Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985) Script

Look out, Mr. Potato Head!

Good morning, Speck!

Me, too. Come on. Let's get some breakfast.


Mad dog!


Good morning, Pee-wee.

Good morning, Mr. Breakfast.

Can I have my "Mr. T" cereal?

I pity the poor fool who don't eat my cereal!


Here, Speck.

Welp, I'm off.

You be good.

Good morning, Mr. Crabtree.

Good morning, Pee-wee.

I'm going to water my lawn.


Good morning. I'm here.


You're the best bike in the whole world.

Brush-brush-brush. Brush-brush-brush.


Good morning, Pee-wee.

Hello, Francis.

Today is my birthday. My father said I can have anything I want.

Good for you and your father.

Guess what I want?

A new brain?

No. Your bike.

What's so funny, Pee-wee?

It's not for sale, Francis.

My father says, "Everything is negotiable," Pee-wee.

I wouldn't sell my bike for anything.

Not for a hundred, billion, million, trillion dollars.

-You're crazy. -I know you are, but what am I?

-You're a nerd. -I know you are, but what am I?

-You're an idiot. -I know you are, but what am I?

I know you are, but what am I?

I know you are, but what am I?

I know you are, but what am I?

-I know you are, but what am I? -Infinity!

-I'm not, you are. -You are.

-No way! -No way!

-Knock it off! -Knock it off!

-Cut it out! -Cut it out!

-Shut up! -Make me.

Why don't you make me?

Because I don't make monkeys, I just train them.

Pee-wee, listen to reason.

I'm listening to reason.

That's my name, don't wear it out.

Remember when I first saw your bike?

You rode past my house, and I ran out to tell you how much I liked it.

I love that story.

You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman.


I meant to do that.


My good friend, Pee-wee!

Hi, Mario.

Are you just browsing today?

Sort of. I wanted to stock up on some supplies.

Help yourself.

How do you like school?

Closed.

What?

I got some new items you might be interested in.

Box for Pee-wee.

New, improved, squirting flower.

Fake blood, or is it?

Super stink-bomb?

Have some.

Shrunken head?

Regular size?

Trick gum?

Headlight glasses?

And direct from Australia, The Boomerang Bow-Tie!

Come in red?

I'll be right back.

-What's up, man? -How's it going?

Is Dottie still working on your bike?

No, I've got it back already.

What's she doing to it?

I can't talk about it. James Bond kind of stuff.

Dottie's radical with bikes.

I say we cruise, dudes.

It's getting hot in here.

It's steamy.

I'm sweating.

Is my horn ready yet?

It's ready. It should be loud enough for you now.

Where is it? Let's hear it.

Wait. I want to talk to you first.

You are talking to me.

No, I want your undivided attention.

This is important. I want to ask you something.

I want to know, if you will do something?

What?

I want to know if you'll go someplace with me.

Like where?

The drive-in.

Look, Dottie, I like you.

Like! I like you.

I like you, too.

There are a lot of things about me you don't know anything about.

Things you wouldn't understand, you couldn't understand.

Things you shouldn't understand.

I don't understand.

You don't want to get mixed up with me.

I'm a Ioner, Dottie. A rebel.

So long, Dot.


Are you the owner?

Yes. That's me. They call me Chuck.

Can I do anything?

We're losing time!

Set up a dragnet! Comb the whole area! Hurry!

I'm afraid we can't consider your bike being stolen a police emergency.

If it doesn't turn up, come to the station and fill out a report.

That's the best we can do. Come on, let's go.

Where are you going?

To find my bike!


Why exactly do you believe the Soviets were involved?

Let me be honest. Hundreds of bikes are stolen every month.

Very few of them are recovered. We don't have the resources.

You're saying you can't do anything.

My bike means everything to me.

I knew the police wouldn't help.

You know what I'd do?

Retrace my steps.

I parked my bike and when I came back it was gone.

Can you think of anyone who'd want to take it?

Everyone wanted my bike.

This morning, before it was stolen, Francis offer... Francis!


I want to see Francis.

He's busy.

Busy, doing what?

He's having his bath.

