Off the Menu (2018) Script



Good morning, babe.


Yeah, gonna ramp things up. Iron Man is in three months.

You look like an eight-year-old boy, going from hobby to hobby.

I wish you'd focus your attention on something else.

Like your career.

Joel, gross!

Where is the coffee?

Where is my coffee maker?


That's not good for you.

And you're way too jittery when you're on it.

What? That's when I don't have my coffee!

Besides, it clashes with the kitchen.

It's an esthetics thing.

Breakfast! I'm starving!

Did you study your spelling?


A-L-B-U... cookie?

Come on, mom! You're not getting any younger!

That's what abuelita says.

Yeah, well, abuelita is crazy.

There you go!

Ok, now try it.

See, my daughter might not know how to spell, but she sure has good taste.

Remember how you used to not like sweet potatoes?

And kale? And beets?

Come on, mommy!

You like it, right? You do like it.

I love it.

See? La comida es amor, chiquita.

What are you getting from all this juicing and training?

I don't know. Purpose?

Food is fuel.

So is caffeine.



[tires screeching & crash]

We've got big things cooking here at Tortilla Hut.

And whoever said size doesn't matter, obviously never tried our beefy beany burrito.

Tortilla Hut, where everything is bigger and better.

Babe, did you see that?

Sorry, boss.

It's just that little guy cracks me up.

I hate to say it, but my kids eat there too.

I mean, where else can you get five tacos for $0.99?

Nowhere. And that should be the point.

You want quality, you need to pay for it.


Ándale, a trabajar.


Where are we with the crema de chile poblano?

We can't make crema de chile poblano with no chiles.

Chin, ¡se me olvido!

Are you sure you don't need an extra hand in your chile field?

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.

If anyone asks, I went to town for supplies, ok?

-Turn it off, Gonzalo. -Ok.

-[Javiera] Turn it off, I can hear it!

Well, personally, I think we should make TH more hip, appeal to the Millennials.

Yeah, no, I call it TH. Do you like that?

Having phone sex with my dad again?

You know, Mr. Flanagan, your son actually just walked in.

Yeah, no, here he is.

Hey, dad.


Aha, aha.

You know... yes, speaking of what I should be doing with my life, I really should get back to work, because there's a new product meeting.

They just pushed to 10 a.m.

Yeah, Aaron just told me.

Yeah, I can't wait to go.

Yeah, no, it's gonna be the best part of my day.

Ok, love you, bye.

Thanks, Aaron.

Hey, buddy.

He'll be late for the product meeting.



You know I only took this assistant gig because I thought he'd hardly be here and I'd have a shot at a promotion.

I heard the family is putting pressure on him, but I'm sure he's gonna continue to do that bare minimum that he does, so...

Yeah, but what if he starts to actually... you know, work?

-Give me your jacket, come on. -Seriously?

-Do it, come on. -You're kidding me!

I'll bring it back.

What was that?

I wouldn't worry about that.

Good morning, everyone.

Oh! Look at who showed up.

Don't get too excited, sis.

I just didn't want to talk to our father.

So, I'm sure everyone has seen the headlines.

We have?

Oh, dad's not gonna like that!

No. We have to face the facts.

Tastes are evolving.

Our customers want artisanal food and authentic experience.

Sophistication has come to Small Town, America.

And we need to evolve right alongside.

So, that only means one thing for Tortilla Hut: menu diversity.

We have been coasting for far too long, we need to get out there in the field, and see what's cooking.

So Brian, I need you to take the East Coast.

-Yep. -And Megan, there's some great stuff happening in Chicago and in the Northwest.

And Joel, I spoke to father about this, and he wants you to handle the Southwest.

No problemo.

Which means you will be travelling to the Southwest and handling all research and development.

I want you slumming it.

In every hole in the wall, every hidden gem, sampling as much of the regional food as it takes, until we find our next big product.


No way! That's like... work. That's like, real work.

Send her!

Gina is on maternity leave starting next week, so...

I'm training for a triathlon, that's like having a baby, except it's actually good for you.

Stacey, why don't you let me take over the territory?

I mean, it's a very viable region, and, "también, yo hablo mucho de español."

Yeah, let him do it. Let this guy...



Joel, I want you to handle this.

And I think that grandpop would have wanted you to get back to your roots.


What roots?

I'm from Laguna Niguel.

I'm eating clean right now.

I can't eat junk.

Well, that's good, because I want you to focus on New Mexican cuisine.

I can't each cheese! I can't eat fats, I can't even eat good fats.

I don't remember the last time I had an avocado.

And Let's face it: I hate Mexican food.

And that's not my fault, because I have a Jewish stomach.

Which is odd, because we're Irish.

Never said it made sense.

All right, any questions?

-Why aren't you in school? -We had a half day, remember?


You know, I could help if you would let me.

You can't help roast the chiles, chiquita.

What's the big deal? They're just chiles!

-Just chiles? -Yeah.

Maybe it's time you learn about your legacy.


Your legacy.

A legacy is something special that's in your family.

It's a part of you, and not everyone has it.

-So it's only special to us? -Oh, yeah.

This is our family secret.


-You can't tell anyone. -I pinky swear.

Pinky swear? I'm trusting you.

All right.

So, it goes like this.

A long, long time ago, your great-great-great-grandfather made a bet.

With a very wise man.

