CHOIR: ♪ In the silence Of our souls ♪
♪ O lord We contemplate thy peace ♪
♪ Free from all The world's desires ♪
♪ Free of fear And all anxiety ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Sing alleluia ♪♪
We've made love 113 times.
I figured it out on my Bowmar calculator.
To know someone that well is wonderful.
Two lumps? WOMAN: No, one.
MAN: So I don't know everything about you.
I don't know who your favorite movies stars are.
And I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume.
I've racked my brain and I can't remember.
That's funny. It's My Sin.
MAN: But I do know, in the last 24 years, that I've never been out of love with you.
Well, did we like it? I loved it.
Ben Walsh was wonderful. I liked them all.
It was funny.
It was a comedy, wasn't it? Essentially.
Let's face it: Clyde Banner's getting fat.
He should never turn profile.
Most of us shouldn't turn profile.
What was it you were thinking about?
You okay? Mm-hm. Yeah. How was the show?
No. You're sure?
Burning the midnight oil? Yeah.
Have you thought about calling that doctor?
Well, the month's up.
I think we should stick to the plan.
The plan was if I needed to call him.
Yeah. Okay. Don't worry about it.
Get some sleep.
I'm working on those Michigan State tickets.
BETH: What about the Warrens? Did you call them?
CALVIN: Yeah, they said they'd make it some evening soon.
Look. Everybody I grew up with is in the paper these days.
"Joey Georgella, new football coach for Trinity."
Did you with Jane for those Michigan State tickets?
Yes, she'll talk to John.
Where's Conrad? This will get cold.
You drop those suits at the cleaners?
BETH: They won't be back Saturday.
CALVIN: That's okay. Connie!
I'll be right there!
Here he is.
Good morning. Morning.
Did you sleep?
It's French toast.
It's your favorite.
I'm not really hungry.
Breakfast, pal. Remember? Main meal, energy.
You're not hungry, you're not hungry.
Wait a minute, Beth. Hang on. He'll eat.
Con, it's French toast.
There's fresh fruit for you when you get home from school.
What are you doing? You can't save French toast.
I've got to run. I'm playing at 9.
Will you call Mr. Herman about the shutters?
I can't get anywhere with that man.
You have to charm Mr. Herman.
Did you charm him?
You have to eat, Con.
We just want you to keep on getting stronger.
Dad, I'm not hungry.
Are you okay? Yeah.
I gotta go.
Lazenby's picking me up.
Oh, is he? Great.
Why is it great?
Well, I don't see the old gang much anymore.
I kinda miss them.
Why don't you bring them around?
Phil and Don and Dick Van Buren.
We'll play some touch football on the lawn.
See you later.
It's called flake.
Come on, Jarrett! We're late. Let's go!
Jarrett, come on!
Hey, Connie. CONRAD: Hey.
We're late 'cause Dickie's mom was packing his lunch.
You guys were late when you got to my house.
Here I'm up all night studying for this poli-sci exam.
That guy wants a goddamn personal analysis of it all.
How do you make sense of that crap?
You read the crap. Horseshit!
Yeah, when's the last time you read something?
We swim our asses off every day. When are we supposed to study?
I swim and I study. Get a sense of reality.
What are you reading? Hardy.
You guys ever try meditation? Meditation?
That's just like thinking.
Isn't that junior? Have you got all junior classes this year?
They didn't pass you on anything?
Stillman, you know they don't pass you on breathing in that dump if you don't take the final.
Get something on that radio and leave it.
Get something lighter.
Hope it's a long train because I gotta get this stuff down.
We're going to be late.
My hair looks like shit, doesn't it?
Yeah. Thanks, guys.
STILLMAN: Hey, hey, hey!
There's Pratt. DICKIE: Look at that ass!
Let me out.
LAZENBY: No dirty stuff out of the window.
DICKIE: Pratt, you have nice knees!
STILLMAN: Hey, interested in something, Jarrett?
BOY: Hey, Cleary! Hey, Cleary!
TEACHER: Now why don't we discuss some theory here.
Conrad, what's your theory on Jude Fawley?
What's your theory on Jude Fawley?
Do you think he was powerless in the grip of circumstances, or could he have helped himself?
I guess he thought he was, yeah.
The guy was a real jerk.
He was all hung up on what was the moral thing to do.
It didn't make any sense.
I think that's a little too easy, Joel.
Paul, what do you think?
PAUL: I found the book really hard to follow.
I couldn't figure it out.
MAN : Hello. Hello.
Hello? Uh, Dr. Berger?
Hi. This is Conrad Jarrett. Who?
Dr. Crawford at Hillsboro Hospital gave me your number.
Oh, yes. I'm with a patient now.
Can you call me back at 2:15?
I don't think I'll be free.
Then give me your number. I'll call you tonight.
Uh, that's okay. I'll try to call you back. Thanks.
Come on, now. Move it, you guys! Move it!
Keep it going! Keep it going! Come on! Keep plugging!
Use those legs! Use those legs!
Lazenby, get with it! Jarrett, get your head down!
Come on, no dogging! Work it out there! Work it!
Come on, now! Come on! Push off!
Get your head down, Jarrett!
Come on! Keep it up! Keep it going!
Dig in there! Come on! Get with it!
Push off, Jarrett! Push off!
Is he actually a client of yours?
It's too bad.
I mean, it's tragic, really.
Because look at him now. He's lost everything.
Fish too dry?
No, it's not too dry.
They have a new mechanic at C&S.
What happened to little Harry?
I don't know. I think he took a job in Skokie.
This new mechanic is just so awkward.
Is that shirt ripped?
Leave it on the table in the hallway.
That girl from the hospital, the one you painted with, she was from Skokie, wasn't she?
What was her name? Karen.
Conrad, want me to sign you up for round robin at the club?
I haven't played in a year.
Well, don't you think it's time to start?
Also, Calvin, we have to go to the Murrays on Saturday.
I couldn't get out of it. It's Clark's birthday.
I bought him that book on wine.
Dear God. Not the Murrays.
Lift the rope off, Bucky!
We're going in!
Give me your hand! Bucky!
: Bucky. Bucky.
Oh, hi. How are you? Oh, I'm fine.
Just couldn't be better. Really. Terrific. Yeah.
Ah, hi. Here. Come in. It's okay. They all do that.
I just have to wire some volume.
Sorry. Sit down.
You have trouble finding the place?
How long since you've been out of the hospital?
A month and a half.
