Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet S1E9 Script

Blood Ocean (2020)

Poppy, there you are. Good. Listen.

Where else would I be? I'm stuck here.

I worked with you for too long, and now I'm too crazy to work anywhere else.

This isn't a job.

It's a prison.

These are prison bars.

Yeah. I didn't get what you were going for.

I feel like if you just add a little bit more shading in here then that would probably do it.

-Sure. -Great.

What do you want, Ian?

Listen, Pop, I know that these past few days have been a little bit... weird. But...

I just wanna let you know that I've been thinking about it and I...

I have two words that I think are going to change everything.

Blood Ocean.

What is that?

I don't know. But it's cool, right?

I just came up with it, so...

Why are you so happy?

Didn't you just have a massively unsuccessful reunion with your estranged son?

And now you come bouncing in here wanting to talk about a new feature.

Is it a feature? I mean, maybe it's a weapon! Or a new biome.

Maybe it's a way for you to deflect from having to deal with your emotions.

No. No, I'm not deflecting, all right?

I am focusing on the one thing that actually matters. The game.

Great. Well, when you figure out what Blood Ocean is, come in here and tell me, and I'll code it, because I have no control over my work or my life.

I'm just trapped here.

Great! Yes. I love this new attitude, Poppy. I'm very excited.

I'm just gonna noodle. I'll get back to you.

Oh, Pop. I just... just had one small idea.

If you just separated these bars a little bit more, I think people would actually know what you're going for.

Great. Okay. Cool.

Work harder! Just kidding.

Hey, guys. Fellas and Michelle.

Can I get everyone's attention? Listen.

It's no secret that we have had an incredible year here at Mythic Quest, and management wanted to give you guys something special to let you know how much we appreciate all your hard work.

We're getting bonuses?

Well, no. No. But you are getting this.


Ding-a-ling-a-ling! Ice-cream man!

Guys, I got you an ice-cream machine!

And you can eat as much soft serve as you want.

And none of that Froyo crap. I mean, this is the real deal. This is dairy.

Okay. That's it.

David's shitty ice-cream machine has forced our hand.

Representatives from each department have been meeting in secret for the past six months, and we are exercising our right to enter into collective bargaining.

I'm sorry? I don't think I follow what you're saying.

They're unionizing.

We're unionizing. Bitch.

Oh, my God!

Mea culpa.

Hey there, Danimals.

I know I've betrayed your trust.

But I love Mythic Quest, more than anything, and I never meant to hurt it or the people that I work with.

And I'm no corporate shill. I'm one of you, I promise.

I wanna hear you out and answer your questions.

Okay. These aren't questions. These are comments.

And general insults.

Oh, my God. Haven't heard that one.

Or that.

Please don't. You guys are better than--

Oh, my God!

Did someone just post my phone number?

That's not my real number, so don't even bother.

Okay. You know what? I'm signing off.

Wyld D.

And cut. That was great.

That was brutal. Why am I still doing this? I am getting crushed.

Yeah, but your numbers are actually growing.

It's all about the hate-watch now, right?

It's about the hate-like, the hate-follow, the hate-hate.

People miss public executions.

In my day, when critics savaged my books, and they did so often and with great enthusiasm, I could simply throw the newspaper in the trash.

I wasn't picked apart at--

Christ's wounds! What are they doing?

Murdering me. They do it every time I respawn.

You're fucked.


What is the staff complaining about?

The game has never been more awesome.

They're complaining about the hours it takes to make it that awesome.

The extended crunches for Raven's Banquet, the shovel rebuild, the Dinner Party patches, the building of the coliseum for the Masked Man fight.

It takes as long as it takes to make the game great.

-According to you. -I'm the creative director, Poppy.

That's my job. I get to--

Hey! David's running this meeting. So shut it.

Thank you, Jo.

Now, look. We are staring down the barrel of a mutiny here, okay?

So we need to talk strategy.

I want to open up the budget and look at that.

Ian, I wanna look at that with you.

-He doesn't do budgets. -I don't do budgets, David.

You don't do-- You don't do budgets. You don't do phones.

-What do you do, Ian? -Blood Ocean.

-Blood Ocean. -"Blood Ocean"? What is that?

Is that like a... ocean of blood?

-He doesn't know. -I don't really know, but it could be.

-Let's get a team on it. -Right now? It's 2:00 in the morning.

-He doesn't do time. -It's 2:00 in the morning?

What are these people still doing here?

You forced them to be here in case you have a brilliant idea or just... mash two words together.

Look, we cannot afford to maintain an office like this.

See, this is why it is your fault, Ian.

David, it's your job to wrangle me.

And if you can't do that, then technically this is your fault.

What, I'm like a wrangler at a rodeo?

You know? Wrangling you like some wild bull?

Jo, write that down. David called me a "wild bull."

-I already got it. -Great.

