Quints (2000) Script

Quintuplets.

Pretty cool, huh?

In a word, that's a lot of babies.

The Grover family?

Wow.

I'm Jamie Grover, part of the Grover family.

What a weird coincidence.

Okay, so it's not a coincidence.

You see, this is my story.

And, yeah, it's one of those

"girl finds herself even though she didn't know she was lost" stories.

But I promise you, it's not gonna be lame, and it's not gonna be boring. Okay?

Oh, and for the record, I'm not one of the quints.

I'm their older sister.

And to really understand my story, we need to go back to last January, before my brothers and sisters arrived.

Sound good? Great.

You know, we're gonna get along just fine.

JAMIE: That's my dad, Jim Grover.

And, no, he's not doing my homework.

He's doing his own.

Dad's taking classes.

A college degree leads to one more promotion, at least in Dad's big plan.

See, Dad believes you should always try to improve yourself, never rest on what you've got.

Unfortunately, he's a lousy student.

Still, a plan is a plan, and, yes, Dad always has a plan.

And that's Mom, Nancy Grover.

She publishes a little town paper, and, well, there's no nice way to say this, but she's a tiny bit scatterbrained.

But still, we're used to it.

Good morning.

-BOTH: Morning. -Ha! We meet again.

Oh! Did you see the fridge, by the way?

Shrine to me.

Anyway, I remember this day.

And you don't need to see what happened next to understand my story, so let's just move on, okay?

Now, please. Now.

-Fine. Let's just show you where I live. -(COUGHS)

That's more like it.

This is my house.

And it looks like 90% of the houses here in Milford.

Oh! And for those of you who aren't so quick, Milford is my home town.

So let's take a peek at it, shall we?

Here we go.

That's downtown.

You got your bank, grocery store, a couple of restaurants, and the ice-cream parlor.

But the one thing that makes Milford famous is just a block to the east.

Okay, so that's not really there.

Just making sure you're with me.

Next stop...

Yep. School.

But don't worry. This isn't one of those scary stories.

See? High school is great.

Now come on inside with me and my best friends Zoe and Brad.

-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) -Come on!

-(AMUSING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(ALL CHEERING)

My school is pretty much the same as most schools.

Every day is like going to the circus.

Oh! There goes my math teacher.

I'm telling you, this place is really great.

Okay. I lied.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Anyway, the truth is, my school's like any other school.

There are no circus clowns or acrobats or, ooh...

Hi, Jessica.

Or no, ow, argh...

Fire-breathers.

Well, unless you count the gym teacher, Mr. Brookes, but that's a different story.

Anyway, the point is, I have to show you my school because I have to show you who I was back then. Okay?

Here we go.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

We want A's!

Ha-ha. Not bad.

One B-plus and two A-minuses.

I hate you.

Maybe you should take my card, Jamie.

It's all A's.

That's sweet, but I don't believe you'd fool her parents.

You know the name thing, male versus female? Not gonna work.

Good point.

Hey, Mr. Blackmer, ready for art club tomorrow?

Indeed. And I have been supremely busy whipping up a four-course Italian meal to go with the slides I'll be showing of the Italian masters' paintings.

Say, why don't you two join us?

Ah. No can do.

-I gotta work on my science fair project. -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

MR. BLACKMER: Ah! Young da Vinci, huh?

Look, everyone has something that they love, right?

And science is your thing.

-Anyway, best of luck, Jamie, Brad. -Bye.

And, Zoe, I will see you tomorrow.

Come hungry.

Don't be a dragola, Jamie.

Science isn't your thing.

Come to art club!

Like I have time, Z.

We Grovers have turned this into contest year.

Contests are my thing.

(SIGHS)

Anyway, it's off to the man with the plan.

Let me tell you something. This card is not part of the plan.

See you later.

BOTH: See you.

JAMIE: The plan, in case you were wondering, was for me, Jamie Grover, to attend GW next fall.

GW, also known as George Washington Science Magnet school.

Starting to see the picture?

I felt pressure from my folks, pressure from myself, even pressure from the dog.

Okay, we don't have a dog, but I think you get the point.

The bottom line...

I'm an only child who hates to let her parents down, and that's exactly what I was doing.

(SIGHS)

Oh, hey, Dad.

Oh, hey, honey.

Ah...

Okay, my beauty, here we go.

Well, the important thing is that you're trying.

Yeah.

-Come into my office a sec. -Okay.

I like what you've done with the place.

Yes, thank you. I like to call this style

"everything but the kitchen sink."

Kitchen sinks are in aisle 12.

Aw, honey, once I get my degree, I'm gonna have a much better office.

Oh. Don't worry. I'm gonna get into college.

Yes, I know. Yes, you are.

And you're gonna be the first Grover to do so.

But, you know, you gotta start with these baby steps.

90% of the kids who go to George Washington Science Magnet go on to college.

It's a lot more than at your school.

I'm working on it. I know the plan.

Okay, okay. I know you know the plan.

You're very smart.

Back in those days, this was my life.

Only child. Do what the folks ask.

At least visiting Mom was a whole different experience than seeing Dad.

Better or worse...

You be the judge.

Oh! Oh, but Mr. Ziff, you've just got to meet with her.

She's industrious, clever, and very bright.

Trying to get you an internship.

Oh! Okay! Well, please think about it. (CHUCKLES)

And thank you for the interview.

You'll be the cover story of the next Milford Weekly.

(GASPS)

So I guess you're feeling better.

Feeling great. And I almost got you a meeting with Mr. Raymond Ziff, the owner of the Ziff chain of department stores and a very prominent lawyer.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna be, a lawyer and a department store owner.

Don't sell yourself short, Jamie.

You can be anything.

If my parents had told me that, who knows?

I might be running The New York Times now instead of The Milford Weekly.

(SIGHS)

I know you're gonna get into Magnet somehow.

Did you bring me the poem from your English class yet?

Oh, no, not that.

Yes. I want to publish it.

Right... Right...

-JAMIE: Mom treated The Milford Weekly -(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) like one of those family Christmas letters where parents brag about their kids and stuff.

Grover's corner.

The only difference is, Mom got people to pay for the ads.

Everyone loves to read your stuff, Jamie.

They know how special you are.

People ask me all the time, "Is she gonna be a lawyer, "a doctor, or even a news anchor?"

Maybe we're not doing enough to help you.

You know, we want to give you every opportunity to succeed, honey.

College and beyond...

What a great future you have ahead of you.

And we can't wait to watch.

Mmm-hmm.

(SCREAMS)

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

You can quote me, Brad.

Anyway, I hope you're having fun doing whatever you're doing.

I'm here, working. Ha-ha. Bye.

Eech.

Anyway, don't get me wrong.

I know this is kind of weird, but I loved my parents.

And they really wanted what was best for me, and that's great, okay?

Now, I already told you that I was lost but I didn't know it.

I did know something was wrong, though, but I thought maybe it was just my science fair project.

(DOOR OPENS)

-Hey, kiddo. -Hey, Dad.

So how's it goin'?

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Need any help?

Ah, no. That's okay.

All right. That's probably for the best.

The truth is, I really wouldn't be much help with this science stuff.

You know, I was only good at one thing in high school.

