People Like Us (2012) Script

(lNSTRUMENTS BElNG PlCKED UP)

(JERRY CHUCKLlNG SOFTLY)

JERRY: Are we on? TECH 1: We're on.

JERRY: Where we at with the levels?

TECH 2: Left. (BEEPS) Right. (BEEPS)

JERRY: l'm getting a little hum from the guitar amp.

TECH 1 : You like it with that sort of gutbucket sound.

JERRY: I want to be convertible on this. l want to be able to switch it back if it doesn't fit.

TECH 2: Check, check. Check. JERRY: That's good.

TECH 2: Jerry, we're ready now.

JERRY: Groovy, man. Let's go. TECH 1 : Yeah, man.

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Sleep all day Out all night l know where you're goin' l don't think that's actin' right You don't think it's showin'

SAM: So these are your P30 tires, huh? BEN: That's right.

-How many? -A hundred thousand.

A hundred thousand?

God, that's a mountain of rubber, Ben.

Please don't tell me you're offloading to a liquidator.

-We use Cemensky Brothers. -Cemensky Brothers?

Look, l'm kind of pressed for time.

-Can you get to the point? -(LAUGHlNG)

What, for 10 cents on the dollar?

Two percent of your wholesale cost?

What happens when they dump 100,000 P30s to every discount chain that's competing for your clients?

Okay. Ten minutes. Bottom line it for me. What's your cut?

Well, l could pay you 100 cents on the dollar, your full wholesale cost, guarantee to re-market overseas so you don't undercut domestic sales, and for that, believe me, it's a river of shit you don't want to go swimming in, we only pull 30%. commission.

What is it you do again? You buy tires?

Among other things, yeah. l work in corporate barter. l'm a facilitator.

Thank you so much for taking the time.

Sam Harper, Allied Trade Consultants.

We buy and sell overstock. lt's the barter system, Omar. The original form of commerce.

Look, every company has leftovers after a sales cycle, right?

Last year's electronics, ketchup bottles, kitten calendars, toys that didn't sell at Christmas.

Anything with an expiration date.

Questionable baby formula.

There's a market for everything, Phil.

Weyerhaeuser Paper, U.S. Steel, Exxon Mobil, Fortune 500s.

We work for the biggest in the world.

Do you have my card?

Because in this economy, paper is paper, but goods are good.

Unlike the dollar, barter does not depreciate one single percent. lt's the new money. l mean, that's how you have to think of it.

You are getting in on the ground floor of money!

(CHUCKLES)

All right.

WOMAN 1 : Allied Trade Consultants?

WOMAN 2: Allied Trade and Barter, please hold.

Allied Trade Consultants.

Please hold while l transfer your call.

-MAN: Sammy! -What's up, baby?

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

-WOMAN: Oh, he's leaving. -Uh-huh. Okay.

(WHlSPERS) l closed Lincoln Tire, a million, two, in product. Yes!

Yeah, l'll make it right.

You should've seen me in there, buddy. lt was a thing of beauty! l fed him your "new money" line. lt was like feeding a baby a pacifier.

Did you ship 100,000 cases of tomato bisque to Ecuador?

Yeah. Yeah, National Soup had overstock they had to dump.

And you shipped by train?

Of course l did. lt was half as much as air freight.

Through Mexico. 1 15 degrees and you ship by train.

-What... What's the problem? -The problem?

-(RlNGlNG) -l'll tell you the problem.

Did you get Dolores on the phone yet?

Yes. Here's the list. She'll be very happy.

Thank you. lt's all about Dolores. l don't know why you have to l'm the best guy you have on the floor. l'm a killer.

Am l saving you too much money?

Yeah, you're saving me money by shipping boxes of soup in an unrefrigerated train car.

-No, no, Jim, they were cans. -No, they were boxes. l know specifically that they were boxes because when boxes get hot, they expand, and when they expand they explode, and that train car looked like a birthing suite at Bellevue.

(SlGHS) Shit!

-You know what you did? -This isn't a big deal, Jim.

You violated nine provisions of the Sanitary Food Transportation Act. l get it, Jim. Will you listen to me for a second?

And as soon as the Federal Trade Commission finds out they're going to shove a flashlight, a Klieg light, in my anus! They're gonna put a light.

Jesus Christ! Wanna keep it down?

Yeah, they're gonna shine it up there because they want to shut us down!

You know they want to shut us down!

We barter. We don't pay taxes! l will go down to National, l'll talk to Phil Hymore, the VP of Sales...

-He loves me. l'll have... -l talked to Phil Hymore.

Phil Hymore's the one who's threatening to call the FTC.

Phil Hymore's not calling the FTC.

Yeah, he knows he has us over a barrel.

(STAMMERlNG) l'll throw him a deal and corrugate it for his next shipment.

He does not want corrugated. Phil Hymore wants an addition.

-An addition? -To his house.

He wants an addition to his house.

He's got a new wife, Dolores.

She doesn't like the master suite.

Smells his ex in the walls or something. Do l give a shit?

Are you telling me you're bribing Phil Hymore not to report us to the FTC by buying him an addition to his house?

For the record, l did not use that word, okay?

You're a genius! Genius!

You moved, what, two million of Lincoln Tire?

Yeah.

What's that in commission, about 80K?

Eighty-four.

Eighty-four thousand.

That should just about cover it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, don't do that to me.

Jim, that's my year! That's my nut, man!

Technically it's not yours, it's mine. Read your contract.

Commissions are discretionary, which means it's up to me.

Jim, l need this money. l need this money.

You need? l need. My two ex-wives need.

My son in rehab needs.

Which is why you need to get everything on this list.

That's lumber, copper, conduit, piping, everything, all right?

Call your vendors. You got three days. Cut a deal.

Let's see a little ingenuity, okay?

Get me the shit on that list, otherwise your ass is fired! l'm not kidding!

Shit!

(CAR ALARMS WAlLlNG)

SAM: Hannah? l got to bail on Kim's dinner thing. l need a horse tranquilizer.

Why are you cooking?

You wouldn't answer your phone.

What's... What's wrong?

Your mom's been trying you all day.

Your dad died. l'm so sorry.

What's for dinner?

Annie. Sam Harper, Allied Trade. How are you? l'm in a bind. l'm leaving town for a couple days. l was just hoping you could help me out.

HANNAH: Get a pen. l'm gonna give you a list of all the stuff...

Yeah... No, l'm sure you are busy, but l happen to be in the market for a little lumber.

-Next in line, please? -l know... l got to run.

What do you mean there's a lumber shortage

-in the northeast? -Sam... Okay? lf you help me out with this wood, l will get your truck fleet...

Sir, we need your photo lD, please. l'll call you when l land. Bye.

-Sorry about that. -WOMAN: That's okay.

-l just need your picture lD. -Yeah, sure.

-What? -(GROANS) l left it on the table while l was packing.

Sir, we can't let you board the plane without lD. lt is my father's funeral. Tonight. lt's a family emergency.

WOMAN: lf you go over to TSA, they can help you.

SAM: l can't go to TSA...

HANNAH: Nope, that gets in too late. ls there anything that gets into L.A. tonight?

Listen, l just need you to be a person right now.

We are trying to get to a funeral.

Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. What about going through...

Come on. Let's go.

What time does that get in?

Okay, let me just get a pen out of the glove compartment.

There are still seats available?

No, that's great. And when does that leave? l don't know if we can make that, but let me just write that down.

Oh, my God! Baby, look!

-Oh, my God! -lt was on the floor.

Hang on. lt must have fallen under the seat.

Yeah, it must have fallen out of my...

We can go. We can go right now.

No! She said that was the last flight.

No, no, no. l'm talking to her now.

She said there's a flight, it goes through Denver.

We'll get there late. lt'll be close, but we'll get there. What's...