His name was Fabian Garcia.

And he would become known as the inventor of the New Mexico green chile.


-[Javiera] But at the time, Mr. Garcia was just a penniless farmer.

He had no money to give.

-[Sophia] That's not right.

-[Javiera] But he had something better, chiquita.

He had seeds.

These chile seeds have been passed on through the generations.

And one day, they will pass on to you.

Is this why your cooking is so good?


You totally ambushed me back there!

All right, all right. Just sit down.

It's time to get serious, Joel.

Look at me.

I am serious.

About not going to Arizona or New Mexico?

Wherever you told me to go. What do I look like?

I'm not a Southwestern guy.

And I'm busy! I've got work. My law practice?

Occasional client who is one of daddy's golfing buddies

-does not a lawyer make. -It's only one of them.

What do you wanna do with your life?

The lease on all your toys and lifestyle is going to run out if you don't make a smart choice.

And you know of the terms of the estate.

Why don't you just commit to a year of Tortilla Hut?

What is stopping you?

You said that grandpa was your hero.

Well he went to war, came back, and started a $500 million enterprise.

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Let's be honest, sis.

It's just junk food.

It's the family business.

And in my book, that's not junk.

Oh, good! You already packed.

So, you got my text after all, I mean...

What's going on?

I'm enjoying my coffee.

You know, that's really not good for you.

Oh, I know, Joel.

And I'm done.

Done? What do you mean done?

You're coming with me to New Mexico!

You're gonna have to do this one on your own.

You know, not everything revolves around you, Joel.

You know, for the last two years, we've done everything. Everything that you've wanted.

We've gone on dates with your friends, and you've told me what to wear, and what to drink...

-Because you asked! -And now you're obsessed with trying to be Iron Man. -No, I'm trying to do Iron Man!

Have you ever, ever, thought about what I wanted?

What do you want, Lauren?

I want... someone who can make me laugh.

I never said I was a freaking comedian.

You know what I mean.

I'm funny.


Ay, I'm not getting any younger!

I'll be right with you, ok? Is it good? Yes?

There we go!


Always a sight for sore eyes.

Hey, doesn't the new sign look great?


Hey, did Javiera tell you the new tour just sold out?

-Really? -Yeah!

Well, that's very good.

Your daughter is becoming quite the little rockstar.

Just like her old lady.

-Where is my little pinto bean? -Oh, Lord.

Let him get run over by a truck.

Ok, maybe not. Maybe a tractor.

He could survive the truck, right?

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Babe, it's me.

It went straight to voicemail.

In that way where you have the choice whether to take the call or not.

Anyway, I was thinking about what you were saying about how you think everything revolves around me.

But remember when we went down to San Diego for that frisbee golf competition and you left early because your mom got sick and went to the hospital and I won that night? And I never made it a big deal.

I was really disappointed, but I didn't bring it up.

And we both know people can live without their appendix!

Actually, that's probably not a good example.

Listen, I want...

-The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time.

Good bye!

Javi, nobody makes chile sauce like you have.

No one!

You know what?

This is just the beginning.

I mean, with the success of the cafe, we can look towards a real restaurant in Santa Fe.

I've been there, done that.

Yeah, but that was Albuquerque.

You know?

I'm talking about something big here, right?

We're building a brand!

I see a cooking show and a whole line of products starting with your signature dish.

I'm still getting used to the new sign.

Don't you think it's a bit much?

Come on, you gotta shake things up a little bit, baby!

No, I like things the way they are.






Passing through, I'm wondering if there's a good place to grab a bite to eat.

Sure, there's a Tortilla Hut just down the road.

But if you're looking for a real gem, go down the road about five miles and make a right at the first four-way stop.

-You can't miss it. -Thank you so much.

Oh, Joel.

That's like discovering the hamburger.

Green chile is practically the state dish.

-What are you talking about, Stacey?

It's freaking fantastic!

It's got green chile, pinto beans, and chicken!

It's not even bad for you.

Beans give you fiber, chicken is protein, and green chile is a vegetable. Done!

And how would we package it?

You're not thinking.

-Do you really think our consumer base is concerned with your authenticity obsession?

-Hank, don't fill up on junk food!

The only people who order tacos from a drive-through window are stoners and big, fat...

I mean, somewhat slightly obese people, who I'm sure are lovely people on the inside.

This is a lot harder than it looks, ok?

It's not exactly written on a sign where to find the best food in New Mexico.

Let me call you right back.


See, we've got a whole variety of different types of peppers.

They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors.

But this one, right here, the New Mexico green chile, that's what we're roasting right here.

Isn't that smell amazing?

You're gonna see everything that you could possibly imagine from the chile family in New Mexico.

But it's really the green chile that is the star.

This is what has become the local favorite.

Save your appetite for Javiera's, cooking up her signature dish!

All right, here we go.

We've got a real treat here, huh?

I told you it was worth the wait, right?


Hey, why don't you guys try taking small bites, really savour this food.

I'm tasting pork and something else.

Apples. Oh my God, apples!

Perfect harmony of the sweet and the savory.

Just like life.

And who knew garlic soup actually tastes awesome?

You got avocado?

Perfect match.

Sí, sí, los gringos, los gringos llegaron.

I've never seen such fancy watches and purses.

Let's hope they spend some money in town.

-I'm coming over. -Ok.

