Mr. North (1988) Script

"There was a table set out under a tree in the front of the house, "and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it.

"A dormouse was sitting between them fast asleep, "and the other two were using it as a cushion, "resting their elbows on it and talking over its head."

George, don't do that.

"'Very uncomfortable for the dormouse,' thought Alice."

"'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter."

You skipped something, didn't you?

It never occurred to me that anyone was listening.

You're being paid to read to us, you know, not to skip.

"'You should learn not to make personal remarks,'

"Alice said with some severity. 'It's very rude.'"

George, please, don't do that.

Why is Lucifer making that noise?

He's practicing for school.

Tell me after you've swallowed.

He's practicing for his school band.

And, anyway, his name is Luther.

Is he the drummer?

He's trying out. He tried out last year and the year before that, but they said he wasn't ready yet.

It does seem fiendishly complicated, doesn't it?

George.

My name's not George.

Well, what is it, then?

For me to know and you to find out.

Well, whatever it is, please don't stand on my foot.

That hurt.

Good.

"'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, "turning to Alice again.

"'No, I give it up,' Alice replied. 'What's the answer?'"

You're skipping again.

I beg your pardon?

You're skipping again.

I'm going to report you to Mama and see that she cuts your fee in half because you're only reading half the book.

What's more, I'm gonna sic our dog on you when you leave

'cause he hates people on bicycles.

You're a hateful, ugly, horrible man.

You shouldn't be allowed.

You're quite right.

I shouldn't be allowed.

Ow! Nadia! Nadia, he kicked me!

Mama! Mama!

He hurt Nadia!

He's electric! He's electric!

What's going on here?

What...

Madam, may I suggest that you encourage your children to play with matches.

Mama, he kicked Joseph.

He wasn't even reading the book right.

He's not doing his job.

He shocked me.

MRS. DENBY: He shocked you?


Yes?

Good morning. I'm Theophilus North.

Mrs. Baily-Lewis is expecting me.

In general, sir, this door is not used in the morning.

You'll find the garden door around the corner of the house to your left.

Please tell Mrs. Baily-Lewis I'm here.

Our appointment was for 10:00.

It's exactly that hour now.

I repeat, sir, this door is not generally used at this hour.

Kindly take your bicycle around to...

Did you hear what I said?

Oh.

Ah, there we go.

Could you take those? Thank you so much.

Are you deaf or insane or both?

I distinctly told you to go around to the garden door.

Get back to work! All of you! At once!

Jenkins, there's silver to polish.

Margaret, tend to the flowers.

And, Sally, will you stop that giggling?

Get out of here.

Take your rubbish and go...

SARAH: Who is this person, Willis?

Theophilus North, madam.

I am Sarah Baily-Lewis.

It's all right, Willis.

I was expecting Mr. North.

Thank you, madam.

This does not concern you, Persis Bosworth-Tennyson.

This does not concern any of you.

You, too, Dora.

Get back to your chores.

Yes, ma'am, but it's not Dora. It's Sarah, same as you.

Sarah, same as me. You impudent child.

You are not the same as me, and don't ever forget it.

Try to rise above your station in this house, missy, and you'll find yourself back in the Ould Sod, emptying chamber pots and doing twice the amount of work for a quarter of the amount you get paid here.

This way, Mr. North.

Take a seat, please, Mr. North.

Thank you, but I prefer to stand.

Just as you wish.

Good morning, Sarah.

♪ You take the high road

♪ And I'll take the low

♪ You take the high road

♪ And I'll take Good morning, Dr. McPherson.

And how's my father today?

As well as can be expected, Sarah.

I hope he's not losing any ground.

No, no, he's holding his own.

We're holding his own, Angus.

Oh, yes, of course. My medicine and your tender loving care.

You'll look in tomorrow?

Yes, of course, Sarah.

Good morning.

Good morning, Dr. McPherson.

Mr. North?

Yes, ma'am.

As I told you on the telephone, I wish you to read to my father.

Yes, ma'am.

My father is 71 years old.

He needs the solace of hearing the good book.

He is a very sick man, Mr. North.

I see.

Your advertisement said you charge $2 an hour.

That's correct.

How long would it take?

King James version?

Of course.

Let's see. It's about 1,200 pages.

I'd say 80 hours.

That would be $160.

Yes, ma'am.

It's an exorbitant price, Mr. North.

Perhaps you could find your way clear to a more reasonable figure.

Let's see. I could read the Old Testament in Hebrew.

Think of it. Your father would be hearing God's words as he dictated them to Moses and the prophets.

My father doesn't understand a word of Hebrew.

What does it matter?

The point is there are no vowels in Hebrew.

It would reduce my reading time by perhaps as much as seven hours.

Mr. North...

That's not good enough?

Let me add another incentive.

With your agreement, I'll throw in the New Testament in Greek.

Throw in?

Yes, it would reduce my price by another $20.

Mr. North, you're being absurd.

Not at all, madam.

You gave me to understand that your interest was in speed, not intelligibility, in which case I'll tell you what else I can do.

I'm gonna read the Sermon on the Mount in exactly 4 minutes and 51 seconds.

Now, if I go one second over that mark, I will absolutely, positively knock another $5 off this rock-bottom price.

This is blasphemy, Mr. North.

I think you'd better leave this house at once.

Shall we say an even $130? No questions asked.

Mr. North... You'd better go, Mr. North.

Kindly leave this house at once, Mr. North!

JAMES: Sarah, send that young man in here now.

Yes, Father.

Good morning.

JAMES: Come in. Come in.

I'm James McHenry Bosworth.

