Paddington 2 (2017) Script

PASTUZO: Our last rainy season.

LUCY: Just think, Pastuzo, this time next month we'll be in London.

Where the rivers run with marmalade and the streets are paved with bread.

Did you read the book about London?

I skimmed it.

Oh, Pastuzo.

Well, reading makes me sleepy.

But any city that can come up with this is all right by me.


Ooh, Pastuzo, look!

PASTUZO: It's... It's a cub.


Lower me down.

Be careful.


Lower, Pastuzo. Lower.






I'm afraid we're not going to London after all.

PASTUZO: Why not?

We've got a cub to raise.

PASTUZO: What's he like? LUCY: Rather small.


And rather sneezy.

But he likes his marmalade.

PASTUZO: That's a good sign. (BURPS)

LUCY: Oh, yes, Pastuzo.

If we look after this bear, I have a feeling he'll go far.


PADDINGTON: Dear Aunt Lucy.

I hope all is well in the Home for Retired Bears.

Life in London has been better than ever this summer.

I've really got to grips with how things work.


And it seems there's something new to do every day.

Guess what, Paddington? Hmm?

The steam fair is coming to town.

I'm going along tonight to write about it in my newspaper. Ooh.

Who's going to want to read about that?

Everyone. They travel the world in an old steam train.

I thought you'd love it. I do.

Don't tell anyone, okay? Not cool.

Why don't we all go? PADDINGTON: Good idea.

Your father's a dab hand at the coconut shy.

"Bullseye Brown" they used to call him.

Not anymore. Coconuts are a young man's game.

Well, I think you're in great shape for a man your age, Mr. Brown. Ah, thank you, Paddington.

Hang on, how old do you think I am?

Oh, er, about 80.

80? At least.

Just a minute, young bear. Hmm?

Thought I told you to wash behind your ears.

Oh, but I did, Mrs. Bird. I...

I wonder how that got in there.


I really feel at home in Windsor Gardens.

Bonjour, Mademoiselle.

Good morning, Paddington.

I brought you breakfast. Thank you.

Your sandwiches always put me in a good mood.

Morning, Doctor Jafri.

You haven't forgotten your keys, have you?

Keys? Keys!

Oh. Oh! (SIGHS)

PADDINGTON: Well caught.

Thank you, Paddington. You're welcome.

Glorious day, Colonel.

Is it? How absolutely thrilling.

How was your date, Miss Kitts?

Well, he wasn't the one, but you know what they say.

Plenty more fish in the sea. Exactly.

Thank you.


Morning, Paddington. Morning, Mr. Barnes.

Bye, Paddington. Au revoir, mademoiselle.

Right, test me.

What's the quickest way from Baker Street to Big Ben?

Ah, an easy one.

Turn right onto Portman Square...

PADDINGTON: Everyone has been so kind and welcoming even though they're very busy.

Mrs. Brown is planning to swim to France.

It seems an awful lot of hard work when you can go by boat or plane or even train. But that's not the point.

She's been cooped up all summer illustrating a series of adventure stories and has decided she wants one of her own.


PADDINGTON: Judy has been suffering from a broken heart.

I'm dumped? I think you'll find you're dumped, Tony!

PADDINGTON: Her first reaction was to become a nun.

But she soon got over that and has thrown herself into a new hobby.

She found an old printing press at school and is starting a newspaper with no boys.

Now all we need is some news.

PADDINGTON: Jonathan is joining her at big school this year.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) He spent the holidays building a fully-working steam engine, but I'm not supposed to talk about that as it's "not cool." (BLOWS TRAIN WHISTLE)

He's got a whole new look, and if anyone asks, he's now called J-Dog, and he's definitely not into steam trains.

But Mr. Brown has been busiest of all.

He recently had a surprise at work.

CEO: I am delighted to announce, our new Head of Risk Analysis will be Mr. Steve Visby.


PADDINGTON: And this has prompted what Mrs. Bird calls "a full-blown midlife crisis."

It involves blending his food, painting his hair, and engaging in a process called "Chakrabatics."

INSTRUCTOR: Open your mind and your legs will follow.


Thank you, Paddington. Keep up the good work.

Oh, Aunt Lucy, you sent me to London to find a home, and it's worked out better than I ever imagined.

I have a wonderful family.


And have made friends in all sorts of places.

Here, boy.

There you go, Wolfie.

I do hope if you could see me, you'd be pleased.

Lots of love from Paddington.


GRUBER: Ah, Mr. Brown, come in.

I just had a visit from Madame Kozlova who runs the fair.

Oh, yes?

They were having a clear out and found all these old crates stuffed full with memory-bilia they thought had been lost forever. Oh!

She asked me if I would sell it for them while they're in town.

And it struck me there might be something in here for your auntie's birthday.

Oh, good idea.


Ah, look at this!


It's very nice, Mr. Gruber, but...

I know, I know, it has to be perfect.

Well, since Uncle Pastuzo died, I'm the only relative she's got left.

And it isn't every day a bear turns 100.

Quite so. Ah!

How about these rolling shoes?

Please, Mr. Gruber, be serious.

Perhaps your auntie's rolling days are behind her.

I think you might be right.

Oh, what's this? (BLOWS)

Ah, that must be the popping book.

Very interesting.


You see, Madame Kozlova's great-grandmother, who started the fair, was also a brilliant artist.

And every time they visited a new city, she made a popping book to remember it by.


And this is London.

PADDINGTON: Oh, Mr. Gruber, it's wonderful.

Aunt Lucy always dreamed of coming to London and never had the chance.

But if she saw this, it would be like she were finally here.



PADDINGTON: Aunt Lucy! Aunt Lucy!

LUCY: Paddington!


Come with me, Aunt Lucy.

Oh, yes, please. I want to see everything.

NEWS VENDOR: Get all your racing news right here.

Well, what do you think? It's wonderful.

All aboard.

One and a half bears, please. Mind your step, madam.

LUCY: What a polite young man.


What a polite young pigeon.


Oh, Paddington, you've made an old bear so very happy.

This is perfect.

Oh. Huh?

We have a snag.

Do we?

You see, this popping book is the only one of its kind, and they want rather a lot of money for it.

Oh, well, Mrs. Bird found this coin in my ear at breakfast.

Perhaps there's more.

(CHUCKLES) It would take more than an earful, Mr. Brown.

I'm afraid you would need a thousand of those coins.


Let's take another look at the monkey.

I think he's super-duper.


I can fix that.

That's very kind, Mr. Gruber, but Aunt Lucy did so much for me when I was a cub, and this could be my way of saying thank you.

I'm going to get a job and buy that book.

