Python (2000) Script

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She's handling like a sled.

What's the hell's going on back there?

Just the cargo shifting, Captain.

Check it out.

Yes, sir.

I'll check it out.

The hold-down straps are tight, Captain.

[loud thud]


Captain, I think there's something moving around in here.

Lookit, Dave, I bleed easy. Look inside that cargo.

[thudding continues]

What do you got?

I'm trying to get the crate open, sir.

Sir, there are warning signs all over this thing.

I don't think this is such a good idea.

It's top secret, but go ahead.

You got my permission. Open it up.

[thunder crashes]

There ain't nothing in here, sir.

-[snarling] -Oh, my God.

-[pounding on crate] -[screams]


[creature snarling]


What the hell is going on back there?

[Dave shouting indistinctly]

What the hell?

[creature roaring]

[console beeping rapidly]

-[inhuman roaring] -[loud crashing]

[pilot] No!


[water splashing]

[woman] Oh, yeah.

Right there.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, right there.

Robert, you...

What did you say?

Why did you stop?

You just called me Robert.

No, no, no. I said Roberta.

No, you said Robert.

There was no "ta" at the end of it.

Roberta... please excuse my improper alliteration in a moment of ecstasy.

I promise, next time I will get your name right.

Look, I'm sorry.

I know that you see guys sometimes.

I just hope I'm the only girl you see.

You are the only girl I see.

[both moan]

That feels good.

Oh, not so tight.

[laughs] Not so tight.

What's too tight?

[snake moving]


Jesus Christ, you're scaring her.

Scaring her?

She's just giving you a hug. Hi, baby.

I don't know why you had to bring that overgrown worm with you anyway.

I hate that thing. It could have bitten me!

Lady G is a python.

She doesn't bite, she squeezes.

Besides, I can't leave her at home alone.

Wherever I go, she goes.


-Where you going to go? -I got to go take a leak.


[Roberta] Looks like you've been up here before.

A few times.

-So, who's John? -John? No.

You mean Joanna.

[lighter snaps]


What was that?






This isn't funny!


-[hissing] -Roberta?


Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

No! No!

-[loud rustling] -[sobbing]


No! God, no!



[creature hissing]

* Mutual sight, mutual sound

* Mutual struggle For shared ground *

* It's safe to say They'll try to take from me *

* I'm just another one For them to break down *

* Steeped in denial The daily grind *

* Dream of a world for me And my kind *

* It's safe in the alternate reality *

* So stick your standards Where the sun doesn't shine *

* They're for themselves *

* It doesn't matter What they say *

* Promise the world Then take it from you anyway *

* They'll break you down Making your vision fade away *

* It's time to go Get out of my space *

* Welcome to a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Be anyone, do anything I'd ever want to try *

* Time doesn't exist here I will never die *

* Explain the reasons Explain the rhymes *

* It's not required Inside our minds *

* It's safe to try No need to justify *

* Or take their guilt trip At the end of the line *

* They're for themselves *

* It doesn't matter What they say *

* Promise the world Then take it from you anyway *

* They'll break you down Making your vision fade away *

* It's time to go Get off of my case *

* Welcome to a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Be anyone, do anything I'd ever want to try *

* Time doesn't exist here *

* Slip into a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Come with me into it

* And you know What you will find *

* Time doesn't exist here We will never die *

* Welcome to a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Be anyone, do anything I'd ever want to try *

* Time doesn't exist here *

* Slip into a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Come with me into it...

Hey, Greg.

This isn't a racing circuit, Cooper.

You keep riding like that, somebody's going to get hurt.

* They're for themselves *

* It doesn't matter What they say *

* It's time to go Get out of my face *

* Welcome to a world where The air I breathe is mine *

* Nothing to overwhelm me And nothing to cloud my mind *

* Be anyone, do anything I'd ever want to try *

* Time doesn't exist here *

[metallic clanging]

-[alarm blares] -Shit!

-[men laugh] -Oh, pretty damn funny, huh?

[both] Yep.

There she blows!


Are you guys out of your minds?

Do you know what happens when that goes past the red?

Hey, quit screwing around in here!

For Christ's sake, Brian, leave the door open.

We're dying in here.

Take it up with the city.

We leave the big door open, we're going to get cited.

A $500-per-incident fine?

Brian, that door is the only ventilation we have in this place.

If you close that, we'll all end up with brain damage.

You ain't gonna get brain damaged.

Yeah, that's what you think.

You see those two vapor monkeys over there?

Those two are permanently defective.

I don't want to end up like that, or keeled over with some dopey grin.

Like Dad?

The city will close us down if we don't keep this place buttoned up.

OSHA will shut us down if we do.

That's the point. They want to shut us down.

They're looking for an excuse.

Well, I'm not going to sit here and let them bury everything Dad spent a lifetime building for us, just so a bunch of snobs can sit around sipping lattes and munching on biscotti.


Dad died trying to keep this place open.

I don't think that's what he really wanted for us.

What do you know about what Dad wanted?

You weren't even here.

[car horn honking]

That's Tommy. I got to go.

Well, then go. Go ahead. Leave.

That's what you do best, ain't it, John?