Theophilus North, sir.

Sarah wants to save my soul.

She thinks I'm an infidel because I won't go to church and listen to some nincompoop flannel on about what's sinful and what isn't.

The fact is, she's waiting, hoping that I'll kick the bucket so that she can inherit.

But reading the bible to me at cut rates tells the whole story.

Now, all this is strictly confidential, of course.

Of course.Please.

You don't look like a man who's read the bible in the original Hebrew.

I haven't.

You lied.

Admittedly, but I can read you Plotinus in Latin, Descartes in French, Schopenhauer in German.

But no Hebrew.No.

Greek?No.

It's just as well. I wouldn't be able to understand you anyway.

Who are you, Theophilus North?

What do you mean, sir?

Where do you come from?

I grew up in the Midwest, sir.

My father owns and edits a newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin.

A Yale man, huh?

Yes.

I'm Harvard, class of '76, myself.

Go on.

After college, I spent four and a half uneventful years teaching at a boys' school.

The sameness of it all, the safety, began to feel like a prison, so I left.

Now you want to experience life.

I want to be a free man.

Why Newport? Why not Paris, Tibet?

Kismet, sir.

Ah, the hand of fate.

What are your plans?

To find employment, sir, if I can.

No, I mean the future.

I have a number of ambitions, sir.

Well, what are they, besides being a free man?

At various times, I thought I'd like to be a detective.

Oh?

And an actor.

And a rascal.

I mean, rascal in the sense of the Spanish word "picaro,"sir, a man who lives by his wits, light of foot, purse and baggage.

An adventurer.

Exactly.

I notice you haven't mentioned doctor, lawyer or banker in your list.

No, sir.

But once I did resolve to be a saint.

Indeed?It was when I was 12 or so.

I saw myself as a missionary among the heathens.

The idea was to live an exemplary life, perhaps even rise to the crown of martyrdom.

We're all shaped by the promises of our imagination.

You're not the first whose future was foretold in childish dreams.

Such matters aside, do I have a job, Mr. Bosworth?

You want it?

Yes.

Two hours a day, three days a week.

Shake on it?

What was that?

Oh, it's... It's nothing, sir.

What?

Well, sir, it's my body.

I have an extraordinary capacity for building up electrical charges.

Sometimes, when I touch people, I shock them.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Oh, no, sir.

It seems I'm a walking tesla coil.

Most unusual.

Yeah.

How do you stand on Berkely?

Bishop George Berkely?

Anglo-Irish philosopher, 1685-1753?

I have a particular affinity for him, sir.

A most unusual young man.


It's all yours.

MAN ON RADIO: This is WNRI. The voice of Newport, Rhode Island.


There you go.

Thanks, cully.

How about I stand you a jar?

That would be great.

Mr. Mulligan, might we talk you out of a real beer?

The occasion would seem to call for it, prohibition notwithstanding.

Right, cully?

Right.

Well...

You're new in town, eh, cully?

I just got here a couple of days ago.

Anything special bring you this way?

No, just happenstance.

Hey, you one of them, uh, gigolos, huh?

What?

You know, them dancing partners with ambitions?

Or maybe one of them yellow journalists, always digging around to find out what goes on in the big houses.

Yeah, you know, "Duke's daughter found in opium den. Read all about it."

You have a copy of this week's paper?

I don't know if this will relieve your worries or exacerbate them, but...

Here it is.

"T. Theophilus North.

"Yale, 1920..."

ALL: Oh!A college boy.

Shh. Quiet, gentlemen, please.

Uh, "Master at Raritan School in New Jersey, 1920-1926.

"Tutoring for school and college examinations

"in English, French, German, Latin and algebra."

French, German, algebra?

Well, cully... I mean, Mr. T. Theophilus North, perhaps we owe you an apology.

A number of types come to Newport, suspicious types that we don't like to see too much of.

Henry Simmons here.

Hello, Henry.

ALL: Cheers.

Cheers.

I'm from London, myself. Never went to school after I was 12.

Got work as a bootblack, swept the barbershop for tuppence extra.

Moved up to domestic service.

A gentlemen's gentleman I am now.

He's head man at the Venable cottage.

Plus he's senior man at Amelia Cranston's boarding establishment, where all the best help live.

You can't get no higher than that, cully, senior man at Amelia Cranston's.

One, two, three, four. Follow me now, and here we go.

One, two, three, four. Everybody backwards.

And forward now.

Here we go. Everybody roll.

Stand up again, and down to the court we go.

Make a left here, and line up on the line.

One, two, three, four. And to a halt.

Very good. Now, today, we'll learn how to play at the net.

Mr. North, if it rains, can you tell me a story instead?

Yes, The Necklace by De Maup...

NORTH: De Maupassant, Eloise.

Yeah.

No, there's not a cloud in the sky. Nice try there, Johnny.

Then, please, afterwards, a story.

Yeah, please. Come on. Tell us a story.

A story, please? Please, Mr. North.

Well, well, we'll see. We'll see.

Come on. Please?

We'll see. If you're very good, maybe.

All right, now we have to first learn the blocking shot.

You're at the net, right foot forward, left foot back.

Right arm in a forehand grip.

Elbow bent.

You can use your left arm for balance.

Okay?

That's good. Bend your knees.

Bend your knees. Keep your weight on your toes, right on your toes.

That's good. Very good, Johnny.Thanks.

This right, Mr. North?

Uh, not quite, Ada.

Let's try it again.

This time, Ada, you be the model, all right?

All right, Ada, now put your right foot forward.

This one?That's right.