Yeah, well, then, let's do it.

-Great! Okay. -Thank you. l'll give you the number right now. lt is 5184, 3801 , 2373...

(CAR ALARM BLARlNG lN LOT)

PlLOT: (ON PA) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. l'd like to welcome everyone on flight 86A to Los Angeles.

We are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet at an air speed of about 400 miles an hour.

Weather looks good, and with the tailwind on our side... l'll be right back.

(PlLOT CONTlNUES lNDlSTlNCTLY)

(PEOPLE MUTTERlNG ANXlOUSLY)

Well, he's not here.

MlNlSTER: Friends, thank you all for coming.

We all knew Jerry...


(lNDlSTlNCT CONVERSATlONS)

SAM: Hey, Mom.

SHElLA: Okay, l'm going to take off.

-Love you, sweetie. -Okay. Love you. Thanks.

-Hi, Sheila. -SHElLA: Hello, Sam.

-You get my message? -Oh, yeah, the airlines.

They wouldn't even let me on the plane.

Yeah, just the way it is these days.

SAM: Yeah.

Mom, this is, uh, Hannah. l'm so sorry.

Now l have a face to the voice.

Beautiful face.

How can l help? What do you need me to do? l could clean, l could do anything.

-How long are you staying? -We got to get back tomorrow.

Hannah's got a law school interview.

Wow! Law school. Your parents must be proud.

-Where do they live? -Chicago.

-You get home to them much? -Mom...

l'm gonna go unpack.

He would've liked her.

Mom, l...

(SlGHS)

The linens are in the closet upstairs. l'm glad you're home.


(TlCKlNG)

(JlNGLlNG)

(JlNGLlNG STOPS)


-What are you doing? -lt fell.

"Hannah's got to get back for an interview."

Really? lt's next week. l know. l'm sorry. l just didn't know what to say.

That's a first.

What is this, his man cave?

SAM: More or less, l guess. l don't think l've been up here since l was like, eight.

Since you were eight?

He'd come in and lock the door...

What do you mean, "He locked the door"? l am cold. Are you cold?

No. Oh, my God, is that Elvis Costello?

Uh, yeah, he gave him his first pair of ugly glasses, and, um, sort of got Columbia to sign him.

He doesn't look like how you described him. l imagined this cold Mr. Frost guy.

He's got kind of a sweet face.

Yes, that's not the guy l knew.

Come on. lt's your dad! You don't have one happy memory?

Yeah, one.

He used to take me to this park on Sundays.

-That's nice. -He never got out of the car.

He'd sit and watch me so he could...

(SlGHS)

Listen to his demos.

But, hey, you know, that's how he discovered Kajagoogoo, so he did make a major contribution to the human race.

lKE: (ON MACHlNE) Hi, Sam, it's lke Rafferty, your father's attorney. l'd like to talk to you about your father's estate. l could meet you for lunch.

And maybe we should keep this between us for now, okay?

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hey, lke, sorry l'm late. Parking was a nightmare. lt is, yeah.

-Been a long time, huh? -lt has been a long time.

Wow, wow, wow. l won't say you look the same, you're taller, but you do look like your dad.

Yeah, look at you, the Manhattans. lKE: We used to have lunch every Friday.

The four of us, right here.

-Same booth? -Thirty-five years.

-Wow. -l'm the last of the Mohicans.

(SAM CHUCKLES)

So...

(STAMMERlNG) How about the will?

-The will is not complicated. -Mmm-hmm.

Basically, the house and the furniture go to your mom.

Mmm-hmm.

He left you his records. Old vinyl. Pretty great stuff.

And the money? And what about the money?

Well, you could probably sell them for a lot. l think he'd rather that you listen to them once in a while.

Get your groove back.

(CHUCKLES)

Get my groove back?

Because what happened to my groove? l knew l had it here somewhere.

All right. You're disappointed. l get it. l am. l'm just a little disappointed. l'm a little disappointed. You get it.

A week ago he asked me to come see him at the house.

He gave me this.

lt's for you.

All l know is that it's something he said he was working on for a long, long time.

He wanted you to have it.

His shaving kit.

Wow. That's great. Did you open it?

No, l didn't open it.

Look, son. l lent your father a suit so that he could marry your mother. l never saw that suit again.

And l got the bill from the caterer.

That's the way it was for 35 years.

l loved him anyway.

l hope you can, too.

-Thanks, Peggy. -PEGGY: Thanks, doll.


(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my...


DANNY: Yo, Josh, hold on. SlMON: Yo, dude, shut up.

What is it?

Sodium from the science lab.

This hits the pool, it'll totally detonate.

-You mean it'll blow up? -Yes. lt'll blow up.

-Bullshit. -Dude, l'm telling you. lt's a chemical. Watch.

-l told you noth... -Whoa!

Oh, shit!

DANNY: Shit! We got to go! Go! DEREK: Let's go, let's go!

(ALARM RlNGlNG)

DANNY: Oh, my God, that was awesome!

l know your mother.

Really? l'm sure you deal with your share of working moms, more than your share, so l know you understand.

Vandalism, Miss Davis. lt's Frankie. Please. And l know, it's my fault.

You are right to think that. l work in a bar.

So, l'm sure that there's something we can work out here. Josh is...

There's nothing you can say that has any relevance to Josh's expulsion.

(SCOFFS)

You're going to expel him.

What did you expect? Your son blew up a pool. l can't have him putting other students in danger.

Frankly, l don't see what more there is to talk about, and l have another meeting, if you don't mind.

There are some exit papers l need you to sign.

Where did Josh get the sodium?

Obviously the science lab.

Oh, okay, so, just so l don't misunderstand. ls that the only explosive material you leave lying around for students to play with?

Don't try to shift the blame to his teachers.

Where did he learn it would explode in water? l don't care for your tone.

Your school's recklessness nearly killed my son.

Good thing he figured it out before he lost an eye, or a finger, or a shitload of Board of Ed. funding, because some parent might just be concerned enough to go out and find a lawyer.

Like those tough pro bono types that hang out in my bar at night and stare at my, well...

l think you know what l'm saying.

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(FRANKlE YELLlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

FRANKlE: l have no idea what you were thinking today.

Hey! Josh! Are you even listening to me?

Joshua Alan Davis, this is serious! l mean, why couldn't you shoplift or trespass?

Where you lose me is explosives.

That's where l feel like l'm not getting through to you.

Hey, are you listening to me?

How am l going to pay for that pool, huh?

JOSH: A lemonade stand?

FRANKlE: Oh, you think you're the only one who can act like an 1 1-year-old? l invented acting out for attention.

And congratulations, you got to go to see a shrink now.

She wants you to fill out some workbook for your anger.

-No way, Carol! -Yes way. l'm not doing it, Carol.

Don't call me Carol! My name is not Carol. lt's Mom, for once in your life.

No TV, no computer.

That's child abuse.

Yeah, well, l can't wait for you to tell your shrink about it!

(SlGHS)

(SlGHS) Come on, monkey. We both know you're smart. l know you're listening in science class.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hey, Jenny, can l call you back, please? lt's a really bad time right...

(JENNY SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Whoa, whoa, wait.

No, what article?

(JENNY CONTlNUES lNDlSTlNCTLY)

(CHUCKLES)

No, l'm fine. l'm fine.

No, l'm...

Yeah. l'll go. l'm gonna go. l'll go right now.

Thanks.

-Hey, Frankie. Sorry. -Hey, Ted.

Do you have yesterday's paper?

TED: Yeah. Let me grab it. This is yesterday.

Wow. You really need that horoscope, huh?

So, l was going to get some dinner at some point. l don't know if you have plans tonight, or...

-Hello? Frankie? -Do you mind if l keep this?

No, of course not. Go ahead.

-Hey, are you all right? -Can you watch Josh for me?

