Muriel's Wedding (1994) Script

Hey, I'm already taken, love.

Who got it? Muriel.

Looks like I'm next.

Cheryl. Cheryl! I can throw it again.

You can't do that. It went to her.

Muriel, throw it again.

What's the use of you having it, Muriel? No one's ever gonna marry you.

You've never even had a boyfriend.

Cheryl's been going with Shane for over six weeks. She's next.

Muriel, don't be selfish.

Sugar baby love Sugar baby love Keep your stupid bouquet!

Shane and I broke up last night!

Cheryl! Cheryl!

Now look what you've done. You didn't even buy a new dress.

Yes, I did. Cheryl!

Chook, I won't be a minute. Cheryl's upset. Cheryl!

Leave me alone! Yes, all lovers make Make the same mistakes As me and you

There you are. Now if you put this under your pillow, you'll dream of your future husband.

That's what they say. We always meet at Mary Tate's.

G'day, Muriel. That's an eye-catchin' dress.

You got a minute?

How's your dad? Give him my card.

I want you to tell him that Leo Higgins reckons he's a great man... the best council president this town's ever had.

Will you do that for me? What happened to your nose?

What? Nothing.

Sunburnt, that's all.

Oh, my God.

But we're friends. What?

I love you. Yeah, but you love Tania too.

Chook. What?

Shut the door!

Excuse me, sir. Move aside, miss. Can you step aside, please?

Please tell me... That's her.

Miss, we'd like to have a word to you about your dress.

What's wrong with it? You stole it. I saw you.

Give me your work number, and if she can't turn up a receipt...

I can call you for a statement.

Ask for Dianne, Senior Store Detective.

Mind your head, please. I'm so pleased.

I had the perfect arrest record until I lost her in boys wear.

How'd you know she'd be here?

I didn't. I'm the groom's cousin.

It's as good as approved. Well, no, it's not.

But it will be. Porpoise Spit Council backs me a hundred percent.

Look, we'll talk about it at dinner tonight. Around and around Yeah, me whole family. Penelope! And around...

Do that somewhere else, will ya? Ask your mum to make a cup of tea!

Mom, make Dad a cup of tea.

Mom! Make Dad a cup of tea!

Me too. What?

Tea? Oh, yes.

He got it! Look at that! Oh, man.

Did you see that? That was unreal.

Muriel's back.

Muriel, did you steal this dress?

No. Where'd you get the money to buy it?

You haven't had a job in two years.

Mum gave it to me. Is this true?

Um, no, I don't think so.

Find the receipt. Go on!

What happens if she can't find it?

We'll have to contact the store and see if they want to press charges.

You know who I am? Yes, sir. Councilor Heslop.

Who are you? I'm Constable Saunders, and this is Constable Gillespie.

Saunders? You're not Graham Saunders' oldest boy, are you?

Brad. Young Brad.

I haven't seen you since you played fullback for the Porpoise Spit Giants!

How's your dad? How's he recovering from that stroke?

He's better than he was. You're terrible, Muriel.

How about a beer? Cold one before you go back to work?

Betty. Yes? What?

Get the young fellas a beer. Oh. Yes.

You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low Looking out for a place to go Where they play the right music See you, boys!

Getting in the swing See you, Bill.

You come to look for a king

Anybody could be that guy Night is young and the music's high

I think he'll enjoy that. It's very good.

Oh, honey prawns! Yes! Yum!

Aw, look at that! You're a wonderful man, Charlie Chan.

Thank you. How's your uncle? Very well.

I got his uncle out from China. Talked to the boys from Immigration.

Ian McKay and his blokes, they got his uncle out from China.

This is a great man. Charlie.

This is Victor Keinosuke and his mate, uh, Akira. How do you do?

They're building a resort at Wallum Beach... and they might want a Chinese restaurant in it, so keep the food comin'.

Please, please. Thank you. Thank you.

It's all on the house. I got his uncle out from China.

You've done a lot for the people of this town, Bill.

Who told you that? You did.

Ah, well, um... I like helping out. Ran for state government once.

Joanie, stand up. Show 'em your shirt.

"Bill Heslop. You can't stop progress."

He lost. Yeah, well, missed on the postal vote.

In a way, I'm glad I didn't get in.

I can do more for this place at grass roots level.

You know, high rise, malls, resorts.

Porpoise Spit Council believes in progress. Muriel.

When Victor was 19, he was a millionaire.

Muriel's on the dole.

So is Perry.

Well, I've got a job interview next week. An apprentice locksmith.

Oh, that sounds wonderful. Doesn't it, Bill?

A bit old for an apprentice, aren't you?

A bit old for everything!

After she failed high school...

I get her into a secretarial course run by a mate of mine.

$300 a term. Two years, $2,000.

She comes out, she can't even type. I could type.

Then I get her a job at me solicitor's.

After a month, Stevie Mason rings up and says he'll have to let her go...

'cause she can't type.

If I couldn't type, why did they give me my secretarial diploma?

Because I paid for it!

Sits around the house like a dead weight... watching TV, sleeping all day, getting arrested at weddings!

You're useless.

You're all useless.

A bunch of useless no-hopers.

Bill! Bill!

It's Deidre Chambers. What a go!

What a coincidence! What a coincidence!

