Museo (2018) Script

This show contains scenes not suitable for children and includes nudity and drug use. Discretion is advised.

This story is a replica of the original.



One, two, three!


One, two! One, two, three, four!

Juan always said he didn't believe anything from History class.

Or books, for that matter.

How could they be so sure what Hernan Cortes thought...

...or Montezuma, or Alexander the Great?

He said it was all made up.

He said no one could know why someone did what they did...

...except for the person who did it.

And more often than not, not even them.


Skies crisscrossed by clouds.

Silent mountains.

Elements controlled by Tlaloc.

For centuries, the 300 A.D. monolith slumbered in a ravine.

Juan told me about the time when some engineers...

...took the god Tlaloc away from his home.

People were angry and sad, but they took him anyway.

Without asking for permission or forgiveness.

On the huge platform powered by 860 hp...

...the god's transportation took place over two stages.

From the shores of Texcoco Lake to the Chapultepec Forest.

Power and telephone cables had to be removed along the way.

And all because they had to fill...

...the new anthropology museum with old things.

The city was lit up... Tlaloc traversed it in his immortal slumber.

Witnessing the centuries-old journey of the god...

...hundreds of thousands watched in awe and curiosity.

Photo! Stop it, stop.

Get down. Oh, sweetie.

Soon after the museum opened, Juan's father...

...took Juan to see Tlaloc and told him about the plunder.

Honey, please smile. I'm smiling.

Juan was five years old.

Smile, Juan! Show your teeth! He never forgot the story.

"Death is our eternal companion"

"Always to our left"

"An arm's distance away"

The first time I visited the museum, back in eighth grade...

...I had to copy the captions next to the pieces...

...and get my notebook stamped to prove I had been there.

I heard stories about the creation, and wars...

...and about the things that used to be here.

"It whispers in your ear You felt its icy touch"

"The way you felt it today"

But I don't remember any of it.

"It has always been Watching over you"

"And it always will"

Next piece, please.

Turn it off.

Turn it off.



Turn off the light! Sorry, sorry.

The year of the earthquake, Juan spent the summer...

...working at the museum to pay for his weed.

Every day for three months they took photographs...

...of each object at the Maya room.

And it seemed they'd never finish.

Rotate it counterclockwise, please.

What are you doing? No touching without gloves!

Juan, if you touch a piece again, I'm sending you home.

Juan used to say it was impossible to know how things start...

...we can only know how they end...

...once they've ended.

I don't know if those photos were the beginning of it all.

I don't know.

Where does an idea begin?

Who can tell?


Wilson. Wilson.

Shoot. I said no.

Shoot. I don't want to.

Shoot. Cut it out.

Ciudad Satelite, 23 km from Mexico City.




Shoot, you bastard! I'm leaving.

Shoot, you bastard! I'm leaving.

First we finish this, I told you how. I'm taking my dad to the doctor.

Either shoot or stand here. I don't want to, I'm serious.

Alexander the Great had diamond-tipped arrows made for him.

They could go through a Mongol's head.

These arrows couldn't puncture a cat's head...

...but they'll pierce the cube.

But what's the point?

I need to know I can trust you.

You can.

What are you doing, asshole? You moved!

You could've hit me in the eye! You told me to do it!

You could've hit me in the eye! What happened?

Nothing. Wilson shot at my head.

Why did you shoot at his head? It's not true.

I thought I could trust you. You can.

So, why did you shoot at me? Why did you shoot at him?

I didn't.

Shorty, they're fighting out there. Lalo doesn't want to pay.

Who said you could call me that?

I'd go out if I were you, Shorty.

I thought I could trust you. You can.

So why did you shoot me in the head?

Can I borrow it?

THE HARD LIFE OF AN EASY WOMAN No, Scherezada Rios stays here. It's a hard one to find.

All right, if you don't pay, you can't play.

What's up, Lalo?

Lalo has been playing and hasn't paid yet.

Pay up, Lalo, don't be a dick. Oh, you don't want to pay?

In that case, move it. Move aside, let me--

Is that level 15?

Wait a minute.

I'll cover you.

But just this once, got it? We can't set a precedent, Camila.

This isn't a game, fuckers. We must think like the enemy.

As if we came from another planet.

When King Pakal returns in his ship and everything comes to an end...

...don't say I didn't warn you, you little shits.

Juan, you're still here? No!

They're waiting for you!

Ben, are you staying for dinner? I can't, my dad needs me.

How is he doing? Good, they put him on oxygen.

I'm really sorry. Give him one of the fruitcakes.

My daughter made them. Don't use English words, Mom.

You can say fruitcake in Spanish, you know?

Julio is waiting for you. It's about the--

The Santa costume?

I don't want to, Mom. Juan, come here.

No, Juan, I keep tucking it in, but it's still too big on you.

It's hard to believe you are Dr. Juan's grandson.

You should dress as an elf, it would fit you better.

They've informed us that the Modern Art Museum...

...and the Anthropology Museum will remain closed...

...from today until January 5th...

...while a new ventilation system is being installed.

They're working day and night to be ready when school starts.

So, this holiday season there will be no museums.

Can I use your phone? Wait, don't move yet.

Let me finish. It's fine like this.

Put it on Mom's tab!



Duct tape? Yes, duct tape.

