Patti Cake$ (2017) Script

The Godfather has traveled down from the mountaintop of Olympus to pimp these mystical visions.

Straight from the Promised Land of New Jerusalem, spittin' fire hotter than the seven suns.

A star who can moonwalk on water, my goddaughter, protege, and newest signee of Emerald City Records.

Ms. Killa P!

♪ Who you all come to see? ♪

♪ Killa P! Killa P! ♪

♪ Who you all come to see? ♪

♪ Killa P! Killa P! ♪

♪ What's my motherfuckin' name? ♪

♪ Killa P! Killa P! ♪


Yeah? WOMAN: Hello. Patricia Dombrowski?

The outstanding balance on the medical treatment of a Florence Blauvelt is 60 days past due.

We will be forced to take legal--

Ma!

Fuck.

Ma!

They're hasslin' about Nana's bills again.

I thought you said that you...

...paid 'em.

♪ Uh! I woke up like this ♪

♪ You're gorgeous ♪

♪ Ya boss bitch ♪

♪ Flow so cold Farrah Fawcett ♪

♪ Flossin', got more grills Than George Foreman ♪

♪ Up to my gills in fish scale And platinum plaques ♪

♪ From rappin' that raw shit ♪

♪ Yeah, my figure's flawless ♪

♪ Boyfriend's a centaur Hung like a horse ♪

♪ And we fornicating On the porch of my fortress ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪ You're an idiot. That's why.

How'd ya sleep, Banana? Mmm.

Judge Faith is about to rip this asshole a new one over child support.

How's the hip feelin'?

Like ass.

Ugh! It's humiliating.

I feel like a goddamned infant.

I don't know why you guys just don't take me out in the backyard and put me down like a dog.

Cut the crap, Nan.

You wanna hear a new Limmy?

Not in the mood.

Oh, come on, I wrote it just for ya.

All right. Come on, spit it out.

Okay. Let me see... Uh...

There once was a man from Secaucus who liked to work nude in his office.

He faxed on his ass, and though, only half-mast, could answer emails with his sausage.

You're sick, you know that.

It's genetic.

Yeah, well, suck on that, Robert Frost, huh?

You stay outta trouble, young lady.

I'm working late tonight.

All right, superstar.

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome

♪ My life's fuckin' awesome ♪

♪ Othello Zeus ♪

♪ Making million dollar moves On Bluetooth ♪

♪ Call me Jesus ♪

♪ I turn that water Into Grey Goose ♪

In a zoot suit Eating couscous In my new coupe ♪

♪ The world trembles ♪

♪ Heavy in Heaven On a god level Rollin' sevens, playing dice ♪

♪ Gonna beat the devil Spittin' emeralds ♪

♪ Got gemstones in my dental The world is mental ♪

♪ That's why they worship at The Temple of the Godfather ♪

♪ 'Cause God's a father To the fatherless ♪

♪ Begin this shit like Genesis From penniless to Pegasus ♪

♪ Moses 'cause I spit The Ten Commandments of the Tenements ♪

♪ Holy Scriptures written In my venomous penmanship ♪

♪ Godfather, 'cause God's a... ♪ Yo, Dumbo!

'Sup, Slaz?

Get out the street, Dumbo.

GSM, bitch!

Fuck this fucking place.


♪ Sometimes I wake up In the morning ♪

♪ And it cuts me like a knife ♪

♪ I come face to face With my longing ♪

♪ For another world Another life ♪

♪ And a time ♪ Learn how to drive!

♪ That never was ♪

Mr. Shaboo, it's only a rash.

Just use the ointment as directed, and it'll clear up.

Thank you.

Lords and ladies of the royal court, bow down. The Queen is in the building.

Introducing... Miss Patricia Dombrowski, a.k.a. Patti Cakes, a.k.a. White Trish, a.k.a. Juicy Luciano, a.k.a. Marilyn Mansion, a.k.a. Jane Dough, a.k.a. Killa P!

And introducing, the ladies' choice, the voice that gets ya moist, it's gonna be an Indian summer, y'all.

Mr. Jheri Curlz, a.k.a. Young Stamos, a.k.a. Deepak Shakur, a.k.a. The Do-Rag da Vinci, a.k.a. Raw Dawg Zillionaire, a.k.a. the Quiet Storm.

Boys and girls, I give you my soulmate, my homey-o, it's Jheromeo--

This isn't Showtime At The Apollo, okay?

We have customers here.

Play make believe on your lunch break.

Sorry, my bad.

Last warning, Hareesh.

♪ Supreme being In the coliseum ♪

♪ Hail Zaesar Hail Zaesar ♪ It is DJ French Tips on your dial putting the East Coast back on the map.

We'll be back. We got more flava. Keep it locked.

♪ Two face Judas! Said let's do this! ♪

♪ Then his shootas! Killed the music! ♪

♪ Et tu, Brutus! On that new shit! ♪

♪ Hail Zaesar Hail Zaesar ♪ Next. Who's next, boys?

Yeah, I'll take a chicken parm.

Danny, one chicken parm.

What about you, Bollywood?

Hey. Buzz Aldrin.

You thirsty?

Uh...

Yeah, I'll get a Sprite.

We'll be right back.

Hey, you know Patti, right? She's cool.

Yeah, Dumbo.

Hey, you better not be no nark. Nah.

So, you sure you just wanted a dime bag, bro?

I got some nice, uh, white girl coming. I'm straight. Just the weed.

Yeah, you straight? In that do-rag?

Just fucking with you. I got whatcha need, though.

That crack. Whoa.

Shit'll have you feeling higher than the Chrysler Building.

GSM. Goon Squad Mob, bro. It's gonna be massive.

Show's Saturday at the VFW. We'll definitely be there.

Good.

What is that, like, $25? Twenty-five.

There you go.

Ooh.

Can you ad-lib for the tracks?

What tracks?

That's hot.

You know, we gotta go to this.

Seriously, Danny's actually going for it. He could get outta here.

He's trash.

P, your pen game is ridiculous.

You're on some Beautiful Mind shit, for real.

Whatever. I'm 23 and I ain't done shit.

Stop with the pity party.

All we need is a producer with the fire beats.

Once we record a mixtape with his shit, we're looking at like a seven-figure signing bonus once the majors across the bridge smell what we're cooking out here.

Okay.

♪ We take over the game ♪

♪ You're outta debt, no sweat ♪ You should be on meds instead of pushin' 'em.

Uh, uh...

Thick N Thin And Thin N Thick ♪

♪ They call her Bitch Cassidy I'm the Lapdance Kid ♪

♪ I got that platinum voice She got that poison pen ♪

♪ They call us Guns and Rose Guns and Rose ♪

♪ Guns and Rose Killa P, go in! ♪

♪ Uh, uh, get your Romeo remix ♪

♪ Uh, come on, let's get it ♪ No. No. No. Come on!

Patti and Jheri We will be legendary ♪

♪ From the bottom like sodomy ♪

♪ Fuck the game up missionary I'm in my own trap ♪

♪ As I flip the world the birdie

♪ My verses full of curses 'Cause I'm stuck In dirty Jersey ♪

♪ Uh! ♪

♪ Let's move to New York City ♪ Yup ♪

♪ We'll make a couple millis Split that shit up 50-50 ♪

♪ I'd give my left titty And a kidney ♪

♪ Just to cross the shitty river bridge and tunnel ♪

♪ Come on, Jheri Sing it with me ♪

♪ Beauty and the Beast Thelma to Louise ♪

♪ You know real G's Talk that talk ♪ ♪ Killa P, won't you please ♪

Over that rainbow We pay tolls ♪

♪ Where roads all are paved gold and angels in gold chains ♪

♪ And night time is Day-Glo I'm Jane Dough, a loser ♪

♪ This shit's so confusing ♪

♪ I just want to move Where my life like a movie ♪

♪ Should be getting busy But I'm feeling Gary Busey ♪

♪ We drop that hot shit Like a deuce in your Jacuzzi ♪

♪ And you don't stop ♪

♪ I'm Thick N Thin, Thick N Thin You don't stop ♪

♪ I'm gonna say it one more time just to make myself clear ♪

♪ Jheromeo, get me The fuck outta here! ♪ That was so sick.

