here. Someplace. Someplace private, like a, like a boat.

Do you happen to have a boat?

Well, in two words: "Anchors aweigh."

Ah, ah, Prunella. Uh...

Well, m-my boat is just down here.



Oh, no.

It's Luanne Le Seur. The Black Widow.

She kills all of her male accomplices. No one has ever been able to finger her.

Wow. Whoever brings her in will get a big promotion.

Maybe a book deal. Hey, where're you going?

Nothing like the warm sea air.

Huh? L-Look at that.

The, the fish are jumping and...

Look at that. Isn't that wonderful?

Dear me. Now, Quincy, there's an idea.

Why don't we do some fishing? Where do you keep your tackle box?

Oh, my tackle box is back at the house.

Ah, but this is wonderful. The open sea, it's magnificent.

And so inspirational. Isn't it wonderful?

Oh! Oh!

What? What? What is it? I think I sprained my ankle.

Oh, I'll call the emergency sea rescue.

On, no, no, no, no. I-It'll be okay. I just need to rest it.

Oh, well, you, you come on up front now. Be careful.

Okay. We'll take care of you, and...

Just sit down, and I'll head for the shore.

Oh, could we go to your house? Ah!

Well, I'll put the wheel to the keel and the gas to the mast! Ha-ha!

I am a rusty crusty Viking I hope I'm to your liking


How do I look? Wow!

Waldo, we mustn't.

Well, w-why not? I-Is there someone else?

It's Mr. Magoo. What?

Your government thinks Mr. Magoo stole the Star of Kuristan.


A-And you? Do you think he did it?

Waldo, I need your help.

Hey, we don't have a warrant, so be quick about it or we've both had it.

One, two, three.

Testing. One, two, three. Got it, loud and clear.

Mayday! Mayday! Magoo! He's back.

I'm a lusty crusty Viking I hope I'm to your liking And I'm a Viking woman A lusty, busty charmer Please let me pierce your armor And together we'll find love

Okay. All right. Oh, no. Don't. Put me down.

Here we go. My ankle's fine.

Here we go.

Ah. Well, with a little more practice, I, uh, could pop the question.


Oh, your house is beautiful. Do you mind if I look around?

Look away. Look away.

I'll just put my hat in the closet here, and...

May I make you a cocktail?

Ah, I'm famished. Do you think you could cook us something?

Something hot?

Can I cook?

You may call me "Cordon Bleu" Magoo.

Uh, which way to the little girls' room?

Ah, atop the stairs. Let me light your way.

Ah, ah, your repast awaits you down here, my dove.

Next I want you to put some water on to boil.

And while we're waiting for that, let's clean about, oh, two or three sprigs of parsley.

Water on to boil. Ow!

Next, pat the chicken dry.

Now, take some lemon and rub it on the chicken.

Now, make sure you get the whole chicken. Lift the leg if you have to.

Now, I hope you're not cheating and using bottled lemon juice.

If you are, it just won't taste as good.

Why? Well, no peel appeal. Oh, well.

Angus, there you are, old friend.

Well, I can't play right now.

I don't have any time.

And now, lift both legs high into the air. Left and right. All right, then.

Come on. You can do it. Just one last time, then you take it upstairs. Hmm?

All right. This, I think, will help stretch the muscles.

Come on, don't be a slacker. You can do it.

Lift those legs!

Left and right. Back and forth.

One, and two, and three, and four.

Come on, you can do it. Lift both legs high into the air.

Lift them left and right. And left and right.

Come on, you can do it. Lift those legs high into the air.

And dance!

Come on. Get your rear into gear.

Now, don't stop until you're ready to drop.

Now you're cookin'!

Go get some sandpaper, and sand that sucker smooth.

You don't want any bumps on the surface.

I recommend a medium grade paper because... if you use a sandpaper that's too fine, you're gonna be at it all day.

Now, whatever you do, do not use a metal file... because that will shred the surface to a pulp.

Must be a Chinese recipe to make the chicken tender.

Either that, or it's German.

Use short, light strokes, and watch out for surface abrasions.

Don't rush it. These things take time.


I want him. Magoo is goin' down!

You hear me? What?

