On My Block S3E6 Script

Chapter Twenty-Six (2020)

Let me introduce you to the artist formerly known as Lil' Ricky, currently known as Father Goose.

When he's not launching gangs, he's launching the careers of privileged preteens.

Exhibit A.

If Exhibit A isn't convincing enough, I give you Exhibit B.

He can hide his face, but he can't hide his busted-ass flows.

See Addendum A of Exhibit B: Lil' Ricky's old mixtape.

Okay, you win. You're the leader.

Now take us to the promised lands. We trust you.

Meh.

So, what's next, fearless leader? Do we call Rosé?

Rosé's been protecting Lil' Ricky for all these years, so there's no way she'd hook us up with him.

Luckily, as usual, I'm way ahead of you losers.

Exhibit C: Father Goose's record label.

We set up a meeting, snap a pic as proof of life, send said pic to Cuchillos, who could take it from there.

Here we go.

Hi, this is Jamal Turner calling for Father Goose.

I'm a producer.

Yep, I'm calling to set up a meeting.

I just need five minutes with the Goose. He'll know what it's about.

Fantastic.

Appreciate you, ma.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

What if we track him down through his artists?

There are no bad ideas in brainstorming, except that one.

Can't we just Google a picture and send it to Cuchillos?

If we wanna see his face, we gotta get a face-to-face.

Ruby, burn me.

Your breath hovers between spoiled milk and fecal cake.

Okay, as your leader, I recognize my failure in not being explicit in my directive.

Ruby, please give me the burner phone so that I can take a photo of Father Goose and send it to Cuchillos.

Do you really wanna be responsible if we're wrong?

I'm not wrong.

But maybe you should keep the phone. I have enough on my plate.

Well, we gotta be careful. Another wrong move and she could hurt us.

Well, I'm going to hurt someone if I don't get help with these groceries.

I'll take it. Ruby!

Come on.

Thank you, guys.

Mijo, I ran into your cousin Emilio at the store and he said that he needed a date for his friend's quince.

A girl that would make him look good on the dance floor.

Hey, Jasmine, are you single?

Ruby, don't you think that they would make such a cute couple?

Sure. Whatever.

I mean, he's a boy, she's a girl. Might work.

I'm down. Have him slide into my DMs.

I don't know what that means, but use protection.

I already gave him your number.

Guys, I got him.

I figured out how we're going to get him.

Get him those donations he needs to help feed those hungry orphans in Botswana.

Okay, check it out.

We're going to track Father Goose down through one of his artists.

Is that what I just said?

I'm a benevolent leader, so I'll share the credit.

Hey, Riches' Bitches, it's me, Ainsley Riches.

We're on day two of three of the "Lunch Money" remix shoot.

I can't say much, but I can tell you it's going to be muy delicioso.

We need to get to that shoot.

Except we don't know where the shoot is shooting.

What was that, Jamal? Ainsley tagged the location?

Wow, so smart of you to notice.

Thank you. If there are ever any co-leadership opportunities, consider yourself considered.

There's no way we're going to be able to just walk onto a set.

Never underestimate the I-don't-give-a-shit-itude of part-time security guards.

Hi. I'm working background, as an extra.

Where am I supposed to go?

So what's the plan?

The plan is to find Father Goose, and he's waddling around here somewhere and we can't all be wandering around, so stay put.

And do what?

What that girl did. Be clueless.

Where can I find Father Goose?

And you are?

Who are you? I'm his assistant.

I'm...

Shouldn't we be helping him? We are.

The best way to help Jamal is to let Jamal be Jamal.

If we go rogue, he'll lose his shit.

Can I say we're giving him way too much power and this is a terrible plan? Yo, whatever. Jamal's leader now, so...

Hey, give me a sec.

Hello. - Mijo.

Dad?

- Dad, are you okay? I'm fine. Are you busy?

No. No, no, I'm good.

Okay.

Okay, listen, I-- - I know.

Oscar made you leave, and it's not right. And it's not fair.

Oscar doesn't get to say who I have in my life.

- Mijo... - I'm sick of his shit.

I'm not some little kid anymore. - Cesar.

It's not your brother's fault. - You don't have to protect him.

He's a selfish asshole.

- He's a plague. Don't talk bad about him.

You don't know what he's going through. - Him?

What about me?

Look, Dad, you can come back.

Give me a few days and we'll figure it out.

We can make this right. I don't give a shit what Oscar says.

It was unfair for me to come back without anything to offer you.

That's why I had to leave.

I need time to figure shit out.

Listen, I ain't good at this kind of thing, but I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.