Oh, shit, I gotta go to work. C'mon. Hurry, hurry.

Yeah?

Hey, Lou, what's good?

I dunno, you tell me, kid.

Well, I need to ask you somethin'.

Uh-oh. Here we go.

Was hoping you could bump me up a little.

It's a really tough time now 'cause of Nana's bills and--

All right, all right, stop right there.

No raises and no more hours.

Okay. Got it.

Oh. Stop with the puss.

All right. Call this guy, Ray.

Can use my name.

No promises.

Sometimes he needs to staff up.

Should be decent scratch.

Really appreciate it, Lou.

Yeah. And hey, listen, no more comps.

This ain't a charity organization.

Barb's tab is coming outta your pocket if she don't settle up.

Yeah, well, I don't even know--

Yeah, all right, save it for Dr. Phil.

Toilet's still clogged, and the karaoke ain't gonna set itself up.

♪ So I'm down And so I'm out ♪

♪ But so are many others ♪

♪ So I feel Like trying to hide ♪

♪ My head beneath these covers ♪

Couldn't have sex with the mermaid 'cause the fin down there.

So I asked her for a little head.

Hey, yo, Judy Blume, who do I gotta blow to get a drink around here?

Another Cutty, Joe? Right. Just a little one.

♪ You know, it's almost funny ♪ Go on. That's it. The Cutty.

Hey, why don't you ditch the diary? Come.

Sit on Uncle Joe's lap.

I wanna count your freckles.

Christ.

The face that sank 1,000 ships.

Joe. Shmitty. Boys.

You're in for a real treat tonight.

Hello, Patricia. Line up your ma's shot.

I gotta grease these pipes.

You know, your old lady was a real piece of "A" back in the day.

I still got it.

One more.

Seriously?

Don't you want your ma to have a nice time tonight?

C'mon, Patti. C'mon.

There ya go.

C'mon, drink up.

One more.

Hey, princess, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

No?

No. Mmm-mmm.

What, you got ya fuckin' period or somethin'?

Whoa!

Oh, my God, sweetheart. Right. Mmm!

Come on.

There you go.

There you go.

Hey, to family, right?

Blood is thicker than Jager.

♪ Spare a little candle ♪

♪ Save some light for me ♪

♪ Figures up ahead Movin' in the trees ♪

♪ White skin and linen ♪

♪ Perfume on my wrist ♪

♪ And the full moon That hangs over ♪

♪ These dreams in the mist ♪ Keep dreaming.

Shut the fuck up, Joe.

Darkness on the edge Shadows where I stand ♪

♪ I wanna see you clearly Come closer than this ♪

♪ But all I remember ♪

♪ Are these dreams In the mist ♪

♪ These dreams go on When I close my eyes ♪

♪ Every second of the night

♪ I live another life ♪

♪ These dreams that sleep When it's cold outside ♪

♪ Every moment I'm awake ♪

♪ The further I'm away ♪

How'd I sound up there?

Real good.

♪ O-Z, G-O-D All that's divine ♪

♪ I'm throwing prayers In the air So show me a sign ♪

♪ All roads lead to Rome ♪

♪ But home's so far From your throne ♪

♪ When will it finally be time To go for mine ♪

♪ And shine on my own? ♪ Come outta the darkness, my lamb.

And shine in the all-seeing eye of God.

The world is yours.

♪ Goon Squad! Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Goon Squad! Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Goon Squad ♪ Rap this shit ♪

♪ Goon Squad ♪ Rap this shit ♪

♪ Danny Boy and I Came to party ♪

♪ On the dance floor Where I met this hottie ♪

♪ I bought her some drinks Some shots of Bacardi ♪

♪ Then I drove her back home In my Maserati ♪

♪ Got in the front door And, man, this girl's a freak ♪

♪ Mouth so full That she couldn't speak ♪

♪ And then I tapped on that ass Hit it from the back ♪

♪ And I skeet-skeet-skeet Right on that tramp stamp ♪

♪ Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Punch the sky! Punch the sky! ♪

♪ Goon Squad!

♪ Goon Squad!

♪ Goon Squad! ♪

♪ Punch the sky! Punch the sky! ♪ Come on!

That should be us up there.

And now, making his live debut...

Basterd, the Antichrist.

Antichrist?

♪ The government plants The seeds of greed ♪

♪ In the toxic air you breathe And the trash that you eat ♪

♪ Until your dreams are Steaming piles of excrement ♪

♪ Say your prayers Take your medicine ♪

♪ You are the walking dead ♪

♪ Sucking on the poisonous teat Of money and sex ♪

♪ In debt 'til death ♪

♪ You good little boys and girls You do what you're told ♪

♪ You buy what you're sold ♪ Get off the stage, asshole!

♪ You're sheep! You're sheep! ♪

♪ Wake up!

♪ Wake up! ♪

♪ Wake up! Wake up! ♪

♪ Wake up! Wake up! ♪ Shut your hole, freak!

GSM, bitch! Leave, bitch.

Yes, Ray, at 10:00 a.m. Definitely.

Yes. No, thank you. I'll see you then.

Be on time, for sure. Thanks.

Hey, you dropped this.

I liked your set, man. I haven't really seen anything like that before.

What's that kind of music called?

I don't know.

Okay. Cool, yeah. Keep it real.

You know, I agree with you.

This place is full of sheep.

We gotta get our shit together.

Yeah, I know.

You could kill up there.

You're way better than them. Uh-huh.

It's Danny Boy ♪

♪ The pipes are calling For that crack ♪

♪ I slang kilos You know my steelo ♪

♪ Young Gambino Playing craps at the casino ♪

♪ Making these dineros Like De Niro in a Lambo ♪

♪ All these hoes Drop their panties For the hometown hero ♪

♪ Yo, I smoke a blunt Drink a beer, yo ♪

♪ The fucks I give Would equal zero ♪ MAN: Yeah!

Now, let me hear you cheer, yo.

I can't hear you cheer, yo!

Hey, Slaz, get it.

♪ GSM, boys and girls No, we runnin' this street ♪

♪ All you pussies got a big dog Ready to eat ♪

♪ Don't believe it? Then you get it And you get it for free

♪ Fuck with me, Danny or Pony You'll be dead In these streets ♪ Ah!

Who's next? Come on. Who's got bars?

She's next.

Oh, Dumbo! Dumbo has bars.

Yo, I think Dumbo's gonna spit.

Come on.

Dumbo, let's hear it. Come on.

Okay.

Yeah.

Check this out.

Since I came Straight out Caesarian ♪

♪ Baby, I'm a born star ♪

♪ I'm courtside In my sports bra ♪

♪ While you're watching At the sports bar ♪

♪ Y'all corny I'm in a bob weave ♪

♪ Bobbin' and weavin' Like Sigourney ♪

♪ Spittin' lawn darts From dusk 'til dawn ♪

♪ I come harder Than a porn star ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm that sexy beast ♪

♪ Make 'em go nuts Like a testie ♪

♪ While they sext me Like a T-Rex ♪

♪ Seacrest, I'm flexing On my jet ski ♪

♪ I'm Aretha in my Reeboks Steady getting re-spect ♪

♪ From Taiwan to Teaneck It's Killa P in e-ffect ♪

♪ I'm Xena eatin' ziti while You skeetin' in your Kleenex ♪

♪ My chain hangs low In the cleavage of my V-neck ♪

♪ Go, Dumbo! Go, Dumbo! ♪

♪ Go, Dumbo! Go, Dumbo! ♪ Yo, Danny, Dumbo got bars, son.

You're fuckin' trippin'. A'ight, yo.

It's Dapper Dan The man back again a.k.a. The Freshest ♪

♪ I've run the game Block to block They should call me Tetris ♪

♪ But wait, yo, who is this Dumbo bitch? ♪

♪ Yo, white Precious? You're looking like A pig in shit

♪ You havin' fun yet, bitch? ♪

♪ Yo, I'ma beat you with this dick ♪

♪ 'Cause you a glutton For punishment ♪ But hey, hold up. Goodyear Blimp, yo, have you ever thought once about a gym membership?

