Recess: School's Out (2001) Script

( Kazoos )


HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, FRANK ?

NOT SO GOOD. I CAN'T SEEM TO GET THIS PHOTON CHANNELER WORKING.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER FIGURE IT OUT.

THE COLONEL WANTS TO SHOW THE SYSTEM TO THE TOP BRASS NEXT MONTH. I KNOW, I KNOW.

( Men Shouting )

( Loud Bang ) WHAT WAS THAT ?

WHAT'S THAT SOUND OUT THERE ? ( Alarm Blaring )

IT'S A BREAK-IN ! ERASE THE ACCESS CODE !

X-Y-4--

( Gasps )

( Both Groan )

( Alarm Continues Blaring, Stops )

ALL CLEAR.

NEATLY DONE, FERNLICK.

IT'S, UH, FENWICK, SIR. OH.

ARE THEY DEAD ? NO, SIR. MERELY UNCONSCIOUS.

GOOD, GOOD. YOU KNOW HOW I HATE VIOLENCE.

MMM. NICE SHINE.

UH, WHAT NEXT, SIR ? WELL, OBVIOUSLY, WE ESTABLISH OUR BASE.

AND WHERE WILL THAT BE ? THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH THEY'D LOOK.

A PLACE CALLED... 3rd STREET SCHOOL.


LAST DAY OF SCHOOL SALE, BOYS AND GIRLS.

GET YOUR CELEBRATORY CONTRABAND RIGHT HERE.

SHAVING CREAM, T.P., GOOFY STRING, MAPS OF THE TEACHERS' HOUSES.

I'LL TAKE ONE OF THEM MAPS, HUSTLER KID.

HEY, DIGGERS, LET'S PARTY.

CAN'T NOW. GOTTA FINISH FILLING UP OUR HOLES BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.

WON'T BE ABLE TO DIG 'EM UP NEXT YEAR IF WE DON'T FILL 'EM NOW.

( Spitting ) HEY ! BIG KIDS BURY ME !

OOPS.

I, KING BOB, IN MY LAST OFFICIAL ACT BEFORE ENTERING MIDDLE SCHOOL, HEREBY ANOINT THIS BOY HERE KING FREDDIE THE SECOND.

MAY YOU BOSS AROUND ALL OF THE KIDS WITH FAIRNESS.

THE KING HAS GRADUATED ! LONG LIVE THE KING !

( Cheering ) ( "Hail to the Chief" )

ELBOW UP ! EYES FORWARD !

YOU CALL THAT KAZOO PLAYING ?

AH, CEREMONY. I'M, LIKE, MOVED, ASHLEY A.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES, ASHLEY Q.

THE ROYALS HAVE SUCH STYLE.

KEEP 'EM COMIN' ! LET'S GO !

MS. FINSTER, THE KIDS ARE PRACTICALLY MAD WITH LAST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL FEVER !

OF COURSE THEY ARE, RANDALL. THEY'RE ANIMALS LIVING BY PURE INSTINCT.

I'VE GOT A LIST OF INFRACTIONS A MILE LONG:

THE DIGGERS HIT A WATER MAIN, THE KINDERGARTENERS ARE FEASTING ON PASTE, NEVER MIND, RANDALL.

HUSTLER KID IS, UH-- DID YOU SAY "NEVER MIND" ?

THAT'S RIGHT, RANDALL. WHAT I'VE GOT HERE IS BIGGER, MUCH BIGGER.

ALL THIS YEAR I'VE BEEN HOLDING BACK ON THE ICE CREAM, HIDING IT FROM ALL THOSE LITTLE SAVAGES.

JUST LOOK AT IT, RANDALL. I'M COUNTING 100, MAYBE 200 CASES OF IT.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE ICE CREAMS ?

SELL 'EM BACK TO THE DISTRICT, OF COURSE.

THINK OF ALL THE CHALK AND ERASERS WE CAN GET.

BUT, MS. FINSTER, I'VE GOT DIRT ON EVERYBODY.

WELL, EVERYBODY EXCEPT DETWEILER AND HIS PALS.

COME TO THINK OF IT, I HAVEN'T SEEN THOSE GUYS ANYWHERE.

AH, FORGET ABOUT 'EM, RANDALL.

THERE'S NOTHING T.J. DETWEILER AND HIS HOOLIGAN FRIENDS CAN DO TO STOP ME NOW.

WELL, THAT SHOULD DO IT. THERE'S ENOUGH HERE FOR EVERYONE.

GOOD. THEN IT'S PARTY TIME.

KIDS OF THE PLAYGROUND !

I GIVE YOU ICE CREAM !

PULL !

( Cheering )

ICE CREAM ! CHOCO-POPS ! FUDGE BARS !

FUDGSICLE !

MY ICE CREAM !

STOP IT ! STOP IT, I SAY !

YOU LITTLE MONSTERS ARE IN TROUBLE NOW !

JUST WAIT'LL PRINCIPAL PRICKLY FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS ! ATTENTION, STUDENTS !

THIS IS PRINCIPAL PRICKLY TALKING. OOH, THAT WAS FAST.

SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED ICE CREAM ON THE PLAYGROUND.

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. THIS ICE CREAM SHOULD BE EATEN IMMEDIATELY.

HUH ?

( Cheering )

IN ADDITION, I WANT YOU ALL TO IGNORE MS. FINSTER, NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS...

ABOUT ICE CREAM OR ANYTHING ELSE.

( Cheering Continues ) ( Muttering ) THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

FURTHERMORE, I WANT TO INFORM YOU ALL THAT I HAVE A FAT, SAGGY BUTT...

WHICH I LIKE TO SCRATCH EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR.

ALSO, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF YOU...

FOR BEING SUCH A MEAN PRINCIPAL, TAKING AWAY HALL PASSES, GIVING GUYS RECESS DETENTION, REFUSING TO ACCEPT SICK NOTES JUST 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A GUY'S MOM'S SIGNATURE, MAKING KIDS STAND AT THE WALL FOR TEN WHOLE MINUTES, WITH NO BREAK !

MAN, I FEEL ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE, ROTTEN THINGS I'VE DONE.

AND NEXT YEAR, I PROMISE TO--

WHY, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, SIR, WHAT A SURPRISE.

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, DETWEILER ? DO YOU ENJOY TORMENTING ME ?

DO YOU HATE ME ? ON THE CONTRARY, SIR, I HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR YOU.

DON'T BE SMART WITH ME, BOY. ALL YEAR LONG YOU'VE BEEN PUSHING ME, TESTING ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, SIR. OH, REALLY ?

HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU CONVINCED THE F.B.I. I WAS A CHINESE AGENT AND GOT ME ARRESTED ?

YOU WERE GIVING US A SPEECH ON PERSONAL HYGIENE. YOU HAD TO BE STOPPED.

HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU FORGED MY SIGNATURE AND ORDERED A MOTORBOAT FOR THE SCHOOL ?

IT WAS FOR THE KINDERGARTENERS.

OWNING A BOAT'S ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF A DREAM OF THEIRS.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR PRANKS. THIS TIME I'M REALLY GONNA THROW THE BOOK AT YOU.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR, YOU'D BETTER GET THROWING, 'CAUSE YOU'RE OUT OF TIME.

HUH ? IT'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL, SIR.

I'VE ONLY GOT 20 MORE SECONDS OF FOURTH GRADE LEFT. LOOK.

IN SOME WAYS, PEOPLE, THIS DAY IS A BUMMER FOR ME.

BUT IN OTHER WAYS IT'S THE ULTIMATE HIGH, BECAUSE EVERY MILESTONE THAT YOU KIDS PASS IS ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS--

UH, MISS GROTKE ? YES, SPINELLI ?

I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT, BUT--

OH, YES ! BE MY GUEST.

( Kids In Unison ) SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE--

( Bell Rings ) ( Cheering )

WHOO ! WHOO-HOO !

( Laughing ) YEAH !

( Together ) SCANDALOUS !

CALLING OUT AROUND THE WORLD ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAND-NEW BEAT SUMMER'S HERE YOU EAT PASTE ! YOU EAT PASTE !

AND THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR DANCIN' IN THE STREET

( Stops ) HEY ! NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS !

YEAH, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ? IT'S JUST THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.

( Together ) THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR ? WHOO-HOO !

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR WHOO-HOO ! ( Laughing ) JUST AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE GIRLS, WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE REST OF THIS CORN CHOWDER ?

( Sniffs ) AW, LEAVE IT IN THE KETTLE. IT'LL KEEP TILL SEPTEMBER.

( All Laughing ) THEY'LL BE DANCING DANCING IN THE STREET THEY'RE DANCIN' IN THE STREET DANCING IN THE STREET SEE YOU NEXT YEAR, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.

YOU'D BETTER DO SOME GROWING UP THIS SUMMER, YOUNG MAN.

( Sighs ) I HATE MY JOB.

THERE'LL BE LAUGHIN' SINGIN'

AND RECORDS PLAYIN'

DANCIN' IN THE STREET LOOK AT THOSE HOOLIGANS.

ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S A WONDERFUL EXPRESSION OF FREEDOM AND JOY.

I'LL TELL YOU A WONDERFUL EXPRESSION OF FREEDOM AND JOY.

TWELVE WEEKS OF NOTHING BUT ME AT THE WEST SIDE GOLF COURSE, AND NO DETWEILER.

I SECOND THAT EMOTION, SIR.

MAN, TEEJ, THAT PRANK WAS SWEET.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN FINSTER'S FACE-- I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA BLOW A GASKET.

THOSE LIMESICLES WERE TASTY.

A TASTY BEGINNING TO A TASTY SUMMER.

TWELVE WEEKS OF NOTHING BUT RIDING BIKES, HANGING OUT AT THE LAKE...

AND T.P.-ING THE WEST SIDE GOLF COURSE.

SUMMER VACATION-- THE ULTIMATE RECESS.

YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO BASEBALL CAMP.

BASEBALL CAMP ? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

ACTUALLY, TEEJ, I'M GONNA BE OUT OF TOWN TOO.

BIG-TIME WRESTLING FEDERATION HAS THIS TRAINING CAMP, AND I GOTTA LEARN SOME NEW MOVES IF I'M EVER GONNA TURN PRO.

BUT, SPINELLI-- IT'S MILITARY CAMP FOR ME.

MY DAD SAYS I NEED TO LEARN TO BE A LEADER.