No, don't put that down.

I got a solution.

-It's for Blood Ocean. -It's a potion.

The Blood Ocean potion.

Ian's close to a breakthrough.

No, Jo, don't encourage him.

What happened? We were doing so well.

I'm drawn to power, and I'm sensing a shift.

There is a shift. I feel it too.

There's no shift. See, what happened--

You've been standing the whole time, even though I called the meeting--

I'm gonna stand, and then, let me restart.

-David. I'd prefer it if you sit. -No.

What's wrong, Pop? You look tired.

I'm physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

That's not good. Pop, why don't you just go home, rest a bit?

'Cause I need you sharp.

Come back in like eight to ten hours. That cool?

-Whatever you say, Ian. -Great.

Good luck, Pop. Thank you. Thank you for everything today.

-Thank you. -Awesome.

-Is she okay? -Yeah, she's fine. She's fine.

She-- You know what?

She's just really stressed out about getting Blood Ocean perfect.

-Hey, Rache. -Hey. I was watching. Are you okay?

I quit the stream. The backlash was never gonna end.

Shit, dude. I'm so sorry.

But hey, you know, at least you get to come back to testing, right?

I thought so, but I just talked to Carol, and I guess there's no job to come back to.

What? No, no, no.

You can-- We can just move Lou.

He's not gonna leave.

And I don't blame him.

-So wait. You're leaving Mythic Quest? -I guess so.

No. No, no. You can't be leaving. This is happening too fast.

I'm sorry, Rache. I gotta go.

A security guard? Is this necessary?

It's company policy or something. I think it's to make it less dramatic.

Less dramatic? Wait. Wait!

Getting perp-walked through the office like a criminal is less dramatic?

How is this less dramatic?

Somebody help. Do something.

This isn't supposed to be this way.

Stop, stop, stop. Dana.

Dana, don't go. Don't go.

They got a better shitter down on two. I'm gonna blow that thing up.

Dana, I'm gonna fix this!

Carol, you need to fire Lou and give Dana her job back, because he has said vile things to me.

Oh, my God. Did he sexually harass you?

Well... no. He turned me down when I was coming on to him.

I wasn't coming on to him, but he thought I was.

Then he was super rude about it, but--

I didn't wanna have sex with him, but he thought that I did...

But I don't. Does that count?

No. In fact, that's refreshing.

If you can't shitcan Lou, then can you at least give Dana a new position?

Creating a new position requires budget redistribution and many, many things that have nothing to do with the office of Human Resources.

God damn it, Carol, what do you even do here?

I'm so glad you asked, okay?

Because I have been trying to get everyone to read these pamphlets I made

-that very clearly explain that I-- -My God!

Michelle, first off, I wanna thank you for coming to the table, and let you know that management is committed to smoothing things over and making sure that--

I'm sorry. I'm just tired from working.

-It's a tactic. Yawn back. -Jo, no. We don't need tactics.

Okay, look, Michelle. We're on the same side, okay?

So just tell me your demands. Jo, make sure to get these down.

We want overtime pay.

The workers are grist for the mill!

Jo, please!

I'm sorry. My assistant has very anti-union sentiment.

It does not reflect our own beliefs. Please, go ahead.

That's it.

That's it?

Okay. Well, great.

I thought you were gonna ask for stuff like profit sharing, so...

Can we get profit sharing?

You're not very good at this. Maybe you should get Ian to help.

Look, I don't need him, okay?

Let me ask you something.

Why do the employees love Ian so much?

You realize he's the one that's causing you overtime.

Yeah, but he's right. That's what it takes to make the game great.

We don't wanna work less, we just wanna get paid for what we do.

You get what you get and you don't get upset!


Michelle, what you're asking for is totally reasonable.

And so, I am going to back the employees on this, because you guys deserve it. Here we go.

What are you doing?

I'm calling corporate, and I'm gonna tell them if they want their biggest game, they're gonna have to increase the budget, so I can pay you guys overtime, 'cause you deserve it.

They won't listen to you.

Corporate and I exchanged some words after the Masked Man fight, and if I'm being honest, now I think they're a little afraid of me.

He told them to French-kiss his dick.


Bonjour. Jacques and Jean-Luc's office.

Yeah. It's Brittlesbee. Get the guys on the phone for me.

Please hold.

You know what?

You ladies might wanna take off. I might use some choice language.

Get going.

Hello, David.

Jacques and Jean-Luc. Let's talk.

Gather round, peasants!

Your superior, who earned his post through merit and hard work, has seen it fit to reward your disobedience with mercy.

Right now, he's on the phone with corporate, telling them to cave to your demands.

Wow, this might actually work.

Yeah, of course it's gonna work.

I got fired.

-What? -I got fired.

They don't see this as a union issue.

They see it as a mismanagement issue.

