No Deposit, No Return (1976) Script

Bye, Tracy! Have fun! -You too. Where you going?

Washington, D.C. How about you?

Don't know. Someplace.

Mom hasn't told us yet. -I'll send you a card! bye.

No sign of mother yet, Tracy?

She'll be here, gšo Hadley. -Good. Good.

I wouldn't want Easter to be as disappointing for you as Christmas.

That wasn't mother's fault, gšo Hadley.

She was working in Paris, and they ran into complications.

So I remember.

When a person's a complete head of a magazine, A person just can't ignore complications.

Of course.

Speaking of complications, where's your brother?

He's at half-mast. -I see.

He's where? -There.


What are you doing up there?

I'm looking for something.

Jay Osborne, come down here this instant.

I can't. I lost Duster.

never mind. I found him.

My petunias! Oh!

Jay, it's mother!


Miss Murdoch.

Tracy. -Where's mom?

There's been a slight change of plans. In you go, children.

Without that.

Oh, he's my friend.

I never go anywhere without Duster.

All right, put him in the basket and get in.

And roll down all the windows.

Oh, gšo Hadley. -Good-bye, Tracy. Have a happy Easter.

You, too, gšo Hadley, and I have an Easter present for you.

It's a handkerchief. -Well, thank you, Tracy.

And I got a present too. -Oh, and thank you, Jay.

Aren't you dears?

Bye. -Bye.

You didn't give anything dumb, I hope.

Heck, no. It's one of my most valuable possessions.

But what happened to mother? I thought she was supposed to get in last night.

I'm afraid your mother's been detained in Hong Kong for another two weeks.

Hong Kong?

Two weeks? That's our whole vacation.

Well, naturally, your mother was terribly disappointed.

This is the third vacation in a row.

Jay, mom can't help it. Work is work.

So we spend Easter vacation at home. That's not so bad.

Not at home, dear. There won't be anyone there.

You see, it's my vacation, too, and I'm off to Bermuda.

Bermuda? You're taking us to Bermuda?

Oh, boy!

TWA flight 802 now boarding at gate three For Chicago and Los Angeles.

I don't understand, miss Murdoch.

What are we doing here? Seeing you off?

No, I'm seeing you off.

Flight 801 to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles?

We're being shipped to grandfather Osborne’s again!

Grandfather Osborne’s. I'd rather go to jail first.

It's only for Easter vacation. -Some vacation. Yuck.

Thank you. Off you go now.

I'll send you a nice postcard from Bermuda.


You wouldn't like to exchange tickets, would you?

Nonsense. I'll bet by the time you get to Los Angeles...

You'll be as glad to see your grandfather as he is to see you.

Trapped, Jameson, like a rat in a cage.

Well, it's only for Easter vacation, Mr. Osborne.

And it is an emergency. -An emergency!

An emergency is an earthquake or a tornado.

My daughter-in-law's children are a science fiction nightmare.

Oh, please, please.

Be very, very careful with that. It's worth a fortune.

Perhaps they've matured a bit since their last visit, sir.

Jameson, when it comes to Tracy and Jay...

There, there, sir Winston. There, there.

I intend to leave no piece of crystal in sight.

No Dresden china unprotected. Up you go. but the chandelier. If I may, sir...

How could the little fellow possibly reach the chandelier?

The same way he reached it last year: With a rocket ship. Up.

The launch was perfect, till that chandelier got in the way.

And grandfather didn't have to step on my rocket ship and crunch it.

He just doesn't understand kids, Jay.

I mean, it's been so long since he's had any.

He had us last Summer.

I tried, Tracy. I really did.

I even hid my skateboard in the closet, So he wouldn't hurt himself.

How did I know it was the stairway to the wine cellar?

Airborne, Jameson. That skateboard was like a b-29.

Straight down the stairs. Decimated a whole case of muto rostio, 1908.

Yes, a lovely year, 1908. Let me see, sir.

Was that before or after the errant billiard ball episode?

After, but before the bow and arrow incident. -Oh, yes, yes.

I believe we still have that large foam rubber cushion, if needed.

Good. And let's make sure Dr. Butterworth's number is handy at all times.

Excuse me, Mr. Osborne. Any place special for the golf clubs?

Oh, yes. Hide 'em in the attic.

Oh, good heavens. Only three more hours to countdown.

Three hours till doomsday.

Do you think she's really upset?

Do I think who's really upset?

Well, mother, about not spending Easter with us.

Of course. She just can't pick up In the middle of her work and leave.

I'll bet she wants to be with us Just as much as we wanna be with her.

Do you think so?

Sure. I'll bet you mom wants to...

Jay, suppose we didn't go to grandfather's.


Look out!

Sorry, sir. A near miss.

Bert, Bert, will you please be careful.

All we need is an accident here, and we're gonna blow the whole caper.

I missed him, Duke. Ain't that the main thing, missing him?

Yeah, that's the main thing, all right, Bert. Yeah.

No harm, no foul! It's okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Better he tests them anyway.

Bert, how long are we gonna follow that truck so closely?

Uh, just while our bumpers are stuck together.

I'll handle it.

I'm sorry, Duke. -It's all right.

I guess I'm a little nervous. Would you believe it?

I got the whole thing: Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach.

Maybe it's the airport. You know me and flying.

Bert, w-w-will you just relax.

Yeah, right.

After all, we're not goin' up in any airplane.

We're just knockin' over a safe.

You just worry about the safe and leave everything else to me.

Everything's gonna go just great. -Yeah. the white zone is for immediate loading and unloading Of passengers only. No parking.

okay. If we go direct to Honolulu...

And then to Guam, In 14 hours, we can be in Hong Kong.

With mother! -Right.

If she can't bring her vacation to us, we'll bring ours to her.

Boy, you got it all figured out.

Except for one small thing. -What?

Where do we get the $1,200 to pay for the two plane tickets?

How about credit cards? Everybody uses credit cards.

Jay, we don't have any credit cards.

Okay. Well, then, let's just write a check at the bank.

Like mother always does.

Jay, you have to have money in the bank to begin with.

Well, if you don't take any of my suggestions, we'll never get to Hong Kong.

Two pieces, eight inches long. -Okay.

Last time out, you cracked one of these in less than seven minutes.

Remember, Duke?

Guy gets a little Rusty after five years.

Oh, no. Not you, Duke. You were the best.

Also the unluckiest.

One thing though: We never got caught.

We also never got anything.

Every safe we opened up either contained nonnegotiable bonds, Last year's lottery tickets or the mouse trap.

Remember the mouse trap?

It was either a case of going straight or going broke.

Don't think about it now, Duke.

Just concentrate on why we're going crooked again.

The time has come, Jameson. Go in. Pick up the children.

Me, sir?

Of course. -Unarmed?

Armed with the knowledge that the raise I have been promising you...

