Pajama Party (1964) Script

♪Hey, Mr. Sun Come on and shine ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun It's party time ♪

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun We'll be on time ♪ Hey, Mr. Sun You've gotta shine ♪

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day

♪Wanna whistle ♪ [ whistling ]

♪Yeah, you're feelin' Like you wanna sing ♪

♪Feelin' happy ♪ [ whistling ]

♪Happy 'cause you know What the day's gonna bring ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun You're right on time ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun The pleasure's mine ♪

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day

♪Wanna whistle ♪ [ whistling ]

♪Yeah, you feel like You wanna sing ♪

♪Feelin' happy ♪ [ whistling ]

♪Happy 'cause you know What the day's gonna bring ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun You're right on time ♪

♪Hey, Mr. Sun The pleasure's mine ♪

♪We're feelin' great, yeah We're feelin' fine ♪

♪It's that kind of day Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪It's that kind of day Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪It's that kind of day

I say, let's call The whole invasion off.

What do we need With a crazy planet ?

That's not it. We owe it to the universe.

If those are earth teenagers, They've got to cause trouble When they grow up.

You picked the biggest Goof-off on all mars To be the advance man.

Naturally. He's so stupid That if he's captured, He'll confuse the enemy.

That's part of our plan. Here he comes.

It's not That I don't like him. I can't stand him !

So if you'll excuse me, I'll leave now.

Plang.

Plang.

Plang. Plang. You look Like some kind of nut.

I can't help it. This is the way Earth people dress.

I've been studying Their habits For the past three years.

So be it. Know your mission ? To prepare the way for the infiltration.

Good. In 48 hours then, be ready to meet the first party of ten on earth.

Plang.

Ooh-yee-hoo-hoo !


Big lunk ? Hmm ?

Look over there.

Doesn't that make You think of something ? Heck, yeah.

It's time for Volleyball practice !

Come on, team.

Big lunk !

Mush !

What'd you go And do that for ?

It is time For volleyball practice !

I'm not asking why You did it, I’m telling you You're right and he's wrong.

Thanks, Vikki. How do you know ?

Don't you remember ? I went with him Last year.

Come on, gang, Let's head for the beach And volleyball.

And leave the girls ? No. We need Vikki For setter.

What about love, Romance, cool lips And moonlight ?

Sounds great. Never tried playing volleyball In the moonlight.

Maybe we'll try it tonight. Come on.

[ ringing ]

[ coughing ] I'm comin', I’m comin'.

[ ringing continues ]all right ! Will ya--

I'm comin', I told ya.

All right, will ya ? Yeah ?

[ man ] boss, it's Fleegle. Hello, Fleegle ? Where are ya ? I'm gettin' waterlogged.

Are you in the bath tub ? No, stupid, I'm not in the bathtub.

Then where are you ? Look, Fleegle, Listen very carefully.

But--Boss, I got a problem. No, you listen to me !

Right next door is more money Than you and me has ever seen.

Boss, I--I’m sitting here On my big raft doing nothin'.

What ? Stop stuttering. But, boss--

Now look, get that Indian And that Swede and Get 'em up here right away.

Boss, I got something To tell you. What's that ?

I got a flat tire. So ya got a flat ! Fix it, idiot !

I'm not a mechanic. Where are you ?

Sycamore and valley. You knucklehead. You're At the bottom of the hill.

Walk up here and try not To attract any attention. Ya hear me ?

Yeah, but--right away !

That stupid idiot. [ laughing ]

Boss, that's a long walk Up the hill and it's--

But, but, but--what ?

[ continues indistinct ]

All right, team, let's go. Jilda, serve the way I showed you. Come on, baby.

Come on. Jilda, I--

What happened to him ?

[ excited chattering ]


Oh, you're all looking So healthy this morning !

Now, breathe deeply.

Because we have a nice Warm summer coming, And I want to bring The color to your cheeks.

Ooh ! Mmm.

Harold, Cynthia, Not yet.

I shall have To talk to you about The birds and the bees, And the teenagers.

I know it takes self-control, but there's a time and a place for everything.

Now, listen To the leaves rustling, And the birds singing. Psst ! past ! oh, heavens, is it possible There's a snake in the grass ?

Psst ! Up here !

You're casting shadows On my roses.

Terribly sorry.

I should hope so. What if I were having A sunbath ?

It's kinda embarrassing For me, I mean, coming From mars and like that.

But my power jet pack Just pooped out... Right here. did you say from mars ? yeah. Don't you believe me ?

Do you believe I talk to flowers ?

Why, certainly. Why not ?

Then I believe That you come from mars.

I thought maybe if you could Throw me up a rope, You could pull me down.

Oh, oh, certainly.

So, that nutty advance man Of yours made conduct.

With what ? What's an "aunt Wendy" ?

An aunt Wendy is a reasonably Average earth adult.

If she's average, I don't see why we want The place so badly.

Oh, gosh, Connie, I didn't mean to hit Big lunk on the head.

