Where do I start?
It's not you.
Well, actually, it is you.
Look, I'm just not--
I'm not attracted to you any more.
I need space.
You kinda gross me out.
In the beginning, it was different. In the beginning, you were better.
But then I got to know you reaI well, and...
I-- I came to realize...
that youīre a fat idiot.
I got ya. I got ya. I got ya. I got ya. Okay. Okay.
Okay, okay, okay. Let me try it. You gotta be straight.
Okay. - Straight face. Okay, okay. - All right.
I want a divorce. Why?
It's a physical thing.
Physical? Iīve been experimenting with other men lately.
A lot of other men and women.
I donīt know. I mean, Antonio can do this thing with his tongue... and Williamīs stamina is amazing.
And as far as hands go, well, your fatherīs hands are--
You are no match. I have no equal.
Get down here.
If the shoe fits I want you to wear it and wear it good
Sulkinī about them times when I was by myseIf I was always lookinī for somebody else But as time went on I had a talk with my mind Friends like you and you I gotta leave behind And I'm sayinī cAll me a fool īCause you only rub it in And I'll never see you if I had known I'll never see them again
īCause, well I know the difference Just stay in my own business And I'll never, ever depend on you
Friends and enemies around me every day I canīt believe the things they say Takinī me for granted Give me no credit at all I'll just keep bouncinī like a bouncinī ball
I donīt wanna step on nobodyīs foot but
You call me a fool but you only rub it in And I'll never see you if I had known I'll never see that again
īCause, well I know the difference Just stay in my own business And I'll never, ever depend on you
B-B-B-Brickmanīs! B-B-Brickmanīs Powerboats!
Get it? Brickmanīs sells powerboats.
We make the company mascot a powerboat. What do you think?
I like it. Good work, Alan. Yes!
Zachary, youīre up. All right. I just wanna show you--
Ladies and gentlemen, Zachary! Yes, sir. No--
I havenīt taken these to the focus group yet. I'm still working on that part.
But I just wanted to let you know these are just preliminary sketches.
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the new mascot for Hidy Ho Cookies--
What-- What is it?
Zippy. What is Zippy?
Heīs a cookie man. Heīs a cookie man?
What is that, uh, on the ground behind him?
Oh, thatīs a trail of chocolate chips. See, wherever Zippy goes... he leaves this magicaI trail of chocolate for All the boys and girls--
Magical? This-- This looks like poop. It looks like piles of poop.
It looks like Zippyīs walking around, ju-- just crapping All over the place. Stop.
It looks like-- No, no. Those are chocolate chips.
Emma, what do you think it looks like? Excrement.
Zach, letīs just say youīre about to take a big bite of a juicy chocolate chip cookie?
Whatīs the last image you want floating through your head?
Excrement? Excrement. Right.
Listen, I wanna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna say maybe we should avoid... all bowel-related items with this particular product.
Just a hunch, you know? I'll work up something different.
All right. Thanks. Nick Beamīs office.
Oh, hi, Ann. Ooh, aah-- - It's your wife.
Everybody out. Big business deal.
Hello. Now weīre still on for tonight. You stood me up twice, you know?
It's a done deal. New York Philharmonic. Last night in town.
I'll be escorting the sexiest woman in the world.
What about me? Weīll bring ya.
Oh, guess what? My sister left a message on the machine.
And sheīs coming in with her fiance next Friday.
No. Oh, wow. Yeah!
I finally get to meet the mysterious queen of the Peace Corps.
Yes, you do. Hey, can you pick īem up?
Yeah, sure. When is it?
A week from today.
I think itīll be around 10:30. I'm not sure. I'll have to check.
P.B. wants to see you A.S.A.P.
Sorry, honey, I gotta go. Thereīs an onslaught of initials coming at me.
Okay. Tell him hello. I will.
I hate you. Me too. Bye.
Oh, oh! Bungee jumping. Sunday.
No thanks, Phillip. P.B.
No thanks, P.B.
Okay, okay. Okay, forget it.
This guy is new. Yeah. What do you think?
Uh, I think he likes me.
Niroog, the fertility god.
Boy, I like looking at this. Handmade in the Paleolithic period.
Had to sacrifice my Ides of March gold aureus in trade.
Pity. But, uh, I think worth it.
So, which one of you wanted to see me?
Charles McGinty is coming in at 5:00. The Charles McGinty?
"McGinty Crackers" Charles McGinty? The very same. - Fantastic.
Anyway, I was supposed to have dinner with McGinty tonight. Iīd love for you to stand in for me.
Oh, no, uh, s-- Phillip, I-I promised Ann I-I would--
Nick. Oh, Nick. You gotta help me out here.
I donīt get this lucky every day.
Look, if this is about a woman-- Youīre a pal. I gotta go.
It just needs to be-- Guess who just called?
Annīs divorce lawyer? McGintyīs secretary. Heīs rescheduling.
All right! Yes! Want me to get Ann on the line?
No, I'm gonna try to beat her home. I wanna surprise her.
This is great, huh?
The wife again? No, actually I just met this incredible brunette on the elevator.
Well, I'm jealous. What would I have to do to get flowers All the time?
You donīt get flowers All the time? Nope.
Thatīs a crime.
Grab it! Grab it!
Thatīs right. Thatīs right.
Hey, asshole, get outta the road!
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump I say fight, Youīre outta the corner a day late, a dollar short Friday mornings most people donīt get
You change your life from left to right You get your wit tracks tight Must be testing the master The under hood the underworldīs under man Never mind being understood Long as we understand You canīt twist transistor mixing friends Soldiers over here donīt snitch They bitch and bit All hours while the crowds peepinī in
Welcome to hell, bitch.
Car, keys, wallet. Now!
Dīyou hear what I said?
Okay. Now you listen, and you listen good.
This is a gun. Okay? Donīt be fuckinī around with no gun, white boy.
Helen Keller, I'm talkinī to you.
I know you hear what the fuck I'm sayinī to you.
Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day.
Oh, youīre trying to lock me-- U-U-Unlock the door.