-Hello, young man! -Hi!

Hi. Why aren't you with the group?

You look triste.


-I do? -Yes.

Muy triste.

Oh, why?

Why are you so triste? I can feel your energy.

My girlfriend just broke up with me.

We were pretty serious.

-Oh, that's terrible! -Terrible.

Such a good looking young man, huh?

-Sí. -Yes.

And look, great physique.


And nice clothes.

You know what, nice clothes means nice job.


Pero triste.


Why did she leave you?

Well, she... claimed I didn't make her laugh.


It's crazy, right? I mean, to leave someone, for this ridiculous reason that's untrue?

Come. Let's have some lunch.

Forget your troubles with some good food.

-That's great. -Come on!


-Órale, órale. See you later.

I'm sorry, are you with the tour?

Gonzalo, Gonzalo, have pity on him.

His fiancee... lo abandonó.

Sorry, bro.

What do you want me to do?

The orders are even, and you know Javiera.

What's the matter?

I just lost my appetite.

What's wrong? Is there anything wrong?

Hey, pal!

This is a private party.

If he stays, we go.

What am I hearing?

What's going on here?

They don't seem to like you very much.

I don't...


What's going on?

No one is eating.

I never make the wrong amount.

Yeah, well, these things happen every day.

-For some, but not for me. -Listen, lady.

I'm just a guy who needs a meal.

Maybe we could work something out?

You are a really funny guy, you know that?

Everyone satisfied?

This bozo followed us in here, and now he's trying to eat all of this amazing food for free.

Sorry, sport. Who are you?

Don't worry about it, Mr. Mustache.

What do you mean?

He's not with the tour?

And stay out!

Sorry about your lady friend, bro.

Eat your feelings.

So, I just tried something pretty terrific.

Acting like a human being?

[Joel laughing]

No! An empanada.

I thought you couldn't get on that tour.

I have my ways.

Listen, here's the thing.

There's this woman, Javiera Torres.

And I think she may be the real deal.

Sounds like people come from all around to try this signature dish of hers.


I smell marketing campaign.

Tell me she's 80 years old, full of wrinkles and character.

Sort of.

No, coffee. Is it coffee?

Do you think we can market her dish?

Listen, don't kill me, but I haven't exactly tried it yet.


How did you let that jerk get in?

Look at the lengths people are going to eat your food.

It's starting, baby!

Oh, Javiera, would you stay a minute?

Your dish is delicious. I could eat it all the time.

You make a terrific frozen dinner.

Could you share with us some of your culinary secrets?


How do you make love?


From behind.

It's sort of asking how I cook.

It's personal.

There are food blogs dedicated to this woman.

Joel, you have to go back!

No, I'm done. I've done my civic duty.

Ok, listen.

I have a really big board meeting coming up in the next few weeks, and I need something positive to report.

I really need your help here, Joel.

And remember what we talked about regarding your inheritance.

[police sirens]



[phone rings]


Oh hey, buddy! How's New Mexico?

Oh, hey Aaron.

Question for you.

Why did a highway patrolman just inform me that my license has been suspended, and as a result, my car is being towed away?

Wow! That is... that's terrible.

You know, I was sure... you know, that I sent in that renewal paperwork.

There is no doubt about it.

Now I have to wait to get in front of the DA to talk about a temporary permit.

This is all on you, pal.

It's because of you, I insulted a cop, and the tow truck driver, although he deserved it.

And now I can't even get a ride into town!



Gone fishin'?

With an apostrophe?

Not fishing, I-N-G...


-Listen, would you take a look at these for me?

Contracts? How romantic!

I know, baby.

But it's good to have things in writing.

You're gonna miss your tour bus.

Do I look like a tourist to you?

You sure don't look like you belong here.

-Amen, sister. -Hey!


Sophia, haven't I told you not to talk to strangers?

Hey, I'm really not that strange.

He's funny.

Thanks, Junior!

Is this man bothering you, Sophie?

My name is Sophia.

And no, he's funny.

It's not enough for you to ruin my tour, now you have to come and harass the locals too?

-Hey, I was invited. -By who?

Well, that doesn't count.

It's my tour and I want you out of Villanueva.

You always have your man speak for you?

This isn't just about Kevin's tour, but my cafe.

My cooking is my life, and I won't let anyone make a mockery of it.

Hey, don't look at me!

Displaced anger, huh pal?

Something like that.

Gracias, Diego.

I'll have what he had, minus the flavor.

You know sugar causes cancer, right?


I knew it!

I missed everything.

Does your face hurt much?

Do you think you got permanent brain damage?

Like, one day, when you're 80, you'll wake up and not even know who you are?

Honestly, kid, I genuinely wish that day were today.

Listen, do you know any hotels around here?

Maybe like a Four Seasons or something?

Oh, Ermenda rents rooms out. She owns a gift shop right across the street, with like, the chiles.

Sophia, ¡vámonos!


I'm really not such a bad guy here.

Listen, whoever you are, I don't know where you come from, but around here, everybody looks out for each other.

So, if I were you, I'd watch it.

Mrs. Javiera?

I couldn't help but notice that you were handling some legal documents from your friend.

-You're a lawyer? -Yeah, I'm a lawyer.


I would get a professional look at those if I were you.

You wouldn't wanna do anything that you would regret.