[rock music playing on radio]

Hey, Johnny, how you doing?

Great. Peachy.

Where are the girls?

They're going to meet us at the lake.


[Kristin] Do you love him?

[Theresa] Oh, God, of course I do.

I've loved Tommy ever since I first saw him on the monkey bars in second grade.

I've been in love with Theresa since the time I saw her in that tight varsity sweater our freshman year.

So when do you think he'll finally get around to asking you the question?

At the rate he's going? Never.

I swear, all he ever talks about is sex and...


These days it is all about money.

-You don't care about money? -Oh, heck, no.

I'd live in a trailer park with Tommy if he'd ask me to.

But all he ever talks about is this damn...

Kenny the Closer?

Kenny the Closer. My God, the man's a legend.

He's an icon.

He's the number-one-selling real estate agent in the entire southwestern corridor.

And there is no way that I'm going to ask Theresa to marry me until I'm pulling down bucks like Kenny the Closer.

Come on, Theresa doesn't care about your money. She loves you.

If that's the case, how come she won't...?

You never slept with Tommy?

Nope, not once.

Why not?

Well, we did come close a couple times, but...

What if we get married, and the first time we do it it's like really bad sex?

Tommy, there's no such thing as really bad sex.

[truck doors closing]



How's your brother?


Dying slowly from toxic fumes.

Just doesn't know it yet.

You keep working there, he'll be taking you with him.

-Hello. -Hello.

That's what you came back for?


Not for that.

I never did thank you.

For what?

Wrecking your engagement with Greg?


From saving me from a big mistake.

I like saving you.

-[water splashes] -[Tommy] Come on, you weenies!

-Let's go! -Tommy, you are so dead!

[Theresa] Get in here.

[Theresa laughs]

[indistinct shouting]



-What happened? -[Theresa] What?

Easy. It's okay. It's all right. Hey.

Easy, girl. Easy.

[Kristin] John...

-It's okay. It's okay. -What are you doing?

[John laughs]

Easy, girl.

Oh, my God, that's Lady G.

-Who? -[both] It's Lisa's.

-[car door closes] -Okay.

I'm not even going to ask how both of you know that.

What you got there, Cooper?

That's Lisa's snake, isn't it?

What are you doing here?

What, you think I came all the way up here to spy on you?

Didn't you?

Guys, this is official.

A missing persons report.

Lisa didn't show up at home this morning.

Well, she's a bit on the wild side.

You'd know. You used to date her.

Everybody used to date her.

[man, over radio] Greg. Deputy Greg?

Deputy Greg, come in. We found something.

-Let me take that. -Please do.

God, you're such a girl.

How do you know Lisa?

Everybody knows Lisa.

-[flies buzzing] -[police radio chatter]

So, what do you think?

I don't know what to think.

I don't know what to think either.

You ever seen anything like this before?


Neither have I.

Any idea what might have caused it?

Nothing in my mind.

Nothing in my mind either.

[car door opens and closes]

What you got, Griff?

[Griffin] We think we found Lisa's body.

It's not pretty.

Oh, no.

Didn't you used to date her?

Everybody used to date her.

Got to tell you, Griff, whoever pulled this one has a real mean streak.

She's burned to the bone.

Yeah, but with what?

I guess an acid.

Sulfuric, hydrochloric.


I don't know.

[flies buzzing]

I won't know more until I get her up on the table.

To tell you the truth... this looks more like an industrial accident than a murder.

No, this was no accident.

You know, Rose and I saw Lisa and that damn snake of hers leave the diner last night with Roberta Keeler.

Nobody's seen her since either.

Well, all I know is, burns like that don't happen just going for a midnight swim.

What you got, Greg?

John Cooper.

Just ran into him over at the watering hole.

He had Lisa's snake with him.

He has been working over at Perfecto with his brother since he got back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

With all that acid.

What do you think, Griff? Worth a little talk with him?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, if that's Lisa, where's Roberta?

I mean, is she missing? Did she do this?

I guess it wouldn't hurt to check and see what John was up to last night.

-Go ahead. -Yes, sir.

I'll get an A.P.B. out for Keeler too.


-This is great! -What's great?

Well, we finally get to grill that asshole who stole your girl.

What do you mean, "We get to grill"?

What, you're not going to grill him?

I didn't say that.

I knew it. I knew it.

Good cop, bad cop.

And when we are done with him, he's going to be confessing to the JFK hit.

When do we start?

I got it covered, Lou.

What are you talking about, you got it covered?

What, you're not going to let me help?

Come on, y-y-y-you got to let me help.

Please, I promise, I won't say a thing.

I'll be a fly on the wall. I won't say anything

-Please, please? -All right.

But you don't say one word.

-Not one word. -Not one word.

[Tommy] Now listen to this.

I'm supposed to be showing the Baxter place tomorrow.

Okay, two bedrooms, two bathrooms.

Six percent of 150K, I haven't even run the comps yet.

Oh, shit!


I was going to take some Polaroids to go with the comps, and I left the damn camera up at the Red Stone Estates.

No biggie. Just pick it up after you drop me off.

I can't. I've got to get back to the office.