It happens. But his head Is his weak spot.

I'll say ! I guess that blows The volleyball game.

Volleyball ?

What are you Standing around for ? Let's get practicing !

Let's go, champ !

Team, let's get cracking. [ Connie ] Big lunk ? aren't you forgetting Something ? oh, yeah.

You can see better From over here, honey.

All right, team, let's go. Come on, hit it.

Oh ! Him !

Him ! Did I tell ya ? Did I tell ya right ?

Yeah, you sure did Tell us right, boss.

Look at them, getting Footprints all over our beach.

That's right, boss. Footprints all over except Where they were sittin'.

We gotta chase them off The beach before they Got it all footprinted up.

Aah !

J.D., you and Alberta Take the lead.

I, Eric von Zipper, Your leader, will personally Bring up the rear.

Let's go !

Big lunk !

They got the boss !

Boy, someone's Gonna get it for this !

Someone's really Gonna get it.

Oh, boy, He's gonna be mad. He hates fish.

They're responsible. Yeah ! You wait Till he comes to !

You're gonna get Eric von Zipper's Revenge, boy !

I can hardly wait !

Hey, what happened ?

As usual, nothing ! Here, why don't you blow ?

I don't understand you. I tell you I’m a Martian.

I tell you there'll be ten More like me in 48 hours. What does that mean to you ?

Forty-eight hours ? That's two days.

Now, now, keep still, dear. Please.

You don't believe I'm from mars, right ? I believe.

I'll prove it to you. This is my transducer.

[ gasps ] Oh, we don't use words Like that in this house, dear.

You're just the right size For big lunk's Last year's clothes.

A transducer is what You earth people call A ray gun.

Oh, yes, I know. Big lunk Used to play with them...

Before he discovered The pogo stick.

I'll show you What it can do.

Oh ! Isn't that nice ?

Have you ever thought of becoming a magician ? On the stage ? In vaudeville ?

You'd look very handsome In a tuxedo.

Listen, We're gonna take over !

Yes, I know. Young people eventually do.

What a wonderful color With your eyes.

I'll show you exactly What's going to happen.

You just sit down And wait a minute.

You're going to put on A magic show for me ?

Yeah, I’m gonna put on A magic show for ya.

This is my teleporter.

It looks very convenient. Is it a kind of radio ?

Now, with this, I can send anything I want Directly to mars...

In one hundred-thousandth of a millisecond merely by adjusting these dials.

Can you now ? What do they need ? they don't need anything. well, why send it to them ?

the sign's in there, right ? right.

Now, I turn The teleporter on, Position the function dial To "transmit,"

Um, set the time lapse To zero.

Now, watch.

[ beeping ]

I have just sent The bus stop sign to mars !

How wonderful ! Do they have buses there ? no. well, why do you send it There then ?

They won't do anything With the bus stop sign.

Don't worry, dear. You did a very nice trick.

And I’m delighted to get That old sign out of the room.

Listen, I’m trying To tell you something.

There's going to be an invasion Of a whole army of others Just like me !

Oh, isn't that nice.

But I suggest you get Hotel reservations. Summers At the beach can be awful.

People come from all over. Your friends won't be able To get rooms.

Look, just by reversing The process, I set this dial To "receive."

I set the time lapse To whatever time I want...

And whoever is In the receiving area on mars, Eventually it will be an army, Will materialize one by one In there !

Oh, good ! We have a lot Of very nice unattached girls Around here.

And I would be happy to introduce any of your friends to any of my young friends.

By the way, How do I introduce you ? Pleasantly, I hope.

I didn't mean that. What's your name ? Go Go.

I beg your pardon ? Go Go.

Go Go ? Oh, that's ridiculous. I shall call you George.

You follow me down to the pool house and we'll get you into a proper swimsuit...

And out of that foolish-looking usher's uniform.

Why do things have to be So difficult ?

[ tapping parasol ] George, are you coming ?

George ?

That's me !

♪ [ rock and roll ]

♪ [ rock and roll continues ]


[ everyone yelling ]


What are we doing this for ? I don't know why you do 'em, I like 'em sensation.

Since you know how to speak to her, get that blonde here while I go looking for the boss.

Ugh. don't use that word no more. I don't like it.

Yoo-hoo ! Boss ! Boss !

Cowabonga ! Make chop-chop.

Yoo-hoo ! Boss ? Mr. Hulk ! Yoo--

Oh. We go in house.

Mr. Hulk tell you what room, Then you take-um bath. Follow me.


Ja, ja, ja.

