Piranha (1978) Script

It's got to lead somewhere.

Well, we'll stop and make camp pretty soon.

Got your breath?

Yeah.

Let's go.

What is this?

It doesn't look like anyone's been around here for a while.

Let's go inside and check it out.

Think we should?

Barbara, who's going to know the difference?

Here we go. Okay.

Besides, a little lawbreaking'll do you good.

I wonder why this place wasn't on your map.

Maybe it's supposed to be a secret.

Maybe.

Hey!

Far out!

Feels great.

Come on, let's wash off so it won't be so funky in that sleeping bag.

What if somebody catches us?

Who's gonna catch us?

There's nobody here.

Let's get wet!

Last one in is a rotten egg.

Oh, that's really original.

Wait a minute.

What?

What if this is some kind of a sewage treatment plant or something?

Idiot.

Oh, now you're gonna get it!

Oh!

How is it?

Here I come!

Hey, that's not funny!

What?

Well, you bit me.

I can't believe you actually bit me.

What do I look like, a creature from the black lagoon?

You are paranoid, kid.

Listen, I'll race you to the deep end!

Well, something bit me!

Barbara!

Barbara, there's something in here!

David!

David!

David?

David!

David!


Paging Mr. Patrick Hoppy.

Mr. Patrick Hoppy to the white courtesy telephone, please.

Rent a Jeep?

She'll be traveling on unpaved mountain roads and unless you want to be--

All right, all right, all right, where do I sign?

The white zone is for immediate loading...

Okay, we're all set and when you get to Indian Springs you'll get a Jeep.

The roads are very rough there.

No sweat.

Hey, look, I can handle it.

Oh, I know you can.

I wouldn't send you if I didn't think you could.

Come on, come on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Got ya!

I found the bigamist, didn't I?

Right.

And the bad check lady, Mrs. Pilgrim.

Right.

And I found Moe Schneider.

Yeah, three times, but those were all in town.

You're strictly a city kid and these kids are way out in the boon--

I can find anything, Earl.

I'm two-thirds bloodhound.

I told you that when you hired me.

Paging Mr. Bo Wax.

Bo Wax come to the white courtesy telephone.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh, my ticket!

I could have sworn I put it in my pocket!

Where's my ticket?

I can manage it.

Of course you can.

It's money in the bank.

My money.


Hey, Brandy.

How are you, huh?

Hey, Paul! Hey, old man.

Lagging behind, huh?

I'm telling you, this hike from town is getting longer every week.

You oughta get a car, Jack.

I got a car.

It's up on blocks, that's where it belongs.

Scotch.

Gin.

Bourbon.

Tequila!

Ah!

You're the Seventh Cavalry, Jack.

You know, I just ran dry today.

Your cornmeal is down there, but I ain't gonna walk down there and get it.

Man cannot live by booze alone.

In lieu of rent.

Okay, that's fine.

So what's up in town?

Same as usual.

I bet you miss it, Jack, huh?

I bet you miss selling whatever it was, that plastic fruit.

No.

Got the river.

It wakes me up in the morning.

Gives me a bath.

Does my laundry.

Gives me dinner.

Puts me to sleep real gentle.

I got my river.

I got Brandy.

Paul.

What do you got up here?

I got scotch, gin, bourbon, and tequila.

What's it to you, anyhow?

Okay.

Okay, buddy, I'll see you.

Okay, come on.

Come on, come on.

Take it easy, Brandy.


Ow!

Ah!

Hmm.

It's open.

Paul Grogan?

Hi, I'm Maggie McKeown.

I work for a skip-tracing company.

What's that?

We find missing people.

Did my ex-wife send you?

No.

Um...

I'm looking for a pair of teenage kids.

Some friends of theirs said that they might have gone backpacking up here.

Well, I haven't seen 'em.

You talk to the sheriff's people?

They said it was a big mountain.

They're right, it is.

Well, I figured they may have followed along the river.

Are there any places to swim near here?

Well, if they'd drowned, they'd be swept down to the dam, you see.

So you're starting at the wrong end.

Boy, you're the wrong end, all right.

Look, uh, am I interrupting something?

I mean, this is kind of important.

Hey.

You cool your jets, lady.

I didn't ax-murder your young couple.

I can't help you, I haven't seen 'em.

Are there any other shacks up here?

Cabins.

This is a cabin.

Well, are there any more of them?