Come on!


after you finish drilling, you want to make sure... that you squirt some caulk into those holes. Unc. Here.

There's something very important we need to talk about.

Waldo, Waldo. How did you know? I thought this was my little secret.

Then it's true!

Yes, and a lot of people are in for a big surprise.

Have you gone insane? Yes! Yes, I...

You have gone insane. Insane. Insane with passion.

Their names are even the same: Prunella.

Prunella? Prunella.

Oh, oh, oh, you're talk... You're talking... That's wonderful, Unc.

It's time that you met this glorious thief... who has stolen my heart.

Uh, I'll be right back. Prunella!


Oh, my gosh! He did do it.

Aha! There you are, my Viking princess.

Come. I want you to meet someone.

Not now.

I can't wait any longer, Quincy. I'm gonna ask you once, and only once.

Ah, you're going to propose!

Oh, my precious bonbon.

You read my mind.

You know what I came here for. You know what I want. Give it to me.

Ah, you modern women. You're so direct.


Now what is this? Oh, we've been playing fetch all day with this.

All right, boy, go ahead.

Hold it!

Unc, who is this?

Uh, Waldo Magoo, this is, uh, Prunella Pagliachi.

I'm FBI. That man just stole the Star of Kuristan.

Stole? In this house?

He's heading for the driveway. Get up.

He stole the Studebaker. What?

The eggplant mobile.

What? Watch your head. This way.

Hold it! Stop or I'll shoot.

Stop or I'll shoot! Unc? - Don't worry.

He's not gonna get away.

Get out of the way! Get out of the way!

Unc, there he is. Ah, yeah, all right.

No, over there, over there. I see him. I see him.

He's turning left. Left it is.

He's turning right. Big truck! Big truck!

Hold on! Oh!

He's a crafty fella, taking evasive action. That won't work!

You're not getting away. That's the wrong car.

Wha... He's back there.

Don't worry, my boy. We'll catch him on the turnaround.

Hold on, Angus!

Hey, look out!

Stop! Look out! - Stop!

Don't panic, now. We're only in some kind of tunnel. Ha-ha.

Brakes! Brakes, Unc!

Unc, hit the brake!

Great Scott! Ha! Those speed bumps. I tell ya.

I'll sue this city. Heh-heh.

Uh, Prunella, uh, about the FBI. You were saying?

Yeah, uh, uh, FBI. I, I'm... I'm an undercover agent... for the government.

Does this mean no story in The Opera News?

I'm sorry I had to deceive you.

They think you stole the Star of Kuristan.

That's what I've been trying to tell you. What? They, they what?

That burglar in your house was really a notorious jewel thief... who works for a man named Austin Cloquet.

The bureau has learned that Cloquet plans to sell the jewel... tomorrow at a secret auction up at a ski lodge.

Every billionaire gangster in the world is coming... except the most powerful of them all: Ortega Peru, The Piranha.

No one's ever seen him. He never goes anywhere.

So if we could get someone to impersonate Peru, we could get close to the gem and recover it.

But who?

We lost him right here, and Magoo didn't return home all night.

Why is he always one step ahead of me?

Kenyawa Tambe just charged some tickets to a ski resort.

Yeah, so what?

Kenyawa Tambe is one of Luanne's aliases.

Why didn't you tell me this before? I just found out.

Oh, really? Yeah.

You know, we're supposed to be working as a team here.

You're going around behind my back. If the pressure's too much for you, you can always step aside.

You'll take over! You'll take over! Sirs!

I shall go with you.

No. Young lady, this is strictly a job for professionals.

Then why are the two of you going?

Welcome to the Rockies, gentlemen.

If you'll follow me to the limo, I'll take you to Austin Cloquet.

Who the hell are you?

Ortega Peru. What's it to you?

Mr. Peru never goes anywhere.

That's right. I never go anywhere.

So when I go somewhere, everyone thinks I am nowhere... when I'm really there.

Now, let's put this show on the road.

Uh, sorry. Mr. Peru, uh, this way.

There are no signs.

So you've been staking out my uncle all this time.

Is that right?

That's my job.

And the way you say you feel about him is, is that part of your job, too?

You all right, boy?

You saw this man?