Hold your racket out in front of you. There you go.

Bend your elbow. Bend your knee.

That's good. Now you can move your hand here.

Ah! I got a shock. You gave me a shock.

Oh, I'm sorry.

He has electric hands.

Really?

Really. Honest.

Can I have a shock, too, Mr. North, please?

You really want one?

Yes, please.

Okay.

Oh!

I want to have a shock, Mr. North, please?All right.

Please?

Me, Mr. North, please.Holy moley!

Can I have a turn?

Okay, wait a minute. One at a time.

Do it to me.Do it now!

I want a shock.

Here, touch me!

Oh, that is magic!

NORTH: That was... Help!

CHILDREN: Do me! Do me!

This is for you.

Thank you, Henry.

Best chowder in the world, Mino.

Oh, thank you, Henry.

Hey, cully.

Is that you?

Hello, Henry.

What are you doing here?

I'm working here.

I thought you were a college boy.

Well, I'm a broke college boy, Henry.

My night at the billiard parlor kind of left me busted.

Well, you should have let on, cully. Here.

Oh, no, thanks, Henry. Really.

Take it.No, no, Henry.

As long as I work here, I can eat here. Right, Mino?

Right. Son of a bitch eats like six fishermen, Henry.

Thanks anyway, Henry.

You sure, cully?

Yes, Henry, really. Anyway, tomorrow I'm due to get paid from a couple of places I've been working.

Now, the rich don't necessarily pay prompt, cully.

I know, Henry, but I'll be all right.

You mind if I tell you a thing or two about Newport.

Here, sit down a minute. Mino don't mind.

All right.

Now, look, I just paid Rosa there 10 cents for a bowl of the best fish chowder I ever had.

Up there on Bellevue Avenue they call it bouillabaisse and get five bucks for it.

It's like that here, cully.

Dress things up a bit, and that crowd don't mind the cost.

Filet de boeuf roti avec des pommes de terre, monsieur?

Roast beef and mash, right?

Simplest stuff in the world, but fancy it up a bit, speaking frog, and you got something special.

Learn to play the game. You'll be the toast of the town.

Can you keep a secret, cully?

You promise not to tell a soul ever?

Cross your heart?

I was born in Chicago, not London.

I was a bootblack, all right, but I was shining shoes on Michigan Avenue when I was 12, not Piccadilly.

Picked up the limey talk when I was a colonel's aide with the Rainbow Division while they were fighting the Kaiser.

Had a plan.

Went to France, learned a little Francaisin Paris, studied all the menus on the Champs Elysees, wines...

Chateau LaFitte, monsieur?

Uppin' my ante in the job market is what I was doin'.

They eat it up out there on Bellevue Avenue, just like they eat up escargots.

Nobody can sell snails, but call it escargots, and you got the hottest treat in town.

Same with butlers.

They pay three times the price for me if I'm English.

An English butler has more je ne sais quoi than an American.

You want to eat today, kid?

Sure do, Mino.

Wash.

Yes, sir.

Use your assets.

Yes. Thank you, Henry. You made my day.

Let me make your evening, too.

Come up to Amelia Cranston's tonight when you finish up here.

There's a few up there who'd like to meet you.

All right. Thanks.

So you're the one that gave those wretched Denby children what for.

Bravo, Mr. North. Bravo.

The applause is well deserved.

Thank you, madam, but I don't know how everybody knows.

Bush telegraph, cully.

There isn't much we servants miss, Mr. North.

Here we are.Thank you.

Be careful, cully. It's not weak.

And it isn't peppermint.

Ah! It certainly isn't tea.

Tell me, Mr. North, are you enjoying Newport?

Well...

Damnable place. No lady here has ever heard the beginning of a concert nor read the end of a book.

Mr. Danforth.

Ah.

Have you met our Mr. Danforth, Mr. North?

No, I haven't.

He served as butler to the Oelrich family both here and in Baltimore.

He came to us when he retired.

His memory's failing a bit, but he's still called upon from time to time to grace a sideboard or an entrance hall.

There do seem to be quite a few members of his generation here in Newport.

Oh, my, yes, cully. A great many old gents, a great many.

Um...

May I speak further, ma'am?

And you will interrupt me if I get to sliding on the ice?

You may be certain of it, Mr. Simmons.

Well, cully, we got something here we call the death watch, and it's going on in a dozen houses.

Oh, 20 houses, Mr. Simmons. At least 20.

Thank you, ma'am.

In at least 20 houses here, there's an aged party, male or female, that's sitting on a pile of money, but this aged party refuses to die.

You see, cully?

So, supposing you're a son or a daughter or even a nevvie or niece, what do you do?

Particularly if the aged party is showing signs of folly.

Like playing favorites, one child over the other.

Or falling in love with his nurse.

Or her chauffeur.

Or the gay divorcee who pulls his beard and strokes his hand right at the dinner table.

We've seen it happen scores of times.

And the death watch goes frantic.

So they call in old Dr. Thread and Needles and, uh, convince the aged party that, uh, he's got a terrible problem with his old sofa cushion.

Doctors are the best friends of the death watch.

Right. So the aged party is wheeled in.

Thread and Needles takes a bit of stuffing out of said same old sofa cushion, and the death watch persuades him that it's time to turn over checkbook, pen, and signing power.

For this, the doctor gets 10,000.

No, it's gone up this season, ma'am.

Doctor McPherson's on retainer at the Bosworth cottage for 15.

Now, now, Mr. Simmons.

I'd say you're sliding on the ice a bit.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Our gracious lady don't believe in naming names.

I do beg pardon, ma'am.