Any places where they might be holed up?

Well, there's an old fella named Jack, has a place downriver a bit, but he's not with them.

And there was some kind of um, Army test site way up the mountain, but that closed down five, six years ago.

Come on, let's go.

Go where?

You're taking me up there.

Oh, no, I'm not.

You think I'm wasting my time here, don't you?

No.

I think you're wasting my time.


You find anything yet?

Not yet, but it's still early in the day.


David!

Barbara!

What were they testing here?

Who knows?

I hiked up here once with my ex-wife.

They had guard dogs out, the fence was electrified, the works.

BR, Barbara Randolph.

Hmm.

Man, that is cold.

Their parents said they were both excellent swimmers.

Well, wouldn't they be floating up on top by now?

It takes a while for the body to bloat with gas.

Nice business you're in.

You think there's a way to pull the plug on this thing?

Tropical fish?

Looks like it's for laboratory rats.

You know, where they have to make it through an obstacle course to get a reward.

Hmm.

Still warm.


Come here.

Take a look at this.

Yuck.

Let's get outta here.

This place gives me the creeps.

Hey, wait, you...

Well, they've been here all right.

And they never left.

I say we drain the pond.

Well, now.

Now, wait a minute.

I mean, you can't do that without getting somebody's permission, you know.

Well, if it still works it's the quickest way to know if they're down there or not.

What are you doing?

You!

Wait!


Are you all right?

He's breathing.

No thanks to you.

Well, what was I supposed to do?

He had you by the throat!

I woulda got loose in a second.

Oh!

Look at this!

You put a dent in it!

Could I have a sip of that, please?

It's not water.

What is it?

Water's salty.

Where does this drain to?

It was a fish hatchery before the Army took it over.

Probably drains underground into the river.

Uh-oh.

I think it's a dog.

Well, I don't suppose they would have fit through here.

Not in one piece.

You think he's all right up there?

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God.

I guess I must have left the keys in it, huh?


Oh...

He's alive!

He's indestructible.

Ah!

Ah! Easy!

Easy, now, easy.

Easy.

Razorteeth.

What's Razorteeth?

You drained the pond?

Yes, we found--

You let them out?

Let who out?

You okay? Who'd we let out?

What's he doing?

You don't know what you've done!

Untie me!

Untie me, I've gotta--

The question is what you've done, mister.

You don't know.

They breed like flies.

There'll be no way to stop them.

Would you talk sense, dammit?

Now, what about those kids?

I can't tell you.

I can't tell you.

Oh, Mother of God, they'll kill us, they'll kill all of us.

Okay, mister, listen.

They're gonna sweat it out of you in town.

They'll kill us.

What have we done?

Oh, my God.

He thinks someone's going to kill him.

He's right.

I am, if he steps out of line.

Do you have any cigarettes?

No.

Quit a year ago.

Interfered with my drinking.

Hmm.

Do you mind if I come in for a minute?

Sure.

So did you start drinking before or after?

Before or after what?

Your wife left you.

What the hell kind of question is that?

Look, I'm sorry, I mean, I was just interested.

Um...

Do you mind if I sit here?

Go ahead.

How long were you married?

Hmm?

Um, 10 years.

She was just 17 when we eloped in her father's car.

Man, we thought we had the world by the balls.

Where'd you live?

In town.

I worked in a smelting operation downriver.

Then the government closed us down, said we were killing too many fish.

They gave it to the Army and the Army sold it to some resort outfit.

So you know that somebody's making a bundle somewheres along the line.

How do you make a living now?

Oh, back pay, unemployment.

I'm gonna have to go to work come September, yeah.

Keep my daughter in saddle shoes.

Does your daughter live with you?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Hmm?

You're so tense.

Hmm?

I don't know.

I guess I'm not used to being around people.

Well, that's obvious.

I've been trying to hint my way under the covers for five minutes now.

You are really something.

There's no way that we're gonna get this guy down to town without your Jeep.

We have to do something.

You might have fractured his skull.

We gotta get him to the dam.

There's usually a ranger there.

How do we get there?

On a raft.

Come on, stop kidding.

How do we get there?

You'll see.

I read my daughter Huckleberry Finn last summer.

We wanted to light out for the territories, so we settled on this as a compromise.

Looks authentic.

Yeah, cut all the logs ourselves.

Not a single nail in her.

It's all lashing.

Where's your daughter now?

Summer camp, other side of the dam.