Where are they hosing him down?

Me again!

Fire!


Still want to buy my bike?

I don't want that relic. I can have any bike in the world.

You don't want it because you have it!

Tell me where it is before I lose patience with you.

Help, Dad!

Go on and scream! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!

Are you all right?

What's going on in there?

I wouldn't sell it to you, so you stole it!

I swear it wasn't me!

Francis, we're breaking the door down!

What is going on? Have you lost your mind?!

-He's a thief! He stole my bike! -You liar!

I swear I didn't do it.

That's a serious accusation.

Do you have any proof?

Not exactly.

Pee-wee, the Buxtons are not thieves.

Just look at him.

He couldn't have stolen your bike.

We set up his birthday train-set all day.

I guess I was wrong.

We don't have to involve the authorities, do we?

It was a simple mistake and I'm really sorry.

I think that you owe Francis an apology.

And then I want you two to shake hands.

I'm sorry, Francis.

Here. Would you care for some gum?

Would you care for some?

Spearmint or fruit?

Fruit, please.

Well, good-bye.

You do believe me, don't you, Dad?

How are you ever going to pay a reward like that?

It's simple.

Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it.

So they don't deserve any reward!

Where are we going now?

On the air!

That was some story. And with the reward you've offered...

...I'm sure our listeners will be out looking.

My name's engraved on the back of the seat.

That's Pee-wee Herman. P-E-E...

That does it.

He just won't let up.

I changed my mind. I don't want the bike anymore.

A deal's a deal.

So fork over my money for lifting it for you, Buxton!

Here. Take the bike with you. Just get rid of it!

That'll cost you extra.

See you later, sucker!


Good! We can finally start the big meeting.

Dottie, Chuck.

Let's begin, shall we?

Shall we?!

This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information.

Evidence.

Exhibit "A"! A photograph of the victims.

My bike and me.

Exhibit "B"!

Another photograph! What's missing from this picture?

It's just me. Without my bike!

Is this something you can share with the rest of us?

Exhibit "C". The horn I was picking up...

...at Chuck's...

...Bike-O-Rama...

...when my bike was actually stolen.

Exhibit "D"! Jimmy!

What is this?

Too late! Chip!

It looks like a pen.

Exactly! I bought this pen one hour before my bike was stolen.

Why? What's the significance? I don't know!

Exhibit "Q"!

A scale model of the entire mall!

"X" marks the scene of the crime.

These arrows mark the sun's position at the hour of the crime!

Jupiter was aligned with Pluto!

The moon was in the Seventh...

Please save your questions until I'm through!

Well, when will that be?

A long time, we wait.

We've been here over three hours.

I'm not sure if any of us can see what this is supposed to mean!

Supposed to mean? Supposed to mean?!

I think everyone here knows what this is supposed to mean.

When you've gone over something again and again...

...and again and again...

...like I have...

...certain questions get answered. Others spring up!

The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back!

It's like you're unraveling a cable-knit sweater...

...that someone keeps knitting...

...and knitting and knitting...

...and knitting and knitting and knitting!

Let's go get some fresh air.

Because it's hot in here.

Hot?! Who's hot? Feels just fine to me! I feel just perfect.

I can't remember when I've felt so cozy down here.

I can get Chuck to give you a good break on another bike in the shop.

I don't want another bike!

Pee-wee, listen, if you want my help...

I don't want your help!

I don't need the police and I don't need you!

I don't need anybody!


You're new to this turf. We don't like strangers!


Cash only.

No cards, no checks.

You got cash?

Let me take your jacket.

You want to wear a wet jacket, it's all right with Madam Ruby.

For $20 I can tell you a lot of things. For $30 I can tell you more.

And for $50 I can tell you everything.

Tell me why I'm here.

You're here because you...

...want something.

Let's see...

...what Madam Ruby sees.

I see...

...a bicycle.

Yes! Is it okay?

It's okay.

Where is it?! Can you see it? Where is it?!

Where is it?

It's somewhere else. Somewhere far away.

Where?!

The Alamo.

The Alamo.

In the basement.

I'll never forget you.


