One Fine Day (1996) Script


♪ One fine day

♪ You'll look at me

♪ And then you'll know our love was

♪ Meant to be

♪ One fine day

♪ You're gonna want me

♪ For your girl

♪ The arms I long for

♪ Will open wide

♪ And you'll be proud to have me

♪ Right by your side

♪ One fine day

♪ You're gonna want me

♪ For your girl

♪ Oh, now I know you're

♪ The kind of a boy

♪ Who only wants to run around

♪ I'll keep waiting

♪ And someday, darlin'

♪ You'll come to me

♪ When you want to settle down

♪ One fine day

♪ We'll meet once more

♪ And then you'll want the love

♪ You threw away before

♪ One fine day

♪ You're gonna want me

♪ And one fine day

♪ You're gonna want me

♪ And one fine day

♪ You're gonna want me

♪ For your girl ♪

(LAUGHTER ON TV)

(APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER)

DAVID LETTERMAN: I heard that my, my son Dave Jr.

You met Dave Jr. on the last...

This is great news. I heard, now, I was notified Sunday that Dave Jr. will be tried as a juvenile for grand theft auto.

MAN: Oh, congratulations.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, CYMBAL CRASHES)

Great news. Great...

(SIREN IN DISTANCE)

(SIGHS)

(SIREN)

TOY: 911!

911!

(SIREN)

(SIREN STOPS)

BOY: Mommy.

Mom.

Hmm?

I'm really thirsty, Mommy.

Okay.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Okay? Okay, sweetie.

Mmm. Good night.

Wait. There's one more sip left.

Half a sip. You don't need it. Good night.

I do need it. I do need it, Mommy.

Okay.

Now good night for real. Okay?

Good night, Mom.

Night-night, honey.

I'm real excited about the field trip tomorrow.

I love big boats.

That's good.

The Circle Line is big, right?

Yeah.

Good.

Mom?

Shh!

It's sleepy time now.

Is Daddy coming to my soccer game tomorrow?

He's gonna try, Sammy.

Honey, do you remember when I explained to you that Daddy has a different schedule than a lot of other daddies?

Yeah.

Well, musicians, they don't always know exactly when they're going to get a chance to play, so, uh, there's a chance he might not come tomorrow.

But he's gonna try.

Yeah. He's gonna try.

I love you a million, billion, zillion.

Do you love him?

Huh, Mommy?

I will always love your daddy because he gave me you.

Now go to sleep.

I can't sleep, Mom.

I had a bad dream.

In just two minutes, you already fell asleep and had a bad dream?

Ow!

Ohhh.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, shoot!

(GROANS)

Ohhh.

(WHIRRING)

(BEEP BEEP BEEP)

MAN ON RADIO: I don't even think I knew her.

I had no idea. I divorced her.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

(CAR HORN BLARES)

(LAUGHING ON RADIO) (KNOCK KNOCK)

(HORN HONKS)

Hi, Jack.

Hi. Dad!

Hi, Daddy! Hey! I got you! Rrr! Rrr! Rrr!

Watch your step.

WOMAN: Maggie, be careful!

I do it all the time, Mom.

Does it all the time. I can't believe you still haven't gotten the plumbing fixed, Jack.

So what's up, Kristen?

You know that me and Greg got married last Saturday.

Oh, yeah. How's Greg?

He's downstairs waiting in the car with an ulcer hoping you'll say yes.

I need you to watch Maggie for me.

Okay. Yeah. I can do that till about 6:00.

Would that help?

Well... No.

For the whole week, Daddy.

The whole week.

We were scheduled to leave this morning on our honeymoon, but the nanny called to say that she's got to go watch her mother have a benign tumor removed in Ohio.

Greg's parents are too old.

Mine are too, too crazy. Yours are dead.

The tickets are nonrefundable.

So that leaves you.

Okay. Kristen, I would love to... Do this, please!

But, you know, I'm working on a story right now.

You're always working on a story.

Well, yeah. It's what I do.

It's the same old one about an every-other-weekend, good-time father for whom responsibility is a dirty word.

Here's a hint, Kristen.

During an attempted manipulation, like the one that's in progress, I would've gone with flattery.

Why do I always have to be the grownup where you always get to be the little boy?

'Cause in the beginning of the relationship when we were choosing up sides, you chose grownup first.

This is how you really want it, Kristen.

No. What I really want is just once for you to make a sacrifice

Come here, my little noodle. My little creature. Grrr!

Oh! Ha ha ha!

Aah! Ha ha ha! Rrr!

(MAGGIE LAUGHS)

(VENETIAN BLINDS CRASH)

Go pee. And wash your hands and face and brush your teeth.

We're in a little bit of a hurry this morning

'cause we have to take your friend Maggie to school, and we can't be late because of your field trip.

I hate Maggie.

She thinks she's so funny.

Maggie.

Hey, Jack, here's Maggie's doctor's number and the number of a really good baby-sitter who can help you out tomorrow.

She's got a walk-on part on a soap today.

And there's one last thing. This is really important.

My neighbor was supposed to take Maggie to the Westside Montessori School for me this morning.

Okay? She lives in my building.

Jack. Jack? Upp. Hupp!

Apartment 501. This is her number.

Okay.

Her name is Melanie Parker.

Now, if you want her to take Maggie to school for you...

If you want her to take Maggie to school for you, bring Maggie to her house before 8:00 so you don't miss them.

If not, call Mel and let her know that you don't need her to take Maggie.

Jack, okay? I'm gonna miss my plane.

I don't think this is a very good idea.

Maybe I should just cancel my honeymoon.

Don't cancel your honeymoon. Give me these.

You sure? Yep.

Okay. Those are the telephone numbers.

Say hi to Greg. Bye, baby!

MAGGIE: Bye!

Bye, baby.

Bye, baby!

Aah! Oh, baby, oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Come on, Mom.

Okay.

Press 2, honey.

What... Ah!

Wonder where they are.

Some more? Ha ha!

We got s'mores, but we're gonna need some more.

We're having a Manhattan camp-out.

(KNOCK KNOCK)

Why don't you just bang on the door?

We can't bang on the door of honeymooners.

What time's your school start?

I don't know.

Probably starts around 9:00.

Everything starts around 9:00.

We're gonna get there a few minutes early just to be safe.

What street's your school on?

I don't know.

Ha. We're in trouble.

(HORN HONKS)

I'm gonna miss the boat trip, aren't I?

They're never gonna leave on time.

We'll make it. I promise.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(HORN HONKS)

Let's run just in case.

(SIREN)

What's it say?

Ohhh.

"The whole school is on the Circle Line. Sorry we missed you."

(SIGHS)

That's a big "uh-oh," right?

SAMMY: Mom!

You must be Kristen's ex-husband.

Uh!

MAGGIE: Hi, Sammy.

Hi, Maggie.

JACK: You must be...

Uh...

Okay, well, you're not, uh, Sheila, the actress/baby-sitter.

You're not Maggie's pediatrician, Dr. Feldman.

Hey, here you go.

"Don't forget to call Melanie Parker."

It's underlined 3 times. We're not quite together this morning. I'm sorry.

What do you mean, I must be Kristen's ex-husband?

Well, that's Kristen's daughter, and this is a totally ex-husband thing to do.

Well, you would know, because that's a totally ex-wife remark.

You know, I have a day. Taxi!

Taxi!

Get those fish.

Let's go. Come on. Dad!

Hold it! Got it! Come on! Wait! Wait!

Hey, you forgot your fish!

Pier 56, please, as fast as you can.

I want to sit... I want to sit...

...next to you, Mommy. ...next to you, Daddy.

JACK: Okay. Come on. Let's go.

Come on. Over the top.

Could you please just take those? Thank you.

I don't know where you get off having an attitude, since it's your fault that both our kids will probably miss their field trip.

Attitude.

I'd rather you not take Central Park West.

I think Broadway will be faster.

My attitude is derived from your attitude.

"Derived." You must be a writer.

Let me guess. Your ex-husband is a writer.

No. My ex-husband is a musician.

Huh.

I don't need to see that. I already have an opinion of you.

And I of you. (RING)

Liza. Liza, thank God you're home.

I need to ask you a huge favor. Melanie, is that you?

You sound awful. Where are you?

Don't answer. I can't talk right now.

I'm on the other line organizing Kyle's fund-rai... Bye, honey.

No, no, wait. Don't hang up.

I really need you... LIZA: Oh. Ho ho! Ha ha!

Ho ho! Uh, bye, honey.

LIZA: Hello? Ow.

Hello? Yeah, I'm here.

What's the matter?

Well, there's this guy, who obviously thinks that a minor amount of charm replaces integrity and commitment, has not only ruined my day but Sammy's as well.

He's completely missed his field trip.

My mom hates your dad.

So? My dad hates your mom.

So? So?

Hey. It's me.

Just wanted to know if you're wearing panties.

Heh heh heh heh. What color are they?

Huh?

Lew, I need this photo approved now!

If I ever act interested in another man again, would you please shoot me?

No, don't take 57th across!

Pink?

When is Jack getting in?

No, I will not leave Sammy at the 9th Street Drop-in Center, Liza.

LIZA: Why?

Because he hates it there. You're my sister.

How can you not watch him for me?

Look, I have to meet my boss in 15 minutes.

