Plunkett & Macleane (1999) Script

Captain James Macleane, for drunkenness, unruly behavior, causing an affray, and disturbing the King's peace, I hereby sentence you to be placed in the Knightsbridge debtors' jail and to be held there until you are sober.

Take him away.


Oh, Jesus, Rob!

You're all right, son.

There was a ruby.

I swallowed it to keep it for myself.

I'm sorry.

Come on, son.

Go, there was a beggar in there.

He might've seen your face, go!

Come on, Rob, come on, my son!

Go, go!

Go, I'm dead.

Here, take the 'buss son.



I hanged Sculdeen a month ago.

Who's your partner?

Be sure he'll kill you.

Who's your partner?


All right, all right.


Don't shoot me, please, please, don't shoot me.

Now shut up!

I, I've got money.

I can get you money.

Shut up and dig, you bastard beggar.

I'm neither of those things, actually.

I'm the son of a clergyman.

Get on with it.


Jesus Christ.

After you'd gone, soldiers came, and a man with a dog.

Mr. Chance.

You know him?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna fuckin' kill him.

I swear.


Do it.

I'm not actually very good at this sort of...

All right.


Do it!

No, you're too low.

Go higher up.

It's in his guts.

Clean it.

Oh, yeah.


Not so fast, vicar's boy.

Not my face, not my face!


Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Cast some light.


Piss off. Over here!

Tag me in!

No, listen, wait.

Bugger off, vicar's boy.




Oh my god!

You buggers!

They're coming, they're coming.

We've gotta surrender, they're gonna shoot us.

Surrender's for wankers.

We surrender! Hold your fire!

Body snatchers, sir.

Not now!


Lord Pelham.

You freed?

In a manner of speaking.

My debts are to be paid in full.

Sorry, Pelham.

Mr. Harrison, give Captain Macleane my berth in the royal suite.

I'm sure he'll prove a lucrative guest.

It could be arranged.

Thank you, my lord.

Hope it's quick.

When one goes, Jamie, one must go with style.


You can tell a gentleman.

And you can tell a bag of scum.

After you.


Thank you, love.

Captain Macleane!

This man says he's got urgent business with you.

Much obliged to you, Mr. Harrison.

Go on.

Saved his life once.

He's followed me like a dog ever since.

It's rather sad, actually.

What do you want?

You've just seriously compromised my social.

Don't be a prick all your life.

Gentlemen, please!

If you must be uncouth, do it elsewhere.

My fault entirely, gentlemen.

Shouldn't have mentioned the French.

Ah, yeah, no, perhaps you shouldn't.

All right, chinless.

You remember that ruby?

What, the one everyone eats?

We can buy our way out of this place.

Well, where is it?

That's marvelous.

My freedom's at the mercy of your bowel...

Our freedom.

Slip of the tongue.


I provide the ruby, you do the talking, right?

We have a gentleman's agreement.

That's nice.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the jailer's daughter requires my attention.

And do help yourself.

I recommend the prunes.

Know what I mean?

Who ate all the pies?


Oh, my angel, y siren's song!

You've ambushed me in the forests of your hair.

You've drowned me in the pools of your eyes.

You've shackled me to the poetry of your lips.

Oh, I do like to hear a fine gentleman talk.

Lady Tipton went to Hampstead with the Duke of Northumberland won 1,500

and left with the Duke of Norfolk.

Oh, really?

Oh, I've heard it a hundred times before!


I'll wager 10 guineas that Macleane whips his cream before the strumpet.

20 says the whore squeals first.

30 guineas says they arrive together.

Care to express an opinion?

Yes, you've more money than brains.

Come on, Macleane, eyes shut, head down, think of England.

Come on, Jessie.

Ride him hard, ride him low.

Faster, faster!



30 guineas each, gentlemen.


Come on.

Come on, push, push, push.

Go on, go on, go on, go on.


Congratulations, it's a girl.

Yeah, Ruby.

This goes a long way towards establishing your innocence, Macleane.

Mr. Harrison, if wisdom grew on trees, you would be a bush.

You mock me, sir?

Mock you, sir?

Mock me not, sir.

No man mocks me, sir.

The wise man mocks the man.

The mocked man mocks the mocker.



Leave this with me.