Stop, motherfucker! Stop the car! Stop the car!
Youīre driving on the sidewalk, man! People got to walk there!
Pull over, man! White boy, I said pull over!
Yo, man, thereīs a truck.
I said, yo, man, thereīs a truck.
Yo, man, thereīs a truck right there. Stop!
What about my wallet? You wanted to rob me, didnīt you?
Yes. I distinctly remember you wanting to rob me.
Hereīs my wallet. You want it?
Here it is. Here. Here. Right out there.
What you doinī, man? That was money. Oh, I'm sorry. I got something else for you.
I'm blind! I canīt see shit.
The honeys dug my eyes. The honeys loved my eyes.
All right, you win, man. All right? ls that what you wanna hear? You win.
What the fuck?
No, you ainīt one of them desert slashers, are you?
Cut a person body up and leave it out in the desert in little tiny pieces and shit, huh?
Oh, shit! We are in the fucking desert.
I'm in the car with a psycho, freaky, Jason hack-killer motherfucker.
Hey, please donīt kill me, freaky Jason.
I said, please donīt kill me, freaky Jason.
I done fucked around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!
Get out. With pleasure.
I canīt feel my ass.
My ass just fell asleep.
I didnīt even know an ass could fAll asleep!
It's all tingly and shit!
Come on, man. You canīt leave me out here.
Yo, man! You canīt just leave me out here.
Okay, I'll make a deaI with you.
You drive me home, I'll forget about this whole kidnapping shit.
Oh, come on.
Hello. You tried to rob me.
You had a gun to my head.
Look, I told you the gun wasnīt loaded.
You got yourseIf into this.
You know what you are? Youīre a bad person. Youīre an armed robber.
Donīt expect me to feel sorry for you.
Excuse me. Is there a problem here?
Yes. Is this man botherinī you?
Yes, he is. Oh, so youīre just gonna come right at the brother.
Why donīt you ask if heīs bothering me?
Lady, for All you know, I could be Denzel Washington.
Take a good look.
He could be some celebrity stalker.
I'm gonna have to ask you to pay for this coffee now
īcause I've seen these things escalate before.
No problem. My wallet.
Wow! Looks like the celebrity stalker donīt have a wallet.
Oh, well, thank you. I will get your change, sir.
What? You want me to thank you? So I owe you a buck.
How was you goinī to get gas? You donīt have no money, no credit cards.
Okay. All right.
You give me money for gas and I'll take you back.
I'm cool. I'm-- I'm straight.
As a matter of fact, I-- you know, I like it out here in the desert.
You know, you get All sweaty and shit.
Just bubbling off your ass. Just-- What?
I just remembered.
I have a spare credit card in the side compartment.
Uh-huh, right here!
Whatīs up, white boy? W-W-Whatīs up, huh?
Come on, come on. What ya got?
Huh? Look at you. You done fucked around and got dropped.
Get the fuck outta here.
What? You hit like a ol' girl, man.
Get the fuck on out of here, man. Go about your business.
What the hell is this, your merry-go-round move?
Yo, I understand.
Hey. Oh, shit.
I didnīt know it was expired. I never use it.
So why are you out here?
What do you care? I'm curious.
I'm a student of human nature.
Youīre a freak of human nature.
Thatīs all right. I forgive you.
It's clear you have woman problems.
Youīre way off base.
I'm off base? Yeah. Way off base.
She mess around on you? Look.
Even if I wanted to talk about it-- which I donīt-- it wouldnīt be with you.
You give her some nastiness? I know you gave her some serious nastiness.
Just forget it. What about him? Did you fuck him up?
Did you whoop his ass? I bet you hit that motherfucker with a bat, didnīt ya?
Kling! Pow! Fucked his ass up, didnīt ya?
No, wait a minute. You capped him. You capped that motherfucker, didnīt you?
Thatīs why you out here in the desert, ainīt ya?
Look. I didnīt shoot him. I didnīt say anything to my wife. I just left.
What do you mean, you just left? Just left. I--
I saw them doing you know... and I walked away.
What a pussy.
No wonder your woman is sneaking behind your back, man.
Know what your problem is? You donīt have the respect of your woman, man.
Thatīs what it is. Me, I got all that.
I go home, my dinnerīs on the table.
Bam! I donīt wanna hear shit, woman.
And if I want lovinī- if I'm in the mood- I get that too. Youīre so full of shit. What would you have done?
Man, I would have went back to that house and Iīd have pulled a Terminator on the front door.
Boom, boom, boom! Who the fuck do you think youīre playinī with, woman?
Who do you think I am, some fruity pie? I ainīt no fruity pie.
I'm-- I'm Nick Beam.
Thatīs what I told her. I'm Nick Beam.
And Nick Beam ainīt puttinī up with that bullshit.
Sheīd have been crying, you know ? "Oh, Nick, oh, Nick, please take me back.
Please, please, Nick. It was only one time."
I'm gonna "one time" your ass. Nick Beam is the master of his fate... the ruler of his destiny.
So if you wanna cry on somebodyīs shoulder, why donīt you cry on Superdick?
As for Nick Beam, I'm fit, lit... and I damn sure ainīt takinī no shit.
So you can get the fuck out.
Thatīs what I woulda told the bitch.
Thatīs what l told the bitch.
What the-- Hey, hold it. Hold it.
Break it up. Break it up. Whatīs goinī on here?
Should I pay cash, or do you wanna use your credit card?
Ah, fu-- Oh-- Ah-- Oh, shit.
Put the money in the bag. Put the money in the fuckinī bag! Okay.
Shit. Letīs go! Put the money in the fuckinī bag.
You werenīt gonna leave without me, were you?
What do you think youīre doing? Thereīs a speciaI they got goinī on.
You get a free stack of cash with every fill-up. Some luck, huh?
How stupid can you be?
We better get out of here. You take that money back.
I'm serious, man. We better get goinī. Weīll get goinī as soon you bring back that money.
I'm not bullshittinī! Move out! I'm not going anywhere untiI you return--
Here we go.
Why? Why? Why? I didnīt have any money, man.