Then I have this presentation which, which could add up to a huge promotion for me.

And you have no job, a nanny, a cook, and a housekeeper.

The nanny is leaving to take Courtney to Mommy and Me.

Angela is cooking all day for our dinner party tonight.

Berta is cleaning for our dinner party tonight.

And I am working in the school office this morning.

Okay, what about later?

Later I'm getting dressed for our dinner party tonight.

Mel, why don't you get a nanny?

Because I can't afford a nanny, Liza.

LEW: You're with a girl, aren't you?

You dog, you. Ha ha!

A real superwoman.

Can't open her door, won't shut her mouth.

Excuse me.

Are you talking about me?

The first lady.

We're thinking about doing a piece on her.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

No. You're insulted because I said that I had a presentation and that you don't work.

I do work, Melanie.

I'm the C.E.O. of this household.

I'm sorry if I can't help you out today, but you're perfect. You'll figure it out.

Okay. Okay. Bye.

DRIVER: I'm tellin' you, who do you think...

Right, right, right. Okay. Okay, okay, okay!

Stay with me. Stay with me.

There are cars.

Oh! Oh, thank God! It's still here!

Ow!

JACK: Come on. (BOAT HORN BLARES)

JACK: Beautiful! Come on!

This is it. That's not it.

How do you know?

There's nobody in there!

Maybe they're upstairs. Oh, they're upstairs.

Sammy, wait for me.

(BOAT HORN BLOWS)

Here. I got it. No, no. I'm fine.

Okay! Excuse me!

All right, here we go! Take a left!

JACK: Go! Go! Push!

It was the first boat.

I'm telling you, it was the first boat.

First boat? There wasn't anybody on the first boat!

(CHILDREN CHATTING)

Oh, no!

It's all right. We can still make it.

God damn it!

(BOAT HORN BLOWS)

Hey! (HORN BLOWS)

Hey, boat!

Hey!

Hey! Come in here! Come back!

I got kids over here!

Come back!

Hey!

I got kids here!

(HORN BLOWS)

Yeah. (HORN BLOWS)

Yeah!

God damn it!

(SIGHS)

Oh, who wants to go on a boat in the rain, anyway?

I know.

You did.

All right. Listen. Uh...

Melanie. I feel awful about this, and we'll make it up to you.

You, too, kiddo.

All right?

Okay.

Okay, here's an idea.

What say I watch the kids right now while you do your presentation?

I overheard you said you had one in 15 minutes.

And then you watch them for me later on today while I do the column.

It'll only take, you know, an hour or so.

Hi.

Maggie Taylor calling.

I have an urgent message for stupid Sammy Parker.

I'm not stupid.

What do you say? You're stupid.

I don't think so.

I only let incredibly responsible people watch my son. I'm incredibly responsible.

Ha! Huh.

I'm hungry, Daddy.

Want a Tic-Tac? That's all I got.

Here, baby.

What's that?

Muffin. Thank you, Melanie.

You're welcome, sweetheart.

You were saying?

Well, uh, uh... I was saying that maybe we could just help each other, help each other out today.

Well...

Hey.

Looks like you missed the boat.

I guess we did.

Hmm.

I really don't need your help, but if I did, you would be the very last person I would turn to.

These are the class fish.

They were supposed to be back in the classroom at 8:30 this morning.

Now they are spending the day with you.

God. I am going to be so late.

I have such a day. Oh! A bus!

Mom...

Those aren't toys.

Mom. It's just a phone. Mom!

Don't be like that when you grow up.

She... She, um...

She just drops off, uh, a bag of cookies and tells me to keep them for a week.

And how do you feel about the cookies, Jack?

Love the cookies.

I have a big problem with the, uh...

Cookie maker?

That's right.

Because the cookie maker thinks that all I am interested in or all that I am capable of handling, uh, with respect to the cookie question, is the...

The frosting? The...

Exactly.

Now, just because the frosting is my specialty doesn't mean that I can't do more.

I have many layers to me, and they're not all vanilla, either.

I have chocolate in me.

I have a deep, dark chocolate...

I'm still hungry, Daddy.

Uh, don't... I'm so...

Doc Martin and I are finishing.

But what about the cookies?

Just a little while. Okay?

Uh, it's just... I... I am...

I'm sick of angry, resentful... Uh...

Fish who, uh, think that you that, that, that you owe them, but who won't trust you for a second to do anything for them.

There are other fish in the sea, Jack.

Yes. I know. It's just I...

I wish I could find a fish who wasn't afraid of my dark chocolate layer.

And, well, she'd have to love my cookie, too.

You know, I think, I think that my ex cookie maker has turned me off to fish entirely.

I met a real piece of work this morning.

Tell me about her, Jack.

This fish was a fox.

She had her own cookie, too.

But what a female dog.

She shoved her fish in my face.

In front of the cookie?

What's she doing with another fish, anyway?

Is she AC/DC?

What're you talking about?

Fish with other fish in front of cookies.

Fish.

Fish fish.

Oh.

I see.

MAN: Taxi!

Taxi!

After you. I insist. No, after you.

I insist more.

You can't make any noise in the office.

I have a really important meeting. Okay?

Oh!

Ohh!

Don't touch that.

It's empty.

Sammy, I'm really late, and I don't need you spilling anything right now.

Whee-ha! Whoo! Whoo!

Please don't do that now.

Why not?

Because I want you to practice being super-quiet.

Okay, now, you stay next to me.

Got your dino? Don't you start any noises, okay?

Sammy.

(WHISPERS)

You're kidding.

Just 5 minutes.

Please don't give me a hard time now, Evelyn.

I'm 20 minutes late.

25 minutes late. Mr. Leland, as you might expect, is displeased.

What are those?

The Haskell blueprints.

Rob Wilding got them in 3 weeks ahead of schedule.

He did?

Why would you bring a child here?

Remember when Sally Hanson brought her kid here with the poison sumac?

Mr. Leland just smelled the calamine lotion and had to take the rest of the day off.

He does not have poison anything, Evelyn.

He's not even sick.

He just missed his field trip is all.

I don't think so.

5 minutes. Please?

And I would be doing this because?

Of our sense of solidarity?

You know, we're both women, and this is a tough office and a tough world... 5 minutes.

Thank you. MR. LELAND: Evelyn.

Has Ms. Parker come in yet?

Ms. Parker, you're late.

Yes. I'm late. I know. I'm sorry, sir.

You're late.

Let me go get the model. I'll be right in.


(WHISPERING) Sammy!

Oh!

Uhh!

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, my God.

What made me do that?

(GASPS)

Oh, my God. (INTERCOM BUZZES)

MR. LELAND: Evelyn, would you ask Miss Parker to come in here, please?

(WHISPERING) No! Shh! Shh! Shh!

She'll be right in.

Put this in the back room for me, please.

Would you... Go, go.

Go, go, go, go, go.

You, get behind the desk and stay there.

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm sorry, sir, I forgot.

The model is still in the model shop downtown.

I'm, I'm heading there right now to...

You see, I went by there, um, earlier this morning to pick it up for this meeting, but the shop was locked, so...

(GROANS) But I promise you, Mr. Leland, sir.

And today, at 2:00, the people from Yates & Yates Construction are going to love it, too.

I assume you're ready. Of course.

There's something I'd like to show you. Evelyn, would you bring in the Haskell blueprint...

Oh.

Oh!

Oh. Ha ha.

Ohh! What an adorable little boy!

Also, would you check if my amoxicillin prescription still has refills available?

Mommy... You know what?

That's a good idea. Let's go find your mom.

I'm very sorry, sir, but someone spilled my coffee all over the Haskell blueprints.

Oh, my God.

Do you know that every Thanksgiving I catch strep throat?

Children who are perfectly healthy can give you strep throat from other kids they know without your even going near them.

My sister sets up a kids' table in the next room, and I still get strep throat.

We're going to go find his mother, sir.

She must work in those new law offices across the hall.

I'm sure she does. (TELEPHONE RINGS)

Um, excuse me.

(RING)

Hello? You asshole!

What? You'd better get right over here.

The mayor's called a press conference, 5:00, city hall.

While you were talking about pink panties, your story was turning to shit!

You know, Miss Parker...

I don't need to remind you what the Yates account would be worth to this firm.

And by extension, to you.

Yeah, no, sir.

You know what I think of when I look at him?

No.

Carrier monkey.

Ha ha.

He's not a carrier monkey, sir.

He looks like a healthy little...

(SAMMY COUGHING)

I'll go find his mother.

(BLOWS)

Oh, my God. What am I going to do?

I'm really sorry, Mom.

Oh.

That's okay, sweetie.

It's really not your fault.

It's Maggie's daddy's fault.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

This isn't a very good breakfast, Daddy.

That's one of the advantages of being an adult.

You get to act like a kid any time you feel like it.

Mommy would never let me have hamburgers and milk shakes for breakfast.

(TELEPHONE RINGS) See what I mean?

(BEEP)

Hello? Who's that?

Who's this? Who's this?

Who's this? Who is this?

What are you doing with my daughter's phone?

Well, uh...

Damn it. We must have switched.

I'm Jack Taylor.

Our kids are in school together.

You're that Jack, Jack Taylor?

That's me.

Oh, my God! You're so adorable.

I love your column.

Well, thanks.