Pardon me? People nervous, treating you like you're a dangerous character?
Yeah, I guess a little.
I don't know.
How long were you in the hospital?
What did you do?
I tried to off myself. Isn't it down there?
It doesn't say what your method was.
Double-Edged Super Blue.
How does it feel being home? Everybody glad to see you?
Yeah. Okay? Everything?
You're back in school.
Everything okay at school? Teachers?
Yeah. No problems?
So why are you here?
I'd like to be more in control, I guess.
Uh, so people can quit worrying about me.
Who's worried about you?
Um, my father mostly. This is his idea.
What about your mother? Isn't she worried about you too?
I don't know. Listen, if you're a friend of Crawford you're probably all right.
But I'll be straight with you. I don't like this already.
Well, as long as you're straight.
What do you know about me? Have you talked to Crawford?
Yes. He called me on the phone.
He told me your name. He told me to look for you, and, uh...
He said you had a brother who died.
Uh, boating accident, wasn't it?
Want to tell me about it?
Well, I suppose you talked this over with Crawford, right?
Good. How did that go?
It didn't change anything.
What did you want to change?
I told you, I'd like to be more in control.
I told you. So people can quit worrying about me.
Well, I'll tell you something.
I'll be straight with you, okay?
I'm not big on control.
But it's your money.
Yeah, so to speak.
So to speak.
How's Tuesdays and Fridays, same time?
Twice a week?
Well, control's a tough nut.
I got swim practice every night.
Well, that's a problem.
How do we solve that?
Guess I have to skip practice twice a week.
Well, it's up to you.
I don't like being here. I don't being here at all.
I saw Mort Swain. His sister died.
The one from Idaho?
The one with the restaurant.
Did she die in Idaho?
I guess so.
You said she was always traveling.
I just wondered if she died in Idaho.
I don't know.
Maybe she died in Idaho.
Maybe Kansas City.
I went to see Dr. Berger.
CALVIN: Berger? Did you? Good. CONRAD: Yeah.
You didn't say anything. Good!
I went. Today. When?
I didn't know you made an appointment.
How did it go? If it's too much money, I don't have to go. It's not necessary.
Don't worry about the money. It's okay.
Well, it's $50 an hour, twice a week.
It's okay. And it is necessary.
What did you talk about?
What about your schedule?
Well, uh, it'll cut into swim practice.
Where's his office?
COACH: Come on, keep that head straight, Jesse!
I don't want to tell you again.
No, this is what I see.
I see you yawning, I see you come late.
I don't see you having any fun out there.
Are you getting enough sleep?
Are you having fun out there?
There's no point if you're not having fun, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
You guess so.
Are you on medication, Jarrett?
No. No, sir.
Did I ask you before if they gave you shock?
Yeah, you asked me. Yeah, they did.
Don't look at us, Lazenby.
Get your ass in the water! Look at the bottom of the pool!
You know, I'm no doctor, Jarrett.
I would never have let them put electricity in my head.
God that Salan! He's such a picky bastard! Drives me nuts!
Everybody drives you nuts.
Don and Fenetch looked good, don't you think?
They looked very good.
Con, is he giving you a hard time?
He gives everybody a hard time.
You guys don't want a clarinet, do you?
Yeah, Van Buren wants a clarinet.
I don't need a clarinet. Who's selling it?
My brother. He needs a motorcycle.
I need a new pair of shoes. You need a new personality.
You stand behind me in the choir.
Oh, I do? You do? Is that you?
You have a lot of energy.
I do? Yeah, I mean, that's good.
My name's Jeannine Pratt.
And you're Conrad Jarrett, remember.
You've got a lot of energy.
CHILDREN: Trick or treat! Goodness!
This is the scariest ghost I've ever seen!
And the tiger and the witch. You all look wonderful.
Thank you, Mrs. Jarrett. Take an apple.
There you go. Be careful.
CHILDREN: Thank you. Bye!
The Cabots. Little Julie's first time.
God, she's so cute!
BETH: Know what I've been thinking?
That Christmas in London would be like something out of Dickens.
We've never done that before. Christmas in London.
Maybe we shouldn't plan to go away right now.
We talked about it. We decided on that.
Yeah, I know we talked about it.
The more I talk about, the more the timing doesn't seem right.
We've always gone away at Christmas.
I think it would be good for him too.
Anyway, isn't it time we got back to normal?
He's just started with this doctor.
All right, so he'll miss three weeks.
Why interrupt it?
Because I want to get away.
I think we all should. It's important.
Not if he doesn't go through with this now.
He might change his mind.
All right. Then if he changes his mind, maybe it's not something that was right for him to do.
You talked to him about it? Does he want to go?
I don't think he knows what he wants to do.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't do that!
I didn't think you were here.
I'm sorry. I just got in. I didn't know you were here.
I didn't play golf today. It's too cold.
How was your golf game?
I didn't play.
Oh. It did get colder today. Yeah.
No, I mean, for the year, it's colder.
Weren't you swimming?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Sorry I scared you.
How'd it go?
Good. I swam well today.
I think I could swim the 50 if--
If my timing got better.
I'm just a little off on my timing.
Well, you have to work at that.
I got 74 on a trig quiz.
Gee, I was awful at trig.
Oh, yeah? Did you...
You took trig?
Wait a minute.
Did I take trig?
I bought you two shirts. They're on your bed.
Who's gonna be there?
Well, the Murrays, the Gunthers, and the Caines.
And the good old us.
Why don't we just go to the movies instead?
Don't be negative.
That's not negative. That's unpredictable.
Come on, let's really go to the movies.
Okay, yeah. Come on. Let's go.
What's our excuse?
Beth wanted to go to the movies?
Good. Very good.
All right now, smile.
And remember, not too many martinis.
Hello, Gladys. Will you put that with the rest of them?
Oh, look. We're in time for the grand entrance.
Look who's here!
Three blocks away and the last to arrive.
Come on in.
Happy birthday! You look wonderful for a 75-year-old.
You did the mousse? It turned out well?
Hey, partner. How are you?
Hey, pal. Hi.
Good to see you. Where were you at the lunch?
Go to your bank, borrow the money.
I was thinking of going public.
I wouldn't do it now. Why not?
Because the market's low.
Your hair looks wonderful. It's shorter.
It is shorter. You like it?
I said, "Please put out your cigar."
He says, "Huh?" I said, "Put out the cigar."
He says, "Huh?" I said, "Would you put out your cigar?"
He says, "I don't have another one."
