Mutafukaz (2017) Script

She went this way!

I heard somethin' over here. Don't let her get away.

There's nowhere to run.

You made that a lot harder than it needed to be.


Don't you move! Aah!

I'm gonna enjoy putting you down, traitor.

Yo, I'm Angelino, and our story takes place in a shithole called Dark Meat City.

I was born here. Probably die here too.


As in depression, murder, and crazy-ass motherfuckers.

Break it up!

I'm 22, and I'm a pizza delivery guy, I guess.

I get paid, and I get the fuck out of there.

Don't ask questions. Don't get involved.

Just complicates things, y'know?

Already ugly as fuck. I don't need no more complications.

When it comes to the school of hard knocks, I probably ain't never gonna graduate.

But I ain't complaining.

So many others just drop out.

What's up, Mac? Come on!

Man, move your hobo asses!

What did I tell you?

Did I mention I hate this place?

It's like everyone's tryin' to take you out.

Aah! Shit!

Stupid ass bird. Watch where you flying.

How was I supposed to know that one little look would change everything?

They say real love stories don't end up like they do in the movies.

But how would I know?

I ain't never been in love.

I ain't never kept a job longer than three weeks.

'Cause I'm "lucky" like that.

But I gotta pay rent somehow, and I can't count on Vinz.

No one'll hire him 'cause he's a fire hazard or some shit.

We're fucked.

Just keep your head down, mouth shut.

You even think about disrespecting these motherfuckers, and you're done.

The rule is: Don't cause no trouble for nobody, and maybe they'll do the same.

Yeah, I get it. I'm a joke.

But right now, I just wanna get home.

Hey! Put your head in a bag, ese!

Cover that shit up, Holmes!

Alive, if possible.

Hotel Guadalupe.

It's like purgatory but with cable.

Lived here four years.

Straight from the mouth of hell, Lucifer's favorite son...

Yo, Vinz? Wassup?

What's with all this shit on the floor?

For real, can you just clean up after yourself?

Whoa. What the fuck happened to your face, bro?

Got hit by some big-ass truck, came outta nowhere.

Man, people need to learn how to drive in this town.

Oh, yeah, and I got fired.

Again? Yup.

Hey, you feed the roaches yet?

Why can't they just eat what's on the floor?

Nah, the floor's nasty.

Roaches have sensitive tummies. I read that somewhere.

Real talk though? I don't know how we're gonna do this.

Rent's two months late, we ain't got no jobs.

Dude, I know Lucha Última's on, but we gotta figure shit out.

You think we should talk to Willy?

Can we please leave Willy out of this? He's weird.

Okay, come to Papa.

Ah! There ya go. Daddy's got a little treat for you.

Oh, you brought some friends too. That's cool.

Eww! That's gross, man.

And you're eating the pet food?

The roaches freak me out, man.

Are you even listening to me? Yeah.

I mean, they're just taking over the whole crib, bro.

I know this is a shit apartment, but can we at least have some standards?

Right to the jaw!

Hey, Vinz. You know what'd really suck?

If even the roaches get out of here before we do.

Hey! I think you're in the wrong neighborhood, marica.

The terrorist attacks on the White House aren't just a threat to us on Pennsylvania Avenue, Shit. My head. but to our entire nation and the American way of life.

Lino, you look rough, bro. You okay?

Couldn't sleep. Kept having messed-up dreams.

Think that accident really fucked up my head, man.

Bro, I think we should go get that checked out.

You could drop dead or something. Let's go see a doctor today.

No way. No doctors.

They just make you pay for bad news.

Oh, no. It's Willy.

Shit, man.

Open up, jerkwads!

It's me! Willy!

Come on. I know you're home. I hear the TV.

It's not like you can go anywhere.

You're a couple of broke a-holes with no car.

Vinz, I can see the flame on your head! Damn.

Come on! Open up! Hey-oh!

Man, I can't handle that clown right now.


Shut the fuck up.

Your goddamn noise is pissing off my snake.

Oh, man. Now I have to let Willy in, or the Nazi is gonna kill him.

I mean, would that be the worst thing?

Ah! Took you long enough!

What are you doin' in here? Smellin' each other's balls or somethin'?

Willy, please keep it down. My head's gonna burst.

Seriously, what's with your neighbor? It's a free country.

Our founding fathers died for my right to yell in hallways.

I mean, back me up, Lino. Am I right or am I right?

Whatever. Sure, man. Just shut the fuck up, dude.

Huh? This guy again?

...until they themselves know the terror they tried...

Terrorism, blah, blah, blah.

So where are these alleged terrorists, huh?

Playing poker with the tooth fairy and my imaginary girlfriend?

Ha! I mean, look at that guy right there!

Showing a face like that on TV, that's terrorism!

Ooh, what a sick burn!

What the hell? Did you not just see that?

Those savages ran off with my hot dog!

You're not gonna do anything?

You know those things carry a nut-ton of diseases, right?