For, like, an hour? lt's the last time, l promise.

-(STAMMERlNG) -Absolutely. l have this emergency that l have to go, um...

TED: Of course. Yeah.

And, you know, sorry about the dinner thing. lt was...

-Yeah. We're going to. -Whenever.

FRANKlE: Thanks, Ted. TED: Okay.

Come on, come on, come on.

No, no, no, no! Come on!

You had a yellow light, for Christ's sake. Go!

Come on! Come on! Move!

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

MAN: Now it's a different story. l'm not saying that every day is a cakewalk, but it's working. l mean, this program, it works. l'm a dumb, antagonistic drunk who fought this from day one.

Surrender still sounds like losing to me.

But l stuck around, and l'm sober. Thanks.

CHAlRMAN: (CLEARS THROAT) All right.

Before we take a break, does anyone have a burning desire?

Yeah. Hi. Hi. Frankie, alcoholic.

MEMBERS: Hi, Frankie.

Um... (SNlFFLES) l wasn't planning on coming today. This isn't my, um... l'm supposed to be at work. At the bar.

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

Temptation being the mother of all tips.

Uh...

My son blew up a pool at school today.

-With salt. -(SCATTERED CHUCKLlNG)

And then l got a call from my sponsor who...

That, uh...

"American record producer Jerry Harper

"died in Los Angeles Tuesday

"after a long battle with cancer.

"He was 63."

Cancer.

Shit.

"From the mid-'70s to mid-'80s, "Harper was known as a pioneering producer

"and A & R man

"who never achieved the fame or credit he deserved."

"He is survived by his wife and son."

So... lt's official. l don't exist.

Whoo-hoo! l'm beginning to think the editors at the L.A. Times are even bigger pricks than my dad was.

l feel numb. Nothing.

So...

Why is it that l want five dirty martinis and a lot of other stuff?

Just to cover up the...

(SlGHS) Okay. Blah, blah.

So, that's... That's all l got.

Thank you. Thanks for all the other sharers.

Coffee and cigarettes and onwards.

CHAlRMAN: Okay. Who's next?

(PEOPLE CHATTlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Hi.

You new?

Knew what?

N-E-W, newcomer to the meeting?

To the meeting. No, no, no, no. No. l, um...

l started in Tarzana, and then Culver City, and Studio City was too sceney, but l heard great things about this one.

-l move around a lot to... -Stay anonymous?

(CHUCKLES) lt's just... lt's...

That's funny. Anonymous.

(CLEARS THROAT)

That was a really crazy share.

Oh. Yeah.

Do you have another cigarette by any chance? l'm trying the gum to quit, but it's killing me.

Probably.

Oh, no. lt's your last one.

Oh, that's cool. l like to pretend l didn't smoke the whole pack.

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks.

(GROANS)

Here. You know what? lt's a little...

My hands are cold or something.

Just a little... l have lady hands.

l'm... l'm Sam.

Oh! There goes anonymous.

Frankie. Uh, welcome, Sam, if you decide to stay.

And you need to learn to let go of your toiletries, man. lt's the third step.


(WHlSPERlNG) Hey.

Where is she? l'll assume that's an apology and l didn't understand it. ls she upstairs? ls she asleep?

HANNAH: Yeah, she's probably upstairs.

She's probably exhausted after spending the last eight hours cleaning the house with her son's girlfriend.

Where you been, Sam? Did you have a nice day?

What is wrong with you?

(SlGHS)

What's going on?

Can l talk to you outside for a second?

(TlNKLlNG)

-Where did you get that? -My dad.

Hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

(GASPS)

(SAM CHUCKLES)

That he left to a woman whose kid is my...

(SlGHS) ln theory, the kid is my nephew. l don't understand. How could you have a nephew?

You don't have any brothers or sisters.

(CHUCKLES) l do now!

(SAM SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

At first l think she's his mistress. l mean, that makes complete sense, knowing my father.

But then l look at her.

She has my father's eyes and his nose, and she...

Sam.

How are you going to tell your mom?

Surprise! You won the golden ticket to the shit factory! l mean, you have to tell her. l mean, she has to know the truth and she's gonna find out that he left them this money.

Not if l don't give it to them.

-No, you're not serious. -Listen to me. l am very serious.

-lt's $150,000. -l know.

That he left in his shaving kit for some alcoholic love child. l mean...

-lt's for the kid. -lt's for me! l'm his son! l'm supposed to hand it over with a smile on my face?

He waits until he's dead to tell me about his secret family? l can't tell her who l am.

There's no way l'm telling her who l am. l am buried, buried, under a shit pile of debt, Hannah.

-What are you talking about? -A shit pile of debt!

-We're in debt? -No, no, we're not in debt.

There is no "we," Hannah. There's no "we."

What do you mean there's no "we"?

"l." l'm in debt. l was gonna get this commission to help dig me out but now Phil Hymore's new wife needs an addition to her deck...

When were you planning on telling me that there is no "we"? ls there any part of my life that is off-limits? Any?

Jesus!

(SlGHS) l knew we shouldn't have come out here.

Oh, my God.

The wallet.

What?

You hid the wallet in the car so you could avoid coming out here.

(SCOFFS)

What? That's complete bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, it is, Sam. lt is complete bullshit!

Will you listen to yourself? Please listen...

Why did you even bring me through that ridiculous charade at the airport?

Come on, Han!

Why did you even get on the plane?

Because you found us another flight!

Who the hell are you, Sam?

(HORN HONKS)

Hannah, l understand that you're angry. l would like to talk to you about this. l'm so sorry, sir. Thank you.

-Hannah, l need you. -Why do you need me?

What, you need someone else you can lie to?

You don't have enough suckers in your life, Sam?

No.

-Goodbye. -(SlGHS)

Hannah...

Just go.

(COUGHS)

(METAL MUSlC PLAYlNG)

ls Johnny there? Johnny Dillon?

(JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG) l'm looking for Natalia. l'm Jerry Harper's son. Jerry Harper.

Jesus Christ.

This is an odd question.

Do you have a daughter? Frankie?

Hello?

(GROANS)

(JAZZ MUSlC CONTlNUES)

(SAM SlNGlNG)

(PLAYlNG GUlTAR)

Hey, you'd love this. lt's for the young working woman struggling to maintain a balance between her career and her personal life.

At least you think l'm young. l can see the bags under your eyes.

-You got to watch... -Frances, Josh, l'm Amanda.

Hi! Uh, sorry we're late.

There was a ton of traffic and stuff, so...

All right, little man, we'll see you...

Why don't you come in and join us?

Oh.

-All right. -Sit wherever you like.

Hey, oh, ah, ah, ah. Come on.

She said sit wherever you want, so, uh...

FRANKlE: She doesn't mean her desk. Get out.

You know, today, let's sit wherever we want.

Oh, that's my... This is for me. Okay.

So, Josh, l want you to know that whatever you're feeling right now, it's all right.

You can say whatever's on your mind or nothing at all.

She doesn't want to be here.

Yeah, but we have to be here, so...

-Well, for now, Frances... -Oh, Frankie. Gosh.

(SCOFFS) Frances...

Please, call me Frankie.

Frankie. Okay.

Why don't you tell me good things about Josh.

(STAMMERlNG) ls this a trick question?

DR. AMANDA: There are no trick questions.

Just whatever comes to mind.

Yeah, no, l have a great kid, l have a great kid.

So, obviously, he's very smart.

And he's very funny.

And, you know, he was great right from the get-go.

He was a great baby.

He slept through the night, you know, right away.

He really never cried.

Why do you think that was? l'm sorry. Why do l think what was?

Why he never cried.

-Why do you think that was? -l don't know yet.

Okay, well, my insurance covers four 50 minute sessions here and then it's out of pocket, so l'd love it if you could figure it out.

