Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941) Script

How are you, Chuck? Hello, gorgeous.

Oh, say, your daughter's looking for you.

Oh, thanks, I'll take the next bus. Okay, gorgeous.

Oh, hello, Mother, who are you doubling today?

Lydia Flickham in an aerial act.

Be careful.

Say, I thought you were supposed to be rehearsing.

I haven't even started yet.

Well, you knock them over in that rehearsal and I'll let you support me.

Uncle Bill said if he sells the script, you won't have to work anymore.

Oh, your Uncle Bill is too good.

We owe him too much already.

Look what I found this morning.

Close your eyes.

Wish.

Was that a buptkie!

You're about to fall heir to a kittens stocking.

What's a kittens stocking?

A sock on the puss.

Another buptkie.

Raspberries.

Raspberries!

Raspberries.

Raspberries!

Raspberries?

Hiya, tootie pie.

Everything under control?

Who are you talking to?

All five of them hit me at once.

Hi.

It's a lucky thing I recognized you.

I thought it was that guy coming back again.

I was about to clout your brains out.

How about a part in this new picture you're gonna do?

Oh, go away or I'll kill you.

You're all right, you'll all set.

Thank you, Mr. Fields.

How would you like to hide the egg and gurgitate a few saucers of mocha java?

No, thanks, I've just had breakfast.

Oh, you have?

Well, call me up at sometime at the house.

What time? Oh, a couple o'clock.

Good morning, beautiful.

What do you hear from Garcia?

A ringer!

Got a menu?

Thank you, thank you.

Is there any goulash on this menu?

That's roast beef gravy.

Oh, it's roast beef gravy.

Is that steak New York cut?

What about... Oh, oh.

No extra charge for the cold shower, I hope.

Do you think it's too hot for pork chops?

Oh.

That practically eliminates everything but ham and eggs.

Forgot about that.

No ham?

Two fermented eggs in a glass. Cup.

Yes, cup.

And some whole wheat... White.

Some white bread, yes.

And a... Get away from there.

And a cup of mocha java with cream.

Milk.

Milk, yes, that's fine.

Two in the water, easy!

I don't know why I ever come in here.

Flies get the best of everything.

Go away, go away, go away, go away.


Oh, yes, Mr. Pangborn.

Yes, we just made it, Yes, I'll have Gloria Jean ready whenever you say.

All right, thank you, Mr. Pangborn.

And another thing, you're always squawking about something.

If it isn't the steak, it's something else.

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear.

I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

You're as funny as a cry for help.

You also pulled that old gag about breaking your fork in the gravy.

I didn't say anything about breaking the fork in the gravy.

Did you use to be an old Follies girl?

You know, there's something awfully big about you.

Thank you, dear, thank you, dear.

Your nose.

Something awfully big about you, too.

Hiya, Tiny. Hiya, Joe.

Give me a cup of jamo.

Well, he means mocha java.

What's the amount of the insult?

That'll be 35 cents. 35 cents, thank you.

Have you any imported cigars?

Stingaroos, four for a nickel.

Oh, that's fine as long as they're imported.

You know, if anybody ever comes in here and gives you a ten dollar tip,

scrutinize it carefully because there's a lot of counterfeit money going around.

I'll give you the dough, don't, here, there.

If I get any counterfeit nickels or pennies, I'll know where they came from.

You're so clever.

Who told you I was clever?

All your friends at the studio told me.

Oh, drat!

I told them not to tell you. And another thing.

Don't be so free with your hands.

Listen, honey, I was only trying to guess your weight.

You take things too seriously.

Baloney, mahoney, malarkey, you big kabloona!

Kabloona, I haven't been called that for two days.

I suffered from high blood pressure for years.

Then I lost my dough and I had to give it up.

Very comical.

Look at that hat.

Looks nice, that's fine.

Aren't you a little confused?

In which way?

Your hat.

Oh!

Thanks 1,000 times, yes.

Mistook it.

Thank you.

Excuse me, blimpy-pie.

I forgot to take the cellophane off.

Very fortunate it didn't burn my hat.

One, two, three, four, five.

With a hot cha cha and a boop boop be doop and a scaddily, daddily, dinky dee you can dig, dig, dug while you cut a rug when you waddily, daddily, doodle with me.

With a hot cha cha and a boop boop be doop and a scaddily, daddily, dinky dee you can dig, dig, dug while you cut a rug when you waddily, daddily, doodle with me.