With all this talk of Newport, ma'am, I haven't heard much about you.

Well, there isn't really very much to tell, Mr. North.

I spent half a century in the great houses, both here and abroad, as indeed have most of my guests, but now I'm a boarding-house keeper and proud of it.

It's a wonderful place, ma'am. Ma'am?

Yes, Mr. North?

Might there be a place for me here, a room where I could live?

Uh, we're all servants here, cully, them what lives off the estates, them what's retired.

I don't make exceptions, Mr. North.

Nonetheless, should you ever find yourself in a complicated situation, please do feel free to call on me. Will you remember that?

Yes, indeed.

Thank you, ma'am, for letting me know.

Well, then.

Uh, perhaps you'd like another weak peppermint tea?

"La cigale et la Fourmi.

"La cigale, ayant chante tout l'ete, "se trouva fort depourvue

"quand la bise fut venue."

S'il vous plait, monsieur le professeur, ne lisez plus.

At least not from that text, please.

You don't like the story about the grasshopper and the ant?

I prefer stories with happy endings.

Miss, perhaps we should end the lesson early today.

No.

Elspeth.

Hello. May I join?

Of course.Of course.

You've met my brother, Galloper.

Yes, on the tennis courts.

Hello, Galloper.

He's called that because he never walks when he can run.

My real name's George Harkness Skeel IV.

Well, which do you prefer?

Galloper.

All right, Galloper, your sister and I, we were just discussing the fables by Jean de la Fontaine.

We both love animal stories.

And animals.

Yes, our Aunt Benedicte has a camp at the Adra... Adr...

Adirondacks.

Adirondacks. We've seen deer there and foxes, even big bears.

Yes, and there are no fences.

They're free.

Mr. North?

Yes?

Have you ever had a nightmare about being in prison?

Yes, I have. It's the worst dream one can have.

Won't you sit down?

Oh. Yes.

Next year, my father wants me to do what they call coming out in society.

I think it'll be more of a going in than a coming out.

There'll be three dances every night and tea dances and being stared at by a wall of young men all the time.

Don't you think it sounds like being an animal in a zoo?

Every time I think about it, my head begins to ache.

Do you have something to think about that would drive away these nightmares?

Uh, well, we think about animals and talking about them.

Yes, yesterday we had a long talk about why nature placed the eyes of birds on the sides of their heads.

We love to think about the whys of things.

Yes, like your magical hands.

Galloper told me...

Galloper Skeel! Magical hands, indeed.

But, Mr. North, Elspeth has such awful headaches.

Mr. North, I'm afraid we haven't been quite honest with you.

Galloper persuaded Mother to invite you to come read with us so that... So that I could meet you.

And we thought if you put your hands on Elspeth's head, that maybe you could...

But, Galloper, Elspeth, there's nothing magical about my hands at all.

It's just that I have one of those bodies that collects electricity.

I store up an electrical charge, and then the next time I touch something or someone, there's a spark. That's all.

There's nothing magical about it.

Well, won't you try anyway?

It would be silly, pointless.

Mr. North, please?

As you wish.


Did that help?

Here he is, miss.

Sarah Boffin, sir, from Nine Gables.

Yes, Sarah. What is it?

I've come to warn you, you mustn't come near the place.

Please sit down, Sarah.

Why on earth not, Sarah?

My friends call me Sally.

All right, Sally it is.

There's a storm gathering about your head.

I enjoy flashes of lightning.

No, this isn't just lightning, Mr. North.

It's Mrs. Sarah Baily-Lewis.

Ah.

She's hired a bouncer. He's to put you off the place.

He'll beat the daylights out of you if you resist.

Does Mr. Bosworth know about this?

No, the dear old soul. Sure he doesn't know half of what his daughter gets up to.

How did you find out?

I heard Mrs. Baily-Lewis talk to that old pinch-bottom, Willis, and I'd better hop it back before he notices I'm gone.

All right, Sally.

Thank you very much for coming. I appreciate the warning.

Good night.

Good night.


Good morning. I'm Theophilus North.

I don't believe we've met.

They don't want you here anymore, sonny.

I'll go pay my respects to Mr. Bosworth.


Good morning.

Mr. North!

You needn't have worried, Sally.

I was trained in the oriental arts of self-defense.

See, what I did was use something that an order of Nipponese monks came up with to protect themselves against bandits.

See, they forbade themselves to use weapons, so they came up with that instead. It's called jujitsu.

Come in.

Good morning, Mr. Bosworth. I hope I haven't kept you waiting.

No, no, no, Theophilus. You're quite on time.

I'm very much looking forward to the passage we're to read today.

You do know, don't you, that Bishop Berkely lived right here for a time in Newport?

No, I didn't, sir.

Oh, yes, he was here for three years, converting the Indians and trying to raise money for a university in Bermuda.

He built a place, Whitehall. You must see it.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you must see it.

The Budlongs have it now. They've done a wonderful job of restoration.

Berkeley's desk is there, some of his manuscripts.

How I wish that I could show it to you.

It'd be a great privilege to see Whitehall in your company, sir.

I suffer from a very embarrassing weakness, Theophilus. It's my bladder.

Dr. McPherson hasn't been able to do anything about it, and it's made me a prisoner in this house for the past eight years.

I'm afraid you'll have to see Whitehall on your own.

You have my sympathy, sir.

Well, let's get on with the reading, shall we?

"Essay Concerning Human Understanding. Chapter one.

"An idea, which considered in itself is particular, "becomes general by being made to represent

"or stand for all other particular ideas of the same sort."

