Pup Academy S1E6 Script

Spark Strays (2019)

So, still living the cardboard box life.

How's that working out for you?

It's home. It's mine.

And I'm just fine. What do you want, King?

This isn't about what I want.

It's about what you deserve.

A shelter should be at the top of your list.

Like I said, I'm good here.

Are you? My hideout is warm.

Dry.

And all it would cost is my freedom. Working for you.

With, kid, with.

Where a smart, savvy pup like you belongs.

You mean like him?

Come on, man. Yeah, you. Scram. Get outta my puddle.

That's your reflection.

Whoa! Oh, yeah.

You're right. That's amazing!

Besides, I have a place I belong.

You belong with the Lost Dogs.

Stop trying to belong somewhere you don't.

You should really give the Lost Dogs a try.

Think about it, kid.

I did. I won't. And I gotta go!

Let's do some damage.

Nah, she'll come around.

Oh, no.

Lou!

I swear I saw that stray.

I swear you need to get your eyes checked.

Man, that's hot!

Fish.

I hate fish.

Whoa, Spark! What happened?

You fall in a bucket of cat food?

No.

Bucket of cat food. Good one, Bite. You're hilarious!

Try not to stink up the joint, okay?

Some of us are trying to learn.

Can you believe those guys?

Don't listen to those Growlers.

You are a bit smelly, though.

Great, thanks.

Come on. We should fix this.

We want everyone to think you belong.

Stop trying to belong somewhere you don't.

Yeah, here we are We're always learning something new There may be ups and downs But we'll be comin' through So pay attention We'll pick up a thing or two Uh-oh-o-oh I'll be right by your side No matter what No matter what You got me day and night No matter what No matter what I'll always be there For you And I know You're there for me too And we got that bond For life No matter what No matter what I got you like that

This is what we call a teachable moment.

Exhibit A.

Subject dog has been rolling in fish.

Guys, getting itchy. Must shake!

-Don't do it, dude! -She's gonna shake. Oh, no!

Fish smell!

Whoa. When was the last time you took a bath?

Sorry, dude, but you do look like a cotton ball.

How do you know what a cotton ball is?

Can you ever truly know something until you've eaten it?

What?

At least this can't get any more humiliating.

Okay, what kind of scent would you like?

Pine or new car smell?

Good morning, pups. Welcome to Human Behavior.

Today's lesson is on one of the most confusing of all human behaviors; baby talk.

And I'm not talking about human babies talking, I'm talking about adults talking like human babies.

Charlie? Could you demonstrate with Rotty?

Come here. Rotty, come here.

Yes, you are. Yes. You're a good boy.

-Rotty, are you for real? -Actually, that looks delightful!

Notice the lack of words and the intense eye contact.

This is one of the ways humans say "I love you."

Who's a good "doggy-woggy"?

We still don't have a scientific reason why adult humans talk to dogs this way.

All we know for sure is this makes humans excitingly happy!

Oh, yeah! Rotty loves that, right there. Oh, I like that scratching! Oh, yeah.

Right there, yes. Rotty loves that!

You can't seriously be enjoying that, can you?

What? It's for the human.

Can I go next?

It may seem silly.

Silly is kind of an understatement.

Yes, humans can be very silly.

Why do you think you're in school to learn about them?

Spark, why don't you give it a shot?

Come on, Spark.

Okay, let's just get this over with.

Morgan, why don't you give it a shot?

Nope. Not feeling it.

Wait. Is it, "Ah, boo boo"? Or is it just, "Ah, boo"?

Just feel it, and it'll be the right amount of "boo boos."

-Go ahead. -Ah boo boo.

Who's a good girl?

-Who is? -Nope.

No warm heart. Just an awkward, weirded out vibe.

Not really liking it.

-Come on, Spark. Get into it. -I don't think Spark likes this.

Oh, come on, put a little mustard on it. Come on.

I'm good. Wrap it up.

I don't get it. It's getting on my nerves. I said--

What did she say?

It's an older kid word. I'll tell you in a few years.

Note the shocked look on the human.

That is a sad face.

They are not, as humans say, "simpatico."

And Spark, there's no place for that kind of behavior here.

Oh, yeah? Well, where is there a place for that kind of behavior?

Detention. Go.

Man.

I guess I need to practice my "Ah, boo boos."

You'll get the hang of it.

Who's a good boy? Now, tell me, who's a good boy?

Dang! I'm gonna be late for school. Gotta motor!

All right, see you later.

I had Chelsea do that. She's really good with graphics and everything.

-She did a good job. -I think so.

Mr. Bannington, this looks great.

But, we still need someone to work the hot dog cart.

Mr. Edwards.

Oh, hey, Mr. Bannington.

And sorry I'm late, Principal Schiffley.