Just how sturdy is this thing?

Well, I think it'll hold three people.

Though to tell you the truth, we never tried it.

My daughter's afraid of the river.

♪ Boys are made of greasy grimy gopher guts ♪

♪ Mutilated monkey meat ♪

♪ Little dirty birdie feet ♪

♪ Sneezed up snail snot bashed-in beetle brains ♪

♪ All in a bottle of blood ♪

♪ Boys are made of greasy grimy gopher guts ♪

♪ Mutilated monkey meat ♪

Suzie?

Suzie, honey, don't be scared.

You just have to swim out to the marker and back.

You've probably swum twice that far in a pool.

Well, if you don't pass your solo swim you can can't get your water badge.

I don't care.

Well, what is it that you're afraid of, honey?

Things.

You mean like sea monsters?

There's just a few little fish in here.

They eat plants at the bottom of the river.

They're not at all interested in little girl's fingers and toes.

Dickinson!

Over here, Mr. Dumont!

Letter for you, Dickinson.

That same boy.

Oh, thank you!

Still haven't tackled your solo swim, Grogan?

No, sir.

Oh, she's kind of afraid of things in the water.

Things?

What things?

Fish?

People eat fish, Grogan, fish don't eat people.

Do you want to be the one to lose the camp competition for the Minnows?

Of course you don't.

Oh, she's doing really well in handicrafts.

Handicrafts?

Handicrafts don't take any nerve, any intestinal fortitude.

You know what that means, Grogan?

Yes, sir.

Guts.

Right!

Is there any mail for her?

Mm, nope.

Skunked again, Grogan.

Grogan!

Guts!

Oh.

Come on, let's go.

We'll play some Monopoly.

Why don't we try it in an inner tube tomorrow, huh?

Come on.

Say, Brandy.

Ever tell you about that other dog of mine called Philip?

Well, Philip, he was in Baltimore with me.

He was a good dog.

He...

He run across the street one day

and he walked right in front of a trolley car.

Trolley car ran over his tail, it surprised him.

He turned around and the trolley car, I'm telling you a story!

The trolley car ran over his head.

That's what you call losing your head over a little piece of tail.

Hey, pretty funny, huh?

Well, what's the matter with you?

You didn't like the story?

You want me to tell you another story?

Maybe you didn't get the point.

Are you soft in the head?

Okay, my friend.

Number one: What happened to those kids?

Alright, then, try number two.

What were you doing up at the Army site?

Stop that!

Oh, he speaks.

Hey.

Keep your hand out of the water.

What's wrong with the water?

Since you're talking this morning, buddy, how about a name?

Hoak, Dr. Robert Hoak.

What's wrong with the water?

The water is filled with carnivorous fish.

Piranha.

Oh, Christ.

In here?

How did they get in?

You let them in when you drained the pond at the test site.

Paul?

Piranha are tropical fish.

Look, this is cold mountain water.

They wouldn't last in here for a minute.

What about that skeleton?

Okay.

Well, what would piranha be doing up in that pond?

Huh?

Untie me.

Hey.

What if I dipped you in the water a little bit first, Doc?

See if you're making the whole thing up or not, huh?

Brandy!

That's Jack's dog.

Is he always so ferocious?

You know, I don't think I ever heard him do more than roll over and beg for food.

We better take a look.

Easy, boy, easy.


He must have dragged himself this far.

Bled to death.

I'm sorry.

Well.

I'll get a shovel.

He wouldn't want to be buried in town.

Even in an inner tube, huh?

Uh-huh.

It's almost impossible to fall in.

But they can still get ya.

They, huh?

Okay.

Okay, if that's really the way you feel about it, I'll try and help you get out of the race.

But we've got to come up with an excuse.

Do not lie I got poison ivy!

So does everybody else in the camp.

Hey, maybe you could just be getting your...

No, you're too young for that.

Huh?

Wait a minute, I have an idea.

Come with me.

Come here.

Come here, sit down here.

Let's see what we have in our magic box.

Alright, give me your knee.

Okay.

Get Darlene to take your place in the race, okay?

And if Dumont squawks, limp a lot.

And uh, I'll get you a huge bandage for this.

Feels like this thing's snagged on the bottom.

I got myself tangled in it, too.

You want me to help?

No, you better stay there.

You might tip the canoe.

I thought you knew all about this kinda fishing.

From when you were a boy.

