Pee-wee's Big Holiday (2016) Script


I can't believe we're already saying goodbye.

It's been great getting to know you, Pee-wee Herman.

Earth sure is a great planet.

Your art, music, pizza.

You sure took to our customs fast.

Thanks for showing them to me.

I've loved these last two weeks.

I wish I didn't have to go.

Me, too.

Come with me, back to my planet.

Meet my family and friends.

Live with me.

I can't.

I need to stay here with the people of Earth.

I'm going to miss my new best friend.

I'll never forget you, Pee-wee.

I'll always remember you, too, Yul.


I made us both friendship bracelets.

Pee-wee, they're beautiful.

Let's put them on.

I guess this is... arrivederci then, right?


Arrivederci, Pee-wee Herman.

Arrivederci, Yul.

I want to go, but I can't leave home!

I can't leave home! I can't leave home!

I want to go, but I can't leave home!

I can't leave home! I can't leave home!

I can't leave home.

I can't leave home! I can't leave home!





Good morning, Pee-wee! Morning, Mr. Murgatroyd!

Pee-wee! Hi, kids!

Ooh! Ooh!


Breakfast bar!

Scone, French toast, American toast...

Green grapes, sausages, bacon, cinnamon toast!


Good morning, Pee-wee!

Good morning, Mrs. Rose!

Oh, look at you.

You're cute as a peanut!


Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?

Corduroy pillows? No.

I'm surprised, 'cause they're making head lines!

Get it? "Head lines!"


Hold on. Hey, Ruby! Morning, Pee-wee.

Last stop, Nana's Yarn Barn! Oh!

You're the sweetest boy in Fairville, Pee-wee.

Me? Is there anything sweeter than you?

Uh... a Root Beer Barrel?

That's right!

I know they're in here somewhere.

There it is.

No. What was I looking for?


Root Beer Barrels are my favorite!



Well, listen, you seem really busy. Let me let you let me run.

Bye, Mrs. Rose! Bye-bye, Pee-wee.

Pee-wee! Yo, Billy!

Hey, Pee-wee! Hey, Ben!

Morning, Pee-wee! Kevin!


I'm so glad I bumped into you.

I've got an amazing deal I want to tell you about.

You're gonna have to tell me later, Marvin.

I'm on my way to work.

Just a moment of your time. Come on, Pee-wee.

Tell me, Pee-wee, where do you picture yourself on vacation?


Or Morocco?



What is this? A travel agency or a millinery?

Sorry, Marvin, I'm not interested.

Come on, Pee-wee.

Don't you ever wonder what life is like outside Fairville? Nope!

Marvin, you know I don't want to go anywhere or try anything new.



Emily, you scared me there for a moment.

I know I have overdue books.

I'm gonna return them soon, I promise.

I don't care about silly overdue books. Oh?

But I do have something special I wanted to give to you.


The new Scuba Cop?

The Emerald Sharks?

And the sharks are hammerheads?

These are the exact type of sharks that Scuba Cop hates the most!

I haven't received your RSVP for the Book Club tomorrow night.

I was thinking that, maybe afterwards, you and I might...

Whoa, whoa! Emily, let me stop you right there.

The fact is...

I neglected to RSVP my regrets.

I have rehearsal that night. NA.

NA? Not available.


Well, what time is your rehearsal?

Oh, uh, TBD.

TBD? To be decided.



IHT... "Look at the time."

"I have to be going."

You understand.

Yay! Work time!

Two eggs, fried, extra hash browns, side of sausage. Enjoy!

Looks fantastic as always, Beverly.

Dan's Diner. Dan speaking.

French toast is up, Bev!

Denver omelet. Easy on the cheese.

Easy on the cheese-y, coming right up-y!


Dudley! Sylvester! Clovis! What are you guys doing here?

Pee-wee, we need to talk to you about band rehearsal.

Well, it is unusual to be discussing Renegades business at my workplace, but, sure, what's up?

My promotion at the grocery store means I'm gonna be working a lot more hours.


Yeah, and my girlfriend's making me take ballroom dancing with her four times a week.


My office just pressured me into joining their nighttime bowling league.


But the Renegades rehearse at night.

Hello? How's that gonna work if all you guys are so busy at night?

It's not.

The Renegades are breaking up.


No! Things are changing.

None of us have enough time to be in a band anymore.

I do!

That's because you're stuck in a rut, Pee-wee.

We want to move on to other things.

What am I supposed to move on to?

What am I supposed to do with my flutophone?