Why are you here?

Uh, I don't know. I missed you douchebags.

I wanted to go out, get some froyo or somethin'.

Come on, let's get some air, 'cause, honestly, Lino over here looks like a shit took a shit.

Everybody knows it's staged, Willy. Diablo always wins.

I could put on tights, go into a ring, and do the same exact shit.

What? I'm serious.

Except you've got the bone structure of a little bitch.

Oh, yeah? Grr!

I fucking hate the bus.

But I read people get shot more walking, so my ass takes the bus.

Don't get it twisted. DMC's worse than it sounds.

And it will eat you alive.

Only question is when.

Me and Vinz talk about escaping one day.

But we ain't foolin' nobody. Got no car or money.

Just the roaches and this motherfucking bus.

No, for real.

Like the rest of these poor fuckers... no dreams, no hope, no future.

Ain't got a shadow of a prayer.

Lino, what you think? Could Vinz be a wrestler?

Hello! Is Vinz a bitch or not?

Huh? Oh, uh, I guess.

I just... Did you guys see the priest walking by with the...

Uh, never mind.

Oh, finally! I can breathe again!

So where you guys think we should eat?

Don't forget, you jerks owe me a hotdog.

Did you know Diablo can eat a whole bowl of hot dogs in three minutes?

No, he can't. What are you... He does!

I watched a behind-the-scenes thing about it!

And again, I'm tellin' you, that's all theater.

It's fuckin' fake.

What do you think, Lino? What the hell?

You gotta take better care of yourself, man. Let's go get some food.

Maybe Vinz is right.

That truck must've fucked me up worse than I thought.

Probably cracked my skull and now my brain's gonna leak out all over my sneakers.

Or it's some bacteria-ass shit that makes you go crazy and kills you two weeks later.

Bro, are you okay?

For real, man. You seem pretty out of it. You wanna go home and chill?

I don't know.

I'm suddenly seein' all this trippy shit and it's freakin' me out.

Like, look! That dude over there.

You don't see anything weird? Look at him!

Remind me what I'm lookin' at.

You didn't see his shadow?

With crazy tentacles and shit coming out of his head?


What? I'm not crazy, dude! Yeah, Lino, sure you're not.

Fuck, what's wrong with me?

I think the sun's frying your brain. It's too hot outside. Let's go.

Yeah, maybe. Let's find a place to hang out and chill.

So, Pipo's then? Oh, again? But I want froyo!

The mercury has hit another record high today, with daytime temperatures soaring well above the seasonal norm for the third week in a row.

It's recommended that elderly viewers and children...

Wrong. It's those chem-trails in the sky that's making it so hot!

The government's ruining our climate so that we buy more American-made cars and soda.

...fancy dinner where we what? Yeah. Buy more soda!


I'm telling you man, the sugar and car lobbies run our country!

What? Damn. Now see, I would let her lobby at me all day.

She's looking at us.

Ooh, Lino, she's checking you out, brother.


Yeah, uh, let's get out of here.

What are you doing? Why are we running?

Wait up! We didn't pay for the food!

Gracias, pero, this is too much.

It's cool. Keep the change!

I don't know about you, but I got that "itis."

Make sure you stay downwind from me.

Plus, I get gas. It's genetic.

Genetic? It's not genetic, Willy, you're just disgusting.

Don't judge me, man.

Hey, guys, I think someone's tailing us.

See that one over there pretending to talk on the phone that don't work?

Huh? Wait. Where? Yo, be more discreet, dumb-ass!

You mean, wing tips? Yeah.

The three of them been following us for a while now.

Now I feel stupid. They weren't after us, man.

What the hell is up with you today?

You've been acting crazy since this morning.

Still think I'm paranoid?

Uh, why don't we just ask 'em what they want?

Nah, man. I'm not askin' those Men in Black motherfuckers nothing.

What are we supposed to do, Lino?

We go into ninja mode.

We turn the corner, and as soon as we outta their sight, we out.


We've been made!

Don't let him get away!

What do they want?

I'm slowin' down!


Stop or I'll shoot!

Oh, shit, he's got a gun. He's got a gun! Gun, gun.

Wait? What?

Go! Get the fuck outta here!

I got you, bro.

This fuckin' brick!

I got you, Lino.

We need to get outta here right now. Let's go!

Did you grab his gun, dude?

Why the fuck would I do that? It's not GTA. Let's go.

What do you think those dudes wanted from us, man?

To kill us, obviously. The whole damn city's nuts.

What could they want? Dude, did you see their clothes?

They're not from here, are they?

For real, they weren't dressed like dealers, bro.

Looked like hitmen to me.

Hopefully, they're looking for someone else.

You mean some other ugly bug-eyed dude and a guy with his head on fire?

Maybe they're CIA. Yeah, right!

They wanted to know where we were when Kennedy got shot.

Ba-bang! Too soon?

Whoa! A shooting star! You see that? No? Where?