Listen, when I was a boy we made our own nets and made 'em right.

Jesus, feels like something's snagged in here.

Ow!

Did you get bit?

Ouch!

Ow!

Dad!

Stay back!

Stay back!

Dad, Dad!

Dad!

The government paid you?

Of course they paid.

Whether it's germ warfare, the bomb, chemical warfare.

There's plenty of money, special agencies.

Oh, no, they pay.

They pay a lot better than they do in private research.

For raising fish.

No, no.

It's a matter of genetics.

Radiation, selective breeding.

They called it Operation Razorteeth.

What was it all for?

To destroy the river systems of the North Vietnamese.

Our goal was to develop a strain of this killer fish that could survive in cold water and then breed at an accelerated rate.

We had everything.

Blank check.

And then the war ended.

You sound disappointed.

They poisoned the water.

After all that work.

They poisoned the water.

But some survived.

We developed a lot of mutants and a few of them were able to resist the poison.

They ate their own, their own dead, and then began to breed like some wild species.

Suddenly there were hundreds, maybe thousands.

Our tax dollars at work, huh?

Well, that's science in the service of the defense effort.

Sure.

Spreading strains of bacteria in the subway system.

You put them in the river where they could kill people.

Including civilians!

And little kids swimming in the rivers.

I never killed anybody.

If you want to talk about killing, you talk to your politicians, the military people.

No, no, I'm a scientist.

Kids in the water.

What?

The dam.

They let the water through every couple of days, you know, to keep the level steady on the new lake.

The resort's down there, the summer camp.

All those kids.

Come on!


Hey, stop splashing!

It was pure research.

No scrounging for grant money, no academic politics.

You don't know what that means to a scientist.

You fed them.

You kept them alive.

I continued the experiment.

There was so much more I could do with the species.

So much further I could take them.

You're not holding me responsible?

I think you are.

You pulled the plug and you're holding me responsible?

Incredible.

You're blaming me!

I think if you open your mouth again I'll stick this pole in it.

Do you think they've opened up the dam yet?

I don't know.

We can only hope not.

Daddy.

Help me!

Let's move it!

It's sinking, Paul.

The canoe is sinking.

Yeah.

Daddy?

Daddy!

Daddy, it's going under!

Don't do it!

Get outta there!

Come on, Maggie.


Help!

Hold it here!

Hold it!

Come on!

Come on, come here!

Come on, come on, come on!

Get the doctor!

Okay, now the doctor!


Easy, Doc.

Here.

Here you go.

What do we do?

How do we stop 'em?

Oh, Christ.

Campers!

No swinging after lunch!


So far we know that they can live in cold water.

They seem to be moving downstream.

We've gotta find someone who knows how to deal with these things.

There'll be a phone at the dam.

We can call on ahead.

Hey.

What?

I don't know.

It seems like the lashing's working loose.

Paul.

There's something under us.

Blood.

It's the Doc's blood.

It's seeping through.

They're eating away at the lashing to get to it.

Daddy!

Let go, son.

But the man!

No, we gotta get rid of him.

No, that's what happened to my daddy!

Let go!

They're eating him.

They're eating him!

Come here!

Just like my daddy!

Come here!


You okay, boy?

How about you?

I'm alright.

You gotta stay here.

I'm gonna try to get to the dam before they let 'em through with the water.


Acres and acres of reclaimed land nestled in a scenic mountain valley, site of the newly formed Lost River Lake.

Swimming, sailing, snorkeling, skin diving, shuffleboard and for the small fry there's Buck Gardner's Aquarena Amusement Arcade.

So pack up your RVs, your station wagons, your trailers and cars, and hustle on up to Lost River Campsite for a free introductory weekend.

No charge, no obligation to buy.

Yes, friends, you can be part of a modern ecological miracle.

Don't open it!

Whatever you do, don't open it!


All right, men, off of your butts!

Fall in!

Move it!

You'll forgive our skepticism, Mr. Grogan, but we don't come across stories like yours everyday.

Piranha are warm water fish.

This is hardly the Amazon.

But I told you, these are mutations.

They've already killed five people that I know of.

Science fiction.

You ready with that bait, soldier?

Yes, sir.

Let her go, son.

Actually, a piranha was caught once in a pond in Miami in '72, I believe.

But the Fish and Game Commission poisoned the water and that, of course, was that.

That was that, huh?