How many nails? A bunch.

Thin copper wire, six meters. Six meters copper wire.

That's too much.

Alligators? What are those?

Oh, the crocodiles! Yes, I'll take a few.

Do you have any acetone? What?


Since Juan was a kid, every Christmas...

...his grandfather dressed as Santa and gave out presents after dinner.

He died that year, so everyone agreed Juan would take over.

Juan protested, saying he'd rather dress as Quetzatcoatl...

...because Santa Claus was a tool to indoctrinate kids into capitalism.

His protests went ignored.

Take a deep breath.

Get dressed.

Your blood pressure and resting heart rate are high.

I'm prescribing you some pills. You did that already.

Hey, Dad...

I need to use your car, can I borrow it?

I have something important to do after Christmas dinner.

What are we going to do with you, bud?

I already paid the deposit for the place at the mall.

I'm pretty much set to go. You're not a veterinarian yet.

I know that. I'm graduating soon.

I'm not like Uncle Oscar. Did you pick up the suit?

Yeah, I even got it tailored. It's going to fit great.


Am I dying soon, Dad?


Yes, sweetie, show her in.

So I guess I'll see you tonight, yeah?

You'll be there, right?

I just filled the tank. Thanks.

Thank you. Hey, Chiva.

Time for you annual drug test? Anal, yes. Pretty wild.

Try it, you might like it.

Dad said work calls only. What? What did Dad say?

What did he say? Let go of me, asshole.

Hello? Wilson?

Where have you been all day? It has to be tonight.


What do you mean "what"?

But it's Christmas. So?

You said the 31st. It has to be tonight.

You said New Year's Eve. I just saw the news.

Repairs start tomorrow, it's going to be crowded.

It has to be tonight. Are we even ready?

Sure we're ready, we've gone over and over it.

I already called Bosco, I got the car, everything.

Yeah, but I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with Dad.

I'm not asking, moron.

I'm not asking you to fucking prom. You're coming tonight.

I guess we'll have to see because...

...the doctor said it might be his last Christmas.

Look, I'll see you at midnight at the usual place.

Yes, Juan. Don't be late.

We'll see.


What are you up to, Shorty? Nothing.

Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. Catch a tiger by the toe.

If he hollers, let him go.

One, two, three, four...

One, two...

Why don't you hide here? Get under the table.

No one will find you.

I saw you, under the chair!

You're mistaken, there's no one here.

Hey, have you met Oscar's girlfriend?

He has a girlfriend? Why else ask for another seat?

What? There's no more ham.

Don't fill up with snacks. Wait a little.

Have some cheese and olives. Don't fill up before dinner.

She's his student!? We'll meet her soon.

What is this stuff? It's pâté, thank you very much.

Hello! Merry Christmas! This is Gaby.

Gaby, my family.

Who's your guest? This is Gaby.

Introduce us. Hello.

My brother. Nice to meet you.

Uncle Oscar, how are you? I'm fine.

I'll take your bag.

Hi, nice to meet you. The lady of the house.

My niece. Susana!

It's Christmas, they're dating. Precisely, it's Christmas!

Good evening, sir. I brought bread and cider.

This one has a bite mark!

Neto was hungry. Must've been the baker!

Did you taste that one, too! No, it's unopened!

Really, it is! He says it's unopened.

Shorty, where are you going with those bags?

It's your kids, chopped up. Asshole.

I'm dumping them in the dam. Don't joke about that!

What do you want, chipmunk? Dad asked why you're here...

...instead of downstairs, with everyone.

Why do you always isolate yourself?

Aren't you happy? It's Christmas, why would I be happy?

You should be thankful, you have a family.

Some people don't, but you do. Thank you, family.

Are you doing Grandpa's thing? Did the suit fit you?

I bet it didn't.

It was too big on you. I'm sure it looks huge on you.

If it was green instead, you'd be a nice elf.

If you do it, do it right. It's very important you do it right.

Don't screw up. You smell like period blood.

You smell like baby shit, you fucking dwarf.

Make way for the turkey!

Give a round of applause for the cook!

Everyone, hush!

Please, sit down. Children, sit down!

I just want to say...

...that this has been a terrible year.

I want you to join me in a toast to someone very special... my father. Thank you, cheers!

Cheers, cheers. To Grandpa!

To Grandpa. And to your joy as well.

And to the joys this year brought us!

...its scales will dry up.

No, Keiko means "lucky one," it doesn't bring you luck.

So kids can see it! It was in Sea Wo--

It was in Sea World, right? Norway.

It was in Norway. In the sea.

Norway? Yeah, right?

It's so that people can have a good time.

We went there recently. We loved it, it was great.

But he was asking why bring it now?

It definitely has to be a smoke screen.

The park can do whatever they like with their money.

It's a private company. The government can't interfere.

But how can you deny state involvement...

...if they closed up the freeway... that two huge trucks could move the orca to the park...

...before its scales dried up? Whales don't have scales.

Got it? Having fun in the Pacific...

...and waking up in Mexico City is not good luck.

But why do it now?

Why, at this point for the country, with the peso as low as it is...

...and ties between the cartels and the government?

Enlighten us, Juan. Juan, do you know about orcas?

What? About orcas, like Keiko.

