New in Town (2009) Script

I bet you that's Trudy right now.

Harve, would you get that?

Harve, get that, will you?

To the 35, 40. What a block.

Forty-five, still going. Brought down at the 50.

Okay, buster, no tapioca for you.

Hey, everybody. Hi.

Hi, Trudy.

I froze my patootie off waiting for someone to open that door.

You know how those New Ulm men get when the Vikings play.

Yeah, I know. So, Trudy, I've got cocoa, tea or cider.

Cider. Thank you.

So, what's the latest?

You girls are terrible. You start right in on that gossip.

It's not gossip, it's news.

Yes, Blanche, it's news.

So spit it out.

The reason I was late is because I just got off the phone...

...with Munck headquarters in Miami. What did they want?

To rent a house for the new plant manager they're sending here.

No way. Yes way.

We remember what happened to that last plant manager...

...that Stu and his fellas ran out of town.

The one that choked on the knackwurst...

...during the Braunschweiger competition?

Or what about the manager Stu had stand too close to the glockenspiel?

You know I heard he still has tinnitus?

What's that? Well, it's like:

All day long for the rest of your life.

My God, that's horrible.

Don't forget the Land O' Lakes manager...

...that mysteriously got locked into the dairy cooler.

What that man had to do in that cooler to survive...

It's unmentionable.

God bless our new plant manager whoever the poor guy is.



Good morning. Munck Foods.

Sorry I'm late.

We haven't gotten far. We had to wait for you.

We were discussing how getting the New Ulm facility...

...dumped on our division is going to affect our bottom line.

Well, wouldn't it just be better to close the plant?

It looks like a lost cause to me.

Yes, but Marketing wants to cross our branding in the youth demo...

...with the adult protein craze with Rocket Bars, protein snacks for kids.

Now, we can use the existing facility...

...but we'll have to automate it to produce the new line...

...downsize production, reduce the workforce by 50 percent.

The question is, who will oversee it?

Don't all of you volunteer at once.

I can do it.

And, hey, Lucy's single. She could do the conversion on-site.

That's not in the proposal. On-site would expedite it.

You'll go immediately.

Joan, book Lucy to Minnesota this weekend.

This...? Minnesota?

Knew I could count on you.

Can I give you a hand with that? I've got it. Thank you.

All right.

How bad can it be?

Holy mother...

Traveling on Flight 116 to New Orleans.

Flight 116.

I'm spending winter in a theme park.


Oh, my Lord, locked the door at 5 out of habit.

Can we help you?

Yeah, I'm looking for Blanche Gunderson.

My assistant, Cathy, called.

You must be Miss Hill.

I'm Blanche Gunderson.

You're my executive assistant?

Oh, heavens, no.

I'm just a secretary.

Did you need me to find you one of those?

We'll see.

What you need to find is a place to live.

Right. So this is your realtor, Trudy.

Trudy Van Uuden at your service.

That's with two U's. A double U, not a W.

I'll drive. What do you say you follow with Ms. Hill?

Good idea.

Your luggage all matches.

That's so nice.

Say cheese.

Are you a scrapper?

Excuse me?

There's Merle. Hey, Merle.

That's our mailman, Merle.

That's what we call him. Mailman Merle.

Because he delivers the mail, and he's our mailman.

So, you know?

Yeah, do you keep a scrapbook?

Because I do.

I'm a scrapper, see.

We even got a club.

I got a mini in my bag here.

Okay, so this here is our dog, Winston Churchill.

He's dead. He was a bit of drooler, I'm afraid.

And this here is my kitty, Snowflake.

She's dead too.

We had to put her down on account of that kitty-leukemia thing.

You should've seen the kinds of things she was barfing up on our couch.

Poor thing. Bless her heart.

She's not dead in the picture though. She's just sleeping.

Could I look at that later maybe?



Are you married? Do you have children?

No, no. I'm not married.

You're still young, you know?


I mean, you still got time, I suppose.

Do you eat meat, or are you one of those vegetarian people?

No. I'm not a vegetarian.

Why? Because it's your first night in town.

Don't think we're gonna let you go hungry.

You're coming to my house for dinner. Nothing fancy, of course.


Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Isn't that what you've been doing?

Have you found Jesus?

Well, I didn't know he was missing.

It was just a joke.

Normally we don't joke about Jesus around here.

But I can see how you'd think that was sort of funny.