And l don't know how this usually works, but l was thinking we could start by asking Josh some questions.

Great.

So, Josh, why don't you tell us how you feel about being here. l feel better already.

(SAM GROANlNG)

Ah!

-Oh, so you're still here. -What?

Hannah still asleep?

She left. She had to leave.

Oh. l thought you guys were going together.

Looks like l have to see some clients while l'm in town.

What for?

Oh, you know...

Our company just did a deal to donate a million soccer balls made out of disaster relief packaging to kids in the Sudan, so we do the logistics.

So l figured l'd stay around for a couple days, if that's cool with you.

Stay as long as you like.

No, Andy was supposed to call you about this two days ago.

About the wood, Bill. About the wood! lf l don't get this guy's wife enough wood to build a deck in eight hours, he's gonna report me to the FTC.

Here's my list. She wants Mangaris wood, okay? lt needs to be diamond-finished Mangaris.

Also, the barbecue needs to be a...

Needs to be a 48-inch Viking, high-end stainless steel with an infrared burner.

What's up, guys?

(JOSH GROANS)

Bill, l'll call you back in five minutes.

Did you tell anybody we were at the pool with you?

No. lf you say anything about us, we'll beat the living shit out of you!

(BLUEGRASS MUSlC PLAYlNG)


(PEOPLE TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

No.

You're not getting 10 feet out the door.

Look. Look!

You can't be stealing CDs. Nobody even buys CDs anymore.

And it's a record store.

You can't shoplift from a record store. lt's like kicking a dead man.

Do you work here?

(SCOFFS)

Probably only a matter of time. l'm Sam. l sort of know your mom.

You're not going to tell her, are you?

That your taste in music blows? l don't know. Maybe.

Look, this right here, this is what you're looking for.

Dude, if you try and grab my balls...

Whoa, whoa. What the fuck? Try and grab your balls? lf you even try, l will bite your finger off. l swear to God. l totally get it. Here you go.

Go ahead.

How do you know her?

We, you know, met in a meeting.

-What step are you on? -Eight.

-Make your list yet? -Huh?

-Of people you screwed over? -Oh, yeah. lt's a long list. l'll be on eight for a while.

You know the steps?

Carol has them on the fridge.

-Who's Carol? -Frankie.

Why do you call her Carol?

Carol's our fat-ass building manager.

Has a moustache, smells like deep-fried farts.

Frankie doesn't see the resemblance. l have to remind her.

-How old are you? -Eleven.

What do 1 1-year-olds do nowadays?

-l blew up a pool. -What?

Yeah, l threw in a sodium rock and it blew up.

Part of it. The deep end.

Carol was pissed.

Now l have to go to kid therapy and play with blocks till l cry.

(CHUCKLES)

All right.

Here we go. Listen up.

You're going to start with Gang of Four, okay?

Then you'll move to The Buzzcocks.

Then Joy Division. Then The Clash.

Finish up with Television. ln that order.

You going to remember that order?

Maybe.

All right. Here you go.

Pay for them.

('70S FUNK PLAYlNG lN STORE)

Whoa! That's your car?

Sweet wheels, dude. Give me a ride.

No, no. Definitely not.

Come on, Music Man, you're already super weird. lt's not going to get any weirder.

Look, can you just... l got to go, man. l got to go. l'm sorry. Can you just...

Sorry.

All right! Public transportation sucks ass!

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Spanish songs in Andalucia The shooting sites in the days of '39 Oh, please, leave the vendetta open

-Your mom's not home? -Work.

Huh.

Where?

That hotel downtown, The Standard.

When, now? Does she work nights?

She kind of works nights, double shifts. Whatever.

She's not worried about you being home by yourself?

Dude, l know how to microwave pizza.

Plus, there's Ted downstairs, Lucy next door.

Seventeen, Mexican. Goes braless.

Owns a yoga DVD. lt's win-win.

(CHUCKLES)

(ROCK MUSlC CONTlNUES FROM CAR)

-Oh. Don't forget this. -(MUSlC STOPS)

Your musical edification.

Gang of Four, The Buzzcocks, Joy Division, The Clash, finish up with Television.

But if you really want to go number one with a bullet, there's six things you got to know.

Six things?

Maybe l'll tell you one day.

Thanks for not kidnapping me.

No sweat.

(CHUCKLES)

(LOUD TALKlNG)

(R&B MUSlC PLAYlNG)

They're attracted to me They come around like honey

'Cause l'm fly like a bee Man, l got 'em all buzzin'

Buzzin', buzzin', buzzin'

When l come around Round, round They go When l come around Round, round They go When l step in your town Town, town They go Yeah, it's going down

(DANCE MUSlC PLAYlNG)

JlM: (ON MACHlNE) You failed, asshole.

You had three days and you couldn't get wood?

Hymore called the FTC, and l got them in the office questioning the ethics of our business.

We don't have ethics in our business. Where are you?

JANE: (ON MACHlNE) Mr. Harper, this is Jane MacKenna with the FTC Bureau of Consumer Protection.

We've received a complaint from the National Soup Company about fraudulent business practices Please contact me to assist you in resolving this matter at your earliest convenience.

Thank you.

(EXHALES)

Hi.

l'm your brother.

(COUNTRY MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Hey, um...

Oh.

-Frankie. -Mr. Anonymous.

-You work here. -Are you following me?

No, l had a had a work thing in the lobby downstairs at 8:00 p.m. Just ended. l thought l'd come up and check out the view and the pool.

Uh-huh.

You know when people are lying they tend to over-invent details.

(CHUCKLES) Uh...

-That was a joke. -Caught again.

Which you took seriously, because maybe you are lying.

(CHUCKLlNG)

Oh, no, no. You shouldn't use maraschinos.

They're soaked in artificial food dye.

Some people are allergic.

Most companies switch to natural. lt's my job.

Cherry activist?

No, l'm sort of a facilitator.

You're a robot sent from the future to kill me?

Uh, corporate barter.

You know, barter, the original form of commerce.

"Hey, you're a goat shepherd. Sweet, l'm a chicken farmer.

"l'll trade you 25 chickens for a goat."

-Goats, huh? -(CHUCKLES) ls your shift over?

Yeah... Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Can l get you something?

That they sell here?

No, no, no, no. Look... l swear to you on my life l'm not and will never hit on you, ever.

Wow, thank you. l'm sure that was meant to reassure me.

No, l'm just... l'm sure you get hit on all the time. l'm not one of those guys... l'm in a relationship right now, so...

Oh, that's so great for you. What's his name?

(CHUCKLES)

Can l get a Coke?

Ah! That will be 25 chickens, please. l'm all chickened out.

You can owe me.

(CHUCKLES)

FRANKlE: Management used to let us wear sneakers, till they decided that that was not upscale skank enough.

(SlGHS)

-l'm sorry about your dad. -Do you remember...

-What? -No, you.

-No, go ahead. -No, you were saying.

-l'm sorry you were... -No, you.

All right, me. Um... l was just going to ask if you ever go to the meeting on Colfax.

No, l just... l came out from New York.

Because for some reason you seem, l don't know... Familiar.

l'm really sorry about your dad.

That's nice of you to say, but don't be sorry.

He was a dick.

Why a dick?

Well, he bailed when l was little.

Pretty much qualifies him for dick status.

How old were you?

Uh... l don't know, eight.

So, he was in your life eight years?

You know what l love to do at the end of my really long shift?

Talk about my childhood. l'm sorry. (STAMMERlNG) l didn't mean to pry.

My dad died, too, recently, and, you know, he wasn't exactly a gem of a human being, either, so... l've been there.

-Sorry. -No, no.

God, you have no reason to apologize. l'm the one peppering you with questions.

l'm gonna go.

Yeah, l don't want to keep you. l'm sorry.