Yeah. He just went up the mountain. Said his name was Ortega Peru.

Magoo is Peru?

Magoo, The Piranha.

This is big.

We're gonna need some backup.

Don't you know how to open a door?

Gentlemen, thank you all for coming.

We're especially honored today to have with us Mr. Ortega Peru.

I was going to kill someone this morning, but I did it last night so that I could be here.

Well, you're too kind.

Well, when you've changed your clothes, these lovely ladies are waiting... to serve you with chilled champagne in the solarium.

Thank you.

Not bad. What do they mean?

Every time I kill a man, I tattoo his portrait on my body.

What do you do when you run out of room? Stop killing people?

Hey, I bet Peru's got some pretty nice tattoos.

You hombres, uh, go on ahead.

I have got to use the, uh, powder room.

Come on!

Let's go!

Champagne? Oh, yes.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you.

Well, now that we're all here, may I have your attention, please.

This is where our little adventure began.

Gentlemen, may I present... the Star of Kuristan.

The auction will commence when you write down your opening bids.

Uh, I do not pass my cash... until I get a close look at the dingus.

Give it to me in my hand.

Mr. Peru?

Your frog is leaking.

Oh. Uh, well.


We have an impostor. Mr. Peru is Mr. Magoo.

Why would Peru disguise himself as Magoo?

Shut up, you idiot, and get him!

Keep your distance! This hepcat has a black belt in mayhem.

Hold it!

Give me the Star of Kuristan.

The Star is mine!


The auction is off. Get out.

Come on, go!

My dear! By gum, you almost had me fooled.

Unc, watch out. She's got a gun.

Of course she has, Waldo! She's a federal agent.

She's not what you think!

Now, Waldo, you're talking about the woman who saved my life.

Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.

Oh-ho, you can't tell me that yesterday meant nothing to you.

I am a Viking A lusty, trusty Viking Yesterday sucked.

And you kissed a carp.

Prunella. Give me the jewel!

Ah, this is all you ever wanted?

You're a true gentleman, and there aren't many of those left.

Too bad you had to go and get in my way.

All right, I got the gun now. Halt or I'll fire!

Don't shoot! It's me! Waldo!

Great Scott! Waldo, she's bamboozled me!

She, she, she, she, she's a, a sneak. Ha! After her!

W-Wait. That'll be easier with your clothes on.

Oh, yeah, clothes. Oh, yes, yes, clothes.

This way.

Police! Let's beat it!

Hold it!

Come on, let's go!

Look out! Freeze!

Hold it! Keep your hands up!

There! Come with me.

Get that man!

Hold it!

You'll just have to wait your turn.

She's over there! Where?


It's too late. It's all over. Balderdash, Waldo!

It ain't over until we've cleared our good name.

Aha-ha! A snowboard.

After her, my boy!

Wait, Unc, no! It's as easy as pie!

That's the wrong kind of board!

Hold it!

Hold on, Angus! Stupak, go after them!

The women's boarder cross final is about to begin.

Ready, set, go!

Get back here, you Jezebel!

I'll catch you, Prunella!

And the winner of the women's boarder cross final is a man!

A man? On an ironing board.


Excuse me. Up there.

Halt! Hold it right there!

Ah, a detour. I'll get you, Prunella!


Watch out!



Unc! Unc!

Are you all right?

Don't take that detour, Waldo!

Stay right there. We'll be right down.

Come on, buddy.

Look! There's some footprints down there!

They went that way! Come on!

This is a good idea, Waldo. Huh. You're the real McCoy.

A true Magoo.

I want Magoo.

Who can imagine? Luanne Le Seur and Mr. Magoo.

Yes, we're talking best-seller.

I can't believe they did it. That's it! That's the title!

Now, we just have to check the airports and search all the hotels... and make sure they don't get away.

Señor Peru.

One moment, my darling. Yes?

The Star of Kuristan is ready for delivery. You have 15 million?

Of course. It will make a fitting gift for my fiancée.

We are to be married this weekend. I'll be there tomorrow.


The Star of Kuristan.

Uh, excuse me.

Do you have a Luanne Le Seur registered here?

I'll be with you in a moment.

If you'd just sign here.

