No Such Thing (2001) Script

[MONSTER SIGHS]

[SNIFFLING]

[SIGHS]

I'm...

Not the monster I used to be.

I admit that.

I'm tired.

I'm weaker.

I'm losing my memory.

And I can't sleep.

Still, these friends of yours...

Well, they're dead now. I...

I tore all three of them to pieces, and tossed the whole mess off the cliffs out back.

Let the vultures fight over what's left.

[CLANGING]

This is ridiculous.

I try to withdraw, I retire, I hide, but still you find me out.

Even in my dreams.

Polluting my solitude.

Filling the air itself with your unending and pointless noise.

Go ahead, kill me!

Try it!

Try to be offended by my mere existence, you stupid fucking morons!

But don't send these flattering lackeys with their cameras and their tape recorders.

Callous and shortsighted henchmen, talking to me like I was a goddamn child!

Shit.

[EXHALES]

The time it takes to kill these idiots, it's...

It's depressing.

I can't go on like this.

If you won't come and kill me,

well, then I'll have to kill you.

Every last one of you.

Yes, you win.

Or it shall be.

I am awake again and put upon.

And then, well,

silence.

Unless...

Oh, fuck.

[STOPPING TAPE RECORDER]


[FOOTSTEPS MARCHING]

[WOMAN SHOUTING]

[DOOR OPENING]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[MEN GASPS]

[ROARS]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

Ah, fuck off.


[PHONE RINGING]

Newsroom. Please hold.

Margaret, that's Associated Press on line five.

Okay. Thank you.

You're late.

I'm 20 minutes early.Yeah, well, so what?

Here, go make some coffee.

There's a world of bad news out there, ladies and gentlemen.

A world of bad news.

All we need to do is get our hands on the worst of it, the very worst news possible.

Fred, what have you got on the national scene?

The federal government's still on strike.

Old. Old, old.

The nation's already forgotten the government's on strike.

They're not impressed.

Has the President shot himself yet?

Rumors are unsubstantiated.

Well, substantiate them.

Domestic terrorist activities are up 60 percent in the past two weeks.

Interesting. A little ahead of the curve, though, isn't it, Tom?

How many dead?TOM: Hundreds.

Sad, but not catastrophic.

Judy, what about international?

Genocide in Eastern Europe. Economic collapse in Japan. The Middle East, of course.

Bootleg nuclear arms being sold by the Russian Mafia to both Pakistan and India.

Climatic irregularities continue, it's snowing in Johannesburg.

This is all last week's news. It's filler.

Random facts to pad out the end of a show.

What do we have here in town? What's happening down at City Hall?

The Mayor has sold Lower Manhattan to a major Hollywood studio.

Well, okay, sure.

That will fill air time till at least tomorrow afternoon.

Maybe by then, the President will have done something drastic.

Have there been protests?

Violent demonstrations in all five boroughs.

Okay. Cop an attitude about it, but not one we can't change tomorrow.

Come down hard on the Mayor.

Careful, boss. Same Hollywood studio owns this television network.

[CHATTERING ON RADIO]

MAN: ...stupid...

Oh, sorry.

What is it, Beatrice?

A clue has surfaced as to the disappearance of our TV crew in Iceland.

What TV crew?

We sent them there two months ago to investigate the legend of a monster said to exist beneath an abandoned U.S. missile silo near an isolated northern village.

The local authorities searched for them but found nothing.

THE BOSS: What turned up?

A tape from the sound recordist. One of our envelopes, look.

What's on it?

BEATRICE: Someone claiming to have killed them.

Killed who?

BEATRICE: Our crew.

Really?

Tell me more, Beatrice.

The cameraman was my fiance.

Really?

Oh, God. Oh, I'm sorry.

Nevertheless, I think we should follow this up. This has got potential.

You know, we need to do these human interest pieces from time to time.

Can it be me?

Can what be you?

Can I be the one to go and investigate the disappearance of the TV crew?