I SHALL BE ATTENDING THE MT. VAN BUREN SPACE CAMP.

DON'T WANNA LET THOSE SCIENCE GEEKS GET AHEAD OF ME. YOU'RE ALL GOING TO CAMP ?

NOT ME. THANK GOODNESS.

THE YOUNG VOICES TRAINING PROGRAM DOESN'T LIKE THE WORD "CAMP."

THEY PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES FOR ASPIRING SINGERS TO TRAIN THEIR VOICES...

IN A RIGOROUS YET SUPPORTIVE SETTING.

BUT SUMMER'S GONNA BE RUINED.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ? PLAY BASEBALL BY MYSELF ? WATCH RERUNS ? READ ?

SORRY, MAN, BUT WE GOTTA THINK ABOUT OUR FUTURES.

YEAH, WE CAN'T WASTE THE WHOLE SUMMER JUST FOOLING AROUND LIKE KIDS.

BUT WE ARE KIDS ! ACTUALLY, AS OF THE COMPLETION OF FOURTH GRADE, WE ARE TECHNICALLY CONSIDERED PRE-YOUNG ADULTS.

AND NEXT YEAR WE WON'T EVEN BE "PRE."

BUT-- ( Sighs )

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THE TIME WE'VE GOT LEFT. WHEN DO YOU ALL LEAVE ?

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. OH, MAN.

( Chattering )

WELL, THERE'S MY BUS.

BETTER GET GOING. YEAH, SAME HERE.

BYE, TEEJ. TRY TO HAVE SOME FUN, OKAY ?

DON'T WORRY, BUDDY. YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME WITHOUT US.

I DON'T KNOW, VINCE. ALL MY PLANS WERE MADE FOR SIX.

DON'T TELL ME YOU ASHLEYS ARE GOING TO BASEBALL CAMP.

EEEW ! AS IF !

CHEERLEADING CAMP IS RIGHT ACROSS THE LAKE. DUH !

I HOPE IT'S A BIG LAKE.

( Horn Honks )

AH, SPACE CAMP.

WONDER IF THEY'LL LET US MAKE CRATERS.

HEY, HUSTLER KID, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WRESTLED.

I DON'T. I'M PRE-MANAGEMENT.

BESIDES, MY RESEARCH TELLS ME THAT KIDS WHO WRESTLE TRADE THE MOST FOR CONTRABAND SNACKS.

WHICH REMINDS ME-- WANNA BUY A WINGER-DINGER ?

ALL RIGHT, ALL THE KINDERGARTEN PERFORMERS ON THE BUS FIRST.

( All Shouting ) ME VIKING !

ME VIKING ! ME VIKING ! ME VIKING !

BON VOYAGE...

( Adult Baritone ) T.J.

( Applause )

BIG KID SING GOOD.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, TEEJ, THERE'S MY TRANSPORT.

WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ? MILITARY CAMP'S GONNA BE A BLAST !

GRISWALD, YOU MAGGOT, GET YOUR FANNY OVER HERE NOW !

THANKS, GUS, BUT I THINK I'LL STICK IT OUT AT HOME THIS SUMMER.

OKAY, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

HIYA, CAPTAIN BRAD ! I DON'T LIKE YOU, GRISWALD. I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND !

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ? YES, SIR ! NOT LOOKING FOR FRIENDSHIP, SIR !

GOOD LUCK, GUS. YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT.

MAN, THIS SUMMER'S GONNA WHOMP.

ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER THAT YOU'LL EVER DO TWO CAN BE AS BAD AS ONE IT'S THE LONELIEST NUMBER SINCE THE NUMBER ONE

( Bird Squawking )

NO IS THE SADDEST EXPERIENCE YOU'LL EVER KNOW YES, IT'S THE SADDEST EXPERIENCE YOU'LL EVER KNOW

'CAUSE ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER THAT YOU'LL EVER DO ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER WHOA-OHH WORSE THAN TWO

AND SO, THE SUMMER SEASON OFFICIALLY BEGINS...

WITH KIDS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY RUSHING OFF TO CAMP.

IN OTHER NEWS, THE NATIONAL NO RECESS MOVEMENT...

HAS HIT A SERIOUS STUMBLING BLOCK...

WITH THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ITS LEADER, FORMER SECRETARY OF EDUCATION PHILLIUM BENEDICT.

BENEDICT, FIRED BY THE PRESIDENT TWO YEARS AGO FOR HIS EXTREMIST VIEWS, HAS RECENTLY BEEN--

NO RECESS ? WHAT A BUNCH OF HOGWASH.

( Yawns ) MORNING, MOM. MORNING, DAD.

ARE YOU JUST GETTING UP NOW ? GEEZ, YOU'RE SLEEPING AWAY YOUR WHOLE VACATION.

WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS ?

WHAT FRIENDS ? THE ONES WHO ABANDONED ME AND WENT TO CAMP ?

NOW, T.J., I KNOW THERE ARE OTHER BOYS AROUND THIS SUMMER.

MRS. WEEN SAYS RANDALL IS AVAILABLE. DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE A PLAY DATE ?

A PLAY DATE ? BYE, MOM. BYE, DAD.

BYE, T-JERK.

NOW, BECKY, BE NICE TO YOUR LITTLE BROTHER.

HE'S FEELING S-A-D RIGHT NOW.

I CAN SPELL, MOM. WELL, UNLIKE SOME KIDS, I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

MR. WALSH SAYS IF I CAN MASTER THE VATMAN 2000, I'LL BE ASSISTANT MANAGER BY THE END OF THE SUMMER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS--

I'LL GET TO DRIVE THE FLOPPY BURGER TRUCK.

BOY, SHE'S SURE AIMING FOR THE STARS.

AT LEAST SHE'S NOT SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE, MOPING ALL SUMMER.

GOING TO A PLAY DATE WITH RANDALL.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I SUNK THIS LOW.

THIS IS THE WORST SUMMER EVER.

( Loud Zap )

WHAT THE HECK ? ( Loud Zap )

THAT'S WEIRD. HEY, YOU !

GET AWAY FROM THAT FENCE !

HEY, DAD, WHAT DO THEY USE THE SCHOOL FOR DURING THE SUMMER ?

THEY LOCK IT UP. IT'S EMPTY. WHY ?

TODAY, WHEN I WAS RIDING BY, I SAW THIS SCARY GUY AND--

I'M SURE HE WAS JUST CLEANING UP.

I THINK SOMETHING WEIRD'S GOING ON IN THERE-- SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD.

( Sighs ) MRS. LA SALLE WAS RIGHT.

WE SHOULD'VE SENT HIM TO SOME KIND OF CAMP.

9:32 A.M. UGLY BALD GUY STILL GUARDING SCHOOL.

( Horn Honks )

STAGING AREA ONE.

GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS. GOT IT.

9:32-AND-A-HALF A.M. GROWNUPS WRONG. SCHOOL'S NOT EMPTY.

( Loud Zap )

9:32 AND THREE QUARTERS. GREEN GLOW IN WINDOW AGAIN.

I'M GOING IN FOR A CLOSER LOOK.

( Loud Zap )

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND ELEVATE IT.

( Gasps )

MOM ! MOM !

( Groans ) T.J. ! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?

THOSE GUYS AT THE SCHOOL, THEY'RE DOING SOME KIND OF EVIL EXPERIMENT !

THAT BONK ON THE HEAD MUST'VE RATTLED YOUR LITTLE BRAIN.

BUT, MOM-- YOU'RE FEVERISH.

YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE. I'LL GO GET THE BABY THERMOMETER AND THE PETROLEUM JELLY.

UH, DAD, DAD !

DAD ! WHAT IS IT, BOY ?

THOSE BAD GUYS HAVE A LASER BEAM AND THEY'RE LIFTING THIS SAFE--

T.J., DID YOU RUN INTO THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR AGAIN ?

NO, BUT-- YEAH, BUT-- GAAAH !

COME BACK ! YOUR MOM'S GONNA WANT TO TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE !

OKAY, KID, WE GOT IT ALL IN THE REPORT.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THOSE MAD SCIENTISTS.

( Chuckles ) YEAH, NO ONE'S GONNA LEVITATE ANY SAFE ON MY WATCH.

OOH, LOOK, ARTIE, SOMEBODY'S LEVITATING MY DOUGHNUT...

WITH A LASER BEAM !

( Laughing Continues ) GO HOME, KID ! GO HOME !

LAUGH AT ME, WILL YA ?

I'M GONNA BE A TAXPAYER SOMEDAY ! ( Man ) HAVE A GOOD ROUND.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY !

WAIT !

YEAH, YOU GUYS DID IT RIGHT.

PSYCHOLOGY, LAW, WASTE MANAGEMENT-- GOOD, SOLID CAREERS.

ME, I'M STUCK WITH A BUNCH OF PAIN-IN-THE-NECK KIDS ALL YEAR.

PETE, ARE YOU GONNA PUTT OR GROUSE ALL DAY ? OKAY, OKAY, HERE GOES.

( T.J. ) PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ! OHH !

YOU GOTTA COME QUICK ! IT'S AN EMERGENCY !

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T MR. ICE CREAM FOR EVERYONE.

THIS IS THAT KID I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT. THE "SAGGY BUTT" KID ?

HEY, HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY ?

SORRY.

SOMETHING WEIRD'S GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL.

I SAW THESE MAD SCIENTISTS AND--

YEAH, YEAH, VERY FUNNY. I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SO-CALLED JOKES.

HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM ? IT'S NOT A JOKE, SIR.

THEY HAVE THIS LASER BEAM, AND--

AW, PLEASE, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME ! THE SCHOOL'S IN DANGER !

GIVE ME A BREAK, DETWEILER.

COME ON. GO WITH THE KID, PETE.

THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF ISSUE YOU SHOULD BE AVOIDING. ( All Laughing )

ALL RIGHT, DETWEILER, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

LOOKS FINE TO ME. NOW CAN I GO BACK TO MY GOLF GAME ?

JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET INSIDE. YOU'LL SEE.

OH, THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU KIDS.

SOMETIMES I THINK YOU WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH JUST TO--

AAAH ! AAAH !

AAAH !

( Panting ) 11:57 A.M.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY DEMATERIALIZED...

IN A HORRIFYING FIELD OF ELECTRICITY.