Deidre, pull up a chair. Penelope, shift out.

Deidre, Victor Keinosuke and his mate Akira. Hello. Hello.

All the way from China... Uh, Japan.

Deidre's a sales representative for Radiant Cosmetics.

Beauty consultant, Bill. Sorry. Beauty consultant.

"Sales representative" sounds so common.

I advise women on the right lipstick, base and eyeliner.

Of course, you'd know all about make-up. Your wives are probably geishas.

You look lovely, Deidre.

Muriel, how was that wedding?

She was arrested. That's lovely.

Don't you wish you were 22 again, Betty?

Remember that age?

Oh, yes. What?

I bet you were a terror when you were 22.

Bill, was she a terror?

Where's Charlie Chan with that food?

Oh, yes, where is he?

Anyone? Oh, wait. I think we've got a winner over here.

Two new bars through there.

Here she comes. Give her a bit of a hand.

Your dad was telling me you're unemployed, Muriel.

Would you like to work for me?

What's wrong? What's the matter?

Yeah, tell us. We won't tell anyone.


Don't bottle it up, Tania. You've got to let it out.

You can tell us what happened. We won't tell anyone.

He... He couldn't do it... so I... you know.

And I noticed there was lipstick on it.

On what? His dick!

He said he was having an affair.

Who with?

Rose Biggs. Rose Biggs?

Well, he said they don't sleep together. She only sucks him off.


Out of respect for me. Bitch.

Bastard. What am I gonna do? I'm a bride!

I'm supposed to be euphoric!

Come on the holiday with us!

Cash in your ticket to Bali and have your honeymoon with us.

Yeah. Yeah, come on, Tan.

All right.

We are gonna have the best time. I'm so excited!

What holiday?

Just Hibiscus Island.

We didn't think that you could afford it because you don't have a job.

Yes, I do. I got one last night. I'm a beauty consultant.

Let's tell her. We were gonna tell her after the holiday... but I think we should tell her now.

Muriel... Wait!

Let her finish her Orgasm.

Muriel, people think we're mad.

But that's just us. We're ragers.

People invite us to parties, and they know we'll just have a good time.

We're mad. Party, party, party.

That's our image. You know what I mean.

We're mad.

We don't want you hanging around us any more.

I didn't steal the dress. It was a mistake.

It's not the dress, it's you.

We've told you a thousand times how to do your hair, but you never listen.

You never wear the right clothes. You're fat.

You listen to '70s music. This is the '90s.

We all listen to the Baby Animals. And Nirvana.

You bring us down, Muriel. You embarrass us.

I, I know I'm not normal, but I'm trying to change.

I'm trying to become more like you, more of a...

It's too late. But I can change!

You'll still be you.

Muriel, you've got to find friends on your own level.

Like I found Chook. He's up on my level.

Marrying him was the happiest day of my life.

I love him so much!

That bastard! I'll show him.

I'll go on this holiday and I'll sleep with a thousand men!

I'm not nothing.

Muriel, can't you think of anyone but yourself? Tania's upset.

I'm not nothing!

Well, nobody said that.

Oh, please don't chuck me out of the group!

Muriel. Muriel, you're embarrassing us again!

And Perry kicks! He picks it up!

"Go yourself! Go yourself!" is the roar from the crowd.

Heslop! Heslop! Heslop! Whoo!

How can a man be so strong and so fast? Heslop!


Wake up to yourself!

And Heslop's made a comeback! How does he do it?

Did he apply for the police force? Yes, but they wouldn't let him sit for the test...

'cause he was too tall.

Muriel up? Muriel!

You've got to get up! It's nearly 10:30!

Make sure she sees Deidre Chambers about that job.

Give her a blank check for the cosmetics. A blank check? How much for?

It's a blank check. She fills in the amount when Deidre tells her what it is.

And tell Perry to mow that back yard. Clean the place up. It's a pigsty.

Joanie, will you turn off that television and clean this place up? It's a pigsty.

Muriel, you have to get up and go and see Deidre Chambers about that job.

And I have to give you a blank check. Have you seen my smokes?

It's wonderful for Deidre to give you work.

She's a wonderful person. I don't care what anyone else says.

Mum? What who says?

All those people who've never liked Dad.

Those greedies and those terrible women at the post office.

What are they saying?

Do I make this out to Deidre Chambers or Radiant Cosmetics?

A blank check. Cash.

What are they saying about Deidre and Dad?

They say that they go driving at night... but he's only showing her his developments.

His what? His building sites.

I'm gonna be a success, Mum.

I'm gonna get married, and I'm gonna be a success.

I know you are. Your dad just wants to be proud of you, that's all.

I'll show him. I'll show them all.

And now, everybody a big round of applause as we welcome to the stage... act three in Hibiscus Island Talent Quest.

The Tropical Delights! Let's hear it for the girls! Thank you!

The tide is high but I'm holding on I'm gonna be your number one I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that Oh, no, oh

Hey, whose shout is it? Cheryl's.

Cheryl's shout!

Muriel! Where did she get the money?

Hi. What a coincidence.

You're a mental case! You keep away from us!

You're got no dignity, Muriel.

Are you Muriel Heslop? No.

Yes, you are. Why?

I don't know why. You just are.