Like turning around and talking to you?

Good one, momma!

What a cute town. It's great.

-Hey, I've been trying you for hours.

Don't start with me, sis. It's been the worst week.

Yeah, I heard about Lauren. Are you ok?

I haven't had time to process it.

And I'm sure Aaron told you, my good friend, that my car has been impounded, and I have to wait to get in front of the DA, but he apparently has gone fishi'n!

I can hear you grin, sis.

Being stuck in a town with one of the best regional chefs in New Mexico?

Now, why would I want that?

Just like old times.

My sister mocking me.

I'm staring at a photo of the marketing campaign we did.

You were such a bad actor!

That's because you made me eat the product!

Hi! Hold on, just a second.

Yeah, but we had fun, didn't we?

No, as I recall, you loved it, because you were always daddy's little company girl.

Oh, come on!

It's charming.

Didn't realize I was renting a room from the Vatican.

You sure I can't pay you online?

I still use Windows 97.

Are there any restaurants open? I'm starving.

We only have one restaurant, Javiera's.

And she's only open for lunch.

Looks like you really burned that bridge, huh?

You have to integrate yourself, muchacho.

Maybe I'll go buy some turquoise paint.

Gonna get my suitcase.

Hey! Watch it, jerk!

Sorry, I didn't know it was you.

You make it a habit of calling people jerks?

Well, you almost ran me over. Listen, let's start over, huh?

Shall we? I'm in a bit of a bind.

See, I am stuck here until the DA comes back

-from his fishing trip. -Yes, so I heard.

And I may starve to death. How about a quid pro quo?

I will look over your boyfriend's contracts, -the guy with the mustache... -Are you...?

And in exchange, you give me a great meal.

How about that? Hey!

A district attorney's fee is 300 dollars an hour, at least!

I'd say that's a pretty good deal.

Think about it!

[phone buzzing]



I just wanted to check in on you.

I didn't get a chance to explain those contracts before I left. I'm fine. How's your eye?

It's still there.

Listen, if that asshole comes back...

I should go.

Sophia needs help with her homework.


-Night, baby. -Good night.

Hey! Flying to your man?

He's not my man.

All right, he's sort of like my man.

You know, Kevin... Kevin is a good guy.

He is fun, he's cute.

And we sort of have the same goals.

Sort of is not good enough for my daughter.

Mama, I am a single mother living in Villanueva.

Population: 846.

848! Tina had babies, twins.

I stand corrected.


My point is, sort of has become my... fantastic.

I'm ok with that.

More importantly, I trust Kevin.

-Sort of. -Sort of.

Who are you cooking for?

Oh, please. That man is an ass.

Yes, I saw his ass.

And let me tell you something about it:

-I approve. -Mama!

-Take it, take it! Yeah! -¡Mamá!

What did I miss? What did I miss?

-Nothing. -Nothing.


Why don't you bring this to your new best friend?

Ay! Sophia!

Wow, that's pretty good.

It probably has a lot of sugar in it though, right?

It's actually all natural.

Mango, pear, ginger, with a bit of carrot to give it that unique zip.

-You want me to take it back? -Oh, no, no, thank you.


It's pretty perfect, actually. You can't get that back home.

-I'll tell you that. -Where is that, Iceland?

No, actually. I'm from Irvine, California.

Well, you probably can't get this there, either.

Dinner or breakfast? sí?

You know, I was... really hoping for the house special.

I only make that once a week, that's only for family and friends.


It's really good.

Excuse me.

-You like it? -It's perfect.

You wanna know a secret?

I don't like Mexican food.


But this is good.

Are you sure it's Mexican food?


So, it's a fairly basic partnership agreement.

You've agreed to partner on a product line and a potential new restaurant venture.

Yes, but why the fairly?

Well, I'm assuming you agreed to this, but the percentage of ownership... it's a 60-40 split.

In your boyfriend's favor.

I just wanted to make sure, because it seems a bit askew.

It seems pretty obvious that you're the real asset here.

Also, we should go over division of net profits, -and equity compensation. -It's fine.

Also, there's something you should know.

Recipes aren't protected under copyright law.

Anyone can copy a chef's recipe.

And I just wanted you to be aware of that.

What are you suggesting?

That Kevin would steal my dish?


No, no, no.

From the little that I know Kevin, he seems like a real stand-up guy.

And I might add, quite a catch.

Is that your professional opinion?


Because your counsel is no longer needed.

Thanks for... dinner.

He seems sad.

You don't know him, chiquita.

We don't know him.

How are you supposed to know somebody if you don't give them a chance?


-Don't you ever go to school? -It's feast day!

Of course it is. What's that?

Feast day of Saint Isidre.

Patron saint of followers.

We all pray for a good harvest.

-And then what do you do? -We eat!

Of course you do.

Why do you run so much?

Because it's good for you.

Besides, I'm training for Iron Man.

You know Iron Man?

You're a pretty literal kid, huh?

Well, I'm a kid, and maybe you're just not used to that.

True. I'm not used to it at all.

-Can I ask you a question? -That was a question.

-But yes, you can. -Why did you hit Kevin?

-Self-defense. -Why did Kevin hit you?

You'd have to ask him that.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?

Cheat on my LSATS.

-How about you? -Call my dad and hang up on him.

I just wanted to hear his voice.

He lives in Albuquerque with his new wife and their brand new baby.