What was that?

Photography.

No, wait. How come when you take those pictures of me and Mom we're usually, like, way out of focus?

Because I had to give it up a long time ago.

You know, art and music, photography just weren't

-part of the plan. -Part of the plan?

(DOG BARKING)

BOTH: Hmm.

Well, I think it looks like a winner.

I think it's gonna be the first of many, many blue ribbons.

Right?

Yeah. Well, we'll know Friday night.

Yeah, we will. You'll make us proud, honey.

You always do. All right, honey.

Call me if you need anything else.

Okey-dokey.

Who were we kidding? Me win the blue ribbon?

Although, I gotta say, I was pretty proud of my project.

ANNOUNCER: And the winner is Jamie Grover, for revolutionizing modern physics in her free time!

(EXPLOSION)

Oh, get real.

ANNOUNCER: And the winner is Bradley Brown, for his electromagnetic power project.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Great job, you stupid genius, you.

Hey, I think Jamie's project's great, too.

I could have never gotten that to work.

Hey, everybody!

Hey, honey. I'm very proud of you.

Hi, Zoe.

Bradley, congratulations again.

I'm sure your parents will be very proud.

Relieved, really.

But it's something.

Well, we'll see you at home.

Oh, and I found a great essay contest for you to enter.

I'll tell ya all about it. Good job.

All right, honey, I love you. All right, see you guys.

-Bye. -Bye-bye.

Oh, and the plan continues.

You know, sometimes my parents...

Your parents love you.

I know that. But I wish I could just have a few days where I wasn't the center of their lives.

I can't give them what they want.

I want to, but I just can't.

Here's another little rule of thumb for you.

Be careful what you wish for.

What are we gonna tell Jamie?

What will you tell me about what?

We were...

What I meant was, uh...

Your father has something to say.

(CHUCKLES)

Honey... (INHALES DEEPLY)

So, Jamie, your mom is, ah, pregnant.

That's great, Mom!

Yeah.

-That wasn't so hard. -No, I guess.

But I don't understand how this could happen.

Well, Mom, as I remember, you said that when two people fall so madly in love with each other that...

No, that's not what I meant. (CHUCKLES)

Jamie...

I'm...

Really...

Really, really, really, really...

Really pregnant.

(SINGING) Uh-oh, oh, here we go now JAMIE: Now, I could try to build this into a big moment of surprise, but you already know what's going on.

Anyone remember?

Right, Mom's having quintuplets.

You're very good.

Hey, let's clean this place out.


JAMIE: The moment I heard Mom was pregnant, I knew my life was gonna change.

No more only child and no more non-stop attention.

My greatest wish had been granted in the most unexpected way.

Those kids were gonna save me.

Okay, sure, so it takes months and months for babies to arrive, and during that time, nothing really changed.

Well, except for Mom's belly.

Brad was still a genius, Zoe was completely happy, and the school, unfortunately, kept giving out report cards.

But I knew, I really knew that things would be different soon.

You knew it, too, didn't you?

Good.

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, ooh.

(LAMAZE BREATHING)

Ooh. Ooh!

-Hey, Mom, I got my report... -(SHUSHES)

Contractions! (GROANS)

Hey, Dad, I got my report...

Yeah. Here. Hold this.

Babies coming.

Okay, okay, honey. Breathe. Breathe.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Okay, honey, you know what? I got... I got your clothes, and some other clothes just in case, and then I got the videotapes and all the magazines you wanted.

Oh, honey, you're so beautiful.

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! I got to get shoes!

Okay. Go, go, get the right shoes. Get the right shoes.

Not the wrong shoes. Get the right shoes.

-To the car? -Mmm-hmm.

-It doesn't matter. Okay. All right. -NANCY: Okay.

JAMIE: Okay. Okay. I got you.

Come on, come on.

Okay.

Was he this crazy when I was born?

No, he was calm as a cucumber, although he did forget my shoes.

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes! Gotta get shoes!

Shoes! Get the shoes! Whoa!

Honey, you better go check on him.

Ah! And hurry.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Dad!

Dad! Dad, where are you?

Shoes! Shoes! Got the shoes!

Got the shoes. We're fine.

We're gonna be fine. Gonna be fine.

Got the shoes. Come on. Come on.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Dad! Wait!

Don't forget about me! Dad!

-Dad! Dad! -(BRAKES SCREECH)

-Honey, I'm so sorry. -Thanks, Dad.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

(TIRES SCREECH)

-It's a boy! -Adam!

(LAUGHS)

Yes!

It's a boy!

Becky!

-It's a girl! -It's a girl!

It's a girl!

(GIGGLES)

Charlie!

-This one's name is Charlie. -Thanks.

Debbie.

To Debbie!

-To Debbie! -To Debbie!

Eddie.

-Eddie! -Eddie!

Wow.

Eddie?

You're gonna need this.

Thanks.

I think you're gonna need these more.

Thanks.

This is so amazing.

No, it's more than amazing.

It's, ah...

I don't know, it's, ah...

It's quints.

Yeah... It's quints.

My brothers and sisters were the first-ever quintuplets in our state.

They were famous.

When we got home, there was a crowd waiting for us.

Well, waiting for them, but it was still kinda cool.

REPORTER 1: Let's go up and see if we can get a word with the parents.

REPORTER 2: There they are, the Grovers.

Oh, hi.

REPORTER 1: Excuse me, Mrs. Grover?

Nancy, Jim!

Nancy, can we get a shot?

JAMIE: Me and my family started our new life together.

Yeah, new life.

'Cause let me tell you something, when you have five babies to take care of, reality sets in fast.

-(BABIES COOING) -(LULLABY PLAYING)

JAMIE: Hey, not bad.

Totally bogus, but not bad.

(BABIES CRYING)

Welcome home.

Ha! And this is the new life I've been waiting for?

Say it with me this time.

-Ha! -(CRYING CONTINUES)

Okay.

Okay, next, please.

Names. Use names.

-Next please, Jamie. -No, baby names.

Baby names. Adam, Becky, Charlie, Debbie, Eddie.

No, Dad, one at a time, please.

Just give me a baby.

Okay, now listen, according to this, they're either hungry or wet or tired or in pain.

We simply just have to check off which one.

There's not enough time.

(CRYING CONTINUES)

Make them stop!

They need changing.

I don't care. Just make them stop, please.

We need more diapers.

No, honey, that's not possible.

According to the baby plan, we have three dozen left.

That was a few hours ago, honey.

No, but we have three dozen left.

Dad! Past tense. We "had" three dozen.

-But I... -Just go to the store!

Go to the store.

-I'll go. I'll go. -You don't drive.

I don't care. I'll run, then.

No, no, no, that doesn't make any sense.

No, no, no, honey, I'll go to the store.

Why? Because I drive. You don't drive.

You stay here. I'm gonna get diapers.

Dad, Dad, earplugs, please.

Yes, yes, of course.

And, honey, while you're out, get us help.

Right, help.

Ugh.

(WHISPERING) Enjoy the silence.

It might never come again.

2:00 a.m.? 2:00 a.m.?

(BABY COOING)

No, no, no.

Good night.

JAMIE: Yup, I've got to admit it.