Imagine Jesus gone missing.


It's clearing. Chill coming on.

It's gonna get a heck of a lot colder.

This place is big, but what the hey.


It gets colder?


Good. Electric is still on.

Heat's LP. Tank's out back. Furnace is a Norge.

The pipes are wrapped. Windows are two-paned.

And there's a double layer of Owens Corning.

Hardwood. You got rugs to keep from freezing the bejesus out of your toes.

Wait, you just lost me.

No problem. What didn't you get?

Well, I understood that the electric is still on.

Does that work? Sure as shooting.

Okay. Then I'll take it.

Want me to go over the fireplace?

No, I'm a city girl, but I know how to light a fire.

Where's the switch?

She seems nice enough.

I doubt she'll last a week. Poor thing.

There you are. I was starting to wonder.

I got lost.

You said it was around the other side of the lake.

Every direction I went, there was a lake.

That's not even a lake. That's Luden Pond.

I turned around. I found another lake.

I bet you went to Van Meyer Slough.

And then I went left. That's actually a stone quarry.

But you made it.


Harve, company.

I didn't know whether to get red or white.

But all they had was Zinfandel anyway, so...

Hell, anything you can uncork, uncap or unscrew, I'll drink it.

This is my husband, Harve. You'd think he's joking, but he's not.

Take your coat? Yes. Please.

That would be great.

Thank you.

You okay like that? You're not too cold?

No. I'm fine.

Okay, because you look a little cold.

I'm fine.

Anyhow, there's someone that I want you to meet.

I'm hoping that you hit it off.

If you do, it's gonna make your stay here in Minnesota a lot more pleasant.

So, Lucy Hill, this is Ted Mitchell.



So it's a whole dinner party. Yeah.

Lovely. Thank you.

How you doing?

You've got beer dripping from your chin.

Awesome. Can I use your powder room?

You betcha. It's right through the kitchen to the right.

Yeah? Lucy, we thought we'd open...

...that wine with dinner. Would you like a glass?

Yeah, that would be great.

You know, I actually am feeling a little chilly.

Would you mind bringing my jacket?

You betcha.


Blanche, this meatloaf is good. Thank you, Ted.

So, Ted, do you live around here?


Yeah, I moved up here.

Little over 10 years ago.


I mean, not that it's not nice. I'm sure.

But why?

Why not, you know?

What's so great about a city?

Well, I mean, the cultural advantages alone.

Museums, opera, ballet, theater. Not to mention nightlife.


Do you know I was in a restaurant, and Justin Timberlake walked in?

For real? Is he one of your mp3 fellas?

That's nice.

I thought all they had was skinny supermodels...

...and Colombian drug lords.

Ted, that's terrible.

You know who else was there, Bobbie?


I bet you like her music?

My dad won't let me like that stuff.

Well, you seem old enough to decide for yourself what you like.

Excuse me?

Women like that just selling themselves as sex objects?

What kind of a role model is that for young girls?

I think that any examples of strong successful young women are vital.

And that's how you measure success? By how provocative a woman can be?

We'll pass on that. We'll listen to country.

The twangy drivel about the losers who drink beer...

...and drive pickup trucks?


How about polka? It's got something for everybody.

That's it, Harve, you're exactly right. Bingo.

I like beer.

I drive a pickup.

I should have known.

You probably drive a new car for what it says about you...

...when what it says about you... how you bow down to the big corporations that made a gravy train.

And would anybody like more gravy?

Trudy? Kimberley?

Industrial competition in a free-market economy is what built this country.

No, robber barons built it, and they did it from the blood of working folks.

If you steal somebody's car, you get thrown in jail.

If you steal life savings, you get to be a CEO.

I'm planning on being a CEO.

You better count the silverware before she leaves.

I'm leaving now. Not if I leave first.

Come on, baby. I've got Snickerdoodles with tapioca.

Thanks for dinner. Thanks for dinner.

Totally awesome.

Miss Hill.

Stu Kopenhafer, plant foreman.

I'm supposed to show you around.

Milk processors, cooking facilities.

Curdling vats, slop sinks...

...auxiliary refrigeration, more slop sinks.

Storage racks over there.

Conveyor belt. This is your main production floor.

I'd really like to speak with the workers.

Where can I do that?


What are you waiting for?

Greetings, New Ulm.

I'm here to usher in a new phase.

This is a great opportunity.