Why don't you think about a solo career?

Why don't you?

Good luck, you guys.

Good luck with all your stupid, important reasons for breaking up the Renegades!

Nice seeing you, Dan. Bye, Dan!

Pee-wee, I gotta say, your French toast is perfection!


Same with your pancakes, Herman. They drive me crazy!

Not that long a drive, Ernie, but thanks.

I'm taking this biscuit with me.

I love it.

Why don't you marry it?

Listen, you guys, you seem really busy. Let me let you let me run, okay?

All right? Buh-bye!

Thanks for coming. Later!

See you tomorrow. Bye.

Hey, sport, can you watch over the diner?

I gotta go meet a couple pals at the lodge.

Sure, Dan. I'll be right here. Where else would I go?

Gonna be right here. Just like always.

Have fun with your pals!


Sharks pulling off a jewel heist?

It could happen, but not if Scuba Cop happens to be swimming around!


Double cool.

Triple cool.

Uh, hi! What can I get you?

Milkshake, please. Flavor?

Let's say chocolate.

Sure. Three, two, one.





La, la, la, la, la, la, la.


Boop! Think fast!


Thanks, appreciate that.




Wow, man!

This milkshake is outrageous.

I really mean it. Probably... top five, all-time.

Thanks, my specialty.

You know what would go great with a milkshake of this caliber?

A Root Beer Barrel!

Only the best candy in the world!

It really is!

Distant second?

Charleston Chew. Third?

Tie between two candies.

Rolos and Skittles!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up.

Well, all right, Mr. Master Milkshake Maker, what do you say you show me around this little burg of yours?

Me? A tour of Fairville? I'd love to!

Oh, I can't. I gotta watch over the diner.

I promised Dan and Beverly... "Promised Dan and Beverly"?

Will you listen to yourself? You sound like a little baby.

We'll only be gone ten minutes.

Chillax, man. Live a little.


Live a little.

Live a little.

I have kind of limited experience on a motorcycle.


You hear that? What?

It's the old highway callin'. Get on.

Wicked-awesome view, dude!

And it's right in your backyard. I'm glad you like it.

It roughly corresponds to the model scale HO-187.

Wow, this is a whole new world for me.

A miniature world!

A miniature world.

I mean, look at the detail. It's breathtaking.

You got a real gift, man.

Thank you.

Hey, how about that tour of Fairville?

Right over there, that's Dan's Diner, where we met.

And there, Fairville Public Library.

Fairville High.

Tire Repair of Fairville.

Fairville Fire Department.

Barber of Fairville.

And this right here, this little building is where Fairville's premier music group, the Renega...

What's wrong? What's that building? Nothing.

It's just some stupid building where my stupid band used to rehearse before we broke up!

Let me get that right out of there.

Stupid! Stupid!

You okay?

Yeah, sure. I'm fine.

Hey! What's that?

Is that your house?

I didn't notice you had a tree house.

Oh, I don't.

That's the only detail of this entire model that doesn't exist... yet.

That's funny.

You know, I always wanted a tree house, too.

That is funny!


What do you say you and me get a picture of us at the site of your future tree house?

You ready? Three, two, one.

Root Beer Barrels!

You know, I never caught your name.

Oh, it's Pee-wee. Pee-wee Herman. And you are?

Good one.

Uh... what?

Wait... you don't know who I am?

How could I? Why would I?

I'm Joe...


Well, pleasure to meet you, Joe Man...


Sorry, trick ear. One more time.


I'm an actor.

I'm told show business can be very competitive, so hang on to your dreams and who knows?

I wish you luck, Joe Man...

Certainly you've heard of True Blood? Uh-uh.

- Magic Mike? Hmm, you'd think so, but no.

Man, you're so real.

That's what I like about you, Pee-wee. You're normal.

Your miniature world is awesome.

Hey, what's on the other side of those railroad tracks?

Beyond Fairville?

I don't know, I've never been there.


May I tell you something I've never told anyone?


What is it?

Once upon a time, I won a contest.

A trip to Salt Lake City, Utah.

But I never made it to Salt Lake City.

Or Utah.

Long story short...

I came back with a metal plate in my head.

That explains why you don't travel. Hmm...

Do you ever get worried that life's just passing you by?


What could possibly be going on out there that I haven't tried already in Fairville?

You ever been in a fight? No.

You ever broken a rule? No!

You ever had two women fight over you?


Have I? No.

Breaking rules and breaking hearts, that's what life's all about.