You couldn't help but love them, but remember, this is my story, not theirs.

And here on the first day of my new life, the only thing I really felt was exhaustion, so I went to bed and slept for hours.

(BABY CRYING)

Okay, less than an hour.

Man, those little lungs sure worked well.

-And I've got to tell you, -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) at first, school didn't seem any different, either.

I wasn't loving my new life at all.

So, do you feel different?

I feel like drinking coffee.

Okay, fine, but after the baby nurse starts today, why is your life gonna be so much better?

I don't know.

Well, maybe without my parents watching my every move, I can get into Magnet, you know, work my own way in.

That's it?

Don't get me wrong, I want you to join me at GW, but that's what you really want to do with your new freedom?

Yeah. Isn't it?

Yo, Mr. B!

What should Jamie do now that she has five brothers and sisters?

Ah, learn to make pancakes?

No, no, I mean in her life.

You know, here, school.

Well, that's easy.

Join art club.

Why?

Well, sometimes I work hypothetically, and I think, hypothetically, that you might like art club.

Sometimes I work alphabetically, and art starts with an "A."

But I'm not good in your class, so why join art club?

My heart just isn't into art, you said so yourself.

Where is your heart, Jamie?

Yeah, well, when you can answer that question, then you'll know exactly what to do, but in the meantime, art club could be fun, and the best thing is, no grades.

That is the best thing.

Plus I hear the guy who runs it is pretty cool.

Hey. Here.

JAMIE: Later at home, I saw changes.

-The pressure was finally off me. -(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

So what do you think, Jim?

-Lawyer or computer programmer? -Both.

Oh, wow.

Any careers left for me?

Sweetie, you shouldn't worry about it.

Your new brothers and sisters are gonna take care of everything.

Forget about school, Jamie.

Your only job now is to have fun.

Are you buying this?

Anyone?

If you did, you have to stay late and clean the blackboard.

Still, a few moments after getting home, something pointed me on my path towards my real problem, though it sure didn't seem that way at first.

It's okay. (SHUSHING)

Hey, Mom.

I am so happy you're here.

Zoe, have you ever changed a baby's diaper?

Do dolls count?

Okay, maybe we ought to start you with a girl.

Boys tend to pee on you.

Ew!

(DOOR OPENS)

I hope that's the baby nurse.

If I don't get some sleep soon, I don't know what I'll do.

Well, won't it be kinda weird, you know, having somebody in the house all the time?

(BABIES CRYING)

(CHUCKLES)

Trust me, honey. We won't even notice she's here.

(BABY NURSE SINGING)

You look terrible.

You must be the mother.

Well, then, have a rest.

There you go. Sit down. Go on. Have a seat.

There, I'll take control now.

I'm gonna take care of everything for you.

Don't you worry, now.

Now, I see one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven.

Who might you be?

I'm Jamie, and that's Zoe.

Well, it's a pleasure. I'm Fiona, and this is my room, so farewell.

Only the immediate family is allowed around here.

Whatever.

But I'm their older sister.

My apologies, older sister.

You, we'll be seeing you.

There we go.

-Bye, Grovers. -Good day!

Good day. Good day.

Five babies. We have our work.

Join me, number six.

My name is Jamie.

Good. You'll be helping me.

Chop-chop.

Over there.

JAMIE: Soon I could change a diaper in seven seconds flat.

That probably wouldn't get me into Magnet, but it was kind of impressive.

Fiona was impressive, too.

I knew right away that Dad would love Fiona's methods.

Yup, Fiona had a plan, too.

Number one has done number two at 3:00 p.m.

One, two, three. (CHUCKLES)

That's so amusing.

I'm laughing, really.

Okay, so Adam's done number two.

I'll mark down number two. I'll list it.

I will synchronize these quints.

Like clockwork, they shall pee and poop and eat and sleep.

But you can't control them.

They're babies.

Ah, but I am Fiona.

JAMIE: After this day, I didn't want to hurry home to help Fiona, so I found ways to stay later at school.

That's the first odd way Fiona helped me.

Sure, I was petrified my folks would ask what I was up to, but I took the chance.

I joined art club.

And, heck, I could always rely on the classic excuse, "the baby nurse made me do it."

Come on, grab a paintbrush, clay, anything.

I'm only here 'cause you're here, Z.

I don't know what to do.

The motto of art club is this:

When you don't know what to do, do something you don't know how to do.

Wait, translation, please?

Have you ever closed your eyes and imagined?

Imagined what?

Exactly.

So, close those eyes and then draw what you see.

Try it. It won't hurt.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

JAMIE: So, I started drawing.

It wasn't getting me into Science Magnet, I know, but it was better than being home.

Home was just weird.

Now, number three wakes every two hours, and number five eats every 4.2 hours.

Here's another life lesson for you.

Mary Poppins is a myth.

-Uh-huh. -They must be synchronized.

Five must be as one.

As one.

FIONA: Oh!

You, the mother, you confuse them.

Now, schedule is the key, as Mr. Grover fully appreciates.

(BABY FARTS)

Ooh, like clockwork...

Unfortunately, broken clockwork, but fear not.

I am Fiona.

JAMIE: Yeah, home was a mess.

Babies everywhere, money problems, exhaustion...

And I'm not proud of this, but I used the family troubles to my advantage.

Oh, no, no, no.

We have to send six kids to college, we can't afford coffee anymore.

We can't afford not to drink coffee.

Honey, do you realize that just paying for diapers alone is gonna empty our bank account?

Honey, we can't afford to pay Fiona by ourselves.

I can't work doubles forever.

And I never see you, and you never get to see the kids.

I know. I...

Quints just weren't part of the plan, you know?

Good morning!

So, school's going great, math seems a little easier, and I'm in art club.

JIM: What's that, hon?

That's good.

(EXHALES)

Yup, I chose my moment carefully, but can you blame me?

I didn't think my parents would approve of art club.

It wasn't part of the plan, you know?

I was protecting my freedom.

I loved that freedom.

How much? I'll show you at dinner.

Yup, things had changed.

I was no longer the center of attention, and I was actually doing well in school.

Sure, it was only art class, but I figured all my other grades would come up, too.

Mmm.

(FIONA SINGING)

JAMIE: After all, George Washington Science Magnet was still my goal, even though I really did like art.

You look like a one-woman band, Fiona.

Sarcasm, number six. I do not care for such.

Jamie. My name is Jamie.

(SIGHS)

Here you go, Adam.

A little art to cheer you up.

Here you go.

(FIONA GROANING)

Ooh, it's nothing. It's just a wee cramp.

(BABIES CRYING)

They don't like to be still, do they?

Here you go, Becky. I got you.

(FIONA GROANS)

Now keep on schedule.

I want them to pee and poop and burp when I want them to.

What, are you gonna dress them alike, too?

Make them take the same classes and go to Magnet school together?

Well, don't you want the best for them?

I do, but how do you know what's best for them?

JAMIE: And that was the second way Fiona helped me.

She made me think.

Because the truth was, my life hadn't changed as much as I'd hoped.

How did I know?

Well, because some things hadn't changed at all.

-JAMIE: Hey, Dad? -Mmm?

Wouldn't you rather be playing with the kids than doing that?