Oh, you had money. No. No. That $5 I gave the waitress was it.
What the-- Oh, great. Bufordīs come to kill us.
Persistent hillbilly motherfucker. He has every right to be.
You robbed him at gunpoint. You dick!
Hey, hey, youīre the one who threw the wallet out the fuckinī window.
All right, man. What you doinī? Come on, asshole.
Well, would you look at these crazy sons a bitches?
Oh, shit. We gonna die. Pull off the fuckinī road.
Man, would you pull off the fuckinī road!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
I'm alive! You alive!
Howīd you know that hillbilly was gonna turn first?
You did know he was gonna turn first, didnīt ya?
You know what? It donīt even matter.
I'm alive! You alive, man!
Get out! - What? Get out!
What are you even thinking when you do something like that?
You think youīre never gonna get caught? We didnīt get caught.
Thatīs not the point. It's beetleheaded.
It's-- It's only a matter of time before you do get caught.
What is beetleheaded? It's a synonym for "stupid."
Oh. Well, hereīs a synonym for "procreation": Fuck you!
It's easy for you to point the finger when youīre sittinī on your rich ass in a big fuckinī house.
I'm not rich. Oh, yeah.
How bigīs your TV? What?
I say, how bigīs your TV? Fifty-inch.
Get in the car. Oh, please. Letīs not make this a social issue.
The point is that even if you wanted to rob a place, there are smarter ways to do it.
Enlighten me. A mask. Wear a mask.
You see, the police have this thing called a "lineup" and if someone recognizes you, you go to jail!
Oh, how about this for a novel idea? Case the place first.
Find out if thereīs a security camera or a hidden alarm.
Then again, why even rob a convenience store?
How much money could you possibly get? Two, three hundred dollars?
Then what? Youīre set for two days! Wow!
What do you know, lanky? I know you go for the big score.
One robbery, youīre set.
News flash, big slim.
People with big money, they protect it.
So you do a little research. Take Quality Design Group where I work.
My boss keeps a ton of cash in his vauIt.
At night, thereīs only two guards and a personaI security system.
Now, in this case, I happen to even know the code.
But even if I didnīt, I--
I got a booger in my nose?
You canīt trust banks, Nick.
The entire system could crumble at any second.
That bastardīs so heavily leveraged, it would wipe him out.
Wait a minute. Am I hearing you right?
Mr "High and Mighty" is gonna rob his boss?
You hear that, gila monsters?
Old Nick Beam here is gonna rob his boss!
I say, do you hear that, gila monsters?
You know what, Nick? Your wife really messed your head up bad, man.
How much he got? Only the bulk of his personal assets.
Six, seven hundred thousand. You what?
Hey, you gonna need some help. Oh, no, this has nothing to do with you.
Hey, I was present at the time of creative inspiration... which entitles me to partiaI ownership... in this criminalistic endeavour.
Get out. Maybe I'll just call Quality Design Group when we get back.
I want half.
Weīre gonna bury this asshole.
Sure, youīre right.
If you ever plan To motor West
Travel my way Take the highway Thatīs the best Come on Get your kicks On Route Sixty--
Six Well, it winds from Chicago To L.A.
More than 2,000 miles
Highway shooters? One black, one white. You tell me?
You were there, and they got away?
They were driving a 1996 Yukon.
Licence? You know, if I had a licence number, Bart, I wouldnīt be standing here... eating large quantities of shit, now, would I? No, sir.
Monitor calls on both sides of the border. Fax that photo to every precinct on the planet.
Thereīs so much as a sneeze out there I wanna feeI the mist.
I hear a voice Give me all your money and a Yoo Hoo. The moneyīs all locked up.
Thatīll be 79 cents, please.
I said Come on, little prisoner I got something to say
Something stinks, man.
You sure you ainīt got a gas leak?
It's my shoes. Your shoes?
You ever heard of Dr Schollīs?
I spilled some gas on my shoes at the gas station.
You know, the one you robbed.
Oh, so you got a camcorder up in here. What are you doing?
I'm just checkinī it out, man.
Pu-- Pu-- Put it down. I ainīt gonna break it, man.
Just let me check it out. Just let me see.
Yo, this is your wife?
Man, I see why you were upset.
Not bad, Nick. Not bad, Nick.
I mean, you know, for a cheatinī bitch.
Look, donīt you call her that.
You-- You donīt know her. Donīt call her that.
Okay. No disrespect. Okay?
What should I call her?
God. I was just fuckinī with you, man.
You know, this is an all right camera for a regular eight.
It's the best on the market. Let me explain something to you, Nick.
If you ainīt got digital, you ainīt got shit.
This has only got one C.C.D. chip.
Broadcast has three, Nick.
Donīt look at me like that. What, are you surprised I know shit?
The guy that sold me that camera just set up our computer network.
Windows NT? No. Just Windows.
Man, get out of here with that shit. Look, hereīs a nutty idea.
If you actually know something about this stuff, why not use that knowledge and get a job?
Take a good look at me.
I'm not exactly the corporate colour. Thatīs ridiculous.
If you wanted a job, you could have one. Thereīs a spider on your head.
What? Thereīs a spider on your head.
Look, I am sorry. I am not up on all this... jive-talkinī, homeboy lingo.
Whatīs that supposed to mean, thereīs a spider on your head?
It means: Thereīs a spider on your motherfuckinī head, man.
Well, get it off! Get it off, get it off!
I ainīt touchinī that shit. Get it off!
Get it off, get it off, get if off, get if off!
Get it off! Yo, thatīs a big fuckinī spider, man.
Nick, itīs just a spider.
I'm a scat man No, no. Now donīt go crazy.
Yeah, you go, boy. I'm a scat man
Hold on, let me focus. Let me focus on this shit.
I'm a scat man Oh, shit.
You got the hot foot! Yo, Nick!
Get on the good foot. Get on the good--
Aw, got it!
I'm a scat man
I'm a scat man
I gotta make a call. You pump.
Give me the gun. What?
Give me the gun.
Man, I wasnīt gonna rob the place, man.