-Uh... Weird running into you. -Yes.

-Maybe l'll see you around. -Sure.

Okay. l do owe you those 25 chickens, so...

FRANKlE: Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)


-FEMALE NARRATOR: Hi there. -Hi.

Do you have a hard time making friends or connecting with people?

No.

Do you feel lonely sometimes?

-Hey, Lucy. -Hey.

Like you don't know how to talk to anyone around you, maybe even the people in your own family.

Does it make you feel frustrated? Sad? Angry?

(SlGHS)

Are there days when you just wish you could be somewhere else, or even someone else?

You may think you're the only person out there who feels these things.

(GLASS BREAKS)

But it's part of being human. So welcome to people.

We're about to learn some simple relaxation tools to calm those angry and frustrated feelings.

Ready? First, accept the way you feel.

Try making a fist with each hand, and then let go.

Can you feel the difference?

Second, find a soothing activity to distract yourself.

Maybe it's playing with your favorite toy, or riding a bike.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

-TED: Hey. -Hey.

-(GRUNTS) -(MOANlNG)

-Oh, shit! -(BULB SHATTERlNG)

Don't be disappointed if you don't feel better right away. lt takes time to find a perfect fit.

-You want to watch TV? -You know, my kid's going to be up soon, so...

Yeah. Okay.

Now, counting down from five, let the relaxation spread like a wave through your whole body.

Five, four, three, two, one.

You found his meds. l believe so.

(CHUCKLES)

(lNHALlNG SHARPLY)

Oh, God. l shouldn't have done this.

This is the medicine for the nausea from the chemo. lt's like... l don't know what. lt's like drinking altar wine.

-(CHUCKLES) -Oh, wow.

You smell like your father. Patchouli.

Oh, God. That used to turn me on.

Oh, Mom. l'm not that stoned. l will never be that stoned.

How did you end up with him, anyway?

What do you mean? You know we met at The Faces concert.

No, no, no. l mean, you're you, and he wasn't exactly the quarterback of the football team.

-He was handsome. -Mom. He was a warlock.

(LAUGHlNG)

Don't laugh at me.

You have to understand something, Sammy. l was the hatcheck girl at the Troubadour. l was 1 7 years old, and he was like...

The king of L.A.

He said l reminded him of Joni Mitchell.

She's the reason l moved here. l heard her voice on the radio, and l said, "Why can't that be me?" l could sing.

Everybody said it.

So, l came here and l met your dad and then l met Joni Mitchell.

Oh, man.

l met Linda Ronstadt and Stevie Nicks.

(SlGHS)

And Lillian Cresbauer from Nutley, New Jersey.

One night, we were all sitting around joking and singing, and Jerry pushed me toward the piano and said, "Get up there, Lillian. They'll love you!"

Nobody had ears like your dad. He knew.

He knew l was good.

For Nutley, New Jersey.

So, l sang.

After that l... l never felt like those people were my friends again.

Wow. You never told me that.

Why would he do that? l don't know.

He wasn't always easy to understand.

You know your father.

What is not to understand, Mom? He was a f...

He was a prick.

He humiliated you.

You want to know what was humiliating? l was the only one at the funeral sitting next to an empty seat.

That was fun. l didn't have to answer any weird questions about that one.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, there's the sarcasm. l remember that.

Yeah, well, what you probably don't remember is me changing the plastic bags in his abdomen every two hours so his shit wouldn't leak.

Wow, Mom.

That was like a double twist on the high degree of difficulty on that insult dive.

He was in and out of the hospital for a year.

You never even called him.

He didn't want me around, Mom. ls that what you tell yourself?

And you let him not want me around.

You came home maybe four times in the last 13 years.

Usually to borrow money.

How is the T-shirt business, anyway?

-Good night. -That's right. Run away.

At least it's the one thing you're consistent about.

You think you knew him?

You saw what you wanted to see.

Can you really believe l didn't know the man l was married to?

JANE: (ON MACHlNE) Jane MacKenna again from the Federal Trade Commission, Mr. Harper.

This is my second call. lf you're not in our Manhattan offices by the end of the week to assist our investigation, we'll be forced to issue you a subpoena.

AUTOMATED VOlCE: End of new messages.

We could tell her we've been waiting here for 20 minutes and the button didn't work.

So sorry we're late.

The pickup line at school was a total disaster.

-No, it wasn't. -Kind of was.

Kind of wasn't.

Can l talk to you alone for a second?

(SlGHS)

WOMAN 1 : When l first got sober, l heard everyone tell all the old-timers...

WOMAN 2: l'm embarrassed, l'm ashamed. l've been sitting here listening to everyone.

Frankly, l think you're all quite mad.

MAN 1 : So, thank you all for listening and keep coming back.

-MAN 2: Good night, Frankie. -Yeah, good night.

Oh, shit!

(CRUNCHlNG)

(SlGHS)

Pretty sure the purse was designed to keep things inside itself.

But l don't want to mess up your process. l know what you're thinking. "You again." Again.

My last meeting. l got to go back to New York.

Thought l'd say goodbye.

Cherry season already, huh?

Yeah. Something like that.

You know, it's... Thank you.

(SlGHS)

Assuming you've had better days, huh?

What gave it away?

Shit, right before this l got fired by my kid's therapist. ls it fired, do you think? Or broken up with?

What happened? l got caught in a lie. l just... l was late, and l lied about it in front of my kid.

So...

Look, l know we don't really know each other at all, but you seem like a really...

Like a really great person.

(STAMMERlNG) l'm not a professional parent or whatever,

but l'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a textbook mom.

Your kid's really lucky to have you.

Bye, Frankie.

Wait!

l mean... You're leaving now? l mean, before it was okay, but now...

We should get a taco or something.

Really?

-Or not. Never mind. -Absolutely.

Absolutely never mind?

Absolutely tacos.

FRANKlE: l realized that l feel sorry for my clothes that l don't wear, so l rearranged my closets so the stuff from the back got moved to the front so it could have more face time.

(LAUGHS)

-l'm nuts. -That's crazy. ln high school l was in a band called Technical Virgin.

(BOTH LAUGH) ln high school l was on a team of technical virgins called "cheerleaders."

-No! -l got kicked off the team.

-Why? -l wouldn't do lame cheers. lt's not good to have the pompon girl be like, "This is bullshit!"

Can you show me a lame cheer?

-l'm not doing any cheers. -Come on. l know one cheer. lt's from a Faith No More song.

"Be aggressive. Be-Be aggressive.

"B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-l-V-E." Anybody?

"Be aggressive. Be-Be aggressive."

Let me just recap. So, you're losing and l am winning.

No, l'm not. l'm very competitive right now.

You were in a shitty band.

That's all you've brought to this entire situation.

You better come up with something good.

Wow.

l lied to avoid a funeral.

-l give that like a six. -Six? Bullshit, six.

Good lord, it's like watching the nature channel.

Don't watch me eat.

Every spring, the wild Frankie migrates to the...

(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

All right. l'm going to finish you. l'm going to sweep the leg. Here it comes. You ready?

Yeah. Please. l'm ready.

(SlGHS) l was a bit of a nightmare when l got pregnant with my kid.

Mmm-hmm. l would you know, wake up, drink, score, bump, get laid, pass out, rinse, repeat.

No numbers. No names. So...

l have no idea who my kid's dad is.

And l still ended up with my little munchkin

and he saved my life.

-Ta-da! -l fold.

(MlMlCS DRUM ROLL)

You can't win this game if you don't have kids.

Speaking of folding, l have to go do laundry. l'm sorry. l don't want to intrude on your laundering space, but... l would love to not go to the laundromat by myself.

So, sure.

FRANKlE: You ate a lot of nachos.

SAM: So what? FRANKlE: Not.

SAM: Not an astronaut? Why not?