Honey, the plan, the plan.

Don't forget the plan.

It's more important now that I stick to it than ever, and so should you.

-(BABIES CRYING) -FIONA: Shut up, babies, shut up.

Oh! Number one sleeps. Number two cries.

Number three does number one.

I don't even know where four and five might be.

Fiona, what's the problem?

Five problems...

And only one Fiona.

Wait, Fiona!

Please, don't leave.

No, I must. I must.

I hear baby screams in my ears at all hours.

I'm living a nightmare. I gave it all I could.

I really did, I'm telling you.

I'll take no money, but I'll take my leave.

And that's it. That'll be it.

Fiona, wait!

What is it?

I knew there was another one about somewhere.

I didn't know where, but I knew it was safe.

-Oh, I knew it was number four. -Her name is Debbie.

Debbie, number four.

Number four. Oh.

Number four, all the best to you, sweet child.

And for you Grovers, godspeed.

You know I tried. I really did try.

I gave it me all, but me all wasn't good enough, apparently.

(BABIES CRYING)

Okay, this is just a roadblock.

I know things look grim, but we are not gonna panic.

-(BABIES CRYING LOUDER) -Oh!

I will. We will. I can't handle them on my own.

There's gotta be some kind of clear alternative.

-Sitters. We'll get sitters. -We can't afford sitters.

Okay, wait! Wait, wait. I'll set up volunteers.

That's a great idea.

I'll circulate flyers in the neighborhood and...

No, no. That will never work.

I could take care of the kids.

We got to get a plan. We got to get a new plan.

When are you gonna have time to come up with a plan, Jim?

I will take care of the kids.

NANCY: You will, Jamie?

How?

(BABY CRYING)

(ANOTHER BABY CRYING)

(OTHER BABIES CRYING)

(BABIES CRYING LOUDER)

Okay, I lied. I can't do it.

NANCY: And you shouldn't have to.

We'll take care of this.

Sitters. It's simple.

Honey, we can barely afford the diapers.

Come on.

Just hold on a second.

Let me just think about this a second.

Now, if I work 70 hours of overtime a week...

No, I'll give up my allowance.

Oh, no, Jamie, don't let this affect you.

No, but they're my family, too.

I'll just give up my allowance to the diaper fund.

I've got to go back up to the babies.

Okay, here you go.

There you go, honey.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

I got to go to work.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Coming, coming.

-Can I help... -Hello, little lady.

...you?

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Did somebody make a wish to the diaper genie?

The answer to your problems has arrived.

Jim, Jamie, I am Albert Lensley.

I'm sorry, do we know you?

No, but I know all about you and your beautiful, blossoming family.

And I am here to make your life a whole lot easier.

Uh, what exactly is it that you do, Mr. Lensley?

Oh, please, call me Albert, and in a nutshell, what I do is I get you money and free gifts.

Like these Cutie Pants diapers.

Why would anybody give us money, or anything, for that matter?

Quints, Jim. "Quints."

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Come in. Come in. Come in.

Maybe meet them, say hi.

JAMIE: At this point, we didn't know much about dear old Al, but at least my siblings took to him right away.

-Yeah. Yeah... -(BABY PEEING)

Oh! Oh!

I am so sorry.

No need to be. No, no.

What an adorable...

JAMIE: You want to know the truth?

I really don't think that was an accident.

So why are the quints marketable?

Babies are cute. You're an average family with the first quints in the state, the quints are famous.

It's an ideal situation.

Really? This is ideal.

ALBERT: Oh, absolutely.

Of course, it would be better if they were identical.

Ah, well, unimportant. You work with what you got, and you've got quints.

Thanks to Albert, we signed a contract with Cutie Pants diapers.

That plus Dad's salary paid for the sitters.

But remember, this is my story, and Albert, like Fiona, helped me out in unexpected ways.

Jamie, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

You know, for us to really sell your brothers and sisters, we need to focus exclusively on the quints.

Now, if you're gonna feel left out, I need for you to tell me, because I want the whole family happy, after all.

(CHUCKLES)

Actually, that sounds pretty good.

That's the spirit.

You know, this could be good for you.

I mean, you'll have more time to do the things you like, while we all work hard here at home.

Okay? Good.

Hmm.

JAMIE: So how did Albert help me?

Anyone? Yup.

Albert made me think about who I really was.

Spooky.

(LAUGHS)

ZOE: That's exactly what your house looks like these days.

What a mess!

You know what, Z?

I really like this. Isn't that weird?

No, it's fun, and you're good at it.

Really?

-Thanks. -Oh, I see.

It's not enough when I tell you you're good.

No, you have to hear it from your friends.

You're a teacher. You have to be nice.

No, no. I'm a teacher.

I don't have to be anything.

The truth is, my friend, that you have talent.

Okay, so I have talent, and I like art, but now what?

I mean, this is all new to me.

Well, ain't it great?

This is what you were hoping for when the quints came.

It was?

Wait, that doesn't mean I have to give up on the "plan," does it?

No, no, a lack of effort is never rewarded.

-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) -Well, maybe you need a new plan.

JAMIE: Wow. That was a heck of a thought, huh?

A new plan?

No more GW Science Magnet?

I didn't even want to think about it, and luckily, Mr. Blackmer changed the subject.

Now, I've got an idea that must be taken seriously.

Absolutely must. No questions asked.

Wait, that's not fair.

I'm a teacher. I don't have to be anything, including fair. Come on.

Come on. Over here.

(MR. BLACKMER CHUCKLES)

All right.

Sit down.

Okay.

Draw people.

People... Me, Zoe, you.

Why?

Jamie, you're an observer.

You see things your own way.

Well, I want to see what you see when you... Say, when you look at me.

I want to see what you see when you look in the mirror.

Or at me.

I'd be a great model.

(SIGHS)

-I don't think I can do it. -All right.

Portraits in one lesson.

Observe details.

Capture them.

See the essence of the subject.

Capture it.

View the soul.

Capture it. Done.

Oh, and, uh, Jamie?

I know you can do it.

How? How do you know?

I'm a teacher.

I don't have to tell you.

(SIGHING)

JAMIE: But guess who really got me going?

Guess who made art so much fun for me that I wanted to draw non-stop?

Yup, guess who really turned my life around?

Oh, come on. Think.

Got it?

Phew. I was worried about you there for a second.

Come on, Adam. Smile for me.

Be like your brother Eddie.

As if all that wasn't enough, our little babies were becoming celebrities, thanks to Albert.

And this is their bedroom.

This is where our five adorable children eat, play, and sleep.

-(BABIES COOING) -Now you can truly say you've been behind the scenes with the Grover quints.

Uh, can we get a shot of you with the quints, Mrs. Grover?

Oh, I am so sorry. I forgot that part.

That's okay, Nancy. We'll recover.

Aw, great. Our audience loves those kids.

Aw.

JAMIE: Sure they love them. They are pretty darn cute, you have to admit.

Hey, just look at them here.

Yup, they were getting around. Too much?

Well, let's check in with Mom and Albert, also known as "Team Quints."

All right. We strike now while the iron is hot.

Overexposure is not a problem.