You?

God, Beatrice. Who'll make the coffee in the morning?

I went to college. I studied journalism.

Look. You're very young, this could be dangerous.

You know, three young men have gone missing out there already.

Think of your family.

I don't have a family.

My mom died last year, and she was all that I had in that way.

Besides Jim.Jim?

My fiance.Oh.

Jim.

[SIGHS]

I see. Sorry.

Please.

BEATRICE: Dear Jim.

It was real difficult to get a taxi to the airport because some terrorists had threatened to blow up the bridges leading out of Manhattan.

So I tried to take the subway.

But a religious group had set off nerve gas on the train, and we were evacuated before I even got ten blocks.

Luckily I was given a ride by two guys in a truck.

They were demolition experts, and said they weren't afraid of terrorists, religious people or anybody.

They seemed happy and relaxed and looked forward each day to destroying things for a living.

Waiting on line at the airport, I saw two men get caught trying to smuggle radioactive materials out of the country.

It's like my mom used to say, [GUNS FIRING]the world's a dangerous and uncertain place.

A few moments here and there of selflessness and affection

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]are about as good as life gets.

I'm sorry, miss, but your flight's been re-routed.Oh.

You'll have to fly to Brussels first and make a connecting flight to Lisbon.

And from Lisbon, pending further notice, you'll be able to fly directly to Reykjavik, Iceland.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I wish you could've known my mom, Jim.

She would've thought the world of you.

[WOMAN CHATTERING ON PA]

Still, I can't stop writing these letters to you.

It keeps you alive, somehow.


You need help, don't you?

[LIPSTICK CAP CLATTERING]


[GASPING]

WOMAN ON PA: Final boarding for Flight 167 to Brussels.

Passengers traveling on Flight 167 to Brussels, please proceed to gate 9-A immediately.

Please have your boarding card and passport ready.

Final boarding for Flight 167 to Brussels.

Passengers traveling on Flight 167 to Brussels, please proceed to Gate 9-A immediately.

Please have your boarding card and passport ready.

Once again, final boarding for Flight 1...

You've gotta hurry up, miss.

They're holding the plane for you. Go, go.


[PLANE ENGINES HUMMING]


So what happened?

Airliner crashed into the Atlantic last night.

Oh, my.The Boss wants an expose on the air by 6:00 this evening.

Did anyone survive?

I doubt it.

Come on, Judy, it's gotta be somebody's fault.

What's the airline saying?

They're withholding comment pending further investigation.

Fred, I want the names of everybody on that flight.

And I want a camera crew in the home of every parent, child and relative you can get your hands on by lunch time.

Margaret, if you start crying, you're fired.

MARGARET: Beatrice.

She was on that flight.

Pull yourself together, Margaret.

This plane was headed to Brussels. We sent Beatrice to...

Where?Iceland.

Iceland. Yes, of course. We sent Beatrice to Iceland.

MARGARET: It was re-routed.

Why didn't we know that?

[BIRDS SQUAWKING]


[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

Yes, yes. Yes, I speak English.

Yes, Potemkin.

Coordinate, 4572 west, 3850 north.

Yes, have located survivor.

Request assistance now.


[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[SIREN WAILING]


What is it?

They found someone.

She sustained multiple fractures, three broken ribs, severe concussion.

Both her legs are broken. She has much internal bleeding.

Extreme hypothermia, and severe damage to the spine.

[MACHINE BEEPING]


It's a miracle she survived.

[BEATRICE BREATHING THROUGH VENTILATOR]

Jack.

Jack, yeah, it's me. Listen.

Listen. Regarding the Beatrice situation.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They say she'll be okay in time.

She might not walk again, though.

I'm sure we're gonna have an exclusive on the whole thing.

She's worked with me forever.

I can't remember. A long time. How long?

Five months.For five months.

Really?Yeah.

Well, anyway, you know, she's just a kid. She's...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's pretty.

Pretty enough, anyhow.