FRANKlE: lt's not going to be astronaut. l don't know. ln another life, l could've been a landscape architect or something.

Why not this life? Why another life?

You need a degree or something.

Why not do that now? l barely made it through school the first time.

Yeah, well, l shouldn't be doling out career advice.

Trust me, career advice from me is...

(CHUCKLES)

No. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Are you all right? lt's my dad.

He used to bring a change of clothes to our house when he came to visit.

He always smelled like patchouli, and my mom hated it.

So it was my job to wash and fold his laundry.

Anyway.

How did they meet?

Backstage at a King Crimson concert.

My dad was a music manager. A & R guy.

My mom was this L.A. scenester.

A groupie, basically.

For a while, he'd come on Sundays. We'd go to movies, have a picnic.

He just had this light.

And when he would laugh, it made me feel like l was really funny.

But then he stopped coming.

No more light.

Did you ever see him again? l tried to see him. When l was 15. l actually bought a dress, took the bus to his studio.

He kept me an hour waiting in his office and then we finally got in his car...

Which one? l mean, what kind?

He had a Country Squire. That's an old station wagon.

And we went to this house in Los Feliz. Some guitarist.

And l was standing in the corner, staring at my shoes in my discount prom dress.

They were smoking and drinking and...

l just kept telling myself,

"Do not give this man your tears."

After a while he drove me home, gave me a $50 bill,

and my last image of my dad

are taillights while he drove away to his other family.

And the crazy thing is, you don't ask, "What's wrong with him?"

No. You ask, "What's wrong with me?"

There's nothing wrong with you.

Mostly l'm just still pissed he got me in a dress.

So, the...

The other family, did he ever talk about them? l didn't want to know. l hated them. They got him.

What about your mom?

My mom died a couple years ago.

My sweet mom.

You know, she never said a bad word about him.

Can l just say, your life is ass.

(LAUGHlNG) lt's really...

Don't laugh at me.

No, l'm not. l'm not laughing at you. l'm just thinking how strong you are.

-l don't feel strong. -You're incredibly strong.

So when is your flight?

Uh...

(STAMMERlNG) l got a text earlier, actually, and things are shifting around at work, so...

Looks like l have to stay in L.A. a little longer. l know it's about the nachos.

Nachos, please.

You stuffing your face like a wildebeest in heat.

(UPBEAT FOLK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Early one morning the sun was shining l was laying in bed Wondering if she'd changed at all If her hair was still red Her folks, they said our lives together Sure was gonna be rough They never did like Mama's homemade dress Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough And l was standing on the side of the road

(SAM AND FRANKlE CHATTlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Heading out for the East Coast Lord knows l've paid some dues getting through Come on. Let's go. Hustle, Carol.

Okay. (LAUGHS)

Hey, man. No. Off, off, off.

Hey, look. Your backpack that you left in the backseat? lt's in the trunk.

That's where that was?

Also, the ride home from the record store, maybe not mention it, okay?

-Why? -Hey, there.

(LAUGHS)

Nice car, huh, Josh?

Josh, Sam.

Howdy.

What's up?

All right, child. Hey, hey! No, no, no! Oh... Okay...

We drove that car as far as we could Abandoned it out west A little glamour face.

(LAUGHlNG) l can't actually shoot anything.

-Are you filming? -FRANKlE: Yeah!

(ALL LAUGHlNG) l heard her say over my shoulder

"We'll meet again someday on the avenue"

Whoo!

Tangled up in blue

(SAM LAUGHlNG)

SAM: This is incredible.

(GASPS) My gosh, look at its little face. lt's looking right at me.

(lN ENGLlSH ACCENT) Please, sir, spare my life. l don't deserve to be eaten, mate.

What? Why is the crab British?

(LAUGHlNG)

FRANKlE: You gotta mallet that thing.

Because l'm a hater.

SAM: Let's hear a little Keith Moon.

(DRUMMlNG RHYTHMlCALLY)

Whoo! Drum duet!

FRANKlE: Hit it!

BOTH: Oh!

SAM: Let me show you a trick.

Take the crab leg like such. We go like that.

We take our handy red crab claw.

There you go, buddy.

(FOLK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

-Yeah, l've seen better. -Oh, yeah.

Yeah, God, is this the best you got?

(FARTlNG)

-Ugh! -Josh!

But it's real.

Thank you!

SAM: And l'm still crying.

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

(SlGHS)

Hello?

SAM: Hey, it's me.

How are you?

You know. Amazing.

A woman keeps calling and leaving messages. l think she wants to arrest you.

So, at least l'm not the only one.

Why did you call?

Just wanted to hear that l didn't lose you to some circus troupe of lawyers.

(CHUCKLES) l know you do.

-l should go. -l met her.

Her name's Frankie.

She tried so hard to get his attention.

Get him to notice her. lt's almost like we did grow up in the same house.

Except you ran away from him and she didn't have a choice.

You're good at running away, you know?

Yeah. l've been practicing a long time.

And l know it's hard on you.

Did you tell her everything you know?

l don't know how.

Sam...

You're going to hurt this woman, you realize that.

And you got to make it right.

l got to go.

(CALL DlSCONNECTS)

(lNDlSTlNCT TALKlNG)

JOSH: Dude, l could totally be in a band.

You know what l'd call it? My Friend's Band.

Like, "You got to see My Friend's Band."

Or like, "You got to hear My Friend's Band."

Oh, my God. People would be so confused.

-Hey, Josh. -Hey, Luce.

That girl is so caliente, l don't even know what to do with myself.

Actually, l do know what to do with myself.

Oh, God, no. No, Romeo.

So, can l just ask you questions and you answer me?

Not as my mentor, just as some old dude?

Oh, that would be great.

How do you get girls to like you?

(CHUCKLES)

"How do you get girls to like you?" (CHUCKLES)

Well, you know, you just want to be the...

Well, you want to be the kind of guy that, like...

Uh...

-You know. -No, l don't know.

And it sounds like you don't either.

That's true. Here. Strawberries.

At least tell me the six rules.

Nah. You're not ready. Soon enough.

-Come on. Come on. -Soon. Soon, l swear.

JOSH: Don't deny me like that, man.

Hey.

Hurricane Carol finally made landfall today, pulverizing Southern California.

Nice catch.

-What is this? -That's a salami sampler.

JOSH: Because it turns out there is more than

(lN lTALlAN ACCENT) one type of salami.

Hot salami, sweet salami, all the kinds of salami.

-Whoa, whoa. l got it. -That made my day.

Josh, can you go do your homework or something, please?

Why? You barely made it through high school.

Look how well you turned out.

Hey, hey. All right. Thank you. Goodbye.

Go be productive, please.

JOSH: Yeah, let me go invent something.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Do l look like l can't provide for my kid? l work.

No. l know.

You got a lot on your plate. l was just trying to help out.

(SlGHS)

What's going on?

A lawyer called today.

Mmm-hmm.

My dad left Josh 150 grand.

Wow. That's...

-That's great. -No. l don't want his dead bribe money.

You can't turn down $150,000, Frankie. That's...

Frankie, you could buy a house with a yard for your gardening.

You could pay off the pool, you can go back to school. Whatever.

He wanted you to have it.

What, are you on his side now? lt's 150 grand!

Okay.

What is this? What's going on here?

This... (CHUCKLES)

This is Josh missed the bus and l picked him up.

He said you guys needed some groceries, -so l decided to help out. -No. This.

This hanging out with us. l like hanging out with you guys.

Why don't l know anything about you? l mean...

What is with the 20 questions?

Why won't you ever talk about your recovery?

Most of us can't talk about it enough. l don't know.

FRANKlE: Why do you have these weirdly long pauses when l ask a question? l bought you groceries! l didn't ask you to do that.

-You're grilling me? -Just answer my questions.