Then you wonīt need this.
Then you wonīt need this.
You must be really fast.
$20 on pump number 15 and a sour fruity twist.
You a cop? No.
You bastards have tried this too many times!
Oh, listen-- Shut up!
I wasnīt gonna-- Shut up.
Emmitt County Sheriffīs Station. Hello. Hello.
Uh-- Yes, may I help you?
That show, Cops...
I love it.
Have you ever had a really bad day?
I'm havinī one right now.
Now, look, baby, I told you līd be home later.
Now, this guy say he got a job for me, okay, payinī big money.
Okay, now, please, donīt argue with me. Not-Not now. All right?
I'll see you later. Okay.
Oh, oh. Oh.
Now all I wantīs $20 on pump number 15 and a sour fruity twist. ls that too much to ask? No, sir.
Do you mind if I take your gun? No, sir.
Would you please rip the phone cord out of the wall?
What? Would you rip the phone cord out of the wall, please?
Thank you. This is for the phone and for the gun and for the sour fruity twist.
And $20 on pump number 15. Go on.
Thank you for your patience. Yes, sir.
Le-- Let me get this straight.
It's all right for you to rob a place, but it ainīt all right for me?
I didnīt rob him.
Well, you got a funny way of not robbinī a motherfucker.
Nick, letīs get out of here, man, before he calls the cops.
Heīs not gonna call the cops. How do you know?
I had him rip the phone cord out of the wall.
Oh, shoot. Thatīs pretty good.
And you got his gun?
Not bad, Nicholas. Not bad.
Charlie, this shitīs depressing the shit out of me. It's makinī me sad.
What? Oh, come on, man. This shit is the shit.
This is the shit. It's supposed to make you sad. It's grim.
Oh, man, come on. This is the shit.
This shit is the shit. This is the hellified love music.
I'm in bad shape over here. Ah, man, you know, maybe I can... tune you in to a nice A.M. station and get you some Donny Osmond.
Charlie, whatīs this? Slow down. Get the fuck out of here.
Pull over and turn the headlights off.
Yo, man, you couldīve gotten me a piece of licorice.
It's sour. So.
Still couldīve gotten me a piece.
I didnīt think of it. Oh, you didnīt think of it.
Just seIfish, man. Guess thatīs the world.
You know? You just-- You just seIfish. Here.
I swear, white people must got totally different taste buds, man.
Thatīs a very racist thing to say.
Oh, yeah? Good.
What the f--
Oh, shit! Whoa, theyīre ramminī us.
Thanks for the late-breakinī news. Step on the gas, Nick!
I hate new cars.
Look at his face, man.
Our turf, baby.
They donīt look like cops.
Definitely not cops.
Get out of the car.
There you go. All right, motherfuckers, back the fuck off!
Oh, shit. It's cool.
Oh, yeah, I'm cool. We cool.
I was just fuckinī with yīall, man.
Hey, whatīs up? Yīall-- Yīall live around here?
Bring your ass around the front of the car.
Come on, baby. Come on, baby. There you go. There you go.
All right. Okay. Oh, shit. Uh-huh. Watch your feet. Uh-huh.
Come on, rubber legs. Letīs go. Watch where youīre walkinī.
Watch-- Watch your feet. There you go, baby.
Perhaps you two havenīt heard that my partner and I here... own the rights to all violent crime on this particular stretch of highway.
And we donīt take kindly to any unauthorized criminaI activities.
You donīt understand. We were--
Oh, shit. Thatīs my car.
Can I have your attention, please? Yeah.
I bet you used to sell more Girl Scout cookies than any other member of the whole troop, didnīt ya?
What were you calling yourseIf back then? Yolanda, you little bitch?
Cynthia? Susan? What was it? I canīt remember.
Hey, guys, I will be gentle. Donīt even worry about it. Huh?
Now-- Now, donīt even worry.
I have these.
Oh, now thatīs not gonna be enough.
Whereīd you put your booty?
Now I've done it. I finally found someone I like less than you.
Shit. Thatīs a fancy case, friend.
You know, when a sweet-mouthed girl like you has a fancy case like this... a man gets to thinkinī whereīs the wallet?
Thatīs it. Weīre dead, man.
I'm gonna need that wallet, Alice.
Whereīs that big, fat wallet? Give it to me.
Give me your fuckinī wallet, you little bitch.
You know what? Nick, Nick, what you doinī?
I'm sure youīre a really scary guy.
I'm sure that, normally, people just quiver at the very sound of your voice.
But, you see, l, I canīt see that right now. l-l-I just see a weak, desperate little man... that probably grew up torturing little animals.
Some puny, little uncoordinated... canīt-make-the-football-team-so-I'll-pick-on- third-graders-and-steal-their-lunch-money punk, jerk-off bully that one day wakes up and realizes heīs nothing.
Just a sad, pathetic, useless, illiterate piece of inbred shit.
I just want you to know, I totally disagree.
Time to die. That just makes you my best friend.
All right, drop the fuckinī gun.
Drop the fuckinī gun!
Give me this, motherfucker.
Now back the fuck up before I kick you in your bitch-ass chin.
Back the fuck up! I said, back the fuck up!
Didnīt I say, back the fuck up? Everybody, back the fuck up.
You shot me. I'm sorry, Nick.
Put down the gun. Shut up.
You shot me. I said, I'm sorry, man. I- I- I didnīt mean it.
The gun just went off.
You know, I have that same trouble in bed.
Well, rarely. Every once in a great while.
Put down that gun, you idiot. Would you shut up? I'm shot here.
You shut the fuck up. Who the hell do you think you are?
You shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up! Huh? Look at yourseIf, you candy-ass--
Man, you shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. Shut up!
Put down the gun! Hey, hey, hey! Put that fucking gun down before you take a fucking toe hit.
You shut the fuck up! - I donīt give a shit! Shut the fuck up! - Candy-ass motherfucker!
Shut the fuck up, man! Shut the fuck up! - Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! Everybody, shut the fuck up!
Now, everybody, shut the fuck up!