I'm here to reconfigure for the initialization of Rocket Bars.

This will be an exciting utilization of new branding...

...for capitalizing on a highly profitable demographic.

Cut to the chase.

We don't give a fart on a muggy day what you're making us make.

Tell us how many you're planning on laying off.

Management at Munck Foods in Miami has sent me here... conduct mechanization and modernization procedures.

Yeah, you Munck-ees all say that crap.

But every time one of you comes, we end up losing jobs.

Well, I'm interested in the jobs we'll create.

If you're not, that's fine, but I'll expect you to implement the changes... a timely manner.


Yeah, well, nice try, Trudy.

No, you're not getting that recipe out of me.

Because I...

All right, listen, gotta go. Okay, yeah.

Let me jump.

Yeah, okay, I know. I'll give it to you later.

Okay, bye-bye then. Yeah, bye.

Good morning. Sorry about that.

That was Trudy. She's always trying to get my tapioca recipe out of me.

Yeah, well, I doubt that your tapioca recipe is gonna affect the plant.

So let's just stick to work if we could.

Okay. Listen, sorry about being late.

Billy had a run-in up at the school.

Had to go talk to the principal, don't you know?

He thinks he's a little Puff Diddly, in case you didn't notice last night.

Is that my office? Yeah.

I'd like to see you in there, please.

As a female, do you know how I'm on the fast track to VP... a Fortune 500 company? No, I don't.

When it's time to work, I concentrate on work.

I get you. And I expect one's personal life... be kept personal.

Okay, that's easy. But not you, apparently.

You're trying to set me up after having just met me.

Well, actually... I don't want excuses.

I am here to do a job.

I will not get personally attached to this town or anybody.

Okay, but listen... No buts.

But for the sake of argument, let's say I did want to get set up.

Trying to hook me up with that guy? I may be in the middle of nowhere.

But I am not so desperate that I would consider your sorry-ass truck guy.

Right. Sorry-ass truck guy. Good.

Now that that's clear, let's just brush that off.

So I can spend the rest of the morning kissing the ass of the local union rep.

Who I actually think is here.

Why is he out there?

Funny story.

It might have been presumptuous of me to try to set you up...

...but I thought it might help professionally...

...if you were to meet the union rep...

...for all of southeastern Minnesota casually...

...over a nice home-cooked dinner.

Ted is the local union rep?

That's right.

The guy that I yelled at over your meatloaf?

And in the driveway some too.

Mr. Mitchell.

Ted, wasn't it?

Yeah. But some people refer to me as "sorry-ass truck guy."

I beg your pardon?

Union's been pushing for better soundproofing in this plant.

But I think they should probably extend it to the office walls too.

Shall we?

Well, going over union regulations for two hours is not helping.

What I'm trying to do is make sure that during this simple reconfiguration... you call it, that not one union job gets cut.

I'm sure we can come to an agreement.

I'm gonna make sure that you comply with that agreement every step.


How is the first day going?

It's been a very productive day.

I've spoken to the employees and the plant foreman.

And they are very engaged in the process.

I've laid out my work strategy with my assistant.

And I've begun dialoguing with the local union rep.

I'm sure I'll be able to forge a working relationship there.

All right, but if we're gonna downsize by 50 percent...

...I need you to prioritize your termination list.

Hi there. I wanted to let you know I've rearranged my desk.

It looks so nice and professional now.

So if you need anything, a drink, or a snack, or you get homesick... wanna talk, you just give me a shout.

I'm so sorry.

I'm already on that.

All I'm asking is that we move these machines... make room for the new production equipment.

Yeah, no.

That's not the way we do things. Nope, not the way we do things.

Not the way at all.

You're going to have to make some concessions.

We're making some damn concessions.

Like Gopher Day.

Gopher Day? Yeah.

Local holiday. First Friday of November.

We've always gotten it off before, but we're all working this one.


If I close the plant for Gopher Day at noon...

...then come Monday, you'll start shifting equipment?

Sure. You betcha. Yeah, okay.


Happy Gopher Day.

Is there a problem here?

You're damn right there's a problem.

You know, Land O' Lakes was doing just fine...

...before you greedy Munck-ees captured it...

...and started killing off my loyal hardworking customers.

Listen, Flo.

I'm here to do a job.

Just like I'd like you to do your job now by taking my order, okay?


Now that that's clear, what's the special today?