I thought it'd make it easier.

Maybe I was wrong.

Yeah, maybe you were.

Save this number. I'll call you when I can.

Dad, I--


You okay?

Yeah.

Is he...

Ruby, you cool?

If I stand here I only get one bar, but we need at least two to text a pic to Cuchillos once we get it.

You can get on Jasmine's shoulders. The change in altitude might help.

No!

Yep, copy that. Excuse me. Excuse me. You guys waiting for Jamal?

All right, phones.

Come on.

And that one.

Jamal said I could hold on to it. It's not his call. It's Father Goose's.

Wait a second. Jamal talked to Father Goose?

In Jamal we trust.

Okay, Jamal said two are union, two are not. Who's who?

We're union? Okay.

You two will come with me. You ladies go right there.

Union? What is that? I don't know. Are you union?

Hey! No, no, no, no! Excuse me. Hey!

Don't go in there.

This is not my problem anymore.

It is not my problem.

You better have my Red Bull.

O.M.F.G.

Emphasis on the "F."

Yo.

Huge fan. Don't care.

Where's my Bull, bitch? I don't know.

Then why are you even breathing my air?

I'm calling security. No, no, no, no, no, no!

I belong here.

I'm...

Swaggy J.

Yeah.

I had the biggest song on Sound-tok-ify. You haven't heard it?

Yeah, Father Goose invited me to freshen up this dusty-ass track.

You mean to add a splash of color to the video, diversity hire?

Do you even know the dance, affirmative action?

Bitch, I'm a rapper.

I don't dance.

Bitch, you do now.

I'm going to have Father Goose make you.

Fine, make him make me, you little... cultural appropriator.

I dare you. Dare me?

What are you, a kid?

I double-dog-dare you.

Eff it. It's too much trouble.

And I'm hungry.

Let's hit up crafty.

Yeah, let's ask crafty where Father Goose is.

What? You mean where the food is?

Yes.

Maybe they'll have some...

Your song? Right!

I didn't recognize it coming from your mouth without Auto-Tune.

You're kind of a dickbag.

And I like it.


I wonder if Jamal got that pic yet.

What pic?

Okay, what's going on with you?

It's Ruby.

I think he likes me and I like him but...

I can't let him in.

My God.

What?

You're pulling a Monse. Yo, no offense, but I'm offended.

If Ruby's into you, why don't you just go for it?

You've been going hard at him for years. Because it was safe.

I knew that all the love I was putting out was just gonna bounce back to me.

I don't get it. Exactly.

Because you've always been the rejecter, not the rejectee.

For real... no one's ever told me they had feelings for me.

But Ruby, though... he's always had power over my heart, and I don't need him shitting on it.

Ruby wouldn't do that. You don't know that.

And what if he's only into me because of my brand, as the sex-pos, body-pos, nalgalicious Latinx goddess next door?

Have you considered maybe being a bit more subtle with your branding?

Like taking it down a notch, or ten?

So he knows that my vag has never been smashed? Yo, please.

What? Wait. W-- Wait. No shit!

Girl, I haven't even been fingered.

By anybody else.

How do you know so much about sex?

I masturbate.

A lot.

You and Ruby are the perfect match. I know.

The goose has landed.

Copy that. We're ready for him.

Why are you with Monse?

What? Where's this coming from?

Because she helped you when your life was falling apart?

No. I mean, she did do that, but no.

Is it because you can't find anybody else? 'Cause she's pretty annoying.

That has nothing to do with it.

She is annoying, but you like her so much that it doesn't matter.

I get it, and you like to think about her rubbing oil on herself.

What? No!

I mean, sometimes.

But no. I just love her.

And you want to spank her, and do bad things to her.

Like cuff her and put mayo on those buns while she's in her explorer uniform.

Do you need to be by yourself? I think I'm in love with Jasmine.

Seriously? That's the question.

Am I into her, or do I just want to get in her?

Okay, all set.

Shit.

Am I a womanizer?

I've barely even had a woman to "nize." No.

But you're being way more of a sexist cliché by not talking to her about it.

I just don't want to mess things up, you know?

Like you and Monse did.

We had a rough patch.

Well, a year's not exactly a rough patch.

We're fine now.

Almost. I haven't told her my dad left town.

What? You haven't told me either. Are you okay?

I'm good, and Monse doesn't need to know.

I don't want to her to stress out again.

So it's better to just not talk about it.

Yeah, who's being the sexist cliché now? And where the hell's Jamal?

I can't believe my J-tourage hasn't texted me back.