Will be forthcoming in your next paycheck.

Oh, that isn't necessary, sir.

Though it does make the task a bit easier. be sure to check for valuables before leaving the plane.

Duster. Duster.


What's the matter? -Duster's gone.


Has anybody seen a skunk?

Excuse me? Which gate will flight 801 arrive at?

801? That prob...

get him away from me!

Security! run! Skunk! Skunk!

Come on. Let's get out of here.

What happened? -There were two of 'em and a skunk.

Two of what and a skunk? -Which way did they go?

We hit it. We hit it, Duke. It's the garage free and clear.

What's that mean?

It means we just went straight again.

Fill that bucket up with everything you can.

I locked it.

You locked it.

Let's get out of here. Leave it.

okay, nice and easy, like we're tourists.

Hey. What were you doing in there?

I don't know how we lost 'em.

How'd that little skunk get on board in the first place?

He got on board with his sister.

Oh. Oh, you mean the pet.

Now, if I were miss Tracy, how would I get out of here?


the white zone is for immediate loading And unloading of passengers only.

No parking. Violators will be towed away.

What are we gonna do? -Hide Duster.

take off, driver!

This cab is taken.

Of course, it's taken. We're taking it.

I'm afraid we've lost them, Mr. Osborne.

I'm afraid we haven't.

Peter, follow that cab.

I wonder what they're up to.

Where do you think you kids are goin'? -We're running away.

Running away, huh?

Yes, just like you are.

Just a minute there, young lady. Who says we're running away?

Betcha they would.

They'd be pretty interested in these burglar tools. -Burglar tools!

I believe this is what is known as a Jimmy. -Give me that.

This is a pick for locks. -Put that away.

Boy, a couple of real crooks. What'd you get?

So far, just a couple of kids. -And a skunk. A skunk!

It's just a pet.

Well, you and your pet better get yourselves another ride. okay.

Driver, would you please turn around and stop that police car?

Just keep going ahead, driver.

sergeant turner?

What happened? -They were after the safe in the treasurer's office.

Cleaning lady said they had it open, but it wasn't blown or forced.

Just a little adhesive tape stuck to the door.

Adhesive tape. About this far from the dial? -Yes, sir.

Recognize the MO, sir? -A guy I've been tryin' to nail for years.

How much did he get? -Apparently nothing.

That's my man. He never did. -I had a case like that...

In my socio-psychology course at the academy.

Oh, Longnecker... -It's the sadomasochistic personality at work.

Longnecker. -This man is part of the compulsive loser syndrome.

Longnecker, this guy was not a loser. He was just unlucky.

Until he disappeared five years ago, he was the best.

And if he's back in business, we'd better get lucky before he does.

You can drop us right, uh, here.

Well, kids, this is where we say good-bye.

Is this your hideout? -Will you please...

Pay the driver, Bert. -Oh, sure, Duke. Oh, Duke.

You haven't got any loose change on ya, have ya?

You didn't bring any money with you?

Well, we had the car when we left home.

I thought we'd be loaded now. -How are we gonna pay?

Keep the change, driver.

Why aren't you in that cab? -We can use a hideout too.

No, no. No Chance. No.

If you're runnin' away that means somebody's gonna come lookin' for you.

We've got enough troubles. Get out of here. Scat.

Scat. -Okay. Okay.

Come on, Jay. -Where we goin'?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe there's a park that we can sleep in.

what's the matter? -Oh, nothing.

It's just my asthma. -Asthma?

You know I always get it when it's cold and damp and late at night, And I have to sleep outdoors.

But I'll be all right.

Let's get some of these newspapers out of the trash can. what for?

To stuff inside of our clothing, so we don't freeze.

Just... One... Night.

Shall I retrieve them, sir? there might be one alternative.

On the other hand, would you say the children are in imminent danger?

No, sir.

And might not a look on the seamier side of life Help them to show more respect for the finer things?

Oh, I believe it would, sir.

If we leave Peter behind to keep an eye on them, Might this be the tonic to straighten those children up, Make them into better citizens?

Indeed, it might, sir.

That's very astute of you, Jameson.

You can expect a bonus along with your raise.

I got the keys.

Five grand, Duke. Where we gonna get five grand?

We'll get it. We'll get it. Now just don't panic.

Yeah, right. Gotcha. Don't panic.

After all, we're just small potatoes to a guy like big Joe.

He deals with millions.

He probably forgot all about us.

Then again, he probably remembered.

Would you believe the door was open, Duke?

We knew that you would want us to make ourselves comfortable.

Oh, sure, make yourselves comfortable. You already have.


Hello, kids. Hello, "puddy cat."

I didn't know you were a family man, Duke.

Oh, yes, yes, of course, yes. This is my niece.

And, um... My niece and nephew from, uh, buffalo.

Buffalo. -Buffalo!

That's near Syracuse.

Bert, why don't you see if we can get some pajamas for the kids...

And tuck 'em in to their little beddy-by. -Oh, sure, sure.


Grapevine tells me that, uh, You were at the airport tonight, Duke.

Yeah, but it's my usual luck, Joe.

See? Nothing. Nothing.

Oh, that's too bad.

The computer's gonna be very unhappy to hear that.


Yeah, that note is... Way overdue.

And it's a sizable amount.

Well, it was $5,000 the last time I looked.

You haven't looked in a long time, Duke.

And you know those computers. Clickety-click, clickety-click.

Interest, carryin' charges. Interest on carryin' charges. Clickety-click.

Well, just how much has it clickety-clicked up to?

Nine big ones.

N-nine... Nine thousand dollars?

Every minute we spend talkin', it's clickety-click clickety-click.

Isn't there some way we could get an extension?

An extension? -An extension.

I mean, the garage can make it.

We were just starting to roll...

When they tore up the streets out here and blocked it off.

Started to build high rises on each side of us.

Isn't it a shame? Isn't it a shame, Freddie?

It's a shame, but I can't tell that to the computer.

Me, I'm a pushover, but the computer...

If people don't pay their debts, that computer goes to pieces.

Stick around, shadow.

Come here. I think you might be interested in this too.

Me? No, I'm just the wheel man.

I just do the driving. I'm not even very good at that.

Duke just keeps me around because I'm his ex-brother-in-law.

See, I was married to his sister Irene.

We never got along though. I got along better with Duke.

Guess that's why he keeps me around. guess that's why he let you sign this note too.

You're buddies, huh? That is your name, isn't it?

Bert Delaney?

Well, now, I'm not sure if it's exactly that.

I'd have to check my birth certificate.

That's in Hackensack, new jersey.

I was born in Hackensack. Whole family was.

Mom and the kids.

Bet you'd love to see your mom again.

Oh, well, poor mom. You see, she's up in, uh...

Oh. That... That's what you meant, huh? Yeah, well.

72 hours, Duke.