Especially you. Shut the fuck up.
You like Girl Scout cookies? Come here. Come here.
You want cookie? Hereīs a cookie.
Now back the fuck up like I done told you two dumb-ass mother--
Back up, back up.
Get in the car, Nick! Look at you now.
Nick, why the hell you start up with that guy, man?
You shot me. I'm sorry.
You shot me. I'm sorry.
You donīt say youīre sorry when you shoot someone.
You say youīre sorry when you step on someoneīs toe... or you accidentally break their glasses... or you, you fart while theyīre eating.
You-- You donīt say youīre sorry when you shoot someone!
Oh, my God. It's going numb. It's going numb. It's going numb.
Oh, my God!
Nick, thatīs the most hideous thing I ever seen.
Hey, yo, man, you know, maybe if you wrap your arm in ice... they can reattach it.
Thatīs funny, man.
Thatīs a baby gash. Shut up.
But itīs a baby gash. It couldīve been a lot worse. It couldīve been a lot worse!
It couldīve been, but it wasnīt. I'm gonna-- What are you thinking, shooting?
Look, just calm down, all right?
Youīre gonna upset your wound.
Yeah. Do you folks want a lift somewhere?
Where you from? London.
Me too! Really?
Yeah! Thatīs terrific.
Hop in me car. Letīs go then. Come on. Jump in. Letīs go.
Oh, this is great. Hey, would you scoot over a smidgen?
Sorry about that. Cheers, mate.
Nick Beam. Where we headed?
City of Angels.
So where you plan on stayinī tonight?
I'll just sleep in the car. Yeah, right.
You can stay at my place, brother.
Thanks. Well, just for the night.
What? Did you think I was asking you to move in?
No, I was just sayinī-- Please, Mr Beam.
Stay with me forever. Just shut up.
Mr Beam. Shut up.
Mr Beam, Mr Beam, Mr Beam. You know how to shut up?
Mr Beam. ls it in your vocabulary?
Stay with me forever, Mr Beam. ls it possible? Do you ever shut up?
Will you stay with me forever, Mr Beam?
Look here. When you meet my wife... she donīt know nothinī about my sideline gig.
You mean she doesnīt know youīre a thief? Hey, I'm not a thief, okay?
I just dabble in future used goods.
Well, what does she think you do all day? Look for work, man.
Maybe if you did look for work, you wouldnīt have to steal.
Donīt judge me.
You stepped on my shoe.
See, I donīt usually get in this late.
Baby, am I glad to see you.
No, no, no. No, talk to me. Explain this to me now.
I got mugged.
Okay, I didnīt get mugged. I got--
I got mugged. He got beat up. Thank--
Remember how I was tellinī you I had a job interview?
Baby, thatīs him. He right there.
Thatīs the player right there.
My nameīs Nick. Nick Beam. Nice to meet you.
When are you gonna stop gettinī into trouble, Terrance?
Okay? My friends call me "T." You can kiss my ass. Boo!
Okay, Terrance. Oh, Mama.
Please go on back to bed, Mama.
What kind of man stays out till 2:30 in the morning... then comes back lookinī like a bruised turd?
Mama, I ainīt-- Donīt you talk back.
Donīt talk back to your mother.
W-- What-- Whatīd I do?
You got that slap īcause you with him.
And I know youīre part of whatever badness heīs into. Mama, enough.
You got some explaininī to do in the morning, Mr Gentleman.
Now you think on that.
Why do you keep on smackinī me, Mama?
Shh. No, go ahead. Go ahead.
Okay, now you come here. Come here.
Mama didnīt have to smack me three times.
We gotta move out of here. I know.
I know. I heard gunshots.
Hey, there, boy. Hey, what you doing up this late, pal?
Huh? Whatīs up? What are you doing up this late?
Oh, honey, we woke you.
Now look, donīt worry. Give Daddy a kiss. Come on.
Donīt worry. I ainīt gonna let nothinī happen to yīall. You know that, right?
What happened to your face? No, I'm cool, little man.
Hey, you do your homework?
Yes, sir. I said, did you do your homework?
Hmm? Hmm? Y-- Yes, sir.
What about you, little miss? Did you do all your homework? I donīt have any homework.
You donīt have no homework? All right, time to go back to bed. Letīs go.
Hut-two-three-four Make a right at the right door Make your choice īcause you got to grow up to be successful I hope this isnīt an inconvenience for you. Not at all.
You seem like a nice man. Terrance can use a few of those in his life.
Good night. Good night.
You know, I never noticed before, but you got really nice eyes.
Shut up! But you do.
Letīs get this over with. I canīt believe it. I'm committing armed robbery for two flashlights.
Hey, donīt worry about it. Letīs go.
You move your ass so much as an inch, I'll blow it off!
You hear me, motherfucker? Hey. - You hear me? What?
Why you acting so mean? Hey, look, man. Now ainīt the fuckinī time, all right?
You say scary shit, it scares īem. Yeah, but you have a gun.
Plus, what youīre doing is a stereotypicaI robber thing.
I mean, itīs a lot scarier if someone with a gun is calm and cooI and collected, man.
Thatīs bullshit, man. Donīt-- Here.
Excuse me, sir. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
Now, look, Henry... weīre gonna take some things outta here... and youīre just gonna stand there.
You got a problem with that? No.
Now, honestly, which one did you think was scarier?
He was scarier.
Really? You didnīt find what he did contrived?
No. It was scary. Well, what part?
Well, the, uh, "Freeze, motherfucker" part was scary.
And then he led me to believe that if I moved my ass... it, it might be blown off.
You were scary too. Oh, come on. Youīre just saying that. You donīt have to lie.
No, I'm not. I thought you were very scary.
Well, thank you, Henry. Yo, check it out.
Theyīre flashlights with A.M./F.M. radio on it.
They all that. You can listen to your music while the lightīs on, boy.
All right, all right!
Come on. Come on.
That was much better.
Thank you, Henry. See ya later now.
What the hell is "sucker-bitch"?
