Pup Academy S1E8 Script

Kitten Academy (2019)

Cat. The enemy of--

Dog. The enemy of cat.

Cool recap, bro.

Better him than me.

-My hydrant! -Well, I guess that means you have to run.

Smell you later, bone breath.

Cats rule.

Hey! Come back here! This isn't over!

Wow. This professor totally knows how to "chillax."

Well, how's everything going in here?

Reginald. Not again.

Okay, class.

Today's lesson is on acceptance and coexistence.

Co-e-whattity-what?

Coexistence.

Specifically, the eternal question of how to tolerate the intolerable... cats.

Yeah, boo!

Yes, gross, I know.

But our archivist, Reginald, keeper of all records and chief historian of the academy, will explain the importance.

-Reginald! -Doggie biscuits! What the... Oh, no.

Dogs and cats used to be natural enemies.

To the point that it became a phrase.

You know, "Fighting like cats and dogs?"

Classic.

Then, humans decided that both dogs and cats would make great pets, and so...

I thought the teachers were supposed to make us sleepy.

Pork chops! What? Oh.

And so, an agreement was made.

-That when dog and cat... -Boo!

...lived with human, there would be peace.

Never!

Cats are Rotty's favorite chew toy!

Cat.

Cat.

Chill.

We signed a sacred truce with the cats and sealed it in this locket that we keep safe, deep in the archives of our academy.

Shorter version, see a cat, don't attack.

-Attack? -No! Corazon!

That's not what he said.

-Go get him! -Bite him good!

Every time.

All right, please, do not encourage him!

Cats are the worst.

You call that an attack?

Touché.

Corazon.

Did I pass?

Yeah, here we are We're always learning something new There may be ups and downs But we'll be comin' through So pay attention We'll pick up a thing or two Uh-oh-o-oh I'll be right by your side No matter what No matter what You got me day and night No matter what No matter what I'll always be there For you And I know You're there for me too And we got that bond For life No matter what No matter what I got you like that

Let's try this again.

-You see a cat. -Right.

-You don't attack. -What?

You greet the cat.

And how do we greet a cat?

Watch and learn.

Wrong on so many levels.

We are greeting a cat, not a dog.

But fighting like cats and dogs, it's in our DNA!

I don't know what the big deal is.

You leave cats alone, they'll leave you alone.

What?

Cat lover!

I wouldn't say love.

Maybe like? Tolerate? Accept?

-Isn't that what this class is about? -Yeah, you're right.

Or, and hear me out, we could get the cat!

Take him down, Corazon!

Always the hardest class of the year.

Just forget about it. Please.

I followed my dog through a fire hydrant to the most amazing place I've ever seen, and you want me to just forget about it?

I exactly want you to forget about it.

How do I get back? No, when can I go back?

Sorry, that's not polite.

May I go back? Too polite.

I demand--

Can we not do this out in the open?

Imagine what someone would think about me if I said I went to a school for dogs, run by dogs?

They'd think you're weird.

Exactly.

Okay. Let's go somewhere else then.

I have to get to class.

Well, what if I make this face?

Can you not do that?

I'm already the new kid.

I don't need to be the kid with the weird friend too.

But I'm just an iddy-biddy-wittle puppy dog.

All right, fine. This way.

Yes!

Well, here we are. Again.

Like every year.

Teaching pups to restrain themselves around cats is always a challenge.

But the truce is important.

I do so hate this part of the job, but it does seem to help with the lesson.

Kitten Academy. Headmistress Felicia speaking.

Who is this, and tell me why I should care?

This is the hotline between our two academies, Headmistress Felicia.

You know why I'm calling.

It's time for the annual student exchange.

Yes. That time of year.

Where you send us one of your students to... learn to get along with cats, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Yes, very good.

And in the spirit of our long-standing truce, we will send our best kitten tomorrow.

And I trust you will send your best puppy?

Yes.

We're sending the best of the best.

I thought we were sending Corazon?

Okay, ciao.

Zipper?

Here, Zipper.

You kissy noised, Headmistress?

Yes. It's time.

Do you remember the plan?

Yes, Headmistress Felicia.

But are you sure we should be doing this?

I mean, not all dogs are terrible.

We helped you find your forever family, Zipper.

You owe me.

You were a stray once, and I think those skills can finally destroy the truce.

I can count on you, yes?

Yes.

Marvelous.

But first, yarn!

Yarn is so fluffy and puffy.

Okay. So what else do you want to know?

Okay, so, I know that the pups get in through the hydrants, but how?

How did they get in?

I tried, and my head still hurts.