You married? Uh, no. I'm divorced.

Um, what's your name?

Rita. Rita.

Uh, listen, Jack, I've got to go get exfoliated.

Now, Melanie has your phone, right?

That's right.

So, what is that number?

Pennsylvania 3317.

Pennsylvania. So cute. 3317.

Yes. My dad used to always...

All right, darling, listen.

If you speak with her before I do, would you do me a favor?

Her sister telephoned me to see if I would baby-sit Sammy later on, but I'm in the middle of my spring spa day at Elizabeth Arden.

I can't possibly cancel now.

But, uh, tell her that otherwise, I would have been happy to baby-sit, because no matter what she thinks, I have forgotten all about Sammy putting my wedding ring up his nose.

I'll tell her, Rita.

You're adorable.

All right. Good-bye. Good-bye.

(DIALING)

(NUMBER RINGING)

Hello? It's Jack Taylor.

How did you get this number?

That's my phone you're holding.

This is so typical of you.

Let's bypass the hostilities and just do messages. Fine.

Your mother's in the middle of spring spa day and can't baby-sit, but it's not because she's upset about Sammy sticking her ring up her nose.

His nose. Thank you.

You have a press conference at 5:00. Good-bye.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Think maybe we ought to arrange to switch our phones back?

Tomorrow morning when we drop the kids off at school.

On time?

Fine. Fine.

Maggie, when you grow up and you are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and possess a certain sweetness that's like a distant promise to the brave and to the worthy, can you please not beat to a pulp every miserable bastard who comes your way just because you can?

Can you just not do that?

Okay, Daddy.

All right.

Uh, let me help you.

I can get it.

No, please! Really! I got it.

Okay, sweetie, come on.

Stupid American woman.

That guy called you stupid.

Well, I am stupid sometimes, honey, but I'd rather be stupid than sorry. Come on.

MELANIE: How bad is it?

Well, it's modular... Mm-hmm.

...so it's conceivable.

I could lift out the damaged portion and replace it with the same piece from the model.

That way, I wouldn't have to start from scratch.

Vincent, that's brilliant.

(WHOOPING) Sammy!

Sammy, you cannot run around, okay?

It won't be perfect.

I'm thirsty, Mommy.

It's okay.

I know you, Mel.

You won't be happy with less than perfect.

Today I will.

I can't get the straw part, Mommy.

(SIGHS)

I don't want to think about what'll happen to my life if I don't have that model by 2:00.

VINCENT: All right, then.

I'll give it a try.

Thanks.

(THE BOY FROM NEW YORK CITY PLAYS)

JACK: Now, while I'm doing my column, you need to think of about 600 fun things to do, 'cause the rest of the day is yours.

MAGGIE: I already know, Daddy. Uh-huh.

I wanna go to the zoo, and I wanna go for a carriage ride and to the carousel and to the Natural Museum of History, and visit The Cats...

No, it's Cats. Not The Cats.

Hi, Jack. Hey.

Mine, oh mine Yeah yeah Hi, Jack.

I never knew you had a daughter.

Yeah. This is Maggie.

She's so cute. She looks just like you.

She'll grow out of it.

Why are all the girls talking to you like that?

What are you talking about? Like what?

I won't tell you why.

Hi, Jack. Hey. Celia.

Did you see what she just did?

I'm doing a story on men like you.

What's the hook?

Oh, just a little expression my mother used to use, "Love your guy like a little boy

"and he'll grow into a man."

(RAPPING ON WINDOW)

Jack! Get in here!

Arggh.

Huh huh huh huh.

JACK: Fish.

You're not going to believe the morning that I have had already.

What's wrong? You look cranky.

You back on that diet again?

Honey, you remember Lew.

LEW: We haven't seen each other for a long time.

I am cranky, Jack.

And I ate a very good breakfast this morning.

We're in big trouble on your garbage story.

Oh, God.

Come here, honey. I want to show you something.

It's okay. Go ahead.

Now, this is Lois Lane.

She lives here in the newsroom.

Wow!

Want to pet her, sweetheart? Go ahead.

She won't bite.

You got this raging scoop disease, my friend.

Which is what you love about me.

(MEOW)

Why don't you stay here and play with the kitty?

Me and your daddy gonna have a little talk, okay?

Yeah. That's a girl.

Let's go. (MEOW)

Would you rather that I wasn't first?

I'd rather you were right.

I am right.

Okay.

Who told you that the mayor's re-election campaign were taking illegal contributions from the mob?

Manny Feldstein.

Manny Feldstein told you, on the record, that the Newark-based trucking company of Grace & Marr, a well-known mob front, has made an illegal contribution to Mayor Aikens re-election campaign.

That's right. On the record.

In exchange for receiving the city's sanitation contract.

On the record.

Which were awarded without bidding.

Through Grace & Marr. Right. On the record.

Manny Feldstein's going to say he never talked to you!

What? What? Hey.

During the mayor's press conference today, Manny Feldstein's going to say you made the whole thing up.

You didn't make it up, did you, Jack?

Of course not, Lew.

Manny told me that he saw the campaign accounts.

There was $250,000...

Where's Metro?

Deposited in unnumbered accounts.

Freddy, here. Unnumbered.

We may have to print a retraction.

Of what? Get back in there.

You're going to give me an ulcer. I can feel it.

It's like I swallowed a car battery.

Why couldn't you get 2 sources?

Remember the Cardinal O'Brien story?

Know how close we came to getting fired on that?

I almost got the Pulitzer prize.

(MEOW)

LEW: It's real simple, Jack.

Management doesn't want to clean up after you...

Not now!

I'm a good reporter, Lew.

No.

You are a great reporter, but sometimes you just get too excited, and then you get me too excited.

And now I've given you enough rope to hang us both.

And, Jack, nobody almost gets a Pulitzer prize.

WOMAN: Jack... One second.

They're not going to fire me.

My pictures are on buses.

LEW: That's what I said. Then they asked me to have lunch with Frank Burroughs.

Um, Dad...

Frank Burroughs?

"Frankly Speaking" is a very popular column.

Hey, Dad?

Frank Burroughs is a pompous, arrogant, humorless asshole.

Who's won the Pulitzer prize.

You know something, Lew?

I'm not going to lose my job, all right?

I got alimony and shrink bills, I got college loans to repay... Daddy...

One second. I have a plumbing situation.

Now, Manny has been my guy all year long...

One second, darling.

I played bridge with his mother.

I took his niece to Cirque de Soleil...

Just one second.

I had to sit through him playing Tevye in dinner theater, Lew. Dinner theater!

Jack, I gave you this column, and I love you like a son, but I can't cover for you anymore.

Now, you've got less than 6 hours to that press conference and no other leads.

We've gotta get Feldstein back on the record or find another reliable source to confirm this whole goddamn thing.

Otherwise, we're printing a retraction.

And I guarantee you, Jack, it'll be your last.

Fine. If you need me, I'm at a different number today.

LEW: Now where you going?

To find Manny.

LEW: Take care of yourself, kid.

Oh, I will.

Hi. Jack? Yeah?

Listen, um...

I really wanted to say something.

Go ahead.

I've noticed that you haven't dated for quite a while.

Right.

Actually, we've all noticed.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Hey, there we go.

Hi. Hi.

I know that you're sensitive, but frightened.

I'm gentle, (FORCES DOOR BACK) but brutal.

Think about it.

Think about me, Jack.

(BREATHING HARD)

I will.

Okay.

Yeah.

Brutal.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(HORNS HONKING)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Um...

Uh-uh-uh-uh...

Marla? Marla, have you seen my daughter?

Have you seen Maggie?

Uh, no. No, I haven't.

No? Excuse me, please.

Have you seen my daughter?

No?

Uh, Maggie?

Aw, damn it!

Hey, Jack... (MEOW)

Hi, Daddy.

"Hi, Daddy?"

Do you do this with your mother, this wandering-off thing?

Yeah. 'Cause it's not a good thing to do.

Listen, I gotta go talk to a guy downtown.

It's kind of tricky, and I only have one shot at it, which means...

That I can't come? Right.

Now, what am I going to do with you?

Look, this is incredibly difficult for me, but you're the last person I could think of to ask.

I'm really in a bind. I could lose my job.

I know you're recording, but... Can you hold on a minute?

I know you're recording, but it would just be for an hour.

(SIGHS)

From 2:00 to 3:00.

Come on, Eddie, you're his father.

Fine. Never mind. I'll think of something.

Are you at least coming to his soccer game?

6:00.

It would mean a lot to him. Aah!

Mel! Sammy!

Sammy, get off of that!

Get off of it. Time out!

Get...

What is the matter with you?

You almost broke it again.

Why can't you just play quietly and not get into trouble for 5 minutes?

Don't you realize how important this is?

That's it. I'm taking you to the 9th Street center.

I don't wanna go there, Mommy.

Too bad.

Those kids will beat me... They won't.

Yes, they will...

You'll have to be really brave, then.

Vincent, I'll be back in an hour to pick up the model!

Now, when the little hand gets between the 4 and the 5, that's 4:30. I'm sorry.

You're not being punished. I'll be back, and then we can go to your soccer game.

But that's too long.

I set the alarm and you'll wear it, and I'll be here by the time it goes off.

I promise.

Come on.

But I don't wanna go in there, Mom.