Back in a few minutes, Paddington.

Ciao ciao. Ciao ciao, Mr. Giuseppe.

Good afternoon. Welcome to Giuseppe's grooming salon.

What can I do for you today, sir?

A shave? A light pomade?

Or is it just a brush?


Quick trim, barber.

Oh, I'm not the barber. I just tidy up.

That's all I want.

Tidy up the back and sides, nothing off the top.

Yes, but...

No buts. Come on, man, chop-chop.

If you say so, sir.




(WHIRRING) Oh. Whoa!



(VIBRATING) Giuseppe's?

Would you mind if I call you back?

I think I may be about to shave a customer.

Oh, thank goodness.


Just putting you on hold.


But I don't want to.

(SIGHS) It's only a haircut, Nelson.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Come in. Take a seat.

We'll go somewhere else.



Oh, that's not good.

Oh... Um...





Just giving you some product, sir.

Ah, jolly good. Carry on.


I must say, it's turned out a lot better than I expected.

What... What the devil's that?

It's, er, marmalade.


Hairy marmalade.

Well, get it off!

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Oh, yuck! What is the matter with you?

Paddington! Mr. Giuseppe. I can explain.

It's really not as bad as it looks.


Have you ever been fired, Mr. Brown?

Well, no, but are you quite sure you're ready for the workplace, Paddington?

It's a tough, competitive world out there, and I worry a good-natured little bear might get trampled underfoot.

He's right, you know? You can't trust anyone.

That's why I'm doing my newspaper alone.

MARY: Darling, is this about Tony?


JONATHAN: Everything is about Tony.

And the only reason no-one's helping with your paper is because it's so lame.

Well, at least I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not.

Nor am I. G-Man.

J-Dog. BOTH: Spud bounce.

But Aunt Lucy said, "If we're kind and polite, the world will be right."

At least someone's making sense.

Sorry. You're kind, Mr. Brown, and you made it to the top.

I'm nowhere near the top. I peaked in the middle.

Now my hair's gone grey, my belly's popped out, and I've started to creak.


Oh, doesn't that man live in the big house on the corner?

JONATHAN: It's Phoenix Buchanan.

Dad's 'celebrity' client.

He's one of our Platinum Club members.

And a very famous actor.

Or used to be.

Now he just does dog food commercials.

Mrs. Bird doesn't like him because he can never remember her name.

Now then, simmer down, simmer...

All right, little bit more.


That's enough.

I'm sorry, I'm at my worst tonight. I really am. I am tickled the deepest shade of shrimp to have been asked here tonight to open this wonderful old steam fair.

But you know, when Madame Kozlova created this thing all those years ago, she most certainly was not thinking of people like me, whatever I am, 'VIP, ' 'celebrity.' I hate all that stuff.

No, no... 'West End legend, ' that's another one. (CROWD LAUGHING)

No, no, she was thinking of you guys, huh?

The ordinary people.

So, I'm gonna ask one of you to come up here and open the fair.

Volunteers? Anyone.

ALL: Me. Me.

Eeny, meeny, miney...



Let's have the young bear. Why not?

Come, come, young ursine. Thank you.

Up here, my furry friend. Very good, very good.

Now, your name is? Paddington Brown.

Oh, well, of course it is. You are my new neighbor.

You live with Henry and Mary and the great Mrs...


Now then, I suppose you know who I am?

Oh, yes, you're a very famous actor.

Oh, pooh. (CHUCKLES) Or used to be.

Now you do dog food commercials.


Well, a man has to eat. What, dog food?



Very, very funny.

Anyway, they do say that at Madame Kozlova's, all your dreams come true.

So, if you had one wish tonight, what would it be?

Oh, that's easy.

I'd like to get my Aunt Lucy a birthday present.

ALL: Aww. Aww. Darling.

I've got my eye on an old pop-up book of London.

Made by Madame Kozlova, as it happens.

The only problem is it's rather expensive.

So I need to get my paws on an awful lot of money.

Well, I'm not sure that we can offer you that.

But we can of course offer you oodles of fun.

So, if you would like to lend me a paw, we now declare Kozlova's Steam Fair open! (ALL CHEERING)

Thank you, thank you very much.

(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING) Wonderful, thank you.

Mrs. Brown? Just one moment.

A word in your ear. Hmm?

This, er, this pop-up book.

Do you know it? I know of it.

But I was led to believe it was lost.

Where on earth did you find it?

Oh, at Mr. Gruber's Antique Shop.

He's keeping it to one side for me, but I really need a job.

I don't suppose you have any advice, do you?

No. No. No.

I imagine you just have to start at the bottom of the ladder and work your way up. (CHUCKLES)

Do you know what, Mr. Buchanan?


You've just given me the most brilliant idea.

Have I?

I'm going to be a window cleaner.


(SIGHS) Hmm...






Oh... Oh, dear.








Hello? Anyone?



Hello? Window cleaner. LANCASTER: No, thank you.

Sure, Colonel? They're awfully dirty.

I don't care and I'm not paying.

Perhaps I'll do them anyway.






Good afternoon, Colonel.

Are you aware there's a bear on your roof?

Yes, he seems to be cleaning my windows.

Shall I do your gutters while I'm up here?

Um, yes. Thank you.

Well, of course it's not for me to say, Colonel, but I wouldn't care to have an undesirable crawling all over my premises.

And as Commander of your Community Defense Force...

Is that an official position, Mr. Curry?

Or have you just bought yourself a yellow coat?

Got my eye on you, bear.

Oh. Sorry.

MAN: ♪ Here's a little song

♪ To help you get along

♪ Get you out the door

♪ To do a tiny chore

♪ Take some soap and water Mix it up together

♪ Splash it on the window pane

♪ Scrub it left to right Till it's shiny bright

♪ Rub with all your might

♪ Left and right Make it right

♪ Rub and scrub With your tub

♪ Left and right Rub and scrub

One more day, Aunt Lucy.


Mr. Gruber?


You're not Mr. Gruber!

Clear off! Oh, no, you don't.



Stop! Thief!


Come back with that book!


Robbery in progress at Gruber's Antiques.

Suspect is a small bear wearing a red hat and blue duffle coat.


Come back!





Come on, Wolfie.


Oi! Get off it! PADDINGTON: Give that back!



THIEF: Nice try, bear. Whoa, Wolfie.



Oh. Um...


(HOWLING) Giddy-up!


Come on, boy.


Excuse me. Coming through. Who are you? (GRUNTS)

Oh, dear.

Strike a light! Oh!


That book is reserved for Aunt Lucy!


Hello there. (HISSES)

Oh! Ow. Not the snout!