Pick it up afterwards.

No, Theresa and I are going to the show tonight.

If we don't get out by 5:00, there's no way we're going to make it.

Oh, I am so screwed.

[John] I'll go get it for you.

-Would you? -Yeah.

Thanks, man. That's very cool.

[John] No sweat.


Hey, hey, Tommy!

You going to close the deal on that Baxter place tomorrow?

I hope so.

Hope? Hope is for losers, kid.

You got to know so.

Me, I'm showing Red Stone tonight, model D.

Prospect is hot to trot!

You think I'm hoping?

Hell no! You know what I'm--

Hey! Hey! You scratch it, I'll hang your balls like fuzzy dice from my mirror!

You got that, Billy? You got it?

You piece of monkey shit!

Anyway, I'm going to ask you one more time.

And this is Kenny the Closer that's asking you.

Are you gonna close that deal?

-Yeah. -Are you gonna close that deal?

-Oh, yeah. -Are you gonna close that deal?

-Hell, yeah! -That's the ticket!

Ka-ching, baby! Ha-ha!

[tires squeal

[horn honking]

[steam hissing]

What's going on?

Somebody done gone out and got themselves murdered.

-Murdered? -Yeah, Louis told us hisself.

Where? Here?

No, no, no, up at the reservoir last night.

Lisa Johnson.

You know that's crazy.

Look, he may be irresponsible, but there's no way that he would...

[John] Hey.


Why don't you sit down for this?

It's all right. I'd rather stand.

Where were you last night between 10:00 and 12:00 p.m.?

You think I murdered Lisa?


Nobody said anything about a murder.

What makes you think there was a murder?

-Lenny and Boone told me. -Oh, yeah?

And just how did they know?

They said you told them.

Oh, yeah. I guess I did.

Louis, why don't you let John...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.

But I'll be watching you, mister.


Come on, Greg.

Are you going to answer the question?

Where were you last night?

I was at Kristin's place.

Is she willing to confirm that?

Of course she would.

Here, ask her yourself.

You want me to dial?

I know the number.

Yes, my Liebchen.

[smacks lips]


[clucks tongue]

Time to work.

Dr. Rudolph?


Special Agent Parker would like to see you now, sir.

What took you so long?

[laughs] Ooh!

[laughing] Oh, Mrs. Garibaldi.

You look absolutely gorgeous today.

Francesca, please.

You're so sweet.

So, what have you got for me today?

Something that will excite me, I hope.

Follow me.

Use your imagination, Mrs.--

I mean, Francesca.

That is such a beautiful name.

Thank you.

My late husband used to call me Fran.

Oh, can you believe it?

Oh, you are anything but a Fran.

Imagine a cool winter night.

You and the one you love staring into the flames.


Maybe a little incense.


-Candlelight. -Ooh.

You make me want it right now.

Let me show you what I've got in the back.

I'd rather see what you got in front.

[laughs] Now, now, now, now.

The master suite.


[both giggle]

-Isn't it beautiful? -Mm!


Just use your imagination.

Oh, I am.


And now... my very favorite room in Red Stone Estates.




Floating camellias.


Shall I?

Please do.

[motor whirring]

[man screaming on recording]

[static crackles on recording]

[tape turned off]

What the hell have you gotten us into?

This is horrible.

Such a loss.

You knew those men?

No, no, no, not the men. The specimen.

You can always get more men, but... but the specimen... the specimen is irreplaceable.

What exactly do you do, Doctor?

I'm a herpetologist.

So you specialize in reptiles.


Is that was Biogene was transporting?

Not in the traditional sense, no.

What, um...

What we had was something unique.

An evolutionary chimera of immense physiological scale.

Something with unparalleled abilities and characteristics.

A hybrid, if you will, integrated from a variety of distinct serpentine species.

You hide behind a lot of big words, Doctor, but what you just said still doesn't tell us what we need to know.

We know the flight originated in Southeast Asia.

The authorization came from the State Department for the use of a transport out of Guam.

But nowhere in the manifest is there so much as a mention of exactly what it was you were transporting.

So I'm asking you, Doctor, in simple laymen's terms... what was it?

Well, in simple laymen's terms...

a very big snake.

[Francesca] Oh! Oh, my God, it's huge!

It's... It's enormous!

I just can't handle it! It's too much!

[Kenny] Yes, you can. You can do it, baby.

I know you can.

Thirty percent down, 8.9% financing for the first two years.

You can do it, baby!

Oh, it's just so much more than I expected.

Isn't there anything I can do to get you to go down?

All right.

Twenty percent down, 8.5% financing with a ballooning mortgage to 12.9.

And that's the best deal you're going to get from anybody.

-[glass shatters] -What was that?

Sounded like the garage.

[loud crash]

Damn kids are after my car!

Wait here!

All right, 15% down, 7.5% financing, with a ballooning mortgage to 12.9%.

That's the best you're gonna get from anybody. Think about it!

Don't sign with anybody until I get back!

Ka-ching, baby!

[loud crashing]

[loud crashing continuous]


Oh, yes.




You little shit!


You little creep!

Your ass is mine now!