♪ [ rock and roll ]

♪out where the sun shines Bright all day ♪

♪down the coast Toward Malibu way ♪

♪that's where we dance That's where we swim ♪

♪where there's a her For every him ♪

♪'cause that's The way it's done Among the young ♪

♪suntanned boys In surfer pants ♪

♪teaching all the girls The latest dance ♪

♪we walk the dog We do the twist ♪

♪we do the swim It goes like this ♪

♪'cause that's the way It's done among the young ♪


♪girls in bikinis Steal the show ♪

♪yeah, walkin' down the beach To and fro ♪

♪it's summertime We have a ball ♪

♪we live it up Till the fall ♪

♪'cause that's the way It's done among the young ♪

♪among the young

♪that's the way it's done Among the very young ♪

♪that's the way it's done Among the very young ♪

♪that's the way it's done Among the young ♪

♪'cause that's the way

♪that's the way it's done

♪among the young

Yeah ! [ applauding ]

[ applause continues ]

Mush !

Hello ?

[ clock bonging ]

So we made a slight mistake. I thought that house Next door was yours.

I guess they're still there. [ laughs ]

[ laughs ] You nitwit birdbrain !

That's the house Where we're working the scam, And I hope for your sake, The blonde don't run Into the old lady's nephew, Big lunk.

If she does, it could blow The whole master plan.

Ow ! Master plan.

That's got something to do With what we're doing here, Right, boss ?

Listen and I’ll give you A rundown Of the whole master plan.

We rented this house Because of the old tomato Next door, Affectionately known To the teenager element of The community as "aunt Wendy."

You gonna squeeze my nose Again if I ask a question ? No. What is it ?

Who is aunt Wendy ? And what the heck Are we doing here ?

Aunt Wendy happens to run The most expensive dress shop In this town.

She sells only to teenagers.

She loses money On every dress she sells, So how does she stay alive ?

Volume ? Wrong !

Keep hitting me like that And I’m gonna hear birds.

Aunt Wendy's husband Died 20 years ago. He was a millionaire.

Only he didn't leave no dough In the bank. What does that mean to you ?

I don't know, But whatever you say, I agree.

I'll tell you. It means There's millions of bucks Of cash hidden in that house.

Every two weeks, That old ding-a-ling sends Her beetle-browed nephew, Who goes by the Suspicious name of big lunk, To the bank with 25 grand.

That's to make up The deficit of the dress shop. Now, do you get the picture ?

Yeah, we bust in, Find the dough And blast off, right ?

Wrong ! We don't use brute force. We use brains !

Remember ? Who's the king of the con men ? You, boss.

J. Sinister hulk himself.

You can say that again.

Now then, obviously That middle-aged fruitcake...

Ain't gonna show us where She stashed the loot, right ? Whatever you say, boss.

Now what do we do ? We attack the weakest link, "big lunk."

"big link" ? Big lunk !

Aah !

Mmmmm !

Mmmmm.

Hi ! [ screams ]

Really, I--

[ screaming continues ]

They like to be Formally introduced.

[ crashing noise ]

[ screaming ] [ clock bonging ]

[ screaming ]

Hey, you forgot this !

Boss ! Boss ! They're coming !

See ? I told you not to worry.

Gimme those opera glasses Before you hurt yourself.

[ screaming ]

Oh, yeah, That's my blonde, all right.

Me good Indian ! Me surrender.

Stop ! Stop ! You forgot your brush !

That's what you call An intelligence officer ? That's what I call a nut !

I call him a nut too, but look How nicely he fits in on earth, Chasing Indians and blondes.

He's so stupid, He'll probably catch The Indian.

Connie, how are you, My dear ?

Fine, I guess.

No, I’m not. I'm just miserable.

It's the big lunk Of a nephew of mine, Isn't it ?

Yeah. He's just a great big clown, And he doesn't know a Good thing when he sees it.

You have nothing To worry about.

You're lovely, intelligent, And a dear, sweet girl.

Somehow it doesn't seem To be enough.

I have it ! What ?

The solution. We'll make him jealous.

With who ? Or is it "with whom" ?

Don't look now, But he's coming Down the beach.

Is he nice-looking ? He's positively Handsome.

What should I--

This afternoon I’ll be At my shop. You ask him To drive you there.

I've got a new dress For you to try on That'll knock his eyes out.

Guaranteed... Date bait.

But, but, but--

Stop sputtering Like a motorboat, And try to look seductive.

Oh, there you are, My dear George !

George ? Oh, yes, George. My name is George.

My name is George. Oh, silly boy !

[ Wendy ] Of course I know. What's that ?

Where did you get it ? I went back to the house To get a shirt.

There was someone In the bathroom, And she dropped this.

Huh ? Oh, dear. Are you sure you Were in the right house ?

I'm certain. This person appeared To be washing herself.

Then she hit me With a wet sponge And started running.

An American Indian with A tomahawk started chasing Her into the bushes.

I ran after them, But they disappeared.

[ clears throat ]

[ whispering ] This kid is a kook !

No, dear, not a kook. He's a Martian.

A Martian ? Yes, from mars. both you birds Belong in a clock ! [ clears throat ]

Forgive me, George.

May I introduce Connie ? How do you do ?

Whoa !

Thank you.

Sure, sure.

How nice. I know The two of you are going To like each other.

Be sure to come To my shop this afternoon.

Shop this afternoon ! You wouldn't have to shop This afternoon...