THE COPS WON'T LISTEN. MOM AND DAD WON'T LISTEN.

I GOTTA GET THE GUYS TOGETHER. IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

LIKE, I AM SO THROUGH WITH HIM, MELISSA.

HE ASKED ME IF I SPOKE FRENCH, THEN WINKED AT ME.

BECKY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME ! I NEED A RIDE UP TO CHESTERVILLE !

ARE YOU KIDDING ? I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE DORK.

"OH, HOW I DREAM OF THE MUSTACHE FUZZ ON JIMMY'S SWEATY LIPS...

GLISTENING AS HE COOKS IN THE LIGHT OF A DOZEN HAMBURGER HEAT LAMPS."

HEY, THAT'S MY DIARY ! GIVE ME THAT ! AH-AH-AH. I'VE GOT COPIES.

EITHER YOU GIVE ME A RIDE, OR THIS BABY HITS THE INTERNET.

GET YOUR MOTOR RUNNIN'

HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY THANKS FOR DRIVING ME, BECKY.

YOU'RE THE SWEETEST BIG SISTER A KID COULD ASK FOR.

AND YOU ARE THE ANNOYING PET MONKEY I WISH I NEVER GOT !

HEY, I TRY TO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING.

NEXT REST STOP, PULL IN. I GOTTA TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.

GET THAT FRONT LEG UP, BIGGLES.

YOU CALL THAT A PITCH, HORNSBY ?

COME ON, LA SALLE ! THROW IT, DON'T AIM IT !

I KNOW, I KNOW !

MAN, I CAN PITCH JUST FINE WHEN I'M WITH MY FRIENDS.

PSST ! PSST !

T.J., WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

YOU GOTTA COME BACK TO TOWN. IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

WHAT ? I CAN'T JUST LEAVE.

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY GOT DEMATERIALIZED. DEMATERIALIZED ?

T.J., YOU'RE CRAZY. AM I ?

MT. VAN BUREN ? THAT'S 20 MILES AWAY. I'M NOT TAKING YOU THERE.

"DEAR DIARY, I DREAMED OF JIMMY AGAIN.

"HE WAS ROCKING ME SO GENTLY, JUST LIKE HE ROCKS THE GREASE OFF A BASKET OF HOT AND STEAMY ONION RINGS." ( Moans )

WHOA ! LET ME LOOK AT THAT. JERKS.

HEY, YOU KIDS ! GET AWAY FROM THAT FAKE MARTIAN LANDSCAPE !

MISS DIRECTOR ! MISS DIRECTOR ! WHAT IS IT NOW, GRETCHEN ?

I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE MOON WITH THE 200-INCH TELESCOPE AT THE OBSERVATORY, AND I'VE DETECTED SOME PECULIAR ECCENTRICITIES IN ITS ORBIT.

GRETCHEN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY OUT ONE OF THESE NEAT ANTIGRAVITY HARNESSES.

THE OTHER KIDS LOVE 'EM, AND LOOK, YOU CAN EVEN DO BACK FLIPS, JUST LIKE REAL ASTRONAUTS.

BUT--

( Sighs ) WHY DO I BOTHER ?

BECAUSE YOU'RE DRIVEN BY A PASSIONATE DESIRE FOR KNOWLEDGE ?

T.J. ? VINCE ? WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE ?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS, BUT--

DEMATERIALIZED ? JUST LIKE OUT OF STAR TREK.

FASCINATING.

MI, MI, MI, MI, MI MI, MI, MI, MI, MI MI, MI, MI, MI, MI MI, MI, MI, MI-- ( Whispering )

ME ?

LOOK OUT, MARSHALS ! HERE COMES THE FLYING PRESS !

( Grunts )

YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A SOLDIER, GRISWALD !

YOU WILL NEVER BE A LEADER ! NOW, STAND AT ATTENTION UNTIL I RETURN !

AND DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE ! DO YOU HEAR ME ? NOT A MUSCLE !

THANKS A LOT, SIS. YOU OWE ME GAS MONEY.

OKAY, TEEJ, WHAT'S THIS BIG SECRET PLOT OF YOURS ? FOLLOW ME.

LOOK AT THAT.

LET'S GET MOVIN' OUT.

WHO ARE THOSE GUYS ? PERHAPS THEY'RE GOVERNMENT AGENTS.

OR GANGSTERS. OR ALIENS.

ALIENS ? THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE ALIENS.

WELL, MAYBE THEY'RE IN DISGUISE.

YEAH, IF YOU WERE AN ALIEN, YOU WOULDN'T JUST WALK AROUND IN YOUR LIZARD SKIN ALL DAY.

HMM. GOOD POINT.

WHOEVER THEY ARE, WE NEED TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

WE'LL GET THE REST LATER. RIGHT. I'LL CLOSE IT UP.

HURRY.

MAN, THIS THING WEIGHS A TON.

THAT'S 'CAUSE IT'S FULL OF MOON ROCKS AND ALIEN EGGS.

HEY, IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF PAPER.

WEATHER MAPS ? TEST SCORES ? SOME STUFF WRITTEN IN SWEDISH ?

ACTUALLY, THAT'S NORWEGIAN. WHATEVER. IT'S ALL JUST DUMB SCHOOL STUFF.

YOU GOT ME OUT OF BASEBALL CAMP TO WATCH SOME GUYS RESTOCK THE SUPPLY ROOM ?

NO ! SOMETHING'S GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL ! I SWEAR !

TEEJ, I THINK YOU COOKED THIS WHOLE THING UP JUST 'CAUSE YOU WANTED US BACK FROM CAMP.

WHAT ? HEY, WE UNDERSTAND.

IT MUST BE PRETTY BORING AROUND HERE ALL SUMMER BY YOURSELF.

YOUR MIND SIMPLY CREATED AN ADVENTURE BECAUSE IT NEEDED SOME EXCITEMENT.

NO, IT REALLY HAPPENED. I SAW PRICKLY DISAPPEAR.

WELL, IF PRICKLY DISAPPEARED, THEN WHO'S THAT ?

COME ON, GUYS. LET'S GET BACK TO CAMP. YEAH.

SEE YA IN A FEW WEEKS, TEEJ.

NO, WAIT ! YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME !

I'M NOT MAKING IT UP ! I-- I-- ( Metal Clanking )

AYE-YI-YI, YI-YI. ( All Gasp )

WHOA ! WHAT'S HAPPENING ?

( Sputtering )

OKAY, THAT RIGHT THERE ? THAT WAS MESSED UP.

( T.J. ) MIKEY ?

MIKEY, YOU OKAY ?

W-WHERE AM I ?

YOU'RE IN T.J.'S BACKYARD, MAN.

HOW'D YOU GUYS GET ME HERE ?

HEY, THIS IS KINDA COMFY.

YEAH, YEAH. GET OUT OF THERE, YOU BIG LUMMOX.

OKAY, TEEJ, YOU WERE RIGHT. SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL.

AND PRICKLY MUST BE IN ON IT. I SAY WE GO TO THE POLICE.

I ALREADY WENT TO THE POLICE. I WENT TO EVERYONE. NOBODY'LL LISTEN.

WHAT WE NEED IS PROOF. PROOF ? HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PROOF ?

I GOT A PLAN. A STAKEOUT. A STAKEOUT ?

WE CAN STAY UP IN MY TREE HOUSE AND WATCH THE SCHOOL EVERY NIGHT UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS.

LIKE ONE OF THEM TV COP SHOWS. SURE.

THE NEXT TIME THOSE LASER GUYS MAKE A MOVE, WE'LL CATCH 'EM RED-HANDED.

WE CAN TAKE PICTURES WITH MY NIGHT-VISION DIGITAL CAM.

THEN WE CALL IN THE FEDS AND, BANG, WE GOT 'EM.

ONLY ONE PROBLEM-- WHAT ABOUT CAMP ?

OH, YEAH. IF MY DAD FINDS OUT I'VE GONE AWOL, HE'LL THROW ME IN THE BRIG TILL SEPTEMBER.

NOT TO WORRY. I'LL GET BECKY TO DRIVE YOU BACK TO CAMP IN THE MORNING.

THEN AT NIGHT WE'LL PICK YOU UP AGAIN.

CAMPERS BY DAY, SPIES BY NIGHT.

BUT WHAT IF THE CAMP COUNSELORS NOTICE WE'RE NOT THERE ?

LEAVE THAT TO ME.

CALL FOR YOU, SIR. GIVE ME THAT.

CAPTAIN BRAD HERE. BRADLEY. THIS IS COLONEL O'MALLEY.

COLONEL O'MALLEY ? YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER !

OH ! YES, SIR ! SORRY, SIR !

I HEAR YOU'VE GOT A SOLDIER THERE NAMED GRISWALD. GOOD MAN. ONE OF THE BEST.

H-HE IS ? YOU HEARD ME ! HE'S OFFICER MATERIAL.

I'VE HAD MY EYES ON HIM FOR YEARS.

NOW, PAY ATTENTION, BRADLEY. I'VE GOT GRISWALD ON SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT TONIGHT.

WHEN HE GETS BACK TO CAMP, ACT LIKE NOTHING'S HAPPENED. YES, SIR !

AND YOU'D BETTER START MAKING HIS BED AND SPIT-SHINING HIS SHOES AS WELL.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. CARRY ON.

OKAY, SPINELLI, YOU'RE NEXT.

SOMEONE'S WRESTLING MY LORD KUMBAYAH HEADS ARE SMASHING MY LORD

( Phone Rings ) KUMBAYAH SPEAK TO ME.

BONES ARE CRACKING MY LORD YEAH ? YEAH ?

I'LL COVER FOR YOU, SPINELLI, BUT IT'S GONNA COST YOU. KUMBAYAH

OH, LIKE, THAT IS SUCH THE WRONG COLOR FOR VINCE. PUT THE BLUE ONE ON.

ASHLEY A, YOU TOTALLY KNOW HOW TO ACCESSORIZE.

( Boys Snoring )

( Whispering, Muttering )

INFRARED NIGHT VISION, 200-TO-1 ZOOM.

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, GRETCH. YOU CAN SEE THE WHOLE SCHOOL WITH THIS THING.

YOU CAN MAKE LOTS OF HANDY DEVICES OUT OF THE SPARE PARTS IN A FAMILY'S GARAGE.

I ONCE FASHIONED A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR...