[footsteps continuous]

[objects clatter]




What the...?

Huh. Hm.





[hissing and snarling]




[Kenny screaming]

[snake squealing]

Yes, hello, I'm at the Red Rock Estates.

I don't know, just send a car or a truck.

No, I don't know the address. It's the big one.

Listen, you little idiot, just send a car or something.

Jesus Christ, you are 911.

[snake roaring]

[Kenny screaming]



[both scream]

Oh, my...

-[garage door motor whirring] -[cackling]


Oh, no!

No! No!

No! No! No!



Anybody here?




[objects clattering]


[clatter continuous]


[dragging and thudding]

Why would Biogene want a giant snake?


Calling it a snake misses the point.

As I said, it was unique.

Just the study of how it projects its corrosive digestive fluids could prove invaluable for military applications.

This thing pukes acid?

Well, you could put it that way, yes.

What it actually does is to draw up its stomach acid into sacs located here.

Once there, it contracts those sacs with powerful muscles, which allow it to shoot this highly caustic acid with incredible force, much like a cobra spits its venom to subdue its prey.

Look at these.

The cockpit hatch was torn open wide enough to birth a whale through.

[Rudolph] Yes, its size and strength were impressive, but now your people have managed to kill it.

Maybe not.

Looks like your pet might have some life left in him.


There were no remains found in the wreckage, human or otherwise.

It would only have eaten those men if they were still alive.

Are you saying this thing ate the crew and survived the plane crash?

Yes, it's possible.

But if it's still alive, then we have a chance to capture it and perhaps...

Kill it.

Agent Parker, this specimen is a biological gold mine.

The DNA alone is worth millions.

You can scrape your DNA off whatever's left.

We've already lost an entire flight crew, and by now we may even have collateral losses.

[scoffs] Collateral losses?

That's a rather antiseptic way of describing death, don't you think?

Keep it small. I want this thing solved before anyone even knows there was a problem.

I'm on it.

You have no idea what you're up against.

You don't know my men.


This is not some garden snake you're going after.

We are talking about a perfect killing machine.

A 129-foot all-terrain vehicle capable of speeds exceeding 50 miles an hour, with skin that can deflect an anti-tank round, enhanced night vision, and a voracious appetite for human flesh.

It will slaughter your men before they have a chance to blink.

I don't know what it was. Some kind of big animal.

I think it had a tail or something.

And scales.


I don't know, I just couldn't get a good look at it.

It moved so quick.

-What about the bones? -Bones?

The bones, the ones in the garage?

Yeah, Cooper, you give old Kenny a little acid bath?

I don't know anything about bones.

Stripped him clean, hacked that woman's head off with a butcher knife?

-Ease up, Lou. -Ease up, my ass.


Greg found him red-handed with the murder weapon.

That wasn't a murder weapon.

Knife ain't got a drop of blood on it.

Oh, come on, he could have wiped it clean.

It had to be a big blade. A machete.

Took her head off in one clean shot.

What about the blood?

If Cooper did it, he'd be soaked in it.

Come on, come on, you guys aren't telling me you're buying that crap about a big snake, are you?

No. Hell, no.

Besides, we haven't found Roberta.

And for my money, she's still a suspect.

Well, now, Lou does have a point there, Griff.

I mean, the bones.

The only thing could have washed them that clean is acid, and the only place in this town with that kind of acid is their shop.



[Griffin] You don't have any plans to leave town this weekend, do you?

I've been dying to use this stuff.

I bet we could do that.

Well, maybe it just looks easy.

Good point.

I wish I had somewhere else to look, but right now I got only one fact to work with.

There's not a whole lot of places in this town where a-- where a body can be stripped to its bones.

I can't afford to be shut down.

I can appreciate that, Brian, but I don't see any other way to handle this.

My brother's not a murderer.

What's going on?

We're shutting you down, Cooper.

-Greg... -Take it up with the sheriff.

Come on, Griff, give us a break here.

I have only one break to offer, and it ain't much.

Maybe, just maybe, you won't have to empty the tanks.

Brian, I'm...


Hell, congratulations, John.

You've managed to do what no one else could: close the doors forever on Perfecto Plating.

-This isn't my fault, Brian. -Well, whose fault is it, John?


Fine. I quit.

Hey, don't bother! You're fired!

-[tires screech] -Oh!



Oh, no, my bike.

Oh, this is great. This is just fucking great.

Is there anything else you can do to ruin my life?

-Don't push it. -Don't tell me not to push it.

You take away my job. You ruin my bike.

You steal my girl when I'm gone for two seconds.

-You're fucking ruining my life! -Your life?

I'm ruining your life? Fuck you!

I was set to be married, have a house and a family.

My life was planned out until you came back.

She never loved you.

You were just a shoulder to cry on.

Oh, is that right? Maybe she did love me before you started banging her behind my back.


Take it off, Deputy.

Without the badge and the gun, it's just you and me.

This isn't the schoolyard, you know.

I heard that.



-You're dead. -Yeah, so are you.

I didn't steal Kristin.

No, you just banged her.

[both yell]

[both panting]

You fight like a girl, you wuss.