First, they hear a whistle. Which is kinda like our school bell, -then they-- -Speaking of bells, did you not just hear ours?

Actually, no, Principal Schiffley. We must have missed it.

Yeah, we were busy

-going over our homework. -Yeah.

-It won't happen again. -Nope.

I hope not. I've got my eye on you, Edwards.

Remember, I could put you in detention like that.

Like that.

That. Seriously, what am I not getting here?

This is so lame.

Why do I have do to do this?

Why me?

Do you not remember the class this morning?

You know, the one about cats?

Cats? Where?

Must attack!

Yes. I believe that was your reaction earlier.

That's why me.

We will break this habit, Corazon.

You will learn to coexist with cats.

Okay.

A school full of kittens, I can totally handle this.

How bad can this be?

This bad. I guess.

Okay, class.

This is our exchange cat, Zipper.

This is not a stuffed toy, so I trust you will all be on your best behavior.

Wait. Trust?

So, my life is riding on the honor system?

Yes. Please ignore that pile of shredded stuffed cats.

Pile of shredded, what?

You know, I really should be going.

Wait. Spark?

I'm scared, kitties.

Where are we?

You're on my street now, kittens.

Pick on someone your own size, Tail.

Spark? I wasn't gonna do anything--

I said scram!

Okay!

Wow, thanks. Pretty cool for a dog.

Yeah, well, we're both strays, and we all have four paws.

Name's Spark.

Zipper. Nice to meet you, Spark.

Spark? Is that you?

Hey. That cat knows you.

What?

We met on the street.

When we were both str-- No! Pipe down, cat!

Oh, my.

Spark, are you sure there's nothing you'd like to tell the class?

I don't know what he's talking about.

I've never seen him before in my life.

"Meow-ch"!

Thank goodness it's recess. I gotta go.

Would it kill them to have a litter box around here?

Zipper.

Oh, now you remember me.

Just wanted to make sure we're cool.

I can't let anyone know that I'm friends--

With a cat?

Well, yeah. But specifically, with you.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Wow. When you put it that way, probably not.

-What I mean is-- -I know what you mean.

You're a scaredy-cat.

What?

Whoa, zing!

Come along, you two. Time for class.

Smell you later, scaredy-cat.

Okay, Corazon.

So far, so good.

Keep your paws to yourself, and do not chew on the cats.

Not that I care, but you're suppressing your aggression quite nicely, Corazon.

Well, there's more of you than there are of me.

Plus, the claws.

So many claws.

Yes.

So, this class feels like the last class.

That was "Relax" class.

This is "Chill" class.

Big difference.

There we learned to relax.

Here we learn to chill out.

Oh, so, you're "chillaxing?"

"Chillaxing" is the next class.

Look, Corazon. There's a time for rest and a time for more rest, -but mostly, there's time for-- -Play?

Classic dog.

This may take some work.

Budgeting helps you make a plan to spend money in a way that ensures you'll have some left over for the important things in life.

A good rule to follow is the 50/20/30 rule.

-Not now. -That's 50% of your income on--

As I was saying...

One more question about that place we were talking about.

Not now. We're learning about budgeting.

-Come on, just one more. -Izzy. Morgan. That's enough.

Sorry.

Gas bill, that's an example of a variable cost.

Variable costs change from month to month.

Other examples would be your grocery bill, clothing bill, electric bill. So on.

The other type of bill is fixed cost. That stays the same.

Just take it!

No!

Morgan! What do you got there?

Phone bills?

Is that a note?

Very old school.

But if it's important enough to write in class, it's important enough to read in class--

-I wrote it. -Give it.

I'll read it.

Proceed.

It says...

It says...

"Hey, Morgan, do you think this note tastes like blueberries?"

Everybody, settle down.

And, Izzy?

Everyone knows that notes taste like detention.

Which is where I'll see you both after school.

Okay, pups, it's time for House Training class.

As you know, we help our humans keep their houses clean by doing our business outside.

Whoa. Wait. Outside?

Wait a minute, you poop inside?

Of course.

Settle down now.

That is pretty unhygienic.

You must need so many baths.

In water? I've never had a bath.

Gross!

-Cats are disgusting! -What? No. It's not disgusting, we lick ourselves clean.

Double gross!

Cats are more than disgusting!

Enough!

Zipper is our special guest, show some respect.

Okay, so maybe we have a few differences.

But we all have four paws, right, Spark?

But maybe that's not enough. Maybe it never was.

So, I know this is "chillax" class, but don't you ever do anything, you know, fun?

Hey, kitties. Show him the laser pointer.

