Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) Script

OK, I'll go first.

Let me say, we don't really need to be here.

See, we've been married five years. Six.

Five, six years. And this is like a check-up for us.

Chance to poke around the engine, maybe change the oil.

Replace a seal or two. Yeah, that's it.

Very well, then. Let's pop the hood.

On a scale of one to ten, how happy a couple are you?

Eight. Wait.

Ten being perfectly happy and one being totally miserable, or...

Just respond instinctively. OK.



How often do you have sex?

I don't understand the question.

Yeah, I'm lost. Is this a one to ten thing?

But, because, is, like, one very little, or is one nothing? Because...

You know, technically speaking, the zero would be nothing.

How about this week?

Including the weekend? Sure.

Describe how you first met.

It was in Colombia. Bogotá.

Five years ago.


Right. Five or six years ago.

... todas las habitaciones.

Hey. ¿ Qué pasa?

Vamos, muchachos. Registren los elevadores y los escalones.

¿Anda solo?



- ¿Está sola? No.

- No, no, no, no, no. Está bien.

She's with me. Está bien.

Abren. Sus papeles.

I'm Jane.

John. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

To dodging bullets. Dodging bullets.

So it speaks.

But does it dance?

Hiya, stranger.

Hiya back.

I think room service fled.

I did what I could.

Thank you.

Oh, that's good.

I hope so. I had to milk a goat to get it.

Hey, step right up, ladies and gentlemen. Try your luck.

How about you, little lady? Wanna try your luck? Win a prize?

Yeah, all right.

Two. We got two over here.

You know how to hold it? Step right up, have a shot.

Yeah. Yeah?


You gotta aim it. I am.

Don't laugh, I'll kill you.

You didn't blink.

Do we still get something?

Beginner's luck.

I want to go again. Going again.

Where'd you learn to shoot like that?

Beginner's luck.

Stop. Stop, you've only known the girl for six weeks.

I'm in love. She's smart, sexy.

She's uninhibited, spontaneous, complicated. She's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

I knew Gladys two and a half years before I asked her to marry me.

You have to have a foundation of friendship, brother. The other stuff fades.


So you don't think this is all happening a little fast?

You know I never do anything without thinking it through.

What does he do? He's in construction. Big-time contractor.

A server goes down on Wall Street. She's there, anytime, day or night.

She's like Batman for computers.

He's gone as much as I am, so it's perfect.

I give the whole thing six months, tops.


I asked her to marry me.


I'm getting married! What? I can't hear you.

Getting married. I can't hear.

Stop hitting him, he said something crazy. I'm getting married.

Gotta get these filters changed. What did you think of Dr Wexler?

His questions were a bit wishy-washy.

Yeah. Watch your arm. Not the most insightful.

And his office is clear across town.

Well, you know the four o'clock means we hit rush hour. Not crazy about that.

So that's settled then, yeah? OK.


Dinner's at seven.

Yup. I'll be there. Here.

Anybody calls, I'm in with the boss. OK?

Got a call from the man. Big highline assignment, Steve. You know how it is.

Actually, you probably don't. Sweetie?

Could you grab me a coffee? I like it with lots of sugar. Thanks a lot.

Hey there.

And where do you think you're going?

Well, I was... The boss wants to see me.

Well, he sees you.

Look, kid, people who've been working here for 25 years have never seen inside of that elevator.


This is the assignment?

Now get outta here.

Hey, babe. Perfect timing.

It's pissing rain out there.

Gardener left the lawnmower out.

How was work? Ah, so-so.

Oh, I got new curtains.

Did you?


What do you think?

There was a struggle over the material. This tea sandwich of a man, he got his hands on them first.

But I won. Of course you did.

They're a bit green, so we have to reupholster the sofas and get a new rug. Maybe a Persian.

Yeah, or we can just keep the old ones, then we don't have to change a thing.

We talked about this. You remember?

I remember. I remember cos we said we'd wait.

If you don't like 'em, we can take 'em back.