Okay, but I don't want to tire 'em out.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Days they can't go, they can't go, but you're losing money.

I mean, the quints are only a marketing tool for a year, if that.

A year? It must be longer.

Well, maybe.

I mean, if we can keep the quints in the news.

Not just commercials.

You know, refresh the story, "Only quints in the state..."

Then maybe we can squeeze another year out of them.

Um... College funds would be nice.

Oh, yeah. Sure, Jimbo. Anything you say.

Remember, I only do well if you do well.

But I am telling you, everything must be about the quints, everything!

We must focus, focus, focus, focus, focus.

JAMIE: Albert thought it was cute to say things five times.

Anyway, the point is they did focus...

Though the photographers didn't always.

Mom put out a quints commemorative Milford Weekly.

I hated the way my siblings were always referred to as "the quints."

But I guess I was alone.

The issue sold out two printings with no pictures of me and none of my lame poetry.

Coincidence? I think not.

And they treat 'em like a unit.

It's "quints" this, and "quints" that.

I mean, they're five different kids.

And this is all Albert's fault, right?

Well, maybe, but my mom's going along with it, no problem, and my dad's never around.

Look, Jamie, I don't know your dad, but...

Well, I don't know your mom, either, now that I think of it, so...

You can forget everything I'm gonna say before I even say it.

I always do.

Me, too.

I told Jamie that was an art club rule.

Oh, thank you.

Look, hypothetically, I think your parents are in a situation that has completely overwhelmed them, but, Jamie, maybe...

Maybe you have just enough distance to see things more clearly.

Talk to them.

Wait. No, talking is dangerous.

What if they ask how school is going?

Or what if I have to tell them I'm not doing the science fair?

Well, you know, you can direct the conversation, Jamie, to make your parents see your point.

Use what I teach you in here.

Cover your parents with bright red paint? Cool!

No. I was thinking that you could use your observational skills to point things out in a way that others are forced to see.

But, you know, if you want to paint your parents, far be it from me to stop you.

So here was my plan...

Mix five parts quints with two parts parents and one part Jamie, stir until frothy.

Hey, look at you.

What're you doin', your schoolwork there?

Very impressive. Look at our little dedicated student.

That's me.

(SIGHING)

A busy day puts 'em to sleep every time.

Hey, don't stay up too late.

Okay.

(BABY CRYING)

Okay.

Maybe they'll stop.

She won't stop. That's Becky.

How do you know?

Because that's Becky's "hold me" cry.

See, if you don't hold her, then she won't stop crying until all the other babies are up.

Well, let me just handle it. Okay?

Okay. Okay? All right. Come on.

There you go. Okay.

-Okay. -(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

What am I doin' wrong?

That's not Becky, for starters.

It's the second bassinet.

Dad, look at the baby in your arms.

-You see the dimples? -Yeah.

Okay, then you've got Charlie, the twinkly-eyed, curious, dimpled little boy.

Honey, they all have Daddy's dimples, and I'm telling you right now this is definitely Becky. See?

Hello. Not Becky.

What is Charlie doin' in Becky's bassinet?

-I put him there. -Why?

Honestly? I wanted to see if you two could put them back where they belong.

Well, that's a terrible thing to say, Jamie.

We love the quints.

I know you love them, Mom.

Just take this as a challenge.

Okay, fine.

(ALL BABIES CRYING)

JIM: Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out.

Mommy and Daddy will figure it out. Okay.

All right. Adam.

It's not Adam. This is...

JAMIE: Wait.

What do you see?

Um...

A big smile.

And that means?

-Eddie. -Eddie.

Here. Hey, hey. Here we go.

Oh, yeah. There you go.

This is Debbie.

She wrinkles her nose all the time, Dad.

Honey, they all wrinkle their nose all the time.

Good point.

Come on, honey. Come on. Come on.

JIM: Ah.

I know this one.

This is Daddy's big boy Adam.

Yes. The biggest and the bounciest.

-See, Jamie, we know our kids. -Well, good, because sometimes I wonder if you know that you have five babies, not just one set of quints.

Well, no matter what we've got, they need their sleep.

Two baby food companies are going to interview them tomorrow, and I know they're looking forward to that.

Here you go.

Good night.

Good night.

JAMIE: The truth is, I wasn't so worried about my siblings being treated as individuals.

I thought I was, but the real truth is that I could tell my parents were trying to force their hopes and dreams on the quints, just like they had done to me all my life.

You know, maybe you already saw this coming, but this was more about me than the quints.

-(KNOCK AT DOOR) -(DOOR OPENS)

Come in.

-Okay? -Sure.

Jamie, I... I feel terrible.

I do. I couldn't tell my own babies apart.

It's not that I don't love 'em.

You know I love 'em, right?

I know that.

You've been working.

Which I know, in your words, is a lame excuse.

You know, I remember the day you were born.

You were so beautiful.

We were so thrilled.

You know, you were everything we ever dreamed of.

I was just a baby.

That's not really how it works.

You know, you were our baby.

You were so beautiful and perfect.

Your mother and I, you know, we vowed to give you anything you would ever need.

I think we've done that up to this point.

I know we've loved doing every minute of it.

You know, with the five...

I don't have a plan, you know?

I don't know what I'm doing.

Just love 'em, Dad.

Love 'em like you love me.

I will.

You know what? I think that I love you as much today as I did the day you were born.

Maybe more.

(CHUCKLES)

Okay.

JAMIE: Over the next month or so, Dad really did try.

He tried so hard, in fact, that he got sucked into the whole "Team Quints" thing.

As for me, I decided it was time to focus on the new me.

Yes, me as an individual.

So, you gonna tell 'em?

I even vowed to let Mom and Dad in on the changes...

Slowly, of course.

Oh, hi, Jamie.

I can't make dinner tonight, but we're still on for the parent-teacher conferences tomorrow.

Your dad and I are very excited.

You know, I really like this one.

I mean, I like the two-tone.

Let's compare it against the strollers.

So, Mom, I wanted to tell you about science fair.

I'm not entering this year, okay?

Great.

You're my witness, Zoe. I told her.

I'll back you up, Jamesy.

That's what friends are for.

Unless she's mad. Then you're on your own.

Gee, thanks.

Come on. Let's go up to my room and listen to that CD.

JAMIE: For once, Mom didn't seem to care if I won a blue ribbon or not.

I liked that new attitude.

I was even starting to think that parent-teacher conferences wouldn't be so bad.

MR. BLACKMER: The Grovers. What a pleasure.

I have heard so much about you.

Mr. Blackmer, how ya doin'? Good, good.

I can barely contain myself another second.

I must tell you, Jamie is such a special talent.

In fact, she's getting an A-plus in my class.

Oh, my little girl, an A-plus!

It's the happiest day of my life!

Oh! We have to celebrate!

-A party! -Yes, a party!

All this for me?

Yes, for you. You deserve it.

You got an A-plus!

Congratulations.

(ALL CHEERING)

You're not buying this, are you?

Good, 'cause if you thought this was what really happened, you weren't paying attention.

Now, go to detention.

You wanna know what really happened?

Face it, Jamie. You been stood up.

I just...

I mean, we knew your parents wouldn't come, but this is my mom and dad we're talking about.