Rhonda Epinstall. We were in high school together.

You dropped out in year ten. I dropped out in year eleven.

Ha! I knew it was you!

Hey, swap seats? Yeah, indeed.

So, are you married now?

What? Well, you said you weren't Muriel Heslop.

If you changed your name, I thought you must have got married.

No. Yes.

I'm engaged. Anyone I know?

What? Who? Tim. Who? What?

Tim who? Simms.

Tim Simms. Don't know him. What's he like?

Um, like no one. Smoke?

What? I shouldn't. I'm an asthmatic.

So where is he? Who?

Tim Simms.

I'm on to you.

You're not wearing an engagement ring.

You're here without your fiancÚ.

You're out for a good time, aren't you, Muriel? A last fling?

I suppose so.

You are wicked! Well, stick with me, 'cause I'm wicked too.

My whole life is one last fling after another.

Hey, remember Tania Degano? She got married, to Chook.

To what? Chook. Peter Vernell.

Oh, I remember them. What a pair of assholes. They deserve each other.

Whenever I think about how revolting Porpoise Spit was...

I think about Tania Degano and those idiots that she used to hang out with.

They made my life hell.

Do you ever dream about what you would say to them if you saw them now?

I do see them now. They're over there.

What are they doing here? They're on Tania's honeymoon.

Chook couldn't come.

No, I... Tania!

What a fantastic surprise.

I don't believe it.

I haven't seen you since Porpoise Spit High.

How are you? Married.

Muriel told me!

Turkey. Chook.

Chook. That's right. Well, congratulations!

Come and have a drink with us. Yeah.

Really? You want to have a drink with me?

Well, we can't let you spend the entire holiday alone.

We're not in school any more, Rhonda.

You don't have to feel you're not good enough for us now.

I don't. If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you.

I'm honest, unlike some people.

I tell it like it is. The truth?

Yes. I tell the truth too.

Nicole's having an affair with Chook.

Muriel saw them fucking in the laundry on your wedding day.

Stick your drink up your ass, Tania.

I would rather swallow razor blades than drink with you.

Oh, by the way, I'm not alone. I'm with Muriel.

And now let's hear a warm welcome for act five in the Hibiscus Island star search.

It's fabba ABBA! My, my At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender Whoa, yeah And I have met my destiny In quite a similar way The history book on the shelf Is always repeating itself Waterloo, I was defeated You won the war Waterloo, promise to love you forevermore

Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo I'm finally facing my Waterloo

My, my I tried to hold you back But you were stronger Oh, yeah And now it seems My only chance is giving up the fight And how could I ever refuse I feel like I win when I lose Waterloo, I was defeated You won the war

Waterloo, promise to love you forevermore

Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to

Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo I'm finally facing my Waterloo So how could I ever refuse I feel like I win when I lose Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to I'll kill you!

Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Waterloo I'm finally facing my Waterloo Ooh-ooh-ooh, Waterloo Knowing my fate is to be with you

"Dear Dad, the girls and I are having a great time.

Last night I sold a hundred dollars worth of cosmetics... to Barry Crocker. Muriel."

A hundred dollars worth to Barry Crocker, eh? How about that.

P.S. I'm a fatso whale.

This cosmetic thing is the best thing that ever happened to Muriel.

It really is. She paid for this holiday herself.

Bought clothes to wear, new suitcases.

Perry, you listening to this? Eh?

I said, "yeah." Well, so you should, you useless lump.

Muriel's out there, and she's made something of herself.

And she was the most useless one of all, wasn't she, Bill?

Ah, she really impressed me.

I told her that on the way to the airport for this holiday.

I said, "You've really impressed me.

You can't type, but you've really impressed me."

You know what they call this great man? Bill the Battler.

'Cause he's a little Aussie battler.

Been battling all me life. Battlin' for Porpoise Spit.

Here's Deidre Chambers. What a coincidence.

Deidre! Hey, Deidre! Bill! Hello.

What a coincidence. Take a seat. Penelope, shift over.

Deidre, Leo Higgins.

He's concreting Wallum Beach for us.

Hello, Leo. Deidre got Muriel into this cosmetics thing.

Perry, show Deidre Muriel's postcard.

Hibiscus Island. How about that?

She should really be sending you postcards, Deidre.

You're the reason she's there.

Bill. I told you. I'm thinking about it.

Not that. It's Muriel.

In the past two weeks, she's bought two kits from me... at a cost of $40 each.

If she'd sold both kits for the recommended price... she'd make $110... leaving her a profit of 30.

Thirty dollars. What are you talkin' about?

She's on a $3,000 holiday.

She's makin' a fortune.

Isn't she?

Do you think I could be famous?

Sure. For what?

Oh, I don't know. I could be an actress.

I'm mental enough.

My, my At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender Oh, yeah

There was something in the air that night The stars were bright Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though we never thought that we could lose There's no regrets If I had to do the same again I would, my friend Fernando If I had to do the same again I would, my friend Fernando

Do you ever think you're nothing?

Sometimes I think I'm nothing. Useless.

You're not nothing, Muriel. You're amazing.

Remember how you were in school?

You were so quiet you could hardly talk.

You were too shy to look at people.

Now you're a success, and someone wants to marry you.

You're not nothing, Muriel.

You've made it.