We are on the clock.

You need to "Thank U, Next" their asses.

Fire them. I can't they're my friends.

That's why you don't hire your friends to be your glam squad.

What kind of snacks does Father Goose like?

We should whip up a smorgasbord and bring it to his trailer.

If you want to stop being mistaken for the help, stop acting like the help.

Who are you? Yeah, who are you?

Who told you to talk, fugly?

I asked for blueberry, bitch.

Why are you still standing here? Swaggy J doesn't need looky-loos.

Quit being so thirsty.

Yeah, we're the ones who are thirsty.

Go fetch that RB, and while you're at it, get me a Cactus Cooler and a gingerbread latte.

Well, those are actually seasonal drinks.

Well, 'tis the season for Swaggy J not giving a shit.

Be gone with you.

I think you're my spirit animal.

That your side piece? No.

My main piece.

Well, ex-main piece.

I'm all about my purpose these days.

Got to keep my head in the game and my eyes on the prize.

If you're not laser focused on getting that paper, you'll miss the opportunity when it's right in front of you.

Am I crazy or is Jamal a genius?

I think he got us in the video.

What are you? I think a sloppy joe.

Or someone's regurge.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

I've never been on camera before. Don't sweat it.

I'm assuming we're just going to go in there, unmask Father Goose, get the pic, and get the hell out of here.

I'm actually kind of excited.

But I can't even enjoy it because my chonies are all up in a bunch over the D.

You need to stop thinking about Ruby and start focusing on you.

Can we get some water?

I want Ruby to want me, but only if he actually wants me. - But I don't know what I want.

And I don't want my relationship to define me like yours does.

My relationship does not define me.

No offense, but you're kind of Monse's bitch, and I don't want to be Jasmine's bitch.

In a good relationship, the power should be even.

But someone always has a bit more.

In our relationship... It's me.

...I always get what I want. I make him think it was his idea.

Like a Jedi mind trick.

You see, the trick is you have to let her think she has all the power.

But we all know the truth. That Cesar's your bitch.

It's okay to share the power, even if it's low-key lopsided.

Copy that. Jamal wants you all on set.

Yo, it's spelled with a "Y." As in "Why can't you spell?"

Should I redo it?

Fix... this... shit.

No one questions you.

Why?

I feel like everybody in my life questions me.

When they say they're not questioning me, they say it in the form of a question.

I don't let anyone question me.

Holy shit.

Father Goose will be here soon. Yeah.

I can't believe I'm going to see him. You need to CTFD, and stop freaking out over a crusty-ass producer.

It's not him, it's me.

This is all coming to an end, but I don't want it to end.

How do I hold on to my 15 minutes of power?

I mean "fame."

Well, my plan is to ride this "Lunch Money" train till I turn 18.

Then I'll release a sex tape, be on Dancing With The Stars, judge DWTS, be on Celebrity Rehab, be back on DWTS, then I'll retire and get a turtle.

What about college?

I don't need to go to college.

I'm in Mensa.

Okay, what if I don't want to retire?

Solving mysteries is my life.

And music.

But what happens if there are no more mysteries to solve?

And songs and shit?

Here you go.

I am so over her. Maybe I'll get her fired tonight.

What? Why? Because I can.

I don't give a damn if she's my sister.

You want to know how to hold on to your power?

Crush anyone who can take you down.

Listen up, we're doing B-roll, so that means when the director calls "Playback" and "Action," groove to the music.

If you can't groove, pretend you can 'cause that's what you're being paid for.

Okay, extras, pair up. Foods with dudes.

All right, you guys. This way.

You guys get set right over here. Okay.

Do you know the "Lunch Money" dance?

You're going to be our hero couple.

And Jamal needs you to kiss.

All right, Jamal, we're ready for you.

Do you want to kiss?

Only if you want to.

Do you want me to want to?

Do you want me to want you to want to?

It is for the greater good.

In Jamal we trust.

Let's try the kiss.

Action on rehearsal!

Jamal, what did you think?

More tongue.

We get it.

Jamal had sex. Good for him.

Who had sex? Jamal.

I'm Jamal.

Look, kiss, don't kiss, but leave my private life out of it.

Wait, what? There's two Jamals?

Grab the glasses. Snap the photo. What am I doing?

Yes, Swags. Getting pumped?

All right, everyone last looks on Ainsley and Father Goose.

And Swaggy J.

Who is Swaggy J?

Let's slay this shit.

Whoo!

Red Bull gives you wings.

Just kidding. It's the coke.

Do you have any Adderall?

"Lunch Money" remix, take one.

