Punk's Dead: SLC Punk 2 (2016) Script

Bring that fucking beat back.

Bring that motherfucking beat back..

Not some of it, not part of it.

Bring the whole thing fucking back.

Uh!

All right, all right, all right.

Stop. See that kid there getting beaten to death by a bunch of angry punks?

That happens to be my son Ross, and I can't fucking help him.

You want to know why?

Because I'm dead. Guess what else is dead.


What hunters are you talking about?

Ok. Let's talk about my spawn Ross.

He was brought into this world without a father, so he was raised in this steampunk shop by this totally eccentric woman Trish.

See, I fell really hard for this girl.

She was really smart. She was beautiful.

She was like a goddess.

Everyone looked up to her, and I had the honor of being her soulmate till I went and fucked it up by dying.

Dearly Departed. How can I help you?

So Trish and I got busy, and sometime before I died, my seed found purchase, and Trish got knocked up, which really sucked for her because she had to raise this kid all on her own and did a really amazing job bringing up this dark, little, spooky, little shit.

You know we're here with your dad.

Did you know that, Ross?

Where is he?

He's right there.

I don't see him.

So, yeah, she took on the job, but, dude, it was hard on her because she didn't fit in anywhere except for her shop, where she was totally surrounded by all her weird stuff, like her Mormon assistant here.. Emo Shelly, who is totally obsessed with my boy, which brings me back to Ross, the problem..

Ross is predisposed towards death because of me.

He is a Death Punker, a Goth, a this, a that.

There are no labels for Ross.

He's simply fucking complicated...

But suppose everything's already dead.

And he knows stuff, adult stuff, or at least he thinks he does.

He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke.

He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't have sex.

He was so fucking straight-edge, he didn't even hang out with the straight-edge guys.

Dude, dude, dude, Ross didn't do anything until now, so now, hours before he was getting his ass kicked at a punk show, Ross was drunk in a car with his friend Crash.

Now, Crash, well, Crash is the kind of guy that doesn't judge anybody, anybody, unless they judge him, which was a good thing for my son because when they met in high school, he became Ross' only real friend.

Anybody else steered real clear of my spooky, little boy.

Even this outsider, Punk Girl Penny stayed away from him until this day.

See, Penny was one of the guys, and she was really into cars.

In fact, she'd been working on this big Cadillac since she found it when she was 12 years old in her granddad's back yard.

So you're saying I look like a dude?

Yes.

Anyway, Ross.

Ogden? What's he doing in Ogden?

No.

No. No.

Sorry. That's not Ross.

Look. Because my son doesn't drink.

Well, maybe it was your son.

Where did they go?

What?

Do you hear yourself?

I mean, you are literally the thickest person I have ever talked to.

What's going on?

Well, that was Crash's mom.

She said that Ross showed up at her house crying and drunk.

Ross doesn't drink.

So the reason this whole situation is such a problem, I was a bit of a drinker.

My dad was a drinker. His dad was a drinker.

It was in our fucking blood, and it didn't turn out well for any of us.

When Ross' mom gets a call saying Ross is drinking when he doesn't drink, Ross is crying when he doesn't cry, I mean, dude, that's how I fucking went out.

Something must have happened.

Oh, and by the way, my name's Bob, and 19 years ago, this is where I totally fucking died.

What happened to you?

Some girl.

Of course.

What'd she do, steal his eyeliner?

Is, um.. is there any more beer?

No. I'm serious, Penny. You're gender-challenged.

What? I don't even know what that means, Crash.

Oh, you know.

It's like when your iffy in the sex category.

Ross, what do you think?

Um, is there.. is there any more beer?

No, Ross. There's no more beer.

Shall we? Shall we what?

Shall we to the convenience store?

♪ Tell ya, man, I'm stuck on this lovely girl ♪

♪ Of course, to me, she mean all t' world ♪

♪ But then she like another guy ♪

♪ I fall down dead, she never see the tears I cry ♪ You can keep the change.

Hey, you got I.D.?

Yeah.

♪ Please, please, please do not go ♪

♪ Please, please, please do not go ♪ So what, you have a fake I.D.?

No.

No. I have a real I.D.

So what, you just bought this beer without showing any I.D.?

And why would I show any I.D.?

Because you have to be 21 to buy beer, Creepy Boy.

I did not know that.

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa

♪ And I know I cannot tell a lie ♪

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa

♪ I want to see him go bye ♪

♪ Bye ♪ Good-bye So what actually happened to my poor boy to make him become so melancholy on such a fine spring day?

Actually, he was kind of always a gloomy dude.

Ok, but you're gonna change your mind on that once you get your heart broken.

Childish thought.

Really?

Mom, I'm not like the rest of the teeming masses.

I have perspective, ok?

There will be no retching over matters of the heart for me.

Aren't you always talking about the beauty of death?

Isn't there passion in that?

No. No. Observation.

Mom, death is beautiful because it is our only real future.

It will be the only great thing any of us ever do.

Life is a rehearsal. That's all it is.

I mean, what.. what is the point of fighting for political ideals, for religion, for love?

These things have nothing to do with our true destination, you understand?

I mean, just like Dad, what was his life for other than to die?

Ok, but when he was alive, he was something to behold.

I have no doubt, and he died like a hero.

Ross, he accidentally overdosed on Percodan.

He thought they were vitamins, not very heroic.

But classic, definitely a death to remember.

Ok, but don't come crying to me when you get stung.

Won't happen, but, all that said, I love you, Mom.

You sure? You don't have to.

Mother.

Hi, Shelly. Hi, Ross.

So that bullshit, pseudo philosophy of his lasted right up until he met.. can you believe it?.. uh, Lilith.

I don't know what he saw in her, but pick your poison.

♪ Near our rito

♪ Peep peep oh

♪ Bit animal

♪ Peep oh Hello. I'm Ross.