Can you hear the drums, Fernando

I remember long ago another starry night like this In the firelight, Fernando You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar I could hear the distant drums and sounds of bugle calls Were coming from afar They were closer now, Fernando Every hour, every minute seemed to last eternally

I was so afraid, Fernando We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die And I'm not ashamed to say the roar of guns and cannons Almost made me cry ...move it into the pillow.

The pillow forms a perfect sleeping cradle for your head and back.

We all have a different shape to the head and neck.

By sleeping on a pillow that fits perfectly with your shape... I'm back. you relieve stress on muscles... You're terrible, Muriel.

Muriel, Daddy's so angry.

He's on his way back from the bank. He'll want to talk to you.

All our money's gone. $12,000.

You didn't do anything bad with those blank checks I gave you, did you?

You wouldn't do that to me, would you? Of course not.

There was something in the air that night Did you bring me a present?

The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though we never thought that we could lose There's no regret If I had to do the same again Where to, love?

I would, my friend, Fernando If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando

When the coach turns 'round into Stableyard Grove... we will, for the first time, see a glimpse of the bride... with her father, the Earl Spencer... and we'll see that wedding dress which has been kept such a wonderful secret.

There we are.

And what a bride...

Quite a job, getting it. All those yards of silk.

Ah, what a dream she looks. What a dream she looks.

There's a bride any man would be happy to see... coming down the aisle towards him.

The dress is made of yards of ivory pure silk taffeta.

It has big sleeves with...

Card number? Ninety-two. Brice Nobes.

You take out a lot of videos. Do I?

You should join our video addicts club. It's for people who take out too many videos.

Too many? Well, you know, a lot.

You get a dollar off every new release.

Do you wanna go out with me? You know, on a date.


It's okay. You can say it. I don't mind.

Videodrama. It's me.

I still can't find any blokes for us tomorrow night.

Even Tony's busy, and his leg's in a cast.

I've got one. You're racing off a customer.

You have got the best job for meeting men.

Turn him around. I can't see his face.

Can you look at that dry cleaners over there, please? Sure.

What do you think? It's great.

Well, it's a start.

Meet me for lunch. I want to hear every detail.

You are wicked. This is my new life.

I'm a new person.

I'm changing my name to Mariel.

That is your name. No, Mariel. M-A-R-I-E-L.

Muriel... Mariel. Mariel.

Are you on the run from the law?

I don't care if you are. I'd just like to know.

Well, you know Tim, my ex-fiancÚ?

He was a policeman.

You jilted a cop?

He's after you?

Well, he said if I ever left him, he'd find out who I was living with and shoot them.

Then he'd shoot me, then himself.

Shit. He really loved you, didn't he?


Rhonda's changed my life. She would.

Do you... Do you wanna go somewhere else? What?

Do you wanna go somewhere else? Oh, Rhonda wants to stay here.

I'm going. I've got a date.

They're American. Have fun.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Hi, guys! I'm really excited.

Do you wanna dance?

I-I'm a terrible dancer.

I don't care.

Nice flat. Very spacious.

Cup of tea? Sure.

Come here. Come here. Here. Right there. Right there.

You've been a bad boy! Yes!

What a guy!

Bikkies? What? Sure.

Jump over the bed! Jump over it! Wait. Where is the bed?

You get up here. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

Oh, yes, sir. Oh, that's rude!

Ta. Oh, you wanna go faster.

Yeah, baby. Oh, push!

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, push.

That's right. Faster.

In tonight's news, holiday makers and staff airlifted to safety... as Cyclone Terry devastates the Hibiscus Island resort.

Buildings and vegetation were flattened in minutes... by winds of more than 160 kilometers per hour.

Rhonda and I went to that island. And the government inquiry...

Looks like fun. into corruption continued today... with president of the Porpoise Spit council, Bill Heslop... admitting that he received secret payments... Tim Tam?

Maybe after... Later. from a Japanese land developer.

Councilor Heslop said his judgment had been impaired... by the shock disappearance of his daughter.

He made this emotional plea outside the inquiry. Mariel?

Muriel? Mariel.

Muriel... What? if you're watching this, we just want to know you're all right, love.

We don't care about the money. The money doesn't matter.

We just want to know you're all right...

I have to tell you something. I'm a parking inspector.

That's okay.

What did you do to her? Nothing.

Where do you think you're going? Come back. Ma'am. Hey, lady, are you all right?

Shit. On the ground.

Did he... What did he do to you? I didn't do anything!

Just shut up! What did he do?

Keep him down there! What are you doing?

Are you all right? Are you all right?

Get the cops. Call the cops!

Keep him down! I didn't do anything!

Mariel. I can't move my legs.

...crept back into his kennel early this morning.

At this stage, no questions are being asked about his mystery escapade.

Well, just keep an eye on him. The doctor will see him. Okay?

Hello? It's me. Muriel.

You're terrible, Muriel. Why is Dad on TV?

The inquiry. They're saying he takes bribes.

Does he? Yeah, but he had to 'cause you stole all our money.

Was that the telephone ringing? Dad's moved out.

He says it's all Mum's fault 'cause she gave you the checks.

He's living in a hotel.

Who is it? Is it Dad? Muriel.

Muriel. Oh.

Mum wants to talk to you.