OUT OF A BROKEN HAIR DRYER AND A FOUR-SLICE TOASTER OVEN.

"TONIGHT, THE MAGICAL MOMENT ARRIVED.

"WE MET BEHIND THE DRIVE-THRU MENU AND KISSED PASSIONATELY...

AS THE SOUND OF THE DEEP FAT FRYER FADED INTO THE NIGHT."

MAN, I WISH I HAD AN OLDER SISTER.

LAUGH IF YOU WILL. I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS, BUT I HAD TO WAIT TILL MY MOM AND DAD FELL ASLEEP...

BEFORE I COULD SNEAK OUT WITH... THE GOODIES.

ROAST BEEF AND MASHED POTATOES ! MY FAVORITE !

MMM. MMM. MMM.

I ALSO MANAGED TO SWIPE THIS.

ROCKY ROAD ! MY OTHER FAVORITE !

HEY, GIVE ME SOME OF THAT.

EXCUSE ME, BUT AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO EAT DINNER BEFOREDESSERT ?

GOOD ONE, GRETCH.

YOU WERE RIGHT, TEEJ. THIS IS THE LIFE.

HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS, EATING ICE CREAM, SPYING ON BAD GUYS.

IT'S THE ULTIMATE KID EXPERIENCE.

TOO BAD THESE DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

YEAH, THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST SUMMER...

WE'LL GET TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS.

KINDA WHOMPS, HUH ?

HEY, REMEMBER THAT SUMMER AFTER SECOND GRADE...

WHEN WE WENT DOWN TO THE POND EVERY DAY TO CATCH MINNOWS ?

OR HOW ABOUT THAT SUMMER WE ALL CARVED OUR INITIALS IN THAT TREE IN THE WILSONS' BACKYARD ?

AND SPINELLI SPELLED HERS WRONG.

HEY, I WAS SEVEN. AND S's ARE TRICKY.

( Gus Sobbing )

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM ? THIS IS THE FIRST SUMMER YOU'VE LIVED HERE.

I KNOW, AND I'LL NEVER HAVE ANY OF THOSE MEMORIES.

( Whimpering )

KNOW WHAT I'LL NEVER FORGET ?

THAT SONG T.J.'S SISTER TAUGHT US...

THE FIRST SUMMER AFTER KINDERGARTEN.

OH, YEAH. BACK WHEN SHE WAS NICE.

HOW'D IT GO AGAIN ? ( Inhales Deeply )

( Adult Baritone ) JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO

( All ) WHENEVER I GO OUT THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT THERE GOES JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

( Tempo Quickens ) NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO WHENEVER I GO OUT THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT THERE GOES JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA

( Whispering ) JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO WHENEVER I GO OUT THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT THERE GOES JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

( Fades ) NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA

( Loud Zapping )

WELL, HERE WE ARE, SIR. BUT IT'S JUST AN OLD PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT ?

BECAUSE, MY ACADEMICALLY CHALLENGED YOUNG FRIEND, IT USED TO BE MINE.

10:41 A.M.

GANG BACK AT CAMP. I'M GOIN' IN ALONE.

( Man ) MAN, OH, MAN.

I'VE HEARD OF SIMPLE ASSIGNMENTS, BUT THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.

YUCK.

HEY.

10:43 A.M. I FOUND WHAT APPEAR TO BE...

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY'S GOLF PANTS ?

FACT IS, YOU'RE GETTIN' REAL GOOD AT THIS STUFF.

YEAH, YOU'RE A REGULAR ROBERT DE NIRO.

HEY, I'M A MAN OF MANY TALENTS.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ? BUT WASN'T MRS. PRICKLY SUSPICIOUS ?

YOU KIDDIN' ? IT WAS LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY.

( Laughing Continues )

DOUBLE-KNIT POLYESTER. THESE ARE PRICKLY'S ALL RIGHT.

BUT WHY WOULD THE BALD GUY WANNA PRETEND TO BE PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?

AND WHERE'S THE REAL PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ANYWAY ?

WAIT A MINUTE. THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE.

"HELP ME ?"

IT SOUNDS LIKE A DESPERATE CRY FOR HELP.

THEN PRINCIPAL PRICKLY MUST STILL BE IN THE SCHOOL. BEING HELD CAPTIVE !

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, DON'T YOU, GUYS ?

WE GOTTA GO IN THERE AND SAVE HIM.

BIKES ? CHECK. WALKIE-TALKIE ?

CHECK. ROPE WITH POINTY THING ? CHECK.

GOOD. THEN LET'S GO.

I STILL SAY THIS IS NUTS.

BREAKING OUTOF THE SCHOOL I UNDERSTAND, BUT BREAKING IN ?

OH, BOY ! MS. FINSTER'S GONNA LOVE THIS.

( Whistling )

( Groans )

( Grunting )

( Doorbell Rings ) DANG.

TEN MORE MINUTES, AND THE PIZZA WOULD'VE BEEN FREE.

( Sighs ) IT'S 9:00 AT NIGHT, RANDALL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ? IT'S ABOUT T.J. DETWEILER.

RANDALL, I'M OFF DUTY UNTIL LABOR DAY. HE'S SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM NOW.

BUT HE'S GOT ALL HIS FRIENDS TOGETHER, AND THEY'RE PLANNING TO BREAK INTO THE SCHOOL !

A BREAK-IN, EH ?

NOT IF MURIEL P. FINSTER HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.


TOLD YOU, MS. FINSTER. ( Chuckles )

I WONDER IF I CAN GET 'EM TRIED AS ADULTS. COME ON.

HOLD THE ROPE, BOY.

( Rope Creaking ) UH-OH.

( Snap ) AAAAH !

( Thud ) ( Groans )

( Muffled ) MS. FINSTER, COULD YOU PLEASE GET OFF OF ME ?

( Gretchen ) MY, THIS IS SOMEWHAT CREEPY.

YEAH. I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A EMPTY SCHOOL AT NIGHT BEFORE.

HECK, I'LL BET NO KID HAS.

I WONDER WHERE THE ALIENS WENT.

THEY PROBABLY GO BACK TO THE MOTHER SHIP AT NIGHT.

QUICK. IN HERE.

( Footsteps Passing )

HEY, THIS IS OUR OLD ROOM.

I HOPE SOMEBODY'S FEEDING THE GERBIL.

( Man Talking, Echoing ) SHH ! I HEAR SOMETHING !

I WANT THIS SYSTEM WORKING NOW. DO YOU HEAR ME ? NOW !

WE'RE DOING OUR BEST, SIR. WE'VE JUST RUN INTO A FEW TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.

IT'S COMING FROM UP THERE.

LIKE WHAT ? I THINK WHAT DR. LAZENBY IS TRYING TO SAY--

OH, I KNOW WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY. HE'S TRYING TO--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? FINDING OUT WHAT'S WHAT.

( Men Continue Talking )

BINGO.

( Grunting )

I'M STUCK. ( Continues Grunting )

CURSE THESE BODACIOUS HIPS OF MINE.

RANDALL, RUN BACK TO MY PLACE AND GET THE BUTTER.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO, LARAMIE ? IT'S LAZENBY--

THAT PHOTON CHANNELER IS A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT, LIKE A CARBURETOR IN YOUR CAR !

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A BRILLIANT THINKER.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT BRILLIANT THINKERS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO ?

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO THINK !

WHOA, WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF ?

WELL, AGAINST THE FAR WALL IS WHAT LOOKS TO BE A PLUTONIUM TURBINE.

CLOSER AHEAD, YOU'LL OBSERVE A GLOBAL ELECTRODE.

TO YOUR RIGHT IS THE LASER DEVICE WE SAW EARLIER, AND OF COURSE, THAT GLOWING ORB-- AN ELECTRON PULSE GENERATOR.

THE NERVE CENTER OF THE SYSTEM.

SHH ! THE BAD GUYS ARE TALKING.

BUT, DR. BENEDICT, PLEASE-- NO, LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR TO YOU, LAZENBY.

WE HAVE A THING CALLED A WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY.

IF WE MISS THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY, THEN THE PROJECT FAILS.

AND IF THE PROJECT FAILS, THEN I GET VERY, VERY... ANGRY !

TH-THEY MAY HAVE A POINT, SIR.

IT SEEMS THE LOGISTICAL PROBLEMS ARE A BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN DR. STEINHEIMER THOUGHT.

YES, IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER IF WE COULD MOVE THE LASER TO A MORE APPROPRIATE LOCATION.

THIS OPERATION WILL BE EXECUTED AS PLANNED FROM RIGHT HERE !

HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR ?

BUT, SIR-- NO BUTS !

IT STARTED AT 3rd STREET. IT IS GOING TO END AT 3rd STREET.

DR. BENEDICT, WE'RE READY FOR THE TEST.

COMING.

( Scientist ) LEVELS ARE GOOD.


READY ? I'VE BEEN READY FOR DECADES.

JUST DO IT. YES, SIR.

INITIATE PHOTON CHANNELING.

PHOTON CHANNELING INITIATED.

SET MAGNIFICATION COORDINATES .073.

COORDINATES SET.

ENGAGE TRACTOR BEAM NOW.

( Continues Grunting )

( Loud Zapping )

WHAT ARE THOSE KIDS UP TO IN THERE ?

( All Gasp )

A LITTLE MORE. A LITTLE MORE.

HE'S SHOOTING AT THE MOON.

I TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T ALIENS.

( Beam Sputtering )

( Turbine Winding Down ) DR. ROSENTHAL, WHY DID THE BEAM SUDDENLY--

OH, WHAT'S THE TECHNICAL WORD FOR IT ? STOP ?

W-WELL, UH, AS I BELIEVE YOU WERE TOLD BEFORE--

"TOLD BEFORE" ? ( Chuckles )

DO YOU THINK I CARE WHAT I WAS TOLD BEFORE ? I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

"NEXT TIME." ISN'T THAT CUTE.

ROSENTHAL, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SAY YOU WERE A TEACHER--

OR EVEN BETTER, SAY, THE PRINCIPAL OF A SCHOOL--

AND YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH A NAUGHTY CHILD WHO DIDN'T KNOW HIS PLACE, WHO KEPT TELLING YOU OVER AND OVER THAT HE'D DO BETTER "NEXT TIME."

BUT HE NEVER DID. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

OH, NO. N-NOT DETENTION. NOT DETENTION !