And they said that the source of the problem is me, and so that I could pack my shit and go.

What about our overtime?

I don't know, Michelle. I didn't ask about your fucking overtime, okay?

To a company that doesn't employ me anymore.

I was too busy getting my ass chewed out by a couple of French Canadians.

You have your whole lives ahead of you.

Some of us are 43-year-old white guys who have to find another job.

And that used to be easy, by the way, it is not really easy right now, okay?

Which is good, which is good.

I know. It's good, it's good.

But, you know, it's not good if you're Dave Brittlesbee.

For those of you who believe in me as executive producer, I wanna ask you right now, would you feel comfortable walking out and striking with me to save my job?

Anyone raise their hand if you could.

No? Nobody? Guys?

Nobody. Unbelievable.

So much for being a collective, huh?

God. I'm so screwed. I gotta call my wife.

-Ex-wife. -Shut up, Jo!

Where's Ian?


Hey, man. You all right?

-Huh? -You all right?

Oh, yeah. It's...

I'm doing a Blood Ocean thing. It's for a video game.

Shit, you can't go in there with an open wound.

Yeah, you're gonna get sick.

I don't do sick.

What does he mean he doesn't do sick?

What the fuck? What a dick.

Poppy. Poppy, let me in.

Poppy! Poppy, let me in.

Poppy, Poppy, Poppy.

Hey. We gotta talk.

-Blood Ocean. -Nope.

-I figured it out. -No.

-All right, Pop. -No!

-Get out of my house! -Goddamn, you are actually strong.

...discuss it. You're gonna like it.

There's no escape. I can't escape.

What happened to your finger?

Oh, it got infected.

Apparently you're not supposed to go into the ocean with an open wound, on account of the microbes from all the human feces, or some shit.

Anyway, that's what they told me at the hospital.

You were in the hospital?

Yes, but that's actually a good thing, because while I was there with this very serious infection, I started to feel dizzy, you know?

And, like, that's kind of when I'm at my best because that's when the muse just, sort of, starts sending me something.

And all of a sudden I hear it.

I hear it as a whisper.

May have been the voice of God. I don't know.

She says... She says, "Blood Ocean is a disease."


that is actually pretty good.

Yes! Yes, yes! Okay.

-Let's get you to a workstation, 'cause-- -No. I can't. I can't.

I can't do it anymore. I give up.

Look, Pop, I know that I can be difficult to deal with, but so can you.

But we're like The Beatles, you know?

Big egos clash, and we fight all the time, but you can't deny that together we make masterpieces.

I'm sorry, The Beatles are a rock band from the 1960s who--

I know who The Beatles are.

You didn't know what Weird Science was.

The Beatles and Weird Science are not the same thing.

The point is that the struggle is worth it.

Look. Come on. Let me show you something.

Right now there are 11 million people playing Mythic Quest.

Eleven million people could be doing anything with their lives, and they're choosing us.

Poppy, you can't give up.

The world is better with The Beatles in it, and you know it.

The Beatles, huh?

Yeah, The Beatles.

Sure, I could write the lyrics and the music and everything, but it would sound completely different without the drums.

Wait, I'm Ringo?

Well, yeah. Of course you're Ringo.

Somebody's gotta keep the beat.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You couldn't even give me one of the good Beatles!

Okay. It's not The Beatles. It's something else--

No, it is. It's whatever you say it is. It's The Beatles.

I am a paintbrush. You're the creative director, so we're all just held hostage to your every whim.

That's why it's always gonna be your world.

Did you know that David got fired?

Your staff are revolting.

Mythic Quest is crumbling around you, and you're just letting someone else take care of it.

You are so self-absorbed that you can't see you're fucking this game up, just like you fucked up your kid!


You're right.

No, I didn't mean that.

It's okay, Poppy. You're right.

-No. I didn't-- -I'm sorry.

I-- I got confused.

There were too many metaphors!

-Brad, I need your help. -"Brad, I need your help."

Stop that. Look.

Dana got let go. Like, from the company.

Okay. So?

So? Can't you manipulate the situation, somehow?

You know, Carol said something about maybe creating a new position, -and I thought that-- -Wait. Creating a new position.

-What are you even talking about? -I don't know, man.

I'm just-- I'm trying to do something for somebody I care about.

Don't you care about anything?

Actually, I do. Thank you for asking.

What do I care about?

Are you familiar with... DuckTales?


DuckTales. It's a cartoon from my youth that had a profound impact on me.

Scrooge McDuck, the wealthy, swashbuckling patriarch of his family, owned a money bin.

It's this silo-like structure that was so full of gold coins and other currency he could swim in it as easily as a poor duck could swim in water.

It's my dream to build my own money bin, so I too can bathe in my hoarded wealth.

What the fuck are you talking about?

That's what my architect said to me, but then I wrote him a check and he got right to work.