If you hadn't Messed things up.

What mess up ? What kind of Indian Are you ?

First you get lost On the freeway, Then you go To the wrong house, And you let her take a bath.

No can stop her Once she make-um up mind To take bath.

Oh, ja, ja, ja.

Ja, ja, ja. Will you turn her off ?

Ja, ja, ja--

How can a man run An organization...

When he's surrounded By stupid incompetents ?

I don't know, boss. How ? you shut up.

And you take her into town To that dress shop I told you about...

That that Aunt Wendy flip runs.

The kids dig her stuff. And whatever she spends, I'll take out of your salary.

Cowabonga !

You bet your fat feathers, Cowabonga !

And you, will you sit down Someplace and try To keep outta trouble ?

Sure, boss. You don't have Another chair like this ? No, stupid, one's enough.

What happens If you turn this ?

[ chuckles ] Aah !

[ groaning ]boss, speak to me.

No can speak. Kiskas squashed, the whole thing was an accident.

Being an intelligence officer, I shouldn't have told Aunt Wendy, but I am from mars.

And I’m from Venus.

Here, do my back. It looks done.

Venus, that's strange.

Most of the girls I met from Venus Were green and had gills.

Lovely creatures.

I don't understand You earth people...

After all the studying I've done of earth habits.

Mmm. Earth habits ?

Customs, idioms. Twenty-three skidoo ! We don't say that anymore.

Cowabonga ? Some of us say that.

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Mickey mantle, Frankie Avalon--you certainly have A well-rounded education.

And you have A well-rounded--what ?

[ muttering ][ laughing ]

[ muffled chatter ]

All right. You gotta cause disasters, Huh ?

Now, no more disasters. Sure ! Sure ! Mumble, mumble.

Right, cutie ? Ja, ja.

Cowabonga. Car ready.

Listen, featherbrain, I want you to take This yellow-top canary...

Into that dress shop in town That I told you about.

Now, no accidents, And I don't want you to get Lost this time, understand ?

Chief rotten eagle Never get lost.

Sometimes he not know Where he is, But never lost.

Ja, ja, ja.

Ja, ja, ja. Now, get goin'.

And when you're in town Keep your eyes peeled For that big lunk kid.

If you see him, Sic Helga on him, got-um ?

Got-um. How chief rotten eagle know Big lunk when he see him ?

That's easy. He's always Wearin' this goofy broad-billed Red baseball cap.

Got-um. Goofy broad... Red baseball cap.

[ muttering ]

Forget it ! It's gonna do ya no good.

You're gonna stay tied up Like that for quite a while.[ groaning ]

You know something ? You're accident prone.

[ laughing ]

Big lunk, are you sure You don't mind loaning me Your car ?

Of course not. Anything you want.

You know I’m waiting For another boy.

Good ! Good ! Then you won't be lonesome.

What if he Makes a pass at me While we're driving ?

Makes a pass ? At you ? Ha.

Oh, if you don't think--I trust you, honey. You're a buddy.

Well, that does it !

Hey !

Isn't that my sport coat ? My slacks ! And my shoes !

You're absolutely right. Your aunt said You wouldn't mind.

Oh, my clothes, my car, My girl.

Is there anything else You'd like ?

Well, now That you mention it, I've never seen a hat Like that before.

[ von Zipper ] Harry, you like This sidecar ?

Jerome, when we attach it, You're my chauffeur.

You sure gotta hand it To that Eric von Zipper.

Yeah, if you don't, He'll take it from you Anyway.

Man ! Is this great ? Is this great ?

J.D., listen, How am I gonna recognize That kid that's the leader Of them volleyball kids ?

Oh, he always wears That dopey broad-billed Red baseball hat.

Yeah ? Him I want first. The kid With the dopey broad--

[ everyone ] Billed--I can say it.

The kid with The dopey-- With the red baseball cap.

Right ? [ everyone ] Right !

You're staring at me. I know.

That's rude. I’m sorry.

When you met me, Did you feel something... Funny in here ?

Boys aren't supposed To ask questions like that.

Oh. I'm not sure Of the rules yet.

I felt something funny...

Like, like I went All soft inside.

Are you for real ? What do you mean ?

It's the things you say. It's almost as though You're from another world.

Did aunt Wendy Tell you ? Tell me what ?

That I’m from mars. I am, you know. I can believe it.

Can you ? I don't know why, But it's very important to me That you do.

Tell me, do people... Get married there ?

Certainly. We get numbers.

And when the central committee Feels we're ripe, We have a lottery...

And each boy gets the girl Whose number he holds.

Oh, that sounds Real romantic !

That's what happened Inside me. What ?

I said to myself, "when the numbers are Passed out, I hope I win her."

Oh, brother !

Are you angry at me ?

I don't think so. You're a flip, But a sweet one, I think.