Shall I go on, sir?

I've lived a very adventurous life, Theophilus.

My daughter, Mrs. Baily-Lewis, tells me that I should be grateful for that and not greedy for more, but how I do long sometimes to breathe the sweet air of freedom.

I'm sure you understand that.

As I recall, it was one of your ambitions to be a free man.

Yes, it is, sir.


North?

Yes, good morning.

How dare you take liberties with my daughter? It's an outrage!

Take liberties? What do you mean?

You laid hands on my Elspeth.

You touched my daughter!

I only touched her forehead.

I don't care where you touched her! I don't mean that.

I mean, you know damn well what I mean!

Oh, George, please!

Mr. North, if you ever dare to set foot on this property again or ever dare to make contact whatsoever with Elspeth, I shall call the police. Good day to you, sir.

Sweetheart!

Good day to you, too, sir.

We've missed you lately, Mr. North.

I'm flattered, ma'am, but I have so many students now.

Some days, my schedule's so full, I just fall into bed at 10:00.

Well, it's going well, then.

Yes, ma'am. I've even turned down a job or two.

Think of it, gracious lady. We're not even in high season yet.

Ah, the sweet smell of high season.

It always brings down fortune hunters, cully, flocks of them, like fireflies on a summer night.

Dancing pumps in hand, oily smiles on their faces, all of them wafting around in search of some sweet little thing in copper mines or railroads.

You'll be seeing a lot of them, cully.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, you're reading in a house that's home to one of Newport's fairest flowers.

You mean, Persis Tennyson?

No names, cully. House rules. No names.

The girl's a treasure, cully, as beautiful as the dawn, as gracious as the Queen.

And as rich as the plummiest pudding at Christmas.

So young to be a widow.

She's a widow?

There's not a fortune hunter in town fails to call around at her place.

She turns them away, of course.

They say now her heart's as cold as the Arctic.

Nonsense. She just has a perfect ear for insincerity.

She might listen to you, cully.

How about it?

Not me, Henry.

Why ever not?

As far as I can tell, the partner holds the money holds the whip hand in this town.

I don't want to be that kind of a husband.

Besides, I don't even own a pair of dancing pumps.

Shall we?

Oh.


You have a visitor, sir.

Ah, Theophilus.

What an unexpected pleasure!

Come in. Sit down.

What brings you out this way today?

I brought something for you, sir, something to help with your problem.

Indeed?

Grandfather had the same problem as you, so I wrote to him.

These are from his own supply.

You don't say.

They're an ancient remedy, sir.

Not much used these days, but, my grandfather, he swears by them.

You're very generous. Thank you, Theophilus.

I also brought you these, sir.

What on God's earth are these?

Tea, Grandfather?

You've met my granddaughter, haven't you, Theophilus?

No, sir.

Well, in that case, Persis Bosworth-Tennyson, may I present T. Theophilus North?

Mr. North.

I'm deeply honored, Mrs. Tennyson.

Now, Theophilus, what did you say these are?

Uh, well, sir, they're... They're ru...

Rubber pants, sir.

But I thought those were for babies.

Well, they were invented for babies, sir, but they also make them bigger for hospitals and...

Insane asylums you were going to say.

Well, sir, I wouldn't...

I think I'll leave you two alone now, Grandfather.


There are some diapers in there, too, sir, to use as liners.

Good God.

It's just a safeguard, sir. I'm sure the pills will work.

You'll be able to throw those away very soon.

The thing is, sir, I think, all together, they'll do the trick, let you go where you want to go, do what you want to do.

Thank you, Theophilus.

I'm very grateful.


Hi, Arnold.Hey, Mr. North.

Having a good time, Mr. North?

Hey, happy Independence Day.See you.

Bye.

Thanks, Zachary. You little twerp.

Nice pony.

Thanks.

Sally.

Sally Boffin.

Well, hello.

Please allow me to treat.

One for me as well.

What flavor, sir?

Chocolate.

Thank you.Thank you.

Well, here's to the Saint of Nine Gables.

I don't know what that means, but I'll take it.

It sounds complimentary.

Well, it is. It's a rare person that can get under the skin of Mrs. Baily-Lewis the way you did.

Really?She's been in a tizzy for days.

Over me?

No, over Mr. Bosworth.

It seems you're putting ideas into his head.

Only those of Bishop Berkely.

Oh. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter what the cause.

Do you know he's been going out for drives every day with Persis?

I mean, Mrs. Tennyson.

Gives old lady Baily-Lewis the fits, the two of them.

Says the old gent's going to kill himself with the exertion.

I should think she'd be glad Mr. Bosworth is feeling better.

Oh, go on with you. Next thing she knows, he'll be wanting to spend his own money his own way, and then where will she be?

I see.

Best of it is, the old gent's pitched that old sawbones.

Dr. McPherson?

Banished.

Ha, this truly is Independence Day.

It is. It is.

Will you be staying for the fireworks, Sally?

I was thinking of it.

Well, shall we see them together?

Would that be good?

I'd like it very much.

Well, then it would be my great honor, Mr. North.

Theophilus, please.


Oh, it's a wonderful holiday, your Fourth of July.

They don't have it in Ireland.

Look there.

Oh. Oh, it's grand, isn't it?

Sally, you can see much better if you lie down.

There's nothing like it, is there?

No, there's nothing like it.

Oh, look. Look.

Sweet Sally.

Mr. North.

Theophilus.

Theophilus, please. No more. Stop.

But, Sally, you're so sweet.

Oh, Patrick.

Patrick?

Who's Patrick?