Red dot.

Red dot!

What am I learning?

Nothing. You're just chasing the dot.

This is awesome. Where'd it go? There it is!

It moved. This is amazing!

It's like chasing your tail, but less painful when you catch it.

If you like that, you're going to love "Mouse on String."

Go on.

What a day, guys.

We've chilled, we've relaxed, and we've "chillaxed."

Oh, I had it wrong.

You welcomed me here.

You showed me your glowy dot.

I'm sorry for all the times I chased you around.

From now on, I'm just gonna stick to the mailman.

Yeah. Mailmen are the worst.

Mailmen are our mortal enemy!

This has gotta be the place.

The truce is mine.

Zipper, you in here?

Zipper?

Oh, there you are.

Look, Zipper, I came to apologize.

There's things about me that my classmates don't know, and I didn't know what to do.

It's not who I am.

I'm sorry. Zip?

Apology not accepted. Now, just leave me alone.

Wait. What are you doing with that?

Nothing I need to tell some rando dog I apparently don't know.

That represents the truce that bonds cats and dogs.

Yeah? Well it's not working, and it's about to be destroyed.

-Don't do this, Zipper. -Why not?

You showed me dogs and cats can't trust each other.

It's time to go back to the way things were.

Were how?

The way things were in the days of ancient Egypt.

Where dogs were not human's best friends and cats, were worshiped as gods.

He was here the whole time?

He's a heavy sleeper.

Zipper. Give me the truce.

You want the truce?

You can't handle the truce.

Hey! Somebody stop that cat!

Thanks for not blowing the secret back there, Izzy.

No problem. It was my fault anyway.

Sorry for getting us detention.

So, the paper?

Did it actually taste like blueberry?

No, but it was still better than the school's meatloaf.

I have so many more questions.

Well, fire away.

We're in detention, we've got nothing but time.

Okay. So--

You two want more detention?

-No! -Yes!

What?

Why isn't this thing on? I need to get out of here.

Zipper, stop.

I know you're angry, but let me explain.

That hydrant's not taking you anywhere.

Give the truce back, Zipper.

-He stole the truce? But why? -Cat burglar!

I'm very disappointed in you, little kitten.

Don't be disappointed in Zipper.

Be disappointed in me.

If I'd been more accepting of him, maybe he wouldn't have taken the truce.

I'm sorry, Zipper.

I should have been a better friend and stood up for you.

I know how it feels to be different.

Let me guess, you're a cat in disguise?

No.

I'm a stray.

What?

No way!

That's right.

I don't have a human, and I barely have a home.

But if a place like this can accept a dog like me, then dogs like us can accept cats like Zip. Right?

A stray and a cat lover?

Two strikes.

A stray is just a stray until they find a family to love them.

Remember. There is a family for every dog.

They didn't know you were a stray?

And you did.

That's why I pretended I didn't know you.

But I really am sorry, Zipper.

I shouldn't care what other people think.

Now you're sounding like a cat.

Easy there.

So, we cool?

We cool.

The truce stands.

Zipper, tell Felicia she'll have to try harder next time.

Later, canines.

Spark, I can't believe you told everyone you were a stray.

We are who we are, Whiz.

I'm proud of it, and I'm proud of my friends.

All of them.

Meow!

I am now part of the Brotherhood of the Cat.

Meow.

Most of the time.

So, where's the truce?

-I couldn't do it. -Not following orders?

Doing your own thing?

I should be angrily hissing at you right now, but what you did is exactly the kind of "not caring" we teach here at Kitten Academy.

So, I pass?

Oh, Zipper. We're cats.

We don't even have grades here.

Now go before I decide to sharpen my claws on you.

Okay. I'm going.

Big surprise, your plan didn't work.

We were so close! If the truce had fallen apart, I could prove it was time for D-O-G to retire and for me to be in charge.

What-ev-meow.

You still owe me my fish heads, -Fitz. -Yes.

Don't let me down.

Yes. And you'll get them.

And one way or another, D-O-G's days of ruling will be over, and I'll finally be in charge of this school.

Yes. Okay.

Bored with this conversation now.

Meow. I mean, ciao.

Where the heck am I going to get five fish heads?

And so, we meet again.

Hey, Harvey.

Wait a second. Corazon?

Nice day today.

Yeah, it is.

Hey, so what happens when you actually catch the little red dot?

Good question. I don't think anyone has ever caught that--

Wait? What happened to you?

Meow.

Seriously? A school for kittens?

I know, right?

Wait. Is that...

The mailman?

Whoa. What happened to chasing each other?

You are our enemy!