I wanna live in the jungle Where you donīt got to wear no clothes And they got no boutiques Nothinī chic In the jungle they donīt have no disco Yo, yo, Rig!
Hey, yo, Rig!
Yeah, come on over here and meet Ginger and Mary Ann.
Charlie, we gotta go!
Go, go, go, go, go, go Go, go, go, go, go, go Break, break Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Hey, Nick, what floor is it on? Fifteenth.
What-- What-- What fifteenth? Come on.
Why canīt we just use the elevator?
īCause thereīs a guard that patrols the building. This is bullshit!
Come on, man. It's Saturday night. Theyīre not gonna be there anyway.
Look, I know weīre gonna go back Monday and weīre gonna get him.
I just wanna check it out. Take a left here, will you?
You seriously busted up my party. You know that.
Those girls were attracted to you. I mean, Christīs sake, theyīre only human.
-Youīre a handsome man. We will go back. -I'll hold you to that.
Okay. Mm-hmm. Whatīs the matter with you?
You sharp. Okay. - Yeah.
I carried the damn bag. I still beat you.
Beat me at what? Climbing steps?
Guess weīll call you the "Step King."
No problem. I know the code.
What? Come on. Come on.
Shit! That asshole mustīve changed the code.
Step aside. Let me take a look. Let me take a look.
Okay, let me look. Mm-hmm.
What are you gonna do? You got 12 possible stations here. Youīre only using 7.
I'm gonna make the other 5 stations active, run a test mode... and force the system into rotation.
What does that mean?
We got five minutes.
Here. Put on your mask.
Is that mask sweaty? I think thatīs the one I hid behind my balls.
Yeah, all right. All right, all right.
Ooh, yeah. Letīs go. We got three minutes. Letīs go.
Lookinī good. Yeah.
Put the money in there. Letīs go. All right. Letīs go.
Here we go. Money. Money.
Letīs go. Mask, mask.
Letīs go, baby. Letīs go, baby. Letīs go!
What the hell are you doinī? Nick?
Okay, thatīs reaI clever, Nick. Letīs go.
Come on, man.
This is very nice. It's very nice. It's very nice.
Oh. I donīt think I've ever seen a more beautifuI piece of shit.
Very nice. Very nice. Very nice.
Thatīs great. Thatīs great. You done cut the dick off a statue.
Howīs it feel, Phillip?
You had it all, but it wasnīt enough for you. You had to mess with me.
Nobody messes with Nick Beam.
I feeI lucky I just feeI that way I'm on a bus to Atlantic City Later on today
Your face, man. You showed your face. It doesnīt matter.
It does matter. They catch you, they catch me. It damn well matters!
I'm a winner Hey, man, look at me.
Look at me, man. I'm not goinī down for this shit.
And now I know Why I've been sent
Little rump shaker She can really shake and bake Sheīs got skills
Watch her slippinī and a slidinī Here, man!
Makinī booty left to right Here!
Sheīs got skills
Hmm. The alarm mustīve been set.
Addressing the groove I see youīre drinkinī again Youīre smokinī smack inside your cigarettes and lookinī pale and thin It's a shame It's a pity in New York City Well
Well, well, well well, well Something has changed The way these people think
Hey there, lonely girl Lonely girl Let me make your broken heart like new Oh, shit. Hey there, lonely--
Oh-ho-ho. Look at this, man!
Mama-say, mama-sa, makusa! Oh, smack me two times!
My son is going to the best schools.
My daughter, she ainīt even gonna know what a food stamp is.
My wife, we goinī out all the time.
All the time!
Whatīs wrong with you, man? Nothing.
You sweatinī that bullshit, ainīt you? You sweatinī that bullshit.
You did what you had to do to that guy, man. Donīt worry about it.
All right? Put that shit behind you, man. Where you goinī?
Where you goinī? Where you goinī?
I'm just gonna-- I'm just gonna take a walk.
All right. Well, hurry back.
I got willpower, but I donīt know how much.
You know what I'm sayinī? Yeah.
There is somethinī On your mind
By the way you look at me
There is somethinī On your mind, honey
Did you ever do somethinī that you thought would make you feel great?
In a weird way, you almost feel worse.
Revenge, huh? Some things hurt no matter what.
That must be a fact of life.
And what youīre thinkinī Hi!
I canīt believe it. What are you doinī here?
I donīt know what I'm doinī here.
What are you doinī here? Well, Sheila, my best friend--
Well, she used to be my best friend. I guess, technically, Marcy would be my best friend.
I mean, they both think theyīre my best friend, which is okay by me.
But once I did have this nightmare where Sheila and Marcy are sitting... right next to each other, and this Eskimo guy comes over and says, "Pick."
I thought I was gonna die. I mean, an Eskimo guy. What is that all about?
Anyway, Sheila, sheīs visiting and sheīs staying here.
And so I thought līd take her to a party and show her a good time.
And she meets this guy and goes home with him instead. And, oh, well.
You really look good.
You look-- You look good too.
Thank you. Do you want a drink?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.
You know, I'm such a klutz. I spilled beer all over my dress earlier.
And, well, I think itīs stained. Did it stain, Nick?
I have Sheilaīs room key. You wanna come up?
Letīs get hot Oh, yes, itīs ladiesī night And the vibes is right Oh, yes, itīs ladiesī night Oh, what a night Oh, what a night It's ladiesī night and the feelingīs right Oh, yes, itīs ladiesī night Oh, what a night Oh, what a night
Nick, Nick, use your key, man.
All right. All right, Nick. Damn!
Hey, Nick, why couldnīt you just use your key? Turn your bed down?
The lady is lookinī good Just like the lady should Just like the lady should I've been thinking about this for so long. I want you so bad.
I just wanted to make her happy.
This is gonna be a night that you wonīt forget.
I try to forget, but I canīt.
Give it to me, Nick. Give. Thatīs all I did was give.
Nick? Nick, youīre really putting a damper on the mood here.
I'm sorry. I donīt know.
Danielle, I canīt. I just canīt.
I just wanna make you mine Weīll be together till the end of time Hey, Kareem. Are you aware that Charlie and l... had intended to come up here and cap your punk ass?