But it'll be fun.

Look! It's superhero day!

Hey! Spider-Man!

BOY: He can't come in here.

He's not a superhero!

Oh, yeah? You guys sure about that?

He doesn't look like one.

He looks like a poo-poo crybaby.

When the big hand gets to, uh...

There... And the little hand gets to, uh...

There...

Then...

You'll be back. Ahh!

Wait a minute...

Easy, isn't it?

Hang on.

(GRUNTING)

Now you're wearing Daddy's watch.

MAGGIE: But I don't have a costume.

Costume, huh?

Uh...

Okay. How about...

Um...

Bessie the choreographer?

5, 6, 7, 8... Moo!

Moo!

You know, I don't... I got...

I don't have a costume.

Oh!

Hey.

Hey, Maggie! Look!

Honey... Maggie!

Hi, Sammy.

Hi, Maggie.

I thought you told your sister that you weren't going to bring him here.

Well, I got desperate.

Me, too.

So...

Looks like we need 2 superheroes and fast.

Mama said there'll be days like this There'll be days like this, Mama said Mama said, Mama said Mama said there'll be days like this There'll be days like this, my mama said Mama said, Mama said I went walking the other day, yeah Everything was going fine I met a little boy named Billy Joe And then I almost lost my mind Where'd you get a bag like that?

Mama said there'll be days like this There'll be days like this, my mama said If those mean boys give you any more trouble, first go to the teacher.

If she doesn't help, call me on the mobile.

If you can't reach me, call 911.

JACK: Just kick the mean boys in the shins.

My eyes were wide open Bye! Bye!

Thanks for doing that.

Sure. It's hard enough being a kid.

It is excellent.

And you would know.

What about? Nothing.

Know what my mother used to say to me?

Gee. No.

"Love your guy like a little boy, "and he'll grow into a man." Huh?

"Love your guy like a little boy, he'll grow into a man."

She knew back then that you were gay?

I'm not gay. Then why did she advise you on how guys wanna be loved? Taxi!

Maybe she was hoping I'd meet a woman like that someday.

I can't stand people who blame their worst traits on everyone but themselves.

It's so nineties.

Man, what are you talking about?

You're blaming your Peter Pan complex on your mother.

What Peter Pan complex? The one you're so proud of.

You got any friends? I don't have time.

That's because of your Captain Hook complex.

My what?

Captain Hook complex. There's no such thing.

Yes, there is, and you have it.

Here's your phone back.

Here's yours.

Thank you! Hee hee.

Man.

JACK: Manny! Hey.

Feldstein. Hey.

I can't be with you right now, Jack.

Manny.

Excuse me.

Manny!

(DOOR SLAMS)

Hey, Manny.

Arggh!

Manny!

(SIREN)

(SIGHS)

Hey, Manny. Please, just don't hit me.

I'm not going to hit you. Now, what's going on?

I've been having thoughts.

We already had our thoughts.

Please don't yell at me.

You were the one who said to me this garbage thing stinks.

Now, I've waited for a month for you to get comfortable with this.

You get comfortable, we print the story, it runs on the front page, and now you are telling me that you are having thoughts.

What is the matter with you?

I've been having trouble with my medication.

You get the dosage wrong, you get a little grandiose.

We were talking about taking down the mayor and the mob together, right?

Yes, that's right. That's crazy.

No, it's not.

It is. Now that I'm better regulated, I realize they definitely will kill me!

Manny, come here. Listen, Manny...

(GROANS)

Don't do this to me, all right?

Look at me.

Hey.

I'm the one who started your standing ovation for If I Were a Rich Man, right?

I can't do it. You can do it.

You're my guy.

I got a wife and a family.

I'm their guy, too.

You're hurting my neck.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right.

I'm sorry, Jack.

Well, give me the... Give me a name.

I can't think of any names.

Think. Whose name is on the account?

I don't know. I only saw numbers.

Okay. Who set up the account?

I don't... Give me a name.

Who set up the account?

I don't know. Eddie McCoy maybe?

Maybe Eddie McCoy. Eddie, how...

You know what? I'm gonna figure it out myself.

Okay, Manny? Thanks.

Thank you.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(RING)

Hello?

Mommy...

What happened?

I don't wanna stay here anymore, and neither does Maggie.

Sweetie, you're gonna have to stay there.

Just for a little while... No!

What happened?

Spider-Man kicked me and Sheryl took Maggie's snack.

Let me talk to the teacher.

He's outside talking to the Hulk about not using the "f" word.

Sammy, you have to be tough and brave...

What's L.S.D.?

L.S.D.?

Spider-Man was talking to Maggie about L.S.D. that he got from his brother.

Stay right where you are.

You will both be picked up in 10 minutes.

(HORNS HONKING)

(BELL RINGS)

No. Manny's a dead end.

Did he give you anything?

Eddie McCoy. Probably set up the account.

He's the campaign manager.

He wouldn't implicate himself.

Uh, city comptroller.

LEW: He'll never talk.

The sanitation commissioner?

Lieberman?

Metro!

How do we get a hold of Lieberman?

Lieberman's in Barbados.

The sanitation commissioner is in Barbados?

LEW: In the middle of a garbage scandal.

Maybe the mayor wanted him out of town.

Metro!

What?

LEW: What's Lieberman doing in Barbados?

He's there with his new girlfriend.

Which leaves his very angry wife.

LEW: Bingo!

I'm in the lobby. I'll be right up.

Hup. Here we go.

(FOOTSTEPS RUNNING)

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Yeah?

Jack, it's Melanie Parker.

We have a major problem with our kids.

They're okay, but they can't stay there.

They have to be picked up right now. Okay.

Can you do it? Me? Now?

I would definitely jeopardize my career and by extension my entire life if I picked them up now.

Well, I would definitely jeopardize my career and by extension my entire life if I picked them up now.

But your press conference isn't until 5:00, right?

My presentation is at 2:00.

I've got to see this lady Elaine Lieberman about some information I need.

Couldn't you do that on the phone?

Yeah. I... Great.

Is there anybody else you could call?

I wouldn't be asking you if there were anyone else I could call.

Yeah.

Look, how about if I watch them both from, say, 3:00 until your press conference ends if you'll watch them both from now until 3:00?

You're asking me for help?

It would appear that way, wouldn't it?

I'll agree if you say, "Jack, please be my knight in shining armor."

Jack, don't be a shithead. Go rescue our kids.

This is hard for you, isn't it?

Are you agreeing or not?

You know, you're not the only one with a day.

I've got a day, too.

Sorry. I'll meet you and the kids in my office lobby at Rockefeller Center at 3:15.

Fine.

Marla, tell Celia to get Elaine Lieberman's home number and call me on my cell phone.

No, uh...

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

What?

I forgot to tell you that Sammy is allergic to shellfish and dander, and, also, he's not allowed to watch commercial TV, and no matter what he says, he has to hold your hand when he crosses the street.

Oh, and, also, if you go to the playground, I like to check the sandbox first.

You never know what people throw in there.

And also, uh...

Okay. Bye.

Fine.

One fine day

You'll look at me

And then you'll know our love was Meant to be

One fine day You're gonna want me for your girl

The arms I long for Will open wide And you'll be proud to have me Right by your side

(RINGING)

JACK: Hello. Hi. It's me.

Me who?

You have the kids? What kids?

You didn't pick up the kids?

Aah! Hi!

Oh, you mean those kids.

Look, I was just calling...

You just wanted to call and check up on me because you don't really trust me.

Sammy! Sammy, no. Put the gun down.

And you only asked me to watch Sammy out of sheer desperation.

Part of you would feel safer with him at the 9th Street Drop-in Center with L.S.D.

Isn't that true?

No, that is not true. I only wanted to warn you that Sammy can get into trouble faster than you can make most women smile.

Are you flirting with me?

Would you please just really pay attention to him?

I won't let him out of my sight.

Sammy! Hey, guns aren't toys.

It's not loaded.

Good-bye.

Sammy, how long have your mom and dad been divorced?

I don't know.

It doesn't matter, really, 'cause she said she'll always love him.

Yeah? Hey, what's that? Marble.

That's a marble. That's what that is.

You get to see your dad a lot? Come here.

Pretty much, usually.

He has a different schedule than a lot of other dads.

He's a drummer.

His favorite thing to do is watch me play soccer.

He's probably coming today, and he's taking me fishing this whole summer, just us, and maybe Mom will come, too.

Your dad's a drummer, huh? Yep.

Sounds like a great guy, Sammy. He is.

Kurt, Jake, you remember Melanie Parker.

Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Well, voila.


I love this.

This is... What is that? A vaulted...

A vaulted pediment. Vaulted pediment.

I love that. Yeah?

But I need to see this with cars.

You don't need cars, Dad. Just use your imagination.

My imagination?

I have to see it with the cars.

Cars.

Ahem.

See?

She's quite a little discovery.

Yes, she is.

Why don't you join us for drinks this evening?

Oh. Let's say 5:30 at the 21.

I... Oh. I don't know if I can.

We'll talk about this project.

From what I've seen, you could bring a great deal to this.

I'll be there.

Terrific.

That's great.

Hi. This is Jack Taylor of the Daily News.

I'm looking for Elaine Lieberman... Quit trying to be like my dad.

Am not. Am, too. Daddy?