He's my brother, but when I look at him, I just see a big blob.

What's the nicest thing you've ever done?

Yet to be determined.

Does that mean you've never, ever done anything nice?

Means... maybe it means I haven't done anything worth mentioning yet.

Call it bum luck.

I call that pathetic.



[Mexican music]

Look at that gringo eating goat!

You're kidding, right?

No, Mr. Handsome. It is goat.

Who knew I liked goat?

It's got this amazing smoky, earthy thing going on.

That's Javiera and her chiles.

The Torres family are known for their chiles.

They win all the big awards.

Where do they grow these chiles?

Oh, sorry. Is that a thing? I didn't know that was a thing.

The key difference between a New Mexican and Mexican cuisine is the way you use your chiles.

You know? It can make or break a dish.

Including your daughter's?

My daughter is a very good cook.

Speaking of which, do I really have to wait a full week for this signature dish of hers?

-Couldn't I do something to...? -Look at Mr. Charming.

Don't push it.

Javiera has been known to skip for weeks if she's not feeling like it.

Or if she's pissed off.


I bet she never gets pissed off.

[Mexican music]

What could I do? Just tell me.

He just showed up!

Hija, I really don't understand you.

I mean, what's your problem? He.... he... he...

Es muy guapo.

Oh, looks? That's all it takes for you?

I think after papá you'd learn your lesson!


Yes, I had eight hellish years with your papá.

But the sex was fantástico.

And that made up for it?

Well, let me tell you something. You know what, it did not hurt.

Oh, and when it hurt, it hurt so good.

¡Qué pervertida eres, mamá! Dale, dale, dale, dale.


You know, I never thought I was religious, but I like this church.

-So, where's the middle? -The universe?

It's too big to tell.

Just think.

Before Galileo came along, people thought the Earth was in the middle.

-Really? -Uh-huh.

We all thought that all the stars and the planets revolved around us.

Is it true?

Are we out of beer?

Galileo proved that we're just a part of it all.

-Huh, that's... -Sucks.

Let's face it, Galileo and his stupid little telescope are total downers.

Galileo was a hero.

He was a man of great integrity and honor.

He went to jail for what he believed.

Yeah? Well, I'm stuck in this dusty little town without a proper workout facility.

So, stuff happens.

Listen, it sucks... that we're not the center of the universe.

It really, really sucks. Who's with me?

Me! Oh, yeah.



Is there a 7/11 around here?

Tell me this guy is not our new science teacher.




Didn't anyone warn you about the drinking and the altitude?


I got it with the attitude.


Hey, can I get a ride?

-Oh. -No.

-Sure. -No.

No, not in my car!

That is a sweet little lady right there.

-Is he drunk? -Of course not.


Ok, maybe a little.

Let this be a lesson for you.

Don't drink and study astronomy.

Don't drink!

It turns you into a fool.

But you said he was a fool when he wasn't drunk.

Why do I have a daughter that questions me at every turn?

Why do you say that?


So how are you gonna get him home?

Well, that's a good question.

Hey, wake up!

Wake up, you crazy man!

He's not waking up.


I wrote, "Stay in the truck!"

-Can't you read? -Don't shout!

My head is killing me.

-Am I dead? Is this heaven? -No.

But this is clearly my personal hell.

This is your family secret chile field.

Isn't it?

What do you know about my chile field?

Nothing. Look, you're the one who dragged me here, ok?

I tried to get you out of my truck.

I can't believe this.

Only my family knows about this place.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone.

Besides, I couldn't.

I have no idea where the hell we are.

Wait. What are you doing?

No, no, no. My grandfather had a farm and I was a vegetarian for years, it's fine.

-Uh-uh. -Wow, that's good!

No eating the product.

You said your... your grandfather was a farmer?

He was an entrepreneur of sorts, but what I remember most about him was how much he loved nature.

He always told me not to overcomplicate things, so the best ideas are often the most simples.

It's kind of his motto.

It's like cooking.

Sometimes the most complex dishes can be... the most simple.

You can't hide behind your ingredients.


I think.

Must be nice to have a passion for something.

You don't like being a lawyer?

I wouldn't say it's a calling, like your cooking.

I wouldn't say my cooking is a calling as much as it's... an instinct.

-Instinct? -Uh-huh.

It sure is beautiful out here.

It's like we're in the center of the universe, huh?


-Cute. -Uh-huh.

Real cute.

You know, just because I have a bag over my head, doesn't mean I don't know exactly where we are.

Two right turns and a stop sign, right?

You forgot a sharp left.


Ok, thank you, thank you.

Listen, we seem to have gone off on a bad start.

How about I make it up to you? You ever been in Santa Fe?

Never heard of it.

Ok, lame question.

Well, I never have.

I was just thinking...


I'm not going on a date with you.

Good, because I'm in a relationship.

Oh, really?

-I heard you were dumped. -Ok, I got dumped.

And you have a boyfriend.

This would just be me taking you out to a very expensive meal.

Come on, my sister just e-mailed me about this place in Santa Fe.

It's new.

I get my own culinary tour and you... would get to check out the competition firsthand.

[phone notification]

[phone notification]

[phone notification]


What are you getting all dressed up for?

Just going to Santa Fe.

Isn't Kevin in Tulsa?

Sophia, will you please go to the cafe and bring us some eggs for tonight?