Hey, Christmas, right here! We're having a conversation.

Don't worry, you can go play Atari with the kids...

...while the rest of us grown ups talk about politics.

Keiko will die there. It will?

Then, they'll chop him up and sell him outside the park.

Yeah, fish tacos!

Did you know they live with their mothers?

All their lives, especially males.

They stay with their moms. So you're an orca?

Is your thesis about whales, Shorty?

It's been nine years.

Wait, he's been doing field practice for nine years...

...and his dissertation is about masturbation.

What? Tell them. What will the title be?

Are you leaving?

Don't go! What's the title?

"Masturbatory habits in Ciudad Satelite."

It's Christmas, can't we have fun? But he started it!

We're all having fun!


Shorty, it's time for the family picture.

I know, I'm coming. Give me a minute.

Hey, would you like to see something spectacular?

You would?

Know where Santa's presents are? Where?

Right here.

You're lying.


Let's see here.

Do you see this?

This one's for Iker, this one's for Pilar.

This one's for you, Lalo! Should we open it?

A Millennium Falcon!

What a lucky kid! Isn't it great?

I saw your mom come in and leave them here.

Do you know what that means?

All right, then.

Think about it.

Santa's coming soon. Whoever is not in the photo gets no present.

You won't fit in the frame! Nephew, come here.

Did I tell you about the fire at your grandparents' house?

Only about a hundred times.

She doesn't know this one, so act surprised.

This ingrate's grandparents, meaning my parents...

...had a house in Novelist St. It was really cool!

It was a modernist house, one of the biggest in Satelite.

It was actually built by Mario Pani in the '50s...

...back when all this was empty hills.

Hey, what's going on? Are you in a hurry?

Just tell the story already.

Why do I love this one if he's so rude?


Cool! These are Legos!

It's the one I wanted! Yes! Battleship!

I can make a polar bear!

What's all this?

What's going on, Pilar?

You're the oldest, what happened?

Juan. Juan told Lalo to open the gifts.

He said they were here. Eduardo, come here!

Come here!

Give me that. What did Juan tell you?

He said the presents were here and we could open them.

And you told everyone? He said I could.

Was that nice? No.

Don't you laugh or I'll smack your mouth!

Anyway, back in 1959, that house burned down.

The ground floor was lost, furniture, curtains, all of it.

We were in pajamas on the street, watching it go up in flames.

The fire department came, so did the police.

They even wrote about it in the newspaper.

And do you know why it burned down?

You left the stereo on. That's the official version.

What actually happened was entirely different.

You bastard! Hey, Adriana!

Mom, your son told my kids that Santa's not real...

...and where we hid the presents!

No, I didn't. Are you serious?

Yes, you did! I didn't "say" it.

I didn't tell him! You're a fucking moron!

You fucking moron! Hey, hey, calm down.

Do you even know how much Santa means to them?

Listen to me! Enough of that! Stop!

When Juan left that night, he never returned again.

Someone who looked like him came back, but it wasn't him.

Good girl, yes you are. Where's this moron?

Where is this moron?

Since we were kids, Juan and I had our usual place.

Only we knew where the usual place was.

Where have you been? You said midnight sharp.

I was at the usual place at midnight sharp.

I thought you weren't coming.

Yes, Juan, I'm here. I see that.

When we got into college, an old friend of Juan's...

...called Pepe Soto took us out to celebrate.

On the way back, Juan stopped at that sign...

...and painted the name of our profession.

He said it was insulting that there was even an Actors St...

...and not a single street in Satelite to honor our noble field.


Merry Christmas.

The Night of the Mayas.

Thanks, Juan.

I saw your dad through the window, he looked better.

What time will we get back home?

Don't start with that.

From this point on, there's no turning back.

Yes, Juan.

We're no longer like our stupid families.


No one has ever done this before.

Do you understand?

Yes, Juan.

You told me I could trust you.

You can.

I know.

Let's go.



Go, go, go.

This stinks like ass.

Make do, Wilson.

Are you sure?

I am.

Eighty percent.

Sixty percent.

There's no alarm, trust me. How could there not be?

The headdress, too?


Someone beat us to it.

The original... is in Austria.

Do we care?

Stop it, stop.

What happened?

It's Pakal.

What? It's Pakal!


Juan, are you OK?

What's going on, man?

Just breathe.

Juan, just breathe.

We're almost out.

Do you realize, Wilson? Benjamin, do you realize?

Did you ever imagine?

Did you ever imagine!? We fucking rule!

We fucking rule! We fucking rule, Wilson!

I have to pee. We fucking rule!

I have to pee.

We're almost there, Wilson!

I have to pee. Hold it.

I have to pee right now. Wilson, hey!

What the fuck are you doing?!




I've always wanted to do this.

Look at you, fucking Wilson!

Do you realize? You're the king of Satelite!

I mean, we both are.

We are the Aztec kings of Naucalpan.


So? So what?

Now what? Now, we celebrate.

But we're taking them to Bosco so he can sell them, right?

He did tell you he could sell them, didn't he?

Is that all you care about? Is it true?

Shit, just let me enjoy this. You sound like my dad.

Sorry, Juan.

But, did he?

So that's the official version about the fire at your grandparents'.

But what really happened...

...was something entirely different.