Wolfie! (BARKS)


Thank you, Wolfie. Come on. Attaboy.


All right, all right. You got me.

Hand over that book.

'Fraid I can't do that. Cheerio.

(WHIMPERS) But where did he go?

Hold it right there.

Oh, thank goodness you're here, Officer.

Put your... paws in the air.

But I'm not the thief.

I was chasing the thief. And then he... He...

Disappeared in a puff of smoke?



JONATHAN: Paddington! MARY: Oh, no!

HENRY: What's going on? OFFICER: Hold it there.

Hang on. Hang on. We're taking him into custody.

There must be some mistake. No mistake, sir.

What's happened?

Caught red-handed. What?

Robbing Gruber's Antiques.

CURRY: Well, well, well. The truth is out.

We opened our hearts to that bear, we opened our doors.

Well, you did. I kept mine triple locked in accordance with the guidelines.

And all along, he was robbing you blind.


MARY: Paddington!

Oh, no! ALL: Paddington!

Oh, dear!

THIEF: A nice little haul, and no mistake.

Turned out to be quite a stroke of luck, that bear turning up when he did.

Coppers think he done it. We're in the clear.


Indeed, Magwitch.

And we gave quite a performance, you and I.

Just like the old days.

Why the lemon face, Hamlet?

If you have something to say, I beg you, share it with us all.

It is not, nor it cannot come to good.

Oh, really. You and your dreary conscience.

Tell me this. Which would you rather?

That you stand here, gathering dust while I humiliate myself in a spaniel's costume on television or that we all return in glory in the greatest one-man show the West End has ever seen?


Oh, thank you, my darlings. Thank you. Thank you.

Blessings upon you all. Deepest of bows. Thank you.

I know what you're thinking, Scrooge.

It will cost a fortune, but if I'm right, that is exactly what this book will provide.

This is no dusty antique.

Hidden on every page, a little lady pointing to a clue.

Find all the clues, we're rich again, and our dog food days are done.

BUTLER: (ON VIDEO) Dinner is served, Master.

Thank you, Simkins.

If, like me, your doggie likes to maintain standards, can I recommend Harley's Gourmet Dindins.

More taste, more goodness, more, dare one say, class.


NARRATOR: Harley's Gourmet Dog Food.

Woof. Not to be consumed by humans.

BAILIFF: Court will rise.

Deep breath, Paddington. Remember what Mr. Brown said.

"You're young. You've done nothing wrong. You'll be fine.

"So long as you get a fair-minded judge."

Order! O... Order.

Oh, dear.

You'll now hear the case of the Crown versus Paddington Brown.


Oh, yes, he loved the book.

His heart was set on top of it.

So you discussed how expensive it was?

Yes, but he was earning the money.

I refuse to believe that young Mr. Brown would ever burglarize my shop.

ALL: Exactly.

FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR: Paw prints were found here, here, and here.

And a substance, later identified as marmalade, was found here.

And is this the same marmalade?

Yes, it is.


Phoenix Buchanan, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

May my entrails be plucked forth and wound about my neck should I deceive.

I do. Prison is no laughing matter.

And I should know, I spent three years in Les Misérables.


Mr. Buchanan, you live on the same street as the defendant? I do.

And you were an eye witness to the events that night?

Indeed I was.

I was up late, when I became aware of a hullabaloo in the street below.

I went to my awards room, which is a large room overlooking the newspaper kiosk, and I saw young Paddington riding a rather disreputable-looking hound.

Mary Brown drew this based on the bear's description of the man he claims he was chasing.

Did you see him on the street that night?

Oh, a handsome devil, isn't he? Hmm?

Dazzling eyes. Yes, but did you see him?

Your answer will tell us whether the bear is guilty.

Did you see this man?

Alas, I did not.


PHOENIX: But perhaps he'd already vanished.

I beg you, have mercy on him. He is but a cub.

GUARD: Paddington Brown.

Ten years for grand theft...

Oh, but, I...

...and grievous barberly harm.

(DOOR BUZZES) Follow me.

Oh, um...

Mrs. Brown usually reads me a story before bed.

I don't suppose...

Sorry, son. No bedtime stories in here.



Dear Aunt Lucy.

A great deal has happened since I last wrote.

There's been a bit of a mix-up with your present, and the upshot is I've had to leave Windsor Gardens and move somewhere else. (THUNDER RUMBLING)

It isn't quite as charming as the Browns' house, but it's not all bad.

It's a period property.

In fact, it's one of the most substantial Victorian buildings in London, and the security arrangements are second to none.

I'm only allowed to see the Browns once a month.

I wonder what they're doing now.

I do hope they don't forget me.

Of course they won't, Paddington.

This is the Browns you're talking about.

They'll sort everything out, and I'll be able to go home and get your present, and everything will be right as rain.

I just need to hold on till then.



The hunt begins.


GUARD: 325, 326, 327...

Here goes, Paddington. Manners.

GUARD: Fall in.

Good morning.

How would you like to start a gardening club?

How would you like to be buried in a very deep hole?

After you.

Spooner, R. Workshop.

Brown, P. Laundry duty.

Right, laundry.

Laundry, laundry?

Ah! Laundry!








Oh, it's only one red sock.

What's the worst that can happen?

Afternoon, chaps.


If you ask me, the pink really brightens the place up a bit.

If you ask me, you should pipe down and enjoy your dinner, because it might be your last.





Don't worry. I used to be a restaurant critic.

It's not as bad as it looks. Oh.


It's worse.

What is this?

Nobody knows.

But we've been eating it three times a day for the past ten years.

Why doesn't someone have a word with the chef? (COUGHS)

With Knuckles? (GROWLING)

Two things to remember if you want to survive in here.

Keep your head down and never talk to Knuckles.

Thank you.

Well I think it's a great idea.

Tell you what, son, you get Knuckles to change the menu and we might forget about you making us look like a bunch of pink flamingos.

All right then, I will. PHIBS: You don't wanna do that. Aunt Lucy said, "If you look for the good in people, you'll find it."

She obviously never met Knuckles.

Um, excuse me.

Mr. Knuckles?


I just wondered if I could have a quick word about the food?

Send a medic to the canteen.

You want to complain?

Oh, no, I wouldn't say complain.

Oh, that's a shame.

Because I just love it when people complain.

Really? Oh, yeah.


Well, in that case, it's very gritty.

Oh. And lumpy.

And as for the bread...


Need I say more?

I think we need to completely overhaul the menu.

Now I know we're working to a tight budget, but we could at least add some sauce.


Oh. Sorry about that. I'll just...

Hmm. No, that's just rubbing it in.


Don't worry. I know what gets ketchup stains out.