Muriel, are you all right?

We didn't know what had happened to you. We thought you'd become a prostitute or a drug addict.

I'm in Sydney.

Dad's in Sydney for the inquiry.

He'd love to see you. Where are you staying?

He just wants to know you're all right.

Joan said he's moved out. No.

Well, w-well, yes, but only for his health.

Dr. Farrell says he needs a holiday from us.

I know he blames me for you taking the money... but I never thought you'd do a thing like that.

Maybe it was a mistake at the bank... or I wrote the wrong figure on the check.

No, I took it.

Yes, maybe you did.

Mum, the federal police are here.

Oh, I have to go. We're being raided again.

What's your phone number? Uh, I don't have a phone.

Well, what's your address? Look, I'll call you later.

Well, ring Dad. He's at the Hilton. Mrs. Heslop, we wanna ask you some questions about Bill.

And don't lie to us. We know everything.

This tumor is pressing on the spinal cord... interrupting the flow of electricity to your legs.

The operation will remove that pressure.

I'd, uh, like to do it soon, in the next 24 hours.

How did I get it?

I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex, is it?

No, no. Nothing like that.

We don't know what causes cancer. Cancer? Cancer?

You never said anything about cancer.

That's what the tumor is. It's a can... I've got cancer!

Oh, God! I'm gonna go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food!

We're not talking about radiotherapy. This is a discreet tumor.

Alone. Isolated. The operation's all we need for the moment.

For the moment? There's a minor risk of damage to the spinal cord.

What does that mean? It means I'm up shit creek, that's what it means.

Silk chantel.


When's your big day?

Your wedding day?

September. Spring. Ivory.

What's your fiancÚ's name? Bill.

Well, Bill's in for a big surprise.

Will your mother be coming to see the dress? No.

No, she can't. She's in hospital.

She's got a tumor in her spine.

She has to have an operation.

We don't usually do this.

But your mother has to see how beautiful you look in that dress.

Doing well. Isn't she doing well, Mariel?

You're doing really well. Now this foot forward.

You can do it. Good.

Now the other one.

Good. That's good.


I have to sit down. Come on.

I have to sit down! All right. I've got you.

Don't panic. Swing around.

That's it. Hand back.

Take a break, honey.

You're doing really well.

How can you stand this?

You push me around in this chair. You cook for me.

You even help me dress. I hate it!

When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I'd just stay in my room for hours... and listen to ABBA songs.

Sometimes I'd stay in there all day.

But since I've met you and moved to Sydney...

I haven't listened to one ABBA song.

It's because now my life's as good as an ABBA song.

It's as good as "Dancing Queen."

Come off it.

Promise me something.

We never go back there. What do you mean?

I mean, I can't go back and live in Porpoise Spit with Mum.

Not in a wheelchair, not with her. You're gonna walk.

Promise we never go back.

I promise.

But you're gonna walk.

I believe there's something out there.

Yeah. I'm-I'm not a skeptic about it. I've been cheated by you Since I don't know when Too many people have seen it. There's been too much documentation.

So I made up my mind It must come to an end Taxi for the rehabilitation center?

Hang on. I have to get my smokes. Look at me now Okay.

Will I ever learn I don't know how But I suddenly lose control There's a fire within my soul Just one look and I can hear a bell ring One more look and I forget everything Oh-oh-oh, Mamma mia Here I go again My, my, how can I resist you Mamma mia, does it show again My, my, just how much I've missed you Yes, I've been broken-hearted Blue since the day we parted Why, why did I ever let you go Mamma Mia, now I really know My, my, I could never let you go

I've been angry and sad about things that you do

I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through

And when you go When you slam the door Keep going.

I think you know that you won't be away too long You know that I'm not that strong Just one look and I can hear... Stop the car!


I hope the photos help your sister out of that coma.

Mariel! What are you doing? No-Nothing.

Why didn't you tell me you were gonna marry Tim?

Who? Tim Simms, your fiancÚ... the one who wants to shoot you.

Now, now, now, now just a minute. You can't come in here and threaten brides.

I don't care how unfortunate you are. Fuck off.

What is going on, Mariel?

I've seen your wedding album. You've tried on every dress in Sydney.

That doesn't mean I'm getting married. What else does it mean?

I wanna get married. I've always wanted to get married.

If I can get married, it means I've changed... I'm a new person.

How? Because who would want to marry me?

Tim Simms. There is no Tim Simms. I made him up.

In Porpoise Spit, no one would even look at me.

But when I came to Sydney and became Mariel, Brice asked me out.

And that proves I'm already different than I was... and if someone wants to marry me, I'm not her any more.

I'm me. Her?

Muriel! Muriel Heslop!

Stupid, fat and useless! I hate her!

I'm not going back to being her again!

Why can't it be me?

Why can't I be the one?

Have you been in a coma?



If they have a copy of this document, then the option is... giving you a doctor's certificate saying you are unfit to testify.

Can I have that title deed, Paul? That's the one.

We can only assume that Victor Keinosuke has given them a copy of this deed.

Muriel, why'd you do it to me?

I gave you money. I got you jobs.

I put her through this secretarial course.

$2,000 for two years, it cost me.

Comes out, she can't even type.

I get her into selling cosmetics. We all think she's making a go of it.