And I hope you don't disappoint the computer.

How do you suppose he did that with just a little stub of the pencil?

I'm wonderin' how we're gonna get $9,000 in the next 72 hours.

Did you hear what big Joe said to Duke?

All I heard was pencils cracking.

Boy, Duke and Bert are in trouble.

Yeah. This is some cheesy hideout.

Two guys can just walk in and shove 'em around like that.

Boy, if this was my hideout, I'd make a few changes.

They need more than that. They need money.

Even more money than we need. -How're they gonna get it?

Well, I think I have an idea of how we can all get it.

Duster. Duster.


What do you want, kid? -It's Duster. I lost him.

Oh, yeah? I'm sorry.

I found him.

Thank you. -Mmm.


Uh-uh. That's gotta be waffles.

And do I know waffles.

When I was married to Irene, your sister, She drove me bananas with her waffles.

Morning. -What's this?

Breakfast. I hope you like scrambled eggs and bacon.

Oh, it's better than waffles and Irene.

Some surprise, huh, Duke? -Not to me, it isn't.

Now I said one night.

If you think this meal is gonna buy you some extra time, young lady, You're very much mistaken. -Oh, no.

Breakfast is just because I like to cook.

And I like to eat. -And so do I.

Wait a minute. Wait just one minute here.

We didn't have bacon and eggs in the house. -You're quite right.

I bought them the second time I went out. -The second time?

Well, the first time I went out last night, the market wasn't open, So I just mailed the ransom note to grandfather.

You did what? -Ransom note to grandfather?

For $100,000.

I told him to leave it under the umbrella tree in Williams garden.

You... Hold it. Hold it. -Don't worry. He can spare it.

Yeah, he's got millions and billions.

Hold it! -All we need is enough for two tickets to Hong Kong.

You can have the rest. -Just hold it!

The squeeze may be on, but it's not enough to turn me...

From being a safecracker into a kidnapper.

Never enough for that. -But you didn't kidnap us. We kidnapped ourselves.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. -Yeah.

Although come to think of it, they did.

And you didn't send the ransom note. We did.

She's got a point there too. -All you've gotta do is pick up the money.

That sounds simple enough. -Simple?

Have you lost your marbles? Do you know what the rap is for kidnapping?

He's right, Tracy.

Do you know what the rap is for not paying big Joe $9,000?

She's right, Duke.

I'd rather lose my marbles than be a broken pencil.

Oh, you would.

Don't you believe in fate? -Fate?

It was fate that put us in that taxi cab with you. -I thought it was you, Tracy.

Maybe it was fate, Duke. I mean, it'd be criminal to go against fate.

The money would help us all. -Of course, it will.

Come on, Duke. Be a good Guy and kidnap us.

Good day, Jameson. -Good day, sir.

Good day, sir Winston.

After your breakfast, sir, shall I bring the car around To pick up miss Tracy and master James?

There, there, sir Winston.

You have a knack for ruining a perfectly beautiful morning.

Sorry, sir. Will you have sausages or bacon with your eggs?

Neither, thank you. I've lost my appetite.

Yes, I quite understand. -What's this?

Well, it arrived early this morning, sir. Special delivery.

Osborne residence. Oh, yes, Peter. Just a moment.

It's Peter, sir.

Morning, Peter. Hmm?

She went to the... Went to the mailbox?

I can't imagine.

On the other hand, maybe I can. I'll be right back to you, Peter.

Very, uh, interesting development here. We have a ransom note.

Ransom note?

Yes. "have children. Leave $100,000. Briefcase.

"under umbrella tree, Williams gardens, 4:00.

"we mean business."

$100,000. Good heavens, sir. Shall I ring up the bank?

You miss the point.

Our little Tracy concocted this nonsense.

She's conned these poor benighted gentlemen Into going along with her idiot plan.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, excuse me, sir.

If I may, sir. What is our next move?

Next move? Well, as the children appear to be in no danger whatever, I shall first finish my breakfast. -Oh.

Then we will take additional supplies to Peter for his prolonged vigil, After which I will have a nice round of golf.

Sounds delightful, sir. -Also, I'll have bacon and sausage with my eggs.

Your appetite's returned, sir. -Quite.

What time you got?

I just told you the time five minutes ago.

Oh, right, yeah. It was five to 12:00 then, so that'd make it 12:00 now.

So in four hours, we pick up the money.

Will you please either drink that or put it down?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Duke.

Irene always used to make a cup of hot chocolate to steady the nerves.

She never gave me any though. they're here! It's the cops!

It's fire engines, and they're passing by.

yeah, right. I always get that backwards.

See, back in jersey, when you hear a...

It's usually a police car.

But if it's a...

It's probably an ambulance.

But a fire engine can go...

Or ding-ding-ding-ding, ding-ding-ding.

Personally, I'd rather hear the...

Because that... ding-ding-ding-ding...

Boy, that'll drive you crazy.

I'm sorry, Duke. I guess I'm just a little edgy.

You think we can pull this off?

Who knows?

Maybe. If you can keep the kids hidden, And, uh, quiet till 4:00.

Oh. That shouldn't be too hard.

Where are they?

Well, the girl, Tracy, she's in the bedroom.

And the boy? -Jay?


Check on Jay, too, Duke.

He just walked by outside the window.

Outside the window!

Jay Osborne, come back here!

Go get him. Go on. I'll go downstairs. Go get him.

Duster, come back.

Here, Duster. Come on, Duster.

Jay. Now, Jay...

Duster, come back.

Jay, now you be careful.

You hear me, Jay?


You masher! I'll teach you to look in my window!

I'm sorry, lady. -Heel!

What are you doing down here? Get up there! stop it! Will you stop that!

Be careful, Bert!


Duster, you come down here.

What are you doing up there, Jay?


Duster. Duster.

How'd he get up there?

I don't know. Duster!

Here, Duster.


Get back here!


Duster, you get back here!

Where do you think you're going?

I gotta go get Duster. -Get back.

Come on, Duster. come on. Nice skunk.

Come on.

Duster, come here!

Well, go get him!

No! -No, Bert! No! Get back!

Hold on, Duster.

Get a... Get a canvas!

Anything! A gunny sack! A potato bag! hold on, Duster. He's comin' out to get ya.

Be careful. -What?

Get it in here! All right, stretch it tight.

Get it out! Stretch it tight! Stretch it tighter!

This way!

Ah! Ah, ah.

Now hold on!

here! Grab my wrist.

Hang on!

Whoa! -Whoa!


Oh, no! -Don't!

get us down!

are ya all right, kid? -Yeah, thanks.

Holy smoke! A skunk! Let's get outta here!

Duster! -Jay!

Duster, you come back here!

Where do you think you're goin'?

I gotta get Duster before he falls off.

You stay here and I'll...

I'll go out and get him.

be careful, Duster!