It's just sometimes I forget which days I'm supposed to be here and which days I'm at work-study with my grandpa.

Well, I know where you're going to be tomorrow to make up for today.

And two days ago.

And last week.

The annual big game against the Laurier Lions?

You want me to play?

Oh, heavens, no. I've seen you in PE.

You'll be manning the fundraising hot dog cart.

It's the biggest game of the year. And... the hot dogs are the number one seller of the fundraiser.

I can't believe you're entrusting me with such a huge responsibility, Principal Schiffley.

I mean, I should really pass--

This isn't a request. The school needs this money, and you need the extra credit.

-And people love hot dogs. -Love 'em!

And everybody else said no.

Correct. But everyone else was on time.

Speaking of which...

Spark. How was detention?

Not amazing. How was kibble?

Delicious!

I mean, we ate it all.

I mean, Whiz, I told you to save her some.

I did. And you literally ate it!

I couldn't hear you over my chewing.

There's the bad doggy.

Who's a bad dog?

Spark is.

Come on, Bite. You know Spark doesn't like baby talk.

Or humans, apparently.

Or humans, apparently.

Who needs humans, anyway?

We do. We love our humans.

Sure, sometimes they're hard to understand.

I don't understand why James thinks it's so important to get sheep in a pen, but James is my best friend.

I thought we were best friends.

We are, but being a human's best friend is what Pup Academy is all about.

Yeah. Or, why else are you here?

Wait. That came out wrong.

No. It's a good question.

Why am I here?

And if my "friends" are asking it, maybe I don't belong here after all.

For a smart pup, that was a very unsmart thing to do, you know, Whiz?

What?

Look at this.

Looks like somebody had a long day.

-Not us, eh, boys? -Yeah!

I chased a squirrel for three hours!

I chewed a brick!

We spent the whole day doing whatever we wanted.

Just like we'll be doing tomorrow.

Does your offer still stand?

To give the Lost Dogs a try?

We thought you'd never ask.

Whoa! Morgan?

-Yeah? -Honey, what are you still doing here?

Unless I didn't get the sticky note, don't we still live here?

You should be at school preparing the food for the fundraiser this afternoon.

As I understand it, your work-study depends on it.

Mom, it's hot dogs.

How hard can it be?

You take them out of the package, put it in water, once they look less gross, you put it in a bun.

For 500 people.

For 500...

I'm sorry, what now?

Come on, chop chop. Have another bite, let's go.

Come on.

You made a good choice, kid.

-I'm just trying this for a day. -Fair enough.

But do you really want to end up like that?

Controlled.

Manipulated.

And what is that?

A dog in a purse?

Do you realize hundreds of years ago that was a wolf?

Maybe she's happy.

Maybe she thinks she's happy, but she doesn't know from freedom.

She's a pet.

Groveling to get attention, and begging for morsels.

You know what would make that worse?

Baby talk.

Right?

That's not the world you belong in.

So, you ready for a day of fun with the Lost Dogs?

Lead the way.

Those onions are doing a number on your eyes, aren't they?

It's not the onions, Principal Schiffley.

It's the onions and the 500 hot dogs I have to make.

Six-hundred. We sold out the game this morning.

Seriously?

Oh, no.

Morgan, breathe. All you have to do is follow the menu.

The menu?

It's just hot dogs. Meat and bun.

No, regular. Chicago. Gluten Free.

Tofu dog. Chili dog. Cheese dog. Chili cheese dog. Completed. Corn dog.

Italian dog. Polish boy.

Don't even know what that is. Texas barbecue--

There's like 12 different types of hot dogs here!

Twelve on the other side. There's 24.

Morgan. This is why I wanted you to do this.

You need to learn how to prioritize.

School, your work-study.

Different types of hot dogs. You need a system to do it all.

So I cook the dogs here.

And then you load them up in the cart, pull them out on the field for 1:10.

-Why 1:10? -Halftime.

Peak wiener time, Edwards!

People are hungry at the start of the game, but they're hangry at halftime.

-Okay. -I know you won't let me down.

Thanks.

No.

I know you won't let me down.

Oh, yeah! You better run, humans.

-This is our beach, now. -Take that, floaty-ducky-rubber-ducky.

Show that duck who's boss, Tail!

Can you believe they just gave us all this stuff?

Somebody seems to be enjoying themselves.

You know, I guess I am.

Bet you don't have this much fun at Pup Academy, right?

I spent all day yesterday being judged, and maybe I misjudged you.

I keep telling you that, kid.

You belong with us.

No leashes, no collars, no humans.

But all this fun, it sure works up an appetite.

Sure does.

Kid, you're gonna love what's on the menu for the rest of the day.

Here comes the fuzz.

A day late, and a dollar short.

Away we go, strays.