Oh, Theophilus, I'm ever so sorry.

Who's Patrick?

Michael Patrick Ennis III.

Of the Ennisesof Boston?

Yes.

And the man I love.

I'm sorry, Theophilus.

His mother brought me to this country to work for her.

I was a good girl up till then. I swear it.

Is he a cad, this Patrick?

Oh, no. No, he's a true gentleman.

He wants to marry me and all.

It's his mother that won't have it.

She threatened to cut poor Patty off from everything his father left him, and I knew she meant it,

so I lit out of there,

landed at Nine Gables.

But I miss him so.

Does he know where you are?

No.

No, and he never will.

Why?

'Cause look at me.

I'm a maid, just like my mother and her mother before her, cleaning up after other people.

Michael Patrick Ennis III needs a lady,

just as he's a gentleman.

Sally, shame on you.

Do you know anything about his grandfather, Michael Patrick Ennis I?

No.

When he first landed in this country, he was nothing but an ordinary hod carrier, lugging mortar and bricks. It's true.

The name Ennis means money and power today, but what did it mean originally?

Somebody from the town of Ennis in Ireland. That's all.

Now, my advice to you, young lady, is to start thinking of yourself as somebody, somebody special and wonderful, because you are, you know.

And if Michael Patrick Ennis III doesn't share that opinion, well, then the hell with him.

But he does. That's part of the problem.

He thinks I'm better than I am.

You're good enough for anybody just as you are, Sally.

Now you go back to Boston and tell Michael Patrick Ennis III that I said so.

Well, I just might.

You're a wonderful girl, Sally.

You're not so bad yourself.


This way, sir.

North.

What's happened to Elspeth?

Another attack of the migraine, the worst ever.

Where is she?This way.

North.

It's very good of you to come, particularly in light of our last meeting.

Madam, I warn you, you're putting your daughter in the gravest danger.

Mr. North, thank heaven you're here.

Skeel, it's either him or me.

If you intend to let him even see your daughter, I withdraw from the case.

Dr. McPherson, your car is waiting.

The poor girl, Mr. North, she's blind with pain.

Dr. McPherson has tried everything, but nothing has helped.

Mr. North, Elspeth believes that only you can help her.

Please, North, do whatever you can.

Elspeth, dear, Mr. North has come to see you.

I knew you'd come.

Bonsoir, chere mademoiselle.

Bonsoir, monsieur le professeur.

Bonsoir,Galloper.

Bonsoir,Mr. North.

Your mother tells me you're in a great deal of pain.

Yes, but it's not what they think.

I know it's not.

Dr. McPherson thinks she may have a brain tumor.

He wants to send her to Boston for an operation.

I won't go. I won't go.

No, no, no, it's okay.

Please help me.

Please help me, Mr. North. I know you can.

Of course.


There you go.

First afternoon, half an hour.

Second afternoon, 45 minutes.

I'm free, Theophilus. Free!

That's fine, sir. I'm very happy for you.

Fine? Fine?

Theophilus, I've been a prisoner in my own house for eight years.

To get out like this, it's...

Well, it's far more than fine.

I've decided to buy Whitehall and its surrounding 50 acres.

I plan to build an academy of philosophy, sort of an Athens by the sea.

I shall invite the great philosophers from all over the world.

To come and lecture here, sir?

To come and live here, each in his own house.

I'd have to build them, of course.

Huh.

To lecture or not, as they please.

To teach or not, as they please.

Newport will be like a lighthouse on a high hill, a pharos of the mind,

a safe harbor for higher intellectual thoughts.

Oh, there is so much to be done.

CLERK: Mr. North?

You have visitors, Mr. North, a lot of them.

Really?

That's him! That's Theophilus North.

Hello, Mr. North. I suffer from rheumatism something terrible.

Mr. North, I know you cured Elspeth Skeel. I know you can cure me.

I'm losing my hair. Help me, please.

Ladies, gentlemen, I'm not a doctor.

I don't know the first thing about what ails you.

You'll have to consult your own doc...

I'd far rather pay you than some old sawbones. Here!

I don't want your money.

Please, this is the Young Men's Christian Association.

It is not a tent meeting.

I know. He's right. You have to leave now.

It's true.

It's true. I felt it like lightning.

I'm cured!

No.

Oh! I haven't been able to move these fingers in years!

Oh, hallelujah!

Please! Please! Please! Mr. North, you cannot hold your unholy devotions in here.

Now get these people out of here.

All right...

It's growing again. I can feel it.

Feel it. It's growing again.

My rheumatism is gone!

My ear, Mr. North.

Mr. North, my ear is ailing. Oh, thank you.

There you are.

My headache.

Your headache? It's gone? Fine.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, that's the last time I can see you.

You can't come back. You have to see your own doctors now.

Thank you. Have a good day. Bye.

Sorry.


I want to swear out a warrant for the arrest of Theophilus North.

What's the charge?

Practicing medicine without a license.

Name?

Dr. Angus McPherson.

Ja? Herein.

TanteLiselotte, you have a visitor.

A visitor? Me? It's a mistake.

No, it's not a mistake, Fraulein.

I wanted very much to meet you.

This is Mr. North.

Mr...

North. You remember.

Oh, ja.

Ja,I remember. The one with the hands.

Guten Abend, FrauleinMuller.

Guten Abend, Herr Doktor.

I'm not a doctor, you know. I'm here as a friend of Mrs. Cranston's.

I understand.

Wo stammen Sie her, Fraulein? VonBerlin?

No. Nein, nein, nein. VonStuttgart.

Ah-ha! Ein Schwabe.