Yeah?

Who's that man on the bus?

What? Who's what? Who's that man?

It says, "Frankly Speaking."

Very important. Elaine Lieberman.

Here we go.

Hold hands. Hold hands.

Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, could you just try to speak English?

Okay.

Hello? Hello?

Right. Okay, all right, uh, uh, uh... I need to...

? Donde esta, Sefnora Lieberman?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(CAR HORN HONKS, SIREN) Pronto.

Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. (SPEAKING SPANISH)

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Bye-bye.

No. No, no, no.

Uh...

(RINGING)

Hola. La casa de la Senora Lieberman.

Listen to me. Listen.

I need to find Mrs. Lieberman.

Okay. Okay.

If I don't find her, I could lose my job.

If you don't understand, say, "Okay."

Okay.

Okay. Bye-bye. Gracias.

Bye-bye.

Give me the marble. It's my dad's.

Give it!

It's my dad's marble.

Uh, no, uh, Rosa?

Uh, no, Rosa, it's...

No, no, no, no. Don't hang up.

Do you speak Spanish by any chance? What do you need?

Ok. Great. Her name is Rosa Lopez.

Her boss is Elaine Lieberman.

I need to know where she is.

I'm Jack Taylor.

I'm a reporter for the Daily News.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Elaine is her boss.

No, no, no, no.

Tell her Elaine wants to speak to me very badly, too. Very badly.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Jack Taylor.

Jack Taylor...

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

MAGGIE: So?

SAMMY: So?

MAGGIE: So give me it!

So? So, give it.

No. Yes!

Guys, hey, guys. Guys!

What are you doing?

MAGGIE: Give me it.

Guys, what are you doing? Mr. Taylor.

Take turns. Mr. Taylor!

Senora Lopez says that Mrs. Lieberman is at the Elizabeth Arden salon for her spring spa day.

Spring spa day? Elizabeth Arden? Excellent.

Dad! Hee hee hee.

What? You guys are being a...

Oh, man.

You're so stupid. Am not.

Are so. You ruined my dad's marble.

He's not gonna want it with your snot all over it.

Yes, I will. I'll just wash it off.

You're gonna be fine.

The doctor's just gonna pop that thing right out of there.

How come you couldn't do it?

Well, you know, that's a little nose, big marble.

But, see, the doctor, he's gonna have this clamp thing that's gonna come up and just yank it right out, and you are gonna be fine.

You've just gotta not worry about it, and you've gotta not think about it.

You've gotta think about something else.

You've gotta think about...

Hello, Sammy.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(YAWNING) Hello?

Hi, sexy, I miss you.

Look, whoever you are, this isn't Jack's phone anymore.

Who are you? Who are you?

No. Who are you?

This is Celia. I'm a friend of Jack's, and who's this?

Absolutely nobody.

Whatever. Could you please tell him that Kristen just called from the Bahamas to let him know her number there? Uh-huh.

And this is very important.

Elaine Lieberman will only be at Elizabeth Arden's until 3:30.

So if you could pass on those messages, we'd both appreciate it.

JACK: Your mom is gonna kill me if I don't have you guys in the lobby by 3:15 on the dot.

SAMMY: I don't think she'll kill ya.

She's not like that, really.

She isn't?

No. She just acts tough and mean

'cause she'd rather be safe than sorry.

What does that mean?

She just says it a lot when men try to open her door and stuff.

Yeah?

Whup! Excuse us!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Hi. Hi, you guys!

Hey, hey.

Um, your friend, uh, Celia called to tell you... Sammy!

It's okay, only an escalator.

That Kristen called you from the Bahamas and also that Elaine Lew...

Lieberman.

...will be at Elizabeth Arden's until 3:30.

Great.

Thank you so much for watching Sammy, really.

You saved my life.

Was he any trouble?

No. Not at all.

Good.

So, everything worked out great.

I was sure you were going to either show up 3 hours late or not at all.

Guess what? I'm not like every other man you know.

No. I realize that. I was just kidding.

No, you weren't, but...

Guess what? I'm not like every other woman you know.

Really? Yeah.

You probably think I'm a real control freak, and I'm not at all.

Well, I mean, I do like things the way I like them, but who doesn't?

And, anyway, in my life, I'm the only one who ever does anything, so, uh, what does it matter?

Maybe you should let somebody help you out every once in a while.

Definitely not.

I've got all of these little balls up in the air, and if somebody else caught one from me, I'd drop them all.

But you're not a control freak.

No. I'm a single working mother.

Okay. I have more work to do than time to do it.

So before you and I get into yet another lengthy and exhausting thing, I have a career to save, okay?

Do you have any instructions for me before you...

No, no. I trust you completely.

I don't suppose you could, um... you could switch your thing from 5:00 to, say, 4:30?

Because I just found out that I have a new thing at 5:30.

Can't switch my thing.

I'll switch mine. No problem.

See you guys at the soccer game?

Bye, Dad! Bye, Jack!

Thanks again, Jack.

You're welcome.

I realize it's difficult, what with, uh... Celia, Kristen, Elaine.

I know your name, Mel.


So what did you guys do with Jack?

Quit kicking me, Maggie.

I wasn't going to say anything about. (SNIFFS)

About what?

Nothing.

It's a secret.

We're not supposed to say.

Secret about what?

About your dad?

And you, too, Mommy.

Me, too?

Come on, you guys.

Tell.

Secret about me and Jack.

Hmm.

Does it have anything to do with feelings?

What do you mean?

You know, feelings, like being scared or hurt or happy and excited.

You know, those are all feelings.

Definitely about feelings, then.

Yeah. Definitely.

Hee hee.

Switch.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry, Mom.

That's okay, honey.

So, what'd you get?

Frozen hot chocolate.

Mmm! Yum.

You like chocolate?

I love chocolate.

Daddy told Dr. Martin this morning that he's got deep dark chocolate inside of him.

Really?

MAGGIE: And that he'd like to meet a fish who wasn't afraid of his dark chocolate layer.

I think I'm beginning to guess the secret.

Are you mad?

Not really.

I think he should have talked about it with me, though.

He was afraid you'd hate him.

Of course I wouldn't hate him.

Honestly, that is so silly.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Uh, you don't understand. This is an emergency.

I don't interrupt Mrs. Lieberman during her bikini wax.

Now, listen...

Don't bother with the cute face.

I have five sons.

You make eyes at me like that, I make you pot roast.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello, Mrs. Keffner. Let me get your robe.

Good-bye, Mrs. Lieberman.

Next week. Yes, indeed.

Down, please.

Hey, um, is Mrs. Lieberman here?

No? Okay.

Hi. Hey, hi.

Hi, hi, hi.

Hey, uh, is Mrs. Lieberman, Elaine Lieberman in here by any chance?

Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm looking for Elaine Lieberman.

She just left. JACK: Thank you.

Jack! Yep?

Is that you? Yeah.

It's Rita! Who?

Melanie's mother.

Oh, Rita. Hey!

Do you... Sorry.

Do you believe what a small world?

I know. I just spent the whole afternoon with your grandson.

Yeah. He's cute, but he's a handful.

I'm just trying to catch up with Elaine Lieberman.

I just want to tell you one thing about my daughter, and it's something that you may suspect.

She can make you want to scream like you're having a body wax.

I mean, she's that frustrating.

Yeah.

Inside, Jack, she's mush.

Mush.

So you scream all you want, but just don't run away too soon.

Okay. All right.

Okay, bye-bye.

You're adorable.

Ohhh.

Mrs. Lieberman? Where is she?

Yeah? Okay. Mrs. Lieberman!

Mrs. Lieberman! Mrs. Lieberman.

Jack Taylor, Daily News!

(TIRES SCREECH)

MRS. LIEBERMAN: Get in.

Oh, all right!

Listen, hey, hey.

I'm glad I finally found you.

I have to ask you kind of a difficult question.

About my husband?

I don't know how much you know about his business affairs.

Are you referring to the illegal account?

So you know about that?

It's in his name. Yeah.

I have the deposit slips.

Uh, I don't suppose you'd be willing to go...

Go on the record? I know it's a lot to ask.

Elaine Lieberman. E-l-a-i-n-e L-I-e-b-e-r-m-a-n.

I only have one request.

Anything at all.

Fax him a copy in Barbados.

All right.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hi, darling.

Mom, thank God. I'm in big trouble.

I have to have drinks with clients at 5:30, or I'll be fired, and I have absolutely no childcare.

What time are you done at Elizabeth Arden's?

Sammy! Put that down.

Honey, you're gonna break it.

You only think about work.

What about your personal life?

Actually, Mom, today I thought a lot about my personal life.

Don't laugh. I did.

Come here, kitty, kitty-kitty.

(MEOW)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

Kitty? (HONKING)

Kitty.

Kitty?

What do you mean, don't be my usual self with him?

I don't think my usual self could be all that bad since I'm pretty sure Jack just told the kids he has feelings for me.

He wants to ask me out on a date.

Divine.

Maggie? Sammy, where's Maggie?

Take that out of your nose.

What is the matter with you?

Excuse me. I'm...

The thing is I'm...

I think I could have feelings for him, too, or at least I think I might be able to, which is, you know, it's a big step up for me.

Mom, could you hold on a minute?

Maggie?

