Panchayat S1E5 Script

Computer Nahi Monitor (2020)

Isn't there a beer shop here?

Next door.

[Indistinct chatter]

[song playing on radio]

Babita.

[Indistinct chatter]

Anybody there?

What do you want?

Can I get a beer? How many bottles?

One.

The shop will close after 8 o'clock.

And won't open for anyone.

Fine give me two then. Which ones do you have?

Hold this.

This is all I have.

How much? 320 rupees.

But on the label, it says 150 rupees.

Can't I charge 20 rupees for keeping it chilled?

Listen, don't take too long to finish the first bottle of beer.

Otherwise, by the time you take the second one, it's no longer cold.

And hot beer isn't good.

[song playing on radio]


You always pray to God only for yourself.

Why don't you pray for me for a change?

Tell me what you want me to pray for. I'll do that.

Pray for whatever you feel like.

This isn't fair.

I do all the thinking and also the praying.

No need to argue. Just pray for whatever you want.

Okay.

Your phone's ringing. Pick it up.

Let it keep ringing. It's always ringing.

But first, you pray for me.

Hello.

Yes, Mr. Secretary. Did you get a good night's sleep?

Did you have breakfast yet?

What?

How did it happen?

You know what, you wait there. I am coming over right now.

I am on my way. What happened?

What's the point in telling you what happened?

Tell me, what happened?

Wait just a minute. Where are you going?

Prahlad, come down to the office immediately.

You can finish pooping later. First, come to the office.

Whenever I call you, you're either eating or pooping.

What did you pray to God for?

Forgive me, Goddess.

But this is normal with him.

All the data is safe in the CPU.

Only the monitor's been stolen.

It's not just about the monitor getting stolen.

The point here is you got drunk and forgot to lock the door.

I already said sorry, Pradhan sir.

Sorry. That's great. Sorry, huh.

Get the office ransacked and say sorry.

These bloody Britishers gave us this word "Sorry"..

..where you can kill and man and still get away by saying sorry.

Sorry!

Let it be, Pradhan sir. It was just a mistake.

I am not tightening the noose around him. Mistake.

Today it was one monitor.

Tomorrow it can be several other things that can be stolen.

There are so many important documents kept here.

But it wouldn't make a difference to you.

You'll just say sorry.

Look here, I won't tolerate this carelessness.

Leave right now and find a room for yourself to stay. Go now.

Pradhan sir, let him stay.

He's all alone.. Shut up, stupid.

You think I can't see he's alone or not.

You don't need to interfere. Understood.

Okay, Pradhan sir.

And Prahlad, go with him now and lodge a complaint.

Just give me a minute. I've to go poop.

Go now, and finish whatever it is on the way! Understand!

Take a left here.

[Indisctinct chatter]

Tell me, who did it? Sir, it wasn't me.

Wasn't you? Sir, I didn't do anything.

If it wasn't you, then who was it?

Sir, my clothes will tear.

It's not only your clothes that will tear apart.

Wait and watch In the name of your child, please spare me.

But I don't have a child.

[indistinct chatter]

Tell me who was it then?

What has he done?

Must have done something unlawful?

Like stealing, or something.

Okay. So your computer was stolen.

Not the computer, just the monitor.

Not the computer, just the monitor was stolen.

Was it the big one or the slim one?

It was a slim monitor. Slim monitor.

Colour? Black.

Height?

I was joking.

Which company monitor was it?

What is the name of it?

You don't remember.

Nobody does. People often forget.

It was government property after all.

Let's call Vikas, he'll tell us which company.

No need, Mr. Prahlad.

This is just a formality that needs to be done.

There's no way we're going to find it now.

Why not? You'll find it if you look for it.

Did you check the neighbouring fields?

Why the fields?

Recently there was a robbery.

The thief made away with the loot.

But the suitcase was so heavy..

..that he left it in the fields and escaped.

But the monitor isn't that heavy.

And yet, there's no harm in checking the fields.

You can check later.

Why should we look for it? This is your job.

Yes. That's right.

This is our job.

Your job is to get drunk and let the government property get stolen.

What are you saying? Mr. Secretary..

Brother Om Prakash, will someone come over for an inquiry?

The inspector is busy trying to find a bull.

He'll pay a visit in the afternoon.

That one?

Sir, please don't beat me. Sir! Come on..

Sir! Please, sir.. Why don't you just tell him?