Your dad had met your mother shortly before the fire.

He never disobeyed our dad, except in those days.

He went rebellious on us.

That night...

...while everyone slept, he brought her home.

Right there in the living room, what better place, right?

And then he... you know.

Your mother has always been a very attractive woman.

Anyway, long story short, once he finished banging her...

...he forgot to put out the candles he had lit to set the mood.

And when he came back, the living room was on fire.

His first thought was to wake me, looking scared shitless...

...and that's when...

...when we agreed I'd take the blame for it.

I called the fire department and we woke everyone up.


Back then, I was always playing my Bach records...

...and I always forgot to turn off the stereo.

Dad used to get angry, he said it would catch fire... no one ever questioned the story.

Besides, well... then I had already dropped out of school...

...and had gone in and out of the hospital.

I had even gotten Nelly pregnant.

No one expected anything else from me... that's what I gave them.

I don't know why, nephew...

...and I hope I'm wrong...

...but it seems you're walking near the monster pit...

...and if you fall in...

...and the monsters grab you, they won't ever let you go.

What did you think of Gaby?

She's hot, right?

I bet you'd fuck her.


Hey, Dad.

What's going on?

Are you all right?

Did you have trouble sleeping?



Where were you, Shorty? Have you seen the news?

Where were you, son? I asked Benjamin to stay for lunch.

The thieves knew the value of the pieces... they took the ones easiest to transport and hide.

Some of the most valuable of all time.

Pieces like the ones I've just described...

...have been stolen by criminals...

...probably linked to cultural trafficking rings...

...that threaten every museum in the world.

The National Institute of Anthropology and History...

...warns Mexico of these thieves, enemies of their past and heritage.

All Mexicans are called upon to rally against...

...this act of shameful, unpatriotic theft.

It's been one thing after another, what a year!

How do you steal so many pieces? Where were the guards?

Culture's budget keeps being cut. Will you let me hear?

The value of these pieces is inestimable in monetary terms.

Rather, their value is cultural and artistic.

In other news, earthquake rescue crews...

Turn it off.

They didn't say their worth. They did, they're priceless.

You can't put a price on them. They don't know how.

How could they know? It's our history.

Our heritage, our culture, that's their only value.

Those who did it are miserable bastards with no past or future.

I hope they rot in their own curse, their own stupidity.

They are the dark shit of this country.

When they catch them, it is our solemn duty... whip them in the main square.

And drag their damned bodies until they bleed out.

Sons of bitches!

What's wrong, Mom?

Nothing. Are you crying?

No, no.

What's wrong? Don't listen to him.

Come on, Wilson, they need to look presentable if we want to sell them.

They weren't presentable at the museum?

We need to fence them now.

Are you scared?

Should we give them back? No, otherwise it's all wasted.

What if we go back to the museum...

...and leave them at the coat check? No one would notice.

What are we, clowns?

We'll take them to Bosco, in Palenque, like we agreed...

...and he'll take us to his client, that's it.

That's it? Yes.

Juan thought about all the small gods we had hidden in his closet.

Where are they now?

Do they still listen to people's prayers?

Or did they leave them to their fate, like they did to us?

Who were those men who crafted those gods?

What was their life like?

And what would they think about the way I live?

Juan! Wake up.


Turn off the engine.

Where are you headed?

Nowhere. Palenque.

Do you have ID?

Show it to me.

Are you carrying marijuana? No.

I wasn't talking to you, whitey. No.

Get out, we're searching the car.

Go stand over there.

Check everywhere.

What's in that bag?


Do you collect handcrafts?


You look familiar.

You're a famous actor, aren't you?

Of course you are!

Can I get an autograph for my girlfriend?


[speaking Mayan]

Good morning! Good morning.

Sit down, go on.

Good morning. How are you?

Hi, I'm Juan.

Benjamin, from Satelite. Nice to meet you.

Do you know a guide here named Bosco Huerta?

No? How about "Chunuc"?

Ah! Yes, we know him.

He was there earlier with a group. Who the hell is Chunuc?

When Pakal died at the age of 80...

...his sons, led by the priest...

...descended these stairways inside the building...

...with torches, bearing his corpse.

Symbolically traveling down the nine levels of the underworld.

In 1952, when the master Alberto Ruz...

...the Mexican archaeologist, found the tomb, they--

I'm sorry.

Excuse me, mister, but... know, this group is complete and already paid for.

Do you mind? We don't mind.

They don't mind. OK.

Thank you. So...

...all the body of Pakal was spread with cinnabar red.

Because of the sunrise. Because-- It was the color--

The sun comes out, it's red. The color of the sunrise.

In the east. Yes, that's it, the sunrise.

So, we have an expert here, right?

Thank you, mister.

The first archaeologists tried to figure out... this tomb was get inside this pyramid.

Until they realized that was first the tomb...

...and they build the pyramid over the tomb, the sarcophagus.

OK, so...

...ladies and gentlemen, here we are... the tomb of Pakal.

Pakal's body was with different kind of jewels...

...each one with a different meaning, and to crown it all...

...a beautiful jade mask covering his face...

...immortalizing his features forever.

From the museum in Mexico City. Yes, that's right.

This is the same mask that was stolen from the Anthropology Museum...

...last week by cowards.