Good to see you!
You look beautiful, as ever. Thank you.
The macho factor. When these kids are at school, they think they've got to walk on the edge of danger.
What are these hushed tones all about?
He told the funniest joke!
I'm not talking to you.
I have my fingers crossed on this merger.
Why don't we get together for lunch?
Call me at the office. I have no idea what my schedule is but I'm free almost every day.
Bob McLean's leaving Coleman and Johnson.
Where is he going?
He doesn't know.
No, you didn't.
Isn't he the meanest man you've met?
When a ball is in play, if a player or caddy accidentally move it...
ALL: ♪ Jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's A jolly good fellow ♪♪ ALL: ♪ Won't regret Can't forget ♪
♪ What we did ♪
♪ For ♪
♪ Love ♪♪
Hi, Annie. What's your boy up to?
Oh, who knows? They won't tell.
How's Conrad doing?
He's great. Just great.
I asked Donald. He says they haven't talked much.
I said maybe he's a a little self-conscious.
No, no, no.
There's a doctor in Highland Park that he sees a couple of times a week.
And that kind of cuts into his social life.
He's great. Just great.
ANNIE: Is he? Is he still having some problems?
Oh, no, nothing like that.
Just somebody to talk to, that's all.
Kind of polish off the rough edges.
How you doing, darling?
Is he falling asleep on you?
Nah. He's great.
Mr. Great. That's me.
You drink too much at parties, Calvin.
I'm not drunk. Why did you tell Annie that Conrad is seeing a psychiatrist?
I don't know. Why not?
I don't think people don't hear that thing easily.
Come on. For most people, it's a status symbol.
Right up there with going to Europe.
I thought your blurting it out like that was in very bad taste. I didn't think--
Not to mention a violation of privacy.
Whose privacy? Ours! The family's privacy!
I think it is a very private matter.
So, what do I do? I tell you my dreams?
I don't hold much stock in dreams.
What kind of a psychiatrist are you?
They all believe in dreams.
What's going on?
I don't know. I just feel--
I feel so...
What? Jumpy. I don't know.
Look, kiddo, I lied.
I do believe in dreams.
Sometimes I want to know what's happening when you're awake.
Now, come on. Something's bugging you, making you nervous. You're making me nervous.
Maybe I need a tranquilizer, you know?
What do you think?
I think you came in here looking like something out of the Body Snatchers.
It's not my impression that you need a tranquilizer.
What is this?
So you get to tell the time but I can't, is that is?
So you know when the hour's up?
Fifty minutes, 55 minutes? What is it?
Maybe I don't want to swim anymore.
You know, my timing's for shit.
He's got two guys that are swimming the 50 better than me.
They're a bunch of boring-ass jocks.
And him, I can't stand him.
He's a tight-ass son of a bitch.
Have you thought about quitting?
Are you telling me to? Nope.
It wouldn't look good.
Forget about how it looks. How does it feel?
: How does it feel?
: How does it feel? How does it feel?
Yes. How does it feel?
It's the same thing that happened last year.
It's the same damn thing I did last year.
You the same person as last year? I don't know.
So you need a tranquilizer? You tell me.
Nope. It's up to you. Fifty bucks an hour, can't you decide if I should have a pill?
You're a doctor. I'm supposed to feel better, right?
How is it with your friends? Is it getting any easier?
No. It's still hard.
Is any place easy?
The hospital was.
It was? Why?
Because nobody hid anything there.
Was there anyone there you could talk to?
I mean, besides Dr. Crawford?
Hi. How are you? Hi.
Good. Good. I feel good.
Sit down, please. Thank you.
When did you get back?
Uh, the end of August.
It's great to see you.
Oh, you too.
Listen, I'm not gonna be able to stay a long time.
I've got a meeting over at school.
Drama club meeting.
We're doing A Thousand Clowns.
You know it?
Anyway, we're going so crazy trying to get it together.
I'm secretary too.
Don't let me hang you up. You're not hanging me up.
No. I really wanted to see you.
I didn't know quite what to expect.
You sounded sort of funny on the phone.
No. No, I wasn't.
It was just a gray day, that's all.
Everything's great. I'm back in school, the swim team.
Oh, you're swimming? Yeah.
God, that's really wonderful.
We haven't had any meets. I could end up on the bench.
Come on. You'll do great.
I'll bet your folks are real proud of you.
What can I get you guys?
You hungry at all?
I just want a Coke.
Two Cokes, please.
You think we offended him?
Something I said?
Definitely a low self-image day.
Are you-- What did--
I can't believe how beautiful you look.
You really look beautiful.
So do you.
Do you miss it?
You don't miss it? Nothing about it?
You don't miss Leo's corny jokes?
Are you seeing a doctor?
Yeah, I'm seeing a doctor. Are you?
Uh, well, Dr. Crawford gave me a name.
And I went for a while. But uh, I don't know, it just didn't work for me, I guess.
He just kept telling me all the things I already knew.
And finally, I decided the only one who can help me is myself.
At least, that's what my dad says.
I don't mean it's not right for you, Conrad.
I think if it's something you want to do, that's what you should be doing.
Yeah, I don't know how long I'll keep it up.
I sort of got shoved into it.
Your hair grew in.
Oh. Yeah. That was such a dumb thing to do.
I like it.
You do? Yeah.
I don't know. I just, uh...
I miss it sometimes. The hospital.
I really do.
Things have to change, you know?
But that's where we had the laughs.
But that was a hospital.
This is the real world.
Yeah, yeah. I guess you're right.
I really have to go.
I have a meeting over at the school.
Drama club. We're doing A Thousand Clowns.
I know. You told me.
I better hurry.
Don't want to be late.
Thanks for seeing me. Ahem.
Let's have a great Christmas.
Let's have a great year.
Let's have the best year of our whole lives, okay?
We can, you know. This could be the best year ever.
Um, will you call me?
Yeah. You mean it?
You look good, Conrad.
Would you cheer up?
It's cold out here.
You should put that on.
Or do you want a sweater?
Do I need one?
What are you doing?
Not about anything.
Your hair is starting to grow out.
It's looking... Looking better.
I was thinking about the pigeon.
The one that used to hang around the garage, and how it used to get on top of your car, and he'd take off when you pulled out of the driveway.
Oh, yeah, I remember.
I remember how scared I used to get if that whoosh! Flap, flap, flap!
Every time I started the car.
Yeah. That was the closest we came to having a pet.
You remember Buck asked you, he tried to talk you into getting a dog. Do you remember that?