Getting your ass whipped.

Sir.. Okay.

Okay, bye. See you.

You go ahead, Prahlad sir.

I've some business in the market to take care of. I'll see you later.

What business? Where are you going?

I've to go find myself a room in the market.

Mr. Secretary, you took Pradhan sir so seriously.

Forget it. Let's go back to the village.

If he's insisting so much, I'll find a new place.

Mr. Secretary, let's go, please. Leave it.

Please go Prahlad sir, I'll see you later.

What are you doing, Prahlad sir?

Okay, fine, let's go together then.

Neither am I going, nor am I letting you go to the market. Okay.

You're coming back to the village with me.

Let me go, Prahlad sir. Let me take care of this business.

Later, I'll be busy studying.

Tell me something, Mr. Secretary.

Where will you go looking for a place to stay in the middle of the month?

You can move out next month.

Let's go. Let's go back to the village.

You haven't eaten anything since morning.

Let's both go Mohan's place..

..and treat ourselves to some fritters and pancakes.

Okay? Yes.

I am in no mood to eat. Let's go straight to the village.

As you wish.

Nothing was stolen from my table, Khusbu.

Secretary sir will have to pay the fine.

It wasn't me who got drunk and fell asleep.

And Mr. Secretary, no need to worry.

We'll need to attach the copy of the FIR along with the application..

..and they will send us a new monitor.

How long will that take?

Maybe a year. That's it.

Okay. Don't worry.


He was going to look for a room.

Go find yourself a room.

That's great.

He's young blood.

It was just a mistake. Forgive him.

Yes, you two take his side.

Haven't you caused enough trouble after getting drunk?

What did I do after getting drunk?

What did I do? Don't you remember?

At Vikas' wedding, during the dance.

..don't you remember what you did?

What did he do?

Whatever I did.

It wasn't as bad as what the Secretary has done.

He gets drunk in two pegs. Out of his wits practically.

It's a good thing he won't stay at the office anymore.

You're stubborn.

And you Prahlad.

What are you wasting your time on?

Come here. Put the wheat in the sack.

Mr. Secretary hasn't eaten anything since morning.

What do I do if he hasn't eaten? Should I spoon-feed him?

Hasn't eaten anything since morning.

And listen, take the wheat to the flour mill.

Tell him to grind it into a fine powder this time.

Last time it was too coarse.

I heard your computer's been stolen.

Uncle, not the computer.

Just the monitor. What?

Monitor. Monitor. What is it?

Come outside. I'll explain to you. Come on.

There is a CPU and monitor...

... and the smallest one is called a mouse.

Everything has to be connected together.

That's how it works.

[Indistinct chatter]

Abhishek sir. The Inspector's here.

Manju Devi. Abhishek Tripathi.

So Mr. Tripathi..

..how many bottles of beer did you have that you forgot to lock the door?

Two bottles.

You have a low capacity.

Where were you drinking?

Out here.

Here?

Why were you drinking out here?

The ambience was pleasant, so I was drinking here...

Then you should have climbed on top of the water tank.

The ambience is much better up there.

He joined duty four months ago but never climbed up there.

Why?

It's too tall. Not too comfortable for me.

But...the village will look even better from atop the tank.

Very beautiful.

In fact, if you take a look at our village from atop the tank...

...you will fall in love with the village.

Hear that.

You will fall in love.

You should have climbed on top of the tank and drank your beer.

Okay, sir. Next time I will climb on top of the tank and drink beer.

Do you want to ask anything else?

What did you have for snacks?

Potato wedges.

Did you sprinkle some onions and chillies on top?

Was it the big one or a slim one?

Slim one.

Move aside.

Is this your room?

Yes.

Hold this.

So you have a black colour shoe as well?

You even bought a new iron?

Yes.

Great.

Logical Reasoning for C.A.T.

CAT.

Yes, because I am preparing for MBA as well.

So you want more money in life.

Everyone does.

Yes, everyone does.

Anyway, do you drink every day?

No.

Don't be shy. I am not going to tell your father.

I joined work four months ago. Yesterday was my first time.

What happened?

Where is Pradhan sir?

Once I got so drunk that I forgot to close the door of my house.

Once.

I mean this is common when one is drunk.

It is when you're too drunk.

But it shouldn't happen when you've drunk only two bottles.

He's got a low capacity.

Otherwise, he drank on an empty stomach.

But still...how can he get drunk with only two bottles of beer?