Well, a gentleman always keeps his word.

Yeah, but you ain't no gentleman, are you?


While you were fucking, I was listening.

Yes, well, there you are, I see.

No, no, I mean I was listening to your friends.

You see, a wise man might get rich by listening, in the right places.

I'm sure he might.

See, what I'm saying is that we could prosper together.

You and me, eh?

Look, I'm not altogether sure what you're suggesting, but, you see, I'm a gentleman and, well, no offense intended, but would you mind awfully fucking off?

Whoops, sorry.

What to do with these fucking beggars.


Ooh, hello.


No, I didn't think so.

Apparently some sort of child prodigy, yeah.

On the piano?

No, yes, pull yourself together will you?

'Course, the problem is, you know the rich, but you ain't one.

They're laughing at ya.


I could set you up.

Young man.

More money than sense.

They'd welcome you with open arms.

Then you'd discover who was worth stealing from.

When, where.


I'm not sure.

I'm sick of takin' scraps.

I'm talking


You forget something, I have morals.

Oh, do ya?

Most definitely, yes, I do.

How big?



One or two big jobs, then I'm off.

Hm, hardly a place for a gentleman.


I've got the brains, skill, and you can pass yourself off as a gentleman.

You in or out?

To pass as a gentleman, I would need a good address, exquisite clothes, servants, a huge pile of loot.

Let's shop.

Here we are, sir.



The walk?

Everyone's doing it this summer.

Well, come on, then.

Don't let playing the gentleman go to your head.

All of this is business.

I wouldn't be seen dead with you otherwise.




Spend it wisely.

So, who are we looking for?

Old friend, knows everyone.

Oi! 10 says the black kills the white.


Well, hello, you're looking rather dashing.

Last I heard...


You were in the vagrant cage, again.

Vicious rumor.

I have rooms at the Athena.



I must come up and see you sometime.

Still swinging both ways, Rochester?

Jamie, I swing every way!

20 to one, then?


Well, hello, and who is this delightful piece of rough?

My man.


Don't you just love a juicy cockfight?


Oh, please.

10 guineas, I believe.

Did you know something I didn't?

I know everything.

So, where's the game tonight then, hm?

And do bring your man along with you, won't you?

Home, please, and don't spare the horses.

Two guineas.



Bad luck, Jamie.

Mm, I win, I win!


There you are, my darling, have a chocolate.

Not your night, Jamie, hm?

I'll win it back.

So, who else does fortune favor this evening?

Apart from yourself, that is.

The Lord Chief Justice Gibson.

It's my impression that his opponents always let him win.

I wonder why.

Is he filthy rich or stinking rich?


Fucking rich.

Well, hello.

Do excuse me.

Winty, Dixie, how was your costume?

One flat, one flair Fucking magic!

Hang on.

Yeah, he didn't think much of the old chum.

No, no, no, no.

I'll tell yeah, we all came out properly.

Yeah. One's got to laugh.

You are not a gentleman.

I'm sorry?

No gentleman would stare at a lady like that in public.

I do beg your pardon.

Captain James Macleane at your service.


So, you are a gentleman.


What a shame.


Who was that?

Lady Rebecca Gibson.

Very choice.

Very choosy.

Ooh, I'd like to introduce you to some of my chums, come on.

All right.



Aren't they dear?

So who's the big prize?

Tonight's big winner, for your information, is the Lord Chief Justice.

He'll be in the park within the hour, west gate.

Good luck.

No, we do this bit together.

Let's go.

God Almighty, Rebecca.

Lord Sibley's rich, well-proportioned.

He sends me to sleep.

Well, I dare say he'd keep you awake if you'd give him half the chance.

That's very funny, but he makes my flesh crawl.

My dear, do you think the human race would continue to reproduce itself if it worried about such silly things, hm?

Stand and deliver!



Move it, fat boy, out.

Out. This is preposterous.

You, out!

Do you know who I am?

Yeah, fill it.

I'll see you hanged.

Oh, yeah?

Get, get back, and watch his face, you vicious bitch.

Deal with her!

That's really no way to talk to a lady.

Please accept my most humble apologies for this terrible and unnecessarily violent inconvenience.

Would you kindly remove your valuables?

The uh.

Take it.

We don't absolutely need it.