You're a sissy.




You okay, Deputy Greg?

Yeah, everything's fine.

Go back and play, kids. Everything's fine.

Go on.


You're a pain in the ass, you know that?

[both laugh]

Forget about it, man. It's totaled.

I'll buy you a new one.

You don't get it, do you?

You can't buy me another one of these.

Why not? It's just a bike.

How much can it cost?

2,400 bucks.

But that's not the point.

This bike got me out of this dust hole, man.

It's irreplaceable.

Sorry, man. I had no idea.


This sponsor gave me this prototype, right?

State-of-the-art stuff.

Shimano brakes, grip shifts, RockShox.

You know what I did with it?

I gave it to Tommy.

-You gave it to Tommy? -Yup.

I gave that bike to Tommy, because this is the bike that mattered to me the most.

This is the bike that gave me what I thought I wanted.

You know what I got at home, bottom right drawer?

Application to Quantico.


Filled it out four and a half years ago, never sent it in.

-Why not? -Yeah, right.

Some hick cop thinking he can play Eliot Ness?

-It's dumb. -Please.

It can't be dumber than some hick punk thinking he could ride pro.

Yeah, but you did it. You got out of here.

[police siren blurts]

[car approaching]

Deputy, you're not answering your radio.

Hikers on a bike path found another body.

Sheriff Wade's already up there. Come on, let's roll.

Let's roll.

[loud crash]

[flies buzzing]

Any luck on those bones we found in the garage?

Checking the dental records with Hank.

I'm hoping he can get a match with one of his patients.

What in the hell could do this?

I don't know.

It's weird, very weird.

Well, it's the same type of acid death we saw earlier.

Acid. Acid. Do I have to say it again?

John Cooper, acid.

What's his motive?

Yeah, and where's Roberta Keeler?


Don't need dental records on this one.

Yeah. Only guy in town's got a fancy watch like that is Kenny Summers.

-It's a fake. -So was Kenny.



[cell phone rings]

Hey, Greg, a little help here.

Floyd's phone.


Thank you.

Hey, why are you defending him?

That asshole's probably boning your ex-bitch right now.

Don't ever talk about her like that.

-Do you hear me? -Yeah, I'm sorry.

-Never talk about her like that. -I'm sorry.

Hey, guys, give it a rest.

That was Hank.

They made a positive ID on the bones from the garage.

It was Roberta Keeler.

Okay, Louis, you get your wish.

You guys bring in John Cooper.

Meet me back at the office.

See? See, Sheriff?

I'm a thinker. You know what I mean?

[Greg] Have fun, Floyd.


We're going to try the campground up at Crystal Lake.

And if it's full then, I don't know, we'll play it by ear.

Where's John?

We should get going.

What happened?


Greg and I just got in a little scuffle.

-Greg did this to you? -Well, Greg, we just sort of...

Oh, man.

How's it going, Louis?

I'd love to tell you about my emotional and physical well-being, Theresa, but I've got some unfortunate business to attend to.

Excuse me. This might get ugly.

John Cooper, you are under arrest.

Now extend your hands.

I will frisk you downtown.

-[car approaches] -Extend your hands!

You got to be kidding me.

No, no, no. I'm not kidding.

We found Bobbie Keeler, Mr. Murderer.

Mr. Killer. Mr. Acid-Dipper of the Skin--

Louis, what the hell are you doing?

I am apprehending the suspect, Deputy.

Give me the gun.

-Pardon me? -Hand it over.

Now, walk to your car, open the back door and put the suspect in the back seat.

What about the handcuffs?

Everybody okay?

You all right?

You bastard. How could you do that to him?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, I'd love to hear what you have to say.


You probably hate him. You probably hate me too.

That does not give you the right to abuse your authority

-and have him arrested. -I just wanted--

I'm the one that left you. Don't take it out on him.

-It is not his fault. -That's fine.

Am I supposed to move away from Ruby?

You want to drive me from my hometown?

-Are you done? -No.

You guys used to be friends.

Why don't you have it out with each other and settle it?

-We did. -Because I'm not going to...


I don't think John did it.

And I'm going to prove it.

Let me see if I got this straight.

You boys--what department did you say you were from again?

-NSA. -Okay.

So you got this...

An operative.

Yeah, an operative. This real Rambo type.

This guy makes Rambo look like Richard Simmons.

Uh-huh, and you've had this man locked up in a cage since 1974?

In a metal box.

In a metal box in a military psychiatric unit.

And somehow he escaped, and he's the one that done all these murders?

That's about the size of it.

Any questions?

Just one.

Do you expect me to believe this load of horseshit?

Let me put it this way, Sheriff.

It would be highly expedient if you would believe this horseshit.

[Griffin] Whoo!

These cuffs are too tight.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're going to have to get used to it.

-Better? -Yeah. Thanks.

Ahem. Deputy.

What the hell are you doing? You know how this works.

-Good cop, bad cop. -Oh, right.

Tell you what.

Why don't you be the bad cop for a change?

For real?

You don't mind?

I mean, this isn't some pothead.

This is a real, live murder suspect.

No, I've... had my fill of being bad cop.