I believe in fate.

And I think I know why you and I met.

You're gonna leave Fairville... and you're gonna take a holiday.

I got your reason right here.

What is it? What?

I want you to be at my birthday party.

New York City!

How would I ever...

I couldn't possibly...

This is all happening so fast.

See you in five days, brother.

"Five days"? "Brother"?

I've never even been on an airplane. No!

The only thing you're gonna learn about yourself on a plane is that you like the honey-roasted peanuts better than the plain-salted.

If you're really hungry, the open road is a smorgasbord of life experience.

A few days on the open road is worth a lifetime in Fairville.

The way I see it, Pee-wee Herman, you got a choice to make.

Stick around here...

...or live a little.

Stick around here... or live a little.

What should I do?

I wish I had some kind of sign.

Whoa, that's a big apple.

Big Apple!

That's it! Bingo!

Can I get anybody more water? Where's my order?

Where's the food?

I'm starving!

Bev, my lunch break is practically over!

Me hungry!

Shoot! Heck! Darn!

Pee-wee, where have you been?

I'm leaving town.

I won't be at work tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.

I'm taking a holiday.

Come on, Little Connie. We're going to New York City!

♪ One million bottles of pop on the wall ♪

♪ One million bottles of pop ♪

♪ You take one down and pass it around ♪

♪ Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand Nine hundred ninety-nine ♪

♪ Bottles of pop on the wall ♪

♪ Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand Bottles of pop on the wall ♪

♪ Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand Nine hundred ninety-nine ♪

♪ You take one down and pass it around ♪

♪ Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand Nine hundred ninety-eight ♪

♪ Bottles of pop on the wall ♪

♪ Nine hundred fifty-five ♪

♪ You take one down and pass it around ♪

♪ Nine hundred ninety-nine thousand Nine hundred fifty-four ♪

♪ Bottles of pop on the wall ♪ A traffic light!

Just like I've seen in National Geographic!

I hope I'm not tempting fate by saying this out loud, but my very first holiday is off to a perfect start!

Uh-oh, those nice women are in trouble!

Hitchhikers! Hop in!

Where you headed?

Hello... Drive, pip-squeak.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

Time is of the essence, Daddy-o. Put the pedal to the metal!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my... Ow!

Floor it, worm!


Watch where you're going, maniac!

Why are the cops after us? Are you guys witches?

Never ask a wimp to do a lady's job.

Ooh! Faster, granny!

Please, don't make me wreck Little Connie!

This is one moving violation after another!

Ladies, hold on to your switchblades!

Congrats, twerp. You're a criminal.

We just fed you.

Listen, ladies, it's been real and it's been fun.

But has it been real fun? Mmm-mmm.


Come on, let me go.

I gotta get to New York City, to my friend's birthday party.

I don't care if your friend is the Queen of England and she's throwing her 100th birthday party in the Statue of Liberty's underpants!

You're not leaving this motel room.

Hey, Pepper.

He seems okay.

Maybe we can trust him.

No way! He'll go and squeal to the cops.

But I... Pipe down, squirrel!

My name's not Squirrel. It's Pee-wee.

What's so funny?

We never introduced ourselves.

I'm Pepper.


My name's Bella. Nickname...


Your name's Pee-wee?

Yeah, Pee-wee.

I've never met another one.

Me neither.

Uh... Pee-wee and Pee-wee.


Gets me right here.

Can someone get me a tissue?

Police! We have you surrounded! Open up!

Oh, thank goodness you're here, officers!

Ladies, you're under arrest.


For being too hot!

Fooled ya, girls!

I got these hunks out of the yellow pages.

Pillow fight!

"Pee-wee, we will always have our name.

This is for you.

- Sincerely, Pee-wee."

Great, Little Connie's gone.


It's all good. No worries.

Same difference! Pardon me.


Everything okay?

My car's been stolen.

That's terrible.


I'm heading east. Need a lift?

You are a life-saver!

I'm no hero. Just a traveling salesman.

Hey, don't forget your coffee. Mmm-hmm.


I thought you might say that.



Good one! You got me!

One of my top sellers.


And... got this bag of groceries.

Come on, let's hit the road.

Right on.

There's a bag of groceries on your roof!



Ew! Snake farm, yuck.

Ugh, I hate snakes.

One of the area's most popular attractions!

And, it just so happens, our next stop.

I supply their gift shop.

These... are what I call "the classics."

The big-sellers.

You're looking at some of the most sought-after retail items in the world.