It's hard to digest.

Anyway, I'll have to believe him.

Mr. Secretary got all his moves right.

What do you mean?

I mean alcohol can also be..

.. a reason to leave the door unlocked.

Mind your own business.

Sir, why will the secretary steal the computer?

Why does anyone steal?

Money.

Why does he need money?

His salary is 20,000. He even has a motorcycle.

I mean...he has money, job...

Then why is he preparing for MBA?

He is ambitious.

Pradhan sir, aren't you going to say anything?

Think about it yourself, Pradhan sir.

A man who hasn't boozed for four months.

The computer gets stolen on the same night when he gets drunk.

Isn't this a foolproof story.

I mean...he was drunk and forgot to lock the door.

Anyone will believe him.

Inspector, what are you saying?

Fine, you tell me.

Why did he get drunk on the night of the theft?

I don't know why.

No, tell me.

Let's ask the man who got drunk why he got drunk.

What do you mean by why? Because I wanted to.

Why not in the last four months?

And why last night?

Wait a minute. What do you guys want to imply?

Secretary sir, the inspector says that you helped steal the computer.

Alcohol was just an excuse to let it get stolen.

Are you out of your mind?

Why did you drink alcohol last night?

Because I was sulking.

Why were you sulking?

What do mean by why? Why does anyone sulk?

I was sulking, that's it.

Up.

See Pradhan sir, no answer.

He has no answer.

Guilty conscious pricks the mind...

I was sulking because I follow the same routine every day.

Wake up in the morning, work all day, study at night.

The villagers complain all day, then there's the electricity problem at night.

I am bored.

And yesterday was Friday night.

So what?

Every sixth day of the week is...

It's called a weekend. People party on the weekend.

And what was I doing? Peeling bottle gourd.

There is not a single guy around to talk to after work hours.

Everyone falls asleep at 7 o'clock.

Pradhan sir gets busy with his personal life.

This man has his own social life.

He just got married. Who do I talk to?

How long can I talk on the phone?

I have no friend, no family. No social life.

What else can a lonely man do other than booze?

I feel least attached to this village. It's pathetic.

I was in a bad mood. And got drunk.

Do you want to arrest me? Go ahead. Arrest me.

Where are your handcuffs me? Go ahead. Arrest me.

Arrest me. Put me in the jail.

At least there will be something interesting in my life.

Pradhan sir, he's bluffing.

Just say the word.

I'll take him down to the Police Station and teach him a proper lesson.

Inspector...he can be careless but not a thief.

I know a man when I see one. Now leave.


What are you staring at? Let's go.


Hello. Vikas.

Check whether the Secretary has eaten or not?

Yes, sir.

What did he say?

He says he's not in the mood. What?

He says he's not in the mood.

Shall I make a few more pieces of bread?

Pradhan sir.

Tell me something, is Saturday considered as a weekend or not?

Tell me.

We never use spoon for having food.

I can drink beer in one gulp.

In one gulp whole beer!

Abhishek sir, can I say something?

We've made a WhatsApp group.

Whenever we want to drink, we just say hi.

I am thinking of adding you to the group as well.

And whenever you want to...

Do you know what "Hi" means?

High...

Hi... Come soon.

Take some more.

Mr. Secretary, I am really offended by what you said.

What?

How can you say you have no family or friends here?

What do you think they are? This huge man, and him...

Don't you think of us as friends?

That's not it, Pradhan sir.

Then what is it? You think we're not your family.

I checked the monitor prices. The best ones cost 5000 rupees.

I'll order one for us.

Why will you bear all the expenses?

We'll pay too. No.

Of course, we'll all chip in 1000 rupees.

But that's only 4000 rupees.

So what. I'll show you how to make it 5000.

Show us. How? Shall I?

Tell Rinky's mom to pay 1000.

She's the Pradhan as well.

Great idea. Look he laughed.

Give me a papadum.

Listen, no need to look for another place.

You can stay here.

No one's going to ask as long as I am here.

See...that's more like it.

See...let's take a selfie together.

Selfie. Take a selfie.

Hold your bottles. Lets take a nice selfie.

You take one.

You also keep one.

You guys drink. I've never touched that thing.

Beer is not my thing. I've never touched beer.

These three are drinking, and I am just the guy taking the selfie.

See...

Smile.

Say Selfie.

Say it aloud Selfie.


I thought it was a television. Sorry.