Now, who did you want? Luanneur. Is she registered here?

See, we got an airline late-luggage delivery, but the party's not staying at our hotel, so we're checking.

I see.

What hotel are you with?

The S-St. Paul.

I see.

It says "Fantasyworld Costume Rental."

Haven't they let you out a little before Halloween?

Madam. Oh, thank you, young man.

Have a good afternoon, madam.

Angus. Angus. Now, stop that.

Unc, let's get out of here. He's onto us.

Let go. Angus, no! - Angus?

He's attacking that old lady! Great Scott!

Unhand that woman, Angus.

Let me see.


Hey, lady, you forgot your stuff.

What's that?

It's an airline receipt made out to "Prunella Pagliachi."

Prunella Pagliachi? That woman is an impostor.

Unc, that was Luanne Le Seur. Well, there, you see?

That's why Angus went after her.

Great Scott!

We had her within our grasp, and she slipped through our fingers.

Balls of fire! Oh, good dog, Angus. Good dog.

This receipt is for Brazil. Why would she go to Brazil?

She's going to Peru. She'd go to Brazil to go to Peru?

Exactly. But why?

To get more for the ruby.

Peru? Exactly.

But then why go to Brazil? Peru is in Brazil.

Peru is in Brazil? Yeah. Ortega Peru is in Brazil.

Ortega Peru! Of course.

And that's why we're going to Brazil.

Come on, Waldo.

Unc, I, I think this is the place.

Attaboy, Waldo. Ease up there, Angus.

I like your badge.


I'm going on ahead. You stay here.

I'm gonna eyeball the situation.

Unc, um, m-maybe I should do the eyeballing.


Maybe we should leave out the bit about "till death do us part."

She's nervous enough already. Jefe.

Luanne Le Seur is here, Jefe.

Javier, after Rosita and I go to EruoDisney, have the Le Seur woman killed, but quietly.

If you disturb my guests, I will be very disappointed.

Monkey bars. Must be a children's playground.

Oh! Hello, little girl.

Did I interrupt you in your afternoon nappy?

Now, now, we mustn't let the grownups know that we're here.

Now here's something sweet, a chocolate.

You go ahead. That's it.

Now, you go on back to sleep.

There you are, honey. Now.

You're, you're the ugliest child I've ever seen.

And needs a change of diaper, too.

Oh, oh, Waldo. Hold on.

The little angel is trying to sleep. So, you know...

Oh, where did she go? Kids. Can't sit still for a second.

Ah, well, I think she's run off there... where she can have her chocolate in private.

Now, Waldo, this is the plan.

I will gain entry to the house through a window.

You keep an eye on the lawn party and spot Luanne Le Seur if you can.

Waldo, you need to take some Tic-Tacs.

Unc, it's not me. Please, please. I, I...

I am talking to someone here, Waldo. Now, please.

Now, what you have to do is...

Great Scott!

Step on it, Unc!

Stop! Stop! Go back!

Come on, Angus! Come on!

Aha. Good boy.

Unc, there's Luanne.

All right. Now, I'll nab him.

You keep your eye on Le Suer, but don't forget:

She's smart, dangerous, ruthless, soft, beautiful, a good kisser...

Unc! Huh? Yeah, all right, all right.

Keep your eye open for pitfalls.

How are you?

Señorita Le Seur, at last we meet.

You have the Star? Do you have the 15 million?

It may take them time to count.

Please stay for the wedding. Afterwards, I will have Javier take care of you.

Thank you.

Do it quietly and don't disturb the guests... or I'll be very disappointed.

Kid, are you lost?

I was looking for the pool.

Wow! Oh, it's beautiful. Ooh, pretty, yes?

I'll go get the bridesmaids. Okay.



Time for a little Red Cross here, Magoo. Ha-ha-ha.

Huh. Let me see.

Oh, my dear child!

You should have your dentist file down those teeth.

Rosita? Darling?

Are you with no clothes on?

Is everything all right?

I'm crazy with the love, mí amor.

I will see you soon, my precious flower.

Before we take our sacred vows, precious one, I have a surprise.

So do I! Adios, amor. Nuevo nacho.

It wouldn't last. I've never loved you.