Well, you know, I had no idea from that floating head on top of his column that he was so tall, and he's got that good color in his skin, which you also couldn't tell from the black-and-white photo.

He really is altogether yummy, Mel.

And how would you know?

Because he was just here, darling.

This isn't some horrifyingly elaborate matchmaking scheme, is it, Mom?

Maggie!

Of course not, darling.

Maggie!

Oh, my God. I just lost his daughter!

You lost his daughter? Maggie!

Maggie!

Oh, my God!

Excuse me. Have you seen a little girl?

Excuse me. Excuse me. Have you seen a little girl?

She's about 6 years old, and she's wearing...

Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a little girl?

Sorry. She's about 6...

Excuse me. Excuse me. Have you seen a little girl?

She's about 6.

Maggie!

Have you seen a little girl? She's about 6 years old.

Excuse me. Have you seen a little girl?

Excuse me. Have you seen a lost little girl?

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(CAR ALARM SOUNDS)

Maggie!

(MEOW)

Well, hello.

Hi.

Is there anything else you can tell us, Ms. Parker?

I don't think so. I just...

He's still not answering.

I just can't believe this happened.

One minute she was there, and then the next...

I understand that, but... No, you don't understand.

I just met this guy this morning, and I was horrible to him all day!

Excuse me. You're shivering and...

Jimmy, get her a coat!

Why did I have to be so horrible to him?

I called him immature and uncharming and irresponsible, and I was my usual self.

She said... Excuse me! But I've lost a little girl!

I'm sorry.

She said, "Don't be your usual self," but I was my usual self.

And he took perfect care of my son for me while I did my presentation, which went very well, then I lost his daughter!

How could I have done that?

It probably wasn't your fault.

And I didn't even pay my bill from Serendipity's.

Do you mind?

Is that your mom?

(MELANIE SOBS)

(HORN HONKS)

Mrs. Lieberman, Elaine, you have saved my life.

Ha ha ha! Again.

That was smart.

Jack. Mike.

I love you, Lew!

I love this town.

I love this job.

I love Elaine Lieberman.

That's a lot of love for you, Jack.

I got to tell you something.

I met someone today.

What are you talking about?

I don't know how to describe her.

She's...

She's luminous.

Her face is...

You're talking about women.

Yeah.

Your ass is on the line, and you're talking about women?

Are you nuts? That is under control.

I have Elaine Lieberman on the record, and she has proof of a campaign account.

Elaine Lieberman's an angry wife.

All her husband's got to do is send her some kind of sorry-gram, and she's off the record.

You have my word.

Your word means nothing to management.

You better make sure that Elaine Lieberman gets to that press conference this afternoon.

Either she confronts the mayor directly or I'm going to have to print a retraction.

Don't worry. Elaine's my girl.

I hope so, Jack.

Jack? Yeah.

I just had lunch with Frank Burroughs.

Very bright. Very funny.

Very humble man.

You love me, Lew. You know you do.

(MEOW)

Come on, Lois, come on. That's it.

Hey, Lew!

Lew, where's Jack?

On the way to city hall.

But I have a ton of urgent messages for him.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

I can't sit here like this.

I got to go find Jack.

He's going to be at city hall in 15 minutes. Come on, honey.

5:00. That's great.

Hang on!

Yes, Elaine? Excuse me one second.

City hall, please.

Look, I can't thank you enough.

Uh, Dwayne. (SNAPS FINGERS)

Please, city hall.

Look, I'll do my best to get there on time, Jack.

I was just on my way to Staten Island, so I might be a couple of minutes late.

All right? Dwayne, hurry up!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(RINGING)

Hello.

Mr. Taylor? Lieutenant Bonomo, 18th precinct.

We found your daughter.

What?

Excuse me. You haven't seen Jack Taylor anywhere, have you?

No, I haven't.

Excuse me? I'm sorry, but you don't happen to know Jack Taylor, do you?

Very well, in fact.

You're Celia, aren't you?

Yes, and you must be the one who lost his little girl.

Hello, Maggie! MAGGIE: Daddy!

Hey, hi! Hello.

Hi, I'm Jack Taylor. That's mine over there.

Thank you very much for watching her.

Well, it was my pleasure.

I'm sure it was.

We got to hurry. Come on.

No, Daddy. I want to play with the kitties.

There's no time to play with the kitties.

We got to go to a press conference.

Hi, kitties. How are you?

Tag. You're it. Come on. Chase me.

No, Daddy. I want to play with the kitties.

Red light, green light. Come on.

Stop it!

Come on. Let's go. Don't do this right now.

If I don't get there... Want me to lose my job?

No, stop it!

Do you want me to lose my job?

(SNIFFLING)

(KISSES MAGGIE)

You really love those kittens, right?

Yeah.

(CLOCK CHIMES)

Come on. Watch your head.

There.

Okay. So what are their names?

(MEOW) This one is Bob, 'cause he looks like a bobcat.

And that one's Fred.

And that one's... I forget this one's name.

Well, okay. Listen, Maggie, I know this has been a rotten day for you.

I know that right now all you want to do is play with these kittens.

I don't blame you, 'cause they're great.

(SNIFFLES)

But if I don't get to this press conference, I'm going to lose my job.

I don't want to lose my job.

So we got to work something out.

Some kind of a deal here, so...

What if we talk to this beautiful young lady and we ask her if maybe Bob can come to the press conference with us?

You mean keep him?

Borrow him.

But I want to keep him.

You'll have to talk to your mother about that.

She's allergic.

That's right. She gets all...

All right. Um...

Well, you know what?

Bob can just stay at my house.

Where would he sleep?

You know that room with all the boxes in it?

We could clear those out. He could sleep in there.

That's a good idea.

Of course, you know, you're going to have to come over and visit every once in a while just to check up and make sure that I'm feeding him and everything.

I will.

Yeah.

Come here.

(MEOW)

You know, maybe what we ought to do is put a bed in that room for you, too.

Yeah.

'Cause he might get lonely.

He's not going to get lonely with you there.

(SNIFFLES)

Well, let me take a look at this guy.

So this is going to be our cat, huh?

Bob.

(SNIFFLES)

All right. Now, can we get out of here already?

(MEOW) Yeah?

Mr. Mayor!

Mr. Burroughs.

Mr. Mayor, do you plan to sue Jack Taylor and the Daily News for the apparently false and certainly unsubstantiated charges they've made against you?

Say, that's not a bad idea.

Hey, Dad, that guy's on the bus, too.

Would you hurry, please?

He has a bigger picture than yours.

Do you speak English?

MAYOR: Last question, please.

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Last question, please.

Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!

Mom, what are you doing? You're not a reporter.

I got to do something.

Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor?

What are you going to say?

I don't know. Mr. Mayor!

Uh, yes.

You, on the right.

I... What about Elaine...

Lieberman. Lieberman?

What about her?

She's the wife of my sanitation commissioner.

She's got nothing to do with this.

What paper are you with, young lady?

Uh, I... I... I believe Elaine Lieberman has spoken to Jack Taylor and can back up everything he said.

Jack Taylor is a reckless man with a gift for manipulating the truth.

Uh, I know Jack Taylor, sir, and... and... and he is pretty cocky most of the time, and he does seem to have somewhat of a cavalier attitude, but at least he's honest.

I don't know what relationship you have with Mr. Taylor, miss, but it's quite clear you know nothing about politics and nothing about journalism.

That's it. No more questions.

Thank you.

ALL: Mr. Mayor!

(SHOUTING)

MAGGIE: Melanie!

Look, Melanie. I got a kitty.

His name's Bob and Dad said I can keep him.

Mr. Mayor!

Jack, Elaine Lieberman didn't show up.

I know that. Mr. Mayor!

No, no, no, Mr. Taylor. The press conference is over!

Mr. Mayor, you may be able to strong-arm Manny Feldstein.

That's tough to do.

And you may be able to buffalo my paper into printing a retraction... They may actually fire me...

But you and I both know this garbage thing stinks, don't we? Pitiful, Mr. Taylor.

You and your little friend in the outfit, just pitiful!

What is pitiful, Mr. Mayor, is that if I had a few minutes more, Elaine Lieberman would be here with a canceled check for $250,000 from a very well-known mob front made out to your re-election campaign.

That's a blatant fabrication, Mr. Taylor!

We both know that no such canceled check exists.

You know something? You're right. I'm confused.

There would be no check, but there would be a deposit slip, wouldn't there, Elaine?

Come here. Can I have that, please?

Hello, Sidney.

JACK: All right.

This is dated March 15th of this year.

It is a deposit slip for $250,000.

That same day, a deposit was made into your campaign account for $250,000, but I guess that was just a coincidence.

The press conference is over!

I said over!

Mrs. Lieberman, how did you discover the account?

Elaine, what can I say?

It was my pleasure.

All right. See you later.

Jack, could I see that document?

In the paper tomorrow, you can, Frank.

You guys want to go to a soccer game?

SAMMY: Yeah. All right. Come on. Let's go.

Does your husband know that you've done this?

My husband. Funny you bring that up.

He's in Barbados. B-a-r-b-a-d...

That was an excellent moment in my life.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Mommy, can we go to the soccer game now?

Yes, sweetheart. Yeah, boy. Come here.

I really am so sorry about Maggie.

I don't even want to think about what could've happened.

I don't want to think about it either.