OK. I don't like 'em.

You'll get used to 'em.


Zero per cent APR till March.

So, part two. Here we are.

Only this time, you came back alone. Why did you come back?

I'm not sure, really.

Let me clarify, I love my wife.

I want her to be happy.

I want good things for her.

But there are times...

Honey, would you just... Five more minutes.

There's this huge space between us.

And it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other.

What is that called? Marriage.

What don't you say to each other?

James of the Yukon got three stars.

This looks nice. Did you do something new?


I added peas. Yeah, peas.

Yeah, it's the green.

Sweetheart, will you pass the salt?

It's in the middle of the table.

Is that the middle of the table? Yeah, it's between you and me.

How honest are you with him? Pretty honest.

I mean...

It's not like I lie to him or anything. We just...

I have little secrets. Everybody has secrets.

Jesus! Honey, you scared me.

I'm sorry, hon. I was looking for the...

You going out?

Yes. Some clown crashed a server in a law firm downtown and ended the world, so yes.

We promised the Colemans.

I know. OK.

I'll be there. In and out. Just a quickie.

Probably feels like you're the only people going through this, but there are millions of couples that are experiencing the same problems.

We got a plane in an hour. All right.

Who's Al Gore? "Quotes", 800. Prodded about possible insider trading, she remarked on national television, "I want to focus on my salad." Ryan?

Martha Stewart. Martha Stewart?

"Quotes" for 1000. Regarding Mick Jagger's knighthood, he scoffed, "It's a paltry honour, mate. Hold out for the lordship."

40. All right. I'll match you...

What the hell? What's this shite?

Sorry. Where's the can around here? Chrissake...

Take a... Hey, you guys playing poker?

Private game. Piss off. Could I sit in? You think I could...

What part of "piss off' do you not understand?

Guys... Whoa, be a little friendly. I got the cash...

Easy, big feller.

That's cool, man. You're cool.

Lis... Look, see? You see what I'm saying?

See what I'm saying? Anyone interested?

Nah. Cos I'll clean you out. I understand. Fine.

Listen, I want... Those are really nice shoes, man.


Here's an empty chair. I could sit here... That is Lucky's chair.

Where's Lucky? I don't see Lucky.

Lucky's not back yet. Then I'll sit here.


I'm too hot for you.

Solid silver. Ooh, very sweet.

"To dodging bullets. Love, Jane."

In the pot. Put it in the pot.

Oh, he's pulled something.

You're in trouble now.

$60, eh? In.

Look at the big man over there!

Let's play some poker!

Fives. He's got 14 different tells!

You are bleeding William Tell.

What the hell is this? Sorry, Lucky.

You're done, pal. Thanks for the memories.

Oh, you Lucky? No kidding.

What is it, kid? You looking for ajob or something?

You are the job.

Pair of threes.

Have you been a bad boy? Yes.

You know what happens to bad boys?

They get punished. Ooh, yeah. Punish me.

Have you been selling big guns to bad people?

Mister Racin?

Mister Racin? You OK?

Oh, the Colemans.

He's down!


Hey, hon. Hey, baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.

Yeah, I went to the sports bar. Put some money on the game.

Yeah? How'd you do?

I got lucky.

Welcome, neighbours!

Hi, Susan. Good to see you, John.

There you go. Oh, this is wonderful.

Thank you.

What a lovely dress. Thank you very much. So is yours.

Come on, let's go see the girls. Don't stray too far, guys.

You want a Cuban?

No, I don't smoke.

Clean body, clean soul, Suzy says. Ain't that the truth.

You guys have any vices? Well, you know.

Can I get you a drink? Yes. Chardonnay, please.

Girls? Chardonnay.

Daddy! I'll be up here at the filling station.

- ...stock's getting butchered. Hey, boys. Scotch?

Yes, sir. It's a bloodbath over there.

How'd you make out last quarter? Take a beating?

Actually, I got all my dough buried under the tool shed.