I mean, the rumors persisted, you know, but--

Pull it in, son.

Sergeant, tell the Major to start the pumps.

We should be able to contain them in this area.

Piranha travel in schools and we've brought heavy doses of rotenone 235.

Came pretty well prepared, didn't you?

Won't it ruin this part of the river?

Well, sometimes it's necessary to destroy in order to save.

Well, what if they realize they're being slaughtered and head back upriver?

We're talking about fish, Mr. Grogan, fish.

They don't realize much of anything.

Now, wait a minute, who are you trying to kid?

You must've known all along that these things were here or you wouldn't have brought all this stuff.

Okay, Mr. Grogan, here it is.

You and Miss McKeown are the only two civilians who know about this project.

What the Colonel really means is that he'd like you to join us, become one of our team, as it were.

It figures.

Impossible!

Look, you're a full colonel, right?

I assume you can read a map.

Here.

We are here at the dam, okay?

Now, look over here and you'll see that there's a stream that feeds into it.

Okay, we follow the stream back for about an eighth of a mile and you see there's a fork.

Take this branch, follow it downstream, and you'll see it empties into the river on the other side of the dam.

In other words, the piranha have got a way to get around the obstacle.

Even if there's a chance that he's right, don't you think you should do something?

No.

Even if a bypass exists, piranha have neither the intelligence nor the motivation to find it.

But you know what Hoak was into.

He was breeding them for endurance and intelligence and--

Well, Bob was a dreamer.

He, er--

Bob?

Dr. Hoak?

You knew him?

Well, fish genetics is a very small field.

You were friends?

But now that I've seen what they can do it's up to me to stop it and by God I'm gonna be...

Let's say were a great deal more than that.

You're covering up.

Is it Waxman?

Are you afraid of what the Army might do to you if you--

No, I'm not afraid.

I'm a scientist.

I'm head of my department.

It's just that there are priorities and...

Some things are more important than a few people's lives.

That's not how Dr. Hoak felt.

Not at the end.

As I said, he was a dreamer.

If anything else happens, it's your responsibility.

The situation is entirely under control, Grogan.

Hold on, now, what is this?

Why won't you listen to me?

Would you excuse us for a moment, please?

As far as you're concerned, Mr. Grogan, this project does not exist, understand?

The piranha do not exist.

Mm-hmm.

And if I make a squawk?

Uh, Paul--

The interests of national security permit very extreme measures.

Oh, come on, the war is over, dammit!

There'll be other wars, Mr. Grogan.

I think for your own protection we'd better secure you a tent for the night.

Oh, look who's here.

Hey, Tom, what's going on, man?

Nothing.

Psst!

Is he still out there?

Yep.

Then you'll have to distract him.

Why?

So I can get away.

So you can get away? Shh!

What about me?

Alright, suit yourself.

But first you're gonna have to distract him.

How?

Oh, how would I know?

But just get him with his back to the opening there.

You know, come on to him.

What if he's gay?

Then I'll distract him.

Let's go.

Hi.

Uh...

Nice night, huh?

Listen, are you gay?

What?

Oh.

Well, I was just reading this article in this magazine and--

What did you ask me before?

Look!

Up in the sky!

It's Superman!

Oh, shit.

What's wrong?

Have you got a dime?

Hello?

What?

What piranhas?

What are you talking about?

What?

Are you crazy?

Who is this?

Oh, Grogan.

Yeah, I remember you, you're not crazy, you're drunk.

No, I don't want to talk to her, I'm sure she's as drunk as you are.

You wake me up again I'll have the cops on you.

What?

No, you can't talk to your daughter.

Sober up, Grogan, and fly right!

Piranhas.

Asshole.

He didn't believe you.

He thinks I'm drunk.

Well, can you get through to your daughter?

No way.

No, we gotta get down there.


Oh, Paul, behind us.

I know.

No way we can outrun 'em in this thing.

Well, maybe we can talk to him.

Maybe he'll believe us.

Piranha, huh?

And where did they come from?

From an Army test site up on the mountain.

That's posted up there, there's no trespassing.

Posted or not, two people have been killed up there and more have been killed all along the river.

Look, you've gotta believe us.

Now, wait.

Say, aren't you Grogan?

Yeah, that's right.

Uh-huh, I remember.

Yeah, we had you in on a drunk and disorderly last month.

I am not drunk, dammit!

You give me a breath test, whatever you want, only please, would you listen to me?