When I do think about it, I can't believe that I was issued shellfish and dander warnings, sandbox alerts.

You even laughed in my face when I showed up at your office on time. I know.

And then you lost my daughter.

I know. It was the worst thing I could've ever done. I really am so, so very sorry.

So someone else is the irresponsible one, aren't they? Yes, they are.

I would like to hear you say that, say it for your kind.

My kind?

The ones with all the balls in the air.

That's the least you could do.

Of course I'll say it, Jack.

I was the irresponsible one.

Great. Taxi!

Now say "I can't do everything on my own."

Why?

Because with one sentence you'll restore my faith in women again.

Of course I'll say it for you, Jack.

We're never going to get a cab, you know.

You can't say it.

Sure, I can, just as long as you realize that it won't be true.

I'm waiting.

Okay. I can't do everything alone.

There. Great.

Even though my daily activities year after year immediately contradict what I just said.

Oh, unbelievable!

You made me grovel for no reason.

You groveled for great reason.

You are an arrogant ball juggler, baby.

First of all, don't call me baby.

Secondly, if you don't want your balls juggled, don't throw them in my face.

I threw them in your face?

Yes, you did, starting off this morning when you thrust your stupid column at me as some sort of lame excuse for my son missing his field trip.

Balls in my face.

Ho ho ho! Big Jack reporter can't possibly concentrate on mundane details like picking up the phone to say, "Thanks anyway, but I won't be needing you

"to take my daughter to school today and then..."

That's not quite how it happened.

You have to ask who I can only assume is one of your many girlfriends if she's wearing her panties as loud as you can. Balls in my face.

And now in the midst of my obvious remorse, you make me grovel?

First of all... First of all, I thrust my column in your face because I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen in my entire life, and I want...

I wanted to make a good impression.

Now, I forgot to call you this morning because I, as opposed to you, am not used to doing everything on my own.

So I slipped up there.

As for the panties, that remark was to my editor Lew, simply to piss you off.

MAGGIE: Come on, Dad. I've got a taxi.

Can we go?

Hey. We got the cab.

(HORN HONKS)

I think my dad likes your mom.

Maybe my mom likes him back.

Men like you have made me the woman I am.

All the women I know like you have made me think all women are like you.

Oh, my God. I almost forgot.

I've got a meeting, drinks with clients.

5:25. You're never going to make it.

Mom, it's the last game of the season.

It's for the championship, Mom, and the coach said every kid has to play or they don't get a trophy.

Even the losers get a trophy, but you don't get a trophy if you don't play.

It's on the way. We'll make it.

Let go of it.

I can't let go of it. It's my job. Hold this.

MELANIE: Could we go to the 21 Club instead?

21 West 52nd Street, and don't try to take 14th or 32nd or 44th across.

You can't make a left at this hour.

I...I... I know I can do this.

No, don't take Broadway.

It's bound to be a mess.

Try 6th Avenue, but not until after 23rd because of the construction.

JACK: French-fried eyeballs floating in a bowl of...

MAGGIE: Snot. JACK: Snot.


JACK: Here we go.

Uh, why don't you hold the cab, and if I'm not back in 15 minutes, just go on ahead without me.

You're going to take longer than 15 minutes.

I can do this. Okay, baby.

Mommy, what if you don't come and Daddy doesn't come?

Oh, sweetheart, I'm going to be there.

You are the most important thing to me in the entire world.

Your job is.

No, you are, but I have to do this now.

Sammy, I know I've dragged you places and left you places, and I've been a crazy person today, but it's going to be better tomorrow.

I promise I won't take longer than 15 minutes in there, okay? Okay? Huh?

Hey, Sammy, come here.

Don't worry about it. She'll make it, okay?

Let's get you ready for soccer.

Grab me that bag.

Hello. How are you?

Hi. I see my party.

MR. LELAND: Oh, here she is.

I'm glad you could make it. What's your poison?

Oh, I'll just have some water.

Nonsense. We're way ahead of you.

You have some catching up to do.

MR. LELAND: She'll have a dry vodka martini straight up.

Hey, what are you thinking about, kiddo?

I hope my daddy can come to our soccer game.

Yeah.

(MEOW)

Mommy hopes he can come, too.

Last night...

Last night my mom thought I was asleep, but I really wasn't and I heard her say over and over again, "Please let Eddie come.

"Please let Eddie come."

(MEOW)

Eddie? Who's Eddie?

Eddie's my dad.

I hope he comes, too, there, kiddo.

We were just discussing plans for a sort of upscale amusement complex for adults.

You know, with food and games and rides.

No rides, Dad.

After drinks, we wanted to take a drive to Stanford.

SON: We were hoping to take a look at a kind of a bad version of what we have in mind.

But before we head out, Melanie, maybe you could toss out a few ideas, just off the top of your head.

Uh...

Well, uh, adult amusement complexes, up until now, have been somewhat cheesy, usually attached to popular video stores.

What I'm thinking of is something a bit more exciting.

YATES SR.: Hmm.

A drawing might help, don't you think?

Uh... I...

YATES JR.: I love drawings.

I don't have a...

Oh. Here you go.

Oh, okay.

Um...

Um, let's see.

Uh, something like...

Uh...

Um...

Isn't that the little lost boy from this morning?

What?

Uh, with, you know...

Um...

You know, I can't do this now.

And I can't go with you to Stanford now either.

Yes, Mr. Leland, that is the little lost boy from this morning, only he's not lost.

He's my son.

I have a child and he has a soccer game in 20 minutes.

If he's late, he doesn't get the trophy.

And because I'm in here with you, he's probably going to be late, but what gets to me more than anything is instead of crying about it, he's out there with a big old smile blowing fish faces at us.

Gentlemen, if you're smart, you'll want me as much for my dedication and ability as for the fact that I am going to ditch you right now and I am going to run like hell across town so that my kid knows that what matters to me most is him.

And, Mr. Leland, your real grounds for firing me should be if I were to stay here with you.

I like her.

A lot.

Well, I probably lost my job, but at least we still have 10 minutes to get to the game.

Hey, short cut! Short cut!

In spite of everything, Jack, I want you to know that I do sincerely apologize for losing Maggie.

That's all right. Same thing happened to me this morning.

You lost Maggie this morning?

Yeah, she wandered off after the office cat.

It might've been helpful if you'd mentioned her tendency to wander.

It might've been helpful... Here we go. Up here...

If you had mentioned Sammy's tendency to stick things up his nose.

He didn't!

Oh, yeah. Way up there.

In fact, I had to use this plier-type thing.

It's called an alligator, a tool I have come to know well.

Okay!

Here we go. Come on.

See? I told you we'd make it.

Any other catastrophes?

MAGGIE: Lois Lane ate the class fish.

Why does that not surprise me?

Sorry, Sammy.

Lois Lane?

Come on. We got to hurry up.

I got to go to the bathroom.

I'll take you.

Why don't I take her?

So, Maggie, you know that lady Celia from your dad's office?

Yeah.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Is she your daddy's girlfriend?

No way.

She wants to be, but she isn't.

He wants somebody who would love his cookie, too, and Celia's not the type.

Here. I'll get that other sock for you.

There's no king when love is the thing Playing the same rules

(BICYCLE BELL DINGS)

In a heartbeat a wise man can be a fool Through the darkest hours When all is said and done It has to come Whoa-ho You go from lonely to the lucky one

'Cause love's funny that way No matter who you are Oh, it can shake your faith Or it can break your heart Yeah, yeah Once in a while the mountains are blue We are lost Yeah, yeah. Give me that.

It's my cat.

(MEOW)

So maybe you and Maggie could come over for some dinner after the game.

We could order out a little Chinese or something.

(MEOW)

Oh, thank God. He's here.

Dad!

Oh.

So what do you say? (MEOW)

Uh, I don't think so. It's been a long day.

Okay. Yeah, I'm a little...

...little tired myself.

So I guess I should go over and say hi to Sammy's dad.

I usually watch the game over on the sidelines there.

That's where I like to watch it.

Okay.

It was a good day. Yeah.

Okay.

(MEOW)

All right, come here.

What? You can't even look at me?

This is the second game you've made it to in two years.

Look, I'm here, aren't I?

Daddy!

Are you staying for the whole game?

Are you? You bet I am.

Cool.

I'm gonna play my best.

You watch, my really best.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) That's great.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Come on. I saved us a seat.

Here, Dad.

BOY: Marco. Marco, pass.

Marco.

Marco!

Hey, Dad!

Part of the reason I came here today was to tell Sammy in person that I'm not gonna be able to make our fishing trip this summer.

You can't do this to him, Eddie.

I got a gig playing with Bruce, Mel.

Can't you see how much he needs you?

Come on, Mel. You can't expect me to pass this up.

COACH: Get it. Get it.

Mom! Hey, Mom, look!

Yes.

(MEOW)

Let's go, Maggie. Come on!

Maggie, come on. Let's go.

Down the alley. Right down the alley.

Let's go. Watch him. Watch that kid.

Bodycheck him, Maggie. Bodycheck him.

But that would be rude, Daddy.

That's not rude. That's sports.

There you go. That's it.

(MEOW MEOW)

Hey! Hey! Come on.

What's with that guy?

Get that kid!

(THUNDER)

Good game there, Sammy.