With a hot cha cha and a boop boop be doop and a scaddily, daddily, dinky dee you can dig, dig, dug while you cut a rug when you waddily, daddily, doodle with me.

Johnson!

Johnson!

Quiet!

All right, Gloria Jean, we'll rehearse the number.

You know, we have to get this set finished by morning.

Well, what am I supposed to do about it?

Let my men continue working.

Well, they only have to stop while we rehearse.

Now, I'll give you one whistle for quiet and two whistles to resume work.

Is that okay, Mr. Pangborn?

Well.

Quiet!

This!

This is not the song that you are to sing.

This is the song Uncle Bill told me to sing.

Uncle who? Mr. Fields.

Swish swash.

This is the number that you are to sing.

All right.

Quiet!

Quiet!

Johnson.

Why do I have to work on a stage as busy as this with 48 stages in this studio?

I'm sorry, Mr. Pangborn, but they're all busy.

Busy? I don't like this song.

Neither do I, Gloria.

Come on, we might as well let him have it.

I hear a song so gay I hear it all the day.

I hear it bring a message of spring.

Birds and flowers leafy bowers greet the sun on high.

Night and day breezes play gently.

Stop!

Quiet!

No, no, no, Gloria Jean.

I want more life.

Gaily through the swaying trees, darting sunbeams light the forest while the zephyrs kiss the murmuring leaves sweetly fragrant with the breath of spring.

High in the sky above birds are winging loudly singing.

No, no!

How many times do I have to tell you?

Is a welcome again to spring.

One, two, three, four.

To spring.

Love fills the air.

Love's everywhere.

Every lover is sighing of love undying.

No, no, no, Gloria Jean.

Not like that.

Like this.

Lunch, one hour.

Now, Gloria Jean, you've got to do this number all the way through.

One.


Sing then about joyous springtime.


Timber!

Stop it!

Stop it.

Hello, Uncle Bill.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the studio to read my script.

Don't you think I'd better go in with you?

Oh, no, dear, I'll be all right.

Don't let them chisel you. I won't, dear.

You ought to be in there rehearsing with Buddy and Butch.

I can't find them.

Well, go in there and look for them.

Godfrey Daniel!

Hold your temper.

Count 10.

Now, let her go, you got a good aim.

A beauty.

Run, she'll get us, come on, she'll get us!

Good morning.

I have an engagement for a story conference.

You big hoddy-doddy.

You smoke vile cigars all day and drink whiskey half the night.

Some day you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Drown in a vat of whiskey?

"Death, where is thy sting?"

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Shortest interview on record.

I beg your pardon?

What did you say?

I have an engagement to read my script.

What was the name?

W. C. Bill Fields.

Oh, glad to know you, Mr. Fields.

Glad to know you. Please step right into my office.

Yes, I will, too.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, that's... Excuse me.

Oh, well, watch your step here.

Oh, drat, oh, drat!

You're all right, Fields?

Oh!

Hello, dear.

Pardon me, Mr. Fields, but my wife is not going to be dragged in and out of your picture by the hair of her head.

Of course, this is only a rough draft.

You've got to bear with me a half a tick.

And you'll have to take that crab net off, dear.

Here's one of the scenes.

Do you mind being seated? Oh, oh, no, go on, my dear.

"I pass the pool hall."

They're playing for the championship of the world including the two dollar side bet.

You are riding in a Jeep on a sidewalk with a sailor.

The scene intrigues you.

You hop off while it is going.

In the circus scene, you wear a beard.

I wear a beard?

Yeah, a small beard, a vandyke.

Just little... You know what a vandyke is, don't you?

I certainly do.

Oh.

"You enter the pool hall."

The contender for the championship just ripped the cloth, which causes the ball to"...

Good morning, Mr. Pangborn. Good morning, Mrs. Pastromi.

Take that Groucho Marx out of here, please.

"Which causes the ball to leap off the table."

Just a moment, please.

Hello, oh, it's the other phone.

Hello?

Yes, yes, she's here.

It's for you, Mrs. Pastromi.

"Strong men feint."

Some feint with their rights and some feint with their lefts...

Hello?

Yes, I can't hear you, you'll have to talk louder.

"He faints"... I'm talking as loud as I can!

Yeah. Don't we always have spaghetti for dinner?

Yeah. Well, all right, we'll have raviolis.

"And you rush over... Of course, I'll be home.

What time is it? "...and put his head in your lap"

I can't hear you, goodbye. Well, goodbye.