TAKE HIM AWAY ! NO, PLEASE ! I CAN FIX IT !

DON'T DO THIS TO ME-E-E !

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S SECOND-IN-COMMAND ?

UH, I AM, SIR. WELL, GOOD. NOW YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

AND IF I WERE YOU, I'D MAKE SURE I HAD THIS MACHINE WORKING AT FULL POWER BY TOMORROW MORNING.

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ? Y-YES, SIR.

OH, DEAR, I GOT SPITTLE ON MY LAPEL.

MMM.

( Vince ) WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. UH-OH.

WHAT IS IT ? I GOT THAT FEELING.

HOLD IT IN, BIG GUY. HOLD IT IN ! I CAN'T !

( Loud Burp, Echoing )

WHAT WAS THAT ?

SOMEONE HAD BETTER SAY "EXCUSE ME."

( All ) WHOA !

FENWICK, WHO LET CHILDREN INTO THE SCHOOL ?

U-UH, N-NOT ME, SIR.

WELL, GET THEM ! RUN !

( Men Shouting ) THERE THEY ARE !

( All Gasp ) HUH ?

GET OFF OUR PLANET, ALIEN SCUM !

( Groans )

OVER THERE !

GET 'EM ! GET 'EM ! COME BACK HERE !

HUH ? WHOA !

( Grunts )

HYAH ! NINJAS !

HYAH ! GET 'EM !

NINJAS ! WHY'D THEY HAVE TO BE NINJAS ?

( All Shouting )

THIS WAY ! HURRY !

GO ! GO ! LET'S GO ! HURRY UP ! GO ! GO ! HURRY UP !

NOW YOU ! BUT, TEEJ-- GO !

HAAAH ! ( Gasps )

SAVE YOURSELVES !

T.J. ! T.J. ! IT WON'T BUDGE !

( Shouting Continues )

( Grunts )

WHAT THE J.P. MORGAN IS GOING ON AROUND HERE ?

LET ME GO. LET ME GO !

I'M WARNING YOU ! I'M A BLACK BELT IN ORIGAMI !

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT AIN'T THE LITTLE SNOOP.

WHAT ? I AIN'T NO SNOOP. ( Tape Rewinding )

( T.J. On Tape ) 9:32 A.M. UGLY BALD GUY STILL GUARDING SCHOOL.

HEH-HEH. OOPS.

LET'S GO, SNOOP. YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW.

OW ! OW ! WATCH THE JACKET ! IT'S COTTON !

( Muffled Shouting )

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ! YOU'RE ALIVE !

OWW ! WOULD YOU BE CAREFUL ! BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THESE GUYS ARE DOING. THEY'VE GOT THIS BIG LASER GUN AND--

WHOA, WHO TOOK YOUR PANTS ? NEVER MIND, DETWEILER. JUST UNTIE ME.

THESE KNOTS ARE TIGHT. OF COURSE.

I'VE BEEN PULLING AT THEM FOR THE LAST DAY AND A HALF. THEY'VE CHAFFED MY WRIST.

DON'T WORRY, SIR. MY PALS'LL GET US OUT OF HERE. WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE ?

YOU DON'T KNOW MY FRIENDS. THEY'LL GET HELP. YOU'LL SEE.

SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU JUST ESCAPED FROM A TROOP OF NINJA WARRIORS ?

THAT'S RIGHT ! AND THEY GOT A GIANT LASER GUN IN THE SCHOOL AUDITORIUM ?

PRECISELY ! WHICH IS AIMED AT THE MOON ?

THANK HEAVENS YOU UNDERSTAND !

( Grunts ) I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.

CAREFUL, DETWEILER. THAT'S MY PUTTING HAND.

( Door Lock Unlocking )

HELLO, PETE. REMEMBER ME ?

WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T PHILLIUM BENEDICT.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D BE THE ONE BEHIND THIS. YOU KNOW THIS GUY ?

AH, PETE AND I ARE OLD PALS.

ALTHOUGH THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER, PETE WAS THE ONE RUINING MYLIFE.

BY THE WAY, PETE, YOU LIKE THIS SUIT ? IT'S ITALIAN. RAW SILK. NICE, HUH ?

YOU ALWAYS WERE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT APPEARANCES THAN PEOPLE, PHIL.

OH, PETE, COME ON. THERE'S NO NEED TO BE RUDE.

NOT AFTER I INSTRUCTED MY MEN TO TAKE SUCH SPECIAL CARE OF YOU.

SPECIAL CARE ? THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL GAGGING ME, TYING ME UP AND TAKING AWAY MY PANTS ?

HAD TO. OTHERWISE, YOU MIGHT RUN OFF AND BETRAY ME, LIKE YOU DID THE LAST TIME.

BUT, HEY, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.

AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT COMPANY NOW.

LET THE BOY GO. HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

( Sighs ) SAME OLD NOBLE PETE.

ALWAYS STANDING UP FOR THE RIGHTS OF CHILDREN. YOU ?

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN'T LET ANYBODY GO RIGHT NOW.

YOU SEE, THIS EXPERIMENTAL, UM, NIGHT SCHOOL THAT I'M RUNNING IS KIND OF A SECRET.

I'M TRYING TO SHOW THAT MY... ( Chuckles ) ADULT STUDENTS CAN BE TRAINED...

TO BE CAPABLE AND PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.

WELL, IF YOU'RE JUST RUNNING A NIGHT SCHOOL, THEN WHAT'S THAT GIANT LASER GUN DOING IN THE AUDITORIUM ?

WHAT A RUDE AND BADLY DRESSED LITTLE BOY YOU ARE.

YOU SHOULD TEACH YOUR PUPILS A LITTLE RESPECT FOR THEIR SUPERIORS, PETE.

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN THAT YOU'D HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO TEACH THEM ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULDN'T IT ?

GEEZ, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT JERK ?

WE WENT THROUGH TEACHER TRAINING TOGETHER.

YOU MEAN-- THAT'S RIGHT, DETWEILER.

THAT MAN IS A ROGUE TEACHER.

( Prickly ) IT WAS BACK IN THE SPRING OF '68.

A DIFFERENT AGE. WE WERE ALL YOUNG, IDEALISTIC AND READY TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

( Chattering )

( Rock )

OH ! HA HA HA. PEACE, PETER.

HEY, MURIEL, HAD A GROOVY TIME AT THE DEAD CONCERT LAST NIGHT.

YOU GONNA BE AT THE TEACH-IN SATURDAY ?

WE'RE GONNA PAINT MY VOLKSWAGEN.

WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD. GROOVY.

YES, WE ALL THOUGHT WE WERE PRETTY COOL.

BUT ONE GUY WAS THE COOLEST OF US ALL. ( Vehicle Approaching )

PHILLIUM BENEDICT WAS MY BEST FRIEND.

HE WAS SMART, HE WAS HANDSOME.

HE HAD JUST BEEN NAMED PRINCIPAL OF 3rd STREET SCHOOL.

( All Giggling )

SO, PHILLIUM, HOW'S IT FEEL BEING THE YOUNGEST PRINCIPAL IN THE HISTORY OF THE STATE ?

COPACETIC, BABY.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: YOUNG IS IN, MAN, AND OLD IS OUT.

WAY OUT.

DO YOU LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG HELMET, PETE ? IT DOES GO WITH THE LEATHER JACKET, RIGHT ?

YOU ARE ONE GROOVY EDUCATOR, PHIL.

COOL. FOLLOW ME, MY MAN.

I WANNA SHOW YOU MY NEW PRINCIPAL'S PAD.

WHOA !

PSYCHEDELIC PRINCIPALIA.

PULL UP A BAG, BRO. I WANNA RAP.

LAY IT ON ME, MAN. YOU SEE, PETE, I BEEN THINKIN'.

WE'RE A NEW GENERATION OF TEACHERS, RIGHT ?

IT'S TIME WE SHOOK THINGS UP A LITTLE.

I HEAR YOU, BROTHER. IN FACT, DIG THIS.

I WAS MEDITATING TO THAT NEW RAVI SHANKAR ALBUM LAST NIGHT...

WHEN I GOT THIS RIGHTEOUS NOTION--

WHAT IF WE HOLD ALL OUR CLASSES OUTSIDE, ON THE PLAYGROUND ?

IMAGINE-- SCHOOL, RECESS. NO BOUNDARIES.

HEY, BABY, THAT'S A HIP IDEA, BUT I GOT A BETTER THOUGHT HERE.

AS MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT AS PRINCIPAL, I'VE DECIDED... TO GET RID OF RECESS.

WHAT ? NO RECESS ?

BUT, PHIL, FOR A KID, RECESS IS LIKE A MAJOR PLAY-IN.

IT'S THE ONE TIME OF DAY THEY HAVE ANY FREEDOM.

( Sighs ) LOOK, PETE, THE '60s ARE OVER.

ALL THAT PEACE AND LOVE AND FREEDOM STUFF, IT WAS GREAT FOR PICKIN' UP CHICKS, BUT IT'S NOT GONNA HELP MY CAREER.

TO DO THAT, I GOTTA MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP, AND TO MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP, I GOTTA KEEP KIDS IN CLASS WHERE THEY BELONG.

THAT'S WHY, STARTING TOMORROW, I AM TUNING OUT RECESS...

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

( Prickly ) NEEDLESS TO SAY, PHILLIUM'S PLAN DIDN'T GO OVER ALL THAT WELL.

( Shouting )

( Protester ) WHAT DO WE WANT ? ( Crowd ) RECESS !

WHEN DO WE WANT IT ? NOW !

WHAT DO WE WANT ? WHEN DO WE WANT IT ? RECESS ! NOW !

BE COOL, PEOPLE, BE COOL. YOU'RE BUMMING MY MELLOWNESS.

WE'LL BE COOL WHEN YOU GIVE OUR KIDS THEIR RECESS BACK.

HEY, BABY, I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.

I'M PRINCIPAL OF THE SCHOOL, AND THERE'S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. DIG ?

( Shouting Continues )

( Man ) IT'S NOT RIGHT !

PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PLEASE CALM DOWN. ( Shouting Stops )

MR. PRICKLY HERE HAS INFORMED ME OF THIS "NO RECESS" PROPOSAL.

LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT AS LONG AS I'M SUPERINTENDENT, THIS RADICAL PLAN WILL NEVER BE CARRIED OUT IN THIS DISTRICT.