You see, Rachel, that's the thing about money.

Its value is meaningless, unless it brings you happiness in the form of things you love.

Like becoming a cartoon duck?

Owning people.

Owning them in the way that makes them do ridiculous things like build you a money bin or a skyscraper with your name on top of it.

My pursuit of money is only the pursuit of ownership.

Not in things, though. In people.

This is bullshit, Brad, okay?

This is your fault. You need to fix this!

My fault? I gave her a dream job, which she accepted and you encouraged.

It's not my fault that she...

Wait a minute. You don't know, do you?

Know what?

Apparently some web sleuths found a reflection in her glasses.

The glasses I believe you told her to wear.

Whoops. The Nebula Award.

And from there it was just a hop, skip and a coordinated online campaign away from connecting The Nebula Award to C.W., C.W. to Ian, Ian to MQ, MQ to Dana, Dana back to MQ, and then of course, Dana to corporate shill.

I was just trying to help.


Call Montreal.

Calling Mom.

No, don't call Mom.

Call Montreal.

Calling Monica.

Fucking Mo-- Oh, fuck. Forget it.

Come on. And look, we got toppings here.

Yeah, there's all kinds of toppings.

Get whatever you want. Yeah.

Hey, Poppy! Ding-a-ling-a-ling. You want some ice cream?

What is going on?

Ian called Montreal, and he got me my job back.

Yeah, and he got all the workers their overtime pay.

Yeah, he did it. He fixed everything.

Of course he did.

He's the best! Ding-a-ling-a-ling!

It's transmitted through contact with a certain elven species.

The pain! The pain!

My God.

Blood Ocean.

It's beautiful, Pop.

It better be. I stayed up all night building it.


Because... someone has to call the shots, and get all the glory, and someone has to keep the beat.


I know that because I already said it to you last night.

I know. I'm repeating it back to you, 'cause I know you love the sound of your own voice. I'm say--

I will be Ringo, you fucking dick.

That's great. Great news, Pop.

-I do have one small tweak. -Sorry, you have a tweak?

-Yeah. -You have a tweak.

So, I've... I've only spent seven years coming up with this personal epiphany, but... you have a tweak!

-Great! You have a tweak! -Yeah.

Hey, great news, everyone! Ian's got a tweak!

Poppy, will you be my co-creative director?


Will you be... my co-creative director?

How would that work?

You can't have two creative directors. Who's gonna call the shots?

We both will. Equal say. Equal partners.

I don't believe you.

It's just talk. It's all just talk.

It's gonna be exactly the same as it's always been. I know that it will.

Can I show you something?

Come here. Check this out.

I found this when we first moved in.

The people that were here before us signed it when they were building their game, but he fucked it all up 'cause he didn't listen to his partner.

I don't wanna do that anymore.


You want me to stab you?

What? No!

I want you to carve your name into the column.

-You don't get the metaphor that I'm-- -I don't know!

Will you be my... Dr. Bean?

I gotta be honest. I still don't know what that means.

Doc and Bean! It says Doc and Be--

How are you not getting the metaphor?

Carve your name in and then we're carved in stone and then that's a...

Right. Right. I get it now.


Give me the knife.


Why so glum? It's a day of celebration.

I don't really feel like celebrating being at this job today, Lou.

No, no, no. Not this. Me. I got a promotion.

-Wait, what? -I know.

Some moneybag upstairs shoved a bunch of cash into the budget, created a whole new job.

Director of quality consistency or some shit.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah.

And I know that power's an aphrodisiac, so don't try to again with me.

Okay? It's getting sad.

Thank you.

I own you.

Did he just say, "I love you"?

No. He said, "I own you."


Today marks a new chapter in the history of Mythic Quest.

A new beginning.

So with that, I would like you to welcome your new co-creative director, Poppy Li.

You're on, kid.

-Hello? -It's not working!

Poppy is a monster, and I refuse to work with her!

Ian? Wait, what's going on?

This was a massive, massive mistake.

Listen, she's gonna call you. She's gonna call you, and you cannot answer it.

She's calling me, man.

David, David, David, David.

Do not answer the phone. I absolutely forbid you to--

I fucking hate him, David, and I will not work with him!

Oh, my God. Please just let me sleep.

No. No, you can't sleep, David. You gotta get down here and fix this!

No. No. Listen. You guys gotta get in the same room and hash it out.

Oh, we're in the same room.

-Hey, David. -Get over here and fix this!

No. I can't drive, okay?

I took a Xanax and drank a bottle of wine, just so I could sleep.

Fine. Then Jo will just come pick you up. Jo, go get him.

Hey, David. I'm heading out to you now. Put your shoes on.

No, Jo. Jo, do not come to my house.

-Stop telling me what I don't understand. -Guys.

-There are so many things that you don't-- -Guys.

Okay. I'll be right there.