♪There has to be A reason ♪

♪for every little thing

♪There has to be A summer ♪

♪To follow every spring

♪There has to be A reason ♪

♪for every night and day

♪There has to be A reason ♪

♪just why I feel This way ♪

♪As a matter of fact

♪it's easy to see

♪it's really Nothing new ♪

♪It's a natural act Plain as can be ♪

♪It's why there's me And you ♪

♪There has to be A reason ♪♪there has to be a reason

♪as sure as Night and day ♪♪as sure as night and day

♪I know you're the reason ♪and I know You're the reason ♪

[ together ] ♪why I feel this way

♪As a matter of fact

♪it's easy to see

♪it's really Nothing new ♪

♪It's a natural act Plain as can be ♪

♪It's why there's me And you ♪

♪There has to be A reason ♪♪there has to be a reason

♪as sure As night and day ♪♪as sure as night and day

♪I know you're the reason ♪and I know You're the reason ♪

[ together ] ♪why I feel this way

♪And I know You're the reason ♪♪I know you're the reason

[ together ] ♪why I feel this way

Hey, chief ? Hey, chief ? [ von Zipper ] what ?

I think we got one. Are you sure, Robert ?

Positive, and we got the leader. The cat with the Dopey broad-billed red baseball hat.

Oh, he's the one I want. He is personally gonna get Von Zipper's revenge.

I will show him No mercy. I will stomp on him.

I will break him in half. I will even break His glasses.

Boss, boss ? What ?

They're gettin' a head start On us, and if you wanna Catch 'em, we gotta hurry.

What are you making a speech ? Let's get them ! Get off the bike !

Come on, let's go ! He's on my bike !

Will you get off His bike ? Get on your own bike !

Don't you know-- Jerome, you're driving.

Ready ?

♪good afternoon, ladies May we present ♪

♪fashions to please you That is our intent ♪

♪first may we show For that waltz 'Round the town ♪

♪the latest thing In milady's evening gown ♪

♪ [ rock and roll ]

♪wait a minute now Something's wrong ♪

♪that kind of dancing Just doesn't belong ♪

♪in my day We never did it that way ♪

♪in my day We used to swing And sway ♪

♪in my day We never did it this way ♪

♪where did I go wrong

♪now back to the show A playsuit that's new ♪

♪it's daring and bold And just meant for you ♪

♪hold everything I know that's wrong ♪

♪won't you tell me now What's going on ♪

♪in my day We never did it that way ♪

♪in my day We used to swing and sway ♪

♪in my day We never did it this way ♪

♪where did I go wrong

♪now on with the show If you want to impress ♪

♪I know you'll enjoy This lovely party dress ♪

♪stop this minute Now that's all wrong ♪

♪that's a party dress Not a sarong ♪

♪in my day We never did it that way ♪

♪in my day The hula was the way ♪

♪in my day We never did it this way ♪

♪where did I go wrong

♪but of course the show For you to please him ♪

♪here is a suit It's just right For the swim ♪

♪wait a minute now What's going on ♪

♪you can't go swimming When the water's gone ♪

♪in my day We never did it That way ♪

♪in my day We used to swing And sway ♪

♪in my day We never did it this way ♪

♪where did I go wrong


Thanks ! Wasn't that fun ?

Now back to work.

Really ! They're going to model A topless bathing suit.

They wouldn't dare.

Do you see What I see ?

It appears to be an Indian.

I'll tell him to make Another reservation... Someplace else.

That exquisite creature With him, doesn't She dress excitingly ?

Ja, ja, ja, ja. Me like.

You like this outfit ? Outfit okay. Me like hair.

Good collector's item.[ screams ]

Cowabonga !

Instant scalp.

If you like it, You may keep it. May I help you ?

Squaw got no clothes. Boss man say fix her With soup to nuts.

Money no count. Must look like Pocahontas.

Pocahontas ? I'll see what we can do. Follow me, dear.

Wait. Squaw foreigner.

No speak our forked tongue. I tell her.

Ja, ja, ja.


Cowabonga.

Goofy broad With red baseball cap.

Don't go away.

Hello, my dear. Hi, aunt Wendy.

What a pleasant surprise.

I have a lovely New dress for you.

George.

You wanna see something ?

I have a fine view From here. Thank you.

That's not what I have in mind. I was afraid of that.

You like-um ? Oh, yes, it's very nice. Very, very nice.

You want-um ?

Well, I always wear my hair This way. Short.

You make-um trade ? This... For that ?

You stupid !

Jerome, who taught you To drive crazy like that ?

Don't you remember ? You taught me.

Okay. Chief rotten eagle Sic blonde bombshell on you.

You get what you deserve. hey, boss ! what ? the guy with the red hat. he's in here.

Oh, yeah. Now he will get lumped up. Follow me.

Aah !

I said "follow me." Who is the leader ?

[ together ] You are.

Aaah !

Ugh. Me make mistake.

Oh, that's all right, Madam.

"madam" ?

Ja, ja, ja !

[ screaming ]

Come now. We got work do. Red cap out there.

Oh, ja, ja, ja.

I'm afraid we might be in For some trouble.