Turns out she's robbin' us blind. You're a disgrace, an absolute disgrace!

A-Are you Bill the Battler?

I saw you on TV. Can I please have your autograph?

Me and my dad think that you're not guilty, Bill.

I've changed my name to Mariel.

Good on you, son. You spread it around.

You can't stop progress!

You're comin' back to Porpoise Spit with me.

We'll leave in three weeks, once this inquiry crap's over.

I can't go back. I'm a new person. You're a thief.

The only reason I never got the coppers onto you is your mother begged me not to.

I want that money back. I'll get you a job at the Leagues Club.

I'll arrange a bank loan for you.

You're going to make up for what you've done, Muriel.

It's Deidre Chambers. Deidre! Deidre!

Hey, Deidre!


What a coincidence! What are you doing in Sydney?

Well, my sister lives in Sydney. I'm down for the long weekend.

Pull up a chair. What a coincidence! My barrister, Graham Newman.

His two solicitors, and Muriel you know about. Hello.

It's Mariel!

We should get back, Bill. Victor Keinosuke's testimony starts at 3:00.

That Jap bastard! He's gonna testify that I took bribes from him.

Commissions. Commissions. I took commissions.

Cut through all that red tape for him. I deserve some sort of acknowledgement.

They'd never have got to build that resort on Crown Land without me.

It was the Crown Land that did it. Total overreaction.

There were aboriginals living on it. The federal police raided the house.

Your mother just let them walk in.

She and Perry made statements... told them I had money problems.

Don't think about it. Of course I had money problems.

She stole most of it. You need your family around you.

If the Feds come near you, don't you say a word.

Are you and Deidre together? What?

Have you left Mum for Deidre?

Yes. We're in love.

What about Mum?

What happiness has your father had in his life if he doesn't have me?

What about Mum? She'll have you.

You got three weeks.

It's come back... the tumor.

I have to have another operation.

I'm not gonna walk.

But what about your rehabilitation?

They're gonna cut my spinal cord, Mariel.

Mum called.

She wants to take me back to Porpoise Spit.

I told her I was gonna stay here with you.

Head down! Head down! Come on! Come on! Swing it!

Blokes with no legs and no arms cut through the water faster than that!

Look at that! You're going through there like a constipated duck!

Look at 'em flopping around all over the place!

Burchett, what do you think this is, synchronized swimming?

Water aerobics for geriatrics? You're supposed to be a sprinter!

Go! Go! Go! Go!


Ken Blundell. How are ya?

Van Arkle!

I think we found you a girl.

David Van Arkle, Mariel Heslop.

Mariel, you've probably seen the news about the civil war in South Africa.

Well, just as the South Africans seem to be doing the right thing by the blacks... the police open fire on a black soccer club, and that is bad news for David.

Are you black? What?

I don't know why I said that.

Well, well, it is funny, in a way.

But let's be honest. The South Africans were never much chop in the pool anyway.

David here is a bit of a freak, really.

And I think that he is gonna get the gold medal... for the 1,500 meters in the next Olympic Games.

Mariel, how did you feel when Kieren Perkins... took gold for Australia at Barcelona?

Who? Kieren Perkins.

He's an Australian champion. Now, David's family... are willing to do anything to see him fulfill his potential as a champion... even if it means swimming for another country.

And they're willing to pay $10,000... to the girl that'll help Dave out.

Are you from Sydney originally?

What? No, Porpoise Spit.

A-And why did you leave there?

Well, because of all the mental things that happened to me.

I got shallow, and my physical being could have been improved... and as well as my mentality.

What about the black-haired one? No, she was Turkish.

She's only been in the country five minutes.

Now, whoever marries David will have to... tell the immigration authorities that they're in love with him.

Now there'll be media attention... so they'll have to live with David in his flat... for at least four months after the marriage.

I've worked out all the details of the romance... which you and David will have to stick to.

But the most important thing is to convince people... that you two are really in love.

What about the blonde? You didn't like her.

I'm not so sure now. Now, I think Mariel might be... just what we're looking for.

Well, it's up to you now, love. Would you find it difficult to lie?

I could try.

Well, don't rush your decision... but if you could let us know by tomorrow morning.

You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl Watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen

I know you couldn't have got up onto the altar, but at least she could have asked you to be bridesmaid.

She did. Why didn't you say yes?

You could have been on television.

I don't want to sit up here, Mum.

I wanna sit in the corner. No one'll see you over there.

Well, if this is your attitude, I don't know why you bothered coming.

At least you won't be in anyone's way.


Is that you?

You're the bridesmaids? Isn't it fantastic?

We always knew Mariel'd come good. She's in all the papers.

What happened to you? I had cancer.

It's all right. They cut it out. I won't walk again though.

You were so full of life. I'm not dead, Cheryl.

Come on. We better get ready. Mariel's coming.

You must be so happy for her.

God, she has cancer!

I'm divorcing Chook.

I suppose I have you to thank for that.

I hope I can do the same for you one day.

You told me it would be a quick civil ceremony.

Ah, it's good she wanted a church wedding. It's romantic.

It looks like you mean it.

All the guests are on her side. I should have hired you some friends.

The charges don't surprise me.

The bastards have been out to get me from the beginnin'.