I mean, why would I work so hard at school for them if they don't even care?

The grades are for you.

Where would I be if I did it for my folks?

It's different for you.

You're a genius.

It's not different.

I'm happy when I do well. You should be, too.

Yeah, well, they still should have been here.

Yeah, I agree, but go tell them, Jamie. Don't tell me.

JAMIE: Wacky, huh?

Here I was about to yell at my parents for not paying attention.

Once again, the thing I thought would solve all my problems hadn't.

Man, life sure is tricky.

Did all of our babysitters quit?

I hope not.

No surprise disasters while I've been gone?

What are you talking about, Jamie?

What am I talking about?

Hello? Parent-teacher conferences.

Oh, no, honey. Did we...

That was tonight, honey? I'm so sorry.

I know I wrote it in my planner.

So? What happened?

I had to work overtime.

And tomorrow's such a big day, honey. I got caught up.

Tomorrow's big? You know, today was kind of key.

I know, I know, but the quints have their first national commercial tomorrow.

It's the big time, Jamie.

But, honey, you have every right to be mad at us.

Do you know what could make this better?

Turning back time?

I can't do that, but you know what might help?

I could talk to Albert about getting you into the commercial.

That's not gonna make it better.

Look, I know we've been way too focused on the quints, and I'm sorry.

But this way, you could be part of that with us.

Really? All of us, together?

Yeah, you know what? That is a great idea.

Tomorrow can start the new beginning of a whole new way of life for this entire family.

Ugh, whatever.

Albert's not gonna go for it.

Do you guys have a second?

-Jamie wants to be in the commercial. -Yeah, and we think it's a great idea.

Sure, by all means.

Now, can I talk to you about Thursday?

JAMIE: Believe it or not, that's for real.

It was a shock to me, too. It was good, though.

I needed to rejoin the family.

Action.

The Grover quints use Cutie Pants diapers.

-Jim, I need to speak to you. -What?

So, Jamie won't come out of the truck.

-What? -She won't come out of the truck.

-Why not? -She has to be ready in five minutes.

She won't come out of the truck.

Albert, it's gonna be fine. I'll handle it, okay?

It's gonna be fine. Breathe, buddy.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

-Hey... -(KNOCKS AT DOOR)

Honey, come on out.

-JAMIE: No. -You see?

Honey, it's Daddy. Everything's fine.

Come on out. Come on.

No, I'm not gonna do this.

Jamie, you get to be part of the Grover-quints magic.

You can do it.

I want a different part.

Now, there are actors out there who would be grateful to wear that diaper.

Then call one of them.

ALBERT: No, wait.

Jamie, wait.

NANCY: I know. That was great! (LAUGHS)

Oh, Jamie, I can't believe you missed it.

The quints were fantastic.

Yeah, whatever.

I'm sorry things didn't work out, Jamie.

You know, it would have been really great having you dancing alongside your brothers and sisters.

Of course, they would have been front and center as we've agreed, but you could have been part of the magic.

Oh, it just would have been nice if you had been there with them, you know?

Remember, Jamie, to help the family, we all need to think quints.

So, it's all about the quints, huh?

What about me?

Well, you're still our Jamie, honey. That hasn't changed.

No, of course it hasn't, but the quints as a marketing unit are already running out of steam.

I mean, we need to keep pushing them out there, and we need to refresh the story in a non-commercial way.

We need news, and now is not the time for any of us to be selfish.

Here's another little life lesson.

Sometimes when someone tells you not to be selfish, it's because they are selfish.

So, what's up?

Big problems at home?

Yeah, it's "quints" this, "quints" that.

It's like I've disappeared.

Maybe you should run around naked and pee on people.

That always gets laughs.

That's cuter from a baby, not from an invisible child.

BRAD: But I thought that's what you wanted.

You were so happy when they had the quints.

Okay, so, I was wrong.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

No, I want to hear that you're going to make them pay attention to you!

Angry Brad. Never seen that.

You found yourself, Jamie.

Now don't let anyone take you for granted.

Show your parents the real you.

-They don't care. -Give me a break.

They're distracted, sure, but think back before the quints.

You know how much they care.

That was caring? They drove me nuts.

I would give every blue ribbon I've ever gotten for one look... Like your mom gives you when you walk through the door after a day at school.

Okay, so, fine.

They love me.

Man, I can't believe you talked me to come here.

It's ruined my day.

(SIGHS)

It's not as easy as he says, you know.

He didn't say it was easy.

He just said to deal with it.

It's not fair.

The quints were supposed to make everything easier.

Now they've just mucked everything up.

Deep in conversation, I see.

May I intrude?

Is Magnet really the better school for me, Mr. Blackmer?

Yeah, great chattin' with ya. Bye, now.

No, seriously.

Yes, Washington is a great school, Jamie, but it's geared to math and science.

Grades rule.

But people go to college from GW.

Yeah, well, they go to college from Milford High, too.

Plus, if it matters, Milford's got a much better art program.

Some of the most successful people in life haven't even finished high school, and there are college graduates who never amount to anything.

And do you know what the secret is?

No clue.

Me, neither.

Shoot.

I was hoping...

Well.

Look, Jamie, I can promise you this.

Life will go on if you don't get into GW, and you'll still have every chance of succeeding as long as you try hard.

Your future always lies with you.

Plus, I know this.

You have a lot of talent, and you've found something that you love.

I wish my parents could see that.

All right, well, then, why don't you try telling them that your sketches are going to be part of the main exhibit at the school art show.

Yeah, right, like they'd really...

Are you kidding me?

(LAUGHS) Nope.

Jamie, your stuff is great.

You really capture those kids.

Look, I was gonna tell you the good news later, but this seemed like a perfect moment.

Holy cow.

He isn't kidding.

Jamie, excellent. I'm gonna tell everyone I knew you before you were famous.

Yes, yes, yes. (GIGGLING)

Okay, everyone at the table.

I have an announcement to make.

(JIM CLEARS THROAT)

Well... This is very exciting.

My drawings are going to be in the main exhibit at the school art show.

And that's good?

Art show... And your point is?

Hey, come on, this is a really, really big honor.

Well, honey, why would we care about you getting an honor?

Jamie, we've never cared about that type of thing.

Are you feeling okay?

Oh, come on, now, people. I'm just messing with you.

Now, where were we?

(BOTH GASPING)

In the main exhibit?

Why, that's quite an honor, isn't it?

Yes. Only one person gets chosen from each class.

And, you know, I wasn't even really trying. It just kind of happened.

No!

It didn't just happen.

It happened because my little girl has her dad's artistic eye.

That's how it happened.

Main exhibit? Huh? Wow.

Mr. Blackmer says my stuff is really good.

It's all drawings of Adam and Becky and Charlie...

The quints. Yes, we've seen you draw them.

You must be very good, Jamie. Congratulations.

Why, thank you, Albert.

Okay, I have to go to work. Hey, wait a second.

When can we see the exhibit?

Gala opening in four days, -Saturday night. Be there. -Absolutely. Okay.

Love you, honey.

-See you, Albert. -Bye.

(SIGHS) This is so wonderful.

Yup.

Things were good again.

Best of all, I had found myself, and my parents had found the new me and embraced me.