He said, "How about if it's just the size of a football?"
You know, um, that animal next door, that Pepper or Pippin--
Pippin, Pippin, Pippin.
He's not a friendly dog, I don't care what Mr. McGreary says.
He wanted the retriever down the street for sale.
Every time that dog comes into this yard, I try to get him out.
Arf! Arf! Arf!
Put that on if you're going to stay out here, okay?
Can I help?
Help what? You mean with this?
I will. I'll tell you what you can do.
You can go upstairs to your room and clean out the closet.
Because it really is a mess.
I didn't get there. I was swamped with work.
How did it go?
No, I'm not doing anything. Just getting ready for dinner.
Did she really?
Mary Ann Ramon started to scream, just cry, right?
We got so drunk, we couldn't talk.
It was the last day of school.
We walked out of the building.
BETH: You walked out? BUCKY: Middle of class.
BETH: Oh, Bucky.
BERGER: What do you expect from her?
We just don't connect.
Why not? I don't know. We just don't.
What are you thinking?
That I jack off a lot.
So what else is new?
Does it help?
For a minute.
You know on The Waltons, John Boy?
Yeah. What about him?
My father came into my room, and he didn't know what to say.
And this is right after Buck died.
And he came over, he sat on the bed right next to me, put arm around my shoulder, we just sat there.
I remember I was watching his shoe.
Because his shoe was turned over on its side.
And I was thinking, he's so uptight!
It's gonna crack off.
And I knew I should've felt something.
I didn't know what to feel.
I kept thinking what they say on TV, stuff like, "Oh, no, no, my God!
But I didn't say that because I didn't feel sad so much as...
So much as what?
I kept thinking John Boy would've said something about how the way he felt. Something.
What would John Boy had said?
I don't know.
Come on what?
Don't hold back.
MAN: Well, at least she's an improvement.
She doesn't crack gum in your face.
That's what you get when you let your partner do the hiring and firing.
I'm sorry. That's my fault.
I can never seem to tell anybody that they're not making it.
Hold it. Wait a minute.
That's not the problem.
Where are you?
I've been losing you these days.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's okay. That's okay.
You off the track? Huh?
Come on. I've known you for 20 years.
You think I can't tell when something's wrong?
Connie's all right.
He is. He's okay.
I'm sorry, it's none of my business, but I think you worry too much.
You've been on the rack about him long enough.
You're making it a habit. Gotta let him go sometime.
I'm not on the rack about him.
The thing about it is, in a year, he'll be gone, off to Michigan or Harvard or wherever he wants to go.
Maybe he'll decide to take a tour of Europe and not go to school at all.
I can't argue with who knows.
I'm giving you the benefit of my experience.
With Valerie, it's more than her living away from home.
Got her own friends, her own life.
She breezes in for a couple of days on vacations.
But I don't know. Maybe girls are different.
Or maybe she was too aware of what was happening between Nance and me.
But they leave, and all that worrying doesn't amount to a hill of crap.
It's just wasted energy.
Bucky, give me back my sweater!
Come on, it's my sweater! BUCKY: The hell it is!
Hang on a second.
BUCKY: Dad, what's possession?
CONRAD: Give it to me!
BUCKY: I can't! It's already on me.
Take it off! Whose sweater is it?
It's my sweater!
Okay! I'll give it back to you.
As long as you give me back my skis.
All right. That fair?
Conrad! Conrad! What is it?
MEDIC 1: Watch your back.
MEDIC 2: Cuts are vertical. He really meant business.
MEDIC 1: Get 'em to clear the driveway. Let's go.
CONDUCTOR: Lake Forest is next. Lake Forest.
What is it you want?
I don't know what else to do.
I'm not asking you to do anything.
You gotta be kidding me.
See, I don't get it.
I excuse you from practice twice a week so you can see some shrink, I work with you every night at your convenience.
What the hell more am I supposed to do for you?
A bright kid like you. Everything going for him.
See, I don't get it.
Why do you wanna keep messing up your life?
I don't think that quitting swimming will mess up my life.
I really don't.
Okay. Now, this is it.
You're a big kid now. Mm-hm.
Actions have consequences. Okay.
I'm not taking you back.
Remember that. I won't ask you to, sir.
What happened? You all right?
Salan says you quit the swim team.
Yeah, yeah. Why?
I don't know. I felt like it was a bore.
That's not a real reason! That's the way it is.
So what's going on? Nothing. Nothing.
Connie, come on. Talk to me.
Nothing. Swimming's a bore, that's all.
I talked to-- Quit talking to people!
Fuck you, Jarrett.
LAZENBY: Shut up.
Leave it alone.
BOY: I told you the guy's a flake.
What did your dad say about it?
I haven't told him yet.
I don't know. The timing isn't right.
He sweats everything. He'll just get worried.
Can you tell your mother? My mother?
My mother and I don't connect. Don't you listen?
What do people have in common with mothers anyway?
It's all surface junk.
"Clean your room, brush your teeth, get good grades." Nah, nah, nah.
I'm just wasting money today. I'm not gonna feel anything.
I'm sorry. No. Sorry's out.
Come on, something's on your mind.
What time is it? No.
Never mind the time. There's time.
Remember the contract? Control?
Maybe there's some connection between control and lack of feeling.
I said I feel things.
Sometimes. I don't know.
I thought you didn't like to fool around.
I don't. So?
What do you want?
Leave "I don't know" out there on the table.
If I don't have an answer, you want me to make one up?
Make one up right now about there's no feelings there.
I said I have feelings.
Now you have 'em, now you don't. Get it together.
Why are you trying to make me mad?
Are you mad? No!
Cut the shit! You're mad! You're mad as hell!
You don't like being pushed. Do something about it!
What? Tell me to fuck off!
Well, fuck-- No. I can't do this.
Why not? Can't do this, no.
It takes too much energy to get mad.
You know how much it takes to hold it back?
When I let myself feel, all I feel is lousy.
I beg your pardon!
♪ I never promised You a rose garden ♪ Fuck you, Berger. Fuck you! What?
Yeah? Fuck you!
That's it. You're really weird!
What do you feel? Do you jack off?
What do you think? You married a fat lady and you go home and fuck the daylights out of her!
Sounds good to me.
Little advice about feeling, kiddo.
Don't expect it always to tickle.
Do you know how to aim that?
WOMAN: Be quiet, I have to concentrate.
Is it in focus?
Smile, smile. Okay, good.