So I've heard.

♪ With the part animal

♪ Peep peep If I may, I would love to call on you this evening.

I don't mind.

♪ Bit animal

♪ Peep oh

♪ He didn't deal, little rito

♪ With the part animal

♪ Peep peep And so young Rothschild fell into the clutches of romance, believing completely in the virtues of his young maiden as if she was the Virgin Mother herself.

They strolled. They picnicked.

They texteth each other.

They gave gifts, glances, and all that kind of crap.

Ross... Yes?

I worship you.

Worship? I see.

In this short time, I can't imagine my life without you.

Oh, come now.

This.. this arrangement is for our pleasure, but we are born alone, and when we die, we will die alone.

Oh, say what you want. I love you.

Love is a lie to enslave us, to help us believe there is meaning to life.

I know who I am, but I like being with you now.

Ross is about to eat every single word he said to little Miss Ophelia.

♪ Haunted by your hair

♪ Haunted by your clothes

Mm...

♪ Haunted by your eyes Mm...

♪ By your soul, by your hair

♪ By your clothes, by your eyes ♪

♪ By your voice, by your smile ♪

♪ By your mouth, by your soul

♪ By your hair, by your clothes ♪

♪ By your eyes, by your voice

♪ By your smile, by your mouth ♪

♪ By your soul, haunted

♪ Haunted

Uh... listen.

I want to say something. Does life mean anything?

No. It's meaningless.

It's.. it's.. it's as useless as nipples on men, but then something happens.

Out of nowhere, seemingly... some woman reaches into your chest and pulls out your heart and pours salt all over your exposed intestines, rubs the blood and the guts all over her body, and laughs at your mangled corpse, and that, my friends, when you feel that pain, that is when you know there's must be a God.

You call Him whatever you want.

There is a God, and He has a plan, and that plan has nothing to do with us.

That plan is to laugh at us, laugh in our face.

Frailty, thy name is woman.

Ok, buddy.

Think you need some more medicine.

There you go.

So where are we going?

To the concert. Oh, right.

Punk concert, the writhing stench of humanity and that dancing thing you punks do.

Uh, yeah. It's called fun, man.

You'll like it. Will I?

You know, my father was a punk.

Yeah. No shit. Everyone knows that story.

No. I'd like to be up there.

Where? The mountains.

Hey, let's go the long way round to Salt Lake.

We'll be late. What is late?

We're.. we.. we are already late.

You are working in units of time.

Goddamn, Ross, you are a bizarre individual, but I dig that about you.

Well, I mean, what would you guys care about being late?

You're gonna be late to a punk show, late for anarchy?

I thought you guys had no rules.

I thought you lived life and took risks and fucked systems. Ok.

Ok. We will take the mountain pass, Frodo.

Get in. Come on.

♪ If you wanna make a move

♪ Then you better come in

♪ It's just the ability to reason that wears so thin ♪

♪ Living and dying and the stories that are true ♪

♪ Secret to a good life's knowing when you're through ♪

♪ Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac ♪

♪ Yeah, the boy's a time bomb

♪ Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac ♪

♪ Yeah, the boy's a time bomb

♪ Well, he's back in the hole

♪ Where they got him living like a rat ♪

♪ But he's smarter than that

♪ 9 lives like a cat

♪ 15 years old

♪ Take him to the youth authority home ♪

♪ First thing you learn

♪ You got to make it in this world alone ♪

♪ Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac ♪

♪ Yeah, the boy's a time bomb I think maybe I'm over thinking this.

I mean, should I be worried?

I'm really worried, Trish.

I know, but people snap all the time.

Like, I had this cousin who was a full-blown Mormon, right?

He went on his mission. He got married.

He did the whole thing, and then one day, he just lost it.

He went to Las Vegas and gambled all his money, and they found him in a hotel room with hookers who had given him meth.

Ok. Meth hookers.

Thank you, Shelly.

Ok, and hookers are people who have sex for money...

I get it. and meth is an illegal street drug.

You need to stop talking now.

You need to go upstairs to my bedroom and get my address book.

Can you do that? Upstairs.

Just upstairs.

Got it. Upstairs. My room.

I'll check Ross' just to be sure.

Not Ross' room, my room.

You can never be sure. Oh...

♪ We are 3 kings in honor

♪ We are the midst of Dagda's spell ♪

♪ We are 3...

Thought you were dead.

No, man. No. Almost.

Ha ha!

I work for a state senator now.

Unfortunate.

No. I like politics.

Still a punk?

I still listen to music, go to a good show.

So, yes, you're still a slave to a musical genre.

It's interesting you should say that.

Really? Yeah.

You're like the fucking poster boy for Norwegian Black Metal.

I wouldn't say that.

Ok, ok. Let's stop here just for.. for a minute, ok, so I can explain to you these two jokers.

Right after I died, most of my friends left Salt Lake City, but these guys fucking stayed.

First, there's John.

Back in the day when I was alive, John was a mod.. in fact, he was called John the Mod.. but then he met this Norwegian chick, and he moved to, like, Norway, where he discovered Black Metal, possibly the most hardcore music genre going on at the time.

See, these Norwegian kids, they were pissed off at Christianity for coming and fucking destroying their culture.

I mean, it happened, like, 10 billion years ago, but, you know, we all need a cause, right?

So John, being Native American Mormon, kind of connected with this, so he changed his name to Johnny Jekyll, buffed out, grew out his hair, started wearing all this fucking makeup shit, drinking out of things like this, and then he opened a Black Metal shop here in Salt Lake City.

Hey, uh, how much for these smoke bombs?

Uh, these.. these.. these smoke bombs.

How much for the, uh..

These are the Black Cat Smoke Bombs, come 3 to a pack.

How much?

The.. the Black Cat Smoke Bombs, these, how much?