Louis, doesn't Wade keep a gun in the bottom right drawer in there?

-The suspect. -Mm-hm.

Didn't think to check in the desk drawers, did you?

-No. -[Louis] Oh, that's right.

Play innocent.

Put this in evidence, Deputy.

It's not my gun. I didn't even touch it.

-He's right, Lou. -Yeah. Technicalities.

Always the dad-burn technicalities!

Killers screaming for their rights.

But what about the victims' rights, mister?

What about the victims?

Want to call a lawyer?

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Hide behind some cap-toothed F. Lee Cochran-type sharpie.


But that's not going to help your sorry ass, boy.

No, sir. Not in Ruby. No, sir.

You want to know why? Do you want to know?

[inhales and exhales sharply]

Because I am the law here.

-Cut him loose. -Sheriff?

You heard me, Mr. "I Am the Law."

Sorry for any inconvenience, John.

Does this mean...

Can I leave town now? Because I had plans.

Yeah, yeah. Fine. Just be on your way now.

[Greg] Have a good time.

Say hey to Kristin for me.

Yeah, I'll do that.

What is this place?

It's an emergency water treatment facility, fully automated.

The Army Corps of Engineers built it underground so it'd be secure, even in the event of a nuclear war.

It'll keep your snake out.

Here's the crash site. Our position is here.

Bodies have been found here, here and here.

This, we believe, is our target.

You don't have enough men.

That's not your concern.

This team will do what they were trained for.

After that, I don't care if you carve up the carcass and open up a rib joint.

Bottom line: This thing dies today.

You don't seem to realize the opportunity you're wasting here.

Consider the potential for weapons research.

New neurotoxins.

Antidotes for those created by your enemies.

Intriguing, Mr. Parker?

I'm not as mercenary as you may think, Doctor.

I am concerned with the loss of life.

Now, I didn't know that flight crew, but once I signed on to this little scheme of yours, they became my men.

No one else dies because of this thing.

Do you understand that?

Oh, yes, I understand.

I just hope your snake here does.

The satellite passes over only once every three hours.

The next pass is in 72 minutes from now.

When that occurs, I want us to be in position.

Once we have confirmed location of the target, we'll take it out.

I want this thing nailed before dark.

Excuse me.

What's this here? This red line?

No. Radar echo.

Local law enforcement has established roadblocks at all major access points on our perimeter.

Dootsen will coordinate operations from here.

I will be leading Alpha team down this approach.

Bravo team, you'll flank the perimeter.

Stay in contact.

Once we have a lock, we'll dig in and start shelling the hell out of this thing.

When we have a confirmed kill, we'll go in and mop up.

[Dootsen, over radio] Stand by, everyone.

Bird's in position, downloading.


Dootsen, status.

Target appears stationary at the original coordinates.

Same as before.

It hasn't moved in three hours.

That seem right to you?

Well, it's consumed a great deal lately, far exceeding its normal diet.

It's possible that the high-caloric intake has induced a respite in its metabolic activities.


It's having a little siesta.

Let me know when you have a visual.

I've got him, sir.

Visual confirmation a quarter klick southwest of my position.

Right where the bird showed it would be.

All units, lock and prepare to open fire on my command.

It's time to put your baby to bed.

Bravo unit ready.

Tactical confirming.

Both units show in position and ready.

Take her out.


Sounds like a damn war in there.

Boys will be boys.

Sir, you want to go in?

[chuckles] Louis.


[gunfire continues]

Cease fire.

Cease fire! Cease fire!

Target destroyed, sir.

No movement.

I repeat, no movement.

You're confirmed. All units, move in.

Break out your petri dishes, Doc.

Time to clean up.

[computer beeping]

All right, everyone, let's move out.

We got work to do.

Kill confirmed. Target destroyed.

We blew the guts out of it, sir.

[flies buzzing]

It shed its skin.

You knew this.

You knew it was molting.

No, no, no, I didn't.

No, I didn't. I-I-I swear.

[cocks gun]

I should turn you into snake bait.

What happened?

[Parker] It was a setup.

The snake shed its skin, and the doctor knew it.

No, I didn't know.

I suspected, based on the surveillance photos, but I couldn't be certain.

But, sir, it was here. I saw it move.

We were decoyed.

[Rudolph] I warned you it was intelligent.

I told you, this isn't just some common snake.

Well, if it was here... then where is it now?

[snake roars]

Fan out! Take cover! Protect yourselves!


[Parker] What?

[whispering] Don't move.

Trust me.

Stay completely still.




[gun cocks]

-[snake roars] -[gunshot]

[groaning weakly]

[breathing heavily]

* I met my lover At a restaurant *

* She took my order With a big smile *

-[Tommy laughing] -I liked the other one better.

Yeah, it plays better in black and white.

-Totally. -Hey, where's your mom?

[door closes]


I cut her up into tiny pieces and I stuffed her in the freezer in the basement!


Seriously, where is she?

She's visiting her sister in Walla Walla for the weekend.




So we have this place just to ourselves?


So it's, like... just you and me?


Just us?

So it's like...

It's just Tommy and Theresa tonight?