Boy, Duster. You can come back now. we got Duster.


Come on now, fella.

Come on. Slow and easy.

No, son. Come on back here.

Gimme your hand, tex, rod. Now come on, fella.

Easy now. Don't look down.

Now come on. Come on.

Just another step.

Nothin' to be afraid of. That's it.

Hold it, mister. Hey, Mac, don't move.

Bert, come back! -Huh? What'd you say?

Get back!

Bert, don't step!

Don't what?

Bert, don't!

Bert! Bert?

How long did you say it is until 4:00?

Oh, what a haul. A hundred grand!

Plus a cowhide briefcase!

Doesn't feel like a hundred grand to me.

Maybe he wrote us a check.

"having difficulty raising the money. Will need more time.

"probably until after Easter vacation. J.W. Osborne."

"having difficulty raising the money.

"will need more time. Probably until after Easter vacation."

That grandfather of yours has got some sense of humor.

But I don't understand.

You don't understand? Why, it's very simple.

Your grandfather isn't taking us seriously.

Nobody's taking us seriously.

What do we do, Duke?

We get ourselves out of this caper, And we ship those kids back to their grandfather, that's what we do.

Ship them back? You mean, give up the money entirely?

Money? What money?

Don't you think he'll come up with something to get 'em back?

Would you? So far, all we've got out of this kidnapping Is an I.O.U. And a genuine leather briefcase.

Yeah, but what about big Joe?

If we don't come up with what we owe him, He's liable to go from clickety-click to bangety-bang.

We'll just take one thing at a time. Now first...

I don't care how much you pound on that door. You can't come in.

Our grandfather will never pay that ransom. Never, never!

Did you leave the TV on upstairs? -That's no TV. help? How can I? give me that chair.

Hold on now, Jay! You can do it!

I can't, Tracy. I can't. They're pushing too hard. what'd you say? There's so much noise I can't even hear you.

Oh, no, there it goes. They just broke down the door.

Help, help! -They're here now.

They're coming in.

Tell grandfather... Tell him to pray for us.

Just who were you talking to?

The police. -The police!

Now they'll take you seriously.

Might as well write that second ransom note.

Police'll be lookin' for you anyway.

The police?

I'm beginnin' to feel more like the kidnappee than the kidnapper.

I don't feel like either one of them.

Because there isn't going to be a second ransom note.

The police, already?

That can't be the police.

They only move that fast to tow away parked cars.

Well, go on. Open the door.

Who is it?

It's for you, Duke.

For me?

Just happened to be in the neighborhood, Duke.

Thought I'd come by and give you a friendly reminder: 48 hours.

Hi, Joe. Big Joe.

48 hours, Duke.

The computer doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Does it, Freddie? No, it doesn't.

Hello, kid. How's the puddy cat?

Joe, we're workin' on the money.

I hope so. We wouldn't want the computer to blow a fuse, would we, Freddie?

No, we wouldn't.

Buffalo, eh? -What?

Duke tells me you're from buffalo.

Oh, yes.

You happen to know a cousin of mine By the name of Frankie Longtooth?

No, I don't think so. -That's funny.

Frankie Longtooth is a very prominent citizen in buffalo.

Look, Joe, you've got my word for it.

You'll get your money, all $9,000.

Eleven thousand? -Clickety-click.

48 hours, Duke.

I think we'd better make that 47 hours and 55 minutes.


Sh... -What are we gonna do, Duke?

I'll tell ya what we're gonna do. We're gonna...

Write that second ransom note, That's what we're gonna do.

Harry, you guys are supposed to be The best crime lab in the state.

Sergeant turner?

I know it's a tape Mark. What about it? What kind?

Sergeant turner?

Shh. All right. Stay on it, will ya?

Sergeant turner.

I have waited five long years for that guy to surface.

It isn't often a man gets a second Chance like this.

I tell you there is no way he's gonna escape me this time.

There may be one way. -How?

We're off the case. -Off?

Off. -Off.

I got a kidnapping for you. -What about the safecracker?

The children of JW Osborne. I want you two there.

But my... -Immediately.

You're expected. Here's the address.

Go. -Yes, sir.

And Max, this is no phantom safecracker you're playing with.

These are dangerous men, so proceed cautiously.

And Max, be tactful.

You're going to have a nervous, worried grandfather on your hands.

Mr. Osborne, the police are here about Tracy and Jay.

There, sir Winston. They haven't found them already, have they?

No, sir. -Oh, thank goodness.

Once the strong arm of the law starts muscling us around, it'll be "do this, do that."

They'll have us paying that ransom, and you know what that means.

I do, sir.

Well, it was a splendid little vacation while it lasted.

Send them in.

this way, sergeant.

Mr. Osborne, sergeant turner here. Detective Longnecker.

Gentlemen. -This is a nasty business.

We know what you're going through, But we do have a way of handling these things.

Now, I know you're gonna argue with me, But what we want you to do is absolutely nothing.


That's right. Ignore the note.

No contact. No ransom. Nothing.

It's what we call our "projected low-profile procedure."

Longnecker. -In our kidnapping studies at the academy, we found...

We'll be in touch, Mr. Osborne.

Meantime, try to relax, sir.

Rest assured, Mr. Osborne. We're right on top of it.


Now that the police are "right on top of it", to coin a phrase...

We wouldn't want to interfere in their little investigation.

It would be positively insulting to tell them where the children are, wouldn't it?

Oh, most definitely, sir.

You've just earned yourself another bonus.

What are you doing? -Opening your safe.

You're what?

Just one more tumbler to go.

Oh, I figured out what everything was for. It's rather easy.

But you...

Sure. Safecrackin's a cinch.

Are you going to mail the ransom note?

You just go on playin' with the safe And stay out of trouble.

Duke! -Are you finished pasting up the note?

A-a-almost. Duke, we're on TV. please, please, please. One question at a time. with just a phone call to go on, How do you expect to crack the case?

We've only been on the case a few hours. Easy there, fella.

We'll have to wait and see what tomorrow brings. haven't you made that "tomorrow" speech a few other times, sergeant? turner!

...Like with the phantom safecracker a few years ago?

You got a good memory, Sandy.

Duke, is that the Guy you've been givin' the slip to all these years?

Yeah. I've never seen him before.

Good thing TV isn't two-way. He'd be lookin' right at ya.

Eventually I will catch that safecracker, But at the moment, there are two kids and $100,000 at stake.

75. I reduced it from 100,000 to 75.

Sort of like a clearance sale, huh?

Anything to unload those kids.

If turner's on this, we gotta move fast. Where's that note? you're kinda wearin' it.


Where's the envelope?

I didn't finish the note yet. I didn't put the date on.

It's fine. It's just fine.

I'll be back in about an hour.

An hour, just to mail a ransom note?

I don't wanna mail it in the neighborhood.

Can I go with ya?