Isn't the sarcophagus supposed to be a spaceship?

Yes... Yes, yes.

There is an interpretation. Yeah, you heard about that myth, right?

There are some people telling that Pakal was supposed to be steering a spaceship...

...instead of laying in the Tree of Life.

But, you know, only small and stupid children believe that.

But we don't know.

Yeah, they say that he is laying back in the rocket... the NASA astronaut, and all this full of levers and buttons.

And now he's all set to go and kill some space invaders. Right?

Or like a cosmonaut. We don't know.

We can talk at the end of the tour if you want.

OK, so let's continue, please.

Let's go to our next stop, el conjunto Las Cruces.

Thank you. Watch your step. Let's go to get some fresh air.

Wait, Chunuc! I'm talking to you.

Wait. We need to talk.

Unless you want to be credited as the mastermind.

The what?

Me? The mastermind?

I have nothing to do with this.

You gave us the idea! Stop saying that.

You gave us the idea! Stop saying that.

You gave us the idea! Stop saying that!

For fuck's sake! Easy, Bosco.

Juan has it all under control. Fucking psycho, you too.

You said: "Do something else, don't be like our parents."

But this isn't what I meant! It's normal to be scared.

My hands are so delicate! They need to be moist, soaking wet.

Is that Scherezada Rios?

That's a great movie. Juanito, I'm not helping you.

I'm not joking. Chill, Bosco.

Sit down, sit.

You still haven't contacted Mr. Gray, I assume.

Graves. Well, look.

"Being a warrior is not just about wishing it.

It is an endless, lifelong struggle."

Yes, yes.

"No one is born a warrior, no one is born a commoner.

It is we who become one thing or the other."

Carlos Castaneda.

You can't use the master to manipulate me.

That's a low blow, even from you.

If you don't help us, we'll go to Pepe Soto.

He'll fence them.

Go ahead, go to him. You'll end up in jail...

...right next to him. So will you.

Me? In jail?

Pepe Soto is the King Midas of shit.

Everything he touches turns to shit.


That's why we're here, and not with him.

Get us in touch with Mr. Gray. Graves.

That's right, Graves. We'll do the rest.

Even if I got ahold of him, which I'm not doing... will you talk him into moving such hot pieces?

Hold this.

It's fucking beautiful.

I know. Beautiful.

Are you going to help us?


Nothing, man.

"Death is our eternal companion"

"Always to our left"

"An arm's distance away"


Holy shit.

So, what are you doing with your share?

Those were the best days.

Sometimes, I even forgot we had robbed the museum.

I liked to imagine that blah, blah, blah.

"You felt its icy touch"

"The way you felt it today"


They were looking for the Museum thieves.

Juan always quoted something Hernan Cortes once said:

"I came here looking for gold, not to plow the earth like a peasant."

He said he was finally no longer afraid to die.

"Death is our eternal companion...

Always behind us, to the left, an arm's distance away.

Death is the only wise advisor a warrior can count on.

When the warrior feels he's about to be killed...

...he can turn to his death...

...and ask if it's true.

His death will tell him he's wrong.

That nothing matters, except for its touch.

His death will say: 'I haven't touched you yet'."

The Mayas who worked near the pyramids told us...

...they often break in at night to leave offerings for their dead.

Site employees always clear them to keep it neat for the tourists.

I don't know for whom Juan's offering was supposed to be.

I don't know if it was an offering, or a way of apologizing...

...or some sort of reparation.

He never told me.




It's done.

Who? What do you mean "who"?

Frank Graves called back.

He wants to meet on Friday, in Acapulco, we need to go.

Security was doubled at airports, naval ports, and train stations... keep the jewels from being smuggled.

The Customs Office incorrectly described the pieces to the outposts...

...claiming they were clay and stone, when in fact they're gold and jade.

So, I'm the Mexican contact for Mr...

Mr. Quest. West.

Yeah, Quest. Not Quest, West. All right?

Our boss, Mr. West has businesses in the Caribbean.

Let's not say that. No?

Don't say a word. OK.

I'll do all the talking, and when I signal... take out the bait. He needs to savor it.

Those fuckers are like that. How?

Like that, like pedophiles.

And then can we go see the cliff divers?

Aren't you dressing up? I did.

What? No one told me we had to dress like waiters.

I have to go home, my dad is in the hospital.

Damn, Wilson.

That sucks.

Let's finish this and get back tomorrow.

My dad is in the hospital, I'm leaving.

Tomorrow, you'll be able to afford any hospital for your dad.

Like Houston! We'll get him there.

Think about it, I'm only asking for one day.

I can't, Juan. Don't do this to me, Wilson.

You can't abandon me, you're my eagle commander!

Damn it. I can't.

Listen, you shit!

If you abandon me, I'll never forgive you!


Goddammit, you bastard!

Get in the fucking car!

Wilson! Hey! Come here.

What's that? Home.

Right? Of course not.

It's Satelite, I'm telling you!

I love Acapulco.

Gentlemen, good afternoon.

My apologies, I had guests. Bosco, how are you, old boy?

These are Omar Robles and Francisco Muñoz.

Hi. Hello, Mr. Graves. Frank, please.

Nobody calls me Mr. Graves except those fuckers from Hacienda.