You know, plain, well-adjusted, optimistic, completely out of touch.

She'll do whatever we want.

No.THE BOSS: Beatrice.

I don't wanna talk to anyone.

The world needs to know.

BEATRICE: Why?What?

Why does the world need to know what it was like to crash into the sea?

Prevention. They need to know all they can to prevent another crash.

I already told the people from the government investigation team everything I can remember.

Technically, yes. But what about the experience?

What about the sensations, the drama?

Who were the cowards, who was brave?

The children, what were the children doing?

Okay, okay, we can talk more later.

They were people.

They were actual people.

All right, all right. Have it your own way.

You're on your own now, though.

You've got no one in this world, Beatrice, remember that.

A few weeks from now, this is all gonna blow over.

And nobody anywhere is gonna give a damn about the poor lonesome survivor of Flight 167, and for instance, her accumulating medical bills.

Just trying to help you out.

Thank you.

Beatrice.

Do you realize how rare an occurrence this is.

How phenomenally slim the chances are of anyone surviving a jumbo jet crashing into the sea.

You're a celebrity. You're a media darling.

You're an institution just waiting to happen, a phenomenon.

It's no use, we're going home.

[CAR ENGINE STARTING]

Is it possible?

The operation has only been performed once before.

The pain and the effort of the surgery itself will kill her.

It's not impossible.

Will it hurt?

Yes, it will hurt.

A lot?

Yes, it will hurt very much.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[MACHINE CLANGING]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

Good morning, Beatrice.

BEATRICE: Hi.

Are you comfortable?

I think so.

Can you understand me clearly?

Yes.Good.

Beatrice, in this procedure we are going to need you to be as alert and as communicative as possible.

We need you to help us.

Do you understand me?

Yes.

Good.

During the first few hours of the operation, we will be administering a series of local anesthetics at different parts of your body, calculated to wear off as we proceed from one part of the operation to the next.

We know the parts of your body you have no sensation in, as well as those you do.

As we go on, you will begin feeling more and more.

And if we are having some success, we will reach the final stages of the operation in which no anesthesia can be used.

But at which time you will begin feeling more and more of the work we are doing.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Yes.

[MACHINE HUMMING]

Okay then, let's begin.

One, and standby.

FEMALE TECHNICIAN: Program formatted.

One, and standby.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]


Local anesthesia one.


[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]


MALE DOCTOR: Thirty-nine.

Anesthesia three, and pause.

FEMALE TECHNICIAN: Thirty-nine.

Local anesthesia three.

Pause...

...and lock.


Thirty-seven, and pause.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

Thirty-seven...

...confirmed.

And ready.

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[LOCKS CLICKING]

Wait.

Now.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]


I think it's time for me to go.

What will you do?

I have to go look for Jim.

I have to find out what happened.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]


[MOUTHING WORDS]


Yes, your friends rented a car to take them as far as Bordheyri.

Beyond there, it's no use having a car.

They said they would return in a week, but they did not return.

Finally, after about a month, the police contacted me about one of my cars which had been abandoned in that place.


Dr. Anna, do you believe in monsters?

A little.

Even you, a doctor?

A doctor sees all sorts of things that are hard to explain.

Our job is to try to explain them.

But sometimes we can't.

Maybe that's what people mean when they talk about miracles.

Like you, for example.

I was just lucky.

Or blessed.


[MAN SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

He says they left the car at the garage and hired a guide to take them by horseback to Heimsenda.

That's the village.

It's not possible to drive to Heimsenda.

There are no roads.

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

And she says even the horses will only go so far.

I'll be okay.

I know you will.


[WIND BLOWING]


Where are we?

GUIDE: These stones, they keep the evil thing in the north.

Who lives in the village?

Only those who have to.

What kind of people are they?

You'll see.


[MAN SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

He was standing right there.

So close that he could feel the monster's breath singeing the hair on his arms.

And he breathed fire at him, and his feet went up in flames.