Please do not touch the merchandise, however tempted you may be.

I won't, I promise. Okay.

Hey, what's that over there? Hmm?

I think that's a... tumbleweed. Oh!

Forgot that word.

Ooh, pecan logs.



A solar-powered calculator the size of a business card.


Ooh, thanks.

Want anything else? I'm feeling generous.

Top Secret Disguise Kit?

Wise choice!

It's yours.

You never know when you're gonna need one of those.

Ah, they sell themselves.

Ew! Snake farm.

Yuck. Ugh!

Have I mentioned I hate snakes?

Ah, Pee-wee.




I think I'll just wait out here.

Come on.

By the time we leave this place, I bet you'll be a snake lover, Pee-wee.

Bet me!

Come on.

Baby rattlers are the most dangerous, because their venom is the strongest.

That's stupid.

Come on, I can't wait for you to see this place.

They got a snake in here as big as that bus.

Clay and Jimmy, behold the Cuatro Fuego.

Light four flames at the same time.

What do you think, honey?

We'll take four boxes.

Deal. Deal.




It was a pleasure doing business with you, as always.

How you liking the Snake Farm, Pee-wee?

I thought it would be a little scarier.

You want scary, huh?

If you're really looking to see something scary... who's he gotta see, Jimmy?

The Monster.

That is, if you're brave enough.

I think I could handle it.

Well, let's go.

You'll have to sign this release form before you go in.

We take no responsibility for any damage that occurs to you, physically or mentally.

Including death.

Now, initial here.


And here.


Here and here.


And here.



Here. Oh, oh, oh...

I forgot this. Here.

And here.

Okay, I'm ready.

Let's go, let's get this over with. Okay, be my guest.

That's it?



Getting dark.

Sure would be nice to see some sort of sign of civilizat...

Hello, there.

Sorry, I don't mean to trespass.


No such thing in the heartland, stranger.

They call me Farmer Brown.

They call me Pee-wee Herman. Pleased to meet you.

What brings you to my farm, Pee-wee?


Say no more.

You've got yourself a place to stay.

Thanks, Mr. Br...

I mean, Farmer Brown.

Hungry, by any chance? Ooh, I'm starving.

Pee-wee, meet my daughters.


I'm Linda. Freckled and furious.


Ambrosia salad.

Louise. Perky and fun.

Tomato soup.

Donna. Gregarious and wily.


Green bean casserole.

Diane. Petite and polite.


Waxed beans.

Janice. Tall and studious.

The way she said "waxed."

Mashed potatoes.

Betty. Smart and coy.

That looks delicious.

Biscuits and gravy.

Pam. Thrifty and thoughtful.


Melon balls.

Judy. Tan and demure.


Peggy. Athletic and peppy.

That's it? Just nine?

Uh, where should I sit?

By me.

Slow down, girls. Pee-wee'll sit next to me.


Would you like to say a few words, Pee-wee?

Oh, sure.


Encyclopedia... pimple... and hairball.




Dinner sure was delicious, girls.

Thank you, Pee-wee.

Ladies, it's getting late.



They are my prized jewels, Pee-wee.

You are a lucky man, Farmer Brown.

I better be hittin' the hay. Just one thing, Pee-wee.

Stay away from my daughters tonight!

I will.

I really will.

Milk and cookies?

I'm kind of still full from dinner, but thanks.

Can I come in? I have extra blankets.

It's 80 degrees in here.

Is that a yes? No.

But thanks.

Remember me? Linda? I've got blankets.

I'm saving myself for marriage.

Let me in!

I wanna snuggle! I promised your dad, no.

Catch me! No.

What are you doing here? I was here first.

Hi, Pee-wee.


Why, hello.

Fancy meeting you here.

What up?

Rise and shine.

Well, come on.

I got a surprise.

Good morning, Pee-wee.

Excuse me, where are we going?

Oh, that's the surprise.

To the wedding chapel where my daughter is getting married today.

Oh, congratulations.

Who's your lucky new son-in-law?

Well, he's riding in the truck with me.

I don't see him.

It's you.

All the girls sure like you. Every one of 'em.

You know, all breakfast, it was "Pee-wee-this" and "Pee-wee-that."

Which one of 'em are you thinkin' about marryin'?

What about Pam?

She's great at impressions.

Gee, I don't... Did you know Judy is a flautist?

And don't get Linda started on submarines.

So, well, who's it gonna be?

Geez Louise.


Congratulations, he picked you!

Yahoo! I'm getting married!