Hang on, was it mustard?


That's just made it worse!

Does anyone know what works on ketchup?



Forget the medic. Better send a priest.

You listen to me, you little maggot.


Nobody criticizes my food!

Right. Nobody squirts condiments on my apron.

Got it. And nobody bonks me on the head with a baguette.

No bonking.

I'll overhaul the menu all right.

Really? Dish of the day.

Yes? Bear pie.

I don't like it.

What is this?

It's a marmalade sandwich.


My Aunt Lucy taught me to make them.

You mean, you can make this?

Well, yes. Stand aside.

Get up off the floor, you bunch of yellow-bellies!

Listen to me.

This bear is now under my protection. Oh.

Anyone who touches a hair on his back will answer to Knuckles McGinty.

That's Knuckles with a capital 'N.'

Thank you, Mr. McGinty. Don't thank me yet.

I don't do nothin' for no one for nothin'.

Beg your pardon?

You get my protection so long as you make that marmalade. Deal?


Deal. (SPITS)

Somebody's got to recognize him sooner or later.


You all right, Mr. Gruber?

There's something about this whole business that has been tickling my brainbox.

What is it?

On the night of the robbery, when young Mr. Brown called out, the thief took to his heels and ran down the stairs.

MARY: Came straight through the shop and out the front door, setting off the alarm.

Ah. But that's the thing. He didn't go straight through the shop. No?

GRUBER: He came all the way over here to get the popping book.

Why not some jewelry or a vase?

They're much closer. Far more valuable.

He can't know much about antiques.


Unless he knows something about that book that we don't.

You may find this hard to believe, Madame Kozlova, but Paddington is innocent.

And we think that the real thief may have broken into Mr Gruber's just to steal your great-grandmother's pop-up book.

The pop-up book? I know it sounds far-fetched.

But is there anything you could tell us about that book?

Anything at all could be helpful.

That's quite a story. Oh, really?

Come with me.

I'll show you where it all happened.

You see, my great-grandmother, who started this fair, was the finest show woman of her generation.

She could tame lions, breathe fire, swallow swords, but she was most famous for the trapeze.

They called her the "Flying Swan."

Wherever she went, she was showered with gifts, and made a fortune.

But where there is a fortune, there is also jealousy.

The magician wanted it for himself.

And the "Flying Swan"...


...became the "Dying Swan."

He went to her caravan and opened her strongbox.

But instead of her treasure, all he found was one of her pop-up books:

Twelve Landmarks of London. (MAN SHOUTING)

They had him cornered, but he vanished.

And neither he, nor the treasure, were ever heard of again.

I knew there was something special about that pop-up book. HENRY: Hmm?

Well, why else would she have kept it in her strongbox?

You're not telling me you believed all that guff, are you?

Madame Kozlova drew 12 London landmarks in that book.


Well, what if they're not just landmarks.

What if they're... I don't know...

...clues! Clues?

To where she hid her fortune. You mean a treasure map?

Exactly! (SIGHS)

And that's why the thief took it from Mr Gruber's.

First thing tomorrow we need to go to every landmark in that book, see if we can sniff out anything suspicious.

Too many adventure stories, Mary.


She's a fortune-teller.

She spun you a yarn. It's what they do.

Honestly, Henry, you're so close-minded these days.

What's that supposed to mean?

What happened to the man I married?

He'd have believed me.

Oh, him. He's gone. What?

I'm afraid your husband's just a creaky old man, he's not Bullseye Brown. (MARY GROANS)

WOMEN: ♪ I'm crazy like a fool

♪ What about Daddy Cool?

♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool

♪ Daddy, Daddy Cool Bullseye.

Oh, Henry.

MALE SINGER: She's crazy about her daddy Henry? Henry!

Anyway, the point is, we're not going to help Paddington by going on a wild goose chase.

We're looking for this scruffy chancer, not some swashbuckling pirate hunting for buried treasure.

I think there's more to him than meets the eye.

I think he somehow knew the story of the Kozlova fortune and is out there right now trying to find it.

Well, Grandfather, tonight we go in search of clue number two.

The setting, St. Paul's Cathedral.

But how to slip in unobserved?

Enter Sister Isabella.



KNUCKLES: Wakey-wakey. (GASPS)

Marmalade time.

GUARD: There you go, lads. Good luck.

Um, Mr. McGinty... What do you want?

Well, the thing is, I'm actually innocent.

And I wondered if you had any advice on how to clear my name? Now that we're friends.

KNUCKLES: Friends? I'm your boss, not your buddy.

Oh. Well, after you.

Why? So you can stab me in the back?

No. Because it's polite.

Aunt Lucy said, "If we're kind and polite, "the world will be right."

(SCOFFS) You were ahead of me and now you're behind.

That makes you a sap.

Ingredients are over there. Um...

Aren't you going to help? Nope. Now get on with it.

But there's 500 hungry prisoners coming for breakfast, so we'll need 1,000 juicy oranges and...

Oh, and rule number one: no talking.



Rule number two: no humming or singing... But... I...

...or any other expression of bonhomie.




Ooh, that's heavy.

Come on, put your back into it.


These sacks are awfully heavy.

Well, take them one at a time, then.

Right. One at a... time.

One juicy orange.

Two juicy oranges.

Three juicy oranges.

Now what are you doing? Taking them one at a time.

One sack at a time!

I'm sorry, I'm finding this a very stressful working environment.

Aunt Lucy said...

Aunt Lucy! I've had it up to here with Aunt Lucy!

(GRUNTS) She sounds like a proper old bag to me. (GASPS)

I beg your pardon?

I said, your Aunt Lucy sounds like one of the most naive, gullible, mushy-brained...

What's going on?

Why are you looking at me like that?

It's awful hot in here. Are you hot? I'm hot.

(PANTING) Did I leave the oven on?

It's called a hard stare.

Aunt Lucy taught me to do them when people had forgotten their manners.

You don't have to tell me about hard stares, I practically invented them.

Pretty good for a bear though, I'll give you that.

Now, Mr. McGinty, I may look like a hardened criminal to you, but I really am innocent.

And if you're not going to help me clear my name, you could at least help me make this marmalade.

(SIGHS) All right, I'll help.

Thank you.

Not gonna be much use to you though.

These weren't exactly made for cooking.

Oh, I don't know.

Looks to me like you've got yourself a fine pair of orange squeezers.

Orange squeezers?






Yes. Spot on.

Now, we have to be very careful with knives.

Aunt Lucy said that sensible bears...


Where on earth did you learn to use a knife like that?

You don't wanna know.

Well, it's jolly good.




Right, it's time for the sugar. Okay.