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

He raised the house up off its foundation and then he tore the door off its hinges.

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

Well, she says the monster has woken, and he's angry.

And our offerings of whiskey are not enough.

We tried to tell your boyfriend and his crew to stay here, and to leave the monster in peace.

But he wouldn't listen.

The Americans tried to build a missile base out on the monster's rock.

I was a boy, I remember.

We tried to warn them, and they wouldn't listen either.

[CHUCKLES]

I was a child, yes, I remember.

You could hear their screams for miles.

You could smell their blood on the wind.

Will you take me there?

We will take you just so far.

No further.

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

She says that you should spend the night with us first.


[ALL CHEERING]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[ALL CHEERING]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[ALL MUMBLING]

[ALL TAPPING ON TABLE]

[ALL CHEERING]

[GIGGLES]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[CHEERING]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]

[SPEAKING IN ICELANDIC]


[BIRDS CAWING]

[SCREAMING] What?

[CRASHING]


[BOTTLE CLINKING]

What the fuck are you looking at?

Where am I?

Where are my clothes?

How did I get here?

Every once in a while, those maniacs down in the village toss some unsuspecting piece of ass down on the rocks down there.

A gift, I guess, for me.

[BAG FALLS]

What have you done with my friends?

I killed them, probably.

I don't believe you.

So what?

Are you going to kill me too?

That depends.

On what?

On whether or not you're a complete fucking idiot.

What's wrong with you?

What do you mean, what's wrong with me?

Why are you like that?

Because I'm a monster.

There's no such thing as monsters.

Oh, no, huh?

I'm sure there's all sorts of reasons why you are the way you are.

Genetic mutations, that sort of thing.

[EXCLAIMS]

Science?Yes.

Are you a scientist?

No. I have a friend who's a doctor.

Hmm.

Oh.

[SIGHS]

[BREATHING FIRE]

How did you do that?

How the hell am I supposed to know?

Now listen, sister.

Are you gonna help me out here or what?

Help you?

What can I do to help you?

I don't even think I like you.

Yeah?

Well, tough. You're either gonna help me out here or I'm gonna come down there, I'm gonna bite your head off, tear your heart out and set the whole ugly mess on fire.

You don't scare me.

Hey.

What's your name?Beatrice.

Listen, Beatrice, you'd like to see me dead, wouldn't you?

Not necessarily, no.

Of course you would. I killed your friends.

If that's true, then I think you ought to be brought to justice and punished so you can learn to understand the wrong you've done.

The wrong I've done?

Yes.

It's like my mother used to say.

Jesus had it all figured out right and proper.

One evil deed doesn't fix another.

You've gotta learn to love your enemies too.

Jesus?Uh-huh.

[YAWNS] Okay. I can see this is gonna be a disaster.

Look, I'm gonna close my eyes and you run away.

If you're not off the island by the time I count to 1500, I'm gonna come and I'll kill you.

Did you really kill Jim and his friends?

Who the fuck is Jim?

My fiance.

That's his video camera over there.

This is his PowerBook.


Come with me.

Where?

Just shut the fuck up and follow me, will you?

[EXCLAIMS]


[SHOUTING]

So, do you believe in monsters yet?

Leave me alone.

I'd love to, sister.

But you gotta pull yourself together and help destroy me first.

What do you mean?

And that's the deal.

You come here and try and help kill me.

And if you can't, I get to dispose of one more pain-in-the-ass human being.

[BAG ZIPPER UNFASTENING]

What the fuck is that?

It's loaded.

Of course.

Okay, princess, take your best shot.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

No. No, I can't.

[SHOUTS] Do it!No!

[GASPS]

I'm not impressed by mercy.

You don't score points with me for being selfless, Beatrice.

Your life means nothing to me at all.

Get over it and see the big picture.

You're just another human being.

Just another piece of the plague, so to speak.

I'd kill you just as easily as I'd kill a fly.