We're gathered here today to honor the deep love between these two soul mates.

Louise Bobbie J. Brown, do you take Pee-wee Aloysius Herman to be your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

And Pee-wee Aloysius Herman, do you take Louise Bobbie James Brown to be your lawful wedded wife?




Uh... I...


Oh, I hear nature calling.

I've gotta use the restroom. I'll be right back.

Excuse me, won't you?


Well, howdy, cowboy.

Howdy, partners.

Excuse the intrusion to this most joyous occasion.

Hey, Peanut, you think these two kids are made for each other?


All right, then.

Well, then, let's get going.

Come on, girl.

Have a good day, cowboy.

Ooh, ooh! Look at you.

You? You're coming with us.

This your lucky day. Ooh!

Right, and that's how we three met.

Best friends since beauty school.

That's a lot of hairdos ago.

Okay. You tell him.

What about you, Wanda? How'd you get involved?

I had the bus.

And look at us all now.

Four friends on our way to represent Freewheelin' Hair Mobile Salon at the National Hair Competition.

And if we win, we get to go to the International Hair Competition.

What do you mean "if"? Well, I mean...

Wanda, pull over. Pulling over.


My friends, let's show Pee-wee what's definitely gonna make us win.

Ooh, wow!

Hairy. Whoa!


Who doesn't like giant hair?

You haven't even heard our theme.


The United States of America.


It's way bigger than I thought.

I'm not gonna make it.

The party's in two days.

Look where I am.

Look where I need to be.

I won't get there in time.

What's wrong, baby?

I might as well give up and go back to Fairville.

My friend won't even notice I'm not at his party.

Oh, I bet he will.

I would notice if Brook or Lane or Wanda didn't show up to my party.

Pee-wee, the hair-spray that holds Freewheelin' Hair together, upright and pert, is our friendship.

We endorse friendship.

To friendship.

Come on.

Thanks, you guys.

I just know that you're gonna make it to New York City in time for your friend's party, Pee-wee. I can feel it.

And you know what, Pee-wee?

You are going to look fabulous.

Ooh... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ooh, probably.

Ooh, ooh, I think I probably know, too.


We're here, girl. We're actually here.

Here I come!


Have fun at the party, Pee-wee.

Hey, good luck in the contest. I really hope you guys win.

Aw! Thank you.

And thanks for the makeover!


Bye, Pee-wee. Bye, Pee-wee.

Good luck.

How much longer do I have to wait for my car?

I'm in the prime of my life here.


Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

Come over here.

Is that helicopter on your head operational?

Ooh, dog-do.

You're funny!


Bet you'll get a kick out of this.

Easy there, sport.

There's only four of these babies in existence.




What is this thing?

It's a flying car, darling.

I'm flying her back to New York City.

That's where I'm going.

I knew you weren't from here. You stick out.

You've got cosmopolitan written all over you.

Unless you object to being in Manhattan in five hours... my co-pilot.

Get in! Yes, ma'am!


Oh, breathtaking view, is it not?

Welcome to the skies.

The name's Penny King.

Pee-wee Herman.

How'd you get your hands on a flying car, Miss King?

I'm the heiress to the King Doorbell fortune.

Every time you ring, I hear ka-ching.

Do you live in Manhattan?

Oh, this will be my first visit.

Fascinating. Tell me everything.

Well, I'm out on the road. So I could live a little.

Live a little?

I say live a lot.

Live it up.

People like us crave fun and excitement.

Which do you prefer, salted or honey roasted?

Oh, I don't know.

I can't decide.

Well, why decide, baby? Take 'em both.

Sandwich? Oh.



You're eating the garnish.

I never thought of that. You're a trendsetter.

Engine failure. That can't be good, right?

Oh, don't sweat it, kid.


Au revoir, Pee-wee.

C'est la vie! Live it up!

It's all good.

It's all good!

It's all good.

It's not all good.

It's not all good.

Welcome back to life.

They call me Grizzly Bear Daniels.

They call me Pee-wee Herman. Where are we?

The woods. In the mountains.

I gotta be on my way.

How do you get out of here? You don't!

Not without a seasoned guide.

Someone who knows these woods like the back of their weathered hand.

Someone who's lived with nature since they decided to live alone, off the grid as a hermit, and leave the dog-eat-dog world of certified public accounting.

Is it you you're talking about?

Come on.

Follow me.

I'm your only way out.

Where are we going? It seems like we're going deeper into the woods.

What was that?