Now, that happy ending can't be too far away now, can it?

The Saturday school art show made this a big week, but it kept getting bigger and bigger.

Hey, there she is, our budding Van Gogh.

-Good morning. -Morning.

Oh, I asked Mr. Blackmer to save you seats at the awards ceremony. I hope that was okay.

Anything you want. It's your night.

-(DOOR OPENS) -(ALBERT WHISTLING)

Good morning.

No, no, strike that. It's a great morning.

Hey, Albert, what's goin' on?

Did you just get paid today?

Well, in a sense, we all did.

Jim, Nancy...

I have created a huge media moment for you.

We will refresh the story of the quints in a totally new way.

-It's a winner. -Yeah?

"The Governor's Parents of the Year Gala Dinner."

We're invited?

It's better than that.

You're the guests of honor.

Oh, I am good.

We are parents of the year?

(CHUCKLES) That's amazing, Albert.

I have been lobbying for this from the start.

The exposure, the prestige, this is a real break.

This could add a good year to the quints' glory time.

Parents of the year...

It's such an honor.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Thank you, Albert. That's fantastic.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

And it's for us, Jim, not just the quints.

It's nice to be recognized.

(BABY CRYING)

-Oh. -I'm gonna go tell the quints.

They'll be so proud.

Whoo, I'd better get to work... Dad of the year.

Ha-ha. Okay.

-Thanks, Albert. -Okay, then.


(CRIES)

Morning, Jamie.

Wow. She sure is moving.

(SOBBING)

Jamie, what are you doing?

Jamie, hey. Jamie, stop it.

Give that back! It's mine!

Give it to me! It's mine.

Give it back!

Tell us what's wrong.

James, what happened?

My parents are gonna go meet the governor.

Uh... That would really bother me, too.

No! They're parents of the year.

(SCOFFS) Right, and this makes you mad?

There's this big dinner in their honor, and it's the same night as the art show.

And guess which one they're going to. Just guess.

It's not fair, you know?

I finally do somethin' that should make them proud of me, but it's just... It's not enough.

I mean, I try my best, but they just forget about me anyway.

They didn't forget about you.

Yes, they did.

They said that they were going to the dinner.

They knew which night it was.

We were just talking about the art show...

Right then.

I mean, what's the point?

No matter what I do, it's never gonna be enough.

Wow.

You sure do rip fast, huh?

Hey, that's okay. It's all right.

It looks like we still have a few here.

I'll let you make some more.

I'm not going to the art show, Mr. Blackmer. (SNIFFLES)

Didn't you hear anything I said?

Hey, I turned down a lot of dates to be free that Saturday night.

Well, I don't want to go there anymore.

I'll just, um, stay home with the quints and let my parents have their fun.

That's not what you really want to do, is it?

It is.

Fine, then.

Well, your art will be lonely, and we'll miss you, but, you, since you're not a teacher, you have to do what you have to do.

JAMIE: And that's the way things went for a few days.

I wasn't really happy.

I felt like maybe I didn't know myself after all, and I honestly felt like I wasn't even part of my family.

Focus, focus, focus, focus, focus, focus.

Good morning, Jamie.

What's goin' on?

Nothing. I'm late.

Okay, okay, before we do the card thing, did you hear the one about the Eskimo who died of cold cuts?

He stabbed himself with an icicle.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I appreciate the effort, guys, but can we just get this over with?

Okay.

-We want A's! -We want A's!

Straight A's, Brad?

You're boring.

Uh, look at you, Jamie.

I see an "A."

It's just in art class.

Well, it's an "A" and no C's?

It's your best report card ever.

You taking smart pills?

I was just having fun, you know?

Give your parents another chance, Jamie.

I think you all know by now is that it's all in how you see it, right?

I mean, what would have happened here if Picasso had been told...

Excuse me, Mr. Blackmer.

MR. BLACKMER: Start drawing the cubes. Start from the left.

Everything's fine, but there's something you need to know.

-JAMIE: Obviously, everything wasn't fine. -(SIRENS BLARING)

MR. BLACKMER: I'm sure everything will be fine.

JAMIE: I hope so. Thanks.

-Is he okay? Is he okay? -He's fine. He's fine.

What happened?

His temperature just shot up. He was so hot, but he's okay. He's...

It's okay, honey. He's gonna be fine.

He looks so helpless.

He's a baby. He is helpless.

I'm scared.

Honey, you don't have to be scared now.

No, not just for him.

I'm scared that things are ruined between us.

Well, that's not possible. We are always here for you.

Absolutely, Jamie, always.

You know how you kept telling us the quints were five different people?

I heard you, but I didn't understand.

They seemed like a unit, you know?

I could plan for one. Honey, I just couldn't plan for five.

And then, dashing to the hospital today...

It wasn't the quints who were sick. It was Adam.

Sweet little Adam.

NANCY: Yeah, sweet little Adam.

That's one poor, sick little baby boy.

I'm my own person, too, you know?

Of course you are, honey.

No, I mean...

I'm not really sure if I want the same things that you want for me.

You don't want to go to college?

Maybe. Probably.

I just... I want to find my own way.

I don't want to follow your plan, Dad.

I want my own.

I only wanted what was best for ya.

Me, too. That's why we try so hard.

I know that.

It's just, I may never be a straight-A student.

Certainly not a science-fair whiz, but...

I guess with art I finally found something that makes me happy.

I'm working really hard at it.

Can't that be enough?

Oh, honey, it's more than enough.

We only wanted these things that we wanted for you because we wanted you to be happy.

That's...

Jamie, that's the only point of the plan.

Look at you. You figured it out on your own.

I found myself.

I found me.

Who made you so smart?

I don't know.

I don't know. You guys, I guess.

(DOOR OPENS)

-I came as soon as I heard. -Everything's fine.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF) Great.

You know, I knew that it would be Adam who got into trouble.

Little boys always make me nervous.

So, tell me, how long's he gonna be out for?

A week, maybe two.

No, no, no, no. This is bad. We have gigs.

Well, I'll tell his doctors.

Can't we postpone?

No. No. That doesn't make us look good.

The world wants healthy babies.

I wonder. How old is he?

The same age as they all are, Albert.

Five months.

Yeah.

Okay, go with me on this.

We find another matching baby, just for this week. Same size. No one will know the difference, right?

Albert, maybe I can substitute.

It's all about the quints. You can't be part of the picture.

No, Albert, you can't be part of the picture.

You're fired.

(SCOFFS)

You must be kidding, Jim. I saved you.

Yeah, and you've been well paid for it. Now just go away.

Nancy, please, tell him this is a mistake. I mean...

You've overstayed your welcome, Albert.

Okay, fine, fine. We won't replace Adam.

-You'll lose business, but... -But at least we'll have our family.

Goodbye, Albert.

(SIGHS)

JAMIE: Weird. It should have been a terrible day, but suddenly, I felt better than I had in a long time.

(COOING)

One, two, three...

JAMIE: I never mentioned the art show again.

I decided that helping out my parents was more important than being with my art.

Art would always be around, but my parents might never be parents of the year again.

So I agreed to babysit the quints with Brad and Zoe while the folks went to get their award.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Whoa. Grovers looking sharp.