We got a Go-Back-to-Miami Where-You-Belong special.

And Happy Gopher Day.

How lame-ass do you have to be to fall for something as butt-stupid... thinking there's a Gopher Day?


Who invited the boss lady?

What do you want?

I thought I might buy you a beer.

It's a free country.

A proactive approach to streamline production...

...creates a win-win situation.

Of course, it requires strategization and advanced specialization.


This is really great, guys.

I'm glad we're finally dialoguing.

D-word, double shot.

Are you guys really interested in discussing mechanization?

Hell, yeah.

I'm really sorry, guys.

I meant for that to be a D-word, so you can all do a double shot.

Way to ruin it, Maurice.

You know, I'm in charge of this plant whether you like it or not.

I thought this would be an opportunity for us to bury the hatchet...

...but, instead, you just turn me into some dumb drinking game?

Thanks a lot, asshole.

Hi there.

It's official. The lakes froze enough to drive on.

So Stu declared it a holiday.

He did, did he?

And where can I find Stu?

Now, who invited boss lady this time?

You miserable son of a bitch.

Ice Day? What, Gopher Day wasn't enough?

Well, you've underestimated who you're messing with, Stu Kopenhafer.

You're fired.


You can't fire Stu.

I can, and I did.

Ice Day?

Just how stupid does everyone think I am?

What? On a scale of one to 10?

The first day of ice fishing is a state holiday.


I fired him for insubordination.

Hang on a second.


He takes a little while to warm up to folks, but he's a really good man.


Clearly, we define that differently.

But I'm just trying to help you out here, okay?

Firing the foreman before Thanksgiving...

...that's not gonna win you friends.

Well, I'm here to do a job, not make friends.

Stu's fired.

Good night.

You expect me to believe that every machine in the line...

...just broke down at the same time?

And Thanksgiving is gonna be a white one.

We're expecting another snowstorm...

...blowing in sometime tomorrow afternoon.

It doesn't matter. I'm going to Miami.

That's right.

Come on.

Come on.

This is not good.


I'm in... I'm in here.



Help. I'm in here.

Thanks a lot, God.

Come on.

Okay. I got you.

Okay. Hey...

Watch the hands, Mr. Touchy-Feely Hands.

Don't flatter yourself.

I'm trying to get you out of the car. Come on.

For your information, I do not need a man to rescue me.

All right. Okay.

Come on.

Let's get you home.

You know, you're not so bad when you're unconscious.

Come on. Yup.

I got it, I got it.

I got it. You okay?

I got it. I got it.

I don't need to be carried through my door... some sexy fireman man.

You already gave me that lecture.

You think I'm sexy?

What? Why would you think that?

Because you just said it.

Out loud?

Here, let me help you.

I got it. Hold on.

I got it. Let me help you, let me help you.

Don't get any ideas.

I'm not.

You okay?

I'm fine.


You okay? Yeah.

I'm fine.

This will be a good chance for you to get out and about a little more.

Hi, girls.

We've sold all your tapioca.


How about that rescue?

No wonder she's looking twitterpated.

Getting saved by a cutie patootie like that... one could blame you for getting a little crush, you know?



I don't think so.

Speaking of your rescue, we made this.

You keep that in your trunk.

It's got our names and numbers sewn in... next time you have emergency contacts.

That's... That's beautiful.

You didn't have to do that. We know.

But we did it anyways, and that's what matters the most.

Just the thought of you out in that storm.

You must have been scared out of your mind.

I'm sure I was never in any real danger.

You kidding?

Folks around these parts freeze to death all the time.

Especially the stupid ones.

It's nature's way of thinning out the herd, if you ask me.

And that Ted, he's a handsome devil.

Now he's bending over to lift that hose.

Will you just lookie there?

You guys cannot handle that.

I don't know about that.

Hey. Hi.

Hey, so the other night.

I was a little drunk.

I might have said some things.

Hey, you were great out there?

Here, kid, come here.

I am so proud of you.

You remember Lucy Hill? This is Bobbie.


What's up?

Crosscheck by the goalie. Nice.

It's great.


Thank you for cashing in my ticket.

No trouble at all. And listen.

Your car's all fixed up good as new.

Thank you. You're welcome.

A little something for you.

It's money.

It's a holiday bonus.

Don't you usually get one?

Normally, we exchange gifts.

But this is nice too.

And listen.