How exciting! Shall we get down to it? Follow me.

Thank you, Frank.

Hey, Bosco! Come here. What, man?

An Englishman? What?

We're giving the country's jewels to a fucking Englishman?

They'll end up in the fucking British Museum.

These fuckers don't care, they don't even speak Spanish!

Follow me. Dude!

What are you drinking, gentlemen? Whatever you have, Frank.

You know? Una cuba for me is good.

I'd like a rum and coke, too. Make it three!

Cubas, for fuck's sake! This is not the Baby'O, boys.

Gin and tonics all around, I think.

Hey, Frankie, is this a new piece from Tikal? 400 a.C., maybe?

Classical period, yes. Very good. You know your Maya, arqueólogo.

Well, what I know was that Tikal was sacked by the gringos and you Brits...

...when they went in to restore it.

Well, after the Krauts had already taken every Pre-Hispanic piece off site.

It's not "Pre-Hispanic."

What should I say?

Mesoamerican or Maya, which is what they are.

Cheers, gentlemen. To Mesoamerica.

Well, you know, every piece from Tikal that are worth anything...

...are now in private collections...

...where nobody can see them but the friends of the owners.

Still doing your Indiana Jones bit, Bosquito?

"This stuff belongs in a museum."

And are you still doing your Belzoni bit, Frankie?

You love it, right?

Ever heard of Belzoni? Giovanni Belzoni?

He was an eccentric Italian, a 19th century explorer.

In his London strongman shows he'd lift 20 people at once.

Absolute lunatic, but he was responsible for finding...

...some of the most important sites in Ancient Egypt.

The Abu Simbel temple, Seti I's tomb, to name but a few.

Yes, and he kept half of what he found.

And whatever he didn't stole for himself, he selled it like it was his own.

And that's how the Met, the Louvre and your British Museum were made.

That's how all museums were made, even your Anthropology Museum.

Where do you think they got that Tlaloc monolith from?

Do you think someone donated it out of the kindness of their heart?

Well, Frank, that rock is not Tlaloc, this is actually Chalchiuhtlicue.

They stole it.

Yes, Frank, I was there.

That's my point. Without people like Belzoni there wouldn't be any archaeology.

There wouldn't be anything.

"There's no preservation without plunder."

You of all people should know that, arqueólogo.

Yeah, that's what every thief in history says.

Yes, maybe.

Let me show you something.

Page 20 or something.

Last year, an American expedition discovered a Spanish galleon... international waters.

She'd been sunk by the British in 1804, a beautiful, beautiful vessel.

And inside this ship, they found gold, valued at an estimated...

...$500 million, that's half a billion greens.

So, saying that it was part of their national heritage...

...or whatever the fuck they called it...

...the Spanish government claimed the vessel as their property...

...and sued the Americans.

Well, the Yanks, quite naturally, said...

"What the fuck are you talking about? We found this shit."

And then the government of Peru stuck their noses in.

Wasn't the gold which was being carried by the Spanish galleon originally Inca gold?

In which case, shouldn't it go back to Peru...

...from where those conquistador bastards stole it in the first place?

Yes, I'd think that's obvious.

Yes, but who had paid for the very expensive underwater expedition...

...without which there wouldn't be any galleon, or any Inca gold...

...or anything to argue about?

It's not so simple, is it?

Anyway, you didn't come here to hear me rattle on about Spanish galleons.

Bosco here says you have something very special...

...and he's never disappointed me, so...


Thank you, Frank, for receiving us.

Me and Alan, we are very happy to be here...

...representing the interests of Mr. West. Mr. West operates mainly in the Caribbean.

Mr. West cares deeply about where his goods will end up... he will be more than happy...

...if all the things that we come to present end up in your hands.

Mr. West-- Why?

Why would he be happy?

Because you... It's you. You have a very good eye.

And with all your collection and what we brought... can have someone like architect Ramírez Vázquez build you your own museum.

Mr. West would like to...

Normally, you know, he would scatter these pieces around...

...with his clients in the Caribbean to minimize the risk.

But this time he's willing to take the risk and offer the whole lot...

...140 pieces, intact, to only one buyer.

Especially one that appreciates what he's getting.


Frank, our boss, Mr. Quest is involved in heists... the most prominent museums in the world.

Europe, Asia, Africa, the United States.

So don't be scared, Frank. Mr. Quest is a professional.

How much?

For the mask? No, no, he wants to sell the whole lot.

Okay, how much for the whole lot?

Mr. West is asking for $1 million. West or Quest? I'm confused.

West, West! West.

Mr. West wants a million? And how did he come up with that figure?

You know, what I find really fascinating is...

...who would choose you two kids to try and make this deal.

What do you mean?

You've got some fucking balls, my friends, I'll give you that...

...coming in here trying to pull this stunt.

And you, you're gonna hear from me, Bosquito.

Hey, Frank. No, no, listen to me. I was just do the introduction.

This is not my business.

Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?


If you think this mask is fake, then you know nothing about Mesoamerican art.

I know every art dealer there is.

I know you don't have a boss called Mr. West or Mr. Quest...

...or whatever the fuck you call him.

And I know you got that suit in Suburbia just before coming here.

You're no dealer, kid.

These are the real pieces that were stolen from the Museum of Anthropology.