-Thank you. -Thank you very much.

-Okay, you guys gonna be all right? -Yes, of course.

-I love you. Call us if you need anything. -I'm so excited.

-Good-bye. Okay, honey. Thanks. -Okay.

Okay, good-bye. Don't let him touch your stuff.

-Okay, bye. -All right.

Have fun, guys.

NANCY: All right, thank you.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

-(ALL LAUGHING) -Yes!

Governor Healy, the Grovers are here.

Oh, the Grovers. What a pleasure. This is such a big night.

We've got press here from every paper in the state.

It's really remarkable.

Aw, it's really an honor for us, sir, really.

And your adorable quintuplets are where, exactly?

At home, all snug and warm.

That's very funny. You're making jokes with the governor.

But where are they, really?

JAMIE: Five minutes after my parents left, I noticed that they had forgotten a small detail.

Well, five small details.

They were gonna look really bad. I couldn't let that happen.

Yes, you know how my mom's always been a little bit scatterbrained?

She scattered way too much this time.

She and Dad were supposed to bring the quints to the dinner.

Okay, okay, quint rescue duty better finish quickly.

I cannot miss the art show, Jamie.

Okay, checklist. Five babies?

Five? There's five of them?

Kidding. Check.

Very funny. Okay, car seats?

Check.

Great. Cash and directions?

Sorry. That was mine. Let's hit the road.

All right, let's go.

But I don't understand.

I was told all seven of you would be here.

I am so sorry.

Uh...

It's okay. Not a problem.

I'm the governor. I can handle this.

I'll send the state troopers to pick up those little ones.

(WHISTLING)

Get those quints ready for transit.

Crisis averted.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

Hey, we almost made it.

And that means my parents are almost off the hook.

-I think you need oil. -Hypothetically, I think you're right.

I guess it's over.

Maybe the tow truck can take you back to the art show if it ever shows up.

Jamie, Jamie.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Never give up, particularly if there's something you believe in.

Come on, do you believe in your family? In the quints?

-Yourself? -Yeah.

Well, then make a plan, man.

-Good luck. -Bye.

-Bye, Mr. Blackmer. -Careful, guys, good luck. Bye.

(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING)

I'll be there for you I'll be there for you Are you sure this was a good idea?

It's only two stops to the state house.

We do this every year on our school trips, Zoe.

Grow up.

BRAD: Whatever we do, let's do it quick.

My arms are falling off.

Not home? Not home? But me and those quints were gonna be on the front page together.

Now, this is the same thing that happened when I agreed to that photo-op with the Backstreet guys.

It's okay. I can handle this.

Good news, I hope.

I spoke to our neighbor, who talked to her cousin, who talked to a co-worker, who said they're on their way.

On their way? On their way?

They should have been here hours ago with you!

I'm so sorry.

I just get so excited meeting the quints.

That's no way to speak to my parents of the year, is it?

GOVERNOR: Ah, it's no use.

This has fiasco written all over it.

I hear it. Come on, come on, come on.

That was close.

This is turning into some adventure.

I'll say.

How could we not have known to bring the quints?

I've gotta tell you, planning is just too hard with this many kids.

I give up.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Governor Thomas Healy.

No, I mean it. There's no more big plan. I quit. No more.

-Mr. Governor, sir! -Sir.

We just want to apologize.

Months of planning, no babies.

The perfect moment gone.

I just wanted a few pictures taken.

We are so sorry, Mr. Governor, sir.

-MAN: Out of the way. Out of my way! -But...

Out of my way! Hands off! Stand back!

Look at this little guy, the Grover quints are here!

Adam.

And a big biker guy.

-Hi, guys. -Hey, honey.

Here's your quints. They're pretty adorable, you know.

Yeah, we know.

Nice to meet you, little man.

I told you this would work out fine.

You panic far too easily.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Hey, where have you been?

Wait. Here you go.

That's all right. He's a good guy. He's a good guy.

He's dressed like a monkey.

Here we go. Come on. Come on.

Take him.

Thank you, okay. Here you go. Just keep them bouncing. They're okay.

Thanks, guys.

-Couldn't have done it without you. -Not a problem.

Honey, you gonna join us for dinner?

No, thanks. I'm not really dressed.

I'll have my driver take you back home, if you like.

-He can take you anywhere, actually. -Anywhere?

Sure, anywhere.

Come on, guys. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. Have fun. Bye.

Yeah, young lady, where you goin'?

Hello?

I just don't understand that kid.

Teenagers are just plain weird.

That was off the record, of course.

JAMIE: With the crisis solved, I let the governor's driver take us out for ice cream.

I mean, where else would I go?

Nowhere, right?

Okay, you caught me.

The truth is, I had the driver race us to the art show.

I got there just in time.

How in the world?

Bus, subway, bikers, and a limo. You?

Tow truck and walking shoes.

Actually, the artist is here now.

This is Jamie Grover.

These are sketches of her brothers and sisters.

JAMIE: And then it was time for the big moment.

And now, it's time for the big moment.

JAMIE: He needs a new writer, don't you think?

MR. BLACKMER: Each year, one student is recognized for his or her body of work entered in the school art show.

Now, this is a student that the judges feel has a special gift.

As always, this is a very difficult decision to make, as many of you out there have extraordinary talent.

But still, we do make a decision.

And this year, the blue ribbon goes to Jamie Grover!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

JAMIE: Guess what? I'm not fooling you.

This is what really happened.

It was pretty awesome.

Congratulations, Jamie!

I knew you could do it.

I knew you could do it. I'm very proud of you.

There you are. Congratulations, Jamie.

(POP SONG PLAYING)

Money, money falling all around me

-It's everywhere I can see -Ooh, yeah I finally got the mo-ney JAMIE: Wait.

That part didn't happen.

But guess what did?

JIM: Hey, hey! That's our girl!

(JIM LAUGHS)

Honey.

Oh, honey.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, about a moment after you left, we suddenly realized exactly where you were going.

You remembered?

Yes, we remembered, and we felt like terrible people that we forgot even for that one little moment.

So I said to the governor, "If we're parents of the year, "there's only one place we can be."

Our children come first.

And I said, "Well, I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.

"Let's go!" So here we are.

Wait, what about the dinner and the award?

This is better.

-Much better. -Much better.

JAMIE: And you want to hear something funny?

I ended up getting a few good grades, and Mr. Blackmer wrote me a great recommendation letter, and I was eligible for George Washington Science Magnet school.

But I said, "No, thanks."

Mom and Dad said it didn't matter anymore.

After all, life is always what you make it.

So, I moved on to the ninth grade.

My grades stayed about the same, but my art got better and better, thanks to my hard work and Mr. Blackmer's teaching.

Best of all, I was happy.

Well, as happy as 14-year-old girls ever get, but that's a different story.

Dad got a promotion, but he's still trying to make himself better, still hitting those books.

Mom continued to manage the quints' career, but she scaled their work way back.

It's going well enough that we can all eat but not so good that Dad's quitting his job.

And there was one other bit of news.

(PHONE RINGING)

The doctors say it's septuplets. That's seven.

(SIGHING)

Come on now, people.

Haven't I taught you anything?