Uh, in the sky. Where else, dumb-ass?

Fuck you, Willy. I just didn't see it. The sky's big.

"Wah, my head's on fire, and the sky's too big!" Fuckin' rude. Why...

Hey! I saw one that time! Look, there's another one!

Make a wish. Make a wish right now.

What would you wish for, Lino?


I don't know.

I just wanna be... a somebody.

That Diablo sure knows how to please a crowd. Oh, what's this?

10-4. In sight.

Three on the roof.

Sun God slam! The crowd is going nuts! Still our suspect.

Fuck, man. What the fuck is wrong with this janky-ass piece of shit?

Picking up the whole city.

Do you hear that? Go.

W-W-Wait, stop that. Stop that. Is that police chatter?

Operation Blackball is a go! Move, move, move!

What the hell is Operation Blackball?


For the last fucking time, if you don't...

Contact in ten seconds.

I don't know what's going on outside, but whatever it is, it's kind of weird.

What the fu... Contact!

Vinz, man, what the fuck are you doing?

Get your ass over here and help!


What's your status report?

This is my shithole! Get the fuck out!

Did you just kill a cop?

Oh, they're gonna kill us. They're gonna kill us. Not yet.

Grenade. Grenade!

Lino, come on. Come on, we have to go!



Yo, this way, dumb-ass.

How is he doing that?

Psst. Hey, Lino. Down here. Hurry.

Whoa, man. I'm not saying this 'cause we're in the sewer, but I think you might be a Ninja Turtle, Lino.


You gonna tell me you killed them?

Two idiot kids took out an entire elite squad?

The abomination did this.

I knew that little bastard's power wouldn't stay dormant.

And you assholes let him get away.

The kid's a ticking time bomb that needs to be extinguished before it explodes.

¿Un suplex, en serio? ¡Esas son mamadas!

Getting harder to work with El Diablo in the ring. He's keeps goin' off-book.

Guy has, like, no boundaries.

Oh, come on. What? You gonna cry about it?

He's El-freakin'-Diablo.

He may bust our balls, but he's giving the crowd what they want.

Look, see? Tell me that's not a sign.

Mmm? Looks kinda like a cockroach.

Again with your damn signs.


Now it's a roach on your towel.

Last week you saw the Virgin Guadalupe in your rearview, and then some stupid face on fire...

A flaming skull on my BLT. In Aguascalientes.

Because the universe always writes its most important messages on sandwiches?

I think you're just seeing what you wanna see, reading into things too much.

I'm just saying, stop looking for meaning when there isn't any.

You're gonna drive yourself totally nuts with that shit!

You just can't accept the fact that we're Guardians, and as Guardians it's our job to stay vigilant for whatever the universe throws our way! We...

He's right.

It was only by deciphering signs and omens that the ancients before us could fulfill their true destinies.

Every generation of Guardians exists to fight a specific battle.

Don't worry. We'll get tagged in.

And then our purpose will be revealed to us.

Hell, yeah!

Yeah, but, like, a cockroach?

Can the universe be clearer?

Our job is to be patient and lie in wait.

And when the world finally needs us, we'll know it.

The Lucha Última fighters are descended from the Eagle and Jaguar tribes, the most elite warriors of the Aztec empire, masters of the Mística, the art of unraveling the mysteries of destiny.

Generations of guardians have waged wars in the shadows, keeping us safe from evil since time immemorial.

But today's luchadors have no such battles.

Yet they stay in shape with intense training, donning tights and fighting each other in spectacular choreographed shows to pay the rent and stave off existential boredom.

Stop being difficult.


We'll find him either way. So, where is he?

Holy Mary, Mother of God, please protect my precious boy.

I assure you, we'll find him.

This is your last chance. Where is he?

I only have one request.

Please don't shoot me in the head.


She knew what she was doing. The bitch was playin' us.


The kid's long gone by now.

My last quarter.

This shit better not go to voicemail, or we fucked, man.

Not now!

My ass is gonna explode.

What? Hey, Willy. Is that you?

Oh, hey, my dude. How's life on the run?

You need to find us another spot, man. We can't hide out here.

We shouldn't be talking about this on my home line.

The phones are probably tapped! It's called surveillance, dumb-ass!

I know, I know, but this place is way too hood, man. Like, I'm cool, but Vinz is...

Oh, my apologies!

Caesar's freakin' Palace was all full up!

But, hey, why don't I just call my buddy at the Ritz for ya?

What's with the beeping? Stop pushin' buttons, dude.

I wonder if I can Google "hotels that cater specifically to cop-killers."

Yeah, we fucked up, and we totally owe you one.

But can you just hook us up one last time? Like, a plan "B"?

Or like a relative we could stay with or somethin'?

What am I, your travel agent?

That's all I got, guys!

And you two better not come back here, because the CIA!

And also, I'm dealing with an emergency situation right now.

Willy, we're not playin' around, man.