I know! Yes, test them, test them.

I know that's the real mask of King Pakal, there's nothing else like it in the world.

But listen to me, you can't sell this.

Nobody can. Nobody in this business is stupid enough to buy it.

You understand?

OK, let's sell it for half a million-- No, look at me. Look at me!

These pieces are unsellable.

They might as well be worthless.

Oh, you're boys.

You look like good boys, you're not crooks. Now, if you'll excuse me...

...I need to get back to my guests.

Frank, maybe you heard this other story.

Rockefeller's plane was so heavy from all the Maya stelae...

...they had stolen from us, that it couldn't take off!

And what is that to me?

The law is strict when it comes to archaeology, right?

Especially on foreigners.

All my stuff is completely legal.

People at the Instituto Nacional have my back...

...people, by the way, who'd be very happy to recover this treasure.

They're fucking thieves, like you.

All it takes is one phone call.

Look, if I were you, I'd... I'd fly away tonight.

They're gonna come after you.

Just fly the fuck away.

Are we going back to Mexico City?

I need to check up on my dad.



One of these.

What did she say?


Hello? Chiva.

Where are you, idiot? Chiva, I need your help.

Dad's going to kill you.

Is he angry?

He reported the car as stolen. Where are you, idiot?

But it wasn't stolen!

It's stolen, even if we know who has the car.

I need to know the name of Pepe Soto's club in Acapulco.

Why, you idiot?

Stop calling me idiot, you hag!

What's the name of the club in Acapulco?

What are you doing in Acapulco, idiot?

I'm not!

What makes you think I'm there?

"What makes you think I'm there?"

Dad is gonna castrate you when he sees you.

Just give me the name!

Heaven's Gates.

Got it. Thanks, hag.

You're the only one of the four I like, don't tell anyone.

Visiting hours at the hospital start at eight o'clock.



How will we get there if you don't know where it is?

Remember the book Journey to Ixtlan?

The Castaneda one?

Remember when Don Juan shows them how to stop the world?

Don't do that, Juan.

Don't worry.

Don't worry, It's all good. Just be chill.

Juan! Just breathe.

Go with the flow, man. Just breathe.

We'll be with Pepe soon.

We'll get an advance for the pieces and we'll go back home.

Turn on the lights!

Holy shit! Oh, fuck! You fucking asshole!

He hit us, asshole! Turn them on!

Stop the car, asshole!

Turn on the lights! There, there.

Pull over now! Pull over! What for?

Stop the car.

Where are you going? Where are you going, idiot?

What are you doing?

Where are you going? Fuck you, to Mexico!

Get back here. Stop it!

Don't start with this! You'll end up crying.

I'm done following you. I'm done!

Without me, you're just a stupid dog groomer...

...who wipes his dad's asshole!

Listen, you piece of shit.

I took the blame when you nearly blinded Toño Juarez, remember?

They would've put you in a mental hospital!

I'm your only friend! Do you understand?

Let go of me!

Will you be calm?

Will you be calm?

Let go of me, asshole!

Fuck off, dead-weight!

I'm better off without you!


We should've studied music. You think?

We'd have a kick ass band, and we'd leave this place.

Floyd didn’t study music.

Floyd's not one person, it's four.

I mean, you don't need to study. Or say dumb shit every time.

To leave this place, I mean.

Bowie. He did study.

That guy did study music.

Haven't we gone through this place before?

Obviously. Where are we going?

We're just driving around. You got somewhere to be?

That's the point of driving around. Passing the same place over and over?

That's Satelite-folk's problem. That they go in circles?

That they can't enjoy life.

And you? Me? I try to.

I mean are you Satelite-folk? No.

What are they like, then? They're so tired from work...

...they'd rather watch TV than be with their family.

What's on TV tires them, so they go to bed more tired.

Their dreams tire them, too. They look like crap, so tired.

And one day, just like that, they die from exhaustion.

What if you stop turning the wheel?

We stop going in circles. We go in a straight line.

We crash into the light post. And we die.

Then we wake up and realize we're still driving in circles.

Or... we could do something different.

Like what?

Like nicking something.

Nicking something? You mean stealing?

Why not? Why yes?

Because I'm sick of waiting for something to happen, aren't you?

Would stealing make something happen?

Do you have a better idea?

That's what I thought.

So, what would we nick? This car?

No way! This car belongs to my family.

So, what then? We'll figure it out later.

Excuse me!

Good evening!

Do you know a place called Heaven's Gates?

Excuse me? Heaven's Gates?

Heaven's gates are closed to you.

Just kidding!

Heaven's Gates is that way!

Thank you! You got it.


That's Scherezada, right?

From the movies? What else can I get you?

It's her, right? It has to be.

Hey, man. Come here.

Tell Pepe Soto that Lazy Juan is here for him.

I don't know him.

Pepe Soto.

That guy right there. Your boss.

That guy hasn't been around here in a while.

Anything else? Can I have my money back?

Yeah, shake it, come here.

Come jingle those coins in my face!

Where are you going? Come dance with me!

Leave her alone! Old hag!

Respect the artist! Go look after your grandkids, bitch!

Why are you dancing here if you're gonna be a bitch about it?

Is this how you treat your sisters? Mind your fucking business.

Apologize to her. Fuck you.