Here's a little Merry Christmas for you.

Blanche, you didn't have to get me anything.

I didn't get it, not like store-bought get it.

I made it.

Here, open it.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Just in case you wanted to start scrapping.

"To Lucy. From Blanche."

That was your first day here, remember?

When did you take that?

That was a while ago.

You looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.

So alone.

But, you know, Lucy, you're never really alone.

Jesus understands what you're going through.

He's there for you.

So am I.

Hey, don't go getting all misty on me.

Here. I got something else.

This ought to cheer you right up.

Some tapioca.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Blanche.

Can I have a hug?



Ted is here for your meeting.

Hi. Hi.


Well, isn't this a nice way to start out the New Year?

"Auld Lang Syne", resolutions and all that.

If I can get you two anything, you two just say the word.

I got the comp analysis here.


Before we get started.

I never had the chance to clear the air...

...after you saved me from the snow bank.

I said a lot of rude things, and I handled it badly.

I think you handled it fine. You didn't try to get out of your car.

And that's good, because a lot of people...

...they try to walk for help, and they end up dying that way.

You were just trying to keep warm.

Although, technically, alcohol isn't recommended.

And the red flag, that was...

That was brilliant.

Now, I don't remember anything rude.

Well, I don't remember saying thank you.

And that's hardly sufficient.

So thank you.

You're welcome.

So comp analysis.

Yes, comp analysis.

Okay, should we start with the executive group?

Lucy. Returning your bowl.

What a nice surprise. Come on in.

Lucy's here.

Just so you know, I transferred it to another container.

It's not like I ate it in one sitting.

We never do. Stop.

Sit down. Listen, it's not fattening.

Ever since Harve's been on his crazy Atkins kick...

...I had to come up with a couple of new recipes.

Don't even look at me, Trudy Van Uuden.

You're not getting my secret out of me.

But I will tell you, my tapioca's mainly low-fat milk and whey protein.

No way. Yes, whey.

Just in time. We're exchanging Valentine's cards.

We've got yours.

You know, I was just gonna forget that whole thing this year.

You know, greeting-card-company holiday.

Here's for you.

Harve? Would you get that?

Maybe that's cupid looking for you right now.

It's just Ted.

I got... I got a big problem.

I need a woman's help on this one.

It's out... Just out here.

Female trouble?

Sort of.

It's the Valentine's Dance, you know?

I just didn't think it was gonna be that big of a deal.

Honey, it's her first date. Big deal doesn't even start.

It's not like I didn't try.

I bought her a nice dress. Nice?

Pilgrims wore sexier outfits. She's 13, okay?

Sexy isn't on the menu. Okay, is this about the dress?

No, it's a little bit worse.

Worse than that outfit?

Bobbie, did you want to come out?

No, I can't be seen in public.

Ever. It's probably not as bad as you think.

I took her to the beauty parlor. They gave her a perm.

Maybe a couple of bows?

Scarves are in these days.

Yeah, good idea, Trudy. Ted, I can help.

But Bobbie will have to come with me. Is that okay?

Yeah. Bobbie, trust me.

Get in the car.

And put your little hat back on.

Ladies, can we talk shoes?

They're heels.

Little ones. That's okay, right?

My first heels.

But they ain't gonna wear themselves.

They're perfect.

She like Cinderella and shit.

May I present Miss Roberta Mitchell.

Bobbie, you... You look just like...

You're so beautiful.

Good evening, Mr. Mitchell.

Hi, Waylon.

Bobs, you look hot.

The hell she does. Here.

That's my little girl. There's nothing hot about her.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

You know, I was 14 once too.

So I know all about what's going through your head right now.

And your pants.


Come on, your mom's waiting.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

You're gonna have her home by 10:30, right?

Yeah. Okay, hey, hey, listen.

I want you to remember something.

Whatever you do to my daughter, I do to you.

I think what your father meant to say is go and have a good time.

That's not what I meant, actually.

That's not what I said.

That is so not what I meant at all.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm just...

I'm old.

My daughter is starting to date, you know? How did that happen?

I don't feel so good.

I'm gonna just sit down for a minute. I can't feel my feet.


I think I'm having a stroke.

You know what? I might be having a heart attack too.

Because my hands, they're numb.

Is it your left hand or your right hand with a heart attack?

I can't remember which hand it is.

So how did you know I wasn't having a heart attack?