We're in some real deep shit right now.

He hung up on me.

Oh, I see how it is. Fine, guys. Be that way.

I don't think we should stay here, Lino.

Look how much we stand out. I'm half-naked.

Sorry. I know you liked that shirt.

But we couldn't risk them seeing you in green.

Yeah, I know. Hey, but look on the bright side.

The cops ain't gonna find us, 'cause they won't set foot in this part of town.

Even they're not that crazy.

That makes me feel so much better about our situation.

We just gotta keep our heads down, don't disrespect nobody.

Just keep walking and hope you don't die.

Same ground rules as back home, right?

Yo. What's good, Cuz?

This ain't no place for no little motherfuckers like you.

"Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act."

That's Shakespeare. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, see, this guy Willy is our friend, and, uh...

Well, it's kinda complicated, but... I mean, we come from Dark Meat City, and me and my boy Vinz here we needed a little break, you know like a vacation.

So Willy hooked us up with a place to chill for a bit...


Yo, come on!

Come on, Vinz! We gotta move!

Well, it's a shithole, but at least we got a place to lay low.

That's what matters.

Just a place to chill 'till shit blows over.

What? Why are the crows even aggressive?

It's weird without my roaches.

I read that lost cats can travel, like, hundreds of miles to find their owner.

I wish my roaches could do that.

If we're lucky, maybe we'll get shot before we starve, so there's that.

I was thinking just maybe we can go to the cops.

Tell them what happened, they'll let us go. Shit, you're right, bruh!

Too bad you didn't say nothin' to the cops that was in our apartment tryin' to kill us yesterday.

Oh, snap! There's a box with a prize?

Man, we even got power?

...are very dangerous.

These two criminals are wanted for first-degree murder, violence against the police, resisting arrest, and conspiring against the United States government.

What? Is that us?

If you encounter these individuals, please do not approach or engage them in any way, for your safety.

Jesus, what the fuck is goin' on, man?

Still feelin' the whole "turn yourself in" idea?

Wait, wait. Shh, listen. Turn it up! 666-33...

Ah, no, no, no, no, no!

Yesterday, I was just a normal fuckin dude mindin' my business, and today I'm a goddamn terrorist?

Well, if you look at the bright side, at least we don't have to worry about someone calling the police on us here.

Huh? Hmm?

No fucking around this time.

You three, with me. The rest of you, watch the front.

Check out the suits! Y'all bitches lost or somethin'?

Hey, big boy. Put your dog on his leash or I'll put him down.

You want us to handle him, boss?

Who you gon' put down now?

Damn! Looks like you need a new suit, bitch!

Ah, shit, they shot Peaches. Shit.

Hey! Everyone, over here!


The sooner we take them out, the sooner we get the kids.

Stop sleeping, man. Something's goin' on out there!

Come on!

I want those two found now!

Vinz, damn, they found us!

Let's go, dude! Come on. Move!

They're making a run for it through the back door!

What are you waiting for? Get to your cars.

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." Action.

"Tis now the very witching time of night, when churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out contagion to this world."

Suck this! Suck this!

Get those bitches!

You ain't gettin' away, motherfuckers.

Eat this. Eat this!

"Now could I drink hot blood and do such bitter business as..."

What the fuck? This bootleg motherfucker.

"To be or not to be? That's the question."

I can quote Shakespeare too, bitch.

They got Shakespeare.


Y'all fuckin' suits shoulda stayed where you was from.

This Palm Hill.

Hey, you heard me, homey?



Oh, shit. What the fuck was that?

What in the actual fuck is that?

Yo! Yo, what is that, man?

Get back! I don't know.

Get that shit. Get that.

What the fuck?


It's... It's that shadow.

What the fuck is that thing, Lino?


Wait, Lino. Stop, stop, stop.

This one has keys.

Lino, we're not fucking sellin' ice cream, bro. Just go!

Lino, pop the clutch and go forward. What are you doing? Just drive. Drive the car.

Well, I'm sorry! I ain't never driven no ice cream truck before!

Shit! Come on, come on, come on!

There you are, fuckers!

They found us! We gotta fucking go.


What the fuck is going on?

Where are those horrible tentacled creatures from?

The movies have never been this insane!

And how does Vinz stay alive with his head on fire?

Wait, did I just say that?

Try hitting 'em. Just shut up and drive!

Vinz! You gotta try and slow 'em down.


I dunno, do somethin'. Anything.

Get me a good angle.

Wipe that shit off!



Oh, shit!

I'll kill these bastards myself.


How we doin'? We lost 'em yet?

No, no. They're still on us!

Here. Take this, see if it's loaded.

Shoot that at them, not in here!

What'd you say?

Do it out there, not in here!

What the...?


Uh, Lino?

Looks like the cops have joined the party.

Lino, red light! Red light!

Grab on to somethin'!

I'll fuckin' kill you!

Shit, shit!

See that? I told you we'd lose 'em.