The world does not need another AA sob story. ls that a good enough answer for you? lt's a really shitty answer, actually.

Do you hate the idea of making your life better? ls it that bad of an idea?

Well, you're one to talk, Mr. Goat Leverager. l mean, is that you realizing your potential? l'm just saying, you can have a better life. All right?

You can leave the bar and be appreciated.

-For what? -For who you are!

-The same goes for Josh. -Okay, whoa.

You think maybe you're not in the best position to be handing out parenting advice?

Have you ever even taken care of a goldfish?

Do you comprehend what it is to be responsible for another human being?

You cart him around. You... You stock my fridge.

You're atoning for l don't know what.

'Cause l enjoy hanging out with him. He's a good kid!

You're gonna go back to New York.

And how's my kid gonna deal with that?

So l'm just asking you, what do you want here?

You want me to tell you to stay?

No, no. ls that what you're looking for? l said it. l would like you guys to be happy. That's it.

That's all you want?

l got to go.

(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(HORNS HONKlNG)

(SlGHS)

(LOUD THUD)

(GASPlNG)

Mom.

-Oh... -What's wrong?

Oh, l just... l stood up too fast. l just get a little dizzy sometimes.

Sometimes? How often? How long has this been going on for?

Where have you been, huh?

Does she have a name? l liked Hannah. She's good for you.

Let me just help you up.

(GROANS) l'm fine, l'm fine.

Do you want me to call a doctor?

No, please. No violins. l just need a little fresh air.

SAM: Mmm-hmm. Yeah, l understand.

Mmm-hmm. l appreciate it. Thank you.

FEMALE DOCTOR: Okay, l'm here to help.

Okay, bye.

She said you have some kind of plaque buildup around your heart.

Mmm-hmm.

-Arterio... -Sclerosis.

Mmm-hmm.

You've known about it for a year.

Why aren't you treating it?

-l am treating it. -By not eating Entenmann's?

That happens to be a real sacrifice.

lt's an outpatient procedure. lt will take four hours. lt's not surgery. l've had enough doctors for one lifetime.

(TEAPOT WHlSTLlNG)

That's great, Mom, suffer in silence.

That's really smart.

At least l do it in silence.

SAM: What a wonderful philosophy, Mom. lt really made for a happy home. l mean, it's a great philosophy.

You didn't want to talk, he didn't want to listen.

No one actually tells anyone what's really happening.

Okay. Seeing that your father is too dead to defend himself, you got me.

Let's hear all about how bad you had it.

He was a liar.

-Professionally. -lt's a lot to live down to.

And this girl you're dating, that's the real reason you're hanging around here, isn't it?

What is she, a waitress?

(CHUCKLES)

Ah. Kid?

You don't want to have this conversation, Mom.

How'd you guys meet?

No, no, no, play fair.

You don't want to have this conversation. lt's really not right that you know all about Jerry and l'm not allowed to go after...

What was her name again?

You want to hear about her? l'll tell you all about her.

Oh, can we rule out Princess Charlotte of Monaco?

She has a son, she's an ex-addict, and we met at AA.

Trifecta! AA?

And she's Jerry's daughter.

You are an only child. You know that.

Wait a minute. Did you know? Hey, answer me. Did you know? l don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, my God.

Will you please stop lying and just tell me the truth?

You know her name. Say it.

LlLLlAN: l don't know what you want me to say.

Say it. Say her name. Say it. l am not going to have this conversation with you.

-lt's Frankie! -Who told you?

We moved past this a long time ago. lt's over.

You knew.

His responsibility was to this family.

Our family.

For you, for your sake, you should be grateful.

She grew up without a father. lt was his choice.

-Was it? -He made peace with it.

He hid $150,000 and gave me instructions to give it to her.

Stop it.

-He wanted us to meet. -l don't want to hear this.

He has a grandson.

What did you do? lt's been lovely to see you, Sam.

Maybe we'll do it again in another couple of years.

MAN: (ON MACHlNE) Mr. Harper, l'm an attorney calling on behalf of James Richards to let you know your employment is hereby terminated.

Under the circumstances, you'd be well advised to seek legal counsel immediately.

SAM: All right. lt's arranged by genre, okay?

You got old school R&B, mid-'70s funk shit, pretty obscure jazz, world music, some West African drumming, soundtracks to the French pornos.

My personal top 40. lt's a lot of rare shit. lt's worth money.

JOSH: This is so awesome.

Let's hook up the record player and play shit really loud until she gets home.

l can't.

Wait. Come on. Grand Theft Auto, pizza...

Maybe l'll even do a little homework. l can't. l got to go.

-When can you? -l don't know.

Let's make a plan.

Enough with it. Enough! Okay?

"Let's eat pizza, Sam. Let's play video games." l have real shit to deal with.

And l can't babysit you because you don't have any real friends.

Don't look at me like that. l have to go back to New York now.

Will you tell, uh...

(CLEARS THROAT) Will you tell Frankie that l'll call her when l get there?

You tell her, douche. l'm not your fucking secretary.

TEACHER: All right, guys, we have the helix.

There's two different parts of it.

You have the tangent and the axis.

Can anyone tell me the difference between the right and the left-handed helix?

(TEACHER CONTlNUES TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

(RHYTHMlC ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

(STUDENTS GASP)

(lNDlSTlNCT TALKlNG)

(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

Yeah.

Yes, it is.

Hi, this is Sam Harper.

You've been trying to reach me?

JANE:You've been avoiding us, Mr. Harper.

You're being charged with violating Section 5 of the Federal Trade Commission Act.

(PHONE BEEPlNG)

We need a complete accounting of your records or we'll go after you as an individual.

-Do you understand? -Can you hold on for a second?

Look, I don't think you're taking this seriously enough.

We can hold you in contempt. l could not be taking this any more seriously.

Please, if you could just give me a second.

-l need to take this call. -You have 30 seconds.

Hi. l was going to call you.

Hey. Josh broke a kid's nose, and the parents are going to press charges.

Oh, Jesus...

Yeah. l'm headed to school right now.

Can you please come? l'm totally freaking out. Hello? l'm at the airport.

Right. Yeah, forget it. Forget it. Fuck.

WOMAN: Sir?

Picture lD?

(GRUNTS)

(SlGHS) Come on.

l'm here to pick up my son.

Josh...

Hi.

Hey, monkey. Are you okay? l'm sorry. l know. l know you are. l've convinced Derek's parents not to press charges.

Oh, thank God.

Let's talk in my office.

Thank you.

Hey, l had money on the fight.

JOSH: So, maybe l could do like

40 hours of community service?

And l could go back to Toluca Park?

No, honey.

Are you sure?

We got to find you a new school.

We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?

lt's going to be okay, monkey.

Can l... Can l talk to him for a second?

Six rules.

And listen up, because l don't know if l'm gonna be able to tell you this again, okay?

These are from my father.

Number one. lf you like something because you think other people are gonna like it, it's a sure bet no one will.

Number two. Most doors in the world are closed, so if you find one that you want to get into, you damn well better have an interesting knock.

And if you knock like you drum, you'll be fine.

Number three. Everything that you think is important

isn't.

And everything that you think is unimportant is.

Number four. Don't shit where you eat. l wasn't planning on it.

He meant that metaphorically, of course.

Now, bear in mind my father was not all that successful.

Number five. Lean into it.

What does that mean? lt means that the outcome doesn't matter.

What matters is that you're there for it.

Whatever "it" is, good or bad.

Kind of like right now.

And finally, number six, a personal favorite.

Never sleep with someone who has more problems than you.

Hey!

(CHUCKLES)

And my very own. Always assume your mother's listening.

That is definitely a rule.

Your mom is always listening.

So those are the rules.

Thanks, man.

Good luck, champ.

Sleep.

SAM: We have to...