Because I've seen this thing before. My father was very overprotective.

So I guess this isn't how you planned on spending your Saturday.

You know, nothing about Minnesota has fallen into what I planned.

I hear you.

You know, I used to go to the factory a lot.

Outside of Miami, with my dad.

He knew everything about it, inside and out.

Even the guys in the suits would ask him... to get things done, you know?

I thought he was the boss.

I was really surprised.

He did maintenance at the plant.

You know, he really drilled that into my head. That...

You know, get an education...

...and it's the only thing that people can't take away from you.

Work hard and do what needs to be done...

...and maybe one day you'll be the boss of a place like this.

Ironic, isn't it?

And how about you?

How did you end up in New Ulm?

The Mayo Clinic.

The Mayo Clinic? It's just a few miles from here.

I was born in North Carolina, and I went to school in Auburn.

I met my wife, Brenda, there.

It's funny, I say my wife.

And even though it's been, what, six years...

...I still feel like she just ran out... the store to get something, you know?

She was diagnosed with a degenerative heart defect.

And they had this program at the clinic and that became our life really.

Trips to the clinic.

When the phone rang, I'd just hold my breath.

Did you ever think about moving back South?

This was really the only home that Bobbie ever knew...

...and she'd just lost her mama.

And it didn't seem fair for her... lose her home and her friends and her school and all that.


What time is it? I don't know.

Well, you're finally home. Because all I've done is sit here and worry.

It's not even 10:30.

Lucy, you're still here?

Well, I had to make sure he didn't get the shotgun out if you were late.

And now that I've seen to that...

Did you have a good time? Was it fun?

It was all right.

You know, I'm really sorry about getting all weird on you earlier.

It's okay. I guess Ginny Linstrom's dad...

...gave the same creepy lecture to Cliffie Morgan.

Thank you for everything.

Good night. Good night.

Good night.

We're not as far...

...on the automation and downsizing as we had hoped.

That's because the robotic arms are still in some warehouse in Japan.

If we start to downsize, we're not gonna have the workforce...

...for installation. This is costing us money.

I understand.

I will keep you apprised.

We'll talk next week then. - All right.


Lucy Hill. - Hey, Lucy, it's Ted.

Listen, I have this idea for Saturday.

I was thinking I could pick you up around 8 in the morning.

Yeah, wear something you can get dirty, okay?

Something dirty?

Hey. Hi.

You... You might wanna put these on.

What is it?

Crow hunting.

But I don't wanna shoot a crow. You don't have to shoot a crow.

You can just shoot at them.

It's a chance for you to get out, you know, befriend the locals.

Stu. What's the chance of me running into you out here?

Holy balls, why did you bring her?

She said she wanted to get out, do a little shooting.


You even got shells there, girlie?

Yeah. Yeah, I've got shells.

It's a great day.


Okay, that's it. I gotta...

What? I need to...

What are you talking about? I need to pee.

You're kidding me, right?

For crying in the beer-cheese soup.

Are you such a city girl you can't pee outside?

You see, Stu, that's just one of the advantages of being a city girl.

You don't have to.

Don't let the badgers bite you in the ass.

Badgers? Really?

Is he serious?

Just in case.

Come on.


Okay, where is it? Where is it, where is it, where is it?

Where, where, where? Okay.


You can really show a girl a good time, you know?

I'm trying to give you a chance to patch things up...

...if you would be a sport about it.

I'm being a sport.

But just... I'm stuck.

Then talk to him about fishing. He loves fishing...

No, no, no, I'm not stuck for conversation.

I'm stuck in your stupid overalls. All right, hold on.

Turn around.

Don't move.

Stop moving.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on.

I got it.

That's not good.

Turn around. Okay.

No, wait... For real.

What are you gonna do? Bend over.

What are you gonna do? Bend over.

Okay, okay.

Bend over. Hurry, just hurry.


You could have just cut the zipper.

Are you wearing a thong? You said something dirty.

I said what? I said wear something you can get dirty.

Just go.

And don't watch. Go. Go.


I'll be damned. I'm not really certain about that.

I did hear they knew each other...

Sorry there, pal.

I didn't figure her for much of a shot.

Can you give me word about Ted's condition?

Yes, I understand it's a lower body injury.

Somewhere around the buttock area.

Some said the shooting might be a lover's vendetta...

...or that the woman is deranged.

That's great. The lead story on the news is my ass.