I want to take the three young ones.
Dad, get out of there. Get out of there.
Conrad, where are you?
Between your mother and father.
You're taller than your mother is!
Will you be quiet?
Smile. This is beautiful.
Hold it level. Shut up.
Wonderful. Now Cal and Beth.
MAN: Sure. Go on.
Come on! You can do better than that.
I want to take a picture of Connie and his mother.
Let's get the three men in there.
CALVIN: Connie, move closer to your mother.
Okay. Prize winner.
Yeah, that's great.
Isn't it, Mother? Yes, marvelous.
It isn't cocked.
CALVIN: Hold it. Connie, smile.
Give me the camera. I didn't get it yet.
Give me the camera. Dad, give her the camera.
I want a really good picture of the two of you.
But I want a shot of you three men.
Give me the camera. Not until I get you two.
BETH: Cal! CALVIN: Hang on.
Give her the goddamn camera!
Who's hungry? I'll make the sandwiches.
I think it can be saved.
That was dumb. It was just so dumb.
I don't think he's happy in school.
Have you talked to his teachers?
I don't think people don't want to be with him.
He provokes people.
Well, it's an awkward age.
Maybe he needs a change.
You sure he's eating enough?
I think he'll be all right, if you're firm with him.
I think maybe he should go away to school.
I just don't know how to deal with him.
Who would make that decision?
I suppose this doctor he's seeing.
What sort of doctor would make that decision for you?
I thought we were all finished with that.
What's his name?
I don't know. I suppose he's Jewish.
Maybe just German.
What does Cal say about all this?
You know, I think this can be saved.
It's a nice clean break.
♪ Amen, amen, alleluia ♪
♪ Amen ♪
♪ Amen ♪♪ Altos, that last "E" natural could be higher.
Officers, don't forget your meeting tonight.
GIRLS: Hi, Jeannine.
You are really a terrific tenor.
In fact, you should be doing the solo.
Heh. No, I... No, I'm serious.
You sing well.
I'm getting to know your voice.
How can you hear me if you're singing?
I don't always sing.
Sometimes I just listen. Oh?
For instance, Marcia Blair can't sing a note.
Janet Fox mouths the words and never sings.
A detective. Yeah.
JEANNINE: Do you like Vivaldi? Telemann?
CONRAD: Telemann? Um...
JEANNINE: What kind of music do you like?
Modern jazz, I like.
Folk rock, spoon on a glass.
Spoon on a glass?
Oh, you mean, like, table spoons?
Why do I ask dumb questions?
I'm just showing off.
Why is it so hard the first time you talk to somebody?
You make it look easy.
Oh. That's my bus. I got to go.
I'll see you later!
And you're really a terrific tenor!
♪ Ah, you're Just saying that ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Ah ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia, alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia, alleluia ♪
♪ Alleluia ♪♪
Hello, is Karen there? Who's calling?
It's a friend of hers from Hillsboro.
She's not home from school yet.
Hmm... Tell her I called.
This is Conrad calling.
Tell her I'm feeling great and I wanted to talk to her.
Yes, I will.
Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.
Ahem. Hello, Jeannine. This is Conrad.
Hello, Jeannine. This is Conrad.
: Hello, Jeannine. This is Conrad.
What a dumb name.
Hello, Jeannine. This is Bill.
Hello. Hello, this is--
Hello, this is Conrad calling.
Oh. Oh, hi!
Hi. Listen, I was...
I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime?
You mean with you? Like on a date?
Yeah. We wouldn't have to call it a date.
We could fake it. See how it goes.
That was dumb. Just forget it. Now start over.
Hi, this is Conrad Jarrett.
I'd love to. When?
I didn't see you there.
What do you think?
Rawlins used to have great Scotch pines.
And they look like skeletons this year.
Hi. What do you think?
It's very nice.
What is wrong?
Why don't you ask him what's wrong?
Maybe you won't have to hear it from Carol Lazenby.
CALVIN: Hear what?
Dad, I quit the swim team. What?
BETH: Carol thought I knew.
Why wouldn't I? It happened over a month ago.
CALVIN: Quit? When?
Where have you been every night?
Nowhere. Around. The library mostly.
Why didn't you tell us? I didn't think it mattered.
What do you mean? Of course it matters.
No, that was meant for me.
What was meant for you?
It's important to hurt me, right?
Don't you have that backwards? Oh?
How do I hurt you? Embarrassing you in front of a friend?
"Poor Beth, she has no idea what her son is up to.
He lies and she believes every word of it."
I didn't lie. You did!
Every time you came into this house at 6:30!
If it's starting all over again, the lying, the covering up, I will not stand for it. I can't stand it.
Don't then! Go to Europe! Connie!
The only reason she gives a fuck about it is because someone else knew about it first!
Just stop it! You tell her to stop!
You never tell her to stop!
I know why he never came to the hospital.
She's busy going to goddamn Spain and Portugal!
She doesn't care if I'm hung up by the balls out there.
Maybe this is how they talk at the hospital, but we're not at the hospital.
You never came to the hospital!
She had the flu and couldn't come inside.
She would've come if Buck was in the hospital!
Buck never would've been in the hospital!
CALVIN: That is enough! That is enough!
I won't do it again. I really won't.
What in hell has happened?
Somebody better go up there.
God, yes, that's the pattern.
He walks all over us, then you apologize to him.
I'm not going to apologize! Yes, of course you are!
You've been apologizing to him since he got home from the hospital! Only you don't see it!
I am trying to goddamn understand him!
Don't talk to me the way he talks to you.
Beth. Let's not fight, okay?
No fighting, okay?
Let's go upstairs.
I want to talk to you. I need to sleep.
In a minute. I didn't mean any of it.
I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.
I'm trying to figure out what happened.
CONRAD: I don't know what happened. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
Please, tell her I'm sorry, will you?
Why don't you? God, no, I can't!
I can't talk to her!
It doesn't change anything.
It doesn't change the way she looks at me.
She was upset.
Your mother was hurt because you quit the team.
I don't understand it myself.
No, I don't mean just now.
I don't mean just today.
What then? Explain it to me.
I can't. You don't see things.
I want you to tell me.
That she hates me. Can't you see that?
Your mother doesn't hate you.
You're right. She doesn't.
Please leave me alone now.
Do you think Dr. Berger's helping you?
Don't blame it on Berger. It's not his fault.
I'll be downstairs if you need me.
Tuesday everything was hunky-dory.
You're the doctor.