Please don't go. l just...

Oh, God, l'm a horrible person.

Hey. l want you to stay with us.

-Please don't. -lt's okay. l've heard everything.

Come on. Relapses, jail, l've heard everything. l'm scared, too.

We'll figure it out.

You are going to hate me.

How do you know what l'm going to feel, huh?

Are you me?

Yeah...

Sort of.

l'm his son.

Jerry, he's my father.

He asked me to give you the money. l wanted to tell you. l should have told you.

Stop. Stop, stop, stop.

-Frankie, l am so sorry. -Get out. Get out.

Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out!

Get out of my house! Get out!

(GRUNTS)

l'm going. Okay.

Get out!

(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)

(PEOPLE TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)


l'm okay. l'm sorry, baby. l'm sorry you had to see that.

(SOBBlNG)

Are you okay?

Yeah, l'm okay. l'm okay, we're okay, honey. We're okay.

Thanks.

Hi, Carol.

(SOFT R&B MUSlC PLAYlNG) lf this is redemption Why do l bother at all?

There's nothing to mention And nothing has changed

Still I'd rather be working for something Than praying for the rain

So I wander on till someone else is saved

(lNDlSTlNCT CONVERSATlONS)

Me l was holding All of my secrets soft and hid Pages were folded then there was nothing at all

Um, sit wherever you want.

If in the future l might need myself a savior l'll remember what was written on that wall

That we don't eat until your father's at the table

We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust Never once has any man l've met been able to love So if l were you l'd have a little trust HANNAH: (ON MACHlNE) Hey, it's Hannah. Leave a message.

SAM: Hey, Han, it's me.

My mom's going into Cedars tomorrow.

Cedars is a... lt's not a forest, it's a hospital. lt's just for this, uh, well... lt's supposed to be for this outpatient procedure. lt's not an emergency or anything.

But l just thought l'd tell you that.

l also really wanted to tell you that l'm...

(BEEPS)

AUTOMATED VOlCE: lf you're happy with your message, press one.

To delete this message, press two.

(CHUCKLES)

(SOFT R&B CONTlNUES)

So if in the future l might need myself a savior l'll remember what was written on that wall You can wait downstairs. lt shouldn't be too long.

All right.

(MAN ON PA SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY) l'll be here when you get out, okay?

Okay.

Oh, would you take these?

Finish your sentence.

What's the other reason you were calling?

l'm sorry about everything.

l'm sorry.

l love you.

Sweetie, you look like all kinds of shit.

l told her. l gave her the money. l knew you would.

You're not coming back, are you?

Well, that may be up to the fine people at the Federal Trade Commission. lt's a good thing you're going to be a lawyer. l'm gonna need one.

l will dig my way out, one mess at a time.

But this is where l'm supposed to be. l'm not worried about you anymore.

Or as worried.

l was thinking maybe you could stay.

l got into NYU.

Han, that's... That's great!

Congratulations. That's wonderful.

l'm happy for you.

And UCLA.

(BOTH CHUCKLE) l knew you'd turn out to be a halfway-decent guy.

Mom?

You okay?

l made him choose.

And he chose us.

(SlGHS) Marriage, Sam.

Well, you're going to find out. l didn't think it would turn out this way. l don't know... lf l hadn't have done it, l don't know that things would have turned out any better.

Maybe there'd be another family. And another.

Well, he made up his mind.

l wasn't going to let him ruin the one thing l had created.

The only thing that made sense.

You.

But it didn't really work out that way, did it?

Every time he looked at me, he must have seen Frankie.

He saw what he gave up.

l would have avoided me, too. l hope you never have to know what it's like to love someone

and then find out you're not enough. l was trying to protect you from ever feeling that.

Don't you think l believed l was flying to your defense with all the courage in my heart?

You're my son, Sam. My son.

lt was the only thing l could do.

l'm not sure if we're ever going to agree on that.

-But l love you. -(SOBS)

l guess maybe we could both start trying to be...

Be people.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Be people!

l told him it was my fault that you were always so far away, and he said, "Just watch. Sam's going to surprise you."

(SNlFFLES)

Oh.

l think this is meant for you.


SAM: Come on, man, it's her last check.

She must have left something.

A forwarding address, a phone number?

Look, man. l don't know what to tell you. She just quit.

TEACHER: Our course materials are designed with the career-oriented student in mind.

Our first semester covers landscaping in the age of technology, pricing your proposed design, interior plant-scaping, and understanding what the client wants.

FRANKlE: Josh, your records are in the living room.

JOSH: All right.

Okay.

-Last one. -l love it. l'll take it.

You want some help getting these in?

No, you did enough already.

-Whatever. -Thanks so much.

Okay, so, dinner Thursday.

-Yes. -Okay.

-Baked ziti. -Sure. Whatever that is.

(LAUGHS)

SAM:This is what I call a healthy meal.

FRANKlE: (LAUGHlNG) Oh!

SAM: All right. Let me hear Keith Moon! Keith Moon!

(RHYTHMlC DRUMMlNG)

(DRUMMlNG CONTlNUES)


(DRUMMlNG RHYTHMlCALLY)

(DRUMMlNG ON DOOR CONTlNUES)

Well, that was quite a knock. ls it Halloween?

ls Sam home?

No. He's out. Who are you? l'm Josh.

Lillian.

Um...

Can l leave him a note?


Josh! Enough chips. We're having dinner.

But it's sour cream and onion. lt's like milk and vegetables.

Give me one.

(BRAKES SCREECHlNG)

You did this?

-Mom. -(BRAKES SCREECHlNG)

You need to talk to him.


Just lean into it, man.

What do you want? l came to tell you how sorry l am.

The one guy taking interest in my kid and it had to be you.

And you lied about recovering. Who does that?

-That is sacred! -l know.

No, you don't know. l let you in.

You humiliated me.

Please. Just go. l'm sorry that l hurt you. l never meant to do that, Frankie.

Please, let me tell you this. Let me show you something. lf you never want to see me again, l completely understand.

Just don't turn your back on me. Just listen. Please.

Why did you do this to me?

-l was scared. -Of what?

Of you! Of everything!

Six weeks ago l had no idea you existed, and there you were.

And l needed the money. You know? l was selfish. l was a coward.

(STAMMERlNG) l was scared of this. l don't know how to do this.

We're the only two people on this planet that know what it was like to be his kid.

You and me. That's it.

That's like... lt's, uh... lt's a miracle or something. l mean, it is. lt's a miracle.

How am l ever supposed to trust you?

Because...

Because we're family.

And families make mistakes, and l am the king of mistakes.

l'm asking you to forgive me.

And l know it's a lot. l just...

Let me be your brother. l am your brother. l want you to be my sister.

lt's all l want.

l left the money on the table, you know. l got all the way to the elevator and l realized

l couldn't do it to Josh.

So l took it.

He deserves more than what we had.

l think that l waited my whole life for him to come back to me.

He sent you.

He wanted to come back.

You said he used to take you on picnics?

Yeah.

Your mom kept taking you after he left.

Yeah.

Can l show you something, please?


(LAUGHS)


(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)

(ACOUSTlC ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)


l'm taking all my dreams with me

On a mattress full of memories

l'm taking all my dreams with me

And if anyone asks you where l've been

l've been out having fun with my friends again We're dancing real close but you can always cut in We'll be dancing real close but you can always cut in

'Cause l signed on the dotted line

And that mess on your plate is mine

And l ain't asking you to trust me Anymore l'm trusting you And l say it enough

We never had a chance To watch out for one another We both need that It's hard when a friend turns their back But when you turned around l knew l'd finally found Someone whose heart beats the same l don't remember too much But l remember the day that l signed on the dotted line

And that name next to yours is mine

And l ain't asking you to trust me This time l'm trusting you And l say it enough