So, Chuck got the promotion. Oh, my God, that is so great.

So excited. We can finally put the addition on the kitchen.

Oh, shoot. Not again.

Shoulda worn a raincoat.

You know what? Would... Can you hold her for a second?

What? No... It's all over the appliqué.

Oh, no, I... No, please, just...



Aw, she likes you.

I liked your dress tonight.

It was nice.

Thank you.

Good morning, Mr Smith. There's trouble in Atlanta again.

That's what I hear. What you got? I've got your boarding pass, taxi receipts...

Get rid of that gum.

You got a tissue? And your hotel bill.

Thanks. Don't lose those. Keep them in the envelope.

We've got the new specs for the dam.

Great, Louie. I'll check those out. Here.

Is Eddie here? The door's unlocked.

Morning, pal. How you doing?

Same old same old. People need killing.

Oh, Johnny.

Little get-together this weekend at my house.

Barbecue, no ladies, dudes only. It's gonna be awesome.

Yeah, I'll talk to the missus.

You want to use my cellphone? Maybe give her a call, in case you decide to scratch your ass or use the head later.

Make sure she thinks it's OK. You live with your mother.

Why bring her into this? She's a first-class lady.

And I don't have to check in with her when I want to do something. She cooks, she cleans.

She makes me snacks. I'm the dumb guy?

John Smith.

Hello, John. Morning, Atlanta.

Quite the body count this week. We have a priority one, so I need your expertise.

The target's name is Benjamin Danz, aka "The Tank".

He's a direct threat to the firm. DIA custody.

They're making a ground-to-air handoff to heli, ten miles north of the Mexican border.

I need you to make sure the target does not change hands.

"The Tank"?

I-Temp technology... Jane Smith confirmed.

Stand by for contact.

Sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation.

You know the competition would love to see us burn. I need you to handle this personally.

Target? Benjamin Danz.

I'm rolling the specs now. We need this quick, clean, and contained.

Yes, sir.

Ladies. Morning.

Morning. Hello, Jane.

Yesterday's op: One kill, one agent in protective custody.

We'll get him out tomorrow. Two cases of G-40s.

The grenade launchers are here. Order more.

All right. Go, Jas.

The target's name is Benjamin Danz, aka "The Tank".

You serious? Yeah.

He's being moved across the border to a federal facility.

The only point of vulnerability is just south of the border.

I want GPS and SAC of the canyon, and the weather report for the last three days.

He'll rendezvous with the helicopter at a deserted airstrip. We've one chance to strike.

Oh, look. More desert.

Are we green? Perimeter is armed. We are up and running.

Red team, red team, this is Broadway Joe. Half-time is approaching.

Copy that, Broadway Joe.

Oh, come on...

You getting this? Affirmative. Is it a threat?

Countdown's initiated. The convoy is not in the zone yet.

An idiot's in the field. He'll blow the charges.


You gotta be kidding me.


Let's get a tune out of this trombone.

Picking up a weapon signature.

Shit. Not a civilian.

Aw, man...


Countdown is initiated.

You should so not be allowed to buy these things.


I think I got ID'd on that hit. You ever been ID'd on a hit?

Not that I'm aware of, no. Right. I'm in trouble.

You get a look at him? Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.

Maybe he's Filipino.

I'm not even sure it was a him.

You saying that you had your ass handed to you by some girl?

I think so. A pro.

Well, it shouldn't be that difficult. I mean, how many chicks are hitters out there?

You guys want any dessert? What do you have, honey?

Ice cream. Delicious. What flavours?

Chocolate and vanilla. I don't like those.

But mixed together, that could be nice, you know what I mean?

And not just the little pink spoon, I like the whole sundae.

That could be arranged. Perfect.

"Could be arranged." You hear that? I'd like to have her kick my ass, know what I mean?

Any other details besides her weight class? Laptop.

Sorry? You're in a whole zone right now...

Laptop. OK, laptop.

I want to know who that bitch is. Get me that tape.