Or I'll take it.

All right, all right.

Take it, hurry up!

I'm sorry.

I'm never bloody doing that again.

If I was blind, I wouldn't mind it.

Oh, shut up.

What, wait!

Late last night the Lord Chief Justice's coach was held up in Hyde Park.

Lord Gibson and his ward and niece, Lady Rebecca, were robbed of monies.

One of the two highwaymen acted with such curious civility as to raise suspicion that he might be a gentleman.

Might be, could be, but definitely is a tosser.

Mm, mm.

Surely, Mr. Speaker, when the Lord Chief Justice himself is the victim of robbery, the time has come for legislation.

The present system is no system at all.

We need a Police Act and we need it now.

I'm obliged to the Honorable gentleman for raising this important matter, but as usual, he evades the issue.

I assume, Mr. Speaker, that the Lord Chief Justice is referring, in his customary cheeseparing manner.


Sir, hang the expense!

The issue is freedom.

With a government-controlled police force, freedom is a lamb led to the slaughter.

We all know what you're interested in...

Order! And it certainly isn't freedom!


Right, honorable magistrate council's here.

Are you never without your Bible, Mr. Chance?

It's a great consolation to me in these wicked times.

The prime minister wishes to know how soon you can catch these highwaymen.

Very soon, given adequate means.

Mr. Chance, may I ask you in the strictest confidence, what is your opinion of the Lord Chief Justice?

A fine man and a worthy master.


Well, since you press me, I must be frank.

I think he's tired.

The job needs someone more energetic, with an ear closer to the ground.

You know, I do hate to be critical.

The Prime Minister likes to be kept informed.

Go on, say it.

Say what?


That's right.

Don't worry, old man.

You'll get the hang of it.

Hand up.

Just one thing, when I...

Nice bit of lunch.

They'll all be there, you know.

Lord Braithwaite, one of the richest men in Sussex, Sir Oliver Potter, Mr. Coffee Beans, Lady Estelle D'Arcy, as rich as she is horny.

Do you think this waistcoat looks well with these breeches?


Enough information to keep us going for months.

Hm, and I was thinking the blue silk coat as well, yeah?


And remember, this is work, not pleasure.


What's that?


Well, hello!

Rocky. Dixie!



Right. You remember Jamie Macleane?



Dixon and Winterburn are renowned for their parties.

Get out. Oh, get out of 'ere!

It's true.

Stop it, go on.

Shall we?

Run away.


The Earl of Rochester and Captain James Macleane.

Beautiful diction.



The Earl of Lancashire. Excuse me.

Hello, ladies, how are you, hm?

Ladies. Marvelous.

Lord and Lady...

You've turned out very nicely.

How are you?

Mm, lovely.

Fancy your chances?


Lady Estelle D'Arcy.

Owns half of England.


It's the ungentlemanly gentleman.


Still staring.

Apparently so.

I'm Rebecca Gibson.

James Macleane.

You've hurt your hand.

You haven't heard?


I punched a highwayman.

Good grief, when did that happen?

Last night on our way home from Rochester's, they stopped our coach.

How dreadful.

Actually, I nearly beat them off.



Suppose they'll both hang sooner or later.

So, if you're not a gentleman, what are you?

What would you like me to be?

Well, I'd like you to be what you are.

Have we met before, sir?

No, but I have a very familiar face and voice and physique.

Captain James Macleane, Lord Gibson, my uncle.

We met at Rochester's.

The devil we did.

Delighted to make your acquaintance, sir.

I don't suppose he hasn't twopence to rub together, yet you think he's marvelous.

Well, he doesn't make my flesh crawl.

Thank you.

I'm a good judge of character, Macleane, and in my opinion, you're in deficit.

That is to say, I see nothing noteworthy about your physiognomy or your general appearance.

In summary, I don't like the cut of your jib.

Good night to you, sir, Rebecca.


What happened to your lip?

My horse threw me.

Good night.


Good evening, Lady Rebecca.

Mr. Chance.

You look enchanting as ever.

May I say how sorry I am to hear about last night's misadventure?

I promise you the villains will be disemboweled.

That's thoughtful of you.

May I say you danced.


Estelle D'Arcy's here, the richest woman in England.

I know.