Oh, is that all ? Things like this Occasionally happened on mars.

I am gonna wear Your hat.

Gotcha, boss.

Now, what do you think Of that ?

I think it looks Very nice on you.

'Cause that's exactly What I’m gonna-- It does ? Really ?

Ja, ja, ja, ja !

What ? What ?

Stop. You're breaking My glasses !

Oh, you're slippery.

You want some help, Boss ? Mind your own business.

You have no clothes on. Stop-um.

Where is the rest Of your things ? Got-um wrong red cap.

Where is-- Ooh ! Ooh ! Go get-um.

Wait, wait, stop. Please.

Mush !

Let him go ! Let him go !

I think it's Some new teenage game.

What are you doing with My girl ? He took my girl ! I like her. She's nifty !

I think I’m jealous ! I like her too. I think she's nifty.

[ aunt Wendy ] Oh, dear, oh, dear, It's commencing !

Stop this ! Stop it immediately !

Big lunk, You came for me ! I came for my baseball cap.

Cowabonga ! Wrong paleface again.

His baseball cap ?

Now we go catch-um Real red cap paleface.

Start-um car Before trouble start.

[ engine revving ]

Why are we driving Like this ?

This no time to be fussy.

Charge !

Ja, ja.

Faster, faster !

Watch the bike ! Be careful and Do not endanger us !

[ shouting ]

Faster.


What he done that for ?


It's awfully nice of you To give me this lift.

Yeah, yeah, lady.

Ah, don't call me lady.


Ya-hoo !


Get them ! Get them ! Come back !

Why me ? Why me all the time ?

[ explosion ]

[ Go Go ] Connie ?

Well ? I just wanted To explain something.

I'm new here, and I'm getting all mixed up.

Welcome to the club. No, wait, please. Let me explain.

Explain what ?

Nothing. Just that I want To be with you.

Sure you do. You really looked like You wanted to be with me...

When you were playing Romeo and Juliet With that peroxide blonde.

But she grabbed me ! I didn't want to hurt Her feelings.

What about my feelings ? I wouldn't hurt your feelings For anything !

You're right ! Not anymore, buddy, Not anymore.

♪ [ humming ]

♪stuffed animal

♪a stuffed animal Is better than he ♪

♪soft and cuddly And stays close to me ♪

♪always gentle As a matter of fact ♪

♪a stuffed animal Never talks back ♪

♪a stuffed animal Is more than a toy ♪

♪soft and cuddly And not like a boy ♪

♪when you're wondering If he loves you so ♪

♪a stuffed animal Never says no ♪

♪sure a boy Can hold your hand ♪

♪and whisper In your ear ♪

♪but things he'll say Are not always ♪

♪things you've Been waiting to hear ♪

♪a stuffed animal Just loves to be kissed ♪

♪soft and cuddly And hard to resist ♪

♪but one little thing I'll have to agree ♪

♪a stuffed animal Never kissed me ♪

♪never kissed me

something's wrong. nothing !

Okay, something. Uh-huh.

Just as I suspected. Connie, you're in love With George.

[ Fleegle ] but, boss, if that Helga broad can't speak English, How is she gonna get That big lunk to talk ?

And then, how is she Gonna tell it to you ?

Here, take a look at this. So ?

So, what does it look like It's a wire recorder. I had two of 'em made special.

Helga's wearing the other one.

Inside of this is A very sensitive microphone.

At this very instant, Our blonde beauty is plying...

That lame brained refugee from a volleyball court with a question that will bedazzle him.

But, boss, how do you know You'll get the information You want ?

[ hulk ] J. Sinister hulk Thinks of everything.

I learned her to talk A little English.

And that phrase Will win the ball game for me.

Rotten, forget the fire. [ sneezes ]

I think I’m catching A cold, anyway.

I was playing left tackle. This was at high school.

The coach didn't like me much. Something about my marks. Understand ?

I gotta interrupt This interesting story...

To tell you how much I admire you.

You're one girl That knows how to listen.

You're... Not bad At kissing, either.

"Dat" is very interesting. Tell me.

Anything, baby.

Do you know where your aunt Keeps her money ?

Tell me "Dee" answer. Speak in here slowly.

A funny thing you Should ask that question About aunt Wendy's money.

It seems that--

Good evening, Henry.

Even though you're gone, Somehow I have a feeling...

That you're somewhere up there Looking out after me.

Your nephew, big lunk, He's a good boy, But I don't want him To hurt Connie.

She's a fine girl. Hmm ?

What's that ?

They'll each find Their own happiness ?

Oh, thank you, Henry. You're such a comfort to me.

I know that you'll pardon me If I get the money now.

[ alarm ringing ]

[ beeping ]

[ siren wailing ]

[ sonar warning sounding ]


[ change clinking ]

Thank you, Henry. You were a very good husband.

Gee, doll, It's been a great night. Ja, ja.

The thing I like about you Especially is the way You carry on a conversation.

Ja, ja.

Before you go, Could we do it Just one more time ?