It is illegal to sell smoke bombs without a proper license.

Well, no. It's..

Sean, I got this.

I.. it's.. I mean, there's a sign here that says, "For sale."

This look like you wrote this.

No, it does not.

But I.. I'm holding these in my..

They're Black Cat Smoke Bombs.

This is not some dream from the inside of my brain head.

You are mistaken.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The.. they're right here.

I just want to buy some Black Cat Smoke Alarm Smoke..

I will run you through with my blade.

Ok. No smoke bombs, fucking asshole.

I'll go to the cops. I'm Dorgon.

You do that.

I'm Dorgon.

Dorgon.

John, John, John, John, you think it's a good idea to threaten your customers with, you know, actual death?

Why do you think they come in here?

Well, you don't want to sell the fireworks, why don't you just put them away?

Those are for people in the circle.

That guy.. not in the circle.

Holy fuck, John, you've really changed.

So then there's Sean.

Now, Sean back in the day used to sell acid, but after an accident where he inadvertently ingested over 112 hits of acid, he got so fucked up, he started thinking that I was Jesus Christ, and, by the way, I like to visit him sometimes in flashbacks and freak him out.

So Sean ended up begging, but eventually, he got himself off the streets and checked into a facility, and after a few years, he got out and even got a job working for a state senator, but, you know, you can't really take the punk out of a guy like Sean.

When I search you, what am I gonna find, huh?

Look at me. Needles?

Maybe. I don't know, man.

Crash?

Dude. Dude!

Sean, what's up, man?

What's up, man?

What's up, dude?

You look good. You look..

Oh, man, how's shit on the Hill, man?

Oh, you got all tatted up and everything.

That's crazy.

Sir... What?

I need you to step back now.

What? I'm arresting this man.

Arresting him? For what?

None of your damn business. Step back.

It's cool, man. I work..

I'm used to this, dude. It's cool.

No. Wait. Hold.. hold on a second, Crash.

I work.. I work on the Hill, you see, and I would like to know why you're arresting this man.

Because I can. What are you gonna do about it?

Oh, run.

What?

I'm not talking to you.

Run!

D'oh! Shit! Sh..

Oh, shit. Uh...

Oh, fuck.

What, you mace me? Who maces people?

Aah!

You want to mace me?

Uh!

Your bike's over here!

Ross, Chandler, Joey in a Punjabi Death Match.

Who takes it?

Ross, Chandler, Joey in a Punjabi Death Match.

That's a good question.

What's a Punjabi Death Match?

Basically, it's like a steel cage match, but you use bamboo and stuff.

Yeah, but who wins?

Gunther.

Oh, come on. Gunther was a tool.

Oh, Gunther, if we he in that..

You know what that reminds me of?

"Smelly cat." "Smelly cat."

See, I loved..

It was a catchy tune, right?

It was great, so I'm gonna do a Death Metal version.

Did you know they each got a million dollars?

There was some point where an assistant ran into the room and told an executive, "Each Friend wants a million dollars, or they're not doing the show anymore."

An episode.

It's fucked up, right?

Not if Gunther is getting a million dollars.

Gunther didn't get a million dollars.

Then they shouldn't fucking get anything.

Hmm.

Hey, I'm just telling you what I think honestly, man.

Do you think Gunther could have his own spin-off show?

I think he should have his own spin-off show.

Sean?

Thank you.

Warrior Music. What do you want?

I haven't seen him.

I'll be right over.

How long has it been since you've seen Trish?

Trish?

3 years.

Well, she's got a problem.

Like what, she's a bitch?

Heh. No, like a parental problem.

Her son.. Ross.

You know Ross? Yeah.

Like a fucking uncle to him.

Me, too.

Dude, why you looking at me like that?

Like what?

Like you want to take that sword and stab me.

I don't want to stab you, Sean.

Dude, you got to learn how to just relax your face.

You've got asshole face.

I am relaxed.

♪ Apartment ambience is like a motel ♪

♪ Little town blues can't compare to this hell ♪

♪ Do you ever want to go...

You happy now?

Are you gay? What?

I've.. I've.. I've wondered for some time now, and Crash was questioning your gender deficits.

I'm straight-curious.

Straight-curious.

I'm really hungry. Are you guys hungry?

No. man. You're really drunk.

So this is what it's like to be drunk?

Take a sip.

Easy there, Churchill.

Ha ha ha!

That's not beer.

Dude, you drank half the fucking bottle.

That's not beer.

♪ The air smells different out here at 3 A.M. ♪ Oh, my God...

Push it out, man. Yeah.

I feel... Yeah!

♪ Will fall apart inside your room ♪

♪ So please come on out and do something else ♪

Just.. Christ, what the fuck are you doing?

I was doing you a favor.

Oh, what favor?

I was just making you look like a girl.

Damn it. Stop. Ha ha!

What's your boy doing?

Uh! How do you like it, flowers?

Fucking die, flowers!

Fuck... you and you.

Fuck you. Uh!

How do you fucking like it, huh? Uh!

What'd those flowers ever do to you?

They're just fucking...

cruel.

Ha!

Hey, Shelly.

Thank God you're here.

There is no God, Shelly.

John. Hi.

Hmm... so what do you think is going on?

Whatever it is, I don't think it's so bad.

I know, but it's just so unlike Ross.

Usually, you know, he's so responsible.

I mean, maybe he's a little dark, but otherwise, he's perfect.

He's a great kid. I know.

By the way, do you remember Sean?

Hey. Hi. Wow.

I thought you were.. Dead?

Yeah. Yeah. I get that a lot.

Well, sorry.

I would normally be more polite.

I'm just really worried about my kid.

No. I understand.

If Ross is drinking, he's really drinking.

How do you know my son?

I met him 3 years ago down on State.

He was hanging out with some, uh, not Crusties, but, uh..