Jane. Get me that tape.

What? It's Father.

The FBI secured the package. The window's closed, sir.

I told you we couldn't afford mistakes. There was another player.

We do not leave witnesses. If this player ID'd you... You know the rules.

You have 48 hours to clean the scene, Jane.

Looking forward to it, sir.

All right, we have a new target. Let's find out who he is.

Jesus... What did you do to it?

Put a campfire out with it?

Buy a new one.

This one has sentimental value for its owner.

Who's that? Well, Gwen, I'm just hoping you can tell me.

So, why you gotta know so bad, anyway?

You know, just trying to return some lost property.

Hey, Phil. Hey, John.

You a vegan? No.

My girlfriend is.

Here we go.

Upgraded RAM module.

Chip's Chinese.

Imported by Dynamix. Retailed by...

You know, I might be able to get you a billing address.

All right? No name, just an address.

570 Lexington Avenue, Suite 5003.

New York.

You know the place?

Sweet Jesus! Mother of God...

Why don't you both go make some coffee?

Jane, it's your husband.

He's back from Atlanta and he wants to know about dinner.

Tell him... Dinner's at seven.

Hi, John. Yeah, she says dinner's at seven.

It always is.

Perfect timing.

As always.

This is a nice surprise. I hope so.

You're home early. I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Shall we? Yes.

Thought these were for special occasions. This is a special occasion.

Pot roast. My favourite.

Allow me, sweetheart.

Been on your feet all day.

Thank you.


So how's work?

Actually, we had a little trouble with a commission.

Is that right? Yeah.

Double booking with another firm.

Green beans? No, thank you.

You'll have some.

Well, I hope everything worked out OK.

It hasn't yet.

But it will.

Pot roast is my favourite.

Sweetheart, could you pass the salt?

Tried something new?

How was Atlanta?

Had a few problems ourselves. Some figures didn't add up.

Big deal? Life or death. Wine?

I got it. I'll get a towel.





How could I be so stupid?



Oh, dear God...

Wait. No, no. Accident.

Honey? Accident.

Jane, stop the car, now.


You're overreacting.

Let's not get carried away.

We don't want to go to sleep angry. We can talk this out.


Pull over.

Pull over! Pull over!

Now, look...

We need to talk!

OK, I'm coming. Who is it? Open up.

What the hell happened to you? My wife.

She tried to kill me. Yes. And you know what?

Gladys tried to kill me. Not with a car. At least Jane was a man about it.

But they all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly. And then, wham! They hurt you.

You know how hurt I used to be? I used to beat myself up. Now I'm great.

I got dates all the time. I just woke up from a thing, I'm in my robe.

You live with your mom. I choose to.

Because that's the only woman I've ever trusted.

It's unbelievable. Look, I know exactly what you're thinking.

If she lied about that, what else has she lied about?

I mean, herjob is a spy, to get information from people.

French Riviera. A yacht. An Iranian prince.

She's supposed to get close to him and gain his trust. It's disgusting.

What? What are you saying?

What? Your husband is the shooter?

That's impossible.


This was probably planned from the beginning. Operation Stakeout Johnny.

A six-year stakeout to get information from you. Mission accomplished.


Here's the upside.

You don't love him. No.

You'll kill him, and nobody's better at that than you are.

Thank you. And then it'll be over.

Lookit, I know you're embarrassed, but it's Eddie you're talking to.

The guys we work with, they don't know, I'm never gonna tell 'em.

The people she works with probably got a big laugh over this, but that's not important.

Lookit, it's like 150 pages of a book have been written.

In the first 150 pages, Johnny's been a clown.

Well, you can write the last ten pages. You been smoked, but you can write the last ten.

Great talk, man. We should do it more often. It was great, I'm proud of you.

I'm gonna borrow this. I like where your head's at, man.

I'll do it in the morning. Yeah.

You OK? Yeah.

OK. Good night. Night.

You don't love him.

Night, Johnny. Night, Eddie.