That's what turns the juice into marmalade.

How much? Ooh, a lot.


Same again.


A squeeze of lemon.

A pinch of cinnamon.

And just a bit more sugar.

Well, is it good?

Oh, it's too soon to tell.

We'll only really know once it's set.

Designed by Sir Christopher Wren, St. Paul's Cathedral is one of London's most famous landmarks.

Sadly the Great Dome is closed to visitors today as one of its statues was destroyed in a bizarre accident last night.

But if you follow me...

Excuse me? What happened here?

A nun went berserk. JUDY: Really?

It happens.

The police have rounded them all up for questioning.

Hold it there, Sister!

You're going nowhere till the detective says so.

Spin it around!

Mind you, if you ask me, the real culprit slipped the net.

What makes you say that?

Because I saw her, that's what.

I was on patrol in the Upper Dome, watching the nuns parade far below, when something caught my eye.

One of them broke free from the herd and made her way to the Whispering Gallery.

Only the good Lord knows what she was doing up there.


But she was never gonna get away with it.

Not while I'm Vice Deputy Head of Security.


Attention all units. An unusually attractive nun is causing mayhem in the cathedral dome.

Activate emergency protocol. Stop that stunning Sister.

I set off at lightning speed. (SLURPING)

But by the time we'd locked the place down, she'd vanished into the night.

Good evening, my son. Oh, good evening, Your Grace.

Good evening.


Most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time.

Do you think you might be able to describe her?

It would be my pleasure. (CHUCKLES)



Gentlemen. For breakfast this morning, Chef McGinty would like to propose an orange marmalade served on a bed of warm crustless bread, topped with another piece of warm crustless bread.

Bon appetit.

Two choices: take it or leave it!

Are you all right, Knuckles?


Why don't you come and join the others?

Don't want to.

Are you scared what they might think?


What do they think? Did they like it?

Did they say anything? What did they say?

Well... They hated it! I knew it!

My father always said I'd amount to nothing, and he was right!

Knuckles. Knuckles!


Come and look.

PRISONERS: Mmm, mmm!



Come on.



I've a strange, warm tingle in my tum-tum.

I think that's called pride, Knuckles.

Well, I don't like it.

PHIBS: Um, have you got anything else?


You know, for, um, pudding?

No! Fair enough.

I'm afraid we only know how to make marmalade.

But if you have any recipes...

This lot? You're wasting your time there, Paddington.

They wouldn't know their pectin from their paprika.

Well, my grandmother used to do a lovely chocolate roulade.

I think I can remember the recipe.


Charley Rumble makes a mean apple crumble.


And I can make a strawberry panna cotta with a pomegranate glaze.

Oh, I like the sound of that. Don't you, Knuckles?


Come on then, let's get cooking.

MAN: ♪ If this little proverb

♪ You will understand

♪ You will lend your brothers a helping hand Ooh, nice roulade, Spoon.

Thank you, Phibs.

There you go, Paddington. Ooh, Knuckles.

I want those petit fours now!

♪ So whether you agree Or you shall disagree

♪ You cannot disregard the truth of this philosophy

♪ Singing life will be easier Time would be breezier

♪ If you love your neighbor Excuse me, Professor. What would Aunt Lucy say?

"Always use a cake fork." Well then.

Care for a taste, Warden? Thank you, Paddington.

♪ So if the choice of a heaven you wish to party WARDEN: Mmm! Butterscotch!

♪ This is an example you should try to emulate

♪ Resist all temptation, restrain from strife

♪ I try to live a normal and an upright life

♪ And this too you must learn Make the best of what you earn

♪ Strictly learn to leave your brothers' property alone

♪ And life will be easier, time will be breezier

♪ If you love your neighbor


WARDEN: (ON PA) "...and it turns out the monster

"wasn't such a monster after all, "and they all became the best of friends.

"The end."


Uh! Time for bed, you lot.

You need your beauty sleep. It's visiting day tomorrow.

Visiting day.

I do hope you have good news.

MARY: In the past month, these 3 shadowy individuals have all been seen snooping round 3 London landmarks.

JUDY: We think the thief you saw is part of a criminal gang.

Using the pop-up book as a treasure map.

Well, it's a theory.

Have you found out who they are?

Not yet, dearie.

Maybe I should take a look.

I'm sorry, this is a private conversation.

Oh, it's all right, Mr. Brown, this is my friend, Knuckles. (PRISONERS GREETING)

And this is Phibs. Spoon. Jimmy the Snitch.

T-Bone. The Professor. Squeaky Pete.

Double Bass Bob. Farmer Jack. Mad Dog.

Jonny Cashpoint. Sir Geoffrey Wilcott.

I hope I can rely on your vote.

And Charley Rumble.

Oh, it's so wonderful to meet you all.

I must say, it's a great relief to know that Paddington's already made such sweet friends.

Would you excuse us a moment?

What are you doing? Talking to the nice men.

"Nice men"? Mary, we can't trust these people.

I mean, look at them.

Talk about a rogues' gallery. Hideous.

And as for that bearded baboon in the middle, he's hardly got two brain cells to rub together.

We can still hear you, Mr. Brown.


That was the light you turned off.

The microphone is on the other side.

It's got "microphone" written on it.

Gentlemen, if I have offended you in any way...

KNUCKLES: Don't worry about it.

We're fond of the little fella.

And let's face it, if anyone can recognize a criminal gang, it's us.


We'd be grateful for any help.


Well? Knuckles.

I'm afraid I don't recognize any of them. Lads?

ALL: No.

I'm afraid I couldn't possibly comment.


KNUCKLES: Sorry to say it, kid, but your friends are barking up the wrong tree.

A nun, a beefeater and a king?

Sounds more like a fancy dress party than a criminal gang.

PADDINGTON: Then, what are we going to do now?


Watch where you're going. So sorry. Sorry.

Sorry, I get grumpy when I haven't had breakfast.

Keys. Keys. Keys!


You can't park here!

I'm not parked, I'm doing the bins.

You're not doing the bins, sunshine, you're studying on council time.

I'm gonna report you.

And your hat.

Morning, Miss Kitts, Colonel. Oh, morning, Mrs Brown.

Judy asked me to drop these off to you.

CURRY: Propaganda!

You are wasting your time trying to peddle that rubbish.

Everyone round here knows it was your bear that done it.

And this street is a far, far better place without him.


Oh, it's that mangy dog!

You are going to the pound, my son.

Barking without a license in a built-up area.

Give them here, Mary.

I have to sell them under the counter, for obvious reasons, but people are buying them.


It's a bloomin' good read.

Made a few people round here think twice about your young bear.

You just need to find that thief.