Thanks, Jack.

I'll see you.

Thanks for everything.

You, too. I'll see you.

Okay, you ready?

Okay, hang on. Got it.

You were great.

So I'll see you real soon, okay, big guy?

Okay.

Bye, Mel.

Bye.

Hey, let's get your rain stuff on, okay?

Okay.

Let me see your trophy.

Wow!

You think that's real gold?

Yeah.

You do? What is that on his head?

Soccer ball.

Oh.

Okay, you ready? Argh.

Should we try to get a cab, Mom?

No. I kind of feel like walking.

In the rain?

What do you care? You're dressed for Niagara Falls.

♪ Have I told you lately that I love you

♪ Have I told you there's no one above you

♪ Fill my heart with gladness

♪ Take away my sadness

♪ Ease my troubles That's what you do

♪ Oh, the morning sun in all its glory

♪ Greets the day with hope and comfort too

♪ And you fill my life with laughter

♪ You can make it better Mom, I'm hungry. Huh?

I'll be right there, honey.

♪ That's what you do ♪ All right. That's a deal.

Gimme this one.

Good night. Come here. Good night.

Good night.

He'll be right here in the box, okay?

Okay. All right.

You know, Daddy, when me and Melanie were in the bathroom, she asked me if Celia was your girlfriend.

She did?

Yeah. She really likes you.

Hmmph. Good night.

Good night.

She told you she likes me?

It's so obvious, Daddy.

Good night.

Hmm.

Did she say anything else about me?

I don't know, Daddy. I'm pretty tired.

I'm gonna go to sleep now.

Yeah.

What are we gonna do about those fish?

What?

We gotta go buy new fish.

Now?

Yeah. Now? Yeah. Sammy can't go back to class tomorrow without those fish. By noon, they'll kill him.

But I'm in my pajamas.

All we gotta do is pick 'em out.

And it shines like the sun

At the end of the day We will give thanks and pray To the one

Have I told you lately that I love you

Have I told you there's no one above you

Fill my heart with gladness Take away my sadness Ease my troubles That's what you do Ohh!

Aah!

Take away my sadness

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Fill my life with gladness Ease my troubles That's what you do

Fill my life with gladness Take away my sadness Ha ha ha.

Hi. Hi.

Maggie insisted that we bring Sammy some new fish.

Thank you.

Um... Do you guys...

Do you want to come in for a minute?

No. We don't want to intrude.

Oh. Okay. Well...

Yes... Thanks.

Here they are. Heh heh. Okay.

Okay. Thank you.

Come on, Dad.

Uh...

Come in. Please.

Okay. A few minutes.

Hi, Jack.

Sammy. Hi. Unh.

Unh. What do you weigh?

Wanna come see my room?

MAGGIE: Okay.

Huh.

You're investigating my apartment.

Not as neat as I would've thought.

It's only neat on Sunday mornings when my mother comes for brunch.

If she sees it like this, she shakes her head, which means she's unhappy with my life choices.

And then she lets out a sigh that means she would've rather have gone to my sister's for brunch.

(CHILDREN GIGGLE)

Um... Um...

You guys wanna watch a video?

MAGGIE AND SAMMY: Yeah!

How about The Wizard of Oz?

Yeah!

You can get all snuggled up on my bed and watch for a little while.

I wanna watch the whole thing, Mommy.

It's too late.

You can watch for as long as it takes us to drink one cup of coffee.

Two cups of coffee.

We'll see.

(OVER THE RAINBOW PLAYS)

It's always such a dilemma when you have kids.

(CHUCKLES)

After Sammy's dad and I got divorced, I put up pictures of him all over Sammy's room.

I guess I wanted to reassure him that no matter what, his dad would still be in his life.

You want, uh, cream or...

No, that's fine. Sammy's very proud of his dad.

He talked about him all day today.

I'm sure he did.

Is he really a rock 'n' roll drummer?

Yeah. He's touring with Springsteen this summer.

Really? Yeah.

Springsteen?

Wow.

I'm beating around the bush here a little bit, and there's something I got to ask you.

Yes?

Why did you spend the entire day flirting with me if you were thinking about getting back with your ex-husband?

What?

I spent the whole day disliking you intensely.

You were flirting with me.

You even told the kids you wanted to ask me out.

I never told them that.

Yes, you did. That was your big secret.

Heh heh. They told me.

It was all about you and me and going somewhere and feelings.

You were going to ask me out.

Okay. The big secret was about Sammy getting my marble stuck up his nose, and I never once even thought about asking you out.

I am so sure.

I don't know why I would even want to.

You said you thought I was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen.

That was a line. That was not a line, Jack, and you know it.

You wanted me ever since I knew you were a writer, and you said...

And you wanted me ever since the 9th Street Drop-in Center when you saw me putting my watch on Maggie.

For someone who is so totally disinterested in the other person, you sure do remember every single minute detail.

You remember better than I do.

I do not. Yes, you do.

No, I don't.

What would you do if I kissed you right now?

You're not gonna kiss me right now.

What would you do if I did?

Do you wanna kiss me right now?

I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't.

Fine.

You're just reeling me in, aren't you?

You're like Roy Scheider in the end of Jaws.

The minute I open my mouth, you're gonna drop a big bomb in there.

Then you're gonna wear a set of my teeth around your neck.

So you're admitting you're a big shark.

I am admitting that I am scared of getting close to anyone again.

I'm just as scared as you are.

(WHISPERING) Don't bite. (WHISPERING) I won't.

Hmm.

Mommy.

What?

Can you fast-forward for us?

That mean lady's on, and we hate that part.

Sweetheart, you know how to use the fast-forward.

The remote's broken.

And she's stealing Toto. (VCR FAST-FORWARDS)

There, she's gone. Okay?

This is the color part. You love this part.


Wait. Yeah. Okay.

No. Let's do this right.

Let me go in and freshen up so I feel a little more like a woman and not a den mommy.

Ok? Um, why don't you go in and...

Go sit over there, and close your eyes, lay your head back, and anticipate my return?

Okay.

Or you can go in and watch The Wizard of Oz and wait for me to come back.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, okay.

♪ Doo-be doo-be doo-be doo-be-doo-wop-bop

♪ Shoo-be doo-be doo-be doo-be doo-wop-bop

♪ One fine day

♪ You'll look at me

♪ And you will know our love was

♪ Meant to be

♪ One fine day

♪ You're gonna want me for your girl

♪ Shoo-be doo-be doo-be doo-be doo-wop-bop

♪ Shoo-be doo-be doo-wah

♪ Though I know you're the kind of boy

♪ Who only wants to run around

♪ I'll be waiting and someday, darling

♪ You'll come to me when you want to settle down

♪ Ohh

♪ One fine day

♪ We'll meet once more

♪ And then you'll want the love you've

♪ Threw away before

♪ One fine day

♪ You're gonna want me for your girl

♪ One fine day

♪ You'll want me for your girl ♪ Stopped raining.

Jack?


(SNORING)

♪ You're out of the woods

♪ You're out of the dark

♪ You're out of the night

♪ Step into the sun Step into the light

♪ Keep straight ahead for the most glorious I wonder what they're doing.

♪ On the earth or the sun

♪ You're out of the woods

♪ You're out of the dark

♪ You're out of the night

♪ Step into the sun Step into the light

♪ Hold on to your breath

♪ Hold on to your heart

♪ Hold on to your hope

♪ Step into the sun Step into the light

♪ March up to those gates and they will

♪ Open

♪ You got to give a little

♪ Take a little

♪ And let your poor heart break a little

♪ That's the story of

♪ That's the glory of love

♪ You got to laugh a little

♪ Cry a little

♪ Before the clouds go by just a little

♪ That's the story of

♪ That's the glory of love

♪ And as long as there's the two of us

♪ We've got the world and all its charms

♪ And when the world is through with us

♪ We've got each other's arms

♪ You've got to win a little

♪ Lose a little

♪ And always have the blues a little

♪ But that's the story of

♪ And that's the glory of love

♪ Are those your eyes

♪ Is that your smile

♪ Well, I've been lookin' at you forever

♪ But I never saw you before

♪ Are these your hands

♪ Holdin' mine

♪ Now, I wonder how I could've been so blind

♪ For the first time

♪ I am looking in your eyes

♪ For the first time

♪ I'm seein' who you are

♪ I can't believe how much I see

♪ When you're lookin' back at me

♪ Now I understand what love is

♪ Love is

♪ For the first time

♪ Can this be real

♪ Can this be true

♪ Am I the person I was this mornin'

♪ And are you the same you

♪ It's all so strange

♪ How can it be

♪ All along, this love was right in front of me

♪ And for the first time

♪ I am looking in your eyes

♪ For the first time

♪ I'm seein' who you are

♪ I can't believe how much I see

♪ When you're lookin' back at me

♪ Now I understand what love is

♪ Love is

♪ For the first time

♪ Such a long time ago

♪ I had given up on finding this emotion

♪ Ever again

♪ But you're here with me now

♪ Yes, I found you somehow

♪ And I've never been so sure

♪ And for the first time

♪ I am looking in your eyes

♪ For the first time

♪ I'm seein' who you are

♪ I can't believe how much I see

♪ When you're lookin' back at me

♪ Now I understand what love is

♪ Love is

♪ For the first time ♪