♪ She's like a slob asshole rim Jabba the Hut ♪

♪ Now, that's a ton of shit! Yo, I kick it apocalyptic ♪

♪ Slit your esophagus Slash and damage ♪

♪ I've got this appetite For destruction ♪

♪ Suck on my brass Knuckle sandwich ♪

♪ Yo, you fugly and you rancid ♪

♪ But I'm the man, bitch God damn it ♪

♪ I wouldn't fuck you Even if you were ♪

♪ The last piece of pussy On the planet ♪

Loser! Loser!

Go motherfucking hard!

Yo, Dumbo's gonna cry.

TKO, bro.

Come on, Dumbo, spit.

♪ Oh, Danny, it's time The truth was uncovered ♪

♪ And we confessed To these people ♪

♪ That we're secret lovers ♪

♪ How earlier this summer I humped you ♪

♪ Like a bum behind the dumpster

♪ And when you were coming You were blubbering Cussing like a trucker ♪

♪ Saying I was Your one true love Your number one stunner ♪ Whoa!

♪ I brought the thunder ♪

♪ But you left me Underwhelmed and numb ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm glad you wore A rubber when I discovered ♪

♪ The number of bumps On your lil' cucumber ♪

♪ Remember they were purps? ♪

♪ You said it was a sunburn But I think it was the herps ♪

♪ Oh, Danny You're more chicken shit ♪

♪ Than the toilets of KFC, man ♪

♪ You're dressed in drag With the mustache ♪

♪ Of another man's teabag ♪

♪ What, you think you got swag And a G-pass ♪

♪ 'Cause you sell weed bags Outta your dad's pizzeria? ♪

♪ Damn! You're a cyber gangster ♪

♪ On G-chat with a ski mask ♪

♪ While your free hand's picking your ween crabs ♪

♪ Looking at my screengrabs ♪

♪ Put on these knee pads Bend down and kiss my sweet ass ♪

♪ Excuse my French But you're a douche ♪

♪ Danny Bagadella More like a fuckin' D-bag ♪ Bitch, what the fuck did you just say?

You just committed fuckin' suicide.

You mad, bro?

You wanna sit down here?

Let's go. Get the hell outta here!

Let's go! Move, move!

Actin' like a buncha goddamn Mondays.

Move to Newark, you little pricks. Shit.

Hey, Tyrone, leave your bicycle and get over here, now.

Let's go. Let's go.

Columbine over here do this to you?

No, no. He didn't do shit.

All right, let me see your license.

Who gave you the nose job?

I ain't no snitch.

Tough guy, huh?

Wait a minute, are you Barbara Dombrowski's kid?

Yeah. So?

I went to school with your mother.

She had some set of lungs on her.

She still singing? You could call it that.

Normally I'd write you for disturbing the peace, but...

I'm feeling very generous this evening.

Here. Give that to your ma.

Tell her to give me a call. Ralph Nichols.

Looking for a backup singer for my band.

I think she might have a good time with it.

And you're a little big for messin' around in the sandbox, don't you think?

Don't forget to tell your ma to call me.

Hey, go home.

Let's go to the diner.

Enjoy the spoils of victory, Patricia.

Celebration.

What's wrong, dude?

He just said some nasty shit, is all.

Jesus, Patti, it was a battle.

Moral of the story is don't kick a sleeping beast

'cause payback's a bitch, and her name is Killa Motherfuckin' P.

My mind is working overtime right now.

I'm gonna make this shit happen for us.

Thick N Thin for infinity.

Salud. L'chaim.

♪ Supreme being In the coliseum ♪

♪ Third eye, all-seeing ♪

♪ Hail, Zaesar Hail, Zaesar ♪

♪ Hail, Zaesar Hail, Zaesar ♪

♪ Eleven apostles! One imposter! ♪

♪ Last supper club We poppin' bottles! ♪

♪ Magdalene, private dancer! ♪

♪ Make it rain down From Jacob's Ladder! ♪ Don't be nervous, honey. Okay?

You're just strokin' the male ego.

You tell him what he wants to hear, and it works like a charm.

I know.

Sweetie, we really need you to get this.

The salon's been slow and those creditors are up my ass. Ma, I know. Okay?

Okay.

We ran into some cop last night.

Yeah? Said he knows you.

Mm-hmm. Real prick.

Said something about singing backup.

I don't know. Left the number on the fridge.

I ain't no pig's canary. I worked off that DUI fair and square.

Can we do a little something with this hair?

Ma, it's fine. I'm a professional.

My hair is fine. I'm a professional.

Ma, it's okay.

Leave it down, maybe blow it out or something? No.

Honey, you've always been such a stubborn little shit.

All right, let me see the face.

Let me see your face, honey. All right.

Got a little bruisin'.

And you're all buttoned up like a nun.

Well, it is a job interview. All right.

God gave you weapons though, sweetheart. You gotta use 'em.

Ma, I don't think that's right.

There you go.

Just like your ma.

All right, let me get a look at ya.

Let me get a look at ya.

You think people think we're sisters?

I bet they do. I bet they do.

I never really thought about it.

No? No.

Dombrowski sisters.

We're settin' the world on fuckin' fire, huh?

All right. Lou vouched for you. So...

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Well, that's a really good question.

Big fish, small pond Queen bitch, Egyptian ♪

♪ Pyramid schemes and wet dreams

♪ Bed, Bath, and Beyond ♪ You know what? I hope to still be working for you, sir, 'cause, I mean, you seem like a really great boss.

I'm flattered.

But unfortunately, I'm fully staffed.

But I will put you on a list.

We... uh, keep a list for subs.

You're on the list.

Just chill and follow my lead, okay?

A little late for Jehovah Witnesses.

No, ma'am, we're Thick N Thin.

We have an appointment with Swisha?

Angel!

Kermit and Miss Piggy are here for you.

But let's not Talk about war My life's a battlefield ♪

♪ Man down Inflicted on the skin Followed by a poem ♪

♪ Fresh ink I paint the pen still ♪

♪ I ink all the fallen angels On my shell ♪

♪ The ghosts of my homies I speak for them ♪

♪ Thoughts through decisions In the streets ♪

♪ Politicking with my peeps Still remain discreet

♪ Through the secretions in life

♪ Life's a bitch if you ask... ♪ Jheromeo from the Craigslist ad?

Yeah, yeah. This is my partner, Killa P.

Killa P. You spit?

Yeah, man, she's got bars.

I got what you need right here. You know what I'm sayin'?

It's $50 an hour to record, $350 for one of my custom beats.

Cash up front. Yeah, I got ya, man.

Here ya go.

Let's do business, homey.

Hey, wow. There ya go.

Yo-yo, Killa P, what kind of beats do you like?

Uh...

You know, like, raw, boom-bap type shit. Yeah. Okay.

All right, boom-bap type shit.

I got somethin' for you, a'ight?

Yeah, but before we get in the booth, though, yo, let's blaze one down, get you in the zone. You know what I'm sayin'?

No, I got ya, man. Don't worry about it.

Playboy got weed, too.

Okay. All right.

Dude. Smell this shit.

Yo, my man, you got grifted. This is oregano.

This is teabag.

That's some Guy Fieri shit.

Good luck. Good luck.

That real shit. That's what that is.

Okay.

Teabag and Killa P! In the house!

But try some of this out. It's this Purple Mermaid.

It'll chill you out, put you in the zone. You feel what I'm sayin'?

She don't usually smoke, man.

She don't... What, you baby lungs?

I'm gonna help you out, too. Let's go. Pull-pull-pull.

Baby lungs.

It's that shit.

Hey, you good? Yeah.

Are you gonna spit?

♪ Uh, uh... ♪ Bro, she's fugazi, for sure.

You okay?

Call an ambulance. I think I'm having a fuckin' heart attack.

Hey, yo, don't quit your day job, now.

That was so fucking embarrassing.

I just wanted to be down.

I fucked up.

Why did you smoke?

Fuck, man, that was a lot of cash.

Wake up, P. I'm home.

Come on. Wakey-wakey, come on. We're here.

Listen, we'll get 'em next time, okay?

Don't worry about it. Get some rest.

I'll call you tomorrow. Okay.

Tuff love ♪

♪ Just like a dagger In the heart ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Well, it's in the blood It's in the blood ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Making secrets in the dark ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Let's run ♪ Hey, hands off the Carvel, honey. That's for Pop-Pop.

Chill, Ma. Just cookin' dinner.

You sure like this song.

Did ya get the job?

Did you do what I told ya?

They're gonna call me.

All right. Well, you really need to let me cut that hair.

I think that look is holding you back.

Holy shit, Ma, is this you? Yeah.

I found it in the basement while I was cleaning up for the garage sale.

That's our demo, Tuff Love. That's my band, Barb Wire.

Your hair was so big. Oh, yeah.

"The higher the hair, the closer to God." That's what they said.

But your Nana said that I looked and sounded like a two-bit tramp. So...

Uh-uh.

It sounds awesome.

We were fuckin' great, right?

Yeah. You look great. Right?

It sounds great. We were gonna be huge.

Everybody was tryin' to sign us.

I mean, we were so fuckin' close.

But your father and his Midas fucking touch had to shit on my picnic.

I mean, you can't be pregnant in leather. No. No.

I mean, I was just a baby.

Your Pop-Pop made us go to the town hall.

And you were kicking through the whole ceremony.

Does the fun ever start?

Ma, you all right? - I'm fine.

You know, Ma seems depressed.

She's so out of it lately.

Maybe she's got like, early "Old Timers" or something.

It's Alzheimer's, Ma. Alzheimer's.

She's also on a shit-ton of painkillers.

Well, I want you to spend a little more time with her. All right?

You know, take her out during the day when I'm at work, maybe get her away from the television.

Let her live a little bit. Ma, I'm busy.

You're busy? I'm grindin'.

What the fuck is grindin'?

Focusing on my music, you know?

Your music?

Your music?

Since when do you do music, honey?

You don't have a musical bone in your body, and you sure as hell can't sing.

What kinda music are we talkin' about here?

Well, I've been rapping.

Rapping? Rhyming, MC-ing, you know?

Really?

Jheri and I just booked our first recording session.

What's your rap singer name? What are you, like, Dewey Dewey Dumbdrops or some shit?

Hmm?

I'm actually going as Killa P.

Ooh, Killa P. Oh, shit.

And what do ya kill, honey? What do you fuckin' kill?

I murder the beat.

Oh, my God, my daughter, the Son o' Sam.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit! I'm serious, Ma.

You're serious? Yeah, I'm serious.

Okay, what're you doin'? You out there doin' drivebys, doin' shoot-'em-ups?

Fuck you. Is that where you go?

Fuck me? Fuck you!

You know what? Now, I know why Dad left.

You know, the moment I get signed, I'm going, too.

Oh, the moment you get signed?

Okay. All right!

♪ When I close my eyes I see her ♪

♪ Cover my ears I hear her ♪

♪ I look in the mirror I'm not gonna be her ♪

♪ So I keep dreamin' ♪

♪ Spit the gospel Like a preacher ♪

♪ Like O-Z, my teacher ♪

♪ And the day she hears me Speakin' out every speaker ♪

♪ That's when She'll be a believer ♪

♪ And I'll drive off in my Beamer ♪

♪ The last mirror I'll see her in Is the rear view ♪

♪ When I leave her ♪

Happy anniversary, Franky.

See you real soon.

Hi, Pop-Pop.

Cookie Puss.

Your favorite.

He was a real pain in the ass.

But you know, it kinda gets lonely without him.

You miss him, too.

My hip's killing me.

Patti Cake Patti Cake, baker's man ♪

♪ Pop me a perky As fast as you can ♪ All right.

Here.

There ya go.

Thank you.

What the fuck?

Hey, you all right, man?

This like a ritual? You prayin'?

My eye.

Oh, damn. Yeah. No, let me give you a hand.

Booyah! Gotcha, little shit.

Hey, you know how to use that MPC?

You make beats on that thing? Yo!


Hey, Jheri, meet me at the Gates of Hell tunnel behind the cemetery, now.

No, I'm not effin' with you, okay?

Just get here and I'll text you exactly where to meet.

Just trust me, okay? Go, go, go!

Okay.


Jesus Christ on the cross.

Holy shit.

This your crib?

This place is incredible.

This all garbage?

You draw these?

This where the magic happens?

You are totally off the grid.

You like, running from the law or somethin'?

I don't believe in the law.

I'm an anarchist, the Antichrist.

Cool.

I think I'm Episcopalian.

What the hell is that?

It's a sculpture of the Jersey Devil.

You are creepin' the shit out of me.

For real.

Look at that, chicken skin.

God damn!

Look at all this satanic shit.

Oh, word, I gotta take a picture of this.

It's like a serial killer spa in here.

How many bodies you got buried in here, bro?

What's your Wi-Fi password, dawg? Out!

That was some crazy shit.

Jheri, just stay with Nana.

Hey.

Look, I'm sorry about Jheri. Get out.

He's good people, he just comes off a little bougie sometimes.

Get out.

Shit, man, please.

I'm desperate. Okay?

I am on my hands and knees begging you to give us a chance.

Look.

I've never met anyone like you before.

And I've seen what you can do.

You've got real stuff to say.

Let us just try something.

And if it don't work out, I'll leave you alone.

I promise.

I'll be your best friend.

You got any like, trap stuff?

No? Maybe some slow jams, you know what I'm sayin'?

Something to grind to?

I don't have time for this, P. Let's go to the diner. I'm jettin'.

Wait. Jheri, get back here.

Look, what about that track I heard you messin' with before?

You know, the crazy-fast one.

Can you play that for me?

It's fuckin' garbage.

Just wait.

Okay, okay.

So let's get rid of all the shit and just keep the beat. Yeah?

Can you do that?

Okay.

Okay. Uh...

Now we're just gonna turn the tempo down a smidge. Do that for me.

Little more. Slower. Slower.

Uh.

That's fuckin' bangin'.

See, I told ya this kid was good.

Time out, man. Time out.

We need somethin' for the club, somethin' for the ladies.

Gimme the mic, dude.

Watch me Nate-Dogg this shit, real quick.

Uh, uh, uh...

Thick N Thin In the building ♪

♪ Uh Thick N Thin in the building ♪

♪ Uh P to the Patti, J to the Jheri ♪

♪ Uh. Peanut butter, jelly Peanut butter, Jheri ♪

♪ We got the B-boy Basterd Straight o' the casket ♪

♪ B to the J PB to the J ♪

♪ Representin' NJ We be PBNJ ♪ Nice.

Whoo.

♪ Peanut butter Wonder Bread... ♪ Ooh. You ready for this?

♪ Peanut butter To the Wonder Bread ♪

♪ Jam to the Smucker's Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪ What?

That one's on. That was great.

♪ Peanut butter To the Wonder Bread ♪

♪ Jam to the Smucker's Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪ Ah!

Patricia!

Shit.

Hi, Nana. How was your nap?

I wanna go home. Now.

Nan, we're just in the middle of somethin'. Okay?

Can you just wait a second? Please, for me?

Who's the colored kid with the glaucoma?

That is my friend, Basterd. He's an Antichrist.

Don't say colored.

Take me home right now.

I'm gonna tell Barb.

Hey, Nan, how about we hear that beautiful voice of yours?

So, you're just gonna repeat the letters, okay?

This is asinine.

Come on.

P, B, N, J.

Okay. Slow it down. Please.

P. B. N. J.

That was great. Did you get it?

♪ P... PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

Peanut butter to the Wonder... ♪ Listen to me. Fucking Streisand.

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪ Check this out.

♪ It's the Ritz cracker I... ♪ Shit.

♪ Like Jagger in a... ♪

♪ Jaguar. I... ♪ Again.

Uh, uh, uh...

Check this out.

♪ It's the Ritz... ♪ No. Shit.

Hey. Come here.

Stop with the pussyfooting around and gimme some limmies...

Superstar.

Come on, you got this.

Go on.

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

Peanut butter to the Wonder Bread ♪

♪ Jam to the Smucker's Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ It's the Ritz cracker ♪

♪ I go hard swagger is Viagra ♪

♪ I roll stoned through Jersey Like Jagger in a Jaguar ♪

♪ I pull strings like Santana At the Copacabana ♪

♪ Tony Montana meets Soprano In a pink bandana ♪

♪ I wax that ass Like a Brazilian Make a million hits ♪

♪ Rick Rubenesque I'm fresh to death Or 'til I'm filthy rich ♪

♪ Big boned Joan Jett With the Black Heart White Trish is the ish ♪

♪ Live from The Black Shack Like a Tampax We up in this bitch ♪

The P is for the posse The B is for the bells ♪

♪ NJ are the letters Of the state where we dwell ♪

♪ Straight out the Gates of Hell All day every day ♪

♪ Yo, Nana, tell the world our motherfucking name, we're... ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

Peanut butter To the Wonder Bread ♪

♪ Jam to the Smucker's Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ we be forming Just like we Mighty Morphin' ♪

♪ The crew is up in the cut Huh, Neosporin ♪

♪ I flip words like Vanna White Behind the Wheel of Fortune ♪

♪ I'm looking gorgeous In a corset At The Source Awards'n ♪

♪ I run this shit like Forrest 23, scoring like Jordan ♪

♪ The plates are foreign Four on the floor 'Til four in the morning ♪

♪ I'm in a purple Porsche on A cordless eating swordfish ♪

♪ The Fab Four, they adore us So Jheri, sing that chorus ♪

♪ Mr. Lover-Lover Take a bubble bath ♪

♪ In my hovercraft Let me go down under On your Thundercat ♪

♪ Got my stash in your underwear With the rubber band ♪

♪ Put the cash in the duffle bag Patti, talk some trash ♪

The P is for the posse The B is for the bells ♪

♪ NJ are the letters Of the state... ♪ You wanna get back in the car, lunatic?

♪ All day every day ♪

♪ Yo, Nana, tell the world Our motherfucking name, we're... ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ PBNJ ♪

♪ Patti, Basterd, Nana and Jheri ♪

♪ Going hard in the paint Like Picasso ♪

♪ Painting masterpieces Masterpieces ♪

♪ Masterpieces Masterpieces ♪

♪ Masterpieces Masterpieces ♪

Shit, Ma, not another DUI.

Nana, we're home now.

♪ Went down to the crossroads ♪

♪ Fell down on my knees ♪

♪ Down on my knees ♪

♪ Down to the crossroads

♪ Fell down on my knees ♪

♪ Down on my knees ♪

♪ I axe the Lord above for mercy "Save me, if you please" ♪ You all right, Ma?

Well, you're home early.

What the hell's goin' on here?

Just jammin' with Officer Nichols.

He's teachin' me their set.

Yeah, that's an old number called The Crossroad Blues. Clapton version.

You know, Patricia here doesn't like real music.

She's a rapper.

Damn straight, I am.

Yeah, so which one are you, a Blood or a Crip, Latifah?

C'mon, what's the matter with you? They're thugs, all of 'em.

It's everything that's wrong with this country right now, if you axe me.

Come over here, I'll teach ya some real music.

Come on, we'll play some blues.

Where you goin', Patricia?

Oh, this I like.

You're gonna get me dancin'.

Yes. Yes, no, I'm free Tuesday night.

Okay. Black tie, black pants.

Yeah, no, that's perfect.

Okay. Great. No, thank you. Thanks.

You're a bad bitch.

Swet F.M.

DJ French Tips on your dial, makin' the tri-state fly straight.

That was an exclusive from Yung Nurple, the newest signee to Emerald City...

This needs to be broken down, or set up?

What're we doin'?

Ah, yes. Hi, sir.

Okay. Joanie had, uh... well, an emergency, so I am going to... give you one chance.

You're gonna be on your feet eight to ten hours. You can...

Yes. Of course. Yes. You can do that?

Okay. No chitchat, no attitude.

I want a big smile plastered...

Very good... on that face, all night, just like that.

Yes, sir. Of course, you can count on me. Very good.

This'll help get you in shape.

Okay. So I know you're curious why I called you here.

I have some good news.

Spit it out, already.

So, this Albanian dude, Benzo, right?

He comes into the pharmacy all the time.

I hook him up with some Cialis, no biggie.

We're shooting the shit, and he tells me he manages Cheeters, the gentlemen's club off of Route Four, and they just so happen to be looking for some live music to go with their live dancing.

So, I hustled him into booking us, P, B, N, Motherfuckin' J, in three weeks for a record release show at Cheeters.

Bam! I'm a baller.

Really, Jheri? A titty bar?

It's PG-13 shit. Bikini tops, boy shorts.

Totally family friendly.

Yeah, but we only got one song.

So we go all in. You have notebooks full of songs, P.

How badly do you want this?

Real fuckin' bad.

Exactly.

So we record our asses off.

Then we wallpaper the town with flyers. And then we kill the show.

Man, once the buzz spreads, this dump is in the rearview on a highway to greener pastures, baby.

What do you think, Nana?

My calendar's pretty empty.

That's what's up!

All right, all those in favor say "aye."

Aye.

Aye.

I'm not entertaining perverts who objectify women.

Come on.

Let's wake up the sheep.

Yes.

To The Gates of Hell!

♪ Hunger Gamez ♪

♪ Hustling through them Hunger pangs ♪

♪ Hunger Gamez ♪ Hustling through them Hunger pangs ♪

Patricia Dombrowski, this is your final warning.

If the outstanding balance is not paid, we will seek legal action.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

♪ Hunger Gamez ♪

♪ There's no need to sleep ♪

Hunger pangs Hunger Gamez ♪

♪ When you live the dream! ♪

Hunger pangs Hunger Gamez ♪

♪ Haters rest in peace ♪

Hunger pangs Hunger Gamez ♪

♪ Patti, you a beast! ♪

♪ Hunger Gamez, I'm hungry, mang ♪

♪ Stomach rumbling, Hunger pangs ♪

♪ I'm an underdog In the Thunderdome ♪

♪ With no novocaine To numb this pain ♪

♪ I burn like a DuraFlame Just like a Hurricane Patti ♪

♪ Making it rain champagne I'm breakin' my ass just To bring home the bacon bits ♪

♪ Shaking that shit right into The piggy bank ♪

♪ Craving that paper all day, slaving away ♪

♪ Grind from the cradle To grave ♪

♪ And I'm made in the shade that They throw my way ♪

♪ Like Sinatra Count my focaccia, eh ♪

♪ Young blue-eye'd bitch In blue suede ♪

♪ Do-rags to riches dues paid ♪

♪ Dude, I won't stop 'til I'm ♪

♪ Top of that food chain coppin' ♪ Dombrowski.

Yes, sir.

Well, well, I had my reservations, but you held up pretty good.

Thank you. Yeah.

Maybe this is your calling.

Maybe it is.

Ah. You still need to throw out all the garbage. Okay.

Mop the floor. Load the van.

Yes, sir! Will do. All right.

Thank you. Maybe next time.

Yes.

Let's go, guys. Today, not tomorrow.

♪ Patti, you a beast ♪

♪ We, we livin' the dream We livin' the dream ♪

♪ We, we livin' the dream Ya ♪

♪ No need to sleep No need to sleep When you be livin' the dream ♪

♪ We, we livin' the dream We livin' the dream Ya ♪

♪ We livin' the dream Ya ♪

♪ No need to sleep No need to sleep ♪

♪ When you be livin' the dream ♪

I'm young and I'm restless I'm young and I'm restless ♪

♪ Killa PMS'n And I'm Hannibal Lecter ♪

♪ A cannibal eating Serial killers for breakfast ♪

♪ We on the guest list Glass stilettos ♪

♪ Like Cinderella... ♪

♪ The world is your oyster When the pearl necklace Is between these breasts ♪

♪ The future's a present Looking fluorescent ♪

♪ Blessings on blessings They ask what the scent is ♪

♪ They ask what the scent is The smell of successes ♪

♪ I came in the game a peasant Leave in a Lexus ♪

♪ Life or death, I'm Katniss You Cat Piss ♪

♪ My status fucking Savage in these ♪

Hunger Gamez... ♪ Lil' sexier, Patti.

You wanna take the fuckin' picture, already?

Holy shit.

♪ Jheri season We be eating We're the dream team

♪ We eatin' Insomniac 'cause you know That the moolah don't sleep ♪

♪ No sleep!

♪ Nouveau riche Stash the casheesh Inside the mattress ♪

♪ Got racks! We be going straight Katniss, Katniss ♪

♪ PBNJ, you know We gonna be massive ♪

♪ We big! Patti, Jheri, Nana And we got the Basterd

♪ He evil! I'm Randy Savage Countin' up the cabbage

♪ Macho! You see the gold ring Killa P, come grab it ♪ All right! Buy our mixtape.

PBNJ!

Five bucks. Do you like rap music?

Hey, d'you like rap music?

You like rap music? No.

Hey, ma'am, you like rap music?

Come on, it's just five bucks.

We have a show on Saturday. Next time. I know.

What do we have, like, ten? Here we go again.

Yeah, let me get one.

Can I get one?

It's gonna be five bucks.

♪ We, we livin' the dream We livin' the dream ♪

♪ We, we livin' the dream Ya ♪

♪ No need to sleep No need to sleep When you be livin' the dream

♪ We, we livin' the dream We livin' the dream Ya

♪ We livin' the dream Ya

♪ No need to sleep No need to sleep ♪

♪ When you be livin' the dream ♪

♪ Go, Adam! It's your Mitzvah! ♪

♪ We gonna party Like it's your Mitzvah! ♪

♪ Go, Adam! It's your Mitzvah! ♪

♪ We gonna party like It's your Mitzvah ♪

♪ It's your Mitzvah ♪

Hey. DJ French Tips.

Hey. I'm a big, big fan.

I listen to your Ten At Ten show religiously.

Sure. And... I...

I wanted to give you this. Whoa.

You really keepin' it old school.

You do know people don't play CDs anymore.

Yeah. Thanks.

And you are?

Killa P. Killa P. Mmm.

Twenty years in the game brought me to Adam Fishbein's Bar Mitzvah.

Keep your head up, Killa. It's a cold world out there.

Thanks. You got it.

Hunger Gamez Hustling through them Hunger pangs ♪

♪ They say, "More money More problems" ♪

♪ Well, I ain't got no dollars So I should have no problems ♪

♪ But sure as shit I got 'em

♪ More money, more problems ♪

♪ I ain't got no dollars So I should have no problems ♪

♪ But sure as shit, I got 'em ♪

♪ More money, more problems Well, I ain't got no dollars ♪

♪ So I should have no problems But sure as shit, I got 'em ♪

♪ More money, more problems Well, I ain't got no dollars ♪

♪ So I should have no problems But sure as shit, I got 'em ♪

Patricia! Patricia! Patricia!

Patricia. Patricia!

Hey, Patricia. Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.

Come on. Wake up.

I want you to go downstairs and clean the shit out of the basement for the garage sale, all right?

All right? All right.

How much ya bring home last night?

More where that came from.

Though they can only give me part-time for now, so, still got my shifts at Lou's.

All right, well, this'll chip away at it.

Want you to keep up the good work, darlin', all right?

You're awfully chipper.

What's gotten into you?

He did. Your ma's got herself a man.

That cop? Yeah, that cop.

Ma, he's still wearing his wedding ring.

Honey, he's separated.

Can't ya fuckin' be happy for me for once?

Oh, God.

All right, let's go, get up. Clean the shit up off the floor.

Get down to the basement. Let's get ready to do this fuckin' garage sale.


Wow. That was beautiful.

Let's go.

♪ Girl-style now! ♪

♪ Hey, girlfriend ♪

♪ I got a proposition Goes something like this ♪

♪ Dare you to do what you want ♪

♪ Dare you to be who you will ♪

♪ Dare you to cry Right out loud ♪

♪ You get so emotional, baby ♪

♪ Double dare you Double dare you ♪

♪ Double dare you Girl fuckin' friend, you ♪

♪ Double dare you Double dare you ♪

♪ Double dare you, girl! ♪ Hey, Dumbo!

I hate that name so fucking much.

Ever since Junior High.

Dumbo Dumbrowski.

So what's your real name?

Like, what do your parents call you?

Where'd you go to high school?

Hear that?

That's how I'm getting out.

Hopping freight trains, yard to yard, across the country.

I think that's what real freedom is.

Kinda like a hobo?

That's cool.

♪ It's a bird, it's a plane ♪

♪ It's Basterd, mang ♪

♪ Antichrist superstar ♪

♪ You're hopping freight train To freight train In a single bound ♪

♪ Loves the sound Gettin' the fuck outta town ♪ You're crazy.

I'm crazy?

You give zero fucks what anyone thinks about you.

My dream's to get our shit to O-Z.

His co-sign is like every prayer being answered.

Don't hide behind the fantasies of false prophets.

Wise words from a mute who hides in a shack.

Look, I was just kidding, okay?

Oh, my big fuckin' mouth.

I'm workin', Ma. What's up?

Wait, wait, wait, what?

No. Where is she?

Yeah, no, I'm comin' right now. See ya.

What the hell happened?

She had a stroke.

All right, look... the hospital's asking about insurance.

They're gonna clean us out.

Jesus. What do we do?

I guess I'll open another credit card.

I'll shuffle some things around and I'll see how much time I can buy her. Okay? Okay.

You're gonna have to go fulltime.

Yeah, noon to 8:00.

Yes. No, that wasn't his fault.

It just overflowed.

Very good.

I don't got all day.

Well, sir, you know, I think I've done an excellent job thus far.

And I work hard, and I smile.

And even you said that this was my calling.

I was just hoping that maybe-- All right, all right.

You wanna try out for the big leagues. Yeah.

Today is your lucky day.

Saturday, Alpine.

Okay. Noon to 8:00.

Some heavy hitters. I am only fielding my A-team.

And the rate is double.

Thank you. Thank you so much, sir. I--

Please button.

Button this up. Nobody wants to see that.

Please, please, please. Thank you.

Okay. Thank you, thank you. Okay.

"There once was a queen from Bayonne"

"who cursed and smoked on her throne."

"Fuck a stroke and bein' broke 'cause I'm goin' for broke."

"Your superstar's gonna get your ass home."

Hey. Looks like I'll miss the show.


What's your business?

I think I'm in the right place.

I'm with Ray's Catering, the bartender.

Pull around the side.

Oh, my God.

You can move a little faster than that. Of course.

Must be nice to be this loaded.

Well, you know who lives here, don't you?

Who knows how to make a Green God Absinthe?

I do.

I do.

It's gotta be perfect, Dombrowski.

Of course.

Donna, you deliver it downstairs in ten.

Do not fuck it up.

Roger that, boss.

He said those need to be polished.

♪ Opportunity knocks ♪

♪ I rip the door Off the hinges ♪ Here's Patti, bitches.


You can call me Your Highness ♪

♪ I puff them joints Like arthritis ♪

♪ I'm doper than a line of China White that's up in ya sinus ♪

♪ And all I touch is the Midas My lifestyle is designer ♪

♪ Rihanna said my vagina Shinin' bright like a diamond ♪

♪ 'Cause when I'm rhymin' the fly Men wanna get in my hymen ♪

♪ I say don't even try, man 'Cause I didn't say Simon ♪

♪ Cowell crowned me the nicest Miss American Idol ♪

♪ My rivals go and join ISIS 'Cause they be suicidal ♪

♪ Fuckin' swear like a sailor On a whole stack of Bibles ♪

♪ The Father, Son and Holy Ghost 'Cause I'm a O-Z disciple ♪

♪ Count my Franklins in Spanks

♪ 'Cause my rhymes Be the tightest ♪

♪ Well, I know talk is cheap

♪ But my shit is priceless ♪

My libations?

Not what I was seeing in my mind's eye.


You know how much I bought that painting for at auction?

Uh...

I don't know.

Two point four.

Why such a hefty price tag?

Because it's the perfect distillation of a man's anger... pain, emotion.

In the lines, you can see the artist's madness, his dreams, humanity.

It's a snapshot of an artist's soul in all its divinity.

For that, two point four is a steal.


You ain't no artist.

You a culture vulture who ain't got a clue who it is you is.

Stick to the drinks, white girl.

I gave you a chance and you fucked me. The tie.

You fucked me. You're fired.

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Dumb, fuckin' bitch!

So fuckin' stupid.

This is the biggest fuckin' opportunity of ya life.