Oh, we're trying.

Don't suppose you know where he is, do you, Feathers?

He's behind you.

Sorry, what?

PHOENIX: Coo-eee!

Mary? Oh, hello, Phoenix.

Why don't you come on in?

I want to hear all about the investigation. Yeah?

Mysterious things have been happening all over town.

Oh, yes? Strange characters turning up at every landmark in that book.

Are they?

I don't know.

Perhaps it's just a coincidence.

Henry says I let my imagination get the better of me.

Well, you're an artist, Mary, like me.

Our imaginations run free like bison upon the plain.

But can I just say, in this particular case, I think dear old Henry might have a point.

Do you?

But I do have a little bit of good news that might turn your frown upside down.

Oh, yes?

It looks, fingers, fingers, fingers, as though the funding may be coming through for my one-man show.

Oh. Right.

It's an evening of monologue and song, featuring some of my better known characters.

Would you like a little preview?


Picture this scene. Darkness, then suddenly spotlight, me, ping!

♪ Listen to the rain on the roof

♪ go pit pitty pat, pit pitty pat sit...

Oh, Mary, you look sad. You don't like musicals?

No. No, no, no.

I suppose it seems so unfair Paddington is in prison and yet life carries on. Oh, I know.

It must be so hard to accept that he won, that man with the dazzling blue eyes. (CLICKS TONGUE)


I beg your pardon?

The man in the poster. Your wonderful drawing.

Yes, but... how do you know he had blue eyes?


It's just a pencil sketch.


Well, then I must have colored him in. (CHUCKLES)

HENRY: Phoenix Buchanan?

He's a master of disguise.

She's gone mad. MARY: Think about it, Henry.

Someone out there knows about the Kozlova fortune, right?

Alleged fortune.

And Knuckles said we weren't looking for a criminal gang.


Because there was no gang. It was one man.

Feathers knew all along.

Feathers? Who's Feathers? Hmm?

The parrot at the newsstand?


Can we just return to Planet Earth for a moment?

Phoenix Buchanan is a highly respected, award-winning actor, and a member of our Platinum club.

He is not a petty thief. Hang on a minute, Henry.

But let's just assume I'm wrong, shall we?


And that the fortune-teller, career criminal and parrot are right.

May I remind you that you don't actually have any proof.

Now, if anyone wants me, I shall be putting up posters.

He's right.

MRS. BIRD: Well, I believe you, Mary.

Actors are some of the most evil, devious people on the planet.

Are they? They lie for a living.


If we're gonna catch one... Yes?

...we're gonna need a foolproof plan.


KNUCKLES: Paddington? Oh.

KNUCKLES: Paddington.


KNUCKLES: Got a proposition for you, kid.

Me and the boys have been talking, and seems to us, if you're gonna clear your name, you're gonna need our help.

The Browns may mean well, but...

It takes a thief to catch a thief.


KNUCKLES: Now, if we could figure a way out of here and hit the streets, we'd find this guy soon enough.

But that would mean... escape.

KNUCKLES: It certainly would. And we got a plan.

But it's a four-man job, so we need your help.

What do you say, kid?

It's very kind of you, Knuckles, but I don't think Aunt Lucy would like the idea of us breaking out of prison.

The Browns will find the real thief.

I just need to be patient.

You may not wanna hear this, kid, but sooner or later the Browns, well, they'll forget you.

PHIBS: They always do.

SPOON: They'll miss one visit. Then two.

KNUCKLES: Before you know it, you won't have a home to go back to.

You're wrong, Knuckles. You're all wrong.

The Browns aren't like that.

They'll come tomorrow and they'll have good news, you'll see.


It's Judy Brown from the Portobello Express.

Come in.

So what's this for, darlings? School newspaper?

Yes. We thought the agent of the Phoenix Buchanan would be really interesting.

And you'd be right. But I've got two minutes, so we better make it snappy.

And I've only given you that because you've brought breakfast.

Nice buns, by the way.

Here he comes.

Hello, Joe. What a surprise. (JOE CHUCKLES)

What are you doing here?

JOE: Oh, you know, posting letters.

How's Paddington?

Oh, he's a tough wee bear.

Yeah, he is. Well, send him my best.

Yes, I will. Thank you, Joe. Bye-bye.

Mr. Buchanan.

So, when can we expect to see Mr. Buchanan back on stage?

Phoenix? Oh, I wouldn't hold your breath, darling.

(CHUCKLES) No, no, no, don't get me wrong.

He's a terrific actor, but there is a teensy little problem.


He won't work with other people.

Thinks they dilute his talent.

Miss Fanshaw.

Oh, I must scoot. We're having lunch with a big Broadway producer.

Oh, where are you going? The Ritz, darling!

Really nice buns.

PHOENIX: Well, good heavens. Come.


MRS. BIRD: The package has been delivered.

Repeat, the package has been delivered.

Barkridge's, no less.

Lucky, lucky Phoenix. Whoo!


Hello? FELICITY: Phoenix.

Felicity! What a lovely surprise.

I was beginning to think you'd lost my number.

I've got two minutes, so we better make it snappy.


We're having lunch with a big Broadway producer.

Well, wonderful news. Yes, yes. Where does one go?

The Ritz, darling!

I am on my way.

Nice buns, by the way.

I beg your pardon?


Really nice buns.

Thank you, darling.

I've never had any complaints about Mr. and Mrs. Botty-cheek.


Gloves. Keys.

And exit.





(MOUTHING) Open the window.

Hello, darling. Have you gone insane?

I know it's Phoenix and I'm going to prove it.

This is breaking and entering.

We haven't broken anything.

Why would Phoenix want to steal a pop-up book?

He's a millionaire!

That's where you're wrong.

He owes money all over town. Look.

So he's got a few bills. I mean, everyone...

Good grief, the man spends a lot on face cream.

He hasn't got a penny to his name.

Now come on. Let's find that book and get out of here.

(GASPS) Cravat.

Well? Nothing.

We must be missing something.

Unless there's nothing to find.

Now can we please go?

Oh. Look, Henry. What?

The carpet.

Yes, it's lovely. I'll order a swatch.

Give me a leg-up. Oh...

Quick, quick, quick.



A secret room.

It's an attic. Secret attic.

It's an ordinary attic.

Every house in the street has one.

I mean, look, it's just a perfectly normal...

Oh, my God, he's a weirdo.

Look, Henry. The nun. The thief. The king.

We were right!

Sorry. "We"?

Well, I mean, I never... (DOOR OPENS)


Quick! (WHISPERING) Get down. Get down.

Quite frankly ravishing.


Who goes there?

Reveal yourself.


Hello, Phoenix.