There would be no remorse.

No pangs of conscience, no fascinating sensation of diabolic accomplishment.

It's nothing personal.

You're just in my way.

[GUN FIRES]

[GUN FIRES AGAIN]

[FOOTSTEPS ECHOING]

[SCREAMING]


[SHUDDERED BREATHING]

[GASPS]

[GASPING]

[SIGHING]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]


I see extinction

in everything else around me.

The passing away.

Even the mountains pass away.

It's true. They do.

I've watched it happen.

But not me. No.

I'm changeless and eternal.

It's true. I'm an alcoholic and an insomniac, too. But then, [CHUCKLES] who wouldn't be?

Doomed to endure humanity's victory over all things, without even the option of killing myself like they do.

And for much smaller disappointments too, in my opinion.

[METALLIC CLANKING]

You're a kind person.

I can see that.

And I don't know what good it's gonna do you. But, I believe you have the presence of mind to see the...

The impossibility of my situation.

You want to be put out of your misery.

Don't pity me! I hate that shit!

Are there others like you?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

You must get lonely.

There... There is a human being who can kill me.

He used to live in the house out there near the water.

Dr. Artaud, a scientist.

Mad as the day is long, but a genius all the same.

Where is he now?

[SIGHS]

Oh, he got to shooting his mouth off about his new invention, and the next thing you know, they took him away in a straitjacket.

You see, Dr. Artaud, he believes in monsters.

So you want me to find him, is that it?

You will be doing you and your kind the greatest of favors.

It can't go on like this forever.

If I don't find Artaud soon, then I'll be forced to go on a rampage and I'll kill every human being I see.

Find him yourself.

I can't!

I get these fits!

What causes them?

People, humanity, civilization. I don't know.

The more people there are, the worse it gets.

And it's getting worse by the year.

Drinking helps.

What makes you think I'll be able to find him?

Because you made it here alive.

Because you made it all the way here without me tearing off your goddamn head.

I'm impressed, okay? What do you want from me?

Promise me something.

Huh.

Promises.

How you human beings love promises.

You can't kill anybody.

If nobody comes around, I won't kill them. It's easy.

But I want you to come with me.

Where?

To find Dr. Artaud.

You mean out there?

Yes.

I can't go out there and be expected not to kill anybody.

Then I won't help you.

[SIGHS]

You're making this a lot more difficult than it needs to be.

Maybe.


Hey.

You promised.

[PHONE RINGING]

Are we connected yet?MARGARET: It's ringing.

Hello.

Okay.

Hello.

Beatrice, what's happening out there?

A monster?

A real monster?

This isn't some sort of flash in the pan freak, is it?

Uh-uh. Uh-huh.

Right. Artaud. Dr. Artaud.

But listen, listen. Listen. I want an exclusive on this.

Let us handle everything, okay?

Right.

No. No, no, no.

No, no. We'll find this Artaud character.

If we can't find him, no one can.

But listen.

I'm gonna need some interviews, a press conference maybe, certainly a photo spread.

Are you ready for that?

Okay.

Now hold on tight, because this is going to be very, [CHUCKLES] very big.

[BEATRICE SIGHS]

I think we're gonna be famous.


[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

Good morning, Miss Beatrice. How was your flight?

[CHATTERING]

Right this way.

I'm Carlos. These are my friends. This is my friend.

All these people, they're my friends.

[VASE CRASHES]

[TV CRASHES]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Hey, get out of here for a moment.

[SIGHING]

[DOOR OPENING]

Beatrice, what are you doing?

We've got a press conference in 45 minutes.

Huh?Who's this?

This is Carlo.Fred, get him out of here.

Bye, Carlo.Come on, come on.

What time is it?It's early.

But we've gotta strike while the iron is hot.

Margaret, where is that makeup girl?

The wardrobe people are here.

Great. You know the drill. Cute, but sexy.

Maybe some sunglasses.

God, Beatrice, what were you doing all night?