Nah, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

What do you think, I'm a crazy man living in the woods?

I don't know. Are you?

Welcome to my cave.


Did you say "cave"?

Oh, my.

What a beautiful abode.


Who's your decorator? Davy Crockett?

Well, listen, I love what you've done with it.

I simply love it!

So, I'm gonna let you let me run, okay?

You just got here.

Sit it.

Don't move a muscle.

I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable.

Please welcome Grizzly Bear Daniels!

♪ Dad, Dad Why didn't you love me? ♪

♪ I said, Dad, Dad Why don't you hug me? ♪

♪ You told me I don't know how to behave ♪

♪ And then I found myself Living in a cave ♪

♪ I said, Dad, Dad Why didn't you love me? ♪

♪ I said, Dad, Dad Why don't you hug me? ♪

Where we headed?

Our village is two miles away.

We'll be there in five hours.

What's up with you guys? Abe, Ezekiel, you time traveling?

No, no. We are Amish.

Gesundheit. No, Amish.


No, Amish. Gesundheit!

No, no. Amish.

Gesundheit. No, no...

We Amish people live a simple life.


With no reliance on modern technology.

Wow! You don't even have cars? Nope.

What about lawn mowers? No.

Manual only.

How about hair dryers? Nope.

How do you dry your hair? The wind.

Air. Oh.

How about electric butter churns? No.

We churn by hand.

Stop it! Shut up!



Cool village.


So, Abe, Zeke, what do you guys do for fun around here?

We work. Yeah.

Whoa, slow down. Hold on there.

What do you like to do for fu-un?

Uh... Oh, check this one out.

Yay! Yay! Thank you!

Thank you.

My goodness, there's not been this much excitement since Yoder's horse learned how to count.

You know, being here with all of you, I feel something.



I feel at home here with all you Amishes.

Oh, that's wonderful, Brother Pee-wee.

Now, I'd like to introduce you to some other guests we're having dinner with tonight. Oh.

Ruth, Miriam, Orpah, I would like you to meet Pee-wee Herman.

Wait a minute.

These women are... Ow!


That's right.

We're out-of-towners.

No, they're... Ow!

Owl hunters.

It's our hobby.

No, these women are...


Fudge makers.

From way back.

They're from an Amish village in...

Oh, where did you say it was?

Las Vegas. Yes.


I've never heard of an Amish community in Las Vegas.

Wow! I love this scrapple!

I'm digging this corn soup! Mmm!

This bologna and chow-chow is worth the price of admission.

So, Brother Pee-wee, will you be spending the night here?

Well, I guess I could leave early in the morning for New York.

We can take you into the city on horse and buggy tomorrow morning.

If they have a horse and buggy tomorrow morning.

Time for bed.

But it's 6:00 p.m.

We should've been in bed an hour ago.

We need to go to bed, everybody.

Shut up.

You shut up. Both of you, shut up.

Fancy meeting you here.

I don't know what you got up your sleeve, kid, but if I were you, I'd get off that buggy.


You kidnapped me, stole my car, and left me tied to a chair.

I should be calling the police.

Amish don't have police, or phones.

Pee-wee, I beg you, please don't blow our cover.

Me, Pepper, and Frecks will drop you in New York City on our way to Canada.

Why would I go anywhere with you?

You and your friends are nothing but trouble.

Now you're stealing their horse and buggy?

What is wrong with you guys?

Don't you care about anything?

You know what? You're right.

And when you're right, you're right.

"Dear the Amish...

Sorry, we are stealing your horse and buggy, but we are leaving you enough dough to buy a fleet of horses and buggies."

You happy, wimp?

Come on! What's it gonna be, Herman?

You joining us or not?


It's your big holiday.

Come on.

What are we waiting for?

I was wrong about you, kid.

Freckles, saddle up the hay-burner. Pee-wee?

Yeah? Herman.

Hop up here in front.

Take the reins.


Yee-haw! Yee-haw!

Ladies, it's been real and it's been fun.

And it's been real fun.

Grab Manhattan by the horns, dude.

You're badass, Herman. You got my respect, rebel.


I... Here.

No, keep it.

It's yours. It's got your name on it.

Pee-wee's your name, too.

It's our name.

Four days ago, you were the guy who was going to New York.

And look at you now.

Here you are.

You made it, baby.

Arrivederci, Pee-wee.

Arrivederci, Pee-wee.

Can someone get me a tissue?

No, I mean it. Oh...

Bye, Pee-wee. Bye, Pee-wee.