What on earth are you doing here?

I might ask you the same thing.

Well, I live here. It's my house.

And I insure it. And for our Platinum Club members, we perform an annual free home inspection to verify your security arrangements.

In your pajamas?


With your wife?

So that all seems pretty secure.

Oh, hello, Phoenix. Mary.

Didn't hear you come in.

She helps out when we're busy.

Oh, well, that sounds entirely plausible.

Does it? Great. Well, I'm delighted to say that everything seems tickety-boo.


HENRY: So, I'll nip back to the office and get the boys to type that up ASAP.

And we'll hope to see you soon.


Perhaps next time not in your pyjamas?


He's such a silly one. Ciao, now.

Oh, thank Larry it's there.

Thank Larry, Johnny and all the ghosts of the avenue.

(IN COCKNEY ACCENT) Yeah, well, that was close, weren't it? (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) Aye!

Too close, if you ask me.

(NORMAL ACCENT) Hold your nerve, MacBeth!

Screw your courage to the sticking place!

We are so nearly there.

I have followed this lady through the whole of London and collected every one of her clever little clues.

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) Aye. But what do they mean?

(IN COCKNEY ACCENT) It's just a jumble of letters, ain't it?


(IN BELGIAN ACCENT) Uh-huh. They are not letters at all.

They are musical notes.

(NORMAL ACCENT) Indeed, Poirot. And I believe I know just where to play them.


That is an amazing story.

But all you can actually prove is Phoenix Buchanan keeps his old costumes.

(ALL PROTESTING) Bring me some hard evidence.

Bring me the book with his fingerprints on, and then you've got a case.

But until then, there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.

Where is she go... Where's she going?

What do we do now?

I don't know.

Well, at least we can tell Paddington we know who did it.

Oh, no. What?

We've missed visiting. Oh!

MARY: Paddington.







LUCY: Paddington!

(GASPS) Aunt Lucy?

Aunt Lucy! Paddington.

What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at home.

I'm afraid I don't have one anymore.

You see, I'm in prison.

And even the Browns have forgotten me.


KNUCKLES: Paddington?


Tonight's the night. We leave at midnight.

You wanna clear your name, it's now or never.

You in? (SIGHS)

I'm in.

WARDEN: Right. Time to call it a night. (CHUCKLES)

Not much going on here anyway.

They've been good as gold recently.

Lights out.





Oh, sandwiches.

KNUCKLES: Paddington.




Good luck, little bear.

KNUCKLES: This is the life, lads.



Bring her down, Spoon.

KNUCKLES: There she is, boys. Our ticket out of here.

What do you mean? Where are we going?

Might as well tell him, Knucks.

PADDINGTON: Tell me what?

Aren't we going to clear my name?

Sorry, kid. Change of plan.


We're leaving the country. And you're coming with us.

But... you lied to me.

Oh, hey, now, it wasn't like that.

We were doing you a favor.

If we told you the truth, you'd never have come along, and it's better this way.

We are gonna make marmalade together.

But I don't want to, Knuckles.

I want to clear my name and go home.

And you said you'd help. You promised.

Sorry, kid.

No can do.

(GROWLS) SPOON: Paddington!

Let him go.

If he wants to get himself arrested, that's his choice.



JUDY: You've reached the Brown residence.

JONATHAN: We're not here now...

JUDY: ...but leave a message.


Hello, it's me. Paddington.

I hope you don't mind my calling.

I just wanted to let you know I've broken out of prison and, well, I suppose I'm on the run.

I didn't really mean to, but Knuckles said that if we broke out he'd help clear my name, and then I could come home.

But he's gone now and I'm on my own.

I don't really know why I'm calling. (PHONE BEEPING)

I suppose I just wanted to say...





Hello? MARY: Paddington?

Yes. Yes, it's Paddington.

I'm so sorry I escaped, Mrs. Brown, but I thought you'd forgotten on me.

We'd never forget you, Paddington.

Paddington? MARY: You're family.

And we know who the thief was.

It's Phoenix Buchanan.

Mr. Buchanan?

MRS. BIRD: But he's disappeared into thin air.

We've been looking for him at every landmark in that book. JUDY: Every last page.

"Where all your dreams come true."

Why do you say that?

Oh, it was written on the last page of the pop-up book.

Always made me think of Aunt Lucy.

Very bizarre. Is it?

I found that exact same phrase on a scrap of paper in Phoenix's house.


I'm sure I've seen that before.

Look. "Where all your dreams come true."

HENRY: The organ?

That must be where Madame Kozlova hid her fortune.

Let's get to the fair.

It's too late. They're leaving today.

JONATHAN: From Paddington Station.

MARY: At 6:35.

There's still time.

Paddington, head for the station.

If we can find Phoenix and get hold of that book, his fingerprints will prove everything.

But that's miles away, Mr. Brown. I'll...


I'll see you there.

(HORN HONKING) MR. BARNES: Clear the road.

This is a refuse emergency.


Fellow citizens, I've just received intelligence.

The bear has escaped and may be heading this way.

I have raised the neighborhood panic level to "wild hysteria."

Get out of the way, Mr. Curry!

JUDY: Paddington's not coming this way!

He's gonna clear his name.

And we're gonna bring him home!

We don't want him here.

No, of course you don't. You never have.

As soon as you set eyes on that bear, you made up your mind about him.

Well, Paddington's not like that.

He looks for the good in all of us, and somehow he finds it.

It's why he makes friends wherever he goes.

And it's why Windsor Gardens is a happier place whenever he's around.

He wouldn't hesitate if any of us needed help.

So stand aside, Mr. Curry, because we're coming through!





CURRY: Nice try, Brown.

Your plan seems to have stalled.

Like your vehicle.

Try the choke. Go on, try the choke. You're flooding it.

Clutch down, second gear, Mr. Brown.


DR. JAFRI: After three. Three. CURRY: What's going on?

You are illegally perambulating on a public highway.

LANCASTER: Put your backs into it.

Do not push that vehicle. (ENGINE STARTS)

Bring Paddington home. Thank you.


Right, Paddington, stay low, and remember, you're a bin.

PADDINGTON: You're a bin. You're a bin.

Just an ordinary bin going for a walk.


PADDINGTON: Thank you. You're welcome.

Nothing to see here, Officer. Just a bin.


Quite good being a bin.


PHOENIX: Gentlemen.




HENRY: Paddington!

Mr. Brown! Quickly, he's on board.


Don't worry, I'll handle it myself.

We've gotta catch up with that train.


I've got an idea.

Good morning, madam. Sir. Welcome on board.

Morning. Thank you.

May I offer you a glass of champagne?