'course not. With the police lookin' all over for those kids, Somebody's gotta watch 'em.

Why do I always get the dangerous part?

What can be dangerous about taking care of a couple of kids?

Hey, is this real dynamite?

Give me that and don't throw... Ah!

Well, is it?

You stay out of our supplies. You hear me?

Well, Duster and I have nothing to do. We're bored.

When your sister's through playin' in there, Why don't you go on in and try opening up my safe with my tools?

No, thanks. I'd rather use dynamite.

Duke, can I please mail the ransom note?

No. You stay here and keep 'em busy.

Well? -Well, what?

He said you were to keep me busy.

I'll tell ya what. I'll give ya your choice: Old maid or go fish.

I hate cards. -What then?

I got it. Judo.

I don't know anything about judo. -Well, I do.

Duster, you sit right there and watch this. come on, Jay, that wouldn't be fair.

A man like me against a fella like you...

C'mon, two falls outta three.

Grab my wrist.


You're right. You don't know anything about judo.

I have a feeling I'm gonna learn.

Well, the note's in the mail. hi, Duke.

Don't tell me. Charades, right?

You're a pretzel. my first judo lesson.

Judo? Oh, Bert.

Duke, you wouldn't wanna send another ransom note, would ya?

And lower it to $50,000. Before Jay comes back with lesson number two.

Back? Back from where?

He went out to get some liniment.

How long's he been gone?

Can you see my watch?

You mean you let those kids outta here When we're this close to getting that computer off of our back?

I'm looking for a Mr. Duke and a Mr. Bert.

We have the children down at the station.

I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to come with me.

Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid you're in a little trouble.

But, sergeant, if I could just explain.

You've been ID'ed by the kids.

It was the girl's fault. It was her idea.

That's right. -We didn't want any part of it.

No, we had...

It's too late now. The law's the law.

Sure, the law's the law. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

If you've got an animal, you've gotta have a license.

But there's such a thing as mercy...

And a right to stand before the bar of Justice and say "animal"!

Animal? License? Animal license?

That's what we're here for, right?

Certainly. -Right! uncle Duke, uncle Bert, hi.

We lost Duster on the way home, but then we found him.


Well, I guess that about wraps it up, right?

Not quite. $2.00 for the license.

$2. Oo. Yes, of course, certainly.

I don't... I haven't got... Oh.

there we go.

And a form to fill out. -Form.

Mind if we take it home and fill it out?

Suit yourself. -Thank you very much.

I'll check on that M.O. Right now, sergeant turner.

On second thought, I think I'll fill it out right here.

Okay, Benson. Turn 'em over.

I know you guys got fingerprints off the safe at the airport.

I thought you were off that case, you old bulldog.

I'll be off it when I see that safecracker behind bars.

Excuse me. -Perfectly all right.

Anything break on the kidnapping?

Not yet. We don't have any pictures.

All we know is a couple of kids.

Girl about her age, boy about his age.

Probably in the hands of a couple of hoodlums.

Isn't that terrible, uncle Duke and uncle Bert?

Two kids our age, in the hands of a couple of hoodlums.

Yeah, it's terrible.

Here are the prints. They're smudgy.

They'll do. Believe me, Benson.

Those kidnappers and that safecracker Aren't slipping through my fingers this time.

Excuse me. -Perfectly all right.

Thank you, sergeant. Come on, uncle Bert.

Jay, you gonna be out of there soon?

In just a minute.

I'm brushing Duster's teeth.

Brushing a skunk's teeth.

Hey, whose toothbrush you using?

Never mind, never mind. I don't wanna know. well?

Well, the third ransom note is on its way.

The rest is up to grandpa.

After a day like today, I sure am glad we lowered it to 50 g's.

After a day like today, I lowered it to 30.

You know, though, they're not really bad kids to have around.

If you've got hospitalization. -Yeah, right.

What are you doing?

Do you realize anybody could walk in here... The police, big Joe.

The security here is lousy.

What would you suggest? A nest of rattlesnakes at the front door?

Not a bad idea. I'll put that on my list.

List? What list? What is this?

I got a bunch of things here that could make this place foolproof.

If you take a rope...

I thought I told you to take a bath.

I was too busy thinking. And you take it...

Well, we are taking you to your grandfather's clean.

But we're going to Hong Kong.

I've got dinner.

Or do I? My nose tells me this is better. mmm, that smells terrific. What is it?

Chili relleno. Maria's special recipe.

Maria. That your mother?

Uh-uh. Our maid. She's Mexican.

Mexican, huh?

What are these funny-looking little hamburgers here?

Swedish meatballs. -Swedish?

That Maria certainly got around.

They were Hilda’s recipe. -Hilda. That's another maid?


Sounds like you spend an awful lot of time with maids.

Mother's the head of a magazine.

Oh, well, I see. I didn't know that.

And that keeps her very busy.

Yeah, su-sure, sure. I can understand that.

Hope you like your baked apples cinnamon.

Baked apples with cinnamon? mmm. they're my favorite.

I know. Bert told me. oh, he did, did he?

I've been doing a little research myself, And Jay tells me that you are a perfect size eight.

Is that right?

For me? -Mm.

I love it.

And green's my favorite color. Did Jay tell you that too?

No. Just a guess.

Well, that was a pretty lucky guess, I guess.

Is it too late to lower that to 25,000?

I'll tell Mr. Osborne you're here.

He's just finishing breakfast.

Slept late, you see. -It's almost noon.

Grandchildren in the hands of kidnappers, The old man sleeps till noon. He's a strange one.


A distraught grandfather pacing the floor half the night, Finally falling, exhausted, into a fitful slumber at dawn.

He has to sleep until noon. -Longnecker.

The courage of the man. Just you wait, sergeant.

I'll bet the old guy comes in smiling and cheerful, Covering up, like there's nothing on his mind.

Well, well, and top of the morning to both of you.

What brings you two around so early?

The ransom note. -The ransom note?

I gave it to you yesterday. -The new one.

Your man called us about it over an hour ago.

Oh, forgive me. I've had so many lately, I get muddled.

We're losing over 20,000 cells a day, you know.

What does it say?

We'll find out when we get it open, won't we?

If I was a betting man, I wouldn't mind risking a ten-spot They've come down to, um, 35,000 by now.

Uh-oh, missed it by five. They're down to 30.

I must say, your "do nothing" plan is working beautifully.

Uh, mind if I take that note, Mr. Osborne?

By all means. Anything I can to help. Keep up the good work.

I want you to know, sir, you have an admirer here.



"4:00, wharf 33, san Pedro. Be there in person."

Sir, I've been giving this case a lot of thought, And I have a theory, if I may.

I had a course in the law of probability at the academy.

Fact: The kidnapper and the safecracker were at the airport On the very same night at the same hour.

Fact: They both disappeared at precisely the same instant.