Don't take refuge in one-liners, okay?
Because that pisses me off.
Everything was fine till you had the fight with your mother?
But I don't blame her.
She's got her reasons. It's impossible, after all the shit I've pulled.
What shit have you pulled?
Remember, I'm talking proportion here.
Now what shit?
You must be able to come up with at least one example.
Don't give me "I tried to kill myself."
What have you done lately?
Lately? Hey, come on.
Listen, I'll never gonna be forgiven for that.
You can't get out the blood in her towels and in her rug.
Everything had to be pitched.
Even the bathroom tile had to be regrouted.
Christ, she fired the maid because she couldn't dust the living room right.
If you think I'll forgive--
She's gonna forgive me...?
I think I just figured something out.
What is who can't forgive who.
BERGER: A real problem has a real solution.
CONRAD: I've heard about this before.
BERGER: Doesn't make it any less true.
CONRAD: I'm so tired.
BERGER: That's a hell of a secret you've been keeping.
So what do I do now?
Recognize her limitations.
You mean like she can't love me?
No. Like she can't love you enough.
Don't blame her for not loving you more than she's able.
But she loves my father.
I know she loved my brother.
It's me. No.
We're back to the rotten kid routine.
She can't love you because you're unlovable.
Where does that leave your dad?
How come he loves you? You're a rotten kid.
That's different. He feels responsible.
Besides, he loves everybody.
I get it. The guy's got no taste.
He loves you, but he's wrong.
Look... maybe she just can't express it the way you'd like her to.
Maybe she's afraid to show you what she feels.
What do you mean?
There's someone besides your mother you gotta forgive.
You mean me?
For trying to off myself?
Don't stare at me. What for?
Why don't you let yourself off the hook?
What did I do?
What did I do?!
We'll talk about it Thursday. Come on!
Time's up. What do you mean?
Come on, what did I do?
You know the rules.
What rules? Can't I have a few minutes?
You think about it.
Just think about it.
Say, after going to a new high it falls to 112 1/4, and then rallies on good volume.
I order to buy 4,000.
If I get the 4,000 at 113 3/4, I know something's wrong.
But suppose I order to buy the 4,000 shares, and I plug in at 113 3/4.
I get 2,000 at 114, 500 at 114 1/4, and the rest on the way up. so the last 500 shares I pay 115 1/2, then I know I'm right.
I'm going to peel off here.
Okay. I'll see you.
See you later.
MAN: Suppose the order to buy 4000 at 113 3/4...
BETH: He walks all over us, and you apologize.
MAN: 500 at 114...
CONRAD: Dad, you don't see things.
BETH: You've been apologizing since he returned from the hospital.
CONRAD: Tell her to stop it!
BETH: Buck never would've been in the hospital!
CONRAD: She hates me! Can't you see that?
CALVIN: I want to be clear.
BERGER: That's good.
In the car, I was thinking, "be clear."
I suppose that's what psychiatry's about: being precise and clear.
And honest, of course.
I'm not a great believer in psychiatry.
What happens here is between you and him, and I respect that.
He's better. I can see that.
I just don't believe in psychiatry as a panacea for everybody.
Neither do I.
I wish I knew what I was doing here.
You said you could shed some light on some things.
What did you mean by that?
I think I meant in terms of Conrad.
I knew something was wrong even before he tried to kill himself.
But I thought that...
It's clear that he's very smart.
He's always been an "A" student.
Naturally, I thought intelligent people could work out their problems.
But you still feel responsible?
Yeah, sure I do.
It's hard not to.
It was just luck that I happened to be there when he tried it.
We both could've been away. It was luck.
You think of yourself as a lucky man?
No. No, no.
I used to think that I was a lucky person before the accident.
I guess the whole of life is nothing but an accident, isn't it?
What happens to you. What you do with it.
That sounds more like the philosophy of a drifter.
Maybe I am drifting a little.
I can see myself and I can see the two of them drifting away from me, and I just stand watching.
What would you want to do about that?
Something. I gotta do something. I don't know what.
I feel like I'm sitting on a fence.
They're on opposite sides of this fence?
I don't know.
I see her not being able to forgive him.
I don't know exactly.
Being too much like her.
People always think that she and Buck are-- Were alike.
But it's really she and Conrad.
They were the only two that didn't cry at the funeral.
It's not easy for me to admit this, but, um...
His mother doesn't show him a great deal of affection.
I'm not trying to put her down.
She is a wonderful woman.
Did she give much affection to Buck?
God, yes. She loved Buck.
Bucky got so much.
What she felt for him was special.
He was her first-born. That's not unusual, is it?
Oh, I loved Buck.
I mean, your wife's affection.
For me, you mean? Yes.
Heh. Well, she's very...
No, there's no problem with her for me.
We've been married nearly 21 years.
Everybody loves Beth.
For Conrad, it's been difficult.
He didn't talk about that?
We don't know what happens here.
It doesn't come up.
I guess that's what it is.
It's private here, isn't it?
Mm-hmm. Very private.
I think I know why I came here.
I think I came here to talk about myself.
Okay. Why don't we?
What's the matter?
This will sound strange.
What I'm going to say will sound strange.
Could we talk about Buck's funeral?
It'll seem trivial, but it's on my mind.
I'd just like to talk about it.
When I was getting dressed for Buck's funeral--
Calvin, what's the matter with you?
Let me get it off my chest, okay?
What could getting dressed for Buck's funeral have to do with anything?
I was wearing a blue shirt.
You said, "Wear a white shirt and other shoes."
It was nothing at the time.
But it always seemed to stay with me.
And I've for some reason been thinking about it, and it suddenly occurred to me:
What difference did it make what I wore to Buck's funeral?
Hear me out, Beth!
I won't listen to that. No one would listen to that.
I just want to talk about something I always remember.
Why do you want to remind me of it?
Because I've wondered in some needling way what it mattered what I wore.
I was crazy that day.
We were going to our son's funeral.
And you were worried about what I wore on my feet.
I'm sure it sounds like nothing, but it sticks with me, and I wanted to tell you about it.
It's all right.
Beth! How are you?
I'm fine. How are you?
I haven't seen you.
I'll call you. How's Brad?
Fab! Give him my love.
Isn't this madness?
It gets worse every year.
May I show you this in your size?
May I show you this dress in your size?
Oh, no. No, thanks.
Bennetts, Grants, and Foleys.
Conrad should get something for my parents.
He's not supposed to get something for his doctor, is he?