I'm 'bout to make you a star.

You sing your little bilingual face off, all right?

Do not fuck this up.

I need you to go up there and be a man for once in your fuckin' life.

The crowd, they fuckin' hype.

They love you, do not let them down.

Get yourself on that stage and you shake your little fuckin' hips.

Just go up there and do it.

Benzo says we're on in ten.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Sparkles, all the way from Bushwick, New York.

This is it. Moment of truth.

Let's melt some faces.

Cheeters is proud to present PB and motherfucking J.

Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Oh, we're PBNJ We goin' do ya ♪

♪ Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Comma Sutra Comma, Comma Sutra ♪

♪ Jheromeo the lover boy And Killa P the shoota ♪

♪ The A-list makes A beeline to my behind ♪

♪ Rip the stage in a rage Every time I freestyle ♪

♪ Fly off in a G-5 Haters throw peace signs ♪

♪ 'Cause the v-gine's Sweeter than a key lime ♪

♪ Feline Break bread with Bill ♪

What're you doing?

Where are you going, P?

We have a whole set to finish. You can't just run off like this.

God, don't you get it?

You're completely ridiculous.

Nobody can take you seriously.

I can't anymore, either.

Okay, no more of your stupid little fantasies. I quit.

This is bullshit!

Hey, yo, Hareesh! Hareesh! Hareesh!

What the fuck is you doin' out here, mang?

Go on stage and finish the fuckin' performance, mang.

Smack the spice out your fuckin' ass, mang.

Today on Judge Faith...

A projector in the house isn't always the brightest idea.

Huh! Look who it is.

Couldn't sleep, either?

What's the matter, Patti Cakes?

I fucked up real bad.

What'd you do?

I thought I could be someone.

Asshole.

You already are.

You're my superstar.

Love you, kiddo.

I love you, too.

It'll be okay.

♪ Walking through a graveyard one dire night ♪

♪ And I was scared I was shaken with fright ♪

♪ Somebody screamed I turned around ♪ Ma'am, ma'am. Hey, ma'am.

Hon, gimme a Red Stripe.

Let me guess. Dressed as sad poet.

Not tonight, Joe. I'm not in the mood.

That time of month, ma'am?

Eat a dick.

Ta-da.

What d'ya think?

Really, Ma? That's a lotta skin.

Yeah, well, that's what they're comin' to see, darlin'.

It's called show business.

But you wouldn't know about that, would ya?

Why can't you just act your age?

And why can't you act your race?

How's your rap career goin'?

It's over.

Hmm. Well...

Well, reality's a bitch, ain't she?

You know, I ain't holdin' your hair back in that stall tonight.

"Yo, I got the game in a chokehold.

"You soft as fro-yo

"I'm Babe Ruthing kimono. You Sammy So-So.

"You ain't got no wins in my dojo.

"I'm beefin' with all y'all pussies queefing. I'm--".

Oh. Fuck you all.

I'm done.

All right, looks like we got every cop in town on stage.

Let's make some noise for.

NJPD Blues and the beautiful Barbara Dombrowski.

Thank you, boys. Whip 'em out!

I went to a party Last Saturday night ♪

♪ I didn't get laid I got in a fight Uh-huh ♪

♪ It ain't no big thing ♪

♪ But I know what I like ♪

♪ I know I like dancin' with you ♪

♪ And you know what I like ♪

♪ You know I like dancin' with you ♪

♪ Dancin' with you ♪

♪ Come on, kiss me once ♪

♪ Kiss me twice ♪

♪ Come on, pretty baby

♪ Kiss me deadly ♪

♪ Come on, kiss me once ♪

♪ Kiss me twice ♪

♪ Come on, pretty baby Kiss me deadly ♪

What're you doing here?

I feel like a big fat fucking liar.

You have more talent and imagination in this little finger than the rest of this whole town combined.

Don't leave.

Please.


Bob.

Excuse me?

My real name is Bob.

I went to Berkin Catholic. My dad's a lawyer--

Shh. Bob.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

Shut the fuck up.

Bob?

Hello?

Nan, you won't believe...

She went to see Pop-Pop.


Bye, Nan.

That was really beautiful, Ma.

He didn't even show up.

Coward.

He went back to his crow of a wife.

He don't deserve you.

How are we even gonna pay for all of this?

Did you get your latest paycheck?

Ma.

I got let go.

Dombrowski sisters, settin' the world on fire.


"Killa P, lyrically the illest bitch in history."

"Lifestyles of the Rich 'n Infamy."

"Breakfast at Tiffany's, dinner in Little Italy."

"Oh, I guess it's just the pimp in me."


Cindy, how are you?

I'm in trouble.

- Shoplifting? No, real trouble.

I ran away from this place and can't go back. I just...

Okay, wait a minute.

Slow down. What place?

Her body's not even cold yet.

What else you want, my first fuckin' born?

Hey! Hey, chill, girl.

Is this Killa P?

Uh...

It was. Who's this?

French Tips. Remember we met a while ago back at a Bar Mitzvah thing?

Hey, I finally got around to listening to your demo.

And it's rough as hell, but, you know what, it's kinda hot.

You're shittin' me. Not shitting you.

I hope you don't mind, but I submitted your name for this shortlist for the Rookie Monster.

Wait, really? Mm-hmm.

Wait, you better not be messing with me, okay.

I've had a really tough run here.

Hey, hey, it's next week at Saint Mary's, in Newark.

And, you know, you got some record label people there, some A and R folks and shit.

Get some eyes on you.

We broke up.

Well, get back together.

Don't waste my time. Bye.

Holy shit.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

Jheromeo.

That's my homie-o.

Wherefore art thou, my Jheromeo?

Look, I know I'm a piece of fuckin' garbage.

I'm sorry.

You really need to check yourself.

I miss you.

Miss hangin' out.

Miss makin' music together.

Look, I know I lost my mind there for a minute.

Do you wanna go to the diner after work?

I'll think about it.

On one condition.

Enough with the hating and the negativity, okay?

That shit is toxic.

Promise?

What's good with the Prince of Darkness?

Don't think I don't know what's goin' on between you two.

I don't know what you're talkin' about.

Chill.

A little sexual tension is good for the group.

The press'll eat it up.

Just don't forget about me.

You'll always be my number one son.

You really need to get a cell phone.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

Where you been hidin'?

My dad's.

Why'd you run away that morning?

I just freaked out. I'm sorry.

I wanna introduce you to someone.

Come on.

Mother...

I want you to meet Patti Cakes...

the poet I won't shut up about.


You been sittin' on that couch and you're ready to make that change, Pro-unit is the thing for you.

Learn the secrets only top level personal trainers, pro athletes, and celebrities use to get maximum...

Hey, Ma.

Will you do my hair?

Not right now, Patricia. I'm busy.

Come on. I need a professional's touch.

No.

Come on, Ma.

Pretty please? With a sugar on top?

Please get out of the way of the television.

I'll buy you five packs of cigs.


How come you never trusted me to do this before?

Steady, Ma.

Hey, Ma? Mm-hmm.

This kinda famous DJ called and then invited me to perform in Newark on Friday at a talent showcase.

What d'ya think about maybe getting outta the house, you know... come out and see me?

Not with this rap shit. I thought you were done with this stuff.

Wow.

Wash it out yourself in 30 minutes.


Who are you? PBNJ.

You're on after the fourth act.

Stage is upstairs.

All right, all right, all right, come on.

♪ I'm tryna rule the world My nigga can't sit still ♪

♪ Stick up for this shit Like I'm aimin' with a pistol ♪

♪ I got one shot, nigga I can't miss here ♪

♪ Take one shot, nigga I'm still miss here ♪

♪ I'm tryina rule the world My nigga, can't sit still ♪

♪ Stick up for this shit Like I'm aiming with a pistol ♪

♪ I got one shot, nigga I can't miss here ♪

♪ I take one shot, nigga I'm still... ♪ Damn, he's good.

♪ My homies, I speak for them Through my actions ♪

♪ Through my thoughts Through decisions in the streets ♪

♪ Politicking with my peeps Still remain discreet ♪

♪ Through the secretions... ♪ Yo, my people!

Tonight is a very special night.