Good night, Mom.

OK, girls. Let's go.

Pocket litter, receipts, matchbooks. You know the drill.

This is nice. Who picked this out?

What is this? It looks like your wedding.

I know what it is. What are you doing? Research on the target.

This room is wrapped. Thank you. have and to hold, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

I promise.

I, John, take you, Jane, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to h...

What's going on, Mrs Smith?

Garden party, girls.

Howdy, neighbour.

Wow. I can't believe I've never been in here before. This is great.

Start with the living room. Oh, yeah.

I love the floors. What are they, teak? Red oak, Martin. Red oak.

And you won the Golf Masters trophy this year.

Again. Again. That'll be on your mantel next year.


Target profile is our main priority.

Utilise all means necessary.

Phone taps. Credit cards. Audio scan civilian frequencies.

With what, Jane?

You've reached the Smiths. We can't take your call, but leave a message after the tone and we'll get back to you.

And search the database. For what? John Smith?

Find him. Jane?


I think I found him. Where?


Heat sensor breach in the perimeter.

Commence scanning all floors.

I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.

Well, you are still Mrs Smith. Well, so are a lot of girls.

Careful. I can push the button any time, anywhere.

Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

Last warning. You need to disappear.

No. Now.

D sector clear.

You expect me to roll over and play dead? Should be used to it after five years.

Six. And I'm not leaving. E sector clear.

Anywhere, any time.

Intruder detected.

Evacuate plan C. Evacuation in progress.

Evacuation in progress.

Evacuation in progress.

Evacuation in progress.



You tell me you had a shot at her and you didn't take it?

We got all this stuff here, and you're trying to tell me you couldn't take her out?

Well, now she's a problem for both of us. Now my house is priority one.

Just gimme a hand, will you?

You're driving me crazy with the tongs and the furnace. You're like an insane man.

All right, they gave you 48 hours. What we got left here?

23? 22? 18 and change.

18 hours until they close the book on you? Eddie?

Mom, we're on high alert here! I almost killed you right then.

You do not even realise! Never mind.

I am so done playing games with this broad.

You gotta take her out head-on. Don't tell me how to handle my wife.

She's not your wife, she's the enemy. She could be outside now!


Got it.

Now we're talking. Only question is, how much is it to buy a vowel?

Blackbow Realty. Hi, I'm from I-Temp.

Great! How's our new penthouse working out?

Well, just fine, thank you for asking.

This is security. There's a problem with your elevator, sir.

Do you want an engineer to come see what the problem is?

Take your time, I'm really quite comfortable.

Are you really comfortable?


Is that you, sweetheart?

First and last warning, John. Get out of town.

You know I'm not going anywhere.

Well, so you say. But right now, you're trapped in a steel box hanging 70 floors over nothing but air.

Oh, so this is a trap? He's in car three.

It's never gonna work, honey.

It's never gonna work, because you constantly underestimate me.

Do I? You have no idea who I am.

You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Well, back at you, baby. Let me guess...

Shaped charge on the counterbalance cable, two on the primary and secondary brakes?


He found them. Yes, thank you.

Did you also get the base charge on the principle cable?

Promise to leave town, or I'll blow it.

OK. I give up.

Blow it.

What? Go on, blow it.

You think I won't? I think you won't.


Five, four...

Any last words? The new curtains are hideous.

Goodbye, John.

What the hell was that? What? You said goodbye.

The gas! Cut off the gas!



Thought of a number of lines for this moment.

"Thought I'd just drop in." "Hey, doll, thanks for giving me the shaft."

Nice. So what did you decide?

I want a divorce.

I like it. You proposed to me here, so it has agreeable symmetry.

Coat, sir?

May I sit? No.

Champagne? No, champagne's for celebrating.

I'll have a martini. I'm fine, thank you.

So what do you want, John?

We have an unusual problem, Jane.

You obviously want me dead. And I'm less and less concerned of your wellbeing.

So what do we do?

Do we shoot it out here? Hope for the best?