So what the fuck you standing there for?

Get on it.

Find out where she keeps her stuff.

I've just been dancing with Rebecca.

The thought of getting on to Estelle D'Arcy is unthinkable.

Well, think of Rebecca and the money.

She won't want a pauper.

Show a bit of character!

All right!

Captain James Macleane.

At your service.

Whatever do you mean?

Surely not here.

Oh, my angel.

My siren's song.

You've ambushed me in the forests of your hair.

You've drowned me in the pools of your eyes.

You've shackled me...

Oh, do shut up!

Fuck me!

I'm ruined.

I am finished!

It's all your fault, you misbegotten pimp.

How was I to know she had the pox?

I should have realized.

The richest woman in England.

Of course she's got the pox!

Calm down, it'll be worth it.

Worth it?

My John Thomas is a complete disaster area!


I don't wanna look.

Look, look!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

And you say it'll be worth it!

The whole paraphernalia's on fire!

Information is all you care about, isn't it?

Information, information, information, America, America, America.

I hope you drown on the way!

And Rebecca's lost to me.

How can I make love to her with the pox?

What's that?

Plunkett's Patent Pox Cure.

Used to be an apothecary, didn't I?


Does it work?

It has been known, yeah.

Just be very careful, all right?

Typical aristocracy.

She gives you the pox, and then four days later, she's marrying someone else.

Poor bastard.

Rich bastard.

Marriage a la mode, my dear Plunkett.

Love you, darling.

I love you, too.

Love her fortune, that is.

There they are, the Devonshire diamonds.

See your Rebecca's here.

Is she?

Where, where?

End of the table, right-hand side.


What rhymes with Rebecca?


How is the old, uh...

Ah, much better, thank you.


Yeah, you know, I think it's actually got bigger, if you can imagine such a thing.

I'd rather not.

Right, let's get going.


My new mask.

Shall we?

Right, three minutes.

Yeah, we're not...

Oh, hello!

Look at these.



Ladies and gentlemen!

I crave your attention, but not half so much as I crave your valuables.

This is part of the entertainment.

Bloody realistic.

No sir, not part of the entertainment.

I am the Gentleman Highwayman.

The most wanted man in England!

Oh, marvelous.

Men and women tremble when they see me, but for very different reasons.

Good, isn't he?

Pin. Oh.

Please don't take that.

Before leaving you... It was given to me by my mother.

I consider it my duty, as a gentleman to inform the lucky bridegroom that his bride is afflicted with the pox.


Lies! What's he talking about?


How dare you?

How dare you spoil my wedding feast?

Shoot these blackguards!

You didn't fuck her, did ya?

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

You have been a most attentive and, I trust, rewarding audience.

Let's go.

Come back!

Come back, you thieving shits!

Get back here now!

Come back!

Somebody stop them!

Come back!

Wait for me.

Come back!

Who were those buggers?

Buggers with style, my darling.

Buggers with style.

Out of my way.

Party over.

Fucking brilliant!




Glass, fucking aristocracy!

Still, I was fabulous, and it was a bloody good laugh, huh?

No more spending, no more gambling, no more laughing.

All right?

What are you talking about?

We can't afford it.

You've clawed your way up from the gutter, haven't you, Chance?

You could say that, sir.

I do say that, sir.

What does it feel like to look down on your humble origins from the dizzy heights?

Does it make you giddy?

Make you fearful of slipping and stumbling and falling back into the slime?

If I may be so bold as to remind your lordship...

That you bribed me to keep your path clear?


And a damn good job I've made of it.

But your inefficiency has caused the Prime Minister to turn against us, Chance.

We must catch those two to stem the tide.

Oh, I promise you, sir, within a month, they will...

A month?

Today, Chance, now!

You and I stand or fall together.

Indeed, my lord.

I promise you, sir, they will be caught and punished.

I give.

Lady Rebecca, you look more radiant than ever, if I may say so.

You are too kind.

I could be kinder.

Mr. Chance, I do believe you have halitosis.


Stand and deliver!

Bugger off!

Cheers, mate.

Stand and.

I pay you, yet you do nothing.

I pay you, yet you do nothing.

I pay you.


Two highwaymen still free and able to rob and go as they please.

And you, you do nothing.

How long has it been, Eddie?