Bye, Pee-wee. Bye.

Have fun.

Step out with your hands up! Damn it.

You'll never catch me, copper!

Hey, stay right there.

Hey, come back here! No.

I am not going back to the...

No. Ow!

Howdy, New York.

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ You high and mighty, bright and shiny Fabulous place ♪

♪ New York ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ You busy-dizzy, razzle-dazzle Scandalous place ♪

♪ New York ♪

♪ Hello, New York New York, New York ♪ Hey! Watch where you're going!

♪ I'll watch where I'm going In New York ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪ Ooh!

♪ The Empire State Building Wow, it's tall ♪

♪ The tallest building in the world ♪

♪ The many bridges They feed the city ♪

♪ Boats and planes Tunnels and trains ♪

It's birthday party time!

♪ Madison Square Garden ♪

♪ It isn't square And it isn't a garden ♪

♪ Pee-wee, you're right It's misleading ♪

♪ Grand Central Station The city's train hub ♪

♪ Choo-choo ♪ Hello. Hi, how's it goin'?

Where are you off to?

♪ Choo-choo, Choo-choo ♪

♪ Africa, Antarctica Asia, Australia ♪

♪ Europe and the Americas ♪

♪ The United Nations The hope for our future ♪

♪ World Peace The choice is ours ♪

♪ Let's make it happen ♪

♪ I'm riding the subway Beneath the city ♪ It's underground! Hey, is this going uptown?

♪ I'm in the shower Getting clean ♪ Happy birthday, Joe!

♪ I never had pizza ♪ One slice, please. One slice.


♪ Pizza's delicious I never knew ♪ I feel alive!

Mmm, pizza!

♪ The Statue of Liberty Liberty ♪

♪ The Statue of France It rhymes with underpants ♪

♪ Times Square ♪

♪ Way to go, Pee-wee You made it, dude ♪ Happy birthday, Joe!

It's Joe's birthday.

♪ Happy birthday, Joe ♪

♪ Armani or Alfani ♪

♪ I'm inside a taxi I'm on my way ♪ I'm on my way!

♪ Central Park I'm almost there ♪ I'm almost there.

♪ This is it I'm finally here ♪ I'm finally here.

♪ It's party-time A night you won't forget ♪ Look out!

Oh, my gosh.

I'm gonna miss Joe's party.


Help! Somebody, help! Help!

Help! Somebody, help!

And now for another one of Joe's favorites!

Have you guys tried this Oreo salad? I give it a ten.

I love these pickle wheels.

I'm obsessed with this cookie tower.

Where is the birthday boy? Huh.

What could be keeping him from the party of the century?

Where are you, Pee-wee?

Come in.

Pee-wee's never gonna make it.

It's okay, there's still time.

The party's only been going on for a couple of hours.

Nah, I know him.

If he was coming, he'd be here already.

Why wouldn't he come?

Did I do something wrong, Shelly?

Of course not.

Inviting him to a party cross-country, I mean, who does that?

I should've known better.

Stupid Joe. Stupid, stupid Joe.

I'm gonna let you have some space.

Pee-wee, where are you?

Well, well, well.

I'm trapped in a well. Halfway to hell.

I sure hope I don't crack up down here.

Uh-oh! Too late!

Mr. Lincoln, what are you doing here?

I am here to tell you something very important.

Always eat your vegetables.

I hate vegetables!

Eat those Brussels sprouts!

I command you.

I am the President of the United States.

Your Majesty.

Don't you "Your Majesty" me.

Do you happen to know, has the hamburger train arrived yet?

Why don't you look at the schedule?

Why don't you?

We suspect that you've stolen the palace jewels.

Where are they? Hand them over.

I don't know what you're talking about. I've never seen those jewels.


My last match.

Shut up, you little baby!

It doesn't matter if you make it to the party.

Joe won't even notice you're not there. Yes, he will.

You're a nobody. From Nowhere-ville.

It's Fairville.

Nobody will notice or care!

Not Joe, not Fairville...

Not nobody. You'll never get out of here.

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Hold on...

Help! Do you hear that?

I'm here live in Central Park, where a boy has fallen down a well.

Paramedics have just arrived on the scene.

Due to safety concerns and restrictions, a rescue team...

Now you're in bed?

It's my party, Shelly.

Your guests are asking where you are.

Some of them have traveled half-way around the world to be here.

There is only one person that I wanted to show up to my party and he didn't.

I know that you're upset about Pee-wee, but why don't you come downstairs, open some presents?