I was making love.

[CRASHING]

Aloha.

You must be, well, the monster, I guess.

Mmm-hmm.

You killed our TV crew, did you?

Tore them to pieces and threw their limbs to the vultures.

I heard all about it.

Where's Dr. Artaud?

We haven't found him yet.

Shit.

[GRUNTS]

I can see this thing is going from bad to worse already.

It's rumored he was abducted by the U.S. government for research on top secret weapons development.

[BOTTLES CRASHING]

Wait, listen.

Do you hear that?

No.

Exactly.

Easy, easy, gentlemen. Matter is one, remember that.

Ah, the bar, of course.

Is that him?

U.S. Federal Marshal with ward of the State, Dr. Artaud.

Margaret, sign for the delivery.

Thank you, gentlemen.

How are you, Doctor? How was your trip?

My God!

I can see right through you.

Fritz, show me to the swimming pool.

No, wait, the patient.

He's upstairs.

I must talk to him at once. Follow me.

No, no. Not yet. No. We have a press conference first.

[BLOWING AIR]

Will there be food?

THE BOSS: Of course.

In that case, Fritz...

Who's Fritz today?

You are.Right.

Yes, Doctor?My notebook.

Get him out of here.

But...But nothing.

If that asshole upstairs is a real monster, I want him kept alive for as long as he's fashionable.

Move.

BEATRICE: Hey, you. You in there?

Go away.

I want to talk to you.

Fuck off.

Holy fuck. Will you leave me alone?

Look, I want to apologize.

MONSTER: Apologize for what?

Listen, princess, you've just begun to make my life a living hell.

Look, I just feel awful about last night, you know.

All the noise we made, all the dancing and singing. And then...

[CHUCKLES] Good Lord!

The sex for hours and hours.

[GIGGLING]

You were over here all by yourself.

The only creature of your kind known to exist.

That was terribly inconsiderate of me.

I apologize.

[DOOR OPENING]

MARGARET: Okay, it's time to go.


Beatrice, why the publicity stunt?

Beatrice, does the monster obey your every command?

Is it true that a new line of cosmetics is to feature your name and likeness?

Beatrice, are you and the monster lovers?

What's he really like beneath that tough guy exterior?

Have you ever seen him kill anyone?

MALE REPORTER: I have a question for the monster.

I mean, let's get right down to the main issue here.

A monster in this day and age. I mean...

Don't you just find that, like, you know, irrelevant?

He breathes fire. I saw it.

He can't be killed with bullets either.

Come on.

MONSTER: I remember...

...when you were young.

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Pond scum.

Just another ooze on the edge of the local warm water.

I was there, watching.

I saw you evolve.

Bored to tears, I sighed and waited, as it took you millennia to turn into fish.

Cheering you on.

Jumping up and down, throwing rocks at you, as you crawled stupidly up onto the sand.

[SIGHS]

Pathetic.

I used to sneak down into your little villages at night and grab some old person or a child, and I'd crack their skulls open on a rock.

Then I'd look, study, try and figure out how you worked.

What made you morons so damned adaptable?

But there was nothing.

Blood, guts and shit, same as everything else.

Pointless, absurd.

Just another fucking accident.

I used to stand on the cliffs at night and howl at the stars, wondering what would become of me.

Was I gonna live forever?

I wanna die, but I can't, I'm indestructible.

I'm sorry, it's not my fault.

It must be yours.

I know no God who could be that cruel.

I know of no God.

Unless, of course, I am God. But, then...

What difference would that make? I'd still be fucked.

Go round and round, same old dead end.

Reasoning, logic.

Bored, finally I'd

run down the mountain and terrorize the villagers.

That was just excellent. Thank you very much.

Piss off, lady. Where's Dr. Artaud?

These gentlemen are waiting to take you to Dr. Artaud straight away.

Fred, where are they taking him?

He's on his way to Dr. Artaud.

Hey, watch it!