Son of a gun ! Ja.

Can I see you again Tomorrow ? Ja, ja.

Hey, Helga !

Ja. Ya-hoo !

All right, Let's have it.

Play it fast, boss. We're gonna be rich.

We're gonna All be rich. Don't crowd me !

We're gonna get A lot of wampum. Oh, boy.

Me buy Cadillac car. Maybe oil well.

Hold it, hold it. Just be quiet.

[ Helga ] Do you know where Your aunt keeps her money ?

Tell me "Dee" answer.

Speak in here slowly.

[ big lunk ] a funny thing You should ask that question About aunt Wendy's money.

Oh, boy, Here it comes. Shah !

[ big lunk ] it seems She thinks I’m a dope, so she Never told me about the money.

Everybody knows it's In the house somewhere.

What ? Turn it off, boss. I heard enough.

I may cry. Well, I’m not beaten yet.

Tomorrow's another day. You got a plan ?

Have I got a plan !

Who's the king Of the con men ? You, boss, you're the king.

[ whirring sounds ]

[ whirring continues ]

[ whirring, beeping ]

[ Go Go ] Intelligence operator 006 To mars.

Intelligence operator 006 To mars.

Intelligence operator 006 To mars.

Attempting to resume Interrupted conversation Of last earth evening.

Do you read me ? [ Sucom ] you are being Heard and recorded.

Only 15 earth hours are left Before we send The first troops through.

Time for final countdown And check.

Maybe you were right. Maybe he is too much of a nut. [ Go Go ] I am ready.

The volunteers are assembling For teleportation At this moment.

Stand by to set Your teleporter To precisely 15.

I will count down From five. Complying.

[ Sucom's voice ] Five, four, Three, two, one.

Set !

Teleporter set. Excellent.

Teleportation will now Proceed as scheduled.

Until earth landing time, This is Sucom signing off.

Off and out.

Connie !

You are a Martian !

It wasn't a joke, A trick.

No, Connie, It was no joke, No trick.

Holy cow ! With everyone In the whole world To fall in love with, I had to pick a Martian !

Well, good morning ! Good morning, my friends ! What a beautiful day !

You know, I was lying in bed Thinking last night, And with concentrated Brain power, I turned Defeat into victory.

[ bell rings ]you figured out how We can get the dough ?

In elaborate detail.

Good morning, My short-feathered friend.

What am I gonna have This morning ? I think I’ll, uh--

I'll have two eggs, Sunny side up, toast And coffee, on the double.

I'll have some--nothing. Drink your juice. You've got work to do.

Boss, on An empty stomach ?

Couldn't be any worse Than what you've been doing On an empty head.

Tonight we're gonna have A party... A pajama party.

That's what the kids like. We'll get the old doll To chaperon.

Two eggs sunny-side up-um.

Two eggs sunny-side up-um, sunny-side up-um. Okay.

What's the occasion For the pajama party ? That's where you come in.

This party's gonna be For our teenage relatives...

So they can meet The old doll's Teenage relatives.

That way we can get everybody Out of her house.

What teenage relatives Do we got ? That's your department.

I want you to go into town. Try to dig up some clean-cut, Typical American youths.

Invite them to the party, And tell them...

That if they act like My nieces and nephews, there's A five-spot in it for them.

Typical American Teenage youths.

One other thing, old pal. One favor.

Try not to louse me up This time !

If I was a typical American Teenage youth, Where would I be ?

Hold it. Walk slow. I don't want no accidents Today, understand ?

Slowly. Right.

[ crashing sounds ]

You like-um eggs Scrambled ?

No, no.

Touch the nice water. Alberta's not afraid To touch the nice water.

Aah ! How do you know there Ain't no sharks in there ?

Well, what do we have here ?

Some typical, clean-cut American youths.

Listen, youths.

How would you all Like to make a five-spot ?

Maybe you're not Typical, clean-cut American youths.

We are, we are. Tell him.

[ together ] We are typical, clean-cut American youths.

See ? What did I tell you ?

I like him. Him, I like.

And anything this gentlemen Wants us to do, we do.

I believe you mentioned Something' about a five-spot. Yeah.

But first, you're invited To a pajama party.

♪ [ rock and roll ]


I want to thank you, Mrs. Carruthers, For consenting to chaperone Our party tonight.

It was my pleasure. I welcome the opportunity Of meeting my new neighbors.

This is a pajama party ?