I know what you're doing.



Ándale, ándale.

Te amo, chiquita.


No, this one.

-Keep this one. -I just...

I feel like it's so much skin.

Are you a nun?


Hold on, Stacey.


I can't believe you're making me do this.

You are the one who reported how great her chiles were.

I don't think you and your food scientists are gonna be able to reverse engineer this one, sis.

Yeah? Well, you just... let me worry about that, ok?

I just need one sample, Joel. Just one.




Great! You're calling me that now?

Everybody calls you that now.

-So, what are you doing here? -I...

Just hungry.


I thought you were going to have dinner with my mom.

She got all dressed up for you and everything.

That's not fair! I knew you first.

I think you're gonna have a lot of fancy dinners in your future.

Hey, listen. Do me a favor?

Don't tell your mom I was here.

I wouldn't want her to think that I ruined my dinner.




For your dumb luck.

I think you mean bum luck?

Yeah, that's what I said.

-I'll see you later? -Ok.

-Have fun with my mom! -See ya.

-Bye! -Bye!

This isn't what you think it is.

I didn't say anything.

Where is he?

This was a bad idea.

-Sorry. I... -Forgot?

Definitely not.

I just need a minute.

Let's just get this over with, huh?

That's the spirit.

Ok, I see we're gonna have to set up some ground rules here.

Number one, I'm here for the meal.

Everyone knows Kevin in Santa Fe, and I would like to experience dining like... like an anonymous civilian.

Which is why I'm here with you and not him.

-Just to be clear. -Clear.

Number two.

There will be no post-dinner drinks.

And definitely not drinks.

What are you looking at?

You're not the only one who doesn't consider this a date.

What makes you think you're so damn desirable anyway?

Ok, ok, fine. I'm not blind, but I'm a pretty good catch myself.

I mean, I'm a lawyer, I'm not ugly, I've got some dollars in the...

-Hey, can you spare some change -Charitable?

-A guy can't have everything. -Yeah, right.

Just wouldn't be fair.

Did you know oysters are high in zinc?

Did you know they also raise your sperm count?

Anyway. So... tell me about you.

-This is not a date. -This is not a date.

All right. Well, believe it or not, I used to own a fancy restaurant.

A bit like this one.

In Albuquerque with my ex.

-Sophia's dad? -Uh-huh.

Turns out that saying, "Too many cooks in the kitchen"?

Not such a cliché.

At first, it was great, actually.

Working side by side.

Bradley was very proud of me and... he would brag that I could outcook him.

And then the reviews started to single me out, and people started coming in for my dishes.

My chile sauce.

And uh... he cheated on me.

We divorced, he married her.

She's the stay-at-home type.


She wasn't staying at home when she was banging my husband.


Thank you.

And now, you're with Kevin.

Yeah. Uh-huh.


So, what about you? What's your sad, sad story?

What's your ex like?

Well, she's attractive.


I mean like, what does she do?


Lauren's in marketing.

Ok, marketing what?

Branding and... stuff like that.

You have no idea what she does for a living.

Our relationship wasn't about that.

-She was very supportive. -Oh, I bet.

Of you.

Don't you think it's important for two people to be supportive of one another?

Would you like to hear about our specials?


And I will be very supportive of your decision.

First, we have a lovely pollo and pipian rojo.

Oh, nice!

That's chicken in red sauce with pumpking seeds.

I make that from time to time.

We're also featuring tonight a new dish, called Asado de puerco verde .

It's a split-roasted pork chop, stuffed with...

Ground pork in pasote and served with chile verde sickle?

Why, I guess. Have you been here before?

Where are you going?

¿Y los dueños?

¿Los dueños no se encuentran aquí?

Don't look at me, this isn't a date.




Hey, what's wrong?

I need a drink.

Man, I knew that foody couple from the tour sucked.

I feel badly.


You didn't steal my dish.

Your cooking is so important to you.

It means everything.

Where did that come from?

-You want me to take it back? -No way.

[people cheering]

What's in your pocket?

Is that Sophia's?

She lent it to me.

She thought I could use the luck.

It's working, right?

Well, well, well.

I can't believe you.

And with this guy?

Is this about our partnership agreement?

Are you trying to sabotage our business?

Is that what this is to you?

A business agreement?

You know we're more than that.

I counted to 10.

I said, wait 10 minutes.

I thought you were working in Tulsa.


What's her problem?

You think she was your... girl or s'... oh you dick.

Well, well, well.


No more hitting.


Are you ok?

I feel horrible.

Oh, no. It's my fault. I got in the way.


Getting punched in the face really hurts.

It's the first time anyone, much less a girl...

-Woman! -A woman.

A woman, took a punch for me.

I think that's...

I think the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

I think that's the nicest thing I've ever done for anyone.

You know, I...

I'm thinking about something I haven't done with anyone in years.


I'm totally up for anything.


You wanna cook together?

So, let's make this fun, huh?

Go pick like, ten random ingredients.

Really? Is that gonna be good?



-Oh! -What do you think?

How about that.

You're going easy on me.

You are a very smart man.



That's good.

Oh, so spicy!

-Control the bowl. -Stop!

I got it, I got it.

This is getting a little weird.

But I like it.


I can't dance or cook.

[Cordelia singing]


What the heck?

Corn Flakes never looked so good.