Skate Punks? Not Skate Punks.

Gutter Punks? Gutter Punks.

Let me break in here and say something about Punk, Punk the, uh, music genre and, uh, movement.

See, now, way back 10,000 years ago when the whole thing started, it was just Punk, but over the years, like religion, the whole thing began to divide, so today it's hard to keep up with all the different kinds of Punk there is.

Let me just list a few of the subdivisions..

Punk, Hardcore, Emocore, Queercore, Skate Punk, Surf Punk, Straight Edge, Crust Punk, Gutter Punk, Soccer Punk, Steampunk, Psychobilly, Horror Punk, Folk Punk, Ska Punk, Anarcho-Punk, Pop Punk, Post-Punk, Proto-Punk, Oi, Trash Punk, Nazi Punk.. fuck off..

Cowpunk, 2 Tone, Art Punk, Bandana Thrash, Gypsy Punk, Canadian Hardcore.. ha ha!..

Celtic Punk, Christian Punk, Krishnacore, Glam Punk, Latino Punk, Street Punk, Geek Punk, Greek Punk, and Freak Punk, just to name a few.

Lots to choose from.

Personally, I like it all.

Bam.

No. That's impossible.

Ross doesn't hang out in the streets.

Oh, he's with this kid named Crash.

Fucking Crash.

He is a Gutter Punk, isn't he?

No, no, no. He just liked to hang out down there.

Dude, you know what's crazy, man?

What's that?

One day, all the snow caps on those beautiful mountains are gonna be gone, dude...

Beautiful snowcaps. and it's because we did it, man.

Like, we fucked it up.

We fucked up the planet we live on.

I suppose.

Well, how's Mama Trish doing, man?

She's well, thank you. She's doing well.

The shop's still open.

She'll appreciate you having asked about her.

I'll let her know.

She'd probably spaz if she found out you were drinking, man.

You seen his mom's shop?

No. What is it? Whoa.

Tell her what's in the shop, brother.

It's a, um, fanciful novelty shop, I suppose.

Dude, it's sick.

They got, like, fucking two-headed cats, like, stuffed animal.. like, not animals, but, you know, like when they kill shit...

Taxidermy, Crash.

Yeah. Taxidermy.

It's fucking Taxidermy.

I suppose growing up in an oddities shop was, um.. was tremendous.

Mom was great.

When I was a boy, Mom had a great business relationship with a marvelous Taxidermist, so we always had a lot of pets around the house.

They were dead, but we had a swan.. Edmund.

The swan was dead.

Well, yeah. It was stuffed...

Ha! good listener, good company, and then we had a, um, python over the door frame.

Oh, fuck that. No way.

Cordelia. She was sweet. Mom got her.

Anyways, Ross wanted to know about his dad, and so we talked, and after that, he used to like to come by the office and ask for advice, used to love to hear stories about his old man, huh, John?

You work in an office?

I do work in an office, and it's awesome.

Hmm. Hey, this your shop?

Yeah. I fucking love it.

Thanks. I don't understand.

If Ross wanted to talk about his dad, he could've just asked me.

Why is he going to you?

When's the last time you saw him?

Week ago.

He's been hooking up with this chick, which is weird because he used to talk a crazy story about not falling in love, and now.. PBBT.

Why am I hearing about this for the first time?

Yeah. I heard about this girl, too.

What?

He's too proud to tell you about something like that.

So I'm the only one who doesn't know?

Ross has a girlfriend?

Shelly.. fuck.

What do you think this little hussy did, break his heart?

She dumped him.

Sound about right.

That little bitch. I'm gonna kill her.

I never loved that girl.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You think I'm all screwed up because of some girl, but it is so much bigger than that.

I have spent my whole life under control.

I think I've earned the right to have a little fun.

You know what I mean?

Damn straight, brother.

♪ Tony Randall

♪ Mary Tyler Moore

♪ Molly Ringwald

♪ Rerun shows

♪ Robotic nation

♪ False history spit out

♪ Another picture of a...

How old is this car?

♪ To bore me

Shit, man.

Damn it.

This is your fault, Crash.

My fault? Why? Ross wanted to come this way.

He's fucking confused.

I hold you responsible for him.

This is bullshit. It's your car. Uh!

Hey, asshole! What?

Don't touch my car, you fucking troll.

Fine. What's your problem, man?

I don't want you touching my car.

What is it with you and your fucking car, anyway?

Any time someone touches it, you turn into a seething bitch.

Not somebody, just you.

See, you always do this.

Crash, my car is fucked.

All I wanted to do is go to that show and not play wet nurse to you and your fucking faggot friend.

Look how it worked out for me.

You're really uptight, you know that?

Yeah. You're a fucking child.

You know how to fix this car?

Who's gonna pay for that, you asshole?

Dickhead. Fuck you!

Hey, fuck you.

I'll kick your ass, girl or not.

Any time, Stretch.

Hey, Crash?

Sorry I'm such a bitch.

Yeah. I know.

So what do we do about the car?

Oh, hey!

Try it now.

Ha!

Go on, man. Try it, man.

Ha! Yay!

Fuck, dude. Argh.

That's Brother Ross.

Fuck yeah.

♪ And I know you been there, too, yourself ♪ Ha! Whoo!

♪ Why do we want...

It's all wrong.

He should've called by now.

What do you think?

I think he'll be ok.

He's got a good head on his shoulders.

So we're taking a break from Straight Edge, huh?

I'm not Straight Edge. I don't, um..

I don't run with any crowds, really.

Um..

God, you really don't know me, do you, Penny?

No. I don't, Ross. I mean, nobody knows you.

You just act like you're above all us Punters.

Really?

Is.. is that what you guys think of me?

Oh, well, I mean..

That's.. that's awful. You think..

So I'm an arrogant person?

Ding, ding, ding.