♪we're gonna get together Tonight, tonight ♪

♪tell everybody That the time is right ♪

♪just after 8:00 We'll congregate ♪

♪pajama party tonight

♪gonna get together And dance all night ♪

♪and do some talkin' While the moon is right ♪

♪so get your date And don't be late ♪

♪pajama party tonight

♪oh what a party tonight

♪we'll have a party Tonight ♪

♪don't you know It's the latest craze ♪

♪havin' a party Wearin' your p.j.'s ♪

♪gonna get together tonight That's right ♪

♪we're gonna dance Till the broad daylight ♪

♪so gather 'round Where the fun is found ♪

♪pajama party tonight

♪just after 8:00 We'll congregate ♪

♪pajama party tonight

♪so get your date And don't be late ♪

♪pajama party tonight

♪oh, what a party tonight

♪we'll have a party tonight

♪don't you know It's the latest craze ♪

♪havin' a party Wearin' your p.j.'s ♪

♪gonna get together tonight That's right ♪

♪we're gonna dance Till the broad daylight ♪

♪so gather 'round Where the fun is found ♪

♪pajama party tonight Yeah, yeah ♪

♪pajama party tonight Uh-huh ♪

♪pajama party tonight

[ laughing ]

Yes, I love teenagers.

I'm so anxious to meet Your guests of honor.

So am I. They oughta be here Any minute.

Just typical, clean-cut American youths.

And your ward, Miss Svenska. Oh, ja, ja.

When big lunk came home Talking about her, I must confess I was Somewhat concerned.

But now, all I have To worry about is--

Connie. Yes ?

I've made my decision. Oh ?

From now on, You're my people.

Or do I have to worry About her ?


[ chuckling ]boss ?

What it is ? We better get moving on that Important stock transfer deal.

Chief rotten eagle Is waiting.

What about My guests of honor ? They just came up the driveway.

For once you did Something right.

Would you excuse us ? My associate and I have A business deal to conclude.

Of course. My husband often said, "business before pleasure."

I shall be delighted To greet your guests for you.

Enchante.

Oh, you must be The guests of honor.

We must ? Oh, yeah.

Hey, boss, you know Who's here ? Who ?

Those volleyball kids. Oh, yeah.

Hey, there's that Red cap fella.

[ Eric ] What're they doin' ? He's fightin' with my girl !

Let's break this thing up.

Boys, please, let's Not have any trouble. Get her out of here !

Put me down ! Let me down !

Stop it ! How dare you ! Stay there And you won't get hurt.

Eric von Zipper's gang Never hurts females.

Especially older dolls Like you. Let me down ! Let me down !

Ooh ! You stupid--


[ crashing sounds ]

[ moaning ]

[ toilet flushing ]


[ screeching ]


Look, boss ! I found something. A wall safe.

Don't touch it.

It's got dials on it. You notice ?

Let the old master Have a crack at it. [ chuckles ]

Now do the back. Yeah.

Get outta here.

I think it works Electrically.

Huh ?

It's on. You're a genius, Boss.

[ Sucom’s voice ] In exactly five minutes, Teleportation will take place.

Earth is ready You peanut brain ! Why did you tell me It was a wall safe ?

It's on wall.

That really is great !

Hey, you ! You ! That's my girl !

She loves me ! She kissed me !

You missed me !

Not the water. Not the water !


I am not yet done.

Eric von Zipper Is never defeated.

I shall return.

Not if I have anything To say about it.

[ laughing ]

Here we go again.

I think the party's over.

Wait a minute.

She's telling me something. I don't hear anything.

It's mental. Telepathic waves.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ja, ja, ja.

Ja. Come on, let's go.

Where're we going ? Back to your house.

Fellas, girls, That was just the beginning Of the evening's entertainment. go on with the party. Let's go. wait a minute !

I don't know what This is all about, but...

Good luck. Come on.

You sure it's In this room ? It's gotta be.

There ain't no other room Big enough to hold All that loot !

What are we looking for ? Anything suspicious.

Only thing suspicious Is us.

Look, cowabonga, if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you, all right ?


[ thumping ]

I think we've got company. Why don't you look out the door, you lamebrain ?

You're an Indian scout. You look out the door.

Time come to tell the truth. Me red man with yellow streak.

Real name Chief chicken feather.

We'll all look out the door Together, you stupid--

Now !

Take-um to hills !

Charge !

Boss, in here.

Boss, in here.

Yeah, good thinking For once.

Where'd they go ?

[ big lunk ] What's going on ? What's the dial thing ?

Funny. I had an idea They might be inside there.

Guess I was wrong. Maybe you weren't wrong.

What do you mean ? I think We're rid of them.

But our loss is somebody else's gain. I don't understand any of this.

You don't have to. Let's get back to the party.

I know you'll both Be very happy. Ja, ja, ja.

Thank you, Aunt Wendy. Helga ?

You know, The fun in being young Is being together...

With someone you like.

Connie ?

For every man... There is a woman.

But what have I got ?

You ! Come on ! Let's have a swim.

Mush !

Mmm. Say, that's not bad.

Look, a shooting star !

I've been trying to figure out Where we went wrong.

I know. It wasn't The teenagers on earth We had to be afraid of.

It was the adults.

Show me a crazy teenager, And in ten years I'll show you a crazy adult.

I vote we forget The whole thing.

We won't bother them, And they won't bother us.

[ explosion ]

Listen to me. I can explain. He can explain.

Pale face speak with forked tongue. Chief rotten eagle on your side.

They invaded us ?

Do you believe this ?