Nearly a month, Mr. Chance.

What the hell is going on?

Plan of action!

I want you to visit every firework-maker, every gunpowder warehouse, every apothecary in London.

There's hundreds of them.

What was that, Joshua?

Nothing, Mr. Chance, nothing.

On your knees.

I didn't say anything, Mr. Chance.

Kneel down.

Mr. Chance, I didn't.

Open your mouth.

Open your mouth!

Swallow it!

Swallow it.

We must have discipline.

Dog's bollocks, that was close.

Yeah And we can't stay here long.

No, no, long enough to celebrate.




It's me, I wanna go.

Yes, in a minute.

Well, hurry up!

It's Rebecca.

Please, sir, don't.

Come back!

Fucking leave her.

You fucking leave her!

Plunkett, no, no, no!

Not here, not now!

What's going on here?

This vermin threatened me with a knife.


Next time it won't be a threat.

I demand satisfaction, sir.

Tomorrow, at dawn.

This man is my servant, etiquette forbids it.

Fuck that!

Oi! Ow!

10 paces, please, gentlemen, and turn and wait.

I will then release this handkerchief, whereupon you may advance and shoot in your own time.

Proceed, gentlemen.

What a shot!


Thank the Lord!

My turn.

I believe I am entitled to my shot.

But he bloody cheated!

Let him take it.



Oh, my God, he's hurt, he's hurt, he's hurt.

He's all right.

Where on earth did you find him?

The church, actually.

Yes, he was on the verge of taking holy orders.

Oh, and did you instruct him in the use of the pistol?

Everything he knows of the martial arts, madam, he learnt from me.

Ah, more tea, Mr. Plunkett?

Fruit cake?

No, I'm all right, thanks.

I understand the gentleman with whom you dueled is still thirsting for your blood.

I'll drink him under the table.

Monsieur Plunkett.

When a brave new gentleman comes upon the scene, we ladies are quite aflutter.

Mr. Plunkett, have you rescued any maidens in distress?

Well, um...

I'm sure Mr. Plunkett would have rescued me had he been at hand when I was ambushed by highwaymen.

Plunkett prefers rescuing innocent dragons from fiery maidens.

Whereas I would have been...


My dear Rebecca, that robbery must have been dreadful for you.

Did they take everything?


All my precious jewelry.

You were robbed by the so-called Gentleman Highwayman, were you not?


Well, that must be some consolation.


The Gentleman Highwayman, how exciting.

I mean, he could be...

Bit of cake.

I didn't tell her.

Good as.

All this Gentleman Highwayman shit's messed you up.

Shut up!

This is gonna be the last one.

I'm just beginning to get the hang of it.

You're gonna end up on the wrong end of a Tyburn knot because you can't control your lust.

My love, Plunkett, love!

We're supposed to be chasing money, not women.

Have you never been in love, Plunkett? No.


All right?

Stand and fucking deliver!

Drop it, now!

Off, down, get down!

Other side.

Other side, fucking stay there.

Oh, merde.

Hop out, Froggy, out!


Let me, let me, let me.


Please speak English, murder me, but not my language, no?

I hope they hang you in Tyburn for your bad French.

Merci, monsieur.

I hope it rains every day of your fucking visit.


Oh, fuck me!

Let's go!

What the, run!

Come on, come on, son.

Come on.

Shh, shh, shh.

Come on.

Mr. Chance, sir.

Right, come on.

Come on.

Take it.

There we are.

That's it.

So, where did you learn to be a nurse?


Who was she?


A couple of years ago I had a shop.

Apothecary stuff.

Lost it.

Ended up on the streets.

And Mary got sick and died.

I'm sorry.

Right, I'm off to get the tickets.

What tickets?

For America.

Managed to save enough for both of us.



You saved my life.

In view, in view of last night's vicious assassination of the French ambassador, I intend, I intend to bring this matter to a satisfactory conclusion forthwith.

The Prime Minister is increasingly concerned with Lord Gibson's health.

Use whatever means necessary to take these scoundrels by the end of the week, and we shall find a way to pardon your past indiscretions and provide you with a more elevated title.

Do we understand each other, thief-taker-general?

I'm gonna be generous, Gibson.

I'm giving you two days to leave the country.