Oh, thank you so much. That's very kind.

Very civilized, yes.

Nice to have a break after all I've been through with that beastly bear.

Boiler pressure, 225.

Water, half a glass. Air brake, off.

Nice work, J-Dog.

My name's not J-Dog.

It's Jonathan Brown. And I like steam trains.

Oh, for goodness' sake. I'm so sorry.

Get off. Stop it. (SHUSHING)

Don't shush me, Gertrude.

I have just been spilled upon by a chilled liquid.

Gerald, I want you to shush.

Yes, Gertrude.


Here's the news from the BBC.

Four convicts made a daring escape from Portobello Prison last night.

The prisoners all appear to have vanished without a trace... (KNUCKLES CACKLES)

...except Paddington Brown, who was seen boarding a fair train bound for Bristol.

Police are closing in and expect to make an arrest soon.


Poor little fella.

Must be somewhere down there right now.

SPOON: Shouldn't we help him, Knuckles?

KNUCKLES: How? We go back down there, they won't just lock us up, they'll throw away the key.

I know but he's our friend.

Stick to the plan.

I don't do nothin' for no one for nothin'.


Well, Grandfather, the moment of truth.









What's he doing? JUDY: I don't know.

Paddington! He can't hear us.

Can this thing go any faster?

I can try but I need more coal.

I'm on it.

Pull alongside. I'm going across.

I'll come with you. Judy...

Just you try and stop us!

Come on then!





Ready? Yep.




INSTRUCTOR: Open your mind and your legs will follow.


Mr. Brown!

Mrs. Bird.


And finally E.







Aren't you pretty.

West End here I come.


Morning. (GASPS)


What was it? D. F. (NOTES PLAY)


Come back with that book.


Where do you think you're going, bear?

It's a train. It comes to an end, like all of us alas.


PHOENIX: Whoops.

Exit bear, pursued by an actor. (YELPS)

Phoenix Buchanan.

Mrs. Bird?

Oh, so now you remember me?

Well, I never. The cavalry.

An old crone, a little girl and an insurance man.

What am I going to do?

I'll tell you exactly what I'm going to do.

Mmm? I'm going to bloomin' well biff you on the nose.

Not a very good idea.


Stage combat, level four.

Well, where I come from, laddie, they teach you never to bring a knife to a gunfight.


I think you'll find that fires plastic darts.

So it does.

Whereas this sword looks very sharp.

Back you go. All of you, back.

And for you, sir, the jumbo pavlova.

Ah. Enjoy.

Oh, hello, Your Honor. The hair is looking lovely.

MARY: Paddington!

Mrs. Brown!

I've got an idea.

Good. Good. Excellent. Now for your furry friend.


Slow down, Jonathan.

PHOENIX: Coo-ee!

What a clever little bear.


Don't worry. I know a wee trick Harry Houdini used to do.



Jump, Paddington! I'll catch you.


Whoa! (GRUNTS)


Bye-bye, bear.


Stop the train, Jonathan!







KNUCKLES: Let's go, lads.


Knuckles, you came back.

Can't make marmalade on my own now, can I?

Thank you, everyone.


He's burning up.

Better get the little fella to bed.

JONATHAN: Mom! JUDY: Paddington!

MARY: He's not well.

KNUCKLES: Don't worry, he's gonna be fine.

Aren't you, little buddy?

JONATHAN: Paddington!

Where am I? Take it easy now.

You gave us a wee scare, but you're home now.

Home? That's right. Look.

The police realized they'd made a terrible mistake.

HENRY: Phoenix Buchanan has been arrested, and, I might add, is no longer a member of our Platinum Club.

Then... You're a free bear.

How long have I been asleep? JONATHAN: Three days.

Three days! But that means...

It's Aunt Lucy's birthday.

And I never sent her anything.

It's all right, Paddington.

But it isn't all right, Mrs. Brown.

You see, Aunt Lucy did so much for me when I was a cub.

Without her I'd never have come to London.

And I suppose all I ever really wanted was to make her proud.

But now she's going to wake up on her birthday with no present and think I've let her down completely.

Oh, you great goose, she won't think that at all.

Won't she?

Come with us.

Here he is! (ALL APPLAUDING)

What are you all doing here? We wanted to say thank you.

PADDINGTON: Thank you?

For everything you've done for us.


If it wasn't for you, we'd never have met.

You helped me pass my exam.

I would be permanently locked out of my house.


I'd say you've rather a lot to be proud of.

GRUBER: And when we heard that the police wanted the popping book for evidence, we thought we'd find Aunt Lucy another present.

DR. JAFRI: So we all clubbed together.

I pulled in a few favors from my old Air Force chums.

And we think she's going to love it.

But... what is it?

You wanted to get that book so Aunt Lucy could see London, didn't you?

It was always her dream.

Well, we thought, why look at London in a book when she could see the real thing?


Why don't you go and answer that?




Happy birthday, Aunt Lucy.

MAN: ♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora

♪ Shake your body line

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake it all the time

♪ Work, work, work, Senora Work your body line

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake it all the time

♪ My girlfriend name is Senora

♪ I tell you friends, I adore her

♪ And when she dances, oh brother

♪ She is a hurricane in all kind of weather

♪ Jump in the line

♪ Shake your body and jump in the line

♪ Jump in the line

♪ Shake your body and jump in the line

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake your body line

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora Shake it all the time

♪ You can talk about cha cha Tango, waltz or the rumba

♪ Senora's dance has no title

♪ Jump in the saddle, hold on to the bridle

♪ Jump in the line

♪ Shake your body and jump in the line

♪ Jump in the line

♪ Shake your body and jump in the line

Phoenix Buchanan, you have proved yourself to be a heinous criminal and a disgrace to the noble profession of acting.

(SOBS LOUDLY) I sentence you to ten years, and I suggest that you use your time behind bars wisely.

I shall.

♪ Listen to the rain on the roof go

♪ Pit pitty pat, pit pitty pat Pitty

♪ Sit kitty cat We won't get home for hours

♪ Relax and listen to the rain on the roof go

♪ Plunk planka plink, plunk planka plink

♪ Planka

♪ Let's have a drink And shelter from the showers

♪ Rain, rain, don't go away Fill up the sky

♪ Rain through the night We'll stay cozy and dry

♪ Listen to the rain on the roof go

♪ Pit pitty pat, plunka plink Plank

♪ Pity that it's not a hurricane

♪ Listen plink to the lovely rain


Thank you. Thank you.

Well, it seems I didn't need the West End after all. Just a captive audience. (CHEERING CONTINUES)

What am I like?

Guards, lock me up! Oh, wait, you have.