I don't think so. I think we should go see him.
We could all go see him together.
He thinks it's a good idea.
He think it's a good idea? What does he know about me?
About this family? I've never even met him.
Wouldn't it be easier if we all talked about it?
In the open? About what?
What will we talk about?
Don't try to change me. I don't want any more changes.
Hasn't enough happened?
Let's hold on to what we've got.
That is what this is for.
Maybe you'll get a surprise.
I don't want any surprises.
I know I'm not perfect.
If I can't hug everybody like you, I'm sorry.
You're missing the point.
I don't want to see any doctors or counselors.
I'm me. This is my family.
We will solve our problems in the privacy of our own home, not by running to some specialist every time--
WAITRESS: Are you folks ready to order?
Could you give me a couple of minutes?
Running to experts every time something goes wrong.
I know you mean well.
I want this to be a nice Christmas.
I do too.
I want all of them to be nice Christmases.
We need time together, Calvin. You and I.
We have to get away. New Year's.
We'll spend time in Houston with my brother and Audrey.
Play a little golf, relax.
I've already talked to Mother.
Conrad can stay with them.
Please don't worry about it.
Please, for his sake, don't indulge him.
We need time together.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Let's just give things time, okay?
I don't bowl.
I'm a horrible bowler.
That's all right. Yeah. Well...
Hey, I got it.
The thing is I'm a funny bowler.
Listen, we don't have to go bowling.
I'm not a bowling nut.
How funny are you?
On a scale from 1 to 10, about a 10.
That's pretty funny.
I promise you won't look silly.
Guarantee it? Guarantee it.
Can you ever break the ball?
Can't break the ball, can't break the floor.
Can't break anything in a bowling alley.
That's what I like about bowling alleys.
Can't even break the record.
"Anyway." It's a conversation starter.
Catchy. You like it?
I've been working on it all day.
Do you think people are punished for things they do?
By God? Yeah.
I don't believe in God.
Not at all? No.
Either you do or don't.
I believe in God.
You afraid he'll punish you for something you did?
No. I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of.
Yeah? So have I.
Did it hurt?
Uh, no, I don't know. I don't remember really.
You don't want to talk about it?
No. Uh, I've never really talked about it.
To doctors, but not to anyone else.
You're the first person who's asked.
Why did you do it?
I don't know. It was like... falling into a hole.
It was like falling into a hole and it keeps getting bigger and bigger, and you can't get out.
All of a sudden, it's inside, and you're the hole.
And you're trapped, and it's all over.
Something like that.
It's not really scary, except it is when you think back on it.
'Cause you know what you were feeling was strange and new...
BOYS: ♪ Like McDonald's can ♪
♪ Nobody can do it ♪
♪ Like McDonald's can ♪
♪ You deserve A break today ♪
♪ So get up And get away ♪ Hey, Jarrett.
How you doing? How about some fries?
JEANNINE: What are you doing?
Hey, lighten up.
Hey, I don't like your attitude.
Energetic, those guys.
Yeah, they were pretty funny.
You thought they were funny.
Do you want to talk?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'll give you a call.
Will you? I want you to.
Guess I'll see you in choir.
I mean, good night.
WOMAN : In preparation for our landing in Houston, observe the fasten seat belt sign, and no smoking until well inside the terminal.
Are we two up? Two?
All right, let's hustle up.
I'll never get over how flat it is here.
Audrey and I decided we're gonna teach you to love it.
He wants everybody to move here.
It is so good to see you.
You look tired, Cal. Airplane Scotch.
Would you tell me why am I still hungry?
'Cause you're in Texas.
We'll get you home, get some steaks on the barbeque.
Audrey will put together a salad.
A baked potato, too?
How long has he had that drawl?
Since joining the country club.
It sure wasn't funny.
We weren't that bad.
I don't know how you can listen to that lecture about Buck Jarrett one more time.
He bugs me when he does that.
Will he ever stop kissing his picture?
Stillman, shut up.
Connie, want a ride?
Oh, no, thanks.
We could've used you today.
Oh, I don't think so.
I don't think anybody could've helped us.
I hear you got eyes for Pratt.
You in her pants yet? Try not to be such a prick.
You're the prick.
Guys like you walk around acting like you're King Shit.
You give me a goddamn pain in the ass.
Think we owe you--
Connie, come on! Come on!
Connie! Cool it, that's enough.
Let go! Let go!
It's all right!
Just calm down.
You're crazy! You know that?
Send him back where he came from!
It's over. It's over.
Here's your hat.
You want to talk?
The guy's a nothing.
He's a zero upstairs.
You used to know that about him, Con.
So you make yourself look stupid when you let him get to you!
So I look stupid? Is that it? No, it isn't!
What is it with you, huh?
I don't know why you wanna be in this alone.
You know, I miss him too.
Connie, the three of us were best friends.
It hurts too much to be around you.
I got to go.
Hello. Is Karen there?
Is Karen there?
This is Conrad Jarrett calling.
I'm a friend of hers. I've called--
BILL: Karen's dead.
She killed herself.
KAREN: Let's have the best Christmas ever.
We can, you know.
We could have the best year of our whole lives.
Get the sail down!
Keep it starboard!
Get the sail down! Get it down!
Keep it starboard!
I can't! Let it out!
Let it out! Just keep it starboard!
Give me your hand!
We screwed up, bigtime!
Dad's gonna haul ass over this!
It ain't so goddamned funny!
Don't let go! I won't, Buck!
Everything gonna be okay!
Hang on, brother!
Don't let go! Stay with me!
Stay with me!
Stay with me!
BERGER : Hello. CONRAD: This is Conrad.
What's going on? I need to see you.
What time is it? I don't know.
Where are you? I don't know.
All right, listen to me.
Get to the office and I'll meet you there.
Good. You're here.
Something happened. BERGER: Just wait.
Hold on. CONRAD: I need--
BERGER: Wait till we get inside.
You'd think they'd assume there'd be emergencies.
No, don't take it off. Just sit down.
Something happened. What?
It's... It's what?
I need something. What do you need? Tell me.
It just keeps coming. I can't make it stop!
Got to get off the hook.
For what? What did you do? For what I did.
What I did to him! What did you do?
It's gotta be somebody's fault or there ain't no goddamn point!
What point? It happened!
Oh, no. I don't mean that.
It's just that...
Bucky, I didn't mean it.
Bucky, I didn't mean it.
Bucky! I know. It wasn't your fault.