So you should sign off on the spring mount there.

All right.

Very good.


How you doing?

I'm okay, how are you doing? Okay.

You baked?

Yes, I don't really bake...

...but it seems to be the thing that people do around here.

I'm sorry, again. Cake.

Now you decide to show up? Hi, Bobbie.

I think that means she forgives you. Okay.

Why don't you come in?

Mr. Arling on the line.


Hey, did you look over the proposal?

I know I can work with the existing equipment.

What do you mean, no product line?

You can't just decide like that. I need to be in that meeting.

I understand.

Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

Blanche, I need to get on the first flight to Miami.

I'm gonna need my alternate production figures.

They'll be in the confidential file in my desk.

The key is in the center drawer.

- Okey-dokey artichokie. Thank you.

The Rocket Bars test markets are tanking.

We're dumping the product line.

And the plant.

Because it's worth more to this company dead than alive.

Well, I disagree.

That would be a terrible mistake. Lucy.

The people of New Ulm are hardworking...

...and they could create an opportunity that we should take advantage of.

Rocket Bars were the opportunity.

Well, then we'll reformulate and rename them.

And we'll strategize with...

The product line is dead, and so is the plant.

We can't just write these people's livelihoods off.


That's enough.

We need a timetable for shutdown.

We'll keep a skeleton crew on...

...until we move any remaining physical assets off-site.


You never said anything about layoffs.


I made that a long time ago.

I made that list before I even knew you.

And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks... long as it's nobody that you know?

It's okay because we're just silly Podunk Minnesotans, right?

We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook...

...and we drag Jesus into regular conversation.

We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.

And it's okay to lie as long as you're just pretending to be my friend.

I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you.

Well, I mean it is the same thing.

I guess I lied.

But I wasn't pretending, Blanche. You are my friend.

Folks need to know, you know?

They need to be able to file protests with the union.

Ted. I had to tell him.

Maybe you can keep that kind of thing secret, but I can't.

Blanche, it gets so much worse.

Yeah, what could be worse?

I just found out in Miami that they wanna close the plant.

I know that this is gonna sound like a hollow promise to you...

...but I'm determined to figure something out.

I really am. I mean, there has to be something, right?

I just... You just can't eliminate people's livelihoods, you know?

Sure you can. It happens all the time.

Look, this doesn't mean that we're friends or anything...

...but when I get upset, I cook.

And right now, me and Harve are up to our ears in tapioca.

So there you go, okay?


Is it true?

Then we ain't got nothing to say.

Don't leave.

Please, I need you here. To type pink slips?

Besides what's another couple of months gonna make a difference?

I hope so.

Hey, let's talk tapioca.


Go ahead.

Hi there.

We're doing market research today on a new product...

...called Power Pack Protein Pudding with Fortified Zappy-oca.

That's your fourth sample already. That's enough Zappy-oca for you.

Keep them coming, Lucy. It's like a stampede.

Go ahead. If you like it, just put in "I like it."

Put a little nutmeg on top if you like.

And if you don't like, don't do it.

Every lassie, a champion skier of the first water.

That's called the forward squat.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm here to see Stu.

What the hell are you doing here, Flo?

I live here.

Hey, Stanley.

Annie Oakley's here.

You and Flo.

Yeah, no...

Yeah, she's my ex-wife and this is my ex-house.

And now I pay rent to live in my ex-basement.

Ain't that a kick in the keister?

So let's get back to that part about you giving me my old job back.

Corporate is shutting down the plant.


But... I knew this was gonna happen.

I have a plan. What is going on down there?

None of your damn business, you nosy old hoot owl!

We've come up with a new product.

If we can produce it and test-market it in four weeks...

...well, then we can prove to corporate that this plant is still worthwhile.

A month?

What? That's impossible.

I mean, you're just gonna get everybody's hopes up...

...and then they'll all end up out of work anyway.

See, I think... No, I am not taking the fall for that.

You're on your own, lady.

So that's the plan, and to make it work...

...we're gonna recommission the old-fashioned yogurt equipment.

It's gonna take a lot of long hours.

How much overtime are you authorized for?


And if the Munck-ees don't buy it?

We'll put in a whole lot of work and end up out on our asses anyway.

Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you. The odds are that's what will happen.

But if it's any consolation...

...I'm gonna be out of a job right alongside the rest of you.

I mean, I am betting my career on this.