Uh, about that, Lino. They're still here.

No fucking way! Man, get off my dick!

Vinz, I'm gonna need you to sit your ass down and buckle the fuck up!


Wh-What are you doing?

What I'm doin' is fuckin' handlin' it! No, no, no, no!

Alive. We're alive.

They couldn't have gotten very far.

I want you to set up a perimeter.

Start where they were spotted last.

Get every man on the job and tighten the net.

The kid is special.

If he actually can tell Machos from humans, then we're in a world of shit.

I promised your mom I'd find you, kid.

And I'm a man of my word.

In other news, the neighborhood of Palm Hill became a veritable war-zone this afternoon.

What incited the violence is as of yet unknown.

Long-time rival gangs, The Grapz and The Limz, have joined forces against the police units called in to manage the...

And the violence only appears to be... nearby neighborhoods.

Thank you, Sarah. Have there been any reported casualties?

Sources suggest at least ten killed, and over 50 seriously injured.

Residents are advised to stay indoors until further notice.

Please stay safe out there, Sarah.

We'll keep bringing you the latest updates as we get more information about the devastating riots playing out on the Southside of DMC.

And in a shocking new development taking place on the other side of town...

Our phone lines have apparently been flooded with eyewitness reports that a huge colony of insects has been seen leaving the city and heading in the direction of the desert.

Holy shit, you were right!

We don't yet understand the cause of this mass migration, but in this journalist's opinion, if even the cockroaches are fleeing DMC, what hope remains for the rest of us?

Man, I really hope Pipo remembers that huge tip I left him.

I don't know about this one, Lino.

How long has it been since we ate somethin'?

Is Pipo even here right now?

I am hungry.

It's her.

Lino, no, no. Don't go in. Trust me on this.

So that's how we got mixed up in all this.

I-I know it sounds crazy, but...

I believe you.

I mean, seriously, and no offense, but you two don't really look like intimidating criminal masterminds.

Seriously, there's no way you two can run forever.

I bet there are tons of ways to prove you're innocent.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's tons of ways they can frame us too.

Here. You guys look like you need this more than I do.

Am I the only one that's creeped out by the fact that Pipo's not back?

Get off me!

Like moths drawn to the flame.

You did well, Luna. For once.

See, boys? Follow your brain instead of your dick.


I remember the first time I saw them.

I was scared too.

Until I realized they're not the freaks of nature...

We are.



Nice to finally make your acquaintance, Angelino.

Angelino. Angelino. Angelino. Angelino.

Who are you?

What do you want from us?

And where's Vinz?

Inquisitive young man.

The real question is: Who are you?

You, Angelino, are a being unlike any other in this world.

But I imagine you've always known that, deep down.

But where are my manners?

You may call me Mr. K.

I am of a race known as the Machos, spawned from the dark matter of the universe.

You've felt that delicious surge of rage and bloodlust course through you, that uncontrollable desire for destruction.

I know what you're thinking, little one.

Your father was just as stubborn.

You see, he was one of us.

He had so much potential.

That is, until the day he fell in love and broke our most fundamental law:

Never breed with a human.

Macho blood flows through you, Angelino.

Your father did you a disservice entrusting you to the humans.

You've never been one of them, and you know it.

You belong to the master race.

Yet you live a wretched existence, in a wretched city, surrounded by wretched people, who despise you for being different.

Your so-called friends are only companions in this misery, failures keeping you from reaching your true potential.

But now it's time to spread your wings and fly.

Come be with your own kind, Angelino.

Upon returning to your cell, you will kill your friend.

Extinguish the pathetic existence you've been living since the day your wretched mother birthed you so your life can finally start.

Kill him and take your rightful place.

Abandon your humanity and become who you were always meant to be.

Trust me, my dear boy.

We are offering you a true family.

Huh? Kill Vinz?

He's almost ready. You may now send in Luna.

Kill Vinz?

I have to...

Huh? Angelino.

You must be so confused right now, and I'm so, so sorry.

Embrace your true nature. I've been where you are too.

You need to accept who you really are.

Please, Angelino. This is your destiny.

You and I could do great things together.

I-I must kill Vinz.

No point fighting it.

The battle has been won.

DMC was just phase one.

We've already begun infiltrating the economic and financial strata of every city in the nation.

We are in your police force, on Wall Street, in your White House.

Our presence in Congress allowed us to push through laws which let us spread our agenda unhindered throughout the globe.

Cruelty, greed, corruption, hate.

The earth is our playground.

We Machos sustain ourselves off the bounty of negative energy that seeps like magma from mankind's every pore.

And, believe me, when it comes to negative energy, this planet's resources are truly inexhaustible.

Stay here, Angelino.

Mommy will be right back for you.


I just wanna be... a somebody.

Mommy's here, sweetie.

Mommy will always be here for you.

Must kill Vinz.

It's all right. He's just in shock.

Release him. Take him to the cell where his skeleton friend is waiting.