I just wanted you to know...

Mariel, are you marrying David for money?

Is this a marriage of convenience, Mariel?

Mariel, how long have you and David...

Your Mum's arriving in Sydney by bus because I can't afford a plane ticket.

You see what you've done to me? Where is she now?

I don't know. Trying to get a taxi, I suppose.


You're beautiful.

Love me or leave me Make your choice, but believe me I love you I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

I can't conceal it Don't you see Can't you feel it Don't you too I do, I do, I do, I do, I do Oh, I've been dreaming Through my lonely past Now I just made it I've found you at last So come on now Let's try it I love you, you can't deny it

'Cause it's true Oh, God.

Don't panic. Think of the games. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do

She's all yours, mate.

Father, when You created mankind, You willed that man and wife should be one.

Join David and Muriel... Mariel.

Mariel in the loving union of marriage... so that they may be living witness to Your divine love in the world.

David, do you take Mariel to be your wife?

Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad... in sickness and in health... to love and honor her all the days of your life?

Uh, yeah. Okay. All right. Why not? I do.

Mariel, do you take David to be your husband?

Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad... in sickness and in health... to love and honor him all the days of your life?

I do.

You have declared your consent before the Church.

May the Lord strengthen that consent and fill you with His blessings.

What God has joined, men must not divide.

Mariel, take this ring as a sign of my, uh...

Love and fidelity. Love and fidelity.

In the name of the Father... In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.

David, I take this ring as a sign of your love and fidelity... in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

I now pronounce you man and wife.


You may kiss your bride.

Congratulations! Oh, David!

Good on you.

Mr. Heslop. It's Bill.

Mrs. Heslop.

Thanks. Mariel, congratulations.

Thank you. You look lovely. Have every success.

Well done, love.

Good on you.

How do you feel? He's fighting fit.

The next gold you'll see on this hand will be the gold medal for the 1,500 meters!

You reckon? Oh, yes.

Mariel and us have been friends for years. We went to Hibiscus Island together.

We're like sisters. She's my best friend.

I-I tell her everything. Mariel! Oh, you look beautiful!

Oh, isn't she beautiful?

She is wearing the make-up, isn't she?


I was tryin' to hide from you. I saw your wheels.

I didn't think you'd come. I had to see it for myself.

Just the bridesmaids were worth it.

I didn't call them. They came crawling back to me.

The way they picked on me in Porpoise Spit... saying I wouldn't amount to anything...

And here I am, famous, and they're at my wedding.

I showed them. Showed them what?

I'm as good as they are.

I have to go. Good luck with what's his name.

Where are you going?

Where do you think? Back to Porpoise Spit with Mum.

We're catching the bus out tonight. I don't want you to.

Well, you should have thought of that before you gave up on me.

I couldn't pay all the rent without you. I couldn't even do the shopping.

I needed help. I needed a friend.

I mean, I don't want you to go back by bus.

I bought you two plane tickets.

Go to hell.

I already gave 'em to your mum.

You're right. You are a new person, and you stink.

Mariel Van Arkle stinks!

And she's not half the person Muriel Heslop was.

Rhonda, your mum just told us you're moving back to Porpoise Spit.

It'll be just like old times. Don't worry about Rhonda, Mrs. E.

We'll push her around.

Are you rich? My parents own it.

They didn't come to the wedding. No.

They paid for it.

They're in Johannesburg. Kitchen, lounge room, gym.

You can use everything but the weights.

Bathroom, my room.

Your room.

I'm going downstairs for a swim.

It wasn't just the money, was it?

What kind of person marries someone they don't know?

You did.

I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.

Me too.

$84.20. $84.20.

Ninety-nine cents.

Ninety, one hundred.

Thanks, Mrs. Heslop. Have a nice day.

You can see she's not right in the head.

Look, I'll see what I can do, Bill. You're a mate. I won't forget it.

I'll be in touch.

I meant to pay.

I need help... around the house, and...

3:00 news update.

Not comin' back. I want a divorce.

I'm marrying Deidre.

You know what they say?

They say that I wasn't elected to the state government that time... because my family wasn't up to scratch.

That's what they say. Look at this place!

I never had a bloody chance!

Get out! Get out and find yourself a job!

Get out, you layabout, and stop embarrassing your father!

You're an embarrassment! You're the embarrassment!

You mad bitch!

Oh, no.

Mariel Van Arkle speaking.

Hello? Muriel?

Mariel. Mum's died.

What? We're all at the hospital.

Dad says you have to come home.


The funeral's tomorrow. Are you coming?

Russell's gonna be there.

Yeah. I invited him. He says he's gonna bring Alan.


Hi. Mariel?

Is that you?

Not sure.

It was a heart attack.

Joanie found her.

She was lying on the bed, looking peaceful.

She didn't suffer.

She made the ultimate sacrifice for your father.

Judge will be lenient on him now. He's got kids to support.

She'd be glad, in the end, her life amounted to something.

Deidre, I finished up in the bathroom.

You were right about those cupboards.

Let's start on the laundry then.

It's a big job.

What happened? Mum burnt it.


Because she got sick and tired of waiting for Perry to mow it.


What am I gonna do without her?

Her photo album.

She took pills... sleeping pills.

They were next to her when I found her.