Fact: Neither one of them has been seen to this moment.

Query: Could the safecracker and the kidnapper be one and the same person?

Longnecker, a safecracker is a safecracker, And a kidnapper is a kidnapper, And I wish I could say a policeman was a policeman.

Am I confusing you?

I thought it would be some useful information in solving the case.

I have some useful information.

Our "do nothing" plan is about to become a "do something" plan.

Move! -Oh, yeah.

Do you have the keys, sir?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Well, what time does the 6:30 flight get to Honolulu?

And then when would we get to Hong Kong?

I'd like to make a reservation for two, Nancy Adams and her brother, John.

I thought we were going.

Shh! We can't give out our real name with people looking for us.

We'll pay for the tickets when we get there, in cash.

Well, it's all set. -So's this.

What are you doing up there?

Just working on a couple of inventions to protect us.

Protect us?

If anybody gets in, they'll never get out.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, Duke! Everything's set.

Got us some great wheels. Bo Beasley brought his car in for repairs.

Okay, let's... -I called the airlines, Duke.

If you come back with the money by 5:00, we can make the 6:30 flight.


If we don't get moving, nobody's going to be going anywhere. Come on.

Could that possibly be you, big Joe? it's him.

Computer just reminded me, Duke. Two and a half hours.

We'll have your $11,000...

You'll get your $13,000 by then, big Joe.

That's good, Duke.

Are you sure that you've never heard of my cousin Frankie Longtooth?

No, sir.

Hmm. Maybe you would know him by his legitimate name.

John Smith?

Huh, that's funny.

Very prominent in buffalo.

Seen your mother lately? oh, no. No. Mom's up in, uh...

'member, I told you?

I thought maybe you forgot.

I didn't forget. Me and the computer never forget.


Oh, boy. One of these days...

Come on. Let's go.

Now, you kids remain quiet and hidden, And don't open that door for anybody, you hear?

I told you. You have nothing to worry about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. -Oh, I gotta get my jacket.

I have the whole apartment protected.

Oh, sure. Well, it's one thing to know something about judo, But if somebody goes pushin' in that door...

Boy! It works great!

Between you and the pencil, that grandfather of yours better be there.

Let's go.

Mr. Osborne, the children's mother's here.

Carolyn, here?

Carolyn, my dear. How did... -How did I find out?

I got a wire in Hong Kong from the police. That's how I found out.

Have you heard from Tracy and Jay?

Not exactly, but I assure you, they're fine.

They're fine! In the hands of kidnappers, they're fine.

Well, we have a rendezvous with them in an hour.

Then what are we standing around here for?

It's the police, Carolyn. The police, it's their idea.

They've been handling the case beautifully, haven't they?

They feel that if we hand over the ransom, It would be bad for their plans.

Their plans!

I don't believe this.

It's fine to be cold and calculating when you're the police, But you're their grandfather!

How did they get kidnapped in the first place?

It happened rather suddenly... -Where's that meeting place?

I'm going there. -Wait a minute. Hold it...

I'll drive you there.

We need some money. Jameson, you stay here in case the police call.

I'll wait in the car. Please hurry.

I beg your pardon, but wouldn't it be simpler to call Peter And have him pick up the children rather than pay the ransom?

If my daughter-in-law discovered I knew the whereabouts of the children, It would hardly cement our budding relationship, would it?

You do have a point, sir.

Wouldn't you say it's worth 10 or 15,000 to water that flowering friendship?

I do indeed, sir.

Good thinking, Jameson. You've just earned yourself...

Another bonus. Thank you very much, sir.

The kids in Duke's apartment!


And me and the computer had Bert and Duke figured for two-bit hoods.

They got the caper of the year goin'.

"it is rumored that the ransom demand is almost $100,000..."

One hundred thousand dollars. That's chicken feed.

They are two-bit hoods. Old man Osbornes are worth millions.

Freddie, I think it's time for the pros to take over.

Anything wrong, sir? Can I help you?

No, thank you. We're about to help ourselves.

Okay, that's fine. Now keep it coming. Keep it coming.

'scuse me. What wharf is this?

Wharf 32. -Thank you.

Wharf 32.

Next is, uh... wharf 33.

Right, right. I'm sorry, Duke.

I guess I'm just a little nervous.

I got the whole thing again. Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach.

And we're nowhere near the airport.

I bet you it isn't planes at all. I'm a nervous wreck.

We don't know what they're driving, Henderson.

Anything at all that approaches, check in. right, sir. Don't worry. I'm perched like an eagle.

Can't miss a thing from up here. Out.

Oh, you're gonna love this trap, sergeant.

I borrowed it from the old spider-and-fly routine...

We learned at the acad... uh, you know the place I mean.

Are you trying to tell me this looks like J.W. Osborne?

Sir, you're the image.

It's ridiculous. -Oh, but, sir!

I can't see. I can't breathe. And there's no room for my nose!

Sir, it's a work of art. Department four was working on this all night.

Now, why don't you just give it a Chance to fit to the contours of your face.

Huh. Huh. You're right.

It does feel better. I still can't see.

But I seem to be able to breathe easier. Ah, how's it look?

You sure I look like Osborne?

Exactly. what are you doin'?

If this doesn't work, Longnecker, I'm burning down the academy.

Charlie four to C.Q. Charlie four to C.Q.

Uh, hello Charlie four. Uh, hello. This is C.Q.

Henderson here. Suspicious car now entering wharf area.

They have just passed dock 32 and are headed for your position.

Suspicious car headed for our position.

I heard it.

Stay alert.

This must be them, sir.

There's a little red car comin'.

There they are.

Have you got the stocking masks?

No, but I got these.

I'm the clown, and you're the big, bad wolf.

All right. You're the clown, and I'm the big, bad wolf.

They're here, sir. They're here.

Keep talking to me. I can't see anything.

That, unless I'm mistaken, is grandpa.

Longnecker, I can't see out of this thing!

All right. Keep your eyes peeled.

There are two fellas, sir. One of them is getting out right now.

He's com... he's coming towards you, sir.

They-they seem to be wearing masks.

Yes, sir, it's masks of the common Halloween variety, sir.

It's another limousine, sir.

Yipe. Sir, it's J.W. Osborne.

Afternoon, sergeant turner.

There's two grandfathers!

It's a trap!



Longnecker, they're getting away!

Uh, red alert! Red alert!

This is C.Q. To all units. Red alert.



What? What... who are you?

I want to explain... come on, sergeant.

We'll get 'em. -Get 'em, you dummy?

You haven't even got me.

Hold this.

That's not mine.

We're taking your car. Longnecker, get in! call the C.P. And start plan A.X., priority four west.

Seal the grids as outlined and be sure... - get in!

Yes, sir.

Something I must explain... it's a police matter.

Don't worry. We'll get him.