Where's Dr. Artaud? I wanna see the doctor.

Dr. Artaud's not far off. Please be patient.

Where's the girl?What girl?

Beatrice.Oh, the girl.

There's a girl?Yes, of course, there's a girl.

[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]

Get that goddamn thing away from me.

And who you gotta sleep with around here anyway to get a fucking drink?

[TV PLAYING]


Matter is one. Yes, of course. That's easy.

But you see, there are different densities.

Heavy and light.

It can interpenetrate.

You see, it's proved.

This proves it?

You doubt my methods. It's okay.

The center needs a margin.

Have some wine.

Are you a scientist or something?

I'm on vacation, or lost maybe.

We have to wait and see.

It's beautiful.

It is both an equation and an architectural schematic.

To know and to be.

This is not even a question. There is no alternative.

You see, it's clear in the loneliest little avenues between particles and waves, shunned even by the gregarious quark, unheard of by the various strands of time, so large, it cannot be seen, yet small enough to be immovable, lies the fabric of infinite reality gripped in the tiny little concrete fist of the all or nothing.

What do you call it?

The matter eradicator.

Invented to free a difficult friend from eternal damnation.

You must be Dr. Artaud.

For what it's worth, alas my name is mud.

They keep me locked in a room on the top floor.

But I said rude things to the chambermaid, and she set me free.

I thought you were examining the monster.

Not yet. I've been left alone with my thoughts.

Oh, no.

It is not so bad, really.

Come on.

We have to get out of here. They've tricked us.

I'm so sorry.

Margaret, where is he?

It's so sad.

It's all over the news.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

TV ANNOUNCER: This beast that has killed thousands upon thousands remorselessly for hundreds of years is now subjected to intense scientific experimentation aimed at discovering his exact sub-cellular makeup.

Government researchers all agree this freak of nature is as yet indestructible, impervious even to atomic radiation.

Sources close to the President claim the monster is an invaluable strategic defense acquisition.

Remarkable. He's beyond scientific analysis.

He's an unknown substance.

He's everything and nothing.

Professor, he has to be something.

Of course. But that something is something we cannot name yet, so we must not believe it exists.

But he is weaker than we thought.

He cannot stand information.

He's like an enormous satellite dish.

He feels passing physio-electronic transmissions the way you and I would feel the ache of a brain tumor.

[STATIC BUZZING]He won't die, will he?

Oh, no, quite impossible.

I assure you, he's perfectly indestructible.

He can withstand this torture indefinitely.

I only hope that I will be able to procure the appropriate funding to continue my research.

Oh, we can help you with that.

I would appreciate anything you could do.

We have to get him out into the world, though.

But he's dangerous.

Yes, of course. But he's made a promise to Beatrice.

A promise to a young girl. What is it worth?

We'll have to wait and see.

Still, to let him at large and study him under a multitude of circumstances.

This could be extremely valuable.

My guess is people will be bored by the monster sometime tomorrow afternoon.

It takes a lot more than the supernatural to captivate the imagination of the demographic I have to deal with, Professor.

He'll fall from fashion.

He'll fall hard and he'll fall fast.

He'll be ridiculed and abused.

This will make for very interesting observations.

Everything's set with the ship.

Be there at 6:00 a.m. and ask for Vladimir.

The flight leaves at 10:30.

You'll be met by friends of mine at the airport in Iceland.

I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't talk to anyone.

Take care.

Bye.

[HORN BLOWING]Bye.

MARGARET: Kennedy Airport, International Departures.

THE BOSS: Good, very good.

It's just the right mix of pathetic and scary.

It's just a matter of time before he breaks his promise and tears some punk to pieces.

Can we let that happen?

Look, we're not the police.

This is news. We produce news.


Please hold. Line two.

Beat it.

He's missing. What have you done with him?

We haven't done anything with him.

The girl showed up and took him away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calm down. In the real world, we call that drama.

We've got it all here on tape. It's fantastic. Don't worry.