And when Dr. Farrell come, they were gone.

And when I asked what happened to 'em...

Dad said he didn't want anyone to know.

Dr. Farrell said Dad had been through enough.

I don't know. Maybe he has.

The Lord is good to me His word my hope Secures He will my shield And portion be As long as life Endures

I have a telefax to read.

Keep your eye on them journalist bastards.

"To Bill Heslop and Family...

Hazel and I were sorry to hear of the passing of Betty.

We are thinking of you in your time of sorrow."

Signed, the honorable Bob Hawke... former prime minister of Australia.

What are they doin'? They're, they're writin' it down.

I'll bet they are. Put that in your papers, you mongrel bastards.

I've still got friends.

How many families get telegrams from former prime ministers... when somebody dies?

I'm not forgotten.

Betty Heslop lived for her family.

She was very happy about her daughter Mariel's marriage... and attending the wedding in Sydney... was one of the highlights of her life.

Her life, during her last days on earth... made me think of...


I'm sorry.

I thought I was so different... a new person.

But I'm not.

I'm just the same as him.


On The Beach Motel.


I can't stay married to you, David.

I've got to stop lying now.

I tell so many lies.

One day I won't know I'm doing it.

I don't love you.

I-I don't love you either, but, uh...

I don't know. I-I think I could like having you around.

I'll give you the money back.

It's yours.

Good luck in the games.

You too.

I don't understand it.

Why'd she burn the back yard?

We've got to stick together.

You've got to help me with the kids.

What about Deidre?

She'll lend a hand. I don't think she's keen to marry me... now that livin' with the kids has come into it.

Someone's got to look after them.

And it has to be you, Dad.

You owe me, Muriel.

Now, this isn't all of it... but I'll pay the rest off when I get back to Sydney and get a job.

So you're not gonna help me out. Is that it?

You owe us, Dad. We're not useless.

We never were. Now you're looking after the kids... and you're gonna tell them they're not useless.

How about that telegram from Bob Hawke?

How'd you get that?

I phoned his office.

I was nearly in the state government.

Fourteen votes I needed.

Nobody knew who'd won for three days till the postal vote came in.

For three days, I was almost there.

Couldn't win a chook raffle now.

Resigned from the council.

I'm unemployed. Got to go on the dole.

Imagine the faces when I walk into that dole office.

You reap what you sow.

You'd think I'd have learned that growin' up on a farm.

You reap what you sow.

Dad, the cricket's started.

Hi, Joan.

Muriel's goin' back to Sydney. Are ya?

I thought you were stayin' here with us.

Keep in touch.

Bye, Dad.

Do you want me to open you a can of beer?

That would be lovely, Joanie. With you in a sec.

I'm giving it another chance with Chook... as soon as he gets out of the correction center.

They've accused him of raping a Japanese tourist, which is ridiculous!

Chook hates the Japanese.

We better fly. We're meeting Rose Biggs for lunch.

Rose Biggs? Are you friends with her?

Once we got to know her, we found out she was just like us.

But Rose Biggs sucked your husband's cock.

Rhonda! Oh, she did. I know.

But w...

I sucked her husband's cock, and it made me realize... we all make mistakes.


Mariel. Muriel.

What a surprise!

Rhonda, Mariel... Muriel's come to visit you.

Actually, I've come to ask Rhonda if she wants to come back to Sydney.

I've got a taxi outside and two plane tickets, if you want to.

What about your husband? We broke up.

I knew it wouldn't last.

What makes you think I'd go anywhere with you?

Because I'm your friend.

Muriel, you can't come bargin' in here without warning... trying to turn Rhonda against the people who love her... against the people who were there for her when she needed them.

Yes, she can.

Sorry, Mum. You know I love you, but you drive me crazy.

And you three... what a bunch of cocksuckers.

Who do you think you are to call me that?

I'm married. I'm beautiful!

You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl Watch that scene See you, Mum.

Diggin' the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low Looking out for a place to go Mmm, where they play the right music Getting in the swing you come to look for a king Bye, street. Anybody could be that guy Bye, mall! Night is young and the music's Goodbye, beach! High Goodbye, tourists! With a bit of rock music Bye, plaza! Everything is fine Goodbye, Surf Club! You're in the mood for a dance See you, surfies!

See ya, high rises! And when you get the chance Bye, Fun World!

Goodbye, Porpoise Spit! You are the dancing queen Young and sweet, only 17

Dancing queen Feel the beat from the tambourine Oh, yeah You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl, watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen

You're a teaser You turn 'em on Leave 'em burning and then you're gone Looking out for another Anyone will do You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance You are the dancing queen Young and sweet, only 17 Dancing queen Feel the beat from the tambourine Oh, yeah You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl, watch that scene Diggin' the dancing queen

Diggin' the dancing queen

Can you hear the drums, Fernando I remember long ago another starry night like this

In the firelight, Fernando You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar I could hear the distant drums and sounds of bugle calls Were coming from afar They were closer now, Fernando Every hour, every minute seemed to last eternally

I was so afraid, Fernando We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die And I'm not ashamed to say the roar of guns and cannons Almost made me cry There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me For liberty, Fernando Though we never thought that we could lose There's no regret If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando If I had to do the same again I would, my friend, Fernando