And now, a fight.

Enough, assholes.

Here is your fucking white knight, Eugenia.

Take him out the back, or they'll kill him.

Wait, my bag.

My bag, my bag!

Hey, where's my bag? It's here, kid.

Listen, you can't come here and get into a fight...

...and think that nothing will happen to you.

It's not a soap opera set, this is the state of Guerrero.

They disrespected you, Scherezada.

That's so nice. What a moron!

Why do you play the hero? You're too small for that.

Why aren't you at a club? Scherezada Rios is not there.

Don't call me that. My name is Eugenia.

Eugenia? Yeah.

I had no idea.

Don't worry about it, why would you know?

I've seen The Hard Life of an Easy Woman a million times.

Another fan.

Yeah, so what?

I hear you're looking for Pepe. Yes.

Pepe died last year.


Yeah, he was killed.


It'll be six months now.

He owed a lot of money.

He was mixed up in things, way above his head.

What did you want with him? Help.

From Pepe?

You must be in deep shit if you need help from Pepe.

Can I use your phone? Sure.


Do you sell handcrafts?

They're not handcrafts.

The stuff inside that bag is worth millions of dollars...

...and nothing at all.

When he was alive...

...this place was the best.

It was the best one. People fought to get in.

Say that again.

People fought to get in.


I said people fought to get in.

People fought to get in.


My love!

Wait, I have an idea! Know what a zarahuato is?

No. A monkey that goes like this.

That's right, now a bit of this.

There we go.

Wait, wait! Like a monkey!

Yes, Scherezada.


Honestly, I've dreamt of you after every one of your movies.

I have dedicated so many nighttime thoughts to you.

No, I won't tell you what I did. What's the point?

Yeah, that's right. Dance for me.

Good morning! Have you seen a red bag?

Are you sure? A red bag around here?

I'm a fucking idiot!

I'm so stupid!

What a fucking idiot!

I get dizzy thinking about how close those pieces came to being lost forever.

I think of all the things that might've disappeared without anyone knowing.

All the things that could have never been.

And yet, there they are.

One time, we crashed the car and Juan's dad confessed... close they came to having him aborted.

Juan always said he wished they had done it.

What do you think they're arguing about?

Who jumps last.

He gets the best tips.

We have to hide, Wilson.

We can't stay here.

Are you listening to me?

My father died.

No! And I wasn't there for him.


...I'm so sorry.

I'm truly sorry.

And Pepe Soto?

I couldn't find him.

Where would we go?

We'd disappear for a while.

And the pieces?

They'll disappear along with us.




I'm leaving.

Where were you? What are you doing, son?

Where have you been? Are you OK?

I'm leaving, Mom.

I just wanted to say goodbye. They're looking for you.

The police were here a few times.

Where were you? What did you do, huh?

What did you do?

I fucked up. What did you do, Juan?

What have you done, honey? What have you done?

The officer said you're a suspect in the museum robbery.

I told him he was wrong.

That you gave us a hard time...

...that we struggled with you...

...but that you were no thief.

You lied, Dad.

I am.

It was me.

I did it.

Stupid son of a bitch.

Stupid son of a bitch!

Dumb son of a bitch!

You dumb moron! Son of a bitch!

Why did you do it?

Why... did you do it?

I'm just no good.

It's not your fault.

I'm leaving.

You won't have to see me again. Where will you go?

They're looking for you everywhere.

I don't know.

I'll disappear.

I'll never bother you again.

What was it you wanted?

Was it money?

You have money.


You have never ever wanted for anything.

You've always had everything.

Why did you do it?


Did you want to impress us?

We're impressed, Juan.

We're truly impressed.

Juan, no...


We won't take long.


What is it?

What are you doing, Juan? Leave the two bags.

Wait for me outside. I'll be right back.


What you're seeing here... the empty display cases of the relics of the Maya room.

Authorities claim that a group of professional traffickers...

...of about twenty men pulled off the heist.

They are experts in robbing art galleries...

...of the highest caliber, and connections in Africa...

...Asia and Europe.

When the museum reopened after the robbery...

...more people came than ever before.

Everyone wanted to see the empty cases.

That fat intellectual guy, the one with the cats...

...said that was the robbers' gift to Mexico:

The reminder that no one knows what they have until it's gone.

No touching.

Pakal was one of the most important rulers of Palenque.

THIS PIECE IS A REPLICA OF THE ORIGINAL Hieroglyphic records tell us he rose to the throne when he was twelve.

And he died well into his eighties.

The mask and the whole funeral attire are important...

...because they weren't plundered, the tomb wasn't opened until 1952.

I said no touching!

So, the funeral attire was found exactly like the Mayas placed it...

...when Pakal's body was laid to rest.

Attention. R-3.

Attention. Maya room. R-3.

Suspect headed to the central courtyard.

Sometimes I wonder...

...what would've happened if Juan hadn't separated from me.

Sometimes I wonder why he did it.

Why we did everything we did.

But then I remember what Juan used to say...

...about how only the person who did something knows why they did it.

And more often that not, not even them.


And if they do know...

...they won't tell you anyway.

Juan said if I ever told our story, I shouldn't tell the truth.

I asked him why.

"The truth?" he said.

"Why ruin a good story with the truth?"