Yeah, well, I think I'm gonna take you up on that, buddy.

Back at the station.

And while we're there, you can explain what you're doing this time of night in an Army staff car.

And don't you get any notions, man.

'Cause I got my gun in my other hand here.

Okay?

Okey-dokey, let's go.

Yes, we've got a bit of a situation up here.

A very delicate situation.

And you can help us control it by holding them for us.

Yes, Colonel, yes, yes, I understand.

Will do.

And make sure they don't try to communicate with the outside.

We're trying to avoid unnecessary panic.

Certainly.

Their best interests, I agree.

Well, you're welcome, Colonel.

Uh...

See you in the morning.

Well, you best make yourself comfortable, folks, you'll be spending the night.

What about a phone call?

You have to give us a phone call.

Listen, I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it.

Now, I gotta get back on that road now.

So you folks, you just behave yourselves.

Now, wait a minute!

You can't just leave!

My daughter's down there!

There are kids down there and the piranhas are in the river!

Please!

The witch and the demons of the forest scoured every corner of the church, venom dripping from their fangs.

"Where is he," hissed the witch.

The demons peeled their heavy eyelids back.

There he is!

No, Buck, there's absolutely no cause for alarm.

It's a complete hoax, believe me.

I just wanted to warn you in case they were able to get a call through.

Groundless panic of that kind wouldn't help our grand opening any.

Mm-hmm.

Well, look, I really appreciate the warning.

I'll brief my staff.

We'll take care of it.

Yeah, don't worry.

Uh-huh.

By the way, you coming down tomorrow?

Oh, good, good!

Your presence will lend a certain prestige to the opening.

Mm-hmm.

Well, uh...

No, no, Colonel, nobody knows about your investment.

Colonel, with me a silent partner's privacy is sacred.

I swear to you on my honor as a Texan, nobody knows.

Yes, Colonel.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Schmuck.

Hey, come on, you guys!

Will you haul ass?

This stuff's gotta be set by ten o'clock!

What are you doing back there?

Hide, that's all they do, they hide.

They drink beer and they hide.

Hi.

I always like it at night.

Yeah, me too.

It's like it's resting.

Hey, you wanna race me across?

What, to the island?

Yeah.

Ever since I got here I haven't been able to just swim by myself, you know?

I've always had half a dozen campers hangin' onto me.

I don't know, I don't really feel much like swimming.

But go ahead, I'll watch you.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Something's wrong.

Come on, why don't you go with me?

It'll do you some good.

You know, you're probably right.

Good!

Okay, let's do it.

Okay.

Grogan, turn off that flashlight!

Don't be alarmed, ladies, it's only me.

There's a rumor some of the campers are coming down here for midnight swims.

Well, if I catch any of them swimming they'll be in pretty hot water, I can tell you.

What are you doing down here, by the way?

Oh, well, we just--

I thought I heard some campers swimming.

We came down to look.

Yeah. Swimming?

Where?

Over by the waterfall.

The waterfall?

Yes.

Is that where they're doing it?

What was that?

Uh, it sounded like campers on the other side of the lake.

The other side of the lake?

Thank you.

Kimbrel, is that you?

Well, there's always tomorrow for that swim.

Yeah, let's do it tomorrow.

Okay.

What are you doing there?

Did I ever tell you about Moe Schneider?

Who's that?

Well, he was this guy they sent me to find one time.

He was a plumber and he kept running off and getting busted for indecent exposure.

Hey, what are you doing there?

Moe was in the pokey so many times that he developed a regular escape routine.

Of course, being a plumber, he used what he knew best.

What the hell was that?

What are you doing?

Are you all right?

Christ, listen.

This uh, this plan, whatever it is, did it ever work?

No, but he came pretty close a couple of times.

Pretty damn close.

Baby Jesus, what's all that racket?

Sounds like the roof fell in.

What's all this water from?

Something's leaking in here and I'm gonna catch pneumonia if it doesn't stop.

What's the matter with that sink trap?

I've tried and I've tried, but I'm just not strong enough to put the pipes back together.

All right, stand back, I'll take a look at it.

What the hell'd you do to this thing?

Trying to crawl through the drainpipe?

What's happening?

What's going on?

He's knocked out, but he's alive.

Get his keys!

Can you get his keys?

They're chained to his pants!

Well, take his pants off, then.

Come on, come on, I'd have thought you could get a man's pants off quicker than that.