Well, that would be a shame, because they'd probably ask me to leave once you're dead.

Dance with me.

You don't dance. That was just part of my cover, sweetheart.

Was sloth part of it too?

Think this'll have a happy ending?

Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.


Not for years.

It's all John, sweetheart.

Why is it you think we failed? Cos we were leading separate lives?

Or was it all the lying that did us in?

I have a theory. Newly formed.

I'm breathless to hear it. You killed us.


You approached our marriage like ajob, to be reconned, planned and executed.

And you avoided it.

What do you care, if I was just a cover?

Well, who said you were just a cover?

Wasn't I? Wasn't I?

I have to... Excuse me.

No exits up there, Jane.

Be cold, John. She's a liar.

Be super cold.

Come on, madam, this way.

Do you know that you're ticking?

Get back!

Limo, sir?

Jane Smith.

That's the second time you tried to kill me. It was just a little bomb.

I'm going home to burn everything I ever bought you.

I'll race you there, baby.

You there yet?

First time we met, what was your first thought?

You tell me.

I thought...

I thought you looked like Christmas morning.

I don't know how else to say it.

And why are you telling me this now?

Guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning.

So there it is. I thought you should know.

So how about it, Jane? Hm?

I thought...

I thought that you were the most beautiful mark I'd ever seen.

So it was all business, yeah? All business.

From the go. Cold, hard math.

Thank you. That's what I needed to know.


Hey, John.

Hey, Bill.

Are you all right? Yeah.


Uh, by the way, John, your car is hanging out over the sidewalk here.

Yeah, thanks, Bill. OK. Have a good night.

Good night.



You still alive, baby?

Your aim's as bad as your cooking, sweetheart.

And that's saying something.

Come on, honey.

Come to Daddy.

Who's your daddy now?

Can't do it.

Don't! Come on.

Come on!

You want it?

It's yours.

Hi, stranger.

Hiya back.

Yeah? Everything OK? We heard an awful ruckus.

No, everything's fine here. Yeah, it's great. So you guys are fine?

Yeah, couldn't be better.

Nice. You guys are...

Suzy, Martin. Have a nice night.

Looks like you're redecorating, it's very... Yeah. Shame about the red oak...

Five more minutes, Mom...

Tempting. But I don't get out of bed for less than half a million dollars.

That left of yours... A thing of beauty. You take it well.

Thank you.

That vacation in Aspen?

You left early. Why?

Jean-Luc Gaspard. Oh, God!

Yeah. I wanted him.

Forget it.

You didn't hear me that night the chopper dropped me off for our anniversary dinner.

No. No?

Percussion grenades. I was partially deaf that night.

I'm slightly colour blind.

Retinal scarring. I can't feel anything in these three fingers.

Three ribs. Broken eye socket. Perforated eardrum.

You ever have trouble sleeping after?

Nope. Yeah, me neither.

Go, go, go. Look out.

Move it.


I was given 48 hours to take you out.


Jesus, where's the trust?

What do you expect?

Why do I get the girl gun?

Are you kidding me? No.

We need a car.


Guy's had my barbecue set for months.

I was never in the Peace Corps. What?

I really liked that about you.

Maybe this honesty thing isn't such a good idea.

I didn't go to MIT. Really?

Notre Dame. Art History major.

Art? History.

It's reputable. OK.

Fuckers get younger every year.

I have to tell you, I never really liked your cooking.

It's not your gift.

Baby, I've never cooked a day in my life.

I-Temp girls cooked.

Web of lies!

I don't know how you do it Making love Out of nothing at all Making love...

I like it. Deal with it.

We got company. What?


Baby, hold steady now! It's called evasive driving, sweetheart.

Hold still.

This thing's all over the place. How do you drive these things?


Honey, let me drive. I got it.

Move over. Move.

I'm the suburban housewife, sweetheart.

You move. Fine. Go.

Go. Go.

They're bulletproof.

They're bulletproof!