( Cheering ) HEY, MAN, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT !

OF COURSE I DO, BENEDICT.

THAT'S WHY I'M REPLACING YOU. WHAT ?

PRICKLY, FROM NOW ON, YOU WILL BE PRINCIPAL. WHO, ME ?

OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING DOWN HERE.

YOU TRICKED ME, WENT AROUND MY BACK TO THE MAN TO GET MY JOB !

NO, PHIL, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. YEAH, RIGHT !

COME ON, MURIEL BABY, LET'S BLOW THIS SCENE.

NO, PHIL, IT'S OVER. I COULD NEVER BE WITH A MAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE RECESS.

SO YOU'RE AGAINST ME TOO.

WELL, FINE. I DON'T NEED YOU. I DON'T NEED ANYONE !

AAAH ! PHIL ! YOU OKAY, MAN ?

DON'T TOUCH ME !

YOU TOOK MY CHICK.

YOU TOOK MY JOB.

WELL, ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, PETEY BOY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA PAY.

SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, YOU'RE GONNA PAY.

I NEVER SAW PHILLIUM AGAIN.

HE QUIT TEACHING, WENT INTO POLITICS, EVENTUALLY BECAME SECRETARY OF EDUCATION--

UNTIL THE PRESIDENT FIRED HIM FOR TRYING TO GET RID OF RECESS AGAIN.

ONLY THIS TIME IT WAS NATIONWIDE.

SO THAT GUY'S SOME WEIRDO EX-TEACHER WHO WANTS TO GET RID OF RECESS ?

MM-HMM. OKAY.

NOW IT'S PERSONAL.

LET'S SEE-- WEATHER MAPS, SOME STUFF IN NORWEGIAN, A FARMER'S ALMANAC.

MUST BE SOMETHING IN HERE THAT'LL EXPLAIN WHAT THAT DR. BENEDICT IS DOING.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING HE'S NOT DOING--

HAVING LUNCH TOMORROW AT 12:22 WITH HIS LITTLE GIRLFRIEND.

SPINELLI, THAT'S THE MAN'S PERSONAL DATE BOOK.

WELL, IT'S MINE NOW, AND I GUESS MISS LUNA PERGUM IS GONNA BE AT THE RESTAURANT ALL BY HERSELF.

WHO DID YOU SAY ? THE GIRL WHOSE NAME IS IN HERE-- LUNA PERGUM.

MUST BE SOME ITALIAN CHICK.

LUNAE PERIGEUM. OF COURSE !

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?

LUNAE PERIGEUMIS NO LADY. IT'S AN EVENT. LOOK.

ONCE A MONTH, THE MOON REACHES THE POINT WHERE IT'S CLOSEST TO THE EARTH--

LUNAR PERIGEE, WHICH IN THIS CASE HAPPENS TO BE 12:22 TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

MAYBE THAT'S WHEN THAT DOCTOR GUY IS GONNA SHOOT HIS LASER AT THE MOON AND BLOW IT UP.

CLOSE GUESS, BUT I HAVE ANOTHER THEORY.

WHEN I WAS UP AT SPACE CAMP, I OBSERVED SOME ABNORMALITIES IN THE MOON'S POSITION.

I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS CAUSING IT, BUT NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

DR. BENEDICT'S DEVICE IS NOT A LASER BEAM AT ALL. IT'S A TRACTOR BEAM !

YOU MEAN HE'S GONNA PLOW THE MOON'S SURFACE ? WHATEVER WILL HE PLANT ?

NOT A TRACTOR, YOU GOOMBAH. A TRACTOR BEAM.

LIKE FROM A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE.

PRECISELY.

THEORETICALLY, IF A POWERFUL TRACTOR BEAM...

WERE SHOT AT THE MOON EXACTLY AT LUNAR PERIGEE, IT COULD MOVE THE MOON INTO ANOTHER ORBIT.

MOVE THE MOON ? BUT WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO DO THAT ?

WHO KNOWS, VINCE ? WHO KNOWS ?

( Banging On Metal )

HERE WE ARE, SIR.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE BEEN CREEPING AROUND IN THESE VENTS.

THEY'RE SCHOOL PROPERTY.

DANG ! THE LINE'S DEAD.

HEY, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE WALKIE-TALKIE YOU CONFISCATED FROM ME LAST WEEK ?

TOP DRAWER, ON THE RIGHT. JUST LOOK WHAT PHIL'S DONE TO MY OFFICE.

I HAD IT ALL NICE AND CLEAN FOR THE SUMMER.

PACKS OF GUM, YO-YOS, MY OLD BASEBALL--

HEY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS.

HERE IT IS-- MY WALKIE-TALKIE.

NOW ALL I GOTTA DO IS CONTACT THE GUYS AND--

OH, NO. WHAT IS IT, DETWEILER ?

I TOLD 'EM THAT GUY WAS A NUT.

( T.J. ) HELLO ! HELLO ! IS ANYBODY THERE ?

IT'S T.J. ! T.J., BUDDY, YOU'RE OKAY ?

YEAH, I'M FINE, AND SO IS PRINCIPAL PRICKLY. PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN, BUT I THINK WE'VE FIGURED OUT WHAT BENEDICT IS UP TO.

HE'S TRYING TO GET RID OF SUMMER VACATION !

NO !

GUYS, DON'T FREAK OUT ON ME ! I GOT A PLAN ! ALL WE DO IS--

HEH-HEH. WHY, MR. BALD GUY, WHAT A SURPRISE.

T.J. ! T.J. !

IT'S DEAD ! THEY MUST'VE GOT HIM !

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ?

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WE CAN DO:

WE GOTTA GET HELP.

( Becky ) BOW-WOW ! WELCOME TO FLOPPY BURGER.

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE ?

BECKY, THIS IS VINCE. ( Becky ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

IT'S NOT JUST VINCE, IT'S ME, GRETCHEN, EVERYBODY. WE GOT A PROBLEM !

I GOT A PROBLEM TOO--

SIX DWEEBY TEN-YEAR-OLDS WHO WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, EVEN WHEN I'M AT WORK.

I AM A PROFESSIONAL ! SO WHATEVER YOUR LITTLE PROBLEM IS, FORGET IT !

BUT IT'S ABOUT T.J. HE'S IN TROUBLE, AND HE NEEDS YOUR HELP.

( Becky ) WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE ?

AFTER STEALING MY DIARY, THREATENING TO PUT IT ON THE INTERNET...

AND MAKING ME DRIVE ACROSS THE STATE THREE TIMES, HE NEEDS MY HELP ?

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD HELP HIM.

'CAUSE HE'S YOUR LITTLE BROTHER, AND HE NEEDS YOU.

PLEASE PULL FORWARD TO THE SECOND DRIVE-THRU WINDOW.

A CONFISCATED WALKIE-TALKIE.

WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS ? DO YOU ENJOY TORMENTING ME ? DO YOU HATE ME ?

I DON'T HATE YOU, PHIL. I JUST THINK YOU'RE INSANE.

( Chuckles ) INSANE.

WELL, THERE YOU GO AGAIN, PETE.

INSULTING ME, HURTING MY FEELINGS, JUST LIKE 30 YEARS AGO.

ONLY THIS TIME, PETEY, I'M READY.

YOU SEE, ALL THOSE YEARS, NO MATTER HOW BIG I GOT, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT YOU.

HOW YOU EMBARRASSED ME ! HOW YOU HUMILIATED ME !

HOW YOU DESTROYED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MURIEL FINSTER, THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER LOVED !

THAT PART STILL GROSSES ME OUT, SIR. SHH.

THIS TIME, PETE, I'M GONNA HUMILIATE YOU.

I'M GONNA PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT YOU WERE WRONG AND I WAS RIGHT.

ABOUT WHAT ? ABOUT RECESS !

ABOUT FREEDOM ! ABOUT TEST SCORES !

I'VE FOUND A WAY TO PROVE MY THEORY.

I'M GONNA GET RID OF THE BIGGEST RECESS OF THEM ALL.

I AM GONNA GET RID OF SUMMER VACATION.

YOU FIEND ! "FIEND." TRY TO HELP PEOPLE, THAT'S THE THANKS YOU GET.

IT'LL NEVER WORK, PHIL. WELL, ACTUALLY, PETE, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU SEE, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MODIFY THE MOON'S ORBIT EVER SO SLIGHTLY, AND TIDE LEVELS ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD RISE EIGHT FEET.

MOVE THE MOON OVER HERE, AND THE CURRENTS THAT WARM CALIFORNIA SUDDENLY BECOME ICE-COLD.

SUMMER, AS WE KNOW IT, WILL BECOME A THING OF THE PAST.

AND WITHOUT SUMMER, ( Both Gasp ) NO SUMMER VACATION.

YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, BENEDICT. OH, YEAH ?

WELL, WHO'S GONNA STOP ME ?

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LITTLE BROTHER...

ACTUALLY STUMBLED ON A REAL, LIVE EVIL CONSPIRACY.

THAT'S OUR THEODORE. YOU SHOULD SEE THE CRATES OF SODA THEY LEFT BACK THERE.

AND BOXES OF MUSTARD AND KETCHUP TOO.

MMM, TOMATO-EY.

HEY, THAT'S STUFF'S THE PROPERTY OF FLOPPY BURGER INTERNATIONAL.

QUIT YOUR GABBIN' AND STEP ON IT. WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS.

( Cheering, Shouting )

( Cheering, Shouting )

( Finster ) I'M TELLING YOU, A TROOP OF NINJA WARRIORS...

IS USING 3rd STREET SCHOOL AS A SECRET JUJITSU TRAINING GROUND.

NINJA WARRIORS. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. ( Snickering )

JUJITSU TRAINING GROUND ?

HEY, LADY, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING THE MAGIC LASER BEAM ?

I'M SERIOUS ! SO ARE WE.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA-- WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME, GET SOME REST...

AND WE'LL MAKE A PERSONAL CALL TO JACKIE CHAN.

YEAH, HE'S THE PERFECT MAN FOR A JOB LIKE THIS.

I'M TELLING YA, SOMETHING IS GOING ON IN THAT SCHOOL !

HELP ! HELP ! SOMEBODY GET US OUTTA HERE !

CALM DOWN, DETWEILER. CALM DOWN ?