Thanks a million. I've been trying all day.

-The name's Mickey. -I'm Pee-wee.

How about some music?

Morelli is armed and dangerous...

Forget the music.

Let's enjoy the scenery.

What did you do?

I lost my temper, took a knife and I...

You know those "Do not remove under penalty of law" labels on mattresses?

I cut one off.

I got a real bad temper.

I always thought that was a dumb law.

You said a mouthful.

Life can be so unfair.

You're telling me?!


I tried to go through legal channels. But the cops, hah!

They were no help. They gave me the runaround.

That's when I decided to take the law into my own hands.

The law...

The law.

The law.

The law!

This is it.

I got an idea!

What's going on?

We're looking for an escaped convict.

We heard about it on the radio. Right, honey?

Have you seen this man?

I've seen better heads on boils!

No, I'm sure I'd remember this face.

-Would you mind stepping out of the car. -No, not at all, officer.

-Some sort of problem? -Not at all.

I wanted to look at that cute outfit you have on.

Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

You have a nice day.


What's it like in the big house, Mickey?

It's not so bad.

You get to lift weights, watch TV, write up appeals...

...take long showers, lift weights.

You get used to it.


Out!

Out!

It wasn't my fault.

Look kid, I like you. I like you a lot.

That's why I can't drag you into this.

I'm bad. You don't get mixed up with a guy like me.

I'm a Ioner. A rebel!

Déjà vu.

See you in the Promised Land.

Arrivederci, baby!

Wait!

I'm in the middle of nowhere!

Sure is spooky out here.

Probably just a dog.

Kitty.

Where's those headlight glasses?


Thanks for stopping.

Some night, huh?

On this very night...

...ten years ago...

...on this the same stretch of road...

...in a dense fog just like this...

...I saw the worst accident I ever seen.

There was this sound...

...like a garbage truck...

...dropped off the Empire State Building.

And when they finally pulled the driver's body...

...from the twisted, burning wreck...

...it looked like this!

That was the worst accident...

...I ever seen.

I get off right up here.

Have a nice day.

Be sure and tell them. Large Marge sent you.


Large Marge sent me.

Did you say Large Marge?

She just dropped me off.

That's impossible.

Large Marge, she's...

It was ten years ago...

...on a night just like tonight.

Tonight's the anniversary.

Worst accident I ever seen.

But that means the Large Marge I was riding with was...

...her ghost.


Don't you mind them. They're just superstitious.

My wallet's gone!

I think you've worked off that tuna platter and milk shake.

And here's something extra.

Thanks, Simone.

That old highway's a-calling.

I got to move on.

I beg your pardon?

I said I always have trouble with good-byes.

The French say, Au revoir.

Au revoir.

Before you go will you come and watch the sunrise with me?

Please?


Do you have any dreams?

I'm all alone.

I'm rolling a big doughnut and a snake wearing a vest...

No, not that kind of dream.

I mean a dream you dream about all the time...

...and it keeps you going, dreaming about it...

...hoping it will come true.

Do you ever have a dream like that?

To find my bike.

My dream is to live in the city of eternal love...

...Paris, France.

You'll get there, Simone.

I don't know.

Why not? What's stopping you?

Andy, for one.

-Who's Andy? -My boyfriend.

He's real jealous.

He flunked French in high school...

...and thinks that everything there is set up to make him look dumb.

I bet if he knew how important it is to you, he'd change his mind.

Simone, this is your dream. You have to follow it.

I know you're right, but...

But what?

Everyone I know has a big "but."

Come on, Simone. Let's talk about your big "but."

I don't know.

You can't just wish and hope for something to come true.

You have to make it happen.

I've been waiting for somebody to put it to me like that for so long.


Stop!

Stop!

Morning.

Care for a sardine?

No, thank you.

Imported.

Name's Jack.

"She'll be wearing pink pajamas.

"She'll be wearing pink pajamas when she comes.

"We'll all go out to meet her when she comes."

"It rained all night the day I left, The weather, it was dry.

"The sun so hot I froze to death, Susannah, don't you cry."

"Flies in the buttermilk, Shoo, fly, shoo.