Got 'em!

I got 'em!

Come on, then, let's go!

What'd you hit him with?

A piece of the toilet lid.

Oh, Jesus.

Maybe I should have tried bribing him first.

Thank you, Moe Schneider.

You don't suppose that one of those keys would fit a patrol car?

I wouldn't be surprised.


Howdy, folks, I'm Buck Gardner.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

Welcome folks on behalf of Buck Gardner's Aquarena Development Corporation, it gives me great pleasure to invite you here this afternoon to our opening day festivities.

Thank you.

If, during the day, you have any questions about purchasing land up here, our people will be mingling in the crowds to answer your questions, help you out any way they can.

Just remember you got no obligation to buy anything, only to enjoy yourselves.

Honey?

Right there.

Right there.

Ah, try again.

Nice try, kid.

That's it!

Don't forget, free barbecue this afternoon at one o'clock!

Enjoy yourselves.

We got 'em.

No comics!

No comics, no discipline.

Water competition, muster up.

Time for the water competition.

Put those arrows away.

Put the bows in the...

That isn't funny, Kimbrel.

Okay, Minnows over here.

Come on, kids, line up.

Come on, you guys.

Guppies, come on, let's go!

Come on, line up, that's right.

Come on!

Okay.

Stand in line, straighten up.

That's right.

All the way to the back, there we go.

Straighten up!

Okay, we're gonna have the tube race really soon and who's gonna win?

Minnows!

We are!

We are!

All right!

Okay, you guys.

Now, Jonathan, you cannot swim with your glasses on, you know better than that.

Let's turn this way, now, buddy system!

Arms up.

There we go!

Stand up straight, come on!

Stand up straight.

Come on, be proud, you're a Guppy!

Hold the stomach in.

That's good, that's good.

Hold your stomach in.

Good morning, campers.

Come on.

Fall in back here and buddy up.

Mr. Dumont, we're ready for you, sir.

Arms down!

All right, now, campers, this is where we're going to separate the tortoises from the hares, the wheat from the chaff, and the sinkers from the swimmers.

Saltwater.

What?

I just remembered, it was saltwater.

What was?

In the pond at the test site.

I thought it was strange at the time and then I forgot about it.

So?

Well, piranha are freshwater fish.

That means that Hoak must have developed a strain that can live both in fresh and salt.

You know, like salmon.

That's why they're headed downstream.

And if they get to the ocean?

There'll be no way to contain 'em.

They'll be able to swim up every river system in the country.


And what are you doing here, young lady?

You're supposed to be out in that race.

But Betsy told me that she--

I don't want to hear any excuses.

Get yourself a tube and get out there.

But I hurt my knee and she--

On the double, camper.

Listen up, you kids, listen up!

We're gonna start the tube race in a minute.

Kathryn, McCarthy, McBride!

All you campers come in here!

You're too far out!

Goddamn Sunday driver.

Hey!

Ready!

Come on, Minnows!

Come on!

This is a race, people!

Come on!

Come on!

We're winning!

Jacobson, put a little muscle in it!

Parkinson, a little effort!


Go!

Come on, come on!

Kids, let's get a little leg action!

Look!

Annie, what's the matter?

What's going on?


Oh my god, Laura!

Get on top of your tubes!

Go back now!


Let me go!

Let me go!


Suzie!

Suzie, no, go back, go back!

Oh, Suzie, get on the boat!

Come on!

Head back!

Ow!

Ow!

Betsy!

Betsy!


Suzie!

Daddy!

There's a phone in there.

You call the resort and warn 'em!

I'll get those kids out of the water.

Operator, get me the number of the Aquarena Springs Resort.

Well, look in the phone book, in the phone book.

Enjoy yourself.

Enjoy yourself, have a good time.

Everything's free today.

Enjoy yourself.

Thank you.

Keep 'em moving, Terry.

Wrong way, kid, this is the exit.

Come on.

Hey, baby.

Mr. Gardner!

Mr. Gardner.

What is it?

Oh, real important.

Buck Gardner.

Now, listen to me.

This is not a crank call.

I am completely serious.

Emergency?

Easy, now.

Easy.

I got you, I got you.

All right.

Please.

Please, you've gotta believe me.

Thank you.

Listen to me!

Look, please, before it's--

Thank you.

Piranha.

And they said they're sending an ambulance from Gator Springs.