Tell him what he's won, Crash.

I mean, fuck that, man. Ross is a cool fucker.

Don't listen to Penny.

No. You know what? I like the criticism.

It's good. I'm gonna stop being aloof.

Let's give that man a ride.

You want a ride?

Sure. Thank you.

Thank Lord Byron here.

Hello, Mr. Byron. I am William.

Hello, William. Actually, I'm Ross.

This young lady is Penny, and this gentleman here is Crash.

Well, what are you doing up here?

Are you a mountaineer?

I am here to meet a man for a pickup.

Yeah? What'd you pick up?

Check this out, man.

Holy shit, bro.

Ha ha! That's a lot. That's a shit lot.

Fresh from the fields of Wyoming.

How'd you grow these dreads?

Wisdom.

Wisdom?

Just wisdom, man.

How you get them spikes in your hair?

Soap.

Just soap?

Yeah. Just put it in and let it dry.

Let me smell you.

Smell like soap.

Ha! That's right.

How you get your hair to be so pink?

Dye. Dye?

Yeah. Ha ha!

Smell like dye.

Ha ha ha!

Let me smell your hair.

Ha ha!

Doesn't smell like anything.

Ha ha ha! Wisdom nice.

Wisdom don't smell.

Oh, fantastic. I'm really hungry.

You don't mind, do you? Let's go.

Dude... do you know what you just ate?

Oh.. oh, my God.

It's just mushrooms.

You don't buy that kind at the grocery market, man.

Can he O.D.? Should we just do something about this?

No. Him won't die, but him will fly.

That is for sure.

But I feel totally normal.

What?

I mean, give it, like, 10 minutes.

You'll definitely notice something.

Just make him throw it up, you know?

Really?

Guys, you know what?

I really feel fine, ok?

And your perspective's your perspective, and, like, if you had my perspective, it wouldn't make any sense because I've got a perspective, and you've got a perspective, and Penny's got a perspective, and William has a.. certainly has his own perspective. Wait, wait, wait.

So how can you see something from my perspective if you don't know what my perspective is.. even is because you have your own perspective?

I can fly!

People should sell this stuff.

You'd make a fortune.

I get to drink. A beer. Ha ha.

Why not?

See, Ross doesn't drink.

Oh, no. No!

He doesn't do any of that.

This is his first day.

Look. There's an elephant!

That's not letters, that's not letters.

Yeah. That's not letters. That's not lett..

Shit. It...

My finger's so much bigger than yours.

Can I drive? Can you teach me how to drive?

I feel funny.

We're all mammals.

We're fucking mammals.

It's like there's worms or something.

What the fuck do these things do?

I don't have any hair on my chest.

I feel like stuff's moving too much.

I need to go hold my breath.

Stop. Aw, fuck it, dude.

Do you remember.. do you remember when you said that you're straight curious?

I.. I'm curious.

What does that even mean?

I like you, Ross.

Yeah. I like you so much.

Your thing is a different color from your hair.

I feel happy.

I don't think I made the Earth.

Hope you guys are having a great time.

I am!

When's Penny get some drugs, huh?

♪ Travel first and lead towards this time ♪

I'm a terrible mother.

No, you're not.

I am.

I don't even know who my own son is.

Look at me.

I'm a freak.

I go to the PTA meetings, and the other mothers, they just.. they just stare at me like I'm... scum.

You can't change who you are.

Yes, I can.

I don't have to be a freak.

You're not a freak.

Thank you, Thor.

She's upset.

Of course I'm upset.

I thought I knew who my son was, but Jesus on the fucking cross..

Jesus can keep the cross to himself.

John.

Shh.

I'm worried.

I'm worried, too.

Not Ross.

I'm worried about you.

What's that supposed to mean?

I knew that at some point this would happen.

What? What would happen?

You guys are completely useless.

You're just..

Ross is out there, suffering, possibly even dying, and you're just here laying all this S-H-I-T on Trish!

Instead of standing around, slandering the name of Heavenly Father, why don't you go out and do something?

You adults are completely useless!

Give me the phone, give the phone!

Give me the fucking phone!

Dearly Departed.

Oh! Eddie, hi.

Ok, ok. Let's, uh, stop for a second.

I think we need a smoke break.

In fact, I think all movies should have smoke breaks.

You know one of the best parts about being dead?

Nobody can tell you that smoking will kill you.

Ok. We're back!

So this guy Eddie, he used to hang out with us back in the day, mostly because he didn't fit in with anyone else.

He was sort of one of these old-fashioned playboy types, really good-looking, the ladies loved him, he loved the ladies.

So what does a guy like that do with such talents?

He sells it.

Burlesque club!

But this wasn't like one of these seedy clubs.

Nooo. This was hip.

It was even considered art, like Lower Manhattan art.

He was the new Don Juan, the Salt Lake City Hugh Hefner.

Guys, thank you so much for coming.

It's great to see you. Thank you so much. Please.

That's not how he made his money, though.

No. He took the whole thing, and he put it into space.. girlsofpunkburlesque.com!

But, you know, it wasn't like a porno site or anything.

It was more of a.. a tease kind of thing, you know, fancy girls with flashy curls.

No. He hasn't called me either.

Trish, just stay ca.. just try and stay calm.

Where's he gonna go?

Listen. Listen. I'm practically there.

I'll come by and pick you up, and we'll go look for him, ok?

Please. It's fine. I'm like his uncle.


I don't know why we're doing this.

Snap out of it, man.

We're in a fucking bowling alley, man!

You're all right. Come on. Shake it off.

Shake it off.

Try this gum. Try the gum.

Try the gum.

This gum tastes so good.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

Heh heh heh.


Ross.

Ross.

Hey, Ross!

Yeah. What? What?

Where are we?

We're at a gas station.

Dude, you definitely checked out.

Yeah. It's nice to have you back.

