Episode #1.9 (2020)
♪ Baby, right now it feels like ♪
♪ It feels like you don't care ♪
♪ Oh, why don't you recognize I'm so rare? ♪ Why you on your own?
You prefer it, your own company?
♪ I don't have it all ♪ Do you want a drink?
I think you do.
♪ To tell me I'm rare ♪
♪ To make me feel rare ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Don't make me count up all the reasons ♪
♪ To stay with you ♪
I'm glad to hear things are okay over there in Sweden and that the course is good.
Everything is basically the same here as before you left.
I looked up your friend, the photographer on Facebook, by the way.
He seems interesting.
Is he your boyfriend or are you not putting labels on it?
I know you like the tall, handsome guys as you say.
So, why not Lukas, who looks tall and is also handsome?
Helen has seen his photo and agrees, but whatever.
I'm not pushing the boyfriend thing.
I just hope you've confirmed that he is not a psychopath.
You don't always have a good radar on that.
Helen says hi, by the way.
And let me know when you're back for Christmas.
It'd be good to see you.
You looks nice.
I'm gonna go grab something to eat. You want to come?
Something the matter?
Are you breaking up with me?
Okay, uh, can I do anything to stop you from breaking up with me?
Tell me, what is it? Look.
I just... I don't think a relationship is what I want.
What do you want?
I really like you.
I don't... I don't want that.
I don't want you to say that.
I want... if anything... the opposite.
That would be better.
We're a bunch of, um... scientists and pragmatists, you know what I mean?
Yeah. It's nice to have somebody with a little bit of creativity.
Thanks, Dad. No, I didn't... no, I mean, in a good way.
Yeah, that was nice. Yeah?
They really liked you.
They never really got on with Rory.
Don't know why.
Maybe he was a bit full of it.
He was probably a gobshite.
Did your mom like Marianne? Of course.
Lorraine likes everybody.
I think she felt a bit sorry for her.
Sorry for Marianne? About what?
I want to have a shower.
We're not done here.
Don't ask that, don't ask me for stuff.
I'll tell you when it's over and you can have a shower.
I feel so not myself at the moment.
Not in a bad way.
I just feel outside of my own life somehow.
Sometimes, someone will make eye contact with me like a bus conductor or a person looking for change.
And I'll feel shocked that anyone can actually see me.
And there's something comforting about it.
Something good about feeling sort of numb.
Detached from it all.
Does that make sense?
Thank you for bringing us to the fucking most depressing Christmas party ever.
Look at the roof. Look at that roof.
It's the most, single-handedly the most depressing place...
I'm having a great time.
Yeah, four lagers, please. Thanks.
Connell Waldron. All right, Peggy.
Jesus Christ, haven't seen you in such a long time.
How's Marianne getting on? I heard she's up to some interesting stuff over in Sweden.
I'm so fuckin' jealous.
Jamie was saying she was into some weird stuff.
Like, bondage and shit. Was that you?
Did you like, kick her off on all that stuff?
Fuck off, Peggy.
I'm just talking about stuff I've heard here...
Yeah, and I don't want to hear about it, thanks.
You all right?
It's just Peggy.
Saying shit about Marianne.
Saying what? Oh, just shit.
What? She just... seems to be a person that people like to talk about.
And... I don't know that she... necessarily has a problem with that.
Uh, what do you mean?
I mean, she sort of fucking invites it, Connell.
Why are you so bothered?
Well, I'm gonna go in. I'm cold.
From your emails, it doesn't sound like you're completely happy in Sweden.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I think I know the feeling of being detached from the world, although I haven't felt that way lately.
Not to put pressure on you at all, because it's obviously your decision.
But I'm sad to hear you're not coming home for Christmas.
Thinking it over, I don't think I've ever gone a whole year of my life without seeing you before.
At least not since we were 11 or 12.
Anyway, that's just my way of saying I miss you.
And I'm looking forward to seeing you, whenever that will be.
Will you send a message to let me know how you're getting on?
Or we could even talk on the phone if you want.
I hope things are okay.
It just doesn't make any sense to come back for such a short amount of time.
I heard you.
I have a lot of work on.
It's Christmas. Yeah.
So you'll stay in Sweden on Christmas Day?
I don't know. I'll work or something.
And we'll see you when exactly?
I don't know.
Well, I better not keep you. You sound very busy.
I've been thinking a lot about the summer.
And about Jamie and Peggy.
I'm trying to figure out if I ever really thought that that was friendship.
That it was real.
Or if I just liked the feeling of it.
The pretense of it.
You must be getting ready to go home.
When I think of Christmastime, now, I think of Carricklea.
I imagine a Christmas tree in your front room.
Covered in tinsel.
I can't picture my house at all.
I miss you.
I'm gonna take your photo.
What do you mean?
I have an idea.
Come in the shower.
Come. Come closer to the water.
What you been up to?
I am on part seven, um, of this documentary about the American civil war.
I've got lots of knowledge about American Civil War Generals that I can't wait to share with you.
So what about you? How's Lukas?
How's it going?
Do you like him?
It's not that sort of thing.
He's fine. I mean, I don't really feel...
I still don't know with the light yet.
Maybe we can do, like... first one... like this, and then another one.
And we'll see.
Do you want me to...
Sure, just the jumper for now.
Untie your hair.
Maybe take this off now.
Can we not do this now?
This is what you wanted.
It's been a while since I've heard from you.
Is everything all right?
I wonder if I said something stupid in my last email.
And I hope not, but I'm sorry if I did.
I know you told me the reason you're not coming home at Christmas has to do with your family, and maybe I shouldn't have brushed over that.
I'm sorry to bring this up because I know we both feel awkward about it, but I haven't forgotten the things you told me when we were in Italy, and I hope you know that none of those things are your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.
Open your eyes.
Open your fucking eyes.
You are a good person, and I say that as someone who really knows you.
I know I reacted very stupidly that night and to be honest, I'm lucky that we're still friends because it was such an idiotic thing to do.
Just because people treat you badly at times, and I include myself in that, by the way, it doesn't mean you deserve to be treated badly.
A lot of people love you and care about you.
I hope you know that.
Don't make this hard on yourself.
I don't want to do this.