Ein Schwabe, ja.

I speak German so badly, but what a wonderful language it is.

Aren't "Leiden" and "Leibe"and "Sehnsucht" more beautiful words than "suffering" and "love" and "longing"?

And your name, Liselotte, for Elizabeth Charlotte, it's beautiful.

I see you still have all your children around you.

Sehr viel Liebe, nicht wahr?

So much love. "Dearest Nana."

Ja,there was much love, but now...

Da ist nicht.

Nothing.

Nein, der Andenkens.

The memories. No one can take those away from you.

Herr Doktor, come close.

I want to die.

Why God doesn't let me die?

TanteLiselotte, did you ever learn the hymn that goes, "Gottes Zeit ist die allerbeste Zeit?"

Oh, ja.

Ja,since little girl, I know this song.

"God's time is the best time."

Did you forget?

Ja,I forget.

Bitte...

Thank you to remind me.


Yes?

You better get downstairs right away.

I tried to put them out, but they won't move.

Oh.

Please, wait. Mr. North can't see you. He can't see you!

WOMAN: There he is!

CLERK: Wait!

Please! This is the YMCA! Come back!

CLERK: This is the YMCA!


Aw, Henry.

Nice.

They're after me. Oh, God!

Run out the back way. Go on. Tarker's Wharf. Tarker's Wharf! Wait!

Oh, my God!

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry.


Swim, cully. Swim for your life!

Come on, get in here now.

Come on, cully. Get in.

Get up, cully! Get up!

Go away!

NORTH: Keep in touch!

How does it feel, cully, to be one of the most sought-after celebrities in Newport?

Oh, God, Henry, what am I going to do?

Are you Mr. T. Theophilus North, resident of the Newport YMCA?

Yes, I am.

We have a warrant here for your arrest. Come with me.

What's this about, now?

You'll have to find out at the station, Henry.

A warrant? Oh, no, not...

It's all right, cully. We'll have you out in no time, okay?

BAILIFF: All rise, please.


We'll hear the charges, Dr. McPherson.

Your Honor.

This man, Mr. T. Theophilus North, has been practicing medicine without a license.

Yes, yes, Dr. McPherson. I've read the warrant you swore out.

Get to the particulars, if you please.

On numerous occasions since his arrival here in Newport, Mr. North has been interfering with my patients, offering to cure them of ailments which I, a trained medical man, find incurable.

Never cures anything when there's a fee to be had for not curing it.

Half the town thinks he's a miracle worker!

Get to the specifics, Doctor, please.

He prescribed pills for James McHenry Bosworth, one of my patients and one of our most distinguished older citizens.

That's a serious charge, Doctor. What happened?

He's been running around like a man of 50. It really won't do. It could kill him.

North also laid hands on Elspeth Skeel for her migraine headaches.

Yeah, they went away, too.

CATWALADER: Go on, Doctor, please.

Your Honor, I think I can safely speak for the entire medical profession when I say that we cannot have a situation where people go around curing each other without us.

Thank you.

MCPHERSON: Serious ailments need serious attention.

Medicine is a science. What North is doing is quackery and dangerous because, if allowed to continue, it could cause severe damage.

My office is deserted.

My patients come to me for serious medical attention.

They cannot get that out of miracle workers.

North knows this, and still he persists.

MAN: Thank God for that.

Fortunately!

These are serious charges, young man. How do you answer them?

Your Honor, I can only say that I meant no harm.

CATWALADER: Is it true you prescribed pills for Mr. Bosworth?

I gave him a vial of pills, Your Honor.

Pills which enabled me to get out after spending years as a shut-in.

They were peppermint, Your Honor. Nothing more.

Peppermint?

Mr. Bosworth, would you approach the bench, please?

Do you have your pills with you, sir?

I do.

May I have them?

Certainly.

They are peppermint.

And the other charges, that you laid hands on Elspeth Skeel?

Your Honor, the young lady was in a great deal of pain.

Your Honor, whatever Mr. North did, he did at the request of Elspeth's mother and me.

We're so grateful.

We have since had Elspeth examined by a specialist.

The brain tumor that Dr. McPherson diagnosed does not exist.

CATWALADER: Have the headaches recurred?

No, Your Honor.

Well, there's a scientific explanation for this, Catwalader, and this scoundrel has got nothing to do with it.

Your Honor, except for my being a scoundrel, I entirely agree with Dr. McPherson.

My reputation as a healer is undeserved.

It springs from a peculiar propensity of mine, Your Honor.

Shall I demonstrate?

If you please.

What I do, Your Honor, is give electric shocks.

Not here. Over there.

It won't hurt.

As you can see, Your Honor, it's just a natural phenomenon, something some school children took for magic.

Yes, well, they made a mistake. You took advantage of it.

Nicholas?

I'm sorry. I mean, Judge Catwalader.

Masseurs, manipulators and healers have always come to Newport.

They have licenses.

And they take money for their services, but everyone knows you can't buy miracles.

That's how Mr. North came to be thought of as a miracle man.

He takes no fees.

There's no sign that Mr. Bosworth or George Skeel ever gave him an automobile or a gold watch or even the smallest bonus, and yet look what he did for them.

CATWALADER: Order! Order in the court!

Order!

It would seem that the worst that could be said of Mr. North is that he has engaged in some kindly meddling.

But I demand justice!

Young man, you're free to go.

This is not justice. I demand a conviction.

You're in contempt, McPherson. A $50 fine.

And three days in jail.

I will not tolerate any further disturbance.

Sergeant, remove this man from the courtroom.