[cat screams]

Jesus! What got into Caesar?

-God. -[sighs]

[door opens]

You know where the couch is. Make yourself comfy.

The shower upstairs is broken, so use the one downstairs.

But I'll be there in the morning, so don't think about checking out the goods.

-But... -I told John and Kristin that we'd pick them up at 6:00 a.m., so I'd get some rest, because 5:00 a.m. comes around really early.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.




Come on, Greg, I'm tired.

I want to go home.

What happened to all that, "Let's go get the bad guys"?

Okay, okay.

So I've learned my lesson, all right?

Which is?

[Louis] I've got to be patient.

I've got to let the evidence come to me.

[Greg] That's right.

Now, try to get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.

See you in the morning.

[alarm beeping]

[turns off alarm]

Wake up.



I'm up, I'm up.


[rock music plays]


[rock music playing continuous]

[glass shatters]

Tommy, is that you?

[loud crash]


All right.

I'm up, I'm up.

Dude. Jeez.





Damn it, Tommy.

Couldn't you have at least waited a minute?


[zipper rasps]






-Theresa! -Tommy!


-[pounding on door] -Theresa, open the door!




Open up the door, Theresa!





-[snarls] -[Theresa yells]



No. No.

-Tommy! -Open up!


The door's stuck, honey!

Tommy, get away from that thing!

-What? What? -Get away from the door.

There's a snake.

-Oh. -In the basement.

Tommy, get away from the door!

Dude, you got me out of bed for a snake?

-[grunts] -Tommy!





[engine starts]

Come on, come on! Move!


[phone line ringing]

No answer.

Maybe we should go over there.

[snake roars]

Oh, God. Come on.

Move! Move!


[gasps and grunts]



[snake roaring distantly]


-[hissing] -Ah!


-[thud] -[sobbing]



Oh, my God.

That's Tommy's.

[turns ignition off]

Wait here.

They're not in here.





[honks horn]

-[hissing] -[Kristin] Theresa!

-[snarling] -[car horn honks]



[honking horn]

Theresa! Tommy?

John! Kristin!

[honking horn]

John! Kristin!

[snake hissing]




-[roars] -[Kristin screams]

Get out.

[snake roaring]

[Kristin] Go! Go!


[police radio squawking]

[clears throat]

Hey, Griff, any word yet?



Not a peep.

You heard any more fireworks?


Maybe you should check on them.

Yeah, maybe I should.

I'll wake Louis up.

Wake up, sleepyhead. Time to catch bad guys.

[static crackles]



If you're not up when I get over there, I'm going to kick your ass.

Hey, what is that?

[John] I don't know.

Come on.

Hey, slow down.

Forget that.

It looks clear.

What is this place?

I don't know.

[Rudolph] No!

Did you hear that?

-Oh, yeah. -[Rudolph] No!


So blind.





Who the hell is he?

[Rudolph crying]



Already I had fixed my gaze upon him.

And he rose upright, with breast in countenance, as if he entertained some great scorn of hell.


He's in shock.

So blind.

So wrong.

Not until I stared in its eyes... and saw the terror around me.

Not until then did I...

Did I realize what I'd done.

[leaves rustling]

Maybe it evolved naturally.

Maybe it's been out there all along and we just never knew it.

Perhaps it's some kind of mutation.

We certainly dumped enough Agent Orange on Southeast Asia during the war.

But if it has all these features from all different kinds of snakes like you say it does, it couldn't have evolved naturally.

Yeah, but maybe it didn't.

Maybe it was created in some kind of secret government operation.

What? I've seen it a hundred times in the movies.

They're always doing stuff like that, right?

Well, actually, he's correct.

We considered the possibility ourselves.

We just never knew.

That's why we were so eager to get it back to the lab to examine it.

[door slams]

Did we forget to lock the door?

Lock it? We didn't even close it.



-Theresa! -[gasps]

What's with the towel?

It got Tommy.


[turns ignition off]

What the hell are you doing?

[gun cocks]


Look at all this stuff.

Are you telling me you couldn't take it out with all this?

They never had a chance.

They emptied their entire arsenal at a shed skin.

There's no way the snake could take this much heat.

If you could hit it.

What if we lured it down here?

What, are you out of your mind?

Look, let's just wait it out.

Sooner or later, it's bound to get hungry and move on.

[Rudolph] You must understand, it's still basically a snake.

Even at its size, it could go a month without feeding right outside that door.

There's not enough food in here for us to wait that long.

And if it did decide to leave, where do you think it would go?


Oh, my God. The whole town is like an all-you-can-eat special.

And I don't want to wait around to see what's going to happen.

So, what do you say? How about it?

Well, I say we kill the motherfucker.

Sheriff Wade.

Come on, Griff. Come on, Griff.

[Kristin, over radio] Greg, can you hear me?

-Kristin, is that you? -[Kristin] Greg?

Kristin, what are you doing on this channel?

[Kristin] Greg, we need your help.



[John] Wish me luck, baby.



[radio beeps]



Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.



[grunting and panting]

[snake squealing distantly]




[snake snarling]

I'm coming through.

Get ready.