Oh, ho, ho. Yeah!

They're getting away again.

Just try to keep up, you slugs!

Look at this mess.

They're a menace!

That's too bad. I love a beach party.

Hot dogs cooked.

Buns steamed.

And condiments organized for speedy weenie creations.

I gotta admit, Edwards, I'm a little surprised.

Well, sometimes I can surprise you.

Me too.

Surprise.

Well, at least this couldn't get any worse.

Smell that?

That's the smell of 600 hot dogs.

Wait a minute.

We're eating dogs?

No.

Humans just call them that.

Another insult to our kind.

We've been casing this joint for a while.

Once a year, some kid comes out of the building with a cart and a ton of tasty hot dogs.

He'll walk from the school to the field when the whistle blows, and you hear cheers.

But we can never get close enough.

If only one of us could fit through that hole in the fence, they could open the gate.

Oh, well, dare to dream.

Wait, I could fit through that hole.

I could open the gate.

You guys could run in, and chase the human off.

Spark. What a novel idea.

Once the coast is clear, I'll sneak hot dogs from the cart, and let the feast begin.

Always knew you were a natural.

Nothing. No, Spark. Nowhere.

I didn't mean to hurt her feelings.

What if she doesn't come back?

Sniff faster.

And there it is.

Just like clockwork.

You have my guarantee.

This is going to be the most successful hot dog sale you've ever known, Principal Schiffley.

Now remember, follow the plan, no matter what.

I'll topple the cart, and we'll feast like kings.

It's coming. Don't let me down, Spark.

We're in, boys. Time to feast.

-Yeah! -Hot dog!

-That's a big dog. -Yeah.

It's not the most comfortable suit, that's for sure.

No! Big dogs!

Hey!

Oh, Mama. Am I dreaming?

It's even bigger up close.

-Please eat me, Tail. -What's that?

What's that, giant hot dog?

Please eat me!

You don't want to eat me. I'm mostly foam!

Please eat me.

I'm a delicious hot dog.

Really? Are you sure?

-Please eat me, Tail! -Okay, whatever you say, talking hot dog.

Oh, I smell hot dogs.

Would you focus? We're sniffing to find Spark.

Oh, I smell her!

But I also smell a lot of hot dogs.

Look! Over there!

Hello? Animal Control?

We have a situation.

Get here immediately! Please!

No!

Oh, no. The hot dogs! No!

Morgan?

Spark?

What are you doing here?

You're in on this?

Oh, no.

You're stealing my hot dogs?

I baby talk to you in class, you bark at me, and now you're stealing.

Oh, I'm gonna eat you in one bite, hot dog.

Help!

I've gotta help Morgan.

That's my tail!

Quit it, Spark. What are you doing?

Hey!

That's my tail, Spark!

What are you doing?

I can't let you hurt this kid, King.

Stick to the plan, kid.

You wanna be part of my crew? There are rules.

Rule #1: King makes the rules.

Somebody called the fuzz, guys.

You don't see that every day.

You've obviously never worked at a ballpark.

To be continued. Don't forget, you owe me.

"Paw-pact."

And after this, you just made sure that when I call in the favor, it's going to be huge.

Heist's over! Go!

Yeah, you better run!

We're so close!

-We won't forget this! -We'll be back!

And you... better hide.

I'm pretty sure I saw another dog here.

What? Nope. You chased them all off.

See, Lou? You need to get your eyes checked.

Principal Schiffley?

-Yes? -May I help you down?

Oh.

Okay, if I...

-Oh. Can I... -I'll just put my...

Oh. All right.

Well, I think you have it from here, Edwards.

I'll see you at the game.

And let's never speak of this again.

You heard the lady.

You know, I should be mad, but you did chase that big dog off.

Okay, apology accepted.

See you tomorrow?

Spark!

-We were worried about you. -We saw what you did there.

-What? -Or didn't do.

You were about to get your paws on a lot of hot dogs, and then you changed your mind. And stood up to King.

Pretty cool.

I didn't have much choice.

I didn't want Morgan to get hurt.

Oh! So suddenly, the human isn't so bad after all.

We're sorry, Spark. We...

I mean, Whiz didn't mean to make you feel bad before.

You didn't. It wasn't either of you.

It was me.

I got lost for a little while.

But I'm not lost anymore.

Who's a good doggy?

Don't.

-Hot dog, hot dog for you. -Thank you.

Good girl, Spark!

Hot dog for you. Here you go.

Thank you.

Yeah. Good boy, Whiz.

-Hot dog. -Thanks.

Hot dog.

Edwards!

Back to the cart. Those hot dogs aren't gonna sell themselves.

Back to work, ma'am.

I could've thought of an easier way to get a hot dog, but this sure is delicious!

Wait a minute.

We're eating dogs?