Case dismissed. This court is adjourned.

BAILIFF: All rise.

Thank you.

Uh-uh. Mind those electric hands of yours in the future.

Yes, sir.


Oh, Mr. North, mail.

Thank you.

Hmm.

I've been invited to a dance.

Oh. That's nice.

Of course you must go. It's the ball of the season.

Well, I don't...

Would you refuse an invitation from the President?

Probably not.

Or from the King and Queen of England?

Thank you.

My dear young man, as you well know, the Venables are the ne plus ultraof Newport, which is the ne plus ultra of everywhere.

Saratoga and Bar Harbor are the provinces compared to here.

Why would the Venables invite me?

You've become quite the rage, Mr. North, since the events of last month.

That is not an invitation. It's a command, and you are going.

Let's try this, lad.

How does that feel?

It's a little small, don't you think?

A bit small, huh? I'd say yes. Yes, small.

Where did you find all these things anyway?

Oh, various gentlemen's gentlemen.

Actually, I canvassed every butler on Bellevue Avenue.

Hmm.

My God.

By the way, Amelia Cranston wants you to look your best tonight.

She said it's very important, okay?

Sure.

Hmm.

Sheer perfection, old bean.

Now can you teach me how to dance?

Oh, I'm afraid that's not in my repertory, old shoe.

However, I'm sure we can arrange something.

Thank you.

Yes.

Good evening, madam.

Good evening, sir.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir.

AMELIA: Theophilus.

Hello, Mrs. Cranston.

Turn around.

Is it all right?

It's wonderful, perfect. Good luck.

Thank you.

HENRY: Mr. James Graham Oelrich and Mrs. Oelrich.

Captain Stuyvesant Belmont and Miss Wetmore.

Captain Stuyvesant Belmont and Miss Wetmore.

Mr. T. Theophilus North.

Mr. T. Theophilus North.

You say you're North?

Yes, sir.

Well, of course you are. North, it's good to see you.

I'm Buster Venable, Amanda's nephew.

Oh.

Theophilus North! I'm Amanda Venable, and I've heard so much about you.

I'm honored to be here, ma'am.

And now I'd like to present you to our guests of honor, Mr. and Mrs. Michael Patrick Ennis of Boston.

Theophilus!

I knew you'd come.

Patty, this is Theophilus.

North, Sally's told me all about you.

You're the best friend a man could have.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Come with me.

I love you.

HENRY: Charles Goodheart and Mrs. Goodheart.

We're so happy.

Oh, Sally, look at you. When did all this happen?

Well, I went to Boston right after you and I...

Decided you should.

Right. I didn't even give notice. I just took off.

And you were so right about everything.

Patrick does love me, and he missed me just as much as I missed him, so we went straight to his mother. She finally gave us her blessing, and the Cardinal himself married us in the family chapel.

And, you know, his mother's not so fierce, really, once you get to know her.

She gave this to Patrick for me. It was the ring her grandfather gave her grandmother for their wedding.

Would you believe it, but didn't she cry when he put it on my finger?

Well, it was happiness, I'm sure.

You know, mothers can be awfully funny about an only son.

Oh, but we're so happy, Theophilus, and it's all your doing.

I'm very happy for you.

Now I know why I was invited to this shindig.

Well, I thought you might like the surprise.

Mrs. Sarah Baily-Lewis.

Mrs. Sarah Baily-Lewis.

Oh.

Back I go.

May I present our guests of honor, Mr. and Mrs. Michael Patrick Ennis of Boston?

Of Boston. I know your mother so well.

Is she still talking about Yeats?

She was always the silver apples of the moon.

I would like you to meet my bride. Darling.

Oh, hello, Sarah.

It's me, "Sarah, too." You remember.

Oh, salt!

Oh, salt!

Yes.

You're not the same as me, and don't you ever forget it.

Try to rise above your station in this house, missy, and you'll find yourself back in the Ould Sod, emptying chamber pots.

For a quarter amount...

♪ I went out to the hazelwood

♪ Because a fire was in my head

♪ Parched and peeled a hazel wand

♪ And hooked a berry to a thread Herbert, the salts, quickly.

♪ I will find out where she has gone ♪ North?

Theophilus.

Mr. Bosworth.

I have a proposition for you.

Sir?

My academy of philosophy.

Benedetto Croce has accepted.

We have hopes of Bertrand Russell.

Congratulations, Mr. Bosworth.

Thank you, Theophilus. The thing is, I want you in on everything.

Sir?

I'm putting the best part of my fortune into the academy, in a trust that will fund it forever.

You'll be the trustee to scout the Earth for up-and-coming thinkers wherever they may be.

Up-and-coming thinkers?

Philosophers, Theophilus, pundits, sages, thinkers from all over the world.

You'll be free to travel anywhere you like.

Europe, the Orient, the Steppe of Russia, Alexandria, the Holy Land, Kyoto, Lhasa, the Peruvian Andes, Chichen Itza, Angkor Wat, wherever knowledge is or ever has been.

I accept, sir.

Good man, Theophilus.

I had hoped for this.


♪ You do

♪ Something to me

♪ Something that simply

♪ Mystifies me

♪ Tell me

♪ Why should it be?

♪ You have the power

♪ To hypnotize me

♪ Let me

♪ Live beneath your spell

♪ Do do that voodoo

♪ That you do so well May I have the honor of this dance, Mrs. Tennyson?

I'd be delighted.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

Don't be, please.

I only hope it will happen often.


♪ You do

♪ Something to me

♪ That nobody else can do

PERSIS: Theophilus, you are a most unusual young man.