And your girIfriend Nick.
But, shit, you two muffins did such an outstanding job with this financing...
I mean, who could think about killing at a time like this?
Thanks. Your approval means a lot.
Did I tell you to speak? Did I tell you to speak? Charlie, no.
Thatīs gonna be too loud.
Hello? Hello? Hi.
Oh, my God! Nick, is that you? Are you okay?
I'm fine. Oh, thank God!
I didnīt know if, if you--
I thought that-- Youīre not hurt?
No. Oh, thank God! Where are you?
Look, Ann, letīs not make this harder than it has to be. I saw you.
What? I saw you. I know.
Saw me what? What are you talking about?
Come on. Do you have to do this? You and Phillip.
What about him? Youīre denying it. Sheīs denying it.
I donīt believe this. Friday afternoon. Remember?
Well, guess what. I came home early. I saw you, Ann.
I was there. Oh. Oh, no.
Yeah. Oh, no.
Nick, I was still at work Friday afternoon.
At work? Well, then your-- your clone was at home screwing my boss.
Nick, it was my sister. Remember, I told you... she was coming next Friday with her fiance?
Well, I made a mistake. It was this Friday. They called from the airport.
I told them about the key in the planter.
I called you, but youīd already left the office.
So I left you a message on the machine at home.
What about-- What about the cuff links? Phillipīs cuff links were on the sink, Ann.
Honey, theyīve been in the dresser since the Christmas party.
I left them on the counter so youīd finally remember to bring them to him.
So youīre not having an affair?
No, you dick! You still love me?
More than anything in the world.
You-- You wouldnīt believe what I've been through.
Youīre gonna laugh, but I actually-- Shit.
Whatīs the matter? Whatīs wrong? Shit!
Whatīs the matter? What? Shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit... shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Donīt touch it. Oh, man.
I think I can open the door and catch the sheet.
Donīt touch the sheet, please. Donīt-- No, no, no.
No, donīt move. Donīt move. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I done moved the hand.
I really donīt think you should be moving right now. I-I think youīre moving.
Call the paramedics. Listen to me. All right.
Get them here as fast as you can!
Have them meet me with a gurney.
Wait. Let me practise. Let you practise?
I'm hanginī on a fuckinī ledge, man.
I donīt wanna die like this, Nick. All right.
I wasnīt tryinī to stick you up, man!
First, I'm gonna say "one." Then I'm gonna say "two." Then I'm gonna say "three."
And then I'm gonna do it. I canīt hear you.
I'm gonna start with one and count to three! Okay.
I canīt hear you! You gotta be louder, Nick!
I said, "two"! Are you on "two" already?
I'll start again! Start from "one"!
One... - Right. Two.
I got you. Three!
Nick! I got it! I got it! Got it!
Well, you go, boy! You my--
The elevator! The money!
Remind me to kick your ass later.
Oh! Weīre rich, man!
We are in the bigs. Charlie. Charlie, smell that.
Oh, yes! You, too, can be a millionaire!
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, smell this.
Hookers! We hit the mother lode, man!
What the fuck is that? What the fuck--
Okay. What now? I donīt know.
What do you mean, you donīt know? I thought you said you had a plan.
That was my plan: to ram them. Ram them.
Shoot the mother-- Shoot him! I got him! I got him!
Shoot īem! Geez!
You know, I'm tired of this shit. Letīs go!
Charlie! Look out, Charlie!
I'm actually grabbing a gun and going after bad guys.
You the man.
You see īem? No.
I'll, uh-- I'll let you know.
Please do. Nick.
You checkinī this shit out? Hey, Nick.
I like you like this.
You and your prom date both having weapons.
That way I donīt have to kill an unarmed couple. It's not my style.
Put down the bag.
Paul Bunyan, come and take the bag. Nick, let me--
Youīre an idiot! Shut up! Shoot this mother-- No, youīre a fuckinī idiot!
Who are you? Crime dog now? Are you aware that thereīs only two kind of people on the whole planet?
There are killers, and then thereīs everybody else.
I'm a killer, Nick. Yes, yes, yes, yes. What are you, Nick?
Oh, you son of a-- Wait, wait, wait.
What are you, fuckinī out of your mind?
Fuck! What, are you crazy?
Huh? Whoīs in controI now?
Hand over the bag... or else my man Nick Beam here gonna put one in your ass.
Ainīt that right, Nick?
I'll roll over. Okay, I see it. I see it.
Let me try to get around and get you.
No, itīs not--
No, theyīre in the alley. Charlie, itīs the police. Oh, yes!
Thank God youīre here. Thank God youīre here, man. Oh, this nightmareīs over.
What the fuck are you doinī? Put the gun down!
Put that gun down, you stupid pig!
Wait! Come on! Come on, man!
Well, some folks in Arizona are gonna be mighty happy to see you boys.
Wait, wait, wait! Officer! Officer! Officer, two other guys--
"I'm married." Ka-blam! Youīre too much.
Is the money all there? Looks like it.
Great. We have just enough time to get it back.
We have to bring the money back.
Maybe youīre a little bit confused about the purpose of a robbery.
Oh, T., I didnīt tell you. When we were at the hotel, I called my wife.
Everythingīs all right. You see, it wasnīt her.
She wasnīt even there. lsnīt that great?
It was her sister and her sisterīs fiance.
I donīt give a damn if it was her Uncle Fester and Gumby.
You ainīt takinī this money anywhere, man.
I donīt wanna hear all that.
Let go. Let go. Gimme the bag. You let go.
Let go of the bag. You let-- It's not your money.
It's not your money. It's not your money!
It's not yours. It's haIf mine. Let go!
You let go! Let go! You let go!
Get back here!
You okay? Yeah, I'm okay.
And you? I'll live.
Canīt let you take the money, Nick.
T., my life is in that bag.
Nick, even if you wanted to take the money back, you canīt.
Your face is on the video, man. They only review the tapes if somethingīs missing.
I can go into work early and bring it back. No oneīll know.
I can get my life back.