I don't understand.

Well, I mean, you haven't said a word in, like, an hour.

You didn't even say bye to William.

Oh, no!

He's.. I like that guy.

We were worried for a bit.

I'm.. I'm good. I'm...

I'm very fine.

Hey!

Shit.

What's wrong?

Just everything.

Where the hell you been?

Who is that?

Hey, Dad.

I asked you a question.

Just crashing at a friend's.

Have you been drinking?

Have you?!

Slutting around with your faggot friends, drinking and driving!

Yeah.

Gah! Unh!

Holy shit!

Sir, that's really not..

Mind your fucking business!

Hey. Um, Penny, I'm sorry about your da..

Hey. Um, pretty boy, when you produce a living father, you can talk to me about mine, so shut the fuck up!

What the?

Get off the car!

Get the fuck off my car!

Fuck you, Dad! I hate you!

Get down here now, you bitch!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Goddamn it! What I'd tell you about getting up on my car?

I hate you, Dad! Fuck you!

Goddamn it! Get down here now, you little bitch!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Stop it! Stop it now!

I hate you! I hate you!

I hate you, Dad!

You little bitch, get the fuck down!

Get off my..

You'll be jerking yourself off from now on, you fuck!

♪ All the young dudes

♪ Hey, dudes

♪ Carry the news

♪ Where are you?

♪ Boogaloo dudes

♪ Stand up

♪ Carry the news Ha ha ha!

♪ All the young dudes

♪ I want to hear you

♪ Carry the news

♪ I want to see you

♪ Boogaloo dudes

♪ And I want to relate to you ♪

♪ Carry the news Are you ok?

Yeah. I'm perfect.

♪ All the young dudes

♪ What dudes?

♪ Carry the news Ross, um...

Yeah?

♪ Carry the news Well...

I'm really sorry about what I said back there.

I think I'm in love with you.

Fuck off, faggot.

♪ Now you all his friends ♪

♪ All the young dudes

♪ Now you bring him down ♪

♪ 'Cause I want him

♪ Carry the news

♪ Come on, mama

♪ Boogaloo dudes

♪ I want him right here ♪

♪ Bring him, come on You here? Ok. Good.

Eddie's out front.

We're gonna look for Ross if you guys want to come.

Yeah, I want to go. I'm gonna go.

Figured.

Hey. Who.. who's Eddie?

Um, you don't know him.

He's a good guy.

Goodish.

Behave.

You know, I.. I might know where Ross is.

What?

I mean.. I mean, I might know where he's going.

What?!

There's the stage.

Everybody's here.

Everybody's excited.

All we need now is a band!

♪ My right to say what I want ♪

♪ And think the way I want to think ♪

♪ My right ♪ I want to speak my mind

♪ My right to yell, my right to speak ♪

♪ My right ♪ No one's ever gonna

♪ Tell me what I have to do ♪

♪ I'll live my life the way I want ♪

♪ I don't care about your little world ♪

♪ And I can't believe

♪ You're telling me what's good for me ♪

♪ How do you know what's good?

♪ And I can't believe

♪ You're telling me what to believe ♪

♪ Get away from me

♪ My right

We're popping your cherry tonight!

What do you think of all these losers, huh?

Heh.

Is it over here?

Wait, Ross!

Didn't think I'd see you here.

Figured you'd be home writing some poetry.

Jerry...

I miss you so much, man.

I'm serious.

It's good to see you.

Wait. Are.. you're buzzed!

Yes, Jerry. I'm buzzed.

Jerry! The Fucking bomb, man!

No way! What's up, dude?

You ready to fucking rock, son, or what, man?

Ok. Ok.

Punk rock has more rules than any other kind of music in the world... and I can never keep them straight, so I say, "Fuck you."

♪ You make things miserable every day ♪

♪ You make me sick with the things you say ♪

♪ You stand for the anthem at the old ball game ♪

♪ And your Pledge of Allegiance is so fucking lame ♪

♪ This kind of freedom is perfect for you ♪

♪ As long as you can get away with what you do ♪

♪ But what you do is in such bad taste ♪

♪ It's your fault the media is such a waste ♪

♪ Be a good American ♪ Fuck off

♪ Be a good American ♪ Go to war

♪ Be a God-fearing citizen ♪ And kill someone or

♪ Kill yourself Dude, drop your fucking nuts, man, and get in there!

I want to get in there!

Ok!

♪ Dog eat dog, boy eat girl ♪

♪ I'm the Duke of fuckin' Earl ♪

♪ Let's fuck

♪ Come on now, let's fuck

♪ Whaa, yeah, come on

♪ Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed ♪

♪ Old enough to pee, then she's old enough for me ♪

♪ Let's fuck

♪ Whoo

♪ Let's fuck

♪ Let's fuck

♪ Let's fuck, let's fuck

♪ Fuck

♪ Rock

♪ Yeah

♪ Stop my cock from running wild in the street ♪

♪ Stop me now, or else just turn the other cheek ♪

♪ I can't be tamed, I will remain ♪

♪ Unrepentant, and I'll never feel ashamed ♪

♪ Now stop me You're not done, you asshole.

Fun? Fun!

This is awesome, baby! Whoo!

Get out there, you overly emotional, suit-wearing, jackass-looking son of a bitch!

♪ Stop the pain and all the madness and the hate ♪

♪ Stop the Earth from fucking, mutilate, and rape ♪

♪ I can't control, must have hope ♪

♪ 'Cause that's the one easy elixir of the soul ♪

♪ Girl, stop me

♪ Before I fuck again

♪ Stop me

♪ I'm gonna fuck again

♪ Stop me

♪ Ow

♪ I am the Jesus Christ of sin and vice ♪

♪ I am the Jesus Christ of sin and vice ♪

♪ I am the Jesus Christ of sin and vice ♪

♪ The Jesus Christ of sin and vice ♪

♪ I am the Jesus Christ of sin and vice ♪

So Eddie, right?