"Skip to my Lou, my darling."

"Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care."


Welcome to the San Antonio Department of Parks and Recreation Alamo tour.

My name is Tina.

Excuse me Tina, but could we go straight...

Let's hold all questions until the end of the tour.

Thank you.

This Mission, the Alamo, named from the Spanish word for cottonwood tree...

...was established in the year 1718.

The same year that our city was founded by the Spanish expeditionary force...

...on the site of an Indian burial mound.

This is one of my favorite parts of the tour.

Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife, Inez.

Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of.

She carefully detailed it with paint and glaze.

And Pedro is working on an "adobe."

Can you say that with me? Adobe.

We are now in the kitchen of the Alamo women.

Here they are preparing culinary delights of the Southwest.

Do I hear someone's stomach growling?

The mainstay of the Alamo diet is corn.

Corn can be prepared many ways.

It can be boiled, shucked, creamed...

...or in this case dried.

Corn can also be used to make...

...tortillas.

Do we have any Mexican-Americans with us today?

There are thousands and thousands of uses for corn...

...all of which I will tell you about right now.

Upon this battlement, in 1836...

...two hundred Texas volunteers...

...including such heroes as Davy Crockett, Bill Travis, Jim Bowie...

...fought off an onslaught of 4,000 Mexicans...

...under the command of General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana.

At this time, I'd like to conclude our tour.

You all have been one of the greatest groups I have ever worked with.

Are there any questions?

Where's the basement?

Aren't we going to see the basement?

There's no basement at the Alamo.


Pee-wee, I'm on my way to Paris.

Andy and I had a fight after you left.

You were right, Pee-wee.

I'm making my wish come true.

I'm off to Paris!

What's wrong?

Bus 91, leaving for New York City, now departing.

That's my bus.

Come on.

Guess what. The Alamo was built without a basement.

I didn't know that.

Neither did I. They don't tell you that stuff in school.

It's something you just have to experience.

Don't worry, Pee-wee. I know you'll find your bike.

Good luck. I just know you're going to find your bike.


Hello, Dottie? It's me, Pee-wee.

Where are you calling from?

Texas.

Honest. Listen, I'll prove it.

"The stars at night Are big and bright...

"Deep in the heart of Texas."

Wait. Don't hang up. There's something...

...I have to talk to you about.

It's about the other night.

I owe everybody a big apology. Especially you.

I didn't mean what I said, Dottie. Honest.

I know you didn't.

There's somebody else who's been worried about you.

I know.

I forgot.

All right, Speck!

All right, Speck! Put Dottie back on.

There's something I want to say.

I've learned something out here on the road.

Humility.

Dottie, when I get back, will you...

What, Pee-wee?

Will you still help me find my bike?

All right.

There's something else I wanted to ask you about.

What is it?

Could you wire me a bus ticket? I'll pay you back. Honest.

All right, Pee-wee.

When you get back, we can settle up at the drive-in.

What?

I couldn't hear that last part.

The connection just got really bad.

Thanks a lot.

You missed it by five minutes.


Next up is the local favorite, Number 9, Lloyd Fletcher, riding Volcano.

That's you.

And away he goes!

It looks like he's going for...

...a new San Antonio record!

He may be going for a new world's record!


That was some fancy riding. Let's hope Lloyd is okay.

What's your name?

I can't remember.

Where you from?

I can't remember.

Can't you remember anything?

I remember the Alamo.


I'm sorry, operator. I can't hear you.

I'm trying to use the phone!

Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?

Nobody hipped me to that dude.

It's off-limits!

Well, my mistake!

Guess I'll be on my way, then.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.


I barely touched them!

I say we kill him!

I say we hang him, then we kill him!

I say we stomp him!

Then we tattoo him!

Then we hang him!

And then we kill him!

I say we let him go.

I say you let me have him first!

Wait! Don't I get a last request?

Why not?


Break dance!


Tequila!

Thanks a lot, dudes.

I hope you find your bike.


Now!

The customized bicycle was presented to child star, Kevin Morton...

...at Warner Brothers Studios in Hollywood, California.