I think I should probably tell you.

I was married once before.

What is wrong with you? You're what's wrong with me.

It was a drunken Vegas thing. That's better. That's much better. Great.

Stop it.

Go, go, go!

Her name and social security number? No, you're not gonna kill her.

These doors are handy.

You know, sweetheart, you're being a bit hypocritical.

It's not like you're some beacon of truth.

John, my parents...

They died when I was five. I'm an orphan.

Who was that kindly fellow who gave you away at our wedding?

Paid actor.

I said I saw your dad on Fantasy Island.

I know.

I don't even want to talk about it.

You got it? Got it.

Any time. I got it.

We're gonna have to redo every conversation we've ever had.

I'm Jewish.

Can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.

Disgusting. How could you serve this?

Ma'am, is it possible to get this reheated? Miss? Miss, I'm talking to you. Excuse me?

Jesus, Johnny.

Good morning, Eddie. Morning.

It's good to see you're OK.

Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.

This lying bitch?

Guess it was just wishful thinking.

I'm sorry. Eddie.

Nice to see you, Jane. Eddie. Eddie! Focus. We got problems.

Problems? Crack addicts got problems, my friend. You two are smoked.

Maybe. Maybe?

You got the entire agency gunning for you. Probably her agency, too.

And what about you? Where you at? Me? Where am I at?

I find myself dragging my feet this morning.

I think you owe me a little money, anyway.

So what do... We don't understand each other.

But I don't need those looks, OK? I been in his life a long time.

Focus, Eddie, focus. A long time.

I'm pissed off. They blew up my house, they shot at my wife. My own company.

If she works for who the street says that she works for...'re Macy's and Gimbel's. Then she would be the WE channel, and you would be...

Whatever channel competes against the WE channel. Know what I'm saying?

The point is simple. Once you guys get off the reservation, that's it.

Then you're off the reservation. Eddie, how bad?

How bad is it?

You remember Canada.

Kids' stuff next to this. That was you?

Is that a turn-on? Didn't she try to kill you with a car?

A good friend stays out of it. This is the facts.

If you two separate from each other, you got a shot. Not a great shot, Johnny, but a shot.

You two stay together, you're dead.

Unless you can find something they want more than they want you.

Found him. He's being held in sub-basement D of the federal courthouse.

High security, motion and thermal. Power's on the city grid.

This is as far as we go, Jane.

Right. Thanks for everything. Good luck, baby.

...and this north-westerly blow coming down from the middle of the country...

Do you guys mind changing the channel? is moving in now...

Nick? Would you please get off your fat ass and change the channel?

- I know it's tough. Thank you. ...tomorrow, that's going to make things...

30 second window. I cut the power, you grab the kid. Simple and clean. Got it?

Got it.

Tell me, how many?

Does it matter?

Should I go first? OK.

I don't exactly keep count, but...

I would say...

High 50s, low 60s.

I've been around the block, but the important thing is...



How? Some were two at a time.

Honey? I'm...

You monitoring the perimeter? I checked the perimeter.

What about the police bands? I'm on the police bands.

Connected... This is not my first time.

Think we've established that.

All right.

Turn left.

Left, John.


You don't need to talk to me like that. OK? Be nice.

Left, please. I can't go left.

See? There is no left. Look.

I have straight, or back the way I came.

There's no left. Which way do you want?

Just stay there and wait for my mark. See what I'm sitting in?

You see that?

Take your time. Yeah, all right! Stay.

Stay there, wait for my mark. I'll find it.

Wait for my mark.

Almost there. I don't know what happened. Just hold on.

John, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Cut the lights on my signal.

Now. Kill the lights.

Jane, kill the lights. What's that?

Where? Turn 'em back on! Idiot!

Here they come. Uncuff me.

Turn 'em back on. Turn 'em back on!

Turn 'em back on! All right!

Give me the light! Shut up!

Nick! Shut up.

Give me a gun. Nick, give me a gun!

Zip it!

This guy's a wily one.