Get him! Out of the way!


Unc, help! Over here!

This is no time for a rope exercise. Unc, that thing's down here.

Oh, good Lord! The rope, Unc, get the rope.

The rope? Magoo!

This is the rope that can save the boy.

Well, all right, let's have at it.

I will exchange the ruby for the rope.

Of course, take it. Take it. But help me with the boy.

You know, I should have you killed, but I admire a family man.

You'll be safe in a minute, Waldo. Ready?

Ready. Good luck.

Hold on there, Waldo.

Helicopter! Magoo has brought police!

It's that way!

Attaboy, Angus. Good boy. Whoa! Whoa!

Higher! Pull! Good, Angus.

Here we are. Police! Don't move. Stay there!

Ortega Peru! He's escaping that way!

No one escapes Magoo.

There goes the bride.

Oh, man! You'd think Peru could've done better than that.

Magoo's dog! Let's get him!

You weren't leaving without me, were you?

There's the getaway limo. Hold your horses!

Unc! Arrest him!

Call the chopper! We have to stop him!

Show me the ruby.

Big nasty woman! Get back!

Thank you. Crime never pays, my boy.

Could you pull over? I'd like to get off.

Ortega Peru, you are under arrest. Land your helicopter now!

Don't panic. We're dropping down a raft.

Swim for the raft.

Hurry up. Swim for the raft.

We are dropping you a line.

You'll have to hook it up to the raft.

Then we will pull you to safety. I say. Got you now, missy.

Stay calm.

Hook it to the raft.

Quincy, please, give me the jewel. You and me together...

Luanne Le Seur, you have the heart of an artichoke.

Stop wasting time! You're headed for a waterfall.

Great Scott!

We're safe now.

It's hooked to the raft. Pull us up.

Well, look at that rainbow, Magoo. You just might be a leprechaun.

La Cascada de Muerte, the Falls of Death, where many a bride left stranded at the altar... has jumped to her final...

Oh, my goodness! Another one! Aye!

Are you all right, dear? W-Well, I'm, I'm all right.

I'm, I'm fine.

Oh, that's the spirit, dear. You'll find someone else.

It's inner beauty that counts.

Words of wisdom, my dear.

Words of wisdom. Ha-ha!

Magoo, you've done it again. Have a good day.


Who are you? What are you doing?

I am Simone Deculaat, the wedding caterer.

Oh, you'll love prison, Simone. They make great "loaf de meat."

Hey, hey, hey, come here. Get a picture.

How's my hair look?

Well done. Very nice.

Thank you.

Waldo, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

What will you do now?

Well, Uncle Quincy just created a new position for me in his company.

You're looking at the head of security.

And now that you have found your path in life, I suppose you would not be willing to return to Kuristan with me.

In a heartbeat.

Well, you don't have to.

I like it here much better.

Wow! Oh, Waldo!

Mr. Magoo. Um, sorry we, uh, put you through all that.

Would you autograph this for us?

By Jove! A-And a very good likeness. of me, too, I must say.

You boys certainly move fast.

The TV movie airs Friday.

Quite right. Quite right. Always keep moving.

Uh, come on, Angus.

Have a good day.

Well, Angus, it looks like it's just you and me now.

Don't take this wrong, but I feel that there's someone out there, the perfect somebody just for me, and someday Cupid is gonna fire into the heart of the bull's-eye.

And this is one steep staircase.

Good exercise for an old dinosaur like me.

Indeed! Oh, by Jupiter!

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!

Oh. Eh, pardon me, madam.

Oh, Magoo, you dog!

B-mark. Come on, now. One and two. One and two.

Higher! One and two. One and two.

Don't stop until you're ready to drop.

Come on, left leg. Keep going. One and two. One and two.



Stick 'em up.

Gimme that!

No. You give it to me. Cut.

Angus, it's a struggle against the beast.

Oh, I really got him. Oh, no. Cut!

Remember, I hire people to kill people.

Cut. L-Let me help you.

Get up there, Billy. Come on, Billy. Come on, boy.

Pee. Go ahead, pee. Come on, pee, boy.

That's it. Pee. Pee. Good boy! Good boy!



Quiet. Action!