Congratulations, Kevin.

Thanks, Mr. Hawthorne.

A bike like this is every boy's dream.


Excuse me, sir. Do you have a pass?

Oh, no, I' sorry you can't enter without a pass.

So the fellow said, "What do you think I have down here, a duck?"

A duck!


Where can I find Kevin Morton?

I don't know.

Do you know what stage Kevin Morton is on?

It's stage six.

All right. I want to go once again.

Hair standing by.

What I want to do now, is I want to do one more, faster paced.

All right, Kevin?

You know, I would love to...

...except how can I when she's so late on her cues?

Just a minute!

Please, Marion.

I don't have to take that from that little...

Kid! He's just a kid.

Even a kid can be courteous. I'm going to quit.

I swear it, I am going to quit!

All right, Jerry. But I have had it!

Well, is everything straightened out?

We're ready when you are.

Doesn't it look like I'm ready?! I am always ready!

I have been ready since first call! I am ready!

Roll!

Quiet, please! This is a take!

Action!

Good-bye, Mother Superior.

Good-bye, Rusty. And God bless you.

Thank you Mother Superior, I want the orphanage to have my bike.

No, Rusty.

You sold a lot of magazine subscriptions to earn that bike.

But I want to give.

I've just received the two best parents a boy could ever hope for.

Rusty, you are an inspiration to us all.

I'll say.

I'm going to start a paper route right now.

Stop that nun!

Remember me? Let's go!


Merry Christmas!


Geronimo!

Radical!


You can help me. Come on!

Don't panic!

No pushing, no shoving.

Move in an orderly fashion to the front exit.

Stay!

Listen up, everybody! Sit!

It's okay.

Go on! Run!

Fast! Come on! Let's go!


Son, are you all right? Can you hear me?

There's still a few more fish inside.

This boy is a hero.

This boy is under arrest.

I can explain, Mr. Hawthorne.

Call me "Terry."

Warner Brothers thinks your story would make a fantastic movie.

My story. A movie?!

My bike!

Do we have a deal?


Pee-wee, can I have your autograph?

Here's your chili dog.

Pee-wee! Over here. Look! Box seats!

This is Bob, Luke, Skinny and Milton. Boys, this is Pee-wee!

Sno-cones.

I never met a movie star.

What did they pay you?

Nice to meet you.

Let's take a breather, Dottie.

The X-1 needs to cool down.

I'm a little overheated myself.

Come over here, P.W.


I must get to a phone.

Great so far, Pee-wee. Action packed.

One soda.

One foot-Iong!

Good try, Pee-wee.

Have you got any message for Room 104? The name is Herman.

P.W. Herman.

No, nothing right now, Mr. Herman.

I'll be in the bar.

That's fantastic!

Ditto.

I brought you guys French fries!

The big scene's coming up, guys!

Paging Mr. Herman.

Mr. Herman, you have a telephone call at the front desk.

Yes, I understand.

That was the president.

I must steal back the X-1...

...before the Soviets find the hidden microfilm inside.

The future of the free world is riding on this.

-I'll go with you. -No, it's too dangerous.

I invented the X-1. I'm going with you!

All right, let's go.

You are such a pushover.

I know you are...

...but what am I?

Congratulations, Pee-wee!

Hi, P.W.

How's the X-1?

It's cooled down. But I'm heated up.

Where's my candy?

I forgot.

Pee-wee and I go way back.

When did you become blood brothers?

I don't remember the exact year.

And you say you taught Pee-wee to ride his bike?

I remember the day I took off his training wheels.

This is the bike.

How about a picture of me on it?

I don't think that's a good idea.

It's not your decision.

If it wasn't for me, none of this would have happened to you, right?

Well, sort of.

Then it's okay if I sit on it. Right, Pee-wee?

Come on, Pee-wee, everybody's waiting.

Everyone, gather around.

Let me show you some of the more high-tech features.

You don't want to get mixed up with me.

I'm a Ioner, Dottie. A rebel.

Come on, Dottie. Let's go.

Don't you want to see the rest of the movie?

I don't have to see it, Dottie.

I lived it.