We're gonna have to drive to the resort ourselves.

Here, sit down, sit down.

Can you handle this?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Honey.

Honey, I'll be back for you real soon, I promise.

So you be brave, huh?

Help out here.

That's my girl.

It's okay, Suzie.

He'll be back.


We got plenty of targets.

Yes, sir, right over there.

By the way, sir, they've noticed.

One woman thought she recognized the submarine ride from somewhere in Florida.

Of course she did.

I picked it up secondhand in Coral Gables.

Skyway's from Redondo Beach.

Boathouse is Army surplus.

Dancing chickens, I got 'em from a carnival in Idaho.

Ralph the Swimming Swine?

He comes all the way from Atlantic City.

That's just it, sir.

They're saying for a new resort nothing's looking very new.

Yeah, well, what the hell do they know?

Ralph the Swimming Swine is practically a national monument.

That little porker's been swimming around the Steel Pier for more years than I can remember.

The rest of the stuff, they just don't make it!

I mean, that submarine ride is a piece of Americana.

Yes, sir.

Maybe they never heard of recycling.

I don't know, sir.

Smile, we're going public.

Hello, Senator.

How are you?

Hi.

If they get to the media, we're both screwed.

Colonel Waxman, Dr. Mengers, what a pleasant surprise.

They busted jail.

Look, I know, they already called here.

Is your staff ready?

They're all set.

I think you should call some of your friends in the local newspaper and warn them they might be getting some crank calls.

Wouldn't it be better if we wait until the calls--

You got your orders, mister, hop to it.

Hey, cool it with the military crap, will you, Colonel?

I'll take care of it.

Whitney?

Sir?

Let's hop to it.

General Waxman, it's been so long.

It's Colonel, ma'am.

Oh, Colonel still?

Oh, I can't imagine why.

Politics, ma'am, politics.

Stupid cow.

Ready?

Okay!


Hey, he really does ski great!

He's such a showoff.

He thinks he's such hot shit.

Maybe we're not going fast enough for him.

I can fix that!


Hold it!

There's something back here!

Take me in!

Now!

Hey, I think something's wrong.

Yeah, we haven't dumped him yet.

Stop!

Take me in!

There's something out here, come on!

Get me outta here!

Come on!

Slow down!

Stop!

Faster!

Don't stop!

Wait, he says no.

Speed up!

Stop!


Dammit!

No, Bob, it's completely false.

There's not a word of truth to it, believe me.

We already talked to the other newspapers about it.

Sir.

Excuse me, I'm on the phone.

Sir, the piranhas.

I thought I told you not even to say that word!

But the piranhas.

What about the goddamn piranhas?

They're eating the guests, sir.

Um.

Uh, Bob, I'm gonna have to get back to you on this.

We've got a situation down here.


Go on, get off!

You'll tip us over!

Get off!

Dammit, get off!


Where are we going?

The lake narrows where the outlet for the refinery was.

They'll be bunched tight when they come through there.

What then?

If it isn't tapped off, there might be enough waste left in the smelting tanks.

It'll kill the fish?

It'll kill anything.

We'll pollute the bastards to death!

Oh, Lord, no.

What's wrong?

It's all flooded.

The control booth is underwater.

What can we do?

Well, we gotta do something.

Where's that towline?

It's in the back.

So I want you to start counting slowly up to 100.

Then whether I'm up to the surface or not, you hit that throttle and gun this sucker outta here.

If I'm not up by then, it means I'm in trouble, 'cause that's as long as I can hold my breath.

So, let's count it down together, okay?

Okay.

One. One.

Two.

Three. Three.

Four. Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.


48, 49.


63, 64.


82, 83.


98, 99.

One hundred.


Paul!

Lost River Lake.

Terror, horror, death.

Film at 11.

Somebody help!

Medic!

Help!

Help her, somebody!

Medic!

Help!

Okay, rest now.

What the hell are you filming?

What the hell are you filming?

Try and take some.

And where do we go from here, Dr. Mengers?

Well, I'm personally going to head a full scale investigation into this incident, both to discover who is responsible and to make absolutely certain that nothing like this could possibly happen again.

As an expert in tropical species, what danger is there in the possibility of the piranha reaching the ocean?

Oh, none at all.

Most of them will have been destroyed by pollution at the end of the lake.

Of course, if any of them did get through, there's no way they could survive the saltwater.

There's nothing left to fear.