-¿Sí? -They're cooking.

-¡No! -Sí.

He might be the one!



It looks too good to eat.

And you... look too good to be true.


No, no, it's a great idea. The mix is the... the dessert with the entree, and that's why I think it's a true winner.

A churro stuffed with a beefy beanie burrito?

Come on, Brian.

I sent you out for a new product.

No, no, no, no, no. It's a good idea.

It's a Humami thing. It's the salts with the sweets.


Yeah. Oh, thanks, dude.

All right. You guys aren't giving me anything.

Don't tell me I have to rely on Joel.

Oh, speaking of which, did the chile sample come in?


You know a way to turn things around?

A new marketing campaign.

Yeah. Good idea, genius.

We just ran a bunch of new spots.

And we saw no bump in sales.

What about running old spots?

Retro is in, and most importantly, it's cheap.

You know what? I like that. I like it a lot.

[phone ringing]

So good!

Hello? You've reached Joel. Gotcha!

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

It's my assistant.

Oh. Well, maybe it's important.

Do you have any open cases?

Open cases?

You watch a lot of TV.

I have a PhD in TV law, yes, thank you very much.

Today is the big day, huh?

You get to finally get your car back.

I hope he caught a lot of fish.

And I'm making my signature dish.

I thought you'd be a little more enthused about it.

I am, for you.

And I've been waiting forever for this dish.

Yeah, you have.

Well... you know, just because you get your car back, doesn't mean you have to leave.

Who says I'm leaving?

Who says you're not?

I do.



What are you doing here?

Thanks for returning my calls!

-Joel? -Javiera.

This is...

Oh, I'm Stacey. Joel's sister.

And this is Aaron, a colleague.

It's very nice to meet you, both of you.

I'm Javiera, Joel's...

I mean...

So? What brings you two here?


Business? In Villanueva?

There's not much here.

Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Well, I'm so happy to meet you. Today is a good day, too.

I'm making my specialty.


I had a feeling today was gonna be a good day.

Excuse me. I have to return to the kitchen.

Of course, go!

I need to talk to you.


You had a very specific task.

And instead, I find you here rebounding with this woman?

It is not a rebound!

Oh, I take it that's Javiera's daughter.

So, this is what you've been up to.

-Playing house? -Listen.

She doesn't know who I am.

She knows that I'm a lawyer, but she doesn't know the rest.


Please let me tell her. Give me that, at least.

All right.

But I advise you to come back to reality and quickly.

Before someone gets hurt.

Like that adorable little girl over there.

So, his sister is in town doing business here?

Maybe she's working in Santa Fe, I don't know, she didn't really say.

Maybe he's thinking about moving here?

-And she came to check you out. -Stop it with the jinxing! Mamá!


It's that game! He's been distracted all day.

I'm gonna start charging you for this, ok?

It's ok, you can keep the TV on. I am having a great day.

Oh, a woman in love.

That's all it took? Damn!

-So good! -I'm glad you like it.

So, my daughter tells me that you're doing business here.

My company is looking to expand into the area.

Maybe we'll get to see you more often.

We've gotten quite used to Galileo.


Yeah, sorry.

That's the town's nickname for your brother.

He thinks that the world revolves around him, doesn't he?

I'm really starting to love this town.

So, tell me more about this signature dish of your daughter's.

What's it called?

It's called, "Amanecer chile verde de Javiera."

Javiera's green chile sunrise.

-¡Órale! ¿Hablas español? -Un poco.

-Enjoy. -Thank you.

How about that for marketing?

Why aren't you just sitting there?

Why do you ask so many questions?

And why are you never in school?

Well, my classroom got flooded and mom says that the whole entire town needs new ducks.

I think you mean aqueducts.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Mom said you got your car back.

Does that mean you're gonna leave?

I promise you something.

I won't leave here unless I'm no longer wanted.

But you're wanted.

Thanks, kiddo.

Wait, where are you going?

To find out if I'm wanted.

It's amazing!



Oh, come on!

It's ok.

Tortilla Hut started with the love and determination of one man... who respected nature and whose motto was simplicity.

Where are you going? You can't go in there.

She's in the middle of service and she will kill you.

And to celebrate Tortilla Hut's anniversary...

-Our famous taco combo... -Hey!

-Isn't that Joel? -is available for only $0.49.

Why are grandpa's tacos so good, Joel?

Family and love.

That makes everything taste better.

Tortilla Hut.

Where everything is bigger and better.

Hey, what's going on? Darling, what's going on?

He's not who he says he is.

-You're not Joel? -No, I'm still Joel.

I'm just not the man your mother thought I was.

That's what you said about daddy.

Please, give me a chance to explain.

For what?

So you can lie to me some more?

-What do you want from me? -Hey, no! Hey, stop.

Joel, what are you doing?

My dish.

-You wanna steal my dish? -No, we are not thieves.

We have every intention of compensating you.

You wanna rip me off, huh?

Where does your food come from?

Tortilla Hut, of course.

You know where my food comes from?


The lamb from my albóndigas come from Mr. Chaves.

Oh, and then Mrs. Garcia.

Her smoked chipotle cheddar.

Her goats pasture on our hills.

And she never gives them hormones!

You know why?

Because she respects the animals!

And we can feel it, see it...

-taste it. -That's right, Javiera.