Dr. Artaud is gone too.

What?The army has taken over, I have been fired.

The shit has hit the fan, lady, and it's all your fault.

Artaud.

Ah, there you are.

What's that supposed to mean?He's gone.

I know he's gone. What happened?

He was spirited away by the ingenue.

Go find Margaret.

There's quite a hefty bar tab to be dealt with as well.

[SHIP'S HORN BLOWING]


What is this?

Margaret kidnapped Artaud. They hold me responsible.

It's a crisis situation.

The monster is gone as well, and Washington is afraid someone else might get their hands on him first, not to mention Artaud.

The Chinese have already broken off diplomatic relations.

The Pentagon's declared a worldwide manhunt.

Special Forces have been mobilized.

The United Nations Security Council is meeting at noon.

[EXCLAIMS]

Boss, don't worry, it'll be all right.

We'll call the network.They'll threaten somebody.

No, don't you see, this is perfect.

God! Why didn't I think of this before?

The monster, Beatrice, they're old news.

No, this is just the twist I've been looking for.

Sort of demonization of the media type of thing.

Don't worry. Get to work. Keep me informed.

Gentlemen, I'm ready.

Take me away.

[SHIP ENGINE RUNNING]

MONSTER: Yeah, me!

Who twice in the wilderness caused the birds to fall dead from the trees.

And it was anger alone, that could turn the water at my feet suddenly to ice.


Oh, humanity shouldn't wait around for an apology from me.

No. Not the human beings.

Blindest of the blind.

The doers of all undoing.

The poison ivy of the universe.

The diaper rash of reality.

You noisy, dumb bastards.

Listen. Listen, come on. Pull yourself together.

I'm tired, I wanna go to sleep.

So go to sleep. See what I care.

I need you to keep a lookout.

The cook keeps trying to bother me.

[SIGHS]

About what?

You know.

[SCOFFS]

[BOTTLES CLINKING]

[GRUNTS]

[BLOWING AIR]

[BELL TOLLING]


What are you thinking about?

[BIRDS CAWING]

Nobody's scared of me anymore.


I'm scared of you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I am.

[WAVES CRASHING]


[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

They're coming!

They're coming!

Yes, yes, yes, they're coming.

But what will the world be like without monsters?

This monster is ourselves, our hope and our fear.

We created it and it killed us in our sleep.

And we saw that we were human.

It does not remember its beginning because it began with us, [HELICOPTER APPROACHING]fully formed, and with a history.

We're so cruel, I think.

Not that we kill him, but that we put this responsibility on his ugly shoulders in the first place.

He did not ask for it.

We're so good at this.

We talk things into reality to convince ourselves that we exist.

And now the most vicious blow of all, to kill a creature by proving to him that he's a figment of our own imagination.

COMPUTER VOICE: Three minutes and counting to eradication of matter.

Repeat, three minutes and counting.

My friend, we meet again at last.

Is it true, Artaud? Will it really work?

ARTAUD: I think so.

It's never been tried.

ARTAUD: But the numbers all add up.

We had to improvise.

ARTAUD: Are you sure you want to do this?

COMPUTER VOICE: Two minutes and counting to eradication of matter.

Repeat, two minutes and counting.

He'll never know what happened to him.

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

DR. ANNA: Beatrice, come away. You can't be here.

COMPUTER VOICE: One minute and counting to eradication of matter.

Repeat, one minute and counting.

Beatrice, please.

COMPUTER VOICE: Man all stations and enter preliminary code red.

[ALARM BUZZING]

[ELECTRONIC PULSATING HUM]

Program formatted.

Position one.

[TAPPING ON KEYBOARD]

[MACHINE HUMMING]Standby.

[METALLIC CLANGING]

[ALARM SOUNDING]

COMPUTER VOICE: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

[LIGHTS SWITCH OFF]

[ELECTRICITY SURGING]

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]


[ELECTRICITY SURGING]

[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]