You're finished, my lord.

Face it.

How dare you, you insolent little...

I dare because I have the authority of the Prime Minister.

Ha, never.

Don't annoy me, Gibson, or I'll send you straight to Tyburn.

Tyburn, me?

I won't go alone, I promise you that.

I have absolution from above.

How does it feel, my lord, to be staring into the abyss?

You feel giddy?

Now, let's be sensible.

We could still be mutually advantageous.

After all we've been through.

Let bygones be bygones, yeah?

I'll put two men at your disposal to ensure safe passage.

Be grateful.

You're a very lucky man.

What a pretty little eavesdropper.

I can see a little breaking in is required.

But no filly was ever the worse for that.

I like your tears.

They excite me.

I hope you shed many more.


Lord Gibson and Lady Rebecca, watch them.


Listen to me.

My uncle's ruined.

We're fleeing to France tomorrow night.

I'll be with him and so will the greater part of our fortunes in gold and jewels.

Wait a minute.

Chance is providing an escort, but only a couple of men as far as Dover.

If you and Plunkett could come and hold up the coach...

What are you talking about?

I know who you are.

Will you do it?

Yes or no?

Yes, I'll do it.

You're hurt.

It's not serious.


What's she doing here?

No, wait, Rebecca, tell him.

Tell him!

We plan to leave London tomorrow night at 10 o'clock.

I will be on that coach whatever happens.



Got the tickets.

Listen. No, don't.

Listen. No, don't tell me.

I don't wanna know!

You're on heat, you can't even fucking think straight!

Plunkett, please!

The answer's no.


Good morning, what a hive of activity.

Chance, what news?

Change of plan.

Whoa, whoa, steady on there.



She ain't here.

Let's go!

Where's Rebecca?

Let's go.

I know you.

Where's Rebecca?



Hurry up! Where the fuck is she?

You incompetent imbecile!

What happened to my escort?

I might have been killed!

You were.

Rebecca didn't betray us, I know it!

I'm gonna find her, are you coming?

I'll tell you what, here's your ticket.

I need your help.

It's gone!

For months, I've been taking it.

I spent it on clothes, I spent it on drink, and the rest I lost at cards.

There isn't a penny left.

Fucking scum!

We can still get Gibson's money.

It's not about the money.



Captain James Macleane.

This court has found you guilty of the murder of Sydney Henry, Lord Gibson.

Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?

Yes, m'lud.

My lords, ladies and gentlemen, I didn't kill Lord Gibson.

More's the pity.

But I am guilty of one thing, for which I am heartily sorry.

Namely, cheating my friend and fellow highwayman.

A man who has more nobility of soul in his little finger than any of you bloated bastards has in your entire bodies.

Silence, silence.

The law requires that thou should return hence to the place whence thou camest and from thence to a place of execution where thou shall hang by the neck until the body be dead, dead, dead.

Lord have mercy on thy soul.

I'm sorry.

I didn't betray you.

Don't worry, you'll see him tomorrow, dancing the Tyburn jig.


Walk on, go on.

It does not bring pleasure to my heart to stand and deliver the sorrowful tale of the man who now stands in the rattling cart.

Oh, for a week, for a night, for a day. for the thrash of the wind and the pistol's bray.

Friends, for that right would you gladly be dancing with the devil on the Tyburn gallows tree


Watch thus the cold-handed deliverer, feeder of flies, accomplice to murderer, mother of shame gallows tree, bastard of history, taker of gentlemen, sweet James Macleane

Open your eyes!

Hold her!


Bless you for that, my darling.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Is he all right?

Is he breathing?

Rebecca, leave him, leave him.

Get him up, get him up

Sure took your time.

I weren't sure you were worth it.

Come on.

In there quickly.

Get him inside.


You know, my darling, I won't.

The New World, too far, too big, too primitive.

No, my place is here, corrupting the young.

You all right?


What is it?

Unfinished business.

Don't be silly, we're almost away!

I'll catch you up.

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Just go on.

Go, go.

Come on, come on, come on!

Does that hurt?

Only when I laugh.

Where's Macleane?


Come on.

Well, we've had an exciting day, haven't we?

Stiff drink and straight to bed for me.

Back to the real world.

I could quite get used to this adventure lark.