And what about the most important part?

Your family's chiles.

That's right.

So you and your industrial food lady with antibiotics, binders and emulsifiers, are gonna need a hell of a lot of inspiration to duplicate what we have here.

Well... we have all the inspiration we need.

And we have a team of food scientists who can duplicate your chile.

That can't be real.

Or legal.

They're gonna compensate you, Javiera.

I'm gonna see to that.


Ay, ¡qué idiota eres!

You clearly don't know me.

And I obviously never knew you.


Javiera, please. I didn't know how to tell you.

-Was this all a joke to you? -No, it was real.

It was very real.

You don't even know what that means.

This is real to me.


And I want no part of you or your family.




-Wow, it's good to see you. -Yeah, good to see you. um...

So, how long have you been back?

Oh, a while now.

I meant to reach out.

-No, Joel. I don't... -To tell you I'm sorry.

You deserve better.


That's... thanks. That means a lot.

-Hey, I heard you got promoted. -Yeah, I did.

And I got engaged. Yeah.

-Wow! -I know!

-Congratulations. -Yeah, crazy, right?

I mean, I know it's super fast, but...

Hey, when you know, you know.

You know?

-Hey, I made you laugh! -That's more of a chuckle.


You always knew what you wanted, Lauren.

I wish I was so lucky.

Maybe you're luckier than you think, Joel.

-Take care of yourself. -You too.

And I am pleased to report that we're well on our way to achieving our quarterly objective, bringing sophisticated flavors to mainstream America.

So now, I'd like to introduce to you our new VP, Aaron Weston who is going to present to you our new product report.


Thank you, Stacey. Gentlemen.

We have worked around the clock to duplicate the Southwest experience for our core consumers.

Our team combed every corner of the Southwest to find its most authentic regional dishes.

And it doesn't get more authentic than the smoky New Mexican green chile.

Using cutting-edge food science Tortilla Hut is bringing this exotic flavor from our family to yours.

Now, what we have come up with is testing through the roof.

I give you... the Sopa Bowl salad.

So, what we have done is recreate our favorite Southwestern dish, taking what works while keeping cost low.

Right. Instead of pricy lamb, we're using ground beef.

Instead of designer cheese, our version is processed, but gooeylishious, as one focus group member said.

You want people to eat that?

No. We want them to devour it.

Also testing through the roof, our chili sauce packets.

Pass those down.

We're thinking that once these catch on, we'll just slide in a little upcharge.

You'll never be able to duplicate Villanueva.

And I'm glad to see it.


And you'll never duplicate Tortilla Hut and what it means to you.

I don't wanna duplicate anything.

I want something real.

I quit.

[Mexican music]


People have been asking about your sunrise dish.

You know it's off the menu, mamá.

It's gonna be ok, ok?

You'll see.

Thank you.

I'll show them. I'll bring Joel back.

Hola, mi chiquita.

Hola, abuelita.

¿Qué haces? ¿Estudiando el mapa?

Es un mapa del tesoro.

A treasure map?

You are my treasure.

Tú eres mi tesoro.

What are you doing?

Oh, you...

Nice, you...

You're getting me my own flowers?


Never promised you a rose garden.

It's a song, it's from the 60's. The 70's I think.

Why are you here?

Isn't it obvious?

I came here, I biked 900 miles... for you.

I love you, Javiera.

You're not the first man to tell me that.

Maybe I'm the first man to ever come back.

First man to apologize.

What I did was wrong and selfish.

And I know now.

What I want at the center of my universe isn't myself, but you.

You and Sophia.

What do you plan to do in this... small dusty town?

I'm gonna open up a law office.

I Googled, there is no lawyer for 35 miles.

You? You Googled.

I Googled.

Where's Sophia?

Mamá, have you seen Sophia?

Sí, sí. She was playing with her treasure map.

Come back here, you little thief!


Come back, you thief!

My granddaughter is not a thief!


She's a very good girl.

[pop music]






Sophia, please, stop the truck.

No, no, no, no, no. God!



Help! Somebody help!

Somebody help!


Help! Somebody help!

Can anyone hear me?



Somebody help!

Sophia! I'm coming!

Galileo, hurry!


My backpack!

Swim towards the rocks!


Climb over to the rock.

Hold on!

Hold on.

Let go on three, ready? One, two, three.


No, no, it's ok.

It's ok, just hold on to Joel, baby.

Oh my God!

Ay, mi bebé.

Mamita, it's ok.

I love you, mommy is right here Mommy is right here, baby.


My girl!

My crazy little girl!

¿Estás loquita? What were you thinking?

I wanted Joel back.

Can we keep him? Please?

-He's not a dog, mamita. -Please?


Thank you.

Thank you for saving my little girl's life.


Thank you for saving mine.

What are you looking at?

Let's get out of here.

We have an order for three more chili smoothies.

Already? I haven't even finished the last order yet.


It was your idea to integrate yourself into the family business.

Come on, daddy! I'm not getting any younger.

I almost forgot, I've got to catch the DA before he goes to his fishing lunch.

You're working on a Saturday?

Hey, you knew I was a lawyer when you married me.

Besides, somebody's gotta fight for those bike lanes on Main Street.

All right, all right. I'll finish the smoothies.

Hey! Hey, take it easy.

I'm fine.

What's she feeding you, anyway?

Plenty of love.