Let him make his own choice.

For the first time in his miserable existence, young Angelino will be the master of his own fate.

And if his pathetic friend is still alive in the morning, kill them both.

But, sir, with all due respect, why even give him a chance?

The kid is a threat. If he's really that powerful, why not just eliminate him now?

And that, my dear Mr. Macchabee, is the key difference between our two species.

While you humans don't think twice about massacring your fellow man, Machos consider our brothers and sisters lives to be sacred, for we share a common ideal.

But I don't expect a human to grasp such a concept.

You're dismissed. Yes, sir.

Ensure that you do not question my authority again, Mr. Macchabee.

Father, you always told me there was no way I could survive outside the base, that I was the only hybrid, and humans would never accept me.

So how was he able to live...? And look at his life!

Is that the kind of miserable existence you want?

I don't have time for this, Luna.

There are more important matters to attend to.

Make yourself useful elsewhere. I will not hear another word of it!

Are we seriously relying on a swarm of cockroaches for directions?

We should turn around. This whole thing is fucking nuts.

Lino! Dude, I didn't know where they took you. I was freakin' out!

I thought probably they killed you or something, but...

I'm really glad you're here.

Whoa. Shit, man. You all right?

We're leaving. We must part from here.

Why are you talking about, man? Haven't you seen where we are?

We're in, like, a bunker with guards and cameras and shit.

It makes Guantanamo look like a Girl Scout retreat.

Whoever put us here doesn't want us to ever get out.

They ran all kinds of tests on me, Lino.

Tests! Electrodes everywhere!

I mean, my head, my body. They put it on my junk, man. My junk!

Shit's on you, bro.

We finally lost those assholes... and you had to go trust some bitch at Pipo's you barely knew!

I told you somethin' wasn't right about her.

You had to think with your dick. I hope it was fuckin' worth it.

Well, congratulations! Look where your little crush got us.

For real, you need to shut the fuck up, Vinz.

Man, I don't feel good. I-I-It's happening.

Uh, Lino?

I can't control it.

Stay back!

Lino, you're starting to freak me out, man!

I said, get the fuck away from me!

Lino, you're hurting me. Cut it out!

There is no Lino! Lino is gone!

Lino... I am not what you think I am.

That pathetic being you called Lino was an illusion whose only purpose has been to hold me back!

Wretched creature. Now do you see who I am?

You're my... friend.


Looks like that old bald dude was right.

I really am just a fucking monster.

Holy shit, man! What'd those assholes do to you in there?

I'm so sorry, Vinz.

I don't understand.

There's this... There's this thing inside of me that's just...

Quiet down in there!

Or I'll put my boot up your ass, I swear to God.

You fuckin' scumbags.

That's it! No dinner for you shits toni...

Good. Very good.

Sir, we have a security breach reported at checkpoint 4C.

A security breach? How's that possible?

Okay, boys. You survey the perimeter, I'll check the lab.

These science nerds and old farts won't give me any trouble.

Yeah, try not to fall asleep, tough guy!

Fucking Doug. He's not even funny.

We make our escape now or never!

You ignorant sheep.

You can stay on the ceiling if you like.


You're getting real close to me, dude.


Huh? Huh?

Yo, I think I'm losing it, man.


Who the fuck are they shooting at?

Hey, I think we... You okay?

Stay with us, bro. Lino, hold on. Hold on!

¡Vámonos!! Todos!

Shit! We're lost.

There's an exit here.

Stay with me, Lino. Please don't fall asleep.

Hold on, Lino.

Daddy? Daddy, is that you?

Your mother didn't abandon you, Son.

She hid you from them.

Sacrificed her life to save yours.

Your mother loved you with all her heart.

I did everything in my power to protect the two of you, to keep you safe.

But they were too strong for me.


Become who you truly are, my son.

The Machos are malevolent beings, nasty creatures who made a pact with power-hungry humans.

But they never truly trusted them. Not enough to breed with anyway.

So they created their own hybrids in a lab.

Hybrids that feel neither fear nor pain, and aren't burdened by conscience.

The perfect fusion of the two species.

But this little fella's different.

He's the organic, flawed fruit of a forbidden love.

As you can see, offspring from such a union inherit traits at random.

Their potential is limitless.

Yeah, yeah, Doc. So how do we kill these Machos?

Like all creatures from the pits of Hell, they abhor the cold.

It's no coincidence that for decades, politicians have been working surreptitiously to bring about an era of global warming.

Emitting greenhouse gases, massive deforestation, subsidizing fossil fuels.

You get the idea.

It takes time, this terraforming.

By pushing us towards extinction, they've tipped earth's balance to their favor.

And why wouldn't they?

When their years of well-laid plans could be irrevocably compromised by some pesky winter snowstorm.


Yo, Sleeping Beauty!

You've been knocked out for, like, three days, man.

I wasn't goin' to slip you the tongue or anything.