Up in the balcony we got The Godfather himself looking down on y'all.

Get on ya knees and pray to the legend, your god on high.

O motherfucking Z!

O-Z, O-Z, O-Z, O-Z...

And we got some other super-dope MCs on the way as well, so Jersey, please make some motherfucking noise!

Put your hands up! Come on, now! Come on!

♪ Trouble we get into When we spit on instrumentals ♪ Come on, now!

♪ They say they bars hard They be simple... ♪


You got this.

You're a boss bitch.

P, we're on.

P.

Holy shit.

Jheri, I don't know that I can do this.

I got no spit in my mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wha'sup, wha'sup?

Yeah.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for PBNJ.

Yo, Dumbo.

Rap, bitch!

You suck. Go back to the suburbs, Piggy Azalea.

Killa P and Teabag!

You got more oregano for me this time?

It's our turn.

For Nana.

Get off the stage!

♪ Oh, girls, it's a cold world Of violence and vultures ♪

♪ You gotta be strong With this weight on your shoulders ♪

♪ Like New Jersey devils We cursed upon birth ♪

♪ But the dreamers and freaks Will inherit the Earth ♪

♪ But these haters will hate On a heavyweight, wait ♪

♪ 'Cause revenge is a dish Best served on a cold plate ♪

♪ And I'll be that waitress With blood on my apron ♪

♪ Fuck minimum wage I will bring home this bacon ♪

♪ Killa P, R-I-P Patti Cakes be the name ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm sick of that fake shit Like fake tits and facelifts ♪

♪ The bigger the girl The deeper the pain is ♪

♪ The anger, the passion I hope and I'm praying ♪

♪ To sweet DJ Jesus my life needs a remix ♪

♪ Pull mics from my cleavage And show them my genius ♪

♪ Big girls, we don't cry So I rise like a phoenix ♪

♪ Take off these gloves Knuckle up for that ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ We're the New Jersey demons ♪

♪ So put your hands to the ceiling ♪

♪ 'Cause it's the realness you're feeling ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Well, it's in the blood Well, it's in the blood ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ We're the New Jersey demons So put your hands to the ceiling ♪

♪ 'Cause it's the realness You're feeling ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

Come on, come on ♪

Let's run ♪

♪ Let's run, let's run, let's run ♪

♪ I spit behind a cage A bartender with bars ♪

♪ You can run from where you're from But not from who you are ♪

♪ Well, the hate's a disease There's a cost to be free ♪

♪ So you can kiss my big ass I turn the other cheek ♪

♪ With no tricks up my sleeve Oh, no, no silly rabbit ♪

♪ No rings, got no bling No 24 karat ♪

♪ No penthouse, no palace Still live with my parent ♪

♪ Who battles the bottle Since my daddy abandoned us ♪

♪ I know I can make it I know we got talent, yeah ♪

♪ I lost my mind when I lost my Nana ♪

♪ They call me a cow But I ain't going cowardice ♪

♪ Not bowing out Make my mama so proud of this ♪

♪ In love with the Basterd Jheri got that swagger ♪

♪ I rap through my sadness Turn tragic to magic ♪

♪ Don't fuck with this fat chick ♪

♪ Or you'll get your ass kicked ♪

♪ Dombrowski girls Never give up on that ♪

Tuff love ♪

♪ We're the New Jersey demons ♪

♪ So put your hands to the ceiling ♪

♪ 'Cause it's the realness you're feeling ♪

Tuff love ♪

Uh, uh ♪

♪ Well, it's in the blood ♪

♪ Well, it's in the blood ♪

Tuff love ♪

♪ We're the New Jersey demons ♪

♪ So put your hands to the ceiling ♪

♪ 'Cause it's the realness you're feeling ♪

Tuff love ♪

Come on, come on ♪ BARB: ♪ Let's run ♪

♪ Let's run, let's run ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Just like a dagger in my heart ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Well, it's in the blood It's in the blood ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ We'll keep the secrets in the dark ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

♪ Let's run ♪

♪ Tuff love ♪

PBNJ! PBNJ! PBNJ!

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've all been waiting for.

The winner of this year's Rookie Monster Challenge.

A unanimous decision.

It's gonna be huge out here. Give it up for Nomad.

Thank you, thank you.

Yo, I wanna thank everybody for comin' out, showin' me mad love when I was here on this stage.

O-Z, I'm comin' for you next, for real. Peace and love, everybody.

Thank you for comin'.

Come here.

Oi, Patti Cakes! Come on, we're hungry.

Go have some fun.

Go have fun. I'll see you at home.

Okay.


Want one, Jheri?

Yo, yo, yo, sound the alarm!

It's your girl DJ French Tips playing the most requested tracks of the day.

Coming in at number one-ten, getting it started straight off their self-released demo, it's...

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ, PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ Peanut butter to the Wonder Bread Jam to the Smucker's ♪

♪ Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ, PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ Peanut butter to the Wonder Bread Jam to the Smucker's ♪

♪ Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ, PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪ Jheri! Shut up!

♪ Peanut butter to the Wonder Bread Jam to the Smucker's ♪

♪ Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ... ♪

♪ It's the Ritz cracker I go hard swagger is Viagra ♪

♪ I roll stoned through Jersey Like Jagger in a Jaguar ♪

♪ I pull strings like Santana At the Copacabana ♪

♪ Tony Montana meets Soprano In a pink bandana ♪

♪ I wax that ass like a Brazilian Make a million hits ♪

♪ Rick Rubenesque I'm fresh to death Or 'til I'm filthy rich ♪

♪ Big boned Joan Jett with the Black Heart ♪

♪ White Trish is the ish ♪

♪ Live from The Black Shack Like a Tampax, we up in this bitch ♪

♪ The P is for the posse The B is for the bells ♪

♪ NJ are the letters of the state where we dwell ♪

♪ Straight out the Gates of Hell All day every day ♪

♪ Yo, Nana, tell the world Our motherfucking name, we're ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ, PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ Peanut butter to the Wonder Bread Jam to the Smucker's ♪

♪ Like some impotent dads We some bad motherfuckers ♪

♪ PBNJ, we be forming Just like we Mighty Morphin' ♪

♪ The crew is up in the cut Huh, Neosporin ♪

♪ I flip words like Vanna White Behind the Wheel of Fortune ♪

♪ I'm looking gorgeous in a corset ♪

♪ At the Source Awards'n I run this shit like Forrest ♪

♪ 23 scoring like Jordan Swish ♪

♪ The plates are foreign four on the floor 'Til four in the morning ♪

♪ I'm in a purple Porsche on a cordless eating swordfish ♪

♪ The Fab Four, they adore us So Jheri, sing that chorus ♪

♪ Mr. Lover-Lover take a bubble bath In my hovercraft ♪

♪ Let me go down under On your Thundercat ♪

♪ Got my stash in your underwear With the rubber band ♪

♪ Put the cash in the duffle bag Patti, talk some trash ♪

♪ The P is for the posse The B is for the bells ♪

♪ NJ are the letters Of the state where we dwell ♪

♪ Straight out the Gates of Hell All day every day ♪

♪ Yo, Nana, tell the world Our motherfucking name, we're ♪

♪ PBNJ, P-PBNJ, PBNJ, P-PBNJ ♪

♪ PBNJ ♪

♪ Patti, Basterd, Nana and Jheri ♪

♪ Going hard in the paint like Picasso ♪

♪ Painting masterpieces Masterpieces ♪

♪ Masterpieces Masterpieces ♪

♪ Masterpieces Masterpieces ♪


♪ Sometimes I wake up in the morning ♪

♪ And it cuts me like a knife ♪

♪ I come face to face with my longing ♪

♪ For another world, another life ♪

♪ And a time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ Oh, a time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ We drove on fueled not by the future ♪

♪ But by a past we could never touch ♪

♪ Forced to run head-on collisions ♪

♪ 'Til we vanished in the dust ♪

♪ Of a time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ The time ♪

♪ That never was ♪


♪ So kiss me once more, baby ♪

♪ One more kiss, baby you must ♪

♪ Don't ever let me forget, girl ♪

♪ A time that never was ♪

♪ Oh, a time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ The time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ The time ♪

♪ That never was ♪

♪ Oh, the time ♪

♪ That never was ♪