That's right, Sean.

I'm glad you remembered.

Yeah, I remember you.

You used to like to fuck every chick in town.

Sean.

I'm sorry, Trish.

It's ok.

I didn't fuck every chick in town, but I dated a few ladies.

Hmm.

So now you're, like, a rich guy or something?

Yeah, I have some money. I can't complain.

I see.

How'd you make your money?

Well, Sean, I worked hard for it.

Hmm.

Say, Eddie, don't you have one of those chick-based web sites?

You know, Sean, we're Eddie's guests here.

I don't think that's..

Trish, it's fine.

It's fine. It's fine.

Yes. Among other things, I have a web-based... company.

Right, but it's got chicks, right?

It does feature women, yes.

It's like a sex thing?

It's like a... flirt thing.

Ahh. A flirt thing.

So basically.. ahem.. you make a living, you even got a limo, this fucking beautiful stretch job, by, uh, working really hard exploiting women like a fucking pimp.

You son of a bitch!

Come on, hot shot. Bring it, you fucking parasite!

Ok, guys, guys, guys.

I.. uh, I'm really sorry.

You know what, Trish? It's fine.

It's fine.

I've heard this kind of thing before.

Sorry, Trish.

You fucking, bleeding heart, lefty drug addict!

Do you have any idea how much money I pay in taxes?

What the fuck does that even mean?

I pay taxes, too, jackass!

You have no idea what it means to pay taxes..

Raaaah!

You're right, John. Sorry, Eddie.

It's fine.

Salt Lake City, where even the little punker girls are cute.

Yeah. Yeah.

♪ There's one for everyone

♪ Everything you've done for me ♪

♪ And nothing in between

♪ We live in infamy, uncontrollably, baby ♪

♪ See the centerpiece

♪ Fuck the world, I will deny you ♪

♪ I will deny, atomizing, terrorizing, mesmerizing ♪

♪ Fuck the world, I will deny you ♪

♪ I will deny, we will deny ♪

♪ There's room for everyone

♪ It's time to have some fun with me ♪

♪ Man from Galilee

♪ No time for chastity

♪ That now would have to be my dream ♪

♪ Bleeds the Nazarene

♪ Quite a scene

♪ Fuck the world, I will deny you ♪

♪ I will deny, atomizing, terrorizing, mesmerizing ♪

♪ Fuck the world, I will deny you ♪

♪ I will deny-y-y-y That was interesting!

Yeah! Pretty interesting.

Jesus, Ross.

You are a strange dude.

Penny, let me ask you.

Could you be Straight Curious with a guy like me?

Like you?

All right. Me?

It's not gonna happen, Ross.

Ok.

I understand.

Jeez. This whole thing.

I mean, you are drunk, and you're ripe for the rebound.

No. I completely understand.

I have no issue with that.

I get it.

Honestly, I.. I'm just not interested.

I mean, you're.. you're not..

I'm not what? Punk, right?

The.. the spooky kid, Goth Dandy.

I get it.

No. You.. you are not a one-night stand, Ross.

What do you mean?

I mean, you're the kind of guy I could fall in love with.

You are a fucking keeper, and... I'm just not ready for that kind of shit.

♪ Should have, but who really cares? ♪

♪ I sit here and wonder if we are sharing ♪

♪ A different world

♪ And all these making emotions whirling ♪

♪ Around me swirl Ooh, yeah!

Yeah! My two favorite people getting busy.

Fuck, yeah!

Hey. Hey. Ross, come on. Penny's a girl. I know.

♪ All you deviant emotions making the channels twirl ♪

♪ I'm in love with everybody's girl ♪

♪ Everybody's girl, rock and roll ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba

♪ I come to you

♪ On a bright, Sunny morning ♪

♪ All happy to

♪ See you

♪ You turn around, I look at your eyes ♪

♪ They're staring me down like a hawk ♪

♪ In the sky

♪ You're staring me down ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba

♪ Ba ba ba ba ba So, Sean, do you really think Ross Is gonna be at this concert, this.. this Punk Concert?

Yes.

Ross is with Crash. It's a big show.

It's where they'd go. It's where I'd go.

Yeah, because I just.. I can't imagine Ross at a Punk Concert.

Can you? No.

No, I can't.

So my son made it to a Punk Show.

It's amazing. I used to go to these shows all the time back when I was alive, but, dude, they were never this big, never enough.

If you come to this place, you are welcome.

Here, you will find the Freaks, The Nuts, The Outsiders, And they aren't just kids.

All ages of weirdoes are here, all of these people engaged in what looks like meaningless chaos, but in this chaos, these people lose themselves.

Look at Ross. Even he is no longer himself.

He has forgotten himself.

That is what I miss about life.

All these people are engaged through the bands, and the bands have a contract with the people.

They all.. all of them in this night, in this moment don't have a care in the world.

They aren't concerned with doomsday, money, jobs, relationships, abuse, bullies, rapists, murderers, whatever.

They care about nothing.

For now, they are immortal.

Behold the gods, and different from me, they are alive, the living gods.

♪ Walk

♪ In silence

♪ Don't turn away-ay-ay

♪ In silence

Bring that fucking beat back.

Bring that motherfucking beat back.

Not some of it, not part of it.

Bring the whole motherfucker back.

Hey. Here we go.

Go!

♪ Ignorance and jealousy don't mean much to me ♪

♪ Ignorance and jealousy don't mean much to me

♪ Ignorance and jealousy don't mean much ♪

♪ To meeeee

♪ Fuck

♪ Hey, hey

♪ Another damn day, fuck, here I come ♪

♪ Another damn day, fuck, here I come ♪

♪ Another damn day, fuck, here I come ♪ You don't fuck the truth! The truth fucks you!