-[loud crash] -[all gasp]

Well, that's not going to hold for long.

No, it won't, so come on. Get going, get going, get going!

-Go, go, go. -[John] Get Kristin!

-[Kristin] Right on! -[Rudolph] All right!

[loud banging]



[snake squealing distantly]



[distant roaring]


Come on, come on.

I got to tie this to the bumper!

Greg, where's the bumper?

-There's no bumper! -The chassis. Get under there.

The chassis, right under there.

[faint roaring]


I'm trying.


I think it's there.

-Now, guys. -Go, Greg! Go! Go!

Come on! Now's the time!

[Kristin] John!

John, are you okay?

[John] That hurt.

[snake roaring]

[Greg] Nice job, John.

[Kristin] Let's go, let's go!

Move it!

[tires squeal]


[police radio squawking]

Miss, I think you've earned this.


This is for you, Tommy.

-[button clicks] -[remote beeps rapidly]

Somehow, I thought it would be bigger.

What happened?

Python must have torn out the antenna leads when he crashed through the bunker.

So, what do we do?

We have to reset the detonator.


Would you please take her?

Take good care of her for me.

She's all I've got.

What are you talking about?


Where's he going?

Doc, don't go in there!

-[stammers] -John!

-Okay, could--oh, yeah. -Oh, nice.

Sit tight. Could you take this?

You've got to be kidding me.

-John, come on. -Shit!

He's all alone with that snake, Kristin.

-Come on! It's going to blow! -[Greg] John!

[bomb beeping]

[beeping stops]

[Rudolph gasps]

[breathing heavily]

[snake hissing]

Take the snake. Take the snake.

[Greg] Come on.


[snake roars]

[indistinct police radio chatter]


-Good work. -[laughs]

[snake roars]

[John] Get in the car! What kind of Wheaties does this thing eat?

[tires squeal]

All right, plan B.

Now, this thing survived a plane crash and major explosives.

It won't burn. Can't shoot it.

Any suggestions?

The plating plant.

The acid.

Think we could dump this thing in one of those tanks of yours?

Got any eights?

Go fish.

Do you even know how to play this game?

Go fish.


-What the hell are you doing? -No time to explain, Bri.

But let's just say there's this little...

-[all] Little? -Big. Big thing after us.

Well, actually, it's after the whole town.

-What are you talking about? -[snake roars distantly]


-[all scream] -Come on, come on, come on!

What is that thing?

Show them where the winch controls are.

-What for? -Just show me!

Go, go, go, go!

-I'll bring it to you. -No.

You risked your life last time. I'll do it.

Nah, it's okay. I'm getting the hang of this thing now.

All's I got to do is get its attention first, like this.

Got your attention?


Go, go!

The controls are right there.

-Grab that. -What do we do?

Get a wrench. Get a wrench.


[machinery whirring]



[Brian] Hurry up, hurry up.

[whispers] Come on.

[snake hissing]


[John grunts]

It's good.

-Hit it! -Okay!

[machinery whirring]

Let's go.

[snake roaring]


[panting and grunting]




Psst, hey.

Where is it?


-What happened? -Like you said, I got his attention.

[both scream]



[liquid bubbling]








[breathing heavily]

* I can change the world Yeah *

* I can change the world

* Yeah

* I can change the world Ha!

Checkmate, you sorry son of a bitch.

You used the Spassky maneuver at the end there.

Well, next time I'll be prepared and use the Fischer countermove.

Very well.

Jeez, you guys, what's it been? Like, six hours?

Get a life.

If you're looking for a bike with tight handling and high speed, especially when being hunted by a giant reptile with bad breath, this is the one for you.

From now on... you can call me Special Agent Larson.

-You got in? -I got in.


The FBI's going to be proud to have you.

Maybe helping kill a giant acid-spitting snake pulled some strings with the boys out at Quantico.

We're going to miss you down here.

Yeah, I'm going to miss you guys too.

I think it's time I went out in the world and tried to figure out some of the things you did.

Besides, it's getting a little crowded around here.

Tell me about it. We've been swamped since opening day.

A man in your--whoo, condition should not be drinking.

Congratulations, stud boy.


We're pregnant.

I'm going to have a baby.

I'm going to have a baby!


[both laugh]

* 'Cause I can change The world *

* Yeah

* I can change the world Yeah *

* I can change the world

* Yeah, I can change the world

* Yeah

* I can change the world

* Yeah

* I can change the world

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

* World, yeah

["Carry Me" by William L. Smith playing]

* She don't like me Thinking that *

* I can do the way I do

* She don't like To make up her mind *

* She wants what's best For you *

* Time goes by

* Now I find I ain't got That much to say *

* I'm inclined To spit it out *

* Never take my love away

* Carry me

* Walk beside me While we grow old *

* Bless my soul And always carry me *

* If you still need a reason

* Or just an easy way out

* With not much left To believe in *

* I wonder what All the talk's about *

* Whoa-oh-oh-oh

* Whoa

* Carry me

* Walk beside me While we grow old *

* Bless my soul And always carry me *

* Carry me, carry me

* Carry me

* Walk beside me While we grow old *

* Bless my soul And always carry me *