That's what I'm afraid of.

What are you doing here? -You've got my kids.

That's what I'm doing here. -Your kids? You're in Hong Kong.

No, no, no. That's her, all right.

She and the kids have both got a way of climbing into other people's cars.

Where are my children? -Your children are safe, gšo Osborne.

Which is more than I can say for us right now.

If it's the money, you'll get it. We'll pay the ransom.

Money? Well, that's terrific. Except money doesn't seem to be all that important right now.

What do you mean? Are you the kidnappers or aren't you?

Well, sort of.

Henderson, do you see them? -I'm looking, sir. there they are. -Where?

You've just passed 'em. -You just passed 'em. Turn around.

Where'd they go?

I don't understand this. You grab a couple of kids, You terrify everybody, and you're "sort of" kidnappers?

Well... - kidnappers have responsibility too, you know.

Responsibility? -Yes, indeed.

You're talkin' about responsibility? You?

What kind of a mother are you? You ran all over the world.

I mean, you can't raise kids by long distance, you know.

Or by schoolteachers, or a maid, or by a grouchy grandfather.

Or by a Bert. Those kids are a handful, you know.

There they are!


Henderson. Come in, Henderson. uh, sergeant, did you notice you lost your top?

Never mind my top! Did you see the red car?

Uh, uh... they're turnin' in at the fish dock, sir.

All cars, all cars, anyone in the vicinity, block north end of fish docks.

Your kids want attention and affection, and they're gonna get it from anybody they can.

That's right, even from a couple of so-called, "sort of" kidnappers.

What would you know about raising my children?

Mrs. Osborne, we have just spent three straight days with your kids.

When was the last time you did the same?

There they are! -Go!

look out!

Notify all units.

All units. All units. Subjects heading west to grid coordinate 54.

All units. All units.

Red car heading west.




Stop! Back up!

That way. They went that way.

No, look!


All units. All units. Does anybody have them in sight?

Yes, sir. They're headed right for my position.

They're coming down pier 27. They're headed right towards me.

Get somebody to head them off!

Crane operator! Crane operator!

When I say the words, "drop me", drop me.

Drop me!

Not me! The bucket!

Start it! Start it!




Get us outta here!

There they are!

Step on it!

Look out!


Come on, sit up! Aaah!


Thank you, Longnecker.

You're welcome, sir.

Keep writing.

"only these are other kidnappers, "and they want half a million dollars...

"or our lives."

All right. Read that back to me.

"dear grandpa, we are being held by kidnappers.

"only these are other kidnappers, "and they want half a million dollars or our lives."

Very good.

P.S. Please do it, if you love us.

He'll never go for that.

We are in terrible danger.

All right. Sign it.

That's very good. All right, come on, kids. Let's go.

This your hat? Where's your pussycat?

Where we going?

Taking you to a quieter place. -We can't.

We gotta wait for Duke and Bert.

Forget Duke and Bert. Come on. ha-rah! whoa! Whoa!

Come on, Jay. -Duster! Duster!

Jay! -I can't find Duster.

Come on! Look out!

Get the girl!


You just stay right there. Don't you move.


All right. Now where you gonna go, huh?



What's going on?

Tracy! Tracy!

Freddie! -Big Joe!


The children are still up there.

Never came out of the building.

They'll be with us by the time my daughter-in-law gets home. what are you doing?

Just setting up some more traps in case big Joe has friends.

Brat! hey. -Is it them?

Yes, but it's the wrong them. grandfather! It's the old double cross.

Duke and Bert? Never. Something must have happened.

Yeah. Grandfather'll get us, and we'll never get to mother.

Oh, yes, we will.

Don't worry. It's easy. Just go ahead. Duster!

Well, Peter, I suppose we'd best go in.

Perhaps the little ones have changed, sir.

Yes, I have considered that possibility.

Maybe I have been a trifle too harsh.

After all, I've not really given them a Chance.

Who knows? This may be the beginning of a...

A whole new relationship.

Good heavens!

Mr. Osborne!

Peter, this is absurd.

Duster! Duster!

Come on, Jay. -We can't. Not till I find Duster.

Never mind. I found him.

Come back. Hey. Egg fooyoung waiting for you.

Hey, is that yours?


A whole police car...

Completely totaled.

Not completely, sir.


Don't despair, sergeant. I've picked up a lead.

Longnecker, I... over the car radio.

Somebody saw two kids come out of a garage apartment window.

I have the address right here. = Longnecker!

Can't you tell the difference Between a genuine clue and a crank call?

Yes. Class in the law of probability at the academy...

Lecture 10 on crank phone calls.

One phone call out of 25 may contain a useful clue.

Now, sir, the way that I see it, we...

I'm going back to the station, I'm going to change into some dry clothes, And then I'm going to check on Mr. Osborne.

Then I'm going to try to forget... mind you, try to forget...

That you and the academy ever existed.

Yes, sir. I think you have a point there.

Get outta here! -Hey, hey. They gone.

Kids are gone. Pretty quick. -Gone?

But not quick enough. That skunk empty out my whole restaurant.

Did you see which way they went?

Yes, hitch ride on another cement truck. -Well, let's go! Come on.

How far are you going? -Sepulveda boulevard, honey.

Does that help you?

It does if we can get a bus there to Merlin oaks.

Merlin oaks? That's where grandfather lives.

Mr. Osborne? -Yes?

My name is big Joe Adamo. -How do you do.

How'd you do. Here, read this.

Don't be ridiculous, man. I can't read upside down.

It says, "we want half a million dollars", Mr. Osborne.

Strange. I don't seem to be able to hear upside down, either.

= Mr. Osborne? Longnecker, sir. -Welcome aboard, Longnecker.

This... where is he?

This would-be kidnapper is demanding half a million dollars.


You have the right to remain silent!

If you give up that right, Anything you say can and will be used against you.

If can open one of Duke's safes, I can open this one.

Hey, so can I.

Especially when it's already open.

Get the flashlight.

Don't you move, Duster.

There's so much money, I can't even count it all.

Let's not count it. Let's take it. -We're not taking it.

We're borrowing it. And just enough to get us to Hong Kong.

Come on.

He's gonna see us.

Worse than that. He didn't see us.

Help! Help! We're stuck in here!

Help! -Anybody out there? Help!

Good evening, gšo Osborne. -Where are the children?

The children? -Tracy! Jay!

Didn't you get them? -No, but we traced them here.

I'm afraid I haven't seen them. Where's Mr. Osborne?


Maybe they're upstairs. = I don't think so, madam.

They couldn't possibly have got in without my seeing them. the children!

Evening, Jameson.

Mr. Osborne in? -Oh, I'm afraid not, sergeant.

This is the children's mother. -How do you do, gšo Osborne?

I'm sergeant turner. -How do you do, sergeant?


Haven't we met before? -Uh...