Just with the drums.. just drums for a second.

Shh. Hey.

I just have a few words I'd like to say.

Told you we shouldn't have done this again.

Fucking hell.

No, no. You guys are doing fucking phenomenal.

You're gonna.. we'll bring the beat back in a second.

Hey.

I just.. I just want to say something.

Look.

I don't care. You guys, I don't care that you're all a fucking Petri dish of sweaty redneck, Crusty Punks, fucking slaves to an outdated music genre.

No offense.

I don't care that you're obsessed with your uniforms and your fucking hair because to me you guys are all so beautiful, and I would fuck all of you right now.

You people are my bitches.

Am I right?

Like, you're my bitches.

Jerry. Fucking Jerry.

Oh, fuck!

Get off him!

Hey, Ross. You ok, man?

Crash, I think I messed up!

Why did you say that, dude?

That was so fucking stupid.

Yeah! Beat that ass!

Tell my mother that I love her!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Hey, Sean. Hey.

Your mom is outside.

My mom's outside?

In the car. Come on.

Excuse me.

Yoowwww!

♪ This is my ode to dope

♪ Come on, baby, it's time to go ♪

♪ Morrison said, "Baby, light my fire" ♪

♪ Well, I said, "I want to get higher" ♪

♪ Yeah, one joint, one joint to go ♪

♪ Come on, girl...

Duh. I mean. Oh, my God.

Is this your car?

It is.

It's beautiful.

Oh, my God. Ross, what is going on with you?

You are such a mess.

It's all good, Mom. It's all good.

It's not good. It's the opposite of good.

Why would you say that?

Look at you.

I can explain, all right?

Did you do this to him?

Whoa, Mom, Mom, Penny didn't do this.

I did it. I did this.

Look at me, look at me.

I need you to see me. This is who I am.

It's ok.

You know what happened to your father.

What am I supposed to think when I see you like this?

Fuck my father. Jesus Christ, Mom.

He was some stupid Punk who O.D.ed a hundred years ago.

Fuck him! Hey!

Walk it off. It's all right.

Hey. I'm not your dead boyfriend, ok?

I just.. I don't underst..

I'm not coming home.

Enough.

I don't understand.

Hey. I think I do.

What do you underst..

Just.. just.. just listen to me.

What? Hey, hey, hey.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

Ross had to fill Bob's shoes his entire life.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

You thought he was dead the moment you heard he was drinking.

Come on. Let Ross be a kid.

Let Bob go.

I can't.

Yeah, you can.

No, I can't. Yes, you can.

Sean, he left me.

He left me alone with a kid.

I want to let him go, but I'm just so fucking mad at him.

Hey, hey. Come here. Come here.

Listen to me. You listening?

It's gonna be ok.

All right?

How do you know? Because I know.

I know. Look at me. Look at me.

Yeah.

I know.

It's gonna be ok.

Hey, Trish.

Everything ok in your world?

Yeah.

Well, at least she's good to him.

What was that?

That girl with Ross.

She seems protective.

Yeah, yeah. Cute couple.

I'm sorry.

I don't like it when you cry.

You know, you really are a mess, and it's gonna be worse tomorrow because you're gonna have, like, a headache. Am I?

Hey, John.

I've been meaning to ask you this.

What do you Black Metal guys have against Jesus?

I don't have anything against Jesus.

I just don't like his fan club.

Is this blood?

Yeah. I don't know if it's mine, though.

Hey! Look who it is! Ross' mom!

Yeah. Oh, God!

Hey! Hi.

Good to see you! Yeah.

What a gem. Yes.

It's good to see you.

And, Sean. I saw you out there, man.

Yes! How you doing?

How's corruption in the Capitol?

It's Good, man. I mean, it's corrupt as ever.

How's the show?

Ho ho ho! Today was off the hook, man!

And Ross.. oh.. Ross... is a madman!

It's my mom, so...

♪ It's a god-awful small affair ♪ Well, hey, man. Let's ditch the old people and go get something to eat.

I guess. No disrespect.

Good idea, punk boy.

♪ And her daddy has told her to go ♪

♪ But her friend is nowhere to be seen ♪

♪ Now she walks through her sunken dream ♪

♪ To the seats with the clearest view ♪

♪ And she's hooked to the silver screen ♪ How great!

Everyone's letting go, healing and feeling and living and loving and all that shit, but you know what?

In the end of the day, I'm still dead...

so fuck you!

♪ Sailors fighting in the dance hall ♪

♪ Oh, man, look at those cavemen go ♪

♪ There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you ♪

♪ Except the one thing that you want me to ♪

♪ We went across the mighty Rio Grande ♪

♪ And saw Disneyland and the sea ♪

♪ You and me

♪ But there's one thing I'll never do ♪

♪ Not even for you, not even for you ♪

♪ Not even for you

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you ♪

♪ Except to walk among the Osmond crew ♪

♪ I know you're planning for a latter day ♪

♪ And you can't betray what you know in Provo ♪

♪ But there's one less town on the globe ♪

♪ And if you must go there, you're going alone ♪

♪ Not even for you

♪ Not even for you

♪ Not even for you

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ Even if they tell me I can stay ♪

♪ Even if they resurrect my brain ♪

♪ I don't want to go there

♪ I don't want to go insane ♪

♪ I'm not pure, and I'm not pretty ♪

♪ And I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not living in "Hello Kitty" ♪

♪ And I'm not going to Salt Lake City ♪

♪ I'm not

♪ Oh, no, I'm not

♪ Yeah, yeah, well, I'm not ♪

♪ Oh, no, I'm not


♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ Ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ And he's going insane

♪ He's lost control

♪ Ohh

♪ Ohh, oh, ohh

♪ He's lost control


♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ He's lost control of his brain ♪

♪ Ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

♪ Ohh