Okay, and we're rolling.

Action!

Whoo!

All right!

Hit it!


Hold! Hold! Hold! Nobody move.

Too much kissing!

Vivian! Line check.

How do you say that lyric? Is it al messo De Niro?

No, it's, um, dinero de almuerzo.

Hold up!

You don't speak Spanish?

No, now get out of my frame.

Still rolling.

Playback and action!

But if you don't speak Spanish, why would you name them the Santos instead of the Saints?

Shit.

It's not him.

It's not him. Cut!

Cut! Cut! It's not him.

What? What do you mean? It's not him. Go! Now!

Jamal! Now! Now! Now!

What the hell just happened?

He doesn't speak Spanish, is what just happened.

There's no way he's Lil' Ricky.

We went on a wild Father Goose chase for nothing.

And it's all my fault.

That's not true. It's on all of us.

If I hadn't found that money, we wouldn't be here in the first place.

All this time, I thought it was you guys who overlooked me.

But I do it to myself.

People don't want to see people who want to be seen.

I gave up my first girlfriend for this shit.

Kendra liked me and I made the wrong choice.

I should be knee-deep in cooch right now, and now Cuchillos is going to be knife-deep in me.

Hey, we're gonna find Lil' Ricky.

No one's better at hide-and-seek than you are.

This isn't a game.

There were no stakes to not finding the RollerWorld money.

No one actually cared.

Sorry, Cesar.

It's cool. No, it's not.

We're out of leads.

We've been down every road we could possibly go down, and we failed.

I'm not a leader.

I'm a loser.

Hey. A good leader never loses sight of the mission.

But a great leader is able to recognize when he's failed.

We might have hit a dead end, but we'll figure it out together.

I'll get us a Lyft.

Shit! Our phones are still inside.

I'll go get the phones.

And your clothes.

It's the least I could do.

Plus, I really have to pee after all those drinks.

Man.

Hey, you're the little shit who ruined my close-up.

I'm sorry. Did I mess up your little video?

Who cares?

It's dog shit anyway. You haven't had a good track since "Beat On The Street."

Hello?

It's the '80s. They want their wack-ass flow back.

Now I see why Rosé stopped effing with you.

Rosé.

Rosé.

Rosé.

You Rosé's kid or something? That why you're here?

Look, I've been searching for someone who used to be in her life, and I really thought you were him, but I was wrong.

My bad.

That's tough.

Um...

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I definitely am not your father. Now... your mom...

...she was quite the piece back in the day.

But we weren't like that.

Good luck, son.

I mean, not "son."

You know, not for nothing, but maybe check out the ese who was bankrolling her... in more ways than one, if you know what I'm saying.

Frankie? He's not my dad.

He... He dead.

No, no, no, his name wasn't Frankie.

Um... What was his name? Um...

She wrote a song about him. It was...

Tricky? No.

His name was Ricky.

Holy shit.

Rosé!

We need to talk.

Go!

You don't want me calling the cops on you in this hood.

I have no problem being a Front Porch Patty.

Did Frankie know that you were cheating on him with Ricky?

Who else knows?

Did your best friend Stacey, AKA Cuchillos, know?

Get in here.

Get in here. Come on.

Come on.

Just help us find Lil' Ricky and I'll stop badgering you, please.

Baby, you can't find nobody that don't want to be found, hear?

You think a woman that owns everyone, even the police, can't find him, and y'all can?

It's amazing you solved RollerWorld.

But this is different.

I'm sorry, baby, but you dug up more than just that money.

But Cuchillos loves him.

She just wants to reconnect. Reconnect?

She wants to kill him.

Why in the hell you think he skipped town in the first place?

Listen.

Ricky and I had something special.

We loved each other.

And we wanted to make it right with Stacey and Frankie, but it just didn't work out that way.

Found ourselves in a tricky spot. Speaking of...

"Tricky Ricky."

Your song. I couldn't find it online.

It's not online, or offline.

It was never released.

That bad? Please.

Everyone said that song would have made my career, but if it got out and Stacey heard it, she would have killed us both.

Over a song? Over anything. Stacey?

Bless her psychotic heart, the lights are on but ain't nobody been home in a long time.

Y'all want to hear it?

Yeah. you can't trust Stacey.

She'll do anything she wants just because she can.

Because she can?

We're loose ends.

We're disposable. What are you saying?

We're not going to find Lil' Ricky, and even if we do, she's just going to kill him, and then she's going to kill us.

Either way... we're already dead.

My God.

She's going to kill us.

Unless...

we kill her first.