They've been helping me look for Tracy and Jay.

I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere...

Recently. -Recently?

Well, that's possible. Yes, yes. Of course.

We're very good friends with Mr...

Osborne. -Osborne.

We've been corresponding with him for quite some time now.

Hey, help! Someone's in here.

Help, help! We're stuck.

We know that Tracy and Jay hitched a ride on a cement truck and headed this way.

How did you know they were your children?

W-well, uh, we were lucky enough to get a clue.

I still think we should look upstairs.

Good idea, and we'll go out and retrace our steps along the road.

Right, right. Who knows?

The kids might be out there trying to hitch a ride, and we passed them in the dark.


I'll go with you.

Oh, don't you worry, gšo Osborne.

I don't mean to boast, but if anybody can pick up that scent...

That isn't exactly the scent I meant.

A skunk! yes, and inside the house, madam.

The children are here.

Come on.

What's behind this wall? -Mr. Osborne's safe.

Can you open it? -Well, I can open the panel.

Me? -Uh, yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's big enough.

There's somebody out there! -It's probably grandfather.

So? Who cares? For the first time in my life, I'd be glad to see him.

We're in here. Help. -Help.

It's them. They're in there. -Tracy!


Tracy! Jay!

I don't think they can hear you in there. -How do we get them out?

Mr. Osborne's the only who knows the combination.

How long will the air last in here?

Well, it looks to be about, uh, 72 inches high...

By, uh, say roughly 48 inches wide.

These safes are usually 30, 36 inches deep.

Uh, you seem to know quite a bit about safes. -It's just a guess, sergeant.

The air. How long will it last?

I'd say 20 minutes. Probably less. Certainly no more.

Someone has got to find Mr. Osborne, Get the combination to that safe, and quickly.

Haven't you heard from him at all?

No, madam. He's probably hung up somewhere.

I'll have headquarters put out an all-points bulletin.

Where's the phone? -Here, sergeant.

Thank you. put out an all-points bulletin on a J.W. Osborne.

It's a Harkness.

It's old, but they're still tough to open, even with the tools.

For the best, I'll give you seven-to-five...

You can crack it well inside of 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes, followed by 20 years.

Do you think they'll find him? -They'll try.

What do we do now? Just wait?

Can't use the explosive, boys.

Not with those children in there. It's too risky.

Then how are we going to get them out?

Only one man I know could open that safe, But I've never been able to lay my hands on him.

What, are we helpless? My children are in there. all right. Give me a Chance to think.

I know something about safes.

I used to work for a safe company.

Maybe I can take a crack at opening that, if it's all right with you, sergeant.

Boy, it sure is hot in here.

What's taking grandfather so long?

I don't know, Jay.

But think positively.

I'll, uh... I'll open a window.

I'll do it, sergeant.

I can't hear it. There's too much oil.

Here's something interesting.

It's like a doctor's bag or something.

Maybe there's something in here that's useful in opening a safe.

Yeah, maybe there is, sergeant.

Boy, there isn't much air in here.

I'm getting static.

We'll give it a try, anyway.

I'm awful tired.

Try to stay awake, Jay.

That's the first one.

I can hardly breathe.

If grandfather ever gets us out of here, I'm gonna be a lot nicer to him.

Okay, that's the second one.

You're gonna make it, Duke.

Not with this one.

It just shorted out completely.

Can it be fixed?

There's no time.

Now, be quiet. Don't breathe. Don't even move a muscle.

I'm sorry.

I think I've got it, but I'm not sure.


You did it! yea!


Oh, darling. -Mom! What are you doing here?

I should have been here all the time.

We really missed you, mom.

Boy, this is the best vacation I've ever had.


Duster. Duster did it. Duster saved our lives. yes. Well, good for Duster. you know, mom, he's the neatest pet I've ever had.

Come on, Duster.



I wanna compliment you on your skill.

I said there was only one man I could think of who could open that safe.

Yep. -Apparently I was wrong.

There are two.

Anyway, I understand the other gentleman is retired.

Oh, yes, as a matter of fact.

If it's the same man I'm thinking of, He has retired. Permanently.

no, Dave, listen, I assure you, My decision is final.

As soon as the kids are out of school, we're all moving out here.

I sure wish I had the grass-cutting concession here.

You know, maybe I'll take up gardening.

Out in the fresh air, close to the soil. It's good for the nerves.


It's terrific for your hay fever too.

As soon as grandfather gives you your loan, you'll have a new garage.

Yeah, well, uh, Tracy, I been thinking about that, I'd feel kinda funny about asking your grandfather for a loan.

You don't have to. I already have.

You did? -A-and he okayed it?

Why not? Jay and I are getting along great with him these days. uh-oh.

Well, there goes the garage.

Oh, boy.

Well, you blew it again, Jay. -I didn't blow it. He did.

Oh, good heavens.

I was certain I had the perfect trajectory.

You, sir?

Don't panic. It's just one more crystal chandelier.

I told Duke and Bert you said "okay" about the loan, grandfather.

Yes. Right, fine. Let's see, what is the next thing on the agenda?

Ah, judo. -Uh, Mr. Osborne.

I can't tell you how much we appreciate that loan.

But it has got to be on a strictly nonpersonal basis.

I do agree. It should be a note. Legally correct, duly signed.

So there can be no misunderstanding. -Absolutely.

What should that rate of interest be?

Uh, you don't happen to have any relatives in buffalo, do you?

Not that I can recall, no.

You two gentlemen drop by the bank in the morning and we'll wrap the whole thing up.

Come along, Jay. Judo time. -I-I'll be careful, grandpa.

I hope Jay doesn't get carried away.

I hope your grandfather doesn't get carried away.

yeah. Oh, yeah.

I think I'm gonna like The idea of this family of yours living out here.

So am I. it'll be very convenient.

For instance, If somebody wanted to take somebody else to the movies, Then Bert could stay here and baby-sit us. ha-rah!

I think Jay won another match.

I'll get Dr. Butterworth on the telephone.

there we are.


Oh. Oh, boy.

You should've seen it, Tracy.

One second I had grandfather in a wristlock, And the next second I was in the pond. -It's all in the balance.

I didn't hurt you, I trust? -Of course not.

You know, I used to be a judo champion in the armed service.

A real champion? -A real champion.

Boy, I think you're super, grandpa.

Jameson, do you hear that? Jay thinks I'm super.

I think you're super too. -Oh, thank you, darling.

Know something? I think from now on, we three are going to have a lot of fun together.

I think so too. -Me too.

What did you do after I had you in that wristlock?

Come down to the mat, and I'll show you.

I'm bigger than you, so use my weight to help yourself.

Now, hold my wrist there. The other hand.

Now, bend your knees. One, two...

No, wait a minute. One, two. Now, you stand there.

Imagine that I go, "whoo."

now we're even.

...the end...