I don't do that. I'm a gentleman.

Vinz, where the hell are we?

Time for a smoke break. Whatever. Just don't do that shit too close to me.

I don't want anything to blow up.

Always "smoke break" this, "pee break" that.

I need you gentlemen to hunker down and focus. We have a world to save!

There's no way we're gonna finish this in time.

My word, you lot are worse than a bunch of whiny teenagers.

Stick to the plan, and no more godforsaken breaks.

♪ Buh-da-buh-da-buh

♪ My name is Feliz And I have gas ♪

Uh, you in here, skeleton man?

Hey, the kids went AWOL!

We didn't belong there, man. Look at us!

We can't even save ourselves. How we gonna save the world?

When you come to my show, you're goin' to a war.

And I'm all for violence, chaos...

Anyone who wants to disappear goes to Mexico, right?

I don't know. It just doesn't feel right, skipping town like this.

I mean, what are we even gonna do down there? We got no marketable skills.

W-We'll figure it out, man. Somehow.

Whatever. I'm just glad Willy won't be there.

Oh, shit, I forgot about Willy.

Poor little dude probably thinks we dead.

I mean, we were kinda his only family, right?

I still got a dollar left.

The phone's right there if you wanna hit him up.

Ah, that must be them. You go off-script, I'll blow your fuckin' head off.

Hey, it's ringin'.

Uh, g-greetings.

Yo, dude. It's us. What's good, man?

Funny you should ask. I'm kinda in a situation right now.

Hey! I thought I told you not to pull anything funny, you little piece of shit.

Hello? Hello? Willy? Willy?

What's up with this piece of shit phone?

Uh, hello?

Oh, good. I hear you now.

Me and Vinz got some real shit to fill you in on, bro.

What a coincidence. So do I!

"Capital Info. Back home now.

Life or death question?"

Did I say it right?

What the fuck are you talkin' about, dude?

Hey, is someone there?

Just come back! It's a super big emergency.

I can't talk about it!

What? Willy, man, I can't understand you, dude.

Hey, are you on somethin', bro?

For real, you're not making any sense.

Like, "capital info"? What?

I don't know what to say.


I can't tell you over the phone. Just get your asses here now!

What? Hello? Willy?

What's up? What'd he say?

He said he needs to tell us some important shit.

Then that motherfucker hung up on me.

Was actin' real weird the whole time, man.

So? He's always weird.

I don't know, man. Somethin' sounded off. I think we gotta go back.

Back to DMC? Are you' crazy, man?

Yeah, you're right. It's too risky.

Damn straight, it's too risky.

Willy's a survivor. He don't need us.

But if he's really in danger, we can't just leave our boy hangin' like that.

Fuck Willy!

How long we gonna keep letting this douchebag fuck our lives up?

He's your boy, Lino, not mine!

It's not my job to handle his shit!

What we have to fucking do is get outta of here, away from the DMC, away from the tentacle mafia, and from motherfucking Willy.

He's nothin' but fucking trouble, man! Ugh!

Don't just look at me. Let's go save him.

Hang tight, Willy.

As DMC police try to quell the violent riots plaguing the city, President Gore Tex made an official statement, declaring the riots...

Hey, hey, check these two out! Huh?

Sit tight, Cat Boy.

This better be your friends or you'll be in a world of hurt.

Your performance on the phone was shit.

Let's hope they bought it.

If not, I might get creative and shove some fireworks up that furry ass of yours.

Cause, hey, I'm feelin' festive!

Little secret: even as a kid, I loved torturing animals.

So part of me hopes your friends don't show up.

Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm sweating my fucking balls off in here.

It's hotter than Satan's anus in this piece-of-shit trailer.

Don't you have a fan in here? Jesus Christ!

It can't be.

No fucking way. They actually came back.

Those fuckwits are unbelievable.

Oh, this is too perfect.

Your boyfriends are here to rescue you.

Hold it. Now say "cheese".

Come on. Outta the way, asshole!

Don't move.

No, no, no. Stay right there.

Hey, you little puto, I'm watching you!

There you are.

Son of a bitch.

Come on. Show me your eyes.


Good night.


Did you see that?

Let's get this motherfucker, man! Get him!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Where'd that come from?


¡Puta madre!

Shit! Those shots came from Willy's!

Oh, man.



What you're witnessing is a Channel 7 "World's Ahead" exclusive.

A shoot-out has just erupted in this Southland neighborhood which had, until now, escaped involvement in the surrounding riots.

Wait, hold on.

I can see a man climbing onto the roof of a trailer.

Is it another terrorist? No.

Uh, he looks like a lone wolf gunman!

Oh, you want a fuckin' war? Then you'll get one!

Say hello to my little friend!

Man, we gotta save Willy.

Huh? Are you crazy? That's suicide!

But if I don't try, I won't be able to live with myself.

Know what I'm sayin'?

I may be a loser, but I'm not a fuckin' coward!