You forget one thing, Nick. I get my life back too.
Money donīt make my world go īround
I'm reaching out for the higher ground
To a warm and peacefuI place I can rest my weary face Lifeīs answers we try to find Oh, we try to find Yes, we try to find Battling inside our minds Where do I go from here Will all my friends be there
īCause weīre living weīre living In a crazy maze And weīre fighting weīre fighting To rise above the haze Lights at the end of the tunnel Sometimes the journeyīs long There are many theories Whoīs right and whoīs wrong Pressureīs on I have to choose I've got nothing to lose I close my eyes I take a chance l-l, I now dance a different dance
Whatīs the key to a happy life Tell me now, now, now HeaIthy mind and lots of spice
Running barefoot through the trees Oh, my God! Thatīs my idea of free Ow. Ouch.
What happened to you?
It's a long story.
I got shot. What?
And l-- I think I'm wanted in Arizona.
Plus, my shoes caught on fire.
You told me you were selling me the top of the line. The top of the line is digital.
Did you sell me a digital? No, you did not.
So, I'm bringing it back, and I expect a full refund.
And if you do not give me a full refund, you will not... be doing business with myseIf or my company.
So, did you hear? What?
Some, uh, vandals broke in over the weekend.
What? Well, nothing was stolen. They-- they cut the-- the thingy off P.B.īs statue.
Um, theyīre reviewing the videotape.
Hi, everybody. Howīs it going? Not now, Nick.
Did anybody see that game last night? Game? What game?
Oh, that game. Overtime. Will you please shut up!
Donīt touch it. Donīt touch it. Oh, you pig. Oh, you pig.
Well, thatīs it. Whatīs done is done. Listen.
I've got this great idea for the new McGinty Cracker mascot.
Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Thank you. This mascot--
This-- Nick! Shut up!
Well, what is this? What the hell is this?
I donīt know. You goinī crazy as a spider!
Somebody mustīve recorded over the tape.
Who had access? Uh, there was an electrician in here this morning.
What electrician? I did not order an electrician!
I did. The flickers on the-- fluorescent lights were flickering.
I'm really sorry, sir. This is terrible, Phil.
I would really like to be alone now. I'll go now. You should go.
I would be really like to be alone. You should go. - I'll leave now. You should go too.
I would like to be extremely alone for a minute. I'm gonna leave you alone.
Thank you very much. Thank you, Nick.
All right now. Cut that out. Yīall wanna eat? You wanna eat?
Yeah, we wanna eat. I thought you wanna eat. You wanna eat? All right.
Just donīt burn the meat. I donīt never burn the meat.
Uh-huh. What happened the last time? Hey, Dad donīt burn the meat.
I'm gonna put some more po-po sauce on it. Yīall like that. Joey. Tonya.
Yeah, thatīs-- Go see your mama, boy. You know.
Now this is my very speciaI mustard.
Donīt let nobody touch that. Okay, Mama.
All right. Yeah.
So, howīs the electrician business?
Hey. Not bad. The hours are a bitch.
I wanna thank you.
I donīt know why-- I just wanna say I appreciate what you did.
Well, donīt mention it. Howīs that? How did you know where I was anyway?
A friend gave me a tip.
A friend, huh?
You hungry? Yes, we would love for you to join us.
Wouldnīt we, Mama?
I talked to my boss today after things settled down.
Convinced him we need a new security system. Got any ideas?
Sure. I can help you pick one out.
You wanna run it? We need someone trustworthy.
I told him I know just the guy.
Well, I'm gonna have to think about this, Nick.
Right now, I'm weighing out several lucrative offers. I mean, they rollinī in.
A lot of people want me to work for them right now.
Now, thatīs just the way I like it.
All I need now is some of Mamaīs speciaI mustard.
Whatīd I do?
Run, run! Stay down, Nick. Get on outta here.
I'll beat you into the--
See you when you get there
Now I seen places and faces of things you ainīt never thought about thinkinī If you ainīt peeked then you must be drinkinī and smokinī Pretendinī that youīre locinī but youīre broken, let me get you open Now, little Timmy got his diploma and little Jimmy got life And Tamica around the corner just took her first hit off the pipe The other homey shot the other homey and ran off with his money And when the other homeys heard about it they thought that it was funny But whoīs the dummy īcause now you done lost a hustler A down-ass brother done replaced by a bustler And though I got love for ya I know I canīt trust ya
īCause my crew is rollinī numbers and your crew is rollinī dusters And just because of that you act like you donīt like a brother no more I guess thatīs just the way you go I ainīt tryinī to preach, I believe I can reach but your mind ainīt prepared I see ya when you get there I'll see you when you get there If you ever get there See you when you get there I'll see you when you get there If you ever get there See you when you get there More temptation and fate I guess we livinī for today I seen a man get swept off his feet by a bull with an AK The situationīs so twisted everybody gettinī lifted I'm just tryinī to take care of my kids and handle my business
īCause itīs way too serious so you gotta pay close attention So you donīt get caught slippinī when they come to do all the gettinī Life is a big game so you gotta play it with the big boys Some of us gotta run a little faster īcause we gotta lay the straw But līd be a fooI to surrender when I know I can be a contender If everybodyīs ascended then everybody can be a winner No matter your rag color Deep down we all brothers And we gonna set a time Somebody up there still love us I'm gonna scuffle and struggle with ya I'm breathless and weak I done strived my whole life to make it to the mountain peak Always keep reachinī Sure to grab onto somethinī I'll be there when you get there waitinī with the sounds bumpinī I'll see you when you get there If you ever get there See you when you get there I'll see you when you get there If you ever get there See you when you get there As we walk down the road of our destiny And the time comes to choose which shall it be The wide and crooked or the straight and narrow We got one voice to give and one life to live Stand up for somethinī or lay down in the game Listen to the song that we sing It's up to you to make your beef I guess I'll see you when you see me I'll see you When you get there If you wanna get there I'll see you I'll see you When you get there When you get there If you wanna get there If you really I'll see you I'll see you When you get there When you get there If you wanna get there If you really I'll see you