Venus and Serena are here.


No, I'm just gonna stay here.

Okay, I'll tell everyone that you aren't ready yet.

When he was asked if he needed anything, the boy requested, quote, "Root Beer Barrels. A lot of Root Beer Barrels, please."

- And a search is underway... Root Beer Barrels? this very moment, for those Root Beer Barrels.

Reporting live from Central Park, I'm Julie Andrews.

Central Park!

Hold on, Pee-wee. Joe Manganiello to your rescue.

May my hand be steady.


Here I come, Pee-wee!

Captain Jones.

Good evening.

Joe Manganiello?

What are you... The boy trapped down the well.

What's his name?

Well, Mr. Manganiello, I can't give that information.

Captain... is his name Pee-wee Herman?

Well, yeah.

Yes, it is. How'd you know?

He's my friend.

Now, what's the plan on getting him out? Well...

And we have just received the name of the boy who fell down the well, Pee-wee Herman.

Shut up, everybody! We know this guy.

Turn up the volume, Tugboat!


You know Pee-wee?

You know Pee-wee?

Quiet down, everybody!

Pee-wee's in trouble.



Welcome to New York.

Happy birthday, Joe.

I fell down a well.

Yeah, I heard.

How are things going down there?

Great! Really good. I'll be right up!

Actually, Pee-wee, I was just informed that, for safety reasons... they won't be able to get you out of this well for another two days.


So, I guess I'll be...

Missing my party, yeah.

I did everything you said, Joe!

I broke rules, I broke hearts.

I lived a little.

I wanted to find out who I was. Well, I found out, all right!

I'm a stupid little baby crying at the bottom of this crappy well!

Come on, Pee-wee. You can do it.

They'll get you out, sport.

You probably didn't even notice I wasn't at your party!

Are you kidding?

Pee-wee, can I tell you something?

Ten minutes ago, I was bawling my eyes out.

You were? Why?


I thought you weren't coming to my party.



I'm getting you out of here, Pee-wee. Just hang on.

I'll be right back.

Captain... Yeah.

I can't wait two days. I need Pee-wee out of that well now.

No, it's too dangerous.

Gotta make sure the well doesn't collapse on him.

Collapse on him?

Darn it, Captain, how could something like this even happen?

Why wasn't there something covering the well?

You're right, Mr. Manganiello. That's the problem.

This metal plate should've been covering the well.

Metal plate?


I've got it.

Heads up, Pee-wee!


Hold on, Pee-wee.

My God!

Come on. Come on.

Just a little further! My brain!

I gotcha!


Come on!

Joe! Pee-wee!

Happy birthday!

The boy in the well is free!

What do you say we get to my party?

What party?

Wait, I thought you lived in the penthouse.

Oh, I do.

Aren't we going to your party?

Pee-wee, we are the party.

Holy fudge!

A giant miniature world! Yep!

A giant miniature world.

I made it all myself. From my imagination.

Dinosaur world!

Cool volcano! That lava's cotton candy.

Hey, you and I hit it off the minute we met, remember?

You inspired me.

This is Glitter Mountain. Look! I covered it with pixies.

Oh, hey, looky here.

Wow! You even have Fairville!

Dan's Diner. The town square.

My house!

Look, a miniature of my miniature!

I knew you'd notice that.

And... the best part.

My tree house!

Look, Joe.

I made this present for you.

Happy birthday.

A friendship bracelet.


And look.

It's just like mine!


You know what would make this perfect? Yep.



To friendship.


Here you go, fellas.

Thanks, Bev. Yum! Thanks, Bev.

What's this stuff on my plate?

Look, it's on my plate, too.

Let's ask the chef. Hey, Pee-wee!

Yes, Beverly?

What is this on these gentlemen's plates?

Fish sticks. No, there.

Oh. You mean the garnish. Garnish?

Yes, garnish.

A decoration or embellishment of a prepared food-plate or drink to augment the visual impact on the plate.

Can you eat it?

My garnish tastes like an orange.

It is an orange.

Yes, your meal will come with garnish.

Welcome back, Pee-wee!

I can't put my finger on it, but there's something different about you.

He's worldly now. Right, Pee-wee?


Pee-wee, why don't you stop by and jam with us tonight?

Why don't you?

This adding machine... hmm? Dan, check this out.

Solar-powered calculator.


Yep, from the Latin, solaris, meaning, "Derives its power from the sun or sol."


It works!

And this thing is just the size of a business card!