It was! You said, "get the sail down!"
And I couldn't! It jammed!
And then the halyard jammed!
Because the goddamned halyard jammed!
Then you're sittin' here screwing around!
Until it's too late to do anything!
And I'm supposed to take care of it!
And that wasn't fair.
No! And then you say, "hang on!"
"Hang on!" And then you let go!
Why'd you let go?
Because I got tired!
Yeah? Well, screw you, you jerk!
It hurts to be mad at him, doesn't it?
He just wasn't careful.
He didn't see how a bad thing might happen.
Bad things happen even when people are careful.
We should've come in when it started to look bad.
Okay. So you made a mistake.
Why did he let go?
Maybe you were stronger.
Did it ever occur to you that you might've been stronger?
How long you gonna punish yourself?
When are you gonna quit? I'd like to quit.
Why don't you? It's not that easy.
I loved him.
What happened? What started all this?
She killed herself.
I just found out she's dead.
She was fine. She was okay.
No. She wasn't. She was. She was!
She told me! She said she was--
She was busy and feeling good and--
If I'd known, I could've done something.
Now you wanna take her on too?
No, I just... What?
That isn't it. I--
I feel really bad about this.
Just let me feel bad about this!
Listen, I feel bad about it, too.
Why do things have to happen to people?
It isn't fair.
You're right. It isn't fair.
You just do one wrong thing, and...
And what was the one wrong thing you did?
I hung on.
I stayed with the boat.
Now, you can live with that, can't you?
Feelings are scary.
And sometimes they're painful.
And if you can't feel pain, you won't feel anything else.
You know what I'm saying?
I think so.
You're here and you're alive.
And don't tell me you don't feel that.
It doesn't feel good.
It is good.
How do you know?
Because I'm your friend.
I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here.
You're really my friend?
I am. Count on it.
I was gonna call, but I didn't want to wake anyone.
Might have been easier-- About the other night...
I liked being with you. I didn't like myself.
Conrad, I was stupid.
That was dumb of me to laugh. It was my fault.
I just didn't know what to do. I was embarrassed.
Really? You were embarrassed?
Yes. When those boys came in, it was awful and awkward.
That's what I do when I get embarrassed, I laugh.
But they were just having a good time.
And I let them get in the way of what was happening.
It was dumb. It was dumb.
I've been doing a lot of dumb things lately.
I just didn't know if you were being straight with me.
Anyway, I'd like to try it again.
I thought it worked out okay.
Except for the bowling.
Um, are you going to school?
No, not on Sunday.
Have you eaten?
No, I haven't.
Do you want some breakfast?
All right. How about that?
Boy, oh, boy.
I do love that.
These holes sure do love you.
We should spend more time playing golf together.
Maybe our next vacation strictly golf.
Pinehurst, Myrtle Beach...
Pinehurst would be nice.
I think Connie would like Pinehurst.
Do you do that deliberately or is that just a reflex?
I assumed you meant him, too.
I'm surprised you haven't called him.
I was gonna call him him tonight.
Hey, can we have a little drink?
Drink, yes. Little, no.
Let's finish it. What?
What you started. What I started?
What you started. There's no point.
I think there's a point. He controls you.
He isn't the problem. Isn't he?
No. Let's talk about what's bothering you.
No. Let's talk about what's bothering you.
What have I done to make you so angry with me?
It's what you think I've done.
You blame me for the whole thing.
Can't you see anything except in terms of how it affects you?
No, I can't!
And neither can you and neither can anybody else!
Maybe I'm just a little more honest about it.
Stop being so goddamned honest and start being generous!
Start thinking about him!
I don't know what it is he expects from me.
I'll tell you what he expects. What?
Throw my arms around him every time he passes an exam?
I cannot respond when someone says, "Here, I just did this great thing. Love me."
All he wants is to know you don't hate him.
Hate him? Mothers don't hate their sons.
Is that what he told you?
You accept what he says with no questions, and you can't do the same for me.
I'm trying to keep this family--
I don't know what everyone wants from me anymore!
Nobody wants anything from you, Beth.
Listen, we all just want you to be happy.
Ward, you tell me the definition of happy.
First, you better make sure your kids are good and safe.
That no one's fallen off a horse, or been hit by a car, or drowned in that swimming pool you're so proud of!
And then you come to me and tell me how to be happy!
I think I'm gonna turn in.
Dinner was good.
It's pretty early. You tired?
Yeah. It was kind of a rough week.
I hope your grandmother wasn't too tough on you?
No. She was fine.
I'm glad you're back.
Why are you crying?
Can I, uh...
Can I get you something?
BETH: What did you say?
Calvin, what did you say?
You are beautiful.
And you are unpredictable.
But you're so cautious.
You're determined, Beth, but you know something?
You're not strong.
And I don't know if you're really giving.
Tell me something.
Do you love me?
Do you really love me?
I feel the way I've always felt about you.
We would've been all right if there hadn't been any...mess.
But you can't handle mess.
You need everything neat and easy.
I don't know.
Maybe you can't love anybody.
It was so much Buck.
When Buck died it was as if you buried all your love with him, and I don't understand that. I just don't know.
Maybe it wasn't even Buck.
Maybe it was just you.
Maybe, finally, it was the best of you that you buried.
But whatever it was...
I don't know who you are.
I don't know what we've been playing at.
So I was crying.
Because I don't know if I love you anymore.
And I don't know what I'm going to do without that.
The yard looks smaller without leaves.
Dad, what happened?
Your mother's going away for a while.
Back to Houston.
I don't know.
I know why.
It's me, isn't it?
No. Yeah, it is. It's my fault.
Don't do that. Don't do that to yourself!
It's nobody's fault! Things happen in this world.
People don't always have the answers for them, you know.
I don't know why I'm yelling at you for.
No, you're right. You ought to do that more often.
Oh, yeah? Haul my ass a little.
Get after me.
The way you used to for him.
He needed it. You didn't.
You were always so hard on yourself, I never had the heart.
Oh, Dad, don't. No.
Well, it's the truth.
I never worried about you.
I just wasn't listening.
I wasn't putting out many signals then.
I don't think you could've done anything.
No. I should've got a handle on it somehow.
I used to figure you had a handle for everything.
You knew it all. I know that wasn't fair, but you always made us feel everything would be all right.
I've thought about that a lot lately.
I really admire you for it.
Well, don't admire people too much.
They'll disappoint you sometimes.
I'm not disappointed.
I love you.
CALVIN: I love you too.