Thank you, Mrs. Pastromi.

You're welcome.

"Then you go off to the local barbershop and get shaved and play the rest of the scene and the picture with an absolutely clean face."

Oh, well, all right.

We can cut that out.

If you don't mind, Mr. Fields, I'll read it myself.

I get a better feel, capture the mood and the tempo better that way, you see.

It's in English, isn't it?

"A long shot of streamlined plane with open-air, rear observation compartment"...

With open-air, rear observation compart...

"In the plane is the handsome hero, Bill Fields and his little niece, Gloria Jean, who are winging their way toward the Russian village in the strange and distant land of...

Here, are you happy? You bet I am, Uncle.

Must be a Shriners' convention in town.

Or maybe he's a cigarette salesman.

I beg your pardon. That's quite all right.

It doesn't matter.

I hope he hasn't brought his polo ponies on board with him.

They'll be pawing all night and keep us awake.

Good night, Uncle. Good night, dear, now don't you worry.

I'll be right over here in the upper berth next to you.

All right.

What's the matter, did you sprain your ankle?

No, no, no, a dog bit me.

Yeah, I was playing croquet and I dropped my mallet.

And a little dachshund ran straight out and grabbed me by the fetlock. Oh.

Rather fortunate it wasn't a Newfoundland dog that bit you.

Yes, rather, I suppose so.

I'm sleeping here somewhere, but I don't quite know where.

Well, there's no other place to sleep if you don't sleep in the plane here.

That's right. No hotels around anywhere.

Here you are, Mr. Fields.

Well, thank you.

Where are you supposed to sleep, in that little hammock up there?

Yes, sir.

Good night, Uncle Bill. Good night, dear.

I'll be right across the way, dear.

I'll be up here all alone, except that fly.

Get out of there.

Get the other leg, please, thanks.

While I use both of them, usually.

There's some answers in my cap again.

Time to get up, sir, we're landing shortly.

Oh!

Are you airsick?

No, dear.

Somebody put too many olives in my martinis, last night.

Shall I get you a Bromo?

No, I couldn't stand the noise.

Time to get up, little lady.

Get up, dear. Okay.

We're landing in a few minutes, a half hour, two or three...

What time did she say we were landing?

Maybe we're not going to land.

Go back to sleep again.

Chickens, they lay eggs in Kansas, chickens, they lay eggs in Kansas.

Chickens lay eggs as big as nutmegs.

The chickens lay eggs in Kansas.

Heard chickens have pretty legs in Kansas.

Chickens have pretty legs in Kansas.

That is really not a joke, one rolled me for my poke, chickens have pretty legs in Kansas.

Those clouds look just as fleecy as... clouds.

There's enough material there for a Ringling Brother's big top.

Maybe a smuggler.

You a big nose have it.

Oh, that's a surprise to me.

I say, I should take that as a personal insult.

Yeah, I should, too.

I you hate, too.

He hates you, too.

Here, here, I say.

Half a tick, old man, half a tick.

Oh!

Steady on, old man, steady on.

I have a big nose, have I?

You, me on the head hitted.

Say, boys, let me out of this thing.

I'm neutral, go ahead.

I forgot my soap, forgot my razor, I forgot everything.

Pardon me.

No wonder they call this a giant airliner.

Do you travel as one person, or did you get a party rate of 10?

Okay, don't answer.

Oh.

Here, oh, here you are, here.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I didn't sleep well last night.

You didn't? I'm troubled with insomnia.

Oh, insomnia.

Well, I know a good cure for it.

Yeah? Get plenty of sleep.

Sleep? Yeah, that's what the doctor told me.

Toothbrush.

At least you're not on the plane in the morning when I get off.

Excuse me.

Always brush them down like that, never across like that.

No, no, no, no. That's what it says in the latest etiquette book.

Yeah.

Oh, I got more cleaner, I need more.

Must have just gone through a cloud.

That's a hot one.

You were shaving me and I'm shaving you.

Are you ready, dear? Be ready in a jiffy.

A jiffy, oh, okay.

Well, I'll meet you on the back platform, dear.

All right. Okay, dear.

Hello, there.

Oh, miss?

What inclement weather.

What are you drinking, Uncle Bill? Oh, just a little ginger ale, dear.

Pull up your chair here.

You know, Uncle Bill, I've been thinking.

Why didn't you ever marry?

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear.

She drove me to drink, that's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

Go and pack your little portmanteau, will you, now?

All right.

Uncle Bill!

Uncle Bill!


Oh, boy.

Why didn't I think of that parachute?

Well, there she goes.

What a bump.

And how fortunate...

How do you do?

Do you live here?

What are you? I'm an American citizen.

An American eagle?

No, it's the first time I've ever been up in a plane in my life.

I'm just a man.

Man?

I never heard that word before.

You didn't? Are you really a man?

Well, I've been called other things.

I've never seen one before in all my life.

You never have?

Mother brought me to the nest here when I was only three months old.

Oh, she did?

And you've never seen a man?

Do you ever play the game of squidgilum?

No, the only game I've ever played is bean bag.

Bean bag, oh, it's very good.

Becomes very exciting at times.

I saw the championship played in Paris.

Many people were killed.

Pull up a chair.

Now, get a little closer, you're too far away.

Or wait, wait a minute... Maybe I'm the one.

Now, you put your hands on your head that way.

That's it... now close your eyes, and pucker your lips a bit.


Shall we play another rubber?

Why, mother.

Romulus and Remus.

What are you doing here? Mother, this is a man.

He fell out of an airplane and brought a wonderful new game to us.

It's called "Squidgilum."

You pull two chairs together, place your hands on your head in this fashion, then you close your eyes, and then you both press your lips together.

Oh, I'll try it with him.

Mother knows best.

Close your eyes, mother.

Oh.

Men, men, they're all alike.

They'll deceive you as your father did me.

He kissed a chorus girl, and when I found it out, he said, "Oh, I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing."

Do you think he drinks?

He didn't get that nose from playing ping-pong.

What a catastrophe.

Just a minute, Mr. Fields.

There is a limit to everything.

This script is an insult to a man's intelligence.

Even mine.

You drop from a plane 10,000 feet in the air, and you land on a divan without a scratch.

You play Post Office with a beautiful blonde, and then you throw yourself over the cliff in a basket.

It's impossible, inconceivable, incomprehensible!

And besides that, it's no good.

And as for the continuity, it's terrible.

And for my own information, off the record, what's happened to Gloria Jean? Where's she been all this time?

Oh oh I see, here she is.

"Poor little Gloria, almost in tears, waiting at the airport, not knowing which way to turn, when suddenly... ".

Telephone, honey. Telephone?

Hello? Uncle Bill!

Where are ya? What?

Yes! Yes, I'll be right over.

How... how do you get to the Russian village?

I'll take care of it.

I fell out of an airplane while I was trying to retrieve a bottle of golden nectar.

Landed on the pinnacle of yonder rock, where is domiciled a vision of loveliness if ever there was one.

And her mother, a buzzard if ever there was one.

If that girl is as beautiful as you say, I...

I'll scale the wall tomorrow. I've heard about them.

They say the old buzzard's husband walked out 'em before the girl was born, and buzzard vowed that the daughter would never see or hear the name "man" as long as she lived.

They also say the old gal has a bankroll so big a greyhound couldn't leap over it.

Yeah?

Oh, well she seems to have a kind heart too.

Maybe you could induce her to come down and talk turkey to one that really loves her and has her interest at heart.

She seemed like an awfully nice woman to me.

Now that I come to think of it.


Hey, hey.

Two goat milks.

Two what?

You will love it.

I'm not so sure about that. Oh, yes, yes.

This is...

This is a drink. Haven't you any red eye?

It's good... good.

Well, it hasn't killed you.

'Course not.


Uncle Bill! Hello, dear!

Dear, I'm so glad you arrived safely.

This is my little niece, Gloria Jean.

This Mr. Roberts.

Mr. Roberts, and this Mr. I'm a Carson.

Mr. Carson, yeah.

What are you drinking, Uncle Bill? I'm drinking goat's milk, dear.

What kind of goat's milk? Nanny goat's milk.

It's very sweet.


Gargo.

Gargo!

Gargo!

Hello.


Have you ever played Squidgilum?

No, I've never heard of it. Oh, well, we...

We place our hands on our head thus.

Then we close our eyes.

And then we press our lips together.

Isn't it fun? The man that was up here yesterday said this was a national game where he came from.

You must be a professional.

Did the man who came up here yesterday play this game with you?

Yes, he did, but when mother wanted to play, something frightened him, and then he dived over the parapet.

Why, the old reprobate.

Let's play Squidgy.


If a body meet a body.

Comin' through the rye.

If a body kiss a body.

Need a body cry?

Every lassie has her laddie.

Nane, they say.

Have I.

Yet.

All the lads they smile on me.

When comin' through the rye.

When the body met the body.

The body to the body said.

Oh, body, you're somebody, you ought to get a head.

Every lassie has her laddie but I'll be different I think I'm gonna find a daddy to dress me up in mink.

Then we'll ride, ride, ride comin' through the rye, rye, rye.

A-comin' through the rye, yes indeedy, daddy.

We'll be comin' on through the rye.

Marvelous, wonderful, amazing!

The girl has been living on a mountain top since she was three months old, and for no reason at all, suddenly blossoms out with "Jumpin' Jive."

Do you actually think I'm a dope? Now don't you answer that.

Let's get on with it anyway.

Squidge. Are you sure you've lived here since you were three months old?

Squidge.

Well, who... who are you?

Mrs. Hemogloben. Who?

Mrs. Hemogloben.

Give me another transfusion.

Hemo... Hemoglob...

Oh, you're the dame who has all that mon... I mean, you're the beautiful lady that has the house on top of the hill?

Oh, all my life I've been craving love of this kind!

Oh love!

I don't think you can get that cricket bat in here.

Yeah, sure. What kind of a bird is that, Uncle Bill?

Oh, it's a filliloo bird, dear.

Flies backwards. Flies backwards?

Yes, it lives in the desert, flies backwards to keep the sand out of its eyes.

I wonder where the contraption is that starts this thing.

Did it hurt you, Uncle?

Now, how could a rock dropping from 1,000 feet hurt your head?

Here we go.

Oh look, you can see all over the country, can't ya?

Oh, for a Maxwell parachute.

What's a Maxwell parachute? Good until the last drop, dear.

Here we go again.


You ready, children?


Now, wait, folks.

My dear Mrs. Hemogloben.

A token of my love and esteem.

What a voracious appetite that little bird had.

I... oh, here they are.

Thank you. Thank you.

Fly away.

He'll stay around... may I? Oh, please do.

Thank you.

Once when I...

Oh, dear, are you hurt?

I can't tell... Oh my.

Yet.

Pardon me, may I remove the basket?

Yes, please do. Thank you.

Good gracious! Yes.

Oh my! Oh, oh, I'm so sorry!

Oh, it's quite all right, quite all right.

Can you do anything with it? I think I can do something with it, I don't know what yet.

My Uncle Bill.

But I still love him.

My dear Mrs. Hemogloben, when I first saw you I was so enamored with your beauty...

Oh, Mr. Fields.

I ran to the basket, jumped in, went down to the city and bought myself a wedding outfit.

And now I'm here to lay...

My heart at your feet!

Oh, you're so full of romance.

Every night, every night... What's the matter with this thing?

Sit down on it again, will you? Let me help you, oh.

Oh, dear, everything seems to be going wrong.

Yes, it does. Mother!

Mother, Mr. Carson and I are gonna be married, and right away too.

Mr. Fields brought up the owner of the cantina, Mr. Clines.

He's sheriff, magistrate, and mayor of the village.

He's gonna marry us immediately.

Why not make it a double-header?

Saturday afternoon, and I haven't anything to do.

Mr. Fields, this is so sudden.

I'm so happy. And so am I.

Hello there!

Well, my dream girl!

Leon!

My bon ami!

Have you seen our... my...

Her hanging swimming pool? Hanging swimming... no.

Say, dear, why don't I show him the hanging swimming pool?

Hanging swimming pool? Well, where is this hanging swimming...

Why, right here... get up on there and you can see it a little better.

It's gonna be better? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah!

Help! Help! Help!

Suffering sciatica.

Last time it was pink elephants.

Oh, you're back! Yeah.

The poor chap just had a mishap. Oh, that's too bad.

Slipped over the parapet. Oh my!

Shall we proceed with the ceremony?

Just as you say. Thank you, Mrs. Hemogloben.

May I call you Daisy? Oh, I wish you would.

Uncle Bill. Yes, dear?

May I see you a minute? Certainly... excuse me, Mrs. Hemogloben.

Certainly.

What is it? Uncle Bill, I don't want you to get married.

You listen to me, missy.

Don't you want to live in this beautiful nest?

Have a personal maid? No.

Wear diaphanous gowns?

And eat regularly? I just want to be with you.

You'll be with me. But she'll be with us.

I never thought of that.

We're falling 2,000 feet!

It's all right, dear.

Don't start worrying until we get down to 1,999!

It's the last foot that's dangerous.

That's all! That's enough! That's too much!

Airplanes with sun decks!

Russian villages in the sky!

Gorillas playing post office!

Cows, sheep, goat's milk!

I am going, and when I get back you'd better not be here.

I don't care where you go, just go!

Go, go get a drink! Get two drinks! Get a dozen drinks!

Give me a drink, I'm dying.

What'll it be? Oh jumbo ice cream soda.

What flavor? Oh, I don't care... spinach, horseradish, anything you got there.

I'll give you peach. Oh, thank you, thank you.

I feel as though somebody stepped on my tongue with muddy feet.

This scene was supposed to be in a saloon, but the censor cut it out.

It'll play just well as.

Oh, come on! Where's my drink?

Oh!

It's killers like you that give the West a bad name.

Give me a couple of ladyfingers, will you, please?

Thank you.


That's better.

So long, Tom... I'd rather be in a saloon at that.

Don't you worry about it. But Uncle Bill said he's going away.

Fine, fine... I mean, now don't worry about your Uncle Bill.

He's lived his life and ruined mine.

Now it's you we've got to think about.

You're young, you've got a great career ahead of you.

You're gonna do big things. Maybe Uncle Bill can write you another story.

No, no, no, don't say that... I never want to see him again.

He's a numbskull. Do you know what Uncle would do if he heard you say that? No. What would your uncle do if he heard me say that? This.

And if Uncle Bill doesn't work here anymore, I don't either.

But I don't want you to go away without me, Uncle Bill.

But the enterprise on which I'm about to embark on is fraught with eminent peril, much too dangerous for a young lady of your tender years.

Another thing, I promised your mother I'd look out for you.

But how can you look out for me when I'm here and you're way down there?

You want to go to school, don't you?

No. Do you want to grow up and be dumb like Zasu Pitts? She only acts like that in pictures.

I like her. Don't you want to be smart?

No, I wanna be like you.

Don't you think I'm smart? Not very.

I don't like teachers anyhow.

Well, there's no sense in arguing with a woman.

You go with me... Yippee!

Look out, dear!

Who do you think you're backing into, you big lummox?

Hello, Officer... here's dollar quarter.

Go in there and buy yourself several outfits.

We're liable to be down there a year. Okay, thanks, Uncle.

You're welcome, dear.

Hello, Officer.

Am I too near the plug or something?

I can move out in a minute... Move out in a minute...

Calling car number 202. Calling car number 202.

Go immediately to North National Bank.

Get necessary information regarding two crooks who have just held up the bank for $150,000.

150,000, that is all.

"That is all"? $150,000, that's all? It ain't hay, is it?

Car 202, bank robbery. North National Bank has been held up.

One crook, slight build, evidently a jockey, has a horse scar behind his left ear.

Must be some ear to get a horse car behind it.

Keep quiet, please!

Other crook has corn teeth, cauliflower ear, apple-red cheeks, muttonchop whiskers.

Sounds like a full-course dinner to me... What, no apple pie?

Oh, shut up.

Now it's blue for a boy and pink for a girl, isn't it?

Yes. Well, I'll take the pink one.

Is that the right time?

Yes, it's western postal time. Well, I have to get these down to the baby hospital.

I'm leaving for Salt Lake this afternoon... here.

I'll see you when I get back. All right, Mrs. Wilson.

Yes, get me a taxi.

I've got to get to the maternity hospital right away.

If I can be of any assistance.

Can you rush this lady to the maternity hospital? Yes, yes, get in the back.

And tell my niece to meet me...

I'll take care of her, sir.

Slow down! Take it easy, please!

I can't get her down any further.

This is all I can get out of this old crate.


Maternity hospital. Fourteenth and B Street.

Okay.


Where do you think you're going, to a fire?

A maternity hospital.

Okay, tomato-puss, follow me.


Short cut to the hospital!


Darn those drunken painters!


Get out of the way!

Move! Out of the... way!

Look out there! Look out!

What a splendid view of Californian climate.

He said the fire is back there!

Go back! Tell him to make up his mind!

Stretcher!

Quiet.

Where am I? Quiet, please... you'll alarm the other patients.

What do I care about the other patients? Where are my clothes?

Go away from me! Just a minute. Just a minute.

Just a minute nothing... give me my clothes and let me out of here! Wait a minute!

Uncle Bill, are you all right?

Lucky I didn't have an accident, I'd have never gotten here.

My Uncle Bill, but I still love him.