Why? I don't know.

When I came here did I think that this...

...was gonna matter this much? No.

But does it matter? Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. It matters a lot.

And you can sure betcha we'll be out on our asses if we don't try.

You got something better to do there, Lars?

And I gotta say I don't exactly picture prospective employers...

...lining up to fight over a dumb son of a bitch like Bob.

They might padlock this place, let the whole town come to rust.

But if that's the way it goes, I don't wanna be thinking...

...this gal offered a chance and I didn't do a thing about it.

You can count me in.

They teach you that in your management books?

Is this a surprise compliance visit from the union?

Maybe. I heard about what you're doing.

Look, I'm not sure why I came here, but maybe I can help.

Crank it a little bit more. Yup, crank it, a little bit more.

All right, Bob, turn her on.

Hold it. Turn her off, Bob.

Great. Hang on, trade me spots here, Ted.

Okay, go on, get in there.

Okay, let's do this other one. All right.

Turn it on, please.

Put it off, Bob.

That's funny?

No, no, no. Yeah, that's funny though.

Yeah, all right. Bob, do me a favor, please turn it on.

And I swear never to reveal Blanche's secret tapioca recipe... anyone from a rival company or to Trudy Van Uuden.

I swear.

Mr. Arling from the home office on line one.

And if you ask me, he doesn't sound any too pleased.

Donald, funny you should call.

Yes, yes, Donald.

I do realize that I did this with absolutely no authorization.

Don't think I'm not pissed.

You'd be out on your ass if those regional tests weren't off the charts.

It doesn't hurt that Wallace's grandkids are big on the butterscotch.

This is Blanche Gunderson.

She's our head of Product Development.

Heavens no, I'm just...

I'm pleased as punch to meet you.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

It's all right, it's okay. Dear.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, they never would have thought it would be more cost-effective... use the current labor force and the old machine line than robotics...

...but we showed them.

They want to ramp up production...

...and ship nationally by the end of the month.

How does it feel to be the newest vice president?

We'll expect you in Miami next week.

Hey. Hi.

How you doing? I'm all right.

How are you? I'm all right.

It's real noisy in there so...

I thought I'd tell you goodbye out here.

You know, you've done some pretty amazing things around here.

Thank you.

Everybody in this whole town is really gonna miss you a lot.

Especially me.

There's people in there waiting to give you a sendoff.

You don't want to miss that. You may wanna...


So I'll see you... Yeah, I'll be in there in a while.


It'll be nice getting back to civilization.

How do people live here?

How many queens did you plant in this deck, Maurice?

Four or five, give or take a couple.

Hey, fellas.

Ted, we gotta talk.

Hey, Nina, give me a Maker's Mark.

Well, it looks like we're just too successful for our own damn good.

Just got wind from Fagerbache in Distribution, the plant's being sold.

Some muckety-muck from HQ is coming to tell us about it.


Yeah, it's a heck of a deal.

They're gonna move our product line out of here.

Faster than thin shit through a tall Swede.

I'm surprised your little sweetie-pie vice president...

...didn't send you the memo.

So ridiculous.

It was my secret, now it's being shipped off with the plant.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna accept anything less...

...than two weeks' salary for every year worked.

I understand that you've heard...

...of Munck Foods' planned sale of this facility.


Well, I've assembled some industrial investors... back us in buying this plant, product line and all.

At a fixed rate, you'll buy the new company back...

...until it is entirely owner-operated.

Well, how do we know we can we trust these guys?


You won't have to.

You can trust me.

I wanna come back as this company's CEO.

Well, would you look at Miss CEO?

As I recall, first, you got us to risk everything.

Then you left us behind, you know?

And then you got them... buy the company out right from under our feet.

And now you have this idea...

...about how we're supposed to buy our own company back.

Well, that changes everything.

Are you prepared to deal with the union on this?

I'm sure we could come to some agreement.

It's gonna take a little bit of time too, it might take years.

My schedule's open.

There, buddy, you're not... Hey, I just have something in my eye.

Damn it.


What about Johann Weinkopf?

Why, he'd make you a mighty fine husband.

He's got a lazy eye.

And I can never tell if he's looking directly at me or my breast.

Probably looking at both.

Now that I think about it, you're probably right.

Go on.

Hi there, Peter. Here you go.

So... Okay, then.

You have a nice day. Enjoy the weather.

You too. Thank you much.