You didn't wait for my signal. I improvised.

You deviated from the plan. Plan was flawed.

The plan was not flawed. Anal.

Organised. Jane, 90 per cent of this job is instinct.

Your instincts set off the alarms. And got the job done. Not The Jane Show...

No, it was The John Show. Half-assed. Like Christmas, our anniversary, the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.

Your fake mother's birthday. You are always the first to break team.

You don't want a team, you want a servant for hire.

I want someone I can count on.

Jane, there's no air around you any more. OK, what is that supposed to mean?

It means there's no room for mistakes, no mistakes whatsoever. No spontaneity.

Who can answer to that? Well, you don't have to.

Cos this isn't even a real marriage.

Who are you people? Shut up!

OK. So, now I realise you witnessed the missus and I working through some domestic issues.

That's regrettable.

But don't take that as a sign of weakness. That would be a mistake.

Now, tell us what you know.

Why do both our bosses want you dead?

You underst... Honey.


Wrap it up.

Maybe it's not a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage.

Sends a mixed message.



OK. Where was I?

A mistake on your part. Shut up. Options.

I'm gonna lay out your options for you, OK? Option A...

If I could... Shut up.

Option A. You talk, we listen, no pain.

Option B. You don't talk.

I remove your thumbs with my pliers. It will hurt.

Option C.

I like to vary the details a bit, but the punch line is, you die.

Benjamin? We're impatient people, Benjamin.

Can I get a soda? Or ajuice, or some...

A, option A!

Ow, that hurt! OK, that was a nice shot.

What's... You got a spasm?

I'm tied up. Why don't you check my back pocket?

I'm not the target. You are. Both of you.

They found out you're married, so they teamed up and sent you to the same hit.

It was ajoint task force, both companies.

Two competing agents living under the same roof? It's bad for business.

They wanted you to take each other out. You were bait.

Well, it's entry level. Toehold into the company.

Couple hits, they bump me up to a desk. It's pretty cool, actually.

You keep the photo in your pocket? Was I supposed to frame it?

You get rid of it. You burn it. Tradecraft 101.

Guess I skipped that day. I guess you skipped the day about not marrying the enemy.

You were bait or you are bait?

Belt! Belt, belt, dude.

Two minutes.

One minute.

A little help? Clear.


My way out is a boat standing by in La Paz.

Cargo drop, Atlas Mountains. So what?

So at least apart we know what the odds are.

Let's just call this what it is.

And what it isn't.

All right, so it's a crap marriage.

All right, I'm a mess, you're a disaster.

We're both liars.

But you run, you'll always be running.

I say we stay and fight.

We finish this thing.

Then if you want to go, you can go.

Well, thank you.

What? "Let's call this what it is." Jesus Christ...

Stop... Don't.

This is a really good store.

See you in the next life, Jane. Likewise, John.


We'll talk about this later.


I didn't touch a thing. Yes, you did.

Sorry about the knife in the... I don't want to talk about it.

I'll fly. I'll be bait.

I'm going clockwise. Watch my six.

Go! Move!

How's it look?

It's a piece of cake.

Watch these, they tend to jam.

So watch 'em.

You favour your left, sweetheart, so I'll cover right.

Damn, that boat in La Paz is looking pretty good right now, isn't it?

Well, it rains a lot this time of year.

There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here, with you.

Shut up.

I'm interested in the progress you've made in the last few weeks.

Doing all right, aren't we? I'm not gonna lie to you, there were times when I wanted to...

- ...kill her, but... Likewise.

Couldn't take the shot. That's a good sign.

Who'd have thought? You have to battle through.

That's marriage, right? Yeah. Take your best shot, and...

Oh, we redid the house. We did. Yes, we did.

You know there will always be challenges? Threats out there?


But you can handle it together.

So far. Yes, we can... So far?

What is that?

I'm leaving room for the unknown. So far.

And do you feel your relationship styles are more conducive to this...

Ask us the sex question.


Well, that...


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