WE'RE LOCKED IN A GIANT BIRDCAGE WHILE A MADMAN'S TRYING TO DESTROY SUMMER VACATION, AND YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN ?

I UNDERSTAND, BUT I-- HOW CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ? YOU'RE JUST A GROWNUP.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SUMMER VACATION ?

I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET, DETWEILER.

EVERY ADULT YOU'VE EVER KNOWN WAS A KID SOME TIME IN HIS LIFE.

YOU THINK WE DON'T REMEMBER SUMMER VACATION ?

RIDING BIKES BY THE CREEK ? CATCHING POLLIWOGS IN A JAR ? CAMPING OUT UNDER THE STARS ?

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

SOME DAYS I SIT IN MY OFFICE, LOOKING OUT AT YOU KIDS ON THE PLAYGROUND, AND I THINK, "THEY DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD THEY'VE GOT IT.

"IN A FEW YEARS, THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE GROWNUPS, LIKE ME, AND ALL THOSE GOOD TIMES WILL JUST BE MEMORIES FOR THEM TOO."

SO GO AHEAD, PUT A WHOOPEE CUSHION IN MY CHAIR, COVER MY CARPET WITH FAKE VOMIT, MAKE FUN OF MY BIG, SAGGY BUTT.

BUT DON'T YOU EVER SAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT SUMMER VACATION, 'CAUSE THOSE MEMORIES ARE THE LAST PART OF CHILDHOOD I'VE GOT LEFT.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, I HAD NO IDEA.

YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU DO.

SO LET'S STOP MESSING AROUND. HOW DID YOU GET THOSE KEYS ?

SWIPED 'EM OFF PHILLIUM'S DESK WHEN HE WASN'T LOOKING.

NOW COME ON. WE'VE GOT A SUMMER VACATION TO SAVE.

( All Chattering )

PEOPLE ! PEOPLE ! JUST QUIET DOWN FOR A MOMENT !

OH, MAN, NOBODY'S LISTENING.

THEY'LL LISTEN TO ME, ONCE I INTRODUCE THEM TO MY GOOD FRIEND MADAM FIST.

COME ON, SPINELLI. THAT'S YOUR ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING.

I DON'T SEE YOU COMING UP WITH ANY GREAT IDEAS, SPORTS BOY.

LISTEN TO THE TWO OF YOU. YOU'RE NOT HELPING AT ALL.

( All Arguing )

( Gus ) QUIET !

WHAT WE NEED IS A LEADER.

A KID WITH THE RIGHT TRAINING.

A KID WHO KNOWS STRATEGY AND FIELD TACTICS.

A KID WHO COMMANDS RESPECT.

YEAH, BUT WHERE WE GONNA FIND A KID LIKE THAT ?

LEAVE THAT TO ME.

( Chattering Continues ) ( Gretchen Whistles )

PLEASE ! WE HAVE TO GET ORGANIZED.

AH, WHAT'S THE USE ?

IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE, ALL THE FUN OF BEING A KID IS, LIKE, TOTALLY RUINED ANYWAY.

IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S BEEN TURNED RIGHT SIDE UP. ( All Agreeing )

NOT NECESSARILY. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WORK TOGETHER AND COME UP WITH A PLAN.

DETWEILER'S THE ONE WHO ALWAYS COMES UP WITH THE PLANS. LET'S FACE IT-- WE'RE DOOMED.

( All Agreeing ) ( Spinelli ) THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK !

KIDS OF THE PLAYGROUND, MEET YOUR NEW COMMANDING OFFICER.

GRISWALD ? HE COULDN'T LEAD A GLEE CLUB.

YOU FIND THAT FUNNY, BRADLEY ?

WELL, I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE JOKES ! I'M HERE TO MAKE HISTORY !

SO IF YOU WANNA LAUGH, TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

BUT IF YOU WANNA SAVE THE WORLD, THEN SUCK IN YOUR GUT AND STAND AT ATTENTION.

NOW WHO'S WITH ME ?

( Kazoos Playing "River Kwai March" )


( Screams ) SODA BOMB ! SODA BOMB !

( Gus ) VINCE, YOU AND THE ASHLEYS WILL BE IN CHARGE OF UNIT "A."

I'LL TAKE UNIT "B." SPINELLI, YOU GET THE SPECIAL FORCES.

SPECIAL FORCES ? THE KINDERGARTNERS.

I OWE YOU FOR THIS, GRISWALD.

NOW THERE'S ONE LAST THING I NEED TO SAY.

( Talking Ceases ) THIS MISSION IS BIGGER THAN ANY ONE OF US KIDS.

BIGGER THAN T.J. EVEN BIGGER THAN PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.

THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS ABOUT THE FUTURE.

GEEZ, HE SOUNDS LIKE T.J. SHH. HE'S ON A ROLL.

YEARS FROM NOW WHEN KIDS WHO AREN'T EVEN BORN YET LOOK BACK ON THIS MOMENT, THEY'LL SAY, "THEY DID IT.

"THOSE KIDS SAVED 3rd STREET SCHOOL.

THEY SAVED SUMMER VACATION."

SO, BOYS AND GIRLS, WE'RE GOIN' IN.

TWENTY-TWO MINUTES TO PERIGEE, SIR. VERY GOOD, FENWICK.

( Men Chattering Indistinctly )

HELLO, BOYS. HEY !

( Men Groaning )

( Punches Landing )

WHERE NOW ? THE AUDITORIUM.

CHECK.

( Inhales ) NESSUN DORMA

( All ) HUH ?

NESSUN DORMA

( Man ) IS THAT A KID ?

MA IL MIO MISTERO E CHIUSO IN ME HEY, KID, GET OUT OF HERE !

AAH. ANDERSON, GET RID OF THAT KID, WILL YA ?

IL NOME MIO NESSUN SAPRA

( Anderson Screaming ) NO, NO SMITHSON, UNDERHILL. SIR.

SULLA TUA BOCA

( Men Screaming ) LO DIRO QUANDO LA LUCE HANKLIN, MORRISSEY, GOODMAN, GET OVER HERE !

YES, SIR. RIGHT AWAY, SIR. ON THE DOUBLE.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK, DETWEILER ?

COME ON, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY. DON'T YOU EVER WATCH OLD SPY MOVIES ?

THIS TRICK IS PURE GOLD.

UH, DR. BENEDICT WANTED TO SPEAK TO US ABOUT A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER.

HEY, YOU TWO AREN'T GUARDS.

RUN !

I'M CALLED LITTLE BUTTERCUP ANDERSON, MORRISSEY, UNDERHILL ? WHERE IS EVERYBODY ?

AAH, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, YOU GOTTA DO IT YOURSELF.

POOR LITTLE BUTTERCUP ( Screams )

SWEET LITTLE BUTTERCUP, I ( All Shouting )

BOY, THESE SPACE-AGE POWER SHOVELS SURE DO A GREAT JOB.

QUICK, IN HERE.

THIS WAY ! THEY'RE INSIDE.

WE LOST 'EM. NOW WHAT ?

AMMO.

( Both ) TENDER.

COMMENCE PHASE TWO.

READY ?

HEY, GUARDS ! HUH ?

( Grunting ) YOU LITTLE BRATS !

NOW !

INTRUDERS ! ( Shouting )

( All Screaming )

SCANDALOUS !

( Shouting Indistinctly )

NOW ! HUH ?

BOMBARD, MEN !

GET 'EM. ( All Shouting )

( Screaming )

"LUNCH ROOM, FRONT OFFICE--" HERE IT IS, "AUDITORIUM."

( Loud Hum Resonating )

UH, FENWICK, WHY IS THE POWER OFF ?

UH, PERHAPS WE BLEW A FUSE, SIR ?

WELL, GO FIX IT !

WE MUST RESTORE THE POWER. QUICKLY, HERE.

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED ? LET US OUT !

PLAN'S WORKING, GUS.

GOOD. NOW WE GOTTA STOP THAT LASER BEAM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, KID. YOU BRATS ARE DONE FOR.

( T.J. ) HEY, BALDY !

SAY YOUR PRAYERS. IT'S CHOWDER TIME.

( Screaming )

BULL'S-EYE ! T.J. !

I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD COME BACK FOR US.

OOH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT. SIX MINUTES TO PERIGEE !

QUICK. TO THE AUDITORIUM. AND NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS !

EMERGENCY POWER SYSTEM IS IN PLACE.

SWITCH ON THE GLOBAL ELECTRODE. POWER UP THE PHOTON CHANNELER.

ACTIVATE THE TRACTOR BEAM, QUICKLY ! WE'VE ONLY GOT FOUR MINUTES LEFT.

( Prickly ) YOU'VE GOT NO MINUTES LEFT, PHIL.

THIS IS MY SCHOOL AND I WANT IT BACK.

SORRY, PETE.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I FINISH MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

NOW LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD. DON'T DO IT, DR. BENEDICT !

( Chuckles ) DON'T DO IT ? YOU THINK AFTER ALL THIS PLANNING, ALL THIS WORK, YOU CAN GET ME TO STOP JUST BY SAYING, "DON'T DO IT" ?

WHAT IF WE ADD "PLEASE" ? ( Sighs ) YOU KIDS JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU ?

WELL, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS IN A WAY YOUR LITTLE UNEDUCATED BRAINS WILL UNDERSTAND.

THE AMERICAN PUBLIC THINK TEST SCORES ARE TOO LOW.

BUT IF A PERSON, SAY ME, COULD MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP, WHY, EVERYBODY'D FEEL BETTER.

THEY MIGHT EVEN ELECT THAT PERSON... PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHICH COUNTRIES HAVE THE HIGHEST TEST SCORES ?

UM, JAPAN ? GERMANY ? TIERRA DEL FUEGO ?

CANADA, ICELAND, NORWAY !

AND WHY ? BECAUSE IT'S SNOWING UP THERE ALL THE TIME.

KIDS DON'T WASTE THEIR SUMMERS PLAYING BALL. THEY'RE INSIDE STUDYING.

AND THAT IS WHY I'M GETTING RID OF SUMMER VACATION ONCE AND FOR ALL.

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, OLD MAN. YOUR PLAN WILL NEVER WORK.

SURE, MAYBE YOUR CRAZY LASER BEAM CAN MOVE THE MOON.

MAYBE IT CAN EVEN MAKE IT SNOW ALL SUMMER.