Lino, wait!

Fuckin' Willy.

Get the fuck outta here, pendejo!

Wrong way!

Run, you little punk!

I got him!

What took you douchebags so long?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now witnessing an extraordinary sight.

An unidentified flying object...


Trajectory indicates that it originated from the desert, east of DMC.

We still don't know what it is or why...


Vaya con Dios.

It's out of our hands now.

The UFO just exploded!

This must be the work of terrorists...

Hey! Huh?

W-What's goin' on?

Come on! Huh?




Uh, Doc. This wasn't part of the plan.

Wait for the temperature to drop. You'll see.

Lino! Holy shit, you're all right.

What the hell was that in the sky?

You think it was the Luchador rocket?

I don't know. Why is it so cold?

Yo, it's snowing in the DMC!

That's sick!

Shit, Lino!

I-I can't... I can't move!

I'm freezing up inside!

I'm scared, Vinz.

Whoa! Lino, you're turning into a popsicle.

Hey, you're not allowed to die on us, okay?

I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's in front of me.

Then make a fucking U-turn! Don't go into the light!


You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you did.

Man, leave us the fuck alone! You've been nothing but trouble since we met you!

Lino, please don't fall for this shit again.

Oh, shit, Lino.

My heart. It's warming up.

You did the same for me.

Thank you for showing me there's another way, Angelino.

I believed no one would accept me, that they'd hate me, so I hated them first.

But feeding on hatred leaves such a bitter taste.

I'm quickly learning I much prefer the sweetness of a stolen kiss.


Why are you so desperate to be like them?

Hey, you fucking pendejo!

They made me lose my train of thought.

Where were we?


This has never happened to me.

Get the fuck away from her!

Fight, Angelino! Do somethin'!

Free your inner tentacle monster, dude!

You have to! I'd rather die.

Well, you're about to, Lino. Get up! Transform!

Oh, shit, he's gonna kill him!

Abandon your humanity and become who you were always meant to be.

Become who you truly are, my son.

No beast. Today it's gonna be you and me.

What are you doing, man? You got tentacles! Use them!

Hell no. I'm never letting that monster control me ever again.

Sort that shit out in therapy, man.

You need to Hulk out or you're dead!

I'm-a bust a cap in your ass, dude.

You're not gonna know what hit you.

Uh, it looks like you guys got this! See you back at Pipo's!

Such power at your disposal, and you did nothing with it.

Because you're a goddamn coward.

And that's why you ended up on the wrong side of a gun.

"Thus bad begins...

...and worse remains behind."

Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 4.

Eye for an eye, motherfucker.

"He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword!"



My heart. It's getting cold again.

So, Doc, you think we got rid of 'em?

I mean, for good?

No one will ever know it was us who saved 'em.

And we must keep it that way.

It's been over two months since it all went down.

The snow is finally starting to melt.

The city is slowly getting its old groove back.

The news stopped talking about the UFO, the snow, all of it.

They said it was eco-terrorism, that a satellite crashed in the stratosphere.

And now, nothing.

None of it happened.

Life picked up exactly where it left off.

Well, almost.

When your old president freezes to death, you elect a new one.

I don't know if they're actually gonna be able to change anything in this fucked-up country, but I think there's reason to hope.

Still haven't heard from Willy, except on the music channels.

He's goin' through a mystical phase.

Just dropped his first single. It's all right.

♪ Yeah, yeah It's ya boy Willy ♪

♪ Trippin' In his ill shades ♪

♪ Livin' here In outer space ♪

♪ Got no oxygen mask

♪ But don't matter Don't need to ask ♪

♪ 'Cuz I'm your oxygen

♪ Yeah, I'm the one Multiplying the oxygen ♪ His karma's probably fucked, but as long as he's "multiplying the oxygen," then he's good, I guess.

Sooner or later he'll come crawling back to us.

You'll see. Nobody can stand Willy for more than a month.

Me and Vinz? Our asses are back at Rios Rosas.

It's nasty as ever, but, hey, it's home.

Plus, we found a new TV, so everything's cool.

As they face off in a traditional two-on-two match-up.

Oh, kick to the plexus! And a Hammer Smash!

Oh, I almost forgot.

My roaches are back too. But without any Luchadores.

He falls on his back! What's Tiger doing?

This does not look good!

Vinz finally got hired someplace.

You ready for this?

At Pipo's, where you and me first met.

Yo, I'm home.

What's good, man? Eh, you know.

Just writing love letters to a girl with no address.

Yeah. She wasn't at Pipo's today either, man. Sorry.

Well, maybe tomorrow.


I still think about you all the damn time.

Where you are, what you're doing.

And you? You ever think about me?

From time to time?

This has been Angelino, coming to you live from Rios Rosas, DMC, New California, in the United States of America, on the planet Earth, which is located in...

You know what?

I got no fuckin' idea what's out there after that.

Thanks, Luna.

For everything.

Oh, okay.