MAYBE YOU CAN GET RID OF LONG AFTERNOONS PLAYING BASEBALL, OR SUNNY DAYS DOWN BY THE LAKE OR WARM NIGHTS CAMPING OUT UNDER THE STARS.

BUT THAT WON'T STOP US. WE'LL RIDE OUR BIKES THROUGH THE SNOW.

WE'LL PLAY KICK BALL IN THE SLUSH, WE'LL CAMP OUT IN IGLOOS.

YOU MAY TAKE AWAY SUMMER, BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE AWAY SUMMER VACATION.

WELL, I CAN TRY. DO IT... NOW !

YES, SIR. BEGIN PHOTON CHANNELING.

PHOTON CHANNELING BEGUN.

SET MAGNIFICATION COORDINATES .073.

COORDINATES SET. ENGAGE TRACTOR BEAM.

NO ! ( Loud Bang )

HEY, TEACHER, LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE !

MS. FINSTER. MURIEL, IT'S YOU.

YOU'RE STILL A VISION OF LOVELINESS.

YEAH ? AND YOU'RE STILL A TWO-BIT, RECESS-HATING PRETTY BOY.

THAT HURT, MURIEL. BUT I'LL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU'LL JUST COME BACK TO ME.

HA ! I'D RATHER EAT PLAYGROUND DIRT.

THAT CAN BE ARRANGED, MY DEAR.

NOT BEFORE I TAKE YOU DOWN.

TAKE ME DOWN ? YEAH, RIGHT. YOU AND WHAT ARMY ?

ME AND THIS ARMY.

THE TEACHERS !

( Shouting )

( Karate Shouts )

GET THEM !

NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO NOBODY CAN DO THE SHIMMY LIKE I DO NOBODY CAN DO THE SHAKE LIKE I DO NOBODY CAN DO THE BOOGALOO LIKE I DO NOBODY CAN DO THE SHIMMY

( Continues )

( Screaming )

FIRE !

LET ME TELL YOU NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY

( Gasps ) DRINK SODA, NINJAS !

HALT !

FLYING PRESS !

NICE FLYING PRESS, SPINELLI. THANKS. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT.

NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO, NO YOU !

( Ms. Finster ) STOP RIGHT THERE, KOJAK.

IT'S GO TIME.

NOBODY CAN DO THE SHAKE LIKE I DO NOBODY CAN DO THE BOOGALOO

THANKS, MS. FINSTER. JUST DOING MY JOB, DETWEILER.

HURRY ! THERE'S STILL TIME.

FASTER, YOU IDIOT ! FASTER !

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, PHILLIUM. THE SEMESTER'S OVER FOR YOU, PAL.

NOT SO FAST, PETE. YOU MIGHT FALL ASLEEP AND MISS THE FESTIVITIES.

HEY, PHILLIUM, THERE'S A SPOT ON YOUR TIE. WHERE ?

( Ninja Screams )

IT'S JAMMED. YOU'RE TOO LATE, PETE.

THIS TIME I WIN.

VINCE !

THE PHOTON CHANNELER. AND FORGET WHAT THEY TOLD YOU.

AIM IT. DON'T THROW IT.

LOOK OUT ! SHE'S GONNA BLOW ! ( All Screaming )


ALL MY PLANS, MY HOPES AND DREAMS...

RUINED.

RUINED !

GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE SUIT, YOU CLASSLESS FEEB !

I AM THE FORMER SECRETARY OF EDUCATION.

YEAH, YEAH. AND I'M THE FORMER PRINCESS OF MOROCCO. GET IN THE CAR.

B-B-BUT IT'S ALL HIS FAULT. I WAS ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.

I'LL TURN STATE'S EVIDENCE.

GEEZ, WHAT A SQUEALER.

COME ON, GROTKE. I'LL TAKE YOU ON. MY BOXING AGAINST YOUR MARTIAL ARTS.

EAST MEETS WEST. WE'LL SEE WHO WINS.

I DON'T KNOW, MURIEL. I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE IT FOR SELF-DEFENSE.

WHAT AN EXCITING SUMMER. T.J. SAVED THE WORLD...

AND BECKY MADE ASSISTANT FRY CHEF AT FLOPPY BURGER.

COME ON, ELLIE. THE REPORTERS WANNA TALK TO US ABOUT HOW WE RAISED A HERO.

LISTEN, BECKY, I HEARD ABOUT HOW YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING, AND...

WELL, HERE, I THINK THIS IS YOURS. MY DIARY ?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU REALIZE THIS MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE ANY LEVERAGE OVER ME ANYMORE ?

HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY ? MAYBE I'M JUST GROWING UP.

GEE, YOU'RE AN ALL-RIGHT LITTLE BROTHER AFTER ALL.

BUT, TEEJ, WHAT ABOUT THE EXTRA COPIES YOU GOT STASHED AWAY UP IN THE TREE HOUSE ?

OH, I WAS JUST BLUFFING ABOUT THOSE.

SO, TEEJ, WE GOT TWO WEEKS OF SUMMER VACATION LEFT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE DO 'EM UP RIGHT ?

BUT DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE TO GET BACK TO CAMP, WORK ON YOUR FUTURES AND ALL ?

WELL, WE'VE BEEN THINKIN'.

AND WE'VE DECIDED THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR PREPARING FOR OUR FUTURES.

BUT ONLY A LITTLE TIME LEFT FOR JUST BEING KIDS.

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HEAD DOWN TO THE POND AND SKIP SOME ROCKS ?

YOU GUYS GOT YOURSELVES A DEAL.

OH, BOY ! MY FIRST SUMMER VACATION MEMORIES.

UH, GUYS.

I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU. I FORGOT SOMETHING INSIDE. OKAY, BUT HURRY.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ? HUH ?

OH, IT'S YOU, DETWEILER.

I WAS JUST, UM, CLEANING UP THIS MESS PHILLIUM LEFT.

GUY ALWAYS WAS A PACK RAT.

LOOK AT THIS. A NORWEGIAN WEATHER MAP FROM 1956.

LISTEN, SIR, I NEVER REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE STUFF YOU DID.

YOU KNOW, QUITTING YOUR GOLF GAME, TELLING BENEDICT TO LET ME GO, HELPING ME SAVE THE WORLD AND JUNK.

OH, ACTUALLY, DETWEILER, I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE THANKING YOU.

HUH ? YOU DID ME A BIG FAVOR BY DRAGGING ME INTO THIS MESS.

SEE, I DIDN'T GET INTO TEACHING FOR THE PROMOTIONS OR THE PENSION PLANS...

OR SO I COULD GET TO THE GOLF COURSE BY 3:45.

I-- I... DID IT 'CAUSE I WANTED TO HELP YOU KIDS. AND I'D FORGOTTEN THAT.

TILL TODAY. ( Knocking On Window )

COME ON, TEEJ. THE POND AWAITS.

I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND. HEY, IT'S A GORGEOUS SUMMER DAY AND YOUR PALS ARE WAITING.

GO HAVE SOME FUN WHILE YOU CAN... TEEJ.

YOU GOT IT... PETE.

( Rock 'n' Roll )

BUT DON'T FORGET ! COME SEPTEMBER, YOU'RE MINE.

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT "SAGGY BUTT" COMMENT.

HEY, SEPTEMBER IS A LONG WAY OFF.

LET THE SUNSHINE LET THE SUNSHINE IN THE SUNSHINE IN LET THE SUNSHINE WHOA, LET IT SHINE LET THE SUNSHINE IN COME ON THE SUNSHINE IN EVERYBODY JUST SING ALONG LET THE SUNSHINE LET THE SUNSHINE IN LET THE SUNSHINE IN OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND LET IN SHINE IN THE SUNSHINE IN WHEN YOU'RE ALONE LET THE SUNSHINE

( T.J. ) ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

DROP YOUR SILVER IN MY TAMBOURINE HELP A POOR MAN BUILD A PRETTY DREAM GIVE ME PENNIES I'LL TAKE ANYTHING NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY ( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE WATCH THE JINGLE JANGLE START TO SHINE REFLECTIONS OF THE MUSIC THAT IS MINE WHEN YOU TOSS A COIN YOU'LL HEAR IT SING NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY ( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

DROP A DIME BEFORE I WALK AWAY ANY SONG YOU WANT I'LL GLADLY PLAY MONEY FEEDS MY MUSIC MACHINE NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY ( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

LISTEN AND I'LL PLAY ( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE LISTEN AND I'LL PLAY ( Echoing )

OH, YEAH MY GREEN TAMBOURINE I'LL PLAY MY GREEN TAMBOURINE IF YOU LISTEN I WILL PLAY MY GREEN TAMBOURINE


( Woman Vocalizing )

CALLING OUT AROUND THE WORLD ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAND-NEW BEAT THE SUMMER'S NEAR AND THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR DANCING IN THE STREET DANCING IN CHICAGO DANCING IN THE STREET DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS DANCING IN THE STREET IN NEW YORK CITY DANCING IN THE STREET ALL WE NEED IS MUSIC SWEET MUSIC THERE'LL BE MUSIC EVERYWHERE THERE'LL BE SWINGING AND SWAYING AND RECORDS PLAYING DANCING IN THE STREET OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR JUST AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE SO, COME ON EVERY BOY GRAB A GIRL EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD THERE'LL BE DANCING WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET I SAID WE'LL BE DANCING WHOO ! DANCING IN THE STREET WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET THIS IS AN INVITATION ACROSS THE NATION A CHANCE FOR KIDS TO MEET THEY'LL BE LAUGHING AND SINGING LAUGHING, SINGING AND MUSIC SWINGING WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET PHILADELPHIA, P.A. DANCING IN THE STREET BALTIMORE AND D.C. NOW DANCING IN THE STREET CAN'T FORGET THE MOTOR CITY BEEP-BEEP, BEEP-BEEP WHOO !

ALL WE NEED IS MUSIC OH, MUSIC THERE'LL BE MUSIC EVERYWHERE THERE'LL BE SWINGING AND SWAYING AND RECORDS PLAYING DANCING IN THE STREET OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR JUST AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE COME ON EVERY BOY GRAB A GIRL EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD THERE'LL BE DANCING


ALL AROUND THE WORLD EVERY BOY AND GIRL DANCING IN THE STREET FROM YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD DOWN TO HOLLYWOOD DANCING IN THE STREET DANCING IN THE STREET DANCING IN THE STREET WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET